#obviously both of them had the experience of being brainwashed

[daydreamerdrew]

New Avengers: The Reunion (2009) #1

[chuunai]

Need me some baby daddy fyodor..

baby daddy fyodor ! who knew you were pregnant before you knew. the signs of an expectant mother—much less his wife—were quite obvious and evident to him. morning sickness, tender breasts, all the works.

baby daddy fyodor ! who already has plans in motions to protect his soon-to-be family. naturally, a child of his shall not be targeted by the world’s sinners.

baby daddy fyodor ! who is more lenient and understanding of you. he’s more opt to you sitting on his lap as he works, or making the effort to eat at least one meal a day with you. parenthood is a shared experience, and for however cruel he may be—his cruelness never extends to you. mostly.

baby daddy fyodor ! who quickly finds himself enamored by your growing stomach. the thought that the changes in your body were because of him gave him a sense of pride and gleeful joy. had he not gifted you a child, you’d never go through this. but alas, he has.

baby daddy fyodor ! who sings russian lullabies to the unborn child. either that, or he’d play classical music on his cello. research showed the positive effects of music on a developing fetus, and of course he wanted his kid to have the best start in life. being a dostoevsky meant being miles ahead of the average person.

baby daddy fyodor ! who keeps the news private. other than his servants that had been thoroughly brainwashed and manipulated by him, no one knew about your pregnancy. for both the safety of you and your child. his anemic hands hold the future of the world in one hand, and an ultrasound photo in the other.

baby daddy fyodor ! who says he’ll speak to the baby in russian only. in order to have them fluent, they must hear the language from the moment their curious eyes open. he doesn’t mind whatever language you want to speak to them—it’d be better for them to know multiple languages anyway.

baby daddy fyodor ! who prepares for your eventual labor. being a known terrorist, he obviously can’t have you in a hospital. it’d leave behind plenty of documents and other information that may lead to potential problems. so, a birthing room is in order at a secret location far from the life that he relishes in. he has a doctor on standby—kept hostage for this very purpose—to watch over the process.

baby daddy fyodor ! who can’t wait to walk upon the re-formed world he’ll make with his two angels.

Tags:

@sinfulthoughtsposts, @twst-om-lover, @briars-castle

[xcaptain-winterx]

Requests are open you say? How about Steve Rogers having a huge crush on the new recruit (reader) and being very awkward in trying to pursue her

Be a man

Steve Rogers x reader

summary: above

warnings: fluff, awkwardness, shy Steve, cum

a/n: English is not my first language, meaning you will probably find a lot of misspelling etc.

Part 2

Main Masterlist Steve Rogers Masterlist

Steven Grant Rogers also known as the hero Captain America. Fought against Hydra and their leader Red Skull, his brainwashed best friend, Ultron, his own team and even Thanos. You would think that Americas golden boy is unstoppable, that nothing can stop him.

You’re wrong.

See, Steve has years of experience in fighting due to the fact that he’s over a hundred years old and fought in World War Two. The only thing he doesn’t know about, or to be more specific, doesn’t have any experience with, is the opposite sex. Steve has never been on a date or had a real first kiss. Ok, yeah, he kissed Peggy and Natasha once, but that meant nothing. God, he’s still a virgin.

To sum it up, Steve is an awkward bean around women. He doesn’t always show it obviously, but ask him something not work related with a flirty smile, and he starts to sweats like a polar bear in the desert.

Steve always thought that he was going to be able to talk to ‘the girl’ once he saw her, that he will have no problem to communicate with her.

He thought wrong.

Steve is in the training room, punching the punching bag until it falls off again. He was supposed to be training with Sam, but he hasn’t shown up. So far, Sam always showed up or at least texted him if something came in between and he couldn’t make it. Steve stops hitting the punching bag and goes over to the bench where his phone is laying. He picks it up and swipes it open, seeing that he didn’t receive any text message from Sam.

It’s not normal for Sam to be late, so Steve decides that he’s going to look for Sam. He puts his phone in his pocket and walks out of the gym, in the direction of the living area.

As he walks down the hallway Bucky crosses his path, “Hey pal, have you seen Sam”, Steve asks.

“No, but I can imagine he’s talking to the new recruits, telling them something about teamwork makes the dream work, or some other shit”, Bucky says, mimicking Sam’s voice.

Steve’s brows furrow; what new recruits? Steve heard nothing about new recruits. “I don’t know anything about new recruits?”

“Transferred from a SHIELD base in Germany, I think. Sam will probably force us to introduce us to them”, Bucky says. Steve knows that it’s hard for Bucky to talk or communicate with new and many people at once, but he knows that he’s trying his best. Since he began going to therapy, his old self made more and more of an appearance, and Bucky feels a lot better in general even though it’s hard sometimes. He’s proud of Bucky. He’s trying his best.

“Better we do it now than later. Come on, Buck”, Steve says, patting his shoulder, and pulling him with him.

Bucky lets out a chuckle, “Ok”.

Both super soldiers walk towards the meeting rooms, thinking they might be there when Bucky suddenly stops walking. Steve looks at Bucky, silently questioning why he stopped. Bucky reads Steve’s facial expression before pointing towards the end of the hallway, “found him”.

Steve follows Buckys finger and sees Sam. Sam is not alone, he’s with a woman. A beautiful woman. A goddess.

Bucky sees Steve’s face heating up. “You good, pal?” he asks with a teasing voice. Steve doesn’t answer him, to lost in the woman’s beauty next to Sam. Bucky snaps his fingers in front of Steve’s face, trying to get him back to reality, but it doesn’t work.

Lost in thoughts, or to be more specific the woman, Steve doesn’t see how Sam noticed them too, and is calling them over.

“Steve!”

Steve comes back to reality when Sam calls him for the third time. Bucky laughs at Steve’s confused puppy stare, looking like he just woke up from a coma without any knowledge of what happened before. It gets worse as they see how Sam and the woman are now walking towards them. Bucky feels Steve panicking next to him. “Hey Steve, calm down, ok?” Bucky whispers to him.

“Mhm”, Steve answers, not being able to form any words. Sam and the Woman getting closer and closer to them.

“Remember, we just introduce ourselves” Bucky tries to calm him down, his own anxiety leaving and instead focusing on helping his friend, “You can do this. Just remember to think and talk at the same time, and don’t just stare at her”. If his friend wasn’t looking like a dead fish Bucky would’ve really enjoyed this moment. Him helping his friend talk to a woman like he did back in the 40s, but nothing about Steve’s current problem is funny. Well, maybe the fact that he for real looks like a dead fish.

“Ok” Steve says.

“Ok”

“Ok”

“You can do this, Steve”

“Ok”

And the woman gets closer and closer.

Steve begins to murmur what he wants to say, making Bucky look nervously at him.

The woman and Sam are now almost completely by them as Steve suddenly says, “I need to finish the mission report”, before sprinting the other direction.

“Hey, why did Steve-“ Sam can’t finish because Bucky is already sprinting after Steve, leaving him and the woman utterly confused. “BUCKY!”

Sam puts his hands on his hips, “normally they are not like this, ok? They probably just remembered to take their anti-aging cream”. He turns to you, “Super soldiers, you know”.

You smile as Sam claps your shoulders and says, “how about I show you the training room?”. You nod, letting him lead you to the training room.

Meanwhile, Steve is sprinting towards his room, looking like a gazelle who’s running away from a predator. Steve thought he could talk to her, but no.

Once he reaches his room, he locks the door, and then just stands there, staring at the locked door; what just happened? He begins to hyperventilate like how his pre serum self did when he had an asthma attack. The room feels like it’s shrinking. Steve feels small and scared. Just the sight of the woman made him with a snap of a finger feel like his weak 40s self before the serum. Back when no one liked him.

While Steve is having a panic attack, Bucky is running towards Steve’s room. Bucky started running after him some seconds after he sprinted away, and normally Bucky would’ve caught up to him, but Steve’s panic and the super soldier serum made it a bit difficult. Luckily, Bucky knows Steve like no one else and knows that he’s hiding in his room.

“Steve?” Bucky asks, knocking on the door. “You good, pal? Can I come in?”. He waits, but no answer comes, so he tries opening the door but it’s locked.

Bucky sighs, “Steve, let me in”.

On the other side, Steve is debating if he should let his best friend in. His debating goes too long for Bucky though because the next thing Steve hears is Bucky saying ‘Friday unlock the door’, and the door opens.

Bucky walks in, seeing a teared eyed Steve who’s breathing fast and heavy. Bucky strikes over to him and pulls him slowly down to the floor, sitting face to face with each other. He takes his hand and puts it on his heart, “Steve, hey. Focus on me. Focus on my heartbeat. You feel mine?” Bucky says, putting his other hand on Steve’s heart, feeling how his heart is still beating fast. “Steve, focus on my heartbeat”.

Steve looks at his friend and tries to focus on his heart. He closes his eyes, only trying to listen to Bucky’s heartbeat. “Yeah, I feel it”.

Bucky gives him a smile, “ok, good”.

They sit in silent for a few minutes, Steve’s heart beating now slower and his breaths coming out normally.

Bucky waits until Steve’s heartbeat is fully back to normal before asking “better?”.

Steve nods, “I didn’t think we would have had to use that method on me”, he says chuckling.

This calming method showed Bucky’s therapist, Steve. She told him that it would help Bucky calm down when he’s having a panic attack, and it did in fact help. The night after she explained it to him, Bucky woke up from a nightmare and started to panic. Steve’s room is right next to him, so he heard his friend’s panic. He tried the method that night and it worked perfectly. It took some while until Bucky calmed down, but it was way faster than without the method, and Bucky was able to fall asleep again after.

To other people, this method may look a bit weird, but it calms his best friend down, so who cares? It’s also no surprise that Steve is the only one allowed to do this method. Sam once tried it and Bucky punched him in his face when he put his hand on his chest. Sam left the room angrily and annoyed with a broken bloody nose. Bucky punched him with his metal arm. He thought Sam was in danger that second and in a state of danger he uses his metal arm. Bucky apologized to Sam though, and he truly felt bad and sorry. Sam instantly forgave him though, he knows it wasn’t his intention.

At least not in that situation.

Bucky even ‘baked’ Sam some brownies. Well, more like bought some Brownies and said he baked them. Sam knew he didn’t, but said nothing and just enjoyed eating some good, tasteless brownies with a smile on his face.

“Well, we didn’t think you would ever run away from a girl”.

Steve sighs, “Yeah. Back then, they would run away from me. Now it’s me running away”

“Why did you?”

Steve shakes his head. “I don’t know. I got scared I guess?”.

When Steve looks at Bucky again, he comes to face with a blank stare. It kinda reminds him of Bucky’s winter soldier stare. If they weren’t having an emotional and serious conversation, Steve would’ve been actually concerned that something happened that made Bucky go into Winter Soldier mindset.

Bucky scares Steve when he suddenly jumps up, “You know what” he pulls Steve up, almost making him fall over “You will have that girl”.

“Huh?” he asks, confused.

“Or just someone”.

He doesn’t like the thought of Bucky helping him. Bucky was a true player back then, a gentleman, but a player.

“I help you talk to women. I can do that. I did that a hundred years ago” he stops when he realizes “fucking hell, that’s a long time ago”.

Steve scowls, “Language, Buck”.

“Sorry”.

“I get that you’re trying to help me, and I appreciate that” Steve takes a deep breath before continuing, “but I can’t”

“Why?” Bucky asks crossing his arms, standing like an angry parent.

“I just can’t, ok? Also, colleges are not allowed to be in a romantic relationship”.

“Then look for someone else. There’s this woman named Leah. She works at my favorite sushi place and I heard-“

“I don’t want someone else!”

Bucky raises an eyebrow, a teasing grin on his face. “Ohhhh, so you want her. Ok, Steven. I see you”. He winks at Steve as he groans.

“I didn’t say that. I just-ugh, I like her, but-there’s not gonna be anything between us” he tries to give his best friend a reassuring smile, but knowingly fails. “You can ask Leah out”, Steve tries changing the topic.

“No, she’s not my type”.

Bucky knows that Steve won’t stop having a crush on the new recruit. It took Steve a hundred years to get over Peggy. He was still in love with her even after being unfrozen. Now imagine he’s thinking about the new recruit until he dies. Bucky doesn’t want that. God, he was honestly happy when Peggy passed. That woman was like a snake slithering her way into his friends heart only to poison it. He didn’t like her from the second she interrupted Steve and his conversation. Dumb Bitch.

He wants his friend to be happy. He wants to be an uncle. He hopes Steve will get himself together and talk to her.

“Ok. Whatever you say”, Bucky says, patting him on his shoulder. They continue talking, but this time about what movie they are going to watch for their ‘we need to learn about cinematic history’ movie night. While talking, Bucky’s mind continues to wander back to their original conversation, and about the fact that Steve doesn’t want some dating teaching from him. In all honesty, he’s slightly hurt by that.

He could still help him somehow, though.

It’s been a week now since he saw the new recruit and he’s been trying to avoid any situation that could lead to him seeing her. Steve knows it sounds silly, but he’s scared of her. Scared of seeing her. Scared of her seeing him. He hasn’t been training for a week. Steve knows the chances are high that she will be there. The only sort of trying he did this week was going for a run. Alone.

Sam noticed a change in Steve. Everybody did. Steve was never a huge extrovert and now he’s such an introvert. He doesn’t even eat with them anymore because she could be there, or just walk past them eating.

Today he needs to be brave, though. Bucky asked him to train together because he’s the only good match for him. Bucky told him that winning against Sam slowly starts to get boring, and that Steve needs to train again. Cardio is good, but Steve needs to do more.

After trying to convince Bucky that they can also train outside or anywhere else than the training room, he knew from Bucky’s reaction that it’s not gonna happen. So now he’s on his way to meet Bucky in the training room.

To say Steve is nervous is an understatement, he’s almost shitting his pants.

Bucky assured him they would have the room for themselves and Steve just hopes that that’s true.

Steve walks into the gym and surprisingly sees no one. No Bucky. Steve was already late because he was nervous, so it confuses him why Bucky isn’t here. He looks at the clock on the wall and sees that he’s sixteen minutes late, meaning Bucky is to late too.

“Maybe he’s still asleep”, Steve tells himself. Technically, he would be happy that Bucky is able to sleep, but it’s the first time since a week that he’s training and last time, Sam already didn’t come.

He is just about to go to Bucky’s room when he hears a soft voice.

“Well, it’s only seven in the morning”.

Steve turns around and freezes.

It’s the woman

Oh, no no no no no

“Every normal person would be asleep at this time”.

Steve is unable to speak, he’s just staring at her. Not even blinking, just staring.

She looks at him with a smile, waiting for an answer, or just something.

When Steve realizes that she’s waiting for an answer, he clears his throat. “Yeah, uhm-I uh, I mean he likes to sleep-uh- he can’t sleep that much and-uhm yeah. He normally only uhm-sleeps with me- Wait not like that-uh I mean, he just likes to sleep with me-no. He uhm, he sleeps better with-me-uhm because I’m a good sleep partner- no, I just-uhm. IM NOT GAY”.

Steve looks at her with wide eyes. He knows he just made a fool of himself, so he tries to save himself.

Tries.

“There’s obviously nothing wrong with liking-uhm men, but I’m not like that. Yeah, uhm I hate men- wait not hate men, I like them, but platonic like ha ha. I like woman. But I’m not a relationship-I uhm”, he doesn’t want to look like he is desperate for a relationship. She could think that he’s trying to ‘hit on her’. He believes that what it’s called, but you can never trust Tony. “I’m not into relationship- uhm, the romantic, uh, kind-just the other kind”

Now she looks at him with wide eyes. The only other non-relationship kind she can think of is the sexual one. She can’t believe that Captain Rogers, the golden boy, is such a man. The worst part is that Steve doesn’t understand what he just said and instead looks at her with a nervous smile. Poor boy thought it sounded more like normal relationship, platonic kind. It didn’t, though.

“You do you, I guess” she says, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. She didn’t think her first time meeting Captain America would be like this.

Steve sees that she’s not comfortable or at least confused by what he’s saying. Maybe she doesn’t like his answer.

So he continues to try to fix this conversation.

“I uhm I would like a relationship-with someone-uh I want to-“ he can’t say dancing, that sounds boring. He needs to come up with something that everyone does these days. Something that she would probably like “do Netflix and chill”.

Steve needs to get better at telling when he can trust Tony and when not.

“Oh, uhm” she doesn’t know what to say “that’s nice I guess”.

Right now, Steve would rather fight against HYDRA than talk to her. He can feel how he’s sweating. And if that already isn’t bad enough, he starts to really look at her. Oh boy.

She’s wearing tight black leggings with a matching black sport bra. She must’ve been already training for a while because he sees some drops of sweat on her chest area, running to her cleavage. Steve is directly looking at her cleavage, not taking his eyes off it.

He doesn’t notice that he’s looking at it, well, that he’s so obviously looking at it.

She puts her left hand on her right shoulder, acting like she’s massaging it, and not like she’s trying to cover her chest.

Steve’s eyes move to hers, and it only takes three seconds until realization hits him.

“Shit!” he screams, making her jump “oh, I’m sorry I didn’t want to scare you-I uhm, and I didn’t want to stare at your you know-chest. Not because they are not pretty, they are-NO Uhmmm, they uh. It’s just”.

Steve stops talking when the door opens and Bucky walks in with a smile on his face “Language, Steve. Good morning you two”. At least someone is having one.

“Morning”, she says, smiling at his best friend before walking away to lift some weight. Deep down they are both happy that Bucky saved them from the awkward situation, though, Steve is also sad because he wanted to talk to her, to have a chance, but he failed.

Bucky smiles after her, then turns to Steve. “Hey Steve, how are you?”

“You knew, didn’t you” Steve almost spats, his voice echoing throughout the training room. He turns around and sees how she is looking at them.

He quickly turns back around, facing Bucky, who just gives him an innocent smile. “What do you mean Steve?”. Bucky knows that Steve can’t say anything about that, due to the fact that she can hear everything they are saying.

Steve glares at him, grinding his teeth. “That you would be late”, he lies.

“Yeah”.

Steve wants to scream, but he can’t “why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, his veins showing.

“I texted you, Punk”, Bucky says as he walks over to get a punching bag.

Steve frowns; Bucky didn’t text him. He pulls out his phone.

Love❤️‍🔥- I’ll be a bit late

Send one minute ago

Steve cringes as he sees the name Tony and Sam saved Bucky on his phone. He would rather want Punk with that heart. Platonic style. He doesn’t know how to change it, though.

“Didn’t you see my message?” Bucky gives him a fake questioning expression. A teasing one.

“I must have missed it”, Steve says in a monotone voice “I mean it says you send it a minute ago. Bucky”.

“Oh, you know. The signal is quite bad here”

Steve closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Yeah, Bucky. You would’ve thought that Tony would’ve already handled it”.

Bucky snickers “Yeah”.

“Yeah”.

Bucky walks with the bag over his shoulder towards a hook to hang the bag on. He turns to look at Steve, a grin on his face when his eyes move to look behind Steve.

“Hey, how about you help her, Steve~”, Bucky says loudly.

Steve follows his eyes and sees how the recruit is struggling with moving some weights out of her way, so she can put the bench there to do some bench presses.

She looks at them and gives them a shy smile. “That would be kinda nice”.

Steve looks back at Bucky, panic in his eyes. Bucky gives him a big smile that says ‘yes’.

It’s time, it’s time to shine, Steve. He can do that, he can easily lift that.

‘Ok, Steve. Pull your ass cheeks together and help her’ he thinks to himself as he walks towards her. He stops in front of her, getting lost in her eyes for a second. This time he snaps back quickly though and moves the weights away.

“Thank you, Captain Rogers”, she says, his back still towards her.

“Mhm” he can’t bring out a single word. Instead of turning back to her, he sorts the weights, so she doesn’t see him blushing. “You-You’re welcome”.

He hears her getting on the bench and takes that as his cue to leave.

“Hey, Steve!”

Please, don’t Bucky.

“You should help her. Stay behind her to make sure that her arms don’t give in”

Steve doesn’t turn around this time. He can hear how she doesn’t lift any weight, meaning she is looking at them.

“Yeah, I uhm would, but- mission reports. I need to finish the mission report”, Steve lies “important stuff you know. Not like helping her isn’t important, but yeah. Avenger stuff is important….”.

It’s that second that Bucky realizes that Steve is the worst person in admitting his crush he ever met. The best friend he is, he needs to help him. “Oh, I already did them for you”.

Great, now Steve’s lie is a lie. Thank you, Bucky.

“No, I don’t think you did”, he tries to save himself “They were on my desk this morning, unfinished”

Good job, Steve.

“I did them this morning. We were on the same mission, Steve. Only one of us needs to do them” Bucky says, punching the bag “I send you a message”.

“No, you didn’t-“ he looks at his phone to see a message from Bucky.

Love❤️‍🔥-already did the mission report.

Send a minute ago.

Bucky knows Steve like the back of his hand. He knew what excuses he would use to try to flee the scene. A laugh almost leaves his mouth as he sees the face Steve is making. God, he missed teasing him.

“I thought you were asleep”.

“No, I wanted to finish it. You’ve been quite stressed the past week, and I wanted to lift some weight of your shoulders”.

“Thanks, James”.

The tension between them is noticeable. So noticeable that the recruit is more uncomfortable than when she was alone with Steve.

She gets their attention when she walks past them to grab her water bottle. “Have fun training”

“You already leaving?” Steve asks disappointed, sad that she’s leaving.

“Yeah, I’ve already been training before you both came. Also, I need to find Sam. He promised to show me the rest of the compound. I only saw half of the facility so far and don’t want to get lost at some point”, she says. So far she didn’t get lost because the most important areas were already introduced to her, but it’s better to know the whole compound. “Bye” she waves them before opening the door and walking through it.

No one says anything until the door closes. Bucky is the first to break the silence, “wow”.

“I know you did that on purpose!”

“I was trying to make you talk to her” he grabs his shoulder “I just want to help you. She’s a beautiful woman-“

“Hey!”

“See” Bucky says, “you’re jealous when I just say that she’s pretty. You have a crush on that girl, Steve”.

Steve sighs in defeat. “Ok, maybe”.

“I KNEW IT” Bucky screams, jumping like a little kid on Christmas morning “FUCK YES, STEVE”

“Language”

He stops jumping and looks at him. “You will get that girl. I promise” Bucky looks like he’s about to cry “oh my god, you’re all grown up”.

Steve lets out a slight laugh. It’s almost ridiculous how happy Bucky is that there’s a girl that he kinda likes. It reminds him of how they talked about their futures when they were little. They talked about carriers and family, and how they will be called uncle Steve and uncle Bucky by their best friends kids.

“Are you crying?” he asks, seeing Bucky wipe his eye.

“Pfff, no”.

Oh, he’s definitely crying.

“Calm down, Bucky. Just because I like her doesn’t mean that she likes me”.

“Yeah, because you’re just an Avenger, the symbol of America, a super soldier, owner of America’s ass-“

“Ok, I get it”. Steve isn’t dumb, he knows that people know him, that he’s quite famous; god he sounds like Tony. All this doesn’t make him the most liked person in the world, though, and not everyone fall for him. Not just because he has blond hair and some women like dark hair, or he is to old schooled and doesn’t know every new show on Netflix, or women are not into him because they hate male genitals and prefer women’s….parts. The shield only shows what he shows the world and not the people he cares about. He doesn’t show his emotional side with all his flaws.

“You like her, right” Bucky asks, knowing the answer.

“Yes, of course, but-“

“Then you will go to her and tell her that”. Bucky claps his hands. “You will tell her how much you like her. You will take her dancing and to the movies. Understand?”

“Yes, Sargent” Steve smiles.

“I know she’s the one. You will propose to her at sunset and give me some nephews and nieces”. Steve laughs at Bucky’s hyper fixation about his crush. Both of them are acting like two teenage girls.

“A uncle to Steve Jr’s and….uhm…what’s her name again”

“……”

“………..”

“……………”

“………you don’t know her name?”

“no, not really”. Well, that’s awkward.

“Oh my god, Steve”, Bucky is regretting his decision to help his friend “how about we start with you introducing yourself?”

“Bucky, please don’t do anything stupid”, Steve pleads. He doesn’t want Bucky to give him to much pressure. The thought of Bucky trapping them in a closet scares him, or him basically throwing him against her.

Bucky just looks at him confused. “You will do something stupid. I’m here to prevent that from happening”.

“Promise?”

“Promise” Bucky says showing Steve his hands “I swear on Sam’s life”.

Steve smile slowly falls and Bucky corrects himself “ok, I swear on uhm, your life”.

“I guess that’s ok”

Since then Bucky’s been on the mission ‘get a sister-in-law’, with no luck though. He thought being a wingman would be easier, but it’s not. Definitely not. Or he has just a bad person that he needs to help.

So far Steve had like four times eye contact, spoke two sentences in two conversations. The one sentence only being two words.

The best try so far was when Steve was in the kitchen, reading the newspaper, when she came and asked him if he could move a bit so she can get to the fridge, and Steve said ‘yes’. He said something, made eye contact, didn’t walk away and didn’t stutter. He didn’t even sweat! Steve did this on his own without him and for that he needs an applause.

And the worst try was when he was ‘forced’ to train with her.

“You can do this Steve”, Bucky whispers to Steve before giving him a pat on the shoulder and pushing him towards the mat.

Steve still hasn’t introduced himself yet, so Bucky thought it would be a good opportunity to see the skills of the new recruits and to train with them. Surprisingly, Steve is now sparring against his crush, the woman they still don’t know the name of.

Steve walks on the mat, giving a quick look over his shoulder to see Bucky giving him a thumbs up.

He takes a deep breath before saying, “Ok, come at me”.

To say he’s impressed is an understatement. He’s fascinated by her skills, by the way she moves with such grace. Instead of directly coming at him and trying to punch him, she moves around him. She does that the whole time, dodging every single move of him while he tries to land a hit on her, well, more like pinch her. He wouldn’t hurt her. Ever.

At some point Steve finally manages to get a hold of her, but she is quicker and kicks his one leg away and then uses his arms to lift her up and wrap her legs around his neck, bringing him down. Steve is now on the mat with her legs around his neck, her directly hovering over his face. Steve doesn’t know why, but he’s not complaining about this position.

He gets himself back together and uses his legs to his lower back of the mat and makes a roll, so now she’s on the mat, with him in between her legs.

Steve can be lucky that most of the recruits are already doing their own thing because this is not a professional normal work position. Sam, who just walked in, stopped next to Bucky when he sees the scene. He looks at Bucky and sees how he’s directly looking at where Steve’s face is.

“Stop doing your creepy eye thing”, Sam tells him, but Bucky simply ignores him. Sam is about to say something when he hears a loud slam, and sees her on top of Steve, straddling his hips “oh”.

This scene doesn’t last long though because Steve flips them around, now straddling her hips and pinning her arms above her head. She tries to move around under him, successfully. Her back towards and is about to use her knees to make him fall off. Steve thinks quicker though and flips them again. Her back against his chest and his back against the floor. He wraps his legs around each of her legs, making her unable to move them, while he wraps his arms around her neck, taking her in a headlock. She tries to wiggle away, but can’t.

She taps his arm, signaling him that he won. Steve lets her go, softly lifting her arm to help her up, and then getting up after her.

“Everything ok?” he asks, wanting to make sure that he didn’t hurt her in some kind. That would definitely make admitting his feelings harder.

“Yes”, she smiles at him, panting slightly, “thank you, Captain Rogers, for training with me”. The smile she gives him is a true, generous smile. Steve doesn’t see how Sam and Bucky are exchanging scared looks.

“Y-You don’t need to tank me”, Steve says. Now it’s the time to introduce himself; he can do it. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “And you can call me S-“

He gets pulled away by Bucky, forcefully getting pushed against his chest. Steve looks Bucky confused into his eyes as Bucky pulls him with him behind the corner, out of sight of her, with Sam walking next to them. All the way to behind the corner Bucky keeps Steve against him, while Sam blogs other from seeing Steve’s side.

“What are you doing? I was just about to introduce myself”

Sam looks at him with wide eyes. “Yeah, something else was also about to introduce himself” and points to Steve’s crotch.

Steve looks down and sees what Sam is talking about.

For the first time, the golden boy is having a boner. A huge one. The serum really did make everything bigger.

“Oh, no no no no” Steve goes.

“Hey, it’s ok” Bucky tries calming him down “it’s uhm normal”

“Yeah, you know how many boners I had in my life”, Sam continues.

“See, even Sam thinks so. Did you ever notice how often I had when we were out with some girls, or just when I was thinking about one”, Bucky continues, Sam nodding his head the whole time. Both giving Steve a smirk. “You have them everywhere. In the shower, during work, in bed, I even had them when we had a sleepover”.

“Oh my god” Steve hates talking about that. He doesn’t know what’s worst, talking about women things or about men and their boners. “I had it in front of her, in front of everyone” he cries out.

Sam pats his shoulder. “No one saw it”

“You did!”.

“Because we watched both of you”, Sam assures him. “The others did their own thing, and she looked in your eyes, man. Not what’s below Captain America’s waist”

“Maybe she felt it though”, Bucky says.

“Bucky!”

“Your not helping, man”, Sam shrugs and looks down “ok, maybe she did because you know, it’s not small”

“See, Wilson! You agree”

Steve had never been this embarrassed in his entire life. He covers his erection with his hands, but it only makes it more obvious. He’s trying to cover his boner while his two best friends are talking about his penis size and how often they get a boner. He wants to dig himself a grave.

“Guys!” Steve whisper screams, getting their attention back. “I need to get rid of it”.

“Of your giant boner?”

“Yeas, Sam. What else is there to get rid of?” Steve says. Bucky slaps Sam on the back of his head, with no context at all. “What was that for, Bucky?”

He shrugs “I know you would like to do that, but are too nice to actually do it”. Steve just wanted to have a nice day where he maybe finally managed to speak to the woman of his dreams, but no, everything had to go like shit. “What do I do?”.

Sam and Bucky look at each other before letting out an obvious loud breath of air. They turn to Steve. “Well, you could try to calm down” Sam says, and Bucky continues “or you could, you know, help yourself out”.

“No!” Steve doesn’t even want to imagine helping himself out. The simple thought disgusts him and he feels an incredible feeling of shame.

Steve shakes his head at them. “Tell me something, that helps uhm, the problem”.

“Remember when your mom caught us looking through her drawers and spanked you”.

“….”

“….”

“….”

“Are you getting harder?” Sam asks, looking at his now slightly bigger boner.

“N-no” Steve pushes with all might on his boner to get it down “s-say something else”. He begs his friends for help.

Bucky looks hopeless “I don’t know what to say to get her off of your mind”. Steve wants to say something when Sam holds up his hands.

“Hold up, her off of your mind” he says looking at Steve, “so it wasn’t just because you got a bit close to her”. The smirk on his face is huge, a teasing one.

Steve groans out of frustration and pain.

“You know, I could see you together”, Sam goes, giving him a thump up.

“I know, but he’s too afraid to ask her. He couldn’t even introduce himself”.

“You didn’t introduce yourself to y/n?”

Steve looks at him and repeats her name softly. Y/n. Your name sound like an angel, a page out of the Bible that you worship and say as a pray. He would do that. Say your name like it’s a holy prayer. He wants to say your name again again and again. Whispering your name in your ear as you slowly share a kiss.

“Shit” Bucky says. He thought that Steve’s boner couldn’t get any bigger, but he was wrong. So wrong. It’s now almost twice as big as before. “Sam, why did you say that?!”

“I didn’t know this was going to happen! I just said her name. I didn’t think he would get hard because of a name”.

“Well, he did!”

They hear people coming into the training room. A lot by the sound of their talking. At least fifteen entered the room. Now you add them three, plus y/n and plus the seven recruits that were already in here. That makes twenty-six people. Two, Sam and Bucky, already saw Steve’s boner.

“Guys!” Steve screams “what do I do?!”, hiding more in the corner.

“Obviously getting her out of your head doesn’t work”.

“How about you stay in front of me while I walk out”.

Both shake their head “they would see you though and stare at you. Also, there are too many. You wouldn’t make it out unnoticed”.

“What if I wait until they leave”.

“Steve, they will eventually walk to this corner when they get more weights, and then see you”

Steve looks hopeless. “Bring me some pants that- I don’t know, doesn’t show my you know”.

“Steve…nothing can hide that boner”, Sam says “there is only one option”.

“What?”

“you could…help yourself out, Steve”

“No”

“Steve, please”

“No”

“Pal, listen-“

“No, Bucky. I can’t do that. I can’t just touch my…member…and..bring myself pleasure”, Steve hates talking about it. “How am I even suppose to do it?!”

“You take your dick in your hand and hold it tight, then you start to move your hand up and down. Personally, I would advise you to do it fast but-“

“I meant where!” he covers his ears trying to forget what Bucky just said. Though he learned something new. “I can’t just do it here, it would..spill”

Sam looks around until he sees something that could help “take this to collect your sperms”. He shows Steve an empty probably by someone forgotten water bottle.

“But-“ Steve knows that this is the only way and that he should accept it, but he doesn’t want to “fine”.

“I wait around the corner so no one walks over here, while Bucky makes sure you don’t get a heart attack” Sam says, winking before walking around the corner. Bucky gives Steve a slight smile before turning around. He doesn’t need to see his best friend Masturbate.

Surprisingly, Steve isn’t that loud. Sam only heard him once or twice a bit louder. One time he was screaming Bucky’s name because he turned around for a second.

Sam walks over to them when Bucky gives him a thump up. Steve is sitting on the floor, panting heavenly. Next to him, a completely full to the top water bottle. Or more like cum bottle.

“Congratulations on your first orgasm, Steve”

They are on their way out now, happy that Steve doesn’t have a big gun in his pants anymore.

“Hey, Sam”

Fuck

“Hey, Y/n” Sam smiles, while Steve panics. He’s drenched in sweat and is holding a bottle of his own cum.

You smile at Bucky and Steve too. You look at Steve and see how he looks like he’s in pain and completely drenched. “Are you ok, Captain Rogers?”.

Bucky and Sam quickly cover him up. “Oh yeah, he’s fine, he just-“

“Is hungry!”

“Uhm yeah and you know how you can get sick when you didn’t eat”

“Yeah ya get really sick”

You stare at them for a second, trying to process what they said. “Oh, maybe you should drink your shake then, Captain Rogers”, and point to his ‘shake’, and give him a smile.

“I-“

Bucky stops Steve. “Yeah no, he will just get something from the kitchen, you know?”.

“Bucky’s right, uhm I don’t think that would be such a smart idea to drink the shake. Hah ha” Steve says awkwardly.

Your smile falls. “Oh, yeah sure. I just thought that would help. We don’t want you passing out”.

Was his answer mean, is what Steve thinks. He doesn’t want you to think he just didn’t drink the ‘shake’ because you said that. Steves heart pains as he sees your reaction; you looked so sad. It obviously isn’t that big of a deal. Surely you forget about it later, but what if you don’t? You don’t forget that he didn’t want to drink the ‘shake’. What if you think you’re dumb for asking that? He thinks for a second, a long second, a second that will change everything.

“You’re right”, and opens the cap.

[thesillyexpresser]

Finally finished Saiki K and I just wanna say

I HATE THESE MFS 🗣️🗣️🔥💥💥💥

(Uhhh spoilers for the whole thing)

(Oh yeah ramble warning)

(Edit: considering how much traction this is getting, I just want to make it clear that these are my opinions. I’m open to hearing you out on yours as long as it’s not too heated. This wasn’t really meant to be too serious. It is also alright if you disagree with my opinions. These aren’t facts. I am also also well aware that most of their characterization are supposed to be gags and that they’re fictional so I respect them from that point. I just wouldn’t like them if they were actual people.)

I hate these motherfuckers, and I’m surprised there’s almost no shade thrown towards them. Let’s crack it down with these sorry excuses of the parents first.

Now, I’m well aware that this is a comedy anime and characters flaws aren’t exactly a bad thing. Their flaws are supposed to be comedic and I respect that from that stand point.

BUT AS A PERSON WHO CONSUMES MEDIA AND HAS OPINIONS, I WANT TO SACK THEM SHITLESS.

They practically only view Kusuo’s powers as an excuse to do less work, in both inside and outside the house. They constantly use him as a mop to clean up their own shortcomings without doing anything theirselves. Even until the very end, when Kusuo wanted to give up his powers, his own fucking father only thought about his so precious and convenient transport to work. What is this man. I know no one is a perfect parent and that all people have their quirks but this guy is actually so fucking horrible.

The mom isn’t all that bad, but she isn’t unexcused for the way she and the “dad” just allowed the relationship between Kusuo and Kusuke get so fucking toxic. When Kusuke made Kusuo’s limiters and revealed that if he look of the right one that his powers would get revealed to the world, a thing they would all know Kusuo would absolutely hate, they could’ve easily scolded him for it but NO. They could’ve taught the siblings to actually appreciate each others’ abilities to a healthy degree but NO. They could’ve taught Kusuo the importance of respecting and being humble to others without his abilities but NO. They even just allowed Kusuke’s toxic competitiveness to grow by allowing him to go to London and shit. I know no parent is ready to raise an Elon Musk and an esper but at least try to make your own fucking household a home for your own children. Now, onto the rotting maggot that is Kusuke.

I FUCKING HATE KUSUKE.

Now, I know anyone would be jealous of their younger sibling having more ability than them and I know that his parents are (as I already established) just the worst but can this guy actually fucking relax??

Like has once in his sorry excuse of a life has he thought that “hey isn’t this just a tiny bit petty??” “Isn’t putting a tracker on my younger brother an invasion of his own privacy??” “Is making a fucking robot clone of my brother, making it do the things my own brother is obviously uncomfortable with, making it fucking attack him on sight, and then brainwashing his friend into hating him so much that it sprouts another psychic ability just a bit more fucked up than I thought??”

I know people hate this line but YOU’RE A FUCKING ADULT. YOU’RE NINETEEN YEARS OLD. GROW UP.

Also can we talk about how he’s all “I want to prove I can control my brother” when he already has his thumb pushed down on Kusuo? What’s that? You have a way to make everyone know about his powers? You can track his moves? You know everything about his powers and the ways and money to stop them? And you did this for fun? Con-fucking-grats you have control over him. He has anxiety now. Thanks for your hard work. I’m pretty sure that if he had any less morals than Kusuo would be his fucking slave.

(And yes, I know that the right limiter gimmick was taken off but it’s the thought that counts and there’s nothing but MALICE behind those thoughts.)

His only defense for putting his brother through inhumane experiments is “oh Kusuo has psychic powers he practically isn’t human”. KUSUO ISNT HUMAN MY ASS. Kusuo has more humanity than you. That robot clone you built of him has more humanity than you. That poor rotting maggot that I unfairly compared itself to you has more humanity than you. This mad scientist shithead has practically ZERO HUMANITY.

And I think we all fucking knew that the stopping-all-of-Kusuo’s-powers limiter was so he can do his world domination shit. Without his brother’s powers, who was there to stop him from doing that robot world domination thing from that one episode all over again? NO ONE. THAT’S WHO.

and I know that I’m getting so worked up over a fictional story but I JUST WANT TO GIVE THEM A SWEET REIGAN ARATAKA TALK.

“Aren’t you his parents? Shouldn’t you act with more responsibility instead of treating your own son like a fucking taxi?? For shame. I’m calling child protection services. He’s still a fucking minor after all. Minors aren’t that mentally mature, you know.”

“Oh? You put your own brother through inhumane experiments because of his ESP? That same ESP that he had no control over being born with? Why are you harassing someone just because they were born with something they didn’t have control being born with? Should I call the cops?”

Heck, I just want to shake their brains out, beat some senses into them, and give Kusuo some therapy because my goodness.

sigh

Yare yare

[sacharinee]

hey! so i’ve noticed all your office references and it’s one of my favourite shows ever <3 i was wondering if you’d write something where the reader and bf!peter are both obsessed with the show and quote it at any given moment, confusing (and probably annoying) everyone around them. i love your fics by the way!!

pairing: bf!peter parker x reader

w/c: 800 ish

a/n: dinnertime with the avengers edition! peter and reader being an annoying power duo. a crap ton of office references obviously. this is so weird and all over the place BUT it was so much fun writing. i tweaked ur request a teeny bit to them simply saying lines from the show, but everyone is just as confused and annoyed lmao i hope ur okay w that!! this is also my first time writing with the avengers so i tried my best on getting them right. thank u so much for requesting this!! i had an entire office marathon playing in the background while writing this 

“the food looks great, nat,” you take your seat at the dining table.

“yea, it’s amazing, thanks for cooking tonight,” peter chimes in.

you both are sat at the dinner table in the lavish dining room among the earth’s mightiest heroes, who also happen to be your colleagues. 

“wait, where did you learn to make all of this? i never pegged you as a cook,” tony questions.

“i’m not,” the redhead answers, “my fake mother used to make this dish all the time when i was younger,” 

“awe, that’s adorable,” thor replies.

��right before she and my fake father sold me and had me brainwashed.” 

the others freeze midchew and stare as scott drops his fork against his plate.

nat clears her throat, “so anyways, enjoy,” and takes her seat.

the rest of you begin placing heaps of food onto each other’s plates and digging into the meal in front of you.

“well, um,” tony sips his water, “how ‘bout you kids, get any good action tonight?”

peter raises his eyebrows at him, “us? oh yea, we got a good chase during patrol tonight,” 

“it was super fun,” you add.

“well what’d he have on him?” wanda asks.

“he was, uhh,” you purse your lips as you hesitate, playing with the food on your plate and quieted your voice, “a-uh, a wanted animal rapist.”

wanda shakes her head at you in repulsion, regretting having asked you.

“that is so disgusting!” the god announces, food spilling out of his mouth.

“thor, close your mouth, you look like a trout.” steve reprimands. 

he dismisses his comment and goes to steal the mashed potatoes, eating straight out of the bowl with no shame. 

“did he put up a good fight against you guys?” bucky questions.

“well he wasn’t exactly intimidated by me, i usually let y/n play bad cop while i just web them up,” peter admits.

you’re chewing your food while you watch bucky and your boyfriend converse, “see what i told you? you gotta take control, pete. ask yourself this: would you rather be feared or loved by your enemies?”

“easy,” he answers, “both. i want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

nat pokes her tongue to her cheek and tilts her head in confusion. 

“oh, that reminds me,” you nervously chuckle and pull out the slip tucked into your back pocket, “i need you to pay for my speeding ticket, tony.” 

“again?! y/n that’s the second time this month!”

“that criminal guy was a surprisingly fast driver. besides, life is short. drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. it’s one of my mottos.”

“goddamnit, y/n” tony mutters and shakes his head in disappointment. 

steve interrupts, “you should listen to him, young lady. seriously, what would happen if you were in a speeding car crash? why do you think those laws are enforced? it’s to keep everyone safe. so you better straighten up the attitude before you get yourself k-”

“cap, you ignorant slut.” you’re tired of everyone treating you and peter like little kids, “you want to talk about being safe? are we forgetting about banner’s little experiment that went wrong the other day? he almost blew up the tower!-”

“wait, what did you just call me?” the soldier looks at you dumbfounded.

“what did i- … what’d i say?”

“you just called me a-”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about. i talk a lot so i learn to just tune myself out.” 

“you and me both,” strange clips. 

“wow,” you respond, feigning hurt, “sorry i annoyed you with my friendship.”

tony, having enough, intrudes, “you know, i think i have to put you and peter through some training again.” 

the boy skeptically squints towards the man and chews his food slowly, “...what type of training?”

“sensitivity training. all this trash talk is-”

“oh my god, not again,” your head falls back as you groan, “i’ve changed, tony. i’ve learned to keep my unmannerly thoughts to myself every time i see someone wearing black socks with white shoes.”

“uh that’s definitely not true,” bucky cuts in, “just yesterday you called me out for wearing sandals.” 

“exactly! sandals! who the hell still wears sandals, you look like you just got off the boat. i don't need to see your hairy toes,” you shudder in disgust.

“yea, mr. stark,” peter reverts his attention back to tony, “we don’t talk trash,” he shrugs.

“we talk smack,” you finish.

“okay… and how are those two any different,” the man challenges.

“well,” peter clears his throat, “trash talk is hypothetical. like, ‘your mom is so fat she can eat the internet.’” 

“totally,” you eagerly nod your head in agreement, “but smack talk is happening, like, right now. like, ‘you’re ugly and i know it for a fact ’cause i got the evidence right there,” your hand motions in a circle to the person in front of you.

“are you calling me ugly?” thor sniffles.

“i don’t know what the hell you just said, and i don’t even wanna know,” tony wipes his mouth with a napkin, “but it’s happening. nine am sharp, do not be late. it’ll be quick and easy, not that hard. you’ll be in and out without the attitude.”

you pout as you and peter give each other a dismay look.

“that’s what she said.”

[shellforbrains]

okay, strap in, here we go.

i think i & a lot of other people went into Apology Tour expecting Stolas to be at different point in his character development then he actually is. but that development is definitely still coming!

a deep dive into where Stolas currently is at character wise with insights from my own personal life experience.

in this deep dive into where he currently is, i want to use what i personally have experienced & witnessed in my own life as a guide. bc if i'm being honest, after i had time to mull it over, looking at Stolas in this episode was both like looking in a mirror & also like looking at some of my own family members who i have tried to correct on their own microaggresions in the past.

now i want to preface this by saying that i am white. i will not be speaking on this from the perspective of a POC. i am speaking on this from the perspective of someone who has had to go on a similar (but obvs not as extreme) journey that Stolas is on, and as someone who has seen people i love vehemently deny their problematic actions when i have tried to tell them how harmful they are & how hard it is to actually argue with them about it.

and i'd also like to add that i am not trying to shit on Stolas with this & say that Blitzø did nothing wrong in their arrangement ever or in Apology Tour. Blitzø is also on a character arc of his own & growing as a character.

both he AND Stolas continued to suck at communicating this episode, & it wasn't anyone's sole fault there. i'm focusing less on their conflict (though of course i will make reference to it) & more focusing on where Stolas currently is in his journey & how him acting the way he does in AT is... not far off from reality, honestly.

even if it's painful to watch at times, i do have to commend the writing there haha. bc it's pretty fuckin' spot on.

okay with all that out of the way, let's get our hands dirty:

the description of the episode itself confirms that Stolas is "still not quite being self-aware enough at times" & boy did they hit the nail on the head here lmao.

i think most people will agree that Stolas still has a LOT to learn about the race/class difference & the power imbalance between he & Blitzø, but even still, some were expecting better out of him in AT than what we got. myself included.

but let's look at FM from his perspective:

he's off his meds & obviously went into that night with a very black & white view of the possible outcomes: either Blitzø returns his feelings & they'll be dating by the end of the night, or he's been keeping Blitzø against his will & is a monster. no room for shades of grey.

and when Blitzø (understandably for multiple reasons) mistakes this basically out of nowhere declaration of feelings as a form of rp, Stolas (very understandably) gets his feelings hurt. he shuts down & stonewalls.

he doesn't see any shades of grey when Blitzø chases after him, says he needs a minute to think, makes reference to his feelings being played with, or the fact that, while aggressive, Blitzø was trying to talk things out with him. Stolas only hears the yelling and (again, understandably) gets triggered.

ALONG WITH, it seems, only hearing the "everything you've put me through, you rich, privileged asshole" comment & the "treat me like one of your butler imps" comment. which, if i'm being honest, i think ALSO really hurt his feelings, based on how he ends up acting the next day in AT.

here's where my personal experience comes in, so let's tldr my story real fast:

i was raised in a fairly privileged position & was basically brainwashed into far right ideology from a young age at the private school i attended. trust me, i went on a WILDASS journey to unlearn some of the craziest & most vile shit that had been hammered into my head since i was a little tiny child. it's a tough journey, too, that's filled with a lot of ups & downs.

part of what makes Stolas such a special character to me is seeing that journey reflected on screen with the good, the bad, & the ugly. which is also why i get very frustrated with fans that want to ignore the bad & the ugly parts of Stolas' character & journey.

bc, yes, while he is a fictional character, it is always important to hold oneself accountable. even though i am a completely changed person from who i was all those years ago, i know that even at 33 there are probably things i still need to unlearn that i just haven't stumbled upon to challenge me yet.

the journey that Stolas is on is not a single switch flip or a short, easy one. nor should it be treated as one. however, i think it's important to dive into these things and see where it's coming from, even if it shines light on the bad & the ugly in a way that some people may not like.

now with my personal experience in mind, & how Full Moon went from Stolas' perspective, let's finally address that painful exchange that happens the morning after Full Moon.

emotions are still high, neither of them has had time to really process, Stolas is still very deep in his own feefees, and those feefees are HURT.

Blitzø, in his mind, has rejected a relationship with him. as well as accused him of being a racist/classist, something that Stolas does NOT see himself as. and, like ANY privileged person mostly oblivious to their own behavior, he gets his feefees hurt over this as well as getting very defensive about it.

while the bar is quite literally in hell, Stolas DOES treat imps... better than other Goetia. that doesn't mean he treats them WELL, bc he DOESN'T, but to Stolas himself, he sees other goetia carry imps around in purses like animals or throw them around like objects like Stella did. in his mind, he's treating imps very well! so he must think, "so why would Blitzø or that Stiker guy even say anything like that?! that's ridiculous & hurtful!"

enter stage left Blitzø, who starts off with his typical sexy talk which then turns into needling/arguing. (once again, oof. they both continue to suck at communicating this ep so hard.)

and when this exchange happens, it is... it is so quintessential oblivious privileged person getting defensive.

"i'm not racist/classist! when have i EVER done something like that? you talk just like those people that hate all white/rich people!"

i have literally heard basically those exact words, and ones similar to what Stolas says later, from family that i have tried to point out microaggresions to before.

microaggresions are called microaggresions for a reason & are obviously not considered the same as the more outwardly hateful shit for a reason. they are harder for people to realize that they are doing/participating in and therefore very easy to get their feefees hurt over & defensive about.

bc the ppl committing microaggresions hear the big, ""scary"" words like "racism" or "classism" & think of the most extreme examples, not the ""mundane"" shit that THEY do. so if someone says they're being racist/classist, they think they're being accused of the extreme shit & think people are being absolutely ridiculous.

bc OBVIOUSLY Stolas isn't carrying an imp around in a purse or yeeting them like Stella does so what's the big deal, right? /s

moving forward in their exchange, we come to these lines. and here's where, if i haven't ruffled feathers already, i'm probably going to ruffle them now.

by saying this, Stolas DOES make a point but also... DOESN'T at the same time, ending up only reinforcing his own ignorance & lack of self-awareness. but before anyone starts furiously typing to me, let me explain.

Blitzø DOES need to hear this to begin to understand how Stolas has been making attempts & does care in his own way, just like how Blitzø also needed to hear what Fizz said in Oops for the same reason.

HOWEVER, just like how Fizz said what he said in Oops without full context of the arrangement that Blitzø & Stolas had, Stolas says what he says here without the full context of his actions & how they actually read to Blitzø, especially in the context of the deal they had.

he is genuine about his attempt to make Blitzø understand he cares, but just like before, this is ALSO quintessential privileged person being defensive.

"if i were racist/classist why would i want to date a POC/a poor person? if i were racist/classist why would i want to be seen with a POC/a poor person? if i were racist/classist why would i want to spend time with a POC/a poor person or support them?"

yes, Stolas cares about Blitzø. but this is called being seen as an Exception or One Of The Good Ones. Stolas doesn't look down on Blitzø as much as he does other imps, but that doesn't make Blitzø feel any better. and even still, while Blitzø is the Exception, it still doesn't mean that he isn't still looked down on or been the victim of microaggresions from Stolas.

and honestly, some of the talk i've seen these past few days around the fandom regarding this has been... very fucking exhausting.

yes, i more than anyone understand that Stolas is not self-aware enough to fully realize his own behaviors yet. but everyone seems to be putting this entirely on Blitzø's shoulders to fix & educate Stolas on this despite the fact that Blitzø is also hurting & neck deep in his emotions as well.

Stolas gets a pass for being ignorant & uneducated & neck deep in his feelings but Blitzø is apparently supposed to be able to articulate perfectly to Stolas every microaggresion he's suffered & be able to sit him down & give him a lecture on Hell's Racism & Classism.

just like how it is not the job of POC to educate white people, or any other underprivileged group to educate a privileged one, it is NOT entirely on Blitzø's shoulders to educate Stolas.

Stolas is approx. 36 years old & has a smartphone. Google (or i guess it's gaggle in hell) exists & Stolas shows later on in AT that he DOES indeed have tiny blips of self-awareness, little nagging feelings that he's missing something.

yes, it would definitely HELP to have Blitzø explain his own perspective to Stolas, as i'm sure Stolas would be willing to listen if Blitzø can find a way to properly elaborate. and i do think Blitzø WILL at some point in the future do that!

BUT. confronting or educating loved ones is SO much harder than anyone else. i think part of the reason WHY Blitzø has a hard time saying specifics to Stolas (besides his own self-hatred & communication issues) is BECAUSE he cares about him so much.

it was not easy at ALL for me to try to confront loved ones in my life about their behavior, & being met with the defensive reactions only made it more painful on top of that. it is not uncommon at all for ppl to let a privileged loved one get away with things that they would NEVER let someone else get away with.

this leads into where i basically want to say... if you're having any worry or doubts about Stolas' character arc right now, don't worry. we've gotten some pretty clear signs from AT that there's still plenty to be addressed on Stolas' side & that it WILL be coming.

he simply is just not as far along in the journey as some of us thought he was, & that's okay. he'll get there, even if it is painful right now.

personally, my biggest theory on HOW he'll get there is the whole "Stolas is stripped of his title & everything he owns" theory that's been circulating around the fandom. something that drastic happening to him, leaving him with nothing, & forcing him to see what Hell is actually like for the lower class outside of his gilded cage would be one hell of a wake up call for him.

but even if that theory isn't correct, i still believe that it will not just be solely Blitzø or others around him showing Stolas the error of his ways.

i am of the opinion that something drastic will happen that will also help shift his view much more into focus & make him even more receptive to what he's being told about the racism & classism of Hell.

bc oftentimes, it DOES take something drastic in a journey like this one to actually light a fire under one's ass. what that will be for Stolas...? well, i guess we'll just have to wait & see!

[scoobydoodean]

so imagine emma somehow reappeared in season 15. i think we can all pretty much agree that dean would be quite emotionally affected by her, but how do you think sam would react? obviously he’s changed a lot since season 7, and of course they’ve had jack now, so do you think he’d feel terrible and admit he was wrong, or even with all that do you think he’d defend his actions? do you think he would bring up amy and let it become a bigger debate about other times they’d disagreed? thanks in advance if you answer :)

I certainly don't think Sam would try to kill Emma again. I think he saw killing her as a necessary evil in 7.13 due to his and Dean's tenuous psychological states, which caused Sam to assess her as a much more serious threat to Dean's life than Sam would at almost any other point in the series. Basically, in any other season, I think Sam would look at Emma with much more compassion, and would believe they had the practical capacity to try and get through to her (see: 1.16, 2.03, 4.04, 5.06, 12.04, 13.01-13.03). In another season, Sam would (imo) be willing to risk another surprise assault thinking they could handle it if it happened—especially in the future with the bunker at their disposal. But in 7.13, the brothers have no home (not even the impala), recently lost Bobby, and lost Cas. They have absolutely zero stability and no resources. Dean is suicidally depressed, and Sam is hallucinating. Sam does not believe he and Dean have the capacity to handle a brainwashed child who might show up and ambush them within that very precarious context, so he kills her. He has lost everyone and everything, and he absolutely will not risk losing Dean too. That fear comes out as rage at Dean in the car, but I don't think Sam killing Emma was mean-spirited or an attempt to punish him. It was just... incredibly cold and calculated.

Is there a reason why you pick season 15 specifically for an Emma revival? Sam navigating how to handle a revived Emma later in the series would be interesting, but I personally wouldn't do it in season 15. I'd do it a little earlier than that—maybe 13-14. Maybe it's just because of my bias against season 15... but it feels too... mytharc heavy? Sam's morals surrounding family sacrifice change around season 14/15 which adds another complication as far as how he might re-assess 7.13. I think Dean might just implode if he had one more thing on his plate in season 15 and a lot of the juiciest father/daughter bits would be subsumed by Dean's fears of Chuck meddling which to me would be a shame. I also think conflicts between Sam and Jack over Emma would be juiciest in season 13 or 14 and imo there's a lot of potential there that would be overcomplicated or missed.

In general though, Sam handles a lot of negative emotions and traumatic experiences by pretending they do not exist/never happened. This is why he immediately sows the narrative that Emma was not really Dean's child. So he can make that the story and invalidate any significance she might possess. Her coming back would force him to confront something he already knows deep down but won't face—that Emma was Dean's child who had been brainwashed by a cult, and Sam killed her in perhaps the most cold-blooded play he's ever (knowingly) made. It's possible that Sam would react negatively to being in Emma's presence because it would resurface those feelings and that Sam would eventually make justifications to try and shove all those feelings back down again. But I actually suspect if Sam went the "Well things have changed now but I wasn't wrong for what I did back then" route, his main conflict wouldn't end up being with Dean. I suspect his biggest hurdle in terms of family conflict would end up being with Jack in a season 13-14 context, because I think Jack would see their similarities, and it might color his perception of both Sam and Dean's reaction to him in early season 13. I think he'd have a lot of questions about how Sam could see the good in him but not Emma despite him being objectively far more dangerous than her and having actively demonstrated that several times by hurting and killing several people and almost reviving ancient evils, etc. I think it could revive some of Jack's early concerns over Sam wanting to use him and not really caring about him. I'd even wonder if he might see Dean's initial rejection as part of a foundation Sam himself laid when he killed Dean's child then went back on without any explanation. Like I think they could reach common ground and Sam could reassure Jack, but I think it could create some very juicy conversations surrounding Jack and necessary evils.

I don't NOT think Sam and Dean would have a conflict over Emma, but tbh one has to acknowledge that at the end of the day... there is pretty much nothing Sam can't get Dean to shut up about, including his own traumatic experiences in hell that Dean specifically does not ever talk about because of Sam. If Sam tried to kill Emma again, that'd be another matter... but if it was just about whether Sam was wrong for Doing All Of That...? I'm genuinely not sure I would look to Dean to reignite a war over it. If anything, he probably told himself the entire situation was all his fault a long time ago. Now if you push that Emma revival back to the CARVER era...

[misstycloud]

Yandere!Chef HC

=============

Character: Adam

:::::::::::::::::

° Adam is your run-of-the-mill chef. He has his own restaurant in the city, which is one of the most popular ones in the area. His food is just that good, it will melt on your tongue and the savoury taste will haunt you for the rest of your life and force you to come back. It's great for business.

° Being busy in maintaining the restaurant he never really had time getting out there, you know. Going on dates and such was never an option for him, not if he wished to keep his establishment. Which was something he couldn't risk losing since it had been his dream for a very long time, ever since he was a young boy.

° It's not like he wanted to live alone for the rest of his life, he would die of happiness to have someone to love him for him and be able to come home to a set of warm open arms. But sadly the conditions hindered him from reaching out and search for the one. Adam is a romantic at heart, his other dream besides being a chef is to experience the love he witnessed his parents give each other.

° growing up in a home where his parents openly displayed deep affection for one another, it obviously rubbed of on their son. Compared to most kids who expressed disgust when seeing their parents kissing or hugging, he thought it was cute and felt lucky to have been born in a loving family. They always said they were soulmates and when they met they instantly knew they belonged together. It made him long to grow up and find his true love.

° Adam believed he would have to give up on that dream and focus on his career until he died. But you restored hope in his heart. You made it beat wildly and uncontrollably. He'd hoped for love all his life and he finally got it, but he didn't know it'd be so...strong. So...overwhelming.

° How you met is quite obvious, you decided to visit his restaurant together with a friend after seeing a post online referring to the place and becoming interested. Adam somehow got sight of you and thought you seemed like a lovely and kind person, and he was right. Listening of conversations after being intrigued by you, he found out you were exactly how he believed you'd be. Becoming more and more engrossed in you to the point you were plaguing his mind every day.

° He began watching you every time you sat foot inside his restaurant which eventually turned into more, he followed you to other places.

° As a chef, cooking and sharing his self made dishes with others is natural. But it meant nothing if he could please you with his skills. The thought of you enjoying his creations gave him that incredible feeling of both pride and joy. He’ll cook for you anytime you want and put lots of love and care into it. It was you after all, not some nameless customer that he saw on a daily basis.

° He is without a doubt one of the sweetest boyfriends you could have, he’ll cook for you, do some cleaning, and spoil you to his content. You think he’s a little overbearing? No no, he’s simply looking after you. He loves you so much he can’t stop! You take that he’s too jealous at times? They’re trying to get between you, he can’t let them. It’s too hard to be with him, you can’t take it much longer. You realise he isn’t the best boyfriend that you initially thought and begin to distance yourself from him, when he confronts you about it you play it off and asks what he is talking about. Too bad he can easily read you, it won’t work. He knows you’re avoiding him on purpose.

° He will try everything in his power to find out what exactly is wrong and why you’re pulling away from him. But every time he asks you ignore him and go to busy yourself with something else. He’ll try again and again, but there’s only so much he can take until he won’t.

° Adam will have to channel his emotions somewhere, and that is towards your friends. The ones who must have put you up to it. The ones who must have brainwashed you into distancing yourself.

° He always wondered if people would be able to differ animal meat from their own.

[thefloatingstone]

Question, so far in BG3 what do you think about each companion and who is your favorite ? Personally, like many, I pick Karlach !

I like the companions but I am still figuring them out (which is funny considering I have 50 hours into the game which is longer than the entirety of Mass Effect 1).

Lae'zel - Completely out of her depth culturally but at this point unaware of it. Very black and white in her thinking regard right and wrong... and yet surprisingly VERY quick to move someone from the "wrong" side in her head over to the "right" side. I was shocked by how she instantly liked Karlach the second Karlach explained her situation to us, and had 0 problem in immediately being like "this is a good one." despite her history. Thinks she's big and tough but is actually just a tsundere. Reminds me of Worf.

Gale - shockingly quick to latch on and trust people. To a degree that suggests he's a little bit desperate for affection. However it's not manipulative or anything, it's very genuine. He just trusts too quickly and will drink up any positive interaction like a man dying of thirst. possible praise kink.

Astarion - Like I said in the other post; essentially a cat that's been mistreated its whole life and will now swat and hiss at anyone trying to be nice to him simply out of fear. Constantly afraid but is hiding it behind sass or bitching. Only member left in the team who is still stuck on neutral in terms of relationship with Tav. Is constantly annoyed with me for being nice to the broken the beaten and the damned. Almost certainly because his experiences have taught him if you're not powerful you will be abused by those who are and it's upsetting to see someone who doesn't follow this internal logic of his. Needs a hug and a hot chocolate.

Wyll - Guy of all time. But he does come with hot demon mommy so that's a plus.

Shadowheart - obviously grew up a spoiled little princess by people who are actively grooming her for some fucked up religious role and have been telling her for her whole life that it's TOTALLY awesome and TOTALLY special and that she's TOTALLY special for being trained for it when really they're just brainwashing her into thinking getting used and and forced into something without her consent is something she actually wants and she should be proud of it. She hasn't figured this out yet tho and mostly still has amnesia about it which is 100% just more grooming. For some reason unlike my friend who found her insufferable and bratty, she's been very nice to me. Sucks to use in a fight tho.

Karlach - Ray of fucking sunshine. Somehow both the mom friend AND the little sister friend. Most purehearted member of the whole lot. Has the ADHD experience of literally vibrating in place but getting told by the entire world to "calm down" and "sit still". Uncomplicated but not in a bad way. Nothing but good vibes all the time. Has never had a bad thought about anybody. Deserves the fucking world.

[madintersexmermaid]

(content warning: outdated terms, use of the term "white trash")

I did some really interesting research on the origin and the history of the term white trash. I've been aware of the term for years now though initially I thought that this word was a recently coined word and had emerged in the '50s and '60s or something. But come to find out, the term white trash actually stems as far back as the 1800s and was used to refer to poor, working class Irish, Scottish and German immigrants that immigrated to the United States in search for work and faced a lot of classism, casteism, discrimination and xenophobia from white rich upper class bourgeoisie American elites. This was identified as an epidemic by African American abolitionists and civil rights activists and this isn't surprising considering what we as black people have had to go through and still go through in this country, so obviously there's also been a deep solidarity there (and considering what British colonialism's done to both Africans/African Americans and the Irish and how British colonialism was the catalyst for upper class white supremacy, casteism, classism and xenophobia that afflicted America and the rest of the world, it makes sense). Also, many of white upper class bourgeoisie Americans that were also slave owners would weaponize and exploit enslaved black people they had working for them as pawns to spy on, scrutinize, criticize and look down upon the "poor, bad, white trash whites" as the ultimate agenda for upper class white supremacists to make themselves and their concept of aspirational whiteness look better, and while manipulatively brainwashing and gaslighting enslaved black folks into developing a classism and racism fueled stockholm syndrome attachment to their slave owners in the process.

(I'll just put a pin on this for later. 📌)

Now fast forward centuries later with the rise in right wing conservative MAGA extremism and Donald Trump, and upper class right wing white supremacists are pandering to that very demographic of middle class, middle working class, lower class, lower working class and poor white Americans (y'know, the very people and demographic that upper class white elites would call white trash!) by constantly promising social, financial and economic change and improvement. And that very demographic of people, being desperate for change and having also had fatigue and disillusionment with white liberals and white liberalism's empty promises of democracy and socio-economic improvement that didn't come to fruition along with bad experiences of white liberal classism, take the bait and switch over to becoming full on pawns for upper class right wing conservative white supremacists and their propaganda, and that in turn further coming with a Faustian exchange for being pitted against people of color and enabling/fueling the agenda of racism and white supremacy. And any part of middle class, middle working class, lower class, lower working class and poor white American demographic that sees right through all of this (both in terms of the ultimate agenda of racism and white supremacy and patronizing, hypocritical and backhanded classist pandering for ulterior motives) and refuses to go along with it and even calls it out and resists and stands to fight against it, they become public enemy #1 in the eyes of upper class right wing conservative white supremacists, whose convenient masks then fall off and they decide to remind this demographic how they really feel about them and smear and attack their character. And meanwhile, any Black, Brown, Native and Indigenous individuals of color (many of whom have also had fatigue and disillusionment with white liberalism and exhaustion with white liberal racism, classism and white saviorism) that decide to feed into, go along with and promote right wing conservative extremist propaganda are people whom upper class right wing conservative white supremacists use as pawns to police, scrutinize, criticize and look down upon "poor, bad, trashy, woke, race traitor" whites in order for upper class right wing conservative white supremacists and their concept of aspirational whiteness look better while manipulatively brainwashing and gaslighting BIPOC into developing a classism and racism fueled stockholm syndrome attachment to their political and social slave owners as well as hypocritically reinforcing the very same tactics of weaponized political identity politics, victimhood, performative pandering, identity politics and virtue signaling that right wing conservatives love to constantly accuse liberals of doing even though conservatives do that just as much. Does all this sound familiar? 📌

History repeats itself, and nobody wins.

And for me, learning all of this was insightful and radically eye opening for me as a woman of color (WOC), because even though I kept in my mindset the reality that anybody can be guilty of displaying racism and anybody can be a victim of racism, this particular issue was an eye opener because it shows that just as Black, Brown, Native and Indigenous culture, history, traditions, etc. is complex and layered and folks of these communities face marginalization, whiteness in this particular context can be complex and layered with its own history of marginalization too.

As you can tell, I'm not a fan of conservatives or liberals. Granted, I have a deeper anger, disgust, exhaustion and distrust towards the conservative party and conservatism due to my decades long experiences of being bombarded with and exposed to right wing conservative and right leaning centrist propaganda and talking points along with the gaslighting, racism, antiblackness, xenophobia, sexism, misogyny, antisemitism, reverse psychology, manipulation, intellectual dishonesty and mental gymnastics and overall mentally, emotionally, verbally, psychologically and socially abusive, messed up, extreme and cultish behavior that comes with it, though I have dislike for both conservatism and liberalism. Because in regards to my deep dive into and unpacking the white trash trope and its roots in the perpetrating of casteism, classism and white supremacy, both conservatives and liberals have played a part in racist, casteist, classist and ignorant attitudes and mentalities in general but especially in regards to the mentality of looking down on poor, lower class white Americans as "white trash":

Donald Trump supporting MAGA/GOP conservatives, right leaning centrists and Republicans display this classist attitude towards what they see as the "poor, bad, woke, race traitor" whites that don't agree with or go along with their upper class racist, white supremacist extremism.

Elitist liberals and Democrats also display this classist attitude towards poor lower class white Americans who support Donald Trump and MAGA/GOP and weaponize their socio-economic backgrounds instead of just holding them accountable for their fascist actions, behavior, mindset and mentalities--and this being hypocritical considering that liberals love presenting themselves as progressive.

And I find it hilarious how people have no problem with me saying I don't like liberals but the moment I make it clear that I also don't like conservatives either, then all of a sudden it's a problem; when everything I mentioned is just a prime example of how both political parties are cults working to either placate or outright serve the establishment and are complicit and guilty in displaying these hateful attitudes, just in different nuanced ways.

Thus, all the more reason why the current American western political party that's currently in place now--Republicans and Democrats, liberals and conservatives--need to be eradicated and abolished. It's time for it to end.

[hello-galad]

Hello friends, here i am again with my headcanons that no one asked for:

Ilfana and Gast dressed Vincent when Hojo decided to lock him in the coffin.

First things first, I think after being killed, Vincent was given the Jenova cells. He was their test dummy before Sephiroth. Vincent was revived and got enhanced like SOLDIER do and THEN Lucretia decided to put the three demonic entities inside him to see if his body could be a vessel for them so they could study them, like they had been doing when Grimoire died. Shocking everyone, Vincent was able to stand them and that is when Lucretia puts Chaos in him. Chaos latched onto Vincent as his host/connection to the physical planet and obviously refused to cooperate with them proving to them that they couldn’t control them even when in a physical body.

Nothing new was figured out about Chaos or the other entities, no more than they already knew and that is when Lucretia starts spiraling down because a) she just had a baby. Also, they have been experimenting on from said baby from day one. Vincent tried to stop them and they killed him and b) She has caused the death of not one but TWO Valentines. The last Valentine currently strapped to a surgical bed screaming his throat out while her hubby probably takes an organ out to see how much Vincent can take.

I think Lucretia loved Sephiroth, but she also loved the magnificent being he could become once the experimentation was complete, those feelings clashed inside her brain until she decided she couldn��t take it anymore, says nope and goes to die in a cave.

Hojo is ANGRY, then. He blames Vincent for being the cause Lucretia is dead. Let’s remember that Dr. Lucretia Crescent was one of the top scientist at Shinra and a key scientist of the Jenova project. So Hojo starts experimenting with Vincent in earnest. He takes many organs to see if and how they regenerate, cuts him up and sews him up. He is trying to control his transformations, the demons inside him but he can’t. Eventually his body can’t take it anymore and Vincent ‘dies’. Truth is, Chaos puts him in a sort of coma to preserve his psyche because they are tired of the scientist prodding around, ruining the body that hosts him.

Gast and Ilfana (who was not in the lab but was living with Gast there) dress him up in a way that resembles Grimoire’s attire as a fucked up way (but kind of understandable) to say sorry to both father and son, after all Gast is a scientists and just like Lucretia, he believes that what they are doing will ultimately be worth the means since they are creating something that will revolutionize everything. Hojo expects to be able to retake his experiments on him in the future, although with Vincent dead, they don’t know if the entities inside him have left too.

They give lock him up in the coffin inside the Nibelheim mansion in Grimoire’s coat and scarf, which now hides a head wound…you see I believe Hojo shot him in the chest when Vincent threatened the Jenova program, he thought that it was Hojo who had brainwashed Lucretia into giving her own child to be a test subject. Vincent doesn’t die from a bullet to the chest. He dies from a bullet to the head from Lucretia who can’t allow him to have the program closed.

Let’s remember that Lucretia is a scientist, she is not in love with Vincent, she is not in a love triangle because she rejected Vincent’s love for her. This is the project she has worked for for years, the Chaos project was a failure but this could be it!

Vincent is the one in love with her, a love that probably was born of infatuation and as I like to headcanon as a promise Vincent made to Grimoire before he died. He promised his father he would protect Lucretia, Grimoire already knew they were working with dangerous things and he wanted her to be safe. (Because daddy issues make people do weird things and if his relationship with his father was already strained and Vincent failed in the one thing he promised his father, he truly believes he has to atone for his sins i.e. getting Lucretia killed by not being able to protect her even from herself. Also, he feels guilty about Sephiroth, in his head he could have stopped the Jenova project and spared him but he got distracted and he, Shinra’s best marksman, was killed of a gunshot because he couldn’t control his emotions and underestimated a dangerous person.

Now, here is something I like to think about: just like it happens when people are subjected to abuse by the person they love or have created an attachment to: selective memory. Vincent starts making excuses for her in his head. He blacks out the fact that Lucretia shot and also experimented on him as a way to cope. It is until the events of DoC that he has to face everything and he accepts the truth and lets go of her for good.

[bigskydreaming]

That post about: 'protag and antagonist starting out in the same place and ending up on opposite sides while having eerily parallel experiences and journeys that just took them in completely directions due to them having even just taken one single step in the opposite direction the moment their shared origins/trauma/etc diverged and never looking back....until now they're face to face again and cant HELP but look back when confronted with someone they used to know and think they were so much alike and try and kinda inevitably obsessed with trying to figure out what they did different and where that made them both so completely Other to each other by now'......

(shut up I'm paraphrasing, that's still totally what it said tho. the curtains were blue. I got it)

No I really am obsessed with that one though, I just tend to forget that's what it boils down to for me and its why I'm obsessed with that dynamic.

Like for me that's the *chef's kiss* of Dick and Boone and who they were at Vengeance Academy vs who they became when they left it. It's what I WANTED Theo to be when he was still claiming an origin story of having been bitten by a random alpha like Scott had been, but lololol that was just me being silly and imagining that season could have had been based on an actual plot and premise and not just Steampunk Fetish But Like Make It FETISH Fetish.

It's what I THOUGHT I always wanted someone to do with one of the original X-Men but then they did it with Jean and I was like okay so not like that and they were like shhh its fine its fine cosmic force did it and then they did it with Warren and I was like okay so not like that and they were like shhh its fine brainwashing and then they did it with Scott and I was like okay so not like that and they were like shhh its fine cosmic force that also did brainwashing and then they did it with Hank and I was like okay so turns out I don't actually care enough about Hank for this to be compelling to me so that was like several decades worth of a bust.

Course, the pattern presented there suggests that I really should be concerned about our one 05 outlier and wonder when the Evil Arc is gonna drop there. I'd like to assume the Dark Iceman arc counts and we're successfully on the other side of that already but let's be real, like, five people actually read that story and none of them work for Marvel so Bobby's inevitable Drunk On Power Full Evil Extra Slutty era is still ahead of us someday. Oh well. At least X-Men get cool looks out of their Gone Evil, Be Back Later eras.

But I digress. I think. Lemme check.

Right. So. The point is I like it a lot. I think there was more of a point when I first hit the new post button but so, that got lost obviously. This has been a post, then. Apparently.

Umm. Anyone else's fave examples of this? I guess?

*vamps*

[skarlette1]

Wishful Wand - Part One (NEW)

Being a reporter covering superheroes leads to some very odd conversations. Who else but me, Zelda Zane, would be standing in Libido Leagu Tower, arguing over the potential superpowers of sex toys with the League’s operations chief, Sammie Sims?

“Look, Sammie, I’m sure it’s a good dildo, but that’s all it is. I’m not belittling the ability to give a girl a few good orgasms, but it’s just a toy. A hunk of plastic. It’s not magic.”

“I thought that, too, Zelda. I was just sorting through old junk in the Libido League storage facility when I stumbled across it. It’s so plain-looking, I didn’t even notice it at first. I was moving it aside to get at something underneath it when I noticed how good it felt in my hand. Looking down, I realized it wasn’t a piece of junk, but some sort of perfectly-sculpted wand.”

“Right, right. The League has faced that sort of thing before, right? Argent confiscated something called the Mesmerizer that brainwashed through pleasure. Captain Alpha had an alien artifact called a Cosmic Orgasmatron … or something. I don’t have too many details about that.” I didn’t dare to meet her eyes, lest my expression give away just how much first-hand experience I’d had with the Orgasmatron in Captain Alpha’s hidden Quimtonian Refuge.

“Obviously, the first thing I did was check for signs of mind control tech. I ran every test Platinum Panther could devise. It’s clean. Except for the little squiggly engravings on the exterior, it’s just an ordinary sex toy. By the time I finished all my tests and scans, I gotta admit, I was pretty horny.”

“Sammie, you didn’t.”

“Of course I did. I took the wand back to my room and did what it was made for. Let me tell you: best orgasms of my life, hands down! The sensation of those little engravings teasing over my skin—Ooooh! Just thinking about the feel of them gets me wet.”

“Sammie! I may be a reporter, but some things are just TMI—Too Much Information.”

“Okay, okay. Anyway, after I lost track of my orgasms, the wand sent me a vision.”

“A vision?” As if her story weren��t weird enough already!

“Yes, a vision. Of U4ia.”

“Sammie, U4ia has been deactivated for months.”

“I know. That’s how I know that the wand is magic. It gave me a vision of U4ia’s soul. She appeared before me and told me how to fix her. I never would have thought of it on my own, but now it’s so obvious. I’ve started the process and it’s working! Her core programming is recompiling right now and she will be ready to boot up in a few hours!”

Sammie had gone too deep this time. I had to give her some perspective. “You may think that you spoke to the soul of a machine after an orgasm-induced hallucination, Sammie, but there’s a more obvious answer. You simply entered an altered state of consciousness from overdosing on orgasms and it helped your brain put together a new solution to your problem. That’s wonderful for you and for U4ia, Sammie. But it’s not a news story.”

Sammie laid her hand on my shoulder. “I’m not giving this to you for a news story, Zelda. I’m giving this to you as a friend. To help with your ... problem.”

“What problem?”

She gave me that look you give someone in denial. “Captain Alpha’s been off-planet nearly six months, Zelda.”

“I very well aware of that. What makes that my problem?”

“C’mon, Zelda. Everyone knows that you and Alpha are an item. It’s got to be killing you that you can’t speak to her. Or touch her. Or hold her. You must be, y’know, lonely. This can help with both speaking to her and not-being-lonely.” She gave me an exaggerated wink.

Captain Alpha had wanted to keep our relationship private—for my safety. Even though I called her by her Quimtionian name “Al-Phae” and had exactly the sort of relationship that Sammie was implying, I couldn’t let her know that. “My relationship with Captain Alpha, the Vixen of Vigor, Defender of Earth, is none of your business, Sammie. Even if we were … together … some weird sex toy wouldn’t make Alpha’s absence any easier to bear.”

“But it could! If you’d just use it, I know that the magic would let you talk to Captain Alpha, no matter how far away she is.”

“This is ridiculous, Sammie. I thought you were rational. A woman of science. An engineer.”

“I am rational. This makes perfect sense. How about I make you a deal?”

“What kind of deal?”

“If you try the wand for twenty minutes, I’ll give you an exclusive interview with U4ia as soon as she’s fully reactivated. I know your editor loves exclusive access with heroines.”

“She does, but this is just weird, Sammie.”

“Weird or not, there’s no way you can lose, Zelda. Either I’m wrong and you get to be the first person to talk to U4ia, or I’m right and you get to talk to Captain Alpha. What’s it going to be?”

That’s how I found myself in a guest bedroom of Libido League Tower at three in the afternoon, drawing the blinds and slipping off my shoes. Sammie had given me the “magic” dildo in a steel briefcase like it was the nuclear launch codes. The idea that this thing would give me a magical vision of my dear Al-Phae was ridiculous.

But Sammie was right that I’d missed Al-Phae’s touch for many months. I knew that wherever she was, she was doing important work to keep Earth safe. Even so, a part of me was getting desperate for sensation. I’d longed for the touch of an absent lover before, but this was different. After sex with Al-Phae, it felt like all the sex on Earth couldn’t quite measure up. On so many nights, I’d hold the special signal watch Al-Phae had given me. She’d said that it could contact her anywhere in the universe if I needed her. I didn’t want to interrupt whatever important, dangerous work she was doing just because I was missed the sound of her voice, the taste of her kiss. I much as I wanted her, I wanted to be good for her more.

Maybe I’d just examine this “wand” for the twenty minutes Sammie had requested and hand it back to her. It felt weird to masturbate in a guest room when Sammie knew exactly what I was doing. As a reporter, I cherished my privacy.

Still, It was worth taking a look at the wand. I opened the lid of the steel briefcase. Nestled in form-fitting foam padding was white piece of plastic, about eight inches long with a slight curve to it. It was featureless except for a few engravings on the side. Their shape reminded me of something I’d seen in Captain Alpha’s Quimtonian Refuge.

After one glance, I was certain that its curved shape would fit inside me perfectly, as if it had been custom-crafted to my body. Looking again, I wasn’t as certain it was made of plastic. It was so shiny, perhaps it was a type of metal? Or maybe ceramic?

To examine it more closely, I took it from the briefcase. The moment my fingers caressed it, a surge of lust rippled through my body. Warm to the touch, the thing felt alive in my hand. Nothing on Earth had ever felt so inviting. Without thinking, I found both hands exploring its contours and pressing the thing against the sensitive skin of my wrists, my throat, and my chest. I wasn’t sure when I’d laid back and lifted my skirt, but my pussy was already dripping by the time the wand trailed down my thigh.

My reporter’s curiosity swelled with my lust. I’d need to keep my head and pay attention to the sensations to better understand this bizarre item. Getting swept away by pleasure was a luxury I could not afford.

The moment it grazed my clit, I came. Despite my resolve, the orgasm crashed through me like a tsunami, powerful and irresistible. I found myself drowning in pleasure and never wanting to breathe again. It was like a star going nova inside my blood, a million years of bliss in every heartbeat.

When the cosmic orgasm mellowed enough for my eyes to open, I wasn’t in Libido League Tower. Mist and shadow surrounded me, the smell of musk hung thick in the still air. Time moved strangely, both too fast and too slow at once. A strange tingling across my skin—both hot and cold and neither at the same time—told me without a doubt that whatever this place was, it wasn’t Earth.

It took every ounce of my willpower and physical strength to pull the bizarre wand from between my legs. It was like it was magnetized to my pussy! As much as I craved another cosmic orgasm, I knew I needed to find out where I was! Holding the wand as far behind my back as my arm would allow, I forced myself to my feet. Taking a few shaky steps forward, the mist clung to my bare feet. “Hello? Is anyone there?” The mist seemed to swallow my words.

A figure strode out of the mist, tall and dark. She had a haughty look and a magnetic beauty second only to my beloved Al-Phae. She wore a dress tattered into rags. The mist seemed to leach the color out of everything, turning her skin a despairing gray except for her warm, pink lips. “Greetings, Zeldazane, female Earthling, erotic confection of the last daughter of Quimton. Welcome to the Shade Circumference.”

--To Be Continued (next week)...

---

Like what you read? Will you buy me a coffee and request something rich to sink my teeth into? Or peek into the depths of my longer fiction?

[boots-with-the-fur-club]

Inverted Confrontation chapter 6! Next is the last one!

@daboyau

“You already know I wanted to end humanity! Is this really such a surprise!? I made you all for war and experimented on dozens of animals. Obviously I was going to make sure you were suited for it.” Draxum crosses his arms.

“This is so not helping your case! How are we supposed to convince these guys to stop being villains when you basically made it impossible for them to be anything else!?” Leo grips his own face and pulls on it in frustration.

“Maybe we can talk to them now that the situation is reversed? They might be willing to listen!” Mikey suggests.

“No way they ever would. Reasoning doesn’t work!“ Other April insists.

“What do you say we do with them then?” April questions.

“Let me take them back and we’ll deal with it. The people in my universe deserve justice.”

“Are you going to kill them!?”

“It’s up to everyone who’s lives they ruined! This is the only chance I’m ever going to get!“

“Woah woah woah, heroes don’t send people to their deaths!” Raph gets between them.

“They’re murderers themselves if you need reminding.” Draxum comments.

“Yeah, because of you!” Leo points his finger in his face accusatorially.

“We can’t give up on them. Villains and other universes or not they are my sons.” Splinter chimes in.

“They also tried to brainwash your real sons though.” Donnie casually adds.

Everyone begins arguing with each other, allowing Mikey to slip away to the room they’re holding them in.

He’s surprised to see that Champion is awake, but not exactly…..present. It reminds him a little of Leo with a concussion but this seems much worse.

“Are….are you okay?” He hesitantly reaches out to him.

When there’s no reaction, so he quickly touches his neck to make sure there’s a pulse. Luckily there was. Unluckily, it means he has no idea what’s going on with him.

His head was drooped slightly, his eyes were….gray, half lidded, sort of empty.

“This is bad….I have to get help-“

“Stop! There’s only one thing that can help him, you’d just make it worse!”

Mikey jumps a bit at the voice coming from behind him. Dr. Rude apparently has woken up.

“What will help?”

“Me! He needs me.”

“I can’t just let you out, you just tried brainwash me and my brothers! Tell me what to do, I won’t mess it up.”

“You can’t be the one to do it.” He breaks the mystic bindings fairly easily.

Mikey panics, quickly holding onto Champion. He’s not sure why, but something feels wrong.

“How did you break it!? You shouldn’t have had your powers!”

“Just because I can’t use them doesn’t mean I wasn’t strong already. Let go of my brother.”

“What are you going to do to him?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you!” He starts coming at him.

Mikey holds Champion closer and jumps out of the way.

“You do if you actually want to be able to do it!”

“If I don’t help him he’s just going to get worse! Do you want him to die because you’re being stupid!?”

“I’m not being stupid! I’m trying to make sure you’re not doing anything weird!”

Champion begins to shift in his arms. Mikey immediately notices the panic on Dr. Rude’s face.

“P-Please! I have to do it now!”

Mikey frowns, trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. His unease was brought on by something but it was just a feeling. They loved each other, he wouldn’t hurt his brother right?

He hesitantly moves Champion closer to him. There’s immediate relief on his villain counterpart’s face. Maybe this was the better option.

Dr. Rude mystic powers start surging through his arms which makes Mikey confused.

“You’re going to be okay again….just like before….”

“What are you doing!?”

Both Mikeys snap their heads towards Hyde who .

“I-I was just….it’s….” Dr. Rude is at a loss for words.

Hyde breaks his bonds and rushes over, scanning Champion with a device he materializes.

“…..Mikey.”

Dr. Rude freezes. Mikey knows that reaction. He gets the same way when Splinter calls him Michelangelo instead of Orange.

“Hyde, it’s not what-“

“Why are there traces of your power in his system?”

“You don’t understand-“

“Then make me understand! What were you about to do? What have you been doing to him!?”

Dr. Rude shrinks in on himself a bit, glancing at Champion. Hyde moves into his line of sight, blocking the view.

“Tell me I’m wrong! Tell me that you haven’t been puppeteering our brother!”

Dr. Rude begins breathing heavily.

“….You did it….didn’t you? For how long!?”

Dr. Rude tears up, holding his arm and looking away.

“Mikey! If I’m going to fix him, you need to tell me everything!” He grips him by the shoulders.

Dr. Rude looks back at him with anger before tackling him away from Champion.

Mikey takes several steps back at seeing this, then rushes out of the room.

“You think you can fix him!? What I did was the fix! He was failing! You weren’t there! You don’t know what it was like! Draxum was going to get rid of him if I didn’t do something!” Dr. Rude holds Hyde down, his arms still full of mystic energy.

“Mikey! Be careful!” He fearfully glances at them.

“I-I swear I didn’t do it on purpose at first! I was just trying to help! And it worked! I-I didn’t even know I could do that! I thought it was just helping his abilities!” The energy begins to seep into Hyde’s arms.

“Stop it! Please!” He looks at Red to see if he’s awake.

He’s only slowly beginning to stir.

“I was trying to keep him alive….and then….h-he and I were so in sync….we worked so well together….we were perfect. Too perfect….”

Hyde struggles against him as the energy spreads more. He glances around next to get help from regular Mikey but couldn’t find him.

“I couldn’t have known what I was doing….but something was wrong. He never questioned me about anything. You remember those things dad made us, right? Leo’s stuffed unicorn was the only one Draxum never found. You remember how angry he was when he found ours, what he did to us….Leo was so good at hiding his, but I just knew it was a matter of time, so I told him to tear it up. He loved it so much, so I didn’t think he’d actually do it! He was going to do it without a second thought if I hadn’t stopped him!”

“You could have stopped after we were free!”

“I tried stopping! I-I got scared after the unicorn, but it was so much worse when I didn’t do it….Draxum got even angrier. Leo couldn’t handle what he was feeling anymore, Donnie! And that was only after a week! After how long it took to get out of there!? It would break him!”

“But now you’re doing it to me!?”

Dr. Rude’s tears drip onto Hyde’s face.

“I have to. It’s the only way. I’m taking care of us! You’ll feel better, he always does…..”

Hyde shouts in pain.

Red blearily wakes up at the screaming, immediately breaking his bonds and instinctively grabbing Dr. Rude as soon as he sees him.

He looks around in confusion for the actual attacker, only assuming Dr. Rude was trying to help Hyde.

Only when he notices the orange spreading through his veins does he fully understand what’s happened. His attention turns back towards his youngest brother.

“You….did this?”

Dr. Rude breaks down in tears as he looks back up at him.

“I-I didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” He hides his face in Red’s shoulder.

Red hugs him closer, his shock turning completely to understanding.

“Oh Orange…..”

Dr. Rude hiccups in response to the nickname he hadn’t heard in a long time.

“I-I’m a monster…..I’m just like he was…!”

Red rubs his shell.

“No. Never, ever like him.”

“But I-“

“It’s not his DNA we’ve got. You messed up….and it’s bad. Real bad. We’ve all done bad things. We did it for a reason. How would ya even know what was crossin the line? We sure didn’t teach you. We sure didn’t really have anyone to teach us. The real monster….he never cared about being a monster. His reasons never were for anybody else. You’re different. I know you are.”

Dr. Rude further bursts into tears.

That’s when everyone who was previously fighting rushes into the room. Original Mikey had managed to get them to listen long enough to tell them what was happening.

“Why did I even bother making those bonds when they broke out immediately?” Draxum crosses his arms.

“Not the time, Barry!”

Both Aprils rush over to Hyde.

“What do we do!? How do we stop this!?” April panics.

“I don’t know! I’ve never seen it stopped before!” Other April answers.

“I-Ignore me, Champion needs help!” Hyde winces, holding his arms in pain.

Splinter quickly goes over to Champion.

“Blue, can you hear me?”

Light starts returning into his eyes. His gaze meets with Splinter’s.

“D-Dad….? You can’t be….you’re….” His eyes widen in a split second.

He screams out in a wail, gripping his own head in what seems like a lot of pain.

“No! I-I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! He killed you because of me! And I-!….Oh my god….I killed him….I actually did it, how could I have-?” He sees Draxum behind Splinter.

His screams change from pain to absolute fear. He curls up into a tight ball, shaking like he’s about to fall completely apart.

“Blue!” Splinter tries to touch him but Champion only flinches.

“Okay, since Champion is down for the count, Leon is taking over! Whoever can help fix Hyde stays in a room with Draxum. That includes the Aprils to watch over him. Whoever can calm Champion down stays here. Having Draxum around is only going to freak him out more. All good?”

Nobody seems to have any problems with his solution. They all split off into the designated groups. Red, Raph, Donnie, Mikey and Splinter stay with Champion. Draxum, Dr. Rude, and the Aprils go with Hyde. Leo leaves the room with them but pauses, not sure if he could really help either.

“P-Please, don’t leave.” Hyde pleads.

Leo is surprised but quickly catches up with them and goes to his side. They all get to the med bay and lay Hyde down on the bed. Everyone else takes a step away from him in order to talk about what the next course of action would be. Leo stays next to him.

“That looks like it hurts….”

“O-Only because I’m fighting it. It’s….trying to spread but I’m not letting it. H-Humans can’t really fight against this, their mystic powers are nonexistent.”

“Are you sure you want to keep talking if it hurts this much?”

“I….I miss when you were like this.”

“Like what?”

“All the dumb jokes, the way you were unsure, when you let yourself be scared….”

“Well now you just make me sound like a loser. I thought it was cool how you believed in him, called him Champion, how he could actually be leader, but that was all kinda a big lie because of all that puppeteering.” He crosses his arms.

“You were you. Not….fake. Not a mix of something else. If you were a loser that way, we were losers together. Y-You’re my twin and it felt like I lost whatever we had. Now I know….it was replaced by what Dr. Rude created…..”

“What….we had?”

“Y-You and I both know what it was. The way you can tell if he’s in pain. If he’s in a bad mood. Wh-When he needs you.”

“I knew that wasn’t just in my head! I caught him watching scary movies at 3am because him being scared wouldn’t let me sleep.”

Hyde smiles softly.

“I’d give anything to have that happen. Th-That’s why I agreed to this. I don’t just miss you….I-I miss Mikey too. Hyde and Champion….they became like we were the same person. I-I guess they sort of were. It felt like it was just me and Red at times….I just wanted to spend time with my little brothers.”

“Hey, I’m not letting you say that just because you’re not feeling well.”

Hyde’s smile changes to a smirk.

“I tested us. I’m older.”

“What!? If you weren’t such a bad liar I’d be calling pants on fire!”

Hyde chuckles before he grits his teeth in pain.

Leo frowns and looks at his arms.

“There has to be something I can do.”

“D-Dr. Rude himself doesn’t know how to stop it. I-It’s not your fault.”

Leo looks at his hands, then back to Hyde.

“Here goes nothing.”

“Wait, wait-!”

Leo recalls the surge of energy that Champion had forced them to dip into. He thinks hard about how he wants to help Hyde, putting aside the fact that he isn’t from this universe, ignoring what he attempted to do.

Right now, he was family.

Hyde’s shouting drew the attention of the others in the room. He can sort of hear Draxum and both Aprils yell at him to stop. They’re all ignored.

They can lecture him after it works. Or take pity on him if it doesn’t.

Energy prickles in the palm of his hands. He grabs Hyde’s arms and does his best to will the energy that wasn’t supposed to be there away, somewhere, anywhere that wasn’t in Hyde.

The energy fights him, not wanting to leave. He fights back, insisting that it was not going to get any further. He can feel something in Hyde helping his own energy kick out the harmful one.

Eventually, finally, Dr. Rude’s energy changes into his own. He pulls it all back, out of Hyde.

He’s pulled away just as he finishes, getting yelled at a lot more.

He doesn’t really pay attention.

Hyde’s arms are back to normal. He’s not in pain anymore.

He looks at him in complete shock.

“Ha, there was something I could do!”

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

Kevin and Cecil: doubles, counterparts, twins, some combination?

Reblog for exposure please!

Definitions, for and against arguments, explaination of last option:

Doubles. Definition: exact copies of the citizens of Night Vale and of Desert Bluffs which split from them during the sandstorm. Essentially a newly created clone whose looks, personality and memories were/are identical to each other. For example: Dana is not sure if she's the original Dana or the double, due to the exactness of the memories of being Dana right up to the point of seeing the other Dana. Every double is described as looking, sounding and acting identically to the person they're a double of be it Cecil or Kevin reporting. Lawrence Lavine (Larry Leroy's counterpart but not his double) details the sensation of suddenly feeling like he had two hands scooping sand until there was suddenly two complete versions of him. Evidence for: Both Kevin and Cecil describe a picture of the other sharing their physical likeness, even down to what the other is wearing in the photo matching what the speaker is wearing now (or, posesses at least). Their likeness in looks is also mentioned when they physically meet during the Strex arc. Neither of them spawn any other kind of double, despite the fact that people indoors did still spawn one (such as Dana, and the imagined alive version of Vanessa Kevin seems to insist on manifesting). Kevin says directly that he 'thinks he saw his double' when the two cross back through the vortex. Evidence against: Both existed before the sandstorm, so unless (likely Cecil) spawned a double when he was very young and that double was taken away and raised as Kevin, this is very strange. Cecil doesn't actually say he met his double when seeing Kevin in the vortex.

Counterparts: a term not mentioned in canon but which can be used to explain the relationship between two characters with similar but not necessarily identical names, lives, personality traits and roles/jobs as somebody from the other town. For example: Dana Cardinal/Dan Cardozo, Larry Leroy out on the edge of town/Lawrence Lavine out in the Edgertown Development, Old Woman Josie (full name Josephina)/Grandma Josephine, Pamela Winchell/Pablo Mitchell. The fact that they seem to have similar jobs etc hints that whilst being different people they have made similar decisions in life. Evidence for: Cecil and Kevin share a lot of the same likes and dislikes which is more obvious in the brief glimpses we get of Kevin from before Strex changed him, even Cecil comments on this in Triptych. They both have the same job (obviously). They both didn't experience a creation of a double, but did make identical decisions to go through the vortex showing more likemindedness without being the exact same person (possibly).

Twins: two children born at the same birth (according to Google, but we all know what twins are, right?). Evidence for: If Kevin and Cecil are just twins from a seperated marriage, it could explain why Kevin mostly remembers a dad and Cecil only had a mother and why they're physically identical and somewhat similar in other ways but still different even before Kevin's brainwashing. Kevin mentions having siblings, but his memory of his past is hazy. They could have been split when they were too young to really remember each other and Abby could have her own reasons for not wanting to tell Cecil about Kevin even after the Strex arc and Kevin coming to town.

Evidence against: Although Kevin briefly and unreliably mentions siblings, Cecil doesn't except for Abby. The grown Cecil from Casettes even explicitly says he doesn't have a brother (although he's technically talking about Cal here) which doesn't necessarily invalidate the other points but could do. It seems like something Abby would have mentioned to him at some point though regardless of any reasoning I can think of but people are unreasonable all the time.

Last option: We know there's many timelines and that Cecil is a constant in all of those timelines. If there can be a timeline which is identical except instead of Abby, Cal was born OR a mini version of NV which is now under the bowling alley then why couldn't there be a timeline where Cecil was favoured by a Smiling God and not Huntokar and was raised in DB as Kevin? In the newer episodes, Kevin, refreshed to a child by Carlos' meddling science, has no idea who he's supposed to be and is completely lost. I don't know if that's completely related to this theory but it is interesting.

Facts to possibly ignore for meta reasons: Kevin and Cecil having different names and voices.

[space-apples]

saying this on here because the azi hate is seriously (not a big deal, im a theatre kid and im being dramatic) driving me insane.

buckle up because i have fucking things to say <3.

good omens 2 spoilers ahead, obviously/lh

i hate the coffee theory. and before you click away, please read my post <33

i like the lie theory better, but i enjoy the integrity (for lack of a better word) of it being about religious trauma and how that affects different people.

azi is so religiously brainwashed that he still believes heaven can be good. he is an angel, he is good. but since he got kicked out, that meant he wasn’t good enough. as much as crowley sees and recognizes the things azi does, azi does the same for crowley. he sees and recognizes how good crowley is. he is so incredibly good that— in azi’s mind— it doesn’t make sense that he’s a demon.

additionally, he also sees that crowley is lonely. and azi is also lonely. and the whole point is that theyre lonely together. but if they both become angels, then they don’t have to be lonely, and they can be together.

we also know that azi knew crowley before he fell. he saw what could happen to him if he did something wrong. it’s why he is so worried about whether or not he’s doing good.

overtime, ofc, we see him growing into himself a little bit more because he’s no longer surrounded by heaven officials. but then a very powerful one— his boss’s boss— came up to him and said that he was the best. angel. for. the. job.

that he couldn’t think of a better angel than aziraphale. and he just wants to be good so badly. he wants to be with crowley so badly. and with this, he can have both.

i totally see it from crowley’s pov too— he’s been building up a relationship with the closest person he’s ever had. they were on the same side because they didn’t have a choice to do otherwise. and then azi actively chooses the very thing that was making both of them suffer and feel like they can never do anything right ever. like i definitely see why and see how crowley is upset. it’s justifiable. /gen

i dont think either of them are at fault here except for heaven and hell. i think all of this comes down to communication. and though i think azi should do the “you were right” song, i don’t inherently think that this is something he is at fault.

aziraphale is still operating in the good vs bad system, he hasn’t fully deprogramed his indoctrination. he’s trying to convince himself that he’s right. if the institution you were in your entire life ended up being bad for you, of course you wouldn’t believe it at first. azi is actively choosing between what he wants to do, and what he has to do. and since he is so fucking afraid of heaven and consequences of defying that, he would say yes.

he’s searching and hoping for validation— and his boss’s boss came up to him and it not only gave him that toxic validation, but it put him back into that “oh i can be / do good.”

but to crowley, aziraphale was saying, “i want to make you good enough for heaven.” and aziraphale was trying to say, “i want to make heaven good enough for you. i want to make myself good enough for you.”

and people are comparing azi to gabriel because ineffable bureaucracy (i just spent a very long time trying to spell that LMAO) happened in like a week, and it took our aziraphale more than 6000 years. to that, i am here to remind people that gabriel was probably contributing to the fears that aziraphale had, and he didn’t ever experience that type of trauma because the only people that were above him was the metatron and fucking god.

plus, this type of institution affects people variously and not every person reacts or behaves the same :):)

this whole thing is just how religious trauma affects people differently :):):):)

another reason why i hate the coffee theory is just because it undermines aziraphale’s intensely complex character. the end lol. i hope you have a great day <33