#nothing is the same and everything is ok now but it’s not

[imaginariumwanderer]

So, a little update.

This reblog is about how I'm doing for those who care, to talk about my relationship with the crk fandom as of late, and to announce that I'm taking a vacation (to twitter) once I'm done with all the requests, I'll come back in May or at a later date, it's uncertain.

Honestly speaking this isn't anything big, I'm doing well. I'm making this post because I don't want people to worry lol Please be warned I'm going to rambles about my *eugh* feelings under cut, hope it's comprehensible.

Let's get the shorter stuff over first: About my life. Same ol' same ol' stuff. My life is a predictable chain of work eat rest+occasionally dealing w family stuff, and I like it that way. My job brought moderate stress like any job. It's my fluctuating, erratic mental health that gets in the way of finishing my tasks on time. So ya, kinda busy kinda tired but it's nothing I can't handle. It is how it is.

Now let's get down to business: So with the 4th anniversary and the arrival of playable smc, the crk fandom has blown up. I anticipated this long ago but when it actually happen, well... Things have gotten hectic quickly, eh? Eventually and inevitably, I ended up feeling overwhelmed. I've seen other fans, mutuals or otherwise, expressing the same sentiment. So I felt a bit less alone on that front, but it's still hard to deal with.

Last year, the amount of shadowvanilla fanfics on ao3 barely reached triple digits. Now it has over 600 fics and growing. At some point I realized the fandom surrounding this ship has irreversibly changed, whether it's for the best or the worse is yet to be seen, but that realization kinda sent me spiraling. The place which I've familiarize myself with for over a year now feel so alien. I got this sense that I don't belong. I'm not sure if I deserve to be here anymore. I wanted to check how my mutuals are doing, but lately just the thought of checking the shadowvanilla tag or logging onto tumblr at all got me feeling awfully, illogically, anxious. I felt disconnected from everyone.

Make no mistakes, this is no one's fault. From when I made my first crk post up until now I've yet to receive a single negative comment, nor did I have any bad interactions with the fans. Every person I've come across have been nothing but welcoming and kind, my time on tumblr have been incredible so far (aside from those annoying porn bots-) It just that I can't help my intrusive thoughts. I still question my place in this fandom sometimes. Please rest assured, I've done my own crashouts back in late January-mid February (yah, I crashed out twice) and is currently in the getting over it/processing my feelings phase. Drawing is still fun, I still wanna have fun talking about silly cookies with my like-minded pals again c:

If you're new to this blog: hi, thank you for being here. Um, dw I don't tend to get all weird and personal like this that often, it's as a special occasion.

If you're an old follower or a moot: thank you for everything, really. I once mentioned before how I don't like bringing irl stuff or negative feelings onto this blog, but I think all of you deserve a bit of honesty from me. Moving forward I'd like to be a bit more open, if that's okay with you. I'm a pretty negative person in real life (haha)

As said above I'll move to twitter temporarily in the future/April. My twitter is fairly small and new, so it feel nice posting whatever is on my mind without fearing how many people will see it. Feel a bit calmer there too. I'm extra awful truthful there, if any adult crk fans reading this would like to chat, feel free to reach me there! (not in DMs tho it's the anxiety ok sorry sorry-)

Sorry for not being more active on the reblog/interaction department these past few weeks. I gave in to the sus on twitter and then art block hit me like my dad's belt (on top of other irl shenanigans..)

The inbox is open for asks again, anon is allowed too, I'm not confident on my reply rate but I'll do my best! As of now art request is not officially open yet. I do really want to get started but it's impossible with current irl stuff getting in the way. Hopefully I can start doing requests in May, I hope. Shadowvanilla-related art request is welcomed though, I don't have enough mental strength for most things lately but doodling them revitalize me(?) So please feel free to make requests for smilk and vani!

Some rules:

Please specify whether you want them in humanoid or cookie form. If there's no specification I'll draw it randomly.

Slightly suggestive is ok, they can kiss as a treat, but no outright nsfw please. Any graphic requests will be rejected/blocked.

A little bit of blood or light gore is ok👍

(angst prompts is encouraged their suffering fuels me-)

*Waiting time is 3 weeks, if there's no answer by then please consider the request rejected or I somehow didn't receive it. Thank you for your understanding.

Edit: request is now officially closed.

[diazpoems]

As a person whose mom died and who had to subsequently be taken care of by their father that scene with Stiles and his dad, where he got the Sheriff drunk and Mr. Stilinski says he misses talking to Stiles, he misses Stiles’ mom, S1E10 hit so hard

[onesnoopyaday]

I AM AT MY LIMIT

Snoopy #90

30/12/2024

description under the cut

[description: a cartoon-style drawing of Snoopy's head. Snoopy is a white dog with black ears. His eyes are shut and his mouth is a horizontal line. There are two large blue teardrops, one under each eye. The text "I am at my limit" is handwritten across the top of the image.]

[ganondoodle]

kind of expected that the ability breakdown wouldnt get that much traction (especially on twitter bc if it doesnt do well in the first few hours it might as well be dead) but what i didnt need to wake up to was looking at my twitter notifications and thinking there was a long comment on it at first but then i read it and it turned out to be some guy having dug up one of my old totk tweets where i talked about how zelda was treated-

and if a quote retweet with a thread attached already starts with "this entitled brat didnt understand that zelda was being a history nerd by being in the past and getting to experience it herself" with two screenshots attached of the end of totk with zelda staring at the cam all uwu (which has ??? to do with their point??) i dont even want to know what else was in that thread

if thats how the majority of the fandom is then im even less surprised that nintendy doesnt even have to try to write anything good :I

ah yes, i am a game nerd, and by putting me in a game where i stand around doing puppy dog eyes while being shoved around by NPCs is me being a game nerd OBVIOSULY

[aetalk]

[himbohimhoe]

Holding out hope that the writing in veilguard will get more bearable but rook saying to lucanis that it's "not nice that Spite hurt him" and he "shouldn't accept that it’s fine bc it wouldn't be ok if a person did that" like. That is a demon. Built off a single emotion called SPITE. Rook I am finding it really hard to believe that u have lived in thedas for more than 30 seconds.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[loderlied]

anyways. i haven’t slept in like 30 hours once again. my brain is like agh

[pikslasrce]

*through gritted teeth* a closet made of glass is still a closet a closet made of glass is still a closet a closet made of glass is still a closet a closet made of glass is still a closet a closet made of glass is still a closet

[seaofreverie]

I'm actually so serious that spotify wrapped is one of my favourite holidays of the year and the fact that it's taking a week longer to release this year than I was fully convinced it would actually take is pretty agonising. But also opening the wikipedia article about it and seeing it described simply as a "viral marketing campaign" cracked me up in a sad way because well. Yeah of course it's that. Of course it's a viral marketing campaign first and foremost. But also give me my stats and my 100 top songs of the year playlist NOOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mer-se]

please pick friends u can argue or have misunderstandings with and actually communicate with immediately after like, it’s so fucking important

[spacestation-l7]

AU where Dougal is a Werewolf 

(aka, basically everything is the same except Dougal gets a bit fluffier at night)

[wild-at-mind]

Not to talk about MRA-lite spaces again but I'm going to need everyone to understand that in these spaces, the subtext of 'men don't get to talk about their problems' is ALWAYS 'and it is women's fault!'

[fern1e]

Venting in tags do not mind me

[unproduciblesmackdown]

truly something that, amidst facing / going through a dramatic Life Change ft. unavoidable emotional effects of that, there are instances where i can't conceal any & all degrees of being distressed / upset, & repeatedly getting "it's hard for me too" as a Direct Response to that: really something & a half how the asserted theoretical Sympathy of [i feel similarly!] is invoked so as to, oh you know, preclude sympathetic Treatment. such as that what would be More sympathetic in these instances would be to say Nothing, "if there's nothing but dismissal / making it first & foremost about someone else's feelings to say, don't say it at all" style

[chiistarri]

what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group