#now to go eat bc I am hungry
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CHOOSE YOUR ADVENTURE.
a multifandom multimuse by fink.
#promotion.#now to go eat bc I am hungry#indie rp#sonic the hedgehog rp#multifandom rp#videogame rp#cartoon rp#anime rp
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The maybe-sorta-not-really-almost blowjob scene, because I don't think I've drawn them together before and this is probably the best place to start.
(Tumblr ate my quality :( pls click to rescue it)
#ik the pose is not canonically accurate but my composition demanded as much.#alternatively it could be done with the same pose as Germanic Warrior with Helmet but thia took long enough no full body paintings for me.#and it took. so long. I've been at this since may.#probably over 25 hours total.#please please please zoom in. look at the details. make an artist happy.#anyways! does anyone else associate Ouyang with red? specifically rust red.#Esen and Baoxiang are blue and dark blue respectively.#while Zhu is yellow/orange.#so Ouyang being red works in my head bc it places him opposite to Esen's blue.#with red and navy blue being commonly put together despite being very different and even clashing (Ouyang and Baoxiang)#red is right next to orange on the color wheel#and red/yellow/orange mix into each other to become the same colors with Ouyang and Zhu#hence the colors of this piece#plus dark rust red/crimson being both assocoeged with antagonists and blood. both of these fit Ouyang I think.#Ma is also red in my head to go with zhu as well#but she's specifically bright ruby red that goes more towards purple than orange.#so it doesn't overlap with Zhu’s color region#just hangs out next to it.#this also puts Ouyang and Ma as sort of paralel to each other which I think is fun#anyways. i am hungry! i will go eat! it is 4am holy crap–#the radiant emperor#he who drowned the world#zhu yuanzhang#general ouyang#also i lied earlier only evil baoxiang is navy blue. normal non evil wbx is a nice cool green.#same color family as Esen still but lighter/more femenine/less generic#(Esen is specifically Boy-Coded Blue)#WBX being green also has him as complementary color to Ma and Ouyang.#okokok now im done fr.#my art
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fat robots. say everything you think
Well, this is going to be barely coherent, but here we go.
I am not particularly shy about saying I think fat people and fat characters are often really fuckin hot. Idk if it's anything that deep, I just like em sturdy about as often as I like twinks or hunks or anything in between, and I think it's a damn shame you don't see more fat characters treated as complex or desirable or really anything more than the comic relief.
I've mentioned before that TFA has my ideal mix of partial softbody and hard metal. It's also got a really nice range of body types, and it gave us my beautiful beloved boy Bulkhead, very big, very cute, very sweet. I like that he's fat, I like that he has depth as a character, I like the idea of his belly and his thighs actually being at least a little soft. Also with Jazz and Shockwave, although both of them are pretty thin (unless you count Longarm), they both have that very clearly soft midriff (and in Jazz's case, those incredibly biteable thighs) and when people draw them even softer and chubbier than they are in canon, I simply black out. No thoughts, head empty, only robot tummy.
Even in continuities where that soft protoform look might be a bit more of a reach (like tfp, they lean a lot heavier into the mechanical for about everything except the face) I don't really see anything wrong with people simplifying some of the moving mechanical parts in the name of dialing up the softbody a little. Like don't get me wrong, I love the predominantly hard metal side of the spectrum too, I'm as fascinated with tfp Optimus's intricate mechanical hands Drift's solid steel thighs as the next robotfucker, I just also like applying The Somft™️ to characters that may not have it by default.
I'm also just kind of a sucker for characters that are Constantly Going Through It and Tired All The Time eventually gaining weight when they get to settle down and enjoy themselves a little, and with The War being a constant in every continuity, that gives me quite a few options to apply that trope post-war (cough cough tfp ratchet cough cough I NEED THAT MAN TO STOP STARVING HIMSELF DAMMIT)
In conclusion, your honor, I think I just like seeing my faves fat n' happy.
#not polls#honestly i think it might be because i spent a lot of my life worryingly scrawny. like i used to go hungry a lot as a kid and as a teenager.#didnt start eating like a normal person until i moved out of my mom's house.#didnt really like how i looked AT ALL until around that time too#i only started gaining any degree of self confidence after i started outting on weight. i got a soft tummy and cute thighs now#and i literally would not trade that for the world.#also bc some of the people i be fuckin are also chubby (moreso than i am) and i cannot possibly see it as anything other than gorgeous
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Everyone be proud of me
I am eating dinner 👍
#speculation nation#u know when ur feeling bad enough u wanna do fuck all or like the most self destructive shit ever#and ur tryign to reign in the 2nd urge so ur just sitting there zoning out#i wanted to just go to bed. but i am eating something first.#i dont want to eat. i should be hungry but im not. but im still eating.#not gonna bother with the video game today bc itd probably just make me stay up until 6 am again and i wouldnt even enjoy it#emotions cut off bc it was the only way to calm down etc etc u know the drill#tomorrow... will be gentler. i'll make sure of it.#and for now. i am eating this leftover biryani. whether i want to or not.#negative/#disordered eating/#kind of lol. whatever
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;-;
#saw someone say that a post about hanger was about their undiagnosed diabetes and now I'm going to spend the#rest of forever terrified that every time I get hangry (which happens! while prepping dinner almost everyday! bc I'm hungry and impatient!)#that actually I'm two inches away from a diabetic coma or something#even though I definitely eat healthier than a lot of people#like I'm kinda chubby but I eat healthy food for the most part and I'm not like that overweight or anything#I have a naturally heavy/curvy body type so that plays into it a lot#idk I just have like. several diabetic grandparents and am always always afraid. hashtag hypochondria 😔#uhh anyway pray for me! I am Alone and the anxiety is HITTING
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Sometimes I forget abt my hunger. Unless I'm made aware of it and ppl start to worry I haven't eaten much today
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#In other words I need to eat#but I don't wanna make anything 😞😞#or I just don't want to eat#Idk I haven't rlly eaten a lot today at all#my dad asked if I ate anything and I genuinely had to think for a second lol#idk maybe I forget to eat (very rarely) bc I'm simply not aware I'm hungry#but now I am aware and I wanna eat smth but don't have the motivation to make anything#yeah I can't make much but still#I stay in my room too much 💀💀#anyways I'm gonna be off and do my own things until I go to bed
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annoyed with my roommate >:(
#B and I share pizzas but I need the pizzas more (safe food) and I buy most of them#so the rule is supposed to be that B keeps track of how many they eat vs how many I’ve bought and buys replacements#Ex: I bought 7 pizzas. B bought 3. B ate 5 pizzas; now B needs to buy 2 replacement pizzas.#this is a rule bc I have a lot of food restrictions and trauma around going hungry and B knows this. and B agreed to buy me replacements.#generally he’s been pretty good about it! but we were both leaving for trips this past weekend and I specifically asked him to replace#my pizzas bc I knew I was gonna be hungry when I got home#and he did not do that. so yesterday I ordered chipotle for dinner bc I could not go shopping bc energy GONE#and now I’m sitting here after class like >:( I wanted to eat lunch and now I can’t#I’ll go shopping after class today I’m just Annoyed. I’ve been spending a lot of money this week bc of trip and I can’t super afford to#order DoorDash or go shopping more than once a week. bc I am unemployed and living off of savings rn.#*screams*#and now I’m sitting here trying to find foods I can eat and reassure myself that it’s okay and I won’t starve#bc body is convinced that me being hungry means that I’m gonna be hungry for a long time#I’m gonna go make some popcorn. I ate the pumpkin brownies Beck gave me so that helps.#I wish I’d thought to ask Hobbs for the leftover pizza slices from Saturday night. ah well.#I’m safe and I will be able to buy groceries after class and I will eat dinner and I’m not in trouble for needing food#it’s okay
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#incurable yap disease#i wonder if theres a medicine that makes people shut up bc surely i need it. i just feel bad for talking a lot idk but ig i just wanna#i wanna eat/drink something but i dont know what#maybe i want an ice cream#popsicle stick#if i go to 711 i will probably buy alcohol lol#i had bamboo soup and baozi for lunch today#wasnt that much but im not hungry rn#bored#im currently reading ‘the myth of sisyphus’ by camus#its pretty dense for me i gotta say. although a lot of it so far does resonate very much#i also cant help but compare many points to some basic buddhist#concepts. For example suffering being an inescapable fact of the indifferent universe and the ‘weariness’ or ความเบื่อหน่าย that arises#in rare moments of clarity#philosophy is kind of a lot to get into but i drive myself crazy by thinking so much anyway may as well give my brain actual substance yk#honestly it just feels like my thoughts are sludge these days#horrible mixture of unidentifiable shapes and liquids#ie egotistical angstlord nonsense and brainrot internet memes#there is nothing worthwhile or interesting in my head so i am not a worthwhile or interesting person when u really get down to it#i read a quote recently somewhere; how u spend ur day is how u spend u life#theres gotta be something more than this state of non-oblivion#if i die right now#well no thanks to me but ive had a pretty good life. so i wouldn’t say it was all wasted#but i just dream of something more. existence at another level#something more purposeful#man i got a stomachache maybe i am hungry#watch me say all this then change nothing
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I will not stop talking about my meds. I got home yesterday with the intent to clean my guinea pig's cage and I actually did it. I washed and cut my hair after that and didn't feel like I wasted my evening. I need to make phone calls today and the dread of not knowing how long it's gonna take isn't hanging over me bc frankly it feels like time has slowed down. I'm actually cooking breakfast with what handful of groceries I have left and then I'm gonna buy more and actually plan a few meals. Life could be a dream
#i am at what i am led to believe is a normal person baseline. and i have coped for so long to achieve while not there.#i think i could learn a new language in the span of a month with how i've been feeling lately#literally the only downside so far is that i've been thirsty as hell but that's probably good for my POTS so??#have also been noticing when i'm hungry and have actually been eating more; i'm getting breakfast every day!!#i was doing that before but i've actually been keeping it up for a week or 2 now!!#gonna try to start adding in some exercise to help my joints; got a 3 pound weight at work bc It Was Right There#and wanna try doing planks again; saw a tip from someone's dentist about flossing that was like#pick one day of the week to do it and try to do it on that day every time; then pick a 2nd day to do it#and i think i wanna go that route; might open comms bc i feel like i can physically keep up with them now#we're gonna have to fucking SMITE me at this point to get me to stop#shai speaks
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girl help my mother has achieved what she couldnt achieve in 23 yrs (give me an ED)
#thanks to the doctor making me go to the nurse this summer and putting me on a 'diet'#WHEN THE NURSE HERSELF SAID I SHOULDNT BE TOO CONCERNED ABT MY WEIGHT bc im young and i shouldnt worry about this#and now my mom wont. stop. making. comments. on what i eat and the excercise i dont do#and the way i eat and when i eat#and its finally eaten at my brain. and now i think about it constantly#and i wanna make it stop bc i cant fucking believe that i didnt listen to her at all when i was at my most vulnerable (a teenager)#but her words have had their effect when i am/should be more ok w myself (not a teenager anymore)#like genuinely how do i stop making myself feel like this and think about this all the time i feel disgusting. i dont enjoy eating anymore#bc im constantly thinking about /not/ eating. or how i shouldnt be eating. or that i shouldnt be hungry#z xarre#AAAAAAANNDDDD i have to go to the n*rse next month to get weighed. and i already know that ill have gained weight. bc at the dorms#i cant like. follow the diet they gave me or whatever. and i eat more and im also hungrier. its so hard to think of eating#as something enjoyable now. literally wanna kms ive never been like this. we've always enjoyed food in my family#bc its the main way we connect and i can connect w my family and my ancestors and my culture.#and i dont wanna stop enjoying food. but the nurse and doctor AND MY MOTHER are making this so hard.#ed mention#weight mention
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grnuinely, how are you supposed to eat when your body won't tell you it's hungry. dafuq
#it's well past dinner time but i'm just. not hungry#as far as i'm aware???#i have ZERO desire to eat#like if my stomach started hungry-hurting right now i still wouldn't actually feel hungry#but i can't go to bed without dinner. and i need to go to bed pretty soon#i turned off my game like 45min ago to make myself go eat and i just. haven't done that#bc what the fuck am i supposed to eat?#food? i'm supposed to eat food? no thanks!#not interested! genuinely!!#fucking FUCK i wish there was a way to put fuel in my body that didn't involve putting it in my mouth#well there is. it's called a feeding tube#but uh. that's not the solution i mean.#can i have like. a pill? a shot? hell even a drink that doesn't feel like food (like a shake or smoothie)#where can i get a glass of iced tea that has the nutients and calories of a full meal#personal#disordered eating tw#just in case
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#This shouldn't be a surprise but seriously no one actually cares about my survival yes I've asked for help why would I get help#I'm functionally nocturnal and I keep staying up for like 48 hours and then sleeping for a day and I never know where I am#Or what day it is or if it's morning or night#Normal humans eat three meals a day and snacks right I think I maybe eat a snack every other day#I just don't feel hunger and my body hurts and cooking is so much effort I don't have#Weed used to help me be able to eat easily but now everything is just so hard and no food in house n cant go to store bc of ptsd too scary#I keep telling people when they ask that I am doing badly and need help but they as always just tell me to go to the store and buy food#Because it should be easy for a normal person!!! That would be such helpful and kind advice if I were normal#But I am not I am severely sick and traumatized and driving hurts so bad and stores give me panic attacks#Seriously if literally nobody cares about my struggling why not just be euthanized at this point?#This problem is so inconvenient to everyone and I have done all I can to convince people that I'm worth the inconvenience but :(#If I were worth talking to or visiting or helping people would have done that and I would be fine but I am not and that's okay#I genuinely don't mind being a husk at all#I'm just weirdly sad about it right now maybe because I think I feel hungry but genuinely I can't tell thanks autism#I also haven't been able to do my t shot in like three or four weeks I keep trying but I literally can't get the needle in :((#I imagine less testosterone in my system also makes me tired and lose my appetite#I'm so fucked up and nobody cares that I start my day at 8pm and am active and reply to emails and shit at 4am#Why would anyone notice that first of all but still. I would notice.#When even strangers are struggling I notice and I will do anything for anyone but it's selfish upon selfish to expect it back I understand#I keep looking for arfid and ed affirmations to help me but I can't find anything good#Genuinely . what the fuck#Just fucking need to be someone's dog feed me walk me put me in a cage teach me how to be better and treat me like I don't know shit#Because I don't I'm so stupid I can't even feed myself I'm dying please help me
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well. today was harrowing.
#a short timeline (cw for emetephobia)#woke up. went to cvs to get my new meds. took said new meds.#went to work. ate breakfast although I was already feeling a little nauseous#just thought I was hungry bc I didn’t eat enough last night#nope. was counting copepods. realized I was gonna puke.#puked in the public restrooms of the biology building.#gross.#felt better. worked some more. ate a small lunch bc I was still a lil nauseous.#got dizzy. thought ‘damnit here we go again’#did not puke. instead: felt dizzy and faint.#this is familiar to me. i have passed out before.#I get to the ground with my water bottle in hand. knees to chest. deep breaths.#this is lasting a lot longer than it usually does.#coworker realizes I’m pale as hell sweating on the floor#other coworker has more first aid training. sits by my side and helps me out of my flannel bc I am Sweating Profusely.#vision finally starts to clear.#now I am in terrible stomach pain.#double over and try not to cry.#once i can stand again: coworker helps me to bathroom.#in there for A While.#I lived bitch.#still shaky. coworker drives me home.#Bathroom.#I am NOT taking those meds again tomorrow.#this has been: sef’s fucking medical history post or whatever#Jesus.
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eating my dinner of one squashed heirloom tomato which i dropped shortly after picking it, sliced with salt and pepper on it, with chopsticks and while standing in the middle of my room
#was very good to be fair#i love tomatoes......#i am hoping my stomach doesnt reject it but anytime i eat anything it dedicates the next several days#to trying to kill me for fun#and now to get crossfaded perhaps. i got discount edibles but they dont have cbd which is perhaps what lets me sleep thru the night#rather then sleep for approximately 1 hour n then wake up in extreme pain and lay there until its time to go to work. still in extreme pain#least favorite part of my life right now for sure#was not worth the heavy discount#man that was a good tomato.....#im so fucking hungry rn bc i have not been able to eat for a While but also very aware that Eating Hurts#sighhhh. its fine. i am over it.#my sole pair of jeans is currently too loose to stay up. luckily my shorts have a drawstring#i should honestly just put drawstring closures on all my pants... so much more comfy
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"Here," it's... it's just bread. It's a bun, sure large enough to still some amount of hunger, but it's just bread. And yet, María holds it in front of Patrick with the face of someone who'd consider it a criminal offense to refuse it. Nevermind that she's stolen it from one of the banquets. "Just making sure you're eating." ((RUH-ROH it's Len again~ and I promise I forgot about the Peeta bread thing until I re-read this IGNORE THAT--!! FDKLGJDLAJSGF Hope you didn't end up getting sick BUT IF YOU DID HOPE YOU'RE RESTING AND FEELING BETTER SOON 🥺)) || okay but panem is also known as the nation of bread & circuses– ( unprompted w/ @mythvoiced )
He doesn’t eat much in the Capitol.
Which is ironic, seeing how most of his life before the games, Patrick was always hungry. Always trying between schooling and factory shifts to figure out when his next meal was going to come. Why else would he and Hyuk have taken out tesserae all those years ago? It was preferable, playing the odds in the Reaping to starving for the rest of the year.
Nowadays, food is the least of his concerns. Whereas there is still a dearth in District Three, there is surplus in the Capitol. No surplus isn’t the right word; a surplus would mean the Capitol keeps the extra for the future. No, there is an excess of food in the Capitol, an excess that is dumped and left to rot after the pigs have had their share, have had their fun.
When he remembers that, food in the Capitol, no matter how finely it’s been prepared, becomes disgusting. Repulsive when it is combined with the thought of the districts, his people, still starving and fighting one another for the Capitol’s ‘scraps’. One plate is enough for Patrick to feel the bile swish in his stomach and even crawl back up his throat– how is he supposed to enjoy this filth now?
(But of course the Capitol has a way of perverting everything. Who else would have invented a liquid that makes one vomit what was just digested to make room for more food?)
“You didn’t have to,” is the first set of words to come out of his mouth, however. It’s such a childish gesture on her part; as a victor, she and her family should have more than enough riches to cover for food whether she’s in the Capitol or her own district. That and it’s considered normal to take leftovers from these banquets.
And yet, she’s staring him down like they are in covenance– it’s odd…strange how the things the Capitol deem sacred, she’ll approach with the irreverence of a foreigner and yet with the most mundane of objects, like a loaf of bread, most likely one of the hundred baked today and will be replicated tomorrow, like it is worth the weight of gold. He takes a hold of María’s loot. The loaf is still warm, freshly out of the oven, he wants to believe. Like it came from one of the bakeries in say, District 12, rather than a Capitol banquet table. Does she look at the Capitol and its elaborate feasts the same way? District Eight is probably just as bad if not even worse than his own district when it comes to food shortages so maybe her thievery makes sense.
When one has gone without food for long enough, no amount of surplus is enough to satiate the insecurity. He knows that feeling all too well. His stomach growls in anticipation. “…Normally, the Capitol likes to have this with caviar.” A delicacy from District Four along with butter shipped from District Ten. He splits the loaf in two, the inside crackling and breaking into two crisp pieces. “But I think…I think it tastes just as delicious on its own.” He hands María one half while taking a bite out of the other. “Take the other half; I can’t finish it on my own.”
It tastes delicious.
#vomit cw#not that he actually does but there is mention of it#mythvoiced#mythvoiced ( maría. )#anger said her real name was grief ( maría. )#the victor ( verse three. )#the victor ( answered. )#AND HERE I AM NOW IN THE DEPRESSO VERSE :'DDDD#not me SOBBING first over the reference to the bread.... :'D pe*eta is my darling nobody does it like him </3#hahaha not me with this hc that...#probably the victors in the outlier districts have complicated relationships with food#just bc a lot of them probably?? suffered from food insecurity??#and then you go to the capitol and suddenly there's an abundance.....#at the price of the districts starving... :///#that's gotta trigger some complicated reactions in the victors especially#so in patrick's case#it's not just that he's not hungry but that seeing the excess is...repulsive to him in most cases#(aka more trauma that since he doesn't actually acknowledge ends up manifesting physically....)#BUT FOR MARÍA!!!! HE WOULD EAT FOR HER :'D HE WOULD SHARE WITH HER TOO BC THAT'S WHAT HE DOES WHEN HE GOT FOOD BACK THEN#he'd share with his loved ones :'D#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK IT WAS VERY STIMULATING TO ANSWER :DDDD (the others are on their way too <3 )#ALSO THANK FOR UR WELL WISHES....i am feeling much better now <3#a question of justice ( answered. )
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screaming in the club
time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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