#now that the term is over maybe i will
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also i drew subaru
#vkei#royz#subaru#my art#royz subaru#visual kei#i tagged him and he saw it too 🥺#i love royz so much#i need to make serious finished art again….#now that the term is over maybe i will#i have many ideas for art
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i keep trying to think of funny/poetic ways to talk about all the things i'm feeling right now but i honestly can't so. i'm really sad about what happened with my partner. i know he was an inconsiderate prick about it and that i didn't do anything wrong and i couldn't have prevented it but i'm just really fucking sad.
#ramble#i think knowing that he was awful and that it wasn't my fault should make all the sad go away actually#i'm in such a weird fragile state right now that last night i looked at my flip flops that are still covered in mud#and i just started crying bc last weekend he carried me over the mud so they wouldn't get ruined. KNOWING he was going to do this to me#sorry i try really hard not to overshare but i don't want to keep bothering anyone in my actual life about this and idk what to do#when it happened it didn't hurt this badly and i just assumed i would be fine#idk i think it's just sunk in how much of my future i don't have anymore and that's like#a bit scary#because i was Just calming down and thinking maybe i would be ok in the long term and now it's all gone#i'm in that weird place between desperately wanting him back and plotting where to bury the body parts#i'm also mad bc i wish he'd left me before the festival. there were SO many gorgeous metalhead trans girls that i could've kissed
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note: the following is three (almost four) years post-game
okay fine i'll just draw comics for my au since writing is so dang hard smh
anyways welcome to two coins! where loop shows up again but siffrin only got the one hat ending
edit: part two
#2024#isat two coins au#isat loop#isat mirabelle#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#on technicality#isat#in stars and time#this was also an excuse to play with mira's hair again bc i wanna see her in braids so bad! with beads that click clack as she walks!#hairier isabeau... oh merciful neptune oh sweet aphrodite i thibk i hauve covid#also none of these outfits are like... definitive. i'm indecisive so i want everybody to have a wardrobe#LOOP'S HAT IS NOT SIFFRIN'S BTW they prioritized hiding from siffrin over finding where it landed oop that thing is GONE gone#that coin attached to the tip of that hat is also not siffrin's... but siffrin doesnt know that...#also hey yall ever think about how loop can kinda turn their light out and maybe be invisible? i do#anyway this au is also loop/siffrin/isabeau just fyi... also maybe the tiniest of shoutouts to loop/odile if i'm feeling cheeky#also also also... loop still uses they/them but there will be more feminine terms used for them in this au ;u;#baby finally started seeing themself as a person again and is reevaluating their gender#people around where they've been frequently traveling call them miss lu or some call them lady#eventually when the polycule is complete i want siffrin and isabeau to both call loop ''my lady'' bc the thought just makes me melt#you don't /need/ to know that but i'm telling you#okay i've been trying to articulate my thoughts in the tags for half an hour so i'll stop now...#have a good day/night i love you mwah mwah mwah
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[just after having helped River make a getaway from a heist of an astatine lace shawl — the rarest substance in the universe — without her even needing to ask beyond a simple “hello sweetie” scrawl in the sky] [Eleventh Doctor] “I can see its worth — but Alice is right! What’s so special about a lace shawl?” [River] “Ah, well, lace, you see, is the traditional gift for a thirteenth wedding anniversary…” [Eleventh Doctor] “Wedding anniversary? Whose wedding anniversary?” [River] “Spoilers…!” *winks* [Thirteenth Doctor, reminiscing] “I love River.”
HAPPY THIRTEENTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO THE DOCTOR AND RIVER SONG!
Sources: Diary of River Song: The Furies, Diary of River Song: The Lady in the Lake, The Day of the Moon, Doctor Who Magazine Special Edition #33, The Wedding of River Song, The Big Bang, The Angels Take Manhattan, The Many Lives of Doctor Who: Without a Paddle, The Time of the Doctor, Forest of the Dead, Let's Kill Hitler, Diary of River Song: The Wife of River Song, Eleventh Doctor Year Two: Physician Heal Thyself, A Good Man Goes to War, Eleventh Doctor Chronicles: Broken Hearts, The Husbands of River Song, Doctor Who Confidential: When Time Froze
#river song#eleventh doctor#twelfth doctor#tenth doctor#thirteenth doctor#yowzah#edits by seaweed#words by seaweed#I know there's not a lot of 12 and 10 and 13 rep but oh well theres not as much source material. I got like a quote from them each#regular reminder that psychopath has no clinical meaning and is more of a reclaimed slur than a descriptive term etc#reclaimed language#ableist language#this is about them being messy (positive) together. ALSO river was promised Stevie Wonder for her 13th anniversary <3#I HAVE ZERO SOURCES FROM BOOKS WHAT im sure there are some perfect quotes from novels & short stories but well#I got episodes and audios and comics and magazines#did I miss posting a thing for 'fourteen years since fish custard' day a few weeks back? yes. yes I did.#am I trying to make up for it by celebrating a day that references a very specific comic that less people likely heard of? yes. yes i am.#maybe shoulda posted this at midnight last night. April 22 is almost over in the UK I think#okay I gotta go to work now! ima watch Wedding of River Song tonight
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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It's still so crazy to me that Pac made it canon that Felps saw Cell maul him in prison. I wonder who he hated more in that moment — the perpetrator or the bystander
#i talk#qsmp talk#obviously they're on good terms now but it's still wild#I want all the juicy details I want to know more about what Pac thought about that#anyways maybe Pac didnt even hate either of them! hes a weird dude#tbh I think his brain was in full-blown survival mode so hate and anger weren't really at the forefront of his mind#But I do wonder how he felt when he first saw Felps again#especially with the sainthood thing?#Aren't saints bystanders by nature? Something to watch over people but not directly interviene?#<- I guess it depends on the mythos or specific branch but#Felps' whole thing intrigues me. Jailer Bystander Saint#anyways I think it's interesting that Pac's kissed both Cellbit and Felps#fandom tropes read him well
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confession time!!! can't wait for bt bones
#how is it gonna happen tho#dont know if i like buck prioritizing eddie over t or buck and t just now really meshing more#ooooh#or they breakup cuz t doesnt want kids#thats always good#i dont want to villianize t just because i dont like him (jk i do)#so maybe buck and t just kinda dont work out#like its not a bad breakup its just one those i like you but we wont work long term breakuos#or t says no kids and bucks empty womb is like devastaed so obviously they have to break up (bpreg got to me im so sorry)#or they full send and make t the worst person ever#like fully sides with gerrard and tells buck to play into gerrards bs (not gonna happen but if it did tim i would love you forever)#anyway#cant wait for them to breakup#wait no#the funniest thing would be an offscreen breakup#especially after all that in season 7 hes just gone with buck saying yeah we broke up#💀💀💀#honestly manifesting that even tho its not gonna happen#a girl can dream#okay t hater hours are over#buddie#because ofc#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#sorrh i just dont like him and i dont think canon can do anything to change that
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Sooooooo...
Chapter 3 of My girl is 10.8k words, cool cool cool, nothing abnormal there, that's a pretty standard word count for a chapter by me...
Except that in total Sorry, It's Locked as a series is 190k words. 190,000 words. Which means that when I upload this chapter S,IL will have officially reached 200k words.
200,000.
Two hundred thousand.
#im actually freaking about a bit. i was talking to my granma (in incredibly vague terms 💀) about SIL and she asked how long it is#i said “it's like 170k. maybe 180 i don't remember really”#but i was fucking wrong. i was wrong by 10 to 20 THOUSAND WORDS and now with the next update SIL is going to officially be over 200k words#holy shit#like actually holy shit what the fuck?#I'm so excited#I'm so fucking excited#marble hornets#marble hornets fanfic#mh sorry its locked
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“The Sullys didn’t owe Spider anything, they didn’t adopt him.” It is basic decency to not leave a child with the murderers that kidnapped him. Much less a child you knew since infancy, much less a child who at least two of your children love like he’s their own brother.
#spider socorro#spider soccoro sully#miles socorro#avatar#i'm probably done harping on this now i'll get off my soapbox#look i don't hate the sullys#i think it's weak writing that causes this issue honestly#they didn't have time to flesh out every main#and they needed him kidnapped to further the plot#and neytiri is (i believe) blatantly set up to have an arc wherein she accepts him as his own person#though who knows#maybe they'll make him go bad and botch it or something#he doesn't deserve that#BUT in terms of what happened it is deeply fucked up how the adults around him regarded him#i don't think they WROTE it to be that way#but i cannot ignore the child neglecting elephant in the room#why does fandom always inevitably demonize children over adults???#like kids have any trauma or bad emotion and fandom wants to crucify them#and the adults around them can do ANYTHING and it's okay#i saw it with harrison morgan from dexter#the vitriol toward that pooor child#who went through multiple traumas#is baffling to me#or travis and shauna from yellowjackets#constantly demonized and blamed for not handling a horrific situation perfectly well
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i genuinely have No idea when you sleep ive known you for ages and i still dont have a single clue of your time zone it is so bizarre to me you are basically a cryptid
This is so funny to me help,, I love the idea of being some mysterious cryptid,, always awake,,,
But ,, I’m afraid the boring answer is just I do Not Have a sleep schedule anymore. most of the sleep I get is from little naps I take throughout the day + night so im like,, always awake but somehow also always asleep
#kite answers#I feel like we've talked abt this before ?? maybe im making that up KFJHKFH but yeah the answer is my sleep is just fucked#if u srs wanted an timezone then pacific LOL (until uni is over at least then who knows where ill end up again :'') -#but for uni I am here...)#BUT timezone tbh means v little atm since... sleep schedule is broke </3#Ik its bad and I am going to try and fix this next year once this school term is over its just brutal right now#none of this which u needed to know but I like to yap sorry spicy KFHFKJH#:'p
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First promotional pictures for HZ074 (link here and here).
There is a picture of Diana and Hamber when they were younger. I wonder if they traveled together for a while.. either way, they were close enough to take pictures together at some point in their lives.
Our first look at Rystal. The three adventurers that founded the Explorers are definitely Lucius, Rystal and Gibeon. I like Rystal's design and can't wait to see it in color since the picture is old so it's in black and white. The picture showcases the (potential) personalities of the characters well, too. Lucius and Rystal are both more prone to smiling in pictures, while Gibeon doesn't. Rystal being in the middle of the picture is also a detail I like.
The three of them seemed close friends, if they were taking pictures together and wanted to keep memories of their adventures. Given the flashback that was showcased in the previous episode (HZ073) showing Lucius defending Basagiri from people, it also makes me think that the Explorers shared similar values and were on the same wavelength. I imagine that Gibeon may have been someone who cared about Pokemon just like Lucius and Rystal (I can't imagine Lucius befriending someone who wouldn't care about them?). Maybe Gibeon showed kindness to Pokemon the same way Amethio does to Soublades. I wouldn't be surprised if Amethio was similar to Gibeon when he was younger.
I wonder at what point the three of them met. I think Lucius and Rystal were married, so when did Gibeon join them on their journey? Were they acquainted with Gibeon before that? Is Gibeon someone Lucius and Rystal met when they were looking for Rakua, and they both invited him to join them so he could help them with his knowledge? I am really curious about the kind of dynamics the three of them had.
Taking a closer look at young Gibeon's design.. it seems a bit similar to Amethio's. Similar clothes? He also has that same gemstone? jewelry-like thing? that Amethio has. I wonder if he gave it to Amethio as a gift (similarly to how Diana gave the pendant to Liko). I wonder if Amethio perhaps wants to emulate Gibeon, which is why he wears the outfit he does now.. or if it's just the kind of clothes they wear in their family? Those don't seem to be clothes you'd picture when you think of an adventurer?
At the very least, when I look at Gibeon in that picture, it feels like his clothes could indicate something about his background (refined?). He also seems to be wearing a long coat, which makes me think of "researcher".. I wonder if Gibeon was into research and mysteries, which is the reason he would have wanted to go on a journey. It's also interesting that the current Gibeon wears clothes that are similar to the ones Lucius was wearing in the past. It says a lot about Gibeon's feelings towards Lucius to me. I wonder if part of Gibeon doesn't want to forget about Lucius and wants to keep his memory alive in some form, so he keeps the Explorers name in the current day and wears similar clothing, etc...
Gibeon is the only character in that picture that is confirmed to be alive. Rystal is going to appear at the Crystal Pool which means she's already passed on, and Lucius's status is currently unknown. It adds mystery around Gibeon's existence, who is probably over 100 (which means he's reaching the limits of a human lifespan, etc).. How is he still alive? Probably because of the Rakurium. For what purpose is he keeping himself alive? What is so important to him that he is doing all of this? I wonder if Liko and the others will learn of Gibeon's name in the upcoming episode and Liko will connect the dots with what Amethio told her in HZ065 and realize that Amethio's grandfather is the same person on the picture with Rystal and Lucius. Though they could doubt that because Gibeon would be considered too old to still be alive.
#for now i think i covered what the pictures made me think about#the parallel of lucius&rystal and gibeon and diana and hamber being friends potentially turned enemies#makes me insane in terms of liko and amethio..#i wonder if liko and amethio will become friends someday.. and maybe take pictures together#gibeon had friends at some point (and even took pictures with them).. and amethio spent a lot of time with none in comparison#though he is starting to have some now#and gibeon was traveling.. and amethio isn't really doing that currently (traveling as in: discovering the world for himself etc)#anyway i can't get over how tall gibeon is w hamber looks very gentleman-ish too (did he and diana date for a while.. a mystery)#i need the ep now. give me.#lucius#gibeon#rystal#hz074#character notes#episode notes
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2024 reads / storygraph
At The Feet Of The Sun
book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*
the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,
after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship
(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)
#At The Feet Of The Sun#lays of the heart-fire#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#giggling and kicking my feet. and also crying#bro the yearning….the yearning#I can definitely see why this loses people - it’s so long and very self indulgent#(listen. i enjoy it a lot . but does it need to be THAT long (i just checked. 375k? lord))#but it is easy to read and also very funny. it felt less repetitive than the first book to me#I did find it hard to keep track of some of the side characters though#The first world-travelling stuff caught me off guard initially - I feel like all the weird magic was more background in book 1?#or maybe I just didn't pay attention.#taking a step back it is a bit like - kip sure does achieve everything and then some and just continues to achieve everything huh#and it gets to a point where it's like.....okay yes I get he's so talented at this etc etc.#but I guess it’s a nice change of pace from the kingly swordfighting fantasy protagonist who’s perfect and wins everything -#someone whose skill is people and negotiation in a humble way is a bit more interesting. still. it maybe felt less grounded after a while?#the deep exploration of platonic yearning and desire for strong friendship and fear over that person just wanting romance/sex#when that’s Not what you want out of the relationship………#not to mention his complex feelings over meeting two people who were like his platonic soulmate rolemodels#and then finding out they just used that term because gay relationships weren’t accepted and trying to not be disappointed#(because gay is also good!) but also like. so lonely in feeling like nobody understands his desire for a platonic soulmate#to be treated equally as romantic relationships are. oof#I am a little baffled to see people interpret it as a romantic asexual relationship?#I feel like that does such a disservice to the . everything that has been set up in what 600k words of books#like the implication of that is that you think other romantic rships w/o sex are unheard of in this world. I find that hard to believe idk#(I mean - a bit romantic on fitzroy’s end; and in the nebulous queerplatonic area between friendship and romance; sure#but like a straight up romantic relationship just without sex - I don’t understand how it could be interpreted that way lol?)#(anyway other people’s interpretations don’t matter)#I do have questions about the telepathic dinosaur soulmates. you can’t just mention that and now show me them#also. kip being like 'wait there were sirens? i wonder if i can hire them' kshfkjsgkf#asexual books
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obligatory rock murder mention
#i think someone said earlier that they had kind of a lot of mind control stories 'back in those days'#dont remember where#but now im trying to think if we have a lot of them in new who#and if theres something to that in terms of like societal preoccupations#but i guess im just gonna have to...........continue my classic who watch for that and make notes#what do we have in new who? satan comes to mind#midnight but i feel like thats..........a very particular kind it's not like the hypnosis thing you see here#or with the master#or i think sarah jane in the hand of fear?#maybe its JUST because they had the master around who kept hypnotising people tbh like that seems possible#the unquiet dead but thats ghosts more than mind control#i feel like we've got more bodies being taken over than minds in new who?#like the gas mask thing. midnight like i said. 42 with martha and 10?#love and monsters. idiots lantern. the vashta nerada. that guy who got turned into an ood. the masters thing in end of time#11 and the flesh. the god complex perhaps could be mind control? but feels different to me too#but i also havent watched really a lot of classic who so i dont know the vibe of their supposedly frequent mind control#town called mercy. asylum of the daleks. crimson horror. journey to the centre of the tardis? cybermen#it all feels more about the hijacking of the body than the mind or will or whatever#would be intersting to actually look into#if i continue my classic who watch#biggest mind control in new who might have been those mummy monks in pyramid/lie of the land?
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thinking abt joe/carlos
#ashita no joe#yeah#idk just the way that they loved and understood each other#when that understanding necessarily came from physical violence they must inflict on each other#that post that’s like joe can only understand affection when it’s punching him in the face is true!!#when someone like noriko who he does care for tries to connect with him#the connection can never be complete bc she doesn’t understand what boxing is to joe (and carlos)#which is interesting bc someone like yoko who is one of joes number one enablers pretty much ever tries to have a more personal conversation#with him that’s not about his fights (him getting in the car with her bc he assumes she’s taking him to jose#him avoiding and getting throwing shit at her over the course of the series when she tries to personally help him)#he is hostile to for a lot of the time#idk it’s just like yoko is the closest thing he has to one of his oppenents in terms of understanding what boxing means and he lowkey hates#her maybe bc she is extremely privileged#she’s kind of playing at this boxing is everything when to her it’s really not#her family is incredibly wealthy and she never goes through turmoil herself over the plot (expect for the loss of rikiishi)#while the boxers of the series go through hardship#joe is a homeless orphan#rikiishi is in the juvenile detention center for almost killing someone#carlos also grew up in the slums#pretty much every boxer in the series has a reason why they MUST box#while there is no reason why yoko MUST be a promoter really other than her odd enabling of joe#i got far away from my original point but i just have so many thoughts abt this series😭😭#the anime elitists cooked with this one i fear#anyway it is now 1am and i’m tired👍#have no clue if this makes sense#need someone to yap abt this to😭#sorry for the block of text that probably does not make any sense
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2024 is probably not my best year now that i think about it
#i mean - let's go over the good ones. i have my own laptop now - i'm doing okay in uni. and I haven't gotten any bad issues with irl stuff#in terms of living i'm doing okay and im pretty content#but emotionally and mentally ? horrendous. I don't think i'm really actually doing okay mentally#im struggling to find myself to be the same person i was awhile back. it just doesn't fit like a puzzle anymore even if it's supposed to fit#whats genuinely saving me from feeling miserable is my current interest which is why i'm really so quick to get excited or happy w it#it's so hard to look at past interests now and not think about the “bad” highlight - even if the good highlights are bigger than the bad#i feel like i'm keeping a facade when i'm talking to people. i feel like im being fake when im talking to people. i just cant find myself to#feel like myself when talking to others. that's why i havent been so active talking unless its close people#i'm scared of not being able to “keep up” with them. feel boring with them. not feeling like “the jil” they know#i'm tired. and upset. maybe i am bothered after all#being told that i sounded so fake when i talked really opened my eyes. maybe i am fake because i'm tired. but i wouldn't know#Losing a friend really does something to you huh.
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