#obviously this is subjective to my experience at my own uni and other unis may mark essays differently

[joemuggs]

How To....

A couple of years back on Twitter, someone was asking me if I had practical tips for anyone who wanted to start music reviewing – as I started to reply I realised they’d be worth saving so I posted them as a thread. Now I’m deleting my Twitter archive I thought I’d save a few highlights, including this. And then this week I did a lecture for some music industry students, and added a few bits to it that cropped up in the conversations with them. So here you go!

The main answer is: do some of your own reviews on a blog, Substack, YouTube, even TikTok for a bit – or if you can find something like a local listings site or uni magazine that will take a couple even better. If you are then contacting editors of bigger mags, that’s a really great showcase: however small or amateur the platform is, you have at least been published. This is also something you can send to PRs to get press tickets or pre-release copies of records. 

I know we're supposed to say “never write for free” but I think fundamentalism on “that issue sometimes puts people off getting started. Obviously it's bad if it's a company that could afford to pay but doesn't, but community / fanzine / college mags etc are great places to cut your teeth and though it’s become a dirty word “exposure” genuinely is valuable if you’re trying to get a foot on the ladder.

Then track down reviews editors for publications, and email suggesting upcoming records you're interested in with a VERY SHORT precis of why they're interesting at this specific time for this specific publication, and including link to your already-published stuff, whether on your own blog or another publication. Don't send a generic pitch to everyone, but one for each publication showing you understand their specific angles, house style and requirements. 

Don't expect a reply but don't take no reply as a “no”, either. Feel free to give a nudge a week later, but don't hassle repeatedly. Rather, if you don't hear back after a reminder, again it's not a “no” – again, editors are always swamped and may not even have seen it – but move on, and try another pitch another time, when you've got a really good one.

All of this is something you’ll have to repeat throughout your working life, no matter how established you get. Pitches WILL get ignored, that’s just life, and it is not a reflection on you. You need to develop thick skin on that. This is tough, writers are very prone to rejection sensitivity. But persistence and repetition will get you partially used to it... eventually. 

Style is a whole other subject really – there are lots of basics like “say what you see”, “don't write it if you wouldn't say it”, “use fewer adjectives” etc (and really, take these to heart) – but the ideas and understanding are more important. If you have sharp or original understanding of the records you’re talking about, AND show you understand the particular publication and its ethos too, a good editor should clock that, and be forgiving of, or willing to work with, stylistic quirks.

Sometimes it'll take a lot of pitches for them to notice, so persistence is good, but don't oversell yourself. Just have good ideas. And LISTEN TO THE MUSIC. Each time you write or pitch a review, start with what you’re hearing, not your preconceptions of the artist, genre or context. This is also an important thing to cultivate in terms of not getting jaded: if you privilege the experience of listening to music over your own theoretical framework or assumptions, it will keep you in touch with what you loved about it in the first place, and stop you going round in ever decreasing circles creatively.

And one annoying but important one: don't get bitter. People will always leapfrog ahead of you based on having more privilege and connections; there will always be people in influential positions who fail to register your potential. It's good and right to note that, be angered by it, and sometimes call it out. But don't let it eat away at YOU or taint your view of the value of good media and the value of what you do. 

Talk to other freelancers, mostly they're v supportive and there are at least as many ppl who'll actively help you deal with those iniquities as there are who perpetrate them. Even aside from that, chance plays a huge part. All the stars can align and yet it “never quite gets going, then at other times something seemingly inconsequential can be a massive breakthrough. 

It took me a good decade from getting byline in national publication to being more-or-less full time in writing and music, and the industry was considerably more forgiving back then. You have to constantly work on having faith on yourself, and just relentless, repetitive graft, to get anywhere and often it feels like it's for nothing.

But again it comes back to your ideas. Is your engagement with the subject for real: do you have something you want to communicate about it, and will you enjoy the often tiring and mundane process of hammering that idea into a clear and concise form? If so, hang onto that core thing and it'll get you through a lot.

And this relates back to being clear about your motives and not getting jaded: if you are serious about the craft, time spent writing and/or pitching is never time wasted. Opportunities may be fewer now but if you care about music (or indeed whatever your chosen topic) and about communicating then honing that craft by repetition, learning the difference between having something to say and just showboating, learning to take criticism, developing ideas over time etc: all these things are valuable personally, valuable as a growing writer, and transferable to the workplace, academia etc.

[studyingatyork]

Writing English lit essays at undergrad degree level (UK)

Have a focused argument. Your essay should be based around one particular idea.

That idea doesn't have to be super complex!!

The first time I received a mark of 70+ for an essay, the argument was literally "this character is intended to be likeable" - I picked up marks because I supported my argument with historical research & close analysis.

Always always always pick a topic/idea that genuinely interests you. Something about the text (book/poem/play/song/whatever you're studying) that stands out to you, personally. Something you find yourself rambling about to your coursemates/friends/family.

Once you have an idea of what you want to write about, find primary material/extracts - i.e. quotes from the text that support your argument.

Do close analysis of your extracts for literary techniques.

Each point of your essay should be based around your own close analysis of the text, integrating bits of secondary research as you go.

That will make your tutor go "hell yeah!! this student is v confident in their argument a+++"

If you've done A level English, you'll know the drill for close analysis tbh.

Look at each quote and ask yourself "why does this make me feel this way?"

Is it the connotations of a certain word? Is it the use of rhyme or repetition? Is it the use of a certain lexicon (e.g. a bunch of words that all refer to the same theme)? Etc.

Try to come up with at least 3 or 4 things to say about each extract.

At degree level you need to be aware of the historical context of this literary form/genre!!

Literary forms did not spring into existence at the dawn of time, my friends.

If you're studying Austen, you need to know that the "novel" was a newfangled thing in the early 1800s.

If you're studying Shakespeare, you need to know about the London playhouses opening in 1500s, and why plays suddenly became super popular at that time.

All of that will influence why your text was created, so it will influence your argument.

That's the kind of thing you will learn about in lectures or seminars, but there will be books and articles on literary forms as well, which you should be citing in your essay.

Which leads us into...

Research historical, social, political, biographical contexts

Basically, have a picture in your mind of where your text sits.

Some combination of the author's personal life & social issues of the era & the literary scene of the era - all led to this particular text being created!!

I know that "historical context" can seem like such a broad term & can feel overwhelming to even consider, but you're not expected to be a world class historian, just to show some awareness of these contexts.

It can help to brainstorm all those different contexts, and plan where you're going to mention them in your essay, how they might be relevant to each quote you use.

E.g. you might find a quote which you can link to the author's personal life, another which could reflect a particular social movement.

But always link it back to your argument at the end of every paragraph.

Research critical opinions on this topic/field

What have published scholars already said about this? Has someone already made a similar argument? Has someone made an argument that goes against yours? Have people studied a related topic, but not the exact thing you're interested in?

Don't be afraid to argue against a critic!! Some of my best essays were ones where I threw hands with published scholars.

But make sure you have some solid analysis to back up your argument, if you're going to do that.

In my experience you can REALLY pick up marks here, by showing that you've done your research.

Just by including a few sentences like "Mr Scholar and Dr Academic have both produced acclaimed work on the cultural significance of gnomes in Wonderland, but neither have considered the importance of fairies, which I will explore in this essay..."

There are lots of different ways to actually find this kind of secondary material (I might make another post on research if anyone cares??) but essentially Google Scholar and JSTOR are your best friends. Search those key terms!!

Other general advice

Always go to see your module tutor (who will be marking your essay!) in their office hours, while you're in the researching/planning stage.

Seriously, this isn't A level where the examiner hates you - your uni tutors really want you to enjoy your module and get a good mark.

They're nerds experts in this field, and they'll be able to give you really useful info, about things like which critics are important for you to consider.

Every point/paragraph should serve your argument. No waffle points. If you're struggling to bump up your word count, find more quotes and add more close analysis that supports your argument.

Research =/= reading until your eyes fall out

When you get a big ass book from the library for secondary research, open it already thinking: how am I going to use this to support my argument?

Sometimes that means only reading the introduction and conclusion, to get a general feel for author's general argument.

Sometimes that means only using one chapter that's relevant to you.

Sometimes that means using the index for key terms, e.g. "women" or "death" or "colonialism".

Remember, you'll probably only end up mentioning one or two things from each secondary source, in your final essay.

I cannot stress this enough: record all your research in a research document (Word, Google docs, a notebook, whatever suits you).

And note down the title, author and especially the PAGE NUMBER for every bit of research you do. Every. Single. Bit.

You'll need to quote the page numbers for all your secondary sources, in your references. You don't want to be desperately flipping through a 500-page book looking for one single quote the night before it's due.

Other blogs pls feel free to add more advice!!

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Blood, tears and sea breeze

Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.

Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.

First Previous Last

Chapter 22: Handkerchief

"Jonathan Norbury arrived at Broadchurch five years ago, to open an electronic shop owned by his father, replacing a mildly successful motorcycle shop" The lawyer had put an unbelieving emphasis in the word successful, you asume it was on purpose to get a reaction from the man being question, and sitting two meters away from Jonathan you knew she was successful in railing him up "He had, by his own account" She pointed at the speaker where they had played one more time his voicemail to Ashley "An unpleasant experience with woman in a bar that inspire him to go to AA, and therefore had a religious awakening that result in meeting Y/N, Y/L/N" you start crushing a napkin you had in your hand, and DS Miller must have seen how nervous you were because she hold on your hand in hers and gave you a little squeeze, "That woman he meet turn out to be your sister, is that correct Mr. Langford" she addressed the man who was completely bsorbed by his own hands.

It had been almost five months since they pull a very wrecked Ashley away from you, five months of endless paperwork, four since you were actually free to walk without a police officer escorting you, and only one since the actual system to punish those responsible for Jonathan was in motion. They even have someone of his first AA group who testified about the drunk girl story, and you suspect it was because of Paul that he came forward, and you were glad to at least still having him.

"Yes" he responded completely uninterested

"Does Jonathan Norbury had any further contacts with your sister after that?" She asked trying to not loose her patience with him and with his attitude.

"No"

"Excellent. Then after he meet mis Y/L/N and start an amorous relationship with her and make your acquaintance did you or your sister ever brought this incident back?" You wanted to look up but somehow your eyes felt glued to your feet. "Or maybe when he proposed to mis Y/L/N after all you were friends since ypur early childhood, surely the dubious past of his partner was something important to discuss with her"

"No, we ... I didn't mention it" he said and you pull all of your strength in looking up, fearful of throwing up when you met his eyes, but you only saw that odd little boy always on the shadow of his parents, and even after all he had done you felt sorry for him, he met your gaze and look aside immediately with something almost as remorse in them "We knew his father threatened him with with stopping his allowance if he stayed with Y/N, and well I hope that if he actually left the store I could bought it back, that's why I asked him to my place to drink a few beers when he and Ash started sha... I mean a relationship" it was like a tap opening, once he started he was unstoppable, and his own attorney was so aware of it that he just kept looking at his phone.

"Ashley ... she began an affair with him, she had worked with Y/N older doctor before, I never really knew how she knew him, but she gave her ruffies so she could sneak out with him."

"So when did you start taking advantage of Miss Y/L/N" the tap was closed. And you held his look, this time you would definitely throw up, but you felt a tingle in the back of your neck, he was looking at you, he didn't think less of you, he had said it over and over again while you were questioned for those exact circumstances, but now his intense look on the back of your head make you believe it.

"I ..." he went silent for almost a whole minute and you thought that maybe he wouldn't answer "After a month or so of their affair, Jonathan asked me to look after her because he was never truly okay with her being drugged... I didn't planned it, but I have loved Y/N since the first moment I saw her, I know that what I did was wrong, but it was the only way she would be mine, I never hurt her..."

"Do you realize that you took advantage of a drugged, mentally ill woman? I'm sorry but I fail to see how just not hitting her or pointing a gun at her is not hurting her"

It seems like his lawyer was about to comment on something but a quick look at the dead glare of the judge made him realize he shouldn't.

"Why did you record her?"

"It was all for me, the editing and the voice came after, when Ashley... she said it would make Y/N look guiltier..."

"Please do continue, what where you expecting to get with all of this?"

"The plan was" Charles had said almost relieved of the change of subject, "Well it was my idea more or less... to pretend Jonathan had an accident on his way to london the day he disappeared, so they collected some of his blood in the week prior to set the scene, Ashley volunteered at a hospital at some point before Uni so she knew how... but he well he found out about me and Y/N and he dump Ashley he was really mad at us" he said, almost like he wouldn't understand why he was so angry with them.

Ashley was useless past that point in her questioning, she seemed incapable of accepting that Jonathan had in fact broken up their affair, that's why she was not at court that day, but at that point Charles seemed completely over with the whole situation and began confessing everything.

"Jonathan had sex with Ashley before she went out with Y/N, I guess he knew she will act ou so he tried to keep her happy for as long as possible... so she would not be suspicious about him. Then he went back to Y/N place to try to explain everything to her, but she was still at work, he call her to break up with her but she stop answering so he left that voicemail, but she ignored him, that's why he tried to stop her from hurting Y/N again... Ashley sent me to stop him from telling the truth, I made him write the letter leaving Y/N... I wasn't completely sober at the time, he had told me that night he saw us that he was leaving with her and I didn't want him to take her away from me, so I took him to his shop... he was very desperate he even tried to convince me to let him go, he said he will give me the shop back..." He said and the knot in your stomach became tighter, the air was no longer filling your lungs "I didn't mean to, but he start saying thos awful things about me... I just... when I realized how hard I was holding his neck he was no longer moving, I tried to give him CPR but it didn't work..."

"Miss Y/L/N you can't leave the room!" you heard your attorney scream far away but you needed air and a bathroom, fortunately there was one very close, you wonder how common would vomiting would be for that to happen, but you couldn't think it trough because another round of retches made you empty the nice breakfast Beth had gave you that morning, after insisting in going to your place at dawn to help you get ready.

When you look up ther was a white handkerchief ready for you, he had followed you with quick and silent steps and was now there doing those perfect little things that certainly made your life easier.

"Thank you" you said embarrassed, and you felt glad that you were embarrassed because you had vomited and not for all the other things.

"Are you okay?... I mean you're obviously not, but I..."

"I'm better now DI Hardy, truly" you said walking towards the sink and opening the faucet to wash your hands "I have read his confession but somehow listening to him made it real... I don't know, I'm being stupid"

"You are not, this would be hard hard for anyone, I have been wanting to punch that bastard for the past thirty minutes" he said and he gave you that almost smile he had, and once again you thought that he may finally kiss you, like he had been doing for the past four months, not like the bathroom in a courtroom was the most romantic of places, but you have wanted that. Again that part of you that just wanted to leave it all behind, that part that desperately wanted peace, that part that hold on to his words on that cell it's only you...

"DI Hardy this is the ladies bathroom!, come out at once, they are waiting" Beth Latimer said opening the door and pulling you out, it was for the best truly, any possible future with him must be at pause until this whole thing would be over, and you were glad to see the annoyance in his face, maybe this time he also wanted something else to happen.

"Are you able to continue miss Y/L/N?"

"Yes, I'm so sorry for the interruption" you said and took your sit.

"Fine, what does miss Langford did after you told him about mister Norbury decease?" She paus as of waiting for you to exit again, but you just shrugged.

"She blamed Y/N for his death, she said she had to pay for it, so she asked me to move the body to her place and she cut him, she put the blood on the floor and the letter she drive to Y/N school and gave her a small dose so she would be conscious but disoriented and left her at the bus stop, when she get home she saw me, she tried to help him, she punched me, and I did what Ashley told me, I gave her the letter and put her ring in one pocket and gave her the bracelet, Ashley said it was important to gave it to her."

You realize the tears in your eyes but this time you could only look at him, there was no room in your heart for anger or hate, there was only pain, even when you could imagine a happier life and a future the pain will be there, for evere and for ever, because you loved Ashley as part of your family, even when she hated you, and you loved Jonathan, his eyes, his bad jokes, even his darkest demons he thought he should hide from you, you loved him more after knowing about them, because it was all part of him and of his heart, his beautiful heart that was no longer with you.

In the end even when they were locked away for ever you would never be happy about it, because losing them would not make you happy, you would never have him next to you in the morning, or a tea with her in the afternoon, and you realized she had won in one thing, she had tarnished all your memories, and you will have to live with that for ever, she took everything from you, even her.

****

"So what about the lipstick, the sex toys, and all the other evidence presented here??" Derek asked looking at the pile of evidence that seem to delivery lead to nowhere. "Was all of this useful in the end??"

"Yes and no." Miller said offering a cup of tea "Langford wanted Y/N to look more guilty making the case apparently hard to make her look less like a victim" so she make everything more complicated than it had to be."

"Well at least it was impossible to exonerate her from Norbury's murder" Harford said putting down the Echo of that morning, the trial had been long and emotional but with good results at least for them as law enforcement. "But I still can't believe they have to wait that long for sentence them for the murder of Y/N parents"

"All on his time I guess" Derek said and took a biscuit from the tray Miller had "The teacher is leaving town after all isn't it?"

"Yeah, Alec... DI Hardy is leaving her at the station, is the best for her I guess" Miller said maybe a bit disappointed since her life had been almost perfect for the past half of the year, after a couple days at he hospital she and Brian have been happy and at peace, she even took a couple days off to go to Scotland with her kids.

She wish the same for him, however she agreed that Y/N was not ready for another relationship so soon, she just hope Hardy would be fine on his own.

***

"You have everything dear?" Beth asked for the twelfth time

"I do Beth, passport, clean clothes, money, everything"

"Fine" she said more sad than angry "You really don't have to go that far to teach, just go to the next city I'm sure the don't know your name."

"I'm pretty sure they do, but hey I will call when I get to London and again when I land in France, I promise" Beth gave her one last hug goodbye and let Paul talk to her.

"Don't" Y/N said before he could start, "None of this, of any of this is your fault, thank you for being by my side, thank you for being in my life. I love you Paul"

"I truly love you too, there is nice congregation in the town you'll be working, I email the reverend and he will look after you" he said happy.

"Thanks dad" she said, but she was way to move to make another snarky remark. "Beth help me with her luggage" he said to left room for her and Hardy to have a proper goodbye.

"Are you planning on kissing me Detective?" She asked out of the blue, just the kind of question and attitude that he had learned to love.

"I..." he thought about not responding but he was sure this may be his only chance and the other were thankfully far apart. "I was thinking about doing it, but now I won't" he said happy to make her blink perplex.

"Well you should rethink that since I'm leaving for a whole semester, maybe I'll found a handsome French village boy and I don't come back" she said playing along.

"That may be good for you" he said killing the joke. "Y/N I'm to old, to sick and too stubborn not just for you but for everyone, when you said you would leave I was sad, but also glad, you deserve to be happy and not going feeling like you have to comeback."

"And what if I want to? What if I'm happy to be with you no matter how old, how sick and how stubborn you could be? That's not up to you DI Hardy... if I come back Alec, it will be because I want it no matter what you or anyone else has to say, I have spent most of my life listening to others, waiting, being cautious I'm done doing that I'm done being afraid" she said and short the distance between the two.

"I can't" he said pressing his forehead to hers, "I love you Y/N, if I kiss you now I would never be at peace knowing you are gone, it will consume me, you are right, you have to leave, I'll be right here, not waiting, hoping"

"You are the worst detective" she said and gave him a kiss on his cheek "and I think I love you too, I promise you I'll see you again" she said and run inside the train the fast that she could so she wouldn't regret her choice. And a few minutes later he, broadchurch, and blue sea sky were gone.

Tag list:

@allonsymexgirl @laciesaito @dazedkrosupreme @timey-wimey-lovi @coffees-and-constellations @acid-gurkerl @moonuvert @tennantious @nonstoplover @locawriter @tf18unipups @dazedkrosupreme

[somekpopthingsuknow]

can you do a big bang reaction where they have a younger s/o and say they feel old 💕 love your work !!

Bigbang Reaction: Their s/o is younger than them and they feel old

I've had a hard time writing this but it's done! I'm really pleased by the final product. I made it quite angsty, hope you don't mind. Thanks for requesting and hope you like it!

G-Dragon | Kwon Jiyong:

Jiyong would like to date a younger person. Why? Because he loves the sensation to be the one who teach to the other. Being the older means he has more experiences, more things to teach.

But sometimes, seeing you laughing with some friend of your age makes his chest hurts. By nature, Jiyong is quite jealous and possessive, but he also knows that these feelings are the poison of love. He had worked a lot with himself to learn that even if you're close with someone else, that doesn't mean he counts less.

But this time, when he drops you at your uni, his inner practice doesn't work. Because he has the feeling to stand out. You're on your early twenties when he's in his early thirties. And a thought is now trapped in his mind: "They deserve someone better, someone younger."

He doesn't say it out loud, he isn't the type to do so. But simple gestures change and you now know that something is off. He is more reluctant to drive you at your uni, he kisses you less in public, he holds less your hand.

At first, you think it just because passion decreases with time and things like that. But one day, you see him cry. It isn't a burst of tears or him curls up in his sheets. No, simple tears rolling in his cheeks, silently.

"Baby?"

He raises his face, clearly startled to suddenly see you. Quickly, he removes the tears of his cheeks, trying to appear like he didn't cry.

"Yeah?" he asks, hesitantly.

"Why are you crying?" You sit next to him, putting one of your hand in his knee and the other on his face. "What happened?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing, sweetheart, nothing."

You stay a moment in silence, not knowing what to say. Jiyong was a fierce person and he never, never lets you see him cry unless it's something really important, a capital matter.

"Baby, please, be honest with me. You know you can tell me everything."

He tights his hold on your hand and breathes sharply. A fight takes place in his mind, between the side of him who wants to tell you everything and receiving conform and the part of him who wants to keep him all for him and not bother you. Finally, there is winner.

"I'm just so afraid, so stupidly afraid, [Y/N]. Please, don't think I don't have faith in you but it's just...what if you want someone younger? I feel so old next to you. You're still studying, surely wanting to discover the world and the only thing I can think about is that your finger will look good with a ring around it and what will be the name of our children."

You clearly don't except something like this, you thought it will be about his work but no.

But it makes sense. You don't know how long he keeps it for him but it explains some things: why he's less close with you in public and why he seems hesitant sometimes.

You do the first thing that comes in your mind: hugging him. You don't know how to answer to this yet, but you're sure of your feelings: you can't be more in love with him.

"Baby, Honey, Love..." you whisper, as new tears fall of Jiyong face, emotions storming in him. "Please, stop crying. I love you, I love you so much. You're not too old, you're really not. I'm an adult, able to make my own choice and I choose to be with you. It was and still is the best decision of my life."

You let a quiet silence settles between you, a peaceful rest during which Jiyong calm down a bit his tears, reassured that you're in love with him. But you're not over yet.

"And you know... I sometime also wonder how will look my finger with a ring."

It isn't particularly funny (you weren't trying to be) but it makes laugh your boyfriend, surely because he is relieved.

"And my mind goes more on the dog side than the child side but well... a lot of dog's name can be used as child's name, isn't?"

It's make Jiyong laughs a bit more and it makes you smile to know that your man is free from his worries now.

The next day, you're his fiancé.e.

T.O.P | Choi Seunghyun:

(I'm sorry, in this one I will assume that you have two parents and they are in a heterosexual relationship)

Like Jiyong, Seunghyun would like to date a younger person. It's more by habitude: he is the hyung in his group so he's used to take care of people and likes it. I also think he has a mild thing for the whole daddy/sugar daddy thing (I know these things are different, don't worry). He likes spoil someone younger than him and buy you expensive things, especially clothes that other people of your age can just dream of.

You're someone very special to him and he cherishes you more than anything. And he is also someone very special to you and you love him deeply. Because of that, you decide to present him to your parents. You already met his parent and the meeting was quite good so you want to do it in your side.

He accepts, because he wants to make things "more" official. If you make the choice of a meeting with your parent, they couldn't be that bad?

Well, it is until the very day of the meal. He dresses himself well and buys a bouquet of flowers for your mother and a bottle of wine for your father. It makes you laugh a bit how he wants to make everything perfect (and how he assumes your dad likes wine and your mother flowers...and he is not wrong actually).

After comfort him he will be perfect and your parents will love him and that even if they don't, you love him and it's the only matter, you both climb down of the car (an expensive jewel he buys you).

*

The meal...didn't go well. It could have been worse, but it wasn't your most pleasurable experience.

The way back is silent. Seunghyun is very pale, his jaw is contracted and you can see the joints of his hands becoming white with how much pressure he puts on the steering wheel. He is very tense and you don't know what to do about it.

In your head, you have think about all the potential problematic subjects: the fact that he's famous, that maybe some saseang will attack you, that he sometimes makes weird jokes (you loves them), that maybe he spoils you too much.

But his age? You never really think about it. You know that he is older than you and most couple in your friend have a smaller age gap, but it never bothers you.

Seunghyun, on the other way, have thought about it. Not that much, because it wasn't a subject which he is self-conscious, but the thought existed in his mind. But he didn't think this fact will be so important for your parents.

"I'm sorry," both of you tell at the same time.

"Sorry for what?" you ask, letting him no room for excusing himself. "It's my parents who fucked up, not you."

"But they are right somewhere," he answers. You turn your face towards him, intrigued. "I'm the older one, I'm the one in charge. If something bad happens to you, I will be in fault." You frown, not understanding what he is saying. It takes great care of you, what's the problem?

"But I can make sometimes assumptions and do things I think can be good for you but eventually hurt you. You're young, you may be not know yet if a relationship hurts you or not."

"Our relationship hurt you?" You are so mad towards your parent for causing this discussion.

"No, no, baby, I'm happy with you." His voice is calmer, but sadder too. "But it's my side, my vision of your relation. Maybe yours is different."

You hate the fact that Seunghyun is driving because you can't hug him. But you try the best you're able to appease his mind.

"Seunghyun, you know I'm happy. I was happy when we started to date, I was happy when you kissed me for the first time, I was happy when we first travel together. I'm happy when I'm with you, I'm happy when we cuddle and I'm happy when you buy some weird art things. I'm happy you're my boyfriend, more than anything. So you may be older, but I couldn't care less. I love you."

He doesn't say anything else, but you can see in his smile that you said the good things.

Taeyang | Dong Yongbae:

Yongbae is a very peaceful person and have a good self-esteem so he isn't the type to doubt your love.

Yongbae never minds about age. Obviously, he will not date a minor, but someone younger or older than him will not bother him. He is insterested in so much more things: your passion, the way you kiss him, how you smile when he wakes up, etc.

Your bond gets stronger as months pass by and one day, he makes the big step: he tells publically that he dates you (after a long discussion between you two obviously; he will never does this if it makes you umcomfortable).

As excepted, there are many reactions. Hopefully, most of them are good: they praise both of you, say you looks good together, that you're the happiest human walking on earth and things like that. There are some bad comments, but Youngbae makes his possible to make you avoid them.

It works during a while, during six strong months.

But one day, scrolling in his timeline, Youngbae see some hate comments, telling that he is a monster for dating a younger person. Because of his long career, he is used of negative comments towards him, so he ignores it at first.

But this comment keeps coming in his mind. Sometimes he looks at you and...well, they are right. You're more than five years younger than him, you shouldn't waste time with him. You should be with a boyfriend of your age who still likes going to party every weekends. You should be with a boyfriend of your age who isn't (yet) unable to be up until 3 a.m.

"[Y/N]? I would like to speak with you."

Youngbae is someone reserved with his feelings but he also knows that keeping all for himself isn't a good way to cope. He needs to tell you what he feels but he's afraid that it will be like a epiphany, that this talk will made you discover you want someone younger. But he loves you and want the better for you.

"Yeah?" you says, leaning on his shoulder, taking his hand in yours.

"A serious talk, [Y/N]. A very serious talk."

He looks really sad, defeated and now you're afraid. Why would he makes such a face? Unless he...he wants to break up? No, you tell yourself, it's your mind which makes movies. "Yeah, BaeBae?"

"Do you...do you sometimes think that...I'm too old for you?"

You frown. "Too old?" What does that mean? You think a lot of things about him whose are "too": he is sometimes "too" invested in his work, he sometimes worries "too" much and he tends to make "too" much food when he cooks. But not that he is "too" old. "What are you talking about?"

"[Y/N]...Don't you think the age gap is too much? That I'm like...a monster to date you?"

You don't know where this comes from, where this "monster" thing comes of but you're sure you will fight the one who make him thinks like that.

"BaeBae...I'm not a child, I'm a grown person. Okay, I'm younger than you, but we don't have like...twenty or thirty years apart. It's like... a common thing to have an older and a younger person in a relationship."

He nods slowly, not seems to be covinced.

"Honey, you're not a monster for dating me. I love you, you love me, I'm consenting to this relationship and I assume you're consenting too?"

He nods, more virogously. "Yeah, [Y/N], I love you, I'm so much in love with you..."

You smile, holding him as tight as possible and whispering sweet words into his ear.

"Let's go to sleep, okay? I think you need it. I love you Youngbae, I love you so much."

Kang Daesung:

Of them all, I feel Daesung is the more unlikely to date someone younger. To be honest, he doesn't care that much about age: like Youngbae, a lot of things matters more to him, like your passions, your beautiful eyes and your favorite meal (this man cooks for you, you can't change my mind). But if he has to make an absolute choice, he would choose someone older.

It's certainly one of the main reason he hesitates so much to ask you out. He is deeply in love with you, likes spending all his time with you, whether to help you with your work or watching a movie. To unknown people, you already look like a couple. Actually, even at your friends you look like if you're dating.

Both of you want to date. But unfortunately, neither has the guts to ask out the other. You're too shy and him too...insecure?

It is stupid, really stupid. His insecurity comes from one time where you make a comment. You two were chilling in his home, watching a drama. At some point, the main character was asked out by her romantic interested. Daesung and you liked telling what you thought when you watch something together so it had come to you naturally.

"I really don't understand this guy. She's younger than him. What kind of creep he is to be in love with her?"

Actually, it was harmless. If Daesung looks closer, the drama situation and yours were very different: in the drama, there is more than twenty-five years between the protagonists, the woman was somewhat empowered by this man and the man wanted just to have fun by manipulated her.

Between you, it is not the same thing at all. The age gape is just around seven-eight years and most important, he truly loves you and wants you in his live.

But despite the obvious fact that your situation isn't the same as the drama, your words are printed in his mind.

Since then, a tension built up between you. Daesung is more distant, less affective, less available for you. You're scared; have you done something to make him uncomfortable?

Like the last time, you two are in his home, in front of his television, a drama playing. But unlike this famous time, none of you are watching it. You're playing with you shirt while thinking of the tension between us and you're sure Daesung is doing the same but you don't want to look, afraid to make an eye-contact.

"[Y/N]"

You finally look up but Daseung is staring at his hands. It seems like he just whispered absently you name because he doesn't say anything less and keep playing with his fingers. You decides to remember him that he called you.

"Yeah, Daesung?"

He seems you startle him because he jumps a bit.

"Sorry, I was just...thinking."

"Daesung," you start, approaching him until your knee touch his thigh. "I know something is bothering you. Do you want to speak about it?"

He hesitates for a few seconds. "Do you...Do you really think that someone in love with someone younger is a creep?"

You frown, don't understanding why he asks that but answering nonetheless. "Well, like every situation, it depends on what are the factors. If a relation is toxic -because you're speaking about the drama we watched, no?- the fact that the man is way older than her makes things even more creepy. But no, a lot of couple, sane relationships, have an age gap. Just, twenty-five is a bit too much."

He nods, relaxing a bit. "Thanks."

"Why my comment was bothering you? You're in love with someone younger than you? Tell me who it is, I want to know them!" Since you're best friend, you tell everything and you have to be supportive. So, even if you have a huge crush on him, you want to know who is his s/o, even if it's not you."

Daesung smile wider. "Well...it's the kindest person I know. So smart, they always want to make their best. They also worry to much for their friends but they are so sweet. And they're really beautiful too."

You laugh a bit. "Don't make me wait! Do I know them?"

"I hope so because it's you."

You freeze, proceeding what he said.

"Me?"

"Yes, you." He puts his hand on you knee, smiling tenderly. "[Y/N], do you want to date me?"

After being the sweetest best friend, he's now the sweetest boyfriend.

Requests are open!

[pochapal]

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking: 

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3. 

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it. 

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with. 

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

[awed-frog]

Hi! If it's okay, I'd like to ask you a language-related question, since you have plenty experience with them. I'm currently studying second language learning in one of my subjects, and there's plenty discussion about age as a factor, and I'm kinda wondering if at age 22 I'm able to properly learn a language - I'm having much less success with German than with English back in the day. What's your personal experience with age and languages?

Hi! First of all, congrats on learning your third (?) language, that’s amazing! 

I’m not sure I can help you properly because I’m not up to date with the latest research in brain development/aging and language learning, but as for my personal experience, here goes:

The main problem with languages is that they take frequent and consistent study - daily if possible, but minimum once a week - if you want any results at all. This is not one of those things you can ignore for weeks or months and then magically solve with a 12-hour study marathon. That’s one reason why younger people tend to be better at learning languages: because they’re forced to. Most schools will schedule two lessons a week, and set worksheets, tests and exams on a regular basis. Even so, many kids are average at best (for various reasons), so the idea that children have supernatural abilities to learn languages is a bit of a myth. What is true is that, as you age, a) your ability to perceive unfamiliar sounds dims, b) your memory worsens and mostly c) you can’t devote yourself single-handedly to something because you have a job, a family, poor mental or physical health, not enough money for those 4/h a week with a teacher you’d probably need and so on and so forth. 

Point a) there’s nothing you can do about. Babies absorb all sounds, but they quickly get more interested in those of their native language. If you’re learning a language as an adult, it’s likely there will be sounds in it you won’t be able to reproduce - in fact, it’s possible you won’t even hear the difference between two or three distinct sounds. Personally, I had zero trouble with French sounds, for instance, because I started to learn French when I was very young, while it took me some time and a very detailed map of the inside of my mouth to even hear the difference between the two Russian ‘i’s (и and ы).  

(Then again, pronunciation is the least of your worries. ‘Sounding like a native’ is useless and highly overrated.)

Point b) you can work on. We underestimate how important this is, but we do need a lot of stimulation to prevent mental decline and lower the risk of developing cognitive diseases as we age. The good news is that anything goes: reading, crossword puzzles, language learning, playing music, learning poetry by heart - the key thing is forcing your brain to maintain what connections it has and create and forge new ones.

Point c) obviously is complicated, as life is not completely under our control. Many adults are not good at language learning simply because they don’t have the necessary time to pour into it, while teens are often forced to spend time on their language learning - or face bad grades. Still, if it matters to you for any reason, you can do your best to make it a priority.

On the whole, what I found myself is that effective language learning is a combination of four things: 

how well you understand grammar

how good your memory is

how consistent you are with your studying

how motivated you are in wanting to learn that language.

As I had the good luck of having very good teachers when it came to general grammatical structures and I generally remember stuff easily, my main problems have always been point 3 and 4. I find it very hard to stick to a schedule because I’m one of those ‘Well, I didn’t start studying at 8 and now it’s 8:04, better watch TV because the whole day is ruined anyway’ people and my enthusiasm for the languages I learned has been very uneven. With Latin, for instance, I had great results even if I don’t love the culture because I was super-consistent (we were assigned a study buddy and mine was a real pain in the ass, forced me to work on vocabulary with her every. single. day.). English and German I was forced to learn for work-related reasons, so I studied a lot, but I have zero affinity with German, which means my level is nowhere near where it should be considering the amount of time I spent on it. With French I started very young, and yes, that’s one instance of getting a language ‘for free’, but then again, it’s also very close to my own. Ancient Greek - I only studied for exams, the most absurd grammar I’ve ever seen, very poor results even if I studied it for a total of nine years and started reasonably young. Now I’m starting a new language and I’m almost forty, but I don’t see an obvious difference compared to when I was studying a new language at twelve. The only challenge is finding two uninterrupted hours every week to go through a lesson - and the fact that I’m on my own, so no endless role-playing about where the station is and what do you want for lunch. But other than that, no - everything is the same.

Obviously I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but at 22 you’re basically a baby! A legity fat-little-fists, burp-on-your-shoulder BABY!

Man, when I was 22 I knew only one language sort of well and still made tons of mistake (because I’d learned literary French, so negotiating a supermarket was always a struggle). If I’m understanding this right, you’re in uni, which means you’ll have lots of things to do on top of learning German! Going to class, study for your ‘regular’ subjects, managing a social life, chores and housework and possibly a job, fretting about the end of the world...I think it’s perfectly normal you’re finding it harder to learn a language now than when you were 14 or so. You simply have a lot more going on. Also, German is one of those language very few people actually click with and/or are enthusiastic about. Many of us just have to learn it, and we sort of do, and that’s it. Just be patient and consistent and find a way to love it (if you don’t atm), and you will improve.

(And remember: you may feel old now, or like it’s too late to start some things, but a human life is a lot longer than we give it credit for. Keep working on your German, and by the time you’re my age, it’s a language you’ll have practiced for almost twenty years! And same goes with anything else - baking, yoga, watercolours - is it too late to start at 30, at 40, at 50? Well - start meditating at 50, for instance, and you’ll be a grandma who’s meditated for 20 or 30 years! In fact, your grandchildren won’t even remember a time you weren’t a serene old turtle sitting one hour every morning on your favourite pillow, eyes closed, entire galaxies slowly dancing around your brain. So whatever you want to do - just do it, start today, and find a way to stick with it if it brings you joy.)

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

As a drama/performance student who’s hoping to go into acting, let me just say right now that Rachel Berry would never have made it on Broadway.

Oh, she has talent and there’s no denying that. But so do so many other girls and boys. You can’t make it in the business based on talent alone - you don’t get to become a success immediately, you have to work your way up and prove that you’re right for a role or for success. You have to work hard and always remember to keep learning.

That was something that was taught to us very early on in drama - no matter who you are or where you come from, whether you’re an amateur student or a success movie star, you can ALWAYS learn. You should always be challenging yourself and learning. You should always strive to improve and better yourself whenever possible.

Rachel never seemed to want to do that. She got into NYADA (after stalking the dean, which is something else I’ll go into in a minute) and then quit before finishing her education to do Funny Girl - which she then quit to do a TV show that failed. First of all, a casting director is going to take one look at this behavior and immediately decide “no - she cannot commit”. You don’t abandon your studies or the role you do have just because something that’s only maybe better comes along. Obviously many great actors do TV shows and pilots that fail, that’s not my issue - my issue with Rachel is that she never put the work in. It was always the bare minimum. “Oh, I’ve done a year and a half of studying at the best arts academy in NY, I don’t need to study anymore because I got one part on stage” - it does NOT work like that. She couldn’t commit which is a risky behavior in ANY job.

Part of being an actor or performer is criticism - you are ALWAYS subject to criticism. You will NEVER make it in the business if you can’t handle that criticism. Rachel would throw bitch fits and sob and play the victim EVERY SINGLE TIME someone made the slightest criticism of her.

Let’s delve deeper - first, Cassandra July.

Yes, Miss July was a bit mean and rude - but she’s a professor at a top NY arts academy. If you get into a top arts academy like NYADA is in the show, you are not there to fuck around - anyone who gets in has to be committed 100% to their studies, both practical and theoretical. Cassandra July is not there to baby the students and lift their egos - she is there to train and prepare them for the harsh reality of seeking a career in the arts.

In the very first episode of S4, on her first day in class, Rachel shows blatant disrespect to a professor by rolling her eyes. You do not do that to a professor in any subject, let alone a dance teacher. If you can’t respect your teachers or the people who you are learning from, you should not seek a career in the arts. This also goes for ANYONE you work with; if you work with a director or actor on a play or on a TV show, for example, you should always seek to learn from them, even if it’s something small. 

If you are studying the arts, especially at a level where they’re preparing you to be professional actors/singers/dancers, they HAVE to be hard on you. Hell, I didn’t even go to drama school but my drama teachers were always brutally honest with me. They made it clear that “Megan, you HAVE to be louder”, “you MUST learn your lines and practice without a script”, “your accents are terrible”, “don’t just stand there and recite lines! Move!” Etc. Etc. It may be harsh but Cassandra has to be brutally honest so that the kids know what they’re in for; yeah, they’ll get told that their noses are too big for a part. Yeah, they’ll be told “you need to drop a few pounds” or that they’re ugly, etc. It’s sad but true.

“Your pique turns are sloppy” - she’s literally pointing out to Rachel something to improve on. Sure, it’s not the nicest way but no one should be at a performing arts school and expecting nice.

Rachel’s disrespect of a teacher/professional continued for the whole time Cassandra July was on the show. She called her teacher out, was extremely rude and said “you’re jealous because we all have careers and yours is over”, so on so forth. I’m pretty sure if you were actually attending a drama school or performing arts academy, and you had the nerve to turn around and say that, you would be expelled and tossed on your ass before you could utter another word.

If a teacher says “I don’t think you’re ready to do the tango/for this part”, you should listen. They’ve been in the business for a LONG time, far longer than you have, and with loads more experience. The best you can do is listen and decide to study harder and better yourself. Rachel flatout ignored this advice and went ahead anyway because she wanted to be the Star NOW, no hard work or struggle or patience to be seen.

Let’s just say this; you don’t go to the dean of the uni/college and call one of the professors “a lunatic”.

Now Carmen Tibideaux:

For a start, Rachel choked her audition - it’s bizarre and ridiculous that she got in. She didn’t get in on her audition, but because she stalked and harassed Carmen until the dean gave in and came to watch her. In real life, if you fuck that audition up, that is it. You don’t get another chance until the following year when you apply again (and yes, it’s common to apply for drama schools multiple times until you get in - some people who go on to be successful actors have been known to audition as many as SEVEN times).

Realistically, Tibideaux should have not given Rachel that chance because she didn’t deserve it. No other candidate got that chance - in real life, no matter how talented an auditionee is, NO ONE is given more of a chance than anyone else. Everyone is judged on their audition, that’s it. Rachel may be talented but there are many others just as talented and even MORE so than her.

Also, Tibideaux could have in fact had a restraining order against Rachel. This crazy little girl turns up again and again like a complete twat, begging and pleading and just not understanding that she had her chance, she can have another chance NEXT year. I’d have seriously filed some kind of motion against Rachel, as I’m sure any other teacher or head would.

Despite the fact that Tibideaux gave Rachel chance after chance, Rachel was still rude and frankly ungrateful. Tibideaux makes valid points that Rachel is underperforming in EVERY single class. She’s not making an effort to be a part of the NYADA community.

If the dean of your college says that, you do NOT argue back. You do NOT attempt to say “I’m doing great, I’ve handled everything this school has thrown at me”. Rachel’s delusions of herself and her talent are laughable.

I could have applauded Carmen Tibideaux for turning around and telling Rachel how it is: “You are not the first supernova to come through here. You are talented, you have drive. What you don’t have, is you have no foundation. You don’t listen, and you don’t take direction. That’s why you need NYADA. You’re not ready.”

You can’t just expect to be fresh out of school or college and getting the fucking lead in hit Broadway shows. You start as ensemble, you learn, you work your way up. Rachel was too selfish and full of herself to do that. Also, the fact that she cannot listen to criticism or take direction screams that a director would NEVER hire her. She can’t take direction, and that will get her nowhere in her career. You have to listen, you have to collaborate and listen to everyone’s ideas as well as contributing your own.

The actual fucking nerve of a Rachel Berry saying “you’re wrong and I’m gonna prove it to you” - she would be out on her ass and never hired again, never accepted into an arts academy again. If someone older, wiser and more experienced tells you something, you LISTEN.

As an actor myself, we don’t do all of this hard work to be famous (at least, not those of us who actually love our work) - we go through student debt, years of no sleep, years of constant rehearsals, of being in the background waiting for our turn, of learning and honing and crafting our skills so that we can maybe one day do the thing we love most professionally. We actors/dancers/singers/performers are storytellers - we try to craft something meaningful or to tell a story we feel needs telling.

Carmen said something very true and on point: “do you care about the work or is it just about the spotlight?” Rachel never cared about the work - she never cared about being a storyteller or creating art. To her, it was all about the fame and attention.

Some other things:

After quitting, especially in the way she did, Rachel would definitely not be allowed to continue her studies where she left them at NYADA, if at all. At best, she would audition and get in the following academic year, and have to start from the bottom again. Most likely, however, she would not be allowed to study there again.

People in the industry talk. If Rachel was hard to work with when with even a few people, it would seriously damage her chances of being hired again. They would immediately throw away her resumé.

Even her choked audition was fucking irritating as a performer - if you screw up your lines or forget them or whatever, you don’t stop and ask to go again. You carry on. If you’re on Broadway and you get the words wrong, you cannot ask to start the song again in front of the entire audience. It’s extremely unprofessional. At school, when I did my guitar exams, that was KEY - “if you play the wrong note, do NOT go back and redo it - just keep going. You’ll get more points for carrying on than for doubling back”.

^So Rachel stopping and starting is immediately a no-no. At best, they would let her restart just once - but they would not let her have another chance. Even if she was given another chance and she aced it, the damage is done - she wouldn’t have gotten in.

Kurt aced his audition, didn’t mess up or stop, and didn’t harass the dean of NYADA to make sure he got in - Rachel messed up, stopped, harassed Carmen and was a brat. How the Hell did Rachel get into NYADA but not Kurt?? If Kurt didn’t get in, then Rachel DEFINITELY shouldn’t have, end of story.

In short, Rachel is the worst character and it actually pisses me off how inaccurately she’s written in regards to being at a performing arts academy/her success on Broadway. The writers wanted us to root for her so desperately but I would just skip the majority of scenes she was the focus of because she irritated me that much. If the writers wanted to make us root for her, they should have SHOWN her accepting that she had to start in the background and work her way up. They should have at least not let her get into NYADA.

[joolshallie]

Applying to medical school

I’m now a third year medical student (eek) and thought I’d do a bit of updated reading into applications, along with using my own experience to make a post all about applying to med school (undergrad) in the UK :D 

Grade requirements 

Medicine is hugely competitive so this drives grade requirements up. Having said that, universities put a lot of emphasis on you as a person, so it’s not all about having the most A*s. 

Different universities put different emphases on different grades. Some focus more on GCSEs than A-Levels for their filtering systems when selecting for interview (e.g. Oxford) - and vice versa

Universities often specify grades in certain subjects at GCSE (e.g. asking for As in maths/sciences).

The best advice is to check the university’s own website for their specific requirements for GCSEs, A-Levels/IB etc. and how they use this in their selection process.

The general A-Level offer is AAA, but quite a few universities requiring A*AA now, and Cambridge requires A*A*A.

The university of Buckingham (private), Kent and Medway (new from 2020) and UCLAN require AAB 

Some universities also offer AAB for some applicants with specific contextual markers (e.g. from a school with below average performance, certain postcodes).

Personal statement

I have a whole other post on “How to write a bomb ass personal statement” for anyone generally (not medicine specific) - find that here

The medical personal statement is a bit different from other subjects, and the content will vary depending on which universities you are applying to.

Generally you want to include some evidence as to your consistent interest and commitment to medicine. This can be in the form of regularly volunteering at a care home, or being a supporter of a charity. Work experience also shows clear interest, especially if you can write something that shows you went beyond just turning up (e.g. researched or went and read a book on a condition you saw there).

Many medical schools also want to know about your interests and hobbies - to show that you are a rounded person. The exception here is Oxbridge; if you are applying to either Oxford or Cambridge I would recommend having a more academic-heavy personal statement. 

I included a sentence on playing saxophone in bands/orchestras to grade 8, and a sentence on being in my city’s youth council - but I think everything else related to volunteering/books/work experience etc. (I did write quite a few sentences on my blog as that is also related to medicine/motivation etc.)

I’d recommend not opening with some profound quote or “I realised I wanted to be a doctor aged 3 when holding my baby sister after she’d been in ICU�� etc. cause that won’t set you apart - the admissions team will have seen it all before.

It is important to look at the university admissions site as their selection criteria changes often! When I applied Bristol medical school weighted the statement 70% in selection for interview BUT from 2019 they no longer use it AT ALL before giving offers out (unless candidates have identical scores at interview)

Work experience and volunteering 

All medical schools like to see some form of volunteering or experience - they want to know that you have had exposure to the NHS/heath provider environment and actually enjoy it.

However, it is is hard to get experience in a hospital and on a ward (there are legalities up to 16 about going on wards) so it isn’t necessary. 

I got experience on a hospital ward through my mum’s friend who is a doctor. I suggest using your contacts - most of you will either have a (distant) family member who is a dr/nurse/midwife etc. or know a friend who knows one!

While on work experience use your lunch break (or any spare time) to write down interesting things you've seen. This doesn’t have to be scientific and about patients; it could be about the dr’s bedside manner, or the organisation and teamwork between the different health professionals.

If you can’t get onto a ward then care homes are usually happy to have volunteers. I volunteered at a special needs children’s daycare, which was super fun and useful for my application - so do some research about volunteering opportunities near you.

Your volunteering is useful to show you are reliable and dedicated, so the earlier you start (and longer you carry on doing it) the better! Try and start somewhere as soon as you’re 16 (as often a lot of places require “over 16″).

Extra-curricular activities and hobbies 

Medical schools love to see that you are a ‘rounded’ candidate with interests outside simply studying and medicine. It’s important to get this across to the person reading your personal statement/interviewer as they want to accept people who are gonna be an asset to the university, not workaholics.

This doesn’t have to be the classic sport and/or musical instrument hobby (although these are brilliant and you should definitely shout about them). Mention being interested in photography or blogging! I mentioned my Tumblr in my personal statement and was asked about it at the interview stage.

It is good if you can use you extra-curricular activities to demonstrate something about yourself - e.g. blogging regularly shows that you can be committed and consistent; being in the local youth council shows you are reliable and have interest in the local community. This is a good way to show your best qualities.

University choices

Applications to uni through UCAS involve making 5 choices. You can fill up to 4 options with medicine, and the remaining choice can be left empty or filled with another course. It is common for people to fill this with a biomedical degree or to leave it blank, but you can go completely off-piece if you want.

It is so so important to be strategic with your choices. This requires some reading into how universities weight different aspects of the application process (admission tests, grades, personal statement) when selecting for interview. 

E.g. if you score well above average in the UCAT it would be sensible to apply to one or two (or all!) universities that weight this heavily when selecting for interview. Newcastle only looks at UCAT prior to interview, simply ranking the scores and inviting the top people for interview. Therefore, if you score well they are ‘banked’ interviews already!

UCAT (UKCAT)

The UCAT (UKCAT) is the University Clinical Aptitude Test which is required by the majority of UK medical schools (and for dentistry).

It is taken between July and October (before application) and consists of multiple choice questions completed on a computer in a registered centre (I did mine where I did my driving theory test - there are loads of places).

The name changed this year from UKCAT - but the content of the test has stayed the same. See more information here

Verbal reasoning - 44 questions in 21 minutes

Decision making - 29 questions in 31 minutes

Quantitative reasoning - 36 questions in 24 minutes

Abstract reasoning - 55 questions in 13 minutes 

Situational judgement - 69 questions in 26 minutes 

There is no negative marking so you may as well put something down for every question - leave nothing blank!

The results are printed as you finish the test. This is the advantage over the (October) BMAT - you have a lot of time to think about your result and where it falls in the distribution of scores generally. If you do above average it is worth applying to unis that weight UCAT strongly, and if you don’t do so well you can apply to BMAT unis or those that weight it less.

The student room always has huge chats about it - this can be helpful to you to see where you lie (ish cause obviously not everyone posts there) but can also stress you out, so be cautious with this!

Your result is only valid for the year you apply, so if you take a year out after results and re-apply, you will have to re-take the test.

It costs £65 for tests between 1 July and end of August, and £87 for tests in Sept/Oct, so better to do it earlier! This also gives you more time to think about where to apply with results in hand.

BMAT

The BMAT (BioMedical Admission Tests) is a test required by a few unis in the UK. For the full list see their website.

I have a more detailed post about the BMAT here. Where I talk about resources you can use to revise and the exam content. Essentially it is a 2-hour pen-on-paper test that consists of 2 MCQ sections and 1 essay.

BMAT can be taken in August or October. The advantage of taking the test in August is that you get to know the results prior to sending off your UCAS application, so you can (as with UCAT) be strategic about where you apply.

Oxford is the only university (UK) that only accepts the October sitting of the test - aka you will not know your result before sending in your application.

However Oxford does accept the August sitting if you apply to graduate medicine (A101).

Deadlines

Unlike most applications to university via UCAS, your deadline for application is the 15th October at 18:00 (GMT) of your final year of school (or the year before you want to begin studying)

The earlier deadline is in line with applications to Oxford, Cambridge and to veterinary science and dentistry.

If you want anyone to look over the personal statement (e.g. get your English teacher to check grammar) then get onto them early - ideally as soon as you get back to school from summer.

Also make sure that your school is fully aware that you are going for early entry, and that your reference is written well in advance so there is no last minute rush or confusion.

The last UCAT deadlines are published each year on their website. The end of registration is usually mid September and last test is early October, so make sure you’ve registered and booked a test in time!

The August BMAT test occurs right at the end of August (31st 2019), with registration closing early-mid August. The October test occurs after the UCAS deadline, with registration closing end of September/beginning of October (see website for exact dates).

[the-desolated-quill]

The Quill Seal Of Approval Awards - The Best Of 2019

Hey guys! I’m still alive!

Sorry for my two month absence. Things have been pretty difficult at home lately. I’ve been having a really hard time at university lately, my mental health has suffered as a result, and oh yeah, there’s a worldwide pandemic going on and we’re all probably going to die!

So thanks to this Coronavirus, my uni has been shut down, which means I now suddenly have a lot more free time. So I thought I’d take this opportunity to catch up on things I’ve missed. Yes it’s once again time to hand out the most coveted and prestigious of awards that every writer, producer and director so desperately craves (or at least they would if they actually knew this existed). The Quill Seal Of Approval Awards. Where I list the very best the creative industry had to offer over the course of 2019. (yes I know it’s now March 2020, but if Jon Campea can release a best of 2019 list in February, then I should be able to get away with it). For there is no greater honour on this planet than to have your work of creative artistry praised and acknowledged on an obscure blog by an anonymous snob. That’s the dream, isn’t it?

First a couple of parish notices. Obviously due to various other commitments, I haven’t had the chance to experience everything 2019 had to offer, so this list will be limited to the media and literature I personally got to experience. So sorry that HBO’s Watchmen TV series won’t be on this list. I know everyone loves it, but I’ve only seen one episode so far (and will be posting a review on that soon) as I’ve only just gotten around to watching it. Also bear in mind this is my subjective opinion. If you disagree with my choices, that’s fine. Go write your own list. I won’t be upset. You have every right to like what you like.

...

But if you disagree with me, then you’re a philistine and a poopyhead. That’s not my opinion. That’s a scientific fact that’s been proven in a lab by grown-ups. Sorry. The truth hurts, I know.

Shazam!

Do you remember the days when superhero films used to be fun? When they weren’t some heavily militarised, dark and angsty loners with all the charm and charisma of a pub toilet at closing time? If you do, then you’re going to love Shazam. A funny and moving film about a kid that can transform himself into a Godlike chosen one figure through space magic.

Joking aside, Shazam is an exceptionally good movie with a strong cast, great writing and a very personal and intimate story about self worth and finding your place in the world. For those who have grown sick of these soulless, big budget, CGI heavy superhero flicks with world ending conflicts that end up meaning nothing in the grand scheme of things, Shazam serves as the perfect antidote.

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

I’m very much late to the party when it comes to John Wick. I’ve never exactly had the highest opinion of Keanu Reeves as a credible action star and I’ve always found the Matrix movies to be overrated trash with delusions of grandeur, but after constant nagging from my friend @dicapitoe​ I eventually gave in and watched the first one. I loved it so much, I watched the second one immediately afterwards, and then the following day I went to see Chapter 3 in the cinema. Now I think it’s safe to assume I’m a fan.

I actually don’t want to say too much because I want to do in-depth reviews of these films at some point, but needless to say, John Wick: Chapter 3 earns its place on this list. Hell, the whole franchise deserves a Quill Seal Of Approval Award. John Wick is a masterclass in visual storytelling and worldbuilding, and Chapter 3 continues this exciting and dramatic narrative with great confidence and skill. Oh and Keanu Reeves, I take back every snide comment I’ve ever said. You sir, are a national treasure. Can’t wait for more :D

Joker

No! No! Stop! You, yes, you, the one who’s about to comment saying how wrong I am and that Joker is a derivative, dangerous movie. May I remind you once again that this is my list. It’s fine if you don’t agree. In fact I can understand completely why some people really don’t like this film. That being said, I very much enjoyed it and I feel it represents a unique achievement for the comic book movie genre. As superhero movies from The Dark Knight to Captain America: The Winter Soldier to Black Panther have been slowly and steadily proving that these films can not only be socially relevant, but can also be considered high art, Joker represents the genre’s apotheosis. It’s a smart and sharply written film that doesn’t shy away from exploring its themes of mental health, social neglect and narcissism, and it demonstrates the reason why characters like Batman and the Joker have been a staple of popular culture for so long. Even after all this time, we’re still finding new ways of reinterpreting them and exploring them. Combined with Hildur Guonadottir’s amazing score and a career defining performance from Joaquin Phoenix, Joker is truly a force to be reckoned with, much like the title character himself.

Elementary - Season 7

CBS’ brilliant adaptation of Sherlock Holmes sadly came to an end in 2019, but not before one last excellent season.

Elementary has always stood head and shoulders above its BBC counterpart in terms of quality, but personally I always felt that the show never managed to live up to the heights of its very first season with Moriarty. While Moriarty ultimately doesn’t return sadly, we get a great substitute in the form of Odin Reichenbach, a tech mogul who uses social media for his own ends in his misguided pursuit of justice. He serves as a great source of moral conflict for Sherlock and Joan, who have been known to use morally questionable tactics themselves, and is a compelling antagonist. Under showrunner Rob Doherty’s expert direction, Elementary ends on a high as we see the stories of Holmes, Watson, Gregson and Bell conclude in an emotional and satisfying finale. It’s sad to see a great show like this end, but it felt like the right time to stop and I’m glad the Elementary team kept their high standards throughout and were allowed to finish the show properly on their own terms. You will be greatly missed.

The Outer Worlds

Have you heard the news? Single player video games are dead! Nobody wants RPGs anymore apparently! It’s all about ‘live services’ and multiplayer looter shooters. Nobody wants a story driven, single player RPG these days.

Wait! What’s this? A story driven, single player RPG?! And people actually like it?!?! OMG!

Yes, from the people that brought you Fallout: New Vegas comes a new IP that makes a mockery of the AAA industry and their greedy trend chasing. Introducing The Outer Worlds. Set in the Halcyon Colony in the far future where rampant capitalism has taken over and disrupted society, you play as a colonist that’s been recently released from cryogenic suspension and has been tasked with saving the colony from the Board who are hellbent on taking away humanity’s civil liberties and destroying lives all for the sake of profit. The lore and setting is beautifully realised and the writing contains the same wit and satirical charm as Fallout. It also boasts a wonderfully diverse cast of characters, including a very unorthodox vicar and an openly asexual companion. Add to that some super smooth first person shooter combat and a great amount of freedom in customisation and roleplaying, The Outer Worlds proves definitively that single player isn’t dead. Take note Bethesda.

And there we have it. 2019 is finally over and done with. Now we can finally look forward to 2020. Assuming we’re all still alive by the end of the year :S

[coffeetreesandhoneybees]

A-levels!

Hi everybody! I’ve been very dead on this account recently, and I’m sure you all understand. Exams are tough, but I finished today! Here’s just a little post I wanted to make about my time doing A-levels at Sixth Form in the UK for any year 11s or anyone who wants to know a bit more from someone with the benefit of hindsight. 

My Subjects

I began my 2 years doing five subjects - Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Music and AS Maths. I knew I was a scientist from GCSEs and I couldn’t bear to leave music behind, so I was lucky enough to know straight away what I was going to pick. My school also allowed us the option to take AS maths as a fifth subject, but after about 2 weeks I ended up dropping this as I knew my heart wasn’t in it - I was just taking it because I could. And you know what? There’s no shame in taking a subject to see what it’s like, then dropping it. After this, I kept all my others because I felt that I could keep up with them and enjoyed them all. I’m so glad I did - don’t feel like you have to drop down to three if you don’t want to, but on the flip side, if you really feel like one of your subjects isn’t working out for you, don’t feel guilty about dropping!

Studying

I don’t know about other places, but my school certainly turned up the pressure when we started each new year. They would constantly tell us that we needed to be putting minimum 5 hours per subject extra per week at home or during frees, but realistically, this is not always sustainable. Especially if you’re still doing four or five subjects. You need to learn pretty quickly to prioritise, and put out fires as they crop up. And relax! You are not a work machine, and I promise your teachers will understand if you miss one or two pieces of homework occasionally. However if you’re like me and have one teacher who’s really totally unforgiving, the only thing you can do is prioritise work for this teacher. It’s likely that their method of teaching revolves around using the fear factor to make you learn things, and, as much as it sucks, in my experience it does tend to work if you just get on with it. Hang in there - a lot of the time it can feel quite overbearing, but I promise it’s temporary, and if you stick it out, more often than not it will pay off. Just do your best and that’s all anyone can ask :)

Universities

UCAS is a terrifying word at the start of year 12, and people will be chucking the term “personal statement” around a lot too. The important things here is to, maybe counter-intuitively, take a step back from academia and think about you, and what you want to get out of your studying career. If you are passionate about a particular subject already, like I was, great. Find that as a degree, or a degree in that field, and talk about why you love it. If you’re not so sure, the deadlines probably feel really intimidating. There’s a lot of choice, but in this case, why not try picking a university before you pick a subject. A guy came to our school and advised us to make a list of all the qualities our dream uni has, and there is probably one in the uk (or abroad!) that fits the bill. Once you’ve found one, think about the courses it has to offer, and if one takes your fancy. But having said all that, here’s a tip - there is more to life that higher education !! Square peg in a round hole - if you don’t think uni is your thing, don’t force it to be!

Other Commitments

Ok, I won’t brag, but it’s fair to say I know a good deal about signing up for extra-curricular commitments. Firstly, as an A-level musician, a lot of my time was spent in the music department, helping out with clubs, school productions, even starting my own ensemble, for which I did all the arranging. The key thing about this though is that it didn’t feel like a chore, because I really loved music and enjoyed helping out, so even though I spent so much of my own time doing these things, my fondest sixth-form memories are in that department. Point being, extra-curriculars aren’t just things to put on your personal statement and then ditch - if you find something you’re really passionate about, you’re winning. Outside of music, I taught myself Japanese and took JLPT N4, took an EPQ and became deputy head girl. All of these things also took considerable chunks of time out of my week, but again, I enjoyed them. Ok, the EPQ was a tough slog with all the editing and researching that went in, but I’m so glad I did it. (Let me know if you guys want a post on research reports or my EPQ experience as well :P)

Exams

Across my four subjects I had 10 exams - 3 for each science, and 1 for music. Music was mostly coursework (performing and composing), which is why there was only one. Exams season is obviously a stressful time, but what I found really helpful was that your teachers are there to help you and if you approach them, they will, 9 times out of 10, go out of their way to do so. Ok, there may be some stinky teachers who won’t be so helpful, but even if they don’t teach you, approach your head of department, or a teacher your friend recommends. Having a good teacher who you can count on to help you really relieves the stress, and makes working through past papers and stuff much more productive, as you don’t have to wind yourself up for hours over 1 really tough question. With regards to actual exams - it’s a total gamble what’s going to be on the paper, so if you’re on those forums that tell you what’s going to be on it, forget it. Exam boards like OCR and Edexcel love to throw curveballs, so you’re better off not psyching yourself out over it. You’re going to get some rough ones - I had one today. And it feels pretty terrible at first. But I promise you won’t be the only person who found it rough, even if your friends didn’t. If you’ve put in the work and you’ve done your best, that’s fine. You are not a failure for skipping questions or running out of time.

And I will leave this very long post there! Hopefully this was a bit informative?? Just wanted to share some of my experiences. Well done to all my fellow Yr 13 on making it through, enjoy the rest of our very long summer! (Also if anyone else sat the OCR Chemistry Paper 3 and wants to talk about how stinky it was with me hit up my inbox lol)

CTandHB :)

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay, y’all, i’ve gotta back on my tl;dr bullshit soapbox about something:

so, the other day, i was just mindlessly scrolling through my corporate & capitalist hellscape facebook™️ (i.e. LinkedIn) and came across this totally trite mostly bullshit meme that was shared by some corporate executive search man (whose name i decided to crop out bc eh):

so i obviously agree with the last three points on this list, bc god yes my life would’ve been a bit better if I didn’t get all my dialogue about mental health only from teen mags and horrible portrayals in teen tv shows (and also this hellsite). and hell yeah everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to learn that failure is okay many situations (like failing a class in uni or school) bc everyone fails at something sometimes. and dealing with failure is HARD. and time management is something that I’m pretty sure everyone lies to fuckin hell about on their resume, bc lots of people really suck at it, myself included. so yeah. that needs to be taught. and i also agree with the “how to manage your health” point. bc thats becoming ever more prevalent and important with career burn out etc.

but entrepreneurship? people management? conflict resolution? creativity? how to manage money? public speaking? like y’all. three of those ARE taught/learned in school, who the fuck wrote this meme? 

for anyone who actually paid attention in maths class, (which is probably very few people outside of the top performing classes), there WAS A WHOLE FUCKING UNIT that focuses on financial maths (in australia anyway). I ignored this unit as well as maths in general at school, bc I generally hated maths and was convinced that I was somehow never going to get a job. but i remember the gist of the overall topic and its subtopics. one subtopic teaches you how to calculate your wages in various contexts (overtime, double-time and a half, holiday payments, im pretty sure maternity leave pay was jammed in somewhere? idk if other countries would have double time & a 1/2 like australia though). another subtopic teaches you how to calculate interest on bank loans and credit rates on credit cards. a third subtopic teaches you how to calculate savings (obvs in terms of discounts in shops)....im sure there was a bit about budgeting in there somewhere? im pretty sure there were some questions were about tax payments somewhere as a subtopic enrichment exercise? but you get my gist. are these not money management skills? in some sense? like if i could find one of my old maths textbooks or old maths books i’d give an example of a question, to make my point stronger. but the problem, like i said before, is that a load of people (myself included) just zone out in maths in high school and stop trying with it. they forget what they’ve learnt, and just remember how much they hated algebra and how they’ll never use it again. maths was one hell of a fucking strong bitch, guys. but maybe i’m wrong.

creativity? excuse me? have people forgotten about art classes? drama classes? english classes? music classes? need i go on? okay don’t get me wrong, most of these classes did focus a lot on memorising quotes or facts about people (artists/writers/poets/composers/dramatists etc) or specific  periods/movements in art or theatre or literature for example.... but the amazing sculptures/paintings etc people created in art for their final projects in year 12, or even in year 10 were works of their imagination. the scripts people write in drama or maybe english (if you had a fun teacher who did a screenwriting unit, for example) are creative asf. especially in year 12 when they do their major projects, where they may produce a monologue or a short movie, and then there’s a group piece. drama students might even make their own costumes for these performances. LIKE AIN’T THAT A LOT OF CREATIVITY RIGHT THERE Y’ALL????? and english. lowly old english. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING TOPIC ON CREATIVE WRITING FOR FUCKS SAKE. the original music people might create for their final projects too in year 12? does that not count as creativity? like yes, i know a lot of these things do still have to meet bs assessment criteria (especially in catholic schools, where the main things are you don’t offend the catholic education office and jesus/god lmao) to be considered worthy of a mark for your year 12 exams. but FUCK. HOW THE FUCK AREN’T ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS COUNTED TOWARDS BEING CREATIVE???????? like fuck your corporate creative ideation or w/e bullshit, Callum. drama and english even lend themselves to improvisation in some instances, like public speaking, which is examined further, below.

next, we move on to public speaking. this shit is basically taught from the first goddamn day of “show & tell” in kindy/kindergarten, and this fucker has the gall to say that it’s not fucking taught in schools? someone call in miley cyrus/hannah montana to throw the fuck down in this motherfucking hoedown BC THIS STUPID-ASS MEME-FUCKER HAS NERVE. i hated public speaking. absolutely hated it. even though it was ironically one of the places i ended up excelling in in english classes. even when i fucked up in my english speeches with like “oh, fuck.... said nelson mandela,  i’ve seem to’ve lost my palm card. wait, shit! there it is... excuse me while i pull it out of my ass. whoops, sorry miss” *bats eyes and finger guns at my year 9 english teacher who has her head in her hands and is done with my shit, while the class laughs at my gaffe* i’d still end up with like 73% or like 26/30. it was baffling. but for people who weren’t the class clown/smart alec like i was from years 7-10 (and like i actually wasn’t once i moved schools).... public speaking is like the leading cause of anxiety, right? like by the time i got to doing speeches/presentations at uni i was having panic attacks... the thought of presenting to my classes made me fucking sick with fear and anxiety. nearly every subject i did at uni (even when i tried to avoid subs with public speaking assessments) and throughout school had some type of presentation/speech whatever you want to call it project/activity in it. even fucking SPORT/PDHPE at school and even philosophy at uni. and these fuckers are saying its not taught in schools. FUCK  OFF. like yeah, i get that they actually mean it in the professional sense.... where people can give the sappy bs motivational speeches or an insightful ted-talk worthy 20-minute presentation... or a great sales pitch. but like??? save that for mike “my dad phoned in to EY and i have a job waiting for me after uni” mcfuck in a business major or law degree? or for clubs like toastmasters? fuck. ok enough of the skills we learn in school. let’s move onto the businesslike-sounding ones of “people management”, “conflict management” and fucking “entrepreneurship”. like. what the fuck? okay in some sense people management and conflict management could potentially be used in managing friendships and relationships in your personal life. but like. i can feel the business underpinnings and i dont like it lmao. like why do you want fully functioning adults straight out of school, franklin? and there’s extra credit conflict management subjects at uni??? or at least my home uni had it... and i never did them bc they were intensive courses during summer break lol. but the one that pissed me off the most was entrepreneurship. LIKE ARE KIDS NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE KIDS NOW????? well  apparently: “NO! YOU MUST ALWAYS THINK OF MONEY MAKING WAYS TO BE RICH! YOU MUST BE ENTREPRENEURIAL!!!!!! YOU MUST GENERATE BUSINESS IDEAS FROM THE TIME YOU CAN FUCKIN’ WALK!!!!! AND SPEAK!!! CHILDHOOD AND BEING A TEENAGER DON’T EXIST WORKER BEE!!!! CAPITALISM FOR ALL!!!! WORKER BEES!!! CAPITALISM IS YOUR FRIEND!!! OWN A BUSINESS BY THE TIME YOU’RE 8 YEARS OLD!” like it’s insidious asf. and it doesn’t acknowledge that most entrepreneurs are already privileged people anyway, who usually have some type of money to start off their venture (or that’s what it feels like anyway). and yeah throw all the “THIS BOY IS AN ENTREPRENEUR AT 18!!! 18!!!???? BY STARTING HIS OWN BUSINESS AT 12!!!! WHAT A CHAMP! 😁🙃” clickbait news stories at me, but i don’t fucking care. the concept and perceived over-importance and almost preaching mindset of entrepreneurship is slowly becoming insidious and toxic asf. call me paranoid. but that’s what it feels like.

but with those last three topics, i want to make a point that school curriculum’s (in australia at least, and probably worldwide) are so jam-packed already with sport (which is pointless and shitty), geography (ok how to read maps is important, but i never bothered to learned to do it properly), history, science, english etc etc etc..... that like.... where the actual fuck are the gonna jam the above bs (people management”, “conflict management” and entrepreneurship) into the curriculum???? and also teachers are already over-worked enough as it is, they don’t need another load of shitty subjects pushed onto them. and they sure asf don’t earn enough (especially in the states) to have this bs pushed into their subject schedules either. keep them at uni, where they should be. or just in the workplace/in the general public where they belong. and if people suggest that you could probably push these subjects into the year 11/12 business studies programs or elective commerce courses in years 9/10, save your goddamn breath. like i remember looking at business studies hsc papers in years 11/12 to see what they did.... and it was pretty chock-a-block anyway. and my experience of my year 9 commerce was horrible, to say the least. let kids be kids, for fucks sake. they shouldn’t have to be fully functioning adults in the workplace, by the end of high school, for fucks sake. AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL SKILL????!!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT, WILHELM. anyway. that’s my rant over about how i hate how corporate people are trying to be #relatablewiththeyouth🙃 with their shitty versions of “10 things i wish we learned in school” memes.... and failing.... without realising that this is why millennials are suspicious and cynical about meme usage by corporate people/corporations.

[studyingatyork]

Realistic things to consider before applying to university 🎓

When I was applying to unis, between navigating the bewildering labyrinth of UCAS and trying to actually get my A Levels, I remember reading a lot of Student Room posts and BuzzFeed articles with titles along the lines of “Things To Consider Before Applying to University”.

These articles were helpful, of course - to an extent. But they were all full of the same, broad points and questions: Do you want to move away from home? Are you going to live on campus? Would you prefer to live in a bigger or smaller city? How important is nightlife - are you able to cope with the local clubs playing slightly outdated music; will you wither away if you’re not able to see live bands every week?

Those kind of questions are, undoubtedly, important. They’re the big questions. But, because they’re the big questions, those are the questions that every single relative has already asked you upon hearing that you’re planning to go to uni. You already know your answers to those questions; you’ve answered them so many times you could probably recite them in your sleep. And there are a lot of other things that I haven’t seen mentioned nearly as many times in online circles - things that I wish I’d been advised to consider, before I sent off my UCAS applications.

So here’s my list of realistic things to consider before applying to university…

Is the train fare home from your Chosen Uni going to bankrupt you?

Picture this: it’s Autumn Term of your first year of university. You have settled into your halls of accommodation, embarrassed yourself a few times in front of your flatmates, and only skipped half of your lectures. Although things were scary to begin with, you really think you’re beginning to find your feet. You’ve located the nearest Morrison’s and done your first food shop; you phoned your mum to tell her, and after you put the phone down, she might have wept a little with pride.

It’s Reading Week. You think: wouldn’t it be nice to go home for a few days? All of your flatmates are planning to do so. You open up your Trainline app, intending to book tickets - and the blood drains from your face. No, you think, when you see the price. No, that can’t be right - £96 for a return home? Even with your railcard?

Don’t end up in that situation. Obviously, it’s not advisable to chose a uni solely based on travel time, distance and expense. If you’re desperate to go to a certain uni but it’s an hour or two further away than a more convenient uni that you’re not really keen on, then that extra travel time is a sacrifice that’s well worth making, in the long run. But there’s a degree to which you also have to consider practicality. How are you planning to move your possessions? Will your parents be able to drive there and back in a day? Are they willing to do so? You have to follow your heart, but 5+ hour train journeys will really start to grate on you, after a few terms.

What does your Chosen Uni’s mental healthcare system look like?

There’s no shame in taking care of your mental health. It’s wise to find out in advance what kind of mental health support is offered by your prospective universities. If you have a pre-existing mental health condition, you can apply for Disabled Student’s Allowance (DSA) as part of your UCAS application. This will enable you to access certain kinds of support: extra exam time, extended coursework deadlines, certain apps and computer extensions to help you in your studies, and regular mentoring (pretty similar to counselling, in my experience), if you need these.

You also might want to ask around on the grapevine, to find out what your Chosen Uni’s mental health system is actually like, from a student’s perspective. You can have a look on The Student Room, ask current students on open days, or send questions to FaceBook confession pages like Yorfess or Durfess. Obviously, everyone’s mental health experiences are subjective, and you should take advice based on personal anecdotes with a pinch of salt. But your university should provide you with the support that you need to complete your studies, and going to uni should be an enriching experience. Don’t settle for less.

Your Chosen Uni might have a good reputation - but does your Chosen Course?

Departments vary. Unlike in school and college, in a large university, each subject department will run internally, with its own administration system and its own way of doing things. As someone who has studied in two different departments, doing a joint honours degree, I’m qualified to tell you that there can be a big difference in how different departments operate and treat their students.

Some departments are research-based, while others are not. Some departments will send you emails every day, telling you about all the events that are happening, offering you support, and telling you who you can contact if you have a problem. Some departments will build cosy study rooms specifically for students of your course, and will frequently bring free cake into said study rooms. Some departments will not do any of these things.

Again, it’s worth asking around, and checking out where your Chosen Course ranks in comparison to the same course, as offered by other universities. The Complete University Guide and The Guardian both have respected league tables which compare things like student satisfaction, grade prospects and employability, across universities as a whole and across specific courses and departments.

Does your Chosen Course have the right modules for you?

Autumn 2015: I walked into an open day lecture for History in a University That Shall Not Be Named. Almost the first thing that the professor said: “Everything we study is 1600 onwards. If you want to study medieval, this university is not for you.” Me, internally, knowing that I have wanted to study the Dark Ages since I was eleven: “Oh no, do I really have to sit here listening to this talk for another hour and a half?” Looking back now, I’m very glad I did attend that open day lecture, because it helped me to rule out one university, and appreciate the fact that every single university offers a different variety of modules.

Every single course will have a breakdown of the available modules across each year, on the university’s website. You might love the location of a uni, you might have heard great things about it from former students, but when you check out the things you’d actually be studying, the modules might seem dull as dishwater to you. If you know that you really want to study Romantic literature, it’s probably best not to apply to a university that doesn’t offer a Romantic module and strongly specialises in post-colonial writing. This is also the kind of thing that admissions tutors will be looking out for when reviewing your person statement - are you actually interested in the kind of teaching that their uni offers, or are you just filling a slot on a UCAS form? Obviously, it’s good to stay open-minded; don’t write off any modules as “boring” simply because you’re unfamiliar with the topic. University is about learning new things! But if a certain course seems to offer modules in things that you really know you wouldn’t be interested in, that may be an indication that this course isn’t for you.

Admittedly, this is probably more applicable to my BA languages/humanities degree, in which I could pretty much take whatever modules I fancied from second year onwards, than a science-based BSc degree in which you have to cover certain areas in order to progress. But regardless of what course you’re applying for, it’s always worth checking out what that degree will actually entail. One of the best things about studying at uni, after the rigid, grade-oriented control of GCSEs and A Levels, is the freedom that you have in choosing your own modules and tailoring your studies to your actual interests for the first time in your life. Make sure that you’re actually able to do that, at the university of your choice.

Will your Chosen Course’s style of teaching and assessment work for you?

If you’re currently studying for your A Levels, then by now you’ll probably already have a good idea of what kind of study works for you. Another thing indicated by online course specifications is the ratio of coursework vs. exams (and labs, if you’re doing a science subject, but don’t ask me about that; I still don’t know what a “lab” actually is). If you would prefer to never do another exam again after A Levels (I don’t blame you) then maybe a coursework-heavy degree would be best for you. On the other hand, if you’re one of those people that prefers to get the assessment aspect over quickly with closed exams, you’d probably prefer a more exam-based course.

One of the reasons I decided not to apply for Oxford is that my course would have been assessed entirely through one week of exams at the end of third year. The thought of undertaking a course like that was extremely anxiety-inducing for me - what if I just had a bad week? I’ve never regretted my choice to study at York instead, where I accumulated credits gradually over three years, and was able to walk into my final exam with that knowledge that I was already averaging a solid mark.

There’s also the matter of teaching style and contact hours. These can also vary drastically across different universities and degrees. If you prefer to be taught directly by tutors, you may want to choose a course that’s heavy on lectures and seminars. But if you know that you’re capable of organising your free time for reading and studying (not just watching Netflix), you could select a course with lower contact hours, where you might spend several days a week in the library doing assigned work without any teaching.

  These are just a few things to consider when applying for university. It goes without saying that this list is very subjective to my own university experience, and these factors might not matter nearly as much to you as other things like sports opportunities or societies. There are definitely other things to consider that weren’t as important to me. For instance, would you like to study abroad or do a placement year? Also, does the university have a reputation for wildlife on campus that regularly try to kill its students? If you have a severe phobia of geese, it’s probably best that you don’t choose York.

Originally posted 20/01/2018

[agameoftragedy]

Writing (and being) people with mental difficulties

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I don’t know how well I’m going to be able to express it, given that that’s part of the whole problem. I myself have developed what seems to be increasing mental difficulties, which makes it harder to explain what you experience to people who don’t know or see.

One of the first things to qualify is that naturally everyone’s experiences will be slightly different anyway; the brain is even more complex than the body and there’s still aspects to it that we don’t understand, but you can certainly read about examples of people who have obviously sustained brain damage to a specific area of the brain and the repercussions of that depending on the area. But, when it’s not so apparent what area is struggling or affected, or if it seems to be somewhat all-encompassing...!

The other thing is, I myself don’t know how you would write somebody who has had severe learning difficulties from birth (Lollys Stokeworth from ASOIAF for example) in the first person. Again, part of why this can be so difficult is because if (some parts of) the brain are that bad it can render you incapable of explaining your experiences to other people in a way they can understand. And if they can’t tell us, it’s left to everyone else to imagine (and make mistakes).

So, bit of background on me, I used to be shy but pretty cogent even face-to-face, and was generally good at expressing myself. I was top of my class in several subjects as a kid (and then went to a school for ‘smarter’ kids as a teenager so I wasn’t so special), went to uni, etc. It’s not 100% clear what’s gone wrong with my body since my early 20s, but it’s certainly neurological as well as physical, and honestly the neurological problems I have are way more troublesome than the pain and physical fatigue. They can’t seem to pin down the problem, but when I had MRI/CT of my head a couple years ago there was apparently nothing evident (though those don’t show everything...).

So, down to business:

- My brain is crap. Now, I know this, because I have also experienced my brain working how it used to, and now it is complete trash in comparison. If you are or are writing somebody who has had trouble from birth, they may not have any such feelings because they don’t know how it feels to have a brain that works differently anyway, except perhaps observing that other people can do things they couldn’t.

- How bad a problem this is varies massively. I was very cerebral and that was used a lot in my hobbies, so it prevents me doing things I love(d). If your character wasn’t like that anyway, it may not bother them as much. If your character has always been this way, everything they do probably already fits with their abilities. It can also literally vary from day to day, one day you’re kinda forgetful and the next you can barely string a sentence together, good days and bad days.

- You still have a personality. In fact, this is probably part of what is interesting, the way personality filters through these problems. Sometimes it can actually make you differentiate yourself more - I was quite shy and reserved, keep my thoughts to myself, but my emotional regulation is faultier now and I’m more likely to just say the thing and/or show how I’m feeling. I like to think I’m nice, and it means I get cuddlier and compliment people, but if your character was an asshole under wraps they could now be more overt about it (or contrast with another character who’s just as bad but covers it up).

- It can mess with your moods. I used to be prone to anxiety, constantly caught up in my thoughts, but that’s often way too much work for my brain now and I find myself more able to just like look at some pretty flowers like ‘ooooh’ with nothing more going on underneath, so I can be kind of happier. On the other hand though...

- It depends on your environment and how you’re treated. Because I’m struggling enough as it is, I’m prone to frustration of anything making my life any harder. I can be happy as a clam in my own little environment I’ve developed, but when you go out into a generally unaccommodating and judgemental world, it makes everything harder. It would be presumptuous to say that it’s worse, but I know I especially suffer as somebody who knows how things could be, because I remember that I used to be able to do these things and I also know how some able people talk and think about (mentally) disabled people when they’re not around.

- If you haven’t always been like this, adjusting is hard, especially if you can remember before (and have a questionable short term memory). To start with it’s hard to remember that you might struggle to do something (because you used to be able to), and then it’s hard to deal with the emotional pain of realising how bad you are in comparison (especially if you have little to no hope of regaining that ability).

- People can be shit and it’s hard to help that. This can often include doctors. In my experience it’s a little like being a child again; I know my judgement can be iffy at times now and I kind of need somebody keeping an eye on me, but it’s trying to get a balance between that and people ignoring and dismissing what you want and say entirely (assuming you can even express it adequately). You can keep your autonomy if you don’t admit you have this problem, but that leaves you in potential danger (from yourself) and gets you no help at all. For me I luckily have a couple of very understanding and supportive people in my life, but without those... I have deep concerns for people, as with neurodivergent kids whose parents don’t take their issues seriously.

- Trouble ‘thinking’ may well not be your only issue. I get a lot of headaches, and ‘episodes’ (there is a lot of discourse over whether they count as seizures) where basically I collapse and can’t move but am still conscious, ocular migraines, tinnitus... You can sprinkle various neurological symptoms really, depending on how a character acquired their difficulties.

- Comparing adult people with difficulties to children is controversial, though I can see some similarities at times in cases like mine. I’d certainly say that if somebody acquired their difficulties as an adult, I’d avoid this - if they were a sexual person before there’s probably still some level of that, they probably don’t insta-child, and there’ll probably be times where they still feel like they’re basically the person they were (until reminded of what’s changed when they try too much).

~~~~~~~~~~~~

This post is unfinished but I’m honestly not certain if I’ll be able to do so. I seizured at this point and have no idea what else I was going to say when I was writing it. If anyone else has input or questions, I’ll receive them happily.

[vin-studies]

ok guys. these past two years were HELL so here are some NO BULLSHIT TIPS that i wish i could tell my 16 year old self when i first started IB

ENGLISH AND BIO ARE NOT ‘EASY' HLS.  Biology HL has an extensive syllabus and the marking criteria for English HL are very high! Properly look into your universities’ requirements - make sure to contact them and ask if they will accept the subjects you’re planning to take for the course you are applying for. (For example, some medicine courses in some universities don’t even require biology but they expect you to take chemistry, physics and maths HL). No HL is an ‘easy HL’ so make sure you choose something that you need or are interested. Note: to prospective/new students, IB requires a minimum of a total of 12 marks from your 3 HLs in order to pass the diploma program.

FINISH CAS ASAP Those CAS projects may look good on your uni applications and CVs but writing reflections and uploading evidence is a pain in the ass. I made the mistake of uploading everything at the last moment and in consequence, I had lost some of the pictures that I had collected as evidence and didn’t have time to request for certificates for some of my activities. Upload everything as soon as you get done with a particular activity - if you’re volunteering, training, coaching, competing, interning: don’t forget to collect certifications / evidence from the coordinators/coaches/parents that you have finished the said number of hours. Get CAS out of sight out of mind as soon as possible (collecting as much CAS as possible during your first year of IB is also beneficial for students who plan to apply to universities that have applications due early).

TOK IS A WASTE OF TIME I know this, you know this, even your TOK teachers know it. But it has to be done - so make things easier on yourself.

TOK PRESENTATION:  First, choose a topic that you genuinely enjoy and know a lot about - a topic that you can talk about from the top of your head. This will help you while doing the actual presentation so that you feel more comfortable relaying your ideas and so it does’t end up becoming 10 minutes of you just saying words that you memorised. Your teacher and people online might say that having a partner will make the presentation easier, but in reality this depends on your subject. If your subject is vast, take a partner so the information can be shared amongst the 20 minutes that you have. If your topic is not as vast or does not have a lot of information, don’t take a partner. It may be a little scary to do it on your own but at the end of the day, 10 minutes of quality TOK material is better than 20 minutes of added information and irrelevant points just so you can reach the time limit.

TOK ESSAY: Essay titles are released in the early months of your second year - your TOK teachers will most likely discuss each and every title in class so that you have a better understanding of what they’re talking about. Here’s the secret to the TOK Essay: PICK THE EASIEST ONE. No examiner is going to give you extra marks because you picked a harder title over an easier title - its about the way you present the answer. Choose the title that you understand the most because if you understand it, the way you’ll write your essay will be clear and chances are, the examiner will understand it too. Choosing a title that you’re not familiar with, just because it looks impressive, will send you down a spiralling staircase of pretentious word vomit. In class, when we were looking through sample high scoring TOK essays, most of them were simple and easy to understand. Most of these high scoring essays depended on examples and real-life situations to explain their claims and counterclaims. Your TOK essay does not need to be a philosophical monologue!!

EXTENDED ESSAY: The daunting 4000 words that has every new IB student quaking in their pants. The biggest tip I can give you is this: DON’T TRY TO CHALLENGE YOURSELF BY PICKING A DIFFICULT SUBJECT. IF YOU DO NOT PASS YOUR EXTENDED ESSAY, YOU DO NOT GET YOUR DIPLOMA. YOUR UNIVERSITY DOES NOT CARE ABOUT NOR DO THEY CHECK THE SUBJECT YOU DO YOUR EE ON. There are obviously easier EE subjects that you will be able to score high marks in like: LanguageB, Business Management, etc. Now, you might say that any subject is easy if you enjoy it - sure, that may be true but that doesn’t change the fact that some subjects have higher standards and harder criteria: Physics, Chemistry, Maths HL. New students, don’t freak out about writing 4000 words - in reality, once you start writing your EE, you’ll find that you’ve exceeded your limit and you’ll be stuck trying to figure out how to cut it so it doesn’t affect the quality of your work.

DON’T BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT TAKING ESS OR MATH STUDIES. Anyone who makes fun of ESS and Math Studies students, stop it, its gross. If your university does not need Maths Standard/Higher level, don’t feel like you need to take them. If you find SL difficult and you feel you could score higher in Math Studies, take it. At the end of the day 7 in MS is better than a 4 in SL. Commerce students, if your school requires you to take one science, take ESS. Its practical, less time consuming, and genuinely very interesting. The internal assessment difficulty ranges depending on your topic: some need more experiment time than others but overall its significantly less than any other science like Biology or Chemistry or Physics. Its easy scoring, in case your university is looking at your overall score out of 45 rather than your subjects separately. Taking IB is a feat in itself, so making things a little easier for yourself is nothing to be ashamed about. (plus It’ll be you who’ll be laughing once exams arrive and your pg is a 7).

IOC TIPS: annoy the hell out of your teacher - steal them away for practice IOCs whenever you can. the more practice sessions you have, the better you’ll understand what you’re doing right/wrong, the time you reach, and the questions that you might get at the end of your commentary. if your teachers don’t give you the time of day, practice with the help of a friend or even to your own reflection in the mirror - sometimes your points might make sense on paper but not out loud and you’ll never find out which points those are until you’re talking about them. if its possible to opt, try to avoid poets BECAUSE you don’t know which poem you’ll draw on the final IOC recording day and each poem have their own story, writing style, and concepts. extracts from novels and short story collections on the other hand, have the same context, characters, writing style no matter which extract you draw. During your recording, you can connect your extract to other chapters/stories that you have learnt about if it supports the concept you’re talking about - unlike poems that talk about different topics so you cannot.

BM - CUEGIS CONCEPTS & CASE STUDY (P1):

Despite these being two very big parts of the final exams, there are only a few tips I can share.

For CUEGIS, choose an MNC because it’ll be easier for you to find information. Don’t mug up, choose a company you have an interest in. If you did your IA or Extended Essay on an MNC, you probably have some extent of knowledge about the company so use it for your CUEGIS essay. In preparation, just divide what you know and learn about the company into each concept and learn how they affect each other. Write practice essays by picking two random concepts with a random business topic. 

For Paper 1, your teacher should discuss the given case study with you and helped your class analyse it. But, you should always go back and read/analyse the case by yourself, with friends, with other business students from other schools to make sure nothing is left untouched. You cannot use past papers because, obviously, their cases were different. So, if your teachers does not make sample exam questions / mock papers, make them for yourself. From simple things like definitions to evaluating decisions using business tools. 

last but not least, don’t be afraid to drop ib if you really cannot take it anymore. There will always be universities or colleges that accept your high school diploma. At the end of the day, your mental health is more important that any 45. good luck! - my ask box is always open for anyone who needs tips, guides, resources, notes, or just want to rant with me about IB in general :)

[grad701designforchangejordantane]

Self Portrait Focus Group

Before we started talking with our focus group I quickly realised that the people we were asking or questions to, and discussing how they identified with their culture, were having difficulties putting their thoughts into words. This then led to the idea that once I had photographed each of them, that I would select the best image, do any digital touch ups that may be required and then have each subject draw over their image on my iPad. 

I myself am a visual person and I ahve always been able to sketch better than I can put my thoughts into words. It was this thought process that made me decide to let each of our subjects sketch over their image.

The results were amazing and each of them really enjoyed the process. They each felt they really captured how they felt visually rather than how they had tried to describe how they felt when we asked them the interview questions.

It is obvious from each of these images that each felt they did not have the right to identify with their culture. ‘Fraud’, ‘Plastic’, ‘White-washed’. It gives context to the original portrait images.

Jordan: What is your name, age, ethnicity and what you do?

Christina: Hi my name is Christina, I am 19 years old, Māori and study law at AUT.

Danika: Hi my name is Danika, I am 19, Cook Island/Māori and I study Bachelor of Business at AUT.

Jordan: During your time at Highschool did you feel that the school supported Māori/Pacific student?

Christina: Yes

Danika: No

Jordan: Could each of you please explain why.

Christina: I went to a predominately white school where they really valued Māori / Pacifica students as there weren’t many of us. So, it was cool to see that they included us.

Danika: My case was the opposite. We also had a predominately white school and even though there was only a few of us, we were only valued when it benefitted the school. We would be used to have photos taken of us for school, but no one cared how well you were doing. There would be separate assemblies. In these assembly’s we were told that it was a Pacific Islander Assembly, and we had the worst NCEA results, then the assembly would be over. It was basically a lecture. They never went out of their way to support any of the students. For Poly fest the school were happy if we placed yet we weren’t allowed to practice at school but in our own time. It was performative acting from the school. 

Jordan: Do you think that experience alone impacted you, Danika?

Danika: Yeah, I think so. I hated going to school. I felt like I had no friends, and it was a me problem. I would ditch school then be sent to the dean’s office. 

Jordan: So obviously you guys have finished Highschool now and in Uni, Is the support towards Māori/Pacifica people better or worse? What is your experience of this?

Danika: For me it is a hundred times better, especially with the OLN. Uni prep was one of the first places since Intermediate where I felt comfortable as I was surrounded by people like me who understood and knew. Where in Highschool you were by yourself. I feel really supported at Uni but that’s coming through Uni prep and the OLN. I don’t know what it would be like if I just went straight to Uni.

Christina: I feel more supported at Uni compared to Highschool. At Highschool the support was coming more from teachers, so it was always hard to have that relationship and see eye to eye as they were teachers, and it was hard to relate with them as much. But with the OLN it’s more student based. We’re connecting with people that are our age so its easier to be open and vulnerable without there being a large age gap. I feel more supported in Uni as I did in Highschool.

Jordan: In each of your selective programs in Uni is there any Māori/Pacific teachers?

Christina: I had one last year who was a Māori lecturer and that was it. All my other lectures are other ethnicities/cultures.

Danika: I had one Tongan teacher who was very cool but that’s about it. 

Jordan: Does that make you feel a certain way in general?

Christina: Yeah. In Law for one of our classes we had the Treaty of Waitangi and its different hearing things from your own culture compared to people outside. Its always different when hearing from someone who can relate to the topic more as I sometimes have different views from my lecturers but that’s because I might have heard a different story from Intermediate and family members compared to hearing it from someone who isn’t apart of my culture and have learnt it from a book written by someone from another culture.

Jordan: Currently in your life what do you think has impacted your culture identity the most?

Christina: Mostly society. Māori people are always looked down upon in NZ. Say there was a robbery “oh, it was probably Māori” or ‘’oh look they’re Hori”. I know a lot of younger people that are embarrassed to be Māori as their stereotyped negatively in society. My brother in laws sister when telling their parents about my sister had to say that she was a clean Māori and not like other Māori’s. That’s why it’s so hard to be Māori as its always so looked down upon.

Jordan: What about you Danika?

Danika: My family has impacted my culture identity the most as we’re always told to be proud of being Māori and Cook Island and always take your culture with you. But then in the same sense when I told my family I didn’t like school my grandad would say that I had to go as the worlds not full of Māori’s and Islanders and I had to experience the real world. Even my family would use the clean Māori stereotypes School really Shaked my culture identity and I felt very lost and had no sense of belonging. Society impacted me as well with the stereotypes but that pushed me to wanting to do better than letting bring me down. The OLN was amazing and has shaped our culture identity. All the texts we did and learning your stories from your own people was very beneficial rather than learning them from someone who hasn’t been in their shoes. 

Jordan: What was interesting is that you both mentioned the word ‘’clean”. Could you explain what that means to you?

Christina: The way I see people using it would be like if you asked someone what they thought of Māori people it would be South Auckland, dirty, probably on a benefit or goes to the supermarket I their pj’s. But when people use the term “Clean Māori” they mean well educated, has a good job, can provide for their families, not on a benefit and doesn’t have ten thousand kids living in one house. 

Danika: I agree

Jordan: Do you believe there is a lack of cultural awareness in your community? Like with the mental health of Māori/Pacifica people?

Christina: Yes, but I think it is a lot better now in terms of awareness and has increased in the past couple of years. A couple of years ago I feel that there weren’t many support systems for Māori / Pacifica’s

Danika: I feel like there is awareness but there could also be more awareness. There is support but it isn’t where it needs to be.

Jordan: So, people are aware but just don’t do anything about it?

Christina: There is support but I feel that the areas that are being supported don’t need it as much as others.

Jordan: What do you think is the big issue for Māori / Pacific people now? Especially at our age?

Danika: Mental health 

Christina: Mental health and the whole covid situation.

Danika: Māori and Pacific people (males) have a high suicide rate

Jordan: Would you like to know facts about that? So, males have the highest suicide rates where woman have the highest attempted suicide rate. 

Christina: I think with mental health a big issue with students, especially the younger kids in Highschool it’s hard to ask for help and I find that’s where a lot of the problems are. Some other problems are kids having the stigma of that they can’t do well in school because my family are gangsters or when kids expect to not succeed in Highschool, so they drop out which I find to be a problem. They should feel supported and that starts in Highschool with teachers as teachers brush it off and put no effort in helping or connecting with students to help them be better and stay in school instead of sending them to the principal’s office. I feel this is something that needs to be fixed.

Jordan: What do you think is a big difference with Māori / Pacific students who do end up attending Uni and those who don’t?

Christina: The difference I see is the amount of support we’re given. I have a good family that support me through Uni. They’re the reason I’m in Uni and wanting to do good. I also have a good support system at Uni from my friends that help me out and I feel like the people that don’t go to Uni might not have a good support system to get them through Uni as it isn’t easy. Year 13 isn’t easy for a lot of people, especially with Covid happening and I feel it all goes back to how strong your support system is.

Danika: There could be situations where a student’s family want them to go to Uni but can’t afford it or they must work instead to look after their siblings. Uni seemed like a thing that every year 13 at my school was going to go and pretty much 90% went but when going to Uni prep some of the students weren’t expecting to go to Uni as a lot of students from their school wouldn’t go to Uni.

Christina: Since Māori / Pacifica people are so family oriented there’s situations where parents can no longer look after their kids, so students are having to drop out of Uni to work full time and support their families which is sad but for Māori / Pacifica that’s how things work.

Jordan: How do you guys normally involve yourself with your culture?

Danka: When in high school we had Polly fest every two years, so I did it in year 11 and year 13 and did concerts in the between years. But that’s really the first time I did anything relating to my Cook Island side. We would go to Rarotonga every year to see my family over there. My dad or any of his siblings don’t know how to speak their language as my Grandad and Nana were for the generation where there was no value in teaching your kids to speak Cook Island or Māori. They wanted you to speak English as knowing English is what got you a job and what everyone spoke in school. So that’s why we don’t know how to speak our language now. But with my Māori side it’s in our everyday lives as that’s how my mum grew up but weren’t actively Māori as we were never forced to do Kapa Haka or anything. 

Jordan: Have you ever been embarrassed to embrace your culture?

Danika: I feel like there was stage where I was embarrassed to be Māori as I didn’t feel accepted as much.

Christina: Probably in my junior years of Highschool as I went from a predominately Māori student-based school in South Auckland where we spoke Māori for most of the day at Primary and Intermediate. Going from that to a predominately white Highschool was kind of a culture shock as 80% were Asians, 19% white and 1% other which was us. It was scary and I didn’t want to join any of the Māori groups as it wasn’t a big thing. Our school only got into Māori in year 11 as a lot of us wanted to make it known in the school. There would be situations especially in year 9 or 10 where you would do the Haka and they would laugh and if you didn’t have a lot of self-confidence, it would really hurt you which would result in the Māori students dropping out of the groups. Personally, I don’t feel embarrassed as my Nana always tells me to take your culture with you and she’s so Māori based that I want to pay her back for all her struggles.

Jordan: Final Question. What would you like to see happen within the Māori/Pacifica community in terms of people not feeling connected to their culture?

Christina: Probably just acceptance. One thing for me is since only my mum is Māori and my dad is white, and I have my dads skin colour. So, when you look at me you don’t think Māori. There are people who have very fair skin, blue eyes and blond hair but are 75% Māori. We all look different but it’s about what’s in the inside. I think another big thing is you don’t have to know the language to be apart of the culture. I can’t speak Māori fluently and because of that people ask me if I’m even a real Māori.  

Danika: I also feel acceptance is a big thing as I am judged for my pale appearance. The amount of effort people put into language weeks and if they continued to put that much effort and keeping the same energy throughout your life.

Jordan: So, with your culture identities is their one quote that someone’s said that has taken an impact? 

Christina: At the OLN we were given the quote “Everything you do, do it with purpose”. When I hear that I think of my nana who was beat for speaking Māori in Highschool. In general, my Māori teachers were like my second parents who support me when I was down and because they were Māori too, I felt a connection towards them and would always tell me to think about the outcome and that its tough now but the change your making in our school is amazing and you’re leading the way for our younger generation. This is a big motivator for me.

Danika: One thing that really resonated with me is the understanding that the ocean connects us rather than the … us being Māori and Pacifica.

Jordan: What is your name, ethnicity and what you do

Jackie: Hi my name is Jackie ,,,,, I am Cook Island Samoan and I study as a student at AUT

Jordan: Do you feel as though your Highschool supported Māori / Pacifica students?

Jackie: I would say yes as they did provide some cultural classes like Samoan Language, which I took. The school invested a lot of time into Poly fest with Samoan, Tongan and Cook Island group.

Jordan: Were you apart of any of those?

Jackie: I was a part of three which was the Cook Island, Samoan and Tongan 

Jordan: Which one was your favourite

Jackie: The Tongan group as it was like a sisterhood, and I really enjoyed it. But I think in terms of who had the most support it would have been the Samoan group.

Jordan: Do you feel as though you were more culturally involved back in Highschool than you are now?

Jackie: I was more to my culture in Highschool as in Uni I don’t think there’s anything to learn culture wise.