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jonathanbyersphd · 2 years ago

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Now Playing (Taylor's Version) Volume 2

A continuation of this post

#I warned y'all I had ideas #now 100% more depressing #also ft the more deep cuts tbh #stranger things #jopper #jancy #byler #lumax #does this count as anti stancy?#joyce byers #jim hopper #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #mike wheeler #will byers #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #steve harrington #st photo edit

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daily-beast-wirt-brainrot · 2 months ago

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Feast Wirt

[Day 32] Not much of a feast but its a feast for him

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glowingsand · 4 months ago

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mob my son *explodes*

#he’s so child son baby kisses his forehead suffocates him in a hug realizes in horror what i just did #brings him back to life breathes a sigh of relief tucks him into bed and reads him goodnight moon #mob psycho #mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #kageyama shigeo #my art #digital art #fanart #doodle #goodnight i will doodle a bit more tomorrow for now i will continue writing a depression fic n study a little biochem :3

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shower-phantom-ideas · 11 months ago

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Spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to start this post so now im just doing it sorry

Phantom gets called cat like by the other heros all the time. Hell some of the league members have even joined in after he met them. Fuck you superman how dare you out his purring

Problem is his new power he started developing. Telekinesis. And it’s very hard to control. Now if he looses focus he starts knocking stuff off shelves or off tables.

Frostbite told him he would keep developing powers till his ghost side was grown but he thought it was done. How many more powers does he need!!!!

#lord I hate this post #like I wanted to do the whole thing crazy but im so tired #and it has been in my drafts for a good while now #I hyped it up too so now I look even harder at how crap it is #danny phantom #dp x dc #dpxdc #I just wanna go to sleep yall #maybe I will #fuck this I don’t even care any more #is what is is #liz is about to depress herself outta the blog again #rip #happened at 100 followers and 800 followers #I just gotta stop giving a shit about it #why does it matter so much to me #god these tags are horrible #maybe ill redo the post later #but I know yall would enjoy the concept #too bad it’s gonna be attached to my shit ass posy #sorry yall #im not in a good state of mind #but im fine I promise just tired and peobably sick #work really screwed me over and im atressed to the nines about it #ill be fine #it’s fine #im ok #enough tags im a hit post now even though I hate this post

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skitskatdacat63 · 8 months ago

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"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

+ process(tw blood)

Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹

This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:

^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-

#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!!#i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one #and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again?????#mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody #i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever #my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :(#and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg #im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already #but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭#perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote #anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did #and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on #im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ?????#also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay #tw blood #<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood #i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice #catie.art.#f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #matador au

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actual-corpse · 2 months ago

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きみとそらをとぶ　/ feat. 初音ミク & 巡音ルカ

youtube

Y'all... why does this give me intense nostalgia for a time I know I can never get back to?

Like... That's THE Pokémon song! The one you hear at the end of your journey. The one that makes you wanna go back to your mom and show her your Pokémon badges.

I really do love Pokémon lol. I love the games even though I hate battling. I'm actually in the process of trying to complete my Pokedex in Let's Go! Eevee, before I build my dream team for the Elite Four. I love my Eevee, I named her after my cat (as you do).

Idk... I'm tired, and in pain, and in my feelings about this song.

#Vocaloid has been with me forever #idk #i think im just having a depressive episode #i remember the Kagamine vs Hatsune fan war! it was pretty friendly iirc #i remember when there was only the 6 main vocaloid and how exciting it was to get MORE!!!#amd the fanloids! Yowana Haku and Akita Neru who were originally just Wrong Miku!#playing Pokemon Diamond for the first time #and then Platinum and then Black!#and playing Pokemon Stadium with my cousin and making 100 stupid Miis juat because we could #playing Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist of the Roses and having to hide from Seto Kaiba bc he was obsessed with me (wtf? 🤣)#the knowledge that life is fleeting and everything we love having to grow old #and the loss of those we thought we'd have forever bc we're kids and we just didn't know #and how when you're older and lonely... all you have are memories to keep you warm #and your beloved cat lol #ya wanna hear something funny?#i was praying for more hours and now that i got em. i dont want em! wtf!?!#to be fair though #I'll get $420 for one week so I guess it ain't too bad #im always afraid #im afraid that everyone hates me and just puts up with me bc they cant fire me for no reason #and im afraid to ask my professor for a reference bc im afraid he hates me #vocaloid #hatsune miku #pokemon #project voltage #miku #Youtube

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thedrotter · 3 months ago

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(cw for a gun, mild blood and suicide in the last drawing.)

Day 1-5 of drawing Re:Kinder daily for a whole month! I'll be doing that all month. ☺️

I did not draw Re:Kinder enough (said both sarcastically and genuinely, because while I know the statement is ridiculous I also do believe it www), so I chose to challenge myself. I will post these every 5 days to not clog the tag too much.

#re:kinder #rekinder #fanart #hiroto yamakawa #rei suzumura #aya hibino #sayaka akatsuki #ryou shimoya #takumi katsuragi #shunsuke takano #yuuichi mizuoka #AND CHIE!!!!!! :3333 #now... commentary...#for the first one i tried doing the proportions a bit more realistic than the chibi like ones i usually do !#although it comes with the worry they may seem like teens in contrast of how i generally draw them^^;... i hope they still look their age😢#second drawing is based on an idea from my sister that hiroto’s more responsible attitude comes from taking charge more than he should-#-due to his parents both being depressed. so i tried to express that idea somewhat... its more speculation than anything but still #third one is HORROR MOVIE TIME!!! this one was very funny to me because i dunno whos house theyre in but ryou looks right at home www #certainly not takumi's because that breaks the law children have of “its MY house so if i dont want to watch this movie we wont watch it”#fourth is SHUNSUKE VS THE SCHOOL TESTS!! based on him throwing out his school tests on the trash as mentioned once ingame.#in case it isnt clear the 12 is a 12 out of 100... im afraid i dont know how to make it clearer😓.#chie originally wasnt meant to be there but the compositions i came up with felt boring otherwise. so she was brought in to fill in the voi #final drawing is here to remind you this is a horror game about mentally ill children i am so sorry #im aware it is a bit jarring compared to all the (mostly) fluff but the rng said it was a yuu day he doesnt get any fluff #ah yes sorry spoilers he wont be getting any fluff there will not be a single drawing where he feels joy😭 i am sorry for this #this is because the ideas i never really got to draw (that are here) of him are the sad ones because i feel such a pity drawing him that wa #but i had to get to them eventually because i did want to draw it anyway but i was going to keep stalling them if i didnt do em here #so sorry no happy yuu the whole month😢#anyway i may redraw one of these later down the line (when its no longer august).#i do these with time limitations so i dont get to push them to bigger steps but if i feel one should get one i may redraw it LATERRR

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tardis--dreams · 9 months ago

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I was so concerned with the horrors of making a doctor's appointment and the horrors of finding a job that i completely forgot about the worst horrors of them all. Finding an apartment.

#i just realized that yesterday #after my appointment #and now my rest of my time off is ruined #because i have to find a place to stay and the chances are low that I'll find something okay #the student dorm apartment was the hight of luxury (pretty new. good stove. good bathroom. hot water....)#now I'm most likely going back to broken showers‚ old almost unusable stove‚ hot water every once in a blue moon‚ no room to move #ugly depressing dirty #my dream is unattainable i know #i don't even want more than one room (even though in the long run i would love to have an apartment with a kitchen in a separate room)#but i would love to have an oven #i know it's too much too ask and i should be happy if i have a functional stove #also a bathroom that doesn't look and behave like it's 100 years old and is fully functional would be so nice #and my actual most important concern is having enough space to work out #it doesn't need to be much. i just wanna be able to move freely enough so i don't have to worry about bumping into anything #when doing burpees and whatnot #but I'll take what i can get #if have no choice #i can't commute. the train connections are too bad.#alright #I'll message some people now and get rejection after rejection after rejection 🥲#void screams

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dazzelmethat · 4 months ago

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*reaches out my hand and grabs you* I have the power to subject non vocaloid people to pinop..

TW: for flashing lights

Mushroom mother analysis in my tags. ..

#vocaloid #pinochiop #i saw this video link wasn't posted anywhere on tumblr and thought i should share #(i will be gendering protagonist as 'she' and writer as 'he' for simplicity)#anyway to me in my interpretation the song is written about specific person's reaction to mental illness/neurodivergence.#the fact that mushrooms are growing on heads is a reference to mushrooms only growing in darkness and-#-and is a common anime trope to imply that a character is depressed or a shut in (shimeji situation did this) (also a panel in ohshs)#there is this familiarity between the singer and who she is singing to (presumably the writer) like these are the words of a past lover..#making it feel like the pinop almost HATES the protagonist of this song. that he was called the one with the 'mushroom mother'#but it almost feels like that protagonist does become obsessed a little with the idea of not catching a mental illness from pinop #but then in their obsession of 'not catching it' they start exhibiting like a hypochondriac ocd but for mentalillnesses #the 'your mother is a mushroom mother' to me is a teasing (almost child like) jeer almost felt aimed at pinop/writer.#to imply that.. because his mother gave birth to him she's a mushroom mother. because he is a mushroom (like a yo mama joke)#in my mind the writer is insulting himself here. that the chorus is insulting him in that teasey child's tone #anyway later in the song the protagonist gets more paranoid about others spreading their emotional toxicity to her.#and in her sanitation attempt she winds up hurting other people (implied i think. because of the violence of setting mushrooms on fire)#eventually though I think she stops seeing mental illnesses as a flaw and instead of 100% hating she jumps to 100% loving them #tbh this interpretation is the shakiest part (because why would she put on a mushroom on her head in the end) (what does it mean??)#I think it means that she's embraced being allowed to be publicly mentally ill. and she takes that 'being allowed' as permission to be crue #the protagonist was cruel and toxic even before this transformation #then the writer.. in some perspective thinks about how in retrospect her actions were hollow #the writer surmises that living in that cycle would feel emotionally unfulfilling .. empty.#the writer here is coping with what was done to them in the past.. the person that hurt them enough to write this song #then now that she has those mushrooms growing on her head/is depressed and so the chorus of mushroom mother returns to poke fun at her #and in the end i think the writer joins in in that gloating chorus #The writer feels mixed on celebrating an 'ex' being confirmed as something he was for having #but there is also the celebration of being petty. and the franticness those sort of mixed emotions would give u..#and in the end the writer thinks that in the future that the world will keep changing on it's view on the mentally ill #but because those ending lines are repeated twice i think he's implying that there is a cycle to it #that there is a resignation to the world moving and changing into something else but not getting totally better

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gibbearish · 2 months ago

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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest

#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression #both on its own and as a companion to ssris #psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression #so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default #state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it #origibberish #also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my #psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant #might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time #and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went #'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick #like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows #'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when #trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time #ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations #om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL #they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk #it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN #this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god #just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is #really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would #then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that #of withdrawal. a famously shit experience

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talkorsomething · 3 months ago

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I can't sleep again.

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #лёва паспрабуе АДК #it's not about that. i'm just tired.#(stayed up too late for the first time in a while)#well... it compounded the issues.#i look like some guy with my blurry vision and yet its not enough and i dont know WHY #i do know why. have you ever not been seen?#flipped the coin from independence within my grasp to nothing is ever going to get me out of here #not even 'getting out of there' got me out #i can't wait for guard season again but i'm worried it's only going to put me right back into the depression mines #... seasonal depression notwithstanding #i need to make a choice at auditions and its whether i will be out; as me - and hopefully have a better season because of it #or just... stay like this. forever.#... my consult is right before second auditions pretty much. schedule that month is looking full..#anyways its not fair of me to expect anyone to check in on me #especially when one of my housemates seems to ... Also be going through it #and i can tell you now which of us is actually likely to talk about it and its NOT me #i'm not built for this idk. i never should have taken her up on that job offer.#...... i'm thinking about relapsing again. more seriously considering it.#i KNOW it's not good i KNOW it won't help but i dont know what fucking else will!!!!#remember when it felt like i was getting hobbies again?? so much for that..#.. i need to pull life into my *own* control but i need help to get there #and i can't even imagine being fully independent #... even if i'm taking all the right steps to get there #the MOST annoying revelation was that i could Maybe Actually benefit from therapy and the second most was that if i tell her this there is #almost no way any therapist she finds will be queer friendly #going to dig myself out of it. as always. mostly just not pushing myself right now but GOD does it suck.

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smallandalmosthonest · 3 months ago

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cracked my fucking crown again and now most of the whole porcelain is gone from the surface of my molarrrrrrr and guess who cannot afford to go to the dentist let alone for a $2k+ crown replacement :)

#i'm just. so pissed.#i'm so tired of being poor #and in theory i could give up my career and stop being poor #and lately i'm really like. doing the joy math here #bc i haven't quit this career bc i'm deeply depressed and i know giving it up will ruin me #but now it's like. is the being poor part ruining me more than the quitting my career would?#anyway dental care should be 100% covered by the government forever no matter what FUCK canada's dental system

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hartlow · 1 year ago

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Being sooo brave rn (<- saw someone being wrong on the internet and did not engage with them)

#''people don't judge transmascs for wanting body hair literally everyone encourages it'' what PLANET. DO YOU LIVE ON #setting aside that it shouldn't be seen as inherently masculine considering everyone has it #trans dudes are often perceived as ''grosser'' the more masculine they are and the more masculine features they want #and that 100% happens with body hair. if you express wanting body hair as a trans guy plenty of people will be uncomfortable #mainly because of the narrative of ''poor little misled teen girls'' and the radfem idea of women and femininity being inherently good #while men and masculinity are deemed inherently evil #to bigots a trans guy is just a failed unattractive woman and people's true colors can show with that.#the post i saw was for transfems about their own experience with being judged whether they do or don't shave it #which is great and fine. but hey. why do you have to randomly throw transmascs under the bus at the end. that was completely unnecessary.#the amount of casual transandrophobia i see esp in my own community is just fucking depressing #sorry i'm done ranting now #hartlow speaks #vent

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fauna-and-floraa · 1 year ago

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Applying for retail jobs with dread but also going Well! It's almost Christmas so I can infect the horrible Christmas playlists with skz 🥰

#i was in aged care before this tho and thats way more depressing than retail #so yeah sure this is fine #you guys will 100% know if/when i get one tho bc i'll post 80% more than now #bc i am a bad employee 🤗#also can i just say nothin funnier than hearing its gonna be a snowy christmas #or whatever yk all the christmas songs are northern hemisphere based #snow and cold and winter and meanwhile you just walked in from 42°c heat like its genuinely funny

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selfcontainedunivcrse · 9 months ago

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thinking about my beautiful OC and it's Developments. a big thing for me w cVwoop is that it was supposed to be very talkative. it cannot stop talking. it reads pretty nervous (mainly on account of it having a stutter, bc it was developed over vc, And I Do This,) but this is its neutral state and a sign of proper enrichment in ur Vwoop. Typically it only ceases to stutter and um when it's really really considering things and has to be Slash SRS. Trying to force level-headedness.

except these days. erm. the Horrors. Nothing that it can say is making the horrors any better for anyone. What CAN you say. It doesn't want to make anyone sadder (it doesn't understand what a social cue is). It's sort of learned to accept comfortable silence — it always feels a tad uncomfortable when it just. doesn't know what to say. but it's okay. Just a bit different.

#and the universe said you are not alone!#my guy :(#i am thinking about its interpersonal relationships . I do not think its being made worse Solely #It is funny whenever someone comments on how Absolutely nervous vwoop's dialogue seems and its like Yeah no that bit IS just how I speak #It stutters 4 different reasons but this is just kind of a neutral fact. I just have to write it true 2 The Way It Talks #I do have a different register for cVwoop is 100% head voice. A bit airy-er. Slotted somewhere beside my customer service voice #At the beginning it would NEVER tail along and not have a lot of words be spoken but now like.. it just does this more often .#It learns to find comfort in this despite the horrors.#it does also have canonical depression this may contribute. In general its gone through the wringer. It's ok its got ONE PARTY who -#it can rely on who isn't mega-posessed. Surely this is good for it

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icelogged · 1 year ago

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*2015 voice* i wish i had the chillness instead i got the mental illness

#evidence of life #tw for mental illnesses major distress illness symptoms that aren’t romanticized (lawl) suicide ableism i guess?#idk just a massive tw for what i’ve said in the notes / don’t read if descriptions of mental illnesses bother you etc #////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#i literally had to mix rubbing alcohol into my body wash then put it all over my body except my hair to stop myself from committing suicide #i’m so serious if there’s one thing i don’t say with my convoluted levels irony it’s suicide whenever i say kms im 100% serious #suicide is literally a constant ideation for me and i just can’t teehee about it ever i think it’s because it is one of the few ways i feel #that i can take total control full autonomy #anyways isn’t crazy traumatic things will happen and we have to just keep going like im literally on tumblr after [redacted]…#also why is my psychosis so obsessed with break ins these days when i was doing my rubbing alcohol scrub it did the break in scenario #like miss girl literally nobody want us that bad take a seat…#anyways this day started out okayish and now it’s literally *burning building in the background*#i wanna try to at least make it possibly kind of better by going to watch the sunset but no promises kinda itching for more rubbing alcohol #anyways slayyyy respectfully i hope this scares off…who it usually does…#like bro i am not a manic pixie dream girl i am not a smol bean with anxiety not a depressed gloomy muse etc #i am [as described by men who thought that i was just another goth bitch with daddy issues that knew all the right moves to make me into #whatever they needed me to be and or thought i was being hyperbolic when i say i am insane in the head and the pussy (as above so below)]#‘crazy crazy’ ‘fucked up’ ‘not worth it [because i am crazy for real]’ ‘[in need for a dude who one course in psychology and thinks that and #his dick are enough to ‘cure me’ ‘weird’ ‘freak’ ‘looney’ (kinda love that one like so true) etc (bc i don’t want to talk abt this anymore)#edit: my temporary icon bothering more than it should rn ughhh bad end all around goodness

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