#not really that much of an analysis but still kinda?
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I really want to offer my analysis here, because I don't entirely agree with this take, given that it's far more nuanced than what's seen here
Dick said he wished Jason had died in Nightwing v2 #119, in the midst of the Brothers in Blood arc. He thought this to himself right after fighting Jason, after Jason started running around in his own Nightwing costume, killing people and traumatizing bystanders, making Nightwing public enemy #1 and essentially ruining his reputation and trying to ruin his vigilante life, which Jason continues to do even after Dick expresses that he doesn't like what he's doing.
I'll be honest, I really don't blame Dick for briefly wanting Jason dead, considering the guy was deliberately ruining Dicks reputation as a vigilante, and pushing past every boundary Dick set up. Sure, it's no excuse, but I wouldn't expect Dick to welcome Jason back with open arms after something like that. I wouldn't either, frankly. Also, Jason pretty deliberately cut Dicks hand open too, and jokes about it. Jason wasn't giving Dick any reason to be friendly with him, especially knowing Dicks strict moral code. Also, Dick never once expressed this thought out loud, and honestly I'm not sure how in character it is for him to think something like that and not at least regret it.
As for the second time- that isn't Dick wanting Jason dead again. Dick is working off of the assumption that Jason never died in the first place, and on top of that, Jason DID originally die at the end of Under the Hood (note the effects from the Superboy Prime punch that shows up at the end of the comic, that also showed up when Jason was revived in his coffin). Dick isn't expressing that he wished Jason was dead here, he's literally saying that Jason wasn't supposed to be alive- that two separate events (Ethiopia, the end of UtH) should've killed him. That's the unbelievable part, the part that 'makes him sound crazy', because Jason isn't dead when he's supposed to be.
Another point- Brothers in Blood is infamously out of character for both Dick and Jason, and overall very wacky, especially at this point. Winick, in an interview, stated that Jason hated the idea of Dick (i don't have a link right now, but I can find it for you), but in this comic, he wants to be buddies? Not to mention Dick not regretting wanting someone dead, especially after the events of Nightwing v2 #93, which he was still very much recovering from at this point, hence the year long break from being Nightwing (which Jason interrupted by forcing Dick to act when he wasn't ready to).
Also... Dick, presumably, has no idea about what Jason went through. He isn't aware of how much he's struggling. All Dick is probably aware of (because let's be real, Bruce is shit at communicating), is that Jason somehow survived Ethiopia, came back years later as a murderous crime lord, supposedly died in a fight with Bruce, and is back again and wreaking havoc and killing people in HIS suit and refusing to stop. Hell, he probably JUST found out Jason was alive! But this is ALL Dick knows. I highly doubt he knows the details of the showdown between him and Bruce, or why Jason does what he does, etc. Jason sure as hell isn't explaining anything beyond why he kills, and that doesn't matter to Dick because he's strictly against killing, to the point of mental breakdowns if he does it himself or is responsible in some way (see: his reaction to beating the Joker to death and Blockbusters death). Jason isn't at all giving Dick any reason to sit down and talk to him, or be friendly. Sure, he wanted to know if they could be brothers again, but he could've communicated this earlier in a far more normal way lol.
And just so we're being fair: I'm also not entirely sure Jason actually didn't care when Dick supposedly died. Look at his face when he says "That's Blüdhaven.", and then his almost performative, kinda fake sounding words afterwards. Jason certainly hated the idea of Dick (the perfect golden boy who always listened to Batman and got all the love), but he never actually HATED-hated Dick, and even if he did, certainly not enough to want him dead. He even goes out of his way to save Dick and give him important information he just happened to overhear. On top of that, Jason is frequently depicted during this time as lying, both to himself and others, specifically when Winick writes him (see: Red Hood: The Lost Days. What he says and what he does don't line up). So I don't believe Jason really wanted Dick dead, or even just didn't care.
Overall, it's WAY more nuanced than just "Dick wanted Jason dead when he just found out his little brother was alive". Sure, is it kinda shitty to wish someone dead? Of course. Is it in character here? Not very. Do I blame him? Not at all. Do I believe they were shitty to each other in other ways? Absolutely! They have SO many issues, and have hurt each other a lot, I'm definitely not arguing that they haven't. But I don't think wanting the other dead was ever a real issue, nor a flaw in their relationship.
til that slade bombing bludhaven happens at the same time jason and bruce are duking it out in the under the red hood storyline and they see it happening.
in other news, jason peter todd is a raging asshole omg what a jerk THAT’S YOUR BROTHER?!??? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU LOVE DICK
#felix (host)#dick Grayson#Jason Todd#nightwing#red hood#dick grayson analysis#jason todd analysis#dc#dc comics#i hope i don't sound rude or argumentative lol#out of context it looks REALLY bad yeah#but in context... yeah its more complicated than that#i don't think context is being taken into consideration here#oh also!! Dick goes and saves Jason anyways even though Jason didn't expect him to#which directly contradicts Dick wanting him dead#overall as funny as Brothers in Blood is#its really wacky and out of character LOL#so i ignore it#...for the most part. theres certain aspects i like (usage of 'Dickie-bird')
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// bsd ch 119
akutagawa’s line in that one panel where he asks atsushi “who the hell are you?” might genuinely be him losing his memories or something sure
but i think it’s more likely he’s gonna turn around later and be like “i asked who you were because you were sitting there sulking and crying for fyodor’s mercy like a damsel in distress. and that is NOT the atsushi i fight with”
like maybe i’m just coping but that seems right up his alley. to practically slap some sense into atsushi mid-breakdown over his dead friends
#plus the do we need any more line seems very much like his typical self#so i kinda doubt he really lost all his memories#especially bc how would asigiri even manage that. akutagawa still has character development to go through 😭#bro cannot be back at square one like i’m begging#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd atsushi#bsd analysis#bsd manga#bsd ch 119#bsd spoilers#bsd akutagawa#akutagawa ryuunosuke#bsd sskk#sskk
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thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.
#banana fish spoilers#I'M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT#mutual reblogged exactly one (1) piece of ash fanart and sent me on A Multiple Hour Long Thing and now im rewatching it lol#yes i am only on episode 2 yes i am still going to write big long analysis posts ANYWAY#whatever hope this makes sense. anyway#banana fish#okumura eiji#ash lynx#asheiji#hhhhh i can't believe i've only watched this twice in like what 5.5 years?? sheesh#anywayyyyyyy i care about them a lot ok. god#and yes i DO kinda have beef with the decision to kill ash off at the end but it really does say so much About his character#that he chose to die in the way that he did even though he's been throwing his life away since episode 1#dying in peace in comfort in solitude rather than in some chaotic battlefield.... ough...... in the peace eiji alone could give him.....#anywayss i relate to ash a little more than i should so. this one's for us cool guy bottoms up#edit i uh.... i forgot it was a leopard.... in the story..... but whatever it doesn't really affect the symbolic meaning it's just embarras#ing that i forgot >;/
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Seraphina and Arlo: The Brainwashing of High Tiers
Exposition:
— Remi, Episode 50.
There is a heavy implication that Seraphina and Arlo were raised in much the same way. The pressure on Seraphina comes from her parents, so I’ll extrapolate that the same goes for Arlo. This raises the question: how do the authorities create such a strong societal pressure on such a small percentage of the population? Most high tiers will probably not know any other high tiers besides their parents. Take Wellston Private High School for example: it’s the most prestigious private school around, and canonically has the “highest concentration of high tiers in the region”. There are six high tiers in Wellston. Apply this to god tiers specifically, and there are only three. Not to mention that this current group of students is uniquely strong, even for Wellston. In Rei’s senior year, he was the strongest at 5.8 max.
So much of this brainwashing relies on the parents to do all of the work, and it only takes one or two people to break the cycle. So how are the authorities creating this immense pressure? One tactic could be by isolating high tiers. There is a very widespread concept that one shouldn’t associate with those outside their level range. A caste system like this that affects everyone is much easier to create and maintain than an expectation for a small group, and it also means that high tiers are only being influenced by those who are also high level. This creates an echo chamber. I’ve researched cults and how they brainwash victims, and the first step in the process is isolating them in exactly this way.
But, if there are so few high tiers, how the hell are they supposed be isolated from other groups? The answer is that high tiers are just isolated in general. Take a look at Arlo: his only friend is Remi, and even her, he keeps at an arm’s length. Arlo is only close with Remi in the first place because he was close with Rei, who, at the time of meeting Arlo, was presumably close in level with him. [EDIT: I forgot about Holden, which I think says a lot about his relevance. He is kept at more than an arm’s length and doesn’t seem to have any actual influence on Arlo, let alone a deep relationship. He is also not presented as an equal.] Take a look at Seraphina: before meeting John, she didn’t seem to have any friends other than possibly Arlo. Seraphina and Arlo pre-John seemed to have had more of a professional relationship, and while they were not close in level, Arlo did fit the bill of being a fellow god tier, and strong enough to also be brainwashed.
Now let’s look at Remi. In episode 60, Cecile says to Remi: “And yet here you are... Always hanging around those two monkeys, Blyke and Isen. Letting them treat you as an equal even though you’re in a completely different league.” This struck me as odd because, aside from Cecile herself, the Wellston students closest in level to Remi were Arlo, Blyke, and Isen. And who is she friends with? She actually was doing a pretty good job at following that social convention, unless Cecile wanted to be friends with Remi, which she clearly didn’t. But... her friends were still not close enough to her level. Was she supposed to just not have friends at all? The answer seems to be a resounding yes. Can you think of any genuine friends that Cecile has either?
Friendship simply isn’t considered a necessity for high tiers.
But... why is it that Arlo and Seraphina were brainwashed differently? Creating a societal norm for an isolated group of people is one thing, because those people’s mindsets feed into each other. Putting pressure on individual families to keep them in line, but doing it all in different ways? That would be near impossible. My theory is that Seraphina recieved the typical high tier brainwashing, and that Arlo was raised differently because he was being groomed to work for the authorities. Seraphina didn’t have a set career path planned out for her, but if she’s trying to be “perfect” by the standards of those controlling her, she’s bound to end up going in a direction that pleases them. Arlo on the other hand was specifically planned to become an authority figure. That’s why his brainwashing is so centered on leadership. Also, growing up with direct contact to the authorities makes it more possible for them to customize his brainwashing in this way.
But does all of this apply to high tiers in general, or is it specific to god tiers? Let’s take a look at the high tiers in Wellston. We have Seraphina, John, Arlo, Terrence, Remi, Cecile, and Blyke. John is a unique circumstance because he wasn’t raised by high tiers, so we’ll cross him off the list. Terrence was also unique, so we can cross him off as well. Remi was different from the norm as well. Why is that? Well, Remi actually wasn’t raised by high tiers either. Rei said on screen that both of his parents were elites. We can cross Remi off. Blyke doesn’t fit the bill either, but that’s easy to explain. He was an elite for a large part of the story, and he shot up rather quickly. We don’t know much of his family, but he probably wasn’t expected to be a high tier at all, and was raised as an elite. (All of this also serves to emphasize how much of this brainwashing comes from a person’s parents.) That leaves only Seraphina, Arlo, and Cecile to look at.
Cecile does seem to have high tier brainwashing, but it’s not nearly as intense as with Seraphina and Arlo. She doesn’t seem “obsessive”, and she wasn’t one of the examples Remi mentioned in chapter 50. It’s clear that high tiers are brainwashed in general, but god tiers are kept on a much shorter leash. This makes sense, obviously, because keeping a population in control like that is less necessary the lower the level. However, it’s also a chicken an egg situation: god tiers are both more important to keep in control, and also easier to keep in control. It’s important to note just how many exceptions we had to cross off. People like Remi and Blyke aren’t actually that unusual— a lower leveled high tier is much more likely to have non-high tier parents, or to have not always been a high tier themselves, or just in general, to have way more day-to-day interaction with non-high tiers. The brainwashing gets more and more diffused the lower down the ladder you go.
#UnOrdinary#Arlo UnOrdinary#Seraphina UnOrdinary#no one else is really relevant enough to tag tbh#analysis#in this world the best thing to be is an elite imo#high tiers and low tiers suffer the most from this system#and elites have it better than mid tiers#so you’d probably have the best time as around 4.6 ish#upper elite but not too close to high tier#Ngl the isolation of high tiers is rlly sad#no wonder sera latched onto john like that after her character arc#makes me think about arlo and rei also#Ouch#there are more high tiers in the story i could’ve looked at but this wouldve gotten really long if i extended past current Wellston student#I did not know I had this much to say until I started typing#I was coming to conclusions as i was writing like#“Omg THAT explains what I was wondering abt w/ Remi and Cecile!!!”#Now i still don’t know how the authorities would go about creating these societal expectations to begin with#so I’ll leave that open ended#propaganda? Idk#Ykw should i tag remi too? Maybe i should tag remi#she’s kinda important here#remi unordinary
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I just. Love how delighted Toriel is that Kris has a friend, and doesn't really care who said friend is. In Chapter 1, the second Kris says that they're hanging out with a friend, Toriel's tune changes immediately and she says Kris can continue hanging out with said friend as long as they please. In Chapter 2, when she meets Susie, she doesn't get judgmental in any way, and all their interactions are just really cute. Baking together, punning together, letting her stay over...
Like, with how Toriel is characterized in Deltarune compared to Undertale, I feel like a lot of people make her...meaner, I guess. They take how she acts around Asgore, and use that to inform how she'd act in other situations. But she doesn't think Susie is a bad influence on Kris at all, she's really happy to welcome Susie into the house and meet her! It's adorable! So I don't think she's quite as strict and judgmental as some assume, or if she is, her desire for Kris to be happy overrides her 'knows what's best for you' tendencies. She's clearly not fully aware of Kris' situation, but is aware enough to be concerned, and to let some things (like waking them up, letting them wander Hometown after school, or devouring an entire pie) slide if it means they're safe and happy.
...On the flip side. It's also kinda sad. Kris isn't really hated by anyone in Hometown, but between being the only human, the situation their parents are in, Asriel(who they're closest with) moving away, the emptiness of their room and how they sometimes lock themself in the bathroom for lengths of time, the way Berdly, MK, and Snowdrake talk about them at various points...it's not so hard to understand why Toriel's so happy and relieved that there's someone outside herself and Asriel Kris has a positive relationship with. They used to be friends with Noelle, and they seem on pretty good terms with Catti, but I don't think they're quite friends right now. So it's also somewhat sad. Susie is probably Kris' first friend in a very long time. But maybe Noelle and Berdly can also become genuine friends, too.
#deltarune#deltarune analysis#toriel#kris dreemurr#the issue with asgore seems to mostly be that he won't respect her boundaries#rather than actually trying to atone for whatever mistake her made or give her space#he rushes into 'trying to make her feel the way she used to' back when they were first married#i've discussed it before but it bears repeating i think#because it's an interesting piece of dr!asgore's character#and an interesting difference between him and ut asgore#ut asgore was so beaten-down and depressed that even when he daydreams about adopting frisk with toriel#he immediately realizes he can't ever really return to those times with asriel and chara. they're dead now#dr!asgore thinks there's still hope to get those times back. he hasn't hit rock bottom...but he's also kinda in denial#he is in a better place than ut!asgore but dealing with it much worse by refusing to move on
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MY PALMS AND FINGERS STILL REEK WITH GASOLINE FROM THROWING FUEL TO THE FIRE OF THAT GRECO-ROMAN DREAM PURIFY THE HOLY ROCK TO MELT THE GILDED SEAMS IT DONT BRING ME RELIEF NO IT DON’T BRING ME NOTHINGGG
#i LOVE PASSERINE!!!#also hi my oh hellos fans and followers :)#i havent been posting much abt them recently mostly bc i kinda just overplayed their songs and moved on to other things#they still hold a very special place in my heart though#and there’s a REALLY long song analysis that’s been rotting in my drafts I’ve gotta finish it 😭#but yeah i still love the oh hellos i just probably won’t post much abt them anymore ive kinda exhausted all my post ideas#anyways LONG LIVE THE OH HELLOS LISTEN TO THEM PLS‼️#the oh hellos#oh hellos#folk music#indie music#song lyrics#music stuff#songs to listen to#music to listen to
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they honestly couldve done so much with junpei beheaded/dismembered and im disappointed that it ended up just being mira. so much of his character and his relationship with akane is characterized by his lack of bodily autonomy, and him being openly beheaded during the nonary games would be the ultimate example of this. its perhaps the most brutal death in the game, and it never really gets explained or developed beyond the one puzzle that we get with it. junpei has been shown repeatedly to be subject to akane's plans or follow her blindly and i just think that would have been a really interesting angle to approach his beheading from. junpei has willingly signed up for nonary games in two different timelines just because he knew he would see her. he was infected with a deadly virus trying to find her. he grew desensitized to death as he took underground jobs to try and find her. his safety always comes second when shes in the picture, and his beheading wouldve been a prime opportunity to 1. exploit his willingness to let himself die/be injured for her and 2. make akane confront the fact that her confidence that junpei will always follow after her is not necessarily a positive thing.
#zero escape#additionally wasnt mira supposed to be asleep?? like i know she didnt get the forget juice but didnt she still get knocked out?#but also!! none of her other kills were like that! none of them were dismembered and she didnt touch junpeis chest#so even that reasoning doesnt make sense#kinda feels like a copout to keep the shock of junpei being disrespected in such a way - to have his very body turned into a puzzle#a puzzle that akane is forced to solve!!! without knowing that what shes looking for is his head - him!#theres so much potential there and they just didnt do anything#im not even saying that akane should have somehow been responsible for that death - only that not having her really grapple with it is such#a missed opportunity#i still fucking LOVE the imagery of it though. i really think its the epitome of the representations of his lack of autonomy#he loses all of vlr. quark. 45 years of his life. because akane decides this is best for him. he dies repeatedly trying to find her.#because she believes that she knows what will keep him safe#and turning junpeis body into a puzzle posthumously is a fantastic example of his lack of control over his body#its like hes literally become a doll. hes jumpydoll - not junpei. hes subject to these games even after he has died.#he gets no peace. no respect in his death. not when hes in these games. not when hes in the shadow of akanes whims and games.#i still love the imagery. i think it was one of my favorite parts of ztd and is honestly now a core tenet of my Junpei Understanding#but i was disappointed in the lack of narrative weight that specific death had. for him to be one of the first dead? for it to be in such a#brutal manner? like come ON. the character analysis for junpei and akane and their relationship is RIGHT THERE. all you had to do was put i#in the game#but nope.#they just handwave it as something mira did.#and dont bring up the details ever again because. plot point solved?#anyway. ive been thinking about junpei imagery and bodily autonomy a lot. obviously.#zero escape spoilers#mak no peeking#marydontlookatthis
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Do you see my vision? Please tell me you see my vision
#like omg they are so similar#hunter and astarion especially#Tommy a bit less especially in regards to astarion#but like#they are SO similar in my mind#tbh I still need to watch the gameplay but once i do...#hahah i won't do an analysis because that's not really my thing but I really do want to draw them interacting because they are just#astarion is literally hunter's big brother and hunter is literally tommy's twin#i just rotate these three in my head so hard you guys have no idea#they are my main kins and it's a PROBLEM#c!tommy#dsmp#Astarion#bg3#hunter toh#toh#but for real if there's anyone who is familiar with all three medias please tell me you see it#let's talk about it I need to talk about it so much#i kinda wanted to throw in catra from she ra too#cause i feel that she fits the theme as well#and cause i kin her hard too#but my sleepy brain says that it would become too complicated to tie her as well and to have a four way venn diagram#anyways yeah that's it#character analysis#(?)
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i miss posting and making and engaging with ieytd content but I will be honest sometimes it feels alienating. as a lesbian.
#bee's buzzing#ieytd#i dont know.. its probably just me being Strange. but.#the Main guy in the fandom is juniper. and he's interesting! but. i don't... think about him as often#and when i do it's never in the shipping / x reader context i see so frequently in the tags.#i dont ship him with agent phoenix because. my agent is an it/its dyke. so i dont really engage in that side of fandom#i also dont think about the handler as often because. idk i just think about the women more!#but juniper and agent phoenix and the handler are like. the only people i see talked about often#which is fine!! people like them. i also like them just. not in the same way/to the same extent.#im here for the women. but. they're not talked about often at all :[#when they are it's usually briefly in passing.#they get the worst of the mischaracterization too imo. because people just do not give them the same depth as they like to give-#- charas like john. it makes me kinda sad tbh.#and also the fandom does not. seem to make much space for f/f content.#i know like. the handful of other people who make f/f content for ieytd.#and. god. idk im still honestly a bit ticked off by one solaris post that 1) was not a good analysis i will be quite honest.#it was very surface level. like really basic info and also iirc not entirely accurate? i cannot remember anymore#but. 2). it started by saying 'nobody talks about solaris outside of fabbylaris' and that still makes my blood boil.#like. not to vaguepost but. the fabbylaris posters ARE talking about solaris outside of a shipping context. please. please#also there was a whole Thing a while back where people started being strange about non-feminine nonbinary agent phoenix.#and as a nonbinary butch-adjacent dyke. it made my skin crawl!!! im NOT feminine and idk why making agent phoenix not feminine is.#apparently Bad to a certain subset of the fandom#sorry but im a dyke and i WILL make the player insert protag a butch lesbian who doesnt use she/her.#and if you have a problem with that please think about Why people making the player insert nonbinary and androgynous/Vaguely Masc is-#- such a problem to you. and whether that is alienating to the trans people in the fandom.#okay. im normal now. goodnight.
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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I PASSED ACCOUNTING LETS GO!!!!!
#A WHOLE C WHICH LIKE. IT AINT GREAT BUT MY OVERALL GRADE IN THIS CLASS LAST YEAR WAS A 33% SO!!!!!#LIKE OKAY I DONT KNOW HOW BUT I GOT AN 87.5% ON THE FINAL#SEVEN IF THOSE POINTS ARE FROM A VERY SHITTY EXTRA CREDIT VIDEO I DID BUT THATS STILL A RAW SCORE OF 80.5#MEANWHILE. ON THE MIDTERMS. STUDYING THE SAME EXACT WAY. I GOT A 52% AND A 49%#I DONT KNOW WHAT ACCOUNTING GHOST POSSESSED ME BUT I OWE IT MY LIFE#AND YEA IVE STILL GOTTA GET THROUGH ACCOUNTINF TWO NEXT SEMESTER BUT LIKE!!! NOW THERE IS HOPE!!!! ACCOUNTING KINDA SORTA MAKES SENSE!!!!#do I still hate it with a passion? yes. do I know what’s really going on? HELL NO#BUT I KNOW ENOUGH TO PASS AND THATS WHAT MATTERS#I should really be studying for my last final but also I am High on Accademic Validation rn#cause like also since I was Already retaking the class. my school wouldn’t have Let Me take it a third time#but it’s required for my major#so the choices would be take it somewhere else at a higher cost over the summer#or beg and plead the school to let me try again#but if I couldn’t take it over the summer I Also would have had to take a full extra year of school#because I’m already in double major credit hour HELL#so now!!!! I am FREE!!!! if so much stress!!!! and yea I’m real scared for my business stats exam to go in but!!!!!#anyways I have officially passed 4/6 classes this semester. the first fall semester I haven’t failed a class in so far#anyways with me luck on data analysis farewell-
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i can't sing a love song really makes me. ugh. i really like Kita!!! I'm just like her fr 😭😭😭
#crying over btr song analysis today!!#the btr songs all really speak to me in very personal ways and one day I'll elaborate but. yeah.#i need to do a ranking of btr songs but also i need to learn at least 2 more#i kinda have glbp down and i think i wanna do if i could become a constellation and あのバンド but. but.#the difficulty spike goes straight up lmaooo#bocchi's loneliness is sth I've felt before but grown out of but kita's and ryo's loneliness. kinda still hits hard.#but we're not gonna talk about that#ackkk i just. i love them. i love them. i love them!!!#bocchiposting#kk rambles#いいな 君は 皆から愛されて#いいや 僕は!!!ずっと一人きりさ!!! just hits!!! it hits!!! it hits right there at home!!!#oh to be loved by all but still feel alone. to become so palatable you fit right in. to despite it all still smile and give it your all#oh Kita we r really in it together now#see the world isn't too bad!! you're more loved than you might believe!! but despite it all you can still feel so small and so transparent#i really just like. all of them so much. They're all such good kids.
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Yeah sure growing up abused may have left me with permanent scars on my psychological state that I'm still working to unpack, but on the bright side it gave me the ability to give a thoughtful in depth analysis of Roald Dahl's Matilda and all of its adaptations
#rambling#i love matilda so much. its such an important story to me. its literally just an abused childs power fantasy#where she gets to get back at the people who hurt her and protect other kids and then get a new loving family and everything is alright#my gf and i just watched the movie adaptation of the musical and we have Opinions on it. some good and some bad#so weve been discussing it and analyzing different parts of it#and its kinda nice to get to use my history for something good#to be able to give thoughtful analysis on how the changes they made in this adaptation have changed the allegory for abuse in the story#from the perspective of someone who grew up with that#and to just. have that be normal. my gf knows my history and its not gonna stop the conversation if i say#'this change works well for trunchbull's character bc it makes her seem more like a real life abuser'#'this detail is very subtle but it really captures some tiny part of the experience of growing up with an abuser'#'i dont like this bc it detracts from the narrative of the main character feeling alone and makes it less relatable to abused kids'#'i dont like this because while it IS something that happens under abuse it detracts from the fantasy where the kids all win together'#idk. of course everything that happened to me as a kid was awful and should not have happened but like#for a long time i had this problem where i didnt know how i was ever supposed to be okay about that#like no matter how much therapy i go through it will never UN-happen. it will always still have happened and it will always have been awful#and i couldnt figure out how i was supposed to recover from that besides 'bury it and try your hardest to never ever think about it'#and. i think maybe this is it. yes the abuse i went through was awful. thats kind of the whole thing about abuse#but. its also just a fact of my life. im better NOW. but that will not change what happened then#the abuse was awful. but the fact that i am an abuse survivor is a neutral fact. the same as any other fact from my childhood#its just a fact. a part of my past. and maybe being able to talk about it that way is... good for me#i dont have to break down when i think about it bc im okay now. my partner doesnt need to stop me and express sorrow for me bc im okay now#i can talk about my past in a neutral way and use my life experience to analyze movies#the same way that i used my experience of growing up in arkansas to analyze hollywood hillbillies when we watched it together#theyre both just two facts of my life. and analyzing movies is fun#that woman has no power over me anymore and hasnt for many many years. im okay now#abuse mention#child abuse mention#request to tag
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holy shit finally someone else who doesnt want a dr4!!/pos
i always feel like people totally miss the point of v3 when they say that. not to say its not fair to want the series to continue bc you love and enjoy it n want more or whatnot, but narratively... god it kinda just destroys everything v3 worked up to.
tho i guess you could make a counterargument that continuing the series invalidates v3 gang's suffering and makes all their effort nothing and despair etc etc but i think its a perfect conclusion even with how open-ended it is!
also i love your analysis, it wrapped up everything i was thinking so concisely!!
It was so weird, I half-joked about wanting a DR4 all throughout playing v3 because I was having so much fun and didn't want it to end (plus being around for theorizing and initial hype mustve been Amazing for long-time fans). But straight up halfway through That Part of trial 6, I think when Shuichi was fighting against Kiibo as the audience's surrogate who didn't want v3 to end, it clicked in my mind that I didn't want another game. V3 was perfect enough ESPECIALLY with how they set up this ending
I love how open ended V3's ending is, and I'd be very happy to not ever get another dr game. I 100% agree that another game would cheapen one of the strongest parts of V3's ending
#pluto answers#that being said I would honestly still play a dr4 if it ever happened. I just don't actively want it anymore#and all meta signs point to it not happening as well#interviews with Kodaka show that he's BEYOND uninterested in making more dr stuff#although apparently if spike chunsoft wants it could just make another game without him. but regardless#I don't want a dr4 and we're probably not getting one#Thank you for complimenting my analysis also qwq I'm not usually the type of person to write out that kinda thing#Im glad I could defend the ending that I liked so much especially since a lot of people still dont really get it/like it
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i really liked these additional comments and thought they deserved to be in the post
every time i post about male favoritism in the fandom i feel like i need to wear a shirt that says "i am not trying to tell you that it is wrong to like davekat i literally also like davekat if you come away with the assumption that my message is to stop liking the boy ships in homestuck you are missing the overall point which is arguably more detrimental than never having interacted with what i was trying to say in the first place" flashback to that person in my inbox like "just admit that you don't like davekat it's pretty obvious based on your posts that you have a problem with it" do i need to draw them holding hands or something to get you guys to trust me and engage with what i'm saying. would it help if i also threw in a subway surfers clip
#was just rambling so much to my bf about this last night actually#because we just got done watching a series with really questionable treatment of its female characters and im just soooo sick and tired of—#fandom acting like women are less interesting and not worth their time.#idk if it’s just the specific circles im in but the homestuck fandom seems better about this these days.#but overall any time some sort of series gets big if you check the tag it’s ALL yaoi#and it’s almost always made by people attracted to men who dont really understand that they constantly elevate men in every fandom space#i don’t CARE if you’re transmasc and really relate to gnc man number 36743 i dont have an issue with that#but i do care that nobody in the entire fucking fandom cares about the women or makes art for them#your projection in the end still just elevates men to the center of attention#and your insistence that since you’re now a man you couldn’t POSSIBLY relate to or project onto a woman strikes me as kinda dehumanizing!#’name your favorite female character’ ‘omg [man] he’s like a baby girl to me 😍’#admit you have never thought about the female characters once in your life.#i don’t need you to flip some magic switch and only care about female characters (although tbfh its fun and you should try it)#but i asking you to examine WHY you trend so hard in caring about men. is it because their personalities seem more deep complex & interest?#ask yourself WHY THAT IS. ask yourself what it is about these male characters that are fundamentally more intriguing to your analysis#because chances are it’s not that the female characters are boring#it’s that PLUS a billion other systemic biases stacking on top of each other#that YOU ARE PERPETUATING!!!!#okay im done ranting but. god. god damn.#it sucks so bad to see people just fully ignore how much of a real issue this is in fandom spaces.#yeah so you were born attracted to men and taught to constantly think about and prioritize their feelings. have you considered changing
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To the few people who read my scott/joel posts and said they were thinking of making their own posts about it: hell yea go onwards soldier
#sometimes I see analysis that I disagree with but I’m never usually upset by them#I’m usually still just happy that someone bothered to think about whatever they were analyzing even if it seems incorrect to me#I feel like with mcyt it’s easy to have completely different interpretations and them all to be maybe equally correct tbh#anyways this is all just assuming I disagree with ppl who agree with me. which is a little more unlikely (could still happen lmao)#but most likely I’ll be like ‘omg *goes insane*’ tbh I probably will even if I disagree lmao#also yes I keep using scott/joel as both ship and just a duo whatever man. it’s a post about scott slash joel. what else can i say.#I wonder if ppl are like ‘wow this persons post about scott and joels rivalry was really good let’s see what else they- they ship it.’#like I’m sorryyyy you can’t be rivals and not be gay especially those two. sorryyy I left it out of my analysis tho lmao#tbf I did slightly exaggerate how much they got along in 3L cuz I rlly like imagining they started to bond more as it’s angstier#it wasn’t a huge part of the analysis so it’s fine. also they were still kinda cute.
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