#once I decide my period is over (day four so tomorrow)

[evansbby]

I’m finally out of my ugly phase yasss let’s goooo

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

a/n: hey there! i never actually planned on writing a sequel to ‘9 pm’ but a few anons asked about it and i liked the idea of giving them some happiness following that fic! the perfect title gave me the idea for the fic and here we are ☺️ i hope you guys enjoy!!

word count: 2.8k

tw: brief and minor mention of a miscarriage, pregnancy

direct sequel to 9 p.m. in vancouver

summary: andrei’s off on a road trip and you’re more exhausted than normal. once you realize why, you have to call andrei immediately

It’s barely ten at night and you’re falling asleep on the couch, Friends rerun playing at a low volume on the TV. Your blinks get longer, eyelids heavy, while Joey yells about the Coast Guard.

A yawn creaks at your jaw and you try to blink away some of the sudden exhaustion in your body. It doesn’t really work, another yawn catching you a few minutes later. You wrap your arms around one of the throw pillows, cheek smashed up against the pillow tucked under your head.

It’s been a long few days, work overwhelming you and Andrei up in the tri-state area for a mini road trip. The Canes had lost to the Flyers before beating the Devils. They’re currently up two goals on the Rangers, according to your NHL app updates, with just a few minutes left in the third.

The team will spend the night in the city before heading to Long Island for the second half of a back to back tomorrow.

It’s a grueling schedule so early in the season, four games in six days, and you know Andrei will be exhausted when he gets home on Monday morning. At least they’re off for two days before hitting the ice for a home game on Wednesday. You yawn again and decide vaguely that maybe you’ll go to the game, if you can keep your eyes open. It’s been a while since you went to the arena and you miss watching Andrei play live.

You can’t help but think briefly about the game in Vancouver last November, almost a year ago now, and your hand drifts to your stomach.

The baby would’ve been four months old, probably keeping you wide awake right now.

You don’t really think about the loss as much anymore, you can go long stretches of time without thinking about him - because you’d decided that it was a boy, even though it was too early to ever tell. Your due date had come around at the end of July and Andrei had spirited you out of the country, the both of you quiet and moody for a few days.

And then training camp had started and you’d gotten busy with work and then the season started and you didn’t dwell on the loss for a while.

But now it’s late and you’re tired and you haven’t seen Andrei in a few days and you should be cuddling a baby right now.

A few tears trickle down your temple and you swipe at them, emotion clogging your throat.

“God, get a grip,” you mutter to yourself, shaking your head slightly. It’s not even like you’re on your period to be so hormonal right now. Your brain takes a second to process the thought and when it does, your eyes widen and you kick your legs out, struggling with the blanket to try and sit up.

“Oh, oh my god,” you scramble for your phone, tossing blankets around until you hear the tell-tale thunk of the phone hitting the floor. You lunge for it, the TV remote going flying, but you barely pay attention to that as your fingers wrap around the loop on the back of your phone case and snatch it off the floor.

Your hands shake violently as you unlock your phone and thumb over to find your period tracker app. The app takes seconds to load, seconds where your heart beats wildly and your vision goes a little blurry. You mutter, “come on, faster, faster,” under your breath and suddenly the screen loads and there in the center of the screen, in bold font, is the notice that your period has been late for more than thirty days.

You’ve missed two periods.

Without even realizing it.

To be fair to yourself, after the miscarriage, everything was thrown off and you’ve only had seven or eight periods in the past year. So it’s not totally crazy that you didn’t realize you missed two cycles.

Your stomach lurches a little bit and you chew at your lower lip. You probably should take a test. But do you want to know without Andrei, again?

It didn’t work out so well last time.

You’re probably not even pregnant, you rationalize, it’s the stress of a new season starting and your body getting back to normal.

Never mind the fact that you’ve long been cleared to get pregnant again and your gynaecologist hadn’t said anything was wrong at your last appointment.

Your phone vibrates in your hand, nearly scaring the shit out of you. It’s just a notification from the NHL app - sometime in the last few minutes, while you’d been spiralling, the Rangers had tied the game and it was going to overtime.

Overtime anxiety is better than maybe-pregnant anxiety, so you tune into Bally, the sudden brightness of the glare off the ice making you blink. You’re half-heartedly paying attention, fingers tapping against your thigh while the players zip up and down the ice, trading scoring chances. Andrei’s on the ice for a shift and then he’s back on the bench. Pyotr makes a save and then another and then he doesn’t.

You frown at the TV, watching Andrei and the guys file off the ice, miserable for the team’s loss. You change the channel back to Nick at Nite, not interested in seeing the post-game analysis of the loss.

The audience laughter from the show echoes around the living room and you chew at your lower lip anxiously. Andrei won’t be back to his hotel room for hours, the post-game process already underway, but between media, a shower, and the travel. Well, it’ll be at least close to midnight before you can talk to him.

He’ll reassure you that you’re overthinking, that it’s nothing. But a quiet part of your brain is insistent that you’re pregnant and it just won’t shut up.

The smartest thing would be to take a test, find out once and for all if you’re even going to mention anything to Andrei. You’re pretty sure there’s no tests left after last time and if there are, they’re probably expired.

Your fingers tap at the screen of your phone almost by memory, the Google search showing that there’s a twenty-four hour CVS just a ten minute drive away.

The episode ends and another begins while you sit on that information, giving yourself a moment to imagine what you’ll do if the test is positive. He has to know immediately this time, you don’t think you’d be able to wait.

“Oh fuck it,” you mutter to yourself, pushing the blankets off your legs and getting up from the couch. Your vision goes fuzzy, briefly, the blood rushing from your head. You blink and everything shifts back into focus, your heart hammering a little.

Before you can overthink it, you turn off the TV and head for the front door, making a stop at the front hall closet to grab a jacket. Your fingers close around the sleeve of one of Andrei’s, the jacket dwarfing your frame as you slip your arms into the sleeves. You shove your feet into a ratty pair of Uggs and drop a faded Canes ball cap on your head.

You look insane, more like a college kid doing a walk of shame than a married woman, but Andrei’s scent embedded deep into the collar of his jacket is comforting you.

At CVS, you grab at the pregnancy test boxes like a woman possessed - Clear Blue, First Response, and the CVS generic brand all go into your basket, along with a bag of pumpkin shaped Reese’s Cups and a pack of Twizzlers. Something about the waxy, artificial strawberry ropes seems appealing right now.

Thank God for self-checkout, you don’t think you can face another person right now.

The pregnancy tests feel like they weigh a million pounds in the plastic bag and you gnaw anxiously on a Twizzler as you drive back home.

It’s well after midnight by the time you manage to drink enough water in order to pee on all the sticks and this round is more anxiety producing than when you’d done it over a year ago. Once you’re done, you set the timer on your phone and flip each stick over on the counter, so you can’t see the displays.

Instead of waiting in the bathroom, which is feeling small and stuffy despite how large it actually is, you pace around your bedroom for the few minutes it takes for your timer to count down. You wonder if you could call Andrei now, be on the phone with him when you look at the display, but if you’re not pregnant and he’s on the phone, he’ll be disappointed right before the next set of games. He’s been talking about it a little more lately, in the abstract, how nice it’ll be to have a baby one day. And you maybe haven’t been as enthusiastic as he’s been, so you don’t want to get his hopes up.

If you’re not pregnant, Andrei doesn’t need to know that you worried yourself into a tizzy over nothing.

But if you are? Well, Andrei will be the first call anyway.

The timer goes off on your phone and the sudden, shrill noise makes you jump. Your stomach lurches and you flatten your palm over it. Underneath the anxiety, there’s a little bubble of excitement growing, the thought of a baby providing a little spark of joy.

You wander back into the bathroom and close your eyes before flipping the tests over with shaking hands.

The plastic clatters against the countertop and you squint one eye open and then the other, vision focusing on the little displays.

“Oh!” You gasp, eyes immediately filling with tears, hands flying up to cover your mouth.

All three are positive, the little Clear Blue display declaring you ‘Pregnant’ in tiny letters.

Tears slip down your cheeks and you start giggling wildly, overwhelmed in the best possible way. Your hands press on your stomach, palms flat and fingers splayed.

“Hey there, baby,” you murmur, looking down. “Stay safe in there, okay? We want to meet you.”

The tears fall faster and you wipe at them with your shoulder, a damp splotch forming on the fabric of your sweatshirt. It’s so late, but you need to tell Andrei, and you move on autopilot, climbing onto your bed and finding your phone among the messy covers - the bed hasn’t been made in two days because Andrei is more of a stickler for that than you are and you like to get right back into the nest of blankets at the end of the day. It’s on your list of things to do before he’s back in a few days. Now, you pile yourself into a little cocoon of the blankets and comforters, warm and happy.

You text him first, just a quick ‘you awake?’ that you know he’s going to read as a request for phone sex.

True enough, your phone vibrates in your hand a few seconds later, Andrei’s name at the top of the screen. You grin and slide the bar to answer, “hey there.”

“Is late,” he replies, a faint laugh in his tone. “Thought you would be sleeping.”

“No,” you giggle, feeling a little unhinged. “Not asleep. Couldn’t sleep. Um, are you alone?”

Your husband laughs fully now, the sound echoing over the line. “Solnyshka, been a long day. I love you, but we have early morning,” he teases and the rumble of his voice makes you smile.

“No, not for that you perv,” you shoot back, twisting your fingers in a loose thread. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

You know you’re sounding vague and strange, but to his credit, Andrei doesn’t call you out on it. Instead, he’s quiet for a second before your phone vibrates against your ear, signalling an incoming text. You pull the phone from your ear and tap over to your messages, laughing when you see the picture Andrei just sent.

The hotel room is nearly pitch black, but you can still make out the shape of Martin Nečas passed out in his bed with what looks like an eye mask covering his face. Andrei’s grinning face is cut off in the corner of the picture.

“Guess that’s a yes then,” you smile, bringing the phone back to your ear.

“Neci has earplugs in too,” Andrei informs you. “Says I snore, which is lie.”

It’s not, but you don’t feel like relitigating that particular point with him right now. So you move on.

“I know I should’ve waited, done something cute, but I’m bursting,” you let the words come out in a rush, feeling lightheaded with excitement. “I couldn’t, I had to tell you right away, Drei, baby, I’m pregnant.”

Andrei’s silent on the other end and a slightly manic laugh bubbles out of your mouth while you wait for him to say something.

“Pregnant?” He repeats, sounding like he’s just taken a blow to the stomach - winded and hoarse. “Like, with baby?”

“Yeah, mhm,” you hum, just letting the news soak in. Andrei’s breathing is audible in your ear, a soft ‘huh’ puffing out.

He starts to laugh and you can hear the grin in his voice when he says, “oh, solnyshka, fuck, I’m… ya chertovski schastliv.”

He slips into Russian and you’re not totally familiar with the words, but he repeats them in English, “I’m so fucking happy. Are you okay? How you feel?”

“I’m okay, I was feeling a little tired earlier,” you say. “That’s kind of why I took the test, just to see.”

Without asking, Andrei switches the call to a FaceTime and you pull the phone back, his grinning face taking up the entire screen. He looks lighter and happier than he has in months and the sight of him, of that smile that you love so much, makes you emotional.

“I wish I could kiss you,” he shakes his head, still smiling. “Hold you, something other than smile like idiot on phone.”

“I’m just happy to see your smile,” you say truthfully. A hug wouldn’t be unwelcome, but just seeing Andrei’s face has you calmer. “It’s late,” you continue, catching sight of the time in the top left corner of your phone - nearly 1:30 in the morning. “You should get some sleep.”

The adrenaline is starting to wear off now and you slump back against the pillows and headboard.

Andrei nods. “Call me when you get up,” he requests, phone bouncing slightly as he shifts on the bed. “We leave early, but call any time, okay?”

“Okay,” you promise, pressing your lips together to smother a yawn. “Hey, I love you.”

“Ya tebya lyublyu,” Andrei replies in Russian, warm and awed. “You and baby, both.”

You’re both quiet for a bit, comfortable and sleepy, reluctant to end the call. You just want to enjoy his long-distance presence and this little bubble, but eventually Martin lets out a snore on his side of the room, startling you since you forgot he was there. Andrei laughs faintly and reluctantly ends the call, after telling you he loves you again.

Now that Andrei knows, your whole body relaxes and you sink happily into the nest of blankets and pillows, curled up in a c-shape, one hand on your stomach.

There’s a million things to figure out in the coming days, weeks, and months, a million worries to ruminate on, but for now, you fall asleep with a smile on your face and pure happiness bubbling in your stomach.

The next morning, you snooze your alarm and allow yourself to wake up slowly and lazily. It’s an easy morning and you don’t plan on getting out of bed until you hear the doorbell ring.

With a grumble, you climb out of bed and shove your feet into a pair of slippers to pad downstairs, wondering who could be at the door this early.

It’s a delivery man, half-hidden behind a huge bouquet of flowers. You accept it, surprised at the delivery but not at the sender.

The oversized bouquet made up of baby roses, baby’s breath, and a few other types all in various shades of baby pink and baby blue can only be from your husband. Your face hurts from the size of your smile and you dig out the little card from between a pale pinks rose and a light blue hydrangea.

‘I love you, we will celebrate as soon as I am home. A hug and a kiss from New York for you, mama. -A’

It’s not Andrei’s handwriting, but you trace your fingers over the letters and feel tears well up. Any concerns or worries you might have about having a baby are pushed aside.

Andrei’s going to be the best dad and you’re so lucky to be doing this with him.

[a-little-unsteddie]

stuck in your throat || 1.3

1.1 | 1.2 | [here] | 1.4 | 1.5

part three!! this is all new babyyy! hope you enjoy <3 the next part will be out thursday <3 also: next part has steddie interactions weeeeee

When Robin got home an hour later, stumbling through the door and rambling at a hundred miles per hour, peeling off her coat and shoes, Steve could barely hold back from immediately breaking and telling Robin about the interview. He stared at her intently, almost shaking from excitement, as she hung up her coat. She turned towards him and cut herself off mid-sentence.

“Yes?” Robin asked, tilting her head to the side with raised eyebrows.

“I got a call from the NDA people, and we did the interview, and she said she’s gonna get back to me in a couple of days!” Steve exclaimed, eyes wide with excitement.

“Oh, shit, really?” Robin asked, rushing over to him with a grin. Steve bobbed his head in affirmation, Robin squealed and wrapped her arms around him, scenting him all over in her excitement. Steve laughed as she spun him around in a celebratory dance, just as he knew she would.

“That’s fucking awesome, Steve!” she exclaimed as she slowed them to a stop.

“Isn’t it? She said I was her top pick so far.” Steve barely got the sentence out before Robin was wrapping her arms back around him and shaking him.

“I told you!” she cheered, unable to fight the grin that was taking over her face that was causing her cheeks to ache. “Have you signed the NDA yet?” she asked curiously once they were still again.

“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’, “she said she’d send it if I move on to the next step.”

Robin hummed as she led them into the living room, needing to sit down. Her body was aching, from more than just the long day at work. “They’d be stupid not to choose you,” she said in a tone that held no room for arguments.

Steve snorted and settled on the couch next to her, pulling one of his knees up to his chest to rest his cheek against it.

“We’ll see what happens,” Steve reached for the remote to turn on Vanderpump Rules, something they had started binging because one of Steve’s classmates, Chelsey, recommended it to him, and he got Robin addicted to it, too.

The phone call came just about twenty-four hours later, when Steve was doing dishes. He squeaked when he saw it was Chrissy’s name flashing on his phone, and rushed to get his hands dried. Robin looked at him in confusion until he grabbed his phone and showed her the name on the screen, then excitement took over her features.

“Well! What are you waiting for? Answer it!”

“If you’re staying you have to be quiet!” he hissed before he pressed the green icon on his phone. “Hello, this is Steve,” he said, knowing that his voice pitched a bit higher when he answered, as he tried to seem as collected as possible.

“Hello, Steve! It’s Chrissy Cunningham,” her voice greeted him cheerfully. Robin gestured violently for him to put it on speaker. Steve rolled his eyes, but pulled his phone away from his ear to do so.

“Chrissy! It’s good to hear from you,” he said, slightly louder than he had been talking before.

“I’m reaching out to let you know that my client has decided to move forward with your application to do the in-person interview,” Chrissy explained, causing Robin to fist pump.

Steve bit back a grin as he responded, “That’s awesome! When would that be?” he asked, which prompted Robin to scramble to find a pen and paper. Steve gestured to the fridge, which the whiteboard calander was hanging on.

“I’ll send you the NDA paperwork for you to sign, and as long as that gets done, my client will be in Indianapolis tomorrow through the month,” Chrissy informed him. “So, whenever you’re free during that period of time.”

Steve walked over to where Robin was to looking at the calendar and saw he was free every day that weekend, “Well, I’m sure your client probably doesn’t want to worry about doing an interview the day they get here,” Steve hummed, “I’m free on Saturday if they’re available then.”

“Perfect! Does 2pm sound okay?” At Steve’s confirmation, Robin wrote the time down. “Once you get the NDA email and return it signed, I’ll forward your contact information to my client.”

Steve’s eyebrows rose in surprise, having expected to have to go through Chrissy for the whole process. “Sounds good to me!”

“Great! I’ll have the email sent right away. Do you have any questions or concerns for me in the meantime?” Chrissy asked, to which Steve replied with a denial.

“I don’t think so,” he said, “I’ll look for the email. Have a great rest of your day!”

“Thank you; you, too! Bye!”

The line went dead, and no sooner did the call disappear from his screen, did Robin’s ability to hold back her excited noises vanish.

“Fuck yes!” she cheered, circling the time on the calendar repeatedly.

“Fuck! I can’t believe this might actually be happening, Robs!” Steve exclaimed, navigating to his mail app to get the NDA signed as soon as it was sent to him.

“‘Might’? She obviously loved you!” Robin boasted with a grin. He refreshed the screen and saw the email containing the NDA load in.

“She’s just cheerful on the phone,” Steve rolled his eyes, following the link that the email provided.

“Yes,” Robin replied, dragging out the word slightly, “both can be true.”

“Either way,” Steve huffed, doing a shoddy job at doing his signature on his phone, but accepting it anyway. He submitted the form, then put his phone away. “Saturday I’ll be meeting her client and then we’ll see how I do.”

“Oh, you’ll be fine,” Robin said confidently, nodding her head.

“That’s what you say, I have to actually meet the person,” he sniffed, turning his head away from her indignantly.

“And you’ll do great, dingus.” she nudged his hip with her own, trying to get Steve to smile.

“Thanks, Bobbie,” he muttered reluctantly as he turned back to the dishes, a hint of a smile on his face.

if you want to be added to the tag list, confirm your age. if you want to be removed, lmk!

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[cuttergauthier]

New Jersey Two

Jack Hughes x Female Reader

This is chapter Two of Four

Can read chapter one here

Warning: Ex, fluff, cursing, Non supportive parents? Let me know if i missed any.

This has been in my draft for a while, I finally finished it.

word count: 1.4k

let me know what you guys think🤍

I just got to my apartment, thankfully I was able to find a beautiful affordable apartment that was fully furnished. It was now 8 p.m. and I was starving so I decided to order some pizza, for how late it was the wait was still 45 minutes.

While I was waiting for my pizza to get here, I took a quick shower since I was just in a plane. I changed into some comfy grey sweatpants and a tight white long sleeve shirt. I threw my hair in a bun I was too exhausted to wash it tonight, so I’ll just do it tomorrow when I wake up.

Once I was ready the I heard a knock on the door, I opened the door I paid the delivery boy and closed the door.

I sat down on my couch and turned on the tv and started to eat. I put on my brother’s hockey game since Ottawa was playing Calgary tonight. They were leading 2-1 in the second period.

I continued watching the game until it was over. Ottawa won 3-1 so I texted my brother to tell him congrats. I threw away the trash and went to bed. I could worry about everything else tomorrow I was too exhausted to worry about anything else right now.

The next morning, I woke up refreshed so I jumped in the shower. Thankfully I still had another two week before class started, I wanted to make sure I could settle in and find my way around the city before I got busy with classes. Once I got out of the shower and got ready for the day, I looked on google to try and find a coffee place that was close since I got in late last night I didn’t have the chance to go get groceries.

I found a place that was only a five-minute walk so I grabbed my purse, jacket and keys and made my way to the coffee shop. I got myself a small breakfast and a cold brew before sitting down at the table next to the window.

New York was beautiful especially during winter, it was snowing today, and it was beautiful. I looked up nearby grocery stores, and once I was done eating, I made my way there, thankfully the grocery store was only 10 minutes from my apartment, so it wasn’t hard walking back.

Once I got back to my apartment, I unloaded my groceries and forgot that I needed to buy some utensils since I had none, I found a store, but it was a little further away, so I ordered an uber.

Thankfully it wasn’t a long drive, once we got to the store, I paid the uber and went inside to do a little shopping. I spend about an hour there before calling another uber to go home. I found everything I needed, I was finally adulting, when I was in Michigan my parents’ house was close enough to campus so I would just drove to campus when I had classes.

The day was coming to an end, so I made myself diner and facetime some family and friends for a while. Then I thought I should facetime Luke and tell him what I did today. Luke has always been like a little brother to me, he can be annoying, but I love him regardless.

“Hey sis, how was your first full day in New York?”

“pretty good, I went and bought groceries and then went to the store to buy some utensils so I could actually make myself some food” I said which made him laugh

“You’re getting old sis” he said which made me gasp

“shut up Luke, I’m only 2 years older than you” he was smiling

“I’m glad you’re happy”

“me too”

“you should really think about telling Jack, he’d be happy to see you”

“Luke…”

“I know you don’t want to see him, but he’s my brother and I know he misses you, he asks about you every time I talk to him”

“If I ever see him around I’ll talk to him, but I really don’t want to have to call him or text him to let him know I’m here”

“fine… I have to go it’s getting late and I’m exhausted, so good night I’ll talk to you later, love you”

“love you too lukey”

He was right it was getting late, so I went to bed happy for a successful first day in New York and excited for another one tomorrow.

Today I was going to go to time square and explore New York. I’ve always dreamed of living in New York and now I’m finally here.

I got ready for the day and ordered an uber. The uber driver got me to time square and I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was.

I thanked the driver before he left and I started exploring the city. I found some stores I loved and made my way inside, I might as well shop since I’m here.

I bought a few new pieces of clothing and I didn’t need but they were to cute not to buy, as I made my way out of the last store time square was already packed and I bumped into someone’s chest.

“Dude you really need to start watching where you’re going” some guy said laughing

“Nate shut up it’s not my fault” someone said, and I recognized his voice it was Jack.

I looked up and saw Jack I didn’t think I’d run into him especially in Time Square. He looked at me and I saw him freeze. He was with who I assume are some of his teammates.

“Jack you okay man” who I recognize as PK Subban, Jack snapped out of it making him look at PK then back at me.

“Y/n?” he said in disbelief

“Hey Jack… long time no see” I said shyly

“yeah, no kidding, what are you doing In New York?”

“We’ll let you guys talk, were going to go to Sunglass hut” another one of the guys said before they walked away.

“umm… you want to walk and we can catch up while we do so?” I ask nervously

I didn’t know if he would say yes, and I honestly didn’t know if I was hoping he’d say yes or if he’d say no.

“yeah that sounds good, I can catch up with the guys later.” He said with a small smile

“So what brings you to New York? Are you here with some friends for new years?” he asked curiously

“um… no i’m actually here alone… I finally convince my parents to let me move to New York so I could go to Columbia university.” I said smiling

His eyes widen with a smile making its way on his face.

“Really? That’s amazing you always wanted to go to Columbia” he said happily

“Yeah, I got them to agree so I transferred I got here 2 days ago, I’ve always wanted to live here so I thought I’d explore the city”

“I’m happy for you, it’s about time you follow your dreams. How come you didn’t tell me you were moving here?” he asked lowkey hurt

“honestly I don’t know, we haven’t seen each other in over a year, so I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to know… even though every told me to tell you” I replied

“Of course, I would have wanted to know. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. You were my girlfriend and best friend, I’ll I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy” he said which made me smile

I had missed him too; he was my person every time I had good news or bad news, he was the first person I wanted to tell. He’s been in my life since we born, there’s nothing I wouldn’t have done for him and him for me.

“I missed you too” I replied smiling

“Well now that we are close by we can catch up”

“definitely”

We kept walking and talking we stopped at a coffee shop, we sat down and talk for a little while before he got a call.

“I have to go, but you have my number use it” he said smiling

He gave me a hug before leaving. I finished my coffee before deciding it was time to go back to my apartment.

I went to bed happier than ever, I thought I’d be sad to see him again, but I couldn’t be happier.

[iantimony]

tuesday yet we persevere

what a week lads

listening up to partizan 18. the exchange of jack: "is inertia when you're stopping or going?" austin, very confidently: "it's when you're going" had me shouting NO at my phone, thank god art chimed in to clarify and actually define inertia. i love you art. been listening to a lot of breaking benjamin while i marathon-focus on trying to finish my poster by. tonight. yeouch.

reading fallow

playing pokego! it's become my fun little morning activity while i lay in bed waking up. like. ok i need to be awake. i will drowsily catch the 3 pokemon that spawn around me and spin the pokestop across the street. ok time to get out of bed i guess.

watching hbomberguy new four hour video reigns supreme. i've had it on periodically while i do chores, cook, etc.

making pottery! basically everything came out of the kiln at once! some finished objects:

the mugs (more like teacups, really, shrinkage strikes again) came out cute, despite the orange one getting a crack in the handle. i really love the way the white bowl came out with the koi, i'd put lillypads inside but they really didn't show up at all so i didn't bother photographing. that little black vase was done with a dark blue glaze that came out. black. so i probably did too many layers, plus it was on red clay, so oops. the little ramekins came out cute, i tried one of the stoneware glazes on the left one and it came out really matte which surprised me, but otherwise some standard lil bowls! and finally i hate the striped object behind the ramekins. i forgot to cover it up after making it and didn't get to trim it before it was bone dry so i just had to let it be was it was so it's really bottom-heavy. and i hate the way the glazed stripes came out. such is life. my roommate likes it so i might give it to her LOL.

dragon mug underglaze came out interesting!!! i used two different brands of underglaze and one of them came out. shiny?? so putting clear normal glaze over that texture proved a real challenge, especially for the handle. i used another underglaze (a chocolate brown, same as the one on the handle on the right) to fill in the background/inside/some linework details, then covered the whole thing in clear, so we'll see how that turns out! the little tree teacup i just covered in clear and put back on the kiln rack, i didn't want to add anything else to it, it came out sooo cute :)

did more underglaze stuff on two bowls, eye motif!!! one as a scratched out and one as painted on. excited to see how they go for the first firing. i had some Big bowls to trim and they were still a little wet but i was like eh i bet i can. i could not. look how i've massacred my boy (bottom left). it totally spun off the wheel but thankfully it's still soft enough that i was able to just sorta nudge it back into a circular shape. i did ragequit trimming for that day because of it though and did the eye underglaze work instead hahahah. hopefully will be able to trim them on wednesday! it's just so dang cold in the area where the pottery is stored to dry out so it takes forever in the winter.

finally, i finished the winter headband for my roommate's mom last night! image is not the finished one, i forgot to take a picture yesterday but i'll just do that after i block it later this week. i took the photo a few days ago because i actually made a mistake in the pattern and was trying to judge how obvious it was and whether or not to go back 10 rows and redo it. i don't think it's that obvious so i decided to keep going. can you spot the mistake :b

misc oughhh aughgghghgh academic poster. my advisor was really difficult to communicate with yesterday but made up for it this morning. her husband stressed me out for no reason but it's fine. i think i can finish it before the poster session tomorrow but odds are in the air as to whether i can get it Printed before the poster session tomorrow. woof. and then i need to figure out what i'm wearing at this conference and pack by friday.

[charis23]

Drarry Fics

The Day Before the Wedding

Rated: E. Words: 39k. By: Kbrick

Harry's getting married to Ginny tomorrow. The problem is that he can't seem to get beyond today. (Harry gets stuck in a time loop on his wedding weekend).

Away, Away

Rated: E. Words: 121k. By: Aelys_Althea

Abandonment didn't sit well with Harry. Not at all. After the calamity that was the end of the Triwizard Tournament and the dismissal of his friends over the summer, he decides: enough is enough. He's done. Done with it all. He just wanted to get away. But the Wizarding world, as it happens, isn't quite finished with him. No matter how far he runs, it always catches back up to him. Years after turning from those who left him, Harry is dragged back to that world once more. Many find him far changed from the boy who'd once known. Some - some very few - even like that change. Draco Malfoy just happens to be one of those chosen few.

Tea and No Sympathy

Rated: E. Words: 70k. By: who_la_hoop

It's Potter's fault, of course, that Draco finds himself trapped in the same twenty-four-hour period, repeating itself over and over again. But the more Draco repeats the day, the more he realises the uncomfortable truth: he's falling head over heels for the speccy git. And suddenly, the time loop feels like a trap. For how can he ever get Harry to love him back when time is, quite literally, against him?

Vis-à-Vis-à-Vis

Rated: E. Words: 49.9k. By: Vukovich

Harry's assignment was simple. Close out Draco Malfoy's missing persons case so he can be declared dead. But who's making withdrawals from Malfoy's vaults? How is a death omen-turned-Unspeakable involved? Is an organization known as the Moirai to blame?Harry brushes it off until he can't. Until The Prophet is flooded with sightings of dead people. Until Robards throws himself on his sword. Until Ron turns on his own family. Until Harry scarcely trusts his own reflection in the mirror and trusts the stranger in his bed even less. Until all that stands between war and peace is Harry, a name plate, a stadium of murderers, and Draco Malfoy. God save the Ministry.

Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I’m Leaving Without You)

Rated: E. Words: 44k. By: firethesound

Living with Draco was difficult; living without him is unbearable. But if there’s one thing Harry learned from the war, it’s that even when one life ends, the rest of the world goes right on living.

flashback, warm nights

Rated: M. Words: 13k. By: warmfoothills

“What’s killing me is that I actually quite fucking like Christmas, festival-for-a-personally-irrelevant-religion-turned-commercialised-garbage-holiday though it may be, and now I’m stuck in the perpetual almost-there of it all with an idiot who gets himself cut up every time no matter how differently I try and do things!” “Killing you?” Potter asks. “I thought I was the one who’s about to get my torso sliced into?” Draco gets stuck in a time loop while the golden trio (plus draco) are horcrux hunting.

The Auror Calendar

Rated: E. Words: 21k. By: melanie_bxx

It's like Firefighter Calendar, but with Aurors, and magic, and six idiots who won't admit their feelings. Featuring Drarry, Blairon, and Theville in one story

The Place Where They Go

Rated: T. Words: 64k. By: chunksy

"You can talk to me, i'll listen for hours." "Maybe that's your problem...". "What?" "Listening to me."

After the second Wizarding War, Harry and his friends return to Hogwarts one final time to finish off their educations. Harry struggles do come to terms with being alive while many of his friends are not. Draco is having trouble dealing with the slander from his classmates due to his position in the war. Harry can't help but take notice of Draco, and how much he has changed, and how much that confused him. Nightmares, Astronomy, paintings, and many lost sketches later, how will they act on their new found epiphanies?

Running on Air

Rated: T Words: 74k By: eleventy7

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

Turn

Rated: E. Words: 306k. By: Saras_Girl

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

(Just the most gorgeous Drarry book ever.

Slight spoiler for storyline:

Harry gets placed in an alternate universe where he and Draco are dating, and he begins to find out he doesn’t hate the idea…)

Nor All That Glisters

Rated: E. Words: 110k. By: sweet_sOrrOw

Lonely and frustrated on house arrest, with no prospects for the future, Draco begins brewing Felix Felicis in an attempt to improve his lot. Just in the short term, of course. He isn’t a total idiot.

But before long he finds himself with a thriving business, a nice flat, some actual (albeit irritatingly Gryffindor) friends, and a very satisfying sex life. What’s more, no-one is hexing him in the street. And Harry Potter is single, and gorgeous, and giving Draco decidedly interested looks.

Stop taking the Felix? You must be joking…

Blairon and Drarry in Number Twelve

Rated: E. Words: 49k. By: cabes

After the Battle of Hogwarts, Blaise and Draco find themselves under house arrest for two years with Harry and Ron. They must repair the home to its original magical condition. Join Blaise & Ron and Harry & Draco on an exploration of their loves, fears, and sexual passions.

Until It All Comes Undone

Rated: E. Words: 38k. By: MysticKitten42

Following his confrontation with Voldemort, Harry returns from King’s Cross Station completely changed. He wakes up at Privet Drive with no memory of his past, the war or magic. Petunia, widowed and suffering from empty nest syndrome, is only too happy to turn Harry into Dudley 2.0.

But something’s not quite right. Plagued by recurring nightmares, Harry can’t help but feel something is missing. A bottle of his cousin’s LSD helps him to forget his worries… Magic may not be real, but the hallucinations and the hot blond he meets all feel pretty magical to Harry.

Having turned his back on his family, Draco is determined to start over and do the right thing. But he’s never made good decisions when it comes to Harry Potter. When Potter—presumed dead, but very much alive—unexpectedly returns, Draco will do anything for a second chance. Even if it means pretending not to know who he is…

where all the veins meet

Rated: E. Words: 146k. By: eight_of_wands

It's the summer of 1998. The battle is over, and Voldemort is dead, but Harry still has more questions than answers. Who is he without a piece of Voldemort's soul in his head? What is he supposed to do now?

His friends try to help, but the only thing that can hold his attention—one of the only things that ever has—is Draco Malfoy, out on parole and weirdly hanging around the British Museum.

As they keep running into each other, Harry sees that Malfoy is different, and he wonders if he can be someone else, too.

Featuring rumpled band shirts, poker games everyone hates, fumbling sex, and a Harry going a little mental over how wands even work.

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey

Rated: E. Words: 456k. By: sobsicles

When Harry fails to keep his anger at bay and Voldemort possesses his mind, the events that follow lead him down a long road to realizing the world isn't as black and white as it seems.

Chaos, hilarity, and tragedy ensue with a Dark Lord being honest all the time, a rival becoming something else, and a world demanding to be saved. Featuring frightened Death Eaters, deep conversations with a monster, Pureblood traditions being ridiculous, and the fight to do the right thing with no true options.

Harry's life just gets more and more bizarre with each passing moment.

(Or, the one where Harry's life gets split in half, and he has to figure out how to bring it back together.)

A Melody of You & Me

Rated: E. Words: 64k. By: academicdisaster

Draco Malfoy has a Christmas choir competition to win, and Harry Potter has an orphanage that needs funding. When Luna Lovegood intervenes, they agree to help each other out: Harry will join the choir if Draco chooses to sponsor his charity.

But agreeing to work together also means getting to know each other again - in new and unexpected ways.

Ft. a chaotic festive choir, scheming friends, a healthy dose of mental health issues, one very irritating ex, and boys learning how to love and be loved.

Everything Black

Rated: T. Words: 66k. By: General_Jellyfish

If you had a chance to do it over again, make things better, would you take it?

or

Harry fakes it 'til he makes it.

OR

Harry -somehow- accidentally goes back in time.

The Pain We Share

Rated: T. Words: 223k. By: Aili_Souma

Draco Malfoy had been sick almost his entire life, or at least he thought so, until words started to form on his skin: I must not tell lies.

As it turned out, there were still a lot of secrets from the first war to uncover. How exactly Draco was going to get out of the mess he apparently inherited, was also still to be discovered.

The Bolthole

Rated: E. Words: 54k. By: aideomai, Tepre

Harry is a hoarder, Draco is grief-stricken, and both are capable human adults who can definitely spend a month in a cottage in the Cotswolds together without ever talking about the time they slept together in eighth year. Yeah, no, totally.

Five Weddings and a Potions Accident

Rated: E. Words: 19k. By: lauren3210

In which Harry thinks he’s a playboy, everyone else knows better, and Hermione will kill Seamus if Ron tries to collect on that bet.

Harry Potter and the Future He Doesn’t Really Want, Thanks

Rated: E. Words: 70k. By: orphan_account

It was addictive, the feeling of Draco Malfoy telling him things in a soft voice early in the morning. Harry felt like he was taming a wild animal, or petting a cat that hated everybody else. This train existed outside of time, that was the only explanation Harry could come up with as to why Malfoy was actually having a civil conversation with him right now.

That Old Black Magic

Rated: E. Words: 77k. By: bixgirl1

Centuries ago, marriage contracts were the norm — ready-made alliances between families, expected and complied with, without complaint. But norms have a way of changing, and when a long-dormant contract flares to life, Harry has to navigate an unexpected splintering of the path he'd thought would be easy after the war... with Draco Malfoy.

(Arranged marriage trope but they hate each other at first)

[apprenticestanheight]

heyheyhey!! someone wish me luck on getting the job I have an interview for tomorrow plsplspls

to convince you to wish me luck I have developed the pros and cons list of what will happen if I do get the job (I am also doing this for myself to really convince myself that I can DO THIS)

pros:

job = money

money = laptop after like two paychecks

laptop after two paychecks = more writing from yours truly (I am typing this while staring at my tv screen bc I use writing as a coping mechanism and located an HDMI cable which is also some of the reason requests have been on the slower end--I have to have my glasses on in order to see on such a big screen. I am typing this sentence while not wearing them to test how bad it is and i have to squint like I'm at the back of the room to see the screen less blurrily)

fixed term contract (seems like a con but stay with me) means I'll only be working like, 10-12 weeks which yeah not so great BUT I get experience and experience means more consistent 9-5 later on, plus if I save money while I work (aside from laptop that is a necessary purchase bc again, if I have to stare at my tv screen for another six months there will be tears and begging while I point desperately at my currently opened commissions) then I can have a bit of a backspace to fall on, yk?? like. if I ever decide I want something when I'm not working or if I need to buy more like?? bodywash?? idk, I don't have to crawl to my dad like "heyheyhey scary 5'8-ish adult man, I will do the dishes, clean the fridge AND the pantry for the low low price of $40 when you also happen to get paid"

will get me out of the house! I am stuck here all except for maybe once or twice in between the pay periods of my parents (they are my rides everywhere and they get paid biweekly so when they go for groceries I'm like HEY LET ME COME I WANNA EXPERIENCE EXTERNAL AIR PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE) and getting to leave the house and work with the people I'll be working with will also significantly reduce my anxiety, which I have to talk to my dr about putting me on meds for bc it has become debilitating.

I ONLY WILL WORK LIKE, 3-4 DAYS A WEEK!! The shifts are SUPER LONG which yeah not great but its a 40 hour week and that money will be good money (which I will put into a savings account that will build interest!!)

MONEYMONEYMONEYHONEYYYYYYY!! It adds up pretty quickly and making a dollar and fifty cents above minimum wage will mean that I'll be getting close to a thousand dollars if they pay me biweekly and close to five hundred if they pay me every week. 500-1000 dollars is a lot of money for a new laptop but also,, also a lot of money for a gym membership plus treats of both the caffeine and the liquor store variety (I will be nineteen in three weeks and feel like weed will be a better experience than alc was. I had fun that night but if I ever cry over not having enough money to order pizza again pls just glare at me)

work experience!! This job is a fixed contract job (I am starting to sound like a broken record with this oops) so it'll be less than half a year but it STILL WORKS!! Plus it'll be a good lesson and help me decide whether or not I want to pursue a career in working in old folks homes and if I can handle doing so for twelve hour days for the rest of my life. It'll be a learning experience that I can add to my resume and help me decide which jobs I'll either look towards or away from once I start looking for a job after the contracts fixed term is completed.

cons bc I am in fact thinking of those

working 3-4 days a week is great, right?? right?? yeah that part is where the goodness of the work schedule will kind of stop off bc yeah, three days on four days off is amazing but I'll be working 7-7. I also unfortunately happen to know myself and I know myself well enough to know that having to go into work at seven in the morning will result in me waking up at half past five in the morning to get ready and drink either an energy drink or three cups of coffee. I also like staying up until midnight so I will be stubbornly running on five hours of sleep lol.

occasionally needing to work weekends isn't that bad but its just--I can be a morning person during the week with an energy drink or three cups of coffee and those things only. On the weekends I sleep in late and I make coffee anyway bc its my routine, but waking up at 5:30 for a weekend shift is going to have me hangry and exhausted by noon.

the only other con that I can think of for this is that the twelve hour shifts could send me into burn out very very quickly. On the one hand I keep telling myself "yeah you'll work 36 hours in three days BUT you'll also have four days to sleep the burn out off and engage in hobbies that make the burn out easier to handle" but on the other I just--I know myself well enough to know that two and a half months of burn out from working twelve hour shifts through to the end of march could have me fully burnt out until the middle of may. I just keep wondering if the fact that I'm gonna be making a dollar fifty above minimum wage for two and a half months is really worth the exhaustion both physically and mentally lol.

[yokelish]

So here's a fun story of mine.

I respect medical professionals. And by that, I mean good medical professionals.

About four years ago I started to seriously try to figure out why my headaches and migraines were getting progressively worse with age. And other symptoms started to appear too: nausea, sensitivity to light and sounds, loss of time and vision, absence of short-term memory, extreme exhaustion, and neck pain. So much pain. There were days when all I wanted to do was lay in bed and whine from pain.

So, I did what any rational adult would. And got a medical appointment. A physician looked at me, ordered a few blood tests, and asked about my family history, etc.

In the end, I was given a very mediocre medication the details of which don't matter. But I had to take it every day because it was preventative. And for a while, it seemed like it worked. But I had a bad reaction to the medication and it had to be removed. Once I was put off the medication, it all returned just as before. I remember telling my partner at the time without a hint of irony if I had a gun in this house, today would be my last day alive. That's how miserable I felt at that time.

So, I was directed to a neurologist. And I went. And he did what a neurologist does. Then I asked him if I should get an MRI, just to be sure, just so we know it's definitely not the brain. He said it wasn't needed.

He said it wasn't uncommon for women to have migraines. In fact, women are more likely to get them.

Yes, some of your other symptoms are a bit unusual but they are temporary.

He said I passed all the tests, and I was fine.

He said if I didn't have any recent head traumas, it was quite unnecessary.

It's a complex procedure (spoiler: it isn't), why would you want to be on a waitlist for months for nothing?

And so I didn't push him. I had to go through a drug trial to find what worked for my migraines now. I was tested for intracranial hypertension; they suggested lifestyle changes. Little adjustments to help out with the headaches and neck tension. And then slowly I grew complacent with it. Put the frog in boiling water and it will jump right out. But put in cold water and slowly heat it up, it won't be able to tell the difference. Life started to happen. I buried a friend. The pandemic. My MDD started to take priority over the headaches.

And then I almost went fully blind in one eye for 15 minutes. For no apparent reason.

What were you doing when it happened?

Uuugh, nothing. I was just reading in bed, laying funny. When I started losing vision in my left eye, I thought it was eye strain. But about two minutes later I realized it sure wasn't that. I immediately got up and went to my partner. When I explained what was happening to me and we got ready to go to the hospital, it started to come back. That's why I am here.

That didn't happen.

What?

And the neck pain was increasing. The intensity of the pain in my head kept increasing. The periods of those episodes continued to grow.

I have since moved. Got a new physician. And, I guess, I had a bad episode. There was a day I was in pain, I was miserable. I made an appointment ASAP. He is a great doctor. He is willing to put up with my demands for MDD medication, migraines. Even the smallest ear infections. There wasn't a time I came to him with a problem and he tried to rationalize it to me.

Ear infection?

Yes, you have it. It doesn't seem serious right now, so just over-the-counter medication will do. But if you don't feel any better, or even worse tomorrow, do let me know.

So, after that bad episode, I decided I can't be fucked anymore. Enough is enough. The pain was unbearable. I am a working, reasonably healthy adult, I can't be in this much pain without a cause. Unless they've checked for everything, EVERYTHING in the books and it came empty, only then would I accept that this pain was something I had to live with.

What I did was fucked up. Don't do that. But what I said to him, I meant with every cell of my being.

I want an MRI. And if it comes empty, order whatever test you can think of, no matter how invasive. Because this pain is getting worse, there are days when holding up my head is a conscious task. There are days when doing anything other than lying horizontally is a teeth-grinding endeavor. When I lower my chin, I can feel something along my spine, like a cord being pulled, not in a healthy muscle-stretching way, there is a tension that I don't think should be there.

And then he asked me how bad I would rate the pain on the worst day.

If this pain continues to increase at the rate it has been, I won't be alive by the time I am 31. I will take my own life.

And I was ordered an MRI. Not to say how ridiculously long I had to wait for an hour-long procedure where a big loud machine just scans your head.

And the doctor's office for the first time asks me to come in for the test results.

Your brain is healthy. But we found something in your neck.

And I felt giddy like a child who was promised candy. I wasn't insane. It wasn't "one of those things that women have to deal with". Fuck you, the professional who told me this. I sincerely hope you get sued. I'd sue you myself but I can't be fucked to be bothered with that right now.

My health care professional suspects syringomyelia. A fluid cyst in my spinal cord. I will have to go through more tests to see what it is for sure, what is the cause, and how bad it's gotten.

The point is

If one fucker decided to listen and not to rationalize a woman HER OWN Pain, if one fucker agreed to order a fairly simple medical test, perhaps this cyst probably could have been discovered THREE-MOTHERFUCKING-YEARS AGO.

[captainlilyuniverseworld]

3 Months

Over the course of three months Barnaby and Kotetsu closer and learn more about each other's scars, both physical and psychological after Kotetsu has to move in with Barnaby following a major surgery after a mission. Barnaby does his best to help Kotetsu as best as he can, wanting to return the sentiment for all the times Kotetsu has helped him.

But when both men are stubborn and wear masks it's easier said then done. Luckily they've got friends, and each other.

a/n: I wanted to do a little fic exploration, both of Kotetsu and Barnaby learning more about each other being confined to a small space for a long period of time while so looking at the otherside of Kotetsu that we don't often see. Full story will be on AO3 but i thought id share the first chapter here ♥

I

“Why can’t I stay at my apartment?” Kotetsu frowned and crossed his arms over chest. 

Barnaby crossed his arms over his chest and looked pointedly at the bright blue cast that covered nearly his entire left leg. 

“Do you really think you can sleep on your couch for three to four months?” Barnaby asked. “Or climb up and down the stairs to your bed?” 

“Well…it’s not like my couch is uncomfortable,” Kotetsu replied. “I’ve slept on it before.” 

“And complained about a crick in your neck for the next three days after,” Barnaby reminded him. “It’s already been decided you’ll stay with me once you’re released from the hospital.” 

“What? Bunny no, I can’t do that,” Kotetsu shook his head. “What about your solitude? And according to the doctor, I’d have to be with you at least a few months. That's…that’s a long time. I could just go home, use my vacation time.” 

“Isn’t your mother planning to take Kaede on a vacation during her school break for a few weeks? And doesn’t your brother work?” Barnaby asked. 

“Well yeah but…” Kotetsu shrugged. “I’m a grown man. I can look at myself.” 

“Are you that opposed to staying with me?” Barnaby frowned a little. 

“No but…three months? Are you sure you’re willing to do that?” Kotetsu asked. 

“I wouldn’t have offered it if I wasn’t,” Barnaby answered. “Lloyds has already approved my request for a week off while you’re on bedrest, and I can work from home a few days a week to make sure you don’t injure yourself further when you no doubt attempt to do more than you should.” 

“Got it all planned out don’t you?” Kotetsu sighed but smiled a little. 

“Consider it me returning the favor from all the times you’ve helped me,” Barnaby replied. He stood up and picked up his jacket. “I’ll go by your place and pick up some clothes and essentials for you. Once your bedrest is over we can go back and see if there’s anything else you’d like to bring with you.” 

“Do you need my keys?” Kotetsu asked. 

Barnaby pulled them out of his pocket. “Already got them. Get some rest alright? I'll be back tomorrow.” 

“Hey um…Thanks Bunny,” Kotetsu told him. “I’ll try not to get on your nerves too much.” 

“I doubt that, but I appreciate the thought,” Barnaby smiled a bit. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“ So, gonna be staying with Barnaby huh?” Antonio asked. “ Should I get your casket ready now? Or give it a few weeks?” 

Kotetsu rolled his eyes and picked at a loose thread on the hospital blanket. “I’m not that bad of a house guest. And I’ve been to Bunny’s place before, even stayed the night.” 

“ Yes, after you’ve passed out drunk from drinking too much beer and wine,” Antonio pointed out.

“Okay…Fair point,” Kotetsu sighed. 

He tried to lean back but the pillows he was propped up against made it a bit difficult. So he only managed to lean back a few inches at best. 

“ Well I’d offer to let you stay with me, but, we know how well that went last time,” Antonio replied. “ Listen, I'm sure it’ll be fine.” 

“Yeah…yeah you’re probably right,” he nodded. 

“ You sure you’re alright? I know it’s late, but I could swing by, sneak in some bad food,” Antoio offered. 

“No, it’s late, and the nurse is gonna swing by again to check on my leg, she’ll smell the hamburger grease a mile away,” Kotetsu told him. “But thanks for the offer.” 

“ Three months are gonna fly by, and you’ll be back before you know it,” Antonio told him. “ Call me when you get settled in. Maybe we can convince Barnaby to invite the group over for some drinks.” 

“That sounds great Antonio, I’ll talk to you later,” Kotetsu smiled a bit. 

He hung up and set his cell phone on the small table next to the hospital bed. He tried to get more comfortable but between his leg being held up, and the pillows he was propped up against to avoid rolling over, he was stuck. 

“Guess I got three months of having the straightest spine in existence right?” He pulled the blanket up and tried to get as comfortable as he could before closing his eyes and trying to sleep. 

***

“Oh, you’re awake,” Barnaby blinked a little surprised as he walked into Kotetsu’s hospital room. 

“I couldn’t really get comfortable enough to sleep,” Kotetsu shrugged and sat up a bit. “Between the nurses coming in to make sure I haven’t developed a concussion, or rolled over in my sleep…and ya know,” he motioned to the hospital room. “What’s in the bag?” 

Barnaby nodded as he set down the bag he’d brought with him. “I brought you a change of clothes. The nurse said it’d be alright and I thought it might make you feel a bit more comfortable.” 

“I…thanks Bunny, that’s, that’s really thoughtful of you,” Kotetsu smiled. “They’re a lot less itchy than this hospital gown I’ll tell you that much. Oh…but uh, how am I gonna manage pants with the cast?” 

Barnaby pulled out a pair of shorts. “At least one silver lining is that it’s almost summer. Would you like some assistance or…?” 

“I think I can manage, but uh…maybe stay close, just in case?” Kotetsu asked. 

Barnaby nodded and pulled out the shirt he’d brought along with him, while Kotetsu started to remove the hospital gown being mindful of all the tubing he was still hooked up to. The shirt was easy enough, he’d grabbed a semi-random button up t-shirt that was blue with little pineapples on it. 

The shorts were black and knee length. They were wide legged so he figured they’d be easier to slip on over the cast. He stayed close but didn’t hover, and busied himself with seeing what he semi-blindly grabbed from the other man’s apartment. 

Toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, socks, shoes, well, one shoe. Hat. 

“Um…Bunny, could you give me a hand?” Kotetsu asked. “I can’t get my other leg.” 

Barnaby looked over and saw that he had one leg through the right pant leg while he held the left side with his hand. He set down the hat and walked over to the bedside. 

“Just uh, my ribs are still a little sore, I can pull them up I just need you to get them over my foot,” Kotetsu explained. 

“Not a problem,” Barnaby nodded and knelt down. 

He rolled up the left leg of the shorts and lifted his left foot carefully slipping it over the cast and pulled it up just enough for the other man to grab the hem and pull them up the rest of the way. He sat back on the bed and stared at his leg. 

Barnaby didn’t move. Must as he wanted to help him, he knew Kotetsu would be stubborn, he already didn’t like hospitals, doing certain things without asking would just be making things worse. 

He supposed in a way they were similar in that regard. 

Stubborn, and at times unwilling to ask for help. 

In Kotetsu’s case, not wanting to be a burden. 

Though as he watched Kotetsu wince and bring his left leg up and prop it back up on the pillows, right leg quickly following before sagging against the pillows, he was sorely tempted to disregard those feelings. 

“Better?” Barnaby asked instead. 

Kotetsu nodded and sat up a bit. “Uh, sorry about the mess you probably had to wade through. I was gonna clean up cause Kaede and...crap, Kaede.” He covered his face with his hands. “She was supposed to come up this weekend. I told her we’d go shopping for a few things for her trip…can’t very well do that now…” 

“Assuming it wasn’t too much of an overstep, I already called her and told her what happened,” Barnaby told him. “She was very understanding, and there’s still time before the trip. Putting it off for a few weeks won’t hurt.” 

Kotetsu sighed. “I hate knowing I’m the reason she’s so…understanding and accommodating. I mean, I don’t, I think it’s great ya know. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. But at the same time…” he shrugged. “Thank you Bunny. Gonna have to buy you a case of that fancy wine you like to make up for all this.” 

“Don’t worry about it, what partners are for right?” he waved his hand dismissively. “Besides, you can’t even pronounce its name. How do you expect to order a case?” 

“I know what the bottle looks like,” Kotetsu replied. “I’ll just go to the store, find the bottle and tell them I want a case. Easy.” 

“Whatever you say old man,” Barnaby crossed his arms over his chest and smiled a bit. 

“Who you calling old Bunny? I’m hardly that much older than you,” Kotetsu pouted. “I can still go toe to toe with any criminal in Sternbild…well…could.” 

“You could do a lot of damage with that cast,” Barnaby agreed. “Though, your punching’s a bit better than your kicking.” 

“Laughter is always a good sign,” the nurse smiled as she walked into the room. “The Doctor has given the all clear for you to go home, we’re just gonna go over a few things. We'll have you sign the discharge forms and make a follow-up appointment for a few weeks for now to check and see how the healing process is going. I understand that you’ll be released into Mr. Brooks’s care?” 

“Yes. That won’t be an issue will it?” Barnaby asked. 

“Not at all,” she assured him. “We’ll also just need to take down your information, should anything come up, and so the pharmacy is aware for prescription pick ups.”

“Do we really need to go over it all? No offense but we’re pretty much old hands at this,” Kotetsu said. “Can we just pretend?” 

“You’re going to be on a higher dosage of pain medication this time around Mr. Kaburagi, at least for the first few weeks, the doctor has also prescribed an optional sleeping medication. Patients sometimes have trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep following major surgery, especially with one as extensive as yours given that you’ll have to sleep propped up for the most part. As I said though, it is entirely optional, so if you don’t feel the need to take it, then you don’t have to,” she explained. 

“We understand,” Barnaby nodded when Kotetsu didn’t say anything. “Please, continue.” 

***

“Are you hungry? I haven’t had the chance to go grocery shopping yet, but I can have something delivered,” Barnaby offered. “I think I’ve got some take out menus in the kitchen from the last few times.” 

“Honestly Bunny, I think I just wanna try and get some sleep,” Kotetsu told him. “Maybe later though?” 

Barnaby nodded. “I’ll just be in the living room if you need anything.” 

Kotetsu nodded and settled back against the pillows. 

Barnaby turned out the light and left the door ajar as he left the bedroom. He ran a hand through his hair as he walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before looking through the drawers until he found a pen and notepad making a quick grocery list. 

He could do this. 

[dr-robert-chase-s-hair]

this is completely unrelated to anything i normally post about, but i just need to get this out somehow (my friends have their own issues, and my family is unreliable in this topic).

So there's this guy in my history class, who has known(?) me, aka we've been in shared classes, for four years, occassionally talking for a few brief moments. We were never friends or anything, i don't have him on any social media. In our history class, I have been sitting alone since september (I was really distracted in lessons by "friends" last year, plus I have decided to just focus on studying this year and not on my social lackings), and he always sat with either his friend, or one of the girls in our class. We also used to have another subject together this year, but he has dropped it since.

After much yapping, the problem: on our first history lesson after half term, he sat alone, at the two-person desk behind mine. At the beginnig of the lesson, he asked me about the subkect he had dropped, and we talked for like 10 seconds. Then, on our second history lesson of the day, he asked if he could sit next to me. I don't dislike him or anything, so I said sure. he talked a bit about random historical facts (some relevant to the course), and we talked a bit. I wouldn't find this too weird, but this happened again, today. He asked to sit next to me, and I of course let him, 'cause why not. He talked about video games, historical stuff, and the US elections. He also once sat next to me during a study period, nearly two months ago, completely unsolicited, and we did our homework together, and he was talking again. And basically, this would be it, if I wasn't such an insecure little shit, who forms conspiracy theories at the first sign of unexpected and unexplained human contact.

Did he lose a bet?

Is he pitying me?

Is he being nice?

Does he want to be friends?

Does he like me?

Did he fall out with the friends he has in our class?

Is he this lonely?

Why, why why??!!

For context: I am kind of the seethrough weirdo type (at least I think). The last one to be chosen by my own friendgroup in PE, the one left out in conversations, and I have some general mental health issues, and am quite withdrawn, and wouldn't talk to people first usually. I am quiet and "nice" (I hear that very often from others, but that's just because I try to be polite and kind. I actually have quite selfish reasons sometimes). So this is just... weird. Especially from him, who seems to be friends with everyone.

edit: I'm hoping for him just being nice, since he is an interesting person, and I don't want anything rn. And definitely not from him. However, my grandma thinks that any guy on the metro who looks at me for over a sevond must be interested in me, and my mum is just as clueless as me. I have a friend who I think I'll mention the new seating thing to tomorrow, but I doubt she'll have any input as to what he is doing.

[passerine-writes]

Silent Sparks - Volt 69

Warnings: Monoma being a dick, mentions of homophobia Word count: 3416

Notes: Italics - Tsukare signing Bold italics - Family member/friend signing 'Italics with apostrophes' - Thoughts

Masterlist

Volt 68 | Volt 70

Over the week, my process continued outside of class of cross checking my list and narrowing it down until I finally decided.

"I found one." I told Dad at the end of the place, placing my paper on the desk with more force than intended.

"You did? Who did you choose?" He asked before grabbing my list.

"Fatgum. He's a highly renowned hero with a great track record with work studies, especially when you take into consideration that Amajiki is starting his second year there. His quirk doesn't contradict mine in any major ways plus you and Pops have worked with him before." He simply stared at me for a moment.

"How much sleep have you gotten over the last few days?"

"Not important. Do you think this is a good choice?" He sighed and stood up, pulling me into a hug. "Everything okay?" I asked slowly, hugging him in return.

"Yeah. I'm just proud that your Pops and I raised such smart kids." I smiled softly and simply held onto him. "Fatgum sounds like a good choice." He said once he pulled away from the hug.

"Yeah, plus the food he gets isn't half bad." He chuckled softly at my comment and ruffled my hair.

"Are you ready to meet Shikadai and everyone tomorrow?" I shrugged and plopped my head on his chest.

"I want to meet them, but I don't know how it's going to go and that's freaking me out." Dad nodded in response, knowing how stressed I had gotten about it in such a short period of time.

"It'll be okay. And the worst that happens is you leave early." I nodded and took a deep breath.

"I think I'm gonna hit the gym with Kiri, try and blow off some steam." He hummed and pulled me into another hug.

"Alright, love you kid."

"I love you too, Dad."

Kirishima was excited to meet me at the school's weight room. He stood there in a muscle tank and basketball shorts, hair supported by a bandana. He greeted me with a cheer and a knuckle bump. I quickly changed into a tank top and work out shorts, already feeling the slight amount of adrenaline kick in at the thought of working out.

"Dude, I'm so pumped! Wanna hit the bench first?" I gave him a thumbs up and guided him over to the set up. "Who's spotting who first?"

"I'll spot you first." He grinned and started putting his weights on, starting at 140 pounds (about 63.5 kilograms) so that he could work his way up. I got in place and watched as he flew through the first ten reps before going up to his record of 150 pounds (68 kilograms). He benched out another ten reps like it was nothing, only started to chase his breath a little by the end of it.

"Can you set up my phone for this next one? I think I'm about to break my personal record." I quickly agreed and set up mine since I couldn't find where he put his in his bag.

"Okay, you got this man. C'mon, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, c'mon, don't stop. You got this! Eight! Nine! Don't quit, last one, gimme one more! Ten! That's what I'm talkin' about!" He dropped the weights on the rack and sat up. I quickly pulled him into a bro hug and cheered him on. I ran over and stopped the video, making sure to send it in the group chat and saying that he hit his new personal best of 160 (72.5).

"Dude, that's the first time I've benched in months and I think it just hit me. But, you ready to go?" He asked, gesturing to where he just was. I laid down and got ready to start where he left off. He got ready to spot me, I went through the first ten without much struggle, pushing out another five to get a little more in before getting off and bumping it up to 180 pounds (about 82 kilograms). I took a deep breath and saw Kirishima ready with his camera. With the way these were set up, it had automatic spotters built in but having a person there never hurt just to be on the safe side. I got through the first five before I started to feel the burn. "C'mon Tsukabro! Five more!" I took another breath and pushed through the burn, but I didn't stop after the ten, making it to another fifteen. I set the bar back in its place and heaved a deep breath. "Woah, you're goin' for it?" I nodded as I set it to 200 (about 91) and got back in place. The ache in my arms starting a little early but I pushed through, focusing on Kirishima's words of encouragement. "Seven! C'mon, don't give up on me now! Eight, two more! Nine! You're killin' it! Ten!" I quickly set the bar down and steadied my breathing. "Dude that was amazing!" He cheered while passing me my water bottle. I took a quick sip and smiled up at him softly.

"Thanks, man. I haven't done that in a while. Holy shit." I said while laughing.

"Check out the group chat, Mina's goin' nuts." I breathed out a laugh but obliged and checked my phone.

Tsukababes Pokemon

From Whismur: 1 video attachment

From Whismur: Kiri hit his PR!!

From Whismur: Got it on video and everything

From Scraggy: Holy shit! Congrats man!

From Pikachu: Lookin good man!

From Venomoth: Daammmnnnn!

From Rayquaza: Woah! I wish I was built like that!

From Espeon: You're still pretty strong, Izuku.

From Boldore: Thanks guys! I might try and get a little higher today!

From Boldore: 1 video attachment

From Boldore: 1 video attachment

From Boldore: Tsukabro hit 200 today!

From Scraggy: Holy shit!

From Espeon: Gotta send that to our parents, they're gonna flip.

From Venomoth: I WANT TSUKABABES TO MARRY ME BUT HE'S DATING KAMI

From Venomoth: But oh my gosh, that's huge!!!!!

From Venomoth: But seriously, Tsukababes, marry me

From Scraggy: Kami's been pretty quiet, anything you wanna share?

From Pikachu: I-

From Pikachu: Holy shit

From Pikachu: That's my man

From Pikachu: Lowkey wanna go watch

From Venomoth: You just wanna see his muscles in person in action

From Pikachu: I wanna see him

From Pikachu: That just happens to include how hot he is

From Espeon: Gross. That's my brother.

From Pikachu: Sorry Shinsou!

From Espeon: That felt insincere.

From Pikachu: Yeah, I can't even deny that one

From Whismur: You can come and sit if you want, Denks, I asked Kiri and he said it's okay

From Pikachu: On my way!

I smiled at my phone, thankful that Kiri agreed to Denki coming to watch.

"Anything you plan on working on today?" He asked me curiously.

"Probably just a mosh of upper body. You?"

"I'm thinking abs today." I gave him a head nod and smile as I walked over to the wall with the music, plugging my phone in to the USB port since I knew where it was.

"Any particular music today?"

"I'm good with whatever! What do you normally listen to?"

"Classic rock or metal."

"Oh hell yeah." I smiled and put on my workout playlist, toggling with the volume where it was loud enough for me but not completely deafening.

I walked over to the barbell that wasn't being used and put 180 pounds on it, starting reps of fifteen until I worked up a bit of sweat. I set it on the ground and used the lower half of my tank top to wipe the beads of perspiration off of my face. Once I looked up, I saw Denki sitting on one of the benches, staring at me happily. My face felt warmer just seeing him in a pair of jeans and a crop top, golden eyes roaming my figure. I walked over to him and grabbed my water bottle out of my bag, taking a much needed sip of it.

"Hey babe." I hummed, looking at him in adoration.

"Hi babe." He echoed.

"Oh, here." I quickly said, digging through my gym bag's pocket to find one of my spare fidget cubes, passing it to him. "Thought you might want something to fidget with." He smiled widely and delicately grabbed the object from my hands. "And if you get bored, you can leave whenever you want. I know just sitting there can get boring sometimes." I reassured him, hoping he knows that he isn't obligated to sit there for however long Kiri and I work out for.

"You're an amazing boyfriend." Denki said casually and I felt my ears starting to turn red.

"I would give you a hug but I'm sweaty right now, so," I stood up and gently cupped his face, placing a feather light kiss on his forehead, "that'll have to do for now." He blushed wildly as my thumb ran across his cheekbones before I returned to my workout.

My body felt like it was overheating and my tank top began to clung to me like an uncomfortable second skin, so with a bit of hesitation, I took it off and dropped it to the floor beside me. Instantly, I felt two sets of eyes on me for two clearly different reasons. I tried my best to ignore the gazes on my rigid skin and started on the pull up bar. I had a gut feeling Kirishima and Denki both got some videos of me working out, both of them clearly in awe for separate reasons.

"Well, if it isn't the ear bleed." A familiar voice said, I rolled my eyes, hoping to ignore the blond from class B. "What, can't hear me?" I clenched my jaw at his mocking tone. "Maybe your brother can just force it out of you, do what he does best." I dropped down from the pull up bar and cracked my neck and knuckles.

"So that's why you copy anyone you can? Cause it's what you do best? I think you're projecting a bit." I retorted, keeping my back to him.

"If only you could fathom just how original I am. Maybe then you would understand. But, alas, you can't wrap your brain around much, can you?" I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.

"What do you want, jackass?" I asked curtly, a dramatic laugh coming from him.

"Who, me? I'd simply like to see you and the rest of your class fail this course. But I know two students there have an unfair advantage because of their father being their homeroom teacher." I turned around and took three steps to get to him, glad that I didn't leave my back to him much longer.

"I'm gonna say it one time and one time only, you leave my Dad out of it. You aren't even supposed to know about our relation to one another. It's protection, use your damn brain and watch your fucking mouth." I seethed, his eyes not being able to hide his fear.

"What? Hit a nerve? Did he do that to your back?" My face hardened into a cold expression and Kirishima quickly wedged his arm between us, guiding me back, Denki coming up to my side.

"Tsukare, he's not worth it. If you get in trouble again it could cost you your work study. Don't play into his game." My red headed friend tried to be a voice of reason. I took a few deep breaths and let my body loosen up, his arm falling back down to his side. Denki slowly laced his fingers into mine, grounding me a little bit more, but the action didn't go unnoticed by Monoma.

"So that's why he's dressed like that, he either thinks he's a girl, or thinks he's some queer. Which is it?" Denki dropped my hand and held his up in mock surrender. Kirishima stepping back as well. I closed the gap again and wrapped my hand around his shirt collar, catching him off guard.

"You leave him out of this. Kendo isn't here to save you this time. So I'm giving you a chance. You have five seconds. You can leave and walk out of here, or I'll make you leave and you'll be in too much pain to do any hero training for the next month." He thought he had the upper hand by reaching his arm up. I quickly caught his wrist and twisted his arm behind his back, placing my other one near his bicep and holding down one of his feet with my own. "Cause right now, I'm in the perfect spot to dislocate your elbow and your shoulder. Don't make me count. You can go crying to Nedzu if you'd like, but we'll just end up in the principals office all over again, except this time, you'll be the only one getting reprimanded. Five." I bit out, shoving him towards the door, watching as he glared while he walked out. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that you guys had to see that." I mumbled while I finally let my shoulders sag.

"Hey," Denki whispered in a soothing tone, coming around in front of me to cup my face, "you put him in his place, that guy needs a reality check. He shouldn't have said anything that he did." I let my face rest in his hands, finding comfort in his touch.

"Yeah, Kami's right, plus it didn't go full code yellow so no harm no foul!" Kiri quipped from behind us.

"Thanks guys." I breathed out. "I try to keep a lid on my anger but guys like that just make me lose my patience. I have no respect for him after everything." Denki placed a long but gentle kiss on my forehead and simply held me. The door swung open, Mina, Sero, Hitoshi and Midoriya all scrambling in and collectively taking a deep breath when they saw me standing there with the two.

"Sorry, we all ran here. Kiri texted code yellow and Monoma and we all just booked it." Sero explained through his labored breathing.

"Situation was handled without me punching him, so I think it was a success." I said calmly, not wanting to worry them any further.

"What'd you do?" Hitoshi asked bluntly, so nonchalant that it almost seemed like a run of the mill question.

"Onryo, it was a code yellow, so what happened?" Izuku continued.

"I may or may not have grabbed him by his collar and when he went to move his arm, I may or may not have pinched it backwards and told him that I had him in the prime spot to dislocate his shoulder and elbow and told him he had five seconds to leave before he would miss a month of hero training from being in so much pain and then quite literally tossed him to the door." I gave the four of them an awkward smile.

"I'm so telling Dad that you copied one of his moves." Hitoshi said with a smirk on his face, the rest looking in complete and utter disbelief.

"Remind me to never piss our amigo off, I don't know how easy it would be to relocate my elbows." Hanta grimaced while rubbing his elbows.

"Agreed, also, Tsukababes, what happened to your shirt?" Mina asked for everyone.

"Started overheating while working out." I answered simply, not seeing the relevance until it smacked me in the face. "I swear to whatever gods are out there, if he says anything again I'll get suspended."

"What'd he say?" Hitoshi asked, Kirishima looking to Denki and I.

"First he tried bringing you and your quirk into it. Then he tried bringing Dad into it with special treatment shit and asked if he was the one who fucked up my back." I said through gritted teeth, still pissed that he even insinuated it. "Then he tried to insult Denki and that's when I finally snapped, well, that's when they stopped trying to calm me down and hold me back."

"I'll beat his fucking ass." My brother grumbled, seething at the knowledge.

"He's such a prick!" Mina exclaimed.

"Yeah." I whispered, my mind starting to wander.

The walked back to the dorms I spent floating in my head, Denki's hand being the main thing tethering me to reality and away from doors. I sat in silence as the class talked about the work studies, each mostly complaining about how difficult it would be to secure one.

"In all reality, when you think about it we're their responsibility." I reasoned, understanding both sides of emotions.

"I mean, you can't really blame them." Ojiro chimed in. "Unlike the internships, we'll be directly involved, so if anything were to go wrong, then.."

"Then the pros have to take responsibility for whatever happened." Dad popped in. I looked up and saw him standing near the door.

"Oh, hey, Mr. Aizawa!" Denki awkwardly said, voice wavering a bit.

"Only pros who're the real deal will take on rookies like you guys, knowing the risks involved. Tokoyami, looks like you've got an offer from one of them. Hawks has invited you to work with him in Kyushu." Dad stated blandly. "Onryo, you also received an offer but I told him you were already accepted by Fatgum."

"No way!" Denki gasped.

"Dude, he's the Number Three Hero! That's awesome!" Sero gawked.

"Well, what d'ya say?" Dad asked Tokoyami.

"I respectfully accept." Tokoyami said politely.

"Alright then. I'll make sure you get the relevant paperwork later. Just let me know when you're expected in Kyushu. I can sign off on your absences." He sighed before turning to me. "Also, Kirishima. Apparently Amajiki from the Big Three wants to talk to you about something." I looked at Dad in disbelief. "Uraraka and Asui, you've got your own Big Three Summons from Hado. You can track 'em down sometime tomorrow or whatever. Onryo, a word?" I rubbed the back of my neck and followed him outside to the porch.

"I take it this is about earlier?" I asked, breaking the ice.

"Yes. Monoma filed a complaint with Nedzu, claimed that you and Kirishima ganged up on him in the workout room." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Nedzu reviewed the security footage and caught his lie and asked that I have a word with you over what was said." I slightly nodded and leaned against the pillar. "Would you like to share what happened?"

I begrudgingly told him all the details about Monoma today. He simply listened and glared at the ground.

"Just fucking pisses me off. Who does he think he is? He doesn't get to go around and accuse you of abusing me, especially when that's not the case. Then bring Denki into it and try to demean him? It's fucking bullshit. He should be happy I didn't dislocate any of his bones." I said through gritted teeth, seething still over what happened.

"Be grateful you didn't or else you would've been barred from the work studies. You're allowed to be pissed, I am too. It's not something that should be taken lightly. But when your anger gets to that point, you have to be able to hold back. Sunshine and I taught you and your brother better then to let anger rule over you." I sighed and nodded, deflating against the quartz pillar.

"He pisses me off and I hate that I played into his game again. He tried bringing Toshi into it again, too. I'd be fine if he just targeted me, I could handle that, I draw the line at the people I care about most."

"I know. That's where you and I are alike. But just because you can handle someone harassing you, doesn't mean you should." I nodded and gave him a quick hug.

"I'm sorry for snapping earlier, I promise I'll try and get a better handle on it." I mumbled into his chest.

"That's all I ever ask, is that you try, we'll always be here if you fail but that doesn't mean you stop trying." I nodded quickly, feeling like a weight was just taken off my shoulders.

"I love you."

"I love you too, problem child."

[blu-joons]

When They’re Whipped For You ~ BTS Reaction

Jin:

The moment you heard that Jin had plans with the boys for the evening, your stomach dropped, turning to face him in confusion.

“I thought you agreed to come with me to the works dinner tonight?” You asked once he’d finished telling you all about what the boys had planned to do together.

“Oh,” he sighed, looking away from your eyes as a hand ran through his hair. “I can text the boys and cancel, I completely forgot about your dinner. We can always meet up another night when I’m free.”

You sighed at the panic in his voice, “I can go to the dinner by myself, it’s really no big deal.”

At your words, his head shook instantly, “there’s no way I’m going back on my promise to you. I’ll just tell the boys I didn’t check the calendar properly, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“It’s alright,” you laughed, walking across to him, “I know you’d much prefer to spend the evening with the boys instead of my colleagues, so just go with them.”

“I’m not going with the boys,” he continued to argue, “you’re the one I sorted things with first, and it’s you who I’ll spend my evening with too.”

“Damn Jin, you really are a sucker for me sometimes.”

Yoongi:

When Yoongi returned to the group with his basket full, all eyes flickered down to look at all of the things he’d purchased on his trip.

“I’m guessing those aren’t for you,” Jungkook giggled, shyly pointing to a box of tampons that sat on the top of his basket. “Has Y/N got you shopping for her now too?”

“She needs them,” Yoongi quickly defended, “and when you all get girlfriends, you’ll understand how difficult a period can be for them. She’s hardly in a state to be able to go to the shop herself.”

All of them rolled their eyes at how defensive he was, “you’re a sucker for her, she’s got you whipped.”

Yoongi’s head shook at Jimin’s words, “shopping for my girlfriend does not make me whipped, it just makes me a kind and caring boyfriend, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“If you’re not whipped, why are you arguing so badly?” Namjoon laughed back at him, “there’s nothing wrong with being whipped, I’m sure Y/N loves all the control too.”

“I know that none of you would ever say this in front of Y/N,” Yoongi sniggered, “but I could always record it for her if you guys wanted me to?”

“No way, she’d kill us if she knew what we said.”

Hoseok:

The squeal that came from you was huge as you walked into the kitchen to see a spider darting across the floor, calling out Hobi’s name quickly.

“Help,” you whimpered as he ran into the room, pointing to the insect. Straight away, Hobi ran over and placed his hands around it, taking it out into the garden.

“It’s gone,” he smiled, brushing his hands off before closing the door, spinning around to see a wide smirk plastered across your face. “Why are you looking at me like I’ve done something wrong?”

Your head shook, “you’ve done nothing wrong I just love seeing how whipped you are for me.”

“I’m not,” he protested, shaking his head back at you, “I just know how scared you are of stuff like this, so I thought I’d get it out before it managed to get away.”

Your eyebrows raised at his statement, “you’re usually terrified of spiders, and yet you caught that one without even thinking, that means you’re whipped.”

“Maybe I am,” he chuckled, moving across the room to wrap his arms around you, “would you prefer it if I wasn’t whipped for you though?”

“No way, I love that you’ll do absolutely anything for me.”

Namjoon:

The guilt hit him as soon as he shook Yoongi awake, taking a step back as his eyes opened and glanced across at the clock beside him.

“Could you do me a favour?” Namjoon questioned from beside him, “I need someone to pick Y/N up from the club she’s at, I offered to get her, but I can’t really get there.”

“Really?” Yoongi frowned, “it’s four in the morning, why would you offer to get her when you can’t drive?” He sighed, “and why did I have to be the one that you decided to wake up at this time?”

Namjoon frowned across at him, “please, I can’t leave her there on the streets at a time like this.”

With a sigh, Yoongi sat himself up on his bed, “I know that you’d do absolutely anything for her, but that doesn’t mean that all of us would do anything for Y/N too Joon.”

“I know,” he admitted, “but I really do appreciate you doing this, I’ll find a way to make it up to you too, prove how grateful I am for what you’re doing.”

“Go and get my car keys and I’ll be down in five,” Yoongi instructed as he pushed the duvet away from his body, “but you do owe me a big one for this.”

“And I’ll pay you back for it, don’t you worry Yoongi.”

Jimin:

Your smile grew as you walked out of your office and saw Jimin sat outside of the building with the car door opened, waiting for you.

“You even get him to pick you up?” Your colleague chuckle from beside you, nudging gently at your side, “you really have got him wrapped around your finger.”

“I didn’t ask him to come and pick me up,” you laughed, meeting his eyes for the first time as he noticed you. “I guess he just enjoys doing all of these things for me instead.”

Your colleague sighed back at you, “he’s whipped for you, he really would do anything for you.”

A gentle blush found its way onto your cheeks, “I wouldn’t say no to a lift home in this weather anyway, it’s freezing. He’s a bit like a knight in shining armour really.”

“Maybe I need to find me a Jimin,” she teased, pushing you gently in the direction of the car. “Hurry, you don’t want to leave him waiting.”

“He’d wait all day for me,” you proudly smiled, “you really do need to find yourself a Jimin, it’s nice knowing that someone would do anything for you.”

“For you, he definitely would do absolutely anything!”

Taehyung:

The confusion on your expression grew as you tried to figure out where each screw went in attempting to build your new beside table.

“This is stupid,” you muttered under your breath, glancing back yet again to see if Taehyung had noticed you. “Who invents furniture with instructions as messed up as this.”

“Y/N,” he laughed from the sofa, “I know what you’re getting at, all you had to do was ask me for a hand and I would’ve come and helped you,” he sniggered, rolling his eyes at your obvious signs.

Your smile grew gently, “I really did want to try and figure it all out for myself before I asked you.”

His head shook as he sat down on the floor beside you, “there’s no way you would’ve done this by yourself, I know you wanted me to do this for you from the start.”

“No,” you argued, but as he stared back at you, you knew he could read you as if you were a book. “Did I really make it that obvious that I needed your help.”

“Yes,” he sniggered, “I just wanted to see how long it would take before you caved. One way or another, I was going to be the one building this unit.”

“In that case, I guess I’ll just leave you to it, shall I?”

Jungkook:

Throughout the entirety of the conversation over dinner that evening, Jungkook could only sit with a frown as he listened to their plans.

“Kook, you’ve been quiet,” Jin spoke up when he noticed the youngest staring off into the distance as they tried to arrange a time to all meet up again.

“I promised Y/N that we’d go out for dinner tonight,” he admitted, shyly looking away as the groans inevitably came from the rest of the boys that were sat around him.

Taehyung was the first to nudge against his side, “you only went out for dinner a few days ago?”

Jungkook nodded shamefully back at him, “there’s this restaurant she’s been dying to try, and we’ve finally got a reservation, I can’t go back on my word now.”

“What happened to the bro code?” Hobi teased, staring across at him, “are you bailing on us? Are we finally losing you to love and your relationship?”

“No,” he chuckled, holding his hands up in defence, “what if we switch dinner until tomorrow night, I’m available then without any plans, no doubt about it at all.”

“We might as well claim you before Y/N does.”

---

Masterlist

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse,  torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

--

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 5th, 2021

[kittydemon9000]

Okay so once again, 3 am thoughts have gifted me with yet another au. It is by no means original but screw it: SmithSwap

The only things I’m switching is their ages, so now Nya is the older one, but it. Gets. Fun.

For specifics, as of the Pilots/S1 Nya is 15 and Kai is 11, because I want bebe kai

Now, prior to Wu showing up, it’s pretty much the same as canon only with roles reversed. Nya mostly runs the shop while Kai is trying to everything he can to make things easier for his big sister, and I mean everything. The only one Nya doesn’t stop him from doing is cooking because Kai is the better chef, though neither can figure out why. Nya also likes to tell Kai stories of their parents since he can’t remember them too well, much to his disappointment.

ANYWAY, Wu shows up, Kai gets upset he’s insulting his sister’s work, then Skulkin show up. Kai does get snatched, much to Nya worry and canon continues.

Okay but also tiny spinoff, it also would’ve been hilarious if Nya still got kidnapped because then when the guys meet Kai they’d be like “who is this sassy lost child?”

So then while Nya’s training, I’m actually going to say what happened when Kai is captured.

You see, a side affect of being really freaking old is that your perception of time changes, specifically how long periods seem shorter. Garmadon decided that because of the prophecy it would be best to snatch the Master of Fire, who he thought would be Ray.

So you can imagine his surprise when his Skulkin bring in a kicking, screaming 11 year old child.

He is, understandably, not happy and very confused.

He sends the Skulkin away and tries his best talking with Kai. Like, as little malice as he can in a gentle voice, and he actually learns a few things. 1) both Ray and Maya went missing years ago, 2) these kids have no idea about anything regarding the Elemental Masters, 3) Kai’s sister has been raising him since their parents went missing, and she’s only four years older than him

Understandably, he is concerned, but also sees this as an opportunity. If he raises the Master of Fire to be loyal to him, then he’ll never want to fulfill his role in the prophecy, thus ensuring his victory. also he really misses lloyd and now when he returns he’ll have two kids!!! how amazing is that

So yeah Kai’s stay in the Underworld isn’t that bad. This Garmadon guy is pretty nice, tells him awesome stories about his parents, teaches him a bunch of things(mostly how to fight), and really just acts like the paternal figure he never had(Garmadad is canon, no matter what form you can fight me on this). The only part that sucks in Samukai, but he’s just a jerk and Garmadon makes sure he’ll never actually do anything to hurt him. He does miss Nya a lot though.

Anyway back with Nya and the guys.

They don’t actually know the exact reason why she was here at the beginning. All they know was that Wu originally left for the Master of Fire and came back with her instead. They know she has a brother, but aren’t quite sure how he falls into it.

They learn her full story the night they’re heading to the Temple of Fire, at which when they’re winding down Zane brings up how she never actually told them how she met Wu.

They are very concerned when they find out the whole story and swear they’ll help her get him back, which is nice.

Then she sees Kai But Actually Garmadon, follows, and bam Sword of Fire time. She isn’t able to fully use it, but she’s able to get a few sparks. However, things then start to take a turn for the worst.

Kai is actually here, very confused why Garmadon’s having him tied to the ceiling, but hey Nya’s here! But then oh no he then realizes that Garmadon is the bad guy, which gets him upset and more then a little betrayed.

Seeing him hurt his sister, the one of raised him, actually has Kai pick up the sword and use his powers. Under normal circumstances, it probably wouldn’t have been bigger than a few sparks, however Kai has his big sister in danger, dealing with the betrayal of an almost father figure, holding the Sword of Fire, and being surrounded by his element.

So yeah. Not that small of a fire.

The guys and Wu are actually able to to witness the truly incredible fire blast he lets out from the camp, put two and two together, and start heading over. Wu didn’t follow Nya…..because plot and was the able to help them fight off the Skulkin.

Anyway, it’s more than enough to dissipate the shadows, however it also wakes up the dragon. Garmadon, who is sort of panicking because That Was Not Supposed To Happen, ends up scooping up an unconscious Kai and the Sword and retreating to the underworld, leaving behind a very pissed Nya and an equally pissed Fire Dragon.

But yeah, Nya deals with the dragon, they get the other ones and head to the Underworld with Wu this time, and he’s actually the reason they’re able to get past all the Skulkin. 

But yeah, Samukai gets vaporized and Garmadon about to leave when a feverish Kai makes his way in and begs Garmadon to not do it and that they can fix things.

And Garmadon….actually pauses for a second and you can see the conflict in his eyes before he shakes his head and says “there’s no going back for me” and walks through. Kai then collapses and the end up heading back home.

As for what’s up with Kai, who would’ve guessed tapping into a kind of power you aren’t supposed to have access to yet in a high stress situation would be bad for the body. He has a really bad fever but he’s fine after a few days.

The few month timeskip in between the Pilots and S1 is mostly spent training Kai, so they have quite a bit less free time. However when S1 starts and Kai hears about Lord Garmadon, he actually wants to check it out himself first.

So yeah, he meets Lloyd by himself and it actually doesn’t go that badly. Kai actually buys some candy for them to share and they leave the town, and Kai actually starts talking with him. Eventually the topic comes up about Garmadon and Kai gives a rough basis about how he sort of got kidnapped, and then his work in progress plan of making him good again. Lloyd is completely down with seeing his dad again and says how they could probably get his dads attention if their got their own evil army.

And because they’re both stupid kids, neither of which have had parents before, Kai thinks it’s a great idea.

So yeah. That’s why they find the Serpentine here.

Ofc, it isn’t a right away type thing. It takes them about a month before they find the Hypnobrai Tomb, and Kai just plays off all his time spent out as him having made a friend, which they can’t exactly argue with.

Ofc, canon still happens and when Kai was busy training Lloyd ended up finding the tomb and releasing the Serpentine, and they do their regular Canon Nonsense. 

However, Kai is not too happy about the whole Attack Villages things and after a bit comes clean to the ninja about their original plan. They very much aren’t happy, but admit his heart was in the right place and they doubt he’d pull something like this again.

Fast-forward a bit more, Kai is mostly chill with Zane’s “weirdness” and unfortunately stays home when the Hypnobrai burn down the Monestary. It’s only because the dragons were able to get out and protect him that he was still alive. Nya’s actually the one who yells at Zane this time around because again. Kai almost died, but it’s all cool later and they find the Bounty :D

Anyway, Canon again continues. Kai is still really good with the dragons and is a little upset they need to leave. He also gets along really well with Ed and Edna. Then when Lloyd joins Kai is a little….well he doesn’t hate him but he does spend a while avoiding him.

Eventually Nya has enough of their dancing around each other and locks them both in the same room so they can talk it out. Turns out the reason Kai was avoiding him was because Lloyd’s betrayal really hurt since they were supposed to do it to find Garmadon, not hurt people. They have a tearful apology, then Kai learns how much of a jerk the Serpentine were and is like “the next time I see any I’ll protect you, since you’re like my little brother and as a big brother it’s my job to keep you safe”

Now it’s Samurai Time :)

You see, this time around Kai has double reasons for being the Samurai. 1) Yeah, he hates being left behind and wants to be involved but also 2) he wants to keep his big sister and big brothers safe

So yeah, that happens. He does think it’s pretty funny when they keep trying and failing to one up him though.

But then :) He gets captured with Lloyd :)))

So yeah, that sucks but it only gets worse because while Kai was able to “summon” his Samurai Mech, he had to send it off to get the ninja away. So that sucks.

Garmadon eventually shows up to help since the Serpentine stole both his kids, much to Nya’s chagrin.

Then comes the freaking Volcano Scene and this one is from Nya when she rescues Kai, then has to choose between Lloyd or the Fangblade. She ends up unlocking her True Potential by essentially leaving behind all negative feels she had for Lloyd and accepting him under her protection just like she did Kai.

The sheer torrent of water easily cools all the lava and thoroughly soaks them. But hey, even Kai has to admit being wet is better than being burnt alive. Also when the ninja start wondering aloud why the Samurai didn’t help Kai bashfully admits he was the Samurai, and this thoroughly impresses the ninja since Kai is like, 12 at this point.

Uhhhh, S2 isn’t too different. Kai is super happy that the dragons are back and is easily Ultra’s favorite. He isn’t hit with either Garms spell nor the Tomorrows Tea, but is there to comfort Lloyd and says that even though he got hit with some magic stuff Kai is still going to protect him since he’s still his older brother. On the Dark Island Kai is heartbroken Nya got corrupted and swears he’ll help fix her. When Garmadon gets purified Kai looses his shit and gets so excited since let’s goooooo not only is his dad not evil anymore they can go out in public together :DDDD

S3, also not too different. During the whole Love Triangle nonsense Kai’s just sitting there so confused. Also Pixal joins team Kai’s Older Siblings. Him getting captured was just him being at the wrong place wrong time. He has a really fun time time in space though, which was nice.

But uh. Then Zane hecking dies, which hits everyone really hard, especially Kai. Only this time, Nya ends up taking Kai back to Ignacia and opens up the forge again, pretty much cutting all contact with the other ninja, Wu and Garmadon. While it might’ve been boring and lonely, at least in Ignacia they were safe. 

Kai is…honestly really miserable, but hides it well. He can barely get up some mornings, but does so anyway since he’s desperately trying to act like things are normal, despite how Nya doesn’t talk very much. He misses the other ninja a lot, even Pixal despite not knowing her for very long, but doesn’t want to tell Nya since again, trying to make things normal again. Nya also doesn’t let him out of the house too often, only really if she’s there to watch him.

This routine goes on for about two months, until Lloyd shows up to try and get everyone back together. And Nya.....Nya doesn’t like that.

She and Lloyd end up having a bit of a passive aggressive argument that is progressively getting louder until Kai just. Snaps.

He yells at them to stop fighting, how they’re acting so horribly and that he wished things could go back to normal, how Zane wouldn’t want this and that he’d be disappointed in them.

The two visibly flinch.

Then Kai realizes exactly what he just said and who he said it to. And he runs.

Nya and Lloyd both spend some time in silence, mulling over what Kai just said because he was right. Zane would hate what’s become of the team and how they separated.

Nya ends up being the one to break the silence, asking Lloyd where and when to meet.

When Kai doesn’t return from the woods, she ends up leaving a note before she leaves, explaining where she’s going and how she’s sorry.

Meanwhile, Kai is having a slight breakdown in a Tree Base he made years ago.

But yeah, fast forward a bit and Kai’s getting ready to sneak onto Chen’s Island, but in a slightly different way than canon. Instead he takes a slightly experimental ship that’s basically a smaller Bounty which he calls the Destiny’s Wish. Think of the comparison like a Car vs a Go Cart. Comfortably, it can fit 2 people long term, but for quick trips can carry as many as 10, but it’ll be a tight fit and the Wish might have some trouble flying.

So yeah, he’s on his own and he doesn’t arrive until a few hours before the EMs all get dropped from the plane. Shade is actually the one to find him first, but has a moment of pause since Literal Child and gives Kai enough time to kick him into a tree and run. The whole chase actually lasts about two hours but unfortunately Kai isn’t able to get back to the Wish and gets caught.

Now for the fun part :)

So all the EMs(and I do mean all because he wanted to “thank them for their contribution”) are in the throne room, their powers snatched, when Chen said aloud “But it is such a shame that we don’t have the Master of Fire, the we’d be able to complete the spell.” and for the briefest second the Ninja Fam are relieved but then Chen does a whole “SIKE, WE GOT HIM” and has some of the guards bring Kai out.

The Ninja are, understandably, freaking out. The EMs kinda are too since Child but only a little bit and it’s not personal

But then just as Chen’s about to snatch his fire, Kai starts saying how Chen cheated since Kai never got to play in a match. Chen refutes it since His Game His Rules but then Kai says that age old statement to get siblings to do Stupid Shit: “What are you, scared?”

Chen is not scared, thank you very much. And you know what, since you’re so confident fine, you now get your own challenge!

So yeah, now Kai has his own challenge.

What is it you might ask?

A vertical obstacle course with a time limit. If Kai doesn’t grab the Jade Blade, the exit closes.

Not that bad you might think. After all, Kai’s been training with the ninja for the past year, he’s probably got this in the bag.

Yeah welllllllll, a little bird told might have told Chen that a certain Master of Fire couldn’t swim.....so he uses Nya’s power to gradually fill up the room and forcing him up.

Surprise surprise, it was rigged against him. I’m talking platforms having false bottoms, ladders being oiled, high pressure water jets to knock him off, the works.

Kai is so close to making it. So close..... but Chen can’t have that happen now can he :)

So yeah, Kai ends up falling in and Nya almost drags all the EMs into the water trying to get him.

Luckily it’s at that moment Lloyd bursts in with Garmadon, frees the EMs and gets Chen’s staff. The EMs bust out and just as Nya’s about to dive in the whole thing starts draining, like an enormous whirlpool.

You see Chen actually thought ahead and realized that “hey, if the kid dies he’ll loose his power” so he made a plan that when Kai was going to fall in, he would use one of the tubes that shot water but in verse and suck him in. Luckily he was able to pull it off before the gem was smashed because if not MMM.

So yeh, Kai is now captured, but still on the island. Skylor reluctantly copies his powers(she got sort of close with Nya and this is the little brother she was gushing about), and Anacondrai happens. However, the two are able to escape, Skylor’s actually able to figure out the Summon Dragon thing, and then they head back to the main group.

Then comes the inevitable question of “how did you get here anyway?” and then Kai shows them The Wish. He actually ends up flying back with Garmadon before all the EMs learn how to Summon Dragon so they can warn people about the ensuing danger.

So yeah, they head out, the Pythor thing happens, canon then Sad because Garm still needs to do the whole sacrifice thing D:

That one hits Lloyd and Kai really hard, but they both use each other for comfort so it isn’t as bad as it could’ve been.

But yeah, this is getting long so tbc for a part 2 :DDD

[sslow-dancer]

“You Need Some Help?” (Josuke Higashikata x Reader)

Warnings: none!

tags: gender-neutral, gender-inclusive, josuke x reader, sfw, fluff, new school, new kid

Description: It’s your first day at Budogaoka High, Josuke notices your confusion and agrees to show you around the school. Along the way, he introduces you to his friends and decide to hang out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You walk down the streets of Morioh, doing your best not to get distracted by the numerous signs of shops you pass by. Your knees occasionally hitting the new school bag you have in your hands.

It was a new town, new school, new people to you and your family. However, despite having to create new (probably awkward) introductions in this town, your parents seemed extremely happy when you all arrived. Going from living in Osaka all the way to Morioh was a drastic change. Osaka was constantly loud and full of tourists, you almost felt like you saw more foreigners than Japanese citizens. Though, you still miss those loud noises and tourists in a way. Morioh is quiet, receives visitors in the warmer seasons and rather friendly for the most part, making your parents even more excited when you moved there.

You look at the time on your watch, it reads, 8:00AM. You sigh stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, meeting the entrance of the school. Your eyes dart at the multiple groups of boys and girls around your age laughing and communicating with their friends as they enter and hang out around the school. You bite your lip, scanning around to see if there’s anyone who can help you navigate the school. Gosh, I don’t want to be late! you think.

“You need some help?” A curious deep voice asks behind you. Your eyes widen, a little startled at this person’s sudden question. You turn around, you’re in aww when you perceive the person in front of you.

The person is a boy of around 6-foot height, his hair in a 1950s-like pompadour, a chiseled face, sapphire eyes and is wearing a uniquely decorated school uniform. You almost blush at his rather handsome appearance, but you manage to stop yourself from doing so. You stutter,

“y-yeah. I do. I’m uh- new here.” you laugh slightly, hoping he doesn’t point out your nervousness. Though to your surprise, he only replies politely with a kind smile on his face,

“Oh okay well, I can show you around-“

“Thank you so much-“

“but first, I’d like to know your name.”

You cringe at your rudeness of interrupting him, you clear your throat, ready to give him your name and your sincere apology,

“I apologize for interrupting your words but um, my name is L/N F/N. I go by my first name. It’s very nice to meet you.” you immediately bow after you’re done answering.

“Higashikata Josuke, nice to meet you.” he says with a bow back. Josuke smiles when he sees you nervously kicking at the pebbles on the ground. ‘They’re kind of cute’ he thinks. He breaks the silence,

“Now that that’s done, let me show you around. We got time for most of the school, I think.” He leads you to the entrance, you follow next to him as you both walk up the steps. He stops abruptly, his eyes scanning around the schoolyard,

“That’s weird...”

“What’s wrong?”

“Well my friends usually meet me around this time so we can go to class together, but they’re somehow not here yet. Huh, weird.” You bite your lip, he lets out a sigh,

“It’s whatever, I’ll just see them later. Let’s go. I don’t wanna be responsible for you being late on the first day. Come on.” He waves you over to show you around the first floor. You nod, placing your bag over your shoulder as you follow him in.

Though the school is large, Josuke managed to explain the different sections and hallways pretty well. You were impressed at how the map wasn’t very useful. He’s nice enough to lead you to your first home room class.

“So basically this is it, here’s your room and hopefully you remember your way around after.” You chuckle at his statement. You point,

“You aren’t part of 1A?”

“Oh no, I’m part of 1B but it’s not far from here. If ya want, I can wait outside for you once class is over.”

“Oh no! That’s alright, thank you though. I think I’ll be fine.” You chime, smiling at him. Josuke smiles, he waves at you,

“Well I’m off, I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah!”

And with that, the bell rings and you’re off to first period.

~ Time Skip ~

You practically sprint out of your seat once dismissal arrives. You were rather hungry despite having lunch earlier, the bento your mother prepared you that morning didn’t fill you up. You rush out the class to avoid getting pushed by multiple students gathering outside the schoolyard to walk home, get picked up and wait for the bus. You’re surprised to hear your name get called out once you’re close to the gates,

“Hey! Hey! Wait up!”

You turn around to see Josuke, his body pressed against the front doors stairs’ railing with 2 other guys standing next to him. They both turn their heads to look at you, one of them slightly taller than the other. He waves again to get you to come closer,

You blink, walking back towards their direction. He smiles when you meet face to face, he holds his hand out to them,

“These are my friends, Okuyasu and Koichi. Okuyasu, Koichi, this is Y/N.”

You blush, you aren’t one to be introduced to people, you’re usually the one introducing yourself. The slightly shorter one, Koichi, smiles and nods at you,

“It’s very nice to meet you. Josuke was just telling us about you!”

You nod, blushing even more at the fact that you were even worth speaking about. Okuyasu furrows his eyebrows, putting his hands in his pockets as he looks you up and down,

“Huh, you are pretty cute-“ Koichi nudges his arm harshly, Okuyasu lets out an “ow” and frowns as he backs up from you.

You giggle, “it’s okay Koichi,” you turn to Okuyasu and nod, “I bet he meant no harm.”

Josuke rubs at his neck, waiting for the slightly awkward introduction to end. You look behind you and sigh,

“I gotta go. It was lovely meeting you all but I’m really hungry and need to get back home-“

“You’re hungry? Well actually, we were just about to get some lunch together at that new Italian place that just opened. You wanna come?” Josuke asks curiously.

You bite your lip, looking at your watch. You let out deep breath and nod. ‘Josuke did ask so nicely so.. why not?’ you think.

You all decide to walk down to the restaurant. You make quick conversation with Okuyasu and Koichi. Josuke walks next to you, keeping quiet. He takes a few quick glances at you, wanting to speak but getting too shy to do so.

You are met with the friendly welcome of the main and only chef, Tonio. You learn that he’s originally from Italy and opened his restaurant in hopes of bringing people health and happiness with the help of his dishes.

You all spend around an hour there, talking and laughing as Tonio prepares the courses for you all. You are surprised when you learn about the bizarre things that happens to one’s body when one eats his meals. You about threw up when you gobbled up the pasta that Tonio claimed would help your sudden stomach pains. You were almost scared that he was trying to hurt you and that Josuke and his friends played you but luckily, that was not the case and definitely not something you’d expect out of the boys you met.

Josuke slightly glares at Okuyasu as he tries to continuously flirt at you. He didn’t know why he felt a sense of frustration but he did know that he wanted to speak to you. Perhaps it was jealousy? Though Josuke didn’t want to take that into consideration.

You wave a goodbye to Tonio, smiling as you think about how much you’re going to tell your parents about this place. You let out an exaggerated sigh of satisfaction as the four of you exit the restaurant. You jump excitedly,

“That was so fun! Thanks for inviting me guys.” You say with a huge grin on your face. You didn’t know you’d open up this fast but in a way, you were glad that you did.

“Sure! We’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Koichi says, waving at you. Okuyasu walks next to Koichi, waving too “you stay cute, alright?”

You giggle nodding, waving as you watch them walk down the sidewalk. You turn to Josuke,

“Hey, aren’t you going down with them? Oku told me your neighbors.”

“Yeah but um.. I was hoping I could walk you home..”

Your eyes widen, his suggestion making your heart flutter. Josuke laughs nervously,

“That’s unless you don’t want me to! I just thought ‘cause it can be a bit dangerous to walk around this late especially when you’re new in town and I-“

You cut him off, “I’d love if you did that. Thank you.”

It’s Josuke’s turn for his heart to flutter. He was beginning to think that he liked you, but not so much in a friend kind of way. But then again, he had just met you so he didn’t know why he was acting so shy.

You lead him to your house, which was luckily not to far from Tonio’s place. The walk was fairly quiet, but not awkward at all. You enjoyed the silence shared between you two. You stop in your tracks, facing him,

“Well, this is it. Thank you again, I wish for your walk to be safe too.” You say to him, he smiles. God his smile is so cute, you think. Wait, what? Why am I thinking that?

Josuke sighs “yeah, thank you.” You notice the quietness in his voice, you chime,

“Hey, you alright? You didn’t talk much when we were with Koichi and Okuyasu.”

“I’m fine...I’m just-“

You nod for him to continue, he sighs,

“I- I wanted to ask if you’d like to hang out with me alone sometime after school this week? I wanna get to know you better...”

You blush at this. You look down at your feet, biting your lip as you think about hanging out with him. Well he is pretty cute...

“Again, if you’re not comfortable with that, that’s okay too! I’m not gonna force you or anything-“

You giggle at his nervousness, you nudge at his shoulder,

“Quit trying to take everything back. Of course I’ll hang out with you. After school, right?”

Josuke is taken aback by your confidence, but he manages to nod. You smile,

“Imma go. I’ll see you tomorrow?” You say, walking up to the front door. He nods again.

Josuke blushes hard once you’re out of his sight. He mentally beats himself up for being awkward as he walks back to his house. Though after a while, he manages to crack a smile once he realizes he was still able to ask you out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hi! So I’m back :P

[socstudies]

freshlycutgrass' IB Exams Blog 1/28 (25th April)

I have decided that I am going to be posting everyday of my exam period in order to keep accountability for studying and to have something to look back on. I will be posting study tips, blurts of what I revised that day, reflections on how my exams are going and other related things. Today is going to be an introductory post!

HL English (6) - 12th May

HL English (6) - 12th May

HL Psychology (6) - 17th / 18th May

HL Anthropology (6) - 28th / 29th April

SL French (6) - 19th / 20th May

SL Maths (5) - 6th / 9th May

SL ESS (5) - 5th / 6th May

I'll come back later and add links to the posts talking about these exams once I've done them :)

I think overall I'm going to get around 33-4 points which is slightly lower than I had wanted when I started the IB but because I didn't come to school for most of the last three / four months of school, it's the most realistic grade I can achieve.

I have been studying a little bit over the past few weeks but not as much as I would have wanted to (for reasons mentioned above) so I'm really hoping to make the most of how much space there is between exams.

Tomorrow I'll be talking about how I'm studying for each subject + tips! The other posts will be more interesting than this, I just wanted to make a quick introduction!