#my dad asked if I ate anything and I genuinely had to think for a second lol

[nervocat]

Sometimes I forget abt my hunger. Unless I'm made aware of it and ppl start to worry I haven't eaten much today

[muiitoloko]

Hi, first of anything I love and ate up every single thing you wrote. That said I NEED a story where Sev is about to be a dad, they are both in the last week of pregnancy just waiting for the moment the little girl (why do we all see him as a baby girl dad tho?) and he's just reflexive on how his life is right now after suffering so much and thinking he would die alone. If you want to add the birth and baby birth that's even better 💔 thanks.

Title: The Twin Stars in Snape's World

Summary: Severus's world shifts entirely with the birth of his daughters, filling the shadows of his past with light and love that he never thought he’d experience.

Pairing: Severus Snape × Fem! Reader

Warnings: None

Author's Notes: It’s not exactly what you asked for, but I was already working on a third chapter for my fanfic Daddy Snape's Dilemma, and your request totally nudged me to finish it up and post it! Hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!

First, Second and Third part here.

Also read on Ao3

The final week of your pregnancy arrived, and Severus Snape was, without a doubt, more nervous than you had ever seen him. Over the past months, his protectiveness had gradually intensified, but now, as you neared the end, it had reached an almost comical extreme. He refused to let you out of his sight, shadowing your every move with the intensity of a hawk, his tall, lean figure looming close no matter where you went.

At Hogwarts, his vigilance took on a new form. Snape had all but bullied Dumbledore into hiring a temporary teacher to cover your Ancient Runes classes. You could tell Dumbledore found the whole thing rather amusing, indulging Snape’s demands with a patient, almost fatherly tolerance. As for Snape, there was no humor in it—his determination was fueled by what seemed to be genuine, bone-deep fear.

Instead of teaching, you were relegated to a bedroom at the back of the Potions classroom, with Snape popping in between his own lessons to check on you. You had never seen him so anxious, his usual stoic facade cracking more with each passing day. He would pace outside your quarters, shoulders tense, the dark circles under his eyes deepening. Despite his best efforts to hide it, he was deeply stressed, behaving as if he were the one about to give birth.

You noticed that this worry manifested in another unexpected way: the matter of naming your daughters. Every day he would bring you lists, scrolls of parchment filled with options he had painstakingly compiled, poring over the names with the same scrutiny he’d apply to brewing a delicate, dangerous potion. Each name had to be perfect, meaningful, and worthy.

He had presented you with everything from mythological names to obscure, poetic words he’d found in ancient texts. You, however, had a different approach. “Severus,” you said one evening as he handed you yet another list, his expression serious, “I know you want to have everything planned, but… we’ll know their names when we see them. Don’t you think?”

Snape’s gaze turned sharp, his dark eyes narrowing slightly as if the suggestion was almost sacrilegious. “And what if we don’t?” he retorted, his voice low and pointed. “What if we look at them and realize we’ve failed to give them names that reflect who they are meant to be?”

You bit back a smile, reaching out to touch his hand, feeling the tension radiate from his slender, calloused fingers. “Severus, we won’t fail them just because we haven’t decided on names yet. They’re our daughters—they’ll be extraordinary no matter what we call them.”

He sighed, his shoulders relaxing a fraction as he looked down at you, the intensity in his gaze softening. “I’m merely trying to… prepare. It is my responsibility as their father to see to it that they have everything they need—even a name that will protect them from the start.”

His protectiveness tugged at your heart, and you squeezed his hand. “You’re already giving them everything they need, Severus. They’ll have you.”

Snape’s expression shifted, a rare vulnerability flickering across his angular face, though he quickly hid it. “Yes, well…” he muttered, glancing away. “I still believe we should at least shortlist a few options.”

Over the next few days, you managed to narrow down the lists together, though every time you thought you’d settled on something, he’d return with yet another alternative he deemed equally worthy. It became almost endearing, watching him struggle with his need for control over something as uncontrollable as birth.

You chuckled one evening, teasing him, “You do realize, Severus, that the girls might decide their names for us? They could arrive and look nothing like any of these.”

His frown deepened, though a hint of amusement flickered in his dark eyes. “They will look like you,” he replied, his voice almost possessive, as though that was an immutable fact. “And if they resemble you, then any name I choose will be worthy.”

In the quiet moments, you could see past his impatience, his need for everything to be just so. He was terrified. The great, imposing Severus Snape, who had faced dangers most wizards could scarcely imagine, was terrified of this unknown journey. And though he hid it behind his meticulous planning, his anxiety was evident in every line he wrote, every name he researched.

One night, as he sat beside you, poring over yet another scroll, you couldn’t help but place your hand over his, stilling his movements. “Severus,” you said softly, your voice gentle, “it’s all right to be scared.”

He didn’t pull his hand away, but he didn’t meet your eyes, his jaw tight. “I am not afraid,” he replied, though his tone lacked conviction. His voice was softer, almost strained. “I simply… cannot afford any mistakes. Not with them. Not with you.”

You placed a hand on your belly, feeling a gentle kick as if one of the babies could sense his unease. You guided his hand to the spot, letting him feel the movement.

“They’re already telling us they’re fine,” you whispered, smiling as his eyes softened, a faint blush creeping up his pale cheeks. “And you’re going to be an incredible father.”

For a brief moment, the tension melted from his face, replaced by a rare, unguarded expression. He watched you, his hand lingering on your belly, his thumb tracing small, soothing circles over the spot where he’d felt the kick.

“Two girls,” he murmured, almost to himself, his voice filled with a strange mixture of awe and dread. “I don’t know if I’m prepared for this.”

You leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, your heart swelling with love for this man who had, against all odds, become so much more than you’d ever dreamed possible. “You’ll be ready, Severus,” you assured him, your voice full of conviction. “They’re already lucky to have you.”

In that moment, as he held you close, his face buried in your shoulder, you knew that no matter what names were chosen, no matter how unprepared he felt, your daughters would be loved beyond measure. And for Severus, that was the truest magic of all.

Snape sat at his desk, his gaze flickering over the rows of students carefully attempting the day’s potion. A faint curl of distaste tugged at his lips as he caught sight of Potter, who, as usual, seemed perilously close to ruining his cauldron’s contents. Snape had already reprimanded him once that morning, his words slicing through the dungeon air with the sharpness he reserved for the boy. Yet now, as he sat in silence, the other students barely daring to breathe, his attention drifted elsewhere, pulled toward thoughts far removed from the dungeons of Hogwarts.

Just behind him, a faint rustle and creak filtered through the door to your shared quarters. The faint sounds of movement as you stirred from sleep. A warmth crept into his chest, breaking through the stoic shell he maintained with such precision.

As his gaze returned to the students before him, he felt the familiar, bittersweet pang of Lily’s memory—his first love, and his greatest regret. For so long, her shadow had been his constant companion, filling him with a cold, unrelenting ache. Protecting her son had become his purpose, his penance. And after her death, he had accepted that this mission would likely be the only meaning his life would ever have. There had been a time when he thought he might die carrying it out—perhaps even hoped for it.

But then you had entered his life.

A sigh escaped his lips, almost inaudible beneath the simmering of potions and the scratch of quills. The world had shifted when you came into it, and now, with the prospect of your daughters’ arrival in only three days, he felt that shift more acutely than ever. A sense of purpose, something wholly separate from his debt to Lily, had taken root within him.

You had given him a reason to live that went beyond atonement. The life growing within you, two delicate lives entwined with his own, felt like a redemption he had never believed possible. For the first time, he could imagine a future not defined by sacrifice and solitude, but by something richer, something gentler.

Snape’s hand tightened briefly around the edge of his desk, and he watched his students, their heads bent over their cauldrons, oblivious to his thoughts. He had spent years mastering his emotions, transforming them into weapons, shields, armor against the outside world. But now, he realized that he could no longer afford to wield that armor so thoughtlessly.

These children, his daughters—they would be born into a world fractured by war, a world where he had a role to play in the coming darkness. Yet for them, he could not allow himself the luxury of despair or surrender. For the first time, he couldn’t imagine simply fading away into the shadows after Voldemort’s defeat. It was no longer an option to leave this life without knowing that his daughters would grow up strong, safe, and surrounded by the kind of love he had never known.

As the thought took root, Snape’s jaw tightened, a new resolve settling over him like a cloak. He would survive this war. He would survive, not because of some duty to the past, but because of a responsibility to the future—to his family. He would see his daughters grow up; he would teach them, protect them, stand by their side as they learned about the world and perhaps even found their own places in it.

For once, the prospect of living beyond the war held something other than pain. A faint vision of two young girls, with bright eyes and curious minds, drifted through his mind. His daughters, growing up, asking questions about the stars, about potions, perhaps even about love. And you—by his side, guiding them with the warmth he could only hope to echo.

The shrill sound of a student’s cauldron hissing sharply brought him back to the present. He narrowed his eyes at the offending student, who paled under his glare and quickly adjusted the heat, stammering an apology. Snape stood up abruptly, his dark eyes narrowing as he prepared to address the room. But before he could say a word, a loud crash echoed through the dungeons as the door to his quarters burst open.

He whipped around, dark eyes narrowing, but whatever sharp retort had been on his lips vanished as he took in the sight before him.

There you stood, gripping the doorway, your face flushed, one hand braced against your lower back and the other cradling your rounded belly. The look on your face was equal parts determination and alarm, but it was the words that followed that sent his heart racing.

“It’s happening,” you gasped, your voice shaky but clear.

For a moment, Snape stood frozen, your words echoing in his mind, the meaning of them almost surreal. Happening? He glanced down, his mind racing. Surely not—

His thoughts halted abruptly as Ron Weasley’s voice, loud and tactless, filled the silence. “Why’s she peeing herself in front of everyone?”

Hermione’s horrified gasp quickly followed, and she smacked him on the arm, whispering furiously, “She’s not peeing herself, Ron! Her water’s broken! She’s giving birth!”

That was all it took to snap Snape out of his stunned stupor. The babies were coming—now. Much earlier than planned. His eyes widened, and he lunged from behind his desk, moving to your side in an instant, his usual composure nowhere in sight.

“Merlin,” he muttered under his breath, one hand hovering awkwardly near you, unsure whether to support you or hold back in case he only made things worse. “You… you’re sure?” he stammered, though he immediately realized how absurd that question was.

You managed a small, pained laugh. “Quite sure, Severus.”

His mind raced as he attempted to regain his bearings. The portkey to St. Mungo’s—they’d had it prepared weeks ago, but it had seemed more like an overcautious precaution at the time. Now, with the urgency of the situation hitting him, he felt his calm shatter.

He shot a look around the classroom, and his gaze landed on the nearest student—Hermione Granger, who was watching with wide eyes, clearly understanding the seriousness of the situation. “Miss Granger,” he barked, his voice laced with barely concealed panic, “fetch Professor McGonagall. Tell her to cover this class immediately.”

Hermione jumped to her feet, nodding fervently as she dashed from the room, her own nervous energy amplifying the urgency. Meanwhile, Snape turned back to you, his heart racing as he tried to mask his worry.

“Severus,” you breathed, clutching his arm. “The portkey—”

He nodded quickly, releasing a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Yes, of course.” His hand moved to his robes, fingers fumbling as he retrieved the small, inconspicuous glass vial enchanted to transport you both directly to St. Mungo’s.

He held the vial up to you, and you grabbed it, your other hand gripping his arm tightly as the room around you vanished in a whirl of colors. The bustling noise of Hogwarts faded, replaced by the sterile quiet of the St. Mungo’s ward as you both landed in the reception area, nearly stumbling from the sudden shift in location.

A Healer rushed toward you both, her eyes widening as she took in the scene. “Mrs. Snape—oh my, it’s early!” she exclaimed, gesturing to an available stretcher as she signaled to her colleagues. “Let’s get you to a delivery room.”

Snape’s hands hovered near you, his face a mixture of worry and focus as he helped you onto the stretcher. As the Healers moved you down the hallway, he kept pace beside you, his long strides easily matching their quick pace. He reached out to take your hand, gripping it tightly as you squeezed back, the intensity of the contractions beginning to set in.

“You’re doing fine,” he murmured, his deep voice steadier than he felt. “Just breathe.”

A faint smile crossed your face despite the pain. “Severus Snape, giving breathing advice. Now I’ve seen everything.”

He quirked an eyebrow, though his expression softened. “Mock me all you like, but keep breathing.”

The Healers moved efficiently, ushering you into the delivery room and setting you up as Snape hovered close, his dark gaze flicking anxiously between you and the medical staff. He could feel the old fear surfacing—the fear of the unknown, the helplessness of standing by while others took over. But your hand in his grounded him, your presence reminding him that he was exactly where he needed to be.

A Healer turned to him, her expression calm and reassuring. “It may take a few hours, Professor. These things are rarely quick, and with twins…”

Snape’s jaw tightened, but he nodded, settling into a chair beside you, his hand never leaving yours.

Hours passed, though they felt like mere minutes to him. He was acutely aware of every moment—the sound of your breathing, the tightening of your grip during contractions, the reassuring words from the Healers. He remained silent, his face a mask of concentration, his own discomfort forgotten in his focus on you.

The hours stretched, each contraction increasing the tension in the room. Severus remained by your side, his hand firmly gripping yours, his dark eyes watching every move the Healers made with suspicion. But the moment the lead Healer suggested you get up and walk to help progress the labor, his calm snapped.

“Walk?” His voice, usually controlled and low, rose sharply, filled with uncharacteristic alarm. “You expect her to walk in this state? Are you out of your minds?”

The Healer, a kindly-looking witch with graying hair, gave Severus a reassuring smile, accustomed to nervous fathers. “Professor Snape,” she began gently, “encouraging movement can help speed things along. It’s quite common, especially with twins.”

Severus’s mouth opened and closed a few times, his face paling even more. “Common?” he echoed incredulously, his gaze darting from you to the Healer. “My wife is in labor, Madam, with twins, and you want her to walk about like she’s merely out for a stroll?”

Despite the contractions, you couldn’t help but chuckle at his outburst. “Severus,” you managed between breaths, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “It’s fine. I can walk a little.”

He looked at you, his dark eyes wide with concern, clearly torn. The thought of you enduring even the smallest discomfort was driving him nearly mad. “If—if you’re certain…” he muttered, though his grip on your arm was firm as he helped you out of bed, as if preparing to catch you at the slightest misstep.

The Healer guided you both down the hall for a short, careful walk, Severus muttering under his breath with every step, shooting fierce looks at any Healer who dared suggest you keep moving. When you paused, wincing as another contraction hit, he practically growled at the Healer. “If there’s any risk to my wife or our daughters…” He let the threat linger, his face a mask of furious protectiveness.

Finally, you were able to return to the bed, and though the labor continued slowly, Severus remained at your side, holding your hand and murmuring soft reassurances. His fingers trembled slightly as he brushed back your hair, the love and worry in his gaze evident even as he tried to keep his composure.

It was nearly dawn when the sound of footsteps echoed down the hall, followed by a cheerful voice that could only belong to Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster entered, his arms laden with trinkets, including tiny stuffed owls, a miniature cauldron, and a set of rattles that jingled softly. He looked as though he had raided the entire children’s section of Diagon Alley.

“Severus, my boy!” he called warmly, his blue eyes twinkling as he approached. “I heard there was a new arrival or two on the way. Ah, and Minerva!” He turned, gesturing as Professor McGonagall entered, a faintly amused smile on her face as she took in Severus’s tense form by your bedside.

Dumbledore began to hand out trinkets, placing the little toys on the table near your bed, each accompanied by a soft hum and a lemon drop he popped into his mouth with relish. “The finest wares from Diagon Alley,” he declared, his tone bright. “Only the best for the future Misses Snape!”

Minerva moved closer to you, her expression softening as she reached for your hand. “How are you holding up, dear?” she asked, her Scottish accent laced with warmth. “Severus here has kept us all quite informed on your progress. I daresay I’ve never seen him in such a state.”

“Nor has anyone else, I assure you,” you replied, managing a tired smile. Severus shot Minerva a look that could have melted cauldrons, though his hand never left yours.

Dumbledore continued to rummage through his collection, holding up a small toy wand that emitted a shower of harmless sparks. “I thought this might suit,” he said with a wink. “We must start their magical education early.”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the Healers gave the signal. Severus held your hand tightly, his face a mix of awe and terror as the final stage of labor began. You saw a single tear slip down his usually composed face, his grip tightening as he whispered, “You’re incredible. I— I am so proud of you.”

The Healers wheeled you down a quiet, dimly lit corridor, Severus’s tall, shadowy form looming beside you, never letting you out of his sight. His dark eyes, usually hardened and calculating, were softened with a mixture of awe and profound vulnerability as he took in every detail of the room being prepared for the birth of your daughters.

The faint echoes of magical murmurs from the Healers filled the room as they adjusted the equipment and spells needed. Severus moved to your side, his long, slender fingers brushing against your hand with a tentative gentleness. You could feel his nervous energy, the intense worry that he tried so desperately to mask beneath his stoic exterior.

As the contractions intensified, he bent down, his pale, angular face close to yours, his hair falling forward to shield his expression. His deep voice, usually sharp and guarded, softened as he whispered, “I’m here. You’re not alone, amore.”

The Healers instructed him to step back slightly, readying themselves for the delivery. Though he complied, his piercing gaze never left you, as if he were willing every ounce of his strength to help you through this moment.

Moments later, the room filled with a powerful, almost sacred silence as the first cry rang out—a thin, wailing sound that sent a tremor through Severus. One of the Healers approached, cradling a tiny, wriggling form swaddled in soft white fabric, and extended her towards Severus. His expression froze, and for a split second, he seemed almost paralyzed by fear.

The Healer’s voice was gentle. “Would you like to hold your daughter, Professor Snape?”

He nodded, though his hands trembled as he reached out. Carefully, she placed the baby in his arms, her tiny face peeking out from the blanket, her features so delicate and small they seemed otherworldly. Severus looked down at her, his dark eyes filled with a mixture of wonder and disbelief. His usually cold demeanor melted away, replaced by an intense, overwhelming tenderness that softened every line of his face.

“She’s…” His voice faltered, thick with emotion. His eyes glistened, and he swallowed hard, blinking back tears as he took in every detail—the soft curve of her cheeks, her tiny fingers curling into fists, her miniature nose. She was perfect, and in that moment, he realized he would do anything to protect her. He bent his head, his deep voice a reverent whisper. “You’re perfect.”

Just as Severus seemed to settle into the awe of holding his daughter, your voice cut through, strained yet filled with strength as the next contraction began. He looked up, his dark gaze flickering between you and the tiny life cradled in his arms, torn between staying with his newborn daughter and being by your side.

“Severus,” you managed, breathless, a smile breaking through the exhaustion, “go on… be there for her.”

He nodded, his gaze lingering on you for a beat, his expression raw with admiration, before he gently passed the baby to a nearby Healer, ensuring she would be safe. He crossed the room quickly, his dark robes sweeping behind him as he returned to your side, his long fingers slipping back into yours. You felt his grip, firm and unyielding, grounding you, as he whispered encouragements, his voice unsteady yet filled with pride.

Minutes later, a second cry filled the room, high and clear, and you saw Severus’s shoulders tremble with relief and elation. One of the Healers brought over the second newborn, a twin as delicate and perfect as her sister, and Severus stared at her, his heart swelling in his chest.

“She’s beautiful,” he murmured, almost to himself, his voice choked with a depth of feeling he rarely revealed. He took her into his arms, his slender fingers cradling her small head, his thumb gently tracing her cheek. His usually cold, intimidating face softened into something unrecognizable, a fierce love that lit his dark eyes with an intensity that left you breathless.

As he held her, the first Healer approached, bringing the other twin over to you, her tiny face nestled in the blanket. Your heart filled as you looked down at her, at the small, precious life you had brought into the world. In that moment, the room felt full of magic, not the kind that could be taught or brewed, but the kind that was born out of love, pure and unconditional.

Severus looked over at you, his expression softened beyond recognition, his piercing gaze filled with an almost painful tenderness as he watched you holding your daughter. For once, his stoic mask was gone, replaced by the vulnerability of a man who had finally found something worth living—and dying—for.

“They have your eyes,” you whispered, noting the dark lashes and tiny features, a hint of his unmistakable presence in them already.

He nodded, speechless, his voice catching as he tried to speak. When he finally found his words, they were barely above a whisper, his voice thick with emotion. “They’ll have your spirit… your kindness. And they’ll know they are loved.” His gaze met yours, a profound, unspoken promise shimmering in his eyes.

He reached out, his long fingers gently touching your cheek, and for the first time, you saw the walls he had so carefully built around his heart crumble, replaced by the love he had tried so hard to hide. Here, in this room, with his daughters in his arms and you by his side, Severus Snape had found his redemption. And it was more beautiful than he could have ever imagined.

[billieeilishmommy]

just so you know,, i know

in which you have been more sad recently, causing you to not want to do anything, not even hang out with your girlfriend. and she knows somethings wrong

a/n please yall this is my first angst fanfic with billie,, and i kinda used my own personal life for this guys sorry if it's specific,, use of y/n

tw depression, mentions of not eating, crying, cussing, mentions of sh, loss of family

(if you are not comfortable reading things with those topics do not be afraid to stop reading! and know im here for you. your not alone, i love you all and your here for a reason babies)

ever since you lost your dad, you haven't been acting the same. yeah, your dad wasn't around, but that doesn't change the fact that its your dad. apart of you is missing now and you wont be able to get it back.

obviously billie has been with you the whole time, but eventually she had to go because of her music and you understood that, honestly you would rather be alone, of course you loves billie being there though.

you were currently laying in your bed, surrounded by plates and cups, most of them having food in them since you couldn't bring yourself to finish them, but it made you feel overwhelmed, but you just couldn't get yourself up to clean it.

all you wanted to do is lay there and think about this, everything bad was happening to you and you don't know why.

the last time billie was at your house was around 2 days ago, and you haven't talked to her since then. you wanted to, but you didn't want to look on your phone because you knew that you would feel guilty for not responding so you didn't. you laid on your bed watching your comfort shows and youtubers over and over again until you found some sort of relaxation.

all you were thinking about is how this grief will never go away. its stuck with you forever no matter what.

eventually you'll start to live with it and continue on with how you used to be, but not right now. all you wanted was comfort but you also just didn't want to be around anyone.

a few days later, the last time you've ate was around 3 days ago and the last time you've talked to billie was 7 days ago. you missed her, and who knows what she thinks about you. hell, she probably thought you blocked her. that was why she came into your room with no notice, just showed up.

"y/n? are you okay? you haven't talked to me?-" she says, cutting herself off as she steps in your room

"hi billie" you say quietly, your voice hoarse since the last time you've talked was ages ago.

"are you okay baby?" she says to you, not worried about all the trash and plates on the floor, she immediately sits beside you, "sit up for me princess. tell me whats wrong"

your eyes immediately start to fill with tears, and before you can get a word out the tears start falling and you can't get them to stop

"its okay hun" billie says to you softly and wraps her arms around you and gently kisses your forehead.

"billie i can't-" you cut yourself off with heavy breathing.

"yes you can my love, you can breathe okay, you can talk okay, your okay." she reassures you and it helps you calm down a lot.

"are you okay now baby?" she says quietly to you.

"i think so.." you sniffle, wiping the tears from your face.

"whens the last time you've gotten up love?" she asks you, worried. all you do is just shrug in embarrassment.

"its okay baby, have you ate any today or do you want me to make you something?" she asks you in a comforting tone, she knows just how to talk to you.

"im not hungry." you protest and put your head on your knees.

she gives you a look, knowing that your lying. "what do you want me to make you baby?" she asks, cuping your cheek.

"nothing, im not hungry" you say, in a colder tone this time and she nods, not wanting to make you uncomfortable in any way.

"are you okay my love?" she asks softly

"no bils.. i can't do this anymore." you sniffle into her shoulder, genuinely so tired.

"baby don't say that. how about you come over to my house for a few days? you can shower at my house and ill make you food and ill get you a drink at canes, i know you like their lemonade." she says and rubs your thigh.

you nod in response, you stand up for the first time in a while with the intentions to actually go out. "are you hot?" she asks you, you have on a sweatshirt and pajama pants, obviously you were sweating like a mother fucker, but you had to hide your scars.

billie knew that you struggled with this before, but she didn't know that you started again, so you had to lie and say "no im not, im cold actually"

"okay baby, do you want me to turn the heat on in the car?" she asks you

great you think, eventually your gonna have to tell her.

"noo its fine baby" you say to her quietly and she nods at you, taking you to her car.

--------------------------------------------------------

did this eat yall

[jjmaybanksgun]

Affection - JJ Maybank (Part 2)

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Author’s note: here’s part 2 of this story after like forever. find part one here. enjoy and send requests if you want! (please note, they may take a while to write, but they’ll be in the works and published in due time!)

Warnings: cursing, fighting, jj being drunk, angstttt, mentions of l*ke maybank and abuse

———————————————————————

It had been three months since you’d left JJ at the chateau. Every time you see him in public, you make eye contact and immediately look away so he doesn’t get any ideas. 

JJ on the other hand could barely stop thinking about you. He always wanted to text you, call you, try to get you back, but he never was able to bring himself to do it. He didn’t want you thinking he was weak or vulnerable so you could use it to your advantage. He was always taught to keep himself at a distance so no one could take advantage of him. He always had to be in control. What was he if not strong? He remembered his dad’s beatings and how he would make his punches worse when he started crying, telling him to “man the hell up.” 

His thoughts ate away at him and he needed a way to get his mind off of it. The very solution came when he heard there was a party over at the beach. He forced himself up and went to where the party was.

Little did he know, you were there too. You didn’t see him as you talked to some other people at the party. He saw you and froze in place for a few seconds. He cleared his throat and decided to try and ignore you.

He eventually decided alcohol was the best distraction from you. That proves ineffective for him. He ends up just noticing you more. What catches his attention however, is when you start smiling and talking with a guy.

If looks could kill, the guy would be dead immediately. He glared at you both as you laughed and the guy started getting touchy with you. Before JJ could process it, before he could stop himself from doing something stupid, he was on top of the guy and landing many blows to his face.

“Don’t fucking touch her!” He slurs, his punches unrelenting. You immediately grabbed JJ by his shoulders and with effort, pulled him away from the guy who was now bleeding.

“JJ, what the fuck?!” You scolded as you took him away from the party and to somewhere quieter. “What the hell were you thinking?!”

JJ grunted and avoided your angry gaze as he tried to calm down. He eventually did look at you and his gaze immediately softened even when yours didn’t. He felt his eyes fill with tears. He tried to blink them back. Even when drunk, he didn’t want to be vulnerable. He inevitably failed and felt his knees buckle as he sobbed.

“I’m sorry… I’m so s-sorry… I’m a fucking idiot…” He cries, his arms coming up to hug your waist and burying his face into your shirt.

You were taken aback by his sudden show of emotions. You kneeled down to his level and took his face in your hands, making him look at you. 

“JJ, are you okay? What is going on?” You ask, concerned for him. You’d never seen him like this. Not even close. Now he was apologizing.

He averts his eyes away from yours. He looks anywhere except where you are. He can’t look at you.

“I’m so fucking stupid…” He whimpers. “I should’ve… I should’ve told you how much you meant to me… I should’ve hugged you and kissed you and given you all the love you deserve… But I was so fucking stupid… I am stupid…” 

You looked at him with saddened eyes. His cries were so raw, so genuine, it was hard not to hug him. But you figured you shouldn’t until you found out everything.

“You’re not stupid, JJ. Just tell me everything, okay?” You prompted. You wanted him to feel safe enough to talk to you.

He took a few ragged breaths before speaking. “I just… It was my dad… He never showed me anything like you did… He never hugged me or showed me any form of affection…” He explains. “When you did, I didn’t know how to show it back without being cold and distant like he does… I know that’s no excuse…” 

Your heart hurt when you realized it was his dad’s fault. You felt so much empathy for his situation that it was hard to be mad at him anymore. You slowly wrapped your arms around him and held him tight.

He tensed up at your touch for a moment before letting himself melt into it and reluctantly hugging you back.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I���m an idiot.”

“No, you’re not. Don’t ever think that.” You reassured him.

You two sat there for a while before eventually standing up and walking to the chateau to put JJ to bed. You walked inside and brought him to his room, laying him down on his bed. He groaned and curled up into the messed up sheets. 

You smiled softly as you watched him look somewhat at peace while he fell asleep. He looked up at you with those pretty blue eyes of his.

“Can you stay, please?” He asked, sounding like an innocent little boy.

You couldn’t resist that innocent stare and slowly climbed in next to him. You wrapped your arms around him and he did the same to you, kissing your forehead.

Fast forward a month, and you two officially started dating again. He still struggled to fully show you physical affection but he made more of an effort to try. And as long as you both understood each other, you were both happy.

[apollos-olives]

i really liked hearing you talking about the geography of the west bank. id love to hear more about what you love about palestine if you want to talk about it. if not i hope u have a good day! i’m sorry anons are being so weird to you and i hope this ask doesn’t cross any boundaries

i've talked about a lottt of different things i love about palestine, but i can talk a bit more about the old city in nablus if you'd like :)

the old city is where you go if you want to find anything and everything. there are hundreds of shops and vendors and you get to meet so many different people and experience so many different things, it's so cool. over the shops and buildings are decorations and long cloths and banners that are colored in so many different ways, and they provide shade on hot days and sometimes the colors reflect off of the buildings and the ground so everywhere you go you're engulfed in bright and beautiful colors as you walk through the streets.

you can find a lot of different shops there, and they usually have huge portions of their products on display so you can pick and choose personally and serve yourself on what you'd like to buy. people who sell spices or nuts have HUGE bags of them and you get to grab a plastic kilo bag and fill up as much as you'd like. people who sell candy and gummies do the same thing, so you get to choose however much you want to fill up your bag. my family almost never is able to eat gummies where we live because it's not halal, so whenever we're in palestine we fill up kilos upon kilos of gummies in bags so we can take them back home and eat them :)) my uncle says the gummies they sell in palestine aren't halal either but whatever man where is the whimsy 😔😔 let us have this. the last time my dad went, he came back with a kilo bag of gummies after i asked him to bring some when he returned, so for months i kept the bag of gummies and slowly ate them. i finished the bag a while ago but i loveeeee gummies and whenever i find ones i'm allowed to eat, i'm very excited about it. i cannot escape my inner child.

there are many refreshments that you can find too. in the summers lots of vendors sell ice cream and slushies (as most places do, i assume) and different juices, one of them is 'tamar hindi' which is a drink you'll often see around ramadan and eid. there are stores that sell different pickled vegetables in barrels, and they'll even let you take some out directly and eat them so you can taste and choose which ones you prefer. of course there are lots of food places, but ohhhh my god there was one shawarma place in nablus that i went to that had the BEST shawarma i've ever eaten in my life. like by FAR it was one of the most delicious things i've ever eaten in my entire life and i'm not exaggerating. i yearn for a shawarma as good as the one i had in nablus. wallahi it was genuinely mind blowing. yall don't understand how good it was. i cry and sob over it all the time.

you can also find lots of clothes!! from our traditional palestinian abayas to modern t-shirts, you can find tons. a lot of the stuff that is sold in palestinian territories is bootleg, because real brands are hard to find their way in through the occupation. because of that, some of the more "modern" stuff is really low quality. i bought a belt from the old city and only was able to wear it once before it literally crumbled in my hands. it CRUMBLED. for 50 shekel too 😭😭😭 absolute shame. that's why i think it's more reliable to buy the traditional stuff, like tatreez designs, because at least that stuff is actually real.

there are jewlery shops too!! they're full of gorgeous designs and you can often find evil eye jewelry in a lot of places. i absolutely love the evil eye design and i have a lotttt of evil eye jewelry. some muslims disapprove though, but whatever. i just think it looks nice. i like its meaning too. interesting stuff to me.

palestinians use different types of currencies too!! we often use the israeli shekel, but that's slowly becoming out of use 🤷‍♂️ but we also use the jordanian dinar, and we even use american dollars, usd, to buy stuff.

OH LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE KNAFEH SHOP !! nablus is famous for knafeh. we're like. THE knafeh city. there's a very VERY famous old white-bearded man who owns the famous knafeh shop of nablus and you can almost always find him every day making knafeh. his place always has a huge amount of people there, watching him as he makes the knafeh right in front of them and then serves it out to everyone. genuinely THE knafeh of all time. him and his knafeh are a very cherished part of our city.

i'm sure there are MANY more things i can go on about, but i hope this was interesting to you! thank you for asking :)

[maeral33n]

Some headcanons for Veneer as promised:

Veneer

Used to be a huge Taylor Swift fan (still kind of is)

But nowadays he listens to Troy Sivan, Britney Spears and a bit of Marina from time to time.

Despite not being a huge heavy metal fan, he has listened to Sleep Token several times and has a few of their songs on his Spotify playlist (no I am not projecting trust)

Like he lowkey does not understand what they’re singing about but it sounds kinda hot so.

I know I tend to write V&V’s parents as horrible people, but I actually think they were genuinely nice parents that loved and supported their children.

Especially when Veneer came out to them, like I’d imagine bro was stressing over about it worried whether they’ll accept him or not.

Veneer: Mum, dad. There’s something I need to tell you. Will you promise not to be mad?

Mum: *already starting to panic* What is it honey? You didn’t get into trouble again did you? Are you being bullied at school?

Dad: *trying to stay calm* It’s ok son, you can tell us anything. We promise to get you the help you need ok.

Veneer: *sweating* Um…I’m-uh….I think I’m gay.

*Mum and dad sigh in relief*

Mum: Oh thank god we thought it was something serious.

Veneer: 😐

Velvet would bully him for being the shorter sibling when they were younger.

That was until they got a bit older and Veneer had a massive growth spurt.

Now he teases his sister for being shorter.

Veneer: How the weather down there?

Velvet: 🤬

Velvet still manages to beat him up.

In my headcanons for Velvet, I mentioned that he stole all of her glitter pens. Now why did he do this you may be asking?

Well because they were pretty of course.

And because they smelled really nice too.

And then he wondered what they tasted like.

…

He then ended up going to the doctors cuz he ate so many glitter pens that he got sick.

He got better. But Velvet was furious with him and did not talk to him for about a week.

That’s all I have for Veneer atm. Again if you have any ideas feel free to share.

[allieebobo]

Eid Mubarak :)

I'm so sorry this is a little late, but Eid Mubarak to everyone who celebrates! (And Selamat Hari Raya to folks who come from where I come from! <3)

Here's a little snippet of Rayyan and MC back home, celebrating :)

Part I.

Rayyan's family have just gotten back from their neighbourhood mosque, and now they're busy with the finishing touches to the meal preparations.

Little Mahaila is still a little too young to help out, but she doesn't wanted to miss out on all the fun, so Rayyan hoists her up to the kitchen counter, and Mahaila keeps up a constant stream of chatter directed at MC, while Rayyan and their mother busy themselves with the cooking.

Already the counter is laden with huge colorful dishes, and the smell is to die for. Mahaila's pointing out each of the dishes to MC one-by-one, and Rayyan and their mother occasionally chime in with details and little family anecdotes and recipe instructions.

There's Mahshi—stuffed peppers with tomato sauce, her grandparents' favorite, Batatis bil frakh—potatoes with chicken, her dad's favorite, and Mesaka’a—oven roasted eggplant with ground beef, which is Rayyan's favorite. Rayyan no longer quite remembers how it had tasted, back in Cairo, but ever since they'd moved to Seattle, the dish has become a family specialty, mostly because all the ingredients can be easily found in the grocery shops in Seattle.

Part II.

Rayyan's mother holds a spoon out to Rayyan. "Come, help me taste the Molokhia," she says. "Does it need more cilantro?"

Rayyan takes a big mouthful of the thick green soup which always tastes a little too healthy, in their opinion. They scrunch up their face, swallow, and nod—a little weakly.

Their mother smacks them on the arm and snorts. "I don't know why I bother," she says, shaking her head and bustles over to offer it to MC instead.

The shock of the taste makes MC blink, then breathe out softly, before allowing it to swirl around their tongue, delightfully distinct from anything they've ever tasted. They detect chicken broth, which forms the strong, comforting base, then the delicate and familiar layers of cilantro, garlic, salt and pepper, but there's another taste—strong and clean—cutting through everything else. "Wow," they breathe, genuinely astounded. "It's amazing. What is it?"

Rayyan's mother beams at MC. "I think what you are tasting is the leaf of jute tree. I am happy you like it. It is my favorite too." She nudges Rayyan in the ribs. "We have good taste. Unlike this one."

Rayyan makes a face at you. "Suck up," they whisper, for your ears only, but even their usual knitted brows can't hide the big grin that's spreading across their face.

Part III.

A loud clatter interrupts your conversation, and Rayyan looks up in alarm, still swiping at their mouth with an arm. Ishaq, one of Rayyan's twin brothers, pauses guiltily mid-stride, about halfway to the kitchen door. You hadn't noticed him come in. In his hands, there's a big bowl of kahk—nut cookies dusted with sugar. A bunch of cutlery lie on the floor, knocked over in his rush to escape with the loot.

Mahaila, beaming, lips also stained with the evidence of powdered sugar, helpfully points a finger at her brother.

"You already ate like five of them," Rayyan's mother scolds, taking the plate from Ishaq and placing it firmly on the table. "Shoo now! Before I ban you from kahk for life!"

His jaw drops, and he quickly scurries away obediently.

Rayyan snorts at you, and sees you eyeing the cookies curiously. They pick one out of the plate, then close the distance between you, smiling. "Would you like one?" they ask, voice dipping low as they lean in closer to you.

Part IV.

MC's heart flutters, and they hop off the counter, face now inches from Rayyan's. "If it's as sweet as you are," MC says, grinning, "then yes."

Rayyan bring a hand up, then pop the sweet treat into MC's mouth, studying their expression closely.

There's an immediate burst of rich, nutty sweetness. MC lets out a soft groan of appreciation.

Rayyan laughs, then brings their thumb up to wipe the sugar from MC's bottom lip, green eyes sparkling. MC catches their hand. That's when Rayyan leans in for a quick kiss, tasting the sweetness of soft sugar on MC's lips. When they finally step back, there's an infuriatingly smug smile on their face. "The cookies are good this year, aren't they? I helped make them."

[androgynousblackbox]

How to Lose a Lucifer in 10 Days. 16 [Radioapple, Appleradio]

Step 16: Win against him

If anyone had told Charlie Morningstar that one day she would go to her kitchen to find her dad (or someone pretty similar to him) laughing and talking with Alastor over the counter of the kitchen, she would have said that was a dream come true. Unfortunately, that wasn't her dad and that he made it clear when he saw her out of the corner of his eyes, smiling big.

"Duckling!" called Lucifer. The wrong nickname, but the same welcoming voice that she could recognize. "Alastor is making a cake. You are going to want to eat it, they are amazing!"

"It's not going to be it until at least half hour" Al pointed out, whisking something on a bowl. Only when he turned around to grab more sugar from the shelf Charlie noticed the tail of Lucifer wrapped around his waist. Neither of them seemed to mind or need to comment on it. "You can stay if you want, dear, I don't mind."

"I didn't know that you liked baking, Al" commented, genuinely surprised.

"Oh, only sometimes, to pass the time it's not a bad idea" Al searched around the kitchen with a slight frown, narrowing his eyes when he saw Lucifer holding out the milk. When his hand reached out to get it, Lucifer put it behind his back with a smirk as if expecting the demon to still go look for it. Instead, the shadow of Alastor grabbed the milk between the fingers of the king and gave it to his solid counterpart, for Lucifer's dissapointment. "At least I try to, despite someone insisting to be a nuisance."

"Traitor" Lucifer pouted to the shadow, who send him a flying kiss before dissolving again. "A cute traitor is still a traitor."

Al rolled his eyes, addding the milk to the bowl. As he started mixing it all together by hand, Lucifer inclined to him until his lips could leave a kiss on his shoulder. Al bumped his head slightly against the king, without stopping the circular movement.

"Any particular flavor you would like, princess?" asked to her suddenly, the smile reaching his eyes uncharacteristically soft and attentive. "Speak now or suffer the vanilla."

"Anything but the vanilla, oh master chef" added Lucifer in a dramatic tone. He snickered when Al pushed him with his elbow.

"Like I said, nuisance."

"I think you mean disarmingly charming, thank you."

"No, I don't believe I do" despite his words, Al turned to give him a kiss on his forehead. "There. Happy now?"

"Mmm. Nope. Maybe another one will be the fix" Lucifer flashed a big grin, wiggling his eyebrows.

Al snorted, but complied, taking the chin of Lucifer to place his lips on the red dots of the king's cheek.

"Now behave" said in a low voice that was very much audible on the kitchen, still holding him. Lucifer turned his head slightly to mouth a smiling never and Al pushed his face away, groaning. "Princess?"

Charlie then realized she had been staring from the entrance for probably way too long. She swallowed up as she made her way to a chair, sitting on a literal front view on what felt like an historic event when it came to the hotel. In a way her wish did came true, and it was nice, but it wasn't as satisfying as she imagined.

"Vanilla is okay with me" said. "So you like sweet things? Our Alastor can't have them."

"Oh, no, he hates them too" Lucifer kicked his hooves in the air, just as Al was adding the vanilla to whisk again. "That is why I am his taster, right, babe?"

"Hmm" Al nodded as he made appear a spoon in his hand and scoop up some of the mixure to offer to Lucifer. The tip of Lucifer's tail around Al wiggled happily as he grabbed it to put in his mouth. "Normally that would be our daughters's task since he has a sweet tooth worse than they ever did. One time he made me use an entire bag of sugar" Al scowled at the memory. "Not even my little fawn would want it."

"What can I say, I had a craving. I still ate it though! It didn't went to waste at least" pointed out Lucifer, not looking in the least ashamed. He gave his thumb up, putting the spoon away. "All good."

"This is for everyone else so hope you are hungry" Alastor started pouring the mixures on two molds, sending them over flying to the preheated oven behind them.

Once he heard the click of the oven closing, he started preparing for some buttercream. Charlie noticed the eyes of Lucifer following him around the kitchen, never losing the same pleased smile. That alone was a rare vision, but then witnessing Al humming content around him was not anything she imagined. To think that another Charlie in another place got to see that everyday, grow up around it, consider it normal, was still something she couldn't quite understand.

"You don't bake, papa?" asked, reaching out for a demonic fruit. Just to do something besides staring at them.

"I like more the results than the process" answered Lucifer with an easy shrug. "Unless I have to kick some red demon's ass during our duckling's birthday" added with a smirk, which earn him a glare from Al.

"We are doing that now?"

"Doing what, honey?" Lucifer chuckled, crossing his legs. "Telling another Charlie about how much she liked my cake so much more than yours? Why not?"

"That was just a fluke, dear" said Al, tensing his jaw. However there was a glint of playfullness on his eyes that Lucifer surely didn't miss either. "My side was still more popular. You have to forgive Lucifer, Charlie sweetheart. That old age is making him forget things again."

"Keep telling yourself that, babe" Lucifer narrowed his eyes too, inclining his body towards him. "You have always been a sore loser. The first step to improvement is to admit where you are wrong."

"Oh, and you are the expert on that, I take it? After all, you have so much experience being wrong, my love" Al turned to him, bowl still on his arms, but wasn't doing anythig with it. All his attention was back on Lucifer, who frowned before smiling again.

"I am an expert in a lot of things. Like giving our daughter the best birthday ever, thank you very much for noticing. Sorry that you don't have that same experience, babe. That must be so hard for you" he finished scooching even closer, which Al regarded with a half lid look.

"Not as hard as tolerating the ego of some kings I know."

"Kettle, meet grey" Al snorted at that and Lucifer blinked. "Wait. What was the phrase again?"

Al's little fit turned into a giggle. Lucifer smiled fondly, but then turned around suddenly when Charlie started laughing behind her hand too.

"Oh, two against one now? Really, Al?" protested with a fake offended expression.

"No, no, no" Charlie shook her head. "It's not that. I just never thought I would see the day I would think you two look cute together."

Lucifer's face brighten up like a sun above his neck, while Al turned around, clearing his throat.

"Aww, thanks, sweetie!" cooed Lucifer, grinning to Al as he ignored him to concentrate on the buttercream. "Al is so adorable, isn't he?"

Another grunt came from the red demon. Charlie felt a little less like a intruder to stand from her chair and support her elbows on the kitchen counter, holding her face.

"I know you said you were together a long time, but it's one thing to hear about it and another one to actually see it. So this is what you are like back at your home? With the tail wrap and everything? Which is very cute, by the way."

Lucifer's smile twitched a little and looked down.

"Usually. It's only natural for a father to be concerned about his youngest, isn't it?" said Al, turning around as he hold the tip of Lucifer around his abdomen and bringing the bowl. He had his tentacles started to mix as he smiled at Charlie. "Want to have a taste of this one, dear?" added, offering a spoonful of the buttercream.

"Sure!" Charlie took it on her mouth and squealed. "This so good already! I bet everyone is going to love it."

Al nodded, eyes reflecting how pleased he was at the comment. No matter from what universe he came from, all Alastors loved recognition.

"Want to help me decorate it later on? I was planning to make it simple, but since you are here…" said, chuckling to himself when Charlie gasped, shaking her head yes. She had never decorated a cake before, but always wanted to learn. "Very well. We can start by preparing the frosting."

Lucifer observed them both as Al was instruction Charlie through each of the step. She wanted to make a rabbit pattern all around it, of which they would need three different colors.

"Does your Charlie help you with this?" asked Charlie, somehow getting a drop of food colouring on her cheek as she was showing just the tip of her tongue, concentrating on her task.

One of Al's tentacles reached out to clean with a napkin.

"When she was smaller, she liked decorating cookies sometimes" commented Al with a shrug. "Although that was more Lucifer's expertise. Now I guess she is just too busy with her own endeavors."

"I am sure if you ask her, she wouldn't say no, though" said Charlie. The image of a tiny version of herself decorating sweets under the instruction of Alastor felt weird, but it was real for someone else. For these two it was merely part of their lives before she came to disrupt everything. When she thought she had the right texture, she showed it to Lucifer and he shook his head slightly. She pursued her lips, but kept trying. "I mean, this is an excelent bonding exercise! I should totally have thought about something like this before."

"It helps if you have someone who knows what they are doing" Lucifer was also making his own mix, making circles in the air with one finger to move the mixer in the air. "Maybe the other Alastor has an idea and you can ask him when we get back home" suggested, smiling to his own Al, kneeling in front of the oven to check the cakes. "Baking is something your mom taught you, wasn't it?"

"Mmm" said Al, standing again and reaching for the kitchen oven to keep it close. "More than she teaching me, it was me badgering her on the kitchen until she gave me something to do. But yes, I guess it's possible he could know a thing or two."

Charlie blinked, for the first time realizing that a Charlie related to Alastor would have to be related to his mom as well. Their Alastor never went into too much details about her, just a light comment here and there about her recipes and whatever saying of hers Alastor through the funniest to share at any given moment, nothing else. He just didn't seemed like the kind of man that would be willing to sit down and share about his life so openly. Although maybe she haven't tried so much before. If this Al was so comfortable talking to her, why couldn't the other?

"How was she? If you don't mind me asking."

Al's ears twitched slightly at hearing her, as if confused by the question until he saw her again. It was like he was realizing again that of course she wasn't going to know anything in that universe.

"Of course no, dear. My mother was and still is a exceptional woman" said with a softer smile. "Our Charlie actually got to meet her durin her own Heaven meeting."

"Seriously?!" Charlie looked over to Lucifer, wanting confirmation. When the other version of her dad nodded, she pouted. "Oh, that would have made it all worth it. Even if both meetings ended the same."

"According to my little fawn, they instantly clicked like this" commented Al with an easy chuckle, snapping his fingers. "My mom was all on board with her redemption plan as soon she heard about it. I guess great minds think alike after all."

Al looked at her when saying that and Charlie blushed with a giggle, aware that he was including her.

"Not that great, I am afraid" said, looking down. "The whole aiming for Heaven just doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore, considering what they did to you."

Lucifer and Al saw at each other for a second. Al gave a slight sigh and broaden his smile. One of his clawed hand reached out to pet at her blonde hair. Any reservations he had since that morning gone for the moment.

"That was only because I was forced to be there without my family, dear" said, leaving his hand hang there for a second longer. The warmth of his touch was nothing compare with the soft velvet of his voice. A voice that she could imagine speaking to his fawn wrapped in a blanket. "Don't fret too much about it. My case was clearly a weird exception. For the sinners you help in this place and are actually aiming to get there, it will be a different experience altogether."

"And self improvement is never a bad idea" Lucifer lowered his eyes, starring into the frosting half made on his lap. "I… and probably your Lucifer, now that I think about it, got too tired of seeing all the shit humans do to even think about it. A young bright eyed starlet like our Charlies was exactly what this hell needed. Still, you know, fuck heaven" said, patting her hand over the counter. "We don't need those pricks to validate what you do here, don't we? If you could change the mind of someone like Alastor, then that is already a huge something."

"For the record, it's mostly just to stick it to angels who ignored my little fawn" clarified Alastor cheerfully. "I will be delighted to see them eat their words until they choke."

"Your fatherly love is truly to be admired, honey" said Lucifer, deadpan.

"I know, my love, I know" Al winked an eye to Charlie, as if having her participate on the joke, and she couldn't avoid laughing a little.

They were still bantering with each other like how their own Alastor and Lucifer did, but this felt easy, comfortable, more playful than try to navigate a mined land like it was her usual.

"You know, I just remembered that papa mentioned that you are used to tell stories about your life? What kind of stories?" If this good humor was going to continue, she wanted to get as much of it as it was possible to finally get some of the answer she was desiring.

On the month right after the switch, it seemed cruel to have Lucifer talking about his family only for her own curiosity, especially with how bad he already took each failure to get a new stone. She more than anyone wasn't willing to be the person to test out the assumed limits when it was her fault, however unintentional, that he had been moved in the first place. The fact that Lucifer himself never once tried to make her feel guilty was irrelevant. She could do that well on her own and more so when Lucifer had made his announcement for a future kid.

Now it was different. Lucifer smirked with a glint on his red eyes, looking up to Al, who gave a simple nod as his answer. The red demon started to prepare boiling water for tea and coffee for himself while the cake was finishing.

"Yes!" Lucifer perked up. "Just about us, how we met, how we got Charlie, family stuff like that. Our Charlie loves to hear them out. What would you like to know about, duckling?"

"Mmm" Charlie put on her finger on her chin, carefully considering it. If everything turned out alright then that this was going to be one of her few chances to speak with them like this. All she knew about how they got married is that Al had been a royal guard and they fell in love. "Oh, I know! Thank you!" She recieved tea that Al passed to her. A second later did she realize that he had made it exactly how she liked it. His Charlie had to be similar even on that. "How about the first time you confessed each other?"

Lucifer winced, his left eye closing a bit at the request.

"Oh, I can tell that one!" said Al with a huge grin directed to him.

"Yeah, I thought so" Lucifer sighed. "To give a little bit of context…"

"No, no, no" One of Al's tentacle slapped against Lucifer's lips as he raised his index finger. "That would be a spoiler and ruin the pacing, darling, and that is the last thing we want for our very first story in this universe, don't we? Just let me refresh my memory a bit" said, taking a dramatic sip of coffee. Lucifer rolled his eyes, but waited just the same as Charlie as Al exhaled.

"Oh, yes. First, I have to set up our situation. I was living on the palace with Lucifer for a good while now, thanks to my position as his guard, and it had been months since we called what we have an official relationship. I know what that sounds like to most people. Months of dating and nobody had said those loving words before? How does that happen? Well, for my part, I can say that it was like the frog frying on the pan. It all happened so slowly that before I realize, the floor under my feet was in fact burning and I haven't even said a single ouch the entire time. Metaphorically speaking of course. I would soon throw others to the pan first before coming to that point.

You have to understand, we already lived together. We ate each meal together. We shared a bedroom and a bathroom. My clothes were on the same wardrove as his. Why make a big deal out of it by adding some fancy words to the mix? Shouldn't be enough that we had finally managed to agree we want to be together, whatever that means? For a while it was enough. Until it became annoying.

Being in love is already such an ordeal. You have to think about that person and care about that person and wondering what they are doing and marvel at what they do and mind about what they think and it's just… way too much brain power dedicated to something you can't just turn off. I am already forced to do all this things, to care about my little king, so the least I could get is at least confirmation that my king was being forced as well.

I didn't need it, but I want it. Any task is less bothersome when is shared among more than one person and by everything that is dammned, I wasn't going to be the only one doing all of this."

"But he wasn't going to just ask" pointed out Lucifer, shaking his head. "No, that would be way too easy and we can't have that."

Al narrowed his eyes on his direction.

"What is the fun in that?" said a second later, shrugging off the interruption. "Clearly, I couldn't just let the moment just be a normal occurence either. If I was to make Lucifer confess his undying devotion to me, then it had to be something especial. Something that would correspond with the amount of mental exhaustation I was going through by being at his side. A date would have been the obvious answer, but that had it's own issue as well since we couldn't just up and go walk into the city. I don't know if you are aware of this, dear, but my Lucifer usually prefers the comfort of known spaces rather than the uncertainty of unknown ones."

Charlie looked over at Lucifer, who gave a tiny with a side smile, as if resigned to that fact.

"So you are agoraphobic? I didn't know that" said, not knowing if she should be ashamed for not noticing before or concerned because Lucifer hasn't told her anything.

Whenever she saw him off to try to get a new stone he seemed fine to her.

"Just a little bit" Lucifer chuckled, scratching his own forearm. "It's no big deal. As long I have another form to use outside I am fine. It can be an animal or the face of a demon I made up. Then I usually don't have any issue."

Charlie pursued her lips. That usually inserted there wasn't calming her down. She knew that her dad wasn't a shining example of mental health, despite how hard Lucifer tried to pretend otherwise, so if anything she should have expected something similar out of another version of him.

"Dear, we both had many years to adapt and work with what we can" said Al softly, rubbing the shoulder of Lucifer with a firm hand. When Lucifer looked up to him, Al hold his chin gently to kiss his cheek. He caressed the curvature of his jaw with his knuckles until Lucifer seemed to relax again. Only then did he continue, turning to Charlie. "No reason to dwell on that detail. I was just saying it to explain that taking out my dear to a date outside wasn't an option back then. As I said, we already lived together and we had both eaten what the other prepared, so there was nothing especial about just having a dinner.

If I couldn't bring my king to a night out, then I was going to bring the date back to the palace. The fact it was so big alredy made it easier to prepare everything as Lucifer remained none the wiser. When I came to look for him, dressed on the suit I had chosen, my own shadows were all around what looked to be like one of my favorite jazz club in all of hell. I managed to even bring a real band to play on stage. The food was served to us at our table and the drinks were served by a very willing Husk, losing my own feet on the dance floor. I wasn't drunk, but it was in the middle of a pleasant buzz that I danced with Lucifer straight into his garden. The fountain had just activated behind us to spit water and little cold drops were refreshing my face. I looked down to Lucifer, kissed his hand on my own and said the words.

And what did you say in response, my love?" added, with a long smile to Lucifer. The kind cleared his throat and looked to a side, a golden blush coming out from under his red cheeks. "Come on, darling, don't be shy" encouraged Al, tiltind his head. "Just tell Charlie what did you say. Or did you forgot already because of your advanced age?"

Lucifer mumbled something that Charlie honestly did not understand. Al saw that she didn't got it and smiled reclining over the king, so he couldn't escape his face.

"Nobody heard you, darling."

"I said thank you" said Lucifer, cringing so hard his face was almost dissapearing into the neck of his jacket. "I am sorry."

"Well, isn't that polite!" Al chuckled, satisfied by that reaction, and patted the head of Lucifer like a well behaved kid. "One thing we can never say about our king is that he doesn't have manners! I of course was taken aback for just the shortests of seconds and corresponded with a nice you are welcome in response. I wasn't without manners either. He then hugged me and told me we should go to bed. What else there was to say? Clearly, Lucifer just didn't feel the same way I did and I had made a bunch of assumptions based on nothing. I only had myself to blame for that one.

This was a wholly new experience for me. I had people confess their love to me before and I had to be on the position to fully reject them on the spot, knowing I couldn't just lie to avoid an uncomfortable situation. But I never felt the impulse to say it to someone because nobody ever seemed to inspire that impulse. Not until then did I knew what was to be on the other side.

I guess it did help that Lucifer was not treating me any different than before any of that. He wasn't refusing any contact or try to create any distance between us so, logically, I had to assume that at least he wasn't disgusted by my moment of weakness. My continued moment of weakness, that is. Because as we said already, once everything that pushed those words out of my mouth starts, you can't turn it off. Maybe a part of me wasn't wanted it to either.

Our life was… good. As good as it can be in hell. Better than that because I was living off a king with infinite resources at his disposition. It took me some thinking and talking with my own friends to come to the conclusion that this, this thing we had, could be just as fine even if we didn't share the same mental disease that had plagued me. Maybe he wasn't doing the same task, but unless he was a better actor I ever gave him credit for, some sense of affection was very much still there. After a couple of weeks in which I let the situation simmer in my mind, I was ready to just accept things as they were. Whatever Lucifer felt about me was not the same as I was and that was okay.

Until Vox came along. Now, I won't bore you with too much details, because it is increasingly boring, but suffice to say that there was a point in time in which Vox could have been considered something of a friend by me. This was way in the past and he was still giving his first steps into becoming an Overlord in hell. Nothing out of the ordinary until one day, out of the blue, he asked me out. As in a date. I said no, thank you, and left it there. When I came back to tell Lucifer, casually, over lunch, I jokingly said something along the lines of I still prefer our situation to that one. Lucifer was so confused."

"What do you mean our situation?" aported Lucifer, grinning.

"I thought he was being facetious. So in return, I said, just as flippanly, well, I holding romantic feelings you don't have, obviously. At least I know you won't make it awkward even then. Complete and utter silence filled the dinning room."

"Since when is that a thing?" continued Lucifer.

"I stared at him, confused and a hair away to getting angry. What do you mean since when? Wasn't that always the case?"

"I was so fucking lost, duckling. I had no idea what was he talking about. Who said that? When?"

"You, I said. Or more precisely, it's what you didn't say that spoke volumes of what is happening between us. You don't have to deny it or try to pretend otherwise for my sake. I have come to accept it already. I don't mind staying with you as just close friends. That is when Lucifer, ever the tactful one, started laughing. I demanded to know what in hell was so funny to him, ready to storm out of there if the answer was anything less than satisfactory. Seeing that I was serious, Lucifer started explaining."

"Angels can see love, even fallen ones" said Lucifer with a small laugh. "It's like an aura of light that surrounds a person when their hearts are full. You don't necessarilly need a person in order to glow like that. Someone could love dancing, painting, singing and they could shine just as bright as someone holding hands with their partner. I was just as aware of the moment when I was shining for Alastor as when he started doing it for me, when we were both in the same room. It made me so happy to see it everyday that… uh…"

"He forgot I couldn't see the same" finished Al with a chuckle. "He had just assumed that I knew. That is why he never thought there was a reason to say it outloud. When I said it, he thought that was just me being sweet while tipsy."

"Papa, really?" Charlie looked to Lucifer, incredulous but still smiling at the misunderstanding.

Lucifer blushed, wincing.

"Listen, in my defense, I was really rusty on interacting with anyone outside of the Sins, all of whom have the same ability even if they don't use it. Alastor was the first sinner I talked directly with in thousands of years. But yeah, not really my proudest moment" said, scratching his neck with one hand and taking Al's in the other. "I never wanted you to have that kind of doubts. I still feel like an idiot for that."

"You are an idiot" said Al affectionately, reaching out to kiss his forehead. "But you make up for it in other ways."

"Oh, yeah? Good" Lucifer rolled his eyes. With one arm he brought Al closer by the waist and nuzzled against the neck, where he continue speaking like that was a normal position to have a conversation from. "Anyway, now I really try to change that. I try to say it as much as I can, to Al or our daughters. I don't want them to ever think they are anything less but the fucking best for me."

Al hummed, petting his blonde hair. Charlie really, really tried to contain herself, but the squeal vibrating from her core was impossible to contain and spilled out between her fingers. She blushed a intense red when both of them turned to her, equally amused. Luckily for her, the ding of the oven called the attention of Al.

Once the cakes were out, he put them out on the side to cool down and pulled on the tail still wrapped around him slightly.

"Get down there, dear. We are going to need to space."

"Yes, sir" Lucifer finished with his tea and jumped to the ground again.

He put their mugs to be cleaned up and instructed Charlie on what they were going to do. As soon the cake was ready, Al started by giving the example and then letting Charlie to follow through. Al didn't rush her during any of it or chastized her when she commited a mistake. Like he was teaching to his own daughter all over again.

In the end, all her bunnies were croocked and her flowers were a little mess, but Lucifer still took a picture he immediately send back to her. She just had to keep practicing on her own and surely in no time she would see a huge difference from her first time. Charlie smiled to him, making a mental note to definitely make this activity with her own Lucifer as soon she had the chance.

"Do I smell food?" Angel Dusk peaked in from the entrance, taking a deep inhale from the air. "It smells good."

"Is that cake? Holy shit, it is" Just behind him, Husk came in. He took a step foward before noticing that Al was in the room, putting some things on the dishwasher, and his ear pulled back for a second.

"Yes!" said Lucifer, perking up. "Come in everyone and admire the work of art of our very own Charlie! She did it practically all by herself! Isn't she amazing!"

"Gimme a fat slice and I will call it a masterpiece" said Angel.

He almost tripped with his own feet when Niffty ran betwee his legs.

"Gimme, gimme!" said the tiny maid, reaching out her hands out to Charlie. "I want to stab it and then eat it! Like a true bad boy!"

"Of course, sweetie" said Lucifer easily, conjuring up plates and a huge knife. "I will even give you strawberry sauce so it bleeds, would you like that?"

"Yay, blood!"

"What does it have?" asked Husk, following Al's movements with his eyes.

At noticing it, Al blinked.

"Oh, I forgot for a second that the contract is still a thing here" commented as if to himself. He shrugged. "Nothing more than normal ingredients people expect to find in any normal cake. Although if you dislike vanilla I can't help you. Lucifer saw me prepared it if you need the extra confirmation."

Apparently he did, because now he glanced at Lucifer, waiting.

"Yep, everything normal!" affirmed Lucifer, making a plate with a slice to float in front of Husk. "I tasted it myself and it's perfect. 10/10, I would kiss the chef again because his cake is so good. What?" He frowned when Angel started snickering on the side.

"Oh, if you don't know, I am not explaining" Angel shook his head, taking his own plate from Charlie.

Seeing Niffty shoved her entire face on her own slice, and wasn't coming out with fresh cuts from hidden razors or something, Husk resigned himself to believe that it was in fact safe to eat.

--

Alastor's ears twitched when he heard music coming from downstairs. He looked down from the second floor where he was at, realizing the music was not coming from his rockola as he thought or a radio, but rather the staff of the other Alastor supported against the couch where he and Lucifer were accomodated. From the position where he was in, he could see their seat on profile. Al was just sitting upright, head slightly bobbing along with the rythm with his eyes closed, while Lucifer had his head on the lap of the demon and giving his back to the rest of the lobby.

The pose could easily be mistaken by something entirely inappropriate in a public area at a distace, which thankfully was exactly how Vaggie percieve it as she came to them.

"What is happening here?" asked, hands preemptively on her hips, as if ready to yell some orders.

For once, Alastor was dissapointed she didn't when Al saw her.

"He is talking to the baby" commented easily, brushing the blonde hair under his fingers. "Just telling them a story."

"Oh" Vaggie's hand waist connection was abandoned. She still frowned slightly. "Isn't it too soon for them to be able to hear?"

"Babies are receptive to the energy around them" explained Al, arching an eyebrow when Lucifer started giggling from where he was.

"Oh, really? I wonder what genius told you that" The smirk could be heard at a distance in Lucifer's voice.

Al covered the porcelain face with his hand, making a sh sound.

"Don't interrupt the story for the baby, darling. It's rude.”

Lucifer laughed between his teeth again, but took the hand of Al on his own, holding it against his chest. He curled up closer to the demon. Vaggie just asked them to lower the volume of the music a little bit, which Al did with a tilt of his head, and then she was gone to continue with her duties at the hotel. Completely useless.

Only at that moment Alastor could see that the tail of Lucifer was wrapped around Al's ankle. Didn't any of them get tired of being so all over each other? They were already in the same space, they were already touching, why did they need to be so clingy all the time? Was any of them going to disappear into thin air if they just separated for five minutes? A month apart was barely nothing. If that was their default state and neither of them had exploded in frustration yet, then he truly understood even less than he imagined.

It made him sick. How close they were, how comfortable in being each other's parasite. Where was the dignity or independence of his other version? Even at Rosie's place, of course he saw the other's shadow following Lucifer when he was literally a few steps away. He just never found any entry on their conversation to throw to his face what an embarrassment for the radio demon title he was. Maybe a part of him wanted to ignore it as well.

“Uhm, Alastor?” called Charlie from somewhere behind him.

Alastor widened his eyes, managing to contain the surprise of hearing her so close. He had really had to lowered his guard for her to come close without him noticing and that was already so rare from him.

“Good afternoon, princess” greeted, turning his head the whole way to see her.

Taking that as an open invitation, Charlie smiled small and came up to him until her hands were holding to the same railing he had inclined himself over. With another crack, Alastor returned his head to its normal position. Charlie saw at the lobby for a moment, noticing their two guests at the couch.

“Anything in your mind, princess?” asked Alastor, already pretending like he haven't seen them.

“Oh, yes, actually” said Charlie, perking up as she turned to him. “Do you happen to know how to bake? I was thinking on how fun a cake decorating class could be as another exercise for everyone! Problem is, none of us knows how to do one. I already asked everyone else and you are the last one left. I tried to do a store-bought mix years ago and it kinda blew the kitchen a little bit.”

Alastor's eyebrows went a little high, wondering how the hell can someone blew a kitchen just a little bit, but not with enough interest to actually inquiry about it.

“Why, yes, I do actually!” said, straighten up. “My dear mother taught me a couple of things in the kitchen I could put to good use. If my duties are to be extended like that, I think it's reasonable to expect a raise on my salary as compensation” added with just the tiniest bit of jest in his voice.

“Of course, no problem!” Charlie accepted easily. At the very least nobody could say that she was a greedy boss. If only she haven't decided to add her next words. “The other Al just made a cake for everyone. I even got to decorate it a little and it was so fun! There was still a piece left on the fridge if you wanted it.”

“I think I will pass. You know how I feel about sweets, Charlie dear” said calmly, unaware of his shadow at his feet sending a scowl in the other Al's direction. Charlie did, although it took her a moment to realize the target of it. “Were they like that on the kitchen too?” added, pointing with his staff.

“Close?” Charlie tried to help out.

“Glued by the hip” Alastor saw at Lucifer rise up to tell something to Al, who inclined himself to hear it, only for both of them to start giggling a second later. He huffed. “Honestly, isn't just something else their lack of etiquette. You would think they are a pair of teenagers.”

Charlie's eyes went from them to Alastor, unsure of what to say.

“Oh, well, one of them kinda did died and after everything else, I can't necessarily blame them” said gently, smiling to Alastor, who merely shrugged. He should have known that she was not going to be any help. Charlie tilted her head. “I thought you would be glad. Now that my… I mean, Lucifer has his own Alastor around he will leave you some room to breath.”

“Oh, I am, can't you tell?” said, turning to her with a bigger smile. “I was actually thinking for your sake, dear. Seeing the face of your own father so chummy with someone that isn't who you are used to can't be a pleasant experience for you either. You would think a better father would take that into consideration before doing as he pleases.”

“No? I mean…“Charlie blinked, lowering her eyes for a moment as she frowned. Her hands played on the reiling, her fingers walking on the edge. “Yes? Yes, it is… weird. To have all the attention of Lucifer for myself one day and then see him give it to someone else. That… would be hard for anyone, right?" she saw him with a significant look, one that Alastor entirely missed as he observed the lobby again.

Lucifer had now moved to sit on Al's lap, legs hanging from the edge of the couch, both listening to the music with eyes closed.

"Indeed" Alastor nodded. "Especially considering the split between your parents. That has to sting."

Charlie pursued her lips.

"I… sure" said slowly. "But, you know what? I think at this point I can also just be happy for him. I know he tried not to make me too worry, but it was pretty clear that he needed something like this too. I don't ever want my papa to be sad. I care for him, even if he is not my actual dad. I can't really blame him for being happy for once."

Charlie sat down in the floor, letting her legs hang on the edge between the bars. She smiled up to him and patted the space at her side, expectacly. Alastor scoffed, but it was true he didn't had anything else to do, so it's not like he was losing anything by indulging her on this one thing. He sat down.

"Even so, it's irritating, isn't it?" said. "You get so used to things being one way and they suddenly change on you without a warning. You don't even have time to prepare yourself. Of course, for you than for anyone else, dear."

"Oh, tell me about it" Charlie kicked her feet softly. "But not all change is bad all the time. I know that he still cares very much, that is still just the same as it was before. Just because he has his Al now, it doesn't mean that the rest of the time he was here stopped mattering."

"He certainly is not acting like it" pointed out Alastor, his ears going down.

Charlie stared at him for a second that felt too long, but then she was back to seeing upfront, wandering eyes.

"Alastor" she started, gently, and just because of that he just knew that whatever was going to come out of her mouth, he wasn't going to like it, "feel free to tell me to fuck off or to not stick my nose where I am not wanted, but… are you perhaps… " Alastor grabbed his staff, ready to dissolve on shadows, "jelous?"

That froze him in place. A chill ran down his spine.

"What?!" said, a bit more loud than he intended, radio static increasing in volume like a hive full of furious bees. "What kind of nonsense is that one you are saying now? No, no, you got it all wrong. You poor misguided princess! I was merely looking after your own… wellbeing" finished, looking at Charlie with a sudden horrible twister making numbers on his stomach. "I am not" said, trying to regain his composure. "I am not" insisted when Charlie didn't say anything.

"It's okay" Charlie smiled softly, irritantly understanding.

"You are mistaken" said Alastor, stealing a glance to the pair on the couch. They were either napping or talking in low murmurs, he couldn't tell with the hair of the other radio demon covvering their mouths. He grabbed to the front of his chest. Why it was like a mule had just kicked him there? "You have to be mistaken" clarified, not knowing now if he was talking to Charlie or whatever was on his body that had decided to betray him this much. "I can't… afford any of that."

"Because of Al?"

Alastor scowled at her, as if that was the single most inane thing she could say. Yes, of course because of that Al that had made it plenty clear he wouldn't let not even a breeze come close to Lucifer as long he was standing. But that wasn't the whole of it and he couldn't explain it even if he wanted to.

"Did you never have… for anyone before?" tried Charlie.

He examined her for moment, but couldn't see any trace of mockery in her voice or face. She was talking with total seriousness without pointing out the humor of a man of his age having to deal with something that most people were more familiarized with. That alone allowed him to relax a little. He could use their deal to promise her to keep silent about any of this, but that would be a waste of a good card. She had nothing she would be willing to give for such a thing, so a new deal was already off the table.

He had no choice but just trust on her own discretion. Cutting this out was not going to help him either. The pig was already cut and hanging. There was no putting back the blood that had already been spilled.

"Been so brain dead to let this happen?" finished, squeezing the space between his eyes. "No, I haven't. I should have been more careful and keep my distance like I wanted, but someone just kept shoving himself around me and I let my guard down."

That was inaccurate. More correctly, his guard was blown to pieces. He was also tricked into letting himself be healed. Tricked into being protected and witness what raw angelic power could do. Tricked into seeing Lucifer as anything but a threat. How stupid could one person be?

"It's not the end of the world, Alastor" said Charlie, her voice still so gentle. "It doesn't have to be. They are just feelings. I have feelings all the time and I am fine."

Alastor narrowed his eyes. He couldn't possibly believe that. How could anyone stand living with that curse upon them literally all the time? It made absolutely no sense.

"How do I get ride of it? Since you are the expert on the subject" said, actually trying to not be so snarky but failing half way through.

To Charlie it didn't seem to matter.

"I wish I could tell you a way to make it easier" she sighed, playing with her fingers on her lap. Alastor tried to detect a sign of deceptions, but there was none. "It's not something you can just will away. I am sorry."

Rosie had said something similar. Only that this was so much worse of a revelation that it was when he talked with her. If it wasn't a friend what he was losing already, but something else entirely that he never had in the first place, or had the option to have at all, then that was just humilliating.

"Are you okay?" asked Charlie and he could see her hand hovering around him, hesitant about offering physical comfort or not.

Just the fact that she doubted at all, rather than doing it like no doubt was her first instinct, made him drop his shoulders. Defeated in a battle he didn't even know he was in until now.

"No" said with a sigh, relaying his arm on the bar to support his forehead. "I don't need this right now."

"Mmm" Charlie lifted one of her legs to fully turn to him. "I can imagine. These kind of things have a tendency to happen when you least expect it."

"To be a total undesirable inconvenience you mean" corrected Alastor and looked at her, frowning. "You are remarkably calm for what this situation is. I just told you I am… with what is essentially your father. Shouldn't you be having a more negative reaction?"

Charlie snorted softly.

"So? You are still my friend. I can care about you two at the same time, it's not a competition" They both looked down, not bothering to bring out the obvious point that this Lucifer already was with someone else. The fact that someone had his same face with different colors made little to no difference at all. "You did enjoy spending time together, didn't you?" asked.

Alastor groaned internally, but nod his head slowly anyway. What was the point of denying it now? If anything, that truth only made it worse now.

"Would you like to do it again?" offered Charlie and Alastor stared at her, confused. She scratched her neck, looking to a side. "I mean, let's say that tomorrow everything comes out alright. Everyone gets back to their respective homes and we never see them again. Would you be okay with just letting that as it is or would you like one more reunion? I can talk with Al so he will be chill about it" assured with a conspirational wink. "But only if you want to" quickly added, lifting her hands.

"For what? What would be the point?"

Charlie shrugged, her smile twinkling on her big eyes.

"One last good memory" said simply.

"And if we fail?" questioned Alastor, arching an eyebrow. "We don't have the best track record behind us, dear."

"Then you just spend a good time with a friend. That doesn't sound so bad, doesn't it?"

Ten minutes later, from his safe place among the shadow, Alastor saw Charlie going up to the pair on the couch. They weren't napping and they both smiled upon seeing her. Even as Charlie started talking, Al frowned, but it didn't took much from Lucifer to smooth his brow again. A hand on the cheek and some gentle words. Alastor didn't bothered to keep around to see any more.

--

On the activity room, everyone Charlie on the hotel had told about their new game night came started coming in. Alastor was already sat down at one of the table, pretending like the book he was reading was interesting enough to not notice when Angel Dust arched an eyebrow at him.

"Surprised to see you here, Smiley."

He shrugged.

"Charlie begged me because we were at odd numbers otherwise" said, looking over at Charlie, who quickly counted everyone with her eyes as if to confirm that it was true.

"Y-yes, that is right!" She nodded her head. "I want everyone to form teams of two with whoever they want. You can change later. Al!" said, seeing at Lucifer entering with the other radio demon hand in hand, because god forbid they could ever go anywhere in any other way. "How about you play with me?"

Al deeply sighed. He looked over at Lucifer, who grinned in response, and that was the final nail in the coffin.

"It would be my pleasure, dear" However, before Charlie could add anything else, Al sat down on the opposite side of Alastor and accomodated Lucifer on his lap, securing him with his arms. Only then his smile seemed to brighten up. "Hope you don't mind sharing the table."

The good thing about his encounters with this other version of himself is that at least he could see his tactics a mile away. He knew already he was going to do that, of course. It didn't made it any more pleasant, but at least he could swallow up the vile rising easily than that morning.

"Do as you please" said, looking to a side.

"I will, don't worry about it" replied Al, softening his eyes again when Charlie came to his field of vision with a boardgame already in hand. "What is that, dear?

"Win that contract!" Charlie sat down in front of him, next to Alastor, excitedly explaining the rules and way to go about it.

It was as simply as choose their little pawns to bring from one side of the board to another, one throw of the dice at a time. Whoever had the most minions at their disposition won the title of Overlord in the end, crowned with a carboard black crown.

Al was following along with her, while Lucifer smiled up to Alastor from his lap, as if that was already just the norm for him.

"So, checkers?" suggested the king, drumming his palms on the table. "Unless you want something else? I don't really have a strong preference."

"Checker is fine" Alastor closed his book and send it back to his room.

Lucifer snapped the pieces and board they had already used before.

"This time no cheating" said Lucifer, pointing at him with a piece. "I have my eyes well open and I won't let you win that easy."

Alastor risked a glance to Al, but the man seemed to be willingly ignoring their conversation, all his focus apparently reserved only for Charlie. He didn't know what the princess of hell had said to him, but couldn't help but to feel grateful.

"I have no idea what you are talking about" Alastor said easily, preparing his pieces. "Maybe don't blame others for your own lack of skill? It's not a good look for your Majesty."

Lucifer snorted and his face was just as handsome as it had always been. He had already known before he prefered to see the devil like that, relaxed and willing to laugh, but now there was a quiet self evident satisfaction behind every word that wasn't there before. His smiles came out with effortless ease and his eyes seemed so willing to take on the world, more hopeful than the night Charlie had to explain to him that he wasn't at his home.

The reason for all of that had nothing to do with him. Instead the reason was currently throwing the dices and almost completely failing at not beeming at a Charlie that was about to lose the first round. Eventually the pizza that Vaggie had ordered arrived and everyone stuffed themselves with it, changing games, tables or partners. Except them.

"I win" declared Alastor, putting the finishing move.

Lucifer instantly frowned, observing the gameboard for a long moment before slowly giving him a glare.

"Since when the fuck are you good at this?"

"My, your Majesty, you wound me" said Alastor, easily flipping one piece like a money that catched between two fingers. "I was always good."

"You were cheating before!"

"What a terrible accusation to throw around with no evidence" Alastor smirked wide.

"You piece of shit" Lucifer laughed, not at all upset when realizing the ruse. "You did it so obvious on purpose!"

"Oh, I would never dream of tricking the devil himself like that" joked Alastor, snapping his fingers so all the pieces were back in place. "Another one? Or the taste and promise for more defeat is enough already?"

"Oh, it's on, buddy."

As the night advanced, the other residents and staff started to get tired. They yawned and announced they were going to sleep. Even Charlie had to contain a yawn on her hand, the Overlord crown almost slipping out of her head.

"You should go to sleep too" said Al, closing his own eyes and opening slowly. "It's rather late for princesses to stay up" added, with a lazy smile.

Charlie looked over at Alastor. The new round for him and Lucifer had just started. He knew she hoped to be a deterrent for the other Al to not start anything, and even though he was sure that was a part of the reason why they had managed to get any peace, the idea of completely relying on her wasn't appealing either.

"Go, dear, it's fine" said, sincerely. "I will put everything away when we are done."

"Aren't you tired too, Al?" tried Charlie at last.

"Yes" Al inhaled deeply, letting his head rest on top of Lucifer's. "But I am staying here a bit more."

"Are you sure, babe?" asked Lucifer, looking up. "We can go to bed if you really want."

"You are ought to finish your game, darling" Al squeezed Lucifer on his arms, nuzzling the top of his blonde hair. "I don't mind waiting. Have a good night, Charlie dear."

"Well…" Charlie sighed, resigned to leave the task to keep control of the situation on Lucifer. "Good night, everyone. It was fun! I am glad we did this."

"Me too, sweetie" Lucifer reached out to take her hand and give it a firm squeeze. "Have a good sleep."

"You too, papa" She started putting her own game away. Just as she was about to leave, Al reminded her about the crown and she quickly came back to put it in place.

Then it was only the three of them.

"Alright, laid down" said Lucifer to Al. "You are not sleeping sitting up."

"I am not sleeping."

"Resting your eyes, whatever" Lucifer snapped his finger, the circular seat that matched the table they were in turning into a jay, the longer extreme on the perfect position for Al. Blankets and pillows appeared likewise at his side. "We are not taking long, honey."

"Fine" Al yawned, accomodating himself on the enlongated seat, made wider for him.

But instead of using the pillow that was there, he hugged it instead as he put his head on Lucifer's lap. After Lucifer made sure he was well covered by the blanket, he let out a sigh, eyes closed to the world. Alastor was not surprised at all that the moment he did that, his shadow manifested behind Lucifer, smiling down on him.

Alastor bite down the question that wanted to come out his mouth, the why he didn't went to bed already. Whatever answer Lucifer could give him had the potential of cutting their game short and he still didn't want it to end. Not if it was going to be their last.

"Are you usually like that?" asked instead, sincerely curious. "I don't try to judge" clarified when Lucifer frowned slightly. "I understand that it has been a month and there are especial circumstances at place. I just can't picture that being enough to warrant this level of… continuos proximity" finished, in lieu of the clingy word he wanted to use.

Although that was probably more accurate, it had a more negative connotation he didn't felt was entirely warranted. This could very well just be a thing that married couples did, even when they weren't realy married anymore, and have been apart for a month. He was out of his element when it came to any of this nature.

"Well, those especial circumstances is our future kid so that is a big factor" said Lucifer, sighning as he rubbed his face. His claw dragged his bottom lashes down, the fleshy underneat visible for a second. "It's also the little fact that he, you know, died on me" He winced a little at that phrase. "Five months I thought he was gone for good. When I told you that I get nervous when I don't know where he is, it's because of that. Man, I was such a fucking wreck. Me and Charlie. If it weren't because of Husk and the others, I don't know what would have happened with the hotel."

"I am sure she would have find it on herself to keep going" said Alastor, moving his piece to not look at the man directly. He wasn't trying to be kind, but that just seemed like a pretty clear fact for him. Their princess of hell had tolerated every possible insult for her ideals and stuck by them the entire way through. When everyone else thought that he was dead, she still made a space for him. "If your Charlie is anything like this one, that is."

"It's scary how close they are" said Lucifer with a smile, beaming a little with pride at thinking of his own daughter. "Although mine has a smidgen more of a temper and likes more red meat. Can't imagine why" added, looking down fondly as he petted the head of Al.

Alastor was lifting his next piece when a sudden squeak made him drop it. The wave of embarassment at the thought that Lucifer knew that was a sound that could come out of him was like an electric shock whipping his back.

"Oh, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me" said Lucifer, winking an eye.

Alastor thought to play it off like that was the biggest difference between the two of them, that he had never emitted such a noise in his life nor knew that it was a thing that could happen, but honestly it felt silly even in his head.

"Shut up" replied, taking his revenge on Lucifer's pieces.

Lucifer chuckled, playing with one hand while the other kept on his not really but might as well could be husband.

"But yeah, we kinda… got a lot closer after he came back" said Lucifer, clearing his throat. As if he wanted to share, but didn't had many chances for it. "For me it was his death, but for him it was being on prison without any contact with us. So you can imagine that with all of this" He made a vague gesture towards the room, the entire universe around him, "it didn't exactly made things easier. We were good. Not like we were before the extermination happened, but good. Now add to this a new baby on the way and I am not taking my eyes off him if I can help it. I know it's probably not the healthiest thing ever, but… it works for us so, why change it, you know?"

"I guess as long it doesn't make you miserable, that is what counts" Alastor shrugged, not really knowing what else could he say. This was so out of his area of expertise that it was almost laughable. Rosie would have a better idea, but she wasn't there with them. "Do you think you need help?" asked, hoping it was clear already that even if he did, he wasn't qualified to give it.

"Maybe?" Lucifer scratched the back of his head. "But, I mean, we are fine. As long we can be together, I think we can handle it."

Alastor made a noncommital hum as he jumped over Lucifer's pieces, winning again. Lucifer needed a second to process how it even happened. Once he did, he knocked his head on the table.

"Ready to give up for the night?" teased Alastor.

"I hate you" murmured Lucifer, pouting as he lifted his gaze.

"I will take that as a declaration of my unquestionable victory."

"Babe?" asked to the shadow, only the head and shoulders visible over the table next to their game. Alastor was taken aback by the fact he would adress it so easily. "What do you think?"

The shadow pointed at Alastor and simulated cutting his own neck, making two exes over his eyes. Lucifer snorted.

"One last round" said, determination firing him up again.

By some miracle, Lucifer won that one. The fact that he had still lost far more than that meant very little to tamper his good humor. After everything was magically back on it's place and the trash dissapeared, Lucifer grinned to Alastor.

"It was nice playing with you, buddy. Have a good night!" said, snapping both him and Al out of the room.

Alastor noticed that he had completely forgotten to return the seat to its normal condition, but they could see that tomorrow. Maybe their own Lucifer could handle that. Alastor scratched his chest, uncomfortable with the thought, but even that didn't make the warmth go away.

[faeriekit]

Hiya! For your WIP tag game, I’d love to see 1,2 and/or 8! Love me some dp crossover right now 😍

Tall order! Let me see:

(Drake Manor)

“Oh,” Robin greets, a little of his exuberance…muted. Tim pouts. Danny ruins everything. “I didn’t know you were coming, or else I would have brought another gift! Danny, right? How have you been?” 

Danny rolls his eyes, but comes over to the door. In the same way Robin’s dressed down for the holiday, Danny’s dressed up; instead of his usual tee and hoodie combination, he has on a real sweater on over his jeans. For whatever reason, it has little green ghosts knitted into the repeating pattern. 

“You don’t have to bring anything for me. I’m not even Jewish,” Danny points out. “As long as the squirt gets something, I think you win. Welcome back; I hope you like somewhat burnt brisket. I think his mom got a little too enthusiastic with the oven.” 

“Your disrespect is audible and unwelcome!” Mom calls from somewhere else in the house. Tim isn’t exactly sure where. 

Robin’s face does something where he can’t tell if he thinks the scenario is really funny or super weird. “Joining for the holidays?” 

“Beats watching my Mom and Dad get into a no-holds-barred screaming match about whether or not Santa Claus is real or not,” Danny grumbles, peeved. And then, realizing: “Oh, Tim. Jazz says hi.” 

Oh, that’s nice. Tim hasn’t talked to her since she and Mom got into an argument about whether Tim ‘needed’ a therapist or not. Tim isn’t sure why. He’s pretty sure he’s fine.

2. untitled WIP that I genuinely haven't thought of a working name of yet

“Your you,” the kid continued proudly, pleased beyond measure. “I ate your piece!” 

Tim takes a deep breath. The deep breath will not prevent him from losing his shit, but it will help. 

Okay. A very small child ate his spleen. He will be so normal about that. He will be normal about that if it kills him. 

“Can you explain,” Tim asks, in a tone that’s not not the voice of exaggerated patience Janet Drake used to use on investors who crossed her, “Why you ate my spleen?” 

“It mine now! And now no more…no more new people,” the kid continues, wiping his face on Tim’s former blanket cape. It’s probably a self soothing gesture. It mostly looks like the kid is trying to clean his face off, which is gross. “‘Cause…tube babies. No new babies.” 

…And the solution was somehow eating an internal organ, Tim guessed, failing to understand the logic. But. He had some pretty good guesses about Ra’s favor of him meant when tacked onto this new mention of tube babies. Considering that Damian had been a former occupant of an artificial womb, and Ra’s’d had access to Tim’s genetic material…

“What did it taste like?” Tim dared to ask, having run out of other questions to occupy the boy with. 

“Bad!” Danny chirped. 

Great.

3. At the time you asked this I'm pretty sure it was already Superboy instead of Demon!AU? Anyway, here's some future Blister Pack fic:

Conner hums, pleased. “You’d eat more.”

Is he blushing?? Tim better not be blushing. He’s not thinking about—he’s not thinking about how Conner wants him to eat more. How that means Conner’s been thinking about how much Tim eats. It doesn’t mean anything. He’s just…observational. That he pays attention, when they’re huddled up on Tim’s bed working to enable mass data destruction and corporate warfare.

It’s fine!! It’s so normal. They’re friends, even, apparently! Friends do that! Tim should not be blushing.

“If you were a villain?” Conner asks, and it takes a second for Tim to figure out where they were in a line of conversation.

“Oh!” Tim realizes. “Kon didn’t tell you that? I have, like, a whole future evil timeline and everything. There’s a gun, we take over the world—it’s, like, a whole deal. I had to defeat myself to save the wo—you know what? It’s not important. It was just. Bad.”

Conner looks at him. His head tilts, as if he could get a better measure of him if he just changed the angle. “Hm,” is all he says, blue-green eyes focused.

It is not a disapproving hm. If anything, it sounds…

Tim is going to die of blood loss if all of the hemoglobin in his body keeps shifting up into his face. “Anyway!” he cuts the conversation off brightly. Since we’re not planning corporate sabotage anymore, want to try a movie? You, me, some corn nuts?”

Conner nods. The small smile on his face makes Tim’s stomach flip-flop with emotions he is not going to name.

“Sure.”

[cxhleel108]

S7 Thots for this week: What an embarrassment…

• Good to know that now that Bonnie has found another purpose in life than trying to get in my panties Rafael is there to take her spot🫤

• Rafael you can’t wear Jake’s wig and be Jake hunny I’m sorry.

• Oh my girl looks ready to FUCK yasss!

• They brought back the sex box with the same exact items again…nobody saw that coming, right?

• Right…

• The girls are so damn nosey this season like this is our 50th time peeping on the boys talking😭

• ???????

• Tanya so clumsy like damn bitch stop knocking shit over every time you tryna be sneaky😭

• Go Bryson for remembering what food we said we liked on one of our dates cuz even I don’t remember that shit.

• Here go us acting clueless again. Girl you don’t “think”, you KNOW Rafael has a thing for you🙄🙄🙄

• That’s fine, you can leave!

• Travis really don’t want Willow at all ooooo yikes girl get UP!

• I’m so glad we didn’t have to experience that argument between those two dear god this shit is stupid.

• WAIT WHY SHE KINDA GAGGED HER-

• Oh boo, so Uma gets a genuine sorry after you insult her once but Tanya ain’t get shit but a sorry ass half apology after you spent half a lifetime making her villa experience terrible? Girl go to hell😒

• Oh for the love of christ we can’t have ANYTHING.

• BYE WILLOW! And I better be right this time! (Spoiler alert…I’m not)

• I wish you’d rot, fyi.

• It’s Baby Challenge Day! Once again…nobody saw that coming, right?

• Omg PLEASEEEE. She ate😭😭😭

• Say hi to lil baby Nia everybody😍😍😍 She’s got on her bee outfit for her favorite singer Beyoncé of course.

• Raf really named his baby “Shelby Jones”…chile.

• Bryson’s being a lot cuter about the baby challenge than I expected ughh love that. (Also he’s so totally a girl dad and I’m not arguing about it)

• Here they go again tryna make a moment just because we disagreed on one small little thing🙄🙄🙄

• “Burpy burpy” has me so weak bruh💀💀💀

• Uma #1 bestie🤞🏽😛

• Why are our options to reveal a dirty secret just the same answers everyone else gave oh my GODDDD if I had a dime for every time the writing has pissed me off I'd be filthy stinking rich.

• Favorite segment incoming! Outfit time🤩

• The jumpsuit is cute but the other outfit????!!!???!! Soooooo goooood like I actually need that top irl.

• LMAOOOO HELP. If there are finna be a bunch of mishaps, I at least want them to be funny like this.

• Once again, I thought Bryson was finna ask us to be his girlfriend. Can y’all stop edging us like omg?

• #Raphneisoverparty finna be trending on Twitter.

• I’m glad they actually breaking shit off and aren’t tryna milk the relationship when it’s not worth it cough cough Hope and Noah cough cough.

• Omg y’all are really dragging it. Obviously our couple is not going to get voted off tf.

• GIRL🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

• Ok, while questioning as to why I’m choosing my DAY ONE over him is astronomically stupid, “epically sassing” him in front of everyone is so unnecessary I didn’t even do it.

• Can we just get to the final episode already like what else is there left to even do?

[takami-takami]

Long, trauma dump vent (explicit, incl sui + drugs). Press da like button if u read. Okay to skip this!

I am so incredibly fucking bored of comfort fics. I am so incredibly numb to even fictional methods of comfort. I don't even think I'm really capable of feeling anything with anyone. I don't even think what I'm saying exists.

Who the fuck am I talking to? I don't actually fucking feel connected even about this stupid fucking fictional character and I can't make myself. That's not true, I'm having a lack of emotional permanence moment.

I'm in love with the thought of intimacy, of someone shouldering my burdens and swallowing my vomit. I'm in love with the melding of skin, of screaming into someone's shoulderskin instead of the bugs. I want to dig you up like I dug up the worm from the soil, but I don't want you to be sad like it was. I don't want you to wriggle on my living room floor. I buried it again, but I wonder where he is. I wonder if he still feels what I told him, when I thought he was the source of my trauma and I loved him. I wonder if that worm dug as deep as I thought he was before.

I remember a young girl saw me on the porch screaming at the bee. And I felt so guilty for scaring her like that, I went back inside and to my room in shame.

My therapist has been trying for over a year to get me to genuinely open up to him. He tells me to visualize him with me, carrying one strap of my backpack on his arm and I just blink at him. I want to let him in, I try, I visualize it really hard, I try looking at his eyes. I try to pretend I have an aura I'm letting him in, but I can't fucking do it. I don't even think I have one. I don't know what the fuck happened to it. I remember my mom held me after I tried to kill myself and I woke up with her in my bed before I stumbled in the fog of Xanax.

I miss when I'd tug on my parents arm and ask to be taken to the bathroom. One night, my dad got so mad at me for doing that he dragged me by my hair across the floor and threw me into the bathroom door while swearing at me under his breath, "fuckin" "you want this?" "that what you wanted" and I sniffled to myself on the toilet and reminded myself I'm stupid and I'm sorry. I was finally tall enough to reach the sink. I was very proud of myself that year.

I don't understand. I want what I had with that fic I read when I was 17 in the child's racecar bed, I want what I had with myself the first time I watched Don Hertzfeldt and ate swedish fish on the living room floor at night AND I'M NOT LISTENING TO FUCKING AVENGED SEVENFOLD WHILE IM CRYING BRO WHY DID THIS COME ON SHUFFLE EW ICK CRINGE SADGIRL MOMENT OVER BOOOOOOOO I'M BUSY CRYING 😑 breakdown over

[dragonairice]

25 + 56 richjake

25 - Fairytale AU 56 - Awful first meeting DGSHJDGH THAT'S SO FUN OMG

Genuine first thought was the 'hit in the face with a frying pan scene' from Tangled but consider consider consider-

Rich Goranski is a regular teenager living with his older brother, he has a red streak in his hair that got him the nickname 'little red' in their village. One day their dad sends them a letter saying their grandmother is sick and that she needs medicine so Rich sets off to get it to her. the whole story happens - he finds out the wolf ate his grandma and goes looking for help and the first person he sees is a SUPEREMLY ATTRACTIVE WOODCUTTER like Rich is having an internal gay panic so hard there is steam coming out of his ears fhdj (" oh my god oh my GOD okay that guy's hot that guy is sooo hot he doesn't look that much older than me actually we could totally - oh right wait wolf")

Rich approaches the guy for help and it's the most awkward yet insane conversation either of them have ever had "Hi I'm Rich, Goranski, they call me little red but you can just call me Rich actually you can call me whatever you want WAIT NO I MEAN my grandma just got eaten IT'S OKAY SHE'S FINE SHE'S STILL ALIVE - I think?? - anyway could you like help me there's this wolf - yes that's what ate my grandma- no I didn't SEE it eat her but it told me-"

Jake is freaking out the entire time because he's never KILLED anything before and this random cute guy asks him to slay a wolf that ate his grandma??? Rich is ALSO panicking but for very different reasons because oh my god woodcutter is hot.

They get through it but it's a wild experience for everyone involved and they definitely tell the story to everyone who will listen after they get together (read: only Christine is nice enough to hear it more than once)

[eroaneki]

I'm starting to wonder if, fundamentally, my partner and I just need different things. He keeps telling me I don't talk to him, that he needs to get inside my head to know what I'm thinking or feeling. It's like this desperate need to create what I feel is an unhealthy bond with one another where you coexist together. He NEEDS that in order to feel loved and wanted.

Like yesterday he was complaining to me how I never talk to him about my therapy sessions, and I told him I never even thought that would be something he wants to discuss, because to me that's private. That's my time to discuss whatever it is I want to discuss in a safe setting. If I had to come home and talk about everything I spoke about in therapy, I wouldn't talk at all.

Well, he got upset with me over it and said "why don't you think I would care about that? Why do you keep thinking I don't give a shit about you emotionally?" And quite honestly I didn't know what to say because it was such a completely wrong take that my brain just shut off and I immediately left the conversation mentally. Internally I was like "this has gone way beyond anything I can comprehend right now and I have no idea how to steer it back" so I just noped the fuck out.

It started with a conversation about us moving. We have no plan as of now so I suggested we take over my mother's house because my mother has officially voiced a desire to downsize and move out of her house. I suggested it only as a means for us to get started finally since I'm fucking 33 next week and it turned into this whole back and forth of "if we do that then we're stuck here, I haven't given up hope on moving, I don't know where the hope has gone we had such a good conversation last year about moving, etc."

Yeah. Last fucking year. Then your dad got sick and shit got delayed. So to make up for lost time, this is something I'm suggesting. Because YOU keep talking about not wanting your first kid at 35. You're 34. Hello? I'm trying to offer solutions to help us?

I just feel like he's gaslighting me at this point, whether he means to or not. I don't think it's malicious. I just genuinely don't think he sees anything wrong with his outlook on things and how he perceives things. I've suggested like 10 times that he goes to therapy, especially because he has things about his dad and his dad's passing he wants to discuss. I've established a very clear boundary with him that I cannot handle conversations about death and grieving right now.

I'm here if he needs a hug or needs to just say "I'm sad," but I can't handle conversations about how his dad looked when he died and how he can't get it out of his head, etc. I've said multiple times to him I don't have the tool available to help him through that, because tbh that's like a ptsd thing and should be handled professionally.

Well, he's upset that he can't talk to me about it. "Wouldn't you want me to be able to talk to you about it?" is what he says to me. I told him yes, of course, but when you talk to me about it, it negatively impacts me and my overall well-being. Because then my mind is flooded with images of rows of reanimated corpses laying in hospital beds all with death breathing. And then I panic. I don't want that for myself. I think that's a fair boundary to place.

Our conversation left off yesterday with him passive aggressively saying he's going to stop asking me about therapy and stop trying to dig into my head, and that if I want to talk he's there. But it was passive aggressive because he stopped talking to me for the rest of the day yesterday. Didn't go like "alright, is there anything else you wanna do today?" Just stopped talking to me, went in the bedroom and played video games all day.

Oh and he was rummaging through the fridge yesterday and like binged on food last night. Was about to eat old pasta when I said I made quesadillas, you can have one. Because the other one was supposed to be my lunch for work.

Well. He ate both. So now I have no lunch for work and will have to buy something. And if I bring it up to him he's gonna say "you should have told me you were going to eat it for work," or "you should have sectioned it in a different container." Like, he didn't think for a minute that the reason there were two was because maybe she's taking the other half for work. Just went completely over his head. Not even taken into consideration.

Starting to realize why I feel so insignificant. I feel like a punching bag sometimes for him. Everything I do is wrong. And when I try communicating that to him, I get gaslit into thinking the problem is me.

I'm so miserable, dude. I keep fantasizing about people who will love me in a way I want rather than having to conjure up attraction and sexual desire. And again, I don't think he's doing any of this maliciously. He's just fucking oblivious to this shit to the point where it sucks the literal life out of me.

[neurodiversebones]

I want to hear the ed + recovery thoughts. I want to hear them so badly. I have post notifications on for you and saw your post within a minute because of how much I love your thoughts.

should i be sleeping? yes i have to leave for work in exactly 8 hours (i said when i started this . as im finishing it we are looking at 7 hrs 15 min lol) . but i Have to Talk ! also just letting you know you almost made me CRY with this ask you guys are all genuinely so sweet and kind to me i cannot believe it 💗💐☀ i love you all :-((

OKAY gonna put this under a cut so anyone who doesn't wanna see ed related content can SCROLL AWAY ! gonna avoid being triggering but . protect ur peace and all that <3 also i wanna put out there that this is mostly based on my own experiences with seven years of various eating disorders so if you are reading this and it doesn't fit your idea or perception of ed's that may be why !

ok so the three main characters i have ed-related headcanons for are brennan, angela, and cam (before anyone comments that it's only the women . there is no correlation i promise . i am projecting and these are my Projection Characters .)

i hc brennan as having arfid and orthorexia-- arfid developed for her from a combination of sensory issues with food as well as food-related anxiety from foster care (not always having enough to eat, rarely having any choice in what she ate, food-related punishments within abusive homes). being avoidant is an easy way to ignore the anxiety and stress that comes along with eating, between her sensory issues and the fact that she wasn't given an opportunity to develop much of a healthy relationship with food. orthorexia also developed as a control mechanism, but later in life (around college age). it was the first time since her parents left that she had control over her life, and that included food-- she became very obsessive about what she was putting in her body, because it gave her some of that sense of control back. her obsession with being "healthy" allowed her to feel like she was the one in charge of her body for the first time since she was fifteen.

in regards to recovery, she really didn't realize she had a problem for ages. since she wasn't medically unstable or engaging in super obvious behaviours, she didn't see herself as suffering from an eating disorder at all. it wasn't until sweets pointed out her disordered eating habits that she realized there was anything wrong with what she was doing-- she brought it up to booth, who agreed, which culminated in a fairly major argument as she didn't see anything she was doing as "bad" or disordered, just "healthy" and "in control". after a Real Conversation though, she eventually accepted that she might have some sort of problem and started looking into it more. she is definitely still in recovery, as it is a very slow process after so many years of disordered eating, but she makes an effort to engage in things that scare the disordered part of her brain. her favourite memory in regards to this was getting *real* ice cream for the first time in god knows how long when her and angela were out with the kids <33

my headcanons in regard to angela's ed are very connected to my headcanon that she has bipolar disorder-- many of us with bipolar really struggle with disordered eating and i specifically hc angela as having bulimia. it started when she was a teenager and first starting to experience bipolar episodes-- when manic or depressed, it's incredibly easy to fall into b/p cycles. when she was manic, it was like a form of thrill seeking, and she didn't have the capacity to care for the destruction it was causing, and when depressed, it felt like she was putting her awful feelings into something physical. it was hard to express her emotions through words, so she used her body instead.

i think she entered recovery for the first time in her late teens (around 17) when her mental health hit like . rock bottom and her dad decided that they needed to do something about it. she got the treatment she needed, and also took time away from school to tour with her dad-- exploring the country and having so much time to just sit with her thoughts (especially now that they were a little easier to manage with medication) is what made her start doing art really seriously-- if she couldn't express her hurt with her body anymore, she was going to do it on a page, and she created some of her most beautiful paintings during that time that she is still very proud of to this day. she still has slip ups to this day when she is struggling with her episodes, but with hodgins and brennan she is much more capable of talking through it before it gets to a dangerous point of relapse.

as for cam's ed, i feel this is the one i've talked about the most before bc she is my comfort character in this aspect? i headcanon her to have anorexia, specifically restrictive subtype. for her it's a control and perfectionism thing, as well as a "growing up masking autism" thing. cam has a very perfectionist and obsessive personality type, and it's mostly directed toward herself. everything she does needs to be perfect to be enough, and she needs to feel in control at all times. food is one of the easiest ways to do this-- if she can control her body and the food she consumes, obsess over numbers and physical changes and symptoms, it makes her feel a little more at ease in her life because she feels she has *something* under her control. as for the masking thing, she often masked with hyperfemininity growing up-- she was praised frequently for being a "good girl", and part of keeping up that image was looking the "right" way (aka, thin). if she could keep up this image, people wouldn't notice the things that made her odd or how unnatural everything felt to her. it's another control thing, but with another layer to it.

cam took a *long* time to start real recovery. she had phases where it got less severe, even some to the point where she barely thought about it, but restriction and denial was always still a part of her mentality and routine. it wasn't until arastoo came along that she felt comfortable enough to explain her pain and her thoughts to another person-- she was always too scared to unload on anyone else, so she kept it a secret essentially her entire life. arastoo was the first person she trusted to listen without judgement, and he encouraged her to talk to her other friends and loved ones about it (all of whom were incredibly understanding and supportive). in a similar sense to brennan, recovery is really difficult for her, having struggled for so incredibly long and having her disorder be a part of her daily routine for the majority of her life. however, she tries incredibly hard-- arastoo is teaching her how to cook (she never learned) and she's learning to find the joy in food through that, and allowing herself to relax around it a little more <333

that is all !!!! wow this is so very long lol . i hope you enjoyed this it was cathartic for me

[writterings]

having some trauma realizations and venting them under the cut

things my parents did that definitely left a long last impression on my psyche that i didn't realize WEREN'T normal until college or after:

-ate food they absolutely hated and didn't like because it was "nutritious" and/or because we had already spent money on it. this included undercooked food or food burnt beyond belief. they also genuinely didn't believe in seasonings until i started cooking for the family in high school and it still took several years for them both to start seasoning things.

-didn't let me and my brother listen to music until we were like 14. like we were allowed to HEAR music but otherwise anything we wanted to privately listen to, we had to run by them. and that is how i was only allowed to listen to one taylor swift album and one pitbull song well into high school.

-screamed at me and my brother and threatened to throw our stuff out whenever we would leave it somewhere. this wasn't even a punishment or a mess related thing, it was just like "i have to pee after getting home so i'll leave my backpack on this chair for moment" and then my dad would scream at me and threaten to throw it out. like they've chilled about this over the years but the only personal property i'm allowed to keep outside my bedroom is some coats, shoes, and keys. otherwise everything either gets thrown out (dad) or gathered in a basket and left in my room (mom) OR i get yelled at for leaving it somewhere.

-stopped feeding me in high school when i got a job. like i had to buy and prepare all my own food when i was 16-17. i live at home with them now and they've like changed on this??? like they have a weird obsession with making sure i eat with them every night and i think that's because i told them i used to not eat in college sometimes because i couldnt afford it.

-steal money from me. they had access to my bank account bc i've been helping with bills since i was a teen and they would just randomly steal money from me without asking. they would also take all my brother's birthday money and take money out of his piggy bank.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #210

In what form of communication did you last use to talk to the person you're currently interested in? Discord.

When was the last time something really cute happened to you? When I was at Girt's house a few days ago, when his mom got home, I called hi to her and she got so excited, exclaiming, "My girl's here!!" and she comes into his bedroom to hug and kiss my head and it was so adorable she's so pure

Has anything happened to you within the past month that's made you really happy? Girt started talking about engagement rings with me (he started it, not me) and was deadass taking notes in his phone lmao. I'm not in a rush or anything, but HIM bringing it up was validating that he genuinely wants to be with me forever. Ever since Jason I still struggle to imagine anyone at all ever wanting to marry me.

What was the last thing you looked up on YouTube? Rammstein albums, lol. I've gone through their entire discography before but I did a massive bulk of it a second time and I found I like even more songs than the first time, and that was already the vast majority of their entire history of songs.

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? No, I could never picture him with any and I don't believe he wants any.

Do you actually love your parents? Yes. I would die without a millisecond of thought for my mom. I hold some bitterness and hurt towards my dad, but yes, I still love him.

Where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? I'm in my pjs, I'm not wearing any. Who in the hell wears undies in their pjs, that entirely ruins the comf. I know for a woman it's not healthy to wear them 24/7, anyway. let yo pussy breathe

Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? The one and only person I'll comfortably share a drink with is Girt, if I can make out with him I can drink after the guy lmao. I'd still very much prefer my own drink, though. It doesn't really matter who you are.

Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? blink blink blink

Last person to make you seriously mad? Our landlord.

Who have you recently made up with after fighting? Nobody.

Funniest name you have ever heard? This is a very mean question, next.

When people ask "how are you?" do you say "good" even if you aren't? No, actually. I might downplay how bad I am, but I don't pretend to be well if I'm not.

Do you wear your hair up or down most often? It's too short to go up, so.

Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I don't believe I have. It doesn't look like something I'd enjoy whatsoever.

Have you worn make-up today? I couldn't even TRY to remember the last time I wore makeup...

Can you hear anything right now? I have "Tattoo" by Rammstein on.

What was the last fruit you ate? It was either pineapple or grapes.

Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? I watched some with Sara when I visited her once, because it was one of her favorite shows. I thought it was fine, but I didn't have any strong feelings. Television shows normally don't do it for me.

Have you watched a movie this week? No, movies are another thing I don't generally care for much, unless it's a theater experience. I can't remember the last film I watched.

How far away is the closest McDonald’s from your house? Around 5-ish minutes by car, depending on what traffic lights you hit.

Have you ever been to Hawaii? No.

How old is the mattress on your bed? It's rather new. I don't think I've had it even a year yet.

Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. Bring your phone bro

Do you watch movies with the subtitles on? No, unless it's very quiet or foreign. I generally find subtitles to be distracting.

Are you happy? I'm currently rawdogging my mental illnesses with no medication, no :^)

Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most? Nope.

What do you wear to bed? Loose pj pants and a tank top.

What are you excited about? This weekend Girt and I are going to Charlotte to meet a couple that are some online/gaming friends of his, and we're gonna do stuff around the city. It's more than a three hour drive and we're going there and back in the same day so it's gonna be a long day, but I'm looking forward to it.

Best summer? I'm supposed to remember this?

What type of foundation do you wear? I don't wear it.

Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No, but god my sister Misty was obsessed with that and its show when it was a thing.

Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? Does literally anyone?????

Can you juggle? No.

Do you like Nerds candy? I love them.

What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? It's all about the black, baby.

Do you have sensitive skin? Yes.

Who in your family would you describe as a “character”? My dad.

What color is your best friend’s hair? Black, although like his dad, he's graying very early so there's a lot of that grizzled in.

Do you think your neighbors have any complaints about living near you? No. We mind our business and our dog doesn't bark much.

Is there something you want to tell someone? Two somebodies. I doubt they'll ever be said, though.

Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? No.

How frequently do you pee at night? Once or twice. A night where I don't get up at least once is basically unheard of.

Is there a stuffed animal you still take places with you? No.

Have you ever done something illegal with a family member? What about with your best friend? Possibly, I don't feel like thinking about this forever.

Would you rather get high or get drunk? High, but only on like, weed. No serious drugs that are truly dangerous if you take a responsible dose. Being drunk doesn't sound pleasant in any way, tbh.

What was the last thing you cooked? I don't cook, I pop shit in the microwave lmao.

Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning? No, that sounds like hell.

Do you want to see someone at this very moment? Yeah, Girt.

Think of the person who has hurt you the most in the past year, who is it? I saw the woman TWICE and it was my last psychiatrist. She did me so much harm in such a short time.

Do you think two people can last forever? 'Til they die, anyway. I don't pretend to know what's gonna happen once my body's dead.

Last person you talked to on the phone for longer than 5 min? My dad.

Are you a morning person or night person? Morning.

Who was the last person in your bedroom? Mom. Besides me, anyway.

Did you ever lose a best friend? What adult hasn't at some point, honestly?

How many piercings do you have? Six right now. Others that have closed either intentionally but mostly unintentionally due to being hospitalized and piercings having to come out.

What is your middle name? Marie.

Could you handle living with the last boy you texted? That's my dad, and yeah, I'd be fine.

Have you been to the beach this year? No, doubt I will.

Does it take a lot to make you cry? Sure doesn't.

Do you have a favorite classical composer? No.

Would you ever visit a psychic medium? No, they're scam artists.

Do you use a dishwasher or wash dishes by hand? Dishwasher.

Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? The woman who took my blood today.

What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? I was once a conservative dicklord of a teenager. Now I'm politically left and feel very strongly about these beliefs.

Have you ever had a dream in which you died? Multiple.

Do you use Snapchat? No.

Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? Yes.

Have you/Do you know anyone that grows weed? Not knowingly to me.

Which accents can you emulate pretty well? British and country are about it.

Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? ...........................................................

What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever heard somebody die of? Oh I dunno.

How many true heartbreaks have you had in your lifetime? One true one, romantically.

Do you have any gay family members? My mom's cousin or something named Tom is gay.

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Girt.

Would you ever get a boob job? If I lose all the weight I want, I want to get a breast lift. Obesity does things.

Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? No. I would only be upset if he tried to hide it from me.

Have you ever been punched? No.

How do you feel about bats? I love bats, I think they're very cute. Especially flying foxes and similar species.

Has your Facebook ever been hacked? No.

Have you ever played laser tag? Yes, it was extremely fun.

Is anyone you’re close to in the hospital right now? No.

Who or what sleeps with you? Roman, my cat. He starts off in my bed, anyway; throughout the night he goes to different spots.

Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Pro-choice as fuck. It's not even a matter of whether the baby is truly "alive" or not to me, if it's in MY fuckin body, my wants and needs come first.

Who was your first kiss with? Jason.

What aren’t you afraid to stand up for? LGBTQ+ rights, for one. I'd die for the right to love and to be true to your own body and however it feels like home.

Do you have any STDs? I don't.

Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver? I couldn't care less about NASCAR.

Who’s your celebrity crush? a stupid german rockstar old enough to be my dad 😭

Have you ever intentionally trolled? Hm, not to my recollection.

What is your favorite type of cat? Oriental shorthairs.

What ancient culture intrigues you the most, if any? Maybe Egyptian.