#AND THEN HIS BODY MOVES ON ITS OWN
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bakudekublogblog · 8 months ago
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kacchan telling izuku that his body moved on his own is fucking crazy. like not only did kacchan remember izuku saying that all the way back from the sludge-villain incident but he’s also confirming that izuku’s crazy, boarder-line suicidal intensity is a two way street. it’s not just izuku who is insane about kacchan it’s mutual insanity. kacchan’s body moved on its own. he was helpless but to throw himself into the line of fire when he saw izuku was in danger. he didn’t think about it. he didn’t choose to do it. he didn’t have a choice. it was as if izuku was a piece of his own soul. katsuki instinctually needed to protect him above all else, even at the cost of his own life
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seiwas · 3 months ago
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cw: pro-hero bakugo, reader has boobs, kind of explicit/nsfw? idk i describe boobs, reader is smaller and shorter than bakugo, unedited sawry
bakugo's muscle tee looks as ill-fitting as it'll ever be draped over you.
there are reasons for this, perfectly founded and logical reasons for why that is—the main one being that, it's, well, his; two, maybe even three sizes larger than what it should be to fit you properly.
but, he can't stop staring, and there are reasons for that too—the main one being that, it's his, and yet, the only way he can ever imagine it now is when it's being worn by you.
your hips sway to the song you've been humming for the past five minutes. it's the same one, the chorus on a perpetual loop. he's sure it's the only part you know; you do this often enough that it's the only part he knows now, too.
the hem of his tee hits right at the top of your thighs, concealing just enough to tease, but he’s confident that if you reach up even the slightest bit for the cupboard overhead, there'll be nothing to hide.
he feels a little bit like a creep like this, watching as he stands in the middle of your shared living room, but it's impossible too look away—you've got to be doing this on purpose, right?
heat flares inside of him when you turn your body ever so slightly, the armhole of his muscle tee large enough to give him the clearest view of skin—
he gulps.
it's smooth, sloping just right; the side view of your under boob curves into its perfect shape and he can imagine it, feel—
(is this considered perving if he's been with you for years?)
the pan in front of you sizzles as you plop in god knows what. you pour in something from the side and wait, one hand propped on the hip you pop out. then, you pick up the pan, attempting to flip what's inside (probably a pancake, now that he thinks about it).
it’s hard to focus on what you’re cooking though, especially when all he sees is plump flesh jiggling, bouncing as you further agitate the pan.
he just got the pants of this suit readjusted, and now they're fucking tight.
bakugo normally runs hot; it’s kind of part of his dna. but this warmth is different, flushing him from head to toe. it creeps up the side of his neck, painting the tips of his ears a blooming red.
you turn around then, plopping the pancake on the plate atop the counter behind you.
"oh! you're done," you greet him with a smile. so. fucking. casually.
as if your tits aren't fucking peaking against the gray fabric of his tee.
as if you think he buys the fake innocence poorly concealing that sly, conniving look in your pretty eyes.
as if you aren't standing in front of him in his muscle tee, wearing nothing underneath it like you didn’t do this on purpose. like you don’t know what it fucking does to him.
his eyes squint suspiciously, deep vermillion staring straight into yours.
you tilt your head, the tips of your lashes kissing the top of your cheekbones as you blink. you reach for a bottle of honey.
“everything okay?” you ask, voice syrupy, sickeningly sweet.
your movements play in front of him languidly, the corner of your lips curling up slightly as you smirk. honey catches on your finger as you pop open the bottle cap.
he’s supposed to be out the door in five minutes if he wants to make it in time for a meeting at the agency. technically, he should already be there if he wants to keep up his track record of consistently being fifteen minutes too early.
but you start to approach him, rounding the kitchen island. there’s a narrow space between him and the slab of marble, but you slide into it like it was made for you.
he’s certain it was, from the way the tip of your nose brushes against his as you tiptoe. your tits are right fucking there, brushing against the skintight material of his suit.
there’s too much fucking fabric if you ask him, between cotton and spandex.
your grin widens, and he feels hot, the heat from his cheeks radiating.
then you whisper, still saccharine, “breakfast is ready,” before kissing him on the lips lightly. a short peck, soft in the way that promises more before you slip away, giggling in your retreat.
he huffs, watching you leave. his feet shift as he thinks.
five minutes, huh?
like hell he’s going to eat these damn pancakes for breakfast today.
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bunnieswithknives · 12 days ago
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erm can we see more deer dale he's so silly
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Deer Dale!!! Now with full antler face like I initially intended but could not figure out how to draw at the time
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chandralia · 9 months ago
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oh my god,,??!??
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triglycercule · 3 months ago
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nightmare viewing the murder time three as little toys but more in like a little spoiled kid kinda way. because it would be funny and if you take into the account that he was like 6 before getting corrupted and do some mental loopholes it would be even funnier. like these are his dolls (killer dust and horror) and this is their barbie dreamhouse (his castle). they all have to stay in one room because nightmare needs to keep his toys in a toy box. the toys only ever come out when he wants to play but oh damn it they keep on breaking out!! silly toys,,, and then he locks them into the room again.
nightmare serves them food with plastic tea cups and plastic plates and there is no food. there is no tea. they have to imagine the food because dolls can't literally eat. there are food containers and stuff in the house but its all just a bunch of empty boxes. horror starts tweaking out after he scavenges the kitchen and finds a cereal box and milk carton that have NOTHING in it (why keep empty boxes?????)
they have to go where he wants them to go. nightmare gets to dress them up in whatever he wants because theyre his dolls they can wear anything he wants. it gets incredibly embarrassing when the trio is forced to wear pink pretty dresses and fight like that. or they have to go around the castle doing stupid fucking roleplays and it gets weird because theyre being forced to reenact a bullying scene and nightmare's giving them the death stare if they don't get it right (is this projection. this must be some form of coping mechanism dust theorizes)
and then you know nightmare's not exactly the best toy owner so he loses a few of his dolls here and there. maybe they get destroyed when he was playing a bit too rough with them! (killer dies in battle for like the 29th time) but its okay because he can just go back on down to the store (something new) and buy. wait no. steal another doll and then put it back in his dreamhouse and BOOM he has a full set again!! so sweet so cute. his dolls don't have consciousness what are you talking about theyre begging to be let go?? that's all just your imagination. what do you mean you're asking about the several slowly dying bodies with removed arms or legs in his dungeon. oh that's just where the broken but not yet destroyed toys go dw theyre fine its humane
#toy story but evil#imagine nightmare dresses the trio up in dreamtale esque clothes and then forces them to pretend to be his parents#because the stupid shit grew up parentless and now that he has dolls he can just roleplay that now#or he could just make the trio roleplay as a family. one parent two children. huh i wonder where i've heard this before#he's still like totally smart with all the multiversal plans and conquering and manipulation and all that#just that he's still got a bit of childish charm in him yk.🥺🥺🥺 he's sweet and cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺#killer says as he tries not to go insane from being stuck in a room with dust amd horror for weeks on end#nightmare has no sense of boundary for the trio because theyre just little toys for him#if he wants them to change clothes he strips them because dolls cant change by themselves#if he wants them to move a specific way he maneuvers them because dolls cant movs on their own#nightmare's messing around and has all his dolls in the splits because who hasnt done that#dust and horror are in so much pain. killer just feels humiliated#these are GROWN MEN you are objectifying here nightmare. LITERALLY objectifying. but irs okay its funny#dadmare but instead of nightmare being the dad he's the kid. while also simultaneously having all the power#this would go for a sick ass plotline if someone made a fic for it#it aint gonna be me 🤣🤣 but like.... trio has to convince nightmare to stop treating them like goddamn dolls#and nightmare has to change his stupid little kiddy mentality while also they all have to just get on better terms in general#so stupidn so dumb. would the mtt hate eachother during all this. quite possibly#three crazy freaks trapped in one room for unknown amounts of time. homoerotic arguments must have occured#they must know stuff about eachother that they don't wanna know. they all know what they look like naked#nightmare is the leading cause of mtt deaths because he just doesn't know how to properly handle his toys#oops he says as he accidentally breaks horror's neck and dust and killer watch on. guess its time to get a new one!#and he gleefully skips off to horrortale while dust and killer are left with the dusting beheaded body. what a fun time#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#nightmare sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#tricule rant
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago
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Bestie Deficiency
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#a-qing#xue yang#xiao xingchen#Xue yang is cold because cold blooded creatures can't generate their own body heat#I am skipping over drawing the stories they tell due to the fact this arc is already really dragging#but I think they are very key in understanding the yi-city characters#Even if they are stories that really bring down the slumber party vibes A-Qing was hoping for.#I mentioned some of my thoughts in the tags of no. 76 but to continue on a bit more#I think xxc and xue yangs stories inversely mirror each other on the meaning of sacrifice and what it means to 'deserve' something#to xue yang he has only ever sacrificed - therefore he is in his right to 'deserve' what he wants. And he wants everything.#xxc leaves song lan thinking its the best course of action to atone but my god. No it wasn't. Poor communication crown actually goes to xxc#but it's what xxc he feels he deserves - continued sacrifice to atone. He wants to want nothing.#both are very stuck in the past in ways that are not actually accounting for their actions#It's easy to look at xue yang and go 'dang you need to get over your childhood trauma'#but that very much ignores that fact that we - real human beings - define so much by our childhood pains.#Growth is having to come to terms with it and trying to move past it...and not everyone is ready for that.#I have a lot of thoughts on that matter but I'll let it be for now.#Anyways. Amiguito appears to be one of those words whos meaning change depending on speaker and contextual factors#So as far as I can tell it slides around on the scale on romantic and platonic. Which works for this dynamic. I think.#Native Spanish speakers I am so sorry.
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s0fter-sin · 8 months ago
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it’s the sound that tips him off.
it’s late, half-past hell by his last count, and mactavish knows there shouldn’t be a single soul in the showers this time of night. though he’s sure if he asked, he’d be told a soul isn’t in there.
just a ghost.
he almost chokes on the thick steam filling the locker room; humid and hazy and the perfect cover. or it would be, if the man collapsed in the far stall cared about hiding.
mactavish hates himself a little for the low sigh that falls from his lips. he wishes he wasn't so disappointed; that the promises he's heard over and over and watched be broken as many times hadn't wedged their way into his heart and convinced him that maybe, maybe this could be the time it sticks.
he doesn't know what's worse; the disappointment or the lack of surprise.
he holds his breath through the steam and leans over the limp body; stinging hot water hitting his back, instantly soaking through his clothes and already starting to burn. he flicks the tap enough to take the bulk of the heat out and straightens; a groan startling out of the man beneath him at the sudden lash of tepid water.
mactavish crouches, knees clicking and hooks a hand under his bicep to pull him up straight against the wall. if there was any vomit on his skin, it's been washed away by the pelting stream and he supposes he can count himself lucky for that. he tilts his limp head back and slips his fingers into his mouth; holding down his tongue and ignores the way it lazily jolts under his fingers to check his airway.
clear.
another small victory.
mactavish pulls his fingers out and cups his chin, keeping him tilted up and moves in the way of the water again so he can pull at his eyelid.
the eye he's met with is cloudy, so dilated there's hardly a ring of blue left.
he sighs again; hand falling away and letting his eye fall shut. "god damnit, riley."
riley moans, all his weight resting on the hand holding his jaw.
"aye, 'm talking ‘bout you," he grunts tiredly.
he lets riley's head fall forward to grab his arm, pulling him away from the wall to sit behind him; propping his body up against his chest. he leans his head back over his shoulder, keeping his face out of the water and his airway open just in case he hasn't actually finished throwing up.
he takes the rag riley'd half-managed to soap up and mechanically runs it over him; cataloguing new bruises and cuts and checking if the old ones are healing. sickly yellow fingerprints ring his hips, red splotches paint his ribs; too new to have settled into the deep purple he knows they’ll become.
riley slowly makes more noise as he rubs life into his body; still lying limp against his front but his head's starting to roll restlessly on his shoulder. he swipes between his legs and carefully doesn't think a single thing about what he finds.
"sean?" he rasps and mactavish's hand stills; eyes falling shut. he bites his check, hand clenching around the rag tight enough to shake and breathes hard out his nose.
he doesn't say a word, just forces himself to go back to cleaning.
he's not sure what would come out of his mouth if he did.
riley isn't conscious enough to hear him anyway.
he runs his fingers over his inner elbows for tracks and manages to muster some relief when he doesn't find any. seems to be a pill and booze night; far from the worst condition he's found him in.
he rinses him off, running a curtesy hand over his shaved head only for it to fall back to his jaw; his thumb stroking over the thick scar carved into his cheek.
"you gotta stop doin' this," he whispers.
he isn’t sure if he’s talking to riley or himself.
mactavish gathers up riley's too-light body into his arms and turns off the shower. his head lolls into his throat and he throws a towel over his dripping body and another over his shoulder. it doesn't stop him from tracking water all the way to his quarters but he'd like to see someone try to put in a complaint about it.
he lays out the other towel on the bed and sets riley down; moving his body into the recovery position in an all-too familiar routine. he dries him enough that he won't soak the covers as he pulls them up to his chest and kicks the waste bin within grabbing distance of the bed.
he goes to pull off his sodden clothes when a different noise makes him freeze.
a low sniffle.
mactavish slowly turns back to the bed to find riley's eyes squinting open; glazed with tears as he kneads at the covers.
he stares at him for a moment as he looks around the room and those hazy eyes lock on him for the first time. "cap'n?"
he swallows. "aye; s'just me, riley."
his hand pokes out from under the covers and for all the promises he's made himself - all the “never again”s and “this is the last time”s - at the end of the day, he's weak.
he sits on the side of the bed and takes riley's hand in his; already so cold after nearly boiling himself alive.
"y' mad a' me?" he sniffs.
mactavish runs his tongue over his lip and slowly shakes his head. "no, i'm not mad at you."
"prom'se?" he pushes.
he reaches out and caresses his temple with his thumb. his hand almost covers his head and it cuts like a knife to remember just how small riley is. "aye," he says, hushed. "i promise."
riley's eyes fall shut, voicelessly murmuring 'promise’ to himself over and over.
"I’ll ge’ bett'r," he slurs and between one breath and the next, he's out.
mactavish sighs, running his hand in a final pass over his head and stares at a face that looks so much younger in sleep; bruised and sallow skin hidden in the shadows. "i know you will."
he presses a slow kiss to his forehead, shutting his eyes against the grief that wells in his heart and gets up to pull a chair over to the bed; settling in for another long night's vigil of watching his broken lieutenant sleep, ready to tilt him over if he throws up, eyes locked on the slow rise and fall of his chest fearing tonight may finally be the time it stops.
#drug use#tw drugs#guess whos back on her 09 shit#its me bb!!!#anyway 09 ghost who’s just completely messy#if he’s not on an op then he’s at clubs drinking & taking anything he can get his hands on#mactavish knows what he gets up to and hates it#hates watching him destroy himself stumbling back to base with no memory of what - or who - he’s done#hates seeing him prod at bruises knowing he has no idea where they came from#mactavish is more pissed that whoever riley was with just left him like that and that riley is totally fine with it happening#more than once he's found him almost od'ing half passed out in his room or the showers#and every time riley will slur out apologies and promises mactavish knows better to believe#riley knows how much it hurts mactavish to see him like this but its just so painful to live in his head#he can’t help but try and get out of it the only way he knows how#this is pre relationship btw just to make it all hurt a little more#ghost never remembers how he ends up back in his own bed after a bender#the whole point of them is to forget#he’ll end up missing days at a time and never question what happened to him in the meantime#if he thinks hard enough sometimes he can pick up flashes of a familiar voice rasping in his ear and big hands moving his body#but it’s hard for him to believe they’re anymore than drug induced hallucinations of what he really wants#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#talk to me ghost#we’re a team. ghost team#09 soapghost#09 ghoap#soapghost#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod
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wu-does-art · 2 years ago
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au where mike narrowly escapes the upsidedown while on patrol and gets an obscure curse to be a catboy for a month. this is amusing to everyone but mike.
#catmike au#dont know if people will like this au of mine or not but ill keep posting doodles of it cause its funny#dustin is very interested in the curse and is also conveniently the onely one who has owned a cat#hes tests things almost immediately in such excitement#basically its just him seeing mike in the living room and running quickly to his house because he needs to grab some things#its also set vaguely post s5 so some of the byers share the wheeler house#lets just say the wheelers went off for the apocalypse#dustin comes back with a laser pointer and catnip (to the others it honest to god looks like weed)#then of course hes inspecting him and asking questions like seeing if his human ears are gone and if he can move his tail and all that#they find very quickly that he can purr when will comes over next to him curiously#this def disturbs other upsidown meeting because imagine nancy's talking and in the middle of it its just *LOUD PURRING*#mike does chase lasers (out of his control) and he can in fact get hopped up on catnip#which makes him go zoomies or purr crazy loud and it makes him shove his whole body all over will like a strange clingy 5 yr old#also his pupils can go big and small and as expected it goes massive when hes on catnip#everyone finds this hilarious and they make a game of who can secretly get mike catnipped#will is the unwilling victim because he's the cat's (and mike's ofc) assighned so he'll just be sitting and then he'll#hear running qnd suddenly mikes holding his arm up and rubbing against it while purring very loudly#anyways i may have written that for no one in particular but yeah theres some cat au!#st mike#mike wheeler#stranger things#stranger things fanart#byler#st mike wheeler#mike wheeler stranger things#will byers#byler fanart#st will#st will byers#its supposed to say that wills the cats favourite person idk tumblr deleted it cause something something formatting
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zrllosyn-art · 7 months ago
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Happy birthday to!! my own oc!!
(May 8th is Haru's birthday)
He gets to have some introspection. This references a whole bunch of character arcs he's gone through that uh. I haven't, posted, anywhere.
But its mostly coming to terms with loss and lingering attachments, and learning you are loved, in the end.
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idkmanwtfishumanityanymore · 4 months ago
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hi i’m here for my routine (not really) random autistic screeching about a character from my childhood that I adore.
today’s victim;
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“Oh” FROM DREAMWORKS’ HOME!
look at this man and Tell me he’s neurotypical.
look at him. He is so the first autistic Boov that didn’t mask.
he’s just like me fr fr.
like- LIKE.
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nerosdayinanime · 1 year ago
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if i do go w sakonji being the owner im gonna pull that naruto gag for kakashi where every image of his face is perfectly obscured by some random object
leaf. bird. a large beetle. some paper flying in the wind. light glare. someone walking in front of him. a bag of coffee thrown across the shop. someone else's hair. speech bubbles. him facing the other way. etc
#kny x tokyo ghoul au#urokodaki sakonji#m tryna think abt how to change the storyline enough to fit w new characters#^silly idea that popped up while i was doing that#i think im gonna go with tanjuro died- kie overworked herself- nezuko was caught in a horrible (orchestrated) accident tanjiro found her in-#she gets ghoul organ transplant and goes home- its a slower transition than in tkg first she gets sick of human food then after a bit#the taste catches up and she stops trying to eat entirely- tanjiro's extremely worried abt her health yadda yadda- she loses herself to#hunger and goes out- tanjiro follows her worried- she stumbles across the temple demon who attacks her-#tanjiro tries to attack him from behind but gets knocked away- giyuu kicks the ghoul's head off- tanjiro immediately#covers nezuko with his own body and begs him not to hurt thema- giyuu takes pause and sniffs. noticing tanjiro's human. also noricing how#hes protecting a ghoul- yadda yadda he ends up bringing them both to coffee shop where sakonji gives nezuko a package and sends them#off with a 'come back whenever you need more'- tanjiro is kinda. in denial. not really processing.#nezuko asks if shes a monster now and his heart breaks. he couldnt believe that no matter what.#he swears she'll never be a monster to him and he'll always be by her side- they get jobs (nezukos 'job') at coffee place#im thinking maybe shinobu to take up touka's place storywise? shes (passive)aggressive towards them (& giyuu<3)#need to rewatch the first 3 eps i skipped them (dumb move) but im also thinking enmu as Sir Freakass#dont know how im gonna integrate genya now#i think i can give him & sanemi touka & ayato's line w genya being. aggressive but not as actively hostile as sanemi#originally i was gonna make him halfsies like nezuko (might still? need some ccg bitches in here) w sanemi as a dove#something something theres NO communication. everyone believes tanjiro is completely clueless except for giyuu & sakonji. when they start#working at the coffee shop everyone hides the ghoul shit from tanjiro (enabling him to stay in denial) up until enmu kidnapps him to#lure nezuko. her and shinobu beat his ass then shino tries to kill him since he Knows but when he looks at her staring him down#with black&red eyes poised to kill him he just calls her beautiful. stops her in her tracks and he notices the carnage & panics over nezuko#broken winged butterfly who stared kindness in the eye.#problem is that part was supposed to be the time genya saw tan&nezu and chilled out. if i do That^ thn i dont know how ill get to there#dont know how id shove genya anywhere in there in the first place but. whatever ill figure it out#this is fun tho#also gonna differentiate between like. character replacements w orig storyline & characters in that worldbuilding#like the KNY Clan au is its own story shit but with naruto mechanics while this is Tokyo Ghoul story but w KNY characters. KNYxTokyo Ghoul#ive thought abt it a few times but if i started replacing naruto characters w kny ones id label it different from ckan au. KNYxNaruto. yk?
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orcelito · 6 months ago
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Losing my mind at how when Sasuke almost dies, he's remembering his relationship with Naruto, INCLUDING when they (accidentally) kissed. Like, that is a noteworthy enough memory for him that he's thinking of it as he thinks he's dying. Come On Man.
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Then Naruto cradling Sasuke to his chest as Sasuke laments not getting his revenge, then tells Naruto not to die... and then Naruto loses his absolute SHIT......
Like what do you MEANNNNN this isn't a tragic romance 😭😭😭😭 I'm losing my Mind !!!! 😭😭😭😭😭
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cherry-bomb-ships · 6 months ago
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Saw a post that was like "you've switched bodies with your icon how screwed are you" and that reminded me of something I been thinking of for a while so like. AU version of the Criss Cross Crisis episode of PPG where Mojo & my s/i end up switching bodies, cartoon hilarity ensues
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blackvahana · 2 months ago
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Favourite part of blurring the bond with Black is when my insides feel like they're full of. the worms.
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dezwade · 2 years ago
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started thinking about Marcus too hard again. 50 dead, 100 injured
#!!!#like he was just a KID. he was fucking FIFTEEN and he died because his own DAD didnt see him as a person#he was too human to complete his missions because again he was a fucking kid#of course he was going to be petty and let his emotions get in the way#but he wasnt human enough for his dad who literally refers to him as a weapon and only saw him as a convenient replacement.#a means to end that could be discarded once he fulfilled his purpose#douglas knew he was going to die but did fuck all to stop it#but marcus doesnt know that and doesnt know families arent supposed to be full of thinning ice and conditional love#he thinks that their pizza nights and douglas' stage dad behavior actually MEAN something#and its not just douglas using him as a way to temporarily fill the void donald made when he took ab&c#so he dies in a last ditch attempt to see his dad's plan through and prove hes good enough#and then#hes not dead?#hes not dead and its two years later than its supposed to be and his dad never fucking came back for him#his dad went off and reconciled with his brother - therefore making marcus' very EXISTENCE obsolete#- even though it was supposed to them against donald. them against the world#but it turns out that was just another fucking lie#and now the world's moved on without him and he doesnt even recognize his own body#and theres this woman who says that she saved him and is offering revenge and (to him) a new family in one fell swoop#and heres the thing: she saved him. she went out of her way to find him and repair him which is more than douglas ever did#so what is supposed to do? say no?#shake off years of being taught that when someone wrongs you you have fight tooth and nail for revenge?#douglas has had two years to grow as a person but from marcus' perspective its only been a couple of days#hes never been given the time or chance to learn anything besides bloodshed and violence.#to see himself as anything beaides a force of destuction#so of course he says yes and of course it all goes wrong#and he dies and no one grieves and his own dad CELEBRATES his murder like this whole thing wasnt his fault in the first place#and just#yeah he did some fucked up things but he wasnt worse than douglas#and how can you hold a teenager to higher standards than the man that raised him
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asyipyip · 8 months ago
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hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims
#tma#kara stop blogging#thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark#and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him.#and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS#thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear#that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it#if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him#about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control#about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy#and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also-#like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape#and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either#of course he feels like hes never had any control#of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it.#the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character#and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary#he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth#knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions--#pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault#as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play#and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible#something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO#how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board#locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK#I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS#LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game#GOD!!!#GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)
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