27 - UK - No Identity Head Empty. Pochapal from Omelette Route. In This House We Say June Egbert Rights
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how fake restrictive medical dieticians look when REAL eating disorderheads show up
#:)#it's the start of week checkin tomorrow which means im gonna get scolded like an idiot dog ^_^#they LOVE scolding me like an idiot dog because i use strategic starving to enjoy all my fave garbagefoods without causing harm#fun fact a burger is very bad if you've had two other meals that day#if the burger is literally the only thing you eat in a 24 hour period then it does nothing to you. dieticians hate this trick :3
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OMG HAI!!!! HI! >o< hihihihihi!!!!!!!!! *locks you into the bad ending*
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vanished again. i was busy embroiled in a bitter conflict with my opps (hospital nurses that really didn't like the fact i was saying to them their form of treatment was making me feel shit instead of just meekly putting up with it like everyone else) and i finally secured a tiny victory in this relentless war (got them to slow down the machine and stop taking off a fuckton of fluid so i get to enjoy a weekend without spending it bedbound in crippling discomfort)
#:)#they kept insisting on keeping me in a state of zero liquid in my body and also speeding the dialysis more and more#even though my body works better being a little moist#AND despite the fact that at a much lower speed than the one i'm at now i hit normal people electrolyte levels again#like fully they did bloods on the 1st when i was at 270 flowspeed instead of the 350 'standard'#and aside from protein leakage and anemia every single result was exactly in the perfect reference range for someone without kidney problem#and now they're bumping me up to 300 which is my absolute limit and wanting me to go even higher#like. the absolute goal is to get your toxin levels to reduce by 60% of their predialysis levels#i'm hitting 90+% at half the recommended speed. we more than have the wiggle room to stop hurting me#anyway everyone talks to me like i'm an idiot baby and like they know my body better than i do#and get very unhappy when i assert myself or reveal that i do know things#another funny fight is that i like to tilt the machine screen to face me so i can see what's actually going on#and half the nurses will tilt it back away from me every time they come in for the hourly observations. like why can't i see this!#one nurse was like 'if you want a screen i can put the tv on for you'. im watching the machine. not the tv#if i wanted the tv i would have the tv. i behave with intention like most human beings do#to be fair only half the nursing team are evil demons. they also happen to be a clique run by that one nurse who dismissed my bleed day one#i don't think it's personal though. they're weird and nasty to anyone who's not a meek complacent old man. for some reason. who is to say
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😊😊😊 (thinking about how this thing will make negative 1 million dollars and get cancelled before season 2 so we wont ever have to see hasbro hotel ciska) #blessed #manifestation #divineprotection 🙏🙏🙏
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I feel like something happened.
#this is the pox you all swore up and down yiffany was back in 2020. now look at the state of things
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immune from this because i siloed off my true homestuck engagement into a secret place three years ago and the comings and goings of the wider world are beyond me. if you haven't done this yet with the media you love do it immediately
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did a second thing happen or
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did a second thing happen or
#:)#so out of the loop and unbothered#i was making a silly at [redacted] being stupid for the sixth year running#but now everyone is vaguing about another thing???#whatever is happening is NOT my problem. read omelette route
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i like terezy :) and viska <3
#:)#this is how homestuck exists to me until i get better#except for mayyybe some tangential thoughts about traumarepression in the wake of me finally finishing deltarune ch4#but that's a poast for a day where i have more than negative three energy
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Just saw a dog that's going to meet an astral demise
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your dog is being reactionary as fuck right now get that thing under control before I have to do something that I really, really want to do
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hope you're doing alright, friend
i mean. i'm not dead which is good! one of my three blood pressure readings a day is technically not hypertensive now (i am on like 400mg of various meds to achieve this feat) (by which i mean 158/90 instead of 165/95+. this doesnt apply to when i'm on dialysis because on those days im consistently 210/120 which is. Really Bad!). also my transplant is probably fucked because they a) found a microscopic kidney stone in my dad's kidney so if that comes back as a certain type he's ruled out PLUS his renal artery is like. a touch thinner than the normal person so if the surgeon doesn't like it that's him ruled out from ever being an organ donor ever. still like half blind and constantly scared and crying and every 48 hours the dialysis machine makes me feel like im dying because every part of the process is too intense for my body but basic guidelines state i must endure the higher frequency or they're failing in their duty of care. and i gained and lost 15kg over the course of 10 days and my trauma is all over the show but the renal nurses think i'm a model patient and would be an ideal candidate for a peer support volunteer which. lmao
so i guess on the balance of things i'm a 4.5/10? sometimes i sleep and don't even have nightmares every night.
#azdoine#girl who is trying EXTREMELY hard to be positive with the barebones atomic sized stale crumbs of hope left lying around#basically a lot depends on the next month and i can control precisely zero of it lmao#also im at the stage of being a Sick Person where everyone around you constantly goes 'omg youre so strong and brave' and i wanna kill them#girl im not being 'strong' and 'brave' my last vestiges of autonomy are Gone and i'm just being shuttled from one nightmare to the next#can't even go anywhere because of this stupid fucking 5am dialysis schedule. stuck in the house and always tired#i think maybe 3% of this post is making sense but please understand my brain is completely and truly fried into mush these days
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