#not cold enough to be solid tho

[miiints-repostiory]

💥💥 BAM 💥💥 **humanizes you inhuman narrator**

this damn comic took way too long and i STILL missed details but because theyre mine its fine. narry dosent need glasses anyway

oh and @peripalz 's narry is lightly silhouetted in the first panel's gala poster; very small cameo but i felt it was important to mention!!

im gonna ramble in the tags again!

[sysig]

Can you please draw Edgar and Johnny stargazing or something like that

Day 8 - Stargazing

[cameronsbabydoll]

hii’ i dont know what au this would be for or whatever but could you write something about a reader who doesnt cry? like she sees it a weakness but then oneday shes struggling to hold it in?? idk..w/ rafe tho please:)

rafe with a reader who doesn’t cry!

warnings: crying & reader sees crying as sort of a weakness

wc: 442 — a/n: hopefully this fits your request !!

you don’t cry.

that’s always been your rule. a silent promise to yourself, born from a lifetime of watching other people fall apart—your mother in the kitchen, tears sliding down her face while the roast burned in the oven, your friends behind closed bedroom doors, crying over boys who never called back.

you always thought it looked like weakness. like giving something away for free.

so when things get hard, you shut down. you go quiet. you smile politely. you nod and keep moving.

and rafe knows that about you.

he teases you sometimes—calls you robot, stone-cold, heartless, always with a grin, always with that teasing lilt in his voice. but deep down, he gets it. he’s not much of a crier either. he just breaks things instead.

but tonight is different.

he finds you in the kitchen, standing still, staring at the counter like you’ve forgotten why you walked in there. the kettle’s whistling, the light above the stove flickers a little, and you’re holding onto the edge of the counter so tight your knuckles are white.

“hey,” he says, stepping in slower than usual. “you okay?”

you nod too quickly. the kind of nod that’s rehearsed. the kind that’s meant to shut someone up, not convince them.

“baby.”

your lips press together. you still don’t look at him.

he walks up behind you, quiet, and rests a hand on your waist. not rough, not teasing. just there. warm. solid.

“talk to me.”

you shake your head, but your chest rises too fast, and he feels it before you do—how your body tenses, how your shoulders curl in.

and then your breath hitches.

it’s so quiet, he almost misses it. just a tiny little sound, barely even real. but he knows you. he knows you. and he knows that sound means something’s slipping.

“you’re gonna cry,” he says softly.

“no, i-i’m not,” you snap, but your voice cracks on the last word, and that’s it. that’s all it takes. his arms wrap around you tighter, pulling you back into him as the tears finally push forward.

you don’t sob. you don’t collapse. you just breathe hard through it, fast and panicked, like you’re angry at yourself for letting it happen.

and rafe doesn’t say anything about it. he doesn’t tease you. doesn’t call you soft. he just holds you there, chest to your back, hand covering your stomach like he’s trying to hold everything in for you.

“i hate this,” you whisper.

“i know,” he says. “but you don’t have to do it alone.”

you don’t answer. but you lean back into him just a little.

and for rafe, that’s enough.

[mimipolo]

If you do nsfw requests, could you do nam-gyu being submissive? If not, how about sharing a bed with him? Thanks and have a great day! ❤️

sub!Nam-gyu x reader (nsfw)

This will be my first time writing smut but for you anon I will. You were definitely cooking with the idea tho, he could be made submissive.

It's another one of those cold nights. You're enjoying the cool weather, leaning against the window sill and gazing out dreamily. Life was tiring, managing check to check was tiring. But somewhere amid the chaos you managed to find solid ground, a stable job that pays enough to pay the bills and have extra left over. Life was good.

Even Nam-gyu was getting better, for you. Yes he's still working towards sobriety but you rather he'd be drunk or high off weed than drugs.

That's when you hear the door unlock from the living room. Knowing it was him from the jangling of his keys. Your mood perks up a bit knowing he's finally home from work, you missed him during the day as you usually worked from home.

You're about to step out the bedroom to welcome him home but he's already there, eyes low and focused as he hovers you. There's a softness to his demeanor you couldn't pin point. You couldn't name what's different yet so instinctively you still move in to embrace him. Linking your fingers behind his back as you kiss his jaw gently.

"Welcome home, how was work?"

"Okay."

At his dry response you're immediately confused, tilting your head slightly at him. Usually he'd be more than happy to talk your ear off about how annoying work was and it's crappy customers that spill liquor everywhere and so on.

But he's quiet, eyes still intently fixed on you as if expectantly. His breath smelling sweeter than usual is the only thing you could note. Your eyebrows screw together tighter as silence continues to dominate the room.

"Something happen?"

What you didn't expect was when you squeezed his waist to urge him to talk was the faint whimper that falls from his lips, his body suddenly hunching over yours. It feels hot to the touch even under his clothes.

"Please..."

Is the only word he mutters, his hands shakily reaching for you, digging themselves under your sweater to roam the warmth hidden under. It finally clicks in your head what's going on and it takes everything not to laugh at how soft he's being as he buries his head into your shoulder. You know he'd get embarassed and back out even in this state.

Glancing down to look into his eyes it didn't look like he was high, he looked transfixed. His face blushed a soft pink and lips slightly parted in a way that makes you want to coo at him.

"Please what Nam?" he groans in frustration at your words, already knowing he won't get anything unless he asks.

"You know what you always do this..." Huffing defeatedly against your neck as you rub his back.

"I want you... please." You roll your eyes softly at his answer, knowing this was the best you'd get from him as you lead him to lie on your bed.

His back is to the headboard and he's immediately grasping for you, grabbing your face firmly to kiss you as you straddle his lap. He's whining in the saddest way inbetween each breath as if he could do without air. When he knows you're not pulling away he lets go of your face and holds your waist in a death grip, still pulling you impossibly closer.

You smile against his sloppy kisses while your hands move to his waist, fingers purposefully grazing his crotch to see how sensitive he was. The violent buck into your palm tells you enough, he sighs shakily at the feeling, stopping mid kiss to collect himself, his gaze shifting away from yours as he mutters something you can't decipher under his breath.

"It's okay hm? You came to me for help right?"

You gently comfort him through it, you knew he couldn't handle the potential ego bruise if you teased him too much. He brushed his hair hurriedly behind his ears as he nods, sitting up right for you as if he was recieving a reward.

Stiffling a whimper behind his hand as he watches you unzip his trousers, his breaths are heavy above you and you're honestly just enjoying doing things slowly. He's so hard it hurts and he genuinely wonders how he managed to stay calm when he first saw you, looking at him so affectionately.

The thought of you just looking at him like that again has him grinding into your hand as you finally peel off his boxers. Seeing you holding up his shirt he takes charge of taking the peice of cloth from your hands and keeping it between his teeth. You look up at him gratefully and his body flushes hotter. He didn't understand why he always felt this way whenever you looked so calm taking him into your care.

He's hot, everywhere you could tell his body was flushed even under the moonlight. He leans towards the thicker side and he's an overall average length. A soft squeeze draws a low moan from him, beads of pre cum dripping thickly from his tip. You both just stare for a moment before he breathlessly speaks up.

"I- Just do it already or I'm gonna lose it here..."

His grip on your hips even tighter as he waits for you, never taking any action himself, a silent agreement of obedience. You peck his lips softly, moving your hand slowly up and down his shaft, whispering sweet words that have him curling into you almost suffocatingly.

Eventually you pick up the pace slightly, his mouth now sucking into the skin of your neck, out of his own desire to have you and to quiet his moans. You could feel the slick from his tip smearing on your clothes, still so persistent to get closer to you as if he isn't already breathing down your neck. A broken "Faster-" catches your attention and you realise you'd been maintaining the same pace for at least twenty minutes.

"'M sorry, gonna get you there okay?" You mutter apologetically, your free hand stroking through his hair. He tries to respond but he's cut off by being jerked off faster, nodding his head as he unlatches his mouth from your neck. He's switching between curses and strained "thank you"'s the faster you go.

You know he's getting close when his hips start flinching and his body's so hunched over yours you could end up on your back, it was like he was engulfing you(it's happened before.) You genuinely wonder what has him so worked up like this all of a sudden but you don't mind, it's one of the only times he likes to listen to whatever you say.

With a gutteral moan he suddenly comes undone, shooting ropes into your fist. Slipping down the smooth surface of his abdomen and unfortunately, on your sweater too. You watch him with wide eyes, he came faster than he usually does. He slowly comes down from his high, you softly jerking him through it.

He seems to come back to reality at the last moment, unconsciously leaning his full body weight against you. You groan externally as you're made to fall onto your back, his hands squeezing at your chest dazily as he moves to rest his head against yours.

You can feel the cum on his stomach smear against yours when he shifted it up to get his hands under your sweater, making you groan in annoyance. But he seems completely unbothered, to you and the mess he's made of your clothes.

"Care to share what happened now?"

"Chocolates at work, dunno they had some crazy shit in them, felt so good." Is what he mutters before dosing off but you're left thinking. Aphrodisiacs? At the bar? He didn't ask before just eating them??You don't get the opportunity tonight to ask him all your questions. They'll have to wait till later.

I hope this is okay, I honestly was sweating writing this.

[fujoshirat]

“What are you thinking about?” Oh nothing just how when you and Shouto have kids, suddenly THE AMOUNT OF BUCKWHEAT NOODLES YOU BUY AND CONSUME MULTIPLIES.

Like can you imagine when you and him are dating or already married and being all so cute, you’re the designated chef because baby boy for the life of him cannot cook (i promise he learns *later* on in his life and career)

So lets say when its just you two eating cold soba, you only need 1 pack of noodles

But when you have the twins? (Aki and Haru :)) Okay, what’s something solid that’s not baby food but soft enough for the boys to eat? Cold soba! So you and Shou mush up the noodles into smaller pieces and spoon feed them.

Hey, they like it! Chubby cherub cheeks (inherited from both you and Shouto) full as they munch on the noodles, satisfied smiles on their faces. Let’s go buy another pack of noodles so there is enough food!

So now you consume two packets.

Oh wow! You have two more twins (Yuuri and Yueru <3) and suddenly the situation is the same! ya’ll end up needing three packets!

“It could be worse.”

Oh yeah it does and when they get older, suddenly three packets turns into four.

And then poof! Little Hana comes along! Sweet and angelic—apparently also eager to eat cold soba at the ripe age of 1! and now everyone needs lunch and dinner

And just your luck, ALL OF YOUR KIDS EAT UP COLD SOBA

omg imagine if one of their first words is “soba” IM CRYING 😭😭

like ik that makes dinner easy but COME ON ARENT THEY SICK OF EATING THE DAMN NOODLES EVERY DAY??

"Honey, what do you want for dinner?" "Cold soba."

"Yuuri! What do you and your sister want for dinner?" "Cold soba."

"Aki! Haru! What do-" "Cold soba." (in sync)

"Hana-chan! What does my princess want for dinner?" "Noodle!"

Shouto’s happy with all of his kids eating his favorite dish (more noodles = more cold soba in the week 😊)

You’re not having it tho 🙄🙄 so you make a new rule (much to his and their dismay)

“From now on, we are only having cold soba TWICE a week!”

so yeah just like that your household consumes 5 packets (to have a little extra for leftovers the next day that they will fight over) PER MEAL

oh you thought you were safe?

wait until they get older 😩😩

suddenly your middle-schoolers are having massive growth spurts (damn you Shouto’s genetics 😤😤) and your elementary twins are joining all of these extracurriculars!! (specifically Yue) so guess what? now you have to buy 7 packs! (8 if you want all of them to have lunch the next day)

the cashiers and stockers already know what to do when you walk into the store, carrying the youngest and dragging both pairs of twins with you to get a shopping cart

it’s not just home meals too 💀💀

when yall go out to eat at a japanese restaurant, if there is cold soba on the menu, THEY. WILL. GET. IT.

the pictures of them are so cute tho 🥺🥺 all of them at the dining table, chowing down on the same noodles, definitely a cute picture to send to your in-laws (Rei and Enji almost die from laughter and memories of Shouto as a kid)

also im going on a tangent but can you imagine Todoroki genetics being so strong that most if not ALL of your kids look like your husband 😐😐 Like excuse me what (the running joke is that everyone already knows who the father is and no one needs to ask)

IM SORRY ILL DEVELOP THAT LATER BUT ANYWAYSSS

you love ur little family of cold soba fanatics, and Shouto does too <3

[cherry-pop-elf]

My Roommate Is A Wiz With Animals

Newt x Muggle!Reader

SUM: You were returning home from work, when you stumbled across the strangest little animal. You couldn’t just abandon them. Even tho they are kinda funky. Animals deserve love and shelter, and that seems to win you quite the lost and found reward

Warnings: So much dang fluff, animal smuggling, Teddy shenanigans, Newt accidentally being really good at manipulation, reader is naive enough for plot purposes, MIGHT be a multi part series. Might…..Ok it will be shoosh

“Ugh I swear those shifts are getting longer and longer.” You would groan with your neck rolling around. Just trying to get your joints stretched. Was rather late in the evening. You had to cover for someone. Curse you for actually being a good human and helping someone out! Eh over time is over time at least.

You were still a bit nervous to head home so late. The sun was setting, and it casted the New York sky scrapers were casting such eerie shadows across the world. There was a beauty in it, but also it’s terrifying. Terrifying to be out late in the city night.

Had you picking up the pace.

As you tried to hurry home, before the street lights kicked on, you would hear the trash cans banging together. Made your heart stop, as you instinctively turned to look at the noise.

Didn’t seem like a person at least, so that gave you some calm. Still, could be a wild dog. Not that you hated dogs or anything, but street dogs are built to survive the streets for a reason.

You couldn’t help but stare, and wait, to see what would come out. Maybe it’s a kitten? A puppy? Ok now that you were cycling through the concept of a poor lost animal in the streets of the city that never sleeps had your heart ache.

Call you dumb, but you went to peak.

Was met with quite a surprise.

You weren’t entirely sure what you were looking at. It was some weird looking platypus mixed with a mole. Maybe it’s a sister species to platypi? It’s not unheard of that the rich and powerful have exotic animals. That there’s a black market for them. Maybe this poor baby escaped.

“You poor thing. New York and scraps isn’t meant for you.” You would Cooe at it, as the little creature looked up at you. Looking scared honestly. Would even reach its little arms out to you. How that made your heart explode from the utter cuteness.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. Come here baby.” You would lift up the strange creature, and opened your jacket to tuck them closer to your chest. Help them warm up from the cold streets.

They would snuggle into your chest, as they felt a little safer. Grabbed at your top even. Didn’t want to end up back to the streets again. Like hell you would.

With a baby to take care of you made your quick walk into a proper jog. A rather good motivation to help you speed up on your way home. You had a tiny little thing to care for. One that needed a bath and some food. Shit, what would it eat? Maybe you’ll leave a variety of foods out and whatever they go for first could be what they like? You’ll worry about it later. Now was to get home.

Into the apartment complex you went, up the elevator, and you were home. Made sure all your locks on your door were clicked, and you would soon drop your things off.

“You poor thing. Let’s get you cleaned up, and feed you. How’s that sound?” You swore they were nodding at you. Seeming to comprehend what you were telling them very well. Maybe it’s an exotic pet thing? Or you are tired. Probably tired.

Into the bathroom you went. You ran a warm bath for them, and kept it shallow. Didn’t quite know what to do, so you just set them down in the warm water. Didn’t really have animal safe soap, so just water and a rag will do.

Have the cutest little noises at the gentle scrubs. Poor thing was filthy. Must have been on the streets for a while. Broke your heart. Such a brave little solider. Able to handle out there for as long as they did.

“Let’s dry you off and feed you.” You would lift the little thing up, and made sure they got nice and dry. Get all that grime off them. Certainly seemed alot happier now, so you guess you did a really good job.

Once you stepped out of the bathroom you heard knocking at your door. Who’s going to be contacting you this late? Let alone you in general? Had you cautious. You first found a strange animal, and now someone was knocking at your door? That didn’t equal good.

“Don’t make a noise. I’ll be right back.” You whispered, as you quickly took them to your room. Plopped right on your bed, and you closed the door.

You would wrap yourself in a bath robe, since you had changed into your sleep wear, and peeped through the peep hole.

The sight sure was strange.

There on the other side had to be the embodiment of sunshine. Had this curious attire of blue and browns, a suit case in one hand, and a stick in the other? Why does this fluffy haired guy have a stick with him? Maybe you just couldn’t see properly from the peep hole.

“Who’s at the door?!” You called, and you watched those big sparkling eyes light up. Excited that someone was home.

“Ah yes! Uh you don’t know me but you have something of mine! A sweet little thing. His name is Teddy! He’s mine. My Ni-Uh. Mine. Just mine!” He called back, as you were confused. How did he know you had something?

“One moment!” You figured you would see if he was right. You would quickly return to your bedroom, seeing the animal still on your bed, and called out.

“Come here Teddy-!”

And like that he was running right over you. Quick to jump into your arms.

Ok, maybe this guy had some truth. Still, you had questions.

You would return to the door, only to see that all the locks on the door were undone. Had you so horribly confused. There was a number of locks in a variety of styles there. No way you forgot to lock them all. Could you?

That’s when the door opened, and the man stepped in. The way Teddy seemed to squeak for the strangers attention. Hands reaching out like a toddler who wanted their mother. Was just so human. Seemed like Teddy really loved this stranger.

So, you didn’t refuse.

“OH TEDDY I WAS SO WORRIED-!” He sounded ready to sob, as he held Teddy close. Tears in the corner of his eyes as Teddy held the man’s face. Giving his cheek plenty of Nuzzles.

“You seem suspiciously clean for running around out there. Did you wash him? Did you take care of him-?” He spoke with such enthusiasm. Was like he might burst into confetti.

“Uh yeah. I just saw him hiding by some trash cans and I just couldn’t leave him behind. He wasn’t aggressive in the slightest either. Poor Teddy was cold, and just alone. I was actually about to try and feed him even.”

You were soon yanked into a rather tight hug. Felt like he might squeeze you lifeless. Teddy made sure to crawl over his daddy’s shoulder to avoid being crushed. Just snuggled away into his neck. Happy to be back.

“Oh you are truly a gift. Oh I don’t know how I can ever repay such kindness and warmth you’ve given him. Oh he’s my everything really. He gets into trouble often, sure, but he’s mine.” He explained, before finally letting you go. Little cheek kisses were given from Teddy, and the man would happily nuzzle into them. Was so clear that this wasn’t some poacher or animal smuggler. That made you feel better.

“So uh. Who are you exactly?”

That had his ears a soft pink, and a shy laugh left him.

“Oh blimey. Pardon me. The name is Newt. Newt Scamander. I’m Ma…I uh mean a Zoologist. I travel around the world studying animals, rescuing those that I can, and just loving nature. The pay isn’t that great but it’s worth it.” He would offer you a hand, and you would shake it in return. Telling him your name as well. And your own career.

“So kinda like a nomad. Does that mean you don’t have a place to stay?” You questioned, as he seemed to avoid your eyes for a moment. As if either to embarrassed to admit it, or trying to quickly come up with a lie.

“Well um. You see…I was currently trying to get a room for myself, but someone had to go running off. Can’t really blame him though. He adores shiny things. I should have been more careful. I know he has a weakness to things that shimmer and sparkle. It was all on me.” He would admit, as you had to respect that he was taking accountability.

“I mean. One night can’t hurt, right?” You couldn’t help it. This guy seemed to not be native here in the slightest. Said he’s a world traveler, sure, but it seems he’s not used to a concrete jungle. Wasn’t dressed for it, and sure didn’t seem like he was prepared at all. Did he really just only have that suit case with him? To travel the world? Something seemed….Off.

“Oh no no. You’ve already done so much. You’ve protected my baby. I can’t be asking you more-“ He tried to persuade you away, but your curiosity was to peaked. This guy was weird. Didn’t give any bad vibes kinda weird. Just….So peculiar.

“It’s one night really. You must have been hunting Teddy for hours. You didn’t get a chance to find a room, and it’s super late now. I can’t just throw you into the streets. One night. Just one.” You tried to logically explain, only to get another near back breaking hug.

“Oh I’ll never be able to repay your kindness. Oh your heart is so full. No wonder Teddy trusted you. Teddy has always been a brilliant judge of character. He knew you were a good person. No way would he let a stranger just hold him, let alone wash him. Oh thank you-!” You could feel the tears of relief in your shoulder, and all you could do was rub his back. Letting him breathe.

So that was how you ended up with a stranger living on your couch. Well, can’t say stranger given you knew his name now. Still! Most people would call you insane for doing such a thing.

Maybe you were.

But hey! Insane people have the most fun!

Besides, he’s pretty damn cute. Cute to see him snuggled into the couch, with Teddy under his arm, and his suitcase slid under the couch. Made sure to stay out of sight. You figured it was full of valuable paper work.

Did make you wonder though.

Where the hell did those pajamas he was wearing come from then? Did he just have them in that case and papers?

He was just full of to many questions to ignore.

He’s a stranger, but you just had to learn more.

Learn what made that man tick.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Happy Songkran!

Not sure, but a few of the Thai shows may be impacted by New Year this next week.

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2025 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT) ep 24 end - Can you believe we made it through 24 episodes (like this is 2014 or something)? Anygay...

The single brain cell committee trying to put together The Proposal was kind of funny. I do think that of all the couples to get married this is the one that shouldn’t. They are the least healthy, but what can we do? 

I knew from the get-go that I was going to struggle to figure out how to rate this show. Twice as long as most other BL’s and with 3 fully represented main couples, played by pairs that I have mixed feelings for. Thus I have to go straight down the middle. I would’ve given our first story a 7/10, our second one an 8/10, and our final a 9/10, which brings us in at a solid 8/10. Frankly, that feels like that’s what this show was, about 80% of a good BL.

Conclusion

This was workmanlike Thai BL in a university setting in which nothing happened to some very nice boys in fun friendship groups. The most noted thing about the show was its source, GMMTV punched down and phoned it in with this one. The kissing was good, the pairs were decent, and the directing was... well it was there. Each of the three main couples turned in solid performances to the best of their respective comedic abilities. Your enjoyment will wholly depend on which pair/story is most to your taste and how much you managed to tolerate the others (and the sides) as a result. I highly doubt this will ever be anyone's favorite BL. 8/10 is a fine rating for something this mediocre. Puts the B in BL.

Top Form (Thurs WeTV) ep 4 of 10 - Drunken shenanigans and their consequences. Especially when the boy is obsessed with you. (Meanwhile, the hair in the eyes is driving me batshit.) I'm still enjoying this. It’s sort of old-school BL in a very odd way. I like that. Especially with nothing out of Japan right now. The 21 day courting was cute. And of course I loved the linguistic negotiation. But he’s definitely gonna catch that cold.

Oh the HONEY.

I forgot this part was coming. ARGH NO too sticky!!! The carnage. The clean up. Twas sexy tho.

Sweet Tooth Good Dentist (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - Whipping boy trope is a go. But also this dentist is so gone on this broken sunshine with self worth issues. The dorky earnest friend is good too. Enjoying.

My Golden Blood (Weds iQIYI) Ep 5 of 12 - I just can't. It's too awful. I did try. DNF.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Heesu in Class 2 (Korea Fri Viki) eps 5-6 of 10 - I love this show. Love. It. The catastrophic trip. Heesu being an utter frenetic basket case. The PINING from Seungwon and the fact that we all know he isn't ever gonna do anything (unless some one forces his hand lips). It's fantastically maddening.

Secret Relationships (Korea iQIYI) ep 7 of 8 - Ooo truly unhinged. Excellent. Honestly, I just feel sorry for Da-on with all these boys obsessed, even our puppy. And now the "kidnapping for love" trope. Very old-school. China used to adore this one. It's nto my favorite but it suits this show.

Business as Usual (Korea Thurs Viki) Ep 2 of 7 - Mostly back story not a whole lot happened. Looks like we are in for a meaty confrontation next week tho. Good.

Fight for You (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - I don't mind a fake dating trope, even if I'm not sure how we got here. Actually, this has gotten oddly cute. I like them more as they fall in love and flirt and drink than I do as solo characters. 

Exclusive Love (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - more death. Not enough of blondie. And none of my beloved sides? Bah. 

It's airing but......

Sashes and Hearts (Pinoy YT) 13 eps - Philippines is doing Drop Dead Gorgeous only all gay boys queening their asses off. Doesn't interest me, not sure if it's BL.

Last Meal Universe (Thai ????) 8 eps - An alien who has come to destroy earth instead falls in love with Thai food and then the Thai boy who cooks it - realistic, actually. I got a link to watch but it still wouldn't work for me, so I guess I'm waiting to see what happens.

Lost in the Woods (Weds Gaga) 7 eps - Not my thing, dropped at ep 2.

Boy Next World special - only available paid, so I didn’t bother.

Your Sky of Us - Normally, I don’t really report on the specials or the extras or even the spinoffs or season twos, but I gotta say in episode 2 Lee’s claiming sendoff was one of my favorite things to happen in BL this year. That silent "back off" was so perfectly executed. Most of the rest of this special has been just fluff, but it might be worth watching the whole thing just for that 30 seconds. (Sorry couldn't find a gif of it, but TRUST ME. Chef's kiss!)

In case you missed it

Secrets Happened on the Litchi Island (China YouTube) - This one unexpectedly dropped and there are still a few follow up snippets/adverts continuing with this couple.

Summary

This was an interesting, beautifully atmospheric but plotless BL about a boy who falls in love with his older brother‘s best friend in an idyllic countryside jungle setting. The boy is quite femme and open about his identity but his lover is... not. This dynamic ads an element of queer authenticity that's often missing from all BL, let alone something from China! I don’t know what it actually wanted to be, but it felt like a BL had a love child with one of those weird Chinese relaxation farm propaganda channels. The kisses are great, the chemistry is lovely, and the setting stunning. It’s odd but charming in a very weird, very queer, way. I have to say, I quite enjoyed it.

As a BL it gets an 8/10 from me, but as a piece of queer cinema I actually think it's worth more than that. You should all watch it. Who knows how long it will be allowed to stay up on YT.

Next Week Looks Like This:

COMING IN APRIL

4/16 Something Is Not Right (Korea Weds Viki) - trailer Blueming spin off. Ba U and Hun have been friends since they were kids – but Ba U has harbored unrequited feelings for Hun for years. Eventually, Ba U tries to cut off his entire relationship with Hun, much to Hun's confusion. In a last-ditch attempt to get over his feelings, Ba U takes his friend's advice and asks Hun to date for a single week. Hun accepts.

4/19 Secret Ghost (Thai Sat Viu) ?? eps - The trailer dropped and it looks particularly awful.

4/20 Boys in Love (Thai Sun YouTube? ) 10 eps - Our only true high school BL from GMMTV this year and it's fresh faces for the youths and old favs for the teachers. It's milk teeth Make it Right and fine with me. I like lotte milk. Also DIMPLES! Yay! I suspect they are using this one to test pairs for future shows. Like a Project 101 Thai BL. (Honestly I just invented an amazing reality TV for you GMMTV, you're welcome.) Like My School President in 2023, this could be a major sleeper hit for me.

4/20 My Stubborn (Thai Sun ????) ?? eps - trailer Mflow's next high heat office romance involving best friend's younger brother, boss meets intern, bit of a love triangle, GL crumbs, and few other tropes.

4/25 My Sweetheart Jom (Thai Fri YouTube) 12 eps - trailer Saint is back in a BL, but this is what he chose? When he gets int rouble, Yothin needs to find a safe place. Instead of sending him overseas, his father sends him to the countryside. There, he is under the watchful eye of the village headman Jomkhwan.

4/26 The BangkokBoy AKA Bangkok Boys AKA The Bangkok Boy (Thai Sat ????) ?? eps trailer - Action, crime and revenge meets gangs, mafia, and more. Oh my.

2025 Line Up

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2

20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About

GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Well that bit from Your Sky of Us with Lee's nonverbal MINE of course.

Yes I liked it more than the honey, honey.

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

[lalacliffthorne]

🪽 if you go down 🪽

Azriel x Reader

part I part II

summary: when a mission goes awry in the cold mountains, things take a turn, and suddenly, there's a lot more at stake than planned.

notes: look who's back!! yours truly got knocked out by a flu sent straight from hell, which meant being buried in bed and no writing for what felt likes ages. and of course when I did write again, I did not focus on other WIPs - noooo, I started this! whoops *winces*. to be fair tho, parts of this had been sitting in my ideas-folder for quite some time and when I had a sudden epiphany on how to use them, I couldn't just ignore that. especially since that epiphany was so... steamy. *grins* I'm back on my bullshit, and it's a spicy one! strap yourselves in, babes. we've got incoming drama and smut. also, even after splitting the whole thing, this is still long.

______________________________________________________________

The whole thing had been a shit show even before Azriel was shot out of the sky.

Rhys had sent the Spymaster and me into the mountains, to track down a group of soldiers gone rogue that had somehow swerved into the icy wilderness of the Night Court, raiding the small villages and leaving a trail of chaos and bodies.

It was a simple track and eliminate situation; find the group, assess the situation, move in if possible and track and wait if not.

Of course that meant nothing about it was simple.

“Damn it,”, I hissed, feeling my body tremble as a gush of ice cold wind grasped me.

I squinted, trying to make out anything in the chaos of swirling thick snowflakes that stuck to my lashes and hair. My cheeks were stinging under my heavy hood, my fingers freezing even in my thickly lined gloves, my skin icy under my winter leathers that weren't enough even with a second layer beneath.

The snowed-in wilderness of the Night Court was an icy climate to begin with, hard to navigate even in good weather.

Nearly impossible in a snowstorm.

We'd lost track of the soldiers about two or three hours ago, the quick falling fresh snow covering every track within minutes, the wind destroying every trace of footsteps and scent. Even Azriel's shadows seemed to be confused, coming up empty in the snowed-in woods, like the soldiers had buried themselves to avoid detection.

I huffed, my breath a white cloud.

Wouldn't have surprised me. They were trained to stay undetected.

This was bullshit.

Raising my head, my squinted eyes darted over the grey sky, clouds of thick whirling snow over the dark pines almost conceiling the dark figure high in the sky.

Even though it was risky, Azriel had decided that trudging through the forest without quite knowing which way to go wouldn't do. He had also ignored my protest that he'd be visible like a fucking beacon up there, no cover anywhere.

I had seen the hard glare he'd sent me before launching into the air - he knew perfectly well that it was a dangerous move. But just like me, he was irritated.

Pairing us together probably hadn't been the best idea.

The shadowsinger and I always clashed. Where Azriel was cool and quiet, I was fiery and quick to charge. Where he scowled, I grinned in challenge, where his eyes pierced, mine twinkled. He was rational and controlled to no avail, and I was empathetic and following my heart. His quiet watchfulness annoyed the crap out of me, and my smirks and cheeky taunts made his eyes flare.

I egged him on, challenged him where I could, and he usually rose to the occasion, shooting right back with sharp, well placed jabs.

It didn't help that he was breathtakingly beautiful. That his low, deep voice sent tingling shivers down my spine. It was infuriating, really; how it could make the hairs at the back of my neck rise, how him towering over me made something dip over in my chest.

It was a constant back and forth between us, which had made pairing us together for a mission a risky move even before the storm had hit. Now, we'd lost the soliders, I was freezing, Azriel's shadows were frenzied and uncoordinated, like they were responding to their master's agitation –

All in all, it was a mess.

Shivering, I slowly started to trudge through the snow again. I needed to move, or I would turn into a fucking icycle.

Screw Azriel and his stern “Stay here.”; if I did, he could take me home as an ice statue.

The snow swallowed every noise, the howling wind making listening for treacherous footsteps even harder. I moved slowly and carefully, my brown leathers blending in with the tree trunks, but still far too visible in the white forest as I squinted against the onslaught of falling snow that covered my tracks within minutes.

Gods, in this weather, those bastards could be miles away by now and we wouldn't kno-

Something shivered down my spine.

My eyes darted up, and I felt something dip over in my stomach when a wave of dread washed over me - premonition, instinct; precise and never amiss.

The strange tingle of sudden knowledge that something was about to go terribly, awfully wrong.

My instincts were something that even Azriel couldn´t scoff away.

In over 300 years, they had never once been wrong.

I swung around, drawing my swords as my gaze darted over the snowed in forest in search for anything; a trembling branch, a moving figure –

My gaze rose, and my eyes found the dark silhouette high in the sky.

Everything seemed to slow, my breath coming out in heaving clouds as something swelled under my ribs.

Then an arrow whizzed through the sky and hit the dark shape square in the chest.

My heart stopped. Simply ceased beating as I felt my eyes widen and my lips part.

In complete silence, the winged figure wavered. Then more black shapes whizzed through the air like lightning, catching and ripping through his wings, and like slow motion, Azriel tipped to the side and began to drop through the sky, freefalling towards the earth.

My limbs unfroze. A jolt went through my body as a wave of all-consuming dread crashed over me, and breathing a panicked “No.”, I rushed forward. Plunging my swords back into their sheets, I dodged a low hanging branch, then I started running.

My feet flew over the snow-covered ground, clouds of white whirling up behind me as I dashed through the trees. My heart was pounding against my ribs as something seized my chest, something like a clawed fist, squeezing tighter and tighter as I ran. Stumbling over roots and slipping on the icy ground, I dodged branches, freezing deadly cold washing through my veines as I stormed through the woods.

No.

I stumbled out from between the trees onto a stony beach, almost tripping as I skidded to a halt.

In front of me, a huge lake stretched, dark and deep and silent.

Right in it's middle, the water was sloshing, silently throwing small waves, like something big had crashed into it.

For a moment, I felt frozen, a name filling my throat, threatening to spill out, but I couldn't, couldn't scream without drawing attention, couldn't yell out the panicked cry building in my chest –

Azriel.

Panic crushed my ribs, and without a thought, without a second of consideration or planning, I darted towards the shore.

The water soaked my boots within seconds as I splashed into the lake. Icy cold water hit my feet, spattering up my legs and almost causing my muscles to lock in place. But I fought forward, holding onto the pulsing fear in my chest as I pushed my legs to move. Then I dove into the waves.

For a moment, the water seemed to freeze the blood in my veines. My lungs closed up, cold gripping my body. Then my head broke through the surface, the air hot in comparison to the icy water as I started to swim.

Something gripped my chest like an iron fist as I fought my way through the cold water. It was so deep, so dark, I couldn't see the ground, could only focus on that spot in the middle of the lake where the water was slowly beginning to calm.

Azriel had still not come up for air.

Something rose in my chest, gripped my throat, and I pushed, my skin burning with cold as I tried to swim faster, my arms and legs cleaving through the icy waves in powerful strokes. Then I sucked in a deep breath and dove under.

The water was so dark, I could barely see a few feet. Pushing myself deeper, feeling my wet clothes pull at me, my eyes darted through the depths until I spotted a huge shape floating below me. Shadows were slowly swirling around it, almost serenly, reaching out towards me like soft, gentle hands.

Something tightened violently in my chest, and I pushed myself up.

My head broke through the surface, and I gasped for air as the ice cold wind stung my wet cheeks. Breathing in deeply, I filled my lungs. Then I dove again.

The icy water enveloped me like hands pulling at me, like ghostly fingers numbing my skin as I started to swim into the deep. My body was burning as I fought my way through the stinging cold towards the far away bottom of the lake where Azriel was being gently swayed by the water, his wings stretched out and body limp, eyes closed.

My heart pulsed painfully.

Shit.

My lungs were beginning to protest as I reached out, feeling the pressure on my body pushing me as I grasped at nothingness. Then my fingers closed around Azriel's shoulders, and something dipped in my chest. I slipped an arm around his collarbones, feeling coolness sweep around me as his shadows pushed me upwards towards the light.

My chest was constricting as I fought myself upwards, black spots beginning to dance at the edge of my vision, and I tried to fight the panic, push forward -

My face broke through the surface, and I gasped for air, my fingers digging deeper into Azriel's shoulders as I hauled him up and into my chest, his face coming out of the water. The ice cold air stung my lungs and skin, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of Azriel's tall, solid body completely motionless.

“Shit.” Gripping him tighter, I turned, frantically trying to catch sight of the beach. For a second, I couldn't find it, feeling panic slosh through me. Then I caught a glimpse of black stone strip in the distance.

“No, no, come on.” Shaking, I began to fight my way through the sloshing waves. Azriel's wings dragged through the water, making him even heavier and pulling him down. Water sloshed over his face, and I tried to tug him up, my eyes beginning to burn and a desperate sound breaking from my throat as my muscles protested.

Come on.

It felt like hours until I reached the shore. I was shivering uncontrollably as I pushed myself to my feet, my knees shaking as I dragged Azriel out of the water, his wings scraping over the stony ground. His shadows whispered as I dropped him, falling to my knees next to him.

“Az?!” My voice was hoarse and panicked as I pressed my fingers against his neck and felt my heart skip once before stilling.

He wasn't breathing.

“No, no, no, come on!” An ache spread through my chest, and with widening eyes, I slid forward, beginning to press my hands down on his chest in a quick, steady rhythm, my whole body shaking as my heart pounded in my throat.

“Come on,”, I whispered frantically, “come on –“

Water sloshed out of Azriel's mouth, his body rearing up as he coughed out lake water.

Sucking in a sharp breath, I hastily pushed against his body, turning him onto his side and patting firmly onto his back.

Azriel inhaled harshly, his breath rattling. His body was shaking under my fingers, and something tightened violently in my chest when I felt him slump against me.

With shaking hands, I turned him onto his back again, leaning forward to slap his cheek. “Azriel. Azriel, fucking look at me!”

Whispering curses under my breath, I stared at the ash arrow in his chest, feeling my heart pound.

I couldn't take it out, not here, not without anything to stop the bloodflow, not without risking him loosing too much blood. His wings needed healing as well, the rips in the thin membrane too big, too broad.

“Shit, shit, shit,”, I whispered hoarsely, throwing my head up to look around wildly. I couldn't stay here, or we'd freeze, and with our luck, the soldiers were heading this way, just to check on whether they had actually hit their target.

We needed shelter.

“Alright, come on.” Scrambling to get to my feet, I grabbed Azriel's wrist, his body dead weight as I slid his arm over my shoulder and dragged him to his feet. His wings slumped towards the ground, and I clenched my teeth, wrapping my arm tightly around his waist and firmly nudging my shoulder into his side.

“You're not giving up, you hear me?” My body was trembling from cold and adrenaline as I started to stumble towards the treeline, half carrying, half dragging Azriel with me. “You're going to hold on until I find a safe place; you're not going to leave me!” My voice quivered.

“I need you to glare at me and call me stupid for putting myself in danger, and I need you to be a stuck up idiot so I can kick your stupid beautiful ass for it!” My voice broke, and I cursed myself, raising my head and blinking against the stubborn burning sensation in my eyes as I breathed shakily. “You're not going to die on me; you're not going to die!”

The snow made getting forward difficult. Soon, my knees were shaking under Azriel's weight, and I could feel his rattling breath against my soaking wet hair, becoming flatter. His body shivered like mine, like it was fighting against the icy winds ripping at us, howling as the snowfall became heavier. At least it would cover our tracks and mask our scents.

I nearly stumbled over a root hidden in the snow, and something in my chest clenched.

If we didn't find shelter soon, Azriel would be dead by morning.

Something hot and flaming rose in my chest, and I clenched my teeth, adrenaline surging through my body.

No fucking way.

“Come – on,”, I pressed, gripping him tighter and fighting against the cold stinging my whole body, numbing my skin as I dragged the shadowsinger with me. “You're not getting away that easily, you hear me?”

For once, I wish I would get back a cutting, precise remark. But Azriel just rasped a flat breath, his body sinking heavier on mine. Panic washed over me, tightening its grip around my chest.

Shit.

The wind howled around us. Every crack of a branch when the weight of the snow got too heavy made my head whip around, my eyes darting frantically through the trees. But I couldn't see a soul, could only hear the sound of crunching snow under our feet, our heavy breathing and my heart pounding in my ears. My mind was racing while I dragged Azriel through the snow.

The arrows had come from the opposite side of the lake, probably from quite a bit inside the forest. If they wanted to check if they had hit their target, they would have reached the lake by now, but the quick falling snow had masked all our tracks.

Hopefully.

They would hardly check the lake for a body, so if they didn't find one washed onto the shore, maybe we had a chance. Maybe if we found a spot to hide, wait out the storm and I got Azriel at least half back on his feet, he'd be able to transport us back to Velaris, and we could send reinforcements to find the soldiers.

For some reason, the thought wasn't nearly as satisfying as the heat twisting and raging in my chest, urging me to hunt them down myself. And sink my knives into the bastard who had dared firing those arrows.

The image kept me going, fed my numbing, chattering body with a grim, burning fire that wasn't warming but gave me something to cling to, hold onto as I staggered through the snow.

That and the male I half carries, half dragged with me, his body becoming heavier with the second. It caused a desperate tremble in my limbs.

There was no way I was going to lose him, no way I wasn't going to push until my legs gave out, and even then, I would curl over him if I had to, protect his far too tall body with mine, give him the last bit of warmth that was burning in my chest.

It was either the both of us leaving this stupid forest, or neither of us, because there was no way I was going to leave him. Even if his beautiful, dumb, rational ass would tell me to –

My eyes got caught on a dark structure ahead, flashing between the dark trees, almost obscured by clouds of whirling snow.

My heart tumbled, and I exhaled shakily, feeling my eyes widen as I tightened my grip around Azriel's waist and started lugging him forward.

The thrum in my chest began to quicken when I caught a glimpse at what looked like a simple wooden cabin. It was probably nothing more than one big room inside, with small windows and closed shutters, the porch covered in a thick layer of snow that the wind had blown past the protruding roof – but it made my heart rise in a wild flutter and my limbs melt from their frozen state.

The cabin looked empty, no light peaking out from the shutters, the snow high and unmarked around it. I dragged Azriel around to the front and felt my heart dip.

The door had been opened by force. It looked like someone had kicked it in, and when I leaned forward, breathing heavily, I caught a glimpse at an empty, slightly trashed inside. Judging by the thick layer of snow that had covered the entrance, the raid had happened more than a few hours ago, maybe even already last night.

My heart fluttered and jumped into my throat.

That meant the soldiers had already been this way, had probably reached the lake from this side before moving to the other to disappear deeper into the mountains.

If we were lucky, that meant they wouldn't come past here again, clearly already done searching for valuables in this place.

Unless they had a reason to, they wouldn't just backtrack and risk running into the people hunting them.

I nearly stumbled, lugging Azriel up the steps to the porch. We almost got stuck in the door, and I had to slide my arms around him to pull him through sideways to not hurt his wings. Then I looked over my shoulder, breathing heavily as I quickly scanned over the inside of the cabin.

It was one big room, with a fireplace and a bed covered in furs on the left, a big table and shelves on the right. The air smelled ice cold but stale, like no one had been here for quite some time. The cabinets had been thrown open, but nothing but cups and bowls were scattered over the floors, the bottles and jars in the shelves untouched. The sight made my heart skip high.

Maybe I had a chance of mixing something for Azriel's wounds together from that.

“Alright, come on.” Dragging Azriel towards the table, I heaved him onto the top, my limbs shaking from his weight. Minding his wings, I turned him onto his back, hastily checking his pulse before turning around and darting towards the door. Kicking most of the snow out onto the porch, I threw it shut, bolting it and using one of the chairs to block the handle just to be sure.

Now, the cabin lay in almost complete darkness. Outside, it seemed to already get darker, the thick clouds and the snow storm that only seemed to get heavier darkening the woods even quicker.

My teeth were chattering as I darted towards the shelves, my trembling fingers skimming over the bottles and tinctures, dried herbs and berries in jars. I found some candles in a drawer and matches in another, and setting them up in holders around the cabin, I lit them, my breath shaking as warm, golden light filled the room. Now that I wasn't moving, I felt the cold clinging to me even more, numbing my limbs.

We needed to warm up, quick.

But first, I had to take care of that arrow.

I had never been more thankful for Madja.

My fingers flew over the pestle and mortar I had found in the shelves, grinding up berries, mixing them with herbs, honey and fresh snow. I heard the old healer's voice in my head as I worked, explaining how to best treat wounds caused by ash arrows, how to make the paste that would help the naturally quicker healing of an Illyrian.

Provided the arrow had not injured any vital organs.

The thought made something dip over in my chest, and I threw a quick look over my shoulder to where Azriel was laying still on the big wooden table, his breathing far to flat, the white of his eyes visible under his fluttering eyes. His tanned skin was pale.

Snatching some bandages I had found in the back of a cabinet, I turned around, dropping the mortar on an empty chair next to the bandages and some clean fabrics I had found in the chest next to the bed. My fingers were trembling as I undid the buckles of Azriel'ss chest armor, the heavy leathers pierced by the arrow. His clothes were soaked and clammy like mine, and his skin was icy to the touch, so much so that I flinched.

Shit.

Breathing out, I closed my hand around the arrow, my breath shaking as I pressed my free arm down onto Azriel's chest.

“I'm so sorry,”, I whispered.

Azriel gave a gargled sound when I pulled the arrow from his chest, twisting in the spot. I tried to hold him down, squeezing my eyes shut as the arrow clattered to the floor and I hastily pressed some of the cloth onto the wound that gushed blood, though it looked a lot less than it maybe should be.

Godsdamned cold.

Hastily, I dragged Azriel's leathers off his torso, dropping the soaking material to the ground as I caught the blood with the cloth, pressing it down. My body was trembling as I waited, then I peaked at the wound - the bleeding was already slowing down.

I prayed it was Azriel's healing that caused it, not the cold shutting down his bloodflow.

Spreading the thick paste over the wound, I picked up the needle and thread I had found in a drawer and held the sharp tip into the flame of a candle before pulling the thread through it. My fingers trembled, and I needed three tries until it was looped through the needle.

Azriel twitched when I started stitching the wound together, my needlework a lot less clean than Madja's, but I was shaking too hard. My eyes darted towards Azriel's face constantly, my heart dropping deeper every time I caught a glimpse at the white of his eyes peaking out from under his lids. It felt like he was wandering somewhere between concious and unconcious, twitching and groaning softly at the pain, but too far away to open his eyes or gather anything about his surroundings.

Tying off the string, I grabbed the bandages. It took all my strength to pull Azriel up, his wings dragging him down as I wrapped the white gauze around his ribs tightly, my arms shaking.

I was sweating when I finally carefully put him down again, my cold, wet clothes sticking to my skin and making my teeth chatter.

I needed to get out of these leathers or I would catch something worse than death.

But Azriel's wings were first.

The thin membranes had been shredded by the sharp tips of the arrows, blood crusting the gaping cuts. I cleaned them, whispering trembling apologies whenever Azriel shifted and gave slurred, pained sounds that sunk their own sharp claws into my chest. Carefully stitching them together in the way Madja had showed me once, I spread more paste on the wounds, thick enough to cover them from both sides.

Hopefully, it would speed up the healing process.

Pressing my hand onto Azriel's cheek, I cursed under my breath. He was icy cold, his skin clammy.

I had to get him warmed up. Now.

My eyes darted over to the fireplace, then to the windows, and a knot formed in my throat.

Even though it was getting darker by the minute, the smoke of a fire could still give away our location, even with the storm.

I turned back towards the shadowsinger, who's hair was curling with dampness and melted snow, his torso bare, his wet pants clinging to his legs.

I needed to get him out of those; he didn't have a chance of warming up when he was still wearing the damp, clammy clothes.

Which meant stripping him.

Even though I was chattering with cold, I felt heat bleed into my cheeks.

“Gods, get yourself together,”, I mumbled to myself, moving forward and beginning to unbuckle the sheaths wrapped around Azriel's thighs. I tried to avoid looking at him; his chiselled torso, the smooth curve and width of his shoulders, the ink swirling over the planes of his chest, tried to not think about the rising feeling in my chest that came to life whenever his amber eyes settled on me for too long.

Letting the daggers slip to the floor, I unlaced Azriel's boots, cursing softly at how stiff my fingers were. I could barely feel them as I tugged the black leather off before turning around, blaming the cold for my trembling limbs and for my inability to unbuckle his belt on the first try. Then, stubbornly not staring at his bare skin, I tugged his pants down his legs. They were soaked like the rest of his clothes, making it difficult to tug the thick winter leathers off his skin.

Dropping the pants, I felt the heat in my cheeks deepen and quickly averted my eyes, sliding my arm around Azriel's waist and grunting softly when I maneuvered him off the table.

“Alright, come on.” Staggering slightly, I tried to ignore the weight of his muscled body as it leaned heavily onto mine, the feeling of his harsh breath, his lips brushing over my temple and his skin smooth and cool against my fingers.

It proved impossible.

Somehow, I managed to get Azriel under the covers. Turning him onto his side so his wings weren't in the way, I tucked him under the blanket and threw the furs over him, shivering as I turned around and spread out his dripping wet, icy cold clothes over the chairs. My own were beginning to feel like they'd been frozen by the snow and wind, and when I caught a look at myself in one of the windows, I felt my heart drop at the sight of my slightly blue lips.

Crap.

Quickly throwing a quick look over to where Azriel was laying on the bed, buried under the furs, still breathing too harsh, too uneven, I turned around again, feeling something thump harshly against my ribs. Then I swallowed and quickly started peeling off my own clothes.

My leathers stuck to my skin, wet and clammy, and I hissed in frustration as I kicked off my thick pants. Suddenly, I realised how cold the air in the cabin really was, making my limbs shake even more as I rubbed my stiff fingers over my thighs before quickly spreading my clothes over the rest of the furniture. Then I hesitated, looking down at the bra and top I was wearing over my underwear, both sticking to my skin, making goosebumps rise on my body.

I needed to get them off, but if I did – I was practically completely bare.

For a second, I was still, just breathing quickly and feeling myself shiver. Then I cursed softly and quickly shed both the undershirt and the bra, throwing them over the backrest of a chair. Crossing my arms quickly over my chest to cover myself, I turned around, my eyes getting caught on Azriel's frame. He had started to shiver violently.

I felt the overwhelming urge to grab one or two of the furs and curl up on the armchair by the unlit fireplace. But I could feel the icy cold seep through me, now settled in my bones, could feel myself grow number.

Staring at Azriel's trembling form for another second, I whispered a curse under my breath, then I darted towards the bed and slid under the blankets.

Immediately, my body started shivering more. It felt like now that I wasn't moving anymore, the cold invaded every inch of me, causing my teeth to chatter loudly as I curled up on my side under the heavy furs, my damp hair sticking to my bare skin as I stared at Azriel's face in the warm flicker of the candles. He looked too pale, his breath too labored.

Swallowing, I scooted closer under the blankets until I could feel his body, just shy of touching my curled up form. Then I forced myself to relax, to stop the shivering, focusing on Azriel´s face, the crunch of his brows, like even unconcious, he was fighting, angry.

The thought made my lips twitch softly.

Curling up tighter, I buried myself in the sheets and breathed out. Suddenly, the exhaustion crashed over my like a wave, my limbs burning not only from the cold but from dragging Azriel through the water and the snow. My eyes drooped, and I had to fight to keep them open, clenching my jaw.

I couldn't fall asleep, I had to stay awake enough to listen for anything. To, for once, keep watch over Azriel, in case anything, anyone found us after all.

But the woods outside were quiet except for the howling wind.

I dozed off a few times. I didn't fall into a deep sleep, my body too cold, my heart beating too quickly, my ears too sensitive to any sound coming from beyond the windows, where the world became darker and darker. But the exhaustion soon overwhelmed me, and my body took what minutes of shut-eye it could pry from the grip of my will. The rest of the time, I stared at Azriel's face in the light of the candles, something thrumming heavily against my ribs.

Please be okay.

I was slowly slipping away into a deeper sleep when the mattress jerked. My eyes flew open, and my heart skipped into my throat when I found another pair staring right at me.

Azriel's eyes were blown as his gaze slowly tracked over the sliver of my bare shoulders and collarbones visible from where the furs had slipped from his abrupt waking. Then his throat worked, and I could see the moment he seemed to tear himself out of it, could see the confused but soft, slightly feverish expression bleed from his eyes as his iris narrowed in and darkness settled over his face.

A muscle in his jaw shifted, and Azriel tore his gaze up, eyes flaring as they pierced into mine.

He didn't need to open his mouth for me to know exactly what was going on in his head.

Explain. Now.

I breathed out and dropped my head onto the pillow, mumbling: “Calm down.” Curling tighter into the furs wrapped around me and trying to keep my teeth from chattering, I grumbled: “This was not how I imagined this going either.” Trying to ignore the heat bleeding into my cheeks, I watched him, my voice becoming softer when I mumbled: “You fell into a lake when they shot you down.”

Azriel blinked, and his eyes found my hair that was still damp and cold, sticking to my neck. His pupils constricted, and something flared in his eyes.

“You pulled me out.”

His voice sent a tingle down my spine, low and deep, so deep, hoarse with exhaustion but cutting, his eyes blazing with something I didn't recognize.

I shrugged softly, pulling the blankets tighter around me as I sent him a smile that wasn't half as mischievous as usual.

“Yes, well, I thought about how much you would hate me doing that and just couldn't resist. You know how I like to push your buttons.”

Azriel's jaw twitched, and something burning grew in his eyes as they pierced mine.

I felt my lips twitch in a weak attempt at a cheeky smirk. “That would be the moment to thank me for saving your life.”

Azriel's eyes narrowed, and I could see the muscles in his cheeks shift. “You exposed yourself, left yourself defenseless. That was reckless and stupid.”

His voice was cutting, icy, but I just stared at him, feeling something hot bloom in my chest as my heart skipped high against my ribs.

I blinked and felt my lips curve softly.

“You're welcome.” I turned to slide of the mattress, shivering as my bare feet hit the cold floors. Wrapping the furs around me, I dropped onto my knees next to the fireplace, reaching out to close my fingers around my pants. The leather was icy cold and wet.

“Damn it,”, I whispered under my breath.

I looked over my shoulder and found Azriel's eyes on my face, something raging in his iris, something I didn't recognize.

“What?” My gaze flickered over his face, something skipping softly against my ribs. Then I blinked and looked him over, feeling my lips curve into a cheeky smirk. “Don't worry. I didn't look anywhere important.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Azriel's eyes dip towards his bare chest, and if I hadn't known any better, I thought I saw a faint blush spread over his cheekbones. Then he tore his eyes away and clenched his jaw.

“You left yourself completely defenseless.”

I turned back around, staring at the fireplace as I felt the smile bleed off my face.

“Yes, well, I wasn't exactly thinking,”, I mumbled, something tightening harshly in my chest.

Even from the corner of my eye, I saw Azriel's gaze flare incredulously, his deep voice slicing through me.

“Not thinking gets you killed.”

I swallowed. My heart thrummed against my ribs as the moment I had watched Azriel fall flashed before my eyes.

“What if the soldiers had been at the lake, what if they'd gotten there by the time you came out of the water?” Azriel's jaw clenched, his voice tight, unrelenting. “You didn't think, and it could have cost you your life –“

“Why do you care; if I hadn't made it, you wouldn't have either, but we did; so what is your problem?!” I turned to stare at him, my breath hitching as an ache spread through my chest, and shadows whipped up the walls as Azriel growled.

“How can you be so reckless when it comes to your own fucking life –“

Something under my ribs shattered.

“I thought I'd lost you!!”

My desperate scream caused Azriel to fall silent like I had slapped him across the face.

I stared at him, breathing heavily, my body trembling as I barely fought the burning feeling of tears behind my eyes.

“You asshole!” My voice was shaking even though I was willing it not to, a bright aching feeling burning in my chest, flaring like that flicker in Azriel's eyes.

“I saw you fall, and then the lake and I thought –“ My voice broke as I stared at him, an all-consuming pain growing under my ribs.

“You were drowning.” My hands trembled, my throat closing up tight as I blinked against the tears threatening to spill over my cheeks. “I wasn't thinking about anything but that, and that there was no fucking way I was going to let it happen! And you are a fucking bastard for berating me for it, just because what I did doesn't fit with your strategic expectations, or because you think it was reckless, when I thought I had lost you!” My next breath shuddered as I stared at him, my limbs trembling.

Azriel's throat worked as his eyes pierced mine, but for once, he was completely silent.

“You think that it was stupid? That it was reckless and emotional?” I felt heat grow in my chest; familiar, angry heat, and I scrambled to push myself to my feet, glaring at him as I trembled.

“Well, I don't give a shit about what you think! I would have dragged you through that gods damned snowstorm until my legs gave out, even if it meant freezing in the end!” I balled my hands into fists. “There's no fucking way I would have ever left you!” Blinking against the tears gathering in my eyes, I swallowed, staring at him.

“Because that's the next thing you would have said, right?” I breathed a bitter smile, something tightening harshly in my chest. “That the rational thing would have been for me to leave you behind? That there was no way I could have carried you until I found a village, let alone all the way back to Velaris? That pulling you out of that lake and taking you with me meant leaving myself defenseless, to those bastards and that fucking cold out there, and that I should have never done that?” I fought the way my breath hitched and tears pricked my eyes as I glared at him. “I don't give a shit about all of that. Because I don't give up. I don't give people up, and I sure as hell never leave anyone behind, especially –“ I cut myself off, biting the inside of my cheek.

Especially not you.

I swallowed and curled my fingers into the fur wrapped around me as I returned Azriel's blazing stare, even as something closed around my throat, causing my voice to sound hoarse as I mumbled: “I would have rather frozen to death with you than leave you behind.”

Azriel blinked again. His jaw worked as his eyes flickered over my face, and something flashed through them. But I turned away before I could find out what it was, my chest tightening as I angrily wiped away the tear that rolled over my cheek, treacherous and letting on that maybe, I gave quite a shit after all.

“Our clothes are still too wet.” My voice was thick and a little shaky, but I refused to look at Azriel as I stared at my pants before turning my eyes towards the windows, behind which, the woods were completely dark.

“Without warmth, it's going to take too long for them to dry. And your body's too focused on keeping you from freezing to properly heal you, so you need to warm up.” I started pulling logs from the stack of firewood next to the fireplace, mumbling hoarsely: “Let's hope it's dark and windy enough that no one can trace the smoke.”

I could feel Azriel's eyes on me as I built and stoked the fire, my fingers trembling not from the cold. Something was constricting in my chest, rage towards this stubborn male swirling under my ribs, mixed with something aching and fluttering that made my heart quiver.

I stoked the fire until I could feel the warmth of the flames on my face. Shivering, I wrapped the furs tighter around me.

Just the thought of being close to Azriel caused something to tighten harshly in my chest. But I could feel cold crawl up from the floorboards, and the desire not to freeze was stronger than the one that told me stay away from the male on the bed.

Pushing myself back onto my feet, I turned around and, without looking at Azriel, slid back under the covers. Turning my back towards the shadowsinger, I curled up, my limbs trembling with cold and something else that had closed tightly around my chest.

I could feel Azriel shift behind me, slowly moving back under the blankets. I tucked myself in tighter, my teeth chattering softly.

The flames in the fireplace started to crackle slowly. I stared at their light dancing over the floorboards, tried to ignore the presence right behind me. But I couldn't ignore his scent, night chilled cedar mixed with the metallic scent of blood, and how it made something twinge in my chest. My mind kept looping back towards the fact that if I shifted back just a few inches, my body would press into hi-

“You're shaking.”

The low vibration of Azriel's voice trickled over my spine. It was deep and clipped, and I pressed my lips together.

“Yes, well, I'm cold.” I tried to scowl, but my voice sounded weak, not at all angry or sharp like I had hoped it would be.

Swallowing, I stared at the light of the fire dancing over the walls. I could feel Azriel's stare piercing the back of my head, could sense the tension in his jaw and body –

The mattress shifted, then I felt something brush against my back.

I froze.

Scarred, calloused skin gently grazed over my side, and my breath hitched, getting caught in my throat.

Azriel's fingers curled against my skin, like he was hesitating, thinking about pulling back, or not quite in control of his own body – then his hand splayed over my skin, slowly sliding down onto my stomach, and carefully, Azriel pulled me backwards into his chest.

My heart dipped. Then it stilled.

I could feel Azriel shift behind me, could feel the tension rippling through every part of his muscles. His hand slid over my stomach, skin cold against mine as he slowly wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed me into his chest.

Suddenly, something twinged between my legs and in my heart.

I could feel every ridge of his torso in my back. Every curve of muscle, every inch of smooth, icy cold skin pressing against mine. His legs came up to thread through mine, and his tall, solid body slowly curled around me until there was no place we weren't touching.

Swallowing harshly, I stared at the light of the fire dancing over the walls, my breath fluttering in my throat and my heart pounding against my ribs. I could feel every shift of muscle in Azriel's body, could feel the tension in his chest as he tightened his grip around me. Then he carefully dropped his forehead against the back of my head and gently tapped his fingers against my ribs six times.

My breath hitched, and my heart stilled.

The tapping was something between Mor and I, to communicate when were in the same room but not able to talk to each other. I hadn´t even realised Azriel knew about it, but - of course he did.

He always knew.

One tap meant I'm here, two taps danger, three taps you okay?, four taps need a distraction, five taps for they're lying, and six taps -

Something rose in my chest in a wild flutter.

I´m sorry.

I swallowed and stared at the wall.

Azriel's hand was still for a second, and I could feel the tension ripple through him. Then his fingers gently tapped against my skin again.

One, two, three. Four, five, six, seven.

Behind you.

My heart swelled in a weak, trapped giggle.

For a moment, I hesitated. Then I slowly twisted around under the blankets, and my breath hitched in my throat when my eyes found Azriel's only a few inches away.

My head settled on the pillow. The fire crackled as I swallowed softly and stared, and Azriel's iris shifted as he stared back. His eyes looked less stormy, glinting like molten caramel in the warm flickering lights as they pierced mine.

Slowly, his fingers brushed over my bare spine.

I barely suppressed a shudder, my lips parting, and Azriel's eyes dropped. His pupils expanded, and something flared in his eyes.

A muscle in his jaw shifted, then he mumbled, his voice quiet and rough: “After pulling me out of the lake, did you call me a stuck up idiot?”

My breath hitched in my throat, and my eyes darted up to meet his as they widened a little. But Azriel just stared at me, and behind that strange blazing fire in his eyes, it almost looked like they were twinkling a little.

“No,”, I whispered and blinked, and just for a second, the corner of Azriel's lips twitched. His gaze pierced mine.

“You also called me beautiful.”

I stared at him, something fluttering wildly against my ribs when I mumbled back hoarsely: “No, I called you stupid.”

Azriel's eyes flared, the gold in his iris melting together as his gaze dragged over my face.

Swallowing, I tore my eyes away before the fluttering thing in my chest could break free. Dropping my head a little, I reached out before I could stop myself and carefully brushed my fingers over the bandage wrapped around Azriel's ribs.

A deep sound broke from his throat, and my breath got caught in my throat as my eyes darted up again, just in time to see a muscle in Azriel's jaw twitch, his pupils blown as he stared at me.

“You're freezing.” Something dipped over in my chest at the rasp in his tight voice, and I swallowed and stared up at him.

“I could think of some ways to warm up.”

It was supposed to be a cheeky taunt. But it came out breathless when I felt Azriel's scarred hand brush slowly over my bare skin.

Azriel's fingers stilled. There was something in his eyes as he stared at me, that strange blazing flicker I had seen before, something raging and all-consuming that seeped through his carefully crafted walls.

A muscle in Azriel's jaw shifted as his gaze dragged over my face. Then his hand brushed up over my ribs, rising from under the blanket.

His rough skin against my neck made me shiver, a tremble running down my spine that suddenly had nothing to do with being cold when his fingers slipped into my hair. They threaded through the strands, and I felt my next breath shudder when his thumb slowly traced over the side of my throat.

Azriel's eyes moved slowly over mine, and that look in his eyes flashed, grew stronger. Then he lightly tugged me forward, and when I followed, my breathing growing shorter, he dipped his head.

His nose brushed against mine, and I reached up like reflex, my fingers trembling a little when I wrapped them around Azriel's wrist as his hot breath hit my lips.

Azriel stilled, fingers still threaded through my hair, lips nothing but a breath away from mine. I thought I could feel his lashes on my cheeks, the heat of his pulse under my fingers. Something was thrumming under my ribs, growing stronger with every second.

I sucked in a soft, trembling breath when I realised he was waiting.

The thrum in my chest grew unbearable, and I moved, dipping my head and pressing my lips slowly against Azriel's jaw.

His fingers curled into my hair, muscles shifting under my hand wrapped around his wrist, and I thought I felt something rumble in his chest.

I slid lower. My lips traced over the shape of his throat, feeling it work under the featherlight press of a kiss against the side of it. My teeth grazed over his skin, and Azriel's fingers scraped lightly over my scalp when a grunt escaped his chest that sounded a little strangled.

Dipping my head, I carefully pressed my lips onto the curve where his neck met his shoulder, and my heart rose, flaring.

I hadn't known the taste of someone's skin could do this – make you feel drunk off of it, cause a rush to fill your body, make your skin tingle and heart race.

Tracing the shape of Azriel's collarbone with my lips, I left a slow, careful kiss on his cool, inked skin before following the shape of his chest. My hand slid lower, and I felt the thrum of his heart under my palm, quick and erratic. It made my own swerve sharply, and Azriel's breath shuddered when I dragged my lips over his smooth skin.

Looking up at him through my lashes, I felt something jolt right down into my lower stomach, my own breath hitching and something hot rushing through my chest when my eyes met Azriel's, fixed onto my face, the amber flickering in the light of the fire, pupils blown. His jaw worked, and my spine tingled.

Slowly sliding down his body, I traced my lips over his chest. Leaving slow, careful kisses on the swirls of his tattoo, the silver lines of faded scars, I felt his muscles shift and flex under my featherlight touches. My fingers brushed over the bandage wrapped around his ribs, and a sound left Azriel that caused my heart to tilt over when I carefully pressed a kiss onto the spot where the arrow had pierced him.

Somewhere buried deep in my head, the thought stirred that this didn't feel like it was just about warming each other up.

Not with the way Azriel was staring down at me, something flaring in his darkened eyes, his breath out of rhythm, his body reacting to the smallest brush of my fingers with a shudder like it was the answer to a long lost prayer.

My lips traced over the hard ridges of Azriel's stomach. Following the lines, I felt his muscles shift and clench beneath his smooth skin when I pressed my lips slowly against his side, my tongue tracing lightly over his skin, and Azriel's hand fell out of my hair to grab onto the sheets. His knuckles turned white as I slid down, and something curled and tightened in my lower stomach when I traced my lips over the sharp line disappearing into his underwear.

Azriel's hips bucked upward, and a low, pressed grunt left him that caused tingling warmth to wash over me, my stomach twisting.

I gently nudged my nose against his skin, then I raised my head, and something rose in my chest in a wild flutter when my eyes met Azriel's, his jaw locked as his gaze burned into mine until something closed around my throat and I barely kept myself from swallowing.

Slowly, I shifted. Then I slung my leg over his waist.

Azriel's pupils seemed to grow darker, and without looking away, feeling that steady thrum in my throat, I slid down his body.

The sheets and furs went with me, but Azriel didn't seem to notice. His eyes were transfixed on my face. Then my hand slid under his waistband, and his expression slipped, jaw going lax and eyes fluttering when I wrapped my fingers around his cock.

Slowly pulling him out of his pants, I felt something dip and plunge in my lower stomach at how hard he already was. Swallowing, I carefully ran my thumb over his tip, coaxing a low curse from him. Then I looked up through my lashes and sent Azriel a small, cheeky smile.

“Tell me if I'm doing something you don't like.”

The shadowsinger's eyes flashed as a choked sound left him, and I dipped my head and wrapped my lips around him.

“Fuck.”

A breathy grunt broke from Azriel's chest, his head fell back as his hands fisted the sheets, and I gently ran my tongue over the underside of his cock before sucking him into my mouth.

Incoherent sounds spilled from Azriel's lips, deep grunts and rough muttered curses that made my stomach twinge as I started to stroke him slowly. His blazing eyes were dragging over my face, the muscles in his stomach twitching as my hand worked what my lips couldn't reach, my tongue running over the underside of his cock as I took him deep, beginning to suck.

“That's it.” Azriel's hands fisting the sheets trembled as he grunted breathlessly, his throat working and eyes squeezing shut for a second like he was trying to reign himself in, but the words stumbled past his lips, deep and gravelly.

“Fuck, just like that.”

My heart swerved sharply as I drank him in, his cheeks flushed, hair dishevelled and body heaving the longer I worked him. I twisted my hand a little, and he grunted, head falling back and hips bucking. I could feel him pulse, could tell he was getting closer, closer to that edge, his breath shuddering.

Azriel groaned. His fingers slid into my hair, threading through the strands and beginning to guide me, like he just couldn't help himself anymore, had to touch me, his grip tight as his flashing eyes followed my movements. My teeth grazed the underside of his head, and Azriel grunted, his voice strangled.

“If you don't stop I'll -“

I looked up at him through my lashes and sent him a crooked, cheeky smile that made him break off with a grunt. Then I swirled my tongue around his tip and sucked him into my mouth, and Azriel unravelled with a sound so deep, it vibrated through my very bones.

His head fell back, his back arched and his hips bucked, and Azriel came with a shudder. His load hit the back of my throat, and I swallowed it all, the salty taste causing my eyes to flutter.

Sucking gently for a few more seconds, I slowly let him go, gently brushing my thumb over his base, and my eyes met Azriel's, flickering amber in the firelight, his skin glowing with a thin layer of sweat as his burning eyes dragged over my face. His grip tightened in my hair, and he tugged, pulling me up his body.

My breath hitched when our noses brushed. Azriel's eyes looked like molten gold in the light, the flecks all swimming together in his hazel iris as it flickered over my face, and I felt my heart rise, trembling –

“Get on your back.”

I needed a second to realize the meaning behind the words mumbled against my skin, so deep and low and like a tremble running down my spine.

A wave of heat washed through me, my stomach twisted tight, and I blinked and pulled back my head, feeling my brows crunch incredulously.

“You're still hurt. No way; you're staying like this.”

Azriel's eyes darkened.

“Now.”

“No.” I glared back, which really, was ridiculous, because just the thought of him between my legs caused the pulsing feeling in my stomach to intensify tenfold, and I knew he could sense it, saw it in the way his nostrils flared and eyes flashed, but –

Azriel's hands closed around my sides, sliding my underwear down my legs; he groaned deep in his chest, then rough scarred fingers dug into my skin, right where my thighs and hips met, and my heart dipped and fell when Azriel dragged me up, up his torso, up over his shoulders.

“Wha-“ My breath got caught in my throat, and I hastily grabbed onto the headboard to not loose my balance, my eyes widening when I realised what he was doing.

My gaze whipped down; I tried to lift my hips, and Azriel wrapped his arms over my thighs and dragged me down, his piercing eyes meeting mine.

“No; I'm too –“

Azriel's tongue sliced through my folds, and I jolted and whimpered a string of trembling curses, my hips bucking down onto his face as my stomach twisted and my spine melted into burning, glowing matter.

Azriel groaned, the vibration travelling through me, and I dug my fingers into the headboard, feeling my heart tip over and insides clench.

“Shit – I –“ I tried to twist away in a weak attempt of trying to keep my weight off of him, but Azriel dragged me down further, not seeming to give a fuck about suffocating as he licked a broad stripe through my folds. His eyes flutterered, and he gave another grunt.

“Perfect.”

The low mumble rose up my spine, so deep and gravelly, my insides tightened around nothing. My breath shuddered, my brows crunched as my lips parted, and Azriel buried his face between my legs.

Whimpered curses spilled from my throat, senseless, blending into each other as my limbs trembled and Azriel's tongue traced the shape of me, mapping it like he was trying to commit to memory. Then he lazily circled my clit, and my lips parted, brows crunching as my hips bucked down in reflex and a whimper built in my throat.

My eyes flew down, and I could feel myself clench when my eyes met Azriel's, burning and flaring as he dipped his chin.

My breath hitched in a whine, and my hips spasmed when Azriel licked over my clit and sucked. His grip tightened, and the shadowsinger hummed, his nose nudging against my skin as his hazy, hooded eyes tracked over my face, molten like gold. My left hand flew down to bury in his dark hair as he ground my hips down onto his face, and I whimpered.

My body shook, the reason now far from freezing as my spine shuddered and hips bucked and waves of heat washed over me as I felt the world tip. Then Azriel's tongue slid into me, and my insides shuddered.

A breathless sound left me, I clenched, and Azriel groaned, tugging me down, and my head fell back as his tongue started to lazily dip in and out of me, circling, lapping until my body melted into a puddle. My fingers dug into his hair, nails scraping over his scalp as my hips rolled down without me being able to control it, but Azriel just gave a deep sound that travelled through me, his heavily hooded eyes fixed hungrily onto my face.

A knot formed in my lower stomach. Slowly, it build, twisting and churning as Azriel carried me towards something that would probably make me lose every last bit of control over my body, sucking on my clit, his eyes trained onto my face, coaxing every little reaction out of me, from my trembling fingers to my eyes rolling and head falling back, my thighs shaking next to his head –

Azriel's hand shifted, sliding down over my stomach. His tongue slid into me, and his thumb found my clit, circling tightly.

The world exploded, shattering as heat washed over me and the knot inside me bursted into a thousand stars. My hips spasmed, my back arching as my body tightened and loud, trembling noises left me that caused my fingers to curl and chest to tighten, my spine bleeding into nothingness, waves of blinding pleasure racking through me and causing my body to shudder and tremble. My hips jerked, and something bloomed in my stomach when Azriel groaned against me.

It took what felt like a lifetime until the sensations slowly dispersed and my spine stopped shuddering, and yet, Azriel was still lapping lazily at me, causing my hips twitch and a soft sound to break from my throat.

Slowly sliding my fingers out of his hair, my joints weak from clutching onto the silky strands, I weakly held onto the headboard and lifted my hips. My thighs trembled lightly, and Azriel's hands slid up to close around my hips, steading me, his head tipping back to stare up at me as I slowly started crawling down his body.

When I was hovering above his chest, I dropped my gaze. My heart rose into my throat, something dipped under my ribs, and I stilled.

Azriel's face was only an inch away. His iris was nothing but a ring of golden flecks around his blown pupils, his skin no longer pale but slightly flushed, the crease between his brows almost gone even as his jaw flexed, his gaze dragging over my face, and his lips -

My chest tightened as my breath hitched and I stared at his swollen, glistening lips. My hips bucked back as my spine shuddered, and Azriel's lids fluttered heavily, eyes blazing as his hand slipped onto my back, pushing me down, down until –

My nose grazed his, and something turned over in my chest when my own scent hit my lungs.

A deep sound rumbled through the shadowsinger's chest, his hand slid up to cup the side of my neck, and he dragged me down.

His breath ghosted over my lips, and my own hitched.

Azriel's nose softly nudged against mine, his thumb slowly tracing the curve of my throat. I could feel him, the warmth radiating from his skin, could feel his scent invading my senses and causing my heart to shudder, could feel something building in my chest as my fingers trembled.

Azriel's lips brushed over mine. His grip tightened, a strangled sound built in his chest, and he tugged me forward and crashed his lips onto mine.

My heart faltered. Then the whole world stilled.

Azriel kissed me like he'd been starving.

A breathless whimper tore from my throat, my fingers dug into the pillows, and Azriel groaned softly. His fingers slid further into my hair, then his lips parted mine and his tongue slid into my mouth.

My breath faltered as the ground seemed to sway. I clutched onto the sheets, a desperate sound building in my chest, and Azriel's hand curled into my hair as he kissed me harder, more feverish. He was kissing me like he'd been wondering what it would be like for centuries and now that he'd had a taste - nothing else would ever be enough.

The thought made something pang painfully in my chest, and I whimpered, my body curving into his as I settled on his hips, my hands sliding to the sides of his neck, tipping his head, and Azriel's breath shuddered in a deep moan as his thumb brushed over the side of my throat. His tongue swirled lazily around mine, then his teeth caught my bottom lip, and a soft whimper broke from my throat as something clenched in my stomach.

Azriel's grip tightened, dragging me down towards him, his nose brushing past mine. I could feel something travel through his hands that felt like a tremble. Then he pulled me in with a hoarse noise and kissed me again, deep and hard and feverish as his fingers curled into my hair, and something in my chest rose in a wild flutter.

part II

@azrielshadows1nger @waytoomanyteenagefeels @secret-ly-here @icey--stars @azriels-mate2 @ailyr92

[starsetven]

angst, angst, angst ✨

the cast dreaming about loosing/dying (the) MC? Tho when they wake up the MC is sleeping besides them peacefuly :3

the number of angsty scenes I have in mind is making me question my own sanity 🧍‍♀️

Dreaming about death:

Below the cut:

(Cause it got kinda long)

Vic would jolt from the bed, quickly snagging your sleeping form the moment he woke up. He’d gently cradle you as if you had died, all the while holding you close with the upmost dreadful thoughts racing through his brain. Vic would cautiously glide his hand over your cheek to study you. Despite how warm you felt in his embrace, pure anxiety would continue to course through his bones for a solid hour after his dream, consuming any attempt at rationing his nightmare.

He would snuggle up to your body and hold you close until dawn stretched over the horizon. Vic would watch for every subtle sign your body made to be sure you were still breathing, by memorizing the feeling of your skin underneath his fingertips- intricately taking in every small friction and detail your skin offered. He wouldn’t function well, chipping away at his nails with his teeth. All his thoughts circled back to you, as he painfully waited for you to wake.

Avery would wake up groggy and disoriented, reaching out to you as if you were a beacon of light, desperately feeling the bed for your form. A sharp cry of fear would escape their lips through their disoriented state, but the warmth of your body would momentarily calm his anxieties. Just for good measure, Avery would drape their arm over your body to hold you close to him. But it wasn’t enough to keep their anxiety away. Avery would cave, he’d gently wake you up to just ensure you were safe.

The sight of your grumpy face was more than relieving- you were safe. You were here alive and well, right beside them. Hearing your voice melted away any fear they once were burdened with. Soon enough, Avery would slip back into a deep peaceful sleep.

Tyler would scramble out of bed in a cold sweat. He’d grasp the sheets beside your body, convinced you were dead. Silently eyeing over your unconscious form with a shattering resolve, He’d place a soft hand to your cheek to feel your presence- stopping himself before he made contact with your skin. “This was all my fault…” unable to differentiate his dreams from reality, his nightmare would consume him alive, until you peacefully stirred in your sleep. You were breathing… he hadn’t… tyler would collapse next to your form, intently gazing over your sleeping face. Every ounce of his being would want nothing more than to reach out to you- to hold you close.

But he couldn’t bring himself to touch you.

Link would light a cigarette. After years of quitting, he’d break his streak that night. Ever so quietly he’d slip out of your shared bed, making a beeline for his back patio. ”fuck.”

Raking a shaky hand through his thick fluffy hair, he’d let the sounds of the outside world drown out his spiraling thoughts for a while before returning to your side.

A long moment spent staring at your sleeping face would pass by before he felt ready to rejoin you in bed. His hesitant fingers would trail over your face, momentarily locking in place from the sheer fear that rattled thoroughly through his core.

“Don’t die on me. Don’t you dare.”

A silent prayer shared between you, words that could never reach you. He knew how selfish this request was- he didn’t care. You were all that mattered to him. Dreams be damned.

You were all he had.

[urhoneycombwitch]

omg prince!eddie!!!!!!! omg omg omg him as a prince

foreword: i wrote prince!Eddie… I don’t know who I am anymore. rebrand era. (Prince Stephen is next in line so Edward (his step-brother by a misfortunate marriage. according to them both) gets to be an unserious princely bard and goof off a bit <3 you’re lower status tho so watch itttttt >:) )

wc: 650

cw: prince!Eddie, reader is referred to as princess, wears dress + has cleavage, fingering, sexual talk, +18 mdni, semi public but not caught

______

At first, the game is amusing- find your pearl earring that must have fallen from its clasp, a small group gathered in the cold garden to carry out the mission. Royals in fine clothes sweeping low to the ground, boys in tuxes and ties getting alarmingly close to scuffing their knees in valiant effort to the cause. 

But there’s only so long one can take of this before it gets old, semi-circle of girls preening for attention, stamping their feet at their respective beaus, saying pointedly “I’m cold, Stephen” and “Do get up, Jon!”

One by one, the warmth of the bustling and fire-warmed party inside of the castle is too much to resist- until it’s just you and Eddie on hands and knees, hidden from view behind a thick cover of shrubbery.

“Hi,” he pants, grin dazzling in the moonlight. There’s a silver circlet that slips low on his dark brow; Prince Eddie shoves it back into the dark frizz of his curls with lithe, pale fingers, your eyes tracking every move.

At this angle- you on all fours in front of a crouched Eddie, chest heaving with exertion- he can surely see down the front of your dress. You straighten quickly, back against the solid shrub, self-consciously flicking your skirts to cover the length of your legs.

The soft silk of your wine-red dress sleeves slip down your arm- you welcome the extra shield against the cool night air. From this distance, the party noise is considerably dimmed, leaving space for you to hear Eddie’s quiet breaths. He breaks the moment first.

“God, I wish I had a cigarette. Hopp caught me again at the market- scared the smoke merchant so badly, I thought he’d seize to death.”

You giggle at the thought of the stern guard telling off a poor bystander, of getting Prince Edward humiliated in front of valuable vendors. “Oh, my poor Prince.”

It’s condescending, sardonic, but he smirks at you anyways, eyes twinkling. “Yeah? Will you kiss me better, princess-?”

“Shhht!” You’re quick to close the distance between your bodies, practically launching into Eddie’s lap in order to clap a hand over his mouth. 

Then, as if suddenly remembering an unspoken rule, you pull back from his space, still frowning and hot with strain as you hiss, “That’s blasphemy. That nickname will bring us both nothing but trouble- I pray you hold your tongue, Edward.”

You underestimate Eddie’s ability to read you, because he appears (rightly) completely unfazed by your sharp words, going so far as to catch your wrist, bringing it to his lips. “Go on, princess. I pray you hold it for me.”

And then, with one last flash of anger you pull him in by the folds of his forest-green lapels, open enough that his bare chest brushes against yours. He moans into your mouth, hands settling at your waist, gripping tight at the extra padding just under your bodice as your tongues slide past each other's lips.

“You shouldn't be worried…” he pulls away, irritatingly smug, lips pink and spit-slicked even in the pale light- “...about a silly nickname being overheard. Should worry more about this noisy cunt of yours.”

Eddie slips a hand underneath your silk skirts, fingers running against the seam of your linens, proving his point when your folds separate with a wet click. A high whine spills from your throat, and you buck into his hand. 

He grins, triumphant, against your mouth, fingers seeking at the edges of your underclothes. “Stay quiet and your Prince will give you something worth bowing for.”

[unknowinglydeceasedlol]

this is going to come off as obnoxious to the people who won’t understand where im coming from but im sure all the qties with BPD on here will relate at least to some degree 😵‍💫

i hate when i say “i hate myself” and people around me automatically turn to say “well (reason) so you shouldnt” spoiler alert but i know !!!!!!! i know that i shouldn’t but its so hard when you feel NOTHING on a daily basis. best day of your life? the good feelings last a solid 17 minutes. worst day of your life? you’ll feel like jumping off the nearest cliff or jumping in front of a passing car and feeling like you’re in the worst distress youve ever been but one nap later, youre back to feeling that pit inside while not even being able to fully remember what exactly had you so upset.

i hate that and i hate myself for it. does that mean i don’t care about myself? no. i still go grab a jacket when im cold. i still care whether im being put in a harmful situation or not. i still care about myself enough to not be putting myself in harms way 24/7. i just dont have the emotional permanece to love myself when there’s a void actively sucking and draining the emotions from me. its so frustrating when the people around you are like “just love yourself 😍” like girl don’t you think ive tried? i dont say “i hate myself” for pity or sympathy (no shame if you do tho) but as a cry of frustration.

it’s like watching a bridge about to collapse and trying to scream that no one should cross it but being unable to get the message across. i *know* there’s reasons why i shouldn’t hate myself but they just never feel good enough for the void. i hate being told how to feel when ive tried everything to change but i know it’s useless

[jasminerva]

skdy 197: seat belt

So Shin getting his license at 9 is retconned since he doesn't appear to be an assassin at 13 and he's really surprised to see Ando (who clearly recognizes him) kill someone.

Started yapping about this on Twitter but I truly hate the character limit lol.

We I gotta stop applying logic until there's a definitive timeline (maybe in the fanbook?).

Just my own theory tho (cuz I can't stop won't stop): I can see Sakamoto giving Shin the chance to off his dad for closure.

Most likely tho, Shin would let him live or say he's dead to him (Sakamoto is his new father figure from then on lol). Suzuki hasn't got into darker territories with SakaDays (his one shots Locker Room and Garaku tho are another story lit & fig) as of yet, so I doubt Shin's first kill would be Ando.

But maybe Ando is breathing his last breath and Shin gets the opportunity to put him out of his misery? I could see that. Simple and powerful enough.

Anywho, a fun aside...

Considering he's 13 here and 20 at the start of the manga, Shin works under Sakamoto for, like, a year or two?! before Sakamoto meets Aoi, retires, and has Hana-chan???

I have faith that Suzuki wouldn't have indicated their age difference like so unless he had some kinda new (solid?) timeline in place.

We know there's a ~7 year difference in their ages, and Sakamoto's bday is in November and Shin's is in June, so this flashback takes place sometime in between.

But, yeah, those two years made a huge impact on Shin - so much so that Shin continued as an assassin for those 5-6 years at that shitty company until Sakamoto was put on that internal hitlist, and then the 1-bil yen bounty.

Oh! And it's sounding like the assassins leaving the biz needing to be iced thing was just internal to that crappy company Sakamoto joined undercover (and Shin continues to work for - which might prove that Shin's GED-type license is lower tier than, say, a JCC graduate license, cuz otherwise why not work somewhere better? Shin clearly looked like he was still a grunt when with his skills and work ethic could definitely make it to management level).

The JAA doesn't enforce the icing (the Seba bros' dad seems utterly retired lol, and there's Yotsumura's wife too, and I'm sure many other examples like pros turning into teachers or retiring completely).

Definitely another retcon but a necessary one for sure, otherwise the collective JAA would've tried offing Sakamoto as soon as he retired (sure, it was a matter of whether they could or not, but I'm sure Takamura would've been deployed if necessary).

The JAA approving a hit for the right amount of money on their former employee though? Cold.

But we knew that.

[acciocriativity]

-> When they reject you…

... but it wasn't a confession (WOOSAN version)

Genre: angst-ish, bittersweet endings, unrequited love (hard to say from each side tho)

Tags/ Warnings: angsty; bittersweet endings; implied bullying in San's part not done by him; implied body shame in San's part not done by him; San's a coward and don't do anything about it; i don't even now what to say about wooyoung's part, that's a warning?

WC: 1,4 k

N/A: I said that I'd make more of these and here they are (after 8 whole months, I'm so sorry). I didn't forget about the lovely people that loved the MATZ version, this is for you guys!

Please reblog my work if you enjoyed it, it helps to reach other people <3

MATZ Version

Ateez Masterlist

JEONG WOOYOUNG (정우영)

You heard the soft buzz of your phone on your beside table, yet the only thing you did was turn around and adjust the thick blanket under your chin. It was getting cold by the minute and a simple thought crossed your mind before you closed your eyes once again, maybe you should see him one last time.

If anyone told you a week ago that you’d be ignoring Wooyoung’s calls, you wouldn’t believe it, but here you are. You could’ve just block him for once and for all, but a little sick part within you liked to hear the proof of his neediness and desperation. Every call were the solid evidence that it wasn’t all in your head, in fact, he was the once who always seemed to cling to you.

The silence filled the room for barely five seconds, then the phone started ringing again.

You wish you could say you slept well that night, knowing that he wouldn’t leave any voicemails, that little prideful jerk. Instead, the same scene appeared over and over in your mind.

You still could feel his hands around your waist. He made it all so casual, natural and comfortable, like it was supposed to be that way between friends. However, you knew he only ever called you late at night, sometimes just to talk when he couldn’t fall asleep, others to beg you to come pick him up and somewhere in between those moments, he made you believe you were special to him. How special or in what way was a work in progress, you were unsure if his actions should worry you, if maybe it was more than friendly, until he made it all clear a week ago.

It was his birthday, so you did everything you could to make a memorable night, even baked the giant birthday cake yourself. Sometime after the loud music turned into background noise, he found you by the kitchen, then asked you to wait upstairs for him. His room was the only one locked in the entire house, so he left you with the key after sending one of his cheeky little winks your way. You still remember how giddy you felt, because you just received the perfect opportunity to give him that one watch he was thinking about buying it for months now.

The whole day you couldn’t really get a hold of him, something you can not blame Wooyoung of all people for, still, it was dangerously close to midnight. Was it too much to ask for some time with you best friend on his birthday? No, no it wasn’t. You weren’t asking for anything much than a simple conversation and a little bit of appreciation, something you were yet to hear from him. So you waited as much as your patience allowed.

Bu he didn’t show up.

And you knew exactly where he was, most likely having the time of his life surrounded by all your mutual friends, and you did love that about him. You’d always say that he was like your personal ray of sunshine, people like him would always have the spotlight and you also knew he enjoyed that very much. How can you wish something else for him on his day? You wish he had all the fun in the world and maybe share a bit with you as well.

So after waiting for fifteen minutes, you decided that you gave him enough grace already. Wooyoung could get lost in the moment sometimes, so you decided you were going to remind him in the pettiest way you could think of.

But none of that mattered when you laid eyes on him, standing at the bottom of the stairs. He held close one of your mutual closest friend, closer then you remembered them together before. They both were in a small circle by the wall, laughing at something he whispered. Were they a thing now? How did you not know? But there was a larger question taking all the space in your head. Is this how you look like beside him? You were used to the closeness, you enjoyed the intimacy, it could easily be you there right now.

Yet, it wasn’t you and it won’t be.

So why the hell can’t he accept that and deal with the consequences of his own actions? You were giving him what he asked for, space.

Still, he’s calling again.

CHOI SAN (최산)

The moment your existence intertwined with San’s back in college, it felt like people’s perception of you changed all of a sudden. You were nobody to most, then became somebody to him and as a consequence, someone to his friends and acquaintances. It would be fascinating to watch if it wasn’t your own life and if it wasn’t so freaking depressing. A frequent comment you’d hear was ‘how odd the two of you look next to each other’, and there was nothing you could do against a sly remark like that, specially when it comes from his so called friends, and you knew San always took that as a light joke about your differences in personalities.

You don’t remember how it happened, one day you sat beside him at the very back of a class you, so desperately, wanted to skip but couldn’t, the other day you both were attached to the hip. And how could you not? Never in you life you thought you’d describe a man as sweet, not with you at least, but there he was, every day, proving you wrong.

To be in the vicinity as someone like him was a once in a lifetime kind of experience, but to be his friend was another thing entirely. San was one of those people that can make you feel at the top of the world when he pays attention to you, the kind of person that truly seeks connection with those around him and when someone talks, he listens with all his body.

You tried to keep those pros in your mind, but more often than not you caught yourself pondering if it was still worth the headache after all those years, like right now.

You promised yourself you’d come to this stupid five-year college reunion, because otherwise San’d whine about it for a whole month, like you not coming would make him lonely somehow, like that was even a possibility.

Then, it started.

It always does one way or another.

This time was a “innocent joke” about how you glued yourself to San back in the day. They all laughed including yourself, you did not want to make a scene, you never do.

Then there was the stares at the two of you sitting beside each other. That was the funniest part for them, the simple thought that you could still have some hope for something to happen between the two of you to this day and age was hysterical. You could tell since the very start of your friendship what those people thought about you and what your place should be.

Maybe if you ever felt anything towards San in that way, it’d hurt you deeply, but you didn’t and still don’t, so it just pisses you off to no end. However, you don’t have the courage to bring it up and perhaps you should’ve done then, but now you barely see any of them, so what is it one more day?

“You’re good?”, he leaned towards you and his hands caressed your lower arm like it was second nature to him.

You nodded, then whispered as you grabbed your purse, “I’ll be back in a minute”.

It was a long walk to the nearest bathroom, outside of the gymnasium, long enough to calm yourself down and to think clearly.

All the while San was downing a drink after the other, laughing at something he barely heard from across the big table of 9 he was in. Red in the face, coughing like crazy in the middle of the chaos, he did not see you walking up to him.

“What?”, he asked the third time, leaning in to hear his friend better.

“Just admit it already, do you like her, don’t you?”

It took him a few seconds to figure it out what that was about, then a flash of you came into his mind and the recognition on his face was clear to them all. He sobered up quick and sat upright, putting his body weight on top of the table.

You don’t hear what the answer was and you don’t need to. Their laughter, his laughter, echoed in between the song change.

So maybe he wasn’t that innocent after all.

Taglist: @h3arteyes4mingi

[imrandymeeks]

Seen any good movies lately? Always love your RandyReviews

Not really lmao

I sustain myself on Will & Grace mainly these days, and like murder and Contrapoints sides of youtube. Mostly murder. And like hikers who died horribly. It means I'm in a great place mentally, right?

Anyway, Robert Eggers' Nosferatu is lovely, The Seven Year Itch is iconic for a reason, The Electric State is not as atrocious as you're led to believe, and Vertigo is great outside the obvious dolly zooms and all that jazz. And I have an urge to rewatch Bros, I don't even know what to make of this impulse.

Wait, did I mention The Summer with Carmen here? I posted about it on bluesky, it's a fantastic little indie from Greece, very gay film nerd shit, I loved it.

Companion is fun, if a little too basic and not unhinged enough for my liking. Queer is solid, but left me cold, for many reasons I guess, Craig is transcendent tho.

Frankie Freako is the best movie of 2024. Okay, Frankie Freako and Hundreds of Beavers.

[seasonal-depression-of-punk]

So… you have seen the bug and are wanting to have one for yourself…

You may have seen this little creature before and thought:

“Aww! It’s so adorable! Can I keep him?”

So I’m here today telling you more about this little critter and maybe help you decide if having one is fitting for you

Most of this information is based on studies done to the most common forms of the bug. The punk bug!

The bug research team is always happy to hear your own bug experiences.

Bugs are small little creatures which are suspected to be born when summer rain hits tiny specific sized pebbles. The shape of the pebble defines what this bug will grow into.

Bugs have four stages of life when they hatch. Egg, larvae, caterpillar and finally bug.

Here’s what you need to know about these stages:

Egg

When the summer rain hits the pebbles that will grow into bugs, the pebble turns into egg

Egg will get up and start wandering around once the rain has dried.

Egg is like a newborn baby. Cranky, loud and very needy.

DO NOT GIVE EGG SOLID FOOD

Egg’s developing teeth are NOT suitable for eating anything

Will make “meep” sounds whenever it needs anything

Don’t put egg into anything warm or try to dress it up. Its body is still getting used to the feeling of not being a little pebble in dirt.

Larvae

If egg is like a newborn baby, larvae is like a toddler

Egg to larvae change happens around the time it starts to chew on things and get cold

Larvae like soft blankets and clothing and can often be found wrapped in anything warm and soft.

This is the stage when you can try to feed solid foods to your developing bug!

DO NOT FEED LARVAE TREATS

Larvae’s stomach isn’t strong enough to process a lot of sugar or fat at a time

To keep your bug healthy during the larvae stage, feed it healthy and a big range of different foods like fruits, berries,vegetables, beans, nuts, mushrooms and animal products

If you notice any bad reactions showing by the larvae after eating any animal products, take it out of its diet. It isn’t worth it

Bugs can get enough of nutrients with an animal product free diet. Just make sure it gets enough protein and things from the things it eats.

Unlike egg, larvae doesn’t really let out sounds. It is too focused on learning about its environment

Caterpillar

Larvae to caterpillar change starts to happen when the larvae doesn’t sleep as much or routinely anymore

Only eats treats

If you don’t give it a treat it will start eating everything you’re not supposed to

Big eyes to see in the dark

Most of the bug types don’t sleep at night or will never sleep. During caterpillar stage, you find out your bug’s true sleep needs

Unlike the larvae or egg, caterpillars make a lot of noise. Even unnecessary

Caterpillar is the stage when bugs start to seek other bugs and get attached to the human who has raised it or feeds it the most.

They will be scared of most people until adulthood

The noises caterpillars make could be described as something close to a kitten meowing. Really high “MIII!” Sounds

THE bug

It’s an adult now!

Still not very mature tho

Adult bugs are very adventurous and often even seek dangers

They start seeking more human connections during the adventuring

Now that it’s an adult, bugs start to search their favorite foods from all the different types of food they’ve been fed.

During adult bughood, you’ll learn more about your bug’s personality!

Small facts about bug language

Bug noise may sound like confusing loud sounds but to bugs themselves, it’s like human speech. They express themselves and can communicate with other bugs

Some bugs will continue to sound the same as when they were a caterpillar, some might sound more like an adult cat and some might sound like dog toys.

Different sounding bug noise is like a different accent. Bugs understand each other regardless of the type of sound.

[masters-of-void]

Flashbang [Warframe Fanfic]

good lord this posted early because tumblr mobile is evil so nobody saw that! ANYWAY, this post by the genius @illegal-wall-dragons made me run so fast to write this scene, it was SO necessary. don't mind that it's a rambling mess tho haha! details: 3k words, takes place between arthur's r4c3&4 chats

Arthur was surrounded.

Techrot closed in on him in all directions, chattering viciously. They swiped at him with their barbs as he whipped around for an opening, one that wouldn't present itself no matter where he turned.

He moved at a distance from the enemy as best he could and sliced his spectral sword through the air, energy blades flying to their marks. They cut a swath easily. But not enough.

Though he kept swinging, for every one he felled, two more appeared to take its place. He couldn't stay here. Needed higher ground. Blade in hand, he slammed it down into the cobblestone, knocking the horde back with a radial explosion of javelins.

Above him was a ledge to the roof line. Leaping high, he caught the gutter and hauled himself up before it could snap, taking off down the row of apartments.

"Requesting assistance," he called into his comms.

Nothing but static answered him.

"Hello? Is anybody there? Amir? Are comms down?"

Nothing.

"Aoi? Anyone?!"

He waited, bounding a gap, straining his ears to hear even a crackle, and all he got was more fucking nothing.

He'd made it maybe three sections when babau tendrils shot up the outer walls to grab him about the legs. He fell hard, his chin smashing on roughened shingles, but he didn't stay down long as the thing wrapped the rest of its flailing, static-jolting whips around his wrists, his arms, his torso, his neck.

It lifted him up off the roof, its grotesque body sliding up the building onto the platform with him. It pressed him face-first against a wall where he couldn't see it. Couldn't fight back. He writhed, and it was pointless.

"Nnnngh, somebody, respond! I'm pinned down! Eleanor!"

He called for her every way he could, hoping she would take control of the thing and make it stop, but it didn't loosen its strangling grip on him.

That was it then. If even his twin couldn't hear, none of them would be coming to help him. Not here. Not like he had.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried, "...Drifter..?"

And then he heard a terrible shriek. It pierced his heart with a terror he'd never felt so deeply, not in all this horror he'd already faced. It froze his steel muscles as though he were a prey animal caught in the gaze of its dedicated hunter. More followed, and he soon spotted their source.

Little skittering creatures were scrabbling up the walls of the building he was pinned to.

Each had four limbs, a vague childlike shape, but their bodies were darkness made solid. Clouds black as night followed them from the street below. They crawled their way up the smooth stone at a leaping, inhuman pace with long claws of glowing crimson.

They were calling him by name.

"Arthur!" their voices echoed. "Hey! Arthur!"

The babau would only tear him apart. But those things-- Somehow he knew that if they reached him, they would unleash a different horror he couldn't comprehend.

He fought harder to get free, putting all his strength into pulling his wrists together. A tendril snapped. That was all he needed. Grabbing the one around his neck, he yanked on it, and he heard it rip, but he still couldn't breathe. 

He was burning, his face pressed against searing heat, his soft innards melting inside his shell.

The countdown. 

It was over--

It was over.

The shadows were all around him.

"Wake up!"

Red claws cinched his shoulder from behind, shaking him with fury.

"Arthur!"

The babau and the heat vanished. He was free.

He rolled away from the wall, his back pressed to it, but the shadow still held him, its deathly cold darkness drowning, drowning, sinking its claws into him. It drew in a mere breadth away, but he couldn't see where it was separate from the shadows it brought with it.

He couldn't be sure his strike would hit, but maybe he could banish it. Stun it. Shed some light and attack then. Anything.

Building up the energy with a quick tension in his body, he looked at the thing square and burst with light.

"Shit!" the assailant gasped.

There was the sound of stumbling, a small crash, and then one of the coffee mugs that'd been left on the kitchenette counter shattered on the floor.

Wait a bloody--

Turning on his bedside lamp, Arthur got hold of himself enough to see plainly what had happened. It was Drifter who'd woken him from- from a simple nightmare, the stupid sod now backed up against the far wall, both hands over his eyes.

"Damn it, man!" Arthur exclaimed, looking down away from the bright lamp. He furiously blinked the sleep film from his own, then slapping the remaining grogginess out of his system, he scrambled to his feet and hurried the few paces to the mess. The broken mug shards swept aside, he hovered close, putting steadying hands up and ready. "Are you all right?"

"...What?" Drifter demanded right as his likely ringing ears caught up. "Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Just need a sec."

He didn't uncover his eyes after said requirement, though, never mind move away from the wall, clearly disoriented to hell.

Literal stars danced around his face, an effect Arthur was reasonably certain only he -- only Excalibur -- could perceive. Its use was welcome during battle, but seeing it hurting someone he'd come to think of as a friend...

Guilt washed over him, and he shook his head at himself, taking Drifter by the shoulders to pull him to the cot to sit down. He'd had no occasion to test the science on it, but he could promptly guess that the beyond-regs amount of candela that power produced might cause lasting blindness at point blank range. They needed their medic, now.

"Stay put. I'll get Lettie."

"No," Drifter dismissed lightly, finally dropping his hands. He alternated blinking fast and heavy, glancing around without any indication that he could see a damn thing. "It's fine. It'll fade."

"You're certain of that?"

"We'll...find out."

Arthur shook his head again, passing a hand through his hair and pulling on his bangs before letting them fall. "Shit, mate, I'm sorry," he said with a grimace and a heart continuing to race.

"Nah, it's my fault." Drifter put his head back in his hands, rubbing his eyes.

"Don't do that," Arthur warned gently.

He obeyed, holding still. "Ugh, and I know better than to touch a guy while he's fighting demons in his sleep," he grumbled into his palms.

Arthur afforded him an amused huff although he was more disbelieving than anything. He checked his computer for the time - four fifteen in the devil's cursed morning. "What are you even doing here?"

"I...couldn't sleep. Was walking the perimeter. It sounded like you needed help, so I--" He cut himself off, one hand going to his thigh and the other elbow resting on his knee. "Sorry," he said like he'd just concluded an ill-considered thought process. "That was overstepping."

"It's..." Arthur started. He cast a look around his one private area in this rotten place, this tiny security officer's break room. He'd been about to say 'it's fine' automatically out of courtesy and surprised himself that it was true. "It's fine. No harm done. Er, well..."

Drifter snorted a little, but he didn't say anything, busying himself with trying to blink his vision back to life and leaving Arthur with no direction on what to do.

It was too close to first call now to worry about finishing his sleep after this passed. Not that he would've anyway after a nightmare like that.

He sighed deeply, his waking anger cooling off, and decided that as long as he had a guest, he might as well behave accordingly.

He went to his makeshift kitchenette, intending to get a pot of coffee going. Or maybe some tea. However, he looked back, taking in Drifter's unseeing stare at the floor, the stars still holding a grip on his head. He'd turned it slightly to listen for what Arthur was doing.

Right then, on second thought, he didn't feel like explaining to Lettie why he'd both blinded their pointman and also subsequently allowed him to spill hot liquid on himself. Kindly, he wanted to have a pleasant Friday.

There was nothing else he knew of immediately that he had to offer, though. He dug around the cabinets, a little louder than necessary, until he found something half acceptable - a dusty can of Big Bytes soda. Not well mannered hospitality, he could just hear his mother tutting with disapproval, but it was a shot of caffeine nonetheless. He popped it open and poured about half into one of the other mugs on the counter that survived, allotting the rest for himself, and brought the peace offering back to the cot.

He'd scare up some breakfast to share later, too. Maybe that would make up for it. Given it actually faded like Drifter promised.

"Here," he said. He picked up Drifter's wrist to guide his hand to the drink and sat down beside him when he had a good grip on it.

"Oh. Thanks."

They both took sips, making faces at the wonderful flavor of old, room-temp soda, but it was certainly more pleasant than suffocating nightmares and a face full of flash grenade before the sun was even up. It was enough having something to focus on while their adrenaline levels settled.

To that end, Arthur tried to tell himself it could've been worse. Ever since Drifter started showing them how to trigger their full abilities, it'd gone from uncontrolled no reaction to the occasional uncontrolled overreaction. He was gods damned lucky Arthur hadn't speared him with a spectral javelin.

If this were even half as bad as Amir must've felt about what'd happened with him...

He could still feel the way the electricity arced across his face, trailing scars down his throat that were no longer visible. Through his own blind eye. Now he had the charming fear that his powers could go haywire, too.

"Y'know," Drifter announced amicably, "can't say I ever wondered what that felt like, but I guess I don't mind knowing how good the baddies get it."

"Hmph. Reminds me of the tasers," he replied, though he hadn't been thinking of that at all.

"Huh?"

"They, uh, the ICR trained us for taser discharge tolerance. Part of Combatives. Voluntary, but we all did it. Hurt like a sodding bitch."

"Hm." Drifter leaned back on his hand and stretched his legs out a bit, making himself at home.

They lapsed into silence once more, briefly. The two of them were comfortable with the companionable quiet by now. They'd shared drinks before, not a word said between them. But while Drifter seemed to count amongst the few who were content with that most of the time, if he thought someone had something to air, he didn't waste the chance to encourage it.

"Did you...wanna talk about it?"

"What?"

"The- you know," he said, gesturing at his head.

"Ah." Right. How could Arthur forget.

That would always be the hard part for him. He didn't know where to start or what details mattered. No one that he'd talk to about his nightmares had ever really asked before. But he guessed that the nitty gritty of it wasn't important. It was just the feeling it left him with. It's not like he was spilling the cold, shameful facts of a more real and visceral sort anyway. He could air this one.

"I'm just," he sighed, searching for the words. "I'm surrounded on all sides by this thing. But I did hear what you said, hammered as I was. I trust all of you, for us to- to carry each other through it."

"Wow, even Quincy?" Drifter needled, smirking in Arthur's general direction.

Arthur rolled his eyes. But honestly. Yes. Imagine that. The right fucking miracle it was.

He rested forward on his knees with his drink in both hands and just quietly marveled at the way things had made such a turn.

The extra help on the field wouldn't last, of course. It would be a brief thing in the long scheme of it. Just a memory, long, long down the line of this eternity; something to look back on one day, like, 'Ahh, right, that's where it started. Funny thing.'

That's how Arthur pictured it right now anyway.

Their starcrossed savior probably intended to stay only until the end of the year to be sure everything was running smoothly. He'd be wanting to return to his home in the future as soon as he could, like anyone else. So though Arthur had no illusions that the Drifter would be moving on soon, he could appreciate that the man had been here at all. 

Not just been here, but he'd changed somehow, too.

Arthur turned to look at him, meeting his unfocused gaze.

Where had that dead man walking gone? The one sitting beside him was bright eyed even without the odd glow, buzzing with life in the quiet early morning. How had he done it?

Knowing he was being observed, Drifter inclined his head questioningly.

"Sol, having you on point this time-- It does make a difference," Arthur told him. "So I'm not worried. It's just...hard to sit with, sometimes."

Drifter's mirth fell to something solemn, and he sat up to mirror him. "I get it. You know the rules, though."

"'Feel everything. Every second.' Right'o," he responded with a mock salute.

Drifter nodded, taking another swig of his drink. He heavy-blinked again once, holding the mug at an angle to the light and swishing it, testing his tracking of the soda's movement with either eye.

Arthur squinted, pleased to see that the stars had mostly scattered. "Vision coming back?"

"Yeah. Slowly but surely. Guess we lucked out." Drifter smiled, making proper eye contact. "Not permanent."

Not that it would be. With the time loop. But all the same... "I'm still having Lettie check on it when she's up. You don't want floaters or sun spots for the rest of this."

"Sure." He drummed his fingers on the mug, his countenance darkening. "Hey, listen. Uh, those things you saw... they're called the liminus."

Arthur turned to him, brows furrowing in suspicion. Could he read their thoughts, too, like Eleanor? If so, why hadn't he said anything before? "How do you know that?"

Drifter looked...meek. Worried. And like that, the moment was ruined. He barrelled through the question, saying, "They're from Duviri. They hide down in the caves. In...the dark places of your mind. I know when they're close. Apparently."

Arthur groaned. "I see." Leave it to him to reveal anything more concrete about that place and it'd just be bad news for Arthur personally.

"Yeah. I don't know for sure, but...I think when they're there, they're actually there. The void makes them real," he continued carefully. "So when they're in your dreams like that, you need to just wake up. Don't try to fight them. Not in your head. Just end it, right there."

Arthur looked away with a huff, gnawing the corner of his lip. To call that little revelation an annoyance would simply be an understatement. "I'll try to remember that."

Drifter clapped his hand down on Arthur's shoulder, giving it a friendly shake. Like an apology for infecting him with foreign demons.

It was that head game- transference-- whatever-thing in the reactor core, presumably. He could barely remember it, the way every part of him had merged with the other's mind, their memories becoming one. He'd seen...things. Monsters, brutality and the hopeless agony he literally couldn't call to memory again since it happened. Whether that was by design, something Drifter did, or a block his own mind put over it, that was all fine by him.

But he still retained the strongest feeling they'd shared before he'd completely lost his senses to the pain -- their need to get out, the past and present melding into that single moment. To walk out of there, boldly or otherwise, away from the demons that plagued them.

It appeared a few clung on.

How comforting. This situation just kept getting better.

Arthur wouldn't hold it against the man, though, not when he'd done it to save him. He wasn't carrying himself out of that place on his own by any means. He'd take the swings as they came. It was all he could do.

"Aight, I'm gonna go catch twenty minutes of shut eye," Drifter said with a final pat on his shoulder. Downing the last of his soda, he started to yawn but had to stop himself, pretending he just had to clear his throat when the carbonation threatened to make him crass.

"No," Arthur chuckled without humor, "you're going to Lettie. Direct like."

"Riiight." He dunked the empty mug into Arthur's waiting hand as he stood, well aimed enough, and headed for the door. Arthur let him go unassisted, treating it as a test of sorts. One Drifter promptly failed.

He winced in sympathy when the poor bastard steered his hip so hard into the sharp corner of the counter, it knocked him to the side. He shook his finger at it, smirking sardonically to himself, and hid his limp with a heavy swagger out the door.

And then he went off in a direction that was decidedly not towards Lettie's station.

A minute passed after he left. Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Right. Okay," he muttered. It was to be a 'long' day then. He chugged the dregs of his own soda, wishing desperately that it burned like liquor, and got up to go call the reveille.

------------

thank you for reading! reblogs are appreciated ❤️