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psychovigilantewrites · 4 years ago

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Chapter 14 - A Different Point of View

Summary: Things that happened that you weren't aware of.

Word count: 9,163 words

A/N: Thank you for being so patient with me. I struggled with this chapter due to its nature. I had to further dive into Bruce and Dick's character that I wasn't too familiar with.2020 was a very tough year for me. I lost lots, learned lots. And I thought that the quarantine would mean I would write more. But I was wrong. Life hit me hard, and I stopped doing a lot of things I used to enjoy.Despite being virtually absent last year, you guys stuck by me anyway. Thank you. I love you all for that.Special thanks to my two beta readers. You know who you are. Here it goes.

(i recommend you guys read previous chapters to refresh coz I had to lol)

Ao3

Masterlist

The roles that people played were false- a mere necessity for their career or survival. Everyone was playing a role, whether it was of their own accord or not.

Bruce Wayne was a role- superficial, fake, yet vital to Gotham. Batman, on the other hand, was a completely different role, born out of exigence and a sense of justice.

Dick Grayson, however, genuinely enjoyed playing his role.

Nightwing felt right to him. Being a police officer felt right to him. And especially, if not ultimately, being an older brother.

He listened to the dial tone of his phone, which rung for a few seconds before you finally picked up.

“Hey,” Dick heard your voice, the usual chirp absent that day.

Dick frowned to himself. Bruce was right about you being troubled after all.

“Hey, sis!” he forced the concern out of his voice. “You busy?”

“Nah, I’m just going over some old case files. What’s up?”

Dick leaned back into his sofa. Aside from the traffic blaring outside, the silence in his apartment made it easier for him to concentrate on analysing your speech patterns.

“Can’t I call just to ask how you’re doing?” he teased, easing into the conversation.

Everyone had always told him how he was natural at talking.

“You already called last week…”

Dick smiled to himself. He could already picture your narrowed eyes regarding him with suspicion.

It was good that you were always on your feet, but it was becoming borderline unhealthy. It reminded him of Jason and how he was always so guarded .

He pushed the memory away.

“I can’t call you again?” he rolled his eyes at no one.

“Bruce put you up to this,” you accused.

That’s because he’s worried about you, kid.

If only you knew how much Bruce had changed for you. Dick was glad that you were being loved by Bruce, yet he still couldn't help but feel slightly bitter that he never got that kind of treatment from his father- not the same treatment he gave you.

But he would rather die than admit his selfish thoughts to anyone.

“Yeah,” he conceded, “He was worried about you after last night.”

“I’m fine, Dick,” you insisted.

How many times has he heard those very same words from Jason?

“Well, if you’re not, then you can talk to me,” he offered.

A short pause.

Your response would be what differentiated you from his late brother.

“Actually, yeah,” you admitted.

There it was. No matter how stupid he knew it was for even comparing the two of you, he found that he always had to remind himself not to.

“How did you deal with it? Did it affect you?”

Dick told you his own experience with gore and dead bodies, how he overcame it, how he coped. There was silence after, and he just somehow knew what you were going to ask next.

“How did, uh, he deal with it?”

Your voice came in a whisper, hesitation evidently clear.

Dick was expecting it, but his heart still sank. He knew how everyone acted when Jason was brought up in conversation- he was guilty of reacting as well. He also knew how you were smart enough to avoid that topic.

It had been years. They should all have moved on, because Dick knew that they were also hurting you.

“He came to me as well.” Dick recalled Jason’s hesitant voice over the phone, never directly saying what was wrong, just rambling about things other than what was really going on in his head.

“Then he gradually called less and less when he learned how to deal with it himself.”

The day Dick noticed it, he was happy for Jason, but a small part of him was saddened that his little brother no longer needed him.

“I’ll have to look for that cognitive therapy, then. Thank you for calling, Dick. Talking to you helped.”

Did it really? He noticed your voice had changed again. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone on about Jason like that.

“No problem, kid. Call me if you need to talk, okay?”

The familiar beep left him isolated with his thoughts, wondering if you would trail in Jason's footsteps.

When will the day come when you eventually stop calling altogether?

***

He felt indebted to his city- the city he loved. The city he hated. The city that robbed him of his childhood.

He felt indebted to his family- the family he would give up everything for, the family he couldn’t stop hurting.

And he was sorry. God, he was sorry.

Sorry for everything he’s said and done- or didn’t do. But he still couldn’t stop. Because he didn’t know how.

Yet, no matter how much he claimed to love his family, the problem with Bruce Wayne was that he always expected them to be the people he wanted them to be.

Never like himself, though. No, he would never want them to turn out like him.

“That’s an order. Stay-”

The silence that followed the click in his ear represented the first time you had ever disobeyed a direct order.

It was a little late on your side. Dick and Jason had begun to disobey him within their first six months in uniform. But you had always been obedient- which made it easier for Bruce to trust you in the field.

This first time came as an unexpected and unwelcome surprise. And Bruce was…

Disappointed.

He grit his teeth when he saw you on the ground with the warehouse burning behind you. If he had just been a few seconds late, would you be in the fire, too?

“I almost had him.”

Bruce didn’t miss the wince of pain as you got up to your feet.

He had heard those exact words before countless times from J- no.

Bruce shoved that thought away.

“He would have gotten away, and we wouldn’t have known who it was that did this,” you argued, brows drawn together in a frown, mouth downturned. Your respiratory rate was high, and you were having trouble breathing.

When did you grow so tall? So confident?

Bruce silently pointed to the active security camera he noticed the minute he arrived and saw your expression fall- only for a second.

“I still think I made the right decision,” you insisted.

“You disobeyed a direct order.” He hated his own voice. The way he spoke sounded too militant.

“I acted how I saw fit,” you continued, “You always say to follow my instincts-”

“Not if your instincts contradict my orders.” He regretted his words the moment they left his mouth. He thought he had changed. But no, Bruce was still a dictator.

“Wow. Just- wow.”

He could see the little twitches of annoyance within the disbelief on your face. He understood it completely.

You were walking away, clutching onto your side and weakly limping to your bike, adamant on not seeking his help.

He hated seeing you injured, in pain. It was his fault. If only he was faster, he could have stopped Red Hood from beating you up. If only he predicted it sooner, if only-

“I’ll be heading back now.”

He missed what you had said before that.

“Robin,” Bruce forced out, “Have Alfred check your injuries.”

He should have been there.

When you drove away, he lingered at the crime scene.

Bruce flipped a switch in his helmet, and his lense changed. Non-organic material lighted up bright white. He noticed a fractured piece of shrapnel lying on the ground, less than a centimeter long.

He picked it up and placed it into a test tube from his belt. Switching his view to normal, he saw that it was red, maybe made from fiberglass. He could only deduce that it was a piece of Red Hood’s helmet.

Despite Bruce’s frustrations at you for disobeying him, he felt a swell of pride. You probably landed a hit hard enough to crack the helmet just a little bit that you yourself probably didn’t even realise it.

He shone a UV light on it. A small portion of it glowed.

Bruce had always been numb when he played investigator so that he would remain impartial and objective. That was true justice.

But when he pocketed the evidence and sped to the Batmobile, he felt something he had never felt before.

Against all logic and rationality, he found himself dreading to uncover who the blood belonged to.

***

Bruce never drank his sorrows away. It was dangerous, too easy to develop an addiction to. He could have easily drowned in alcohol at any given chance, like when he thought of his parents, or when he thought-no, knew- he wasn’t enough.

But no, he only restricted his drinking for leisurely activities. He was disciplined. It was the reason why he was who he was.

However, in that moment, staring at the results of the DNA analysis after hours of anxious waiting, he wished he allowed himself a drink.

Not because he was distraught, not because he was in grief- but because he just didn’t know what to feel.

It wasn’t numbness. It was just plain confusion, an internal tornado of emotions whirling inside him all at once.

Footsteps.

He tapped on a button once, immediately closing the window of the test results displayed on the screen.

Composing himself, he clicked on another pending case to pretend he wasn’t on the verge of a breakdown. It’s just another role.

“Master Bruce.”

Why was he still up at this hour?

“Yes, Alfred,” he turned to meet the butler’s tired eyes- just as tired as his own.

Tired because of him.

Alfred was always up because of him. Because Bruce was a disease, constantly burdening others, dragging them down, keeping them up at night.

“I made some sandwiches. They’re light. Please do eat them,” he set the tray on the cluttered desk, simply pushing aside the numerous stacks of papers.

“Go to bed, Alfred,” he told him. Alfred was too old to be up at this hour. And whose fault is that?

“In due time,” he responded calmly, “What of the blood results, if I may ask?”

“Inconclusive,” Bruce lied.

“I see.”

Suspicion shrouded Alfred’s voice.

“How are her injuries?” Bruce asked, the pain finally creeping in, seeping into his bones.

“I commend you for asking about your daughter’s injuries after only four whole hours of staring at the screen, Master Bruce. You would definitely win father of the year.”

“I was occupied,” he sighed, “Please.”

“Her injuries are only superficial,” Alfred said, “Surface contusions at most.”

He still hurt her.

“Thank you, Alfred. Now go to bed.”

“It was only a little more than two decades ago when I was telling you the same,” he grumbled away.

Bruce made sure Alfred was gone before pulling up the results on the screen again, the glaring ‘MATCH’ sign staring angrily back at him as if it were shouting at Bruce, yelling in rage.

And Bruce understood completely. He had failed Jason Todd. He had betrayed him. And now he was back, vengeful, and full of resentment.

But that didn’t matter to Bruce.

Because despite it all, his son was alive.

In the end, that was all that mattered.

***

What did my son do to my daughter?

Bruce watched in horror as you lay unconscious on the hospital bed, hooked to the IV bag. He couldn’t stop staring at the bruises littering your neck.

Bruises that were far too small and evenly shaped to be the effect of a mere throttling.

He knew how the people close to him viewed him. He knew they thought he was strong, unforgiving, cold, emotionless. Especially when they put him side by side with Clark.

But he forced himself to be those things, because if he didn’t, he would have broken down years ago.

He was used to it. The pain. The darkness.

But this time, he felt like he was being crushed.

He felt like he was hanging on by a thread- no. A delicate strand of thin, brittle hair.

“It’s okay, doctor,” you had said, “I know what you’re going to ask me. No, my genitalia does not hurt. He didn’t do anything to me.”

He felt a wave of relief crash over him.

Jason wasn’t that far gone, then.

But as Bruce looked at your neck again, he still couldn’t help but feel nausea crawling into his core.

He still touched her.

Jim left after his questioning, and you drifted to sleep. He went over to you and looked down at your face, taking everything in.

Since when did you look so mature? When did you get so beautiful?

He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. Even in sleep you had your eyebrows tugged down, as if you were angry that you had to go to bed. He didn’t know why he never saw that small part of you that shouted rebellion despite you almost always following his orders.

He realised that when he watched you sleep, you looked a bit like- no. Don’t ever compare the two.

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to your forehead, trying to convey all of his feelings to you.

He was sorry. So god damned sorry for dragging you into this, for hurting you, for pulling you down to the depths with him.

Hoping you didn’t feel the teardrop that fell to your forehead, he quickly wiped it away before leaving for his press statement.

***

“Master Bruce, please!”

Another crash.

Alfred’s plea snapped him out of his blinding fury, his crushing pain.

He was standing at the hallway near the Manor entrance, glass and broken wood shattered at his feet, feeling the walls closing in and narrowing as Alfred looked at him in alarm.

“I-I’m sorry, Alfred. I-” he stammered, feeling like the small, helpless boy who watched his parents die before him.

He remembered the time when he was little, only a couple of months after the tragedy. He had done the exact same thing, taking out his anger and anguish by destroying things, triggered by something he had long forgotten about.

At that time, Alfred had held him closely in his arms as he stained the butler’s suit with his snot and tears. Again, a burden to the man who raised him.

This time, he refused the old man’s offer of comfort, walking past to descend to the cold darkness of the cave he was so familiar with.

Bruce didn’t usually drink his sorrows away, but this time, he did.

***

Dick wasn’t a good person. He was far from it.

Case in example, it was the first time he saw you after your kidnapping.

He meant to come sooner, he really did. But he was just so busy in Bludhaven, he couldn’t spare any time to rush over the moment he heard his sister was hurt. He tried to justify it in his head by thinking that you were probably handling it fine.

But he was just trying to make himself feel better.

What a great brother he was.

“So, why are you obsessing over violent crimes?” he asked, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

Desensitization was one thing when you worked in that field, but obsession was a whole other problem. And he didn’t want to see his sister walk down that path.

“A lunatic just kidnapped me a couple weeks ago, Dick, maybe this is my coping mechanism,” you huffed, giving him your signature eye roll.

A lot of things start with just a coping mechanism, kid.

Dick knew it about it all too well. The people he brought in on an almost daily basis, high as kites. The accident last week on the highway at three in the morning, two innocent lives taken because of a drunk man who had started drinking three years ago to cope with his mother’s loss.

The man downstairs in the cold cave, who was just a little boy when his parents died, now living with the trauma while going out night after night to beat up criminals, sleeping only three hours a day at most.

“I don’t want your pity, Dick,” you huffed, “I’m fine.”

Yeah, you were. And that was what worried Dick the most.

“I know you are,” he tried to smile, “Which is why I don’t think this is your coping mechanism.”

You talked to Dick about Red Hood, sharing your concerns about him. This is what made you, you. Opening up to him, offering your thoughts and feelings. It was something he never had with Bruce or Jason. The both of them were similar in that sense.

“He won’t tell me either,” Dick huffed, “It’s always been like that with him. No matter how hard I try to get closer to him, sometimes it feels like he’s getting further away.”

It was the same with Jason as well. Did everyone he cared about just end up running away from him?

“I can relate to that,” you sighed.

“But I have a feeling that he will tell you eventually,” Dick tried to comfort you, “It seems too important not to.”

Dick knew better. Bruce had always excluded information from him, whether it was important or not.

“And,” Dick hurriedly tried to change the subject, “I heard from Alfred that you’re not talking to Bruce. May I ask why?”

“So that’s why you’re here,” you eyed him suspiciously. . “I came to check up on you,” he stated, “I’m sorry I couldn’t come here right after, but my little sister did just get kidnapped.”

When are you going to stop putting your guard up around me, kid?

“I told you, I’m fine,” you insisted.

“Then you’re fine enough to tell me why you haven’t been talking to Bruce,” Dick pushed, “I won’t judge. I’ve had my fair share of cold shoulders and fights with him too. I know first hand how frustrating he can be. So come on, tell.”

He saw you hesitate for just a moment, before conceding.

“We fought,” you began, “It was when I got back from the hospital. He wouldn’t tell me who Red Hood was. And he- he called me ‘Jason’.”

Ah, fucking hell, Bruce.

“Jesus,” he whispered, “What did he say exactly?”

“‘Back down, Jason’,” your voice cracked.

Dick saw the way Bruce spiraled after Jason’s death, and he would never tell you this, but deep down he was against Bruce adopting you so soon after. He thought that Bruce was using you to fill up the hole he too felt with Jason’s absence.

You were so like him, yet so different. Still, Bruce must have been really distracted if he could slip as badly as he did.

Dick would ask later.

“Now that’s something I haven’t heard in years,” Dick chuckled humorlessly.

Jason arguing with Bruce about using excessive force. Jason sneaking out to go for patrols whenever he was grounded. Hell, even Jason stealing whiskey from the cabinet at the age of fifteen.

He could still remember it so clearly. Jason with his dark hair poking into his eyes that were full of fury, cheeks puffed up and red as he pouted angrily at Bruce for making him stay at the Manor on nights Bruce insisted on going alone.

Dick tried to shove the past away. He knew he was making you even sadder.

“Has Bruce made any attempts to reconcile?” Dick remembered the conversation he was having with you.

“Yeah, but I’m still mad at him,” you pouted.

“And you have every right to be,” Dick nodded, “But Bruce, well, you know Bruce. He keeps these things to himself, but obviously he’s still hurting.”

You have know idea how much he’s hurting, Little Wing.

You avoided Dick’s eyes, looking down at your fumbling thumbs as the room became silent.

“I’m seeing someone,” you changed the subject.

“You are?”

Interesting.

“Yeah,” you blushed, “It’s still very new, and we’re not official yet or anything. But we’re definitely testing the waters.”

“That’s great,” Dick grinned, “Who is he? Tell me the deets. Spill the tea.”

He sort of loved gossip. It wasn’t a secret.

“I met him in the library a while back,” you excitedly said, “We exchanged numbers. Started texting, meeting up from time to time. He’s really cute.”

Ah, young love. What Dick would give to be at that age again.

“I bet he is,” Dick teased.

“What’s with that face?” you laughed, “He is! He’s slightly older, and he’s got this sexy bad boy look, you know?”

“I thought you liked the nerdy types?” Dick responded. He saw a picture of you and your classmates on your Instagram. Typical prep school kids.

“I never had a type, you ass!” . “You’re right. I thought you were completely uninterested in boys,” he wondered out loud, “Is he nice, at least?”

“Yeah he is,” you smiled to yourself, “He didn’t know I was Wayne until 2 weeks ago. Before that, we were mainly texting. Now we’re meeting up more. I feel like I can be myself with him. I don’t know, there’s just something about him that makes me trust him.”

So you still have some of your walls up with me, but you trust a stranger? Who is this guy?

“I’m not going to tell him anything!” you quickly added, “I’m not stupid. I know I shouldn’t trust someone I just met. It’s not about the confidential stuff. It’s the little things like how I feel, and my problems, and just- stuff, you know?”

The thought didn’t even cross his mind. Dick trusted you enough with their secret, just as how Bruce did.

“I get it,” Dick tried to rationalise, “You don’t know what it is about the person, but you feel like the two of you just click, am I right?”

It had been like that with Barbara. It had been like that with Kory.

Now Dick was alone, and deep down he knew that they saw him as how he truly was. Selfish.

“Exactly,” you smiled, “Been with anyone like that before?”

“One or two,” he brushed it off, “People like that- whom you just click with- they’re hard to come by. You should see where this leads. Who knows, maybe he’s one of those that would stick around, huh?”

What he would give to have at least one person who would stick with him.

After he met with Gordon, Dick went to the cave to see Bruce who was, of course, facing the computers.

“I know what you’re going to say,” his father’s voice echoed without even turning to look at him.

“Then you know how much you’ve hurt her?” he crossed his arms.

Bruce did turn around to face him, and Dick suddenly felt a tightness in his chest.

He knew that Bruce hardly ever slept, but this was different. He looked disheveled, his complexion pale, his eyes more bloodshot and the dark circles even more prominent.

Alfred did say how badly Bruce took the kidnapping, finding him passed out on the cave floor with an empty bottle of scotch in his hand, but he thought that Bruce would have gotten himself together by now. It was surprising to see him that way, and Dick felt… Uncomfortable.

Something was wrong, and it wasn’t just the kidnapping, nor his fight with you.

“You found out something,” Dick narrowed his eyes, “Something important. What is it?”

He caught a flash of guilt in Bruce’s eyes. “I’ll tell you some other time.”

“Bruce,” Dick groaned, “This is why you keep on hurting her.”

Hurting us.

“I’m protecting everyone.”

“You can’t use that excuse with me anymore,” he sighed, “I don’t need your protection. So tell me.”

“No.”

That was his final word, and he knew that Bruce would never budge.

“Fine,” he let out a breath, “Did you know that she’s seeing someone?”

Bruce frowned.

Which made Dick frown. Since when did Bruce miss things? What the fuck was going on with him?

“Name?”

“Dunno. Didn’t ask. And no, don’t you dare,” Dick pointed an accusatory finger at him, “Do not do a background check on him. She deserves privacy. Hell, don’t even bring it up. You have no right to go poking into her relationships.”

Dick was being defensive, but that was because he was trying to convince himself as well, which was why he didn’t ask you for a name. He knew he wouldn’t be able to resist.

“I wasn’t going to,” Bruce reassured, “She… She deserves a life. A normal life. Not this- not-”

Dick knew then he had to leave, because Bruce’s voice breaking meant he was far from okay, and he knew that Bruce hated to show his vulnerability to anyone.

“Bruce,” Dick said, this time softly, “You’re not alone, you know. I’ve been with you since the beginning, and I’m still with you now.”

And with that, Bruce turned his back towards him again, silently going back to his goddamned computers.

“He’s been that way ever since the kidnapping,” Alfred informed him when he walked up to the manor.

“I don’t think it’s just the kidnapping, Alf,” he frowned at the butler, “There’s something more to it. Did he figure out who Red Hood is?”

“Perhaps,” Alfred pursed his lips, “But he refuses to tell me.”

“That means we know him personally,” Dick theorised, “Who the hell could it be that he’s so adamant on keeping it a secret?”

“I do not know Master Dick, but it can’t be anyone good if he’s got Master Bruce drinking during the day.”

***

Bruce knew that he was wrong to call you by his dead son’s name.

But his dead son was supposed to stay dead instead of haunting him with that glaring red bat across his chest, and having that thought in his head all the time, he slipped up.

He prided himself with his contingency plans and detective skills and preparations, but no amount of time could ever prepare him for when he found out his dead son had sexually assaulted his daughter.

You seemed to have dealt with it surprisingly well, exceeding his expectations. In fact, Bruce thought it was a bit odd that you weren’t as affected by it.

And then he saw it.

He saw what he thought was the internalized anger you felt finally bursting through the seams of your tightly lidded emotions.

And he wasn’t prepared for it.

Bruce didn’t think you had it in you, or else he would never have made you Robin.

But there you were on the ground, beating a man beyond recognition.

He couldn’t dread this moment because he never saw it coming. Not from you. Never from you.

He hurriedly ripped you off the man, flinging you away with force.

Pulse was present, but weak. Flail chest. It took him only a few seconds to observe the damage you did to the man’s face. It didn’t look good.

“Stay back,” he growled at you when you came close.

He couldn’t look at you. He didn’t want to.

“I-I didn’t mean to,” he heard you whisper.

“Call an ambulance,” he ordered.

There was no other choice. He had to take the fall for you.

“NOW!” he snarled at you again. In the background, you were on the phone, but Bruce’s thoughts were elsewhere, calculating what needs to be done.

You moved-

“Leave. I’ll deal with this.” You needed to go. You couldn’t be here when the ambulance and police arrived.

“Batman-”

“I said leave,” he snapped. He couldn’t even hear your voice.

He waited for the ambulance to come before leaving, making sure they saw him escape. Making sure he would be the one the media would attack.

And while he drove back to the Cave, he decided to give his son a call.

“Bruce?”

“Dick,” he sighed. He knew he had always been unfair to his eldest, giving him so much pressure to perform, pushing him to be his best- and ultimately away. He knew that he never showed it, but he was proud of Dick. He always had been from the very beginning.

“What’s wrong?”

It wasn’t a surprise that Dick picked up immediately that something was wrong. If it wasn’t for the fact that calling him out of the blue was what gave it away, Bruce himself trained Dick.

“She- she crossed the line tonight,” he tried to explain, “Jerome Miller. She attacked him. The damage she’s done to him is irreversible. I suspect he will be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life.”

“Jesus,” Dick breathed from over the line, “Why didn’t you stop her?”

“I wasn’t there,” he grit. He thought he could trust you.

But deep down Bruce knew that it was all his fault after all. Who was he to act so righteous when he was the reason your parents died?

“I don’t know if she’ll talk to me, Bruce,” Dick sighed, “Not about something like this. She’s probably beating herself up over this already.”

“As she should.”

“Bruce.”

“Please,” Bruce asked, “I’m worried. She isn’t herself and I can’t blame her for it, but the chances of her talking to you are much higher than if I were to try.”

“I’ll try,” Dick agreed.

“Report to me after.”

“Bruce, we’ve talked about this,” Dick grumbled, “I am under no obligation to report to you. I’m doing this for her. Not you.”

He was trying not to go back to the man he was before, but sometimes he couldn’t help it.

They’re your children, not your soldiers.

He had to remind himself time and time again. It was easier to be just a father to you as compared to Dick and Jason, yet even then he made slips.

“I know,” he apologised. “Thank you.”

Click.

And then Bruce was alone again.

***

Bruce watched you from the corner of his eye when you came back. He noticed that you had put more effort into dressing up when you left the house that day.

There was a slight bounce to your step and a small smile that played on your lips.

Dick was right after all. There was someone you were seeing.

But no, he couldn’t look into it. In fact, it would be hypocritical of him if he did. Dick had many girlfriends and flings, and Bruce didn’t want to know about any of them. Mainly because Dick was his first, and the thought of a boy he raised maturing and having relationships made him feel confused about parenthood.

Not that many of them lasted too long anyway.

Jason was a little different. While Dick had girls lining up after him all the time, Jason was much more subtle about the girls he liked, and that made Bruce more curious- but not enough to investigate.

He thought about when Barbara had caught Jason looking at her, making him turn red. He wondered if Jason would like you.

A tight squeeze in his chest.

He didn’t let his mind linger there.

Bruce felt obligated to protect you, which tempted him to investigate the boy you were seeing. It could be a trap, it could be someone using you for fame and money, or something even more sinister. Hell, it could be Jason himself after that stunt he pulled off.

But there was no evidence, and Bruce wanted to be a father to you this time instead of Batman the mentor. So Bruce would have to trust you on this one.

***

There was something holding Bruce back from telling everyone the truth about Jason.

And because he is who he is, Bruce knew what it was.

Guilt. He blamed himself for what had happened, and telling others about it meant owning up to his mistakes. Bruce never ran away from his fears and feelings despite what others might think. On the contrary, he held to them very strongly, using them as a motivation to fight head on.

This time, though, he felt more self destructive- the worst he had ever felt since he carried Jason’s corpse from the rubble- and so he tried to delay the inevitable.

But time was running out. He had enough time to wallow in self pity. It was time to pull himself together, and the first step began with Alfred.

The Cave was colder than usual that night, air thin and darker despite the illumination he had provided. Bruce was slumped in his usual wheeled chair, cowl resting on the desk after patrol, the weight of his suit almost crushing him in his weakened mental state.

“Alfred,” Bruce sighed, “Please, take a seat. I have something to tell you.”

“I assume this is about the identity of one criminal who has been terrorizing your daughter?” Alfred retorted, sitting down anyway.

“Yes,” Bruce nodded, “This… This won’t be easy, Alfred. I suggest you prepare for the worst.”

“And the worst being..?”

Bruce wheeled himself closer to the butler, leaning forward. “It’s Jason.”

Alfred merely blinked. “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m afraid my ears have caught up to my age. I must have misheard you, because for a moment, I thought you said that Red Hood is Jason.”

“You didn’t mishear me, Alfred. It’s him.”

Bruce saw the confusion in Alfred’s eyes, the frantic search for reason. “Our Jason? Jason Todd?”

“Yes, Alfred.”

And then, Bruce felt it. The pain he had been suffering with for weeks spreading to the man who raised him. Alfred clutched his chest with one hand, the other clenching tightly over the armrest of his chair, his breathing quickened.

“Impossible,” he whispered, “Jason died. How?”

“There was an event regarding The League and Superboy punching reality. I won’t get into details, but I suspect that was what caused the initial resurrection. The restoration, however. We know of someone who has been continuously restored time and time again.”

“Ra’s Al Ghul,” Alfred concluded, “But why? Why on Earth would he restore Jason?”

“I don’t know,” Bruce frowned, “But it is an almost perfect revenge plan. I would like to entertain the idea that he has brainwashed Jason into thinking we are the enemy, but I can’t put it past him to develop a hatred for me. I… betrayed him.”

“Master Bruce, this is not your fault,” Alfred rose to his feet, “If it is indeed Jason, we can still help. I have faith in the boy.”

“Me too, Alfred. Me too.”

Bruce didn’t miss the sob that echoed faintly through the cave when Alfred ascended back up.

***

As if in slow motion, he saw every change of emotion on Dick’s face. The way he blinked once in confusion, the surprise approaching as he widened his eyes, and then his eyebrows stitching together in a deep frown, his lips downturning and nose flaring in anger.

Bruce saw the punch coming, but he did not do anything to counter it. Gladly, he took the right hook Dick gave him, appreciating the sting that radiated from his cheekbone to his jaw.

“How long have you known?” his son shook in anger.

“Dick-”

“HOW LONG, BRUCE?!” Dick roared, fists clenched, voice echoing in the cave.

“Since the night he blew up the warehouse,” Bruce replied.

“Jesus, fuck,” Dick ran his fingers through his hair, “Jesus, Bruce. That was over a month ago.”

“I know.”

“We-” he choked on his words, “We deserved to know.”

“I know.”

“So why the fuck didn’t you say anything?!” he slammed his fists on the desk. Bruce caught a few drops of tears that fell to the ground.

“I’m sorry,” Bruce apologised, and meant it. But he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything more.

“You’re sorry?” Dick looked at him with eyes far too cold than he knew, “He was my brother, Bruce. He told me things he never told anyone else. We shared secrets and jokes. We went to the same diner once a week to catch up. He asked for my help and I asked for his. And then he died. Just like that, because you couldn’t keep him on a leash. And now he’s back, and you knew it was him, and you’re just sorry?”

Dick’s eyes were wet and red, and filled with contempt. Bruce couldn’t blame him. He hated himself, too.

“Does she know?” he whispered, “Does she know that the man who attacked her is your son, and is my brother?”

Like always, he pushed the pain away efficiently, logically, objectively.

“Yes,” he confirmed, “I told her this afternoon.”

“And she’s not angry?”

“If she was, she did not show it,” Bruce described, “In fact, she looked… Worried.”

“Of fucking course she would be worried,” he snarled, “She’s worried that she’s going to be irrelevant to you now the dead Robin is back.”

“She’s not,” Bruce growled at that, “She’s not his replacement. She never was.”

“Does she know that, Bruce?” Dick snickered, “Did you finally get over yourself and tell her that? Because the last fucking time I spoke to her, you called her Jason.”

Bruce didn’t know how to respond to that. He was good at smiling at the cameras and making speeches and charming an audience, but he was never good with words, real words that described his true feelings to the ones he cared for the most.

“I’m sorry,” he simply said, now numb to everything throughout years and years of practice. “I promise, I will bring him back. Will you help me?”

“What can I do that you can’t?” Dick scoffed.

“You knew him, Dick,” Bruce said, “You knew him in ways I never did. I can predict his movements, but to accurately guess what his motivations are- you knew him better than I did.”

“Fine,” Dick conceded, “But I’m not forgiving you for this, Bruce. I swear, you’re going to pay for all the secrets you’ve kept from us, be it by my hand or someone else’s.”

***

“Did you know that your daughter went out last night to see a boy while we were patrolling?” Dick brought up.

He was looking at Bruce’s back, as he always was.

Bruce was on the computers, going through hours upon hours of security footage and traffic cams for Red Hood- for Jason.

It was difficult for him to put the two together. Jason had always been his little brother. Young, naive, inexperienced. And now that same person was the leader of the underground.

It was definitely difficult.

“Alfred mentioned she went out, but I didn’t know it was to meet a boy,” Bruce replied without glancing his way.

“Well, she lied to me about it at first,” Dick sank in a chair, looking at his nails. “Got pretty defensive when I brought it up. Even tried to deflect by using Jason against me.”

Dick knew you meant to hurt him with your words, and it worked.

He was definitely surprised that you would stoop that low because he always saw you as a sweet, kind girl.

People change. That’s what happens when you stick with Batman.

But Dick didn’t expect you to change so fast.

“She… used Jason against you?”

Bruce finally turned towards him, the ever constant frown a little bit deeper that moment.

“Yeah,” Dick straightened, “It was the first time she’s ever spoken to me that way.”

“What did she say exactly?”

“That I was distracting myself by using humor as a coping mechanism, and that I should come to terms with the fact that it was my brother who kidnapped and sexually assaulted her,” he repeated bitterly.

“What did you say to her that she responded that way?” Bruce asked.

“I was just making fun of her boyfriend,” Dick shrugged, “Why? Do you think she’s hiding something?”

At first, Dick thought that you were genuinely angry at the both of them because you were right- Jason did kidnap you. Jason did do those things to you. And Jason was supposed to be under both Bruce and Dick’s responsibility.

Dick didn’t blame you for it, because he would have probably been angry if the situation was reversed.

It was one of the mistakes he always made as Robin when Bruce was teaching him how to accurately deduce by reading people. Never assume that someone’s motivations would be the same as your own.

“She hid that she has… someone from me. There must be a reason why.”

“Or she knows how you are and would rather not have your nose in her business, Bruce. She did find out about that tracker you put in her necklace. How did she even react to it?”

Bruce had done the same with both Dick and Jason while they were Robin, though it didn’t come disguised as a pretty, shiny piece of metal.

On the contrary, during Dick’s Robin days, Bruce had hid it behind his third molar while he was unconscious. He only found out after a year, when he was held hostage by a mercenary who wanted to use him to lure Batman. Said mercenary had detected the tracking device and pulled it out along with the tooth.

It made him increasingly more hostile towards Batman and his never ending need for control, but at least it saved him a trip to the dentist.

From what Dick knew, Jason died with his tracker on him.

Bruce had said that it was all done in the name of safety.

But would you tell Jason the same thing now?

“I apologised and never replaced the one Red Hood damaged. I thought that would have been sufficient for her to trust me again.”

Dick let out a bark of laughter at that, but it was void of any humor. “Only you would think that not replacing her damn tracker would make her trust you. No wonder she hasn’t told you anything.”

It was probably best not to mention that you were now also sexually active.

“Do you think she’s hiding something important?” Bruce asked.

“Are you actually asking for my opinion?” Dick smirked, “No, but it’s too soon to tell, anyway. Relax, Bruce. It’s like you forgot what it was like to be young and in love.”

That was obviously a joke. Bruce grew out of his childhood the moment he saw his parents getting killed in that alley.

As for being in love, did Bruce ever allow himself that?

***

“What did you say she called herself?” Nightwing asked softly.

The poor girl was scared out of her mind to the point where Dick found it difficult to extract important information from her ramblings.

Well, that’s what happens when someone makes you kill a person.

It was difficult, so difficult, to face the fact that it was Jason behind all of that.

“I t-think, V,” the witness- Elena- stuttered. “She with him. But try to stop him.”

Behind him, he felt Batman pause. He was walking around the club and analysing evidence while listening to the conversation.

“She tried to stop him? Him as in Red Hood?” Dick frowned.

“Yes,” Elena looked down and rubbed her arms.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but,” Dick tried, “You told me they were partners.”

“Yes, but she try to stop him,” she repeated, “I don’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Dick offered a smile, “Thank you very much. You’ve been a huge help.”

“Am I going to prison?” she looked at him with big, wet eyes.

“We’ll make sure you won’t,” Dick assured, “You’ll get the best defense team in Gotham.”

“You can do that?” she asked, hope in her voice.

“It’s the least we could do,” Dick answered, a sad smile playing on his lips.

He’s our responsibility.

“Thank you,” she gave a watery laugh, “Even prison better than with him, I want to be free.”

Dick heard footsteps approaching. As he turned around, Gordon entered the crime scene, followed by his team.

“Of course you’re here first,” he sighed at Batman.

“Gordon.”

“You might have to speak to the police again, okay?” Dick told Elena who was suddenly nervous again by the presence of so many people. “I’ll make sure they know you’re innocent. Gordon is the only one you can trust, okay?”

She nodded, her gaze turning downwards.

“Gordon,” he approached the aging man. He was used to talking with Gordon in Batman’s stead, even when he was Robin, and remembered feeling proud of himself whenever he finished speaking to Gordon regarding cases without Batman having to add anything.

“Nightwing,” he blinked, “It’s been a while.”

“Desperate times calls for desperate backups,” he grinned, “Anyway, the girl. She’s a victim of Victor Ibenescu’s human trafficking trade. Romanian, only thirteen when she was kidnapped. She was forced to shoot Victor by Red Hood.”

“This Red Hood likes his poetic justice,” Gordon snickered.

“It’s still first degree murder, or at least, that’s how the law would make it seem,” Dick reminded him, “But I assure you she’s innocent. Red Hood threatened to kill and rape her if she didn’t shoot.”

That was a lie, on both his part and Elena’s. Judging by the way she averted her eyes and touched her own arm, Dick could tell that she wasn’t telling the whole truth about being threatened by Red Hood- but he also knew that he couldn’t expose her and get into more trouble.

He wanted to let out a tired sigh, but that would give him away in front of Gordon and the other officers. He still needed to maintain his air of hopefulness, and he couldn’t seem like he was troubled by his thoughts.

Time to meet Bruce back at the cave and watch the surveillance footage.

***

“He’s got a partner now,” Dick voiced out his findings, “Since when did Red Hood partner up?”

Bruce’s frown was deep as he stared at the screen.

Dick pursed his lips. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Whether this is Red Hood or Jason?” Bruce hummed, “This definitely does not seem like anything Red Hood would do. He’s always tried to separate himself from others because it furthers his authoritarian agenda. He does not get friendly with people because people are disposable to him.”

“So you think this is Jason, then?” Dick concluded, “Well, Jason never had much of a problem working with others in the past, and he made some friends. He wasn’t the type to be hostile to people.”

“He did have trust issues,” Bruce pointed out, “At the very beginning.”

“Yes, and he kept a lot of things to himself,” Dick agreed, “But he did have friends.”

“Special friends,” Bruce added, “Friends who gained his respect and trust. So the question is- who is this girl and how did she manage to gain his trust?”

“Hey, play it back again,” Dick said, “Those moves.”

Bruce played the security tape, showing the mysterious girl and Red Hood taking down Victor’s men.

“Arnis,” Bruce pointed out.

“It’s a little different.”

“She has incorporated silat in as well. Low stance,” Bruce observed. “She’s skilled, but not polished. It could be anyone.”

There was something familiar about the girl that Dick couldn’t pinpoint. Dick usually had strong intuition- a gut feeling that enabled him to know which facts to focus on during an investigation, or a strong ability to see through people.

But the problem was that it wasn’t solid proof or evidence, something Batman heavily focused on. It was a gut feeling that told him he knew who the girl was.

“Do you think it’s-” he broke off without completing his sentence. There was nothing to back his claims.

“She has no reason or motive to work with Jason,” Bruce shot the idea down, “He’s hurt her. And… She wouldn’t betray me like that.”

“She’s been keeping secrets, Bruce,” Dick reminded, hating the fact that this time it was him who was suspicious.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Because he never would have thought that Jason was capable of torture and murder, either.

Why didn’t he come to me?

“As you clearly pointed out prior to this,” Bruce grit, “She has her reasons as to why she’s keeping secrets. And it is most probably because of me. All of you kept secrets. But this time, I’d like to let her keep hers.”

It was sweet, seeing Bruce that way.

“Is it guilt?” Dick asked.

“It’s repentance.”

Dick hated playing the bad guy.

Because he wasn’t supposed to be. He was the one people looked up to for inspiration, he was the light to Batman’s darkness, he was the smiles and charms and laughter.

He wasn’t the one who would accuse his little sister of fraternizing with the- was Jason the enemy?

Shit. Jason had messed with his senses. Dick’s head was chaotic, his emotions causing him to tense up.

Was he wrong? Was he just like Bruce? Was he jumping to conclusions just because Alfred told him you were out? Should he investigate this Carter you said you were with?

No. I’m not Bruce.

And now, you were looking at him with angry eyes, betrayed and appalled by his accusation.

*** Large.

That was the first thing that came to Dick’s mind when he saw his little brother.

The last time Dick saw him, he was much shorter, and definitely not as bulky.

And the last time Dick saw Jason, he was giving him a hug goodbye, complaining that Dick had messed up his hair.

And now, Jason was aiming a gun at him.

The gunshot didn’t hurt nearly as much as the thought that Jason had indeed shot him. Did Jason hate him that much?

You’re almost as guilty as he is, Jason’s voice echoed in his head.

“Bruce,” he gasped in the comms, “I’m down. They got away.”

“I heard a gunshot,” the deep voice in his ear spoke.

“Yeah, Jason shot my leg,” Dick winced, “Didn’t hit bone but I think it nicked my artery.”

“There are children here,” Batman said, “I was right. He’s sabotaging the Powers’. Gordon should be here soon. You control your bleeding.”

Dick nodded to himself and took a deep breath before plunging his finger into the gunshot wound to keep himself from bleeding out.

***

“...suspects that the crime lord only known as Red Hood and an unidentified female were behind the home invasion. Maria and Joseph Powers were left in a gruesome state according to reports, but their only child Carrie Powers was unharmed. The authorities are not sure what Red Hood’s motive was, but more will be elaborated during Commissioner Gordon’s public address later this afternoon...”

Dick heard you close the door.

“You didn’t come home last night,” he lowered the volume of the television.

“Uh, yeah,” you answered.

Dick looked over at you. You seemed tired, eyes swollen and red from crying, wearing an oversized t-shirt that he didn’t recognize.

“I was at-”

“Carter’s?” he finished your sentence for you.

“Yeah,” you nodded, sitting down next to him on the sofa.

Dick frowned to himself. Your arms were crossed, you were avoiding eye contact, your body was angled away from him.

“You heard about the Powers’?” he turned his gaze towards the television.

“I saw the news on the way here,” you monotoned.

You smelled like a different shampoo. It was familiar, but Dick couldn’t remember where he had smelled it before.

“So you know that-”

“Yes, Jason did it,” you said rigidly.

“Along with-”

“His partner.”

Ah, now he remembered the smell. Jason’s favorite shampoo. He used to make fun of him for choosing one that was called what it was called. He didn’t really care about it, Dick kept his hair soft and fluffy with multiple women’s hair products. He just liked to rile Jason up because he was so defensive about it.

And with that, Dick let out a long, disappointed sigh.

“Bruce is in the cave. I suggest that you think long and hard about what to tell him,” Dick offered you a soft smile, “But no matter what you choose to say, you’ll always be my sister, and I’ll always love you no matter what, okay?”

You gave him a look of shock, and then realised that he had figured it out.

“I’m sorry, Dick,” you lips trembled, your eyes started brimming with tears.

“No, kid. I’m sorry,” he replied, “Go.”

You nodded and left.

Despite being right all along, he didn’t feel any sense of achievement. Dick couldn’t help but partly blame himself. For being so absent, for being neglectful, for being a bad brother.

Dick wasn’t perfect, but like hell would he stop trying to be.

***

For years Bruce had tried to stop feeling guilty for being relieved whenever someone else takes care of a problem he couldn’t solve- especially when it involved murder.

Bruce had tried to take down the Powers for almost a decade, and everytime he got close, there was always another obstacle in the way. It was difficult to expose the rich and powerful without resorting to violence, without resorting to breaking his principles.

So Bruce was ready to stop himself from internally celebrating their deaths. This time, however, he wasn’t as pleased. Because this time, it was Jason who brutally murdered two people. Jason, who was supposed to be under his care and responsibility.

“Bruce?” he heard your timid, small voice from behind him. “I have to tell you something.”

And there it was.

Bruce turned around and looked straight at you, piercing your eyes with his own as he waited on your confession.

A minute passed.

“I’m V,” you struggled to speak, “I’ve been meeting up with Jason for a few months now. I didn’t know he was Red Hood until you told me. But when you did tell me, I chose to confront him and team up with him anyway.”

Bruce didn’t say anything.

“He- he’s not a bad person, Bruce,” you justified, “He’s just really hurt. He needs help.”

You were telling Bruce things he already knew.

“I- I fell in love with him,” you continued, “And I let my feelings cloud my judgement and betrayed your trust. At first I thought that he was onto something, that his… methods were better than yours. And I was angry that you kept secrets from me. But after last night- after what I saw- I couldn’t- I couldn’t stay.”

Bruce clenched his jaw.

He suspected it. Dick suspected it. But for your sake, the both of them chose to put their trust in you. He had tried so hard to change from his old ways. He learned his lesson with both Dick and Jason.

He didn’t want you to go through the same thing they did.

So, he chose to blindly trust you anyway, hoping that he wasn’t right.

“I’m sorry, Bruce,” you were sobbing now, “I’m so sorry. Please, say something.”

After another minute of watching you break down in front of him, Bruce finally spoke up.

“Hang up your colors. You’re no longer my Robin.”

#Red Who #Red Hood x Reader #jason todd x reader

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black-streak · 4 years ago

Text

Little Pistol - The Investigation

Chapter 14

First Previous Next

I'm really trying to continue this, I promise. I know the updates are rare and spaced, but I promise this isn't being abandoned. Please let me know of any changed usernames so I can update the taglist, assuming you still want to be tagged. Song by Sugarcult.

Highly recommend listening to the song, it's so fitting for the inner turmoil here.

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~---~

Jason's hesitance in the doorway was noticeable as Tim led the silent lady into the living room of their safehouse in the Coventry. This particular location chosen for its proximity not only to their base of operations, but the rooftop he'd originally pinned their guest to. Their guest truly was silent too, not only from lack of speaking, but the movement of her clothing, her steps, her shifting weight all completely muted into nothingness. Had he not felt her solid wrist within his grip, Tim could easily pass her off as a ghost. Even still, the life form trailing him felt haunting. A sense of foreboding laying like a thick blanket over the room.

Coming to a stop in front of an armchair, he pressed down on her shoulder, watching as she complied, body lowering into the chair while maintaining perfect eye contact. The whisper of what wanted to be a smile stayed on her lips as she settled, as though they were old friends meeting over afternoon tea. It put him on edge.

She shouldn't feel so comfortable with both of them closed in on her, anonymity on the verge of collapse as they scrutinized her every move.

Tim waved Jason off as the other reached for a set of ropes.

"Don't bother, she can escape them."

He seemed to mull the words over before narrowing them down to their based meaning, "You're saying she chose to be captured."

"Yes."

Their guest's eyes flashed in mild amusement before settling back into the blank void of almost smiling. It was creepy, like a porcelain doll come to life for a flicker of a second only to make you second guess if it ever happened at all the next.

"Why isn't she talking? She seemed to have plenty to say before," Jason squinted at her, keeping a reasonable distance, one hand hovering over his left holster.

Tim shook his head, "She responded to one question, then ignored the rest."

"Huh. So like a puzzle then."

"What." Tim deadpanned.

"No no, hear me out," Jason waved his hands about, seemingly catching the lady's attention as she followed the motion, "she answered one question, right?"

"Yes?" He folded his arms, waiting to see where Jay was going with this.

"So it's not that she won't respond to anything. Only to things she decides are worth answering. Whether that means things she sees as important or just too noteworthy to pass up, I'm not sure, but she seemed pretty quick to jump on Bat-wannabe and demon spawn's case, so I'm hedging towards the latter here."

A startled giggle makes both men snap their head towards the cause.

"Demon Spawn," she mumbles, earning a grin from Jason and an eye roll from Tim. Jason was just grateful he'd forgone the helmet tonight so she could see the positive reaction.

"Definitely the latter then," Tim sighed, reaching to rub his eyes, only to drop his hand back down at the reminder of the mask pressed to his fingers.

"Easy peasy then," Jason sat on a crate normally used as a makeshift table in the barren apartment, unbothered by the way it made his knees knock into the lady's.

"Sure. Easy."

"Yeah, all we gotta do is intrigue her enough to want to talk to us. And that can't be too difficult, otherwise she wouldn'ta bothered talking to begin with, isn't that right, sweetheart?" He leaned towards her with a friendly smile. One that wasn't returned.

"Yeah, seems to be working wonders," Tim mocked.

"Just give me a sec, I haven't even tried," he waved Tim off, focusing on the figure before him, "so, you seem pretty calm considering the circumstances. That got more to do with your confidence in your abilities to escape or more an interest in being captured?"

Silence.

"Were you hoping we'd use the ropes? I could bring them back if you're into that kind of thing."

More silence.

"What's got you tongue tied anyhow? See something you like?"

Dead silence only this one came with a delicately raised eyebrow and a glance in Tim's direction, as if to say, 'He always this cocksure?'

Jason lept on the action even still.

"Oh, he got your interest back there? I guess that makes sense since you talked to him first. That reminds me, how'd you react so fast when that lowlife got that lucky swipe in, anyhow? Unless you were already there?"

Her eyes slowly drifted back over to him at the lack of speech from the other, not reacting even to the callout.

"Feel free to dazzle us at any time," Tim called over.

Her lips twitched up.

"Oh, I see. Only willing to interact with little red then?"

A head tilt.

"What about demon spawn? Anything to say about him? Or what about big brother pretender?"

Her eyes snapped up to his, narrowed and... calculating?

"Think I struck a chord?" He turned towards Tim who only shrugged only to be wrenched back to focus as a tiny hand gripped his arm tightly, the previously complacent figure now tilted forward and staring him down with a hard look, flickering over his face as though the mask wasn't even there. Before he could even twist her arm away, she murmured out, "You're the second Robin, aren't you?"

Oh. Maybe calling Dick their big brother even jokingly was a mistake. Oh well, too late now, and what did it really matter if she knew? Not as though it connected back to his civilian form.

"Yeah. You figured that out pretty quickly."

"Faked your death? To get away?" She asked, voice gruff and heavily accented.

"Died and brought back. Weird magic shit. Almost lost a bit of me on the way back."

"Should you be telling her that?" Tim bit out.

"What's it matter if I do? What's she going to do with that? She's not even from this country. Besides, you want her to trust us enough to talk, might as well instill a little trust in return, ya know? Not like we're interrogating her, otherwise you woulda taken over by now," Jason eased Tim again, his own words sparking his own thoughts back into motion, "Which reminds me, you travel here the normal way? Cause it'll be pretty easy to look up young women who've traveled here from France."

"Weird magic shit," was the deadened response.

"Touché."

"Why's your voice so hoarse?" Tim asked, finally moving forward to rejoin the conversation fully, only to watch her rub her throat.

"Not much of a talker?" Tim continued, meeting her eyes, "how long since you held a full conversation with someone then? Days? Weeks? Months?" Her eyes flickered, "Months then? Why? Why not talk? Why talk to us now?"

Her entire figure seemed to droop, caving into itself and finally she responded to him directly, "I'm alone."

While Jason seemed confused, it's like she struck something deep within Tim. Something that understood. That wanted to reach out and contradict her just so they could both be wrong.

And right as he reached out to do just that, the seat beneath her opened up in a pool of black ink that dragged her under only to close back up, leaving his hand outstretched towards an empty chair.

"Fuck, now I'm even more confused," Jason groused, standing up and kicking away the crate as he went.

"Yeah…"

#ml x dc #maribat #timinette #timari #Dark!Timinette

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asterekmess · 4 years ago

Note

what scott did to derek in the season 2 finale wasn’t a violation, it was poetic justice and derek’s well deserved comeuppance for being an inhuman, incompetent flop as a an alpha, werewolf and person. derek knew he deserved it, that’s why he accepted it and never held it against scott. not to mention that by inconveniencing derek for a few seconds, scott single-handedly defeated gerard and the kanima and saved derek’s and everyone’s life at the warehouse. plus, he made derek a better person

Look. I know you like Scott. But I need you to understand that what you’re saying is not only factually incorrect, but the implications of it are really hurtful.

Scott suffered a lot because he was bitten without being given a choice. Peter attacked him and turned him into something he never wanted to be. That is horrible for him, and I feel for him. What frustrates me so much is that he had his autonomy taken away from him, he suffered a huge injustice, and instead of protecting other people’s rights to choose, he decided to take away their choice the same way it was done to him. He shamed and insulted Erica and Boyd for their decisions to take the bite, completely negating their abilities to make their own choices. Derek didn’t attack them. He told them the risks, he explained what the bite was and what he expected back from them if he gave it to them. They asked for the bite. That was their choice, not Scott’s.

First off, Derek did not deserve what happened to him. A rape survivor who lost his entire family in a brutal fire that his rapist set and had his big sister murdered by his own uncle, did not deserve to have his body used without his consent to give what he considered a gift to the father of the woman who assaulted him, and it in no way made him a ‘better person.’ No. You need to be more careful about the things you say, because sexual assault survivors shouldn’t have to read horrible things like what you just typed out and sent to me. I should not have to read it.

Second, Scott’s motivation behind what he did was not justice. It was pride, a disregard for Derek’s bodily autonomy, and maybe even an actual urge to help with the Gerard situation. You could even add revenge to the list, since Gerard threatened Scott’s mom. And I have to point out, if Scott is really the amazing person that you’re claiming he is, then ‘poetic justice’ should never be something he is aiming for. Good people don’t do the thing that is the most ‘poetic.’ If Scott were as empathetic and kind as people claim he is or the show tries to tell us he is, he never would have done that to Derek, no matter how much he disliked him. There was no reason why he couldn’t have told Derek what he had planned and gotten Derek’s permission to do what he did. Scott kept the secret from him because he felt like he had the right to make decisions about Derek’s body without Derek’s consent. He did it because he wanted to be the one with the secrets for once. He outright admits that he kept the secret “Because you may be an Alpha, but you’re not mine.” He wanted to prove that Derek couldn’t control him, by hurting Derek and forcing him to give what Derek considered the greatest gift a werewolf could bestow, to the father of the woman who murdered Derek’s family. That is cowardly, childish, and apathetic, and it directly contradicts the idea that Scott is in any way True Alpha material.

Third, nothing he did was single-handed, because Derek isn’t an inanimate object or a tool. He’s a person, and without him, Scott’s plan wouldn’t have happened. Without Deaton, Scott’s plan wouldn’t have happened. Scott did not act alone.

Fourth, Derek didn’t accept what Scott did, and he did hold it against him. He felt so unsafe with Scott that he didn’t even tell him about the Alphas over the summer, didn’t ask for his help to find his Betas, because he didn’t think Scott could be trusted. Scott had already sold him out once and Derek had every right to believe Scott would do it again. (Which he then did at the end of S3A when he went to join Deucalion and left Derek unconscious in an elevator, in a hospital about to be swarmed with cops.)

Fifth, everything you are angry with Derek for, Scott did as well. So if you’re saying that Derek is ‘inhuman’ and a failure of an Alpha/werewolf/person, then you must be saying the same thing about Scott. Yes, Derek threw his Betas around and injured Isaac. Scott also threw Isaac into a wall twice (without even the pretense of training him) and dug his claws into Liam’s (I think it was him) neck without his permission. Yes, Derek chained his Betas up on the full moon. Scott abducted Liam and duct-taped him to his bathtub without explaining anything he’d done to him, and I’m pretty sure (though I don’t remember it well) that he was involved in Liam getting chained to a tree at one point. Yes, Derek kept secrets from his pack under the pretense of ‘protecting’ them. Scott also kept the truth about how Allison’s mom was bitten from her, letting her believe for months that Derek brutally attacked her mother for no reason, and lied to Kira about her losing control of her kitsune (though I also don’t remember a lot of that plotline). He also lied to Stiles about whether Lydia liked him, after making out with Lydia (who currently had a boyfriend) in the coach’s office, which is just a dick move, whether it was the full moon or not. Derek told Erica to seduce either Scott or Stiles? Scott told Allison to go on a date with Matt and KISS HIM. Derek scared Isaac away by shouting at him? Scott shouted at Allison for doing something she’d already told him she was going to do, and for telling her parents something she’d already warned him she was going to tell them, and told her to stay away from him. Derek shoved Scott against a wall? Scott shoved Stiles against a wall on his first moon! Oh, Scott was scared/frustrated/having trouble with control? Well, Derek’s sister had just died and Scott was about to expose the entire supernatural secret to a lacrosse field full of people.

Sixth, Scott didn’t defeat Gerard or the Kanima, and he definitely didn’t save the warehouse full of people. Gerard wasn’t dead after getting the bite from Derek. He had enough energy left to tell the Kanima to kill everyone in the room, and escape while no one was looking. The Kanima wasn’t defeated by Scott, it had Allison by the fucking throat and it only backed off when Stiles hit it with his goddamn Jeep and Lydia came out to face Jackson. Scott had nothing to do with that. Lydia is technically the one who saved everyone in the warehouse, and Stiles was her ride. Scott’s contribution was negligible. It was a time waster. He could have accomplished the exact same thing by just standing there and talking to Gerard until Stiles showed up with Lydia.

Seventh, Scott’s behavior was indeed a violation. And I don’t just mean the bite he forced Derek to give Gerard. He didn’t just get revenge on the guy who’d been rude to him and arguing with him for the last few months. He lied to Derek, over and over (while also avoiding ever technically lying, in much the same way Deaton often does, to avoid being caught out by his heartbeat). He learned Derek’s plans and where Derek was hiding, insinuated that he wanted to be part of Derek’s pack (knowing how important pack was to Derek), and outright yelled at Derek for supposedly keeping something from him (Which he wasn’t. Derek canonically wasn’t holding back any secrets from Scott at the time, unless you count the fact that Peter was alive, which Derek had every right to assume Deaton had already told him) all while he was the one working for Gerard. (That is literally gaslighting. Like, literally.) He exposed Derek and his pack to Gerard, feeding him information on the same kids that he insisted were ‘his responsibility’ that probably helped Gerard get ahold of Erica and Boyd to torture them. It was a violation of Derek’s consent. A violation of Derek’s trust, of Erica and Boyd and Isaac’s trust. And a violation of Stiles’ trust as well, since Stiles had no clue what Scott was doing.

You came to my ask box after seeing the various posts that I’ve made, with documented moments from the show and well reasoned arguments and frustrations with Scott McCall’s character. Are you seriously telling me you didn’t think I’d have a comeback?

#personal #go for it #Meta ramblings #anti-scott mccall #hate mail #rant #I had to completely rewrite this because tumblr is stupid and deleted my response the first time #apologies for no 'read more' i'm too frustrated to put it in #i'll add one to the next long post #Anonymous

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depressedhatakekakashi · 3 years ago

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with that depression post, i always loved it better whenever people potray characters with depression as only a part of them. It's not made to be their entire character, Kakashi in the start of the show he's shown as goofy and easy-going but absolutely willing to die and sacrifice himself to save his comrades. Then when his past is revealed later in the show and more things about his character are explained and added, his grief wasn't shown to say 'oh he's depressed and sad all the time so he needs to be taken care of' we were shown that time in his past and part of him to better understand how he dealt with it and slowly became better, how the things he realized and went through coming out of it became important parts of his character. Nobody should ever romanticise depression, we were shown Kakashi's development over time of handling his grief and eventually dealing with it in a healthy matter not just by himself but also by knowing he has friends by his side that love and care for his wellbeing; standing taller because of it and letting go of the past

Exacty! Depression is a result of the trauma Kakashi faces in his life and while it certainy affects aspects of his life (visiting the graveyard every morning to speak to the dead) it's not his entire personality

He's goofy, protective, kind. Willing to die to protect his friends. His depression never changed any of his personality, and it certainly didn't make him a character in need of being taken care of.

I like the odd fic of Kakashi' having a bad mental health day and needing some support, but if Kakashi' is turned into someone who just has a partner to take care of him costantly it's really gross.

Like I've seen so many headcannons of Kakashi' being unable to cook and the only one I accept is my one moot (I can't remember their handle right now sorry T.T) who has that headcannon because they want Kakashi' to be bad at something. Which is valid. Every other headcannon is like 'oh he's depressed so he can't cook for himself or take care of himself' and I hate it cuz cannon directly contradicts this idea.

Depression is not a personality. It's a mental illness that people live with and have to find ways to survive with. It does not change our personality. It does not make us dependent on our partner, and it does not excuse being a dick

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cornholio4 · 5 years ago

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Left Behind

Note: Based on a prompt left on the Tumblr of Miraculous-Of-Salt but not Daminette. Sorry but personal opinion and you are free to like the ship if you do but I don't left Marinette X Damien. My fave crossover ship of Marinette is with the Peter Parker Spider-Man. It's mostly due to not liking Damian from the comics and media I have seen with him as a murderous brat. I don't see Marinette actually tolerating him. That's just my view and I have liked Daminette fics I have read (though for the salt) and they are fine.

Ms Caline Bustier had gotten her class back from the long flight home; she had the class on a weeklong field trip to check out Gotham Academy, all the way in Gotham City in the US! It was also funded by none other than Wayne Enterprises as well.

It had taken a lot of work to do and set up along with the permission slips and not everyone was allowed to go, especially not Adrien Agreste due to his strict overprotective father. She never thought she was allowed to directly criticise parenting but Gabriel Agreste was too strict a parent to Adrien, it had only been recently that he even allowed him to go to school like a normal child.

Most of the School Board needed to be convinced and she along with Principal Damocles was sternly warned that anything that goes wrong will be on their heads.

It was mostly due to the infamous status that Gotham had; corrupt politicians and police officers that were replaced by dangerous Villains and insane criminals. She swore she had everything under control.

She was happy to report that everything went off without a hitch; nothing happened. The only disappointment was that Marinette seemed to be distant from her classmates and especially when Lila was nearby. She seemed to go out of her way to talk to the Gotham Academy students instead of joining any conversations that Lila was involved in.

She frowned at this and decided when they got back she needed to have a small little talk with Marinette; she noticed she was becoming more distant from her classmates and it couldn’t be good for her. She had been hoping she could reconnect with her friends which was why she insisted to her parents that she go.

It didn’t work so she would have to do more.

She made sure to check all the names on the list before leaving but there was one that was crossed out weirdly with a pen but she guessed it was a name that cancelled at the last minute.

She made sure everyone was sent home that Friday afternoon when they got back. However on Monday morning she got an urgent email from Principal Damocles that she was to report to his office immediately after arriving. She was stunned but rationalised that he must just want a report on what happened.

However she was met with a unhappy Principal Damocles; several people she did not recognise, Marinette’s parents who looked uncharacteristically furious and several representatives of the School Board. The representative’s fury was only overridden by the Dupain-Cheng couple’.

She could not even begin to ask what wrong before Sabine Cheng went on a tirade about how she left her daughter alone in one of the most dangerous cities on the planet when she assured them she would be totally safe.

She was in the middle of asking what they meant before her brain frozen when she realised something: she did not remember seeing Marinette on the line to come back at the airport or on the plane.

Marinette had phoned them home saying no one had told her when they were leaving so she was waiting at the meeting place at the hotel having been unable to find any of them. She had been found by Bruce Wayne who had to contact her parents arrange for her to be flown back in a private plane.

Ms Bustier was relieved that Marinette had gotten back safely then but one of the representatives passed her a tablet and saw it was the Gotham Gazette website. Ms Bustier was asking why she was being shown it and was about to get back on the topic of Marinette but she was harshly told to read it.

She saw it was about something that happened on the Friday Night after their flight left, the hotel they were staying at was attacked by criminals after a VIP guest who was in a luxury suite. The photo showed several criminals being handcuffed by GCPD police officers, she could make out the dark vigilante of Gotham ‘the Batman’ (a pretty bleak figure if you asked her) and next to her were the superheroine Starfire and the Bludhaven vigilante Nightwing. The two were comforting a teenage girl.

A teenage girl who looked a lot like Marinette....

Oh no..........

The backlash had been enormous and school was cancelled indefinitely for the students; the School Board and Marinette’s parents were furious that not only was Marinette left behind in a different country but it was in one of the most dangerous cities ever with her life at risk by an attack by criminals.

It was a miracle it was not someone like the Joker, the Batman Who Laughs, Killer Croc, the Scarecrow, King Tut or even the Bookworm who was involved. The criminals were being personally led by someone called the Ventriloquist and what had happened was that they were not willing to harm a teenage girl so they let her get to saftey just before the Superheroes had come.

Of course that was the official story; the one Batman had told the GCPD who related it to the Gotham reporters. The criminals were not contradicting the story due to their embarrassment of what had actually happened:

Batman, Nightwing and Starfire had arrived to see the criminals all tied up to a pole with a Yoyo, there was Ladybug there. Tied up was Arnold Wesker a middle aged grey haired balding man with glasses and was tie up along with Scarface his mobster ventriloquist dummy who he still had his hand in.

Ladybug was actually tickling his cheek asking who was a cute mob boss and Scarface was shouting to his men that anyone who lets this go out will be a dead man walking.

The story became everywhere in Paris; Nadja Chamack made sure to get it out through the news media. She was angry that the daughter of her friends had her life endanger by being left behind in a different country.

Marinette was interviewed about it in the investigation and was asked about the record of her having been bullied by the mayor’s daughter for years at the school. She related what had happened and asked about what Ms Bustier had done about it. She had to say that she didn’t do a whole lot and had taken her aside to encourage just be a good example for Chloe after she had ruined a birthday present she had made for the teacher.

That did not look good at all.

It turned out that when the classmates were asked they said that Lila Rossi promised she would tell Marinette when they were going and didn’t. There were apparently some beef between them and looking into their file they found claims of disabilities, diseases and absences that didn’t have notes.

Her mother was called in for a talk.......

Ms Bustier was on indefinitely suspension but knew she could not count on keeping a teaching profession and didn’t know if Principal Damocles would survive the ordeal. Ms Bustier came to the bakery and gave a well deserved apology Marinette and their parents even knowing it would not do much. Marinette looked apologetic but her parents just said they didn’t have anything to say to her.

She felt that even the look Marinette had given her was more than she deserved.

Marinette had gotten home and despite what happened did enjoy her time in Gotham. She had a few souvenirs including a communication device with a T on it, it seemed like Ladybug was now an honorary Titan.

Her classmates had come to the bakery and given her apologies for what happened along with her parents. She accepted them but was upset about what happened.

She was more than happy with the other classmates (the ones who didn’t go) who wanted to make sure she was okay along with other students. Juleka and Rose had come to make sure she was alright along with Luka.

When she next saw Alya she was enveloped her into a hug that seemed to last forever and tearfully told her that she was glad she was okay. She hugged back. Alya was vehemently refused permission to go by her parents; they knew what she was like in wanting to get Superhero footage in the Ladyblog and the lengths she went.

They did not trust her to do the same in a city like Gotham.

On social media and TV interviews Bruce Wayne talked about making sure the visiting Marinette had gotten home safely and criticised the French school officials who allowed it to happen. Former GCPD commissioner and current Gotham City Mayor James Gordon shared the sentiment.

There were tweets and interviews from Bruce Wayne’s foster son Dick Grayson and his fiancé Kory Anders (a beautiful young woman who most people swore that she did not come from this world) who talked of making sure the poor girl was consoled until they were able to send her home.

Marinette was asked what it was like meeting Bruce Wayne by her friends but she was being humble about it and didn’t like saying anything. It was not like her classmate Lila.

Said girl was angry about the attention her hated rival was getting and the enormous trouble she was in. If she came back to school she knew she would have to face tougher and sharper personnel.

Why did she decide to make sure Marinette was left behind again?

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seriefic · 5 years ago

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Chance (IV)

Summary: Your arrival to Kattegat had more surprises than you could have expected

A/N: English is not my first language and there will be a few more chapters, enjoy.

Tagging: @youbloodymadgenius

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6

It was a gray day, the sky was full of clouds and the atmosphere invaded by a strong smell of rain, your favorite kind of day, it didn't take long to see the city with its port full of boats and busy people coming from one place to another. Finding your brothers wasn´t difficult, you found them at the entrance of the small town mounted on their horses, ready to go looking for you again.

-We thought you werw dead-Eritz shouted while running into you, you were glad to see him, you could say he was your favorite brother, always smiling and nice to everyone.

-I'm not dead but I'm exhausted-you said hugging each of your brothers who seemed to have taken a great weight off

-What happened to your hair? - Ales asked touching the tips of the hair on your shoulders.

-It was cut during a fight.

-We found your dead horse full of arrows, but there were also some things that were not yours.

You froze for a moment looking at Eritz, your older brother, he was next to you while Ales was ahead of you, leading the way and his voice sounded cold, he had always been like that, while Eritz always spoiled you Ales only tried to find the minimum mistake to expose it to the world and always talked and acted as if he knew everything you did, always.

-I met a wanderer who helped me.

-Can we meet the hero who has saved my sister?- Eritz asked jokingly and you laughed.

-I can save myself

-I don´t doubt it

-When are we going to continue our travel?-You were tired of spending your days riding, camping and moving from one place to another without knowing exactly where you were going.

-We´re already where we should be.

-What do you mean?

-You never listen

-Ales shut up, we never told her where we were going neither the name of her fiance

You gave your brother a smile that said "I won" and he turned and came back to the front, the rest of the short road was flooded by Eritz's anecdotes, who always made an effort to lessen the tension between you and your brother.

-I think you´ll like your husband, he is a handsome man and quite nice, his brothers too.

-I think our dear older brother should tell you who is his favorite.

Eritz showed a wide smile of satisfaction and greatness and you looked at him without understanding anything.

- Have you slept with any of the princes? - You asked opening your eyes like plates and shaking your head

-Maybe

-Whenever you do those things we have problems, keep your dick in your pants until you go back home.

-She´s right-rarely, Ales agreed with you- we always have problems because of your crotch.

Eritz ignored all your criticisms and just laughed at them and mocked you, you admired your brother for his ability to ignore what others thought of him and all his actions, although sometimes that had negative parts, like ignoring any advice.

You arrived to the center of Kattegat to the home of the king and the princes, your brothers guided you inside where you found an incredibly beautiful woman, you had never seen such a beauty and you assumed she had to be the queen.

-You must be the princess (YN) - She said taking your hand and talking to you directly -I am Queen Aslaug

You smiled and turned red, you felt ashamed to be in front of that woman with your shabby clothes.

-It´s a pleasure to meet you my queen, I am very sorry that my arrival has been delayed and I´m sorry for my appearance.

-Don't worry, right now the maids will take care of washing and changing you, then at diner, you will meet my sons and your fiancé.-she gestured with her hand and two young girls approached you and took you with them.

You quickly found yourself in a hot tub, with new clothes in front of you and two girls combing your hair, little images from the previous night sneaked into your mind, you couldn't believe that you really would have done that with a stranger but you didn´t regret it at all.

The maids were well dressed, combed and seemed to be in perfect physical and mood conditions, that always said a lot about how the families they worked for were.

What's your name? -You asked the girl closest to you

-Margrethe

-Margrethe can you tell me how the princes are? are they friendly?

-Yes, almost everyone is friendly most of the time, you don't have to worry.

-In addition they are very handsome-laughed the girl on the other side and you couldn´t help smiling at the dreamy tone with which she had said it.

-And strong warriors

The girls continued talking and giggling about some anecdotes of the princes until a slightly older woman came in the door.

-My princess, you must get out of the water, they are waiting for dinner. You smiled at the woman and followed her orders, without objecting to be helped to dress even if you usually did it alone, it was a light purple dress with small white details, accompanied by earrings and a necklace of the same color as the details.

You were nervous, it was impossible to deny or avoid it, you were going to meet your future husband and the family that you would live from that moment on, you couldn't help it. When you crossed the door and reached the grand hall the first person you saw was the queen who smiled at you warmly, then your brothers and finally three young men who watched you without saying a word, you knew that one of them was your fiance.

The oldest of the three approached and took your hand in his, you looked at him nervously and smiled while he left a kiss on your cheek and finally spoke- Nice to meet you my future wife, I'm Ubbe Lorthbrok, son of Ragnar Lothbrok and prince of Kattegat

-It's nice to meet you Ubbe, I'm the princess (YN)

You stared at each other for a while, in silence, Ubbe was incredibly handsome but you didn't feel any kind of spark or crush, what you thought you should feel in that moment, When you arrived at the dinner table you could see that there was an empty place and that it stayed like that all the night, Ubbe didn´t give you much conversation, he was more interested in Margrethe and it was normal but you still felt a little offended, your brothers talked to the queen about the deal derived from your marriage and the other two brothers argued, in conclusion, you were bored .

-Who sits there? -You asked pointing to the empty chair.

-Our brother-Ubbe responded quickly before some of the other boys could do it but still Sigurd spoke

-He hasn't come to dinner because he thinks weddings are stupid, the truth is that he's probably jealous because nobody loves him.

-Sigurd-Shouted his mother to shut up and this downplayed his hand.

You looked at him for a few moments until he got unconfortable, then at your brother who was drinking from his cup, looking at both of you, the boy was cute and seemed not to know how to shut up, just the type of guy for wich your brother always got into messes, wherever there was a cute boy or girl unable to shut up, there will be Eritz.

-Tell me (YN) what happened to your hair? they had told me it was very long- The queen asked, clearly trying to dismiss his son's comment.

-While I was lost I found a wanderer who showed me the way and attacked us, in the middle of the fight he cut my hair to save me, but I think he didn't like my hair very much and that's why he cut it- you said laughing and remembering how annoyed there was Ivar been when you made him wait to comb your hair.

-You are still pretty with short hair.

-Thank you Ubbe

When dinner was over Ubbe took you by the hand and asked you to accompany him, Eritz patted him on the back cheering him up and making you die of shame and Ales remained serious and his only words were "don't do anything stupid" when you were about to leave outside a man on crutches entered the room, you looked at him and you knew immediately who he was, his appearance had changed a bit, just like you were wearing clean clothes, he was clean, had taken a bath and wore new clothes. Ivar had not seen you yet, he was heading straight for the queen.

-Mother, if you have finished this stupid dinner, can I have mine?

-Ivar, your brother's fiancee is here, be kind.

That was when he turned to you and you probably both had the same expression of surprise because Ubbe asked if you were feeling good and Asalug said the same to his son.

He approached you and looked you up and down very seriously and then looked at his brother who seemed somewhat uncomfortable with the direct attention of his brother, Ivar smiled, a smile of self-realization

-So this is the woman you're going to marry- he took a strand of hair between his fingers and played with it, you did nothing,only closed your eyes waiting for that situation to end quickly, you felt your heart racing, you were scared, embarrassed, ashamed. Ubbe moved his brother's hand away from you quickly, causing the laughter of the youngest.

-Yes, and I don't want you to touch her.

-She´s afraid, you scared her - Sigurd said laughing and that made you open your eyes to meet those of Ivar and you could see the bitterness in them, all his playful and mocking way had disappeared

-I'm not afraid, I was only surprised -You contradicted him by taking the situation seriously -Nice to meet you, I'm princess (YN)

Ivar looked at you for a few more seconds and turned around to disappear again.

Although the place where Ubbe had taken you was beautiful and he was very handsome and kind you were unable to concentrate on the landscape or him, your head was on Ivar and how bad you felt.

What would happen if Ubbe found out what had happened between you? Could you live in the same house as Ivar while you were married to his brother? and even more important, you had the need to go after the man with deep blue eyes and apologize, although you didn't know exactly why.

#ivar x reader #Ivar #ivar the boneless #Vikings #ivar lothbrok #ivar ragnarson #Ivar x OC #ubbe #imagine #scenario

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incoherentbabblings · 5 years ago

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First Date (5/9)

Tim has one more test to pass before Bruce will allow him out as Robin. Like Dick and Jason before him, he has to avoid being caught by Batman for one night. He has already failed once, and is determined to succeed this time. Determination which might not count for much when Stephanie Brown is on the run from the mob. Her mother kidnapped as a way to threaten her father, Stephanie manages to escape and run into Tim. Unable to leave Stephanie alone when she is in need, Tim decides to try and multi-task. All he has to do is rescue Stephanie’s mother, take down the mob, avoid Batman, and get Stephanie to agree to a proper date all in one night. Absolute anarchy ensues. Ao3 link here!

The sounds of Gotham continued to penetrate the thick car frame, but sat in the dark, tucked away from anyone and anything, Tim and Stephanie felt very much alone.

“I think I have like…White Knight Stockholm Syndrome or something…” Stephanie muttered. She hadn’t moved away though and was resting a hand on Tim’s. Tim, for his part, still had his eyes closed, and looked like he was on cloud nine with no sign of coming back down soon.

“…Not the…official title… but I hope not anyway.”

He nuzzled her nose, and she laughed, bright and sweet. Shuffling over, she moved to the driver’s side of the car. Tim’s breathing stuttered as she adjusted herself, resting on her shins straddling Tim’s thighs. He leaned up and caught her in another kiss. The mint gum she had chewed thankfully masked the smell of vomit, and her hair was cleaned of it too.

Tim fumbled with his hands, turning up the heat in the car to help dry her tangled hair. His hands then crept up, holding her neck, whilst hers rested patiently on his chest, occasionally tightening when he did something she liked.

Making out in a gangster’s stolen car with a boy she’d met only three and a half hours ago. Hoo boy, she was having an interesting night. Stephanie stifled a chuckle, but still broke away to catch her breath.

He looked up at her and cradled her face again with both hands. Stroking her cheeks, he tried to soothe her blotchy skin and red eyes. She sniffed and smiled sadly at his affection. Feeling safe, she closed her eyes.

Tim felt her grow limp in his grip, head tilting and resting heavily on one hand. Tim eyed the dashboard clock. Nearly midnight.

“Tired?”

“…A bit. Can we rest? Just for a while?” She leant down, resting her face in the crook of Tim’s neck. She shuffled around once more so she was sat in his lap, a comforting solid weight against his chest. Tim held her close, and was tempted for a moment to doze off in the warm car with her.

Tim breathed in deep and glanced out the darkened window. They were tucked away neat out of sight…

“No. I’m sorry Steph. We’ve got to keep moving.”

She looked disappointed, but accepted it all the same. Tim tried to mollify her.

“We should be okay to drive in this to Bristol now. You can close your eyes.”

Her eyes shot open, and she peered at Tim suspiciously. She slowly removed her head from his hold, and his arms collapsed to rest on his thighs.

“Bristol? No, we need to go to the Narrows and grab my mom.”

“I can’t fight through that many people.”

She shifted backwards, back resting against the wheel of the car. “Oh, but Batman can?” She said, tone snide and derisive.

“Batman has armour and tech and bombs and…batarangs. I have two feet two hands and head. I’m not that good.”

“We did fine with those guys.”

“You nearly got shot. He hurt your head.” He raised his hands to check for a bad lump, but she twitched away from his grip.

“I can’t sit and do nothing and hope that Batman finds mom in time. I can’t keep running.”

Tim looked so miserable for a moment, like he knew the sweet moment was over. “You’re going to have to. I don’t like it either. But I know my limits. I can’t save your mom like this. Neither can you.”

It was a harsh put down, and Stephanie threw herself of him and back onto her seat. Seeing what she was about to do, Tim locked the car doors.

She whirled around, face red with anger.

“Let me out.”

“No.”

“Tim, I swear to God –”

His temper finally flared. “I get it! You don’t think I get how useless you feel right now? When my mom died and my dad was in that coma, I couldn’t do shit!”

“My mom’s not dead!”

“No, but she will be if you roll up unprepared to a warehouse in the Narrows against twenty guys with guns. The only thing keeping you both alive is the fact that you are separated. You turn up and your dad turns up she will die! I can’t let that happen Stephanie!”

He’d had enough of her tantrums and contradictions and had put his foot down. She screeched and kicked the dashboard hard. Tim flinched away and Stephanie’s breath caught. Her anger drained, and self-loathing took its place. She knew that flinch. She’d seen it nearly every time her parents argued, and her mom had been hurt. She’d done that flinch herself many times.

“…I’m sorry. That was childish.”

Tim gripped the steering wheel, not quite able to look at her. “You’re under a lot of stress.” He said, tone very subdued. Shame continued to make Stephanie feel sick.

“That’s just an excuse. One my dad uses all the time… Fuck.” She stared hard out the window, then looked in her lap. Her hands were shaking. Tim, after a pause, reached across and held them tight. She whined softly to herself and he rubbed her fingers.

“My dad… he is a bit rubbish too sometimes. Not in the same way as yours but he… he’s not very good. I think. At being a dad.”

She looked across at him, lashes damp, but her emotions were settling down once more. “Does he hurt you?” She asked sadly.

“Ignore. Mostly.” He spoke very matter of factly, a sad reality he had long accepted. “I love him, I do, but sometimes I… I resent him. He remarried so quick after mom died, and I knew their marriage was on the rocks anyway but… you’d think he’d... and then he has a temper. Never at me directly… though that time with my tv was a bit…” He was mumbling to himself, unable to verbalise what it was like.

Stephanie understood the unspoken though.

“You deserve better.”

She said it with such conviction that Tim turned and smiled at her.

“Ditto?”

She smiled back. “Let’s go to Bristol. The sooner I’m there the sooner we can get this sorted.”

“Deal.” He looked at her shyly. “Can I kiss you again?”

Laughing sharply at his roundabout way of checking that he was forgiven, she went willingly.

When they broke apart, she buckled on her seatbelt.

“I’m gonna try and nap okay?”

“I’ll wake you if anything happens. Promise.”

“You are definitely one for promises Mr. Drake.”

“I try.”

The car switched on with a gentle thrum, and slowly Tim set off.

Tim tried to concentrate for the drive through the island, heading for Kane Bridge. They just needed to get across the bridge. From there they could dump the car and walk by foot. Feeling awfully paranoid, he obsessively checked his mirrors and glanced sideways and even upwards through the windows, just in case they were being followed.

The roads were largely quiet though, so for a painfully long twenty minutes Tim drove through the city, deliberately going slower and quieter routes when possible.

Stephanie very quickly dozed off, head hanging limp against her chest. She looked very pouty asleep. He left her alone, only the sound of the car heaters and engine filling the silence. Her hair had nearly dried, but it needed a good brush through.

The stunt at the corner store had been such a stupid mistake. He had wanted to impress her, but he hadn’t thought it through at all. He could hear Dick in the back of his head tutting. Getting distracted by a pretty girl. A pretty girl who liked him back no less.

Hormones…

Stephanie then let out an almighty snort and twitched violently. Tim glanced at her sideways, then returned to watching the roads.

She was very weird, if he were honest with himself. A very sad life, but somehow still filled with a lot of love and humour.

That temper though… It was obvious she hated being lied to, hated being kept out of the loop. And Tim was lying to her. He could have called Batman hours ago, could have ended this by now. But he hadn’t. Instead, because of his crush on her and his desire to win Bruce’s challenge, he had dragged her around town, when she could have been safe with Batman. He was putting Crystal Brown’s life at risk, and maybe even slowing down Bruce.

He was being selfish.

The little tracker in his coat sat heavily next to his heart.

Before he could fall into a further self-loathing, he noticed a car one block back.

It was following him.

“Crap.” He reached across and woke up Stephanie, shaking her arm. She reached up and grasped his hand instinctively.

“Wha…”

“We’re being followed. Gonna speed up a bit.” He said it casually, like they needed to make up time on the school run.

She turned around, looking out the back window.

“Oh God.”

“Don’t worry. I can lose them."

“Can you?”

“Well… I can try.”

He put his foot down then, speeding up to ninety, and Stephanie squeaked, squeezing herself onto the back of the seat. She raised one hand to the handle above the car door, the other resting quite firmly on the arm rest.

“Oh boy.” She muttered.

“It’s fine.”

It was not fine. The following car had sped up also, and was doing a frustratingly good job at keeping pace. Tim huffed in annoyance, and took a sharp turn left, the back of the car swinging out and knocking into a lamppost. The car violently jiggled, Stephanie unable to contain her cries of alarm.

“It’s fine.” Tim said again, and they regained control. Stephanie quickly figured out the route he was taking, a long circle that would lead them straight to the bridge.

The car behind them was still gaining.

“Tim...”

Gunfire started then, aiming at the tires of the car. Tim made a little ‘oop’ noise and few around the final corner. The bridge was in sight.

“This is... fine.”

“Tim.”

“Yup?”

“There’s more guys and cars on the bridge.”

“Yup.”

Tone still light, he continued his very fast slightly uncontrolled driving, managing to avoid very loud gun shots. Stephanie gulped and looked at the inside of the roof, closing her eyes and doing breathing exercises.

“Please don’t tell me you are planning on ramming – Oh my god!”

A hard slam came down on the car and caused Stephanie to yelp. Someone had landed on the roof.

Tim realised it was Batman from the fact that the gun shots were now being directed upwards, most likely at Bruce’s head.

Of course, Batman would look into a high-speed car chase with lots of shooting and swerving and destroying public property. Of course, of course, of course…

Tim was screwed. He was so screwed.

“This is less fine.”

“Who -”

“Batman.”

He swerved on the bridge, turning the car horizontal, blocking off several lanes. Cars that were trying to get on the bridge from the other side were blocked from getting on, and sure enough once Tim had driven onto the Kane bridge more cars appeared, refusing to let others on. The civilian cars that had been ahead of Tim whirled to a stop, and the men at the end of the bridge shouted for them to get out and off. Stephanie watched as people fled from the road and onto solid land.

She and Tim however, were trapped.

“Batman? Wait, what?” Stephanie asked. She reached across to open the door and poke her head outside, trying to see if it was indeed Batman on the roof.

A black gloved hand reached down and very purposefully shut the door.

“Oh. Okay.” She sat back against the chair. “Tim...”

She turned around to see that Tim had completely collapsed his seat, and was lying flat, perpendicular from the steering wheel. For the first time he looked completely beside himself in panic. Stephanie pursed her lips.

“Tim.”

“Shhst.”

She let her mouth fall open, gobsmacked. “Don’t shh me.”

She looked through the window. Men from both ends of the bridge were closing in on the car, and she suddenly understood Tim’s desire to be out of sight of the windows. Even if they were tinted, she didn’t doubt enough gunfire could get through the glass.

The figure on the top of the car shifted, its weight sitting low.

“Should I get down?”

“Probably.”

She didn’t though, she wanted to see what was going to happen. She watched as, with increasing slowness and caution, about ten men on either side approached the car.

“What are we going to do?”

“Stay put until he takes them all out.”

“You sure it’s Batman?” She asked, leering through Tim’s window. She shifted and crossed her legs on the seat.

Tim muttered something to himself that she didn’t catch, his eyes screwed shut. All she got was a distinct whiny tone, like a five-year-old having their toy taken away.

A sharp object was thrown at one of the men, causing him to fall with a dramatic glurk. It was shaped like a bat and answered Stephanie's question for her.

“Oh!” She gasped.

Then chaos erupted. Gunfire began in earnest, to which Tim reached across and snapped Stephanie’s seat down. She flew back with exaggerated flailing and squeaking, her legs kicking up onto the roof before her ankles collapsed on the dashboard. Her bag swung up and smacked her in the face, to which Tim ignored her deadpan cry of ow and reached past her to grab his own backpack.

Stephanie struggled for a moment with the disorientation of having her head lower than her torso. Tim incessantly tapped her legs to bring them down level with the rest of her, to which she quickly let them drop. He then reached across and grabbed her hand tight. His hands were sweaty. Stephanie realised he was genuinely frightened.

Shouts, screams and sounds of punches and gun shots ricocheted through the vehicle. Occasionally it rocked the body of the car, to which Tim’s hands tightened on hers. She didn’t understand why he was so worried. To her, it sounded like Batman was winning.

“I messed up.” He whispered.

“I mean... you did your best.” She said, trying to console him.

“No... no I didn’t.”

“Tim, it’s okay. He’s winning.”

He looked positively wracked with guilt in a way she just couldn’t understand. Tim peeked upwards, seeing that Bruce had moved further down the bridge on Stephanie’s side, and was currently fighting off three guys at once.

Maybe there was still...

A crowbar carried by a screaming woman smashed through Tim’s window, and the adolescent pair squealed like they were in a horror film. Tim gathered his wits quicker than Steph, and shoved the door open, hitting the woman in the chest and nose. She cried out and stumbled backwards.

“Follow me.” Tim ordered.

The pair got out of the car, seeing that all the folk aside from Mrs. Crowbar were passed out on their side of the bridge. Batman seemed to be methodically working his way through them all. The navy suited woman rose up from her pained crouch, and went to smack Tim across the face with the metal rod, but Tim kicked her hard and she flew back, grip loosening. Stephanie wrenched it from her, and with an almost righteous fury, whacked her across the face.

She fell to the floor, and Stephanie heaved deeply. Glancing at the crowbar in her hand, she dropped it like a dead weight.

“That was a bit much.” She breathed. The woman groaned on the floor, no doubt with a broken jaw.

Tim ran over the edge of the bridge, jumping over to the pedestrian paths, and looked down at the black water rushing past below.

The bridge was very high above the water, and under normal circumstances you couldn’t survive the jump. Tim rummaged through his backpack, trying to find something that could disrupt the water’s surface before they landed, or something that could slow down their descent.

Stephanie stumbled over, slowly climbing over fences and barriers. The numbing of her leg was starting to fade, and she could feel her stitches tugging at the skin. She watched as Tim pulled something out of his backpack and put it back on. He leant over the railings and watched the river, like he was waiting for the right moment to jump.

“Life’s not that bad kiddo.”

Tim snorted, “Hah.” He looked back at Batman, who was nearly done wrecking the mob. Tim wasn’t out of the game until Bruce physically caught him. At least that was what he was telling himself. He began to climb over the fence.

“Tim!”

“Trust me.” He said as he clung to the railings. He gestured with his head for her to do so as well. She paused, confused by what he was trying to do when the man they were waiting on had shown up. She couldn’t get much safer than with Batman, right?

Then a gunshot sounded, and Stephanie gasped, body thrust forward with the force of the bullet passing through her body. She looked down, vertigo and disorientation making her unable to catch her breath and stay stable on her feet. Just below her waist but just above her left hip, blood began to pour out of a wound. The bullet had passed right through her and embedded itself on the railings that prevented walkers from toppling over.

She didn’t cry out, but lost her balance, leaning over the fence. She couldn’t breathe correctly, and hacked out a broken cry of pain.

Tim yelled and immediately reached across the metal, grabbing her and applying pressure to the wound on her back. Her bright red blood ran over his fingers. The exit wound would be large.

Stephanie began to wriggle, as if she were trying to separate her body from the pain, and she was so out of it she could neither steady her breathing nor control her muscles, and she began to flip over the edge of the bridge.

Batman, for all his skills, only managed to turn around in time to see, a third of a way down from him, the car Tim and Stephanie had stolen splayed halfway across the road, and a woman with a bloody face laying just up from the front of the car on the other side from Batman. Her jaw looked dislocated, and blood and teeth lay scattered across the ground. She had a gun in her hand. Looking to the pair, he could only watch as Stephanie tumbled off the bridge, and Tim, recklessly, thoughtlessly, threw himself off after her.

Resisting the urge to shout, he grappled the shooter in the shoulder, and dragged her across the floor, her face getting ran across the concrete and tarmac. He grabbed the woman’s throat and knocked her out as quickly as he could. Police sirens were not far from the bridge, and Bruce ran over to the edge, looking down.

“If they hit the water at this height it’s like being in a car crash at 90mph with no seatbelt.”

Oracle quoted the fact at him worriedly, even the electronic distortion was unable to hide her distress. And yet, when Bruce looked down, he could see their two heads in the water, bobbing sideways towards the shore. Tim had slowed and broken their fall, somehow. But Stephanie was likely grievously wounded and needed to get to the Bristol safehouse as quickly as possible.

“Oracle, drive the batmobile to where the get on land. Then ensure they get to the Bristol safehouse.”

“You’re going to let Tim drive it there?”

“You do it.”

“Gotcha boss.”

He just grunted and turned back to the one man who was still conscious, hiding behind the line of cars blocking the entrance to Bristol. Dragging him upwards, Batman pinned him up again the hood of his car.

“Where in the Narrows is Crystal Brown?”

The man was holding his broken shoulder and crying. All Ibanescu’s men were – frankly – pathetic.

"She’s at one of the warehouses along Yew and Oak… I’m sorry, we weren’t meant to… the girl was supposed to…my boss will… now that Stephanie is…”

He didn’t want to hear any more of the wretched man’s excuses, so threw him down on the floor. The first police car had arrived, and Bruce sighed, knowing he would have to leave Tim and Stephanie be. He couldn’t be in two places at once, and the threat looming over Crystal Brown had grown exponentially.

“They’ll be okay. I can see them on CCTV. Tim’s got a handle on it with Stephanie and the car. Go save her mom.”

Ignoring the policeman when he approached, Bruce shot a grapple up onto the suspension cables, and shot away, heading for the central island and the Narrows.

Stephanie and Tim would be watched over by Barbara from now on, and Bruce just hoped Stephanie could survive two bullet wounds, let alone the potential hypothermia and infections that could come from falling into Gotham’s rivers.

Tim had made a series of serious mistakes, and no matter how much Dick and Barbara may have hoped otherwise, Bruce could not let them pass by unchecked this night.

#dc #tim drake #stephanie brown #timsteph #my fic tag

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silver-lily-louise · 6 years ago

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So I’m currently watching Episode 85, ‘A Bard’s Lament’

and HOO BOY. I have a LOT to say about that whole mega-scene with Scanlan waking up and his departure, and this is far too long for a YouTube comment, so here we go. Okay, Part One: Scanlan’s arguments, and how most of them don’t make sense, but I understand entirely where he’s coming from.

Firstly: he’s angry that Kaylie was there. Sure, it makes sense that he didn’t want to upset her, or (more honestly) show himself as weak – but VM weren’t to know he didn’t want her there, and it’s generally the best idea to inform people of that shit ASAP, because finding out later is the WORST. Also, they thought she’d play an important part in the ritual - WHICH SHE DID. Plus, ‘I’d rather she never know’? That’s rarely a good idea, which is why it’s the source of god knows how much TV drama. The other person always, ALWAYS finds out. Surely a deception like that would breed even further mistrust between Scanlan and Kaylie down the line? Also, Percy is kind of a dick when making his argument and I’ll get to that, but he is also kind of right – Scanlan does idealise ‘what could be’ when it comes to his daughter, alternately jumping too far ahead and not doing enough, rather than working on what IS. Fair enough, he’s new at this, but that doesn’t mean he’s right.

Scanlan then goes on a ‘You don’t care about me’ trip – which is a classic, classic sign of someone going through a very bad time. ‘You only like me for the jokes and the mansion etc.’? That’s like saying they only like Keyleth for the transport, or Pike for the resurrections, or Vax for his sneakiness. People valuing your niche, your talents, doesn’t mean they don’t also care about you.

Next, there’s his anger at everyone else having a ‘personal quest’, and his misrepresentation of it being because they care about each other more than him. But if we examine those quests, a very different story appears. 1) Going to get Pike’s armour? Yeah, they did that - to help defeat the Conclave. 2) The Briarwoods? That quest started because of Percy’s need for vengeance, sure – but then it grew to more than that. They ended up saving both Whitestone and Emon (and countless future targets) from some seriously evil people. Before the Conclave, Vax was questioning what the point of VM was, but ‘standing against evil’ is a pretty good start. 3) They fought goliaths “for Grog”? No, not really. That’s not even half the story. They went to gather intel, save Westruun, and defeat Umbrasyl. The goliaths were a coincidence, a problem that arose and that they then dealt with. It would have been the same had anyone else but the Herd taken Westruun. 4) They travelled to the Feywild to ‘fix your fucking daddy issues?’ Again, NO! Fucking hell, what a twisted view of things! They went to the Feywild for a VESTIGE, a powerful weapon to defeat the dragons. Then they went to Syngorn to recruit a fucking army. The twins would rather not have had to see their father at all, and they made that perfectly clear.

Then comes the bitterness that ‘you don’t know anything about me’. That isn’t totally false, but it isn’t totally on them, either. Vax is right, he did ask about his age – several times, if I remember correctly. And as Vex asks later in the argument: ‘How many times have we asked you if you’re all right and you just laugh and joke?’ Not a kindly made point, again, but a realistic one. He IS kind of springing all this bitterness on them, after being a very deliberately closed book on the subjects of both his wellbeing and his past. Furthermore, I don’t see Vax bringing up Thordak to counter this point as a self-centred move – he’s just using his own experience to point out a logical flaw in Scanlan’s argument. Not knowing each other’s pasts is the norm for VM. Personal history has NEVER been a part of their bond, unless someone wants to talk, and then they will be listened to – Vax brings up the sewer example. More could have been done on both sides, sure. But VM not knowing Scanlan’s personal details – or that he was struggling so – is not because they don’t give a shit. That’s Scanlan’s emotional state talking.

Next up, a good ol’ fashioned piece of cognitive dissonance: ‘You aren’t involved with me as a person’ versus ‘Don’t meddle in my affairs’. Granted, that latter could be interpreted as ‘because you don’t know what you’re doing’, but it still seems a bit contradictory of Scanlan to accuse them of not caring about his personal life, and then berate them for involving themselves in the part they do know about when they deemed it necessary. (And it’s not like they could have asked his permission or opinion on whether they should stick their nose in before contacting Kaylie. He was dead.)

Scanlan then essentially tells them ‘You wouldn’t manhandle me if you respected me’. Fair enough – if you’re not okay with that happening to you, tell them. Real simple: ‘Hey, guys, don’t pick me up like that. It makes me super uncomfortable.’ Everyone has the right to set their own boundaries, but you’ve got to remember that the people around you aren’t mind readers. The ‘baseball’ comment is true; VM manhandle each other all the time, explicitly-consensually and not, and no-one’s had a problem with that before. If Scanlan wanted to change that, that’s on him to say. (But of course he didn’t, because I suspect he’s not really annoyed about it – or if he is, not nearly as much as he appears to be during this argument. He’s lashing out, and everything is ammunition to him in the heat of the moment.)

The final point I’d like to counter is when Scanlan devolves from ‘You only like me for my power’ to ‘I’m not powerful, I’m not cut out for this’. He’s flip-flopping like crazy, which just shows his damaged mental state. At this point, VM are clearly struggling to keep up. They’re trying to give him what he needs, so they do now try to incorporate ‘You’re valuable to us’ into their statements. Vax points out how much Scanlan’s done for him – both emotionally and in terms of survival – while Keyleth even brings his ‘I’m only a joker’ put-down back in as perhaps his greatest advantage. The problem is, those two arguments contradict this point of ‘I’m useless to you guys’, but seem to confirm his earlier one of ‘You only like me because I’m useful’! They can’t win, because Scanlan isn’t arguing with facts and logic anymore. He’s arguing purely with fear, and hurt, and anger, and the desire to pick a fight – which is why I personally find myself understanding where his arguments are coming from, but disagreeing with almost every one.

And so on to Part Two: How VM show, through this exchange, that they do care for Scanlan, and how their mistakes play into that.

Immediately after he wakes up and gets upset, they try to reassure him about Kaylie – saying that she won’t think less of him, pointing out his heroism, reminding him that she’s stuck around to look after him. Later, even after heated discussion, they try to advise him on how to proceed; they tell him that he hasn’t ruined his chance with her, but needs to change his tack and ‘Talk to her.’ I’m not cynical enough to see this as ‘interfering’ or ‘continuing to think they know best’. This is the way I see it: despite the argument, Scanlan is their friend, and he’s worried about something, so they want to help him deal with that.

Now, about the pudding thing: fair enough, that was in bad taste. I won’t deny that. They were relieved, drunk and happy, and so tried to make a joke – but he’d had a traumatic experience, and they should have known better. (A mentally healthier Scanlan probably would have laughed it off, swearing revenge.) It was poorly timed, yes – they seriously misjudged how Scanlan’s mental state would be – but it was not malicious in its intent. The execution was terrible, but I think in its intent, this was identical to any number of pranks VM play on each other.

After being accused of not caring about him, VM try to prove they do care. Vax tries to find the most genuine connection to Scanlan he has, something beyond the practical, and says ‘I’ve changed my outlook on life because of you!’ Again, I think it’s overly cynical to call this a selfish argument – he’s trying to highlight Scanlan’s importance, not his usefulness. Vex directly asks ‘What do you want us to do [to prove we care]?’, which is a good question. Then, after Grog asks about Juniper, she asks about Vicou. It comes off slightly ‘too little too late’, of course – but for gods’ sakes, they’re clearly trying to give Scanlan proof of their care. (Albeit in a slightly panicked, ‘don’t know what to do now’ way – but if they didn’t care, they certainly wouldn’t be scrambling around like that to prove that they do.)

Nearer the end of the scene, Vax tells Scanlan to go with Kaylie if he wants – but not to lie to himself while he’s doing it. And though it’s still aggressive and accusatory, like the rest of the conversation, that’s actually a good thing to want for your friend. His point boils down to ‘Do what you want, do what’s right for you – but do it for good reasons, and certainly not because you’re putting yourself down.’ Scanlan’s not there yet (‘I’m a really good liar’), but I do think that Vax’s good intention here gets through – hence the ‘give me time’ comment.

And that brings us nicely to Part Three: How the characters react to each other during this argument, and what that might suggest about each of their personalities and their mental states.

Firstly, going off of Scanlan’s ‘give me time’ comment: I think time is probably exactly what he needs. Everything becomes calmer when he starts talking about what he plans to do – I think that once he has an out, he’s no longer mentally surrounded by the emotions that fuelled the majority of this argument, and so the people left in the room are able to speak more civilly. They’re able to express care without it turning into anger again, and say a slightly better goodbye.

But before that, of course, there’s Percy. Percy handles this in his own realistic, big-picture-thinking way – even through his obvious anger and frustration. An important part of his speech to Scanlan is essentially this sentiment: ‘Yeah, alright, you’re shit. Who cares? We want you around anyway, and Kaylie probably will too.’ It doesn’t work, because that’s not what Scanlan needs to hear at that moment. But I get why Percy said it – I think that this is exactly the sort of ‘Get over it’ sentiment that would pull him through moments of self-doubt. It’s why there’s a strange dissonance when he tries to show Kaylie affection afterwards; if you take Percy’s words as an attack, you’re left asking, ‘What are you doing, trying to hug Kaylie after saying that?’ But looking at it from his perspective, I almost think that this sort of ‘brutal honesty about your flaws’ is the most loving Percy knows how to be – because he’s better than most at viewing the whole of a person/place/situation, instead of idealising them by focusing only on their good side. It’s why he was totally comfortable with Vax not trusting him, but still being friends/brothers (while most people would say those relationships are based on trust). It’s why he says ‘I hate you’ to Cassandra, entirely comfortable in the darker side of sibling rivalry, while the twins – despite their bickering – say ‘I love you’. To Percy, this sort of interaction doesn’t translate to ‘You’re awful, and in this moment of annoyance/anger I don’t know why I bother with you.’ It’s more like, ‘You’re awful, and I’m awful too, which goes to show how much we care about each other because we’re both still sticking around despite our many, many flaws.’

Lastly, there’s the ‘takeaways’ that each of the other characters – but primarily the half-elves – get from this argument. Keyleth latches onto the idea of people needing space sometimes, of separate journeys needing to be taken. That makes sense, given that the Aramente’s clearly on her mind now the Conclave has fallen. Whereas Pike clearly fears further separation, seeking reassurance that the rest of them can stay together (which Vax gives her). To me, this reflects her sadness at already missing so much of VM travelling together – now she’s back with them, she doesn’t want to lose them again.

Then there’s Vax’s reaction. After Scanlan leaves, there’s a sense of desperation – he starts sharing his feelings and fears in a way that definitely seems like he’s going ‘Please, let’s never have this happen again.’ But the situation is still too raw for anyone to be making decent judgements about what to do next, and so he almost makes the same mistake immediately, by urging Vex to share as well. He’s forgetting, again, that not everyone needs the same things, and that what he finds helpful in the moment others won’t – which is exactly the kind of misjudgement they’ve pretty much all just made with Scanlan. It’s a hard line to walk, because ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ is usually good advice – so when that approach goes south, it’s hard to fix, and you can end up digging a pretty deep hole. That’s the part of the argument that clearly stood out clearest to Vex, and so when faced with further uncomfortable conversation, she removes herself from the situation by leaving the room.

Before the summary, a BONUS - Part Four: Grog the philosopher, a wasted opportunity.

Grog’s ‘We did have selfish intentions’ point is interesting, largely because it doesn’t fit with almost anything else here. In an argument that’s mostly between ‘You don’t care, you’re selfish’ and ‘Yes we do care,’ Grog points out that the genuine care they have is almost as selfish as if they brought Scanlan back just for his mansion and jokes, as he practically claims they did. In a way, Grog’s hit upon a complex philosophical conundrum: ‘Do we care for people because we care for them, or just because we care about the emotional power they have over us? How much of grief is about sadness for them, and how much is sadness for us?’ Essentially, this is a more specific version of the grand old debate: ‘Can we ever be truly altruistic, or are we always motivated by what makes us feel good?’

Grog’s point doesn’t just have the potential to spark philosophical crises in the audience, however – it also might be the best reaction possible to Scanlan’s outburst. He acknowledges Scanlan’s feelings, and apologises for what mistakes they HAVE made with regards to their bard (which are existent, if not as numerous as Scanlan is claiming). Unfortunately, everyone else – including Scanlan himself – is caught up in emotional responses by that point, arguing mostly about things that wouldn’t even be issues (like the manhandling, or other peoples’ ‘personal quests’) were it not for the bad feelings already flying around. By the time Grog asks about Juniper, the situation is more of an emotional fistfight than a debate, and it’s a damn shame that Grog’s social/emotional clarity in this moment goes to waste just because it doesn’t fit into the pattern of argument the other six are already embroiled in.

So, to summarise:

Scanlan is clearly going through a very rough time, and his feelings are valid, but often his logic is not. Given that he was hurting, he should have been handled with a bit more empathy here, I think, but VM’s less-than-ideal reactions are also understandable. They didn’t handle the revelation of Scanlan’s misery admirably, but it was realistic – it’s very, very common for a conversation you’re ultimately having because you care about someone (else you wouldn’t BOTHER) to devolve into an argument. Sometimes, when emotions are running high, it feels a little uncontrollable, and you wind up thinking ‘how did we get here?’ (Or, as Vex said: ‘Well, that didn’t go like I thought it would.’) This theme is continued with Grog and Percy joking about sending guards after Scanlan – that moment is a nice metaphor for the whole discussion, I think, symbolising that an argument with someone you love is rarely a question of whether you still care; more often than not, it’s a battle between two different ideas of HOW that care can/should be expressed.

This show is consistently excellent in portraying complex situations where no-one’s totally right or wrong. (And the characters seem to know that things aren’t black and white, too: ‘Fuck him for not saying anything sooner! And fuck us for not asking.’ There’s blame on both sides, and Vex shows here that she understands that.) It’s easy to portray conflict when characters have differing intentions/motivations – but situations like this? Where everyone essentially wants the same good thing (i.e. caring about each other), but it still gets complicated and argumentative, and no-one comes across as a total idiot whose viewpoint makes no fucking sense? Well, this was a particularly well-done – albeit heartbreaking – example of this show presenting that kind of situation brilliantly.

Eighty-five episodes in, Vox Machina continue true to form: strangely competent at saving the world, but absolute experts in doing the wrong things for the right reasons. And damn, is it compelling.

#critical role #cr #cr meta #a bard's lament #vox machina #scanlan shorthalt #mine

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cookiefonster666 · 6 years ago

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hey it’s time for more homestuck epilogue ramblings, this time about jade

Again basically a mirror of a recent Blogger post. I have quite a few other posts about the epilogues on my blogs, but most of them I don’t quite feel comfortable posting here.

Content warning: This post contains some discussion of sexual content, starting from the header "The Candy (in Candy)". Read at your own discretion.

The Not-So-Wonderful World of Shafted Characters

Enter Jade Harley, the character who's been an odd spot in the comic's sprawling cast since day one. She starts as basically just a plot device but becomes a genuine wonderful character in Act 5. But after that point, she gets an upsettingly small amount of screen time and is rudely stripped from the on-screen dialogue reunions most everyone else gets. And by the time Collide and Act 7 happen, the comic has done away with dialogue. Yeah, that sure is fun.

So obviously, one of my biggest hopes for the epilogue was that Jade would get a full strong resolution, perhaps with dialogue "reunions" she should have gotten or with a major new role in the storyline. Jade did get plenty of dialogue early in Meat and some in Candy and it was pretty great, but what ultimate resolution did her character get? Fucking nothing!!! No resolution in Meat, no resolution in Candy.

The epilogues did a LOT of things right, don't get me wrong. Each of the twelve creators on Earth C gets a good share of screen time and I think the epilogues are reasonably balanced in that regard—far more balanced than late Act 6 was. But the epilogues are incredibly imbalanced in giving characters resolution. Some characters had an astounding resolution arc that far surpassed my already high expectations!!! But for one reason or another, some characters get the opposite of resolution arcs—you probably know who I'm talking about. I'll have to talk about those another time. And as I said before, Jade doesn't even get a resolution. I'll discuss exactly how she doesn't get a resolution, first in Meat and then in Candy.

The Candy (in Meat)

Earth C Jade's first appearance in Meat is a conversation with Dave and Karkat about politics and romance. We quickly learn that she's in an unresolved love triangle with both of them. Continuing the time-honored tradition of Harleyberts not understanding how love works, Jade clumsily tries to set up a three-way romance with Karkat and Dave and misunderstands everything about the quadrants along the way. I found that scene absolutely hilarious and a surprisingly on-point satire of how fans think of character shipping. As per tradition, Jade tries to solve everyone's problems through a shipping grid because obviously that's worked spectacularly in the past. Also, she literally fucking says Dave and Karkat are "kind of like moirails". I don't know about you, but I found that one particular line to be the funniest shit in the world.

It's already apparent that Jade has changed quite a bit from last time we saw her. She's considerably more airheaded and free-flowing, and her most prominent trait now is her severe lack of social skills. This change makes a lot of sense considering Jade's history. She was still almost entirely human after ascending to god tier, but that has changed over the years. Now she has lots of dog hormones, a tail, and you-know-what. Not to mention this is the Jade that spent three years with John and Davesprite dead. It also fits into an interesting pattern I've noticed: generally speaking, the less screen time a character got in late Act 6, the more that character has changed by the start of the epilogues. Think about John and Dave, how much they retain from how they acted in A6A6I5. Now think about Jane Crocker. Jane FUCKING Crocker. I think it's no coincidence that the character fans have always regarded as boring is now basically a full-blown antagonist. Now think about Gamzee MOTHERFUCKING Makara. ... uh, actually no, I don't recommend you think about him. My point is, I'd say the epilogues succeeded at parodying the comic's fans while simultaneously paying tribute to them, and Jade's first dialogue in Meat is no exception.

The Meat

Next up, Jade presents the political situation to Roxy and Calliope and discusses a few more things in her Jade fashion until suddenly she falls into a coma, her soul now possessed by god tier Calliope who herself inhabits a different iteration of Jade. There she goes, that's the end of Meat Jade's character arc. She's now once more a shameless plot device pushed around by the whims of fate—how's that for going full circle? The few times afterwards where Jade speaks, it's only brief intermissions between being possessed by the Dead Cherub or getting knocked out by Dirk so he can have the narration back.

Basically, Jade ends Meat having completed an enormous circle of stupidity: plot device -> good character -> shafted character -> changed character -> plot device. It actually is a fitting ending now that I think of it, especially in the half that's more focused on tying plot threads. But it feels annoying considering what kind of ending Jade gets, or rather doesn't get, in Candy. Let's go over it, shall we?

The Candy (in Candy)

Jade's first appearance in Candy isn't too different from her first appearance in Meat: a conversation about romance and politics with Dave and Karkat, the two roommates who are (not) dating each other and both most certainly (not) dating Jade. A bunch of stuff I already said two headers ago.

... And then things get weird. Really fucking weird. Our heroes get paired into four romantic groups forming basically the Buddy System 2.0, which is even more unnatural and freaky than the first one was. Most of those groups start having kids, but Jade's group—her, Dave, and Karkat—has issues that aren't quite easy to sort out. Now here's where I have to talk about the elephant in the room: Jade's penis. Or as fans call it, "dog dick".

The middle section of Candy all but outright confirms what was once an absurd headcanon. At a glance, it directly contradicts what Hussie himself said about Jade before, that she only has dog ears and the rest is still human. But if you think deeper you can tell that Hussie didn't necessarily change his mind, but decided that Jade would start only with dog ears and then gradually gain more elements of a male dog.

Anyway, Jade's penis is enough of a confounding factor that she, Dave, and Karkat can't agree on a way to have kids. And then a few years later, Karkat becomes the hero he was always meant to be and the tragic breakup happens. Then after even more years of presumably a bunch of hemming and hawing, Dave and Jade FINALLY get married. That's amazing, right???? The ship that's been a fan favorite for longer than probably any other? And they're married after all this time?

Uh, no. Not really at all. Not too long after their overdue wedding, Dave has a touching conversation with his number one hero, Barack Obama. He confesses that he's living a lie and can't get over Karkat, or the long-gone Dirk for that matter. When Obama offers Dave to ascend to his ultimate self, he immediately accepts it over staying on Earth C with his doggy wife and becomes Davebot, now proud and ready to achieve greater things in paradox space.

With Dave having achieved what can only be described as one hell of an ending, what triumphant resolution does Jade get? That's right, fucking nothing! Dave leaving Jade behind to explore the White House is the last we hear from her in Candy.

grrrrrr i want more epilogues (or do i???)

And that, my friends, is one of many reasons one could reasonably hope for a follow-up to the Homestuck Epilogues. I'm too lazy to list all the possible reasons, there's just way too many.

So instead, I'll say the following: despite all the flaws, I'm still more than complacent in rereading the epilogues over and over instead of daydreaming about getting even more. It's just such a mass dump of material that you can't fully process after reading just once, much like Homestuck itself. My prior posts about the epilogues already read like someone that doesn't fully understand them, at least to me. Such is the beauty of Homestuck, it's absurdly fun to think and talk about.

Conclusion

I LOVE HOMESTUCK. I LOVE HOMESTUCK, I LOVE HOMESTUCK, I LOVE HOMESTUCK, I LOVE HOMESTUCK!!!

LOVE

HOMESTUCK

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #epilogues #jade harley #circle of stupidity #lack of resolution #dave strider #karkat vantas #shafted characters

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antialiasis · 7 years ago

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Dear Evan Hansen

So I developed an interest in this musical during my semi-recent Groundhog Day obsession, when thanks to following everything posted about GhD on Tumblr, I ended up on the periphery of the general Broadway/Tony discourse. Everyone was talking about Dear Evan Hansen, either how good it was or how overrated it was, and I stumbled across some post suggesting it involved teens with issues and suicide, at which of course my ears perked up because I am me.

I listened to the soundtrack and read a basic plot summary on Wikipedia. The songs weren't amazingly up my personal musical alley for the most part, but still pretty good, and I was quite intrigued by the character work in them - the increasingly obvious wish-fulfillment of Evan's story in For Forever, culminating in the choked-up repetition of "He's coming to get me", suggesting without having to say directly that actually no one came to get him; the repeated "falling in a forest" motif never quite saying he let go but making it clear this moment was more meaningful than one would expect long before the plot summary indicated we'd find out he'd been suicidal; Zoe's subtle denial in Requiem; the tragic irony of Evan inspiring everyone with a speech about how you will be found when he knows better than anyone that sometimes you won't. This was good shit! I wanted to try to see it on the same trip as Groundhog Day, but the tickets were all well sold out, and ultimately I more or less gave up on the possibility. (I'd actually missed that there was a lottery for the show, but we tried it when we were in New York and didn't win.)

It just wouldn't quite leave me alone, though, so with no prospects for being able to see it legitimately at any point in the foreseeable future, I ended up giving up and watching a bootleg.

(Excessive overcritical rambling about characterization, subtlety, etc. under the cut! It is very critical, so by all means scroll on by if that’s not your jam.)

After all the mental buildup, I ended up sort of underwhelmed by the actual show, unfortunately. When I listened to the soundtrack I'd filled in blanks, imagining all the rich development that might be happening in between the songs - Evan slowly growing closer to Connor's dad before To Break In a Glove, say. But actually watching it, it felt like there was a lot less development than I'd imagined. There isn't really anything about Evan growing closer to Connor's dad other than the song itself, or a lot of development for Connor's dad at all outside of it. Zoe's conflicted feelings about Connor, legitimate fear and hatred coupled with a strange, paradoxical longing for him to really have had a better side to him that actually loved her, are fascinating, but aren't really explored outside of what I'd already heard in Requiem and If I Could Tell Her - Zoe's role ends up being mostly about being the target of Evan's dubiously ethical romantic interest, without really tackling the things about her that were actually interesting.

When I first listened to the soundtrack, I didn't actually pick up on Jared or Alana existing as characters. I'm not great at discerning voices on a first listen, so while for example Sincerely, Me was a bit confusing, I parsed it just as a dialogue between Evan and the imaginary Connor in his head, with "Connor" making the sardonic suggestions to ridicule Evan's pathetic efforts in between theatrically reading out what Evan was typing. They were in the plot summary, though, so I figured it out eventually, and the Tumblr fandom was full of posts about Jared and Alana - how complex they were, how much people related to them, everyone shipping Evan with Jared (of course). So I looked forward to seeing more of these characters that the soundtrack didn't really show off.

As it turned out, though, they weren't much in the way of characters, really. There are a couple of lines about Alana's anxiety and how she also feels like she's alone and doesn't matter - but they're ultimately throwaways. Alana is mostly just a plot point, as the person who's invested enough in the Connor Project to care but still detached enough to start to notice and question the discrepancies in Evan's story. Her dialogue is almost entirely either pure plot advancement or jokes; she may be secretly troubled and anxious, and eventually she spells out that she originally latched onto the Connor Project because of that, but the show just keeps kind of making fun of her - the most prominent characterization she gets is the running gag where she acts like she was so totally close to Connor while making it obvious she actually barely knew he existed - and she doesn't really get to act out the complexity the show wants to imply. We never see the Connor Project affecting her life, or get a real sense that it's giving her meaning that she was lacking before; it's told and not shown. That makes sense for a minor character who's mostly there to play a role in the plot, but the fandom had made me expect a lot more, and I really think she could have been done a lot more interestingly if they'd just spent less time making jokes about her.

And Jared... is desperately unlikeable. A lot of people on Tumblr were criticizing the play for not punishing Evan enough for his actions - but at the same time everyone was in love with Jared. This is baffling, because as far as I can see, it's pretty much Jared who ropes Evan into this in the first place. Evan originally tries to tell the Murphys that Connor didn't actually write the 'suicide note', but they dismiss him and Cynthia acts extremely upset, and Evan is too timid to try to be firm and argue with these grieving parents in order to explain to them that actually their dead son had no friends. After this he's panicking and anxious about having to clear up the misunderstanding, but it's Jared who convinces him he absolutely can't tell them the truth and has to just smile and nod and keep up the pretense. After this, Jared relentlessly mocks and bullies Evan as the lie spirals out of control, makes a silly attempt to insert himself into it, gets mad when Evan says they must stick to the established story where Jared necessarily wasn't involved, then gets hurt and complains when Evan stops hanging out with him once he's got something else to do and other people who like him. Obviously Evan is in no way an innocent party here - he does start to latch onto the fantasy of this imaginary friendship with Connor and this doting family that wants and likes him, and soon he's clearly keeping up the charade for himself and not to make Connor's family feel better. But none of this would have happened if it weren't for Jared convincing him he absolutely needed to keep up the lie, yet what Jared says when it's all gotten out of hand isn't "Look, I'm sorry, this is wrong, I was wrong, you should have told them the truth from the start", but "You should remember who your friends are." Maybe Evan would remember who his friends are if you'd ever been anything resembling an actual friend to him, Jared! I gather stage directions and cut songs and so on show that Jared actually has a very low self-esteem and is covering up his insecurities with sarcasm and bullying behaviour, which is great, but I wish any of that really got through in the actual play, because in the actual play Jared is just intensely unsympathetic. As it stands, his narrative function is to show how friendless Evan is (the best he's got is this guy, who freely tells him he only hangs out with him because he's literally being paid for it) and to be the person who's callous enough to think lying to a grieving family about being friends with their dead son to save face is okay, because Evan is actually better than that and wouldn't have done it otherwise. Like with Alana, I'm sure there's something interesting there, in theory, that the actor taps into while playing him. But within the actual show, the way he acts by and large isn't interestingly informed by his insecurity; he's just being a mean-spirited, bullying, opportunistic asshole. He has no real redeeming qualities and then just kind of vanishes abruptly from the story towards the end, before he gets the chance to even react to the lie being (partly) exposed (which could have been a nice opportunity to show him being a non-dick for once).

I was also sad to discover that in the actual play, things that were subtle and interesting on the soundtrack are just spelled out. Evan explains in so many words near the very beginning, before we even hear For Forever, that he broke his arm because he fell out of a tree and the funny thing is nobody came to get him so he was just lying on the ground alone for a while. That beautiful, emotional repetition in the song - And I see him coming to get me. He's coming to get me. And everything's okay. - isn't using Evan's emotion as he makes up a false wish-fulfillment narrative to implicitly tell you about something that really happened; it's just a straightforward lie contradicting something established explicitly earlier on. There's nothing wrong with that, but man, I thought it was something sublime. Even stuff like To Break In a Glove - on the soundtrack, Evan says, "Connor was really lucky to have a dad who... who cared so much, about... taking care of stuff," and it establishes nicely, implicitly, that Evan's own dad never cared and never played baseball with him, which Connor's dad clearly understands in the pause that follows even though he doesn't remark on it directly and just reiterates his instructions about the glove. But in the actual thing, they spell it out. A moment that wasn't a big crowning moment of subtlety or anything but still nicely understated, trusting the listener to get the implied meaning without stating it outright, isn't even that. That's a bit disappointing.

I wonder if in some previous iteration of the story it used to be subtler, but they later made it more explicit to make it easier to follow. That or, you know, I extrapolated subtlety simply from having incomplete information. One of the two. (If it's the latter, though, I'm amused at how coincidentally good that incomplete information is.)

I was also surprised by just how little we learn about the actual Connor, even after seeing Tumblr jokes about Mike Faist being nominated for a Tony for spending fifteen minutes onstage. I expected fifteen minutes meant we'd see just enough of Connor to be able to form a reasonably complete picture along with the stuff we'd learn second-hand - but we don't really get to form any clear picture of Connor at all. We see that he smokes weed, that he suffers from severe paranoia, that he has violent episodes. There's, I think, pretty much exactly one scene giving real, subtle, humanizing insight into his character - the one in the computer lab, where Connor talks to Evan and signs his cast despite his outburst earlier (showing that he awkwardly wants to make up for shoving Evan but is still unwilling to directly apologize or address it), and he jokes about how they can both pretend they're friends (implying he too might be lonely and wishes he had friends, and if things had gone differently perhaps they could have become friends for real), but then when he sees Evan's letter referring to Zoe, he lashes out with sudden intense paranoia again and pushes him away (implying he does care about his sister on some level, as well as showing just how bad his mental health issues are and giving an idea of why he's not exactly popular). This one scene really is very good and exactly the sort of thing I wanted from this musical! But this is his last scene before he dies, and the majority of Connor's time onstage is as the imaginary version of him in Evan's head, which isn't very well developed and doesn't have very much to do with the real Connor. Moreover, we don't end up learning very much from Connor's family after his suicide at all. They used to have picnics at an apple orchard; Connor once had an episode where he screamed he was going to kill Zoe; that's pretty much about it. I was expecting imaginary Connor to kind of be developed as a character in his own right, based on Evan's perception of what the actual Connor was like at school, but imaginary Connor doesn't end up getting much in the way of characterization, instead serving more as a mouthpiece to manifest some of Evan's inner monologue as it pertains to how he relates to Connor and projects his own feelings and experiences onto him. That kind of makes sense, since Evan knows basically nothing about Connor, but just the same, it feels like a missed opportunity to flesh out Connor's character in general. When Connor and the made-up fantasy of him that Evan creates are such a huge part of the story, it seems natural to make use of the real Connor to compare and contrast Evan's fantasy Connor, but the show ultimately doesn't really go there, and Connor remains kind of just the potential to be a character more than a real character. I think that's a shame; it'd be fascinating to get a good look into the mind of someone with Connor's kind of severe mental health issues (as opposed to Evan's anxiety, which is much easier for an average person to grasp and relate to), and I think it'd strengthen the show's commentary on teen suicide if the kid who took his own life were a real, developed character that we can properly understand and empathize with.

All that having been said, though, it's still a good show. I might have appreciated it more if I hadn't spent weeks making up my own version in my head before I gave in and watched the bootleg, but there are still a lot of things it does do really, really well. Evan's anxiety and general self-hatred and character progression is well portrayed; he's relatable and sympathetic while making hugely misguided, horrible choices, with real, intriguing psychological depth actually driving the things he does. And some things really are good and subtle in the final product, like Evan relating to Connor and projecting onto him because he'd been suicidal himself, the general hints at that fact before it actually comes to light. So Big / So Small is genuinely one of the best-done tearjerker songs I've ever heard; the truck story is kind of cheesy but it's so cute and childlike and tragic and spaced out in the perfect way with Heidi's feelings of being helpless and overwhelmed. Heidi in general is such a good character; she's trying so hard, and loves him so much, but she has to get by and just doesn't have the ability to be there for him as consistently as someone like Cynthia. And with how hard she works, and how much she loves him, of course it hurts her to learn her son has found this second family behind her back, a family of rich strangers that feel sorry for her and want to give her handouts. She's so flawed and I love her.

(After Anybody Have a Map?, where Cynthia and Heidi's experiences of trying their hardest for their sons when they don't really know how are compared, I was hoping they'd both be getting similar levels of development, but alas, Cynthia definitely gets the short end of the stick. She gets more development than Connor's dad, and the way she unlike the rest of her family unreservedly loved her son in spite of everything is interesting, but again, without actually getting much insight into Connor, it's hard to gain a complete understanding of why she feels that way, or of her mental state in general.)

Requiem is a really beautiful song and my favorite in the show, although the aforementioned So Big / So Small kind of needs its own scale because damn. Sincerely, Me is very catchy. The "To disappear, disappear" chorus of Disappear was one of the first bits that stuck with me on the soundtrack, particularly the way the quiet abruptness of the latter "disappear" actually conveys the feeling of disappearing. Good for You and Anybody Have a Map? are both good.

And the performances are very good in general. Rachel Bay Jones as Heidi may actually be my favorite because as I explained above I really like Heidi, and Ben Platt's anxiety as Evan is palpable and believable. I may not like Jared the character, but Will Roland does nail the role, I think. And of course, I'm sure the show is much better live than watching a bootleg. Live theater is a whole different experience, and if I ever do get a good chance to see it properly, I'll go for it.

(But I liked Groundhog Day better.)

#dear evan hansen #review #ramble #characters #incredibly long overanalytical rambling about characterization in a musical involving suicide: the most Me thing(tm)#suicide

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throwingideasatthewall · 4 years ago

Text

The Clone Wars Senate Murders

(Season 2 Episode 15)

Ack .... So are we going to address the guy that got killed? . . Oh This is a new one . . . Oh No . . . The Bab ies - Will Only Pro Long

Oh good

[I was worried I was going to have to pull out The old “Amidala kills children,” Thing,]

Any way, That’s Good I like babies not getting hurt, [Cute things in general]

Oof That’s Not-

[pretty sure that’s the point]

Whelp

Well I have teased Amidala pretty unmercifully, Regarding That Episode, I do still give her a bit of slack (Age appropriate) Because she still has a chance to un-feck the situation [In the story]

Least we know it isn’t her getting poison ed this time,

Oh, never mind,

That actually did apparently help (slightly) (in the unaccountable) (Slightly less toxicity in air)

Smooth

Hold Up Wait, Wasn’t Ready (Sus Pect- Ing- Animation That smooth,

I think that was Sa- tine - Good ref (erence) Picking up right where he left off

C-3PO

Nice

Whelp

-Windows -

Okay, Minor Issue?

Oh it’s a whole bunch of them

That’s nice-

Senator Stonk

“what will the public think if I don’t want to make child soldiers,?”

-Boomer

(Probably)

“But he wants to know how very sorry he is,”

Haha

That is the correct tone

“Sorry-”

Sorry doesn’t get you anything

It’s an attempt to control the narr- ative

And nothing else

(If you screw up just fix the problem don’t keep dragging the tox,”

Votes

That’s nice

This is a very non-toxic healthy tea

(I know he’s kind of assuming authority here

But they seem to be pretty close friends-

Who are covered under the friend- ship rules

“ A.k.a. not doing it to a random stranger who doesn’t like it,”

Good rule

Oh God It’s

THAT

fucker..

With the line about convincing other people of good?

I-

Nope-

Note; this isn’t an official X

It’s just a show my venomous hatred of this guy..

And the episode he Spawned from

Which was the first one to earn a strike from me...

For normalizing abuse...

With that in mind I give this episode the benefit of the doubt...

Even with that concerning opening line

So I will acknowledge I am slightly doubtful

[not quite putting on the SWAT gear, maybe just a bat]

With that- in mind- let’s continue...

... .

Mistakes ...

Em- That at least counts as one tox

Bring up the previous things you did wrong does not fix it

It’s guilt tripping

And an attempt to get the other party to validate your toxicity

Dude’s Towing..

Just after a joke about how sorry doesn’t do anything

I hope the writers can see the irony in that

(Utilize It)

Peace - Dick

Hey-

[Repeat generations/friends can be friends with older members, just Weird,] - Any ,Way-

Aight

Ni’ gh t’

Ah- did they skip over to it or they going?

“exciting isn’t quite the word I would use,”

Toxic, authority assuming, enabling,

Authority assume is not ok regardless of what generation you are

[Dude’s going to be a Traitor, Isn’t he?

They focused on him

Might be actually a good bit of tension if he didn’t (Former Separatist)

Terri-fying

Yeah surrounded by a bunch of toxic boomers who will feel free. To be as doubting distrustful. negative and overall unhelpful

As you allow

And they feel like pushing the boundary...

Mind

Or- gana

Dick move

It’s her personal opinion - and it ain’t tox?

People can have dislikes

Not like she called you an Overinvolved boomer — or held you to any accountability (Yet) ...

Who order-

[This is getting really tox

and I don’t trust the writers ✖️ Just putting it over there in case I need it .....

You

.. [Grooming isn’t cool

Self deprecation isn’t either]

Aight

Also there’s a process you need to go to to speak?

Money doesn’t matter -

Killing - and hatred but the pacifistic bitch vilified

*Spoken in complement

She kicked ASS last episode

*sorry for the vulgarity I’m excited . . Also, so is this Padme’s episode.

Cause Neat.

Good

But are votes casted by clapping?

(I’m not sure)

Okay

Whelp

That’s either a bad guy or damn good red herring

I’m intrigued

Also, whatever happened to Clovis?

Like, he still a senator?

He get kicked?

Uhm

Dude,

False appreciation

Also yeah what was with that dude earlier?

[Uncle what’s his name apologize to him for Padme’s comment despite Uncle what’s his name being the one who made it, implying dude took a serious issue with it,]

Also, Oo, is this working of the previous quote about the line between friends and foes being blurred.

[I like consistency]

So it has to be one of those guys,

The ones in the room with her,

I’m putting a guess on Senator-

The one uncle what’s- his-name apologized to

That guy

[Or it could be that guy that]

No actually he’s probably abstain ed for that reason

Sorry I’m getting ahead - But it does say “Murder,”

And I am curious . Really going over - Also why is that guy bowing?

[Tran-slation?]

Right . obvious villain .

Also light bullshit..

There’s no- way guy could’ve made it over there

The thing is still in session

We saw him less than a minute ago

And she just came in directly

[He’d be halfway down the hallway]

For likely scope

Yeah, this dude is totally a Red Herring - He’s way too over the top ... I’m putting my bets On that human Senator Guy . CHILD SOLDIERS ARE BAD! [sorry I just felt the need to say that,]

Okay, Uncle-what’s his name-

Other person

That guy-

Drink -ing!

Nice

Vi-ctory

Oh, this looks like a problem

Child groomers In- corporate-

Off

Second Red herring!

(It’s that guy and I’m sticking with it)

Private

Yeah, like how did he even get into the room without a key card?

I know Amidala’s a senator and by that, A public servant, But you figure if they’re bringing out the alcohol, they’d shut the door

-Declare off hours

-For the celeb ration-

Separatist Con Spiracy-

She has a point-

You did a hundred percent enable his behavior

(No argument there)

Pro- separatist

Ah, uncle back stabber there would contradict you

Not sure if you’re the same species

But, you do know about his bullshit,

Don’t assume accountability free snarking Territory (They’re all enablers so I’m not even going to bother with the math, About who screwed up more, All the elders here are held to the same standard, About,

Uncle Backstabber a little more

*Since I know what he did,

Account

From the most bastard, of the group,

Who’s the next Red herring?

It’s that dude I swear Soon

Yeah child soldiering is a bitch

As is enabling

But she has no idea what’s going to happen being the past.

Dick, whelp,

Poor Frita (I think)

He’s going he’s going to get roped into this too isn’t he?

“ We you must be doing something right,”

Nah, enabling abusers never a good idea

But then again there’s no rules for dealing with trauma individuals because they aren’t supposed to be any

How long that takes and what it entails

Is down to who ever is asserting accountability (Excluding the actual accountability, cutting Them off)

That’s unnegotiable

(And it can’t involve death)

Too. harsh-

No you haven’t-

Well, yeah

But that’s accessory at best ... Ono you’ve done a wonderful job

No he hasn’t

Don’t coddle the abuser

He’s screwed up pretty consistently

Pretty sure it’s more than five

And was leading to let the future get hecked ...

Very Likely

He wasn’t hurt

The other lady spent a lot more time defending

She should get the ‘don’t listen to them’

If anything just ‘reflect the bitch’ (Neutral) Aight

Too Late!

Can someone stop playing the sad music?

This isn’t sad

And you can’t make me sympathize for the abuser

(I- don’t trust this writer)

That Dude sus

Aight

Faker-

He’s dying you dumb ass

(Having a heart attack probably

All the stress of denial)

Whelp

Call!

Please

Whelp

-Oh wait bitch is dead?

Uhm.

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!

(I know that seems really harsh- But dude- deserved it

And I never have to deal with that character anymore!

So,

Al- right the funeral;

Um,

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!

(I’m sorry I really hated that character-)

* In reality the loss of life is a very serious thing and I don’t mean to make light of it

But no one is required to feel sad about their abusers- Nor toxic individuals Nor anyone else Yes the loss of life is a serious thing But it should not And could not control a person’s life

I’ve always played accountability over death Or death penalty ...

“...was is a flawed man,”

He tried to sell someone into slavery...

The fact that Amidala was an adult and could get out of the situation Doesn’t forgive how terrible that situation was.

Un-healthy And Wrong

“Own mistakes”

And he tried to guilt trip everyone into giving him validation

Specifically Amidala

Every occasion

[Also flawed Some one breaking the code once or twice, (Under five) Is flawed,

This dude tox,

He should’ve been sentenced to accountability along time ago

For trying to make the world a generally terrible place for someone

Multiple times-

That’s not okay

[and he clearly didn’t learn his lesson]

[Note; whether a person “learned their lesson” or not, Is irrelevant

[They already knew the rules before]

But he never compromised his principles-

HaHAha,

What?

That’s because dude didn’t have any principles

He broke them long before,

Also why the frick does Master Yoda care?

Dude was a politic,

The Fuck,

He engaging this propaganda?

Why?

Why does he care about any of this.

Why does ANY one

[Satine, alright, hermen got murdered and she might be looking for evidence on who-done-it That’s fair

Oh says it’s an everyone event

That makes sense

Guessing the Jedi are required to come or else the branded as that asshole

Fair

Eyes

Aight

What- ever-

Why the guard?

Like cultural customs

Aren’t honor guards for veterans (And possibly extremely high positions, Like Chancellor?

As technical commander of the army?

Like, Explain?

That guy-

Sus

Very Sus-

Pas- sed

I’d say to find his killer

But yeah I can’t really blame anyone for not caring that much about that dude

Specifically Amidala

(Though accountability law..

Frita is honestly my favorite character

I don’t know why.

Possibly his relation to the chancellor and how he still a good natured guy,

Aight

Yeah he was a dick,

Hope those aren’t memories [also totally the Kamooin B- Right?

[Like I’m totally still after Dude, ]

But she’s the only one that touched the bottle]

That we saw?

Dude did suggest it

Still heavily sussing him . No Face . Also is that his wife?

(Don’t think it was ever established)

I-

Mentor

How old is this person?

I’m gonna assume adult

So.

He toxically asserted authority over me.

Or wrong choice of words and they meant like “best friend”

Cause that’s kind of tox,

Me?

- -

This is getting Hella tox

You’re a person

Yeah you might miss him and that’s totally fine

But-

You’re still a person completely able to self determine.

‘ take his place,’

Oh no

Shit

Just what she needs overinvolvement

Right

Not threatening at all

Oh Red . We never see them enter . Right . Well this turned from a private party to a Conference

I thought he was just calling to offer condolences.

Questions.

Oh, Did you not tell the loud ones what happened to their loved one?

(Like normally I’m all for no one should witness anyone else’s death Or that news be public

But this is assumed authority. And that stuff is pretty normal

Regardless of how terrible. Senator Fa

This guy seems like a drip

[Guessing that’s the reason why Amidala is going to end up taking charge,]

Because the Chancellor hired a sham detector Whelp

Dick way to put it

True, the protocol for murder isn’t cutting and clear

Dragging random people into it, isn’t

You see it you’re immediately accountable,

(Only by view of the body, Not by word of mouth)

Because this kind of approach is super in-effective,

Whelp Great

Also there were thousands of senators in that building that could screw up the thing

Only five

(I’ll give the murder mystery It’s Dues, And let it continue, But (im-probabilit- ies is not a good thing)

Might Want To Avoid

(Also if that’s the qualification; I’m sussing Amidala, Dude was a dick to her)

THOUGH I’M STILL- SUSS -ING DUDE IN Blue? dude with the beard

That one.

Build-ing <—- He Sus

Him

—-

Ha!

Here

Hey that was almost emotion, Nice

(also, dang how frequent are murders?

Him

<—-

He Sus

He didn’t take a seat like everyone else

[Also, it was purple Dude wearing purple that’s who I’m talking about]

Also are you going to introduce him as the detective ?

‘cause you’re kind of screwing with these people

Not telling them what’s going on

Answering in vague Snark

Him. ...

For no reason

Considering he was an uncountable toxic frick who allowed it lots of people to get hurt-

I’m mad,

A ight

Right..

And

Okay, He’s got a point

Immediate accountability is the case murder for good reason

Surprised they didn’t start this right after the murder

When it happened

Dude- [i’m not going to criticize the spatial awareness]

Him

<—-

Right there

Murder

A good point since they really haven’t explained anything?

Okay, Right

Or anyone stealthy

Though yeah I guess politicians

[just don’t like the generalization]

Someone good With he rbs..

Okay.

Neat.

Insult.

Poor. Frita

He didn’t deserve this,

(Well yeah he’s an enabler,)

But He’s the least toxic..

[Also poor Frita, Always getting sucked into these mysteries

He’s the shaggy of this damn group

[Likes food and hanging out with people, Gets dragged into bullshit,

Rip

Insulting the whole damn room ..... This character is obnoxious

But in a fun way

The narr -atives- clearly having fun

Ono yeah he was an open dick

[Seriously they’re treating him like-]

No it couldn’t possibly be because he was an ex separatist,

Open book Case,

Con-troversial

Politicians arguing over basic human decency

And common sense

‘Do we really.. Ok that’s enough politic jokes

The movie started it �� so I had to finish it.

Now on with.

Dude drunk

Dick

“ I’m totally-”

Um, this is delicious corruption

How long until Amidala figures what’s going on?

Whelp

He just left?

He really is a quack

Did you find him on fakedetectives.com?

Palpatine?

Crud

Okay,

That guy,

Target

Good

Aight

Also it’s that guy Authority ass- umer sus,

No No,

Good plan

Ono

Good plan

Evil.

Aight

Good

In-vestigation

Yes- Good

Let’s Do It ...

It’s that guy

Him

He -a dick

Also not to claim authority over him

Not, not to be cu- rious- -

No-pe

Authority figures don’t

He was an ass

Also yeah just put all the possible suspects in the room - That Guy

Uhm

Ty-pho

Agana!

That fricker

Onu looked at him before his death - He came back last to the party-

He was the first to suggest opening the drinks - Also the thing with the detective and him just trying to get over as quickly as possible

He sus,

Aight,

Right, - Don’t - get stabbed

Um-

Aight

Wha-

Ha, such a red herring-

Okay-

Oh, Red herring Co-nference

Didn’t notice the snake lady (Kamoin) Empty Chair - Also they know each other?

Good, evil for them,

Fair

Aight

Also yeah the boomers here didn’t do it - More likely someone from the Present Gen.. .

Theory

That Guy..

Guy’s like damn

Like just give her your time and your place and your alibi.

Whelp, Aight

So I’m pretty sure if I had paid attention to the bottles, That wouldn’t have matched up ...

Yeah he was a separatist

DAMN

Like I saw the hand on the dock But I thought it was an assassin or team up

But

DAMN

I feel verified

Until it played music victory music Over the arrest of a distressed and less toxic person

*While painting the toxic person as a saint

Which I cannot condone

As such;

it earns my most regretful strike;

Official;

For attempting to excuse a toxic person’s actions

* I want to emphasize that this is not ok, a person does not get off for un- accountable actions, simply by apologizing, never mind the fact - that it is an attempt to guilt-trip Invalidate And Gas- light The Recipient, But also should not apply to someone that has repeatedly attempt to Gaslight, guilt trip and sell a person into slavery; (Crossing more than five accounts)

[never mind the selectivi ty of what it is applied “Ano” getting away With slavery, be -cause he Was “So- rry,” gun held to (-near) his Back While Lolo doesn’t just mummer sorry)

That once you commit harm against another person.. it can not be taken back, the victim owes you no sympathy, no right to their emotions, and certainly, no un accountability- Forgive Ness- From what you have done.

You must live with what you have commit

Regard Less

0 notes

taeminsphltrum · 7 years ago

Text

Worth the Wait (M)

Chae Hyungwon | Friends!AU | Smut | Word Count: 3k

♥ requested: Hyungwon rough smut pls. Theres no reason just him being horny & needy & feel like having a rough sex hehe tq!! ♥️

The attraction has always been there.

He always looks at you for way too long, eyes always roaming over your body when he thinks you aren’t looking. When you speak you have his undivided attention, eyes staring intently at the way your lips curve around every word that leaves your mouth.

Hyungwon knows all of your quirks and habits. The way you bite your lower lip when you concentrate, the way your leg bounces or how you tap your fingers when you’re nervous or anxious. Everyone knows Hyungwon isn’t the most observant guy around, always in his own little world or sleep, but everyone sees how he perks up around you.

You noticed it a while ago.

Whether he was just physically attracted to you, you don’t know and you don’t care. You just know you enjoy the feeling of his eyes boring into various parts of your body. You find humor in the lingering hugs he gives you, hands slowly dragging off of your body when you pull away. You enjoy the not so secret looks when the squad is together.

He’s very flirtatious, and you either laugh at his attempts or play along.

Hyungwon doesn’t appreciate your laughter when he’s being serious about you. Especially not tonight.

You’re drinking, and you’re in such a good mood it made you a buzzed, giggling mess. Everything is funny to you and you hadn’t even had much to drink.

“When are you gonna stop playing?” he asks, plump lips brushing the back of your ear as he whispers his question. His chest leans against your shoulder as he bends down to your height, body heat already radiating through the cotton of your shirt.

“When are you gonna stop trying?” you tease, turning your head to look at him.

The proximity of your faces makes the smile that was already playing on your mouth stretch, amused by the way he licks his lips at the fact your own are so close.

“If you wanted me to stop you wouldn’t entertain me,” he states matter-of-factly.

With a chuckle, you turn around to completely face him, looking up at him with a shake of your head.

“But that doesn’t mean I want you,” you taunt, hands sliding their way up his arms to his shoulder, completely contradicting your words. His eyebrow twitches before a grin of his own plays on his lips.

“You might as well just let me take you home for the night, ____. You’ve been there plenty of times already.”

“I’ve been to your house when you didn’t have the intentions of fucking me, so that’s different.”

You catch the playful glint in his eyes as he rubs his lips together.

“Actually, every time you come around I have the intention to fuck you. On every surface and corner of my house,” he admits with no shame, his hands reaching out to get nice handfuls of your ass. The action makes your eyes widen in surprise before they squint in mock annoyance. “Especially in front of the mirror.”

You know exactly which mirror he’s referring to. It takes up half of one of his bedroom walls, directly in front of his bed and whenever you’re at his place you use it to take pictures or do your makeup when the rest of the group wants to pregame before going out.

“You’re awfully bold tonight,” you sigh, turning back around and making his hands drop from your ass. “I just wanted to enjoy a few drinks and you’re over here telling me about fantasies that will never become reality,” you laugh, grabbing your drink off of the bar and chugging it down.

“You’re awfully harsh tonight,” Hyungwon counters, not falling for your act.

Hyungwon knows he tempts you. He knows his words affect you exactly the way he wants. The chase to get you is no doubt fun for the both of you. You get the satisfaction of having him always shower you in compliments and boosting your ego. For him, the wait makes him yearn for you even more and makes him want to do so much more to your body each time you brush him off.

Leaning into you again, Hyungwon gingerly drags his pillow-like lips up the side of your neck before pulling on your earlobe softly. “Just be mine already.”

His breath makes you want to shiver, but you force your body to suppress the feeling.

“If you can look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t want this then I’ll leave you alone, really.”

The way his tone switches from arrogant to serious, voice dropping a few octaves, makes your stomach flip. You want him almost as much as he wants you, and maybe it’s the drinks that you downed, but you’re really considering finally giving into him.

Fuck it.

You turn around, straightening your face. The look in his eyes shows that he’s ready for rejection, but when you reach up to get a hold of the back of his neck you see a brief smile before your lips crash into his.

There’s a blur of finding Hyunwoo and Kihyun to tell them the two of you are leaving, their eyes drifting down to where yours and Hyungwon’s hands are clasped together before asking how much you’ve had to drink with smirks on their faces. The car ride consists of Hyungwon speeding and you mulling over the fact you really gave into your desires after waiting so long. You might regret it in the morning, but month after month of Hyungwon’s fleeting touches and words of how much he wants you have built up and you can’t resist him anymore.

“Can’t believe you made me wait this long,” is growled into your neck, slim, long fingers quickly unzipping your skirt before pushing it down. You hum at his words, kicking the skirt to the side. The vibration of his complaint has your eyes drifting shut as you tilt your head further to the side. “I’ve been trying to fuck you for over a year now.“

You hadn’t even made it up the stairs before Hyungwon was pressing into your back once again, eager to touch you now that you’ve finally given him permission to do so.

"Then make it worth the wait,” you breathe out, ready for him to prove to you that losing your internal fight of resisting him was worth it. He’s barely done anything yet, lips only softly trailing from your shoulder up to your neck, but your skin is already heating up and your breathing is heavier.

In the blink of an eye Hyungwon turns you around and picks you up. You squeal at the sudden change before laughing, wrapping your legs around his waist cupping your hand around the back of his neck. The other rakes through his hair, pushing his bangs back and messing up his blond locks in the most perfect way.

“Wow I didn’t think your little noodle arms were capable of doing this,” you comment, impressed. He stops his dead in his tracks in the middle of the stairway to glare at you.

“Keep it up and I’ll drop you right here,” he deadpans before continuing his journey to his room.

The pout you give him is exaggerated, followed by yet another giggle at your next thought.

“In your fantasies, did you fuck me on the stairs, too?”

Hyungwon doesn’t bother to answer you, instead flopping you down onto the foot of his bed. He reaches for the back of the collar of his shirt before roughly ripping the cotton off of his body. The streetlight near his window casts shadows on his skin and you can’t help the way your eyes follow the outlines of his toned abdomen. You can feel the heat of his gaze, watching you as you watch the way his fingers fumble with his belt. When he pulls it off your bottom lip is sandwiched in between your teeth and there’s yet another stir in your stomach.

“Come here.”

At the sound of his voice ripping through your thoughts, low and gravelly, your body instantly reacts. Your ass scoots to the very edge of the bed and your fingers are grabbing at the waistband of his pants, prying the button and zipper open. Pulling both his jeans and boxers down mid-thigh, Hyungwon’s excitement hangs half hard oh so close to your face, you look up at him in question.

He’s already staring down at you with dark, hooded eyes that are almost covered by his bangs, sending a spark throughout your body that goes straight to your clit. All he does is tilt his head and you know what you are to do next.

Bringing your hand up to your mouth, you spit into it before it wraps around the base of his dick. You keep your eyes focused on his own as you begin moving your hand up and down, feeling his cock harden under your touch. He licks his lips, raking his hair back before the same hand is gripping the top of your head and pulling your face close to his cock, silently commanding you to get to it.

The fingers already in your hair get tangled once you take half of him into your mouth, giving him a long suck, cheeks hollowing. You hear his breath leave his body in a huff when your tongue traces the vein at the underside of his shaft.

“Don’t start,” Hyungwon warns you just as you flick the end of your tongue over his tip, making sure to dig into the slit. Going back to pumping with your hand, you back up your head to look up at him. “Start what?” you question, wanting to get under his skin.

You don’t really give him enough time to answer, taking him back into your mouth and bobbing your head up and down as your lips and tongue drag back and forth around his stiff cock, hand following the motions. There’s a barely concealed groan above you, and then the hand in your hair pushes you further down onto his dick, the tip jabbing into the back of your throat and making you gag at the suddenness.

With a gasp, you rest your hand on his thighs and pull away once again to glare up at him. “You’re such an asshole,” you cough out.

A mumbled whatever is your response, Hyungwon pushing you right back down and your mouth instinctively opens up wide to take him in. He’s an asshole, but you’ve been wanting to choke on his dick for the longest.

The grip on the top of your head switches to the back and Hyungwon holds your head in place. He doesn’t bother to ease you in, instantly thrusting into your mouth harshly and slipping down your throat repeatedly.

His grunts and his rough actions make you moan, your panties soaked and clinging to your folds as you rub your thighs together for even the smallest amount of friction. Your nails dig into the meat of his thighs, eyes squeezed shut as you enjoy the brutality. You can feel the spit pooling at the sides of your stretched mouth and the sting of tears behind your shut eyelids, and you love it.

“I swear,” Hyungwon starts, slowing his pace but only to increase the impact of his thrust. Your fingers grasp at his legs even harder and your jaw is slackening all the way while a long moan resonates in the big space of his room at the feeling. “You won’t be able to walk or talk correctly when you leave tomorrow.”

You open your watery eyes, taking in the veins that are bulging out Hyungwon’s forearm on the arm that’s keeping you in place. You take in the rise and fall of his chest, eyesight dipping down to catch the motion of his hips as his pelvic bone brushes against your lip each time he thrusts forward. Humming, you hum to let him know you understand. Hyungwon is going to take out all of the frustration you’ve caused on you tonight with no remorse, and you’re ready for it.

All of the air in your body rushes out in small coughs after he removes his dick from your mouth, jerking himself off slowly as he stares down at your struggle in satisfaction.

“Strip.”

You glower at him before following his instruction, quickly tossing your shirt on the floor and getting rid of your bra and panties as he finishes taking off his jeans.

When he grabs your wrist, Hyungwon lifts you up and brings you to the side of his bed before turning you around and pushing you forward, making you bend and land on his soft duvet on your stomach. He nudges your dangling legs apart, two long fingers wasting no time to slide two fingers along your slit and then into your entrance.Two turns into three and you’re practically fucking yourself on his digits as he speeds up the pace of his pumping, quiet pleas for him to hurry things up tumbling out of your mouth.

“Look to your right,” he rasps out, pulling his fingers out of your dripping core. Hyungwon steps away and then a dim light from his nightstand is cut on before he’s behind you again. When you follow his instructions once again, you catch the sight of the two of you in the infamous mirror. You catch his eye in the mirror, him biting his lip as he strokes his cock once more at the sight. Opening your legs for him, you arch your back a little to stick your ass further in the air, wanting him to hurry up and fuck you into oblivion like his actions and words have promised.

“Keep them closed for me, baby.”

Seconds after pressing your thighs together you see and feel him line himself up at your entrance. You let out a sigh once the head of his cock pushes in, but when he thrusts the rest in harshly and quickly you’re gasping for air and clenching your fist, balling up the silk covers underneath you.

“A fucking year,” he grunts out when he bottoms out. Smooth hands slide up the back of your thighs before roughly grabbing onto your ass, fingers and nails digging into the flesh. Your inner walls clench at the feeling, Hyungwon softly groaning at the feeling. “God you feel so good.”

“Come on,” you whine, wiggling your ass to prompt him to move.

Keeping his hold on the meat of your cheeks, he slowly drags his cock out all the way. Not even a second later he’s thrusting back into you roughly, knocking the breath out of you and making your eyes go wide. He continues this, breathing heavily each time he’s completely inside of you.

“I don’t know if I want to take my time with you or fuck you senseless,” he chuckles, voice just barely strained.

“Fuck me senseless,” you pant out immediately. You want him to fuck you so hard you have to stay in his bed due to your legs feeling like jello and your pussy being too sore. You want Kihyun to possibly walk back into their shared house and hear everything that’s going on in Hyungwon’s room. You need more.

He listens, the speed of his hips quickening and the force behind his thrusts increasing. You push your upper body up by your forearms and let your head hang forward, the moans spilling out of you only rising in volume as he gives you exactly what you wanted.

The sound of his hip bones ramming into your ass and the wet squelching of his dick repeatedly burying into your dripping core echoes throughout the room. His balls slap against your folds, no doubt getting wet as well.

One of his hands leaves your ass in favor of moving to your hair. Wrapping your locks around his fingers, he jerks your head to the right, the pull making your scalp scream in the most delicious way.

“I told you to look.”

Both of you are adorned in thin layers of sweat. Your hooded eyes stare back at you and you can barely recognize yourself. Neck outstretched, mouth hanging open as high pitched moans bubble out of your throat, and even in the shitty light, you can see how flushed your body is. Seeing the way your ass jiggles with each thrust, the way his prominent hip bones connect and disconnect from the bouncing flesh just arouses you even more and you’re not going to last much longer.

“Mm you look so good like this,” Hyungwon coos. “Nice and fucked out. Gonna come soon?”

You nod, trying your hardest to meet his eyes in the reflection. But when his hands are lifting your hips up a scream rips from your throat, eyes rolling back and jaw slackening even more at the feeling of his tip jabbing at that one glorious spot within you. Somehow his thrusts manage to gain even more power and there’s already a burning ache in your core. You bury your face into his comforter, screams muffled as your walls flutter around his cock, having the best orgasm you’ve ever experienced.

Hyungwon’s rhythm gets sloppy, his body bending over yours while he chases his own orgasm. The continuous assault on your sensitive pussy has your eyes squeezing shut, spots of white showing behind your eyelids.

With one last thrust he bottoms out, hips pressing into your bottom harshly as ropes of cum spill inside of you. You’re both out of breath and motionless for a while.

“You probably have the best pussy I’ve ever fucked.”

You chuckle at his random outburst, turning your head so that your cheek is pressed into his bed, looking at your reflection once again.

“Probably?”

He shrugs, slowly pulling out with his bottom lip in between his teeth. Your hole clenches around air, greedy for more even though it’s completely done for, sore and aching in the best way. Hyungwon flips you around, spreading your legs for him to settle in between.

“I’d have to taste you to be completely sure.”

A/N: I honestly can’t talk dirty for the life of me so this isn’t exactly how I pictured writing rough sex but uh, hope you enjoy lmaoo

#monsta x scenario #monsta x smut #monsta x scenarios #hyungwon scenarios #hyungwon scenario #hyungwon smut #mx smut #mx scenarios #mx scenario

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