#oh i got some cream cheese so tomorrow!!!! i can have a week of cream cheese on toast with blueberry jam im so excited 🫐🫐

[whoslaurapalmer]

every morning I have toast with peanut butter (and some chocolate chips. for personality.) but sometimes I get Different toppings so this week I've had green apple on the peanut butter and I kept thinking 'put honey on the apples too!!!! they're green they're tart they need the honey!!!!!!' but I kept forgetting. and then yesterday. I DID put the honey on. and by god. always put honey on green apples 🍯🍏🍯

[silentglassbreak]

Fragmented

Noah Sebastian x OFC

I wrote this over a few days. I’ve been so busy but tomorrow I can get on and really get digging into this. I know it’s been up and down, but there is a distinct reason for that! Thank you for being here with me. I love you! 🖤

Warnings: Angry smut. Also, brief description of animal violence/death. (Used in a metaphor, but still…)

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86 @thisbicc @knivesforapro @diabolicdiatonics

Part 6 - Chemical

Two months is a long time. It’s longer when you’re trying to right the world back on some kind of normal axis, preventing it from spinning out of control. It’s a very long time to live and breathe when you’re not entirely convinced that you want to. It’s a long time.

But you know what they say about time.

Slowly, I was starting to feel like a human being again. It was with effort, but I didn’t have a lot of a choice. Mileena and I split time with Addison, I had her three days, she had her four. Sundays through Tuesdays were my days, and Mileena picked her up Wednesday mornings.

Seeing Mileena was becoming…easier? Bearable is probably a better word.

Make no mistake, I pined for Leena each time I laid eyes on her. It was still just a true chemical reaction. But after several weeks, the searing hot pain that burned through my chest had dulled to a throbbing ache, only subtly reminding me that happiness was still living at Laura’s, wearing the t-shirts I let her keep.

Didn’t mean I didn’t think about it. Picture her naked anytime I saw her. Thought about her perfect, plump lips wrapped around me while I touched myself. Played the song of her begging me to fuck her in my head on loop at random moments of the day. That wasn’t going away anytime soon.

There had been no repeat incidents of our single moment of weakness, much to my dismay. I understood. How could we be broken up, when we’re fucking? How badly would that confuse Addison? Or ourselves?

It made sense.

So when I pulled up to Nick's, and saw Leena's Tahoe in the driveway, I only let myself sit and sulk for three minutes before I promptly hopped out, heading for the front door.

"Honey! I'm home!" I called from just inside the doorway.

"In the kitchen!" I heard Nick's voice call to me. I kicked my Vans off by the door, and walked at a natural pace into the kitchen. As expected, Nick stood staring into the fridge, and Mileena was stood in front of the stove, slipping the end of a spatula under a grilled cheese sandwich in a skillet.

"We're out of Cheddar. I've got American?"

Leena nodded toward Nick, then glanced over to me. Her smile was comfortable, soft. "Hey, you."

God, that voice is going to fucking kill me.

"Hey." I leaned against the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen. "Didn't know you were going to be here?"

She scoffed, shaking her head. "Sorry? I didn't know you were going to be here either."

"Kids, play nice." We both looked over at Nick, who was lifting a beer bottle to his lips.

I promptly balled up a paper towel from the holder, and chucked it at him, bouncing it off of his forehead. He glared, and I smiled as widely as I could.

"I just mean, I don't want to intrude." I looked back to Leena, who was plating the sandwich, another already prepared to cook.

"Oh no, I'm not staying long. I just had to drop off a few things, and Nick can't cook, so I decided to make him lunch before I left."

I didn't say anything, just crossed my arms. Simple.

"You want a sandwich?"

I wanted to say no, but my stomach was whining at me.

"Sure."

"Still like two slices of cheese with ham in the middle?"

I just stared at her, because it was always small things like that - knowing how I liked my grilled cheese, or my mashed potatoes (extra butter, chives, no sour cream), or brussel sprouts (which I will only eat if she cooks them) - that punched me straight in the gut, reminding me that she was mine. Somewhere, deep down, cosmically, she was. And always will be.

I swallowed my sandwich in four bites, sitting at the table with Nick and Leena, just listening to their calm conversations.

"Our album is almost finished, I think. The label isn't putting pressure on, so we've had room to just focus."

She smiled at him, tearing the corner off of her bread and eating it in pieces.

"Yeah? How do you guys feel about it?"

She was technically talking to Nick, but he glanced at me to answer.

"Well, it's hard to say until it's done."

"You guys sure busted that out." She said between bites.

"We've had a lot of free time." My words were laced with sarcasm, which she caught.

The table grew quiet, which prompted Mileena to stand up, picking up her plate. Nick still had half of a sandwich left.

She pointed to my plate. "Done?"

I nodded, and she grabbed it from in front of me, turning back into the kitchen.

She reappeared less than a minute later, wiping her hands on her jean shorts. I raised an eyebrow, noticing the black edge of a tattoo outline just under the denim on her left thigh.

That was new.

"Well, I've got to get back." She looked at me. "See you tomorrow? 10AM okay?"

I nodded, giving her a thumbs up.

She looked at Nick. "See you next Saturday?"

He also nodded. "See you then."

Her smile was so sugary sweet, it made me want to lick it right the fuck off of her.

"What's happening Saturday?" I asked Nick after I heard the front door shut.

His eyes dropped to the table. "The party."

I raised an eyebrow. "Party?"

He shrugged. "Look, I'll be honest, we were debating on telling you."

Now my mouth was hung open, bewildered. "The fuck?"

"Just because you never come to stuff anymore, dude. And we didn't want you to feel obligated."

My mind slotted the pieces together. "Saturday is the 4th."

He nodded. "Yeah. We were going to have a 4th of July party. Food, drinks, fireworks. You know, the normal stuff."

"Where?"

"Here."

"Am I not invited?"

He shook his head. "No man, you absolutely are, if you want to come!"

I smiled, like a real asshole. "Maybe I fucking won't, since you weren't even going to tell me."

Nick rolled his eyes. "You're the fucking worst, you know that?"

You are insufferable, Noah Sebastian.

Ugh - fucking stop it. Not everything has to make me think of her.

"Nah, I'll come."

-

There was a knock at the front door at 10AM sharp. I opened it, my face brightening when my baby girl beamed at me from Mileena's hip.

"Hey! There's my girl!" I grabbed her, pulling her cheek to me for a dramatically long kiss. "I missed you!"

Angel slipped in past me. He was also coming back and forth, anywhere Addie was. She would get upset without him. That was a valid feeling, given I hated not having him home, myself.

I turned around, moving back into the house, and Leena followed, shutting the door behind her. She dropped the diaper bag on the coffee table as she always did.

"I packed lots of diapers, but she's ripping them off more and more. I almost wonder if it's time to start potty training." She was pulling items out of the bag, likely making sure she hadn't forgotten anything.

"You think so? This soon?" I was fixing Addison in her walker while also getting Bluey turned on.

"She's almost two, Noah. If she wants to try, why not?"

I nodded, looking down at the baby. "You want to go to Target later and pick up a training potty?"

She squealed in response, which I affirmed with a thumbs up.

"Well, that's settled."

Leena was making her way back toward the door, giving Angel's head a scratch on her way. "Also," She pointed to the dog. "Vet has him on allergy meds. He's been itchy. Once a day at dinnertime. Please make sure he eats beforehand, or they make him puke."

I nodded, taking mental notes. "Where are the pills?"

She slipped her hand into her pocket, handing me a blue prescription bottle.

"Okay, I think that's it." She stopped, bending down to give Addison a kiss and a tight squeeze, saying her regular goodbye. "See you Wednesday!"

I walked her to the front door, opening it for her. "Yep." She began walking away, but I spoke up before she got too far. "Oh! I'll also see you Saturday."

She stopped abruptly, her head turning around. "You will?"

"Yeah, Nick cracked and told me about the party. You're going, right?"

She didn't physically react when she spoke, her face expressionless. "Yes."

"Getting a babysitter?"

I could see her swallowing dryly, which had me curious.

"Yeah, uh," She shook her head, gathering her thoughts. "Laura's little sister. She's nineteen."

I smiled. "I know. I've met her. Andrea, right?"

She nodded, a bashful smile spreading. "Yes! Sorry, I forgot we brought her to a show, once."

"You okay?"

Her eyes bugged out. "Yes, why?"

I narrowed mine. "You're acting strange."

"Nope. Just..." She paused, but laughed at the end. "spaced out. I need a nap."

I was skeptical, but could hear Addison getting restless, so I decided to accept that answer.

"Okay. Drive safe."

She just waved me off before heading to her truck.

The following day, I was enjoying the rare quiet in my home while Addison napped. I used the time to pick up the living room, eat something for lunch, and listen to the songs we had demoed for the album, making notes in my phone about potential edits.

Nick was right, we were so close, and once Addison was in bed, I could head into the studio and make some tweaks to this track before sending it to Jolly for his opinions.

My song stopped, making me look down at my phone while I ran the dish in my hand under warm water. Mileena's name flashed on my screen. I had removed her photo a month ago, deciding it was healthier not to look at her face every time she tried to reach me.

I tapped my earbud to answer the call. "Hey."

"Hey! I'm sorry to bug you. Is this a bad time?" She still had that same jumpy tone in her voice.

"No, just doing dishes. Addie's napping. If you want, I can Facetime you when she wakes up. Should be anytime now."

"Oh, uh," She was hesitant, which made my hands stop. "I actually called to talk to you."

I flipped the faucet off and leaned my hands on the sink.

"Okay?" That was rare. Leena and I didn't just talk anymore. "What's up?"

I heard a hard sigh on the other end of the phone. "It's about Saturday."

I had dried my hands on a dish towel, heading for the back door to sit at the table on the porch, not wanting to risk waking Addison.

"What about it?"

"Well," She kept pausing, which was making this anxiety build inside me. "there's something you should know."

The lack of substance coming out of her was getting annoying.

"Yes?"

"I don't want you to get upset." My stomach was knotted like a noose. She's not actually about to say what I think she is...is she?

"Spit it out Leena."

"I'm bringing a date."

There's this documentary on the Discovery Channel. It's about snakes. Not just any snakes. Predatory snakes. It goes through a series of species of these serpents, and the unique ways they hunt and kill prey. This one, which I couldn't remember the name of, had an affinity for tracking it's prey for hours on end, understanding it, learning it, making it more efficient at capturing it.

Once it knew it's habits, it would corner it, constrict it, and, while it was still breathing, crush it's head until it's brain popped like a grape. It was honestly one of the most vile things I had ever witnessed.

And in that moment, that exact moment, Leena's words were the snake's jaws, and I was the mouse.

I guess I had been silent for a while, because I was pulled out of my thoughts by her voice calling me.

"Noah? Are you still there?"

"Did-" I had to clear my throat, the words not wanting to form. "Did you say a 'date'?"

"I did."

"You're...dating?"

My brain was empty. A wasteland.

"Noah, we don't have to get into that."

Oh, there's the snap I was waiting for.

"What?!" I stood out of my chair. "You brought this up! The fuck do you mean 'we don't have to get into that'?!"

I heard her huff out a breath. "Please don't yell at me."

"You're kidding, right?" I was still hollering, just not as loud. "You tell me you're fucking dating, and I'm supposed to stay calm?!"

"Well, it shouldn't be that surprising, should it?"

I had to be hallucinating. There's no way this was real life.

"It's been two months, Mileena! You haven't even moved all of your shit out yet! Way to let the fucking paint dry!"

"Oh, grow the fuck up, Noah!"

This stopped me, her voice sharp and stinging. I felt that familiar lump forming in my throat.

"We are both adults. We aren't going to be single, miserable over each other, forever, are we?!"

"I guess fucking not." My voice was even now. Emotionless. Dead.

"Look," She growled in frustration. "I just didn't want to blindside you. We haven't been seeing each other long. He just-"

I had to cut her off, for fear I may actually vomit if she continued. "Addie's up, I've got to go."

And I ended the call before storming inside, having to catch myself on the kitchen table before collapsing. This time, I let the tears fall naturally. I was so fucking tired of hurting.

-

“Yeah, I’m not going to the thing on Saturday.” I did my best to sound casual as I popped a french fry into my mouth. Laura was sipping her soda loudly, staring at me from across the restaurant table.

“C’mon dude, you said you’d go!” Nick was annoyed, having set his sandwich down on the plate.

“Yeah, well that was before I knew Mileena was bringing her boyfriend.” This nearly made Nick choke on the residual food in his mouth.

I took it Laura had not filled him in.

She rolled her eyes at me, setting her cup down. “Noah, he’s not her boyfriend.”

I deadpanned at her, my eyes low. “Sure.”

She picked her fork up to continue munching her salad. “They’ve only been on, like…” She thought for a second. “four dates?”

I was going to vomit. If the third date was the home run date…

“I really don’t need to know.”

“It’s not going to be the same without you there.” Nick was nearly whining at me, clearly over my flakiness.

I didn’t respond, only leaning back in my chair and staring at both of them.

“Noah, why don’t you just bring a date of your own?”

Laura’s words stunned me. Was she actually suggesting I, her best friend’s ex, bring a date to this party? How awkward did she want this to be?

I shook my head. “I’m good. Not interested in playing this game with her.”

Laura shrugged. “Well, it would still mean a lot if you came. The guys miss you. And you don’t have to hang out with Leena and Justin.”

I physically cringed at the name. “Justin?” Scoffing, I pulled my napkin off my lap. “She’s dating someone named Justin? The fuck does he do? Coach little league?”

She raised an amused eyebrow. ���Thought you didn’t want to know?”

I crossed my arms. “I don’t.”

She stared at me, and Nick went back to his sandwich, clearly not wanting in on this conversation.

“Fine. Maybe I do.”

Laura smirked. “He’s a contractor. Some shingles blew off my roof in the storms recently, and I had to hire someone.” She was popping a cherry tomato in her mouth. “That’s how they met.”

“So…what does he look like?”

She gave me an incredulous look. “Like a guy?” This earned her a glare, and she sighed. “I don’t know Noah. White guy, like six-feet tall? Blonde hair. Green eyes. Taurus.”

Nick looked at her through the side of his gaze. “How much do you know about this guy?”

She rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to me. “He’s just a guy, Noah.”

“Yeah, a guy who’s sleeping with my soulmate.”

Laura stopped chewing, realizing the gravity of what we were discussing, and how much weight it held for me.

“I don’t think…” But she stopped herself, likely not wanting to put her foot in her mouth.

“It doesn’t even matter.” I ran a hand through my hair, staring out at the window of the diner. “Has he met Addison?”

She shook her head. “Not that I know of. When he came to fix the shingles, it was your day. All of their dates have happened when Addie was with you. And he hasn’t been back to the house.”

I nodded, at least satisfied with that.

“Angel didn’t seem too fond of him.”

I snorted. “That’s because he’s my dog.”

“He’s technically Leena’s.”

“That was before.”

“I’m sorry, I just need to cut in. But I’ve got to ask again, how much do you know about this guy?”

Nick’s comment made both Laura and I chuckle.

“Dude, they’re girls. They tell each other everything.” I picked up another fry. “You’ll get used to it.”

“Right. You’d be surprised at the amount of inappropriate information I know about Noah.”

This made him and I both stare at her.

“Like what?!” I was mortified. What did she know?

“Oh, just, you know, normal girl talk stuff.” She tried to play it off, but I wasn’t having it.

“No fucking way. She wouldn’t tell you that stuff.”

She looked up at me from under her lashes, smiling a wicked grin at me.

“Oh no?” She flashed her teeth at me. “Daddy?”

The cough that punched out of my chest was visceral. I had to drink half of my water just to get it to stop. Nick was dramatically gagging next to her.

Laura was cackling like a hyena.

-

The following day, I was sat in my living room, trying to focus on the television, but my mind was wandering. I couldn’t let this Justin thing go. There was so much to it that was just unknown.

What kind of dates did he take her on? Did she have fun? Did she plan to introduce him to Addie? Had they fucked?

Was she going to love him? As much as she loved me?

After wasting a solid episode of The Mandalorian thinking about this, I finally broke down, picking my phone up from the coffee table, and opening our text thread. We hadn’t spoken since Monday, and did hand-off with Addison with help from Laura, per my request.

I stared at the empty text box, trying to decide what I wanted to say.

Me: Hey.

Well. That should be okay, right?

I had to wait another half of an episode before I got a response.

Leena: What’s up?

I guess I should’ve expected that the niceties were over for now.

Me: I’ve been thinking about the other day.

She read the message, but no typing bubble.

Me: I’m sorry.

Leena: For?

Typical Mileena, not willing to let me get away with a blanket apology.

Me: Freaking out. Yelling at you.

I waited a painfully long time before she typed again.

Leena: Thank you.

She immediately started typing again.

Leena: I get it, though. I sort of expected it.

Me: Well, it was shocking.

Leena: I’ve been thinking too, and if it’s too difficult, I can just not bring him? I want to be considerate.

I wish I could’ve said I was shocked, but I wasn’t. That was Leena. Always going out of her way to make me happy, even if her happiness was sacrificed in the process.

But that ends now.

Me: Not a chance. I’m not going to let you do that.

Leena: What? Why?

Me: That’s not fair to you.

Leena: You having to go through that isn’t fair either.

Me: Maybe. But if we’re keeping score, I think you’ve been dealt more unfair situations than I have.

She didn’t respond immediately, which made me relax a little. I didn’t want to argue with her. I was tired, and just wanted to begin the process of moving past this.

Leena: That’s really big of you, Noah.

Me: What can I say? I’m growing.

Leena: LOL maybe you are.

Leena: You’re still going to come, right?

Me: Yeah, Nick will throw a fit if I don’t.

Leena: Good.

Me: Can I make a request?

Leena: Sure.

Me: Can we maybe not do the introduction thing with him, though? I’m growing and all, but I still want to knock his teeth out.

Leena: That’s fair.

-

Who the fuck plans a 4th of July party to be held outside?! Why is that the norm? Ninety-two degrees outside, and we’re just supposed to stand near smoldering barbecues and laugh about nonsense bullshit while simultaneously getting sunburnt?

Clearly, I was cranky. It took at least an hour to talk myself into going to this sad excuse of a party, and another hour to convince myself that I was not allowed to rip Justin’s head off, tossing it on the grill, and serving it to Mileena personally.

Sitting at the picnic table in the backyard, idly chatting with Jolly, I continuously scanned the crowd of people for her. She was late, which wasn’t like her at all. She hated being late, it agitated her.

“Alec said he got a call from Elizabeth. I guess Rachel hired a lawyer to help her with this whole thing. Talking about wrongful termination.” He sipped from his beer bottle.

“Yeah, I don’t see that holding up in court.” I took a pull from my Dr. Pepper can, lowering my sunglasses to get a better look around the people.

“Who knows. They mentioned they’d entertain an offer from Sumerian.”

I sneered. “We made her an offer.”

“They mean a cash offer.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, whatever. The lawyers can deal with that.”

Jolly kept speaking, but the world fell silent. There she was, stepping through the back door, raven hair curled loosely and hanging over her shoulders. She wore a plain white dress, cut up to the thighs, and cut low in the chest, straps thin as string. She had black flip-flops on and she wore more makeup than normal. False lashes clung to her lids, soft brown eyeshadow blended above them, and deep cherry red lipstick. That was new for Leena, typically staying natural or with a soft nude.

She was beautiful. Words didn’t even exist to describe how badly my heart squirmed for her, threatening to burst out of me.

But just behind her was what I had hoped would stay home - or get hit by a train on the way over. Whatever worked.

Justin was definitely taller than six-foot. Maybe not as tall as me, but he was fucking stacked. His black t-shirt was fitted to his torso, making it clear he was a gym rat. His jean shorts came down just below his knees, showing his right leg completely tattooed with some Japanese artwork.

His hair was combed back, and he wore dark Aviators over his eyes.

Guy was attractive. So, naturally, I wanted to rip his throat out.

They approached Nick and Laura, but I couldn’t hear what they said to each other. Leena hugged Laura, and Justin shook Nick’s hand. Nick smiled warmly at him, which I can’t logically fault him for, but a sting of unwarranted betrayal still pinched my back.

Leena’s eyes searched around inconspicuously, landing on me, and her lips turned up in a tiny smile. She waved at me gently, and I just gave her a grin in return that I didn’t exactly mean.

She gave me a look of concern, silently asking me if I was okay. I gave her a curt nod in return, which I know she was only forced to accept as good enough.

The party passed slowly as I tried to keep busy with making small talk with random people around the house. I did, however, end up around the fire pit once the sun began to go down, by myself. I sat there for a while, just staring into the flames, and throwing pieces of wood on whenever it got too low. The evening breeze brought the temperature down to a bearable level. My white tank top kept me cool enough that being close to the fire was comfortable.

I heard footsteps coming behind me, and I turned slightly to see Folio approaching, sitting on the bench next to me.

“What’s up, man?”

I shook my head slowly, stoking the flames with the metal poker.

“Not a whole lot.”

He grabbed another chunk of wood, tossing it on the dying fire.

“How you holding up?”

I pressed my lips together and breathed out an audible sigh. “Managing.”

Folio leaned in close to me, so only I could hear him. “I met the guy.”

I glanced over to him. “And?”

He shrugged. “He’s alright, I guess. Seems nice enough. Doesn’t strike me as her type though.”

I snickered. “Her type?”

He grinned, staring at the glow in the pit. “Yeah, you know; tall, dark, and messy.”

I laughed, shoving him in the shoulder, eliciting a giggle from him.

“Nah, she seems alright.” I let my eyes wander to Mileena for a second, seeing her standing at the table with Laura, laughing at something, Justin standing next to her.

She hadn’t approached me at all, which wasn’t surprising.

“When are we doing fireworks?”

Folio bit his lip. “Probably soon? It’s getting dark.”

I nodded. “I could go for blowing shit up.”

He pumped his fist in the air. “Fuck yeah, dude! Like real men!”

We both laughed, continuing an easy conversation. We sat there alone for at least fifteen additional minutes before bodies started gathering with us, seeking the warmth of the fire as the night grew colder.

“I say we start the fireworks in ten?” Nick looked at me, and I gave him a thumbs up. “I’ve got five boxes of mortars. It’s going to be fucking great.”

“Aren’t those illegal?” Leena’s voice piped up from across the pit. She was sat in a white plastic chair, Justin behind her with a hand on her shoulder.

Nick and I shot looks back and forth, smirking.

“Us? Participating in illegal activities? Pfft.” Nick waved a hand at her. “Not in a million years.”

She rolled her eyes, causing Nick and I to bust out laughing.

“Well, when you dumb boys get arrested, I’m not bailing you out.” She scoffed at us.

“A night in jail? Worth it.” I smiled at the fire, not daring to make eye contact with her.

“You know, Leena and I were at the beach the other day,” Everyone’s heads snapped up to Justin, who was speaking to the entire group. I took note of Leena’s hand now on his, their fingers interlocked. “and these teenagers were setting off fireworks.”

He chuckled, and Leena was grinning up at him, recalling some memory.

“Before the lifeguards busted them, one of them put a bottle rocket in one of the trash cans.” He shook his head. “The can fell sideways and the rocket damn near caught the kid in the chest!”

Everyone around was laughing, but I couldn’t find it in me. Sure, the story was funny…just not coming from him. No, to me, it made me cringe, my stomach turning. I couldn’t even register what he was saying, just that he was holding her hand, and she was smiling at him.

A loud, shrill laugh fell out of my mouth before I could stop myself. A switch in my brain that I had nailed down had broken loose, flipping on all of the rage and hysteria I had been locking away the entire day.

“That’s fucking hilarious, dude!” Everyone was staring at me, Mileena looking absolutely mortified.

I slapped both hands down on my knees, making a show of my sarcasm. “As fucking much as I want to hear more of that story, I think I’m going to have to pass!”

I stood then, glancing at Nick. “Let me know when you’re ready to start the fireworks. I’m going to go take a second.”

He didn’t respond, he just stared at me with the same horrified expression everyone else had.

Everyone but Justin, who looked as though he had just been challenged to a duel.

I quickly turned, and jogged into the house, not listening to the abrupt conversations happening behind me. I slipped through the back door, and stopped at the kitchen counter, gripping the edge and leaning my stomach against it, trying to calm my breathing. It wasn’t working.

I made my way to the bathroom, turning on the sink and splashing water on my face. I kept my eyes closed, not at all interested in what I would find in my reflection.

During my focus on trying to control my breathing, I had missed the sounds of footsteps coming into the house.

“Noah?”

I didn’t even have to open my eyes to know it was her. I didn’t respond, I only stood there, shame filling the crevices of my person.

“Are you okay?”

This almost felt like a panic attack. Like something I couldn’t just will away by thinking or wishing hard enough. My breathing was shallow and my muscles were rigid.

But she didn’t need to know that, so I nodded, eyes still closed.

I heard her step closer, and the door closing. She hadn’t left, and I knew that. I could smell her. I used it, the familiar scent that still made me feel home, to let my nerves go back into place.

A hand was placed on my shoulder, unexpectedly, causing me to flinch backward. I finally opened my eyes. Although her voice sounded so tender and concerned, she was absolutely fucking fuming.

Great.

“Please just go.” I tried to keep my voice calm, but it was borderline yelling.

“No.” She crossed her arms, and put all of her weight on one leg. “Not after that stunt.”

I sighed, leaning my back against the wall.

“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t have anything else to say.” I had no will left to fight.

She scoffed. “Are you kidding? That’s supposed to just fix it?”

She was pressing me, which wasn’t going to go over well in my current state.

“Leena, please.” I squeezed my eyes closed again.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Noah! If I’d have known you were going to act like this I would’ve just stayed home!”

Press.

“This is why I offered not to come! Because I knew you’d act like an ass!”

A little harder.

“And for once I thought you were going to be considering me, but I guess I was fucking wrong!”

Almost there.

“I should’ve fucking known you would do this.”

Boom.

“Shut the fuck up, Leena!” I screamed over her, making her mouth snap shut with a click of her teeth.

“I’m doing my God damn best here! I am sitting here, doing the best I fucking can to watch you sit there with another fucking guy, so if you could just shut up, I’d greatly appreciate it!”

I pushed off the wall behind me, waving my hands in the air.

“I have considered you, so don’t you dare tell me I haven’t! I gave you fucking space, I did everything you asked. And you,” I took a step toward her. “had the audacity to bring another man here, introduce him to my brothers, all for…what?!” My stare must have looked absolutely insane. “Just to fuck with me?! Get a reaction?! Or to prove that you’re moving on better than me?!”

I was in her face now.

“I don’t know what sick fucking game you’re playing here, Princess. But when I don’t act exactly the way you want - like a good fucking dog - you don’t get to come in here and scream at me!”

Less than half of a foot away from her now, I knew I was terrifying her. My teeth were ground together as I looked down at her, my chest heaving.

“Was this what you were fucking hoping for?” My voice was venomous, just shy of a whisper.

All I could hear was her shallow breathing.

“I…” But her words were lost. I continued to hold her with my eyes, having boxed her in against the bathroom door.

I raised an eyebrow at her. “What’s that?”

The softest, slightest whimper left her lips, and I couldn’t help the smirk that curled my lips, my eyes growing dark.

“What’s wrong? You had so much to say. Now you’re so quiet.”

She was staring up at me, her mouth parted.

Oh, I fucking had her.

“Was that the whole reason you brought him here? To get a rise out of me?” I bared my teeth. “To get me worked up?”

“No.” But she wasn’t convincing, her word coming out almost sounding like a question.

“No?” I dared to lean my body in closer, testing my luck. “I don’t believe you.”

Her eyes were stunned, as if I had caught her hand right in the cookie jar.

“You don’t?” She was trying so hard to sound stern, it was adorable.

“Nah. I think you enjoyed watching me squirm.” I inched my face closer to hers. “Every…” I pressed my nose gently against the skin on her neck. “fucking…” Deep inhale. “second.”

She let out a haggard breath, and I almost didn’t catch her legs pressing together.

My throat released a deep, raspy laugh. “Have you fucked him yet, Leena?”

I let one hand slide carefully down the wall, letting the tips of my fingers graze the side of her bare thigh.

“Have you let him touch you?”

She didn’t answer, but I felt her tremble beneath my hand. I pressed my palm to the front of her thigh. “Let him feel how fucking wet your pussy can get?”

My words were muffled against her neck, my lips now grazing the soft skin.

I dared to let a finger trail up to the crease of her leg, under her dress, where her panties covered her.

“Or does it only get that wet for me?”

And then, by the grace of whatever God exists, she moaned.

I let my hand graze over her, feeling how damp she already was.

“God, baby, I can’t even think about it. I get so fucking hard anytime I think of your body. Moving.” I hooked a finger inside her underwear. “Riding me.”

I pressed a kiss to her collarbone.

“More addictive than any liquor.”

Her hips pressed against me, pushing herself closer.

“Noah…”

I slid my hand down her folds, pulling her open slightly.

“You know the rules, baby girl. You want me to stop, just got to say so.”

Her hand snatched my wrist, stopping me, pulling me from my trance. I careened backward, looking at her face, panting.

I was ready to pull away, figured I had hit the boundary line. Until she spoke again.

“Fuck me,” Her eyebrow raised, a look of desperation on her face. “please.”

Without any shred of hesitation, I grabbed her shoulder, and spun her body around in front of me, pressing her against the sink. The hand I had in her panties now pressed against her back, and pushing her forward.

Her waist bent over the sink, I pulled the back of her dress up, revealing her black thongs pressed tightly between her cheeks, and used one finger to pull it to the side.

My hand snaked around the front of her, grabbing her throat and standing her back up. My free hand had already unbuckled my belt and pulled my jeans down, and I was pressing my erection against her.

“You fucking miss me, Princess?” I breathed into her ear.

She snarled at me. “Noah, quit talking and fuck me.”

I chuckled. “No problem.”

I pushed up inside of her, her tight walls clenching around me. In the reflection of the mirror, I could see her eyes rolling back in her head. She moaned again, louder than the last time, and I flicked the switch for the fan to kick on, hoping to muffle some of the sound.

I snapped my hips forward, over and over, still holding her tight to my chest. Her eyes had fallen closed, so I gripped her by her chin.

“Look.”

Her eyes snapped open, and she looked at me through the reflection of the mirror, her mouth open and eyes half-masked, looking entirely blissed out.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Mileena.” I pressed a hard kiss to her cheek, and she leaned into it. “I can’t stand the thought of anyone else having you.”

She reached her hand back to grip the back of my neck.

“Noah, ugh,” She fell forward, pressing her hips back into me. “God, I’m going to come.”

“Not yet, baby. Let me have this for a second.”

Her hands gripped the edge of the counter, her hair spilling into the bowl of the sink.

“I…I can’t. Please, I’m going to-“ But it was too late, she was tightening around me, pulling me over the edge faster, my cock pumping into her hard.

My hips stopped moving, and I let a hard slap fall on her right cheek. She gasped, standing up straight at the sensation.

I stepped back, quickly pulling up my jeans and leaning back against the wall.

She took a second to right herself, pulling her hair over her shoulder and adjusting her panties. Her eyes bore into mine, an unreadable look inside of them.

“This didn’t happen.”

Her words were cold, but I didn’t question them.

It didn’t happen.

Except that it did, and she couldn’t take that away from me.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #215

Today is National Ice Cream Day at a place called Moxie's. Ever since the death of J's brother, Daniel, we've been making it a point to go every year. Why? Because ice cream and National Ice Cream Day were some of Daniel's favorite things. And doing this is a good way to remember him.

But first!!! Before I get into all that stuff!!! I wanted to tell you!!! Your new locket is ready. I finished it today. And I've put so much beautiful stuff in it, just for you. I can't wait for you to see it! I just hope that I'll get an opportunity to give it to someone who can give it to you. Hopefully that opportunity will arrive in a little over a week. We'll see. I'll do my best.

Anyhoot. So, while we were out and about, I took a bunch of pictures for you!

Here were the available flavors at Moxie's today:

...As you can see, it's A LOT of flavors. And usually, they have a very weird flavor at another part of the place, where you're supposed to taste it and guess what it is. This year's flavor felt familiar, but I couldn't place it. It was some kind of herby sort of thing, and it was delightful. Last year's flavor was garlic, and it was also VERY delightful, oh my goodness!

Yes, I imagine you might be thinking that garlic-flavored ice cream shouldn't work. But somehow they managed to find a way to make it work. I don't know how they did it, but it was amazing, and I'm a little sad that I can't get it anymore, ahahaha~!

...It is known that I am the cheese goblin. But I am also the garlic goblin!! Rarghablargablaarg! 🤪🤣

The flavors I got were butter pecan, Irish creme, and white wine sangria. And all of them were absolutely delectable!

Hey, Sephiroth? Which ice cream flavors would you have chosen? I wonder... Will you tell me someday, maybe?

Of course, since it's National Ice Cream Day, Moxie's had all kinds of other activities, too! They were mostly aimed for children, but still, I took some pictures...

...Hey, Sephiroth? Have you ever played with bubbles before? Wanna try it with me sometime? In my Early Childhood Education classes, they taught us how to make a soap and glycerin solution that lends itself well to particularly sturdy bubbles; it's a lot of fun!

There was a bouncy house, too! J and I are a little too big for this one, though. It's angled up because I didn't wanna accidentally get pictures of children; it's important to avoid that because in my world, it's dangerous for pictures of children to be on the internet for a variety of very sad reasons. But here:

There was also the folks with all the reptiles!! I got all kinds of pictures of them for you!!

J took a few pictures, too, ahahaha~!

I also took some more pictures of the sky; it was especially nice today:

Br can't eat ice cream at ice cream places because of cross contamination. So after this, J and I went to the grocery to try to get some ice cream for her! But she already had ice cream. So we got whipped cream instead, because she was running out. We chilled there for a short while:

And then we went home and I cooked some steak and mushrooms:

I wish I could give a bowl of what I made to you. It was really delicious.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to get the music box notes arranged in Audacity. I want this song to be done before the first of August if at all possible. I don't know how far I'll get, but today I got some good news that I'm not gonna share just yet, and I'm feeling pretty pumped to get it done.

So I'm gonna go to bed. First because it's late, and second, because I wanna get my nightly period of semi-consciousness so that from my perspective, it seems like tomorrow will get here faster.

I love you. Please try hard to see the beauty in all the things I showed you. And please stay safe; you'll wanna hear this song when it's done!

I'll write again tomorrow. Count on it.

Your friend, Lumine

[jmtorres]

im trying to figure out what i can eat now (not too much fat at one time because gallbladder yote, have been doing low fodmap and limiting lactose for a while and oh yeah i'm trying to stay kosher?) and i switched to skim milk and i have been munching on edamame packs but like overall i keep going what did i even eat before????

(pasta with white sauce: hmmm no. nachos: probably a bad idea. coconut curry: oooh that was a standby wasn't it? and yeah coconut is pretty fatty.)

it super duper sucks that i also have no appetite to speak of.

and i got some nut/seed bars (low fodmap equivalent of granola bars) to munch on through the day... just before my gallbladder made itself known. so now i'm looking at the label going mmhmm 40g serving.., 14g of fat. yeah that's probably more than i can handle in one sitting right now.

i'm living on the wild side having a sandwich containing both some smashed avocado (8g fat) and a slice of cheese (6g fat). (i will be eating this over multiple sittings, and it's mediated by sourdough bread, which is fat free.)

i used to make myself grilled cheese. four different cheese flavors plus the butter in the pan. pretty sure those days are over.

i have some preseasoned fishes i can bake with roast potatoes coming tomorrow. That'll get me through the week probably. (if i start looking closely at how much fat is in a serving of salmon, I may have to cry.)

i can't tell what's going on with my stomach literally i cannot interpret whether the signal is "eat more" (would make sense i've barely eaten at all today) or "stop immediately that's too much" (a gulp of water doesn't get that response but a bite of sandwich does. i've had like. 1/8 of a sandwich.)

i want ice cream SO bad and that's like the epitome of do not. I have been trying to eat intuitively but i feel like that's failing me. you can, technically, make ice "cream" with skim milk but i've been leaning to higher fat content for lower lactose for years and uh. now i can't. i guess i gotta make my own ice cream like i make my own yogurt.

why can't food be easy

[bonesandthebees]

another icy update is cooking!!! i cooked by myself during the big trip and just last week i cooked dinner for my stepmom and i bc she was exhausted and i had no plans that day so i was like "okay... i got this... i can COOK !!!" and i actually did it YAYAYAY ive just done pasta so far hahah bc thats reallyyy simple but im proud of myself:)

and i ALSO made pumpkin loaf and it was the most delicious thing ever omfg i need to make it again HAHAH (maybe tomorrow actually... no work tomorrow so 👀👀👀)

brought some to work and all my coworkers really liked it toooo!!!!!

its so simple too?? its great i love it

and perfect for autumn HEHEHE

oh that's kind of funny that's how I got into cooking in the first place as well. during lockdown I was doing my uni classes online but my mom was still going to her office so I was just chilling at home most of the day and I started getting into baking. of course when my mom saw me baking she started asking me to make dinner when she got home because she was too tired and I really didn't want to but I ended up doing it and I would just make things she requested and soon I realized I really loved cooking as well.

pasta is a GREAT starting point. it's super easy but there are so many ways you can customize it and try different things with it. easy way to make a creamy pasta sauce yourself—once you drain your pasta save a little bit of the pasta water (like maybe a tablespoon or two, not that much). then put the cooked pasta back in the pot with the pasta water, add some heavy cream (or milk and butter if you only have that) and stir over low to medium heat until the cream begins to thicken into a sauce. you can add a ton of parmesan cheese into the pot while it's hot to melt it into the cream sauce, or you can add lemon juice to get a lemony cream sauce. it's so good.

oooo that pumpkin loaf looks so good!! now I wanna make a pumpkin loaf... I need to get more on my fall dessert grind. I've been meaning to attempt a salted caramel apple pie for like 2 weeks now maybe I'll do that in the next few days

[suckitsurveys]

Are any of your friendships on a fine line? No. One just kind of ended though. I feel a little shitty about it but this girl did NOT respect my boundaries and I tried talking to her about it several times and she refused to listen so I just kind of stopped talking to her and she finally got the hint and deleted me off of all social media.

If I search your room will I find birth control? No.

Do you expect any of your ex’s to call or text you? Nope.

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Yes, my older niece’s. It was wild.

Where’s your favorite place to be when you feel depressed? With Mark and our kitties.

Are you currently looking forward to tomorrow? Nothing really. It’ll just be one day closer to the girls trip we’ve been planning for a year.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Yesterday.

Have you ever faked sick? Oh yeah.

Do you wear hoodies to bed? Not hoodies, I’d feel like I was being choked. But I’ve worn crew necks to bed before.

Are you currently wearing jeans? Yes.

Do you buy eggnog around the holidays? Why is this the second survey in like 4 days that’s asked me about eggnog?? Anyway, we usually get some.

Have you gone to a coffee shop within the past week? [i.e. Starbucks] I don’t think I have.

Would you like to be able to read thoughts? If I could control it sure.

Are you often the last one to understand a joke? Nah.

Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? I’m not sure.

Do you think baseball is a dying professional sport in America? Definitely not in my family.

Does playing the guitar make a guy more attractive? Eh. Depends on the guy.

Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? Yes.

What does your hair look like at the moment? I HATE the color SO much but I didn’t want to dye it and have it fade right away in the sun/chlorine.

Are you mad right now? No, just tired.

Who did you spend your summer with last year? Mostly my family and friends.

Did you eat a cookie today? No.

Have you heard of wreck this journal? Yes, I have one somewhere.

Do you know any one who lives in California? Yes.

Have you ever been told you were a good writer? Yes.

What do you put on your baked potatoes? Butter and sour cream for sure. Sometimes chives and cheese.

Have you ever been on a farm? Yes.

Who are the last three texts/dms you received from? Margo, Lolly, Mark.

What are you listening to? Nothing.

Are you one to take naps? Nope. They make me feel gross.

Did you ever have braces? Nope.

Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? Yes.

Are you afraid of flying? No. It makes me a little uneasy, sure, but overall I don’t mind it.

Do you have freckles? On my arms.

Do you have plans for today? Work and then I have to finish cleaning my dad’s to prepare for my friends staying there this week with me until we leave for the Dells on Friday.

Would you rather date someone five years older or five years younger than you? My husband is 5 years older than me.

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? He’s sleeping or just getting up.

If you had to live off one type of fruit, which would you pick? Probably avocado.

What were you doing at 7:45AM this morning? It hasn’t hit that quite yet lol.

What was the last thing you drank? Iced Coffee.

Where did you get the shirt your wearing? Torrid.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? Nope, I have work at 6 am.

How often do you drink Monster? Never, I don’t like how energy drinks taste.

Are you easy to get along with? Yeah.

Are you short? 5'2".

Can you ever get enough of mac ‘n’ cheese? Nope, I love mac n cheese.

Are you allergic to nuts or dairy products? Nope.

Do you have trust issues? Yes, in that certain people have let me down time after time when I’ve asked them to take care of something or help me with something.

Is there someone you want to let go of? My fucking brother in law but unfortunately I’m stuck with him.

Do you have any regrets? Eh.

Has anyone ever called the cops on you? Yes.

How old are you? 34.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? I did actually. Margo and I were chatting on twitter until we fell sleep.

Do you go to church every Sunday? Nope, I never go.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? Right now.

Do you like your height? I’m fine with it. It’s never negatively impacted my life.

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? He is not. He’s married to me.

Could you go a week without brushing your teeth? I have before, depression is fun y’all.

What day is it? Monday.

Are you usually awake at midnight? Not usually. I tend to pass out between 10pm-11pm on work nights. On weekends I’ll usually be up until at least midnight.

Does it get really cold where you live? Yes.

When you get home from school / work do you change into your pjs right away? My pants and bra usually come right off lol.

Have you ever been peer pressured to smoke pot? I wasn’t pressured into it, no.

Have you ever played the game Sims 3? Nope.

What is the temperature currently in the town you live in? 64F.

Do you ever actually drink milk alone? Rarely. This was actually in another survey I did recently too. Who is making these? Lol. Anyway, I will drink it with a PB&J or Oreos or something every once in a while.

If you don’t have one already, would you consider getting an iPhone? Nope.

What year were you born in? 1989.

[abbyslev]

𝑺𝑵𝑬𝑨𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑨𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫- 𝑺𝑨𝑺𝑯𝑨 𝑩𝑹𝑨𝑼𝑺 𝑿 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹

A/N: i haven’t written in two weeks… MY APOLOGIES i’m working on hange stuff but school is #horrible and i will cry✌🏼 BUT anyway i felt like writing for my bb sasha… also tumblr fix your fucking app before i go feral. enjoy!

WC: 822

WARNINGS: none, just lots of fluff. lightly proofread, feedback is appreciated <3

“Out.” You point at the door, jumping up from your bed. “This place is filthy.”

Levi picked up your dirty uniform, placing it in your basket. “I don’t care, it’s not your room. Give me shit about it later, out!” You eye the clock on your wall. It was almost 10. “When will you clean this?” He pointed to your muddy gear.

“Can you leave?” You put your hand on your hip. “What’s the rush?” He raised a brow, arms crossed. You grip his long sleeve shirt, trying to push him out of the room. “Get…argh…out!” You place your head against his chest, legs working to push him out.

“Fine. I want this cleaned by tomorrow night, or you’ll get stable duty. Alone.” He turned around. You mock him, slamming your door. You turn around, smiling. The door hit the back of your head. “Ow! What the fuck!” You turn around, rubbing your head. “Go to bed early. You have early training with Hange.” Levi shut the door.

“Yeah, yeah.” You switch your lock on, rushing to your window. You let the cold air in, shoving all your clothes into your closet and bringing out extra blankets. You turned on your oil lamp, and pulled some snacks you stole from Levi out of your drawers.

“Hey!” A hushed whisper came from your window. You peek out, seeing Sasha with a basket full of food, waving. You reach down, grabbing the basket, placing it on your dresser. Then, you reach down, grabbing both of her arms, pulling her up. She slid through your window, stumbling to her feet.

You grabbed her waist, trying not to laugh. She placed her hands on your hips, pulling you in for a kiss. Her lips met yours, before you pulled back, frowning. “What?” Sasha’s brows furrowed. “You got crumbs on me.” You wipe your mouth. “Eh, it makes you taste better.” She licked your bottom lip. “Gross.” You smile, pushing her off.

“Is he in bed?” “He doesn’t sleep, but yeah he should be in bed.” You nod. “Psh. Okay! What are we doing tonight?” She took a bite out of her chocolate bread. “Well, I found this.” You reach under your bed, pulling out your box of books. You pull out a black book, holding it up. “Recipes...” She grabbed it, eyes squinting. “Yeah, I stole it from the kitchen. I was thinking we could try and make some?” You smile, crawling into the bed with Sasha.

“Ahh!” She pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Oh! Before I forget,” You reach under your pillow, taking out a small, cloth bag. “I got a lot of this from Hange. She was a whole stash but I wanted to try it with you.” You open the bag, taking out the candy.

“No way.” Sasha sniffed if. “Dark chocolate.” She moaned, placing the sugary delight in her mouth. You did the same, leaning your head against her shoulder at the taste. Sasha ate another piece, opening the book.

You take the basket from your table, placing it between you and Sasha. Sasha picks up a bread, taking a bite before handing it to you. She opens the book, pupils widening at the glory before her. “Cheese…cake?” She starts reading the ingredients. “Is it real cheese?” You lay against your head board, eyebrows furrowed.

“I don’t know, I think it might be.” You lean the bread towards her side. She takes a bite, brushing the crumbs off of the page. “Oh, it’s like milk that’s made into a sweet cream, not cheese though.” She nods. “That’s so strange. What about this one?” You point at the cheesecake with red glaze.

“This one had a strawberry glaze…it’s sweet and you can eat it cold or warm.” Sasha laid down next to you. “I saw one, it had meat.” You took the book, searching through the photos. “How’d they even get these strange things?” You pointed at the pictures. “Maybe they had someone draw it.” She shrugged.

The two of you flipped through the pages for what seemed like hours. The oil lamp burned out and the sun started to rise. The basket of snacks had now been empty and the book ended up on the floor, faced down.

Levi knocked, jiggling the door knob. He sighed, unlocking it quietly. “Hey, get-” He stopped himself, looking at your bed. You were in a ball, blankets all around you. Behind you was Sasha, arm draped around your waist, face buried between the crook of your neck and shoulder, breathing deeply. Your hands were interlocked together, legs tangled together under all those blankets.

He noticed the window was open, the basket that once held stolen bread, and that all of your dirty clothes were gone. He held back a smile, sighing. He closed the door behind him, leaning his body against the kitchen door frame. “Bad news, Four-eyes. I think she’s sick. Maybe tomorrow?”

[surskip]

guys tomorrow i will have to walk and find my way home from the dentist. and maybe i will get a snack and eat it on a bench. i have to wake up at 7 am to do these things, so when i get home i might have a chance to do something ive wanted to do for a long time AKA make a tomato soup or sauce or whatever for a period of most of a day to simmer it and develop rich flavours. or whatever. Actually.... I'll do that the day after since i have some leftover stew i can have tomorrow and im off on friday too so thatll be a nice friday treat for me. i got some red lentils so i can add some in and they'll dissolve and add a nice protein element. and then on saturday or sunday i can make a lasagna with the leftover tomato whatever if i get some cream + cheese from the store which i can get on my way home tomorrow...! oh yeah! this is all working out. and the lasagna leftovers i can for dinner on the days i work next week and then freeze if i have too many. this is working.

[aemoglobin]

AAAAAH IT'S SO CLOSE...my time to go....a full week + change of ~NOT GOING TO TARGET~!!!!!!

my week off coincides with one of my fave coworker's last week at work so i won't get to say Bye to him :'( but i did sign his card so it's okay i guess. i'm gonna miss him so bad bc he's like one of 3 men in my team who actually did his job well + was reliable about communicating breaks/batches. i'm like the only person left from my hire batch now that's he's gonna be gone :weary:

BUT YEAH!!! i packed one bag so far (threw stuff in it + called it a day), i've got to add a few folders for my Official Errand to the carry-on bag but i'm gonna do that tomorrow when i'm not as tired. i just gotta throw my electronics into a ziploc for the airport and put them in my backpack. tomorrow i also have to go buy cheese curds for my sister and normally i'd LOVE to go to the farmer's market and get some fresh ones but that's soooo early and i'm gonna have to be up at like 1am on sunday anyways...i can't do that. that's too much earliness T_T

mom texted me to tell me it's been HOT and the airline sent me a weather forecast for my transfer and it's supposed to be NINETY SIX!!!!! in dallas on sunday. oh dry heat my beloved (i hope it's dry heat. either way i'm not leaving the airport). i know i'm gonna get my ass kicked when i land in LA lol. i don't really own warm/hot weather clothing anymore...it's all jeans and t-shirts for me (work uniform).

it's so hard to find good shorts when you've got fat thighs </3 capri leggings are the only solution i'm comfortable with so far. i only have one pair but i can just wash them at my sister's house. it's fine.

at some point though i AM gonna go to the beach...and i usually wear shorts there. i don't feel like buying a whole bathing suit for one day when i am not gonna use it at all when i get back to WI like T_T wading in shorts and a tank top will have to suffice <3 not sure which beach i wanna go to :thinking: whichever one is closest, probably, unless my mom/sister wants to go somewhere else. i want to visit one of my childhood beaches bc the gift shop calls me and also i want to see if the ice cream shop by the pier is still there.

but yeah! i'm not sure how much sleep i'm gonna be getting for the next 72hrs :weeps: i am not built for this...

[kariachi]

Quick OC daemon au because I needed words. Bit from a typical Monday morning at Monette's.

~~

First thing Monday morning and the side table in the breakfast nook is loaded down with simple breakfast staples. Hardboiled eggs, small stacks of donuts, muffins, bagels. A tub of cream cheese with some smoked salmon. Toast, butter, cinnamon sugar, and jam. The coffee machine is up and running, water and juice sat beside a bowl of various fruits. Everything purchased the day before, a final errand before the week began to make sure everything went off to an easy start.

As Monette made sure the table was properly set- plenty of space for Monika’s mug to sit within reach of Nereus’s coils without elbows knocking, a glass for Chloe but their Legend preferred to start the morning soaking in a dish of coffee, an extra cushion for Mitra since fae preferred to sit level with the tabletop- Cadyl thumbed through the relevant portions of the week’s schedule.

“Having dinner with Kyle and Zora tomorrow, so we won’t be here,” he said from his spot beneath the table, all the more convenient for her to round the thing, “today is normal, Wednesday is normal, we’ve got that big dinner on Friday-”

“We have to remember to check that Ama and Mitra have any help they’ll need arranged.”

“They’re normally on top of those things. We told Chloe and Legend we’d need them in Saturday to help Monika and Nereus clean up…”

“Texts are on the phone if you want to check, darling.” He darted out to take the phone from her purse once she was in the right position, quickly making certain. “Farrel and Godiva are taking this Thursday and Friday, right?”

“Right,” Cadyll answered as he got back to the planner, settling back in. “Jamie and Aquila never did get back to us about whether they’d be staying here Thursday or just wanted to meet for lunch.”

“Oh, they’ll show up at some point and be offended we didn’t read their minds,” Monette said, making a few final adjustments to the floral centerpiece. Farrel and Godiva just did fantastic work with the grounds and garden. “We’ll ask Ama and Mitra to bump up the servings Thursday and to make sure if they show up for lunch or flake entirely it’ll be something we can take in for lunch Friday, or that they can have for their own dinner if they prefer.”

“Hopefully they prefer,” Cadyl grumbled, slipping out from under the table in unison with his other half heading for the door. “Hate having the same meal two days in a row.” Monette just chuckled, grinning wide as they went to wait for everyone to arrive for the week’s staff meeting.

“I’m sure we’d survive somehow.”

[sarahjswift]

Well....🤭🤭

Twin Wounds Chapter 9 is here!!

Guess you inspired me! I can't say I'll be able to finish the series, but I have another chapter already written after this. I read through my huge Google Doc with all of Twin Wounds and got pretty inspired :) thanks to whoever asked this <333

if you need a refresher on what was happening in this story(as I did lol) my masterlist is below! :D

Word Count: 1.2k

Tag List <33: @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @renxzs, @blue-bird17, @autumnbabylon, and @throneofshadows

Warnings: Language & Triggering Topics

Enjoy!

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Rowan was surprised but not stunned that he was about to have a conversation about his patient’s - and crush’s - progress to her cousin. Weirder things have happened, he thought to himself. 

Now, he was awkwardly shuffling through Aelin’s file, now updated with her progress over the weeks. He cleared his throat. “So, what do you want to know?”

“Just, like…,” Aedion trailed off, looking out the small window. “How is she doing? Sorry, that’s probably stupid.”

“No, it’s alright. Aelin is doing very well, and I can already see her progress, physically and mentally.” Aedion loosed a breath of relief, grinning. 

“Oh, thank the Gods. I don’t know what I’d do if this didn’t work…rehab was kind of a last resort.”  

“I understand. That’s how it is with a lot of our clients - but I assure you, there are hundreds of options for people struggling. People respond to different things differently. I’m happy to say that Aelin is doing well. She isn’t thriving, but she’s definitely shown improvement.”

“I can tell,” Aedion interrupted. “She was just this…shell before. Now I can see hints of who she was before Sam. That anger, for example…you know, it’s encouraging to see her feeling emotions again.”

“I definitely agree. I think what Aelin needed was a change of scenery. Some fresh faces, things like that,” Rowan replied. “She’s been attending group therapy and one-on-one sessions with me. She’s been doing well, but she still won’t open up.”

Aedion’s jaw clenched. “Yep, that sounds about right. She would never talk to me. It made things so hard, and it had an effect on our closeness.”

“Ah, so you two were always close?”

“Oh, yeah. We’ve been inseparable since we were born. We’ve been at each other’s sides through so many things. When my mom died, she was there for me…and then later, when hers passed, I was there.”

“When did her parents die?”

“She was twenty-two. It was really hard on her - she was close to both.” Aedion’s voice was ragged, and he took a deep breath. “It was rough on all of us. Evalin was kind of my mother as well, since she took me in after my mom went.” He wiped away a tear running down his cheek.

Rowan nodded, his respect for the man in front of him growing. “I appreciate you sharing this with me. I know you may not feel…the best about giving me all of Aelin’s personal details. But I promise, all this just helps me, help her.”

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I promise, I’ll come visit soon. Call me tomorrow, okay? Love you, Ae.

Aelin stared up at her popcorn ceiling, replaying her final moments with her cousin over and over. She lay curled up, wrapped in…His…old hoodie. There was still a lingering scent on it, and she let her tears drip onto the fabric as she inhaled deeply. 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. She sat up and wiped away her tears, standing and walking over. One of the nurses she was less familiar with stood there, a friendly smile on his face. “Ready for dinner, Aelin?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, and followed him down the hallway. 

“Don’t look so glum! Tonight is special,” he said cheerfully. “As well as an ice cream sundae for dessert, there will be a movie playing in the cafeteria for everyone to enjoy!”

Aelin raised her eyebrows, interest sparking. Ice cream and a movie? That used to be her definition of a perfect night. Walking into the cafeteria, she quickly picked up a bowl of rice and beans, cheese melted on top of it. She found her seat at the usual table, sipping some of her lemonade as she sat. It was refreshing. She liked it. 

“Excited for the movie?” Elide asked, a smile on the female’s face. 

Aelin nodded. “Do you know what it’ll be?” Tiela asked. 

“Pretty sure it’s an old Disney!” Lucas grinned excitedly, rubbing his palms together. The table quickly dissolved into an animated conversation, the patients discussing their favorite of Walt’s classics. Lysandra turned to Aelin and leaned in, green eyes sparking. 

“Did Aedion leave?” she asked quietly. 

Aelin raised her eyebrows. “I don’t even want to know why you are asking that question.” 

Lysandra winked, and Aelin sighed. “Yep, he left. He’ll be back soon, though.” 

“Thanks!” She turned back around and leapt into the conversation. 

Aelin blew out a breath and allowed herself a small, brief smile. Oddly enough, she could picture her cousin and her therapy friend together. If Aedion was brave enough to ask, she knew he’d get a yes. 

After their plates had been cleared and the patients were happily eating their chocolate-sauce drizzled sundaes, the nurses wheeled in a projector. Bambi came onto the screen, and the cafeteria settled peacefully. There was something innately comforting in the old cartoon style, even as some wiped away tears at Bambi’s tragedy. Aelin felt a sense of peace for the first time in…a while. 

She felt somebody’s eyes on her, and she turned to find Rowan looking at her. At her gaze, he started and whipped away. Aelin kept her eyes on him, though, and so she caught him when he - almost immediately - peeked back. He sheepishly smiled, and when Aelin’s lips tilted up to mirror it, the smile stretched into a breathtaking..beam. He looked absolutely devastating. 

Aelin let herself admire him for a couple seconds before turning back to the screen. Still, for the rest of the film she felt butterflies in her stomach, a flush in her cheeks. 

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After the film wrapped up, everybody began heading back to their dorms. With a satisfied appetite, a mouth filled with the sweet taste of ice cream, and an almost…happy feeling from a boy’s smile, Aelin felt like she was in middle school again, drawing hearts on her math worksheets whenever her first boyfriend, Dorian, looked her way. She walked with Lysandra and Elide, listening to their pleasant chatter. 

“Oh, I love that movie,” Elide sniffled. “Always makes me cry, though.” 

“I think we should watch Sleeping Beauty next,” Lysandra said, playing with a strand of her hair. “That was always my favorite.” 

“That does not surprise me in the slightest,” Aelin said. With her cat-like eyes and prowling gait, Lysandra looked like Maleficent herself. 

The women turned to her, smiles on their faces. No matter how much Aelin had softened toward them since she’d arrived, it was still rare that she actually added to the conversation. “What was your favorite Disney movie growing up, Aelin?” Elide asked her, dark eyes soft and sweet. 

For the first time in a long time, Aelin thought back to the happiness of her childhood, before darkness had overtaken it. She avoided the memory of her parents, and instead brought to her mind images of her younger self coming home from school to pop a DVD into their TV. 

“Probably The Lion King,” she replied, and Lysandra and Elide nodded instantly, grinning. 

“Ugh, so good,” Lysandra said. 

“I loved the Just Can’t Wait to Be King scene,” Aelin said, smiling slightly. She ignored the happy shock on the women’s faces as they saw her expression. She was smiling so much today. “I’d always wondered what it would be like to be royalty.”

Do you plan to continue twin wounds?

Hello! I think this is the first message I’ve ever answered, and it’s so cool! Thank you for asking!

Unfortunately, I have hit a bit of a creative rut in terms of Throne of Glass fanfic, and I do not plan to write more of this series :( that answer could change, of course, and I still adore that story! If you ever have a prompt, I could try to type up a fluffy lil one shot! 😊❤️

Hope this helped :)

(And thanks for reading!!)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #141

I think today, I might have created one of my best tea concoctions yet!!

Okay, so I started with these ones; I put one bag of each of these into my mug, and brewed it:

(Yes, once again, I do have weird mismatching socks on. I wonder if your socks are colorful like mine under your boots; maybe you can give it a try and see how it feels!)

Please say hello to Momma, our resident lady-in-a-tuxedo; she's VERY cute!

From there, I added sugar instead of honey this time, and a bit of heavy cream. The swirls today were absolutely mesmerizing:

And, once the swirls were all settled down, the physics involved with density and fluid dynamics caused my tea to settle itself into 5 layers - the undissolved sugar on the bottom, a layer of tea that is very saturated with dissolved sugar, followed by cold layer of tea mixed with cream, a warmer layer of tea mixed with cream, and finally just a thin layer of pure cream:

Isn't it marvelous!!! And when I mixed it all up, the result tasted EXACTLY like a kind of Girl Scout cookie called Samoas! I know you don't know what those are, because there aren't any Girl Scouts on your planet, but trust me, they're REALLY GOOD, oh my goodness!!

…Samoas were my mother's favorite kind of Girl Scout cookie, last I knew. I wish I could share this tea with her, too.

In any case, I went to physical therapy with M, because afterwards, we had made plans to get lunch! We finally went back to the place with those fried green tomatoes that I didn't take a picture of because I ate them too quickly (sorry about that!). This time, I remembered to take a picture for you BEFORE my appetite got the better of me:

Today, I got the seafood pasta. I know that you like pasta pescatore, and this isn't exactly the same, but… it's got shrimp and clams and linguine and pesto sauce and parmesan cheese on it, and… I think maybe you would love it, so I took a picture because I can't… I can't share it with you…

I also got their crème brûlée; their flavor changes every week. Last time, it was berries, remember? Well, this time, it was dark chocolate and coconut - just like my tea this morning!! And this, too, tasted just like a one of those Samoas!! It was SO GOOD!!

…I wish you were here…

On our way home, I managed to snap some really nice photos of the trees and the sky; I hope you'll like these:

After we got inside, I went ahead and put the rods in the kites that arrived yesterday. I'm hoping for a windy day tomorrow so I can test them out!! But I'm not going to take pictures of them just yet; like I said, I have PLANS for that eagle kite, and I don't want to show it to you until those plans come to fruition. I know what I have to do, and I found the perfect image for it; it's just a matter of getting it done. I think you're gonna love it when you see it. Or at least, I hope you will…

Today, J and I tried to go to Eggcellent with the lovely leader of the place we like to go to once a week! Unfortunately, Eggcellent was closed due to plumbing issues, I guess. So we went to a different place! And!! Oh!! Sephiroth!!! They had MACARONS!!!

Look at them all!!! 🤩🤤 But in particular, these three caught my eye:

...I know you like vanilla and roses, and I thought these might have a similar flavor profile, so I got them!! And I also got a cherry blossom matcha tea! More than anything, I wished I could share these with you, because I think you would have loved them:

...Alas, this picture is the best I can do.

...Given everything you've gone through, everything you are still going through, and everything that you likely will go through in the future... I'm sorry that this little bit is the best that I can do...

...

Well anyway, J and the leader from the place and I sat and talked for a couple of hours, and it was wonderful!! The best part was when the leader showed us the beautiful pictures from his sister's recent wedding; she and her friends and her husband looked so vibrant and happy and beautiful!! He's going to go through all of the pictures and select the ones he likes best so he can show them to us later! I can't wait!!

I also snagged some pictures of the evening sky in the outdoor spot where we enjoyed our tea and macarons; maybe you'll like these...

...I wish that I could give just a little bit of joy to you. I hope that anything I show you and tell you about can give you even a small reason to smile, or cause you to feel just a little warm inside your mind. Not even you, with your incredible power and all the amazing things you've seen up until this point, can imagine what I'd be willing to give if it meant I could have the power to gift these things to you. If I had the chance to trade your life for mine, so that you could be here, enjoying all these things in my place... I'd be happy and proud to take that chance without even a moment's hesitation. Even if I disappeared as a result... I wouldn't mind - not even a little. Not if it meant you could be happy and safe.

...In the meantime, I'll keep writing to you, sharing pictures with you, singing little songs to you, and gently calling out your name until you return to us. I have faith in who you are and in what you can do; I'll be waiting to see you shine in all the ways that only you know how to do.

...I guess that wraps it up for today. Tomorrow, I'll keep trying to capture the prismatic bits of delight that exist within all of the simple things so that I can show them to you and maybe help you to remember what beauty and love are like. I know you're capable of seeing it; I saw who you were before your fall, and I know you can rise up into becoming someone who believes he deserves to retrieve the parts of himself that others tried to steal away. I know you can do it because I am doing it, and I'm not better than you.

I love you. Don't ever think you're alone. I'll write again soon, so please stay safe and treat yourself nice, okay?

Your friend, Lumine

[cephei-ea]

Lee Rang x Reader

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Type: oneshot

Synopsis: Lee Rang doesn’t know how to control his emotions and the one that must cope with them for him is his oh so patient s/o. Patience can only hold together so much, for so long.

Warnings: toxic relationship, female reader implied, jealousy, fwb, argument, screaming/yelling, toxicity in general, gore, fear, sexual implications, FORMATTING DID NOT PASTE (original on wattpad jvllcd)

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1st POV

Lee Rang had been depressed all day. He went out looking real good to meet with Lee Yeon— he was even in a good mood— and when he returned, took his anger out on me, as per usual. Yelling, screaming, choking, cursing and name calling were all part of the near ritual like routine I'd gotten myself into with the man. Somehow, regardless, I still harbored a love so deeply rooted for him that, as a half breed like him, I would most likely never love another. Yu Ri was always with her little friend— whatever his name was— so she was never here to distract him. The girl needs to make up her mind so I can decide whether I want to beat her ass or not. Is it the good guy or the asshole? I'd hope it was the good guy so that I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of hunting her down. Indecisive bitches are the type of bitches I hate most. I don't even remember at this point what it was that I murmured under my breath that seemed to tip him over the edge after he'd yelled at me for an hour for things I "never did right." Such as putting too much cream cheese on his bagel or standing in his way when he was walking down the hallway. I was convinced at that point that maybe I should start breathing less in order to please him. I offered him comfort and an ear for what had happened but he really did not seem to give a fuck. Back to the point, I still can't remember what exactly it was that I said that ticked him off. I think it must've been my mention of how, if he was so displeased with me, maybe we should start fucking other people since the only thing he didn't scold me for was how I was in bed. Me and my mouth, huh. He knew if he complained about that, I would stop sleeping with him entirely. And we both know that nobody does it like I do. I guess it doesn't matter what it was that I said because right now he's towering over me like a titan and glaring down at me, screeching about how I'm unfaithful and a whore and if I get with another man, he's gonna kill me. Yawn. Tomorrow morning, everything is going to go immediately back to the lovey dovey mess it usually is. Until next week when his only outlet is me again. This is kinda how it started...

"What?" He nearly whispered as he spun on his heel after I mumbled something unimportant. I scowled and cursed myself for momentarily brushing off the fact that he has keen senses. "What the fuck did you just say?" He asked, a bit louder as I paced backward and he followed with large strides. I was now against the wall, subject to each name and curse he threw at me. "What the fuck do you think this is, huh, y/n?!?? Is this a fucking game to you!!!???? If you wanted to go fuck some other guy, why didn't you do that from the start, huh!!??? HUH!!???" He seethed. "Look at me." I didn't. Of course I didn't. "LOOK AT ME." Forcefully lifting my chin, his face was inches from mine and my eyes wandered to look anywhere but his. "Who the fuck are you going to go to, y/n!!!?? That whore of a man who you're always sucking faces with!!!??" He pointed somewhere, referring to a guy he "saw me kissing". He awaited an answer but he wouldn't get one. Because he knew damn well I'd never kissed a man but him, never touched a man but him. And he knew I would never want to, nor could I. He knew that, that "face suck" he swears he saw was just me kissing my old, good friend on the cheek as a greeting. He was actually there at the time and I guess from his angle across the street, he got the wrong idea. That day, he didn't speak a word to me but he was upset all day and when I asked him about it, he ignored me.

Anyways. Again, I didn't answer and he threw his head back, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe you're doing this to me right now." He groaned.

"Are you crazy, Lee Rang?" I whispered and I knew he had heard me. I hoped he had. "Are you fucking out of your mind??" I was louder now. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOURE TALKING TO LIKE THIS AGAIN!!!???? WASNT I THE ONE- AM I NOT THE ONE, THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU!!!???" He scowled.

"IM THE FUCKING ONE WHO IS CRAZY!!!?? ANSWER ME THIS ONE QUESTION, Y/N!!! WHY THE FUCK DONT YOU GO BEG THAT OTHER GUY TO FUCK YOU, HUH!!??" I was silent once more. I was hoping he wouldn't bring up a sensitive topic again. Obviously I was out of luck, as I usually was when it came to the man standing in front of me. "WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE!!!???? I NEVER FUCKING ASKED YOU TO BE HERE AND I NEVER WANTED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU CAME BARGING INTO MY LIFE AND NOW YOURE ACTING LIKE THIS!!!??? WHY DIDNT YOU LEAVE YEARS AGO!!?? I should have fucking abandoned you from the start!!!" Man, I knew it. I always know it. And I always come back. Maybe my silence finally hit him in the face-- at the time I really couldn't care. I didn't even bother looking up at his face, actually. I didn't even want to know if his words hit him as much as they always did me. I didn't want to know because they never did. And although this was one of the worst the things he's ever said to me, I doubted it would be different. I can't believe I really believed that he would comfort me after my grandparents died today. Car crashes are really terrible, huh? He always said so and insisted that he was super careful on the road. Especially when I was in the car with him. I'm not so sure that was true anymore but I enjoyed believing it. I turned on my heel and simply walked past him. I could feel his eyes on the back of my head but ignored it once more. I was slipping on my shoes and halfway out the door when he called out to me. He sounded hesitant. "Hey!!" I abruptly paused on my way out. It was colder than a witches left ass cheek but I didn't move to grab my jacket. Maybe if he knew I walked out, possibly never to return, in the freezing cold, alone, late at night, with nothing but my attitude, he would feel something. It was for dramatic flare, really; but regardless I hoped he would come running after me. "Where are you going??" He almost sounded concerned and I could tell by his tone of voice that he was regretting saying what he did. Hmm. What could I say that would anger him the most. 'To fuck your brother'? No he wouldn't believe that. 'To find that face sucker you seem to hate.' Oh that could work. Definitely. Nothing ticked this man off more than things of 'his' being taken or touched. He was too territorial for his own good. I ditched the anger/jealousy plan last minute and decided on an indirect reference to whatever his mind came up with.

"Where do you think I'm going, Lee Rang?" I stole a glance at his face as it morphed from concern-- maybe guilt-- to rage. He opened his mouth and from outside, after the door had slammed shut, I could literally hear him screaming.

"Y/N GET THE FUCK BACK IN HERE!" Damn, he sounded pissed off. I can't help but wonder what he had imagined. As of right now, I'm walking alone down the sidewalk, glad I at least took my wallet with me because I can get food now. I made dinner for us at home but— it's at home... I wonder if it's bad to say that I'm the bigger person for putting my sadness over my loss aside and still taking time to make that asshole dinner. I don't know if he meant what he said about abandoning me but it's not like it matters much. I'll just get a lap dance at the club or something and make it seem like I slept with someone when I walk back in tomorrow. That usually gets him all pissed and regretful until I tell him I haven't been with anyone. It's the best tactic to get him to apologize.

I enter a bar instead of a restaurant. Maybe that phrase of his did get to me and I didn't even realize. It's late anyways, there won't be too any good restaurants open. There aren't many people. A group of college guys, a few old men and one drunk lady. I sit down a seat away from her and she doesn't move a muscle. I order what I do every single time I enter this bar and the bartender, Teri, nods at me, glancing over at the lady. "Hey. I'll get your usual." He says. I look over at the lady, too. She's dead asleep.

"What's up with her?" I ask.

"That's Linda." He says. He says as though that explains everything. "What's up with you?" The bartender is always flirty. Which is why Lee Rang doesn't exactly approve of me visiting him and his fine establishment. Which is also exactly why I came here. "I haven't seen you in a while, babe, what's up?" He may be a try hard but he cares more than the man I love. It's a good way to get away to someone who cares for me and wants me. Even if it's a false sense of acceptance. "Didn't bring that boyfriend of yours this time, huh? He's always with you, something happen'?" He sounds curious as he places my drink in front of me and rounds the bar exit to sit next to me. I groan and take a sip of my drink.

"Just another scolding for giving a shit."

"I'm not just saying this because I want to get in your pants. You need to let him go." I know that, I really do.

"Tell that to him. He's at home scratching the skin off his arms, wondering if I really am hooking up with someone."

"You could be." I'm silent because I'm considering it. It's not like we're in a serious relationship so I have no real reason to remain. "I'm serious, y/n. Why don't you take me up on my offer?"

"I don't know at this point, Teri. Maybe I should." It's becoming more and more tempting by the minute. I turn to face him and his eyes are softer than ever. He's always got self confidence oozing from every pore of him. Similar to Lee Rang. Teri puts a hand on my cheek and I lean into it. I wasn't actually planning to sleep with someone but... if we're being honest, why not? Lee Yeon Can love a human and I'm certain that I, too, can have a change of heart. Even if I am half fox. I stare up at the man and bat my eyelashes a bit. He furrows his brows and slowly, he leans in. I close my eyes but just as soon as his lips could have been on mine, his arm pulls away suddenly. I open my eyes and Teri is off of his seat, gripping his arm and looking quite uncomfortable. Lee Rang is by his side, eyes bright yellow and his fists balled up so tightly that his veins were popping. I stand from my seat, pull a hundred from my purse, slap it on the table and throw back the rest of my drink. It leaves a sour after taste, as I've come to love. Lee Rang watches me as I wave to Teri and begin on my way out. "Bye Teri, see you next week. I'll make sure to keep in contact." I exit, the door slams closed behind me. I watch from the large window as Lee Rang curses out Teri and bolts for the door. Teri raised his hands in the air and we quickly share a pitiful expression at the face as he shies behind the counter again. I pick up the pace but regardless, I can hear his footsteps behind me. He grabs my elbow and attempts to yank me back. Thank god I saw it coming because I was able to pull away from his hold in advance. He tries again and this time, I'm too busy walking and trying to fix my shirt that he manages to force me to face him. I groan and look away.

"Would you please just look at me?" I knitted my eyebrows together. By no means did I want to. But I give in and meet his eyes in a glare. He looks conflicted and my resolve wavers.

"What do you want?" He swallows something down and tightens his hold on my arm.

"What was that back there, I thought I told you I didn't like him? Were you seriously gonna get with that guy?" My face scrunched up and I slowly exhaled any hesitation. My hands were on his chest in an instant and I shoved him backwards. He looked confused as he lightly stumbled.

"This again, huh?" I gritting my teeth. "Was I fucking stupid to hope you would come find me because you were worried!? What's your fucking deal, anyways, Lee Rang!!?? Is this the way it's always going to fucking be or are you finally done fighting!!???" He looks hurt almost. Guilty. "You're a fucking coward!" He knits his eyebrows together and for a second I find myself feeling bad. But the satisfaction I am feeling overpowers that guilt and my rage returns with a vengeance. "Did you hear me!!?? You're a fucking coward and I hope I never fucking see you again!!" Now he really looks hurt. Unfortunately for him, I'm too deep in my feelings to give more than a fuck. I spin on my heel and walk away. He stands there like a lost puppy, forcing me to use every ounce of my self control not to run over to him. I pause for barely a second— but he catches on.

"Wait. Y/n, wait." I pause once more and don't bother turning around until a bubbly voice appears behind me, close by where he was.

"Hi, handsome young man! Would you like some juice, it's free of charge and has various health benefits!" She grips his arm and firmly places a bottle of green juice in his palm. He quickly attempts to pull away but before she was able to let go of him, I rip her arm away from his and shove her violently away. I pick a stance and prepare to protect him, no matter who she is. He seems to have the same idea as he yanks me behind him.

3rd POV

The lady seemed unfazed as she stood— without so much as a tumble— and smiled kindly at the pair. "Say, what are you most afraid of?" Lee Rang stared at her blankly and gripped the side of y/n's arm a bit tighter. The woman oozed evil intent.

"Who are you!?" Y/n yelled as she attempted to stand in front of Lee Rang. He refutes her attempt and holds her in place.

"May it be abandonment?" Both Lee Rang and y/n's mouths fall open in shock. The lady grins once again and slowly makes her way toward the door of the bar they were just in, not too far away. Lee Rang is hesitant but follows her nonetheless. He stops at the door when he hears... a song, was it? It sounded like two children singing about a gate and a key. One asking for someone to "open the gate" and the other explaining they couldn't because they didn't have the key.

"Wait Lee Rang where are you going!!??" Y/n yells, watching him enter the bar after the noise. What the fuck was going on??

>>>

It'd been approximately a day since Lee Rang had mysteriously passed out and y/n was not only out of her mind, but her self control, looking for ways to help him. Unfortunately it seemed impossible to do anything but pray that he wake up. She asked Shin Ju and every medical professional she could get her hands on. None could help. Things could only get so much worse. And they did. She was speaking with Lee Yeon one day when that same damn lady appeared at her door and offered Yeon juice. However, by the time y/n was downstairs to ask who was at the door, Lee Yeon was gone and all that reminded was a bottle of juice on the floor and the old lady who seemed as if she was preparing to leave. She wouldn't let her leave like this. Not after stealing everyone from her and wreaking havoc. Y/n lunged for the old lady and prayed that she reached her in time to follow her wherever she was going. Once arrived where she wanted, the old lady awaited for the awakening of Lee Yeon before informing him of his situation. And while y/n sat a few feet away, hiding and hoping no one would see her, he surely took his time deciding on the door he would enter and the person he would save.

"Neither of them have much time." The old lady informed, placing an expression of distress on Lee Yeon's face and it was clear that the poor man was conflicted. Y/n sighed, immediately knowing which door the man was going to choose and deciding then that she would enter the other. When it seemed as if the old lady disappeared and the thickening silence in the room grew quiet, she peaked her head out from the side of the wall she hid behind and watched him. Exactly as she predicted, he entered the right door, and made his way inside to find his girlfriend and abandoned his brother. And while y/n was pissed at Lee Yeon, she knew she had expected it. He was a good man and chances were, he had a plan. It seemed both brothers managed to piss her off equally. Y/n sighed, mentally preparing herself for whatever she was to face in her kind-of-lover's memories. Her hand laced around the door knob and as she entered, she immediately found herself in a forest. A deep thicket with blood and broken trees fallen everywhere. It was the spitting image of the forest where Lee Rang had been left so many centuries ago. Faint screeches and gurgles were the only noise available. As so, the woman lifted the Hanbok layed elegantly down her body. The one she would wear so often in the years when she met Lee Rang. He loved that Hanbok. He'd told her countless times that it looked wonderful on her, it was a shame that it was dirtied with the blood of the dead and drool from zombies. It was even more of a shame that she rarely heard a compliment come from the man anymore. Not since they had been together on the mountain god's territory, living a life of romance, blood and beauty. After that, his compliments came in form of love making and loving glances; as if words meant no more than their definitions. Ignoring the branches scraping against her ankles, y/n ran through tree, thorn and ivy alike, even if those thorns did make her bleed. Even if they did make her want to collapse and just take a breather. It was all worth it, luckily for her and her lover. As when she laid eyes upon him stuck upside down in a tree, mumbling about how his brother was a traitor, she chucked the hatchet in her hands towards the zombies and decapitated them all. One by one— maybe more like five by five— the creatures lay on the floor, either dead or attempting to recuperate. When the vast majority of them were down, y/n sliced the arms of the one holding Lee Rang up and attempted to crash his fall. It didn't work, as he only ended up crushing her under his weight, but she figured it was worth a shot. Lee Rang never considered admitting it out loud until he had unintentionally— how utterly beautiful she looked, killing for him. Blood splattering across his favorite Hanbok as her eyes burned with the desire to save him. When he did realize he had voiced his thoughts, y/n glanced at him with uncertainty and wiggled out from beneath him. He followed her lead as they stood and grabbed her hand. They sprinted as far as they could. Occasionally, y/n really hoped that Ji Ah's door was easier because right now, she was regretting her choice. She loved Lee Rang but this much? Not so sure because this was just ridiculous. She should have forced Lee Yeon to save his brother and helped out her good friend instead. Once the pair had reached a burrow underneath a tree, Lee Rang slid through and held his arm out for her through the other side. Y/n was hesitant for reasons even she couldn't even explain to herself. But regardless, she was still hesitant in grabbing his hand.

"Y/n grab my hand!!!" She looked back, her heart dropped to her stomach at the sight of nearly a dozen zombies lunging for her legs. Right as she was ready to climb beneath the tree, Lee Rang gripped her wrist and yanked her through, pulling her against his chest and heaving in an attempt to recover lost air. Y/n attempted an escape from his grasp but he only tightened his hold, praying they could stay like they were at least for a few millennia. His prayers went unheard as she pushed away and landed on her back to his side. Both were silent after the loud gasps of hyperventilation died down. The creatures seemed to have a hard time figuring out a way to get through, so they could relax. But not for long. He didn't know what to say. Should he mention her wounds? Apologize? Thank her? Both? Neither? Should he just kiss her and hope she would forgive him? If she would? Y/n beat him to it as she pushed herself to sit up, groaning on her way up as her arms burned from holding herself in place. He quickly followed suit, using a hand to steady her against her back. He seemed to be out of luck as she smacked away his hand and leaned against her knees. "Y/n please. I hate having tension between us- so can you just look at me—"

"-Really?? Lee Rang?? Do you really hate this? Be honest, does it bring you pleasure to scream in the face of the woman you made a promise to be kind to? I really am not in the mood and I don't want to fucking hear it." His bloodied hand landed gently on her face and she allowed him to turn her head. She looked down however, desperate to avoid his gaze. Lee Rang's eyes softened. Even now, as she sit here waiting for him to say something, he didn't know how to express it. He didn't know how to express the fact that he was positively terrified of ending up like his brother; chasing after a dead woman and completely desperate to get her back because of his own mistakes. He should have ignored her when they first met, not have bothered to become close to her or allowed her to comfort him after his puppy had died, similar to how he expected she would end up if he kept close to her. He'd only mentioned this fear once and she seemed to disagree, insisting that if she cared about such things, she would have left him. Another thing which scared him. When she finally looked up at him, he smiled and leaned in to brush their lips together.

"Why did you come here instead of my brother? It isn't safe here. He was with that woman, wasn't he?" Y/n felt nearly frozen in place because her morals told her not to let him kiss her; yet when he did press their lips taut together, she enjoyed every moment of it, closing her eyes to savor it even when she felt his gaze on her so close, through the kiss.

"I hate you." She whispered into his mouth; he swallowed each word with hunger.

"I love you." And she was crying, hearing those words was uncommon. Rare. Coming from him these days.

"I fucking hate you. You're an asshole."

"Y/n, you know me too well." When he pulled them from the kiss, the smirk on his face had turned pensive. And while it wasn't very visible, it was there. "I know my attitude doesn't express it very well, but I never meant what I said to you." Y/n grinded her teeth, his words were too much for her to handle. She stood abruptly and turned to walk away, limping with each foot that hit the floor. "Where are you expecting to run off to with those legs?" He stood, his own injury giving him trouble in reaching her as she attempted to outrun him again.

"If you didn't mean what you said then why the hell did you say it? It shouldn't fucking matter to you or me. I don't want your apology and if you want me gone so badly, then so be it." He stared at her and took a pause, pity filling his gaze. Pity which soon turned to fear as she didn't seem to be joking about what she said. Would she really?

"Fine. Let's just get out of here." And although his gut told him otherwise, he ignored it the way he always did and continued forward. "Just don't fall behind, it would be a nuisance." A tear spilled from y/n's eye and she quickly wiped it with the back of her hand. As more spilled, one after the other, she continuously attempted to absorb them with her sleeve. But they just wouldn't stop and she hoped with every fiber of her being he wouldn't turn around. Besides, it's not like his insults and cruel tongue mattered. Regardless, she would likely remain beside his side despite what either of them wanted.

<<<

"NO, NO PLEASE!" An terrifyingly familiar voice screamed. Lee Rang paused dead in his tracks and his eyes widened incredibly, searching over and over for where her voice was coming from this time. Noting it originated from a few streets down, he pushed off his toes and ran towards the voice. The repeated screams and cold blooded whacks of an object colliding with a body gave him chills. Especially when they were y/n's screams he heard. He glanced down each alleyway he passed until the familiar figure of his love interest appeared. She was hunched over on the floor, wearing nothing more than a night gown, with her arms shielding her head from the bat that attempted to break her. His irises were set ablaze as he ripped the bat from some man's hand and twisted his arm behind his back until he screamed in agony. Lee Rang shoved the man away and took a step in front of y/n. Relief took over a bit of his mind when she gripped his pant leg and curled up against his side, light sobs wracked her body and he placed a hand above her head comfortingly.

"Who is that?" He gazed at her for a second, finding it hard to look away until the man stood and reached for his bat. Rang kicked it away and then did the same with the man, watching down his nose as the man attempted to stand

"M... my...." She hesitated for a moment too long.

"Y/n, who is it?" He sounded a tad more stern now, eyebrows furrowing.

"My ex-boyfriend... kind of. A human." The man standing tall against y/n seemed shocked at her answer.

"A human? Why won't you fight back, then?" He looked down at her and his eyes softened at the pitiful sight of her.

"Because.. because he raised me..." Lee Rang sighed, disbelief evident on his face. He shook his head and took a grab beneath the woman's arm, pulling her up to stand beside him. She wobbled a bit but managed to steady herself in time for him to release her to fend for herself.

"Who the hell are you!? Y/n, you know this bastard?" Y/n's ex— who was a previous attempt at getting over the grief when Lee Rang was with Yu Ri instead of y/n-- interrupted but he wasn't answered, and instead, once more pushed to the floor by the taller man's powerful hands.

"Yeah she knows me, but I don't fucking recall giving you permission to lay your filthy hands on things that belong to me."

"I don't belong to you, you asshole. And I am most certainly not a thing."

"Shut the hell up, y/n." His eyes studied the smaller man over and over again. "What else did you do to her, huh?"

"Lee Rang, enough! Can we just go!?" He was hesitant at her request but eventually, complied and stood to lead her away.

"Go waste your time doing something useful. You won't be seeing her again. As for me, no promises." And he led her away.

>>>

1st POV

That night, he kissed away my pain and I swear I'd never felt happier. I want to think of some other time he did something so kind. That way, maybe I'll be able to convince myself this is worth it. . . 

Ah. The first time he told me he loved me.

<<<

I was lying nude in bed, next to Lee Rang. I was so sleepy as he stroked the top of my head and held me close to him. I was having trouble keeping up my routine of drawing little things on the skin of his back because my eyes were barely open. I felt his gaze on mine even though I couldn't keep it well due to my state of consciousness.

"Y/n." He mumbled. I hummed quietly, letting him know that I was listening but also that he would have to make it quick because I wouldn't be soon. His fingertips against my lips were like heaven. Even as it is now, the love behind the touch hasn't faded and for that, I am so grateful. He leaned in close to me and placed his lips against my forehead; I like to think he was savoring the moment but of course when it comes to him, I never know. I forced my eyelids open once more-- it didn't last long but I think he took the hint. "I love you." Though I know it didn't show on my face, those three words hit me like a bulldozer, I almost woke up. I placed my hand on his cheek and nuzzled into his chest. He did the same and held me tighter against him.

"I... love... love you." It was barely even a moment later that I fell asleep. That night felt longer than any other I'd ever had. When I woke up, Lee Rang was slipping on his usual black dress shirt and pants. He was in the mirror at the end of the bed, his eyes on me through the reflection as he toyed with his sleeves. When he saw me wake, which took him a second, he turned around with a smile and leaned into the bed to kiss my lips.

"You slept a long time." I returned the gesture and held him close to me; even when he tried to pull away, I didn't let him. Those kisses lasted a few minutes, turning more open-mouthed with each round.

"Are you going somewhere?" I looked up at him and as he backed away to stand straight, I sat up. I heaved the down blanket against my chest. He didn't bother trying to hide the way his eyes trailed down my body, landing on where the blanket met the top of my breasts.

"Nowhere in particular." He sat on the edge of the bed and tugged the blanket from my hold. I was hesitant in allowing him but gave in, in the end. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled my body against his. His lips were on mine again. "Why are you hiding again? I've seen you." I pursed my lips slightly and pressed my chest against him, curling up into his lap.

"It's different now."

>>>

Oh my god, I wish I could go back to that. I had literally never been happier than then. Maybe this was a bad idea, I'm hiccupping and he's going to hear me crying. I reach my hand up and place it over my mouth to muffle any sounds that come from me. This way he won't turn around and think of me as pitiful or weak. I'm falling quite a bit behind, I'm going to have to run a bit to catch up to him, despite what he said. He must know; he must think me a nuisance. I feel my eyes puffy and warm, sticky from tears. I'm uncomfortable. My body hurts. I want to cry harder. I want to leave. But above all else, I want him to hold me. To kiss me. I wonder if he feels the same.

My entire train of thought comes to a pause when I hear a loud screech behind me. I turn around and to my absolute luck, as per usual, a fucking zombie is running full speed at me. Me, the one in the back. The one with a broken arm and fucked up legs. Please, Mr. Zombie. Please just take Lee Rang instead. Teach him a lesson or two for me but don't kill him. Because if he were to die, I won't recover. It takes me a second or two to realize that Lee Rang is screaming at me to move. To run. And that there is a 6'0" tall, 200 pound looking, probably-played-in-his-college-football-team-as-a-quarterback zombie booking it towards me. Probably to disembowel me eat my fucking innards. And I, the pro survivalist that I am, am just standing here doing absolutely jack ass shit to help anyone in anyway right now. Besides maybe Mr. Zombie is just moody. He looks pretty hungry and honestly, I drank alcohol and ate a lot of food today, I'm thinking I'd be a tasty meal. If I were that zombie, shit, I would fucking chase me, too. I still don't move, my eyes following the zombie as it fucking body slams me and tackles me to the floor-- which, by the way, is littered with FUCKING THORNS AND POISON IVY. I must be in my comedic muse era. I hear Lee Rang's voice and I feel it's literal fangs entering my skin, the creatures claws gripping and ripping into my thighs, stomach and shoulders as it scrapes at my skin. I'm literally being eaten alive. Dying. And I can't bring myself to give a shit in this moment because the one man I love more than anything has had an attitude with me this month. And that's the only reason. Because I'm down bad and I have to be in love with a condescending half-fox with anger issues and an extreme possessive complex that stems from his passionate jealousy. Because I swore to my mother I did not need therapy after she found out I was in love with a fictional parasite from a different country that has a large tongue and may look just a little bit like spider man. And because I have serious masochism issues, apparently, I am currently being disemboweled, just as I had hypothesized. I am the reason for my own death, I might as well be in the process of committing suicide right now.

Thank god Lee Rang can think properly. He lifts this motherfucker in the air and slams him into a broken tree stump nearby, splitting the thing's body in two. Man, he's strong, that looks like it hurt more than a witch's right ass cheek. As soon as the thing gives up and dies out, Lee Rang runs over to me and folds me into his arms, cradling me as he chants apologies like a broken record. What is he even apologizing for? It hurts like ass but I'm not gonna die.

My mind changes immediately when, as if on fucking queue, I cough up about a handful (or so) of blood. It's my own fault anyways. I think if I wasn't half eaten right now, maybe I would be experiencing something close to that day right about now. No one can hold me like he can.

No one.

I start crying again, but this time it's because I'm mad at myself. "I can't..." I sound like a sleepy horse, I feel my throat all locked up, probably shredded through from the attack. Even then, even with my body slowly shutting down, the entirety of my brain is focused in on Lee Rang. Why are things different? Why doesn't he love me anymore? If he asked me to, I would burn the Earth at his feet. Regardless of that will, all I can manage to force my body to do right now is stay awake. "Why are you different? Why do you act like you don't remember what we had?" Lee Rang stares at me incredulously, and I watch as tears well in his eyes. They spill over, one entering my eye and the other entering the opening of my mouth. And now more than ever, I feel fucking hydrated. I blink away the foreign substance. He's not smiling. I wish he was. I wish he was smiling but instead of his usual subtle grin, I receive a quivering lip and his tears continuously falling down onto my skin, mixing with my own droplets of regret and disappointment. I always hated seeing him cry. Because I love his smile so fucking much that whenever I see his eyes sadden, my heart saddens along with them.

"I'm sorry." This is so unlike him. He doesn't apologize. Usually only after he makes me use my safe word or after an argument... I'm disappointing myself. I want to see his face... but everything is beginning to blur together and I can't seem to tell whether it's because of his tears, mine or my own dying body. Lee Rang presses me to his chest. He doesn't like it when I watch him cry, but regardless, I hear the hammering of his heart, the saddened warmth of his chest, I feel the light, warm droplets of liquid salt on me and his heaves and sobs as he cries for me. Something he hasn't done in a long time; if ever. "I never meant for..." His hands dig into my hair. It feels good. It feels so good. "I was so fucking right, I knew this was going to happen. That's why... that's why, y/n." He allows me to look at him with lidded eyes and his sobs grow louder. "I love you." He leans down to kiss me. "I love you more than anything."

>>>

When I woke up, I was somewhere unfamiliar again. The ceiling was new, the bedding— keyword "bedding", not "cold hard forest floor covered in thorns and bugs and sharp things that could possibly leave deep cuts along my precious back"— also new. My eyes opened before any other part of my body even considered moving. The only sound I registered was the ticking of a clock on the wall to my... right, I think. I wasn't exactly sure. My thighs and ankles burned viscously, my head throbbed in a dull ache, my throat was parched like a dried loaf of bakery bread and my eyes wanted to glue themselves shut. Maybe forever at that point. I felt positively disgusting and as of then, I had no fucking control over what happened to me and what movements I made. Why, you ask? Well, because there was a heavy weight against my stomach and another restraint against my waist. I glanced downward and wasn't surprised to see Lee Rang sleeping against me. Or at least I thought he was asleep by the way his breathing fell perfectly even and his eyes were sealed shut, weighed down by heavy gray bags. I'd seen him like this before. But only a few times.

Sometimes, when Lee Rang's thoughts are too much for his brain— or when his emotions grow too strong for his heart, he lies down like this. His eyes weighing five tons on themselves and his skin moist from sweat. He looks so tired, so overwhelmed at these times and I always hated seeing him so sad. I wish I could take the pain away. I wish I could take his pain away and endure it for him; because he doesn't deserve such treatment from the world. More than that, I wish he hadn't looked like that because of me and because of my overwhelming self control, or lack thereof. Whichever that entire fiasco fell into. I wished instead of being out of control of his thoughts and attempting at his only way to find his sanity, he was there sitting next to me, making joking and smiling his dangerously charming smile like always.

I was glad he didn't wake up with my movement to sit up straight. Even if he looked sad, when I focus on his calmed face, I feel happy. That's when I loved watching him like that. When all was right and the only thing between our skin was a layer or two of clothes. The thought made me want that even more— his skin on mine and his lips molded incredibly with mine to the point where you couldn't tell where my mouth began and his ended. I ran my fingers through his hair and rubbed small circles into his scalp, loving the feeling of his soft hair between the creases of my fingers. He seemed to flinch when I tugged lightly at his roots, a small habit both of us enjoy. He snapped his head toward me and all I could manage to do was smile. I released his hair and held out my arms to him but he seemed to be in such a deep state of shock that maybe he didn't realize. I waited; one, maybe even two or three full minutes. Not just a few seconds people think of or refer to as minutes. Like he was actually staring at me for so long that I grew almost uncomfortable and my arms hurt. A pin could drop and sound like a nuclear explosion. But I didn't mind because even along with the shock, I could see the love in his eyes. The relief and the nights of praying and crying and everything in between. His mouth was ajar and his eyes blown wide and even after so long, he finally blinked. It was rapid but I could tell the reality of the situation finally hit him in the face and I was relieved that he wasn't just a staring corpse. His mouth closed and opened a few times, looking for the right words even when no sound came out.

3rd POV

"Lee Rang." Tears threatened the man's eyes— her voice sounded like a paradise he was chasing desperately and never managed to achieve until just then. He hadn't slept since she knocked out. He slid off his chair next to y/n's bed and threw himself onto her, wrapping his arms around her like she was a safety floaty and he was stranded in the Pacific. His mouth, over and over again, lipped shocked phrases until she wrapped her arms round him in return and he let out a shaky breath. "Hey, hey, it's okay." She cleared her throat; he knew she was only ridding the scratch from her voice but it worried him for a fraction of a second. He tightened his hold, burying his face in the crook of her neck, where a bit of her hair bunched together. He took a deep breath in a savored the smell of her, as if he would never be able to again. His hand switched continuously from gripping her shoulder to pushing her head into his chest.

"I love you. I love you." He chanted as if he were in a rush to tell her. As if she would disappear at any moment and if he didn't tell her, he would never be able to again. "God, I love you so much. I love you so much I don't know how to handle it."

"Lee Rang. I'm okay. I'm okay." Though his shoulders tensed when she didn't return the sentiment, her words relieved him of a bit of concern. Finally, after many long moments, he slowly pulled from her and his eyes shone like they never had, they shone with overwhelming relief. His classic grin twitched back to life a bit— which is what relieved her. "I'm here, okay? I'm not leaving you." His smile faltered but he closed his eyes, his hand resting on her head as he enjoyed the moment. He swallowed the nerves that had built in his system since they returned. Lee Rang lifted a hand of hers to his lips and sighed out his troubles one more time.

"Fuck, y/n. You scared the shit out of me." He whispered, loving the way her gentle fingers wrapped around his index. "We're in Lee Yeon's house because Shin Ju was caring for you. You've been asleep for a day."

"A DAY!!??" She stared at him incredulously and he nodded, she did the opposite, furiously shaking her head as she hastily attempted to stand up. "No, no, no. I need to get up, I have work—" He followed suit, however, and used a mere hand to pushed her back down to rest. "Lee Rang, what are you doing!?" She whined and he shook his head, smile growing wider. And as soon as his teeth shone bright like his eyes along with a few witty remarks of his, she could not, for the fucking life of her, stay mad.

"You do have work." He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Just not with the company." And as he slowly climbed on top of the woman, she couldn't help but smile just as brightly as him. It made him so happy to see her toothy grin and giggling voice, cheeks flushed red as he caged her in against the mattress. Their noses brushed and as he playfully bit at her neck, she laughed heartily, hands gently grasping at his forearms where his dress shirt was rolled up. Y/n's laughter reverberated through his body and he had never felt happier- more relieved than now. More in bliss. Her legs gently pulled his backside further into their embrace as he trailed nibbles and kisses and licks up her neck to her cheeks and collarbone. "I love you." The phrase came out in quiet laughter and it seemed y/n was too caught up in her giggles to notice. Still, his heart dropped just a bit each time she didn't respond so he pulled away. She looked up at him, concerned with his knitted eyebrows and loss of a content smile.

"What's wrong?" She asked, the atmosphere suddenly a bit more tense.

"Y/n, listen to me. Just for a moment." She nodded, she knew very well what the topic of the conversation would be. "Lee Yeon helped us out and we're alive... but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said those things to you and I'm sorry that we've been fighting all month. It was my fault and I wish I had never put you through so much because of my own fears. I just... I guess I was worried I would be chasing after you in the way that my brother is with Ji Ah. I thought if I distanced myself, it would fix things but... I realized it wouldn't... and that it took going through all of this and putting you through all of this for me to understand that. And I realize you won't wait around for me. But I need you. I need you and you alone because you are the most important thing in the world to me. I need you because I love you and I'm never going to love anyone but you. I intend to make you feel the same. So, I'm sorry, I admit I was wrong. Just.. Fuck. Please don't fucking leave me. Not again. Not like that."

"You're right." She sighed wistfully, closing her eyes. "You acted childish and cruel and the things we said won't disappear like they were never spoken. And although it might take some healing, we can make it through this as we always have." He nodded, swallowing down something invisible in his throat and he looked down to grip her hands within his own. "I love you." And like that, he held on so tightly that she would've sworn she thought he was never going to let go. "I love you so much, Lee Rang. Besides, love. It isn't often that I'm able to see this soft side of you." Something clicked and Lee Rang shot his head up, raising an eyebrow at her smug grin.

"If you like it so much, I can show you another way you can get it from me." A new smile plastered itself onto his face and y/n, as usual, could do nothing but grin widely at his beauty whenever he did. "But only if you promise to remain as my side kick." Y/n's jaw dropped to the floor and she knitted her eyebrows together, an exaggerated gasp forming in her mouth. Lee Rang's smile widened and he chuckled lightly.

"Excuse me, you jerk!" She lightly shoved his chest and they begin light giggling. "That is so disrespectful!" The woman turned her head and despite being beneath him, crossed her arms and pressed her lips together when he attempted to mold their mouths together.

"Hey, stop turning your head." He objected against her avoidance of his kisses and she high pitched screeches of sensitivity sounded when his hands landed on her sides to tickle the defiance out of her. In her weakened state, he took advantage of the moment to place their lips together and bit at her bottom half, both smiling against each other.

"No!! Lee Rang- STAHAHAP-" Y/n only silenced herself when a familiar face entered the room they lay in. Lee Yeon was clearly in a good mood, by his light smile at the sight in front of him— he leaned against the doorframe. "Lee Yeon what-... Lee Rang stop! Lee Yeon!" The woman pushed Lee Rang off from on top and between her legs and he fell against the mattress. She quickly made over to her lovers brother, as well as her best friend, and wrapped her arms around his torso. He placed a hand on her head. "Thank you! Thank you for everything! Thank you for helping Lee Rang! Oh and for saving my life. I don't know what I would have done if Lee Rang hadn't come out alive."

"I'm just that charming of a guy, huh? Lee Rang, your lady is all over me even when I'm in a relationship, don't you think this means I received the better genes?" Lee Rang's sarcastic grin from when his brother entered had long past disappeared and now he sent the older man glares. "What's with the looks?" Lee Yeon wrapped another arm around y/n and Lee Rang had had enough. He stood from the bed and removed his brothers arms from around y/n.

"Hey, break up the shit show, that's enough gratefulness." He looked down at y/n as he pulled her against him and her face into his chest.

"Hello y/n! Lee Rang..." Ji ah was clearly more excited at the sight of her best female friend than she was at the mention of her boyfriends brother and he glared at her when y/n went running into her arms. He sighed deeply, even more annoyed as his brother chuckled in delight.

"Could you guys get out?" He suggested.

"What so you could stick your tongue down my baby's throat? Don't you dare corrupt her." Lee Yeon pouted sarcastically, petting y/n's head gently.

"Whose baby?? Are you crazy? You want to die?" Lee Rang took a step toward his brother, each stride oozing malicious intent before the taller brother pulled Ji Ah and himself away from the area. Y/n smiled up at Lee Rang, noting something she had overheard him speaking about with the old geezer— Imugi's servant. Something Lee Rang seemed to be bothered about. Lee Rang stared at her for a minute, eyes red and his smile suddenly gone as the tension in the room turned tangible.

"You have something else to tell me, right?" Lee Rang swallowed thick when she blatantly called him out. Her eyes were soft, he eyebrows pulled upward and a small smile playing on her lips.

"What..." he paused, having a hard time keeping eye contact. "What would I have to tell you?" Y/n sighed briefly, stepping toward him with her arms around his waist. He looked down, a refusal to meet her eyes. Along with that, she sighed and gently rubbed his stomach, leaning against his back.

"Don't be afraid." His eyes watered— he would never tell her that, but they did tear up.

"That man working for Imugi- maybe it was more Imugi's doing.. but they told me I can save only you or my brother." Lee Rang only held her tighter, gripping her like she was the air he needed to survive. The last few drops of water that were slipping between his fingers. "I can't— no. I will not lose you. I can not survive without you. I'm not going to let-"

"I'm not going to let that happen, Lee Rang. I gave you my heart and no one can take that away from you. That snake is going to have to chop off all my limbs before he sees me give up. I swear to you that." Y/n voice was nothing but heartfelt understanding; a soothing ointment for the wounds he attempted to lick.

"I'm going to kill him." He whispered, sitting them down on the bed and gathering her to his chest. Y/n allowed him to hold her how he liked— using nothing but her gentle fingers to soothe his darkened heart. "I'll kill him for this. For thinking he can take you from me. For threatening us. I'll fucking kill him." He hissed, teeth grinding together in anger and his head teeming with worry, utter fear and blood curdling anger. How dare he. Y/n rubbed soothing circles into his back an hummed a soft tune into his shoulder; ignoring the small spots of warm tears that dripped along her back.

___

Thanks for reading, this is one of the longest oneshots I've written..

It was supposed to be longer but I got lost and unmotivated and writers block so I decided to leave it open ended. Very unedited and has many plot holes please don't mind. FORMAT DID NOT PASTE!!!

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 3) - A Moment

Summary: Jensen is away from home for a few days but isn’t having the easiest time being away from the kids for the first time since the accident. When he returns home, he has a gala to attend on Saturday night but a kiss on the cheek and slip of the tongue will snowball into the reader and Jensen sharing a moment...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, death of a spouse, death of a parent, anxiety, self-worth problems, referenced past harassment

A/N: I love this part so much for so many reasons. Please enjoy!

________

“Hi Jensen,” you asked Monday night when your phone rang. “How was your flight earlier?”

“Same old same old. I just got out of work,” he said with a yawn. “Gonna grab a bite out with a friend. Kids eat dinner okay?”

“We had honey sriracha glazed salmon with brussel sprouts and roasted red potatoes.”

“Really?”

“They had kraft mac and cheese and I had Taco Bell.”

“See this is why I like you,” he chuckled.

“I’ll try the salmon again tomorrow. I was gonna make it but they didn’t have any at the store,” you said, opening the fridge and taking out a pint of ice cream. “Hey can I have what’s left of this mint ice cream?”

“Sure. Pick some more up for me sometime before friday please,” he said. “Also, Taco Bell? You do realize we live in freaking Austin right. There are literally hundreds of places you can go that have better mexican food.”

“Yeah but fake cheese tastes good,” you said. He laughed and your stomach rumbled. “I so should have gotten more than two tacos.”

“You in the kitchen?” he asked. You hummed and you heard him let out an oof in the background.

“Yeah. You alright?”

“This bed in my hotel room is comfy,” he said. “But I was starting to say, go in the drawer at the end of the counter by the table. There’s only five hundred gajillion take out menus in there. Order a treat for yourself. It’s on me.”

“Jensen. I can get my own dinner.”

“True but you’re on call 24/7 until I get back.”

“Well in that case I bet you got a menu for a fancy steakhouse in here somewhere,” you teased as you picked up one for a tex mex looking restaurant. “Does this place really have quesadillas this big?”

“You must be looking at the menu on top. I almost ordered from there last week actually. The food’s great. They do delivery too. Just buzz the guy into the gate when they get there.”

“Any recommendations?” you asked, taking out the menu and flipping it over.

“Quesadillas are good. Loaded nachos are amazing. I’ve literally never had a bad thing from there,” he said. “To be honest I’d rather be getting that than where I’m going tonight.”

“Why’s that?” you asked, reading through your options, surprised to find such good prices.

“I have to wear a suit,” he said with a sigh. “After being poked and prodded all day I literally would rather just eat crap and watch food network.”

“How long have you known this friend of yours?” you asked.

“Twenty years, why?”

“Then you guys knew each other when you were young. It’s not too late out there. Call him, see if he’d rather get some crap food, a six pack and just catch up on his couch or in your room. I’m pretty sure he’s more looking forward to seeing an old friend again than the food,” you said.

“You make very good points. I should pay you more,” he said.

“You pay me plenty and barely let me spend a dime of my money on myself,” you said. “I don’t need more.”

“You got that fancy computer though.”

“You literally have the exact same mac in your office.”

“You moved in like three boxes and two computers,” he said.

“An ipad is not a computer,” you said.

“Debatable.”

“Well I like to draw sometimes and it’s easier on an ipad when you’re laying in bed,” you said. 

“Are you any good?” he asked.

“No.”

“I bet they’re really good,” he said as you rolled your eyes. “I see you draw with the kids sometimes and those are good.”

“It’s a hobby is all,” you said, leaning back against the counter, your stomach grumbling again. “Anything else you want me to grab at the store? I’m going to hit it tomorrow while everyone’s at school.”

“Nah. Get the usual stuff,” he said. “The kiddos in bed?”

“Yeah, got the last one down about fifteen minutes ago,” you said. He hummed and you heard the sigh in it. “I got a video of them playing earlier I’ll send you.”

“Thanks. It’s my first night away from them in a long time. Normally I’m able to come back same day. I was kinda hoping they’d still be awake to say goodnight.”

“They’re safe and sound dad. We’ll call again after school tomorrow to talk like today,” you said.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. He was quiet and you pulled the phone away, taking a deep breath. 

“You okay?” 

“I haven’t been alone like this in a really long time.”

“I know. You check out your backpack yet?”

“No. Why?”

“You didn’t bring a jacket with you so I put that yellow hoodie that’s always on the hook in there in case you got cold.”

“That was Dee’s hoodie.”

“I was pretty sure it was,” you said. You heard him shuffle around briefly before he hummed, much happier that time. “I thought you might like to have a piece of...something-”

“I really don’t pay you enough,” he said quietly. “Thanks for putting this in there. I need something from home more than I realized.”

“Well put it on, call up your buddy and have some fun tonight, Ackles. Nanny’s orders.” He laughed and you felt that twinge in your stomach again, your eyes quickly closing.

“I will. Hey you mind if I call again tomorrow night? I don’t have any plans and sitting in a hotel room by myself isn’t very fun.” You smiled and felt heat in your cheeks, quickly thinking it away. He wanted company for a few minutes was all and you were friends. It was completely normal to talk with friends on the phone everyday.

“Of course. As long as you get a dinner in at some point that’s more than fine with me,” you said. “We can talk about The Bachelor!”

“Oh God no,” he groaned, chuckling after a few seconds. “I’ll settle for Grey’s Anatomy.”

“This Is Us?” you asked.

“Supernatural?”

“I haven’t watched that yet. I’m working up to it,” you said. 

“Work faster woman. I only know legit everything about that one,” he chuckled. “But probably not a good idea to watch that one until I get back and you're not alone. First episode is kinda scary.”

“Oh well thanks for that,” you said, watching the clock tick by, knowing it had to be almost seven out there. “I’ll let you go. Have fun tonight Jensen.”

“I will Y/N. Promise.”

Friday Night

“Arrow,” you said after she’d flung her pasta bowl all over herself, covering her hair and face. She sniffled and you forced a smile. “Okay. How about a bath after dinner?”

Fifteen minutes later JJ and Zeppelin were in the movie room watching a cartoon while you had Arrow in the kids bathroom, scooping up some water over her head in the tub.

“Well hello ladies,” you heard behind you. You jumped and spun around, glaring for a moment before you recognized Jensen.

“Just me,” he said, backpack still on his shoulders. 

“Daddy I got ziti all over my head,” she said.

“You did?” he asked, dropping his bag and taking off his jacket, kneeling down next to you. You got the last bit of sauce off and squirted some shampoo in her hair, Jensen watching you with a smile. “How was your day?”

She told him all about breakfast and daycare, playing with a few toy boats with him while you rinsed out the soap. You did a bit of conditioner before getting it out as well and putting the spray nozzle back.

“I got the rest if you wanna get the dryer ready?” he asked you, reaching for the soap. You swapped spots with him, Jensen washing her up while she kept talking about her day. By the time he was all done you had the dryer out and plugged in, Jensen picking her up and wrapping her up in a big bundle of towels before he set her on the counter. You went to work drying her hair, Jensen draining the tub and finding some pajamas for her.

“Do you want your hair up or down, sweetie?” you asked. She tried gathering it up and you grabbed her soft scrunchie perfectly fine for sleeping in from the counter. You put her hair up in a soft little bun, Jensen making an adorable sound when he returned.

“Aw, you look so cute, baby. I’ll be right there alright?” he said. She hopped off the counter and got dressed, rushing off downstairs when she was all done. “Survive the day?”

“Somehow we always do,” you said, gathering up the towels. “Kids are in the movie room.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna shower but we’re all good for the night,” he said. “Thanks for watching them this week.”

“You gotta go do your job,” you said. “You working on a movie or something? You never said.”

“Uh gonna be in a show called The Boys,” he said. “I’m gonna be one of the superheroes so I gotta go out and get my suit made all special for me every so often.”

“You’re gonna be a supe! That’s so fucking cool!” you said. He grinned and you blushed, shaking your head. “I’m so sorry. That was so not appropriate.”

“I don’t see any little ears around,” he chuckled. “You like the show then?”

“Yeah. It’s great. Like no other show consistently makes me go what the fuck did I just see. That’s so cool you get to be a supe though. Are you a one off or like a main character?”

“I’ll be very present in the next season. Gonna deal with the seven, all that,” he said. “I’m gonna be Solider Boy.”

“I can see that. You have that all American boy thing about you.”

“It’s my adorable face,” he teased. 

“Well remember to not stay up too late. You have the gala tomorrow night remember?”

“Yes mom,” he said as you walked out. “Get the kids some takeout for dinner tomorrow and yourself.”

“Sounds good boss,” you said. “Night Jensen.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

The Next Night

You froze from where you were mixing up some brownie batter with JJ at the kitchen counter as Jensen popped downstairs. He was in a gorgeous black suit, a maroon pocket square and no tie going on, his hair scruffier looking than normal.

He started to laugh and you realized you were staring, your cheeks feeling hot as you went back to stirring.

“Mmm, you guys save me a brownie or two for when I get home?” he asked, leaning over and dipping his finger in the bowl of cream cheese frosting.

“We’ll spare one for dad,” you said, Jensen going back for seconds. “Ah, ah. No.”

He dipped his finger in and got another fingerful, kissing the top of JJ’s head and the twins at the counter.

“Be good for Y/N guys!” he called as he rushed out.

You whistled and he jogged back, catching you holding up his phone from the counter.

“Thank you,” he said, taking it and pecking a kiss on your cheek. You looked up at him and he froze. “I am so sorry. I…”

“It’s okay. Go have fun and be all charitable,” you said. He shoved his phone in his pocket and ran out, JJ scratching her head.

“Dad’s kinda weird sometimes,” she said.

“Yeah, he is. But so is everybody,” you said. “Let’s get this in the oven so you guys can pick out colors for your frosting, hm?”

“I really shouldn’t. But I really should,” you said to yourself, plopping your second brownie of the night in a bowl and sticking a scoop of ice cream on top. You carried it over to the couch and lay back, watching TV on the big screen as you heard the door open. Jensen came into view a minute later, taking his jacket off and groaning as he washed up at the sink. He went to the tray of brownies on the counter and picked one up with a big sigh. “Fun night?”

He jumped and whacked his head against the cabinet above, hissing before he spun around.

“You okay?” you asked. He nodded and left the brownie behind, pushing his sleeves up before taking a seat on the other end of the lounger.

“Y/N I’m really sorry about the kiss on the cheek. That was so inappropriate. You’ve kinda implied that there was some stuff that’s happened to you at other jobs you found over the line and I’m really truly sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I wasn’t...I forgot you’re my employee for a moment. I really am sorry.”

“Jensen if I had a problem with it or you or your behavior I would quit on the spot. I don’t let myself get pushed around anymore. You were happy and busy and you pecked a kiss on my cheek, not reach a hand down my pants. It’s really okay. You’re way too hard on yourself.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive. It’s barely ten which means you left as soon as you could. You’re supposed to be out having fun,” you said.

“I was kinda freaking out that you hated me,” he said.

“Dude you gotta relax,” you said. “Have a brownie and some ice cream.”

He got up and after a minute took a seat at the other end with a bowl of his own, smiling as he got a taste.

“This is fucking awesome,” he said.

“I know,” you said, Jensen smirking. “Do you feel better now silly boy? I promise that if you ever do anything I find inappropriate I will promptly kick you in the balls.”

“I can agree to that,” he said. He ate for a moment, watching the TV and laying back. “Do you ever like, want to go do things with your friends on a Saturday night? If you do that’s totally cool. These aren’t normal hours anyways.”

“Being a nanny eats up a lot of your social life,” you said. “Kinda got kicked out of my friend group after I broke up with my ex anyways.”

“Well they sound like they suck,” he said.

“Yes, they do,” you said. “I don’t mind so much. I meet plenty of new people through work. Only person you can depend on is yourself and I don’t tend to let myself down.”

“That’s a very lonely way to go through life,” he said.

“It’s not easy to make friends in your thirties,” you said. “Maybe for someone like you who travels and meets new people a lot and stuff but you have like, real friendships. You know?”

“Well we have a real friendship, don’t we? You’re friends with Jared and Rob and Ruthie and Rich,” he said. “I don’t trust just anybody with my kids. That’s real.”

“Yeah,” you said, taking a bite. “So when’s your friend free?”

“Hm?”

“Blind date guy. Maybe he could be a friend if things work out,” you said.

“Oh yeah. He uh, he actually got a gig up in Canada so you might need to wait like a month or so. But he’s excited to meet you,” said Jensen.

“Can I have his number?” you asked. “Or do you think that’d be weird?”

“No, not weird. I think he just kinda wants to do it old school if that’s okay. Meet you first and go from there.”

“This friend of yours better be like super hot,” you said.

“If it’s a problem-“

“I can respect him wanting to do things like that. But I’m gonna want a firm date soon,” you said.

“I’ll make sure to get you one,” he said. “I’ll get it down tomorrow, promise.”

“He better not mind me eating like this either. I ain’t a salad on the first date kinda girl. He’s gonna need to keep up with my eating while were at it,” you said. He snorted in his seat beside you and ran his hand over his face.

“I will keep that in mind. I have occasionally had dessert first truth be told,” he said.

“This is why I like you Ackles. You get my sweet tooth,” you laughed.

“It’s a good thing your dinners are healthy cause I swear I haven’t consumed this many baked goods in months,” he said. “The kids love it and my stomach loves it though.”

“I’m gonna need to start working out though if I keep this up. Oh hey is it okay if I do laps in the pool in the mornings? I’ll be super quiet and stuff.”

“You don’t gotta ask,” he smiled. “Like I said when you started, you got free reign to use the pool, the gym, whatever, aside from my room. You a swimmer?”

“Not really but I hate running and supposedly it’s a good workout or something,” you shrugged, eating another bite of brownie.

“Anything in the gym you’re free to use. I know you must get a little bored sometimes when I’m gone and the kids are,” he said.

“Not bored per say. Ordinarily I would do more chores but you have like a cleaner and a landscaper and you just...give me more time in the day than I’m used to is all. It’s actually great though. It gives me plenty of time to come up with ideas for the kids and stuff.”

“Well as long as you’re taking breaks and your lunch do as you please,” he said, his spoon scraping the bottom of his bowl.

“Now that’s just sad.”

“I really should get another one of these,” he said, sucking the spoon.

“It’s really the only choice you have,” you said. He laughed as he hopped up, skirting back into the kitchen and fixing up another brownie and ice cream combo.

“Hey you want more, Dee?” he asked. You popped your head up and he spun around. “I’m-“

“Don't apologize, Jensen,” you said. He tapped his fingers against the counter and took a deep breath, putting his back to you.

“That’s the second time tonight I’ve done that,” he said. 

“Jensen. There’s nothing wrong with missing your wife.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“You don’t...talk about her much.”

“It was...she wasn’t…” he trailed off. He sat down on a barstool and you got up, walking over and hopping up on the counter beside him. You set your feet in the stool next to his and paused before you put a hand on top of his head and ran your fingers through the short strands. “This shouldn’t have happened to her.”

“Death is the price for living. Pain’s the price for caring. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it,” you said. You started to move your hand away when he turned his head. 

“Don’t…” he said, easing when you played with it gently again. “That’s always calmed me down since I was a little kid.”

“Someone should take care of you every once in a while you know. Your parents, siblings, friends. Everyone needs a break.”

“I had a lot of help at the beginning. I don’t need a whole day. Just a moment here and there,” he said quietly.

“It’ll be okay, Jensen,” you said. He nodded and you played with his hair a few moments, watching his shoulders ease. This time when you pulled away he smiled up at you. “Better?”

“Yeah. Thank you. That’s not in your job description to do that sort of thing.”

“Well I think your wife would want somebody to watch your back, even for only a minute or two,” you said.

“You don’t have any brain aneurysms I should know about, do you?” he chuckled. 

“No. That what happened?” you asked, a single nod coming from him.

“She was sleeping. Not a bad way to go I was told, you’d never even know,” he said. “Not a fun thing to wake up to in the morning though.”

“My dad had a mass at the back of his head. It was that same kind of thing where one second it’s fine and the next everything’s different deal. It was inoperable. Then he goes and dies from a car accident of all things before it got bad. My mom had a hard time with that.”

“You said she had a boyfriend later on right?” he asked.

“Yeah. I know you’ll be okay, Jensen,” you said. You ruffled his hair and he smiled, a soft look on his face. “Pro tip too from someone who’s been there, kids with a single parent turn out just fine.”

“Do they ever wish they had another parent?” he asked.

“They wish the parent they still have around is happy again someday. They won’t understand until they’re older that it’s a different kind of love between parents. But they’ll know it’s a little different and they’ll hope dad feels better too. Your kids are tough. They’ll be okay too.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he said. You hopped off the counter and washed up your dish, sticking it in the dishwasher before you went to leave for your room. “So I gotta ask. Who takes care of you?”

“Me?” you asked, pointing to yourself. He shrugged and smiled, your gaze going past him. “I’m all good. I don’t need somebody to take care of me.”

“Liar,” he said softly. “You know my friend tells me everybody needs to be taken care of sometimes.”

“That’s the difference between us Jensen. You’re not like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed, his face scrunching up suddenly.

“It means you’re not on your own and even if you feel like it, it’s only been a little while. You’ll be okay. I’ve been taking care of myself since I was a kid. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“You haven’t lived my life and I haven’t lived yours. Don’t try to tell me that I’m not capable of-”

“It’s not about what you’re capable of. You said pain is part of life, it’s the price for living. You’ve had more than your fair share-”

“Lots of people have it a lot worse.”

“Don’t compare your pain to someone else's. They haven’t lived your life,” he said. You rolled your eyes and started to walk away, Jensen out of his seat and catching up with you in the hall. “You can be taken care of too you know.”

“By who? My non-existent circle of friends? My crappy ex? My mom’s ex boyfriend who’s got his own wife and kids? I am perfectly fine managing all of this by myself. I’ve been doing it for years.”

“You’re so frustratingly annoying,” he said, running his hand over his face. “Me. I’m talking about me. You just...you took care of me tonight. The least I can do is show you the same compassion.”

“No,” you said.

“No? Why not?”

“Because taking care of me turns into you walking into my shower without my permission and you being a dick and this going away and I don’t want you to be those things so no. We’re getting too friendly. Please leave me alone tomorrow.”

You left him in the hall and went down to your area of the house, shutting the door after you. There was quickly a knock and you growled, ripping it open.

“What?” you snapped at him.

“I am not going to hurt you or be a dick to you or whatever else you think. You need to realize in the real world, not everyone is an asshole.”

“You’re the one not living in the real world then, Jensen. Everybody’s an asshole.”

“Fine. I’m an asshole. But I’m not leaving until you say I can take care of you tomorrow. Two minutes is all I’m asking for.”

“This is my part of the house.”

“And technically I am outside your door,” he said. “Why are you so resistant to somebody doing something nice for you?”

“Because I don’t wanna get used to it,” you said. He stared and you shook your head. “You’re attractive and an actor and kind and funny and it’s not a matter of if you date again but when and when that day comes, we ain’t gonna be sitting on the couch eating ice cream anymore. Please do not invite me to anymore outings as a friend. I’ll attend if required as a nanny but this between us is done.”

“For the record, the only one around here that thinks of you as just the hired help is you. My children are completely like their old selves. I feel more like my old self. You seem happier than when I met you but for some reason, that’s a big problem to you. I do not understand that.”

“Leave or I resign and move out first thing,” you said. He crossed his arms and lifted his chin. “This is my formal resignation then. The company will-”

He moved quickly and you weren’t sure what he was doing at first but soon you realized he was hugging you, your hands resting against his chest. You swallowed and he didn’t move, your forehead resting against him.

“What are you doing?” you breathed out.

“When’s the last time you got a fucking hug?” he asked.

“The kids-”

“Not the kids.”

“I don’t remember,” you said quietly. 

“Then you are overdue,” he said. You let yourself reach your arms around him and return the hug, breathing deeply, a small bubble in you rising up. You tried to push it down but it came back harder and you were fighting back tears before you knew it. 

He could feel when you lost that battle, hand rubbing up and down your back. There was a soft shushing in the air and after a few minutes you felt better. You lifted your head but didn’t look at him, Jensen squeezing you in his hug again before it eased.

“You know you’re not allowed to quit on me...like ever,” he chuckled. You let out a small laugh, Jensen smiling at you when you forced your head up. He wiped off your cheeks and you let out one last sniffle. “You’re not alone. I promise you’re not. It’s not the quantity of people you have in your life but the quality and I’m sorry but we are friends and there’s nothing you can do about that so I’d just accept it now.”

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch.”

“You were scared, not a bitch,” he said. “I wish I could make you happier is all.”

“I wish I could bring back your wife for you,” you said.

“One of those is a lot more possible than the other,” he said. A small smile crossed his lips before he ducked his head down, shoulders heaving back before his head raised. “Y/N, can I confess something to you? I hope...I hope it doesn’t bother you but if it does, you don’t have to continue working for me. I’d still like to be friends regardless.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked, Jensen looking past you.

“My single friend I was going to set you up with? He doesn’t exist.”

“Oh.”

“Cause he’s kinda me.”

“Oh,” you said, staring at him, a lot of his previous behavior starting to click into place. “That’s…”

“I know,” he said, stepping away and rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s weird and douchey and I’m sorry. I like you and I was trying to see if you would ever go for a 42 year old actor. I left out the widow and kids part but...I’m sorry.”

“When did you like me?” you asked quietly.

“The whole time?” he said, laughing nervously to himself. “It’s kinda snowballed since we met. I never in my life thought I’d like someone again. I didn’t want to like you. I hired you because you were the best candidate and I knew the kids would be in good hands but everyday it’s there, even more, and I know this is so inappropriate on so many levels and I’m really starting to ramble here but you make me think maybe your mom had a point and people are allowed to have...more than one…and sometimes the way you talk to me and treat me and look at me...” 

He swallowed as you stepped in front of him, taking a quick breath. 

“I will keep working for you and I’ll be your friend...and you can make me dinner tomorrow,” you said with a smile. “We’ll see where it goes from there?”

“You’re not...weirded out?” he asked.

“By your age, you’re my boss or the cheeky lying about a fake friend?” you said.

“All of the above.”

“Age doesn’t bother me. You have no idea how to be a boss, no offense, and the friend...I don’t blame you for wanting to test the waters first,” you said. “But I expect honesty from here on out.”

“Absolutely,” he said.

“Good,” you said.

“You do like me right?” he asked. “Like you don’t feel obligated or-”

“I like you Jensen. Why do you think I was trying to push you away before you got too close? I didn’t want to be hurt.”

“Give me a chance to not,” he said. “We can have dinner and see how it goes from there.”

“Normally the best course of action,” you said.

“But maybe with a few more hugs from now on,” he said. “For the both of us.”

“That’d be okay with me,” you said. He smiled and you returned it. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“I guess you will,” he said. He turned to go when he spun back on his heels. “Or we could go back out there, eat way too much dessert and hang out?”

“Yeah,” you said with a smile. “Give me a minute to wash up my face.”

“Take all the time you want. I’m gonna change into something more comfortable anyways.”

He left and you washed off your face in the bathroom, drying it off and taking a deep breath.

You did like him. There was something calming about him to you and you enjoyed his company, even if it was just the two of you having a quiet cup of coffee in the morning.

But he was an actor. And kinda famous. And a widow. And had three kids. 

“But your face is cute,” you said aloud, looking the mirror. “Gah, of course you have to be like...into me. Nutjob. He must be a nutjob. That’s it.”

“Y/N?” you heard him saying and you smacked yourself in the face. “Are you talking to yourself?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said, stepping out and seeing him in the hall sporting a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt. “That was fast.”

“Well I didn’t go through an eight step skin routine too,” he chuckled.

“For your information, my routine is only three steps,” you said, walking past him and waggling your fingers.

“I didn’t realize I was living with such a savage,” he said. You laughed and went back to the kitchen, making up another dish of brownie for him while he went over to where he kept his liquor. “You a bourbon kind of girl?”

“Is there any other kind?” you said.

“Touche.” He poured out two glasses and slid one over while you passed his bowl to him. “So what’s this three step routine? Do I need to up my game or what?”

“I think I need your routine, not the other way around,” you said.

“Nah. I like looking at your face more than mine. Trust me.”

“Oh. How long you been holding back those kinds of comments?” you teased.

“Longer than you’d think,” he said, sharing the bowl with you. “Feel okay now?”

“Yeah. I can’t remember the last time I cried,” you said. “Especially in front of someone.”

“A good cry session has never hurt in my experience. I’ll do it for work and stuff but normally I’m not much of one. Aside from the past six months I mean.”

“Are you ready to try this?” you asked.

“Yeah. I know I am,” he said. “I’m positive of it.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because you make me happy. You make me...want to do stuff again, believe in all the romantic...if I wasn’t ready, I’d feel guilty. But I don’t. I just know that maybe some people get more than one chance and maybe I’m one of them.”

“I know you are, whoever it ends up being,” you said.

“Are you ready to try this?”

You took a drink and bite of ice cream, pushing the bowl back.

“I miss my family,” you said. “I miss being happy. I’d like to...have someone that could take care of me for a moment every once in a while. I might mess that up sometimes but I’m willing to try.”

“Me too,” he said. “I’d expect some screw ups on this end too. I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time.”

“I’m sure it hasn’t changed all that much,” you said.

“Well I’ve never dated with kids and as a widow,” he said.

“I’m just in this for them to be honest,” you laughed. 

“I see how it is,” he said with a smirk. 

“I don’t think it’ll be as hard as you think,” you said.

“I hope not,” he said. 

“Do they know? You want to date?”

“JJ does,” he said. “She’s little but she understands that it doesn’t mean I’ll never love her mother any less. She’s been strangely okay through this whole thing aside from the first few weeks. She helps her brother and sister out more now.”

“As someone who was that kid, minus the siblings, I know they’ll be okay. She’s a great kid. I’ve met plenty of spoiled brats. Yours are not.”

“Well that might just be the second best thing I’ve heard tonight,” he said.

“Whatever was the first?” you teased, eating a spoon of ice cream.

“Oh I think you know,” he said, stealing the spoon back. You smiled and heard some feet run around upstairs before the stairs creeped and a little head ducked down into view. “Arrow. It’s bedtime sweetie.”

“I had a accident,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, honey,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Want help?” you asked.

“Sure,” he said. He scooped up Arrow on the way up the stairs, setting her down in the kids bathroom. He got some clean pajamas and you found a pair of pull ups, Arrow pouting at you. 

“I don’t need ‘em,” she said.

“Your brother wears them. I wore them and your mommy and daddy wore them. Everybody wears pull ups when they’re your age,” you said.

“Just tonight,” she said, stepping into them. Jensen walked past with the mattress liner and she was dressed by the time you heard the washer going off in the distance. You walked her back to bed, Jensen slipping in past you and tucking her in. “Night daddy.”

“Night sweetie,” he said, kissing her temple. 

“Night Y/N,” she said.

“Night night kiddo,” you said, giving her a tiny wave before you left, Jensen flipping off her light and pulling the door shut. 

“Come here a second,” he said, nodding and you saw him head towards his room. The double doors were open and you stepped inside, Jensen going past the bed and over to a set of french doors. He pushed one open and waved for you to follow, showing you out to a rooftop balcony.

“Wow,” you said, a set of chairs, a table and a lounger out there along with a whole lot soft string lights. “I didn’t realize you had this up here.”

“Kinda a place to go unwind, relax,” he said. “I disappear out here sometimes. Been out here a lot at night lately.”

“Thinking about what?” you asked.

“You,” he said. “I talk to Dee about you sometimes as crazy as that sounds.”

“Doesn’t sound crazy at all,” you said.

“I just wanted to say...this area isn’t off limits anymore. Nothing is,” he said. 

“She asked you out, didn’t she,” you said with a smile. He rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. “You’re cute.”

You leaned up and kissed his cheek, heading back towards inside.

“Come on, Jensen. Before the ice cream melts on us.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

[ceilingfan5]

are combos allowed? i feel like 3 + 24 could be interesting :0

(it's 3am/you're trembling)

“My love,” Kravitz yawns, stumbling into the still-brightly lit kitchen in his glow-in-the-dark dancing skeleton boxers and nothing else, “I know I swore that I would support every last one of your unhinged heart’s desires, but it is three in the morning.”

Taako looks up from his bake with wild eyes, hunched over like a gremlin. There’s frosting on his nose and chocolate in his hair, barely restrained in a messy bun, and he’s been mumbling rapidly to himself. That stops when he’s caught in the act.

“Listen,” Taako says sweetly, a sugarpaste deer in headlights. “Listen.”

“Oh, I’m listening.” Kravitz walks over and rests his elbows on the kitchen island, raising an eyebrow at Taako. “You’re wearing yourself ragged, love. You know you’re going to win the Bake Off.”

“I don’t know that for sure!” Taako slams his hand down on a pastry bag, which splorts custard everywhere. He stares at it like he’s not sure it existed before he touched it, and it takes him a second to recollect his thoughts. “I- I don’t know that for sure. The other two are so good. Honestly, if they won, I’d be happy for them! It’s just-”

“You want to win so badly you’re practicing your cream puff ferris wheel at 3am in the morning?”

“It’s a showstopper!” Taako whines. He wrings his hands in his apron. “It’s got to stop the show. I can’t be made a fool of.”

Kravitz walks around to the other side of the kitchen island and wraps his arms around Taako’s waist, tucking his head into Taako’s neck and kissing him softly there. Taako closes his eyes and sighs.

“You won’t. I promise. Even if the others win, which I don’t think they will, in my personal, unbiased opinion-”

“You did get pretty upset when I came fourth in the technical last week.” Taako wraps his arms around Kravitz’s and leans softly against him.

“Your bake was incredible, better than I could have ever done in a million years. That fucking Paul Hollywood-”

“Don’t you fuck Paul Hollywood, we have an agreement with paperwork and everything.”

“Never,” Kravitz laughs. “I feel like he’d time me or something. God. Is- is there something I can do to help? You need your rest. Honestly, I think you should call off tomorrow, take some nyquil, and take the purple train to snoozeville. Otherwise you’re gonna be a mess on Saturday and Sunday.” He kisses Taako’s cheek.

“I don’t know.” Taako bites his lip. “It’s not like you can help me during the real deal...”

“I could be Paul.” Kravitz adopts a thick accent and squints. “Interesting piping there. You’re trembling. Real chefs don’t tremble. It ruins the everything, of course. I’m going to taste all of your personal private weaknesses in the bake. Simply embarrassing.”

Taako laughs and elbows him, and Kravitz snickers and lets go of him. He opens the fridge and looks for a snack for the both of them, but it’s almost all baked goods and baked goods accessories.

“Fuck you, Paul!” Taako picks up the pastry bag and waves it at Kravitz, and Kravitz puts his hands up in self defense. “I’m going to win this damn thing and I’m going to get picked up for a TV show on the network and all my fucking dreams are going to come true!”

“Can’t argue with that conviction,” Kravitz says, and he grins, opening them each a cheese stick. “Let’s get you a snack and some sleep. You’re going to win it for sure, okay? You don’t need to worry. You just need to get in that tent and be yourself.”

“I don’t know-” Taako obediently takes the cheese and pulls off a long string, his hands still shaking. “Who knows what the technical could be this week. And my signature could use some work- HEY!”

Kravitz scoops him up in his arms and carries him to bed, and Taako doesn’t have the energy to protest. He snuggles down in Kravitz’s embrace and sighs.

“It’ll be okay, right?”

“It’ll be better than okay. It’ll stop the show for sure. Your name is going to be on everyone’s lips, and I’m going to sweep you up in my arms and kiss you on real actual television.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Now please, go the fuck to sleep?”

[teiasviago]

Signs

Episode: “Je Souhaite” | Rated M | @today-in-fic | Warning: if any of the symptoms of pregnancy are squicky for you, it would be best to avoid this fic. Also, a reminder that we use Fahrenheit in the U.S., so don’t freak out at the wonky temperature stuff, my Celsius loaves.

Scully feels a little guilty for sending Mulder home last night after teasing him all day about what she was going to do to him in bed, but she blames her upset stomach on being “forced” to skip lunch that day. Scully had waved him off after three hours of on and off vomiting, feeling like she sent the entirety of her pizza and soda into the toilet.

She’d sent him back to his apartment so he’d stop hovering, his incessant chatter only magnifying the headache beginning to build at the base of her skull.

Mulder had called as soon as he got home, leaving a voicemail for her to please not come in tomorrow if she’s still sick. Well, Scully had fortunately felt right as rain when she woke up, aside from the minimal gnawing feeling in her stomach.

She regrets eating two bagels with lox and her real cream cheese now. This must be her punishment for breaking the rule of saving it for the fair amount of bad mornings she encounters. Her stomach’s mutinying again at the smell of Mulder’s black coffee and she can feel another toilet session coming on.

“Oh, God,” Scully whispers, all intent to apologize and press a soft kiss to his lips going out the proverbial door as she sprints out the real one and hauls ass to the bathroom.

She must have a stomach bug, Scully reasons, trying to even out her breathing as she folds some paper towels and wets them before pressing them against her face and neck. She’s suddenly feeling strangely hot, evidence of her sick flushed away.

Mulder knocks three times on the bathroom door. “Scully?”

“Yeah?” she sends back, splashing her face with water. She groans as she feels another gag coming on.

“I brought you some ginger ale and—and some Pepto Bismol. And Tums. I know you don’t like the Pepto but, you know, I figured this called for all the stops.”

She can imagine the look on his face as he hears her vomiting again. Scully checks her watch when it’s over. It’s still only 8:27 in the fucking morning!? How the hell is she supposed to make it through the rest of the workday like this?

The door hinges creak and she looks over at Mulder. “I told you not to come in if you’re still sick, Scully.”

“I wasn’t! I felt fine this morning, and then I walked in the office and smelled your coffee and...”

He leans against the counter and crosses his arms, puckering his lips as part of his exaggerated thinking face. Scully stands up straight and shoots him a look. Mulder shakes his head and puts his hands up. “Look, all I’m saying is that it looks like the same thing happened last night. As soon as we got out the ice cream, you bolted to the bathroom.”

She sighs and shakes her head. “What are you getting at, Mulder?”

“Just that you should go home and at least take a nap or something. If you stay off your feet for a few hours and relax, I’ll be happy. Nibble on some crackers, catch a soap opera...” Mulder shrugs. “You’re clearly sick, Scully. If not for yourself, do it on the chance that it’s contagious.”

Scully places the wet paper towel on the back of her neck, holding it there. “Fine. But only because it might be contagious.”

“I mean—that doesn’t make it better, but thank you nonetheless. Do you want me to drive you? What if there’s a random smell that sets you off on the ride there?”

She rolls her eyes but tells him, “Fine.”

—

Mulder’s assertion that certain smells have been setting off whatever’s going on with her stomach seem to be proven true when she comes back to the office after a few hours of rest and relaxation to the harsh sight of a man whose... whose mouth suddenly disappeared and had to be surgically recreated. Not a twinge from her stomach aside from shock butterflies.

Scully’s relieved that she’s been able to keep down her lunch. To be fair, it was crackers with a little cheese and a full two cups of water to make sure she was hydrated, but any food is good food. She proudly announces to Mulder during their ensuing flight the next day that it seems whatever illness hit is gone.

—

It’s not cold in Creve Coeur, Missouri—certainly not in Spring—but Scully’s feeling every degree of the breeze through the open windows like it’s in the thirties. She’s shivering the entire car ride to the Mark Twain Trailer Park, and noticeably enough for Mulder to glance at her with concern before putting up the windows and turning the heat up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little cold.”

He frowns at that but lets it go until they hit a red light, when he leans over and presses his hand to her forehead.

Scully quirks her lips in a smile. “What are you doing?”

“Checking your temperature,” he replies. “You don’t seem to have a fever...”

“I’m fine, Mulder,” she insists, leaning into his hand for the few seconds she gets the light turns green.

“Alright, but if you’re still sick, Scully, then you have to promise me that you’ll go back to the motel, okay? I brought the meds just in case, if you need them.”

She smiles softly and places her hand on his arm. “Thank you.”

“It’s what a good boyfriend does.”

—

Her stomach bug really does seem to be gone, which is a relief. However, she’s now insatiably hungry for two things: Mulder, and the bagels from the bagel place two streets over from her apartment. Well, she consoles, one is attainable, at least. And, boy, does she attain it. They’re both breathing heavily by the time Scully’s through with him, and even though they’re sticky with sweat, she curls her body around Mulder’s anyway.

Her breasts are tingly, which has never happened after sex before, but she chalks it up to Mulder’s harsh treatment of her only a minute ago as she nuzzles his chest. She inhales and sighs happily. “I love the way you smell,” she murmurs.

He laughs and she feels it against her cheek. “Coming from the woman who made me start using a different deodorant,” he jokes, squeezing his arm around her shoulders. “Your nipples are darker.”

“What?” Scully props herself up with her forearm to make proper eye contact as her brows furrow.

“Yeah. I don’t know. They’re darker. Feel a little heavier, too. You didn’t notice?”

She shakes her head and laughs. “Unlike you, Mulder, I don’t spend hours studying my boobs.”

He shrugs and rolls them over so he’s hovering over her on his forearms. “Your loss.”

—

“Fuck,” she swears, digging around in her suitcase, fresh from her shower. She’s only got one hand because the other’s holding her towel wrap together.

“What?” Mulder asks around his toothbrush, exiting the bathroom. His tie is slung behind his neck and his suit jacket is waiting for him on the bed.

“I don’t have any panty liners.”

“Do you want me to go out and get some?” he asks, heading back to the bathroom to spit.

“Yeah, that would be great.” Scully walks past him into the still-warm bathroom and lets the towel drop as she uses the one wrapped around her hair to dry the wet strands.

“Alright. I’ll be back in a jiffy.” She drops the hair towel when he takes the singular step needed in the tiny motel bathroom to invade her space in favor of pulling him down for a kiss by the ends of his tie. “Mmm, settle down or the plan’ll be botched.”

“I was just thanking you,” Scully says, affecting innocence as she does his tie for him.

“For buying you panty liners? What would happen if I surprised you with some ice cream?”

“I would eat the ice cream.”

“Damn.” Mulder presses a kiss to the top of her head before heading out to put on his suit jacket. “Do you mind me asking why you need panty liners? Also! What brand?”

“Any with wings. And I need them because there’s been an unusual amount of vaginal discharge in my underwear and I don’t want to ruin any more of them.”

“Right.” He steps back in view of the bathroom and takes in her naked body.

Scully raises an eyebrow at him. “What?”

(Their books on pregnancy are buried inside their storage closets from a time best forgotten.)

“Nothing. I just like looking at you.”

She smiles at him, drying her hair again. “Get going, hotshot.”

—

Halfway through the flight home, Scully discovers something that makes her a bit worried. She’s not supposed to get her period until next week, so the blood on the liner she quickly tosses away with shaky hands can’t be because of that. She tries to forget about it as she walks back to her seat next to Mulder, but he must see something on her face that prompts him to ask if she’s okay.

“I’m fine,” she lies, managing to give him a smile. “Just tired.”

He seems to accept that and leaves her be. It’s not even a lie; she feels exhausted after everything that happened over the past few days. Scully makes a mental note to book an emergency appointment with her Ob-Gyn when they land, and closes her eyes.

—

“Dana,” Dr. Namin starts, disrupting her patient’s thumb twiddling.

Scully abruptly stands up as her doctor moves to stand in front of the exam table, computer and several documents in hand. “You don’t look concerned,” she says, following Namin to the exam table.

“Because there’s nothing to be concerned about at this stage except plenty of rest, hydration, and eating at least three good meals a day,” Scully’s doctor replies, opening up her computer and spreading out the documents. “We’ve done all the tests you asked for, but nothing came up. However, based on the symptoms you listed, I performed one more, and that’s where we found the culprit.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re pregnant, Dana. Plain and simple. Congratulations.” Dr. Namin slides one of the documents towards Scully, who takes it. “You’re about three and a half weeks along. You can take all the papers. There’s suggestions for all the prenatal vitamins you’ll need to take and how much water to drink in a day. Resources for managing symptoms, too.”

Scully nods dumbly, tears gathering in her eyes as she stares at the diagnosis. “Um, when should I come back?”

“Don’t worry about that right now, I’ll have someone give you a call with that information. Just relax and enjoy the news. I remember how much you wanted this, Dana. I...I don’t know how this happened, but the baby’s doing well. Minor bleeding is completely normal and you don’t need to worry. If it gets worse or doesn’t stop soon, then come back.”

“Okay,” Scully chokes out, smiling widely as she wipes away her tears and collects the documents on the exam table.

—

She spends a few hours at her apartment trying to figure out how to tell Mulder the good news but gets nowhere. In the middle of pacing around her couch, one arm unconsciously wrapped around her abdomen, her phone starts ringing.

“Scully speaking.”

“Agent Scully,” Skinner starts, and she immediately knows that Mulder’s done something stupid again, “could you check on Agent Mulder? He snuck into my meeting and was yelling at my chair.”

“Yes, of course, sir.”

“Thank you.”

Scully hangs up the phone and sighs heavily. Looks like God’s giving her a sign to just get it over with. When she enters the office, however, the woman Mulder keeps insisting is a genie is there, too. She licks her lips nervously and tries to ignore her.

“Skinner called me, Mulder. Is everything alright?”

Sitting at the desk, computer on, she has to wonder what he’s doing. “You don’t remember disappearing off the face of the Earth for an hour this morning?”

She gives her head a small shake as she tells him, “No,” truly starting to get concerned.

Mulder just shrugs with a little smile and gets back to typing with a nonchalant, “Well, I guess everything’s okay.”

Get it out, just say it, she thinks, trying to psych herself up. She sighs. “Mul—” But the woman’s still there in the office. “Could you give us a minute, please?”

“Sure,” the woman—Jenn, Mulder told her on the plane—says with a nod.

Scully steps closer to the desk, butterflies in her stomach. Jenn isn’t moving, and it’s making her annoyed, quite frankly. “Like, today?” she says, turning around, but the black-haired woman is nowhere to be found, not even in the annex. Scully turns back to her partner, extremely confused. “Where the hell’d she go?”

Mulder childishly imitates a genie disappearing and she feels the sudden urge to laugh at the thought that this man is the father of her child. “No...” she says, softening the guffaw trying to escape to a scoff-laugh. “It’s gotta—” She scoffs for real this time. “It’s gotta be hypnotism, or—or mesmerism, or something.”

And thus begins the verbal sparring. As he lists all the things he wants for the world, Scully thinks, again, of how this is the father of her child. Something suspiciously soft is trying to emerge from her heart as she responds, and she’s a coward to boot, so she leaves without telling him. Driving back to her apartment, Scully feels guilty at how little effort she put into trying to break the news to Mulder. She just—she doesn’t know what to make of the news herself, let alone how to explain it to him.

An hour into The Exorcist, hugging a pillow as she wishes Mulder was watching it with her, the phone rings. “Scully, do you wanna come over and watch a movie? I’ve got your favorite popcorn...”

She grins. “Of course. I’ll bring the drinks.”

—

They’ve both changed their clothes for the movie night, and when Mulder opens the door, they’re sporting matching grins. “Oh, zero alcohol content?” he faux complains, taking the case of six drinks into the kitchen. “Is this your punishment for me, Scully?”

She elects not to respond as she follows him and takes out the package of popcorn and a pot. “Can you grab the olive oil, Mulder?”

“Yeah, of course.” He puts four of the drinks in the fridge before reaching into one of the cabinets to grab the oil and put it on the counter next to the stove, which Scully’s turning it on.

“I’ll never understand why you won’t just microwave them. It’s faster.”

“Yeah, but if you do it in the pot, it tastes better,” she shoots back, opening the package and pouring the kernels into the pot.

“That’s just because of the oil.”

“Well, you can continue to eat shitty popcorn for the rest of your life if you want, but I’m going to eat my good popcorn.”

They turn to face each other as the kernels pop and hit the lid, a staring contest beginning. Scully wins when she licks her lips and distracts Mulder enough to get him to blink.

“Ha! I got you! I win!”

“That’s cheating!”

“I won!” she says in a sing-song voice, emptying the finished popcorn into the bowl.

Mulder shakes his head with a smile. “Why don’t you take the drinks and get comfortable. I’ll finish the popcorn.”

Scully nods and does as he suggests, but as she’s crossing into the living room, she pauses and turns around. “No butter, please,” she says, and he turns around with a scoop of butter in a bowl in his right hand, the handle of the microwave in the other.

“No... butter...?” She nods. “We always put butter on the popcorn, Scully.”

“Well, I don’t want butter this time,” she says, and makes her way to the couch, sitting down and placing the drinks on the coffee table. She hears Mulder sigh heavily and put the bowl of butter in the fridge before making his way to the living room, bowl of popcorn in hand.

He shakes his head as he grabs the movie case from the table and inserts it into the player. “Can’t believe you don’t want butter on your popcorn. Eugh. It’s un-American.” He steps around the table and sits down next to Scully.

She takes the case from where he left it and makes a face. “Caddyshack, Mulder?” she questions.

“It’s a classic American movie,” he insists, grabbing his drink and propping his feet up.

“That’s what every guy says.” Scully grabs her own and untwists the cap, tossing it onto the table. Mulder does the same, but his bounces off onto the floor, and she laughs into the bottle. “So, uh... What’s the occasion?” she asks, as if they still take the justifying movie nights thing seriously.

Last week’s was I thought you might need some help feeding your fish.

“I don’t know. Just felt like the thing to do. Cheers.”

Maybe it is time to turn over a new leaf, especially considering the baby growing inside her, cell by cell. They clink their bottles—“Cheers,” she says—and drink. Tell him, tell him, tell hi—

“I don’t know if you noticed, but I, um, never made the world a happier place.”

They nod together and Scully knows that this is the moment to tell him. She takes a deep breath. “Well, I’m fairly happy. That’s something.” A smile slides onto her face and she looks at him, a lot more than fairly happy now. “Actually, I’m ecstatic.” She gives a little laugh and reaches into her pocket for the piece of paper she’d stared at for hours earlier.

“Really? Is there a specific reason, or...?”

Scully pulls the paper out and looks at the blue highlighted text on the portion of the paper that’s not folded back for a moment before handing it to Mulder. “That’s why,” she says, voice trembling a little out of happiness.

She watches his face as the words sink in. He reads it again, murmuring, “Diagnosis: pregnancy (3.5 weeks),” as he does so, a grin spreading across his lips. “Scully...”

“I know,” she says, setting her bottle on the table, and before Mulder can say anything else, she cups his cheeks and kisses him, unwilling to fight the urge.

“Scully, this is wonderful!” He laughs joyously and kisses her again, setting the paper and his drink on the table. “I’m so happy.” He brings her into his embrace and buries his face in her shoulder for a long moment, both of them starting to cry. He suddenly pulls away and puts his hand on her abdomen under her shirt, his other arm still wrapped around Scully.

“I love you,” she tells him.

“I love you, too,” he replies.