#not a vent post because I have restrictions on myself

[mycological-mariner]

God didn’t give me strength I did all that on my own

All the same, though, I think I’ve earned enough credit to be given a 24-hour grace period

[valewritessss]

Finally deleted MyFitnessPal off my phone for my own personal sanity

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[sunlit-mess]

(I'm pretty sure you've seen me spam your notifs I'M NOT STALKING I SWEAR I JUST LOVE YOUR WORKS!!! But I just want to ask)

You're CLEARLY underrated and some of your posts from vent arts said you don't care about relevancy. How do you do that? How do you manage as an artist?

anon thats so.. wow AHHAHAHA anyway-

As I mentioned for a billionth time, I've BURNT OUT ENOUGH.

I'm in-and-out in burnout, recovering from it is always a challenge but there are always lessons from it...

Before, I had always felt inferior even at a young age because I'm the type to have something- but never was acknowledged for it. Life revolved around what others think/what others have and it fed envy so much.

I had tried to keep up with an insane pace, and tried to stay perfect, tried to squeeze out affirmations, like a competition. The toxic part of it is being two-faced with other people's accomplishments/work.

And always feeling, so, so, disappointed that you expect nothing but that: Dissatisfied. It gets tiring, from the feeling of being envious to self-hatred to depression.

2022 and I realized a lot about inferiority. College already greets you with a variety of skillful people, so what will happen if you start working in the creative industry itself?

I degraded, so so much. To a point, I almost gave up on passion and myself. But I kept clinging. I didn't want to be stuck feeling that way with others. Rather, I started to appreciate and be more grateful for the things/reasons that kept me going in the first place, while kinder to others. This 2024, I learned how to let go of what weighs me and restricts me from doing what I like: drawing/creating. I stopped caring about numbers/count, I don't care who sees them, I don't care if others may think badly of it. I am honest with myself and my work while being open-minded to perception. I LOVE and APPRECIATE those who stay as a fellow audience that enjoys the same thing or whatever! I LOVE learning from other people who are more knowledgeable/skillful than me. I LOVE any advice/lessons I get from others. Loved and applied them!

I stopped wallowing in self-pity and just went: nah I'D WIN.

Mentioning this again, pain is where I strive best because it's what I was accustomed to. I learned grit from clinging to the tiniest spark of hope to battle negative thoughts and just kept going.

And until this day, I'm really grateful I'm still here. I can never get anywhere without any of you, and many other reasons I stay determined.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

so this happened a while ago but i still feel quite a bit of guilt over it and i’m honestly wondering whether i was in the wrong or not. i’m almost 18M now but i was 15M at the time (almost 3 years ago).

at the time of the pandemic i (15M) got very bored in quarantine and ended up making online friends with P (17NB) and later G (18NB) after P introduced me to G after the two had talked for a considerable amount of time.

the three of us were very close for a long time (this was the first friend group i’d had that referred to me as he/him, additionally as i had very little experience with online friends before now, and because P and G were both also trans like me it felt more comfortable).

P and G began dating after a while and met up once or twice, but as i live further away from them it was more difficult (additionally my mother was very restrictive on having online friends, so this was kept from her).

i had a very big puppy crush on both of them at this point but kept it to myself. however i did feel confused for a bit as although they were dating, P and G would tease me a little bit, calling me ‘good boy’ and sending me screenshots of them teasing each other ab their kinks then calling me a voyeur, stuff like that— in a teasing way, not in a genuinely flirting way but it made the crush a lot more intense for me.

P and G dated for almost a year but towards the end things started going wrong (at the end of the relationship, P started talking about how he didn’t feel attracted to G anymore because G wasn’t a cis man and didn’t have male genitalia. which came off as a little weird to me as both of them were transmasc?) but they agreed to part ways

they broke up soon after and i kept in contact with both of them seperately (probably not the best decision as P would constantly talk shit about G in a group chat even months after they broke up which i didn’t like). but P ended up suddenly talking to me and saying that i was talking too much to G, then giving me an ultimatum of either i stop talking to G or they wouldn’t talk to me anymore for their own mental health

this also happened on new years which just put me in the worst headspace i’ve been in ever. i ended up saying no, blocking P and telling G about it (even though G was a little disappointed that i’d been given that ultimatum in the first place and we just ended up not hearing back for a long while

the only reason something started up again was that later, a mutual friend of ours mentioned they had seen P post some concerning things on his story on instagram (about cutting off toxic people, more stuff about G, but also suicidal ideation kinda stuff on his close friends) and i realised i still had access to his vent account (which didn’t have a lot on there but enough that it would probably make the average person worry a bit).

G was worried about P even though they’d broken up and asked me to send him some screenshots of the vent acc’s newer posts so he could relay them to his family and hopefully get some help. i sent maybe three or four posts over and G sent the posts to his mom who then had a conversation with P. i then got a lot of messages from P calling me a horrible person and saying i was wrong, which i was really confused and stressed over because i genuinely thought i was doing the right thing and some of the things P posted were scaring me a lot. P’s two friends also messaged me later as well, calling me vile and saying i was horrible for doing what i did

i ended up apologising to P later because the guilt was eating me alive and i couldn’t take it anymore, and we ended up civil as the only thing we’d really talk about from that point was writing ideas for their blog, but then they decided to send me a random ‘congrats, you ruined my life’ emoji meme which made me really confused because i thought we were okay again. we haven’t talked for ages now but idk. the guilt gets to me sometimes and i think maybe i might’ve been horrible without realising because i genuinely wanted to help……. basically aita for sending the screenshots to G?

What are these acronyms?

[brains5ana]

zombie blog turn around!!

this is my personal blog about my anorex14 and depression this is both my safe space where i can cope with my life right now and my way of documenting this disorder in case i dont survive it so that my loved ones or anyone who wants them might get some answers.

₊˚⊹ 𐂯please dont interact if you are not already disordered or are in recovery. block dont report this is really all i have .₊˚⊹ 𐂯

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

me ୧ ‧₊˚ 🥩🦴 ⋅

17 they/them bi and taken veryyy happily dni creeps

life rn - mom died in august now im taking care of my 15 yo autistic sibling and household because my dad is abusive and doesnt really parent. my grandparents help take care of them sometimes but they dont live with us and are televangelists who try to convert us(my sibling is pagan). my sibling is awesome but its a lot to take care of them while grieving so much and i worry about them a ton.

bg - grew up in poverty w pretty bad parents (i love my mom a lot but she was young and fucked me up a little bit as a young kid mostly she was good but our relationship was kind of complicated for while). got bullied really bad from elementary school till quarantine when i was in middle school. my dads a redneck and my mom was a hippie now my dads like a frat bro?? and hes insane.

alternative (riot grrl goth punk etc) i like music(esp live punk shows), painting, writing, horror movies, ZOMBIES

political activist mostly w the environment but also general big leftist

white, able bodied (maybe) hindu vaishnavite

im very mentally ill and have had suicidal thoughts and depression my whole life. diagnosed cptsd, ptsd, chronic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, ana suspected adhd

my ed - got bullied for my weight and started trying to lose weight in 5th grade. i went to a nutritionist in 6th grade who told me to count calories so i did and then i went lower and lower and lower seeing how little i could consume in a day(i also started having an exercise addiction then). in 7th grade i started doing intermittent fasting and restricting below what you need to live in retrospect. then quarantine happened and i started looking at ana tips. id sleep all day until 4 pm to avoid food and workout at night. i got to my lw and was plateauing and worrying about dying so i told my very shitty therapist at the time who told me i wasnt low enough to have an ed but still told my mom who got me an appointment w an ed doctor. and there started my forced recovery bc the ed doctor told me i definitely did have ana and wouldnt have survived another month or two. after resisting for a long time and trying to secretly relapse i gave in. and it worked, i fully recovered. i didnt get thoughts i was happy and didnt have to lose weight anymore. and then people started treating me badly and a girl who was in my friend group started making fun of me for being fat and i realized i cant deal with that and everything else. so im 40 lbs down and trying to loose more.

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

this blog ୧ ‧₊˚ 🥩🦴 ⋅

BYF - this is an ed bl0g w triggering content do whats best for you i cant facilitate everyones recovery but it is possible and waiting for everyone

DNI - 14 y/o and younger, those interested in recovery (you can so do it i believe in you), creeps, p3d0s, p0rn accounts, fatphobes (fuck off and die), terfs, transphobes, etc

this is a number free blog for the most part and if not ill tag #tw ed numbers or #tw ana numbers

on here ill post wieiads, b0dy checks, collages, diet plans for myself, themed moodboards, a lot of zombie content.

i use the tag #brains4ana or #brains4ana4vent for vent posts (if im coherent enough to care)

other ongoing tws - meat, cannibalism(all the zombie stuff) alcohol addiction, nicotine addiction, mentions of sh, ed (duh)

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

TW: Doing really bad right now-ALL BECAUSE OF ANOREXIA, MY EXERCISE ADDICTION, AND MOST RECENT SUICIDE ATTEMPT!

I'm in so much pain from both my older and newer diagnosed physical conditions I just want to throw in the towel. On top of the full-body pain conditions, I can't enjoy a meal without the torture of my throat trauma from being intubated making me feel like I'm choking and like stuff's constantly stuck in my throat ALL DAY after my first meal. I can't cook a meal or do any chores without my wrist feeling like the hole in my ligament that I needed surgery for (and never got, yet continued to lift weights with for years like an idiot) is brand new, so I need to ice my wrist and back for hours after I cook (even with my husband's help). Also the spinal pain is getting worse and more extensive every damn day; obviously worse when I'm cooking because I'm standing, measuring, grabbing ingredients, etc. Food used to be my favorite thing- sure I starved, but when I ate it was the highlight of my day.. but now there's no more joy from food due to my throat issues and the pain from preparing it. Nothing gives me joy but the quality time my husband and I spend together and my cat- but the good times with my husband are limited because I'm always so miserable and he's sick of doing all the chores, so we argue a lot now.. and my cat is not as cuddly as our other super senior cat that died last year (my cuddle buddy and constant companion😔).

I know I did this to myself, but I didn't mean to. I just focused on getting my "perfect body" to distract myself from my actual life.. I was trying to (for several years literally) run from my sexual trauma/C-PTSD that was very emotional-abuse heavy, with broken family shit, physical and emotional bullying, etc. because I only started facing the fact that this trauma existed in 2010, and with no other way to cope with my sexual revulsion due to the facing of my trauma, exercise helped me feel better and get out frustrations. I was already psychologically disabled, and being denigrated for that by everyone in my family, I felt like I had nothing else to offer the world than what others have often referred to as my "beauty." (Note: I do not now or ever have considered myself beautiful- only others have) Now my stupid, excruciating as well as dumb way to obtain more so-called (and mainstream) "beauty" through overexercising and starvation has made it so I haven't showered for two days despite my OCD SCREAMING at me that I'm not clean, I'm filthy, I'm disgusting, etc., (more trauma-reactions) but due to my many excruciating physical disabilities I can't even get out of my damn recliner to shower more than a few times a week, when I used to shower up to 3 times a day.. and forget restful sleep- I wake up every few hours to change my ice pack and readjust my 6 pillows to help cushion my broken apart bones, lack of cartilage, damaged nerves, osteoarthritis, etc.

It's not worth it. I wish what I tried worked.. my life is only worth living now because if it ended my loved ones would suffer. I am only alive so I don't hurt the people who love me.

YOU CAN AVOID THIS FATE- if you plan on having a long term restrictive ED, and think that it's some "perfect solution" to be skinny forever, you're wrong. So wrong- I spent 13 years wasting my life to get the "perfect body," I was used as thinspo on here, praised for my tiny body, called "body goals," everything the pro anas on here claim to want. But you can only live that life for so long.. with my routine, the length of that particular life was 13 years (and that was pushing it). Now I am suffering more and more each day, with no relief in sight.

I will continue to post these reality checks- sure they're good for my need to vent my frustrations, but if just one person reads this and thinks twice, it has served a purpose beyond my ability to complain into the void of Tumblr.

Get help. You are never "not sick enough"- if you abuse your body in any way with food, exercise, or medication you deserve help.

You do not want this life. I gained all the weight back due to being so unintentionally immobile due to the damage anorexia/overexercising caused; the osteopenia from it definitely helped progress the degeneration of my spine and other bones, as the weight gain was aided by the complete destruction of any metabolism I had.. so now all I have is the triggering memories on Facebook, old pictures shared by family- most of whom do not know how much it hurts to see my sick pictures.. they all knew what was happening, but I've only confessed it to a few- they all make sure to talk about it behind my back though!🤬

Save yourselves from this. Save yourselves from a life much worse in EVERY WAY than not being "the skinniest girl in every room." 🙄

If you have any recovery questions or need help trying to recover, please reach out to me on any of my blogs- you're not alone.❤️

[theroundbartable]

Perhaps this is normal but recently I feel a reoccuring sense of dread whenever I think about the future. Or any of the things in my life really.

This is a vent post. I always feel better after writing out my feelings.

I haven't found a job yet and I'm not sure if becoming a teacher is actually the best thing for me to aspire to be, I left the job I liked and the uni that had the classes I liked because of my fear of missing out and my insecureity of being able to do it by myself. It's not just that but the other stuff I rather not write out explicitly.

I felt like I was getting closer with my friends lately again, but now that the holidays are over and they all were in such a bad mood, I feel selfish for having ignored that so that I could enjoy the one day that I had insisted on planning, and even more so for leaving them after getting home because their bad mood affected me too much. I didn't help out much either because I know it annoys them when I ask what to do and I feel like I'm in the way when I simply do. (Or risk getting yelled at, like on our last Trip)

I was the only one who didn't have a bad day during this trip and yet I feel so exhausted afterwards. I feel like I'm constantly regretting everything I felt or said or did. Like, I'm going way out of my comfort zone and it's still not enough. People were complaining to me about each other and somehow I feel like I'm the one at fault.

I went home to deal with that but then I got a rejection letter from the Job application I filed last week and now I feel worse than insecure. I feel incapable. I feel like I keep making mistakes, like I'm trapping myself in a life I'm not sure is worth chasing after.

I wish I could get away from here. From everyone and everything.

I might just be having a day. But I'm sure that if this is how I feel, then my body is trying to tell me something. The problem is I know there are really good days in between, when I have nothing but fun with my friends, when I don't have to ignore problems to brush over the awkward silence. Where I do feel like I'm good enough. Where I can appreciate that my friends accept me exactly as I am, when they listen to my problems and make me forget my insecurities, when they make me more comfortable in my skin and help me be confident with myself and dare to breach my barriers and overcome my restrictions.

And then I make jokes about things that I like in theory, I do write fluffy romance for a reason. And my humor has developed so I can forget my insecurities about more sexual stuff as well. But I feel like lately, people are taking my jokes too seriously and my willingness to overcome my own limitations as something like a willingness to overcome these ones too.

My doctor advised me to have children against PMS, my father seems irritated that I find everything involving having (or rather making) children revolting, or that I'm not sure about my gender anymore because it seems more fluid than before lately, my gf has plans about having children and getting married and stuff, and I wish, I wish I were less complicated. I wish I could look at tiny children and not feel wary of and sorry for them. I wish I didn't feel like I lose all the bones in my body as soon as people want me to make decisions or to commit to anything.

I wish I could stop regretting how I treated the one person I might have been able to fall for. I wish I could be more confident about job applications or know what went wrong last time.

I wish I didn't have to dread every relationship I have or had or am going to have (platonic or otherwise intended).

I wish I didn't feel so lost.

I'm not empty, I feel everything at once. And right now I feel so overwhelmed and yet so lonely and I really don't know if this is just a me thing. I'm sure it's just a phase but it means something, I'm sure. It always does.

Perhaps it's all too fast for me at the moment. Maybe I need to step back a little. Emotionally that is. There have been a lot of changes recently. With the new uni, the new flat and the need for a new job. Maybe it's too many changes at once.

[piercingsandfangs]

Meet me ig !

Age: 16. ( 2008 ).

Gender: I am male.

Sexuality: none ya business but I obv like men. Cmon.

Uh: idk what to list this as but I'm European.

Weight: No idea because I don't own a scale and I can't ask for one without it being a problem. I am however a size small in clothes, I can fit in extra small I just dislike tighter clothing and small is baggy on me sometimes.

Height: embarrassing. I'm 5'3.

Pronouns: He / They. Use either I don't care enough.

Relationship stat: he's not my bf ( yet. )

!!! : I have autism, ocd, depression, anxiety, and I strongly question if I have bpd but idk.

[ Tws for; sh, ed, vents on my page, you've been warned. ]

Random lore;

I started eating less in my ( what would be for you ) middle school years to cope with a boy in my class and my teacher both calling me fat. I started not eating around people and not eating as much food. I don't remember when but I became overly disinterested in food. I was body positive and didn't care much about weight but I was very skinny because I didn't eat much, one small meal a day usually ( if that ). A few months ago I was really sick due to a traumatic incident I was experiencing, it made my anxiety awful, I was throwing up alot and couldn't do much. In that time I also couldn't hold down any food, it started off as an accident, I threw up my food because I was brushing my teeth and was sick, then it wasn't an accident, I was putting my fingers down my throat so often. I stopped after awhile, I " got better ". Recently I started binging alot and it's stressed me, I hate it. So I'm back to familiar territory.

kl I'm attempting to restrict myself to daily: 500-700kl. I don't need to puke it but I probably will <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I like:

• puking. Lol

• Ranfren.

• Evangelion.

• my boyfriend.

• I'm emo, I love emo shit.

• mlp

• pjsk

• soul eater

• creepypasta

• Nightcore

• most things early 2010s.

• drawing

• south park

• lost media

• mindless self indulgence

• The Sims ( 4 & 2 ).

• Eddsworld

• Killing stalking ( no I don't ship them )

The list goes on...

and on.

PLEASE NOTE:

My account is a lil broken, I cannot comment things or post in ask boxes. I'm not being a shit mutual.

[sappsorrow]

Sorry but that last post about Charles’ coronation really pissed me off so bear with bc I have to vent a little

In 2020, my grandfather died alone, cut off from his family, occasionally visited by severely underpaid nurses who couldn’t give him the pain medication he needed because they simply didn’t have the supplies. Because of Covid restrictions, there was no funeral. Because I live overseas and would have had to pay some £170 for a Covid test in order to travel (not to mention risking infection myself + the quarantine time at both ends), I did not join my mother while she stood outside the crematorium and said goodbye to my grandfather’s body. Then, not long after that, Prince Philip died, and the entire country had to fork out for his funeral. The entire country was supposed to come together and give a shit about this decrepit old racist, and the thing was, I was kind of sad, because I couldn’t help thinking about my grandfather lying dead in his house alone. Why was one old man’s life worth more than another? Than the thousands of other people who died during the pandemic, and especially the elderly, who always, always suffer the brunt of austerity? We weren’t given any time to grieve for our dead, but we had to pay Philip’s funeral costs out of our own pocket? And if that wasn’t enough, we then had to do the same for the Queen’s Jubilee. Then the Queen’s funeral. Now Charles’ coronation. That is taxpayer money - that is money I have to give them, even though I do not support what they stand for, even though I don’t even live in the UK anymore - and while they’re raking it in, we’re being told there’s simply no money for the NHS, there’s no money for food, or heating, or gas. I doubt the royal family have even noticed. When another winter of cuts and strikes and inflation rolls around again, they’ll just burn our bodies to keep them warm.

[remyfire]

I don't know if I'll keep this post up because this is not what any of y'all are here for, but I have to get it out somewhere. This is just a lot of gritted-teeth venting, so if that's not your style, scroll on, I love you, I hope you see a cat photo soon.

Truly every day of my life I find myself gritting my teeth when I see another joke or article or post or anything at all about booktok romance novels, that specific style of book cover, the disdain about promotional graphics like trope maps, that whole kerfluffle because I just! Wanna be like. Hey guess what! None of us wanted things to go that way either!

Like it really is remarkable sometimes to remember how readers don't necessarily get to see us smaller romance authors gritting our teeth and bitching in our spaces because we hate the trends that are being pushed forward, but also we have to compete somehow, right? We have to be sell books. We have to find a way to be picked up and read in this oversaturated sea. We have to try and gain traction against those people who hire 50 ghostwriters at a time for pathetic rates to churn out romance novels so they can release one literally every month. We have to fight against the 99-cent expectations even though we're lucky to make 35 cents per book sold if we offer it at that rate.

I think one of the most insulting things that publishers did was decide that it was the author's responsibility to go viral on booktok. That way, the publishers got to save a hell of a lot of money on marketing budgets, right? No, we won't be arranging tours unless you're lucky, we won't be pushing your book as hard as we usually should. It is your job to have a social media following that is broad enough that you make your books go viral, not us giving it a boost as your publisher. If you don't go viral on booktok, we will probably not be signing you for another book, sorry, bud.

Cannot express to you either how many of us erotic romance authors especially were gritting our teeth when the cover trend started leaning toward basic primary colors and splotchy abstract shapes. I completely understand that not everybody wants a shirtless man with a 12-pack just slapped on the front cover of the book they're reading—I actually thought it was brilliant when I saw several self-pub authors offering both the traditional steamier cover but also an option of paperbacks with a more tame, understated cover that just makes it look more like a literary novel. But god, it felt so lazy, these aforementioned abstractly illustrated covers. They told me nothing about the book. There was barely a sense of themes or important objects and these shapes had no defining characteristics that set any of the characters apart and they just looked like YA novels, which is fine for YA novels, but how do you market your extremely high-heat romance novel in that cover trend? If you throw together those blotchy illustrated shapes, people are going to think it's sweet or closed-door, and then they get in there and there's 12 graphic sex scenes on the page, and they're furious about it. I loved seeing illustrated covers that were more detailed start to make a move forward, especially because it meant starting to separate the American cultural assumption that illustrated = childish. Letting them be sexy, letting the author be able to represent any kind of protagonist they wanted without being restricted to the tiny selection of mostly skinny white able-bodied cis models on stock photo sites? Incredible. Love that. Want more of it. Wish it was easier to get publishers to really buy in on that.

The fact that readers will complain about promotional things like trope maps when the publishers require the use of them. The publisher makes them, they hand them over, and now you are the one who will be using it because that is contractual and because even if it wasn't, you want your goddamn book in front of people's eyes. And if you are self-pub or indie, if you don't have a substantial marketing budget to spent thousands of dollars on ads, promotions, and whatever the hell else, you are all but required to follow the trend because that's the only way you're gonna get people to share your shit.

And god, the way that it's all reduced to just 'booktok romance novel.' I get what that's referring to, that exact grouping of authors and why they're frustrating, but holy shit, I wanna know how many of those readers have picked up a self-pub or indie romance by a marginalized author. I'll see people complain about the quality of romance novels as compared to the quality of romantic fanfiction and I wanna shake them by the shoulders and say, "It's there! It's out there! It's self-pub and indie romance authors out here doing the goddamn work and you! Aren't! Looking! For it! Because it's easier to mock the genre instead!" Especially self-pub/indie queer romance authors who are marginalized, they are out here revolutionizing the genre and not getting anywhere near the accolades they deserve.

It's just irritating and exhausting. It's frustrating enough to have your genre used as the constant butt of jokes, treated like it's a substandard genre, like all it is is trash, using 'bodice ripper' as a disparaging term for modern romance novels when that is a relic of a very distant past and a historical pinpoint about which we can have an in-depth discussion about the decades-long process of making it socially acceptable for a woman to talk about her sexual desires rather than the 'bodice ripper' days when a woman had to have them forced on her instead before she could ever dream of admitting that she might know her own body and its cravings.

It's frankly embarrassing to see my genre so poorly understood. That's all. The one genre that is devoted to making sure that every marginalized person can have a happy ending of their choosing—marriage, pregnancy, queerplatonic, no sex necessary, no marriage or kids necessary, whatever feels right—rather than just the skinny white able-bodied cis people, that's the one that is always getting the potshots taken at it, and it's really a goddamn shame.

[thatdykepunkslut]

Hi I'm sorry about being on anon and I promise this isnt bait or anything I'm just a coward. I'm just curious what your thoughts on this post are as a transfem? I'm transfem myself and I really don't know what to think about it so I'm hoping to hear some other opinions on it, and you tend to have well thought out/non-reactive opinions. I truat your thoughts on queer issues a lot more than some other blogs, anyways. Anyways here's the post:

https://www.tumblr.com/hellyesbro/759628547117744128/

(I don't recommend reading the linked post, in my opinion it's a vent post more than an actual argument to be had, honestly I'd remove the link if I could because I don't want PV getting harassed for it)

Idk, I'm not sure that's really the kind of post that's meant to be analyzed. I've been assaulted and I've had my HRT restricted (although not in the same way, I didn't come out or even think to experiment with clothing until I left home, I'm just currently too broke to afford my meds or appointments), but I don't think that comparing the two has any real value to me personally?

Like Power Violence's personal thoughts on the matter are valid, if that's how it feels than that's how it feels. I think it's reasonable for different forms of abuse to be ranked differently by different people, the only reason to universalize these is in order to establish "fair" punishment (I suppose with the exception of murder because the victim doesn't really have a say in how they rank that experience) and therefore I have no interest in objectifying that.

[henriiiii-1001]

NEW BLOG!

hey there! new account because i felt i needed a fresh start. i will keep my old blog up because i'm gonna need it for archival purposes.

im henry, 20 y/o, they/it/he/xe prns. nice to meet you

im an artist and writer, mostly focusing on oc stories. i also have an instagram and an ao3 (both henriiiii_1001)

current interests: - internet horror (analog, digital, etc) - ruby ru amenalism (newer series, highly recommend!) - vita carnis - cabin tales - twf - etc... (NOTE: i do NOT support tmc or alex kister, and anyone who does is not welcome on this blog) - vocaloid - pjsk (stats) - ocs - murder files/殺人ファイルズ (blog here) - unholy gift (info here) - repurposed fairy tale au (will post info soon)

tag navigation: #posts - general post tag #interview box - answers to asks #tumblr polls - tumblr polls i host/rb #shitpost - as name implies #creative - art tag #almost creative - wip tag (mostly seen on my wip blog) #a bit rambly - ramblings, usually abt au stuff #a2t - meaning "ask to tag", signifies that i'm ok w ppl letting me know if i need to tag smth #upset posts - vent/rant (will more likely be used for rants) #sillies - random posts i find funny or cool or just smth i felt like rbing to my blog #[media name here] - indicates which media i am making a post abt. goes with characters as well #delete later(?) - posts i will (most likely) delete eventually #[insert trigger/warning here] trigger/warning - my trigger tag. is not used for certain things like eye contact and eyestrain. feel free to ask me abt this for clarification tho

askbox usage: please don't use it as grounds for rambling abt your ocs, aus, etc. it is mostly restricted to asking questions about my content (aus, ocs, etc.), myself, and ask games

im a college student now, so i wont post very often. please be patient with me.

[username330]

✦ Sᥱρtᥱmbᥱr 23, 2024 ✦

This post is just a normal venting post if you care lol (graphic + venting 3d + fasting)

Uhm yeah, I don't think I'm going to set goals for next month. I don't want to set myself up for failure again but I am going to being stricter with myself and try my best to workout. I'm fat and I don't like how my body moves, it makes me feel like I want to jump in front of a car honestly (too graphic sorry). I used to have different social media outlets to vent about my 3d thoughts + feelings but since I deleted all of them, I only have this blog and insta. I force myself to take body pics even though I don't like to. Just remind myself how big I am and to keep going with restricting. I disguise it as a "self-love" thing but honestly, it's not.

I'm planning on doing a 24hr fast this cycle. I'm actually going to be busy tomorrow so I hope I'll be out until my 24hr mark, which I will because doctor appointments take about 30mins-1hr.

But I will be more active on here though, TRY to be lol

[hylianengineer]

This is a vent post about food intolerances and allergies. You have been warned.

I know it's not reasonable to expect other people to cater to my food restrictions, but it still fucking sucks to go to an event and have to bring my own food, otherwise I just can't eat anything. Especially when it's people I know and who know this about me.

I know most people will not go out of their way to accommodate food restrictions, but I'd do it for anyone else in a heartbeat, so it kinda sucks they won't do the same. They don't know what this feels like.

It's worse now that I've had people who would make sure I had safe food, had even started to not be shocked and embarrassed when they did. Now I'm back to feeling left out.

I watch other people enjoy delicious food and I just stand off to the side with a glass of water or something. And I don't know what's worse, the idea of anyone noticing or the fact that they don't.

Everything is so much more work when you have food restrictions. I effectively cannot get a meal on my university campus unless I go to one specific place that's not near anything else useful. Any event involving a meal, I have to plan to eat before or afterwards, often at highly inconvenient times. I actively avoid university events that promise free food.

I hate when places say they have gluten-free options, only for every one of those options to conflict with my other food issues. I hate having like two choices max at most restaurants - and often zero. I hate being unable to eat foods that are culturally significant to me. I hate not getting to have new, interesting food unless I make it myself - which I generally can't do because of my other health issues and chronic exhaustion.

I hate when people say things like 'it's so good you'd never guess it's gluten free!' like eating the way I do is a curse. It is, but only because of inaccessibility and lack of options, not because gluten is Magic Makes-Food-Good Protein.

I'm still mad about my childhood friends who wanted to try whatever I brought for lunch only to declare it gross. Hasn't anyone ever taught you not to insult what other people are eating? It's rude.

I hate when well-meaning people make the entire room stare at me by going 'here's your special allergy-free food!' Or worse, they get confused and say 'who had the Gluten Meal?'

I hate being asked at restaurants if I have celiac, as though being merely gluten-intolerant is an excuse not to take precautions. I don't even know the answer to that question - and I likely never will.

I hate when people ask about my symptoms, because really, unless you are my doctor you do not need to know that. It's embarrassing as fuck.

I get unreasonably emotional remembering people who were especially kind and understanding - my fifth grade teacher who, upon hearing how much I missed soft pretzels, immediately tried to assure me they were actually disgusting and I wasn't missing out at all. (Ten years later, I have yet to have a good gluten-free soft pretzel.) My DnD friends who made sure to get me gluten-free pizza so I could eat the same thing as everyone else. The overwhelming choice-paralysis I still get every time I go to a gluten-free bakery and realize I can get almost anything. (Almost always, I do this on vacation - there are no bakeries in my town where I can eat anything, to say nothing of everything.)

[clippedwingsmuses]

ooc: good morning, no icon bc i am. guh. i am so tired rn, but i had to give yall a psa update about stuff going on with me (since i just got back from my doc appointment)

basic tldr; my activity is most likely going to be even more sparse than it is for a while because i'm focused on my mental and physical health (working on regulating my bipolar disorder primarily), as well as some legal issues that i need to address; what activity i do have may be restricted to my current threads and i might not be making ooc update posts very frequently

full information (and miscellaneous ramble-venting) is under the cut

active muse check: surge, laurance, wanderer, kieran

(cw: mental health, general medical and legal talks, venting)

ooc: so breaking news, apparently it turns out my bipolar disorder might be the more major diagnosis between everything that i got checked out a couple weeks ago, i got prescribed some mood stabilizers so i should be getting them in tomorrow

im having to re-set up my insurance bc they fucked me over and cancelled it (we didn't get any of the documents that they were supposed to be giving us, and my acc on their website can prove we didn't receive them) so that's stressing me out

i also had to get bloodwork done today for whatever reason, going there and doing the bloodwork is what gave us the heads up that my insurance was cancelled so i guess i'm glad for it, but also we can't really afford to pay for the bloodwork rn (and barely if at all); i'm glad that i got it done so i can see if i have any physical issues to worry about, but at the same time that payment is gonna fuck us over for a little, cause we barely get by as it is

im also cramping which sucks!!!!! but that's small beans compared to everything else

i mean today already started off pretty shit for me, i only got about 4 hours of sleep cause my anxiety kept me up most of the night (who was surprised that would happen? not me) since i was stressing about the appointment (they're also still ignoring the potential that i could be neurodivergent, and i know damn well that i am, they just keep blaming my issues on everything else that's wrong with me, so that's stressing me out to a pretty strong degree too)

so yeah, considering all my mental health issues and the doctors visits ive basically been having nonstop for the last couple of weeks, my activity on this account is probably going to be even less than it already is; i've just got too much going on to put all my energy into fixating on writing, and even writing my novel is a chore that i've really had to trudge through the mud to finish (i'm still not even done with it)

i will still be around to write on here ofc, but i might restrict myself into not actively searching for any new rp partners for a while; i'm going to try spending my time relaxing and getting my shit sorted before i fully commit to being here as much as i have been. again, activity will still be here all things considered, but i might not be making very many ooc posts like i have been, and as far as dash shenanigans go i might be pretty quiet

my discord is open to mutuals if anyone wants to chat or discuss plots, and my ims on here will always be open as well

sorry for rambling and bitching so much on here i just like to keep yall informed, but yeah the tldr at the top basically explains all the important details outside of my rambling