#oh bill Clinton

[formulanni]

As requested

Tag list: @st-leclerc @rubywingsracing @saviour-of-lord @three-days-time @the-wall-is-my-goal @albonoooo @ch3rubd0lls @brawngp2009

@foolishrunt enjoy?!

If you're taking requests can you draw 41st US president bill clinton?

I am not taking requests but absolutely I can draw 41st US President Bill Clinton do u have any additional things to add here

[nando161mando]

The way this isn't even surprising, I just woke up and saw it and was like "Oh, makes sense for this timeline."

[god-breast-america]

IM SO FUCKING SICK OF HIM

[undercooked-icicle]

Sex Foot

[winterbirb]

Don't buy Netanyahu's new(?) memoir but if you do see it in the bookstore and have some free time, I recommend flipping through it to one of the pages where he talks about Obama, Kerry, or Biden. "Why?" Well, because it's funny to watch Bibi seethe and seethe and cope and seethe about how the evil Obama administration isn't cooperating with his blistering hatred of Palestine

[bobcatblahs]

Monica Lewinsky deserved better. She was a freaking KID- barely an “adult” and Bill was THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN HER COUNTRY… and our nation freaking made her into a punchline. She was a victim.

Monica Lewinsky still deserves better.

i'm sorry but this is the only submission to this trend that i'll consider giving any thought to

[sapphire-mage]

PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO VOTE

CW: Politics, but I'm seeing people getting WAY too comfortable. People posting videos of Republicans fumbling, making crappy talking points, backpedaling in a way that will hurt them. Quoted with "Oh, they're LOSING losing this election."

Listen: Election Day 2016, I was working in Target. Closing shift, electronics. I'm at the 'boat' with a cell phone member, and this woman checks out a video game with her newborn baby in a stroller.

She checks out, looks to her baby, and goes, "Come on, sweetie. Let's go watch Donald Trump LOSE the presidential election."

The cell phone member, who I knew was a Republican, looked at me and goes, "...See, I know she's right, but does she have to say it?"

And then Donald Trump won the election.

--

Lemme be clear: Fuck Hilary and Bill Clinton. And no, I'm not about to go on a blame game of "NONE OF YOU VOTED!" What's done is done, who gives a shit at this point. 2016 is almost ten years ago!

But if you care about a single person in your life who is trans, disable, minority, woman, or any non-het sexuality, YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE COMPLACENT THIS YEAR! You cannot 'not care about politics'. Everyone within the Republican party is showing who they really are this year with codes of how much they want to tear everything and everyone down!

I don't love Kamala. I'm not gonna sit here and act like she's gonna be the savior of Palestine, cause I know she's not. And Palestine will be free.

But Donald just made a statement saying that "Kamala is mean to Israel and Jewish people", so if you think not voting for Kamala is going to help Palestine, I have horrible news for you.

I know it sucks. I know it's a pain in the ass. Believe me: I'm moving this week, and I gotta RE-REGISTER to vote... IN SOUTH CAROLINA! Is South Carolina gonna turn blue, probably not. I'm still fucking voting! I voted in North Carolina too, and they always went red.

If you are capable of voting, please vote.

[jilyandbambi]

#omg now i’m imagining the ‘you’re wrong about’ ep about the yellowjackets crash#i need to hear sarah marshall defending shauna shipman#‘today i’m joined by blair braverman to talk about probably the third largest media storm of the 90s after oj and monika lewinsky’#‘shauna shipman had the audacity to have sex as a teen girl and then not die about it so tabloids HAD to destroy her life’#yj @jewberry-scone

yeah, if 6 teenage girls and 1 teenage boy had emerged from the Canadian wilderness after 19 months with a 1 year old baby in tow, there would've been no escaping the media hellstorm. They would've been on 20/20 within 3 months. One group interview and a few candids of Shauna holding the baby would've been the price they'd all have had to pay in order to be left tf alone because while in 2023 society pretends to care about trauma, PTSD, and teens' mental health, this was the 90s--when Nicole Brown Simpson was blamed for her own murder, Lorena Bobbit was a late-night punchline, R. Kelly marrying 15 y/o Aalyiah was an open secret, grown men were calling into radio stations to speculate on 16 y/o Britney Spears' virginity, and Monica Lewinsky was doxxed and getting death threats for sucking off Bill Clinton.

What I'm saying is:

Seven teens (the girls + Travis) surviving against the odds for 19 months is the epilogue to a tragedy with enough unanswered questions to keep true crime nerds speculating & reporters digging.

But them being found with an infant? Had it come out that one of the girls was pregnant and gave birth during the ordeal? That's mainstream tabloid fodder. The kind that not even "papers of repute" would turn their noses up at. Barbara Walters, Lesley Stahl, and Mike Wallace would be beating each other and TMZ down to get the first interview, the first photo of the baby. NBC would've backed a U-Haul full of money onto the Shipman's, the Martinez', and the Sadecki's front yard (because speculation as to who the actual father really was would be kept going until it came directly from the source). Did she know she was pregnant when she got on the plane? Who else knew? What was it like giving birth? Did any of the other girls get pregnant? How many of the girls did Travis do it with? Weren't any of them afraid of the same thing happening to them? Did doing it help them cope?

And it wouldn't just be the media. Doctors, child development specialists, psychologists, sociologists, and academics would be calling non-stop to get Shauna and the baby to participate in clinical trials and studies.

The only way they'd have been left alone is if they'd done a televised interview and ended it by pleading to be allowed to go on with their lives in peace

[batboyblog]

2016 is often considered the point when leftism managed to get itself into the mainstream and became more popular, but I honestly can't help but wonder, given the sheer descent into conspiracy theory and selfish cruelty of the current state, whether in hindsight it was actually leftism's step into decline.

I've been thinking about this a lot, sadly I'm getting the start of a Migraine, so the edges of my thoughts are all fuzzy so idk if I'll be able to do what I think justice, but lets try.

The human mind doesn't really like complexity, it'd a pattern recognition machine built to find food and stuff that thinks you're food in the African brush. So we like to find patterns and lump stuff together, its hardwired in.

so "Leftism" I do understand what you mean, but I think it covers a really wide area.

and I think in politics we like to assign ideological and policy logic to things to political movements, it has to be about a coherent and rational ideology and world view we think. But... I think, often times it's emotional as much as anything. Did people vote for JFK or Reagan so much for policy as they, personally in their person, seemed to be the antidote to what was wrong in the moment? JFK seemed young and energetic when compared to an elderly and ill President Eisenhower, Reagan had the claiming aging leading man energy to make everyone feel like it'd be okay, a movie cowboy to lead us against bad guys we didn't understand while nice guy Jimmy Carter seemed stuck.

So back to 2016, I think there was so real ideology to start. The Left of the Democratic Party felt empowered after 2006, the left of the party had been against the Iraq War from the jump and that turned into the organizing issue that pushed Republicans out of power in 2006. A San Fran liberal, founding member of the House Progressive Cause was the first woman Speaker (and in favor of gay marriage too). In 2008 the Left of the party for largely emotional reasons sided with Obama over Clinton, even though they largely overlapped on policy and where there were (minor) differences she was to his left.

so riding high from two back to back wins, having gotten a lot of progressives elected to the House and Senate (like Bernie Sanders) progressive Dems were pretty let down by the real results, the ACA got bogged down and their dearest wish list item, the public option, which Pelosi fought for so hard, failed to make it into the final bill, and then 2010, a blood bath. And understandably there's been some frustration with Obama for not living up to the hype and also failing to really focus on state level races, Democrats got tarred hard

BUT! there's also an emotional side, Occupy Wall Street. I remember at the time being interested in it, I was young and more radical, but soon I got really frustrated because they had no demands, I watched every night MSNBC which was very sympathetic, but no one could articulate what it is they wanted, past a vague idea of "punish" the guilty.

I think there's a lot of restless frustration, some of it grounded and based in reality some of it not, in this country and its only grown over time as well as a contempt for and a break down of any kind of respect for experts and norms any anything established.

SO! I think that emotion latched onto Bernie and the left of the Democratic Party. As someone who worked that election I can tell you, at first knocking doors in New Hampshire, I got the taste of the very start of the campaign. And people would say "oh I'm voting for Bernie now, but I'll vote for Hillary in the general" but soon it went from friendly, from "we're pushing her to the left" to something bitter and angry. I had Bernie supporters tell me 1990s Fox News conspiracy theories around the Clintons, I had a Bernie supporter (in the general election) follow two college girl volunteers for blocks back to our office to SCREAM at us all.

Bernie won the New Hampshire Primary pretty commandingly that year, and partly because he had a strong volunteer network. But in the general despite many efforts we could barely get any of his regular volunteers to come work with us against Trump. I remember one lady who showed up just once and looked RIP SHIT! to be there, I think she said that all the positive stuff we said about Clinton, at a canvass launch for Clinton, made her "sick" and "don't expect me to say anything nice about her!" and she was one of only a tiny number of Bernie people who showed up in the general so she was better than some.

I remember the only Bernie Volunteer we got to become a regular. He'd knocked doors for months in New Hampshire for Bernie, organized his own phone bank into Nevada for their primary, drove down to South Carolina and spent the week before their primary knocking. Clearly a true believer, and when he decided to volunteer with us they kicked him out of the Facebook group he started and stopped speaking to him. I'll always remember what he said, that around the Bernie office they used to say that "a Trump voter was just a Bernie voter who hasn't been educated yet"

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, there were real motivations of the progressives and the left of the party, real policy based frustrations, particularly around how health care worked out, and I think Bernie Sanders himself was running because of that and to express that. But it tapped into something else, something not really political and much more emotional, rage and bitterness and a need to punish, the same energizes Trump taps into. It made a permission to be nasty to people you don't like, particularly women, I won't repeat the things people said on the phones, horrible.

now in 2024, almost 10 years later, there's a lot more depression mixed in, Trump talks about America as a 3rd world country all the time, there's just a vibe of having given up, hopelessness. There's a genocide and everything is horrible and hopeless and give up and die.

I don't believe in giving up, I don't believe in bitterness, I'm not a sunny person in real life, but I believe the point of politics, the politics I'm a part of, is lifting people up. It might be corny and uncool, but I believe in America, not that we're prefect, no, we're not, but together we've done great things, we fought a world war and went to the moon, and we can do great things together still always if we believe in each other, build each other up, stop being so afraid and weak and sad. I want to be beat fascism again, I want to go to the moon again, I want to beat climate change, and finally finally make the promise that all men are created equal REAL, and I don't believe in hiding behind walls, and crying that we can't do it any more, fuck that shit.

[nando161mando]

sigh.

[still-searching-for-something]

What gets me is not that Donald Trump won. It's that he won the popular vote. It's that a majority of American voters said, "Yes, I want this guy as my president."

They deliberately, knowingly decided the fascist, felonious, antidemocratic candidate who'd organized a coup attempt and got away with it needed the presidency. No American voter doesn't know who Trump is. They have no excuse. They knew he stood for antidemocracy.

But he also stood for a stronger economy! Lower gas prices! Cheaper groceries! Lower taxes!

And most Americans decided those things were more important to them than democracy. They've, as a majority, decided democracy < convenience.

"But the real problem was voter turnout and apathy!"

Okay, so then most Americans--85.7 million--either voted for the fascist or couldn't be assed to lift a finger to save democracy, compared to 68 million. 55% of Americans either deliberately chose cheaper groceries over democracy or were too pathetically lazy to give a fuck either way. Much better. It's a human choice to make, to vote for their wallet than their grand abstract ideology, but it's one that hurts all of us, including them, including Ukraine and the EU (and Palestine, for the record!) and all future generations to come. It's a selfish, short-sighted decision that betrays a deep rot in our priorities.

I thought we understood that sometimes, we have to take a hit as a nation to preserve our democracy and our freedoms. Is the same nation that took rationing during the Second World War to defeat the Nazis and the Japanese Empire? That lost hundreds of thousands of men to put down an illegal, treasonous rebellion?

And today, we've decided our rights can be exchanged for cheaper eggs, milk, and butter?

"Oh, Harris ran a bad campaign. She tried to appease everyone which pleased no one. She didn't appeal to the right demographics on the right issues. She dodged questions, she was entitled, she was--"

Yeah, I don't care.

In fact, I agree with you, but frankly, the economic policies and foreign policies and immigration policies and social policies of either candidate are completely fucking irrelevant if one of them doesn't adhere to the basic democratic rule of accepting that democracy's validity and existence. If a vote for one candidate threatens the democratic health of that nation, and a vote for the other--regardless of what other consequences it may have--doesn't, then morally, you have to vote for democratic one.

Is that unreasonable? Maybe. Yeah, Democrats should have run a better campaign more focused on the bread and butter issues people care about. Like Clinton said, 'It's the economy, stupid!' Democrats had a responsibility to run the best campaign they could have, given the stakes.

But that still doesn't justify a vote for antidemocracy. Call me crazy, but I think a vote for authoritarianism is unreasonable. "They were a little patronizing and I want to shave a few bucks off my grocery bill, so I'll vote for the fascist!" is still an unhinged and indefensible conclusion to arrive at, regardless of how valid your claims of being hurt at the cash register or being patronized are.

I've lost any and all faith in Americans. I honestly thought we were better than this. I really did. And I don't know how or if a democracy can function if a majority of its electorate are willing to sacrifice democratic norms for short-term benefits.

Fuck Republicans and every single person who voted against democracy because their grocery bill was too high. May you get exactly the kind of government you deserve and voted for.

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Batfam Incorrect Quotes as quotes from my dnd group (pt 2)

Jason:"Consent is for sex, not murder"

Tim:"I know I gave you words, and I didn't follow them myself- but that's because I'm better than you" Dick:“I'm Nightwing, I have boundaries now”!

Damian:"Truly what greater thrill is there than to fear for ones life"? Steph:"You refer to yourself in 3rd person ALOT-" Tim:"Oh yeah its a problem, and Bob Dolan did as well and that's probably why he lost the election against Bill Clinton" Jason:"Listen when I was in the pit- when it was swirling around in my mouth, it never occurred to me that I should be dead" Tim:“Bart, would you still like me if I wasn't… me” Bart:“..Like if you were a worm”? Steph:"Cold water" Jason:"Artist"? Duke:"Justin Beiber" Damian:"..who"? Jason:"Aw fuck man do I give off Justin Beiber vibes"? Tim:"Bart is every 7 year old boy in the world" Deathstroke:"I do not look for charm or cunning in my protoge's, only spirit- which you have plenty" Baby Dick:"Well thanks-" Duke:“I gave them sentience and therefore, a crisis”

[evilhorse]

Jack Kirby's Secret City Saga #3

[miryum]

"Halloween"

Summary: Detective!Jason Todd x detective!Reader based on Jake and Amy's relationship

Series Warnings: Swearing, descriptions of violence (but nothing descriptive), guns and other police stuff

Series Masterlist

“I- I don’t like Halloween.” Tim manoeuvred around a packed, crazed precinct. “Especially in Gotham. So many people in weird costumes doing weird shit that we have to fix.”

“The holding cell’s completely full,” Jason called from where he was pushing a Raggedy Ann into the folds of costume. Raggedy Ann blew him a kiss and Jason stalked over to his desk opposite Y/n’s. “So many people have slipped me their phone numbers or thought I was a stripper.”

“Seems like you should follow your true calling then, Jaybird,” Y/n said. “You’d make an excellent stripper.” She winked dramatically at him and said, “I’d be first in line to see you.” 

Before Jason could cuss Y/n out, Steph said, “Seriously, we need to do something about the prisoners. We’ve already had to separate Kim Jong-Un and Hillary Clinton.”

Y/n was walking past the holding cell when she noticed a Hillary Cilton practically in the lap of a Kim Jong-Un, sucking his face off. “Hey! Hey!” She barged through the door and attempted to pull Hillary off. “Come on, now! What would Bill think? I mean,” she paused and muttered, “he kind of deserves it, but you could do so much better than Kim Jong-Un.”

“And�� who are you supposed to be?” Jason squinted at Cass. 

“Dude, it’s kinda obvious.” Y/n said, “The entire precinct’s got a theme going on. It was decided in the group chat.”

Cass was dressed in an orange jumpsuit, a pillow shoved in for her stomach. She wore large, comical glasses that looked like she’d bought them for three dollars at a convenience store. Y/n, on the other hand, was in a yellow shirt with thick denim overalls, as were Tim, Steph, and Damian. Tim seemed disgruntled about it, while Damian sat reclined in his chair, taking it with pride. 

“Minions!” Dick called out loudly, silencing the precinct. He was in black jeans and a sweater. Around his neck, he wore an iconic scarf and a bald cap was thrown haphazardly over his hair. “Tonight, we steal… ze moon!” He threw his arms up and Y/n jumped up, cheering. 

“Ze moon! Ze moon!” Steph clapped along and Damian pumped his fist lazily. Tim just sighed and covered his face with his hands. “I was blackmailed into this,” he whispered.

“Oh my gosh, I work with idiots.” Jason sat back in his chair. 

“Attention,” Wayne strode into the bullpen. “I need two detectives to go undercover at a Halloween party where we suspect there will be a transition of drugs and illegal behaviour.”

“It’s like he was born on a thesaurus,” Y/n whispered. 

“Brown and Drake, you’re already in costume. I’m assigning you two to the case.” Tim groaned at his Captain's words, but nodded anyway. He couldn’t disobey his superior. 

“Drake,” Steph looped her arm through his, dragging him to the elevator. “I know you hate Halloween, even though it’s one of the greatest holidays, but I’ll make it the best.” 

“Can you make everyone kind, sober, and fully clothed? Tim asked desperately. 

“Kind, sober, and fully clothed!” Y/n shouted out. “Title of Jason’s sex tape!” 

Jason gawaffed. “I wasn’t even in this conversation!” 

Y/n exhaled and said, “Yeah, but I already tease Timmy-boy enough. He needs a break. However, I haven’t filled my quota for bugging you today.”

“I feel like your quota for teasing me is much higher than anyone else’s.” 

“Yes,” Y/n nodded. “Yes, it is.” 

“Listen up, dorks!” Y/n paraded into the bullpen, wearing a GCPD jacket over her costume. “I just arrested my first Halloween idiot! He was trying to rob a bank but had a… heh. Little bit of trouble getting away.” 

A man dressed in a large banana suit was stuck in the doorframe of the bank. Y/n couldn’t hold back her laughter as she tried to arrest him. “Trying to ‘split,’ huh? But I’m sure you’ll get out on ‘a peel.’ You have the ‘ripe’ to remain silent.” She snickered before saying, “I’m so glad you’re stuck! I’ve got a million of these! Wait, no, no! Don’t touch the money!”

“I swear, some of these perps are so stupid. I’d make a better criminal than any of them. And the best part is, none of you would be able to catch me!” 

Jason scoffed as Captain Wayne said, “That’s unrealistic. I’m one hundred percent sure you’d get caught.”

“Oh, ho, ho! Chall-enge accep-ted.” She sounded the words out slowly, placing her hands on her hips accusingly.

“I didn’t issue a challenge. There was no challenge. Where did you hear a challenge?” Wayne shrugged, his arms crossed.

Y/n hummed, thinking. “What’s the most valuable thing in your office?”

“My medal of valour,” Wayne replied instantly.

“Oh my god, you’re such a nerd. Fine. Okay. I bet that by midnight tonight, I can steal it from your office.”

“And why would I possibly agree to that?”

Y/n sang out, “because if I lose, I'll work the next five weekends, no overtime. And I won't tell anyone about the time I saw you wearing shorts outside of work. But if I win…” She rocked back on her heels, tapping her chin thoughtfully.

“You won't,” Wayne cut her off.

“You have to do all my paperwork tonight, the busiest and spoooookiest night of the year. Oh! And you must publicly state that I am an amazing detective-slash-genius.”

Wayne raised a brow, intrigued. ”And this won't interfere with you doing your job?”

“You mean my job as an amazing detective-slash-genius? No, it will not.”

Wayne hummed and his eyebrows lifted by half a centimetre. “I'm considering it... I'm interested. I agree to participate.” He held out a hand and Y/n giddily shook it.

“Hey, Damian? Dami? We don’t talk much anymore. How are you? Did you get a haircut? How’s Titus? What’s the Captain's schedule? I love you, bestie!”

Damian glanced up at her, unaffected. “I’m not going to assist you with your scheme. I am Captain Wayne’s assistant; a job I take incredibly seriously.”

“You’re literally making paper knives out of police reports.”

“How else am I to stab someone?”

“More like give them a harsh paper cut.” Y/n whined, “come on, Dami! Please, help me out here!”

His gaze was piercing. Quietly, he finally muttered, “he has a meeting downstairs in ten minutes.”

“I love you! I love you! Thank you so much!”

A while later, Captain Wayne was in his office and suddenly spoke to the air, “Are you in my ceiling, L/n?

There was a pregnant pause before a voice filtered through the vents. “No?”

Wayne seemed unimpressed. “So what's the plan? You wait for me to leave my office, lower yourself down, take my medal, and win the bet?”

“Die Hard meets Mission Impossible,” Y/n snickered before remembering her place and tutting, “who are you talking to? There's no one up here!”

“L/n, just so you know, right now, I am taking my medal off the wall and placing it in a locked safe whose combination is known only to me. The safe, in turn, is locked in the cabinet. The only key to that cabinet is on my person.” True to his words, Wayne did as he was saying. ”I'm off to my meeting. Good luck with your plan.”

Y/n cried out, “you think that scares me, fool? I laugh in the face of adversity!” She waited a moment before asking timidly, ”Are you still there? Captain, are you still there? I can't hear... Ack!” Suddenly, the ceiling fell from beneath her and in a crumble of dust and plaster, she collapsed on the floor. “Ow.”

“Oh, geez, what happened to you guys?” Jason asked Steph and Tim, the latter who was covered in runny eggs. Steph seemed to be unharmed. Dick stood up in surprise.

“We got egged,” Tim said flatly. “Some pieces of shell got in my contacts and my underwear.”

“Ooh, very hot,” Y/n snickered, swaying where she stood. Jason held a hand out to steady her. 

“I wish I was dead,” Tim grumbled.

“I’m doing great!” Steph squealed. “I’ve made four new friends. How’s the unwinnable bet going?”

“So little faith, Stephanie,” Y/n sighed. “On one hand, I fell through a ceiling. On the other hand, I think I bruised my brain.” She cupped her face in her hands, muttering nonsense about how brains look like loofahs.

“Look, Y/n,” Dick said carefully. “I love you like one of my daughters.”

“Aww, you do?” Y/n cooed.

“Yes, and I need to look out for you like them. You’re all irresponsible and need constant supervision. But this bet isn’t about you. It’s about Captain Wayne. That man is a genius. He’s had your number at every turn.”

“Well, not this day... Turn... time,” she stuttered. ”Sorry, I'm pretty sure I had a concussion back there! Jason, please catch me.” Jason leapt forward and cradled Y/n to his chest when she started falling backward. “Ooh, strong one,” she mumbled incoherently as he gently set her down in her chair.

“Damian.” Wayne walked up to his assistant and asked, “could you please decipher L/n’s handwriting? I believe the concussion is affecting her. She and Cain arrested a group of Royal Babies, but I’m unsure of what for.”

Damian took the paper and inspected it. “The Royal Babies were attempting to rob a small bakery. Being able to read Y/n’s handwriting is a gift. A useless gift, but still one nonetheless.”

“Pardon me, Damian.” Captain Wayne turned to a nearby janitor who was emptying Jason’s trash. “Nice costume, L/n.” 

The janitor cleared their throat and said in a deep, faux voice, “no L/n here. Just a random janitor pushing trash around.”

“L/n.”

Y/n spun around, a sheepish smile on her face. Jason hid a snicker as Y/n awkwardly said, “hey, Captain! What’s up?”

“You thought this was going to work?” Bruce hummed. 

“It did work!” Y/n scoffed. “This… was supposed to fail. It’s like chess. Sometimes, in order to win, you have to sacrifice your king.”

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “That’s how you lose chess. Have you ever played?”

“Uh, yeah!” she put a hand on her hip. “My Uncle Dave taught me!”

“Come on, lass! Even girls need to know how to shoot!”

“You’re slightly misogynistic, Uncle Davey, but I love you anyway!” A much younger Y/n propped up a handgun and carefully shot a number of chess pieces lined up on a faraway bench.

“Atta girl!”

“I expected better of you, L/n.” Captain Wayne shook his head. “You could’ve created a diversion to distract me from your terrible costume.”

“I had a diversion!” Y/n stomped her foot. “There was just a slight timing issue…” Just then, a nearby trash can lit up in a brilliant fire. “Whoops?” Y/n shrugged.

“Come on, Tim!” Steph threw her hands up in the midst of a party. “You look like such a cop! Have some fun, you know? It'll help you blend in!”

Tim stood stoically on the dance floor, not moving a muscle. “Stop trying to get me to love Halloween. It'll never work. Hey, heads up!” He noticed a man swap drugs for money with someone else. “I'll cut 'em off at the exit!”

Steph whirled around, instantly forgetting about the party. “Move! Move, move!”

The pair raced after the culprits and Tim cursed when he found the pack of drugs abandoned on the floor. “He ditched the drugs. I'm on it.” Tim shifted through partygoers and spilled drinks. “Ew… it’s sticking to me. Ugh! What is that? How is it hot and cold? Stephanie, help!”

“Hey, Cap-i-tan?” Y/n called from the bullpen. “Can you come out here for just one teeny weeny second?”

Bruce sighed and rubbed his temples, but did as his detective requested. “Do you need something, L/n?”

“Why yes, yes I do. Hit it, Royal Babies!” Y/n shouted out and at her command, all the Royal Babies marched into the bullpen. They began walking around randomly, swarming Captain Wayne, and throwing key chains around. Wayne just rolled his eyes and returned to his office. He found Y/n hunched over the cabinet drawer, attempting to copy Wayne’s keys. “Wha…. no!” Y/n groaned in frustration, slamming her fist down on the desk. “Ow…” She shook her hand out.

“Give me my keys, please.”

“Can you just stop catching me?” Y/n whined, “do you know how much I spent on key chains?”

“Probably around twenty-three dollars,” Captain Wayne said instantly. 

“That is unbelievably close and scary,” Y/n admitted. “Twenty-two dollars and seventy six cents.”

“Keys,” Wayne demanded.

“Okay, okay, look.” Y/n stood up, an embarrassed smile plastered on her face. “Tonight has been a tiny bit humiliating. Things aren’t going well, so what do you say we call off this silly little bet and pretend this whole thing never happened?”

“Oh, no no no,” Wayne let out an unusual chuckle. “I’m not letting you off the hook.” 

“What? Pffft. No… I’m giving you an out so you can save face.”

Wayne shook his head. “This is getting sad.” 

Y/n scoffed and tossed him his keys, sauntering out the door. “Uh, yeah. For you.”

“Captain,” Tim knocked on Wayne’s opened door. “Sorry to interrupt, but, uh, some officers just arrested L/n.

Bruce blinked. “What?”

“They caught her scaling the side of the building with a blowtorch.” Tim shook his head, still not understanding how Y/n managed to find a blowtorch and climb the building in the first place. Wayne just sighed in response. 

In the interrogation room, Wayne found Y/n handcuffed to the table. Knowing her, she had probably asked for the handcuffs.

“Welcome to the endgame.” Y/n tried to spread her hands ominously, but the handcuffs harshly pulled her back. “Ohh, that hurt. Forgot I was wearing those.”

“What the hell were you thinking, L/n?” Wayne shook his head, sitting down opposite Y/n.

Y/n inhaled through her teeth, trying to look ashamed. “I was thinking I had better core strength. I got winded, like, ten feet up.”

“I have to admit,” Wayne said. “I expected better of you. You have five minutes until your deadline, and yet, here you are, handcuffed to a table, in a locked room.”

“Which is precisely where I planned on being.” Y/n smiled sinisterly. “You remember when I pretended to be Herman, the janitor?”

“Yes, it was mere hours ago. And I caught you as Herman.”

Y/n wagged her finger. “But you didn't catch Cass! As it turns out, she’s great at picking locks!”

Cass crouched by Captain Wayne’s desk, carefully and quickly picking the lock as Y/n distracted him.

“Of course, I needed a way to get her out of your office without you noticing. Y/n explained, “so I created a diversion. Not a mistimed one… a perfectly timed one so Cass could escape.”

A fire burned in the trash can that caught Captain Wayne’s attention. Cass somersaulted out of his office.

“But you needed a way into the safe,” Wayne reminded her.

“And I got it. You were so concerned with getting your keys back, you didn't even notice the sergeant stealing your phone. That's right, even Dick is on my side! Then, Jason dusted your screen cover for prints. The greasiest smudges revealed the four numbers you use the most…” Y/n leaned back in her chair. “Based on your advanced age, I assumed that you use the same passcode for everything.”

Wayne conceded, “that would be a fair assumption.”

“It was at that point that I made fun of Jason for reading some sappy romance book.”

Wayne raised a brow. “And how is that a part of your masterplan?”

Y/n shrugged. “It wasn't. It just ruled. And that brings us to five minutes ago, when Tim barged into your office and told you I’d been arrested. I knew he’s the only one you’d believe because, frankly, he’s too lame to partake in these things.” Y/n grinned sharply and continued, “And as you walked over here, Stephanie crawled into the ceiling, using the hole I so cleverly left behind to enter your office. We had the four numbers for your code, which meant there were twenty-four possible combinations for Steph to try. That would take up to four minutes, which is why I really dragged out this explanation.” Wayne shook his head in disbelief and sat back in his chair. Y/n chuckled and kept rambling, “I mean, really stretched it. I don't know if you noticed, but there were times where I was like, what am I even talking about? I could make a career out of this! Professional monologuer.” The beeping of a timer interrupted her. “Oh! But now, four minutes is up. Which means Stephanie is either on the other side of that door holding your medal, or I've lost.” She pointed towards the interrogation door and simply smiled.

Captain Wayne stared at her a moment longer with a look somewhere in between wonder and frustration. Slowly, he stood up and opened the door. Stephanie proudly grinned from the opposite side, holding up his medal of valour. “Just one question,” Wayne started, not bothering to sit back down. “How’d you convince them to help you?”

Y/n chortled. “You think so little of me. Of course, I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camaraderie with a rousing speech that would have Shakespeare begging for my talent.”

Y/n stood atop a chair in the middle of the bullpen and announced in a terrible Scottish accent, “For too long, we thee have been ridiculed, pushed around, and put down. But I say no more! For today, thee shall defeat the mad king and win our thine country back!”

“How did you actually do it?” Bruce gave Y/n a knowing glare.

“Unfortunately, my speech did not work.” Y/n sighed and continued speaking as if she hadn’t heard the Captain. “The sixty-sixth precinct has no sense of honour and solidarity. Maybe we should start doing team-building activities… Anyway, I bribed them. Told them I would do their paperwork.” She gave her superior a shit-eating grin. “And cause you’re doing my paperwork,” she sang, letting him come to the same conclusion.

Wayne huffed a laugh. “Well played L/n. Well played.” 

He slowly exited the room, leaving Y/n to cry out, “Captain? Hey, Captain? Are you gonna unlock me?” She rattled the handcuffs. “Captain?!” Eventually, Jason came in to help her (not before taking many pictures).

Later that night, Wayne gathered everyone in the briefing room and swallowed his pride. “Y/n L/n is an amazing detective-slash-genius.” Y/n mouthed along to the words. “And if you’ll excuse me, I have some paperwork to do.”

Captain Wayne sat in his office, surrounded by paperwork. However, instead of beginning, he opened a pad of paper and wrote: Halloween 2

[deadpresidents]

"Everyone was calling everyone. I was honored to call one of the family members of the 9/11 victims; I called the House Homeland Security Committee and [Secretary of Homeland Security] Janet Napolitano. While I was in the Situation Room, I overheard one of the White House operations, saying [on the phone], 'Oh, I'm so sorry -- I didn't know you didn't work for President Clinton anymore. Do you know where I can reach him?' President Obama was calling his predecessors, George W. Bush and President Clinton. The operator is trying to find President Clinton. I looked at him and I said, 'Hold on one minute.' And I stepped back into the main room, [Secretary of State] Hillary [Clinton] was there, and I said, 'Madam Secretary, I'm really sorry to bother you, but do you have your husband's phone number?'

-- Mike Leiter, Director of the National Counterterrorism Center, on the immediate aftermath of the raid that killed Osama bin Laden on May 2, 2011. President Obama was trying to get in touch with his immediate predecessors to notify them about the successful special forces operation and bin Laden's death, but there was some trouble finding contact information for former President Bill Clinton until Leiter realized he could simply ask Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for the former President's phone number.

[purple--queen]

*At a double date* *Bucky & Clint standing away from the table*

Bucky: There is no way you are paying that bill. It has been out here forever, and he hasn't even pretended to reach for his wallet.

Clint: This is torture, Bucky. I'll pay anything to end it.

Bucky: Stay strong.

*starting to fight over the credit card*

Clint: I'm weak. You married a weak man!

Bucky: Give it to me...Give it...Clint...

*credit card falls to the table & at the bill* *Waiter takes it*

Bucky: No! Walter! Walter! Walter! Augh

*Bucky & Clint getting back to the table*

Bucky: Okay. Here's the thing. We like hanging out-

Clint: No BUcky, No.

Steve: I know what this is about. Tony you should have paid the check. It's rude.

Clint: He is not rude. He is wonderful. I had to pay.

Bucky: Why?

Tony: Clint don't you say another word!

Steve: What the hell is going on here?

Tony: Nothing:

Bucky: Clinton?

Clint: Fine. If you have to know every last detail about my life. I lost a bet to Tony in Cabo. Now I own him five meals. There we're done.

Tony: That's it.

Bucky: Why didn't you just say it?

Clint: Th...There is no reason.

Bucky: What. Was. The bet?

Tony: Clint I mean it. Don't say another word.

Clint: They're gonna figure it out, Tony.

Tony: How could they figure out, Clint?

Clint: They're gonna figure it out. We were drunk on magaritas and we wanted to find out whos husband would eat the most crickets

Bucky & Steve: What?

Tony: Doesn't seem like they were circling that, Clint.

Bucky: You were just g-grabbing crickets and sneaking them into our food?

Clint: Not lives one. They were roasted

Bucky and Steve: Oh my god!

Bucky *pointing at Tony & Clint*: You're disgusting people.

Clint: You're missing the silver lining here, honey. I lost the bet.

Bucky: So I didn't eat crickets?

Tony: You ate three

Bucky: Ohhh

Clint: Steve had six

Steve: Six? *slapping Tony* You could've won with four.

Tony: Babe. Babe i could not take that chance