#not to tell him to kill himself
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Kinned Jim Kirk a lil too hard and now I have 500 million allergies
#I’m so annoyed about this#the worst part is the nurse bullied me sufficiently into taking my inhaler#but I just made her give me the more expensive one#and WHY is it so expensive.#why do I have to pay 60 dollars a month to breathe..#she was like. u absolutely need immunotherapy so#gonna stRt that next year and it’s gonna be thousands of more dollars#my dad keeps telling me to go to the derm but he doesn’t understand that I don’t WANT TO PAY#all this money#every time they find something new wrong with me#yesterday I was talking to a coworker who I knew did the shots#and he started talking about people with preexisting conditions and how things Should be more expensive for them#because why should the consumers pay or whatever#and I tried soooo hard#not to tell him to kill himself#he’s like SIXTY#SIR U DONT HAVE LONG BEFORE THATS YOU
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I think an underrated angle on 2x05 is something that either Jacob or Assad said in some interview somewhere, which is that in that episode Louis is addicted to heroin. Thats why he has that whole stash of drugs that he gives to Daniel, that's why he gives Daniel the drugs even though he's already got him alone. He didn't just use those 128 boys for sex he was using them to get high. Bring them home, get them to shoot up, and then drain them to get that secondhand high.
It clarifies something that's always confused me about that scene, which is why Armand saves Daniel the first time. He wouldn't save Daniel as a person, he clearly knows Daniel needs to die, but he's not seeing Daniel as a person there. Daniel is just a substance. He rips him away from Louis to stop him from using.
And i think that adds a whole other layer to the fight he and Armand have to think that this is Louis on a bender, with Armand cleaning up after him because he's not stable enough to. Louis in the bed for a week isn't just healing from the burns, he's going through withdrawal. Him at the table with Daniel giving him the "bright young reporter" speech is probably the first time he's been sober in months.
It adds another layer to Armand's desperation, that Louis has been running from both Armand and himself in this way, and of course Armand wants to erase that memory. Of course he wants to pretend that that fight never happened. Not just to protect himself but in a way to protect Louis from having said those things. When he describes the fight to Louis afterwards, he says "you said the worst things you've ever said to me." And he doesn't really know how to forgive Louis for that so he just wants to bury this rock-bottom moment and move on like it never happened. After all, Louis was high, he didn't really mean it, but if he remembers then maybe he might think that he had a point. Better to wipe the whole experience away.
#imagine youre in an eternal spite marriage with your ex who you're in love with because he's in love with your other ex#who youre also in love with#and your spitehusband who hates you turns to drugs to cope with the traumatic death of his daughter (which you caused but who's counting)#and you just follow him around cleaning up his messes and propping him up and keeping him alive#because despite everything you do love him#and you find him mid bender and he's told his life story to a reporter and he didn't even mention you#and you're just trying to protect him from himself so he doesn't pass out in a pool of blood on the floor#and he tells you that you're a burden#that youre the thing thats killing him#that 10 hours with a stranger made him feel more alive than your whole relationship#and he says that youre BORING#that all your trauma and grief and fear made you UNINTERESTING#yeah id do some saw trap shit too#blorboposting#benni proof#interview with the vampire#loumand#iwtv
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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"hualian invented love" well bingqiu invented telling your partner that if you were his mother you wouldn't have aborted him even if it killed you, so. im not sure what that is, but bingqiu sure invented it
#svsss#their freudian bullshit knows no bounds#i was gonna include a screenshot of that passage but i forgot it's like a whole page long oh my god#sqq really needed to get that monologue out there#i like to joke about the abortion love confession but that's because if i start thinking about it too hard i get emotional#bc on the surface it's like haha sqq is comparing himself to his mother and saying he wouldn't abort him#but then in reality it's him telling lbh just how loved he is and wanting him to know he's cared for#the fact that he's alive at all is proof that he was loved#and making it clear that he loves lbh to the point that he'd let that love kill him#god. i need to lie down.
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hurt/comfort superbat fic where Bruce occasionally has to chase Clark down when he's being a little more Kryptonian/Eldritch-y than normal (it's fine, he has the resources/ships/etc). when Clark's happy, he's in orbit outside of the Watchtower, floating and absorbing the sun. but when he's down or depressed? he avoids the sun. because the sun means energy, it's a reminder of his powers, of everything he's lost, a reminder of difference down at the very cellular level.
that's all to say, sometimes I think Clark goes down instead of up and hides away from the sun the only place he can: deep, deep underwater. somewhere maybe even Arthur only goes sparingly, deep in a trench where the water isn't oxygenated or habitable. and he just floats down there, trying to block it all out and failing miserably.
#(and then bruce has to call in a favor and arthur goes to get clark)#and bruce chucks him under some sun lamps in the cave and tells him there are far easier ways to kill himself#and still have a body for his poor mother to bury#and that shuts clark right the fuck up#bruce wayne#batman#dc#clark kent#superbat#suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#idk something about a sun creature avoiding sun#you know?#fic ideas#eldritch kryptonians#eldritch#kryptonian biology
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kacchan telling izuku that his body moved on his own is fucking crazy. like not only did kacchan remember izuku saying that all the way back from the sludge-villain incident but he’s also confirming that izuku’s crazy, boarder-line suicidal intensity is a two way street. it’s not just izuku who is insane about kacchan it’s mutual insanity. kacchan’s body moved on its own. he was helpless but to throw himself into the line of fire when he saw izuku was in danger. he didn’t think about it. he didn’t choose to do it. he didn’t have a choice. it was as if izuku was a piece of his own soul. katsuki instinctually needed to protect him above all else, even at the cost of his own life
#AND HE SAID IT OUT LOUD IN THE RAIN IN FRONT OF EVERYONE#bkdk#bakudeku#hey man just casually checking in uh I would die for you and not even think about it#you know how you almost kill yourself for me that’s like Mutual I guess idk what are we#do I tell my mom do I update my hinge profile#like izuku knows he’s weird about kacchan he knows he isn’t normal about him#and he ONLY threw himself into sludge villain incident when he saw it was kacchan.#and THEN his body moved on its own#and kacchan is the ONLY ONE who saw just how in danger izuku was#AND THEN HIS BODY MOVES ON ITS OWN#his body unlocks a new ability just to get to him faster#they’re just so deeply spiritually and physically connected and it’s MUTUAL
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I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danlou#iwtvedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#*#dont know if i can articulate my thoughts well#but something about how daniel at first is so closed off from louis when he sits down near him#doesnt really want to talk at first but starts opening up pretty quickly#then louis is buying him a drink and it's easier to talk. mostly what he wants to talk about is his journalism work#because its so important to him. but when louis starts getting too personal (i know what you're here for danny) he starts backing off again#maybe some combo of shame for how quickly he felt attracted to louis and the flirting and the diminutive louis uses#the bartender uses it when asking if hes got money tonight. hes used to exchanging sex for things he needs but cant afford#above all it's like a sharp reminder of what louis wants & what daniel wants too even before the offer of drugs#and he's trying to hold onto the denial and excuses. it was a good place to score he did what he had to#sex with men has to be in exchange for something he can't just want it on its own#the lie he tells himself about himself#also these tags are getting long but i think you can see the moment louis decides he might not just fuck and kill this guy right away lmao
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Erik, what are you doing?
X-MEN: DAYS OF THE FUTURE PAST (2014)
#together :(#mine*#cherik#gifset#x-men#xmenedit#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#otp: i want you by my side#filmedit#what makes me so insane about prequel!erik is how he NEVER hesitates in anything ever. because he KNOWS#hesitation can and WILL get you killed. and YET everytime it comes to charles he hesitates. there's always a shadow of doubt when#it comes to turning his back on charles. in cuba after charles sent him away he stared at him a second too long#he knew he had to leave (and he did eventually) but he hesitated to do so#and in this scene you can literally SEE HIM psych himself up to turn his back on raven and charles#no YOU DON'T GET IT he always hesitates when it's about charles. charles has been haunting him FOR YEARS YOU DON'T GET IT#also the way charles' eyes shine when he tells raven he and erik are together I'M SICK they really were his entire heart!!!#they both make me so sad man
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Boogie woogie woogie—
#ever think about how Sari and Sounders in Animated are like. actually full siblings#with the same birthday no less#because come on you tell us that both Megatron and a protoform crashed on the same day#in the same vicinity as Detroit#and that Megs *isn’t* responsible for the parts of Sari’s code that weren’t influenced by Sumdac?#and then for Soundwave to be made at the hands of that same guy#with covert tech in him made by Megatron#who REFERS TO HIMSELF AS SOUNDWAVE’S CREATOR#and we’re supposed to believe that they *aren’t* siblings?#even Soundwave trying to get his mind-controlled minions to kill her#who hasn’t done that to a sibling at one point#my art#tf#tfa#transformers#transformers animated#maccadam#soundwave#tfa soundwave#megatron#tfa megatron
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some 2ha art :3 and orv :3 and bingsquid :3 and scum villain !!!!!!!!!!
#2ha#erha he ta de bai mao shizun#taxian jun#orv#kim dokja#bingsquid#scum villian self saving system#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#bingqiu#i kinda wanna draw more bingsquid#I think kim dokja would cause binghe 1000x more mental damage than shen qingqiu had ever :D#like system is telling kdj he'll die if he doesnt push lbh into the abyss? nah system cant kill him if he killd himself first :D#ykwim !!!!#also twt might get banned in canada ??????#IMMAA TRY TO POST HERE MOREE :3 BUT IM DEF MORE ACTIVE ON INSTAA <3333#thankyuew for a da comments and reposts on my mdzs spam !!!!!!! IT MEANSS DA WORLDDD TO MEEEEEEEE ILYYYY#❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️MWAAAHHHH
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god the way ghost’s voice drops when he tells soap, “you’ll need to improvise to survive”
before that, everything he says is steady but when he acknowledges that soap’ll have to do something outside his skill set, something he intimately knows to be difficult, his voice wavers. he does the same when he says, “welcome to guerrilla warfare”; it’s sombre and serious in a way he doesn’t act for the rest of the mission. if you read into it enough, he almost sounds apologetic; like he knows exactly what soap’s about to go through and wishes he didn’t have to
he keeps soap going; poking at him and making jokes, giving him tips and asking about his progress. he never lets him stop and take a second to think bc he knows the moment he does is the moment it'll all hit him; the betrayal, the pain, the fear, the deaths, all of it will drown him and if that happens, soap won't make it
he needs him to be a soldier through and through and he knows this is one of the worst kinds of battlefields you could end up on
and the only times he slips is when he acknowledges that fact
it happens again when he says, "tryin' to get you here alive and in one piece". his jovial dark humour facade drops for just a moment when he has to face the potential reality of losing soap. then he tries to pick it back up again with, "one of us has to survive to tell the tale"; completely discounting himself as a survivor to try and rally soap and make him think it’s all down to him
and soap does the same thing
when he's calling out for ghost on the radio, he's tentative, testing the frequency, then when he doesn’t get a response, he grows desperate; "ghost, this is 7-1, do you copy?"
then when ghost answers, he smooths out his voice; he hides the pain, the fear, and no matter what response you give to ghost asking if he’s injured, soap brushes it off (“i’m good”, “what’s the difference?”, “i’m not a medic”). soap decides it’s in ghost’s best interest to hide the extent of his injuries
he doesn’t know where ghost is, if he’s secure, if he has any weapons; he doesn’t even know if he’s in las almas until he says, “there’s a church, i’m headed to it”. for all he knows, he could’ve run in the complete opposite direction. if ghost knows he’s hurt, then his attention would be split between his own survival and soap’s
and soap, who lets himself be poked and prodded towards the church, needs to hide his own doubts. maybe he needs ghost to believe he'll make it so he himself can believe it ("what are my odds?" "don't make me bet against you", "think i'll live that long?" "probably not")
he all but begs ghost to tell him he'll get through it and if he knows just how bad off he is, maybe he'll change his mind. maybe he'll think he won't make it to the church
maybe he'll leave him alone for good
"you injured?"
"i’m good"
"let's find out how good you are"
#remember when i said soap kept being injured from ghost for his own good and said it was a thought for another day?#well todays the day motherfuckers its more alone meta time!#i dont think he expects ghost to give him guerrilla warfare 101 over comms#i dont think he expected him to bail altogether otherwise he wouldve sounded different calling for him#but he probably thought ghost would focus on himself a lot more than he does#even after he gets to the church its in his best interest to stay silent and unnoticed (like a good sniper should)#instead he gives away his position both by constantly talking and shooting to take out the shadows about to kill soap#they both try to hide things from the other to reassure them that theyre alright. that theyll both get out alive#and youre trying to tell me they arent in love?#bc thats not how soldiers act#no matter how they feel they have to report injuries#soap jeopardises them both by withholding that#he acts like a man when hes supposed to act like a soldier and why would he do that if not to protect simon the man instead of ghost his I.#love motherfucker!#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#ghoap#ghostsoap#soapghost#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#meta#cod mw2#cod mwii#save post
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THE TERROR (2018) S01E05 "First Shot a Winner, Lads"
And who is going to stop you? You use the wind to carry you here. You use the forest to hide inside. You use all this and don't even want to be here. You don't want to live. Look at you. Even if I could help, you don't want it. Why do you want to die?
#the terror#theterroredit#the terror amc#amc the terror#francis crozier#james fitzjames#henry goodsir#silna the terror#lady silence#thomas blanky#cornelius hickey#william gibson#mine#gif:terror#that silna monologue telling francis he's basically killing himself there. its just amazing#its a great episode arc where in the beginning he orders little to get the whiskey from fitzjames. and by the end of this ep he decides to#go through withdrawal. even leaving all command to james. trusting his other captain and knowing they will take care of him too
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they hated illario because he was a d1 yapper who was bad at assassinating people and was so annoyingly drunk and grief stricken at his cousin’s wake that viago had to drug him to shut him up (so what if he was also the guy who set his cousin up to die/disappear) . and also for working with the venatori and selling out the antivan crows i guess.
#illario as a guy who regretted his power grab but had no choice but to double down after lucanis came back is interesting to me btw#not entirely canon compliant to how the story is set up but yeah#even illario going WHAT . when he finds out lucanis is alive i am choosing to believe is him panicking because#zara did not in fact get him to die. illario thought he would die there. he did not. (what has he done) (shit. he has to do it himself)#and double on that . caterina didnt trust him enough to tell him#once again reminded he is dellamorte the lesser !#and still he knows hes not even a good crow. he couldnt actually kill lucanis. he cant actually bring himself to kill lucanis!#so ofc he spends the next act trying to manipulate him into leaving and for lucanis to believe its his own doing#and only when all of this fails (too soft to even kill his grandma btw) he has a public brawl w lucanis#that ends so badly for him that he is humilated in front of all the remaining talons#hes literally my babygirl#illario dellamorte#dav spoilers#dav#txt#rook: im sorry abt illario :/#viago: dont be. he had many unredeeming qualities from before he was a traitor
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Ignorance is bliss
Batman 48 got me feeling feelings again goddamit
#tw suicide#been telling myself to post more lest tumblr snipes me for being a bot again. so. have some brainrot#Batman#joker#amnesiac joker#Batman 48#also#batjokes#I guess. I did drop some hearts in there#get yourself a boo that threatens to kill himself should you return to the status quo!#Scott Snyder#Greg Capullo#batman 2016#Jack napier#John doe#I refuse to call him j*ck wh*te.
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Just finished reading house of Hades
Emotional trauma galore
#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#nico di angelo#annabeth chase#hazel levesque#frank zhang#leo valdez#jason grace#piper mclean#reyna avila ramirez arellano#goodness help me#cupid is a dickhead and i hate him more than octavian#i will kill him#bob is amazing and deserves the world#i want a whole book about reyna#she is so brave and perfect#also i felt like nico ment he was going to kiil himself when he told jason he was leaving forever once the quest was done#someone please tell me im wrong#i know he dosnt but still
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compilation of my redraws cause i keep making these and i think i only posted like. a couple of them
#bg3#i drew this#bg3 spoilers#wylls stats and proficiencies make him the best at convincing bosses to fucking kill themselves through dialogue#which you would NOT expect from his personality#i think i drew that after i saw the highest roll ive ever seen on wyll telling yurgir to kill himself. it was a 40#suicide mention
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