#not a whole lot to say about this ep really
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say what you will about alicent and her character arc and her personality. is she a good person? no. is she a good mother? no. does she hold up to today's standards of the ideal woman? HAHAHA no. but you know what i fucking hate? when ppl say some shit like "i love young alicent but i hate older alicent" or like "i feel bad for younger alicent but i can't defend older alicent" like are you stupid??? do people not realise that alicent becoming an adult literally changes nothing? she has never had autonomy or freedom and has always been a pawn in the political games of the men around her. she is a woman, and therefore naturally inferior to men in the society she lives in and isn't a princess who can afford to rebel and want something of her own (see: rhaenyra). she's done everything for her family, her house, her duty and never has she really dared to want or reach for anything for herself. and none of that changes when she gets older?? ppl act as tho turning 18 or 20 or 25 means she gains any semblance of freedom or autonomy because she doesn't?? the system she was born into has existed long before her and she can't singlehandedly break it down and doesn't even try. ppl calling the patriarchal system of westeros the system alicent set up is insane because the system has existed for MANY years. and ppl saying alicent discovered misogyny in season 2 ep 5 as if she wasn't a child bride??? as if she hasn't been a victim of the system her whole life?? girl i hate to break it to u but everyone in hotd is a misogynist. that's the culture, that's the society, it's ingrained into all of them. ppl acting like alicent is some exception to the rule is so infuriating bc the fandom for whatever reason is so much harder on her than any other character (some of which do so much worse than she does) and it's like woah! looks like these characters in this medieval fantasy setting aren't the only ones with a lot of internalised, deep-rooted misogyny!
#ready for the haters#idc i will defend alicent till the day that i die#house of the dragon#hotd#alicent hightower#team green#zoe yaps
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aww yeah ep 20 GOOD
I guess I do (very casual, broadstroke) episode commentaries now, halfway through the show lmao. Spoilers below!!
Bai Jiu BETRAYAL?
Wen Xiao WANTED?
Zhuo Yichen DETECTIVE-ING?
Ying Lei BACK?
*crowd cheers*
The dots are connecting like crazy with the big bad's whole inner core crusade and also with the simultaneous demon case like I did not recognize Ao Yin as the demon Li Lun first released eight years ago but oooh do I enjoy that minor payoff.
Love the repeated use of the demonic-spell-restraining sigils now that we've been introduced to them, though I wonder why the Bureau doesn't ever seem to make use of them. Maybe they don't deal with enough powerful demons to need to paint those in their own (very empty) dungeon? Or perhaps just plot convenience.
Anyway I kind of wish in the Chongwu Camp dungeon PSJ fought a little bc she's so cool in action and their bailing was a little abrupt, but it makes sense that they'd have an immediate getaway plan. Also this is an ep 19 comment but that line Mr. 3-Face Mask delivered about PSJ being fated to always be betrayed by her little brother(s) HURT. So good.
Back to the Bureau, I do love me a good framing, and I'm also happy to get a tiny bit of the episodic demon-murder-case style back. WX was v clever to hide out in Situ Mansion, and (small detail but) I appreciate that the others catch her up on the Bai Jiu thing onscreen. As an aside, I also like that the actress for WX got to be double-casted even just briefly. Seeing some of the actors get to play around with portraying various extremes in characterization and costuming is a ton of fun.
And then yay Bai Jiu backstory at last~! It's crazy how much that blood moon fucked up everyone's lives eight years ago huh.
Everything ZYC says to him is on point (and honestly, ZYC is really quite adept at comforting others, he just sucks utter ass at it when it's his fault and he has to apologize lmaooo) but of course my favorite scene in the whole episode is as follows:
The very slight shine in the waterline, the bittersweet smile/grimace as, deliberately or not, ZYC's words indirectly echo everything about the circumstances between the two of them right now??? Whew. They did that for me specifically.
Anyway, this was a good one to chew on for me, packed with plot movement enough that I didn't feel unsatisfied with just one episode. I'm glad that so far it seems like the release schedule bears in mind what episodes should be watched in pairs for maximum effect (eps 16/17, 18/19 specifically) and which ones are okay to stand alone for the day, but I also don't want to speak too soon haha. We'll see how ep 21 fares.
Also since this is a ZYC stan account (lmao) I have some obligatory ZYC thoughts that I haven't managed to fit anywhere else. I've been meaning to comment on this for a while now and was reminded by this episode: I love the fact that ZYC actually smiles quite often. I think it's a bit surprising every time he does because he so easily fits the archetype of stoic broody action hero, but it really is just an archetype he's fit himself into, and it's never clearer than when they flash back to smiley baby!ZYC (how freely and purely he used to give those smiles away...).
On the other side of this is also how caustic and biting he can be with his words, whether sarcastically or otherwise, and how clearly his face telegraphs his emotions in general. I love that he actually emotes quite a lot and isn't cold and unaffected in the least, just pouty frowny and awkward.
The last piece to this for me is probably his age (which I very much appreciated being established super early on) and how convincingly TJR portrays him as young and inexperienced and extremely earnest. He's so sincere in everything he does that it really doesn't take much to move him, which also (imo) makes his arc less overdone.
We all know from the start what direction his development will likely go, how he'll learn he's mistaken about ZYZ and how he'll grow to have a more nuanced view of the world as he creates more bonds with others. But he's so emotional and emotionally aware that it doesn't really take much push and pull to get him there. And actually, it's not untread ground to him—he is moreso thawing, in part returning to the open-hearted nature that he had to very abruptly shutter away rather than fundamentally changing as a person. I think to me, that makes his character more compelling to watch because his cynicism about the world is perhaps the least sincere thing about him. It's entirely learned, and not by choice. Relatable.
#fangs of fortune#zhuo yichen#fangs of fortune spoilers#spoilers#tian jiarui#episode commentary#meta
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Speak now or forever hold your piece, or as i like to call it, the Shawn wears a suit episode ;)
This ep is fine. I mean im not really watching it for the crimes anyways but like, no one opened the dumbwaiter since she shoved him in there?
Lassiter is very handsy in this ep, throwin’ Shawn all over the place ;) you can tell james and tim are already vibin’
Henry so clearly only called Shawn to bitch about the box of trophies because hes a man and god forbid he simply call his own son just to talk. Though, perhaps he also called because he was hoping Shawn would need his help on a case. Its the only detective work he’s touched in years, and that man was OBSESSED.
I love how shawn makes the receptionist and bell hop feel so important even though he was using them. He’s just so good with people
#not a whole lot to say about this ep really#we dont learn too much more about our characters and there isn’t like a standout moment for me#well… maybe shirtless dulé ;)#psych#psych rewatch#shawn and gus#shawn spencer#burton guster#james roday#james roday rodriguez#dulé hill#dule hill#tim omundson#carlton lassiter#juliet o'hara#maggie lawson#henry spencer#corbin bernsen#psych tv#psych usa
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hater alert! far too many people say that juri’s character arc ‘isn’t about her being sad about being gay, it’s about being sad about unrequited love that happens to be gay’ and. well. that is not true and by saying that you are completely flattening the brilliance of juri’s character arc which literally culminates in her being able to accept her own lesbianism despite her unrequited love, despite all her shame and self-loathing, despite this pursuit by Some Fucking Guy to try and ‘save’ her from these feelings. like if you think juri’s entire character is just ‘sad about shiori’ how do you appreciate even a modicum of the emotion packed into that final juri duel. it is both about shiori and, even broader, her lesbian identity and what that means to her intrinsically as a person, removed from romantic relationships and just purely as like. you know. Who She Is. the idea that even when juri’s locket is cut from her neck she is still a lesbian that’s still who she is and she cant change that and, crucially, she doesn’t want to even as she is agonised by these feelings. that’s why she forfeits the duel!!!! she’s clocking out she’s quitting she’s saying no!!!!!! this is me and ive got to be ok with that this is me and i can accept that this girl might not love me and i can keep living despite that. like. god im so normal arisugawa juri im so sorry that no one understands you and your intrinsically unapologetically lesbian storyline like i do
#ok got that out of my system now (rewatched ep 29 duel too many times)#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#idk i just see that argument so much and it makes me so sad#bc i get where ppl r coming from there r a lot of unnuanced ‘sad bc gay’ narratives out there#but juri’s whole arc is about actively challenging and deconstructing that idea#and it deals with the sadness that comes with being closeted with knowing youre gay and not really liking that about yourself#and eventually she does accept and embrace that aspect of herself but CRUCIALLY she doesnt do it via romantic validation#in fact she does it in the face of like. All Opposition Ever#no one says hey juri if you were gay that’d be totally fine actually haha#ruka tries to save her from her lesbianism!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!!#it is juri and juri alone who makes this resolution and that is just So Fucking Important to me#shes so. she is the queer character of all time to me i literally dont care no one else will ever come close#LIKE!!!!!!! THE CASTLE WEEPING ON HER WHEN SHE MAKES HER CHOICE!!!!!!!#accepting that part of yourself and having the symbol of matrimony and heteronormativity WEEP over you#no one ever validates juri’s choice to accept her queerness but she keeps making that choice#and her in episode 37…….. god i just might keel over and die girls when juri utena touga parallels……#anywayyyyyyy love and light i love juriposting#shut up daisy
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thinking about moon knight having marc call steven the best superpower he's ever had during a really emotional moment and how that show handled DID better than just about any piece of media I've ever seen and. I'm sobbing actually. they equated his neurodivergence with being the greatest part of him after marc had spent so long trying to hide his DID out of shame. and maybe that sounds like bordering on glorification but it really wasn't. because they made it so obvious that what marc meant was that steven kept him ALIVE and that's the most he could ever ask for and anyway. whatever whatever it's fine
#moon knight#an extremely rare not daredevil post from me wowzers#that moment just really meant a lot ESPECIALLY#because i watched that show AS IT WAS COMING OUT#and waiting a WEEK to find out if they were about to make the ending of the episode before that one ableist as FUCK#only to see them do THAT??#taking the implication that in order for marc to be whole he had to get rid of steven at the end on one ep#and turning it into marc rejecting the field of reeds because he felt like it was impossible to be content without steven in the next ep#and then having him say THAT???#ill sob#fully sob#anyway#marc spector#steven grant#im aware the way they handled DID wasn't at all perfect. like the bar is LOW for DID rep. but they still did a decent job
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wooooooow naruto thanked him :) maybe naruto doesn't hate him. maybe.
maybe theyre even.
😳 friends
#my art#naruto#sai#sai yamanaka#naruto uzumaki#hbd sai#this is abt shippuden ep 197 or 198#this moment means a lot to me as a fan of sai bc its kind of the first time that naruto extends sai an olive branch or like.#even implies he likes having sai around#and it happens right after sai stopped the cloud nin from beating naruto 2 death 4 real#and then got really frustrated at naruto for continuing 2 protect sasuke despite how much sasuke was hurting naruto and sakura#and naruto told sai to shut up LMFAO#but like immediately after that despite sai insisting that sakura would be better at managing the wounds naruto has sai do it#and thanks him#and maybe naruto was just thinking about how mad sakura would get or something else#but u can tell it really meant a lot to sai...and the episodes after this he gets a little obsessed w/ making sure naruto is okay#u can tell the whole time hes thinking ''sasuke is a Fucking idiot. if naruto and sakura cared abt me half as much as they care about him-'#''-i would never betray them. i would never hurt them like that.'' hes like so jealous of sasuke#to be fair to sasuke. sai would have no way to comprehend the loss of the uchiha clan massacre or itachis torments but like#ough. these episodes r great for sai fans. hes trying his best and he Does Not Know What Hes Doing#this isnt intended as shippy (very little of my stuff is. as always) but just sai being Intense abt his first real friendship#i think he's obsessed with naruto because naruto is so...up front. he doesn't often give fake smiles#and when he does hes not doing it to be polite but to avoid hurting other people. i think sai is drawn to him like a moth to a flame
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yeah I know Luke’s been running around saying he ‘can be a bit of a pessimist’ but I just wanna give him a little bit more credit than that. he’s been through so much and yet we’ll hear him talking about times that are ‘marred with trauma’ but still he can’t ever regret for getting him to where he is today. this whole year he’s been making an effort to do things that scare him and he even finds hard, he’s been pushing himself out of his comfort zone and doing 1000 solo interviews as well as his shows and last year he went to bogota to film 7 music videos in 2 days and believed he could do it and he did. he talks about mental health related things in such a way that’s filled with acceptance, not complaint or bitterness but dare I say even optimism, dropping horrifying little descriptions to already heartbreaking songs since 2021 and then turning around and saying writing songs is what gets him through it, he ‘wouldn’t have a good relationship with anything’ if he didn’t make them but he’s super proud of himself after and wasn’t put off by how much work it was gonna be even though it did make him apprehensive and he goes and mentions how it wasn’t easy. you look at everything we know of him for the last decade and a half and realise, maybe it was never easy. but someone once described optimism as curiosity + resilience rather than being naively happy all the time in denial of everything going on around. and with that active brain and all the things he figures out while writing all his beautiful songs there’s definitely curiosity there. and with everything he’s been through to keep choosing to be himself and do whatever he needs to do there’s so much resilience. and I’ve seen this spirit in the songs of sounds good feels good and 5sos5, as well as littered through wfttwtaf and boy; every project being a quiet, kinda emo, statement of survival. I’m just one fan with too many opinions but this is something I’ve always loved about the band, and a decent portion of it was always brought to the table by luke and idk I just think we should acknowledge it
#I feel like I’ve been trying to say this for ages—you can struggle with mental illness and still be optimistic and have a growth mindset etc#or cultivate those things if that’s what you wanna work on#didn’t really mean to use luke as an example but oh well#was thinking about the south sydney girlies who go through life with the most debilitating mental illnesses and acknowledge the pain etc#but don’t let it make us think our lives are ruined even if only purely out of spite. and there I’m referring to my friend group of course#can’t draw that link any further but it’s there in the culture and that’s one of my favourite things. plus there’s the whole way when#you’re nurturing neurodivergent kids in an area without heaps of supports you always focus on building confidence in what they’re good at#and I’m forever grateful that kinda summarises everything liz hemmings does and I bet being raised like that is a safety net against a lot#really hope they’re all super proud of that#luke hemmings#5 seconds of summer#5sos#wfttwtaf#boy ep#I’ll have praises for all 4 of them pop up from time to time btw
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Okay…
I’m like this close to trying cook up a story with Omega’s journey to bring her family back together.
S1 and S2 showing us this bright, optimistic young girl who loves her family, wanting to help others in the galaxy.
For S3 we have slightly older and a bit more practical girl who would do anything to protect her family.
What if when Omega breaks herself and Crosshair out, its years after their capture.
She’s still Omega, loves her family and wants to help those that are victims of the empire… but her grip on the things she loves leaves claw marks.
Taking some inspiration from The Last of Us as they bring Ellie down a darker path, a character that is critical to the shaping the world they live in. Omega lost tech, she lost her freedom, she is light years away from any resemblance of home, and even initially believing that hunter and wrecker are also at the mercy of Hemlock. (Asks Emerie where her brothers are).
Having this arc of struggling to find the light that used to sit warm in her chest, that is almost entirely drowned out by the absence of all she’s lost. Having her capacity for forgiveness tested by crosshair’s aura of guilt and self deprivation, his belief that her journey will lead them to answers they are better not knowing.
Would she be able to find her way back to the person she used to be?
#im thinking#canon divergence#i would say that it would be rewrite after ep 3 but then I look at some notes and its rewriting s3 as a whole#guess what writers I have the cards now and I get to stack them#does fear control us?#everything I have ever loved has claw marks#the ice vulture circles crosshair#Omega is about 15? 15 1/2#this season had a lot of build up but it didnt really pay off in a way that I expected#thoughts aloud#the bad batch#writing inspo#tbb#tbb omega#tbb crosshair#writing stuff#fic ideas#story ideas
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my s class hunters does a really good job at gradually raising the stakes without feeling like a pointless power creep and keeping me extremely invested and i keep saying this but I really do think it's bc it's a story grounded in love at every turn... the bond between the han brothers especially is extremely compelling and beautiful and makes me feel like a knife is being stabbed into my heart and twisted all around... i love them so so much 😞💔❤️🩹❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
#(another tweet liveblog that im crossposting here)#im up to ep 102 in the webtoon now btw!!!#s class liveblog#also it took a while for yj to completely grow on me (i always liked/loved him but it's prob bc they#lightened the tone of his chara or w/e as ppl were saying... in the beginning at least#that ive been holding off calling him a 'fav' (im kinda picky w protags/have side chara liking syndrome...#even w twsb i didnt rly start biasing yeseo until i read the novel... cedric was my 1st bias#(and w orv ive only read (part of) the webtoon and yjh is my bias so mdnfn)#(i rly loved yj from the 1st few ch tho but yea i can kinda tell the webtoon lightened his chara a lot... not that i think its all bad bc#its been fun to read at least dkfbdn)#but now that im further in im just like... wow. he's such an incredible character and protagonist. wow#def as good of a protagonist as kdj (and i personally like him better bc he's a big brother HHHHHNG.#i love him just like i love jung yeseo...#i love him SO much. he's just incredible#and yea dont tell me about the novel bc im going to read it myself but#yeah i rly cant wait to experience his original characterization and get intimately aquainted w his narration/internal thoughts...#REITERATING...DONT SPOIL ME ANYTHING FR#also just more abt the webtoon but... biwan-nim is SOOO good at drawing expressions & portraying emotions#i fucking feel every emotion that yj feels and it fucking breaks my heart and makes me cry uuuaaaghh T___T#yoojin.... TT__TT💔💔💔#also god he's just... so fucking COOL. and not just in like a cool savvy protag kinda way#(bc usually i kinda sleep when protags r like. Too cool/op skfjksdj but he's not like that at all)#i mean as a person... he's so incredibly... oughhh#as a person... as a big brother... T__T...#i cant even put it into words. he's just... i love him so much. it hurts.... im so deeply invested and rooting for him at every step...#he and yoohyun deserve the whole world i really hope they can get their happy ending together T_T💔💔💔❤️🔥 please...
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in light of the new episode this joke i made once is feeling a lot more relevant
#rwd#asto speaks#rolling with difficulty#fuck it yeah i'll tag this i feel like at least some people will find this funny#it's the moment when noir said 'if you want VR-LA to understand what you want you have to tell him *verbatim*' that just#got me?? for some reason??#my irl insight is genuinely so bad i need people to tell me what their deal is or else i just have no clue#this joke has been simmering since like i got to season 3 this ep just had a lot of very raw heart to hearts so i was feeling it extra hard#also the whole VR-LA just needs a 'dani are you mad at me' sign but that might just be an anxiety thing#no the thing that always gets to me is that i never *registered* the autism of it all surrounding VR-LA until like#after i started engaging w the fan space and saw everyone talking about it#and i was like?? really?? gosh i never noticed#so yknow. that probably says something
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There's a lot of talk about Heiji's tendency to drop everything and go to Tokyo to help—or even just to see!—Shinichi, and rightfully so. It's something Heiji unabashedly admits to (Episode 278, Magic File 5)...
Heiji: If any other suspicious persons show up, just call me! I'll run right over!
Ran: Hattori-kun saw that incident on the news and rushed over because he was worried about you, Conan-kun. Heiji: Grabbed the first bullet train in the mornin'!
And I still can hardly believe that Heiji's canon, actual, real-deal reaction to a request to put his life on the line and impersonate Shinichi... is an immediate "OK" composed out of heart emojis (Episode 345).
Seriously. That happened. Heiji couldn't not help.
Heiji (internally): I had no choice. After all, Kudo e-mailed me asking me to do this.
But in Shinichi's first appearance since being poisoned (Episode 49), after seemingly refusing to show his face to Ran or Inspector Megure or anyone else in town for who knows how long, he unabashedly claims that he dropped everything to meet Heiji. He smiles about it!
And of course it's a lie, but there's a smidgen of truth to it, too. Conan did accompany Heiji, despite feeling terribly sick and harboring zero interest in the (apparently) non-murderous case, because he was intrigued. Because he was impressed with what Heiji had uncovered about him already and was nervous about what else his so-called "rival" could reveal.
Conan (internally): I don't wanna go, but there's no telling what this guy might say!
But even without that context, Shinichi's easy, immediate cover story gets to me. He really, truly, unhesitatingly asserts that meeting Heiji was important enough to jump right on a train to get there.
It reminds me of Shinichi's excitement when he first learns of Heiji (File 520), and his grin when he thinks of meeting Heiji for real one day (File 522):
Shinichi: Really? Then he's just like me!
Shinichi (internally): We'll meet each other again... on that mysterious stage...
I think I could totally buy that Shinichi actually would have done exactly what he claims in the clip. He is interested in other detectives like himself, and with the pain of the antidote wearing off in Episode 49, that smile's gotta be genuine.
Finally, while it's Not That Deep, there's maybe something to be said about how Heiji is symbolically the key to Shinichi's true self, since it's Heiji's alcohol that transforms Conan back into Shinichi. With this clip, Shinichi underlines the same idea. It's Heiji who brought him back after so long. It's because of Heiji Hattori that Shinichi Kudo makes his first appearance after vanishing.
And I love how forthright Shinichi is about it.
#detective conan#case closed#shinichi kudo#heiji hattori#ramblings#long post#video#funimation english dub script#because i've devoted a lot of time and effort into mixing my german blu-ray footage with my funimation dvd english dub audio#and everyone needs to look at it lol#(really though it's a lot easier now that i know to change the 'fps' of the audio but it's still a lot of work...)#(i match up the japanese audio track from the blu-ray with the japanese audio track from the dvd and copy any cuts needed to the eng audio)#(not hard just tedious... i'm dying for an official hd english dub release so that i don't have to do this lol)#(but any official english video releases for this show at all would be great...)#(i don't want to use bilibili screencaps anymore because there's a big watermark now)#(so i spent a whole lot of time timing bilibili subs to my ep 345 blu-ray here for those caps 😩)#(more tedious than other eps because bilibili splits up multi-part specials so i had to string together four different .srts)#(gosh i do *the most* lol plz official releases i'm dying)#anyway just was thinking about this because of my hd english dub project! he really says this#wanted to post this before the end of the year for one more essay but alas... took way longer to write than i thought ^^;#as per usual amirite ^^; ^^;
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something something dot being the one to identify the taste of dodogezan’s udon first and pick it out of a bunch of other food, and going out of her way to help the eatery using the skills in her skillset (how to keep people coming back for streams, flashiness like with kuwassu’s moves + salt pickling) and those skills being recognized and acknowledged… her growth in relation to food is awesome methinks
also her going up against aoki/larry who is an appreciator of good food. there’s something there i just dont have the energy to put it into words
#idk if this makes sense?#i feel like i had more stuff to say that would be more meaningful#but i’m low on sleep and watched the ep a few hours ago so#uhhh which one was it#hz058#?#shark speaks#dot going from not seeing the point in eating food to genuinely enjoying it + the things it means to people/how it brings them together#means a lot.#i think theres something to be said about how she was able to specifically realize that all the food being good but just pushed together#is what made it bland#i wonder if that’s gathered from her experience streaming#ALSO really interesting that dot (a streamer who relies of flashiness to an extent) is going against larry (who’s whole thing is simplicity#i think it could make for some interesting character interactions/ development#pokemon horizons is a good show.
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finished the bear season 3 and like. i expected season 3 to be carmy spiraling into joel mchale junior and for him to be pushing everyone away and to clam up even more and so. i'm not shocked or massively disappointed.
#i wonder what they're building up to in season 4#it's sad bc i think with 2 more eps and basically no changes i would be ecstatic#i wanted a syd carmy blow up#bc it's like. he thinks he fixed a lot of things with the partnership agreement and him saying they should push each other#he's thinking 'this is permission for her to push me' and then he either assumes she signs and agrees#or he doesn't wanna risk finding out otherwise#so he's just like 'cool yeah we're good on that aspect'#meanwhile syd is not signing it and she isn't pushing him#it's a delicious misunderstanding#but with the poaching............i just wish it had come out in like ep 8 or something in an ugly fight#i want carmy panicking bc syd might leave#i expected that for 6 whole episodes#and it would have made the cicero money thing extra delish#anyways idk if i'm too bothered about the amount of faks or the amount of carm#it's an ensemble show but it's about carm. and his family restaurant and family trauma and restaurant trauma#idk#now i'm gonna go listen to eddie vedder's goddamn cover that he recorded especially for this season#another 10 times#it really made this shit for me. idk what to tell you. read the lyrics. very delicious#the bear spoilers#i also wonder if the amount of fak screen time is them trying to keep the show a comedy
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i can’t tell you how much i usually hate these ignoring, distancing plots in shows and how much i absolutely adore everything about these 2 episodes of the eighth sense. like im not having a good time, and it’s fantastic.
bc the thing is, in all of this, i can’t see the right way to go, i can’t find the person to blame, i can’t find the way to make it better. I can’t single out a single moment or a thing someone did and say “this is why everything went wrong”. it’s just this coming together and rise and swell of things happening and people feeling things that has us ending up here and it feels beautifully and horribly organic bc we can’t find that point where it all went wrong. was it on that rooftop? was it at the beach? was it when they first met? was it when his brother died? was it when he was born into this family? there is no single point. it’s all of them and it’s none of them. there is truly nothing and no one to blame. and there are bad characters in the show, people you can hate, eunji and taehyung, but neither of them are to blame for any of the bad stuff that happens in the show. you’re not waiting for them to be taken down bc that doesn’t solve anything. instead, it’s just two people hurting, and not knowing how to make it better.
bc you take jaewon, and after what he says at the end of ep 8, you want to hate him, you want to be so angry at him for what he says, for how he acts, how dismissive and hurtful he is, and yet you’ve been made to understand 100% why, and not just in a “i get it but that wasn’t the right thing to do” way, in a “that was horrible and yet i know he doesn’t see any other way to handle this” way. like you don’t see this as a misstep, or a step to far, bc you know for him, in his state of mind, it is completely justified, it’s necessary. bc it not only punishes the person he blames for all of this, himself, but he sees it as a way to protect jihyun. and not even in a cliche “bad things happen when people around me, the people I love always get hurt” kinda way, but more so in that he sees that he is a scared, messy, struggling person that doesn’t know how to handle himself, and doesn’t want to inflict that on anyone, let alone the person he cares about. so what’s worse, a quick, swift blow that hurts but cuts everything off cleanly, or this prolonged relationship where he inevitably continues to weigh jihyun down with the weight of his trauma, and take it out on him. what’s the point of having a place of refuge when you ruin it more and more every time you depend on it, until it eventually can’t offer you comfort. it’s a lesser of two evils, jaewon’s choice is obvious to him.
but then you take jihyun. and we talk about masks and fronts but we never once question whether jihyun wears a mask bc he appears so sweet and innocent and naive, what can this boy possibly be putting up a front for. but i see it, this almost fake it till you make it confidence front that yes is becoming more natural. but my god just think about what he’s gone through for a second. think about it. left home for the first time in his life, moved to an unfamiliar and intimidating city with only one other person he knows, started a new job, started university, tried to build relationships, met a man that intrigues him, and perused him only to be kissed and then ignored, then maybe establish something tentative, only to then see him spiral, go on a trip where he shared his trauma, you have an intimate night together only to almost die, and then be not only ignored, but plain and simple rejected and pushed away. like… you can say all you want about jihyun growing as a person and having more courage, but no amount of growth for however many months this has been going on for can prepare you for that. for the mixed messages on steroids. for the back and forth, not knowing. to give yourself to someone like that and go through something traumatic and then be abandoned by that person. we get it, bc we see all of jaewon’s story. but apart from what jaewon shared at the beach, jihyun doesn’t know any more than that. he doesn’t know about therapy, about how his father acts towards him, about the extent of his trauma and how it manifests and affects his mental health, and how he is struggling every single day. and you can’t expect him to know the depths of that no matter how empathetic and connected he is, how much he cares about jaewon, he can’t be superhuman. and so you get why he pushes and fights for jaewon. like… he is in love. it’s clear. he’s fallen in love with him. he is this wide-eyed, open kid that fell in love with a senior. and jaewon has just messed with his head, he’s never been clear, and you can’t expect jihyun to just get past that bc he knows something is up with jaewon. he can’t know the full story, but even if he did, that can’t be a reason or a justification to be treated the way jaewon treats him. bc we’re all about jaewon putting himself first and doing what he wants and respecting himself like that, but jihyun deserves that too. and it’s such a fine line to tread when you know someone is going through something, bc again you understand why, but you’re still the one being treated that way. like we talk about jaewon’s trauma, but here jihyun was part of it, he went through that traumatic experience. he’s the one that nearly lost his life. and yes, he appears to handle it well, and no matter to what extent that’s true or not, you can’t not look at jaewon struggling and understand it and then not look at jihyun with that same understanding. it’s not about comparing trauma and pain and deciding who is suffering more, it’s seeing that there are two people in this, and they’ve both been affected, so we should give them the same level of understanding.
and that’s something jaewon has to see. that his self-preservation is selfish. that his destructive behavior doesn’t just affect jihyun, instead it feels pointed and directed, bc every way jaewon hurts himself hurts jihyun. and it comes bc jihyun was so much of what was good about jaewon’s life for a second, so attacking that is his only form of self-sabotage. he can’t mess up his relationship with his friends or parents bc they were broken in the first place, and he can’t sabotage his future bc it’s already been ruined the moment he didn’t pursue his photography major. him nearly getting kicked out of school affected him so little not just bc he wanted that punishment, but bc even that punishment meant so little to him. all these things are established and they already contribute to his suffering. removing jihyun from his life is the only active thing he can do to make himself feel worse, and he can veil it in an act of protection, and even feel like he’s doing the right thing, but that deceives them both into believing this is done from a good place, when no good can actually come of it. in trying to protect jihyun, you hurt him more. in trying to hurt yourself, you hurt him too. and when someone is in a headspace like jaewon is, you look for that thing that’ll break through. bc he is so distant, he’s trying to remove himself from reality, and jihyun needs to act as this person that can anchor him to it. when you’re trying to isolate and separate yourself, sometimes seeing that you still affect things, that there’s a persons that exists that is affected and hurt by your actions, and no matter how you try to cut yourself off, you cannot stop that, separating yourself still hurts them, maybe that’s a thing that can get through. but that’s something that depends on jaewon. ultimately, he’s the only one that can get himself out of this place, and that’s what makes it so hard, that no matter how much jihyun cares and how much he fights for him, nothing can come of that effort is jaewon doesn’t meet him there. and it’d be so easy for jihyun to give in, to take the hurt, but over the course of this show we’ve seen the strength jihyun has developed, which has only seemed to increase more so after the accident, call it a renewed vigor for life or something. he has the strength that jaewon doesn’t, to not let his pain consume him. and in a beautiful full-circle moment, it’s because of jaewon, bc when they first spoke he sparked in jihyun a want to be stronger, to be more than the country mouse, and he’s done it. and it’s that courage that means he can fight for jaewon, even in the face of rejection. he trusts himself and that he knows jaewon, the real jaewon, to see past words that are intended to hurt them both, and go after the person that’s still inside jaewon somewhere. no, he can’t do it for him, and no them being together is not some magical cure for jaewon, but it’s what can put him on a path of caring for himself again, and sometimes that has to start with caring about someone else (and suddenly I’m reminded of my beautiful man 2 and how kiyoi tries to break hira out of his worthless mindset by making him care about him, and how ultimately that can’t be enough, and that hira has to take those first steps of seeing his self worth by himself). what jihyun can do by fighting is again act as that tether to reality and try to be this representation of the good jaewon can be and do. bc look at jihyun, look at how confident and strong he has become, and look at how he got there, bc you saw that country mouse and gave him the time of day and helped him grow and gave him new experiences. you jaewon, you. and that shift in mindset, from jihyun representing hurt and the accident and the trauma of his brother and everything he can’t do, to being that light and refuge and everything he can do is again something that might breaks through. and the fact it has such narrative strength and satisfaction makes me hopeful that that’s what we might actually get.
#I did a rant#I’ve done a lot of rants actually they’re all just sitting in my notes bc they all got a little too much#my thoughts are a literal mess and I am still struggling to put them in all the right words#mostly bc the way jaewon is behaving and not to be too overinvolved is very reminiscent of *me*#and so watching him shut down and remove himself knowing it’s something i do is hard and frustrating#and I did a whole rant about it but I realised I need to separate myself from the character to be able to talk about it#so yeah#I really wanted to bring up jihyun tho#bc he presents as so strong in these two eps but you cannot argue against what he’s been through and the effect that would have on anyone#and try to see it from a perspective where we don’t know what jaewon is going through and just see his actions and realise how much he has#messed with jihyun again not at all on purpose but that 1000 to nothing jihyun went through from the trip to the accident and it’s aftermath#that’s a fucking lot#and it’s interesting that we talk so much about people putting themselves first and not putting up with shit#like I think of simon from young royals and how we celebrate him saying no to being willhelms secret as an act of self-respect#but bc we understand and empathise so much with what jaewon is going through it’s hard to make yourself even consider jihyun#but when you do see it from his side you realise it’s a lot for him too#and that you wouldn’t hate him or misunderstand him if he was mad at jaewon#and with *spoliers* is there only so much he can take of jaewon’s self sabotage hurting him until even he and his developed strength and#confidence is broken by it#he can only keep fighting for jaewon for so long and idk if it’s gonna be a case of jaewon coming round too little too late#but I just hope this isn’t easy which sounds mean I don’t want either of them to suffer more#but this isn’t a kiss and get back together and all is good#I think jaewon needs to see the bad he’s caused#bc it’s only by owning up to that that he can ground himself in the moment and see that he’s part of this world and can’t separate himself#from it and jihyun also needs to realise that no matter his headspace jaewon does want space and when someone is self sabotaging you still#have to listen and respect what they’re saying distance means distance and as much as you want to fight against it you can’t be responsible#for making it work#agh I need to stop rambling bc it’s so messy and complex and I just absolutely ADORE the level to which this situation has so many emotional#moving parts and how ultimately blameless they both are and how it makes it so much harder to see a way out it’s fantastic#the eighth sense
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i’m sorry VOTER FRAUD?
IN MY VEGGIETALES?
it’s more likely than you’d think...
#veggietales#ryan watches vt#he literally shows up out of nowhere hears 'happy place' and says 'I WILL BECOME GRAND MARSHALL OF HAPPINESS PARADE' and immediately#like no hesitation nobody saying anything is like 'I WILL STUFF THE BALLOT BOX and BE ELECTED'#now's probably the time to admit that I don't recognize any Larry-Boy or League stuff after Bad Apple as canon#and even then I didn't really like Bad Apple#I tried watching League but was way too old for it by then and had hit my limit#like I love rewatching classic VT because it's not just nostalgia it felt legitimately fun for adults#read phil's book it's great#but also like... past a certain point VT became 'oh yeah its cute and kinda funny still'#and this new show so far really doesn't have clever laugh out loud enjoyable for adults too moments#not like they used to have#they feel so... sanitized#and there's something weird about complaining like that#but it's not really complaining as it is just... noting how drastically different 90s kid media and 2010s kid media and 2020 kids media is#from 'family fun' meaning adults could get a chuckle and like it too#to 'family fun' means its 'Wholesome'(tm) Christian Media (tm) and if there's even a reference to an old TV show kids haven't watched#its a big Ordeal like#idk there's a whole lot to say there#and I probably should watch more eps before I say anything more#at the end of all these liveblogs I may give a wider explanation of my thoughts on the new series from a view of like...#a long time fan since childhood who HAS returned several times to the show and fandom into his adulthood
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Youll just be minding your own business when all of a sudden the inherant intimacy of solo instrumental music is realized upon you. Like youre just supposed to proceed normally after
#that being said the 'ill write an ep' to 'too much songs ill make it an album' pipeline extremely utterly too real. im in too deep#sexy and hilarious of me to be so committed to letting my first Big Serious Personal musical endeavour be such a Big Serious Personal thing#like my plan about it of course will probably keep changing but im like 99% sure of what i will do to a point#a lot of fully complete songs that i love!!!!! and a lot of unfinished projects n ideas recorded snippets things written down !!!!!!!#much to consider as always but the clarity ive been able to have with shaping it and working it has been. welcome#grateful to be attracting such spaces and people to be learning and relearning whats been in front of me lately#grateful to have the space and time i have to do what i do with it and myself#extremely grateful to be inspired in an otherwise negative at best time in my life above all else.#i needed that weird painful clarity to become inspired and know i want to actually do this i guess#as sure as ive ever been and now even just. reinforced not just by the space and the world around me but the people around me as well that:#make music how you want to and music you want to hear and make it at your own pace#i know i need to trust this process in full and honest faith i need to trust it like i have been to even get this far#and then some to make my thing and put it out and keep doing that musically really#of all the facets of my own and the time i have and resources to make things happen i know in my heart of hearts really that i could do it#forever and im a whole force when it comes to it all if i let myself go in it with no inhibition. shedding years and years of these negativ#ities purposefully and exclusively and thoroughly finally leaving some understanding in my soul i can even pridefully say is there#and with enough confidence in myself to know its something i will do forever and want to be a thing i put into the world always#and to do it how i want is.... exciting and the fruits of that labor excite me and i must say i cannot wait to be sharing this with everyon#cant wait to be sharing truly myself like i do with myself with every one i know could appreciate me like i want to be
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