#now comic accuracy isn’t the only thing that makes a good suit

[cherrysnax]

now that cw flash is over… cw barry’s suits kinda outdoes higher budget mcu suits everytime :/

[theblackdragon-studios]

When Into the Spider-Verse came out, I made a spider-sona like a lot of people. Except…she wasn’t that good. The outfit was. The story wasn’t. I won’t go into it…but it was just lazy and…yeah. Not great.

I’d been wanting to rewrite and redesign her since Across the Spider-Verse, but I didn’t know what to do or how to make it unique. Or at least something believable.

Until now.

Introducing my redesigned Spider-Sona…who was not bit by a radioactive animal of some kind, genetically altered by science, or anything like that. Actually…she’s the symbiote (usually known as Venom) host of her world, except her actions and his past change things from usual probably.

I wasn’t going to do that at first, because I thought that seemed silly…but then decided why not? I like monsters, I like monstrous-looking heroes, and I like Venom (both together and as just the symbiote) (all versions of him, not just the one from his title movie).

I’m not an expert on Marvel comics or on Venom, though, so don’t expect absolute accuracy and smooth insertion…but I thought it would be fun.

She isn’t recruited by the Spider-Verse HQ either, either because she is also an anomaly, she was mistaken for being the Venom of her world, or they didn’t trust her to be a good hero since a parasitic monster is how she has her powers…and if she can’t control him, they can’t trust her to not cause damage. (Actually though she would say “fuck canon” and try to stop a horrible canon event like Miles did. And the symbiote would make sure she succeeds… So Miguel would probably fire her immediately. lol)

So that’s the idea…I don’t think I’ll do much with this since like I said, I don’t know a lot about the source. But if I come up with any short skits or want to draw this version of my s/i more I will.

Edit: I decided the symbiote with her is actually one I made up. They’re all more or less the same until they develop via bonding to people, so this one is an ‘OC’ in that it isn’t a canon one.

-

Bonus details on the design and some sketches under the cut.

Design Features

-The suit is the symbiote. She wears some kind of clothes under it (at least a pair of shorts and a tank top), but when changing to her Spider alter-ego he (the symbiote, or Venom if he goes by that name here) just forms as the suit around her. Settling on a design took a while…and deciding on a name took even longer. (She refused to go by the name ‘Venom’. It felt wrong and gave a bad impression of who she is.)

-When she loses control of her emotions, and later when facing a really tough opponent, the symbiote responds and becomes the more monstrous form we know him for. Meg was scared of this form for a while, since it was so much stronger and more dangerous.

-The belt was added by Meg. She used to keep a phone-holder clip there and have a pouch on the other side for headphones, which she wears to listen to music when fighting the average robber or weaker threat. It keeps her focused and calm, and keeps the symbiote from taking over completely. Later these are replaced by an enchanted pouch by a sorcerer that eventually becomes an ally. This pouch is basically a bag of holding but looks like a simple Velcro-strap pouch.

-She fought for the hood and eight-eyes look the mask has. The hood because it makes her feel less exposed and it looks cool, the eyes because spiders usually have 8 eyes. This is the only accurate thing to spiders on the design aside from the chest emblem in her usual hero form…the symbol being a tarantula. Her favorite type of spider.

The design of the mask helps to throw off her enemies. Especially when the symbiote makes the ‘eyes’ all narrow with her real eyes for effect. This has led fans and foes alike to come up with wild theories about her being a spider-human mutant thing with increasingly disturbing features under the mask. (A cryptid if you will)

-She also came up with the flying squirrel-like design element they use later. The symbiote changing the suit design to have wing arms like a flying squirrel for gliding if she can’t use webs.

-Her feet look like she has shoes on, because under the suit she does. If she is ever not wearing shoes when ‘suiting up’ her feet look more like most spider-peoples’, which is to say like slippers or barefoot under the fabric. This makes people even more confused on what the heck she even is…and there are entire blogs and magazine columns theorizing about it.

Bonus sketches

The redesign traced from the old ones I did. I drew all of these when I made the first, but I got lazy so just traced my own work here.

The more powerful and monstrous form they take when facing a much tougher opponent or when emotions run high. Meg used to hate this form…but as trust with the symbiote grew and she saw that when working together they could control the strength of it, she became more accepting.

She still does not want to run around like this, though. She wants to keep up that motto of “friendly neighborhood spider-hero” everyone else (except Miguel I’d guess) has. Only the bad guys need to see the monster.

Whether this view changes or not…who knows. But when this form was revealed people were more confused than ever on WHAT. THE. HELL. SHE. EVEN. IS???

She comes to really enjoy all the crazy cryptid theories they come up with. X’D

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #236

Mon May 04 2020 [08:31 PM] Wack'd: IT'S A MILESTONE!

[08:32 PM] maxwellelvis: A triple-sized issue, eh? [08:33 PM] Wack'd: All your favorite Fantastic Four characters are here! Wyatt! Norrin! Agatha! Franklin! Namor! Willie! Impy! T'Challa! And, uh. I guess some other folks? [08:33 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm going to guess that's a double-sized Byrne story and then a regular-sized one by Stan and Jack. [08:33 PM] Bocaj: Ah yes captain america and reed richards in one place at one time in a time and place that isn't the ill received special avengers 300 roster [08:33 PM] maxwellelvis: That's the rest of the Marvel Universe heroes here to party. [08:33 PM] Wack'd: Yes. [08:33 PM] Wack'd: Why isn't Alicia on this cover. [08:34 PM] Wack'd: Or, like, any number of Fantastic Four repository players. [08:34 PM] maxwellelvis: Had to make room for Stan Lee. [08:34 PM] Wack'd: Also who's that guy in the suit? Is that...Collins, maybe? [08:35 PM] maxwellelvis: I just told you. [08:35 PM] Wack'd: Oh [08:35 PM] Wack'd: ...where's Jack? [08:35 PM] maxwellelvis: Either he's on the back or John Byrne knows which side his bread is buttered on. [08:36 PM] Bocaj: maybe he's behind the special triple sized sticker [08:36 PM] Bocaj: Like he got Mike Wachowski'd [08:36 PM] Wack'd:

Clint: I can't believe it... Wanda: Oh, Clint, I'm so sorry... Clint: I'M ON THE COVER OF *FANTASTIC FOUR*!

[08:36 PM] maxwellelvis: 🤣 [08:37 PM] Wack'd: Can't believe Bocaj beat me to essentially this same joke [08:37 PM] Bocaj: My secret is that I didn't bother putting in extra effort [08:39 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, let's start our first story, shall we? [08:39 PM] maxwellelvis: Indeed. [08:40 PM] Wack'd: Oh good, we're doin this

[08:40 PM] Wack'd: I think this is our first real, proper origin retelling. We got one in the late 70s but it was less a retcon and more "this is a recap issue, please don't kill us if we fudged some details" [08:40 PM] Umbramatic: welp [08:42 PM] Wack'd: I guess instead of "first to the moon" it was "make it further into space than anyone else"

[08:42 PM] Bocaj: Time keeps on slipping, slipping into the future [08:42 PM] Umbramatic: what is time [08:42 PM] Bocaj: I know that the Slott FF has the idea instead that the rocket was FTL and they were trying to get to a specific planet, which turns out to be full of assholes [08:44 PM] Wack'd: So here's egg on my face [08:44 PM] Wack'd: The dialogue from this scene is taken note-for-not from #1 [08:44 PM] Wack'd: This isn't actually retconning anything at all, except for that one narrative caption [08:45 PM] Wack'd: Oh, and the addition of some jargon

[08:47 PM] Umbramatic: CAPTAIN SPACE ICEBERG AHEAD [08:47 PM] Wack'd:

[08:49 PM] Umbramatic: this is intense [08:49 PM] maxwellelvis: Both version are pretty intense. [08:49 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm noticing the dialogue's been slightly rewritten on the new version. [08:50 PM] Wack'd: Very slightly, mostly just to add technical terms you'd expect a rocket crew to be using [08:50 PM] Umbramatic: aha [08:50 PM] Wack'd: All of the original lines are still there, though [08:50 PM] maxwellelvis: And to keep Ben's manner of speech more consistent [08:51 PM] Wack'd: Punctuation is a bit different [08:52 PM] Wack'd: OH SHIT, WE'RE DOIN' THIS

[08:53 PM] Umbramatic: oh. OH [08:55 PM] Wack'd: In this reality, Reed's a college professor, Sue's a housewife, and Ben and Alicia are married and running a tavern. All in a little town creatively named Liddleville. [08:55 PM] Bocaj: Our Town Founders made a decision there [08:55 PM] Wack'd: Our Town Founder is Josiah Liddle [08:56 PM] Bocaj: Lets cut the head off his statue [08:56 PM] Bocaj: Like in the Jetsons [08:56 PM] Wack'd: Oh, also, Alicia can see in this reality. Alicia offhandedly mentioning she saw something makes Ben real happy and he has no idea why [08:57 PM] Bocaj: Hmm. [08:57 PM] Wack'd: But I do! It's this creepy fucker

[08:57 PM] Umbramatic: oh boy! oh BOY! [08:58 PM] maxwellelvis: We're actually doing the "Perchance to Dream" thing, aren't we? [08:58 PM] maxwellelvis: Is THIS where B:TAS got that idea from? [08:59 PM] Wack'd: Pretty sure they stole it from For the Man Who Has Everything [08:59 PM] Wack'd: Which incidentally won't exist for another three or four years [08:59 PM] maxwellelvis: Wild how time works [09:00 PM] Wack'd: Another dream sequence, this time for Sue! And with much more dramatic changes [09:01 PM] Wack'd: This time, Ben's complaints about safety concerns are much more substantial, and Sue's accusation that Ben is a coward is more to do with time and money running out to do this experiment and less to do with, uh [09:01 PM] Wack'd: Commies [09:03 PM] Umbramatic: "I'm going to the one place free from capitalism... SPACE" [09:03 PM] Wack'd: Also this happens

[09:03 PM] Umbramatic: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH [09:04 PM] maxwellelvis: It's a nice touch that in those first two panels, the Thing is more leathery, like he was in the early comics, and it's only when Reed starts stretching that he looks more rock-like [09:04 PM] Wack'd: Yeah, I liked that too [09:05 PM] Umbramatic: oooh [09:05 PM] Wack'd: So Reed, Johnny, and Ben meet up at Ben's tavern to discuss these dreams, and whaddayknow, they've all been having them [09:06 PM] Wack'd: Tragically, Ben's dreams give him super-strength, but no rock skin. Dream!Ben is scared to ask Alicia to marry him--but he doesn't know why. [09:08 PM] Wack'd: Reed then goes to work, where he's having problems with his dickhead boss.

[09:09 PM] Wack'd: Reed decides to try and work out what's up with these dreams, dozes off, bonks his head, and realizes when he wakes up that he is actually a superhero, and the Puppet Master is responsible for all this. [09:10 PM] Umbramatic: wha [09:11 PM] Wack'd: Reed, trying to figure out why he doesn't have stretching powers, makes the very smart and scientifically motivated decision to stab himself in a vein and bleed out in his office. [09:12 PM] Umbramatic: oh [09:12 PM] Umbramatic: i diagnose you with dead [09:13 PM] Wack'd: It's okay though! Turns out he's a robot and the blood is all fake. So are the bodies of Ben, Sue, Johnny, Alicia and Franklin. [09:13 PM] Umbramatic: ...IS DOOM IN ON THIS TOO?! [09:13 PM] Wack'd: It takes Reed no time at all to convince his friends and family of this and go confront Phillip. [09:14 PM] Wack'd: Wow, uh, you're ahead of me here, Umbra [09:14 PM] maxwellelvis: Lucky guess [09:14 PM] Umbramatic: damn this is the second thing i've predicted tonight [09:14 PM] Wack'd: Phillip apparently just wanted to give Alicia the life he thought she wanted, but Reed points out he doesn't have the tech to do this all on his own. [09:15 PM] Wack'd: Phillip, it turns out, has made the very smart and not-at-all-suicidal decision to mind control Doctor Doom [09:15 PM] Umbramatic: oh this is gonna be goooooooooooooooooooooood [09:15 PM] Bocaj: Oh geeeeeeeeeeeez [09:16 PM] maxwellelvis: This should be good. [09:17 PM] Wack'd: Of course this is Doom we're talking about. He doesn't make mistakes, he just lets people figure things out for stupid ego reasons.

[09:18 PM] Wack'd: God, the fact that this isn't an illusion, the Four, Franklin and Alicia are trapped in tiny robots, is a lovely extra layer of bonkers. [09:18 PM] Bocaj: Amazing [09:19 PM] Wack'd: ALSO "LIDDLEVILLE" ISN'T A SMALL TOWN JOKE, IT'S LITERALLY LITTLE [09:19 PM] Wack'd: INCREDIBLE [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, Reed asks Doom what his next move is, and Doom...doesn't have one [09:20 PM] Wack'd: He's just gonna leave them like this [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Forever [09:21 PM] Umbramatic: DOOM: "I don't know, I never thought I'd get this far.” [09:21 PM] maxwellelvis: The fact that he's resisted the urge to play Godzilla now that they know he's the one who orchestrated this shows he has way more willpower than I [09:22 PM] maxwellelvis: Assuming the shock of dying in robot bodies wouldn't wake them up. [09:23 PM] Wack'd: They do have one ace in the hole--Phillip! After all, Phillip's in this mess because he mind-controlled Doom, but he's not an idiot, surely he has an escape hatch. [09:23 PM] Wack'd: Well turns out he did. Doom turned it off. [09:23 PM] Umbramatic: oh [09:23 PM] maxwellelvis: Womp womp [09:23 PM] Wack'd: Reed examines it through and tries to see if he can get it to work anyway. [09:24 PM] Wack'd: Ben, meanwhile, is taking all this really hard. [09:25 PM] Umbramatic: aw... [09:26 PM] Wack'd: He's also decided to stay in Liddleville. The world has other superheroes now, and he's earned a normal, idyllic life. [09:26 PM] Wack'd: (The fact that Doom turned off all the fake villagers does not seem to be something he's noticed.) [09:27 PM] Umbramatic: Ben: The Last Man On Fake Earth [09:28 PM] Wack'd: So! Here's the plan. Turns out Doom built a real miniature particle accelerator at Reed's fake miniature college because Reed would spot a fake. [09:28 PM] Wack'd: So all they have to do is get it to spit out some cosmic rays. Easy. [09:28 PM] Umbramatic: excuse me what [09:29 PM] Wack'd: To which part? [09:29 PM] Umbramatic: the first bit mainly [09:29 PM] Wack'd: Yeah uh [09:30 PM] Wack'd: Doom wanted to taunt Reed with some cool science he couldn't play with to make Reed miserable [09:30 PM] Umbramatic: omg [09:30 PM] Wack'd: But he also knew Reed would know if it was a fake cool science [09:30 PM] Umbramatic: that's deliciously petty [09:30 PM] Wack'd: It issssssss [09:30 PM] Wack'd: So, as they're debating who gets a power up first, Ben has a change of heart and demands to go first. [09:31 PM] Umbramatic: Ben: This is insane. ...I’m in. [09:33 PM] Bocaj: Hahah [09:33 PM] Wack'd:

Alicia: ben you dingus i literally sculpt real people with pinpoint accuracy, you've seen my work, and also we've touched each other...a lot... Ben: Yeah I know but I got that danged body dysmorphia

[09:33 PM] Bocaj: Aww [09:34 PM] Umbramatic: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww [09:34 PM] Wack'd: I joke because I love [09:35 PM] Wack'd: Ben/Alicia 4ever [09:35 PM] Umbramatic: ye [09:35 PM] Umbramatic: (though i felt the body dysmorphia part) [09:37 PM] Wack'd: With their powers restored, all they have to do is fight a bunch of miniature robots, scale the walls of their fake city, climb up to Doom's workstation... [09:37 PM] Wack'd: Aaaaaaand he took the battery out. [09:37 PM] Wack'd: Now the workstation can only turn left 😛 [09:38 PM] Umbramatic: -gasp- [09:39 PM] Wack'd: So! New plan. Use the Liddleville river to flood Doom's office, stick some live electrical wires in there, and hope the alarm goes off. [09:39 PM] Wack'd: No dice. [09:39 PM] Wack'd: They're gonna have to find Doom and bring him to them. [09:40 PM] Wack'd: And since Reed and Ben have fairly limited top speeds, and Johnny's flame can run out without rest, this task falls to Sue. [09:41 PM] Wack'd:

Reed: No! I can't permit you to go against Doom alone! Sue: Please, Reed! Must we go through this every time a dangerous task falls to me? I've proven time and time again that I can handle myself in an emergency situation. I'm the only one who can go. And you know it.

[09:42 PM] Wack'd: Sue puts up a good fight against Doom, pelting him with force fields, but she's still as big as a fingernail, and all he really has to do is put a cup on her like she's a bug he's found. [09:43 PM] Wack'd: But the goal is accomplished. Doom is going to check and make sure the other three aren't making any trouble. [09:43 PM] Wack'd: Just like they wanted. [09:43 PM] Bocaj: Good job Sue [09:43 PM] maxwellelvis: Was this inspired by the 1967 Fantastic Four cartoon intro?  [09:45 PM] Wack'd: ...hahahaha it coulda been! [09:45 PM] Wack'd: Oh hey, that's where this meme comes from

[09:46 PM] Umbramatic: this was a meme? [09:49 PM] Wack'd: 106k notes on Tumblr [09:51 PM] Wack'd: AND SO! Doom does not blindly stride into this childish trap, and then electrocute himself. [09:51 PM] Wack'd: He angerly fires some energy beams at the childish trap because he feels insulted. [09:51 PM] Wack'd: And then Reed, Johnny, and Ben use their powers to trip him into the childish trap. Which electrocutes him. [09:52 PM] Bocaj: Wow [09:52 PM] Bocaj: bad show doom, good show reed, ben, johnny [09:52 PM] Wack'd: This somehow instantaneously shunts everyone back into their real bodies. [09:53 PM] Umbramatic: welp [09:54 PM] Wack'd: Also, Doom is now in a stasis coma in his suit. [09:54 PM] Wack'd: To ensure he stays that way, the Four decide, well... [09:55 PM] Wack'd:

[09:57 PM] maxwellelvis: I must admit I am curious to see how he gets out of this one eventually [09:59 PM] Bocaj: If you die in Liddletown you die in real life [09:59 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, the quote-unquote "brand new story by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby" is a rejected script for the 1978 animated series, adapting Doctor Doom's first appearance. [09:59 PM] Wack'd: It is also not available here. So I am going to write it off as no big loss and move on. [10:02 PM] Wack'd: I did like this story, though! I think it coulda stood to spend a little less time on the mechanics and a little more time on how everyone felt about this situation, but overall it's really good.

[popculturebuffet]

Quack Pack Episode 22 Review: Snow Place to Hide

So as some of you may know, I do weekly reviews of Ducktales ever since the season started. But quite obviously, that only comes once a week and on top of that we have only two weeks left of episodes before a break and given the last few episodes have stoked my wanting to watch other Disney Afternoon shows, after i’ve taken way too long to get around to watching more of them again despite having D+ for almost 6 months now, i’ve decided to branch out into other shows.  If you have an episode of a show, animated or otherwise, on D+ you want me to review, just shoot me a message and for three bucks, i’ll review it asap. Yes I snuck a promo in there but in my defense.. shut up. More babbling under the cut. 

So with Daisy a coming and me starving for Daisy Duck Content, and Disney Plus for SOME REASON STILL NOT HAVING HOUSE OF MOUSE DESPITE HAVING NO REASON NOT TO HAVE IT ON THERE AND HAVING BEEN AROUND 6 MONTHS, YOU ASSHOLES, I was left with a handful of choices to both watch casually and review. I’m not really intrested in the Disney Junior shows, though they aren’t bad, especially roadster racers, just not my speed. And while I DO fully intend to watch legend of the three cablleros, i’ve put it off too long and i’ve heard it’s excellent, it’s not a place to go for Daisy when, by all acccounts and what i’ve seen of the show, that version of her is godawful and not really approraite to celebrate the character going into her big debut.  Hence,  Quack Pack. I’d been meaning to revisit the show anyway, having seen two episodes that weren’t half bad years ago and despite it’s obvious flaws, being curious about the good in it. For the uninitated Quack Pack was disney’s second Duck show for the Disney Afternoon and followed Donald and teen versions of the boys on various misadventures. Along for the ride are Daisy, anchorwoman for globetrotting news program “what in the world?” and her coanchor and Donald’s Boss , as Donald’s the duo’s cameraman, Kent Powers, a smug egotistical human with weird hair. Yup I said human. One of Quack Pack’s more infamous traits was having humans instead of dog faces (the dog like humanoids carl barks used since he coudln’t use humans himself when he didn’t want to use a duck), which is a choice i’m just.. eh about. I don’t LIKE IT but it dosen’t ruin the show for me and the ducks blend well enough with them, I just question why disney did it when they turned down Goof Troop’s request to do the same, which again worked out for the best. As a result of this weird choice the series is less of a direct sequel to Ducktales and more of a spritual sequel:  it’s still barksian in it’s own way, just instead of focusing on scrooge, like the earlier comics in Barks catalogue it focuses on Donald, and thus bounces between slice of life shenanigans and globe trotting adventure, sort of like how the collection of barks stories I bought recently that’s donald centric starts with the all-time classic old castle’s secret about the family visting castle mcduck to find a hidden foruturne, and then segues into a comedy plot about donald trying to put the boys in chimp suits for a society party because he’s kind of an asshole in the old stories and these stories were kinda weird. I”ll probably talk about some of them at some point.  The problem though is that not only are the boys the focus instead of donald and daisy, but that the boys are insufferable here. They speak like otto rocket and act like zack morris, trying to scheme their way out of work and speaking like they just walked out of a commerical for Whale Cancer. 

F-Yeah. the point is, the three of htem just aren’t likeable or intresting, and it also hurts their paired up with Donald, who as usual is. It’s probably why I remember this ep so fondly: it’s mostly donald focused with the boys off to the side and taking slapstick vengance on a deserving target. But that’s quack pack in a nutshell: a wasted opprotunity that got overhyped as bad and whose good title got used for one of Ducktales 2016′s best episodes which classily didn’t take any real pot shots at it and even snuck kent in as one of the humans trying to murder them.  So with all of that out of the way, what’s this episode actually about? Well basically donald, after flying into a jealous rage over what he thought was her sweet talking another guy behind his back but was really just her cuddling her igauna, which sounds dirty for some reason but is entirely wholesome, is chastized by daisy for being a jealous twit. Daisy herself is jetting off for the weekend to a nearbye ski resort to get an interview with action star Jean Claude.. basically a combination of Jean CLaude Van Damme (the accent and onlyt hat) and Steven Segal (his apperance and skeeziness). Sadly the character isn’t wearing a kimiono the entire episode for accuracy, but he’s also not trying to sexually harass daisy for favors like the real steven segal would. No joke there he’s just a creep and deserves to be called out on it. Also the show missed a massive opproutnity to have him be a seagull named “Steven Seagull”. Just saying.  See Kent, being an ass, is trying to scoop daisy on it and get an interview himself, so Daisy’s trying to beat him. Donald says he trusts her but well.. then he starts hallunicnating. Everyone, i’d like you to meet the green eyed monster of jealousy. 

Why yes, that is a sizeable wolf in a green zoot suit representing Donald’s jealousy and insecurity. Why is it a wolf an not ana ctual monster? Why is donald halluicnating? Does he need thereapy.. I can only answer the last one which is yes. The rest I have nothing but I am here for it. And the wolf is one of the best parts of the episode: if this was just donald getting jealous over daisy, he’d be as much of a dick as his nephews are in this series, but the green eyed monster is a neat representation of the ugly feelings we all feel at one time or another. He sounds intellegent, clever... like he’s saying the right things... donald’s inner voice goading him on even though he knows deep down daisy wouldn’t cheat and he shoudln’t be doing what he’s doing.. which in this case is, as the wolf’s suggestion, taking the boys on a ski trip despite hating sking to find out if hsi fears are unfounded or not.  And while what donald’s doing is a MASSIVE dick move... the episode TREATS it as this,a s him being irrational and insecure.. so it’s a lot easier to deal with. Plus as is standard for comedies he keeps running into scenarios that look like Daisy’s having a good time or in romantic situations with kent by concidence, even though again he should know better. But that’s why donald is who he is: a relatable angry asshat whose just like you and me: because like us we all sometimes sink to our lower instincts despite knowing we shouldn’t. We slip and stumble. Does it make donald following her around okay? nope. But it dosen’t make him unsympahetic either, and he does learn his lesson and suffer plenty of slapstick for it. But that’s the basic setup,donald follows daisy around while his new wolfy pal eggs him on. Meanwhile the boys get cut off sking by kent, calling him “Lime Slime”, real clever guys, and only agree to help donald get kent away from daisy, in reality Daisy is merley sticking so close to keep kent from running off.. and that’s not an overreaction, kent hilarious trys to sneak off the second he’s out of her sight every time and is so inepet at his job Daisy wants to stick around to make sure he dosen’t cost them the interview, which he probably would honestly. It’s good comedic timing and that coupled with the slapstick and the wolf whose damn funny and reminds me , along with daisy in her ski outfit that yes I am bi bi bi till the day I die. It’s not bad. Wait what were we talking about? oh right the boys.. they mess with kent a bit, it’s okay, it keeps them out of the main plot.  Eventually things esclate as Daisy does find Jean Claude who unlike kent, whose unitrested in Daisy and is a sleazy dope for other reasons, very intrested in Daisy who rebuffs him.. and donald witnsess it and realizes he was a dickhead and a skunk, with helpful visual cue for the latter if sadly not the former. Donald of course ends up crashing into their table and Daisy realizes what was going on, and the boys quickly cover for him as entering the weekends ski race. Because of course there’s a race to end this this was the 90′s and goof troop had already done this so Quack Pack had to do the same.  But we get a somewhat charming moment as Daisy admits she knows donald was just covering by agreeing with the boys, and that what he did was NOT okay.. but she gets why. And to me, at least, I get it was less him not trusting her and more him .. simply thinking he’s not good neough. As seen above the wolf appears during the race to goad him again, but I think he’s less afraid of her genuinely not loving him and more afraid she’ll see he’s not good enough, he his, and leave him. But ..s he won’t. This si daisy at her best, willing to put donald in his place for being a dickhead, but still having genuine chemstiry with him and understanding the dope. It’s why I prefer this daisy to one who treats him like garbage without letting him explain (Cabs) or cheats on him constantly with Gladstone because he has money even though he’s a massive selfish dick and donald’s a decent if flawed guy. (the comics depending on the writer). Admitley Id on’t think she should be as forgiving as she is, but whatever. Donald gets injured during the race,learns his lesson.. and for real this time as the monster, himself banged up, tries to goad donald on when donald’s handsome doctor shows up but donald instead does the old bit with hospital beds where he has the thing collapse on the guy. That’s also whyi ‘m not too hard on him: again he gets punished, but in addition he LEARNS from it and realizes he was a moron and is genuinely sorry.  Overall the episode is pretty good. The bits with the boys are incidentaly and likely there only so their actresses can get a pay day, not that i’m against that, Pamela Aldon has mouths to feed and at least one of her daughters had to be born by then, but otherwise it’s an enjoyable throwback to the older shorts that showcases donald and daisy at their best and has an intresting and well designed, if werdly named, side character. While I joked about the weird choice of green eyed monster, I still loved the character as his smooth talking, flashy design, and great use of metaphor meant he was a delight and i’d love to see the design show up int he reboot for something else.  Overall not a bad time for 20 something minutes and far better than i’d of expected of quack pack in the past. Who knows maybe the rest won’t be so bad.. MAYBE. Until next time , courage. 

[to-be-a-dreamer]

How to Predict the Villan in an MCU Movie

So I’ve been watching every movie in the MCU for the first time and was discussing it on discord with some friends (because yay social distancing). 

Anyway, we were discussing how the colors of the infinity stones don’t really make sense. Like, the reality stone should have been white, or a light color, space should have been dark purple or blue, etc. Then I suggested that maybe it was just to set the tone. Like, the reality stone was red, which feels like something menacing and dark, as well as foreshadowing all the bloodshed that occurs in Thor: The Dark World. 

Which led to this thought in my brain: 

You can predict the villain with almost 100% accuracy based on their color scheme. Heroes have primary colors and villains have secondary colors.

Hear me out. I know it sounds ridiculous, but there are rules/exceptions, which I will address as we go along. 

Iron Man (2008) The Iron Man suits are red and yellow/gold, which are primary colors. Iron Monger was blue in the comics, but this is where the first rule comes in.  Rule #1: If a character is introduced with storytelling elements that show that they are very obviously a bad guy, they may have primary colors.  Obadiah Shane is introduced as the typical “Number Two to a very powerful person who dies and doesn’t become CEO because the powerful person has a playboy son who doesn’t deserve it in Number Two’s mind” guy. He’s got the fake-somber look at Howard’s Stark’s death and is quite literally in Tony’s shadow while giving him a not-so-subtle evil glare.

The Incredible Hulk (2008) This is a fun one because Hulk is Green, which is a secondary color, but it’s symbolic in a couple ways. (This is one of those exceptions) 1) Banner sees the Hulk as a disease, a monster. To him, Hulk IS the villain of his story. It’s also a hint towards the real villain. 2) The actual villain is Abomination, who is basically just a large Hulk and also green. 

Iron Man 2 (2010) The main villain is Ivan Vanko/Whiplash, who’s big entrance is in an orange jumpsuit. You could argue that Justin Hammer is the bad guy, but we know him from Iron Man 1.

Thor (2011) Thor gets red and Loki gets green. Enough said. I know it could be argued that Loki is a good guy, but I’m talking about just this movie. You see Loki in an all-green outfit, you know he’s going to do a bad. (Also, Hawkeye is introduced in this movie. His color scheme in the comic books is purple, but he’s on the “other side” in Thor, so it checks out.)

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) Cap’s suit is red and blue. I know Red Skull is, well, red, but this goes back to rule number one. Very obviously a villain. He’s a Nazi. Even the Joker doesn’t like working with the Nazis.

Marvel’s The Avengers (2012) Loki���s the villain again, and Thanos, who is purple, is behind it. We also introduce Black Widow here and her colors are RED and black. ALSO ALSO, who is the only Avenger who gets mind-controlled? Hawkeye, who is purple in the comics, black the entire time he’s with Loki, and gets maroon (dark red) accents once he’s back with the Avengers.

Iron Man 3 (2013) Killian’s power makes orangey fire.

Thor: The Dark World (2013) Kurse has a mostly black and white thing going on, but he does get some red here and there. But... Rule 1. The red looks like blood smears...

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) We get introduced to Falcon! Who’s main color besides silver is red.  Also, I think Pierce falls under Rule 1.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) Oh boy, this should be a fun one Okay: Star-Lord is red, he’s the main character, we’re supposed to like him, we’re supposed to root for him, cut and dry. Rocket is introduced with an orange outfit, Groot is greenish, and Gamora is Green. But they’re all introduced as Peter’s foes. They all become friends later on, but we’re supposed to be rooting for Peter right now. (Also Gamora’s hair is redish) Drax is grayish with red. Once they become a real team and wear matching outfits THEY. WEAR. RED. Yondu is blue, which may be a nod to the fact that he’s not really a bad guy. Ronan is blue, but this is where Rule Two comes into play! Rule #2: If a character truly believes they’re the good guys, they may have primary colors. (Based on self-awareness.) Ronan was finishing a 1,000 year war, upholding the traditions of his people, and avenging his family. Think’s he’s the good guy. Nebula being blue could be a nod to her loyalty shift later on in the story. I probably missed some, but let’s move on.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) Scarlett Witch has red, Quicksilver has blue, Vision is red, blue, AND yellow. All of the primary colors. Ultron is red, but Rule #2: Ultron was fighting for his idea of peace. 

Ant-Man (2015) 

Ant-Man and Wasp suits are both red. Darren Cross mostly falls under Rule 1, but I think he was wearing a green tie.

Captain America: Civil War (2016) So, Zemo’s an interesting one. In the comics, he’s got a purple thing going on, but the MCU movie has him mostly wearing black. Maybe he had a Rule 1 kind of entrance, but I don’t really remember. Black Panther is also weird because his aesthetic is purple, but he’s kind of trying to kill Bucky in this movie so.... Maybe misdirect? Maybe? Spiderman is red and blue, nothing new there. Doctor Strange (2016) Doctor Strange is red and blue. (The Eye of Afamotto is green, but I think it represents how it could cause evil if in the wrong hands, as well as the choice Stephen has to make to consciously do something good with such a powerful item. Kaecillius is a combination of Rules one and two. We are directly told he’s a villain and there’s no doubt with the way he is introduced. He’s also doing what he’s doing in order to learn more about the mystic arts and all that good stuff. Aaaaand Dormammu is purple. Yeah, ‘nuff said.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) Ego’s outfit has greenish undertones, especially when he reveals he killed Peter’s mother. He also sees nothing wrong with his actions and is allowed to have touches of primary colors, but everything has touches of green here and there. (Again with the Yondu is blue thing.) Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Vulture is green! I know that’s short, but there’s not much else to it.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Guess what? Hela has a green color scheme.

Black Panther (2018) Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, yeah, Black Panther is one of the exceptions to this rule. You could say that since T’Chaka and Erik are both the Black Panther and make mistakes for the greater good, it’s a symbol of the mistakes past Black Panthers have made. And T’Challa has to overcome those mistakes with the same name? They also both believe they’re doing the right thing? I dunno, Black Panther is just an exception movie since everything in it is just SO colorful.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Yeah, Thanos is Purple. That’s about it. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) Ghost is white with red eyes but mostly falls under rule one. (I think the energy blast that created her was orange, but don’t quote me on that.) Captain Marvel (2019) Despite the fact that I can never decide if I like this movie or not, this one is the most fun with this theory.  The Kree uniforms are green while the Skrulls are blue, which gives you a hint that the Kree are actually the bad guys.  And when Carol changes her uniform SHE CHANGES IT TO RED, BLUE, AND YELLOW/GOLD. Avengers: Endgame (2019) Oh, this one’s really hard no it isn’t, Thanos is still purple. Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) So, Mysterio’s costume is red and blue because he’s trying to look heroic. BUT his magic smoke stuff is green. This is the first movie I watched after figuring this out and I immediately did not trust Mysterio. (I’m a sheltered preacher’s kid and these movies are my only experience with Marvel.)

This mostly works with the MCU, but a few other series as well.

One my friend brought up was the Grinch. He’s green, obviously. But! He does start out as the villain and only becomes a good guy when his heart grows. What color is his heart? RED.

Only Harry Potter house with a reputation for being evil? SLYTHERIN. Only Hogwarts house who’s color ISN’T a primary color? SLYTHERIN.

So.... yeah, don’t trust characters who’s outfits are mostly secondary colors.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk: An Introduction to Color Theory in Modern Film

[tokupedia]

Halloween 2019 costume ideas: Power Rangers pt. 2

Jason Bischoff’s Beast Morpher Rangers

Jason Bischoff was the former global marketing guy for Hasbro and is an artist.

He is a genuine fan of tokusatsu (mentioned Kamen Rider on his Twitter and his love of Ex-Aid and several Heisei Rider shows) and it shows. In his final months with Hasbro, he and a buddy of his named Micheal O’ Hare came up with art for concepts of new Rangers not original to the Go-Busters source material.

The first is a Green Ranger based on the Frog Buddyroid from the Go-Busters Summer Film, “what if she had a Ranger companion”?  The next is a gray Polar Bear Ranger and an Orange female scorpion Ranger based on Jason’s viewings of Kyuranger and Sasori Orange. 

A Bat Ranger based on Blaze, a “what if the bad guy reformed and got a new suit” kind of thing. (though given its Batman’s 80th, you could also use it as an excuse to go around saying in a gravely voice “I’m Bat-Ranger!”) 

Lastly, a Magenta Sea Urchin Ranger and Hammerhead Beast Bot for you and a buddy to dress up as. 

X-Men/Power Rangers Amalgam

A while ago at the Edmonton Expo in Alberta, Canada, Jason David Frank discovered a cosplay that had to be seen to be believed. A Canadian fan mixed the White Ranger with Wolverine. Mr. JDF then posted this to instagram

Now, this isn’t the first time that X-Men and Power Rangers have crossed paths as both shared the Fox Kids block on Saturday Mornings in the 1990s and a SDCC gatefold variant cover paid tribute to X-Men #1. Not to mention MMPR’s comic rights were once with Marvel and the whole Marvel/Super Sentai connection. The idea of X-Men Rangers is an interesting one, why not complete it?

Cyclops Red, Jubilee Yellow, Beast Blue, Pink Phoenix (if considering season 2 MMPR), Gambit Black and Rouge Green. As an alternative to Wolvie, Storm can be the White Ranger or added as the 7th Ranger team member of any color you choose. Add a Professor Z (a tube head in a hover wheelchair or a blue bald guy) and you have the complete set! Or go wild and make a Brotherhood of Mutants version of a Ranger Team!

Lord “Zackkon”

Submitted for your approval, one Zachary Taylor, a virtuous teen who was offered a deal with the devil to be something greater, but refused. What if the youth, resentful of the choice of his team’s leadership, accepted the path that Rita Repulsa offered? 

I envision a Black Ranger who fuses his power first with the Dragon Coin, but then with powers of Green and Black Rangers after him. The core idea is to combine the Mastodon motif with a Dragon in a way that aesthetically looks good. 

Remi, the Orange Solar Ranger 

(Ari’s Legacy Wars Bio confirms it!)

Last year, I pitched to the fandom to option dressing up as newest kid on the block, Ari aka the (Purple) Solar Ranger. This year, I’m submitting her life partner and love Remi who became the most recent addition to the Solar Rangers and another of a growing number of representatives of LGBTQ+ heroes. For those looking to cosplay with the person they love or for a fun cosmic night of Halloween, here is a Ranger couple that we hope to see more of in the future.

A Morphing Master

The Morphing Masters are the mysterious all powerful beings who protected the Morphin Grid and dedicated their lives to studying it. The Boom! Studios comics dedicated some time to explaining them a bit more in Beyond the Grid, including a new look. 

Why be a mere three dimensional linear being on All Hallow’s Eve or at a con when you can wear a look that says “I am a supreme being beyond your trivialities and I look fabulous doing it.” 

Warbunny

Aka my new favorite Power Rangers monster. Warbunny is a ‘roided up anthropomorphic rabbit whom, if his Conan inspired garb hasn’t telegraphed, talks like a certain former Governator and wields a large Warhammer that fires energy blasts. Cosplayers who do Warcraft costumes and other fantasy cosplay might gravitate towards this one since it parodies Arnie and Conan.

The Soul Era MMPR Rangers

In the comics, we learn there was a ill fated team in 1969 which fought Psycho Green. Pitch: What if there were a MMPR Rangers team 5 years later in 1975, the year Gorenger was created? The era of disco and soul, big cars, afro hair kung fu movies and Watergate. The challenge I present is combining the Gorenger suits with the MMPR suits. 

Disco collar capes, platform heel variants of the boots, flashy brighter neon colors with glitter and woodgrain on the weapons because products in the 1970s had woodgrain even if it didn’t make any aesthetic sense to do so. Civilian forms would be based on 1970s fashion, at least one Ranger should have a real or fake Burt Reynolds-sized mustache and/or afro for period accuracy. 

Dark Super Megaforce Yellow

For Ranger fans who wanna let out their inner bad girl, I present another Dark Ranger redesign of a Power Ranger from Battle For the Grid. The Gokaiger suit decked out in black and pants and a gold trim “coat” is just so good, really makes the yellow pop and looks more “piratey” than the standard suit. As you can see you can opt for an all black undershirt and yellow gloves or vice versa.

A new standard Lord Drakkon created for evil Rangers is that unlike their heroic counterparts, all of them have blood red visors instead of the standard black tint. (This also recently extends to Sentai, but we’ll get to that later.)

Houou Ranger (Chun-Li ver.)

While Ryu got to play Power Ranger, the devs of Legacy Wars decided to let none of the other characters participate in the fun. Many fans who love and respect Chun-Li were naturally outraged that she got shafted and began speculating what kind of Blue Ranger she would be. There was artistic debate as to what motif she would have with most gravitating towards a tiger, a peacock or her totem of fighting style, the crane.

I on the other hand think if Ryu lifted a Dairanger’s name for his Ranger form, it only makes sense the developers would do the same for Chun Li and give her a Chinese Phoenix motif.

The common consensus all fans share is that such a form has parts of Miss Li’s costume as part of her Ranger outfit much like with Ryu Ranger with his boxing gloves, bandanna and black belt. Whatever you choose, you are sure to be a knockout!

Supersonic Green

The first Green gone bad chronologically in the comics, Trek was a bitter Xybiran who got sick of being benched while his team went on missions and soon that bitterness turned into hate as he empathically read the feelings of his teammates about him. He murdered his entire team and then pledged allegiance to Dark Specter to become Psycho Green.

The Fiveman team these Supersonic Rangers are based on never had a sixth ranger, since sixth Rangers were not really a thing until Zyuranger. This bring up one conundrum for this Ranger in terms of those wishing to design a full costume...what exactly is Trek’s helmet motif? 

For those who have never seen Fiveman, the theme was about types of school education each Ranger was part of. Red was a science teacher, Blue was a physical education teacher, Black was a language teacher, Pink was a math teacher and Yellow was a music teacher. 

I suppose a history book on the helmet for social studies would be appropriate as would be an apple or money symbols for home economics. It should be noted if one commits to making a helmet, the Fiveman/Supersonic Ranger helmet visors each have lines running through them to signify their numerical designation (Red has 1, Blue has 2 etc.) so Green would have six. 

That’s all I’ve got! 

Happy Halloween Ranger Nation! 

[daresplaining]

thoughts on the Inferno arc from Dematteis?

    I have to admit, that arc isn’t one of my favorites, and I’m not a big fan of DeMatteis’s run as a whole. It just doesn’t do much for me. The dead sex worker plot point is one of my least favorite parts of Man Without Fear, and I dislike that DeMatteis felt the need to drag it into 616 continuity. Matt already killed someone during his first outing as Daredevil, as established way back in DD #1, so all that addition/retcon/whatever it is did was muddle up the timeline. It’s also one of the few Daredevil stories that depicts Matt as kind of religious, which is a characterization that, personally, isn’t my thing. (There’s nothing wrong with it, of course! I just don’t find it interesting, and I’m often baffled that so many people seem to see it as an integral part of his character, since it’s practically nonexistent in the comics.) And Sir is an uncomfortable villain for a number of reasons, mostly involving depictions of transgender characters in media, which I don’t feel informed enough about to properly discuss. Thematically, their story aligns with Matt’s plotline of self-discomfort and repression, but character-wise, I will say that I don’t find them to be a particularly interesting or memorable antagonist. Overall, it’s a strange, somewhat convoluted story. 

    On the other hand, there are parts of “Inferno” that I really like– most notably, the reintroduction of the “real” yellow-suited Daredevil as a symptom of Matt’s identity-centered mental breakdown. 

[ID: Two panels from DeMatteis’s run. Foggy is sitting in his office at his desk, and Yellow Suit Daredevil is perched on top of the desk.]

Matt: “Better spread the word, counselor: Daredevil’s back. The real Daredevil. And tell that phony running around abusing my name– to watch his back!”

[ID: Foggy watches in shock as Daredevil jumps out the window.]

    The identity issues in this arc and the arcs that come both before and (especially) after it are a little difficult to follow, since they are so abstract, but conceptually, I find them interesting and fun. DeMatteis’s run takes place after Matt has faked his death and reinvented himself yet again. He is isolated from his loved ones– Foggy and Karen at the time– and is living a life that is, by design, almost entirely separate from his existence as Matt Murdock. His civilian identity is a con artist, and his Daredevil identity is notably dark and brutal. He has been through two major psychologically-jarring experiences: Elektra’s resurrection and Glori’s sudden violent death, the latter of which serves as a direct catalyst for his mental breakdown in “Inferno” and the following arc. As much as I’m not a fan of the actual reason for this– the Man Without Fear plot point being clumsily integrated in 616 Matt’s past, as discussed– I do really enjoy the side-effects of Matt’s shattered psyche. We learn that he has repressed a horrible memory– a memory that directly impacts his sense of self by making him feel like a murderer. Even before he fully unearths the memory, it causes him to feel like he doesn’t know himself. And this, coupled with his mental breakdown and lack of tethers to his former life, causes his decades of identity compartmentalization to come to the surface and make him literally feel like multiple separate people.

[ID: A panel of Yellow Suit Daredevil posing dramatically on a rooftop in the rain. The faces of other DD characters are outlined in the cityscape behind him.]

Caption: “He’s haunted… as much by what he can remember as what he can’t. He knows who he is, at least: Daredevil. The real Daredevil! The one who stopped the Owl, the Purple Man, and Mister Fear– the Daredevil people admired and emulated. He knows, too, that something drove him away from this city. From his friends: Karen, Foggy, Matt. Matt? Was Matt his friend? Maybe once. A long time ago.”

    Yellow Suit Daredevil insists that he is not Matt Murdock, that he is a Daredevil who existed before Matt Murdock took on that identity. In other words, he is a product of Matt’s very earliest approach to heroing and the first Daredevil creative team’s way of presenting his identity. He is, in fact, this quote from Daredevil #1 brought to life:  

“I’ll see to it that Matt Murdock never does resort to force… but somebody else will…! Somebody totally different from Matt Murdock…”

    This initial compartmentalization was necessary for Matt to allow himself to directly disobey his father’s wishes. It was only later that Matt Murdock and Daredevil stopped being written with two distinct personalities, and Matt relaxed that sense of identity separation. In DeMatteis’s run, Yellow Suit Daredevil doesn’t think he has hypersenses– because he’s not Matt– but he doesn’t know who he actually is. (Technically, he’s… probably Mike. I’m just sayin’.) Yellow Suit DD identifies himself as the happy, upbeat Daredevil, the one people look up to and admire, and resents Matt Murdock for becoming a darker and more morally complex figure after taking on the identity. In a metafictive way, DeMatteis is commenting on the tonal shifts in Daredevil comics over the years, and I love that. 

[ID: Two panels of Yellow Suit Daredevil punching a heavy bag.]

Caption: “He’ll stop Murdock the way he stopped Batlin. No more frauds. No more liars. It’s time for Daredevil to be a hero again. A real hero. Not some cheap, soulless thug hiding behind a hero’s mask.”

    In-universe, the implication is that Matt, as part of his mental breakdown surrounding his repressed memories of committing murder, is reverting back to that first DD identity– the safe one, the uncomplicated one, the PG-rated Silver Age one who would never kill anyone– at least, not directly. (This in itself is funny, because Matt indirectly killed people all the time in early Daredevil comics, but this story is more about Matt’s warped view of the Good Old Days than it is about accuracy). From that safe vantage point, Matt feels comfortable resenting himself for all of the darkness in his recent life. His discomfort with his own actions causes the identities he has built for himself over the years to literally manifest separately in his mind. This becomes exacerbated in the following arc in wonderfully mind-bending ways. I don’t think that’s how mental breakdowns actually work, but this is comics, and I find it compelling… if a little hard to follow, logistically. 

   I also enjoy the fact that this horrible point in Matt’s life is when Foggy learns his best friend is Daredevil.

[ID: Karen is kneeling on a bathroom floor, holding Matt in her arms. He is wearing the yellow Daredevil suit but his mask is off. Foggy is standing over them, scratching his head.]

Foggy: “I don’t understand any of this! Matt’s– alive?! Wh-what’s he doing in that costume?! How did he–?!”

Karen: “Not now, Foggy. Not now.”

    It’s random, it’s accidental, it’s incredibly upsetting, and it is a while before Foggy is even able to discuss it with Matt, at which point Matt basically brushes it off and they both move on. On the one hand, I would have loved to see more emphasis placed on this moment– arguably one of the biggest events in DD history– and I was delighted that the Netflix adaptation gave that to us in Season 1 episode 10. But I also enjoy the imperfections of the 616 version. It’s not a big fairytale moment, and something about that messiness appeals to me.

[comingupforblair]

If you want to know why DCEU fans have a hard time listening to criticism of the films and don’t seem interested in engaging with it, there are a few reasons for that but probably the biggest one is pretty simple.

It’s because most of the criticism doesn’t serve a purpose and isn’t worth listening to.

Easily the most common claim I see from people beating up on these films is that they are in fact DC fans. They may even say they love DC more than Marvel and their criticism, which often crosses over into outright vitriol, is an expression of that love, a desire to see them do better whatever that looks like to them (their better version of these films and what they expected from them are usually not even closer to reasonable but that’s another post). They snark because they care.

Even leaving aside the flaws in that kind of mentality, I think we can agree that it isn’t true for everyone who insults and criticizes these films. 

They aren’t looking for them to improve or to reach some idealized version of how they can be. They’re just eager to score points by taking petty shots at what is seen as an acceptable target. Maybe they’re Marvel fans with a tribalist mentality or they’re trying to piss off DC fans or they’re just people who are under the impression that saying this is somehow original but their words are not said because of a desire for the creators to get better. They have no interest whatsoever in seeing the franchise improve.

Even when the films that are made exactly to their specifications such as Wonder Woman, Aquaman and Shazam are regarded only with backhanded praise and aren’t seen as enough for them to reevaluate their views on the franchise because they don’t actually want to. Doing that would mean relinquishing an easy target.

Even if Birds of Prey and Wonder Woman 1984 are regarded as some of the finest accomplishments in cinema history, it won’t get people to stop making the same idiotic jokes or repeating the same criticisms we’ve heard a thousand times already. They’ll still be doing it five or ten years from now.

This isn’t even speculation as The Dark Knight was released only eleven years ago and is often held up as one of the best films of the 21st century, a film a lot of people will happily list as one of their favorites and yet it’s still common to see people say that DC/WB should just pack it all in and stick to animation and maybe live-action TV and leave films to Marvel.

Or look at how Wonder Woman was a legitimately remarkable accomplishment, a crucial turning point for the genre that broke through the barriers the MCU had shown little interest in trying to tear down, and still wasn’t enough. It was regarded and still is as an exception, a glitch in the matrix rather than proof that the same approach they had been so vocal about hating could yield results every bit as impressive as those from the MCU.

Or how Aquaman accomplished a level of success something no one could have expected but people are still eager to talk about how the franchise has been a failure even as they put out films that are among some of the highest grossing in history.

Or how the films have all become much lighter tonally and that isn’t enough for them to cease with the endless comments about the films being “grimdark” or complaining about Zack Snyder’s work with the franchise.

The DCEU has hit it’s stride and become what people have wanted it to become and we’re still seeing videos along the lines of “ten problems no one wants to admit about the DCEU” and the same insulting remarks or claims that the franchise has “failed”. So you can understand the frustration DCEU fans are feeling.

Even when the films do something admirable such as giving comic book writers fair compensation for the characters used, something the MCU has noticeably not even tried to do, people still feel a need to pair with an insult or snide comment rather than offer genuine praise for doing something the executives they prefer should be doing but aren’t.

I even saw people say they were upset about WW’s success because they were enjoying seeing DC films “fail”. That should tell you everything you need to know about a good portion of the people offering up their views on these films.

At a certain level, you have to choose which is more important to you: Criticizing these films and the creators behind them in an honest, sincere way or just using them as cheap fodder for jokes and a punching bag to score points off of. A lot of people have chosen the latter.

I remember once seeing a critic I like say how it’s easy to be vicious when you assume the people you’re talking about will never read your words about them. I honestly have to ask what purpose your words are supposed to serve if not for creators to take on board so they can get better.

Criticism and negativity that doesn’t serve a purpose is nothing but petty cruelty. It’s people making cheap insults in a frankly sad attempt to make themselves look clever. It isn’t made with the intention of seeing the films get better or for creators to take on board. It’s just kicking something while it’s already down, usually in an overtly and needlessly personal manner. 

Not every person is like this, of course. Many, I’d even say the majority, do sincerely want the films to improve on elements they dislike, even if their methods and expectations for how that is supposed to happen are questionable, and there are people who will give sincere and unambiguous praise where it’s due. But the unfortunate thing is that you always have a vocal minority who are making that kind of discourse harder for everyone else, the ones who just want to hate something or to jump on a bandwagon or have an outlet for their shitty impulses.

This also isn’t unique to these films. It was the same with the Star Wars prequels and that’s a major reason why they are now getting a reevaluation.

You might think this is unfair but remember how people who hate the films are often keen to bring up DCEU fans who say and do shit. They have no problem with the minority coloring the majority’s image when it applies to people they don’t agree with.

There’s also a secondary element to this as people writing these reviews or making these videos are often doing it for an audience. If they’re not making their reviews as videos on Youtube, they’re trying to get clicks on their articles or retweets or reblogs or just approval from other commenters. Criticism that’s designed as much, if not more so, with appealing to an audience in mind as it is supposed to be a reflection of the writer’s intent is almost impossible to take seriously as you can’t distinguish between what the reviewer genuinely believes is an issue with the film and what they’re playing up for the audience as shown by channels like Cinema Sins who are unable to decide wheter their videos are serious or not and who are obligated to always make negative comments, even about things they actually like.

Videos and articles going into detail about how Zack Snyder is the worst are going to get views, regardless of their merit. Even simple accuracy in describing the films is seen as unimportant compared to whatever comedy or fan outrage they can get out of the inaccurate version as evidenced by how often they describe DCEU Superman in ways that show they’re trying to play up or outright invent negative traits of his. Hyperbole gets people’s attention.

People are probably reading this and rolling their eyes, assuming that I want some world where no one says anything critical or negative about anything ever. But what I’m saying is really quite simple and something more people need to do. When you encounter criticism, wheter it’s of something you love or hate, you need to ask what purpose is it serving? 

If you’re someone who is negative towards the franchise and expresses those views, be it in a personal or professional manner, what’s your endgame? What do you want to be the end result of your words and actions? What are you going to do if/when that happens? Are you going to change your behavior to suit the new circumstances and be as open with praise as you are criticism? Or are you just going to shift the goal posts?

If criticism and negativity about something doesn’t or isn’t trying to fulfill a more important purpose than just doing the internet equivalent of pulling the wings off a fly or unleashing rage on something or getting clicks, then it isn’t worth taking seriously or listening to and that’s exactly what a lot of negativity towards the DCEU is.

[comicteaparty]

January 29th-February 4th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from January 29th, 2020 to February 4th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

Which genre is your favorite for webcomics and which is your least favorite? Why is that?

carcarchu

Romance is without a doubt my favourite genre although i do have a particular soft spot for historical series too (and if it combines the 2 that's a dream come true ). as for my least favourite i guess sci-fi, i'm really not a fan of having to remember a ton of world building details and the backstories of some sci-fi series feel like reading a textbook sometimes. also comedy can be really hit or miss for me if the sense of humour used in the comic doesn't do it for me

Capitania do Azar

Honestly I'll read petty much anything if I'm having fun, not necessarily a genre-related issue. I think nice, interesting stories can be crafted in any genres. That being said, fantasy is usually not my jam and I really like Sci-fi

Kabocha

When it comes to webcomics, I'll read a lot of stuff! But I think Fantasy and Drama have a soft spot in my heart for some reason! I really enjoy it when a creator seems to be having fun (or is aware) of how hammy their drama can be -- and fantasy can be chock full of it! (And as an aside, I love the heck outta romance when done well! A lot of webcomics that classify themselves as romances tend to be more Drama than Romance, mostly bc they don't follow the genre conventions of romance, and instead stick to a more dramatic-oriented plot structure... it's intriguing.) Anyway! I think my least favorite these days is slice of life and gaming comics. A lot of it gets really weird and overwrought and I just... I dunno, there's gotta be a draw. Gaming comics just aren't very fun to read, esp as I've gotten older. A lot of it feels like "hey here's this pop culture reference this small-ish in group gets! how funny! hahaha" or punching down, and... I dunno, I don't have a lot of time to keep on top of memes for games I don't/can't play.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I love fantasy and sci-fi, mostly because I'm a world-building nut. I want to get lost in a new place when I read. This also extends towards historical comics, but those are pretty rare. I won't lie though, I definitely fact-check historical comics when I read them, because I want to know how much I can trust the accuracy of the setting. I also tend to enjoy romance if done well, and especially when blended with other genres. IMO, romances can be kinda samey by themselves, so there needs to be some other plot outside of the characters' relationship for me to stay invested. As for least favorite genres... Definitely comedy and slice-of-life. As someone who regularly watches stand-up, I don't typically find comedy comics very funny most of the time, especially relatable gag-a-day types. As for slice-of-life, it often seems... boring to me. I mean, I might just be mentally unable to process the nuances or something, but what actually happens in slice-of-lifes? That being said, there are always exceptions to these preferences, because I have been completely turned off from certain fantasy comics, for example, and there are definitely comedies that I have enjoyed thoroughly. In the end, all that really matters is if a specific comic suits my tastes/quality expectations, genre tossed aside

Ash🦀

When it comes to webcomics, animal stories and fantasy are definitely my favorites. I like getting lost in a world, I don’t want to stay in my own if I’m trying to escape. Oh, also, and actually being able to read emotions. On animals, because the style and emotion often have to be pushed so much, it’s way easier on me to be able to parse expressions on an animal than a human. Might just be my autistic brain tho /shrug Also, sci fi, heavy dose of “sci” in there. If I feel like I’m learning something it makes it so much more fun. My least favorite genres are romance and historical. To be honest, I find historical pieces rely so much on the politics and the talking and the human nuance I don’t much understand in the first place that I end up getting bored or confused or both. And romance is... well, my mom constantly had hallmark movies on, so I’ve kind of grown to hate the romance genre as a whole tbh. If it’s a side piece in a fantasy, fine, okay. Too often they’re unbelievable and the couple just doesn’t have any chemistry, and I just end up not buying it, so I’d like to yeet it to the side as much as possible in most cases. Now, there are some that are exceptions, here, but they are few and far between. Somehow, LGBTA+ romance just blows past this hangup, however. I dunno, it’s easier for me to care then, it feels newer, and... well, frankly, a good deal of the time they’re written better, I dunno. So, they’re the exception to the rule.

Kabocha

Hard agree on the LGBTA+ romance -- but also other marginalized groups tend to be more thoughtful in romance and tropes they use! While there's a general sort of... uh, set of expectations as far as plot and the happily-ever-after/happy-for-now ending, it's honestly really just sort of nice to see creators be mindful about what they're making, and write stuff that isn't just the same sort of nonsense that gets marketed in the mainstream. ...Now this is making me think about how much I would love to see Courtney Milan or Alyssa Cole's works translated into comics... If they could do Pride and Prejudice, someone pls give me A Princess in Theory (Sorry, I'm... a little bit of an aficionado for the genre, particularly in romance novels)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I was never able to get into ANY romance until I started reading some LGBTQ+ ones. I never liked the genre before then, but I think it was just because I couldn’t identify with / care about all the cishet couple represented. Once I was reading a romance I actually could connect with, it was completely different. It’s still not a genre I like to read very often because it’s so trope-heavy, though.

keii4ii

I feel like romance gets pigeonholed into a specific (and admittedly prevalent/highly visible) type, kinda like how "fantasy" was pigeonholed as Tolkienish fantasy for years and years until recently.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

As for what genres I do like, definitely fantasy. I especially like dark stories with lots of nuance, twisty plots, and some surreality. I like both high and urban fantasy, though as I get older, I lean more towards the latter. There’s someone really fascinating to me about mixing modern tech with magic and the supernatural. My least favourite (apart from most romance) is probably newspaper-style webcomics. I’m just not into that into punchline-a-strip or art art that has a Saturday-morning-cartoon feel. Not that it’s bad in any way, and I actually do have a few exceptions of comics in that style that I DO like, but it’s just not really my thing. I also can’t really get into political comics or war stories.

@keii4ii Yeah, it definitely does! And it becomes frustrating to try and find Something Different within the genre when the vast majority of it is using the same tropes and set up. I think that’s also why I’ve started leaning more towards urban fantasy as I’ve aged because a lot of high fantasy was becoming ‘more of the same’.

(says someone who creates a Tolkein-esque high fantasy comic )

keii4ii

You can still tell great stories within those prevalent types. Just gotta be mindful about choosing tropes/archetypes because they work for the story, as opposed to just going with them mindlessly. But that's not really extra work; that mindfulness is important no matter what kind of a story you're writing, IMO!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I also say I don’t get into punchline-a-strip comedy and yet have TWO comics in that genre, so I’m kind of a hypocrite.

Oh yes, definitely! I do try to avoid or even subvert some of those very common tropes, though I’m sure I don’t always succeed! Some tropes can be very effective, just not when every story feels like you’ve read this a hundred times before with minor variation.

Kabocha

Honestly, that's one of the great things about self pub and webcomics -- you can get SO many more unique voices without the gatekeepers that traditionally held genres and markets back. Like, y'all might not have heard, but back years and years ago, Borders had someone working there at the corporate level that helped stock genre fiction -- but basically segregated POC authors from the genres that they were actually writing in. Which was a load of crap. (And that's not even getting into issues with queer media and fiction being stocked in stores or even published.) So basically in stores you'd see for a while, kind of the samey sort of stuff that you find in genre fiction -- and I think webcomics helps kind of... break out of those same sorts of expectations for various genres? It's kind of nice on the whole.

FeatheryJustice

Favourite genre of comics: Comedy and Action. If I could find Jackie Chan action and humour combo in a comic I would love the hell out of it. Least favourite: Slice of Life of the drama variety and romance variety. I dont mind if it is slice of life with action or slice of life informative because I am reading for more. If it is a romance between just two high schoolers doing nothing then I get bored. If it is two high schoolers in a slice of life but it focuses on them working on an animation together giving us animation information I would be okay with that.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Lol, as someone who makes a fantasy series that plays with the amnesia trope like it went out of style (spoilers, it did), I totally agree that fantasy and romance can be very tropey.

kzuich

I like comedy and slice-of-life. Occasionally I like drama, but only if it's mixed with comedy. Or black comedy. (Seeing a recurring theme here? xD)

Or drama. With comedy sprinkled in.

I don't know why but I've always felt webcomics were really great for comedy. Some of the funniest stuff I've read was a webcomic. Dunno why. Least favorite genre? I don't really have one. I'll read anything but those are the genres I actually -like-.

DanitheCarutor

I'll read just about anything. I love stuff with some kind of surrealistic or abstract quality to it, like Weaker Sides (https://www.weakersides.com/), Seluda (https://tapas.io/series/seluda) and Hookteeth (https://hookteethcomic.com/). I also really enjoy stuff that is sad, or deals with heavy themes due to the feeling of catharsis they give me. Sun Rising (https://tapas.io/series/Sun-Rising), Rescue Me (https://tapas.io/series/Rescue-Me) and The Dogs on the Railroad (https://tapas.io/series/The-Dogs-on-the-Railroad) come to mind. It's nice to experience difficult emotions in a controlled environment. If I had to be genre specific I would have to say my favorite is the very elusive horror genre. Love me some spoopy shit and pretty much everything else that comes with it, no matter how cheesy it gets! It sucks that horror is so hard to find in webcomics, at least for me.

Least favorite genres? Gag-a-day, slice of life and romance. I have a lot of trouble getting into comedy comics that aren't story driven, so I don't usually read gag-a-days or autobios. I will read the latter two since most of the time they're good things to read when you don't want to turn your brain off for a bit, but all three genres are honestly really boring for me. When it comes to character centric stuff I really want something like a deep character study, although I haven't had luck finding stuff like that. Romance specifically, I have a hate/I don't mind relationship with. Romantic intimacy has always been super gross to me, I hate seeing people kissing on each other in movies due to an issue with how nasty the human mouth is, and the sound makes me sick to my stomach. With comics it's easier to digest, the characters are just drawings so I don't mind seeing them get all buckwild, but it's still not my most favorite. There are occasions where I can't even read a comic due to genre vs. setting. For example (and I'm am not saying this comic is bad, I mean it has over 100k subs) A Matter of Life and Death (https://tapas.io/series/A-Matter-of-Life-and-Death). I really love the art in this comic, the setting, some of the characters and the little bits of lore I saw. But it's a slice of life-esque romantic type of comic, so the world building for this extremely creative looking setting is kinda put on the back burner for intimate scenes between the MCs. Again, this doesn't make it bad. I personally turned out not to be the target demographic because I wanted 'A' and the creator wanted 'B'. Maybe I'll give this one another glance someday to see where the story has gone, I admittedly haven't read it in a couple years so the story might have developed.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

My fave is anything that deals in heavy lore-- most that fit the bill are usually fictional like fantasy and sci-fi, but there are always exceptions that play with some good world building outside those genres! I love to read comics that i can get lost in and want to almost research the world created-- as long as that element is balanced in a story, im usually up for anything! That being said however, my least favourite is the gag strips and strictly comedy. I haven't yet found any that have really made me read page after page since my first looksee with comedy comics (sassy creed and that super smash bros one come to mind so quite a while ago) but I'm sure if i was more diligent in searching through the genre I could find something for myself!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I love history and sci-fi. I have a hard time getting into fiction and I like stories with a firm connection to something real in the world

kayotics

I’m a fan of fantasy stories, and I like romance sometimes as well. I don’t mind gag-a-day strips but I don’t really follow any, mostly since I’m looking for a little more meat in my story. Despite how much crossover sci-fi and fantasy have, I’m not big into sci-fi. If a story engages me in that genre, I’ll still read it, but it’s not a genre I search through. I also don’t read war comics. I have a hard no on superheroes as well, I’m just tired of them.

renieplayerone

I love anything thats a mix of SciFi and history or some other genre (its why i love blade runner, scifi film noir). Weaving history into scifi is a challenge but man does it make for really cool aesthetics and moral questions

RebelVampire

My favorite genre for webcomics is probably a tie between fantasy and sci-fi. Not only do I just personally love world-building heavy material, but I also just think webcomics is a medium well-suited to them. I kind of don't feel things like live action do those genres justice. However, webcomics have a lot of artistic freedom so art style, differing art effects, etc. can all come into play to create awe, whimsy, and a bunch of other emotions that just capture a feeling of wonder that I expect from those generes. As for least favorite genre, definitely serialized comedy - which by this I mean comics that have a story along with the comedy. For me I just...don't find a lot of them funny. A lot of the humor is a bit too trope-y for my liking or imitating comedy without really understanding why the comedy worked in the original source. So for me the jokes just rarely land even if I can appreciate the effort that went into the comics. That being said, there's always exceptions. Like http://sgkdr.webcomic.ws/ is a comic I would've initially passed just based on genre, but when i read it the humor was/is actually really smart and really creative. Just the same, there's plenty of fantasy and sci-fi comics I don't like, though this usually comes down to story execution even if I think the art is pretty to look at.

BadSprite

My favorite genres for comics are action, comedy, drama and slice of life. I'm particularly a fan of slice of life stories that take place in some fantastical world, because the nuances of the setting makes the mundane so much more interesting. Also action comedies are my jam. One of my faves being: http://paranatural.net/. I personally love how comedy is integrated into action scenes to capture the frantic nature of the situations. My least favorite genre are probably romance, it's not that I have anything against it. I just feel like there's an oversaturation of them and there's very few that brings something new to the table. Most of them feel too same-y for me.

eli [a winged tale]

It really depends on my mood~ my bookmarks are all over the place. If I really enjoy the art and the characters, I usually stay for the story. My usual go-to is fantasy, sci-fi or slice of life! I recently got into romance but I’m a bit choosey about it. I definitely echo @Kabocha ‘s statement about exploring different voices and subversion of tropes. Always eager to read tighter storylines and those that take risks in diversity. Least favourite same as @FeatherNotes(Krispy) really! Sometimes it’s funny (love strange planet) but I won’t be binging it

MJ Massey

My favorite genres of comics are fantasy, action/adventure, and romance. Especially if all three are together in one delicious package. I'll read pretty much anything but it's gotta be well paced and well written to keep me coming back

Javi

My favorite genres are action, comedy, fantasy, sci-fi, slice of life and adventure. Also anything with animal characters in it I'm already invested in it but that's just my furry brain talking (edited)

AntiBunny

I would say a broad term of adventure. Be it scifi, fantasy, road trip, or superntural I love a good adventure comic full of interesting characters and locations.

[antiquechampagne]

Antique Champagne - Chapter 31 - The Notebook

It was a few days before Payne was able to catch Fahrenheit alone. She sat at Hancock’s desk while the mayor took a nap safely in his room.

“Fahr.” Payne saw Fahr’s scowling grey eyes look up from the paper on the desk. That was all the acknowledgement Payne received. “We need to talk,” she continued.

“We do.”

Payne wasn’t quite sure if the response was a statement or a question. Her mind quickly calculated the best way to approach Fahr and landed on the only logical conclusion. She just directly asked her.

“Exactly what’s your sudden problem with me?”

The edges of Fahr’s lips curled into a tiny wicked smile. Seemed like she had been waiting for this… but she still sat motionless. The silence drug on, rankling under Payne’s skin.

“Problem?” Fahr finally spoke. “What problem?”

Payne had had enough. She took a quick step forward, right to edge of the desk. “You know exactly what I am talking about! You barely talk to me anymore! This shit has to stop! We need to communicate if we are going to keep Hancock safe!” Her fist hit the top of the desk in frustration.

“Keep Hancock safe?!” At that, Fahrenheit stood up, leaning forward into Payne’s personal space. Involuntarily, Payne backed up a step. “What the fuck do you know about that?”

That threw Payne. All she could manage for a response was a “What?”

“Your little memory tirade didn’t exactly cement you as the most stable employee to be watching Hancock’s back. Along with your… particular proclivities, it makes you too much of a loose cannon for my tastes.” Payne narrowed her eye as her anger rose. “I don’t appreciate having to keep tabs on the both of you.”

Before Payne could react, an out-of-breath Neighborhood Watchman burst loudly through the office. “Where’s Mayor Hancock?” the Watchman asked between heavy breaths.

---

Hancock drowsily made his way to the office as he stretched his arms languorously above his head, his shoulder popping loudly. The noise of heavy boots in the hall had woke him from his doze.

“What’s going on?” He found a small crowd in his office. Scooping up his hat from its resting spot on the coffee table, every eye was on him.

“Spill it, man!” Hancock said, craning his neck, popping another joint.

“A drifter’s gone feral, sir.”

The mayor frowned. “So put him outta his misery. You guys know what to do.” As distasteful as this rare situation was, this was the standard procedure.

“It’s… not that easy, Mayor. There’s kinda a situation… with kids.”

Without another word, the three of them followed the guard to a cordoned-off back alley. Making their way past the impromptu barricades, several guards were placating a loudly irate woman with a sheepish teenage boy sitting on a old crate behind her. Beyond them, near the dead end of the alley, paced a hunched figure with skin covered in scars—the feral ghoul.

Hancock turned to the woman. “Hey, sister. I need you to chill. Freaking out isn’t helping the situation right now.”

“Well, what the fuck are you going to do about it, Mayor? That thing is going to eat my daughter!” The woman was incensed.

Peering down the alley, it took a moment, but tucked in between the brick wall and the massive metal dumpster huddled the silhouette of a small child. There was the reason the guards were hesitant to shoot the feral. They ran the risk of a stray bullet hitting the kid. Tommy guns weren’t really known for the accuracy.

Hancock did his best to calm the woman as he tried to think of strategy to get the kid out of harm's way, but something seemed off. Not only was the feral not attacking the kid who was just feet away from him, the mother was more angry than worried.

Hancock watched Payne out of the corner of his eye as she studied the scene. She turned to the woman. It took Payne a few tries to get her attention away from the mayor.

“Hey!” Payne finally had to put her hand on the woman’s shoulder. “What was going on before he turned feral?”

“What?” She wrinkled her nose. “Why the fuck would that matter?”

“Answer the question,” Payne demanded. The woman was taken aback, but answered.

“I was back here teaching these little shits a lesson about stealing from their mother." She glared at the boy behind her. "Then up walks this ghoul, getting up in my face before he goes all…” She curled her fingers and growled like a sick caricature of a zombie. “Scared the shit out of me, so I ran to get the Watch. Lotta good that did me!”

The boy, who had been staring quietly at the ground, suddenly spoke up. "DJ wouldn't have taken your stupid smokes if we didn't need' em to trade for some food!"

"Shut up!" his mother spat, raising her hand. The boy flinched.

"That's enough of that," Hancock warned.

Hancock continued to try to smooth things over with the mother as Payne went back to sluthing. Her outburst wasn't helping the situation and it was grating on her nerves.

"Whatcha got there?" Hancock asked as Payne picked up a notebook from the pavement, examining it.

"I have an idea." She started to slowly inch her way towards the feral. “Keep everyone back.”

This time it was Fahr raising her voice. "What exactly do you think you're doing? Trying to get that kid killed?!"

Hancock shared some of her trepidation. The situation was certainly volatile. Whatever was keeping the feral from attacking might disappear at any moment.

"Trust me..." Payne held Fahr's gaze before turning to Hancock. "If anything goes south, I will make sure the kid is okay. You got my word on that."

Hancock knew it was a calculated risk. Ferals could be extremely fast when agitated, nothing like the slow plodding zombies he's seen depicted in the old-world comics.

He nodded to Payne to proceed, getting a hiss of frustration from Fahrenheit.

Hancock watched nervously as Payne gradually progressed to within a yard or so of the deranged ghoul before he started to snarl. She stopped and watched him. Most ferals were extremely territorial, attacking anything in their immediate vicinity on instinct. This one paced aggressively, looking like at any moment he would rush forward, but instead seemed to be positioning himself between Payne and the child.

"Okay," Payne cooed softly. "I'm not coming any closer." The ghoul hissed but seemed to settle a bit when she backed off a step. The girl made eye contact with Payne, tears streaking down her terrified face. She seemed ready to bolt from her hiding space, but Payne told her not to move with a slight nod. All this anticipation was making Hancock's skin crawl.

"This isn't my specialty, but..." Payne took a deep breath. "Baby Shark doo doo doo-"

The feral growled, spitting and snarling, waving its hand wildly. In the commotion, the girl let out a yip before clamping her hands protectively over her mouth.

Payne retreated another step, her hand out before her, trying to calm the feral's outburst and keep his attention on her. "Yeah, I'm not a fan of that one either."

Timidly, Payne tried another song. Hancock found it hard to make out the words at first.

It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,

The feral pacing slowed as he cocked his head to the side as he listened, transfixed. Payne moved a step to the left, and the ghoul followed suit.

A beautiful day for a neighbor,

Would you be mine? Could you be mine?

She moved a few more feet, drawing the ghoul away from the dumpster. When she had moved as far as she could in the confined space, she quickly motioned for the girl to make a break for it.

It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood

A neighborly day for a beauty

The girl sprinted to safety behind the row of Watchmen, burying her head in her brother’s side, sobbing. The feral’s attention never wavered from Payne. Hancock glanced down to see a crushed carton of cigarettes clutched in the girl's hands.

Could you be mine?

The guard next to Hancock raised his gun to line up a shot. Payne waved at them to lower their weapon. Why didn't she want them to take it? They had a clearer window now.

Would you be mine?

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you

Just then, Hancock could see why. He caught the subtle change in posture, the easing of feral's movements to something more human-like. Payne seemed to be weaving some kind of spell over him, like a ghoul Pied Piper.

I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you

"Hold up!" he whispered to the Watchman, gently forcing the barrel down with is hand.

Let's make the most of this beautiful day

Payne reached out, putting a hand on the ghoul's shoulder. He looked at it as if it were the first hand he had ever seen.

Since we're together, might as well say

Carefully she held up the dusty notebook. The ghoul’s unsteady hands took the book, quickly finding the pen tucked between the pages. His face twisted as he frantically wrote something before handing it back.

Would you be my, could you be my

Payne read the message and frowned. Dropping the notebook, she placed her hands tenderly on either side of the ghoul's head.

Won't you be my neighbor?

She mouthed something to him before giving his neck a quick violent jerk. Payne guided the ghoul's limp body to the ground. She didn’t appear to looking at anything as she walked solemnly back to Hancock’s side.

“Look at all the trouble you caused! Gimmie that carton, you little shit!” spat the mother to her sobbing daughter.

Hancock watched Payne silently walk over to the mother, quickly decking her right in the face.

“Feed your fucking kids.” She spat before stomping off. Everyone else standing around was shocked into momentary silence. Hancock found it hard to suppress a smirk.

He found himself in charge of clean up. It took a bit longer than he had anticipated, but after about a half an hour he finally broke away from the throng as it thinned to try to find where Payne had wandered off to.

He found her sitting on the roof, staring out over the gables, one and half bottles into a three-bottle binge. She didn’t seem to acknowledge his presence as he slid down next to her, their backs pressed against the clapboards of the Old State House’s steeple.

“Sorry...” The words trickled out of her, slow and thick. “But the bitch deserved it. Hope I didn’t cause too much trouble for you.”

“Yeah, she did.” He grabbed the open bottle and nodded for permission. After Payne returned a head bob, he took a swig. “I had a little talk with Jay, the brother. He’s got the good sense to take my advice and become emancipated. Took his sis with him.”

Payne nodded. “Good.”

They shared a few more passes of the bottle. Hancock’s mind buzzed with questions about the ‘why’s and ‘how’s of what he had just witnessed in the alley, but he held his tongue. He had a feeling it wouldn’t be long before Payne would answer those all on her own.

“In high school, I used to volunteer after school at a retirement home. I would play music, do sing-alongs, host dances… that sorta thing. To help entertain the people there. There were quite a few residents with dementia, Alzheimer’s, stuff like that. People who were all but forgotten by their families because they were too hard to care for.” She still wasn’t looking at him; she still stared out as if she was just talking to herself. “These diseases eventually robbed them of everything. They forgot their lives, how to talk… eventually they forgot how to walk, move… everything. They became trapped in their own bodies.” Payne swallowed another mouthful.

She took in a deep breath.

“But sometimes, if I found the right song, something that resonated with them deep in their souls… for a brief moment, they would come back. People who hadn’t moved on their own would sway and dance. A woman who hadn’t talked in over a year started singing along to a song, then she told me about her first dance with her husband. It was like a miracle to watch these people break free of their disease, even if it only lasted for a few minutes.” Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. “I thought… maybe…” She shook her head.

Hancock pulled the notebook she had offered to the ghoul out of his coat, placing it on the ground between them. "How does this figure into it?" In the commotion of the evening, he had only had time for a quick glance.

Payne pulled the book closer to her side and started to slowly flip through the pages. They contained page after page of lists, figure and tables that Hancock couldn't make heads or tails of.

She pointed to several things as she flipped past them, taking a sip every few pages.

"These are lesson plans, syllabuses, course outlines... all for elementary school kids. This guy must have been an educator of some kind... a teacher or principal." Flipping through, the writing got less organized, words spilling over margins, rushing into each other. The stringent ledgers wobbled and teetered, collapsing on themselves. When words started to fail, drawing started to emerge from the chaos, frenzied representations of smiling children playing on alien playgrounds. She stopped when even those morphed into page after page of formless scribbles. She drained the remainder of the bottle.

Hancock was starting to connect the dots. This guy had worked with children a lot before the war; it was his passion. His connection to them is what had anchored him for centuries. But in the wasteland, there were very few places that needed such a person left, much fewer who would be open to haing a ghoul as their child's teacher. Hancock saw where Payne was leading him even without any chems helping.

"That is why he wasn't attacking the girl. Enough of him was still there to want to protect her," Hancock devised.

Payne nodded. "And I think he snapped. He saw an innocent kid getting a whipping from her mom for wanting to eat. It was his last straw." She bit her lip. "That's why I thought it was worth the risk to attempt to bring him back. And I did, for a moment." She flipped to the last page in the book. There were two largely illegible words:

END IT.

She tossed the empty bottle off the roof. It shattered on the cobblestones below, followed by a string of cursing. The commotion startled a few local crows, sending them squawking off into the night sky. Normally, such a display of drunken debauchery would get a laugh from the mayor, but not tonight.

Payne sighed and popped the cork out of the last bottle.

"You gonna share that one?" Hancock tried to grab the bottle, but she shooed his hand away. She was downing these pretty fast.

He expected a wry quip, but all she did was take another long swig while trying to whip away a few errant tears that had started to fall down her cheeks. She grimaced at them, like she was mad at their existence. As the seconds of silence stretched on, it was clear she wasn't up to any more conversation, so they just sat. Hancock was surprised when her head dipped. He nearly thought she had passed out, but she only rested her head on his shoulder. And so they stayed as she drained the final drops of acrid wine from the last bottle.

As they sat, Hancock sifted through memories until he stumbled over something he hadn't thought of in a very long time. Timidly, he started to sing.

Moon river, wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style some day

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker

Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

 Two drifters, off to see the world

There's such a lot of world to see

We're after the same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend

My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

Payne cocked her head awkwardly trying to see his face. "Thaat was pretty goood." The alcohol had begun to slur her words.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna be holding any concerts any time soon... but that's the song my mom used to sing to us to get us to sleep. Ya know, just in case..." He began to realize how much she was starting to lean on him, weighing him down. "Though I think there is a pretty slim chance you're going to remember this tomorrow morning with how much you've had to drink. Come on… let's get you down that ladder while you can still stand." He helped to get her to her feet.

Hancock found his assessment of her sobriety, or lack thereof, was pretty far off. He got her upright then positioned himself to head down the ladder first. He found he had a prime view of her left foot missing a rung, throwing her body off-kilter. To her credit, Payne tried to right herself, but only succeeded in kicking Hancock in the face as she somehow dove face first into the wooded floor below, landing with a wicked thud.

Shit! Hancock swore under his breath as he quickly slid the rest of the way down the ladder. As his boots hit the old planks, Payne rolled over, a raucous laugh filling the air. Her face started to turn red and purple, but she didn't seem to notice.

Hancock tapped his food in annoyance as he stood over her as she doubled over with laughter. "Seriously?"

Payne snickered. "You ssshould seee your FACE!" A trickle of blood trailed down her nose into her wide smile.

"Very funny. I guess I should be thankful you seem pretty damn hard to kill." He kneeled down, draping Payne’s arm over his shoulders firmly. With clumsy steps, he got her to one of the two red couches in his office. After propping her up, he left her to retrieve a bucket and a can of purified water. When Hancock returned, he found her attempting to open another bottle with her teeth.

"Okay, three is enough for tonight," he scoffed as he pulled the brown bottle from her grip as he sat on the coffee table opposite her.

Payne protested. "Awww..."

Hancock found a rag and wiped the blood from her face. It had stopped nearly as quickly as it started, the bruises already fading.

"Why don't you get some sleep. You'll be feeling this in the morning."

Suddenly, Payne lurched forward. Thinking she was about to blow, Hancock's hands reached for the bucket. Instead, he found her drunken goofy face inches from his own. She put a finger on what was left of the bridge of his nose. Hancock froze.

"Yur a good guy. D'n't let anyoone con-fince you odderwise." She placed a quick peck on his cheek. As Hancock sat in shock, he could feel a warmth wash over him.

"I'm sleeeepy." Payne muttered before crashing back down into the cushions. She slid down and was sleeping before Hancock could say a thing.

A voice jolted him out of his stupor.

"Aren't you two a pair of jokers." It was Fahrenheit, leaning against the door jam, arms crossed.

Barely recovered, all that Hancock could shoot back was a quick "Shut up, Fahr." He tried to get up as coolly and quietly as he could manage.

As he passed by her, Fahr quipped, "I didn't even think you could blush anymore."

[douxreviews]

Gotham - ‘They Did What?’ Review

Gordon: "For Gotham!"

When FOX kicks the support beams out from under you and says that the narrative you had planned to normally span across a twenty-two episode season now has to be condensed down to ten episodes, I guess it makes sense that your last few episodes are going to feel more like a paint-by-numbers project as you struggle to quickly wrap up character arcs so that those characters in question can resemble their comic counterparts.

Any remaining characteristic that Gotham hasn't shown the genesis for is abruptly wrapped up here in 'They Did What?' - Oswald loses an eye and gets his monocle, Bruce summons a colony of bats, Gordon's daughter is named 'Barbara,' and Gordon gets his promotion to Commissioner. And there's really no weight behind any of these developments, they just sort of happen because... they need to happen. Last year, in Thomas Ijon Tichy's review of 'The Sinking Ship, The Grand Applause,' he mentioned how there wasn't much of a thread that connected the plot points or character moments of that episode, "Things Just Happen." And that's mostly how I feel about this sudden conclusion to 'They Did What?', things just happen and there's no rhythm or flow to a lot of them.

Nyssa abducts Barbara instead of just killing her like she said she was going to do, and wants to raise Barbara's child as her own. Barbara manages to stab her in the gut but she still walks it off. Nyssa locks Gordon and Barbara in a room so she can make her escape. Gordon is able to kick the door down anyway. Bane's invasion overpowers and takes over the GCPD but instead of killing Gordon and Bruce like he said he was going to do, he takes a detour just so he can ambush Bruce and Selina in an alleyway. Bruce saves Selina by summoning a colony of bats because of course he just happens to acquire at the last-minute sonar equipment. The terrified refugees of Gotham City attempting to flee underground return to the surface anyway so they can stare down Bane and a firing squad. Nyssa escapes in Oswald's submarine alone even though it was stated two people are needed to pilot that thing.

For once, I don't know if the cobbled-together writing here can be blamed solely on the showrunners though because simply we just don't know if their intended 'vision' for Season 5 was meant to last an entire year before FOX cut their air time down to size.

If there is a highlight though for this episode (and there are several, mind you), it begins with where we began this year. The sequence of Gordon, Bullock, Oswald and Nygma suiting up and taking the stand against Bane's army in a dire effort to protect the GCPD I confess had me energized and eyes glued to the screen, and even if it's incredibly jarring that for some reason this sequence occurs in daylight while the standoff shown in 'Year Zero' was happening at nightfall, it's an absolutely energizing scene. Never mind the fact that Bane's army, which supposedly outnumbered the GCPD six-hundred to thirty-one, has the firing accuracy of an Imperial Stormtrooper, this scene had wit, it had rapport, it even had a little bit of heart (turns out Oswald loses his eye while defending Nygma), and it's oddly enough a nice depiction too of an incredibly dysfunctional group willing to set aside past grudges to defend in any way they can the city that is a part of them, that has had a hand in each of their upbringings.

I was a little skeptical at first of why Oswald would be wiling to come back and put his life on the line for Gotham City after going through so much trouble to leave it behind and start life anew elsewhere. But of course, Robin Lord Taylor's performance in the office-sequence across from Gordon completely convinced me, and as much as I love his chemistry with Cory Michael Smith, Taylor and Ben McKenzie are also a phenomenal pair when they get scenes like this one. In many ways, their portrayals of Penguin and Gordon have shown they can at times be inverted versions of the same individual, and by now have established this nice ebb-and-flow of knowing when to work together, and when they can be at each other's throats.

It's unfortunate that so late in the game Gotham is somewhat hinting at a redemption arc for Barbara because she's so endearing and likable when she's anything but a psychotic mob boss. I liked her character just fine enough for the first half of Season 1, and even though as a character, she's been through the grinder time and time again, but Erin Richards, like Taylor and Smith, just has that charm to her that makes her enjoyable to watch when she's spirited and vibrant as opposed to being so full of anger, venom and angst.

Shippers of Oswald and Nygma will probably seethe at the resolution to their arc until they're blue in the face, but I personally enjoyed it nonetheless. At the end of it all, Nygma's decided that he felt nothing, no hint of triumph, joy or euphoria, even when Gotham City is rejoicing for their salvation. The very city he put his life on the line to defend. Because it sickens him just knowing he had to associate himself with the civilian population that he considers intellectually inferior to him. Nygma relapsing into his megalomaniac egotistical persona is such a 'Riddler' thing of him to do, and it inspires Oswald to agree with his notion that they shouldn't have to ever think about changing who they are to please everyone else - they're criminal masterminds and if that's what fate has planned for them, then so be it. And as amusing as an on-screen visual it was, I don't think Nygma and Oswald secretly pulling blades on each other with the intention of double-crossing the other adds anything to this ending, simply because the scene succeeds in getting across anyway the notion that they're brothers-in-arms, and will be for the time being - blades or no blades.

Something I've been dreading for a while has finally reared its ugly head in this episode, and because we now know the series finale is actually a time-jump, there's no room at all left for Gotham to resolve it: the very reason Batman even exists in the first place. In the five years we have journeyed with Bruce Wayne on his quest to rise one day as Gotham's caped crusader, Gotham has forgotten to address two core aspects to what makes Batman... well, Batman. And those are why does Bruce Wayne/Batman need to work outside the law and why is Bruce's motif bats?

Rather than deliver on the indication that Bruce was going to be infiltrating and dissolving gang factions throughout the city this year, Bruce instead spends much of this season assisting the GCPD, and by the end of this season, not only is Gordon's lineup of cops shown to be capable of holding off Bane's army of grunts, but it is a mob of ordinary civilians that is able to coerce Bane's army into standing down and turning on Bane himself. In the end, we can't help but wonder then 'why would this city even need a lawless vigilante?' What has shown Bruce that the municipal government of the city is incapable of enforcing proper law and order?

And then there's the bat motif. "But Aaron, Bruce had a vision of bats and Batman back in Season 4!" I understand that, but that isn't enough. That silhouette with the signature bat ears poking up in Bruce's vision still needs a point of origin. In response to that argument, Batman cannot create himself. Otherwise, what is stopping Bruce from fashioning his cowl and armor to resemble just about anything he wants? The design and appearance of Batman is tied in many renditions of the character to Bruce's fear of bats themselves. Several times in the past it has been hinted by David Mazouz among others that Bruce's fear of bats would be a plot point explored in this series, but ultimately, that never came to pass. Yes, Lucius gives Bruce some tech that utilizes sonar which just happens to have a side effect of attracting certain animals, but at this point in the series, when we're so close to the finish line, this feels more than anything else like an afterthought as opposed to a development that will leave an impact on Bruce and something he feels is necessary to incorporate into his campaign of vigilantism.

I almost feel like my energy could be best utilized in other departments then commenting on what a trainwreck Gotham's interpretation of Nyssa Al Ghul is. Almost. For goodness' sake, the series itself seems to even have no concept of this character's identity because literally any quote delivered by a character concerning Nyssa contains what we already know - that she wants Bruce and Barbara dead, and she wants to destroy Gotham. Over and over again, that's spoon-fed to the viewer, like they're fussy children and Gotham is the mother trying to get them to eat their peas. For all her bluster that she is an 'Al Ghul' and that stronger people than Gordon and Barbara have tried and failed to kill her, in the end, she scampers off with her tail between her legs (unknowingly dog-napping Edward the bulldog in the process. That absolutely hurt me.), marking her as the final of many quite forgettable antagonists Gotham has had to offer. Do I even need to comment on the low blow that is this character threatening a defenseless infant with a dagger?

So in the end, Gotham City earns its salvation, Gordon gets his promotion, and Bruce pulls the "Dear John" letter trope from Season 3's finale and uses it to tell Selina that he's leaving Gotham City for...reasons. The real kicker here was knowing though that Camren Bicondova has evidently been recast as an older Selina Kyle for Gotham's series finale, which genuinely saddens me now knowing that a scene containing her realizing Bruce has also essentially walked out on her life is the last moment we have with this actress.

Aaron Studer loves spending his time reading, writing and defending the existence of cryptids because they can’t do it themselves.

[aficaria]

Lucis in the Rain

I had decided to get myself back into writing. And in all honesty, I’m actually really trying. New styles here and there and maybe I might actually push myself to up my vocabulary game and also my word count.

Anyways, Happy 2018!

Yes, I know it’s 5 days late. But better late than never.  And comments and critics are always welcome as I’m trying my best to improve! If anything, any opinions would be taken in seriously in time for my newest fic. 

Title: Lucis in the Rain Pairing: Lightning Farron x Noctis Lucis Caelum Length: ?? I have no idea. AO3 ULR: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13276860

Without further ado;

Planning wasn't in Noctis' forte.

If anything, most of the planning work goes to Ignis. He is the beast of strategies, of accuracies and surprises. And if being Noctis' future personal adviser is anything to go by-- Ignis is just the best mother in any situation. The one ready to spoil Noctis when given the opportunity to do so.

At least until now.

Thing was, Ignis had blatantly rejected Noctis' plead to plan out the best night with a certain pinkette. It was New Years Eve; and for Astrals sake, Noctis just wants to put on a good impression on that lady. Lightning wasn't one to be half assed with. But Ignis had turned down those pitiful blue orbs down with a straight forward, “It’s your date, not mine.”

And with that Noctis had the most stressful week to plan out the best Date™. From having to choose the right places to go, to finding out what suits Lightning’s schedule and what is her preferences. And ultimately, Noctis had begun to swear to Ignis for not at least helping out because this is the first time the prince had done something remotely tiring.

And by the Gods if being half ass wasn't Noctis' only attribute.

So here they are, both young adults crowded under one flimsy umbrella, soaking through their garments. And to be more accurate of the situation, the umbrella wasn't even the prince's. It was luck on his part that the young soldier had brought one upon request of her younger sister. So nope, Noctis was not prepared at all.

The young prince's demeanor was calm but for the love of God; he was having a mental breakdown. Of all things he had to forget when planning this excuse of a date was the weather. The rain was building up and the wind was getting stronger. And there's still an hour left till the fireworks.

Noctis just wants to jump into the nearest trash bin.

"Are you tired?"

"No. This is nothing compared to patrol duty." The female soldier simply shrugged before raising a brow at the man beside her. "How about you? Are you tired?"

Noctis shook his head, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. "Just worried for you. Isn't it cold? I mean with you wearing those short sleeves and everything."

Pale Aqua eyes continued to stare at the male beside her. The prince may be reticent but he's easy enough for long time friends to be read. Even after knowing him for maybe a year or so, the pinkette grew accustomed to the prince’s reserved self. If not for her training as a soldier, it was obvious from his demeanor that he was actually getting tired from standing under the rain. If not for his weight shifting, the slouching of his shoulders would’ve given it away.

Plus, he couldn't be any more obvious to his own personal suffering. Lightning knew of the prince's constant whinning from none other than Ignis Scientia-- okay, maybe also from passing by a certain training room of the King's shield once a week. Though, it was kind of adorable of him to always act macho for her impression of him. But for the sake of the prince’s ego, maybe the soldier should just keep her opinions to herself.

"I'm fine." She mumbles, sticking her wet back against Noctis. Adjusting herself to stand in front of the prince. Even though this was a ‘date’, Lightning still has a duty to uphold, especially as a member of the Kingsglaive. And of course, the courts wouldn't be all that happy to find their prince to be sick the next morning. So, if standing infront of him was anything to go by, at least he had more space to shield himself from the rain. Eyes averting, keeping her attention to looking for any suspicious behavior.

Achoo--

Silence passed by both adults.

"Okay, maybe I'm getting a little cold."

"Heh, why didn't you just say so?" Letting out a little chuckle, noting how that sneeze was extremely adorable on her part. It was even cuter for her to still play aloof after. Shifting the umbrella to rest on his right shoulder, he let the umbrella's handle to drop to his right shoulder before shrugging of his bomber jacket. "Here put this on. It might help, at least the rain won't get to your shoulders."

"Thanks."

Lightning grabbed the already wet jacket from his rough hands and proceed to put them on. Immediately Noctis could feel the droplets of rain starting to seep through his somewhat damp black T-shirt. The feeling was less inviting but-- if that would mean Lightning being somewhat more comfortable than him, then so be it.

"So uhm-- why Lightning?" Glossy blue eyes stared at the woman infront.

Raising a brow at the prince, "What do you mean, why Lightning?"

"I mean, why not some other names?" Oh Ifrit, someone shut him up right now. "i-It's not like your name isn't cool or anything, but... I mean, don't you have your rights to choose the names?"

Dead silence.

Oh Gods, he may have fucked it up now. Blue orbs staring anywhere but the woman infront of him, he just doesn't wanna look at her expression. Why in the right mind would someone ask why is their name, their name. But for the love of Shiva, he was trying. And the pinkette standing infront of him knew of that. In all honesty, Lightning couldn't help but laugh at her partner, knowing that the prince's awkwardness would be his undoing one day.

"Actually, Lightning was so much better than the other name I was going to be given." She smirked, playing along with the prince's awkward curiosity. "Plus, it wasn't I who was tryna drill that name to everyone's mind. Just that, everyone back at KG dubbed me 'as quick and witty as Lightning'. And it just kind of stuck through."

"And what might that other name would be?"

"Demon bitch?" She snorts, always eager to tease the prince. "I swear, Your highness. You just keep digging that grave."

"My apologies. I didn't know that asking a really obvious question was me digging my own grave." The prince pouts, casually ignoring his own social ineptitude. "But you gotta' admit, now that the elephants out of the room-- we can talk about other things."

"Other things?" Lighting was laughing at this point, "If watching you casually making a fool of yourself is what other things are-- then I'll gladly accept it and savor it like fine red wine," she emphatises, right hand lifting up to comically swirling a crystal glass between her fingers.

The prince snorts, blue eyes glistening under the streetlights. "Is my suffering something to be make fun of, Soldier?"

"You gotta admit, it's kinda cute when you do it." The pinkette smiles genuinely at him, before turning her attention to the watch resting on her right wrist. "--besides, I think you look much better now compared to before. I think you look better confident, your Highness."

"Thanks. I'll be sure to continue being a social potato if that would mean having a positive impression for you. " He grumbled somewhat bitterly. The prince sounds totally unamused that the fellow soldier had found his social suffering enjoying while the pinkette is all perfect. The ravenette tilts the umbrella to the other side, allowing his shoulder to relax. Joking as he may be right now, he hasn't let the way Lightning has called him to slide. "And please stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Calling me anything relating to my birthright." Damp hair swaying as the ravenette shook his head in disappointment. It wasn't like he didn't like being called by his royalty. If anything, it felt degrading for anyone he considered close to him. He wants everyone to see him as an equal; because he respect his friends for whom they are.

"Would it make you feel better if I call you by your name, then?" The soldier teases, grinning now. It wasn't like she had done it on purpose. Having a job in the citadel would have obligated her duty to call anyone with higher authority the tittle they are bestowed. Plus, lighthearted banter with the future king of Lucis doesn't mean that she should be fully relaxed around him. Lightning isn't the type whom doesn't put responsibilities first. But still, it was entertaining to be with the prince like this.

There were many passerby, totally oblivious to both adults now standing under the rain for an hour and a half now. The two of them watched as they pass with slight envy, noticing how they were smart enough to bring rain coats. Though, Noctis was more desiring to have the type of relationship with the woman infront of him that he can exhibit. Lightning however, was much more envious of a certain floating object in the hands of many. The lighted balloons seem to draw the attention of the pinkette; despite her own rational mind would find that a waste of money.

Then again, if ego wasn't a word.

"Noctis."

Pale aqua eyes blinked in surprise. "Hm?"

"I'd prefer if you would call me that..." The prince explains, a hint of redness shimmering on his cheeks, his words slowly dwindle off mid sentence.

"Hmm.." Her voice sounding as if she was considering, shrugging away from the prince before turning back towards him. "I'll think about it."

"You gotta be kiddin' me." Noctis huffs, puffing his cheeks out comically; a habit he would probably wouldn't let go. "Light, I swear to Astrals--"

"Noctis."

"W-what?" Blue orbs staring at pale aqua ones.

Noctis hadn't thought that the Kingsglaive woman would've actually given in so easily. With how the conversation was going on, he would've actually thought that the pinkette would go on about responsibilities and the hierarchy of the citadel-- or whatever Ignis would always go on about. But he knew his ears did not fail him, and neither did his eyes as he could see as those beautiful ones tried to avert their attention at anywhere but him.

"I-I'm not going to repeat." The pinkette stuttered, not wanting the silence to drag out any longer. Teeth worrying on her bottom lip, Lightning hadn't thought herself as a stammering type. And Noctis knows that she's trying her best to push away whatever she had said like as if it was nothing. How many times have the pinkette even flustered under his watch? Not that many times. And now that she is? Astrals, Noctis is going to abuse it as much as he can.

"Lightning...." His voice falling on a lower octave. Smirking almost obviously, Noctis tilts the umbrella to the side, before grabbing the girl's shoulder infront of him. Lightning couldn't help but shiver under his watchful gaze. "Please?"

"I--"

Just as she was about to finish, the weather turned for the worse. What was once a small shower turned into a thunder storm and Noctis couldn't help but curse under his breath for such bad luck on his part. Pulling Lightning closer to him, he held the umbrella like it was their life line. From afar the crowd started to disperse, running frantically towards shelter.

"I think it's better if we follow the crowd, your Highness." There she goes again, calling him not by his name. They were in an unpleasant situation, shoes soaking, hair clinging and clothes almost dripping; not forgetting how Lightning had to actually shout to get her point across. Noctis had wanted to argue right then and there but ultimately only letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Right, let's go."

The trek towards 'shelter' wasn't pleasant either. Water was collecting into puddles and the cluster of humans rushing towards a tiny entrance into the nearest subway station was...sticky. Noctis couldn't help but feel a tinge of regret, almost wondering why he had decided to bring his little date to watch the fireworks outside.

Heck, he was the prince. If only he had taken up his father's offer to sit beside him in the podium, just right infront of the firework's platform-- a sheltered seat right infront of the platform to be exact. But no, he wanted a romantic gesture to impress the pinkette.

Well, look how well it's going now.

The sliver of light in this whole situation was that Lightning was holding his hand the entire course towards shelter. Straying away from the crowd, both adults managed to find a corner with no one at all. Right beside an office building, they could hear a party going on somewhere else.

"I'm sorry." Noctis couldn't help but mutter under his breath. It was embarrassing to say the least that he had dragged Lightning out of patrol duty to entertain his childish ideas on going on a date. He didn't think it would rain cats and dogs, all he wanted was to spend time with the lady of his life. "I--"

Lights flared and the sound of fireworks echoed throughout the city. From a distance, the sound of people shouting ecstatically could be heard. The sky's colors turned from a dull grey to red and yellow, the smell of smoke was obvious. Though that did not stop the rain from getting worse. Water was pooling below their feet, but Noctis didn't care.

At that moment, the prince was solely focusing on the pinkette's expression. The color of the lights reflected in her pale aqua eyes. Despite the monotonous atmosphere surrounding them, her radiant smile was all Noctis could see. Little does he know, a grin was already etched on his face.

"Happy new year, Light."

"It's Claire." She says, eyes not straining away from the flaring of fireworks far away. Despite that, she couldn't help but smirk, knowing that she had let go something sentimental to the young prince.

"What?"

"Claire." She repeats, "My real name isn't Lightning. It's Claire."

There's a long pause on Noctis' behalf. Light could almost hear the glee form on the future king's face. Because he knew it, Lightning was just another side name she had chosen to remain mysterious. Noctis had almost taken the opportunity to tease the soldier beside him, but not wanting to ruin the moment, he simply nodded.

"Happy New Year, Claire." He fixes, his hand moving to grab hers tightly.

"Happy New Year to you too, Noctis."

[feeling-freckled]

Breathtaking In Black (Part 5)

A/N: As a Halloween present, part 5 is done and published :).  I apologize for being awful at writing action scenes well, but I did what I could. Enjoy!

Read it on Ao3

Read Part 4

After Adrien’s visit, Marinette had lied down for nap number two and ended up accidentally sleeping through the night.  She had never slept for such a long period of time in her life, but clearly her body needed the rest.  The Halloween ball was now only a day away, and she still needed to finish up final touches on the two costumes before she could even begin to mentally prepare herself for the dance she had promised a certain someone that night.

“Rise and Shine Marinette!” Tikki sang as she floated past her chosen.  “I think you’ve had enough sleep for one night.”  Marinette took in a deep breath and threw the covers off of her body.  She sat up and swung her legs around till her feet gently touched the floor of her loft.  She wasn’t going to be late to school today.  

“Don’t worry Tikki.  I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”  Mari quickly changed her clothes, brushed her hair into two pigtails and then ran down stairs to brush her teeth.  She scrubbed her face, applied deodorant and was down in the kitchen ready for breakfast in record time.  

“Well it’s certainly a surprise to see you up and active this early,” her mother noted out loud as she poured her daughter a bowl of cereal and milk.  Marinette thanked her mother and allowed herself to take her time a bit with the food in front of her.  It had been so long since Marinette was actually up in time to enjoy breakfast.  After spooning the last bite into her mouth, she quickly gathered her books into her backpack and hugged her mother before heading out the door.  This would be her first time actually getting to school early in months.

Of course, with Marinette’s luck she really should have seen the akuma attack coming.  Just as she was making her way up the front steps of the school, several screams erupted throughout the city.  A loud rumbling sound echoed out followed by evil laughter.  “This can’t seriously be happening today.  Please tell me I’m dreaming,” Marinette begged as she took off running toward the sound.

As she ran, Marinette passed a large crowd of civilians running in the opposite direction. She rounded a corner and stopped immediately as the whole scene unraveled before her.  The buildings around her were all covered in large vines that appeared to be growing at an alarming rate.  Civilians were getting wrapped up in vines and dragged down the street by their legs.

Marinette followed the vines to see where they all met at the base of a giant venus fly trap.  A man in a fluorescent green lab coat and a red elastic suit covered in roses was standing at the very top of the plant, laughing as people were dragged toward its mouth-like trap.  The akuma victim had a single golden gardening glove on one hand that was being held in place by a vine wrapped tightly about his wrist.  

“This does not look good at all,” Marinette huffed as she ducked behind a building.  “Tikki spots on!” she called out as her transformation enveloped her in a bright pink light.  She quickly pulled out her magical yo-yo and prepared to through herself right into the middle of the chaos.  

*          *          *          *          *        

   Back at Collège Françoise Dupont, students and teachers were still unaware of the turmoil occurring just a few blocks away.  Adrien was sitting in his usual seat and was extremely distressed to see that Marinette was not sitting behind him.  Maybe she’s just running late as usual he hoped silently as he forced himself to take notes.  Ms. Bustier was reading a passage from Romeo and Juliet to the class just as Principle Damocles’s voice came on over the loudspeaker.

“Attention students and staff of Collège Françoise Dupont.  An akuma attack has broken out downtown.  Ladybug is already on the scene, but the situation remains highly dangerous.  Families have been alerted and everyone is dismissed for the rest of the school day.  Please go straight home in an orderly fashion and stay safe.”  The loudspeaker clicked off and all students quickly jumped up from their seats to begin packing their things and exiting the classroom as orderly as possible.

“Why now?  Why today?” Adrien huffed as he descended the staircase outside the school and turned down a nearby alley way.

Plagg flew out of Adrien’s bag and Adrien stuffed the bag underneath a dumpster before taking a deep breath and turning to his kwami.  “At least I get to see m’lady.  It’s been a while, and I really need to talk to her,” he reminded Plagg as a warm smile and light blush crossed his face.   Plagg rolled his eyes and let out a clear huff of distress.  “Just make this quick, I’m starving!” he complained.  Adrien nodded and took a moment to prepare himself before calling on his transformation.

“Plagg. Claws out!”  A bright green light flashed throughout the alley and left behind a very determined Chat Noir.  “ Can’t leave a lady waiting,” he declared before using his staff to catapult himself out of the alley and toward the screams he heard just a few blocks away.

*          *          *          *          *

   Marinette had immediately sprung into action and was working to free as many civilians as she could from the series of vines that the villain seemed to be controlling.  She was able to free a large number of civilians, but knew she was going to have to defeat the man at the top of the plant in order to save the few she had been too late to free.

Two large vines came speeding toward her at an incredible pace.  they wound their way through obstacles with incredible accuracy as the villain waved his hand around to guide them after her.  Marinette was able to maneuver herself out of the vines’ paths just as they reached out to close in around her ankles.  The vines wrapped around each other and collapsed in a large knot on the ground.  Marinette turned her attention back toward the civilians she had freed. She guided them to safety and tried her best to focus on the task at hand so that she would be as calm and collected as possible when Chat showed up.

She had quickly figured out that the akuma was located in the victim’s gardening glove that he seemed to be using to control the vines.  That was really the only information she had been able to gather while running around, taking out vine after vine.  After all of the civilians were free of the plant’s clutches and out of the area, Ladybug landed on top of the building directly in front of the akumatized victim so that she could begin gathering information from him from a safe distance.  Her plan was to distract him by letting him talk about himself and his mission in order to by time for Chat to get his tail to the scene.

“Hey!” she yelled out in order to get the villain’s attention.  His head snapped up towards her and his hand dropped back to his side.  “I don’t know what has made you feel so angry, but I’m sure I can help you if you’ll let me!” She called out.  Compromise had never really gotten her or Chat very far in the past, but she still preferred to sympathize with victim rather than immediately start throwing fists.

“ You know it isn’t very nice of you to deprive my beloved plant of her precious food,” he sneered back at her from his perch.  “People like you are the reason that our environment is in the terrible shape that it is.”

“Who are you and what exactly are you trying to gain from all of this?” Marinette asked.  Please Chat. Hurry! She prayed in her head.

He smiled wickedly back at her and proudly introduced himself to the young hero.  “I am The Vine Tamer.  Ever since I was young, I’ve been made fun of for my love of plants and gardening.  Humans take nature for granted and I think it’s time the environment fought back against the humans that have plagued it with pollution and waste for centuries.”    

“ Using these people as food isn’t exactly environmentally friendly,” a familiar voice called back from directly behind ladybug.  Chat had landed behind her silently and took the remaining steps to stand beside his partner.  “I’m sorry M’lady,” he said with a slight bow.  “I hope this guy wasn’t too much of a thorn in your side while I was gone.”

Marinette rolled her eyes at the pun.  “Nice of you to join us Kitty.  We were just getting acquainted,” She replied.  As Chat lifted his foot to take a step closer to his partner, a large vine crashed down on the roof between them.  The heroes quickly turned their attention back to the Akumatized man before them.  

“Well now that you are both here, there are a few items you have that I need.”  The man rose his hand up into the air and several smaller vines flew toward Ladybug and Chat Noir who lept from the building just in time to avoid them.  For an agonizingly long amount of time, the heroes worked together to fight off vines, rescue civilians and get closer to retrieving the possessed gardening glove.        

Chat was put on distraction duty as always, while Marinette called on her lucky charm.  An almost comically large can of weed killer.  Well at least this time it was something obvious.  Marinette knew exactly what she needed to do, but it was much easier said than done.  She ran out from behind a building into plain view of the giant plant.

“Alright you thorny beast.  If you want me, come and get me!” she called out before running directly toward the base of the plant.

“What are you doing?” Chat called out from up above.  “You’re going to get yourself eaten!”

“That’s the idea!” she replied just as a vine wrapped its way around her waist and began dragging her upward toward the plant’s large mouth.  Flashbacks of the Animan incident ran through Chat’s head as he watched the love of his life allow herself to be eaten by a giant monster before his eyes a second time.  

The Vine Taimer held his hand out over the plant’s mouth and allowed Ladybug to dangle above the opening as he spoke.  “Your sacrifice in the name of nature is much appreciated Ladybug.”  his voice echoed in Chat’s ears as he tried his hardest to figure out Ladybug’s plan.  There was no way she would truly give herself up right?  He just had to trust her. “Before I drop you down into my adored plant’s mouth, I’ll need you to hand over your earrings of course.”

Ladybug smiled wickedly back at the villain and held out the large can of lethal chemicals for him to see.  “While the Miraculous are magical, I have an even better gift for your plant right here!” she called out before tossing the can into the mouth below her.  The villain cried out and attempted to grab the can with a vine before it made its way inside of his Venus fly trap, but he was too late.  The trap closed around the can and it burst open to fill the plant with deadly chemicals.  

The vines all began to shrivel up and hit the sidewalk.  Ladybug broke free of the dead vine still wrapped around her middle, and prepared her yo-yo as the plant began to collapse in on itself.  The Vine Tamer fell as the plant collapsed beneath him, and was caught mid air by Ladybug’s yo-yo.

“Chat now!”  Ladybug called out.  Adrien swooped down on the falling villain and grabbed the glove off of his hand as they passed each other.  

One cataclysm later, the akuma was freed.  Ladybug quickly cleansed it and her miraculous cure whirled throughout the city.  The remains of the dead venus fly trap were erased along with the harsh chemicals that had killed it.  The people it had consumed were freed and the nearby buildings were all instantly repaired.  A young scientist lie in the center of it all on the pavement.

“Where am I?  What just happened?” he asked as he began to take in his surroundings.

“You were akumatized,” Ladybug replied as she approached him.  “But you have nothing to worry about, everyone is safe now.”  The man smiled up at her and Marinette offered him her hand.  She helped the man to his feet.

“Thank you very much,” he responded before shaking her hand and heading off.  Ladybug turned her attention back toward her partner as he walked over to her.

“I thought we agreed you were never going to do that again,” he said as he crossed his arms.  After Animan, Chat was very nervous and upset about the whole allowing herself to be eaten thing and in the moment Ladybug had agreed to be more careful in the future.

Her earrings let out their first beep and she knew she’d have to wrap this up quickly if she didn’t want to detransform on her way back to the school.  She sighed and closed the space between them.  “I’m very sorry if I worried you, but I had to do it to defeat the akuma.  Besides, you have sacrificed yourself in battle how many times?  You can’t really give me grief for doing it twice.”

“That’s completely different!” Chat noir yelled at her.  

“Oh really?  And how exactly is it different?”  Adrien opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out.  She was right.  There really wasn't a huge difference, and he wasn’t really being fair.  He just loved her so much, and wouldn’t know what to do if he let something happen to her.  Still, he should have taken her feelings into account.

“Okay I guess the two situations really aren’t that different,” he sighed.  His expression softened and he wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug.  Ladybug relaxed a bit into his hug then quickly tensed up as a second beep rang out in her ear.  This time, the sound came from both of their jewelry.

“Well that's our cue to split.  I promise to be more careful as long as you promise to stop putting my life above yours all of the time.  Deal?”  Adrien still wasn’t fully satisfied with that deal, but if it meant she’d be more careful than he’d agree to it for now.

“Okay, sounds fair,” he responded with a warm smile.  She took a step back and held out her fist.  Adrien happily returned the fist bump.  

A third beep rang out from their miraculous and Marinette pulled out her yo-yo.  “Oh, before we part there was one thing I wanted to ask you,” Chat stated.  “Tomorrow night I was wondering if we could meet at the eiffel tower around midnight.  There is something really important I need to speak with you about.”  

Marinette was very confused, but agreed to meet him.  The dance would end around 10:00 and she’d have plenty of time to meet him there.  

“Eiffel tower tomorrow at midnight it is,” she replied with a nod before throwing her yo-yo out and flying out of sight.  Chat smiled up as he watched her disappear into the city.

“I can’t wait m’lady,” he whispered to himself before running off in the other direction.          

Read Part 6

[rfsak2]

Shotgun

This is based on some of the other prompts @xodirection had sent me. She sent me some really great ones and I didn’t want to let them go. Hope you enjoy!

Also, my dear lady-pearl (it won’t let me tag you!), I’ve got your request and I’ll be working on it soon. I already had this done so I thought I’d post it. I’ll have that up either tonight or tomorrow.

Prompt: “I just want them to like me” After fans identify her as jacks girlfriend she starts getting hate and it really affects her.

Shotgun Summary: With all the accuracy of a shotgun. Jack/Reader Warnings: Online harassment

It seemed at first that there was a sort of tentative truce. They mutually ignored each other.

She was rarely, if ever, mentioned online by fans, despite being clearly identified during Dunkirk press and the Edinburgh Film Festival that followed. If she was mentioned, it was incredibly positive.

What a pretty dress!

She seems so sweet!

Did you see that photo from Stewart and Christie? Hot! They have crazy chemistry.

In return for being largely left alone by fans, she made a point to not go anywhere near Tumblr and to avoid the less comfortable fan-twitters and instagram pages.

A ceasefire of sorts.

But after their first public appearance following their wedding, about two months ago, everything had shifted suddenly.

To be fair, it was only two or three individuals and even then it may only be one individual using multiple accounts.

She finally convinced him to marry her… desperate bitch. she wore that engagement ring for long enough. He probably just did it to shut her up.

Why would he want her? He’s an Adonis and she looks like someone hit her in the face with a brick. Come to think of it… I’d like to volunteer.

She sighed and tossed her phone into her purse, before rubbing her rapidly growing baby bump. She was starting to show in earnest now, no longer easily hidden.

Not that she wanted to hide the baby. She was having a child with the man she loved, her husband, she wasn’t ashamed and she wouldn’t be forced to hide anything that she wasn’t ashamed of.

However she could only imagine the outcry when they all found out that she was pregnant.

“What d’ye think, hennie?”

She smiled and walked over. Touching the fine navy wool of the sleeve, she nodded. “I always like you in navy, baby. It’s a good color for you.”

Jack smiled and leaned over to kiss her. “Thank ye, m’darlin’.” He straightened and she reached up to smooth the lapel. “What color tie d’ye reckon?”

The tailor stepped forward. “What color is your dress, ma’am?”

“It’s buttercream with pewter and rose floral beading.” She shrugged. “That’s what they told me anyway.”

The man smiled and whisked away to return with a pale yellow tie. “This color, ma’am?”

She nodded. “Almost exactly.”

He smiled, laid the tie over Jack’s shoulder and nodded. “Buttercream and navy look very well together. Don’t you think, ma’am?”

She shrugged. “I like the colors together. Just feels…”

“Like you’re dressing for a wedding?”

She nodded. “Or a prom.” She smiled sheepishly, rubbing her stomach. “I think we may be a bit beyond that.”

Jack laughed and reached out to cup her baby bump. “Aye, mayhap… Still I’d like te look like we like each other.”

She giggled. “Why lie?”

He stuck his tongue out at her and the tailor, who had disappeared while they flirted, returned with a small cadre of ties which he laid out on a nearby chair.

“What color pewter would you say, madame?”

She moved to his side. “I would say it was darker.” She surveyed the selection. “This color.”

The man carried the tie over and laid it on Jack’s shoulder. “Yes I think that will do quite nicely. Wouldn’t you say so, sir?”

Jack nodded. “Aye. That will do well.”

As they covered the last details, like cufflinks (“Hennie, th’cufflinks ye gave me, they’re pewter, right?”) and shoes, Y/N went to sit by her bag.

Against her better judgment, she checked her phone. Someone had commented on a picture Jack had posted of them a couple of days ago.

You notice that he never calls her by her name? She’s always tagge-

Jack nabbed her phone and read the comment, his face coloring as he deleted the comment from his phone. “Of all th’ridiculous horse-shite ah’ve eva read. This minger must be pure stupid t’think tha’ tha’ load of rubbish means anythin’. They’re jis’ talkin’ pish te say they can.”

She chuckled and stood, smoothing her hands up his chest and shushed him. “It’s fine.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s no’. They called ye a whoor, lovie. Tha’ is no’ ‘fine’. How long has this been goin’ on, hennie?”

She shrugged. “A couple months-”

“A couple months?” He cupped her face. “Why didn’t ye say anythin’, love?”

She kissed his sternum. “Because it’s not that big of a deal.” Jack made to protest. “It isn’t. They're probably just kids and the internet makes them feel brave. There’s relatively little that can be done in any case.”

“We could go te th’police, hennie.”

She nodded. “And they'd tell you that there was nothing that they could do. I'm not going to let them bother me. I'm probably ten years older than some of them, baby, and a mum to boot! I'm not going to sink to their level. It's best to let it go.”

Jack took a deep breath and kissed her forehead. “If’n ye say so, hen. If it gets werst, ye’ll tell me, aye?”

She shrugged. “If you want.”

He nodded, decision made. “I do wan’. Yer m’wife and I promised to love, honor and protect ye. I aim t’do jus’ tha’.”

She smiled and leaned up to kiss him and heard his phone click. She pulled away and frowned at him. “What’re doing?”

He grinned. “Takin’ a selfie, lovie.”

Y/N Y/L/N Lowden. My glorious wife. #myhennie #theloveofmylife #mybetterhalf #themissus

**

Jack slung an arm over her shoulder and let the door to the salon close behind him. “Tha’s everything, aye?”

She checked the list on her phone. “Should be. We just need to pick up more dog food.

He nodded. “Let's get people food ferst, yeah?”

She nodded fervently. “I'm starving.”

He grinned. “What d’ye wan’?”

Simultaneously they answered, “Gherkins.”

She blushed. “I hate gherkins.”

“No’ when yer preggers, love. Ye love gherkins.” He chuckled. “It's almost comical though, don’ye think?”

She shook her head. “No I don't. I'm forced to eat the one thing I hate. Why couldn't I crave chocolate or- now I'm craving chocolate and gherkins.”

Jack made a face. “Tha’s bloody disgustin’, lovie.” He kissed her forehead while she pouted against his shoulder. “Honest Burger, then, m’love? We can get gelato or somethin’ after, aye?”

She nodded. “Aye. That's fine.”

He grinned. “I'm gonna turn ye into a proper Scotswoman yet, hennie.”

She smiled. “I already wear inordinate amount of tweed and I've agreed to raise your giant babies is Edinburgh. What more d’ye wan’?”

He laughed and leaned down to kiss her full on the mouth. “Everythin’.”

“It's yours and you know it.” She pecked him in the lips once more. “Now, feed me, Mr. Lowden, or I fear I shall get cross.”

“Right-o, Mrs. Lowden.”

The Honest Burger was right around the corner and within the space of ten minutes they were comfortably ensconced in a booth, sipping on water and an ale respectively.

“I miss beer.” She huffed and glared at her water like it was personally trying to offend her.

Jack chuckled. “Should I give up beer with you, m’love? I would for you.”

She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him. “No it's fine. I'm just being whiny. I love you though.”

“I love-”

“Excuse me.” The girl looked like she felt incredibly uncomfortable bothering them, two other girls behind her.

“Hullo.” Jack smiled, encouragingly.

“You are Jack Lowden, right?”

Jack nodded and smiled at Y/N. “And this is my wife, Y/N.”

The girl jumped, blushing. “Of course! It's so nice to meet you. The wedding pictures you posted on instagram were gorgeous!!”

She smiled. “Thanks!”

She turned back to Jack and the other two girls joined her, crowding their booth. “Can you sign this-”

They, very politely, shoved some printed photos under his nose. Jack nodded patiently and started signing this and that, trying to keep Y/N included by showing her just about everything.

By the time the food showed, Y/N had just about enough of the whole ordeal. The girls were sweet enough, they weren't trying to exclude her but she was pregnant and moody and most of all bloody hungry.

Jack, being an astute and considerate husband, noticed and gently shooed the girls away. “It’s been a pleasure, lasses, but the missus is starved. I think we best get to our food.”

They blushed and nodded and spent the next five minutes thanking him. He nodded patiently and smiled when they went back to their table. “Sorry aboot tha’, hennie.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay.”

He reached for her hand. “Are ye sure?”

She smiled and took a bite of the first gherkin from her extra order. “I hate gherkins.”

**

“I heard she was rude to them.”

“They didn’t say rude, they said quiet.” The girl shrugged. “She probably didn’t want to interrupt. She was being sweet, that’s all.”

“Someone’s naive.”

“Hush. They’re here.”

“Jack! Jack!”

Jack smiled, one arm still around her waist, and walked over to his group of fans. “Hullo, lassies!! How’s you’s doin’?”

“Good!” One of the girls offered a photo forward.

Jack took it and smiled. Turning, he called back to his waiting wife. “Hennie, look!” She walked over and glanced down at the picture with a smile. “It’s both of us, from th’Mary Queen of Scots Premiere.”

She nodded. “It’s a good picture. I liked that suit on you.” She smiled at the girls. “I like all suits on him.”

The girls giggled and Jack rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing like a man in a good suit.”

“I couldn-”

“You’re pregnant.”

There was a slightly awkward pause, owing mostly to the odd, flat inflection of the non-question the blonde girl had asked.

Regardless, Jack smiled at the girl. “Aye! Our ferst bairn.” He leaned over and kissed Y/N.

The defacto-leader of their little corps of fans smiled. “Congratulations! How far along are you?”

Y/N rubbed her hand over her stomach. “Just about five months.”

The blonde girl smiled slyly. “So it was a shotgun wedding, then?”

If Jack’s sudden stillness wasn’t clue enough, he immediately flushed. He tried for friendly but it just came across as agitated. “Och.. no. We were engaged fer… a year, isnae tha’ right, lovie?”

Y/N nodded, hands protectively over her abdomen. “Just about, yeah.”

“Then why didn’t you get married before then?” The rest of the girls had gotten really quiet, openly staring at the blonde girl.

Jack’s jaw flexed and he all but grunted. “Cause we’re busy.”

Y/N looped her arm through Jack’s. “It was really difficult to plan a wedding around our schedules but we wanted to start a family so we did.”

Jack nodded. “When m’girl finally got pregnant after months of trying, it no longer made sense t’wait. We jus’ booked flights fer her family an’ went up inte th’Highlands an’ go’ married. Simple. We didn’t need or really wan’ all th’extre shite. Jus’ us, our families and a couple a’close friends.” Jack grinned. “I jus’ wanted te marry m’gorgeous girl. The res’ was jus’ window dressin’.”

Y/N smiled and kissed his cheek.

The girl shrugged and moved to speak again. “I-”

Y/N looked past Jack’s shoulder. “Baby, I think they want you to do interviews!”

Jack nodded. “Shite. I’m late.” He took a last couple photos, studiously ignoring the blonde girl, signed the last few autographs and then started to lead Y/N away. He paused and turned back. “I love this woman. I probably jus’ came across as rude an’ I don’ necessarily mean t’be but I love this woman. She is m’wife an’ th’mother of m’child. We did things th’way we wanted te do them and I hope ye can respect tha’ but honestly if ye don’, I don’ care. Thanks, girls.”

They walked away, Jack’s hand in the small of her back. Y/N smiled. “I love you, baby.”

Jack smiled and leaned down to kiss her. “I love ye too, hen. So much.” He shrugged. “Hopefully, tha’ solved th’problem.”

She sighed. “I doubt it. I just want them to like me.”

He kissed her head. “I think most of them do, lovie. It’s jus’ tha’ one girl.”

Later, after they had gotten home, Y/N checked her phone. One of the other girls, the sweet one who had been the only one to ask for a picture with the couple rather than just Jack, had posted a picture of the three of them from the premiere.

Met the Lowdens. What a cute couple!! #classacts #congrats

Maybe Up Next: Fun

[attract-mode-collective]

The Making Of Porn Parody Of An Old Kenji Eno Game, Part 1

[NOTE: as mentioned when describing the new direction for the blog, those long-form pieces that I had been debuting in the newsletter will now appear here first. Though, perhaps predictably, one that I’ve been working on is taking forever to finish, so I figured that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to republish ones that only subscribers had access to. Which many couldn’t even read in the first place, due to technical reasons. Hence why I am pleased to present to the general public, something that first appeared in the Super Attractive Club newsletter #10! The following is largely presented as it, though the author of the game’s Twitter handle has been added. Oh, and one more thing: Part 2 is headed your way fairly soon...]

One of my semi-regular haunts on the internet is the video game message board Select Button. Recently, a thread popped up entitled “This Ain’t Kenji Eno’s D: The XXX Porno Parody” in the back corner, for members only (hence the lack of any link).

It was started by an individual who goes by the handle HOBO and the following is all of his posts, presented largely as is, with minimal editing, for the sake of maintaining historical accuracy.

The formatting is also mostly the same; everything italicized is either someone else’s comments or my own notes and everything else is HOBO’s words, which have been published with permission.

D3: The Natural Playboys is still in the midst of development and I will provide further developments when the time is right…

10/27/16

I am on the SB Discord right now, as StanHansen, the #1 gajin pro-wrestler of all times. I have vowed that I will make the video game DDD, a sequel to D2. My sequel won't be for Dreamcast. It probably won't even be a video game. I downloaded Klik n Play, which I was competent enough to use way back when but now I'm a slow-witted fellow. I can't figure out how to get this shit running in W7. So this is gonna be a Ren'py game.

I don't want to draw characters so I'm just going to cut faces out of old porno mags I stole. I still keep under my bed. I highly recommend everyone invest in old timey pornography, or, if you're fortunate, make your own. We'll probably be spending a lot of the future in the dark and smut can help you through some hard times.

One of the magazines hidden under my bed is the May 2001 issue of TORSO: The bodybuilding magazine of the future. It has features such as Building Strong BONERS: Do you Kegel? and Confessions of a Dildo Connoisseur, both of which may be better ideas for games than DDD: The Natural Playboys. I'm flipping through it now and I am not sure I want any of these faces in my Kenji Eno tribute game. All these guys look like they were auditioning for an infomercial for a nose hair trimmer and got tricked into taking off their clothes. And getting boners. All slightly confused and not into it, as if they're saying "Like this?" through their forced smiles. Lots of Caesar haircuts. Not enough photos of guys holding up their cocks while wearing boxing gloves -- only one. There is a list of Hot New Web Sites made to look like an classic Mac OS window. None of the websites have proper domain names. Half of them are msn communities. One of them is on webtv: Todd's Erotic Wrestling Gallery. I assume none of them work nowadays.

I am now flipping through an old issue of Penthouse. One thing I am learning: the people who did pornos really dug Mac OS. There is a nude spread, in black and white with a few colored highlights, where half the page will have a butt and some cowboy boots, and below it a quote from Homer or William Blake. I don't think you can find that on pornhubs...can you? There's a comic about space lesbians having sex and stabbing aliens. It looks kinda 2000 AD. There is a review of Matthew Sweet's "Altered Beast" that mentions the video game but doesn't mention anime so it's worthless. There is an ad for Franklin Mint commemorative plates featuring dogs. I would buy those plates. And the final page advertises next month's issue. Its lead: The Hottest Women in America, featuring Hillary Rodham Clinton. Also some stories about the evils of industrial fishing and maintaining wood on a porno set.

Playboy gave Paris is Burning three Playboy bunnies out of four. Defending Your Life only got 2. Oliver Stone's Doors movie: four stars. Wilson Phillips, MC Hammer, Kenny G, and Hank Williams Jr won rock, r&b, jazz, and country albums of the year, respectively. Wow! There is a 20 questions with Whitney Houston, who claimed her horny level varied depending on the fullness of the moon. She also liked Public Enemy and admired Farrakhan. I am learning so much from this 25 year old issue of Playboy Magazine.

Anyway I was going to post this thread to shame me into finishing a bad idea game but instead it became a bad idea review of old porno mags. Please, if you have old pornos...tell me about them.

------

Digital actress Laura, Jr. will be the only character who has never been horny, because she is 100% digital DNA.

------

When asked: “arcade sequence action y/n”...

There will be an action sequence. The game will prompt you to open a separate exe and you'll have to play through a snowmobile sequence. When it's over you will return to the main game, and you better not lie about having cleared the snowmobile sequence. If you violate the honor rule you ruin things for everybody!

------

Someone comments with: “Hypercard is an aesthetic we should all seek to return to, IMO.”

------

10/28/16

There's a Hypercard framework for Ren'py. I thought I'd finally use it for this. Plus Jimmy Maher's been writing about Hypercard lately, which made me want to finally play the Manhole...but instead of doing that I decided "Let's spend the weekend making Hypercard game."

I don't know how anyone has the patience for sprite work. It is too damn hard. Everything has to be so exact! Unless you don't give a shit. I generally do not give a shit. I will just plop lines down anywhere. I can always fix them easily later! But if you only got a few dozen dots you better slap those dots down in the right spots, otherwise shit looks all wrong.

The stuff I've worked up so far looks all wrong but it's still fun to mess around with. I do not know if I have it in me to keep going like this -- I may have to go back to cutting up porno mags -- but it's been fun.

That's right. This game is copyrighted. Back off, software pirates!!

I stole this logo from somewhere, right? Is the Tri-Ace logo like this? Some album cover? What ever. It took 10 minutes. It's done.

I woke up and decided player character Laura is going to spend the whole game locked out of her apartment in her bathrobe. She might run into other digital actress Lauras. They won't be wearing bathrobes. This will allow me to reuse the same faces over and over but I can justify it by pretending I'm clever.

I'll get her eyebrows and everything else right sooner or later.

There will definitely be a Kenji Eno like-a-look in this software. He had a very good face.

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10/29/16

Oh God the main reason I posted another reply was cuz I meant to link to this imgur gallery and I forgot to do it. I love it so much. I want this guy to add my stuff to it.

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11/4/16

My Kenji Eno tribute gamesoft is the only thing keeping me going at the moment. I'm feeling pretty good about it, even though it's currently nothing but character sprites and background art and a few lines of placeholder dialogue in Ren'py.

Kenji Eno is hard to draw. I gotta fix up his suit. It's all wrong. His face...I dunno, maybe it's close enough? I have always loved his face. I have always loved Kenji Eno. Earlier today I finally listened to the Hinge Problems ep about Kenji Eno. I downloaded it years ago, and I have put off listening to it...for years. It was fun to listen to. But I also think Kenji Eno got the short end of the stick on there. I think Kenji Eno is a few tiers above Tommy Wiseau. I think if he kept living and people kept giving him money to make games he woulda finally hit a target. Maybe not the one he was aiming at, but he woulda hit eventually. Imagine how great games would be if we had a dozen Kenji Enos?

One of the things I learned from doing google-image-search "kenji eno" is that he wasn't always a fat dude. He was pretty slim by the end. He was kinda handsome! It made me feel bad about drawing King-Sized Kenji Eno...but that's my Kenji Eno, and he's dead so he can't stop me from doing it.

This is player character Laura, taking a shower. I deleted the shower lines. They were not to my satisfaction. A lot of it is not to my satisfaction. But trust me: she is taking a shower. That is a Kenji Eno thing, showers. That was a 20th century thing. People would pay money to watch ladies take showers in movies! Isn't that crazy? Should probably fix her shoulder. Maybe the bridge of her nose.

I think I once read something about Daniel Clowes being the sweatiest cartoonist of all times and I thought "No way. I am going to take his place. I'm already 70% of the way there." And I promise you all: everything I ever do is going to have a ton of sweat.

So M.C. Laura has an apartment where she showers. That means it's not at all gratuitous! It's all good! She gets locked out of that apartment soon after this. Maybe after she picks up that skull from the potted plant. Maybe you go back in there later and crack that safe.

I thought maybe this would be a young Laura who joined the D Navy but she doesn't look young enough. Do they give you cleavers in the navy? To chop potatoes? Maybe they should. I will add waves to the ocean later. Maybe you will climb that lighthouse. Maybe Kenji Eno is up there. Who fuckin knows! It's all a mystery...

I think Navy Laura MAY be cute and may be a bit too generic...but that may mean she is my personal character find of 2016. in this version she has a :GENKI: emote on her hat...but she is lacking the outlining on her tights. Pixel art is hard, and for suckers. Never do it!

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11/11/16

It's been hard to muster the enthusiasms to work on this or anything else, but I finished a background and another character, so I figured I would post it.

The background is a basement, and drawing a basement made me feel depressed, but then I got to fill in the pictures on the TVs. That made me feel better. I just wanted to draw some TVs.

The game now involves a cult. This Laura started off as a cult member. She may still be. She had the masquerade mask but she was topless, covered in paint, and really hairy, with a padlock piercing her left nipple and a skunk fur stole wrapped around her neck. It was a confused design and the more I worked on it the worse I felt about it, so I said fuck it, she's still a drunk and maybe she's still in the cult but she's also a digital actress who needs to blow off steam after shooting a period picture in uncomfortable costume. Which she wore home. To her basement. With all its TVs. Yeah, maybe this needs work.

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11/13/16

Someone says: “Hypercard is an aesthetic we should all seek to return to, IMO.”

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11/15/16

LET ME TOUCH YOU, DADDEH

Big Laura: Cyber~Lipqueen Edition.

I thought Laura would live in a cyber version of Philip Marlowe's apartment building from Altman's the Long Goodbye, but I got tired of trying to draw shit good so I said "LET'S JUST DRAW WHATEVER AND FILL UP SPACE WITH GRAFFITI AFTERWARDS." Yes, that is a graffito tag depicting a disembodied cartoon Laura head shouting "I'M GAY!", and if you click on it you will be able to modify it so it says "I'M SO GAY!"...but only if you win the lotto first, and use the winnings to buy a cyber-marker that lets you draw on the one-hundred percent digital walls of Miami South: The New Hollywood.

Gonna get Genki on the Moon.

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11/18/16

Hey every body it's a . . .

. . . Friday . . !

Don't hesitate to say "FUCK YOU" to any one who ticks you off...unless it's me. I didn't mean to piss you off, I swear.

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11/20/16

... After the election I was feeling really low and wondering if I should even bother making anything but now I think I gotta keep going...I gotta get really :genki:

… Last night I went to a screening of Blue Velvet. The experience was kinda awful -- it was in a cafeteria where they projected the Blu-Ray onto a big screen so MAYBE it's not a real-deal screening, the place was jam-packed, and almost everyone there was normal and attractive and on a date, which seemed really weird to me? Like, none of those squares were gonna go home and engage in real sickie sex. I don't think you should take a date to that movie unless one of you is gonna do some consensual face-punching after the fact.

But anyway, I saw Blue Velvet, and it had Laura Dern, who is a wonderful actress. Have you ever watched Enlightened? That was a fantastic television program. Maybe the last new program I watched and truly enjoyed. I mourned its death, which is something I haven't done for a TV program since I was a child. I highly recommend watching that show. But this Blue Velvet audience, they laughed a lot at Laura Dern, which upset me. I think she did a fine job. I also think maybe she was the inspiration for Laura. I haven't see Wild at Heart yet, but I think there's a 50/50 chance Kenji Eno bought a laserdisc player just so he could beat off to Laura Dern banging Nic Cage at the highest possible home video quality available in the early 90's. And even if she wasn't Kenji Eno's Laura I think she might be my Laura. Way skinnier, but she's my Laura. So if I ever get sued by the Eno estate let's submit this shit as evidence: Diane Ladd's daughter was my muse, not that Japanese weirdo.

Over the weekend I drew a gas station. It is also a diner. You ever write up a list of your top 10 gamesoft? I've done that a few times, but I don't think I've ever put Sam & Max Hit the Road on mine, even though I'm sure I've spent my entire life pining for that kinda road trip experience. I've spent so much of my life in a car, but most of the time I wasn't going anyplace fun. I wasn't going to Stuckey's, or Waffle House, or miniature golf, or some kind of mysterious cavern. And it's unlikely I'll ever get to go on a crazy road trip at this point in my life. So I think this game is going to be a game about hitting the road and, maybe, having a good time. It's going to be the game I wish FF15 was. I played that FF15 demo today -- it fuckin blew. D3 might blow ass but at least it won't be 90 hours long. I respect your time. I respect you.

I'm still not sure if alcoholic, adversarial Laura is going to be the cult member who takes over your apartment, or if you can hit the road with her...but I like her, even though I'm having the hardest time drawing her. I've spent the last month or so reading Gilbert Hernandez comics, because they bring me great comfort and I'm pretty sure he's the greatest living cartoonist (and possibly artist). I am now aware that I nicked so many concepts of this game from him, and it's probably more of a Beto tribute game than an Eno tribute game but in the end...above all...it's a tribute to me, and select button, all the girls I've loved before.

I recently re-read that 1up interview with Eno. It's a very good interview and I recommend looking it up on google cache, even though a few pages are missing from it. He mentioned that he added a story to D at the last minute, and that made me feel a bit better about how I'm approaching this game. I thought I was probably lying to myself, thinking that I can just generate assets and throw them together later and have a game...but fuck, if my boy Kenji could do it, why can't I? Why can't all of us. Let's all make games, cuz games suck and they could be so much better.

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11/27/16

No one's bad enough to endure 9 hours of D3, never mind 90! No one's bad enough! Believe it! Because D3 asks Tough Questions and forces the player to make Hard Choices! D3 is now FULL BLOWN GAMES-AS-ART because now it has...A MORALITY SYSTEM.

"How far will you go to get juice?" -- the tagline to "Juice (2031 Remake)" starring Laura, Jr. and Jermaine "Huggy" Hopkins IV.

Laura is a digital actress. She was designed for the screen, not for the streets. She's got a lotta learning to do now that she's locked out of her apartment with no money, no shoes...and no scruples! In this scene Laura has wandered into a convenience store only to find its clerk is asleep on the job. That means no one can stop you but you! Click on the cigs, the booze, the rubbers, or the raccoon...take whatever you want! But choose carefully, because you can only carry one item at a time -- remember, you're a damp actress with no pockets, and I'm an inept programmer who doesn't know how to properly implement an inventory system. I'll figure it out eventually, but for now let's all agree that my limitations are inspiring great art.

I am proud of the condoms, so here they are, zoomed in but not blown up. Don't blow up condoms before wearing them. It's a terrible idea! The condoms are an homage to Leisure Suit Larry, which is a horrible game that I think I might love? I played it for the first time a few years ago. I've thought about it nearly every day since. The scene where Larry tries to buy condoms is really, really racist. Does referencing it make me racist, too? Probably, so let's keep this magnum-sized condom art a select butt exclusive "easter egg".

I'm also proud of these cigarette boxes. I don't smoke, but I'd start if the boxes looked this cooł. I'd totally take money from Tobacco of any size if they wanted to make a Laura Boy brand -- I'm ready to sell out, and you can't judge me.

There are two Kids in this game. Here is Kid Lotto. You can visit him and play games of chance. Or you can kick his ass, cuz he's a fuckin tiny and you're way stronger than him. What's stopping you? NOTHING.

The other kid is Kid Blotto. He's an alcoholic and you can beat him up too, but it'll probably be really depressing and he'll probably puke on you. I haven't drawn him/her yet.

The following image was presented in a blurry fashion, using the site’s SFW tools...

I am blurring this behind spoiler text, cuz it's got bare lady boobs -- I want to make sure this thread is "work safe", even though it's got XXX PORNO PARODY in the title. I should maybe spoiler blur this too, because it'll be a shocking swerve when it's revealed that the leader of the cult that takes over Laura's apartment is ALSO the alcoholic masquerade ball Laura seen previously on this page...! Fuck!

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12/8/16

... Last week my tablet died, which slowed down my productivity. I couldn't easily draw pictures! Which may be for the best. Maybe if you're trying to make a video game you should focus on the game aspect. So I have spent a lot of time thinking about how to make this an interesting video game...a lot of wasted time, cuz I have no fuckin clue. But I did draw more pictures, I composed some music, and wrote a bunch of words.

I'm going to play Unlimited SaGa this weekend. I bet I can learn something from that. I bet D3 could be an unofficial sequel to a Kawazu and Eno game. I'm that confident.

While daydreaming about playing games I thought "Maybe Laura D. will wander Miami South: The NEW Hollywood in her bare feet, and she will have to rest occasionally, cuz her feet get so bloody and sore. She cannot wear shoes, because she is 100% digital, and her DNA lock keeps her from wearing tacky footwear such as sandals, or socks with sandals." And maybe I'd draw her feet, being all bloody and sore? But fuck, feet are the worst. No offense to anyone who's really into feet -- I am convinced foot fetishists are very focused, productive people and I'm deeply jealous of them -- but at a young age my older sister shamed me for my Fred Flintstone-looking feet, and I also read a lot of Rob Liefeld comics around the same time, so I have zero tolerance for feet. I believe they are ugly and also very hard to draw. But feet are an important part of the human anatomy and if you wanna make decent art you can't really avoid them. So I drew a few feet. You can see one of them here. Unlike most of the art I've posted so far I doubt I will ever revise this, cuz drawing feet is the worst.

I decided The Lauras would be pure digital beauty, except for their feet. Maybe that wasn't my Kenji Eno's thing. Maybe I'm projecting there. Maybe it's beautiful if your second toe is longer than your big toe? Please tell me this is the case, cuz I want to feel better about my feet.

HERE'S A LIST OF TOP 5 WORST THINGS TO DRAW:

1) Cars, except for those cute Choro-Q style cars Toriyama always drew in Dr. Slump. Those rank #6, cuz they're hard but maybe worth the effort. 2) Feet. 3) Ladies. I can't imagine being a dude or a lady drawing their horny ideal all day. Wouldn't that drive you crazy? How do you not spend all day pounding off rather than drawing? I avoided drawing ladies for this very reason. Well, that and cuz I bet my mom wouldn't approve of me drawing super hot babes. I'm getting over that now. D3 is all hot babes, all the time. No one can stop me! 4-5) I dunno, I forgot what the rest of the list was gonna be. Probably one body part or another -- humans are gross, and awful.

Miami South: The NEW Hollywood is where the world goes to make entertainment. Some of the entertainment is wholesome, some ain't...but a lot of it straddles the line between kid-friendly and the kinda shit your sickie dad would buy on clips4sale. This cop Laura who stars in CD-ROM video films where she somehow always ends up in her own handcuffs...she is a peek into the future of Pixar and such. Believe it. Furtopia...

Was Furtopia the name of that furry Pixar movie? I'm too lazy to google it. Either way...we all gonna see dads and moms covertly pounding off in the theater to Pixar movies within the next decade. I'm sure of it.

This is Ton Hardcore. She is the #1 character find of the 21st century, even though she's a total knockoff of Dump Matsumoto. Dump is the coolest of the pro-wrestlers. On the Discord I am StanHansen, but only because I was too chickenshit to take the name "DumpMatusmoto", because she was so tough and bad ass and beautiful.

A few years ago I wrote a screenplay featuring my tough gal Ton Hardcore. It was titled "Hooker #1". In the opening scene she butt-fucked a billionaire so hard he cried and gold coins fell from the pockets of his pajamas. There probably won't be any butt-fucking in D3, but if any of you guys got the Hollywood hook-up I have a script for the 2023 Pixar project ready to go.

Someday I would like to make a game about a pro-wrestler. One that focuses more on surviving on the road than performing in the ring. D3 may end up being that game. I bet being a digital actress ain't much different from being a pro-wrestler.

Ton Hardcore is my true Laura. She is going to be in everything I do. She's on my joystick. If you ever go to a FG tourney in the Northeast of the USA I will show you her looking cool, and in color, and bloody, cuz she's on my joystick. She's #1.

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12/15/16

A discussion about wrestling game emerges and someone says: “Still waiting for the 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand of wrestling games.” Def Jam Fight for New York is brought up, and then I mention my favorite guilty pleasure for the Xbox 360, Def Jam Icon…

I played the demo for Def Jam Icon way back when. I paid it no regard, because it was not by AKI. Perhaps that was unfair of me, but I believe hip hop and rapping is very cool, but not as cool as full-blown pro-wrestling....and the best pro-wrestling was delivered by AKI on the Nintendo 64.

I think AKI is the most successful b-tier late 90's j-gamedev that isn't From. Hell, maybe they are more successful. Demon's Souls is probably my favorite game of the last decade (it's almost January 2017, and GOD HAND came out in October 2006, so please do not debate this -- Demon's Souls is the best), but given the choice...I think I'd rather make a Style Savvy game than a Souls game. Though a cross between both...that's a dream game, right there.

I've spent most of the last week thinking about video-games, and trying to program them. I think the visual novel is bad. I can count the VNs I've enjoyed on one hand. I would like to make a video-game that I would enjoy, and that's probably a bad thing to think about. I have high standards! So maybe I should just settle for making a visual novel. But sometimes...you gotta believe. Sometimes you gotta go Kawazu. Sometimes you gotta try to program a board-game in Ren'py despite your incompetence as a programmer/gamedev.

The drawing above is from a diner scene. I think Laura D. will occasionally "take a load off", and visit a diner with the companion of your choosing. That is my 21st century "power fantasy", going to a diner with another human being. Just eating food, or having a drink, and talking about things. That is something I haven't done in the longest time, and can't imagine ever doing in the future. That is what DDD is shaping up to be. Lots of eating, and driving, in an America that never existed.

That Laura D. will not be in the final DDD. I like that drawing, but it's "off-model" as they say in the biz. On-model Laura D. isn't quite as chibi. She's leaner. Colder. She's a digital actress and she really isn't that interested in what anyone else is saying.

She's totally cool and may look more like this.

That image will also not appear in the final game, because I fuckin hate how static it looks, and how the feet are probably all wrong, and how there are no cars in that parking lot. Again, cars are almost as bad as feet, but maybe not as bad as horses. Horses are a fucking bitch to draw.

The Sailor, whose name hasn't been decided on yet, should be eating French fries but uh...I see I forgot to draw the French fries. Pretend she is a sulky teen who ordered only fries at D's diner. Every character will order a different food! You will learn so much about Laura D's companions at the diner, and so much of it will come form what they eat.

In the past I would have ordered a grilled cheese and fries at a diner. Now? Who the hell knows. I try to avoid having a good time. I try to avoid diners.

Earlier today I was drawing billboards. I fuckin love drawing billboards. I now love spirtework, cuz I can cut and paste shit and no one can shame me for it, cuz if you don't recycle shit video-games don't work. I liked how this image came out after cutting, pasting, and mirroring. I'd get it tattooed on my soul. On your soul. I'd make it my select-button avatar if the site still supported super big ass avatars. It's 100%

[mvssmallow]

Cloudy With A Chance

Part 5: …of Seoul Fog.

Masterlist

Hanbin stares outside the window of his office. Pen tapping rhythmically on the messy notebook in front of him.

‘Daily Grind’ was a (ironically) weekly satirical and lifestyle magazine that he had taken a pay cut to work for. After 2 months of job interviews and being offered unpaid internships, Hanbin had gotten desperate and taken a lower paying position. That was 12 months ago. He’s grateful the chief editor took a shining to him and enjoyed his writing.

He’s also grateful that he allowed Hanbin to move into a shared office with the magazine’s star colummist. He wasn’t really looking to make any friends but Donghyuk had slowly and very surely wormed his way into his life. Their office was only on the 3rd floor but Hanbin still enjoyed staring out the window and being able to see the sky as he worked.

It was late afternoon and the sky was already a peach haze. It reminded him of the bathroom tiles at his parent’s old house but less gaudy. He picks at the wool of his soft beige jumper as he watches a group of pigeons fly from one office building to another. There weren’t many more accidental Summer-Clothes-In-Winter situations these days, partly because he made a conscious effort to check the weather report but mainly because Jiwon had gotten into the habit of sending him weather updates via badly typed texts in the morning before work.

This morning’s text: ‘cold AF! mght rain. wear smthing warm. xj’

He had no idea Jiwon was a morning person and he’s still not entirely sure if that’s down to preference or necessity. He knows that the car garage where Jiwon works opens at 7:30 but he keeps on forgetting to ask him why it’s so early.

Hanbin is definitely not a morning person. He isn’t exactly a night person either. He enjoys the time between the end of work and sleep because it was strictly his time to do as he pleased. If he’s feeling particularly motivated, he also loved twilight and the hours just before the sun rises. It makes him feel optimistic and he needs all the optimism he can get these days.

His thoughts are interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. It’s another message from Jiwon. ‘heater brke at work. its freezing. visit me when im in hospital for pneumnia. xj’

He snorts and types back: ‘can i have your snapbacks when you die?”

There’s an immediate reply: ‘only the blck ones. shit gotta get back. talk later. xj’

“You have the dopiest smile on your face right now.” He looks up as Donghyuk returns from his caffeine run and hands him a warm take-away cup.

Hanbin puts his phone down and waves a dismissive thanks. ‘I asked for tea, not redundant commentary. Save that for your lame articles.’

Donghyuk laughs as he sits at his own desk. ‘Oh you know my commentary comes free with the hot beverages.’

Hanbin takes a sip. “There’s milk in this.”

“Yup.”

“And vanilla.”

“Yup.”

“Why?”

Donghyuk gives him a cheerful smile. “It’s called a London Fog! I thought you might like it. As the young kids would say, “it suits your aesthetic”.

Donghyuk likes using air-quotes. Hanbin hates them.

“I hate air-quotes. And why can’t you just get me what I want? What’s with the daily surprises?”

Donghyuk rolls his eyes and gives Hanbin a withering look. “Do you like it?”

Hanbin says nothing.

Donghyuk nods, satisfied. “Right. Then stop being so dramatic about some cow and a vanilla bean. It’s good to try new things.”

“Why can’t you just say ‘milk’ like a normal person?” Hanbin regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

“BECAUSE! I’m a writer! We need to exercise our vocabulary and literary devices! It’s like going to the gym but for your mind! I’m basically like an athlete. You’re more like….Garfield.”

“The lazy cartoon cat? You know I’m more of a dog person.” Hanbin chuckles and suddenly remembers that Jiwon is deathly afraid of cats for some reason.  

“Okay you have that creepy smile on your face again. What’s up with you?” Donghyuk eyes him suspiciously as he takes a sip of his coffee. Hanbin knows he’s running scenarios in his head. It’s when Donghyuk’s eyes light up that Hanbin braces himself for the theories. “Ohhh. Are you having a text relationship? Oh wait! Is it someone in our office?!”

Hanbin grimaces at the choice of words. “What? No.”

The problem with Donghyuk is not just his dictionary brain or Mr Congeniality title in the office but the speed and accuracy of his observations. He was, as they liked to say in capital letters, The Perceptive One. Hanbin always thought he was good at reading people but then he met Donghyuk and realised that he wasn’t anywhere near his level. He remembers when Donghyuk had bought him green tea on their first caffeine run because, “You didn’t seem like a coffee person, too much nervous energy.”

It made Hanbin even more anxious but after 6 months together, he’s learnt how to deal with the panic attacks.

Right now, Donghyuk has a small smile on his face. “I bet you do….” he says in a bright sing-song voice. “I know these things Hanbin. I’m almost never wrong so you might as well just tell me.”

Hanbin looks down at his notebook and turns a page over. “There’s nothing to tell. It’s just texts from my mum about my sister.”

Donghyuk wheels his chair over to Hanbin’s desk and stops when they face each other. “You know you’re horrible at lying right? You get all twitchy.”

“I do not.” He scratches his neck but drops his hand down immediately when he realises what he’s doing.

Donghyuk doesn’t miss it and his grin just gets wider by the minute. “So. Are they cute?” He wiggles his eyebrow suggestively as he sits back in his chair and tugs at his multiple earrings.

Hanbin scowls. “We are not having this conversation.” He picks up his pen.

“Oh please. Suddenly you want to get back to work now? Come on Hanbin, it’s getting so boring around here. There hasn’t been any news since we got this office.”

“If I tell you, will you promise to never ask me about it again? Like until we retire.”

Donghyuk leans his elbows on Hanbin’s desk and rests his head on his palms. “Of course.”

“Okay. So it’s a guy. We’re just friends. We’re not dating. I don’t date. The end.”

Donghyuk’s eyes widen comically again as he gapes at Hanbin.

Hanbin starts scribbling lines on his notebook. He’s nervous but knows there’s no reason to be. He’s sure Donghyuk has figured out his preferences by now. If he can figure out his caffeine preference then he’s probably already figured out Hanbin’s human preference too.

“Wow…” Donghyuk says finally, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes. “Do you have a photo?”

Hanbin laughs. “No. I’m definitely not showing you!”

“But why? Please? My life is so empty and sad and lonely. I need to live vicariously through you.”

Hanbin shakes his head. “Okay, everything you just said is a total lie.”

“My mind needs constant stimulation. PLEASE HANBIN!”

Hanbin looks at him in alarm, eyes trying to ignore the inquisitive stares from their colleagues outside. “Oh my god! Okay! Just keep your voice down. Geez. And you call me dramatic.”

He scrolls through the photos of Jiwon on his phone until he finds one without a grimace or weird hand signs. He finally stops at a photo he took back in June’s tattoo shop. Jiwon had just turned to face the camera when Hanbin had captured it, there was no faked bravado or acting cool, it was just Jiwon with a slight look of surprise on his face.

Hanbin hesitates but eventually holds the phone screen out towards Donghyuk.

Donghyuk peers at the phone for a second then his eyes flick back and forth between Hanbin and the photo. “Are you serious?”

Hanbin frowns. “What? What’s wrong with him?”

“Oh where does one even start with Kim Jiwon?” Donghyuk murmurs under his breath.

“Wait. You know him?” Hanbin questions in shock. “How?”

“Well firstly, I know everybody.” Donghyuk states matter-of-factly. Hanbin rolls his eyes, even though he knows it’s not far from the truth. “Secondly, remember when I did a piece on imported american muscle cars coming to Seoul? I went to his garage.”

“And……?” Hanbin prompts.

“And….he’s a cool guy. Just not really someone I thought you’d be interested in.”

Hanbin knows he’s walking right into Donghyuk’s trap but curiosity gets the better of him. “Okay, what does that mean?”

Donghyuk drinks the rest of his coffee slowly. Deliberately.

“DONGHYUK!” Hanbin hisses and looks at him with all the frustration he can muster.

Donghyuk doesn’t smile though. “Promise me that you won’t get mad?”

And that’s when Hanbin knows that his day is going to end badly. “Okay. Promise.”

Donghyuk hesitates. “He seems nice Hanbin. Really. I just heard that he was dating someone here but he still has a girlfriend back in America. I’m sure it’s just a rumour that someone made up about him and you guys probably already know.”

Speechless, Hanbin just stares at him as his heart sinks and his brain short circuits from processing the information. The silence stretches to the point where Donghyuk starts looking increasingly worried.

“Oh god, I thought you knew. I’m not implying anything! Just thought you should know what people are saying since you guys are friends now. Hanbin? Are you okay? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have told you. I’m an idiot and you should honestly just ignore me. It’s probably not even true. You know what gossip is like….” He can hear Donghyuk rambling on but it just sounds like a muffled voice through water.

He tells himself not to dwell on disappointment because part of him always knew this would happen. People like Jiwon just don’t get involved with people as boring as him. But life is nothing but a bag of twisted irony; even when you know something is inevitable, it can still hurt you twice as much when it arrives. Preparing for an oncoming trainwreck doesn’t make the collision any less painful.

He swallows audibly and shakes his head. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to be upset about. We’re just friends. You don’t have to apologise. I’m not mad, I just didn’t know.” He offers Donghyuk a small smile which he knows comes across as blatantly fake.

Donghyuk opens his mouth to say something but thinks better of it. Instead, he reaches over to grab their empty cups to throw into the trash. “I’m really sorry Hanbin….I shouldn’t have said anything.” Donghyuk says quietly before wheeling his chair back to his desk.

Hanbin just nods as he opens his laptop, stares at the black screen and waits for it to wake up from sleep.