#not an au just more like incorrect quotes

[luuxxart]

it’s always sunny in the takeba family

[protagaster]

[After Penelope returns to Ithaca] Telemachas: Mom, what do you think the meaning of life is?

Penelope: Hmm, now that’s a tricky one. I’d guess it would be-

Penelope: CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES, SEE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE YOU, AND HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR YOUNG!

Penelope: Or having a family! It’s pretty much the same!

Telemachas: *slowly backs away*

[ffaelix]

obsessed with the batfam and skyrim, so here’s who they’d play as and how that would go:

bruce – imperial bruce is 100% picking imperial. he’s got some elaborate backstory about being a noble general or strategist trying to bring balance to skyrim. the civil war questline? yeah, he’s leading the imperials to victory. also, he’s spending way too much time perfecting his alchemy and enchanting. his playthrough is methodical, overthought, and probably takes six real-world months.

dick – wood elf (bosmer) dick’s going bosmer because he loves sneaking through forests, sniping enemies with a bow, and avoiding heavy armor—but he’s also leaning into being a bard. he’s probably charming every npc he meets, playing instruments, and giving his dragonborn a whole backstory as a traveling storyteller. he’s siding with the stormcloaks, not for any deep reason, but because he likes the blue costume. also, you know he’s adopting every random npc follower he finds and pretending they’re part of his merry band.

jason – orc jason's going orc because he thinks they look the coolest and because he knows orc is the most overpowered race to play as. with two-handed weapons, heavy armor, and berserker rage, he’s unstoppable. his approach? smash first, ask questions never. he’s storming into bandit hideouts, wiping everyone out, and looting like a maniac. also, he’s destroying the dark brotherhood instead of joining it, just because he can.

cass – khajiit cass picks khajiit for stealth perks and becomes a sneaky assassin queen. she’s all daggers and silent takedowns, probably speedrunning the dark brotherhood questline without getting caught once. she skips dialogue, avoids side quests, and somehow finishes the main quest in record time.

tim – high elf (altmer) tim’s not just playing skyrim—he’s modding it to make it even harder. master difficulty, absurd enchantments, and hours spent in menus. he’s doing every quest, collecting every book, and building a lore-perfect house in solitude. his playthrough is less of a game and more of a research project.

damian – imperial damian picks imperial like bruce because he idolizes his dad but would never admit it. he’s siding with the imperials because "ulfric is an incompetent brute" and would lecture everyone about how their character builds are inferior. unlike bruce, though, he’s dual-wielding swords and charging headfirst into everything. also, he’s doing every daedric quest because power = perfection.

how they’d play:

jason: so i killed the jarl of whiterun because i was bored. bruce: what? why? jason: he called me a milk-drinker. not letting that slide. tim: you just broke your entire game. you can’t progress now. jason: whatever, i’ll just join the dark brotherhood and kill everyone else too. cass: jarl balgruuf doesn’t even say ‘milk-drinker.’ jason: i modded the game so he did. i wanted a reason.

.

tim: if i side with the imperials, am i enabling systemic oppression? but if i side with the stormcloaks, i’m supporting racism. there’s no winning. dick: tim, it’s a game. just pick one. tim: no, i need to read every book in skyrim first to understand the full context. bruce: [nods approvingly.] jason: or you could just shout people off cliffs. that’s what i do. tim: that’s morally irresponsible. cass: i like fus ro dah. tim: not helping.

.

damian: why are you wasting points on archery, grayson? it’s inefficient. dick: because it’s fun? damian: this isn’t about fun. it’s about building the optimal dragonborn. you’ve already failed. jason: says the guy who ran face-first into a dragon and died five times. damian: that was a tactical experiment. tim: no, you refused to use potions because you said they were ‘beneath you.’ damian: father agrees. right, father? bruce: …i always carry potions. damian: [offended silence.]

.

cass: done. bruce: what? cass: main quest. finished. tim: you started two hours ago. cass: skip dialogue. sneak everywhere. no distractions.

.

jason: ugh, i accidentally fus-ro-dah’d a chicken again, now the entire town is trying to kill me. tim: why do you keep doing that? jason: it’s instinct at this point. cass: sneak past guards. jason: why sneak when i can punch my way out? (ten minutes later, jason’s running naked through whiterun because he refused to pay his bounty.)

.

damian: dick, why are you using an orcish bow when you have access to elven weapons? dick: because it looks cooler? damian: you’re an embarrassment to this game. jason: you know he’s got, like, 3000 pieces of cheese in his inventory, right? damian: excuse me? dick: cheese heals health. don’t knock my tactics.

.

dick: this is my new best friend, sven. damian: that bard in riverwood? he’s useless. dick: he’s got dreams, damian. i’m helping him live them. (later, sven dies in a dragon attack, and dick spends real-world hours reloading saves to keep him alive.)

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

CROW: suddenly there came a swaggin

CROW: as of someone gangsta rappin

CROW: rappin at my chamber door

CROW: quoth the strider swag galore

[im-still-watching-anime]

kakashi: i’m just worried about whether or not sasuke will turn out okay

gai: *looks at naruto and sasuke*

gai: *looks at himself and kakashi*

gai: yeah i think they’ll be okay

[le-sluagh]

#10 Incorrect Batman: Vigilante (My AU)

Scarecrow: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.

Mad Hatter: I’m worried about you.

*****

Alfred: *Turns on the kitchen light*

Batman: *Sitting at the table, eating bread*

Alfred: It’s four in the morning.

Batman: Turn the light back off.

*****

Joker: I’ve been described as a ‘crazy clown’ and a 'psycho’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

*****

Scarecrow: Reverse tooth fairy where you leave money under your pillow and the tooth fairy comes and leaves you a bunch of teeth.

Riddler: Why?

Scarecrow, shaking a bag of teeth: Just because.

*****

Two Face: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Joker: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Harley Quinn: I got distracted about halfway through.

Poison Ivy: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

*****

Mr. Freeze: You read my diary?

Penguin: At first, I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

*****

Two Face: Wow, I feel happy and I’m having so much fun!

Two Face:

Two Face: *narrows eyes* Something’s wrong here.

*****

Mad Hatter: I dare you-

Riddler: Scarecrow is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Mad Hatter: Why not?

Scarecrow: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

*****

Lex Luthor: How long do you think it'll take?

Joker: I don’t know, three or four.

Lex Luthor: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?

Joker: Yeah, maybe five.

Lex Luthor: Five what???!!!

*****

Music Meister: I think I'm falling for you.

Mad Hatter, oblivious: ...Then get up?

[heckinghellck]

Horror: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!

Horror: I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-

Dust: I did?

Horror: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Dust.

Horror: *walks away*

Dust:

Dust: He's gone Killer

Killer, coming out of the closet with bread stuffed in his mouth: Twankh uh!

[therighthandofvengeance]

Andrei’s virtuosa is Sophie’s punk

(In the end, he wouldn’t want it any other way)

[brokenrealitylooper]

Sun: I don't think soulmates are a thing.

Sun: No such thing as Fate either.

Sun: But us? I made that choice when you came to find me.

Sun: I made that choice a few years ago, really, when I first saw you in Vale; just took a while for you to see, I guess.

Sun: I listen to you, and watch you, and I think I'm figuring you out a little. I keep liking everything I learn.

Sun: I'm really glad you're here, haven't ever seen anyone even close to you. And I'm never looking away from you. You're stuck with me; I'm gonna be so glued to you that you'll think I've always been here.

[arolesbianism]

I'm brainstorming some more from the top au scenes and I've decided it'd be funny if even though Odile never learns to access to menues to equip them she still obtains memories throughout the game without realizing because Loop never pops up to tell her like they do with Siffrin. Just Loop and Siffrin at the favor tree chatting when suddenly time rewinds and Loop is like stardust wtf? Until a few moments later the new memory pops up and they go oh. Odile. What The Fuck.

[shoechoe]

the fact that a large portion of Vento Aureo fans mostly just like la squadra is kinda weird to me. it's like we're looking at the same picture but we enjoy completely different things about it

[winterwrites23]

SoT as incorrect quotes based on @atsushis-fangs series part 1:

Seán: *is being oblivious like always*

Malcolm: damn, you're so oblivious, it's a wonder how you've even managed to survive this long. Were you dropped on your head as a baby?

*Flashback to Ireland proudly showing a baby North off to his brothers for the very first time holding him the same way Rafiki held Simba before accidentally dropping him on his head and panicking.*

Seán quietly: No.

---------

Andrew: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions Angus?

Angus: No.

Andrew: Oh...

Seán: I do!

Andrew: I know Seán.

Seán: I'm sad...

Andrew: I know Seán.

*You could also do this with Callum*

---------

*Seán whenever the clan were being assholes and he decides to be dramatic about it:* I am disgusted! I am revolted! I've spent 20 years of my life helping you out and THIS is the thanks I get!!!

*Proceeds to disappear within his pile of blankets.

---------

*Based on Andrew and Seán's argument scene.*

Seán: THAT'S WHY YOUR SHOES RAGGEDY!!!

Andrew: That's why your momma's dead.

Seán: 🗿

Andrew: Dead as hell.

Seán: 🗿

Andrew: What kinda shoes she got on?

Seán: 🗿

Andrew: What shoes she got on in her casket?

Seán: 🗿

Andrew: That's why your grandmommy ain't got no knees.

Seán: 🗿

---------

*Based on when Ireland and Scotland find out that North had been teleported somewhere.*

*Scotland slowly backing away from Ireland because he knows that Ireland probably isn't too happy with him at the moment.*

*Ireland smiling like a serial killer:* Scotland. Where are you going???

Scotland: *Starts booking it out of the train.*

*Ireland's head twitches slightly and his smile widenes; says calmly:* Seize him.

*A flock of seagulls descend on Scotland screeching and pecking him.*

Scotland: *Screams.*

---------

The last one is based on a short by NaturalHabitatShorts on YouTube:

-Anonymous A

Omfg these are golden and totally on point 😂😂😂😂

[the-city-kitty]

NIY!Raph: *goes about his daily routine, training, lifting weights, etc. absolutely does not notice the multiple throwing knives, Ninja stars, and the straight up tomahawk that all miraculously did not hit him today*

NIY!Raph: Hey where’d all these holes in the walls come from?

NIY!Leo, from a distance: How the hell do I keep missing the bastard!?

NIY!Donnie: *has been running around with a giant cartoon magnet and averting all of Leo’s assassination attempts all day*

[fizzy0bloom]

freddy : Alright, suit choice number six

foxy : Babe, you look super hot

freddy : You realize you’ve said that about the last five suits?

foxy : Well, you’ve looked hot in them all! ‘Cause you are super hot. Honestly, babe, you’d look hot naked

credit to @hazbinhotel-incorrect

[doeythedoughman]

Thank fuck people seem more normal about Vanessa. I remember being called slurs over that woman.

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Hangman's Way AU: Incorrect Quote 1

Colress: There’s no way you can meet my standards, Silver Spoon!

Grimsley: I have honey.

Colress, internally: FUCK he's meeting all of my standards!