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bookstantrash · 3 years ago

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A/N: I am so very sorry for not updating for so long. I know I said I’d try to update more frequently while I was on uni break but life happened lmao. Classes are back, but I’ll try not left y’all hanging for so long.

You can check here Pemberley’s Lake, Hooked on You, Smells like petrichor and paper, The Sound of Music and A Midsummer Night’s Dream, part one, two, three, four and five of my Nessian Pride and Prejudice AU.

That being said, I hope y’all enjoy this chapter! We got a little bit of fluff, sprinkles of angst and a lovely plot twist ✨

Bloody Day and Ominous letters

Nesta woke up with the worst headache she had ever had in her entire life. She really should not have drunk as much as she had last night but as she saw her friends and Morrigan having fun that little voice inside her head — usually her mother’s or grandmother's saying Do better, Stop being such a disappointment or Your only purpose is to marry well so forget about love — got louder and louder, judging her company and trying to make her feel ashamed.

But she had had enough. Her grandmother and mother had both passed away already. It was time to bury them for good. So Nesta took the wine bottle from Morrigan and drank half of it in one go, her friends cheering around her. And she had so much fun. Nesta would never have guessed that drinking could be so enjoyable, nothing like those uptight parties where the ladies sipped a lonely glass all night long while the gentleman lost count of theirs. The only downside was her killing headache and the fact that she had overslept, a fact she took notice of once she glanced at the wall clock.

She had just sat up on her bed — massaging her temple to ease the tension on her head — when an insistent knocking on her door made her mumble a curse. No doubt it was either Emerie or Gwyn — maybe both of them — waking her up. Those two were quite used to drinking, so it was no surprise to Nesta that they would be up and about very early.

“Would you two stop it?” she said loudly, opening the door wearing only her chemise, probably having ditched her dress during the night while she slept “I have a killer headache and your banging is not helping at all—”

She stopped mid sentence when she came face to face with Georgianam, the young lady’s hand still raised to knock on her door, Cassian right behind her.

“Oh, I apologise Lady Nesta” Georgiana said “We had agreed that we would go on a nice early morning walk today, but when I did not spot Miss Archeron at the breakfast table I got worried.”

“Please do forgive me, Miss Georgiana. I had a bit too much to drink yesterday and ended up oversleeping.” Nesta quickly said, mentally kicking herself for her rudeness “I will be ready for our walk in a minute.”

“Lovely! I will be waiting at the parlor then!”

Nesta closed the door with a sigh. Her morning had not begun the best.

However, it was only while she was brushing her hair that her sleep fogged mind caught up to the fact that Cassian had seen her half asleep wearing nothing but her chemise and with early morning messy bed hair.

She definitely could not be allowed to drink more than two glasses of alcohol if that was how she was going to behave whenever she drank more than deemed proper.

When she arrived at the parlor ten minutes later, she could not help but avoid looking at Cassian.

“Mrs. Potts brought you a little something to eat” Georgiana informed, pouring Nesta tea “And also some headache medicine”

“Please thank her in my instead later, she is too kind to me”

“Oh, it was all my brother’s doing” Georgiana smiled in Cassian's direction, serving herself some cookies “He was the one who asked her to provide not only the medicine but also the food.”

“I appreciate the gesture, my lord.” Nesta hid her blush behind the teacup.

“It was nothing, my lady” was all he answered, refusing to look at her.

That made Nesta’s heart strangely hurt. She could not help but think he had been disgusted by her earlier appearance. Her hair was such a mess and her chemise was all wrinkled from sleep—

Wait. Why did she care so much of what he thought of her? Nesta Archeron was not one to give much attention to others opinion of herself, so why was she getting so worked up when it came to Cassian? Of course, one could not help but notice how he always looked so presentable, with his spotless clothes, hair combed to perfection every single time. She had never seen a gentleman’s hair be so… perfect. She could bet her first edition of her favourite romance that he had awfully handsome bed hair. And that he had a mint breath even when woke up. And that he probably slept shirtless, if the last time she saw him at midnight at his library was any indication of his sleeping attire.

Oh Mother, why was she now thinking about all of that? She waved an imaginary hand to disperse her not so proper thoughts, focusing on the small talk Georgiana was making.

Both Nesta and Cassian kept avoiding each other during their walk, which did not pass by Georgiana without notice, especially given how her brother had made sure to stay two steps behind them, giving the excuse he wanted to give both ladies “privacy to talk comfortably”, something he had never done. Their walk, however, was cut short when Nesta showed signs of being tired and admitted that her headache had not disappeared.

“I assure you it is nothing to fret over” Nesta told a worried Mrs. Potts when they came back “It must be from yesterday’s drinking. There is no need to call a doctor.”

“Nonetheless, I will ask Chef Ramsay to prepare some light food and my special hangover drink” the old headmaid said with a motherly expression.

Thanking Mrs. Potts again, Nesta went to her room to splash some water on her face in hopes of refreshing herself. But a painful jab low on her stomach made her freeze and the blood drain from her face.

~•~

“Just knock on the door, my Lord” Lumière said as he watched Cassian drop his hand once again. The maître d’ had been watching his lord pace in front of the parlor door for what must have been twenty minutes.

“I do not want to bother her. Maybe I should call Mrs. Potts or wait until the other ladies come back” Cassian ran his hand through his hair in distress. Emerie and Balthazar had gone out with Morrigan to visit some possible new business partners — her big circle of connections proving itself to be very useful in helping expand their business — while Azriel and Gwyn had gone to the town, which was helding a small music festival. Georgiana, on the other hand, had received a telegram from a friend who had returned early from their trip abroad, and she had promptly gone to meet them.

“This, dear brother, is your chance to speak to Miss Nesta” she had said before leaving “I do not know what happened to make you both so distant, but you better make amends. I already asked Emerie to design the gown I shall wear at your wedding.”

Cassian had told Georgie to mind her own business and stop being such a busybody, proceeding to stand guard outside the parlor.

“Leave the lord alone” Cogsworth hissed, elbowing Lumiére “Her ladyship has not asked for help so it must mean she is fine and does not wish to be bothered.”

“Nonsense, old friend!! The lady is simply too shy to ask for it and the lord too polite to risk disturbing her” taking a step forward, Lumière knocked on the door.

“What do you think you are doing?!” the major-domo whisper yelled, and Cassian was sure he would have throttled Lumière were it not for the faint voice coming from the other side.

“Please, do come in” Nesta said.

Taking a deep breath, Cassian opened the door, leaving behind Cogsworth and Lumière, who were trying very hard not to start a duel right there.

The first thing he looked for was Nesta.

Nesta, who was rather pale and was clutching a pillow very hard against her stomach.

“Are you alright?” he asked, not knowing whether to sit beside her or just stay standing a few feet away.

“I am” she said, although the deep breath she took had him thinking it was not true “Where are Gwyn and Emerie?”

“Gwyn went to the town festival with Azriel. An Emerie went with Mor and Balthazar to meet prospective business partners.”

“Are you really alright Nesta?” he asked again “You do not seem fine at all if I may say.”

“I assure you I am perfectly fine” Nesta insisted through clenched teeth “Where is Georgiana?”

“At a friend’s house. They returned early from a trip.” Cassian said, a bit annoyed she was asking for his sister when he was right there. It was a stupid jealous feeling, and he was not even more annoyed because he felt glad they got on so well.

“Do you know when any of them will be back?”

“I am afraid I do not know” daring to approach her, Cassian sat beside her on the sofa “But I am here. If there is anything I could do…”

“There is no need to bother yourself. I truly am—”

And that was when Nesta whimpered and clutched her pillow even tighter, doubling over a little bit.

“You are definitely far from fine sweetheart” Cassian said, rubbing her back in hopes of helping her, nevermind proper etiquette.

“It is really nothing. Just—”

“Just what?”

“Lady stuff!!” Nesta finally said, her whole face heating up like a fireplace.

“Oh. Oh! I see. I— I understand” he said, also a little bit flustered “Not that I actually get it but I have also experienced pain and—”

Nesta wished the ground would open up and swallow her. She was used to getting her period, it was a monthly occurrence. Nothing out of the ordinary. However, this time it seemed her body had decided to punish her more than usual. Not only had she gotten a killer headache — made worse by her hangover — but she was cramping very badly, and they usually were not that bad. That was why she had gone to that walk with Georgiana, even though she was getting mildly uncomfortable soon after they arrived at the garden.

Not that she did not want to miss any Cassian time.

Him going with them had been a bonus.

A surprise, but not a pleasant one.

Maybe just a bit pleasant if she was being honest. Just a tiny tiny bit.

“I will stop talking now” Cassian mumbled, interrupting not for the first time her errant thoughts.

She wanted to die. To tell Cassian — even indirectly — that she had gotten her period was the most mortifying she had ever experienced.

“I can get Mrs. Potts for you” he tentatively said, restarting the back rubs “She can get you some tea for pain. Or a bag of warm water. You can tell her anything, do not worry.”

Nesta managed to nod her head in agreement, despite her stubborn side that refused to ask for help from the maids or other servants at Pemberley.

Cassian himself went looking for the head maid instead of just ringing for her, assuring her he would be back in less than ten minutes. And he did come back in record time with Mrs. Potts, who gave her tea and pain tonic that she assured Nesta made wonders for stopping cramps. All the while Cassian hovered over Mrs. Potts, unsure of what to do.

“Do you require anything else? Maybe another blanket?” he asked after Mrs. Potts had left. He had made sure to bring back a blanket too and had even tucked her in with extra care “Or more tea? I can ask someone to come and bring fresh hot tea”

Nesta would never have imagined Cassian to be such an overbearing mother hen. He was being extra careful around her and it annoyed her beyond reason.

“Cassian, this happens every month. Has been happening since I was thirteen, alright? Can you please stop?” she snapped.

She regretted her words as soon as she realised how rude she had been and what exactly she had said. However, he was being so overweening. As if she was made of glass or was on her deathbed.

Yet all Cassian did was crack a smile and nudge a chocolate muffin towards her. Nesta had been in such pain and so quiet he had been concerned if Mrs. Potts’ pain tonic would really work. But there she was.

There was the feisty, sharp tongued and quick-witted Nesta he knew.

There was the Nesta he fell in love with.

He barely held his tongue back and risked blutering his feelings right in front of her. Again.

“May I get you a book then? It is a good way to pass the time until your friends are back.”

“Thank you. That would be lovely” Nesta gave him a soft smile, her previous embarrassment having died down a little.

He was gone and back in a record time, and Nesta delusioned herself into thinking he had raced to the library because he did not want to leave her for too long.

“I got the book you were not able to finish last night” Cassian said, handing her Sellyn Drake’s latest romance “And I also took the liberty of getting one of my favourites too. In case you finish this one quickly.”

She thanked him again, curious as to what book was his favourite, what made her even eager to finish her current read.

Turns out Cassian was a fan of epic poems, a fact that — combined with his admission of having read Sellyn Drake’s romances — once again made Nesta view him with new eyes. She had thought he would be more of a war strategy person, all business and serious matters. Yet it seemed that Cassian had a dreamer inside of him.

“How many times have you read this book?” Nesta asked as she turned a yellowed page. The book was old, but she could see it was very loved given its good condition.

“A lot of times. It was my favourite book as a child, and I could not part with it once I moved out of my childhood home” he gave her a smile “It was also my dear companion during long expeditions. I have most of it memorized.”

“I bet you charmed every single lady during your travels with your knowledge, wooing them with beautiful words” she teased, despite the small pang of jealousy in her heart.

You refused his hand and humiliated him, she thought, you have no place to feel jealous. Cassian is a wonderful gentleman, it is expected to have women falling left and right for him, not to say him pursuing them.

“You are actually the first person apart from my family who knows that I read poetry” Cassian admitted “And I also have never met someone that made me want to declare a poem to”

Nesta did not know what to say to that. They were bordering dangerous territory, something that seemed to happen more and more frequently.

And Cassian, seated right beside her, was thinking the same thing. He had allowed himself to get closer to him again, something that yesterday he had vowed to avoid, had tried to do that morning. But to see her in pain, uncomfortable and not talking to him hurt more than those moments in which he could see a life with her. Those moments with Nesta were a double edged sword: he craved and loathed them with the same urgency.

He would kill to have even a single moment with her.

He would die if he had even a single moment with her.

Nesta made him want to be selfish.

Made him want to declare poems to her, maybe even attempt to write her one.

At the moment, he could not help but recall a certain verse of the Epic of Gilgamesh:

What could I offer

the queen of love in return, who lacks nothing at all?

Balm for the body? The food and drink of the gods?

I have nothing to give to her who lacks nothing at all.

You are the door through which the cold gets in.

You are the fire that goes out. You are the pitch

that sticks to the hands of the one who carries the bucket.

You are the house that falls down. You are the shoe

that pinches the foot of the wearer. The ill-made wall

that buckles when time has gone by. The leaky

water skin soaking the water skin carrier.

To Cassian, Nesta was the goddess of love. And he was the one who could not offer her a single thing for she lacked nothing.

“Well, I will not disturb your reading any longer” clearing his throat to break the new tense silence between them, Cassian gestured to the book in her hand “But do feel free to make comments while you read, I would very much like to hear your opinions about it.”

And she did just that. Every passage she found interesting, each line that caught her eye and interpretation she had about a certain phrase, she shared them all with Cassian. Somewhere during their conversation that awkward tension between them disappeared completely, with Cassian letting his arm rest on the back of the couch, getting closer to Nesta. And Nesta somehow ended up getting closer to him too, almost leaning on his side.

It was all very improper. Cassian staying alone with Nesta, so close to each other and acting as a married couple.

But Cassian would let himself be selfish one last time.

One last time before they had to go their separate ways.

~•~

The day would have ended perfectly were it not for the letter that Gwyn brought once she and Azriel had come back.

While Emerie, Balthazar and Mor had arrived late in the evening — with good news of new partnerships being agreed on — Gwyn and Azriel had come back much later, just when everyone had finished dinner. Nesta had not been too worried, she trusted Azriel to take care of Gwyn and her friend was not bound by the stifling high society etiquette, but she breathed a little easier when they finally arrived.

“Oh Nesta, we passed by the inn we were staying at before and the landlady gave me a letter addressed to you. It seems she had forgotten to send it to us yesterday when our things were brought here.” Gwyn gave her the letter once they had moved to the game room “She apologised deeply for it.”

“I understand, it is a busy season for them.”

“It is a letter from Feyre” Nesta furrowed her brows in confusion as she broke the letter’ seal, which she recognized as being the one representing Feyre’ status as Duchess “She sent one barely a week ago, I wonder what could have happened.”

Nesta had guessed it would be another letter from Feyre asking about how their trip was going, if she had seen beautiful scenarios and bought any souvenir for her youngest sister. Or even a curious inquiry about what she thought of Cassian. Feyre had been quite interested to know if they got along — she had always been a busybody and matchmaker, and since marrying Rhysand had tried time and time again to nonchalantly push her to Cassin. If she ever discovered that Nesta had already been proposed by Cassian — and that she had refused his hand — chaos would befall upon Nesta.

However, as her eyes scanned the lines, Nesta’s assumptions of its contents proved to be far away from reality. She felt her blood run cold, her heart stop beating and fear. So much fear.

“Excuse me” she managed to say, getting up “I need a moment.”

“Nesta, are you alright? What did Feyre say? You are very pale” Gwyn said, her voice full of worry.

“I am fine. Just cramps” she brushed off her friend’s worries. She did not want to make the others notice that something was off with her, she did not want to alarm Gwyn..

Yet as she exited the room she failed to perceive that Cassian had been paying attention to her ever since Gwyn gave her the letter. He was always paying attention to his surroundings, especially when she was around.

He left the room a few moments after her, trying not to raise suspicion to his attitude. He did not know where she had gone — Pemberley was vast and her room was too far away for him to not have caught her faster — but something led him to the small outdoor patio just left from the small gallery he had at Pemberley.

As he got closer and closer there, he heard the sound of someone crying, which made his heart beat faster and a deep fear grow inside him.

He arrived outside to find an unimaginable scene: Nesta crying. Crying as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

She was a mess, her careful braided hair coming undone, as if she had ran her hands through it in desperation.

“Nesta… Nes dear, what happened? Is Feyre alright?” Cassian did not care that she most probably left the room to cry in private. He was worried, he needed to be beside her, he needed to help her somehow.

“I— Feyre she—” she was sobbing so hard she could barely breathe, let alone talk, making Cassian’s heart break in a thousand pieces.

“Shh it’s okay sweetheart. I am here Nes” he gently cupped her face, making her look at him “Take deep breaths with me.”

He took a deep breath, holding it in for three seconds before letting it go. He kept doing it until Nesta did the same, slowly calming down.

“Can you talk now? Do you want me to fetch you some water?” Cassian asked, tenderly brushing off her remaining tears.

“No, I— I can talk now” Nesta took another breath “Feyre is alright. It is Elain.”

“Elain? Is she sick? Talk to me Nes, help me understand”

Elain was the picture of the perfect lady in high society. With her numerous suitors, lovely and delicate behaviour — not to mention her singular beauty — it was hard to find someone who did not like her. Given that her hobbies — cooking and gardening — did not pose a threat to her health and well being, Cassian could not understand what would have made Nesta react so strongly. Perhaps Elain had fallen ill, something that rarely happened.

“No. She is not sick” Nesta shook her head “Cauldron, I almost wished she was sick.”

“Elain was…. Elain was kidnapped” she added, her eyes filling with tears again.

“Kidnapped? How?”

That made no sense, who would kidnap Elain? And why?

“She was going to visit Feyre. And when she didn't show up Rhysand went to search for her and—” Nesta started to cry, desperation filling her voice “They found her carriage turned over and hidden near the outskirts of the city. No sign of her at all.”

Cassian was speechless. He could only imagine how Feyre must be feeling after she got the news and hoped Rhysand was doing his everything to help find Elain.

“The coachman was killed and her lady in waiting was rushed to the hospital.” she cried even harder “This is all my fault. I should never have left her. We have no male relatives and Feyre is living too far from our childhood home. I was supposed to take care of her.”

“Nesta, it is not your fault. You could never have guessed something like this could happen.” he looked deep in her eyes, the blue in them even brighter because of her tears “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“I am afraid there isn’t, '' she whispered “I have to go back home. Try to hire an investigator, talk to Feyre and hope Elain is not disgraced by society rumors. Hope she is alive”

Cassian could only nod in agreement and wait for Nesta to recompose herself before they went back inside. Their friends were as horrified and worried about the situation as he and Nesta, and decided to go back right that moment. The staff noticed something was amiss and made sure to ready the carriage in record time.

“Thank you for welcoming you at your home” Nesta said, her complexion a bit better “I can assure you we all had a wonderful time here.”

“It was my pleasure. Have a safe travel and remember that Pemberey is open to you and your friends whenever you want to visit” Cassian helped Nesta get on her carriage one last time, letting go of her hand begrudgingly.

And as Nesta and her friends got farther and farther from Pemberley, as Nesta got farther and farther away from him and took his heart with her, Cassian felt a calm fury settle inside him.

He had some letters to write to some old friends.

•

Tag list: @sayosdreams @thewayshedreamed @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @arinbelle @caotica-e-quieta @vidalinav @swankii-art-teacher @ireallyshouldsleeprn @duskandstarlight @d0riansgray @thegoddessaltenia @dayanna-hatter @verypaleninja @awesomelena555 @courtofjurdan @valkyriewarriors @moe8 @illyrianwitchling13 @silvernesta @bri-loves-sunflowers @queenestarcheron @imwritingthesewords @vasudharaghavan @rainbowcheetah512 @darkshadowqueensrule @letstakethedawn @starlightorstarfire @city-of-fae @thalia-2-rose @nestaarcher0n @rowaelinismyotp @julemmaes @dontgetsalmonella @cardansgreenbriars @lysandra-tiara @inardour @hikari274 @fatimafares123 @angelina-figjam @castielspelvis @lanyjoy-13 @18moneytoad @booksstorm @terrible-and-proud @illyrianundercover @ladygabrielli1997 @loosingdreams @live-the-fangirl-life @moodymelanist

{Please let me know if you’d like to be added to my Fixed Tag list}

Reblogs are always welcomed!!

#nessian #cassian x nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #pride and prejudice AU #sarah j maas #sjmaas #sjm books #sjm fanfic

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whump-a-la-mode · 4 years ago

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Villainsicle | Part 12

At long last... comfort. Villain deserves it and I am so sorry to them and to every reader of this story.

Sorry that this took so long. I got sick (not COVID) and work kicked my ass, but at long last, it is here!

Counselor tries to help Villain take a bath, but ends up forcing them to confront a buried fear. Comfort ensues.

Taglist:

@whatwhumpcomments

@sola-whumping

@professional-idiocy

@trappedgoose-in-a-writblr-room

@literally-just-kirby

@teachunks

@daydreamed-snippets-2nd-blog

@sunflower1000

@lightdrinker-blog

CW//Superhero whump, villain whumpee, non-sexual nudity, non-sexual stripping, bathing, restraints, flashbacks

Villain struggled.

Well, perhaps it was less of a struggle. Struggling had a purpose, a clear drive and direction. Villain’s erratic movements had neither-- they could be perhaps described more succinctly as twitching. Erratic twitching, their hands balling and unballing to fists, their muscles tightening for reason unknown. Not all at once, but periodically.

It wasn’t a nightmare, Counselor was certain of that. Nightmares were fast, coming on all at once in a wave of panic. There was no panic in Villain’s movements, just stress. Muscles and nerves wound as taut as they could be.

They considered waking them. Trying to comfort them. But there would be little point in that. Not when they would simply be waking up to a cold hospital room, experiencing just as much stress in wakefulness as they had in sleep.

So, Counselor waited. They prepared, all while watching Villain, ensuring that they stayed steady. That they were okay.

In the end, getting the bath ready took almost an hour. Inherently, it didn’t have to. By all logic, they could have simply turned on the water and awoken Villain. They would have been cleaned all the same. But that wasn’t what this was about, not entirely.

So, they prepared. The base had only one bathtub in it, and, more than luckily, it was far better than they ever could have asked for. It had originally been acquired for use by Engineer-- Leader’s spouse-- who, as a wheelchair user, found getting into a tub far more convenient than configuring a shower chair.

Of course, Engineer never went for the bare minimum. If there was something they could tinker with, they wouldn’t hesitate for a moment. Thus, the tub now possessed as many handles and supports as could possibly fit, not to mention the filtration system designed to keep the water temperature consistent practically indefinitely. It was the latter that allowed Counselor as much time as they needed.

In the end, once the tub was filled with sufficiently warm water, the bathroom had become littered with towels, rags, and as many combs as were in storage. Not to mention enough soap to clean a warehouse.

It was only when all that was gathered, when the water temperature was perfect, when everything was ready, that Counselor awoke Villain.

They opened the door to their hospital room, doing so as slowly and carefully as they could manage. They walked across the tile to their patient’s bedside in the same manner, taking care not to disturb them.

Villain’s hands clenched into fists as they fought against the fabric restraints holding them down. It wasn’t a conscious movement, but it was nerve wracking nonetheless.

They reached forward, flinching back for a moment as Villain twitched again, before placing their hand on their shoulder. Gently, they shook their shoulder, speaking:

“Hey, hey. Hey, can you get up for me?”

After a moment, Villain’s eyelids fluttered, before finally opening. Their eyes stared out, unfocused, before coming together to gaze up at Counselor. The latter put on the kindest smile they could manage.

“Good morning.” They chirped. Villain blinked a few more times, their eyelids seeming awfully heavy. Counselor felt bad about waking them, but they hadn’t exactly been having a restful sleep.

Again, the patient blinked. At last, their eyes focused.

The bedframe was struck with such force that Counselor could practically feel it, just from proximity. They leapt back, only to hear the sound again as Villain yanked once more at their wrist restraint. A thousand images flashed back in their mind-- images of buildings collapsing, of server rooms exploding into shrapnel and smoke. Images of what Villain used to represent in their mind. Aggression and destruction.

Their heart skipped a beat, before its beating increased considerably in speed.

Villain was a villain. At least, they were at some point.

Counselor took a moment, fighting to steady their breathing, before returning to the bedside. Though loath to admit it, the restraints on Villain’s wrists made them feel far better.

“Hey, hey, Villain.” They did their best to return their smile to their face. Villain had stopped struggling, but their fists remained balled. “It’s okay. Hey, you’re okay.”

A pair of nervous eyes turned to them. At least, they thought that expression to be nervousness.

“Are you okay?” They spoke, slightly louder this time-- perhaps Villain simply couldn’t hear.

In an instant, Villain shrunk back onto the bed, their gaze darting away.

“I’m sorry for waking you up. Are you feeling okay?”

After a brief pause, Villain nodded, though they didn’t seem all too convinced. Counselor supposed that that was all they were going to get.

“Okay. Medic is busy today, so I’m going to be taking care of you today. I ran a bath for you. Do you want to take a bath?”

They almost opened their mouth, before going back, firmly pressing their lips together.

“It’s okay. You can talk. Do you want to talk a bath?”

“Okay.”

It wasn’t a very committal response, but they needed a bath. The dirt and tears streaked on their face were certainly only the beginning of it-- the rest simply covered by their hospital gown.

“Do you think you can walk?”

“Yes.”

Counselor hated just how much they hesitated as they reached for the restraints. Still, nervous or not, they were doing this. They undid the straps, letting them dangle from the bedframe. They placed an arm around Villain’s back, expecting to having to help them up, but they turned out to need minimal aid to do so. They did, on the other hand, need some help to get to their feet.

They could help but furrow their brow. When they’d arrived, Villain had been sick, sure, but at least had some strength. How had they gotten worse?

“Okay, the bath is just a few doors down. You can lean on me if you need.”

They just nodded. The two moved to the door, yet when Counselor reached for the handle, Villain froze. Even as the door opened, they refused to take another step, or so much as budge.

Counselor frowned, holding the frightened person closer to themself, practically whispering:

“It’s okay. Medic is all the way on the other side of the building. They’re asleep.”

That seemed to do the trick. Villain moved forward. The bath was only a few doors outside of the medical wing, and as they entered the room, the sheer warmth in the air was palpable. Counselor closed the door behind them, before helping Villain over to a wall and releasing their hold on them. They didn’t seem to need to lean on the wall at the moment, but they figured that it couldn’t hurt.

“I have some clean clothes for you when we’re done. Um, I don’t have to look, if you don’t want.”

“It’s fine.” Villain muttered-- the first real complete thought they had spoken so far.

“Okay. Take your time.”

They nodded. At some point, they had changed from their normal clothes to a hospital gown of sorts. It wasn’t exactly a complicated garment, but taking it off took a moment-- on account of Villain’s nervous, shaking hands. Still, they managed, hanging the gown over a towel rack.

“The bath is all ready, then. Whenever you’re ready.”

Villain nodded again, seeming intent on doing little more than agreeing. They approached the side of the bathtub, stared at the water, and broke.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The washing room was cold.

That was what Villain had always thought of the room as, anyways. The washing room. A structure with concrete walls and a metal floor that dipped every few feet to allow for a drain to be embedded in it. Whatever else it was used for, they didn’t know.

But, to them, it was the washing room.

They kept their head low, staring down at their wrists pressed firmly against the floor, just ahead of their folded knees. At some point, days or perhaps decades ago, their wrists would be secured to the flooring for their baths. Now, they knew better. They knew it was easier not to struggle.

By all accounts, they should have gotten used to it. Regardless of Trainer’s other... behaviors, they were dedicated to keeping their Assets well taken care of. That meant a bath, every day of every week of every month of every year of every millennia.

Their head swam.

They wished they could get used to it. To the cold metal floor, and the chill in the air. But they couldn’t.

For a split second, they heard a valve unlatch and water flow through a hose. Next thing they knew, the ice struck them, biting at every inch of exposed skin, tearing and breaking.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

With an almost robotic suddenness, Villain’s arms jerked upwards, wrapping around their torso. A horrible shiver ran up their spine, spreading to the rest of them as well. Their teeth clenched together, their jaw quivering, their eyes gazing somewhere else, somewhere that wasn’t in the room.

“Villain? Hey, hey. It’s okay. You’re okay, you can take as much time as you need, you-”

None of the words reached them. They had left the bathroom as soon as they had looked into the water.

Again, they shivered.

For a moment, Counselor looked at them, mind spinning but running on empty. In this state, touching them probably wouldn’t do much good. They looked so cold...

Counselor’s gaze moved to the bathtub.

From one of their piles of rags, they clutched a piece of fabric, saturating it with the warm water filling the tub. As gently as they could manage, they draped the warm thing over the back of Villain’s neck, letting water droplets dribble down their exposed back.

Villain blinked, their eyes once again fixating on something real.

“Are you alright?”

They nodded.

“Are you sure?”

Another nod.

“The water is warm. It’s okay. I promise. Do you want to get in?”

“Yes.”

“Do you need any help?”

Villain shook their head as the rest of their body experienced one last shiver. They stepped into the water first, one foot after the other. The nonslip pad firmly secured to the bottom of the tub ensured that they had no issues sitting down. For a second, they seemed almost instinctively to kneel, before they moved to a sort of sitting position instead. They held their knees to their chest, as if trying to conserve warmth.

That hardness, that tension in their muscles, only seemed to stay for a moment. Then, like dye dissolving in water, it seemed to slowly dissipate. Not gone, but lessened.

It was working.

“I’m just going to try to get some dirt off of you, okay? If you ever want me to stop, just say so. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

Their voice, too, seemed to have relaxed, just ever so slightly, as if their vocal cords themselves had been tense beforehand.

Counselor began.

Had this been a regular bath, simple soap and water would have easily sufficed. This, however, was not a normal bath.

Sweat and tears and general filth had managed to accumulate over their skin, carving dark marks throughout. Blooming from their chest, as well, a half-healed scar was surrounded by dried blood that had been there for far too long.

With a small pitcher, they took water from the tub, pouring it over Villain’s body and rubbing with a washcloth. Their movements were gentle, as much as they could make them, and it seemed that wherever their washcloth moved, tension would dissolve like snow under sunlight.

It was in that manner that they cleaned the dirt, the tears and the sweat, the blood and the muck. The bathwater threatened at points to turn brown, but such attempts were quickly thwarted by the filter that continued to run with its subtle background flicking sound.

After several minutes of this (or, probably, more like half an hour), Counselor felt that enough tension had dissipated that, just maybe, Villain would be able to talk back. And they certainly had a lot to talk about. Without stopping their cleaning, they spoke, their voice blending in with the subtle movement of the water:

“How are you feeling, Villain?”

“The water is warm.” It was almost slurred.

““Does it feel nice?”

“Yeah.”

Counselor took a new washcloth, wetted it, and moved it to Villain’s cheek, carving a patch of cleanliness through a lifetime of dirt. They leaned into the touch.

“Were you scared, earlier?”

“I... I think so.”

“Do you want to talk about why you were scared.”

“I- Um, I don’t... I don’t like baths.”

“Do you know why that is?”

Some of that tension returned, in their neck.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay.” Counselor smiled. “Do you like this bath?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad.”

Villain hummed something, but if it was meant to be words, the message didn’t get across.

“Villain?”

“Mhm?”

“How have you been feeling, recently?”

“Um... I’ve been feeling fine.”

“You don’t have to be formal with me.” Taking care to avoid their eye, Counselor drew the washcloth between the bridge of Villain’s nose and the corner of their eyelid. They couldn’t help but feel that the marks, here, were mostly from tears. “You can tell me how you’re really feeling. I want to help.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve been feeling... sick.”

“Yeah. I think that’s why they moved you to the medical wing.”

“I don’t want to be there.”

“I know.” Counselor gave a sympathetic frown. “The sooner you get better, though, the sooner you can get out of there.” They put down their washcloth, picking the pitcher up once more. With one hand, they pushed the Villain’s bangs back, protecting their face at the same time. With the other, they poured a steady stream of water onto their hair. “What has the sickness been like? Is it like a cold?”

“No. It’s not a cold.”

“What is it like?”

“Like... Like I’m tired. And cold.”

“All the time?”

“Yeah.”

“When did you start feeling like that?”

Villain looked to Counselor, for the first time making direct, sustained eye contact. Counselor took a handful of shampoo, beginning to lather it into their hair. Again, they leaned into the touch as if it was their lifeline.

“Counselor?”

“Yeah?”

“Medic is making me sick.”

They finished their lathering, pouring another pitcher of water of their hair, washing the soap out into the tub below.

“Medic is making you sick?”

“Mhm.”

“How... How are they making you sick?”

“The food. They’re putting something in the food.”

Counselor felt like freezing, but knew that doing so would send Villain back to hiding in their proverbial corner. With their hair clean, they moved to rubbing soap over the rest of the skin, which had now been marginally cleaned off.

“Villain.” They frowned, again. “Do you have any special dietary requirements? Or do you need any medications?”

“No.”

Counselor pursed their lips into a thin line as they rubbed a thin film of white soap onto Villain’s shoulder blades.

“Medic told me that you needed special food. That it was the kind of thing that needed a doctor’s care.”

Villain nodded, a single hand balling into a fist.

“They’re making me sick.”

They finished rubbing the soap along their back, and briefly washed their hands on a cloth before picking the pitcher back up to finish rinsing.

“I believe you.”

“Y- You do?”

Warm water ran down their front.

“I do. And when we’re done here, we’re going to get you some real food. Then I’m going to give Medic a piece of my fucking mind.”

#whump #whumpee #villain whump #whumpblr #whump community #hero villain whump #villainsicle #hero villain #hero villain prompt #conditioned whumpee

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scfttwice · 4 years ago

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think of me

> jeongyeon's hiatus puts jina into another bad day, but her members, including jeongyeon herself, plan to turn that around.

mina's hiatus was hard on the entirety of the group. after nearly four years of being idols together, it was the first time they had to do a concert, attend schedules, and promote their comeback as nine members instead of ten for such an extended period. the absence of a single member might have seemed trivial, but it sure did leave an impact on the fans, the staff, and the rest of twice especially. although they understood that it was what was best for mina, they missed her terribly. so when she finally returned, everyone was ecstatic.

they didn't expect another member hiatus to happen so soon.

as someone who was there to experience the emptiness of twice without mina and understood perfectly how it affected the group, jeongyeon made the decision to take her own hiatus with a heavy heart. she had discussed it with jihyo beforehand, then with the agency, and finally with her other members. they were devastated, to say the least, but they knew a break was what jeongyeon needed and deserved, so they supported her choice nonetheless.

they were going to wait for her, no matter what.

jina, as she had done with mina, spent the first day without jeongyeon sulking. they were in the midst of practicing in preparation for promoting their next comeback which was just around the corner, and while the general mood of the practice room was gloomy, jina displayed it the most.

she didn't talk to anyone that day. she just practiced, and practiced, and practiced, as if she was using it as a distraction from the lack of one person in the room, until her chest was heaving for air. her members, albeit concerned, knew not to approach her yet. she had been in a similar state before, back when mina wasn't around. they understood that she needed time, so that was what they were giving her.

when they returned to their dorms late that night, only then did jina's exhaustion hit her. after quickly washing up, she went straight into her room and fell onto her bed, letting her soft blanket engulf her. with a deep sigh, she turned her head to face the wall.

there, leaning against the wall right next to her, was the stuffed dinosaur toy jeongyeon had given her years ago. she reached out to pick up the toy and observe it, smiling crookedly as she recalled the memory.

“jina, look! i got you something,” jeongyeon had announced one day after she returned to the dorms from an outing with her older sister, seungyeon. jina curiously accepted the paper bag from jeongyeon and peeked inside, smiling widely as she pulled out a stuffed dinosaur from it. “it's so cute!” she exclaimed while hugging the toy tightly to her chest.

“i figured you'd like it,” jeongyeon said with a chuckle of amusement from watching the maknae. “i thought it was fitting since you call me dino unnie a lot these days. so whenever you'd look at it or hug it, you'd think of me. and remember that no matter what happens, i'll always be by your side.”

another sigh escaped jina's lips, before she pulled the toy to her chest, hugging it tightly. “i miss you,” she muttered against the soft fabric of the toy. then suddenly, she heard the ding of a notification come from her phone. she picked it up from her nightstand and saw that it was a text message from dahyun.

“jina, come on out. let's have dinner,” the text read.

in all honesty, jina did not feel like eating, even though she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast many hours ago except for an energy bar during lunch break earlier. ironically she was the one who often reminded her members to eat their meals, but she couldn't help it, she simply lacked the appetite to consume any proper food.

however, she figured she had avoided her members enough for the day, and might as well go and talk to dahyun, chaeyoung, and tzuyu even if she didn't want to eat.

her whole body felt heavier than usual as she pushed herself off of her bed and walked out of her room to make her way to the living room of the dorm she shared with the other maknae's. she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion when she picked up the sound of loud chatter coming from up ahead. stepping out of the hallway, her eyes widened in surprise when she reached her destination to find all eight of the rest of twice there.

all kinds of food were set up on the coffee table, ranging from tteokbokki to gejang, along with two large bottles of cola. the girls, who were just starting to pass around plates and utensils, sat around the table, with an empty spot saved for jina between momo and tzuyu. and across from the empty spot, nayeon sat holding her phone...

...with jeongyeon on a video call.

“jina, there you are!” chaeyoung exclaimed happily when she saw jina standing by the hallway, drawing the others' attention to the korean-japanese girl as well. “come on, sit,” momo invited her while patting the floor between herself and tzuyu.

although she was still trying to process what was happening, jina wordlessly shuffled towards her group and sat down in her designated spot. her eyes immediately fell on nayeon, or more accurately, the phone she was holding.

“hi, jina! i was wondering where you were!” jeongyeon greeted from the other end of the video call. jina could clearly see her on the screen, as she smiled widely and held up a hand to give a small wave. “dino unnie...” jina managed to breathe out, swallowing back a sob. she was feeling a tiny bit overwhelmed by being able to see her unnie after such a draining day.

“hey, jag-eun yong, i hope you're not beating yourself up like you did the last time,” jeongyeon said, her tone serious but her voice soft and gentle. “i'm gonna be fine, you know i'm a tough girl, right? i'll be back before you know it...so don't worry too much, okay? plus, you can always call me whenever you miss me. or...or hug your jeonggeu.”

jina wasn't able to form a coherent sentence, so instead of verbally answering, she nodded in response, all the while holding back tears. jina didn't want jeongyeon worrying about her, especially if it's because she's worried about jeongyeon. “that's my good dragon.”

“i heard you didn't eat much today,” jeongyeon continued. “so let's eat dinner together. all ten of us.”

with that, tzuyu passed jina a plate, and the nine girls in the dorm began to dig into the food, while jeongyeon ate her own at her place. with jeongyeon staying on the phone throughout the entire time, the ten of them were able to enjoy their meal and talk together, as if all ten of them weren't apart in the first place.

i nearly forgot to post this

this one doesn't touch on the topic of anxiety as much as the mina one, but still if anyone thinks this shouldn't be posted please let me know.

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frickenfaded · 3 years ago

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--SFW--

This is my first headcanon ever. It's kind of a headcanon anyway.. This is how I think the Feral Boys would react to (f!) Reader getting mad over something stupid while she's on her period.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Dream

It was about midday and {Y/n} had to force herself to get out of bed to retrieve food. She decided she would get cereal and return straight to her blankets. Once in the quite kitchen, she reached up in a cabinet and grabbed a bowl, however she accidentally set it down way too hard and the brittle glass bowl shattered everywhere.

She was absolutely enraged. All she wanted was a bowl of cereal and *this* is what she gets? It didn't take long after to hear the thomping footsteps of her boyfriend coming down the stairs to see what the commotion was about. {Y/n} stood with her arms crossed, about to make a move for the broom. "Fucking damnit." She cursed, unbelievably mad at the smallest event.

Dream ended up beating {Y/n} to the broom, sweeping up the shards of glass that littered the tile. He was being extremely careful and thinking his words over before speaking. He knew she was in her period, and that meant she gets angered easily and doesn't like being clung onto by anyone during the week. However, he recognized that she still appreciates his presence.

He steps a little closer, giving a small forehead kiss to his girlfriend before resuming the cleaning. "Baby, if you want too, you can lay in my bed while I edit. I'll clean this up and bring you some cereal." He suggested. "How did you know I even wanted cereal?" She asked. "Because, that's normally what you crave." He answered. She thought for a moment before deciding to take him up on his offer. "Thank you, baby." She mutters before heading upstairs.

George

The relationship between {Y/n} and George was still fairly new, this being their third month together. Therefore, he still isn't exactly sure what his girlfriend needs during her special time of the month. However, he's sort of getting the idea. It's just a bit tricky for him to know for sure when she's going through it, because she doesn't tell a soul. She leaves them guessing, taking pride in it even.

But this time was a little different. She was laying down in bed, trying to read the book "Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen, when the realization struck her that she was currently using her last (pad/tampon/other). She didn't want to leave her bed, much less her house. She angrily closed her book and slammed in down on the nightstand, thinking over her options in her mind.

George just happened to be passing by her door whenever she slammed her book. It startled him a little, but he entered her room nonetheless. Although she heard him come in, she refused to tear her focus away from her thoughts. George knew something was up a couple days ago. The possibility of her monthly happening was a thought, but he wasn't 100% sure.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, walking over to the edge of the bed before sitting down. "No." She immediately answers, crossing her arms over her chest. She still didn't really want to give in that easily, though. She still had her pride, despite her situation. "What happened?" He wondered. "Nothing." She replied, avoiding his careful gaze.

"C'mon, Love, we both know that isn't true." He says, softening his tone of voice. She almost instantly melts into his stare. She huffs out a breath, however desperate to keep her silence. He treads lightly, brushing a strand of messy hair from her face, whilst caressing her cheek in the meantime. She finally gives way, breaking through to him as if a dam just broke. "Fine." She states.

He smiles, knowing he won without asking the question that would set him up for failure. "I'm on my last (pad/tampon/other) and I don't want to leave the house." She explained. George breaks into a small fit of laughter. "Was it really something that simple? That's nothing compared to what I thought was wrong. But I can get you what you need, Love." He says, after narrowly avoiding a harsh glare. "Would you like anything else while I'm gone?" He wonders. "Hm.. Maybe some chocolate... Please." She answers. He nods before giving her a swift kiss.

Sapnap

Sapnap.. Is quite the special case, to say the least. He does n o t pick up on hints very well... Which leaves him very lost and confused when his girlfriend all of the sudden starts acting a lot different than normal and suddenly more distant with him. She didn't exactly mean too, it was just what happens during her period.

He was scared that he did something wrong because of this, but he couldn't come up with a reason why. Did he leave the toilet seat up? Maybe he accidentally ignored her? What if he forgot about something they were supposed to do? Dear God, did he forget their anniversary or her birthday or something? Despite what he thought he did, he wanted to try and "make things right."

He entered her bedroom as she watching a John Mulaney special on Netflix. He stood beside her bed. "Hey, could we play Pokémon together?" He asked. "No. I don't feel like it." She didn't mean to add the annoyed tone to her voice, but she did. She was just annoyed in general. "D-Did I do something wrong?" He asked, scared of her answer. It was then when she realized she was being short with him and distant.

She sighed, knowing she owed him an explanation now. "I'm sorry, Darling. I didn't mean to come across like that. I'm just... cramping really bad today, and I'm really really really craving some ice cream, but I don't want to get up either." She explains, rambling just a little bit. He blushes a little when he realizes what was going on, but he quickly retrieves some ice cream for the both of them, before joining her in bed and finishing the John Mulaney special together.

Karl

Manz is prepared. I'm talking, he's got a secret box in his closet filled with everything she may need, from pads, to tampons, to chocolates, to a heating pad, he has it all. He's so dedicated to making sure he does everything right that he has a period tracker app on his phone to know when she's about to start. Therefore, he knows when he needs to back up and give you some breathing room.

So one day, when his girlfriend got very upset just because her phone died, he knew exactly why. "Do you need absolutely anything? I brought you a chocolate bar." He says when he hears the ruckus from her room. She softens up almost immediately, always touched by the way he knows what to do and say.

"Thank you.. Could you plug my phone up, please?" She asks. He happily jumps on the simple task, despite her charger literally being right beside her. "And maybe... could we cuddle for a little while too?' She wonders. He smiles brightly. "Definitely." He agrees, before slipping in bed with her as they start to watch Hamilton for the third time.

Quackity

Quackity seems to think it's comedy gold whenever his girlfriend gets infuriated by the tiniest things. He was sitting on the couch, watching something on the T.V., while {Y/n} came out of her room for the first time since today. She came to get a snack herself, not wanting to bother her boyfriend much.

But what she failed to notice as she was walking through the Living Room, was the Thanos doll that Quackity completely forgot to pick up earlier. And of course, she stepped on the damned thing. She yelped, almost falling over thanks to the toy. In a fit of rage, she picked the doll up and stomped over to one of the open windows, throwing it as hard as she could into the outside world.

Quackity could not stop laughing from the moment she stepped on the plastic toy, now laughing harder than ever because of it. "Shut up! It's your stupid fucking fault the thing was left there anyway!" She cursed, clearly displeased. He didn't listen, of course. "I-I'm sorry." He said through his laughter. As much as she wanted to stay mad, his laughter was contagious.

She ended up bursting with laughter as well, their voices mixing like milk and honey in the atmosphere. {Y/n} joined Quackity on the couch, laying across his lap as he played with her hair, the two starting to talk about random topics. She always went through a few days on her period where she was just a little more clingy than the others, but Quackity just learned to accept that. He wouldn't say it exactly, but he did actually enjoy it.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

That's it for this one lovelies! As I mentioned, this is indeed my first headcanon ever and actual content post I've posted on Tumblr. Therefore, I hope it wasn't too shabby. I'll get the hang of things soon, but for now, if you'd like to read any other things I've posted, the list is short, because I am pretty new here, but this option is available to you though this link:

My Creations♡

I hope you enjoy your stay here! Requests are always open! ♡♡

#feral boys #feral bois #dream smp #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #sapnap #karl jacobs #quackity #big q #dreamsmp fluff #dream smp headcannon

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dianapana · 3 years ago

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SH Day 12- ANBU Black Ops

@sasuhinamonth

たえる Part 2 (taeru=to endure)

Part 1

Rated M, Ninja Universe that underwent some changes (you’ll see that I use major events in the canon world but there is a lot of history that’s altered), OOC (major OOC for Hinata especially)

Warning: self-harm, mental health, sexual harassment, trauma

Hello, dears, I play quite a bit with chronology in this chapter, I hope it's all easy to understand. I made moth things be during summer so around the time of the girl SH month which is why in all the cases you'll see Sasuke is 1year older than Hina, since his bday is in July and hers in December. I hope you enjoy, ~Love Dia

Sasuke, age 23

I think it’s fair for me to say that I’ve been through a lot, not many things shake me anymore and all the things that have made me worried in the past years have had something in common, they were all somehow related to Hinata. I remember when I woke up after the war, I was chained to a hospital bed, placed under a jutsu that blocked my chakra, I was missing a limb and I was on the verge of insanity once more. The only thing that calmed me down was her image. Even without my chakra I searched for hers. She too was in the hospital; I found her signature light purple chakra but it was so faint and small I almost missed it. Seeing her like that made me crazy with worry, once everyone left my room, I broke all the chains and dragged myself to her room despite the pain. I hadn’t thought of her as fragile since our reunion when she was 15. I could barely stand to see her that way, and even if I wanted to stay and watch over her for longer, I could feel Naruto’s chakra getting closer, which meant I had to leave. For the following weeks I could only go and see her late at night, for there was always someone in her room, Naruto, her father, her sister, some sort of nurse or medic. I recovered under a month, yet I stayed until she woke up.

I was the only one in the room when her eyes opened, she looked confused and for a moment I was sure she had amnesia and would not remember me, us. But for the briefest moment her eyes rested upon my figure and recognition was there, relief was there, gratitude, affection and many other nuances that I can never seem to read or fully comprehend reflected in her eyes. I took her hand and kissed the back of it, allowing myself a small selfish gesture before leaving the room to inform the medics she woke up. Sakura gave me a strange, questioning look when I told her Hinata had woken up, but I didn’t care about subtlety at that second, I just wanted them to check her for any issues, I wanted her to be physically fine.

She didn’t have many memories of the war when she was first questioned, but they came back in waves and waves. I could tell that the questions overwhelmed her, much like the people that littered around, there were over 10 visitors in her tiny hospital room, from her father to Naruto, Kiba and many others. I just watched the whole situation from outside her window. I noticed her looking around, searching for someone that wasn’t there. No, it wasn’t me, she knew I wouldn’t be there when other people were, I knew exactly who she was searching for, that’s why I wanted to be close by. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, I knew things would take a turn for the worse soon enough. I saw it, the exact moment the fog raised off of her memories, the moment in which reality hit her, the moment in which the remaining light in her eyes died.

She asked for Neji, Naruto cringed, her father was the one to inform her of his passing. She asked when the funeral was going to be and silence fell onto the room. Sakura tried to slowly explain that the war ended two months ago and all the dead were already long buried. Hinata cried, she cried for her fallen cousin, she cried for missing his funeral, she cried for herself. They all gave her hugs and condolences, they reassured her that none of that was her fault. They all expected her to mourn and soon enough bounce back to the façade she always kept around the people in the village. They were unaware of the emotional depth her sadness could reach. I knew their expectations would never be met, I could tell that the headspace she was in was similar to the night I found her on the forest floor, she had the same look in her eyes as when she constantly begged me to let her die. Knowing all of that, I expected her to make certain choices, yet, despite knowing what was to come, I was unable to help, there wasn’t a single moment in which she was alone for a week to come. And when it all happened, I panicked at the notion of her death and responded wrongly to her actions.

I wasn’t watching her when she attempted to kill herself, I was with Tsunade who kept insisting that I accept their fake arm. I was in the midst of refusing once more, when I could feel a commotion in her room, I left without a word and ran there. The image that was in front of me wasn’t surprising but it was just as heart-breaking. Hinata’s bed was covered in blood, her left wrist was being treated by Sakura but you could still see the long and slim-cut along her wrist, Naruto was holding her other arm trying to put pressure on her wrist to stop the bleeding. It scared me, the amount of blood on herself and the bed, her light-headedness and indifference indicated that she had been bleeding for a long time. She waited for a moment in which I wasn’t there either, she wanted to escape me too. Had Naruto and Sakura been late they might have found her corpse instead. I left the room to calm myself down, I couldn’t cause a commotion. I tried my best to come up with kind and comforting words to tell her later when I would return to her room, but when I did, the image that greeted me, her arms strapped to the bed, made me lose my composure. I screamed at her, I can’t even recall what I said but I know it was very inappropriate, she laughed, she cried. Trying to comfort her with only one arm was difficult, that was the very first moment when I even considered accepting Tsunade’s offer, but in the end I didn’t. I spent every night that followed with her, after the initial shock I was able to recall the words I meant to give her, I knew they weren’t going to miraculously fix everything but I felt that she needed them nonetheless.

She apologized for considering that path and acting on her thoughts. I undid her chains and pulled her to my lap as she talked. “The moment my eyes moved past Naruto’s shoulders and I saw you in the door frame I regretted my choice, I wished I could undo it if only to never have to see that look on your face” I placed my face into her hair and just breathed her in. “I think I understand a little better now…what you felt when Itachi died, when you found out the truth. Our situations aren’t the same but I remember how…” she stopped, searching for the perfect word.

“Crazy? Unhinged? Mad?” I provided, but she frowned and shook her head.

“No, no, none of those…how anguished, sorrowful, wretched you were at the time. You come to me in a very agitated state, I was scared and concerned but couldn’t grasp that feeling. Now I do” If I’m honest I don’t remember how felt at the time, I don’t remember many things about that period of my life, all I know is that I wanted to give up, I thought I had made only wrong choices in my life, but I saw her and I remembered that even I could save someone.

After a few more nights she assured me that she was now mentally stable, her sadness was still very much present, but she had not had any self-harming thoughts. The decision to leave the village was very difficult at the time, but Hinata assured me that she enjoyed our routine and wished to continue it. I left but our correspondence was much more frequent than before the war, I would write her every other day and she’d reply as soon as my messages reached her. It took a bit over 3 months for her to resume her work as an ANBU, and a bit over 8 months in total to convince Kakashi to promote her to ANBU Black Ops. Her missions became more difficult and longer, she even had a mission in Amegakure that lasted half a year. When she first sent me the message informing me of the location of her mission it reminded me of our first encounter after I left the village. Our encounter that summer isn’t a memory I think of fondly, I was cruel, I was insane, I abused my knowledge of her trauma. Whenever I remember my actions, I want to go back and rewind the time, I want to apologize to 15-year-old Hinata, she was meek and fragile and I broke a part of her. She was doing her best to survive and to keep going and I was a huge obstacle in her recovery. When my feelings for her started changing I was always self-conscious whether they were genuine or not, wasn’t I using her? Wasn’t I just feeling guilty?

Hinata, age 15

I am nervous as I pack my bag for this mission, it is my first solo mission ever. 6 months after I became a Jonin and Tsunade finally trusts me enough to allow me to go alone in a mission. The destination is Amegakure and the mission is supposed to last for about to 3 weeks. The difficulty level of the mission is only B which I’d be pretty annoyed at, but the distance factor and the solo factor make up for it so, I am equally nervous and excited. When I told Neji about the mission he was concerned but didn’t show it much for my sake. Instead, he congratulated me and we had a small picnic in the outer skirt of the Hyuuga estate as celebration.

Now I am looking through my dresser for appropriate clothes for the rain to pack, I have to look for another set of kunais just in case and prepare myself a couple of bentos to have on hand. Slowly, the closer the night before my departure gets the less anxious I am, excitement seems to be the winning sentiment.

The morning of, I wake up at 4:30 a.m. and am unable to sleep longer. By the time I am fully dressed and ready to go it’s only 5:00 a.m. and the sun is barely raising, but I decide that it is light enough outside for me to leave. As always whenever I pass through the forest there’s a chill going through my veins and my enthusiasm is a bit dampened, I actively try and avoid that specific place even if it means it will add to the journey time. On the schedule, Tsunade gave me I’m meant to spend 8 days on the road to the village, approximately 4 or 5 days into the village and 8 more days back.

The mission itself isn’t supposed to be that difficult all I need to do is meet with different people in the village give them the scrolls Tsunade gave me and wait for their replies. All in all, there should be no fighting, I’m mostly a messenger but the large amount of people that need contacting made it impossible for a summon raven to deliver the scrolls. My adrenaline rush of being on my own, experiencing what freedom feels like made me speed up during the journey, I took less stops and didn’t even spend the night in one of the Inns I was supposed to. Thus, not only did I depart earlier than planned but I arrived into the village almost a day and a half ahead of the schedule. Since it’s still barely past noon I decide to start the mission a day early and I am able to cover a fifth of the task on the first day.

People usually when talking about Amegakure call it gloomy and depressing, but I enjoy walking around in the rain, the temperature isn’t too high despite it being the middle of a heatwave everywhere else, the smell and sounds of rain also add to its charm. The Inn I’m supposed to stay at for the duration of my mission is on the outside of the village, it is away from the noise of the centre, but not far out enough to say it isn’t part of the village at all. Walking into my room I sit down and finally grasp that I am days away from Konoha, I am alone. The realization makes me emotional; I hadn’t realized how much I needed to be on my own, how good it would feel to put distance between me and everything that Konoha entailed.

Sitting alone in the dark, only with the occasional lightning brightening up my room, I make a decision, I promise myself to only ever come on solo missions. I’ve endured years of discomfort so I deserved to feel this way, if only during missions. I take a shower and go to bed, I’m not as physically tired as I thought I would be after the journey and that worries me. I don’t want the nightmare to come and ruin my mood, but I close my eyes nonetheless.

It feels like barely a second passed when I open my eyes and see the cool light coming from outside. The sun is hidden behind the clouds of rain, but its light still pushes through to an extent. I had no dreams, no nightmares. I rested well and I feel better than I did in many years. I walk barefoot onto the cold wooden floor and I open the window, not caring that the rain is getting both me and the floor wet. I close my eyes and feel immensely liberated, the heavy chains that dragged me down at all times disappeared. Nobody here knows me and I don’t know them, I am but a face in the crowd, this anonymity offers me the independence I never knew before.

I complete the mission in under 3 days. I feel faster, stronger, happier here. It feels like I can do anything and everything. I have about 3 days I can waste in the village, under normal circumstances I’d return immediately to Konoha to get another mission and the cycle would repeat. But I decide to stay here for a while longer, I want to enjoy this feeling to the best of my ability. The day right after completing the mission I simply stay inside and sleep almost the whole day. I’m recharging my batteries which have been on low for 3 years now. I forgot what being well-rested felt like.

The following day I decide to wander around some more. The mission had me walk all over the village’s centre so, I decide to check out its outskirt more. I go and eat delicious food at a small booth owned by an older couple. Due to its relatively small scale Amegakure’s buildings are much much higher than those from Konoha so I climb on top of one that I deem to be among the highest and sit there, in the rain just watching the busy streets, looking over all the sky-high buildings and enjoying the feeling of being unrestrained by people’s gazes and expectations. For the smallest second, I feel someone’s gaze on me but I discard it as being the locals looking at the strange outsider that’s standing in the rain. I refuse to let my mood be dampened, not when I am just as high as this building is.

I return to the Inn and decide to take a shower, tomorrow is going to be my last day here and I feel like time is moving far too fast. I’m rinsing my hair when I get the same feeling as before, like someone is watching me. Before I can dismiss it again, I hear steps behind me, my mind goes blank. I’m suddenly turned around by a powerful hand, before closing my eyes I see a pair of black dead, unfeeling, cold, cruel, scary, scary, scary, scary eyes. I close my eyes and clench my jaw; I can feel tears trailing down my face. I’m hyperventilating, I can’t move, I’m weak, I’m small. I whimper when I feel his hand touching the scar right above my pelvis. The touch transports me back to when I’m 12 and on the ground, my legs no longer support me, the only reason why I’m still standing is because the man is holding my arm in an iron grip. The moment passes and his hand is gone allowing me to fall to my knees and then onto my butt. I have no idea how long I stay there in a trance. When I’m finally able to regain strength in my limbs to feel and make small movements I notice the shower water is freezing cold despite it being set to warm. I turn it off and walk into the room, there’s no trace of the man anymore, he didn’t do anything beyond touching my arm and my scar. Maybe he was simply created by my brain, yea no one was here, how could they be, why would they be.

I can feel myself slipping into hysteria as laughter bubbles up into my throat. I look around the room again searching for proof again and I sigh in relief when I find none. I’m finally calm enough to get dressed but I make the mistake of looking in the mirror. There’s a handprint on my arm where he gripped me. The print is red and turning a weird purple colour in places and yellow in others. He was here. He was real. I take small breaths in order to calm myself, I am fine, I am here, I can’t even picture the face of the man that was here, I try to force myself to forget the handprint, it was just a dream, another nightmare.

I pack my things and leave that very night despite being tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I don’t want to return to Konoha, and I can’t stay here, I don’t know where to go. The freedom I felt before gave me an amazing sense of accomplishment, but now it is a source of unease. I feel lost and like I do not belong anywhere. I feel insignificant. I feel lonely. I close my eyes and just sit on the floor outside of the village, waiting for something or someone to come get me. But nothing happens and the weather is turning cold despite the summer so I pick myself up and start walking wherever the road will take me.

I don’t remember the journey back home, I can’t even tell in how many days I completed it, I didn’t stop at all, I just ran. I ran from the man, the past, I ran from my weak self. I thought myself to be strong now that I am a Jonin, but I froze and was unable to do anything all the same. I need to be more than I am, I need to be stronger, braver, untouchable, more perceptive.

I hate myself for hesitating to enter the Konoha, I hate myself for hesitating to take on a new mission when Tsunade offers it. I hate myself when I have to walk through the halls of the Hyuuga compound, I hate myself when I hide from Neji. I hate myself when I walk into my room and burst into tears. I hate myself for getting my hope that high in Ame only to have them all crash and burn. I hate that I feel more broken today than I did 3 weeks ago.

Sasuke, age 16

I’ve been in a weird mood since a week ago when I saw Hyuuga in the Village Hidden in Rain. I hadn’t heard or seen anything related to Konoha since I left during the Chunnin exam. She was my first contact with it. Hinata Hyuuga, I remember her name clearly, she holds a special meaning to me, she is a life I saved. I saved her back before I was caught up in any business with Orochimaru, when I still thought following Kakashi was the right path to take, back when I was stupid and naïve. I hadn’t thought of her since that moment, but when my eyes fell onto her, I felt proud that she survived, but I also felt the need, the urge to utterly crush her beneath my feet. Her life belongs to me; I saved her so, I have every right to destroy her.

I could tell she was uncomfortable with me there, I felt her flinch as I traced the scar above her pelvis, I heard her whimper when I turned around, and I saw from the corner of my eye, as her legs have in and she fell to the floor. She looked small and pathetic and I felt strong in comparison.

However, now, days later I feel…guilt. I feel as if I used something against her that I shouldn’t have. At the time her image was blurry and not something I paid attention to, but I can clearly see it now whenever I close my eyes. He white skin had almost no imperfections besides the three scars, her eyes were shut tight, her face was red and wet, at the time I gloated at the thought that the water droplets were tears, now I’m hoping they were from the shower. Her long dark hair was wet and clinging to her body. She did her best to hide from me with her hands, with her position slightly bent. She was helpless, she didn’t even try to stop me, she didn’t scream or fight back, she froze in place and allowed me to do whatever I wanted. At the time that too made me feel powerful, I deluded myself into thinking that my presence as Sasuke Uchiha made her cower in fear. Now that I am analysing things once more, I realize it was her trauma that rendered her powerless, it was my presence that caused her fear, but she wasn’t scared of me, Sasuke, but rather of me, a male; she didn’t see me as an individual but as the image of the man that hurt her in the past.

Realizing that in her mind I was equal to that disgusting piece of trash makes me livid. I clench my jaw, pick up the first thing I see, a jar of whatever substance from one of Orochimaru’s labs and I throw it to the wall. The green liquid escapes its container and slowly eats away at the wall and ground, the sizzling noise and putrid smell don’t even bother me. I’m angry at her, I want to find her and scream in her face that I’m not that man. I wanna shake her until she understands. I am mad at her, at myself. Kabuto comes in and curses, he drags me out and talks under his breath, his presence adds to my anger.

“What do you want?” I ask him, I’m looking down at him. I grew taller these past few weeks, taller than him. I want him to pick a fight, I want a reason to smash his face in. The image of his bloody face as he lays unconscious on the ground would bring me the satisfaction I need. He looks mockingly at me, that’s enough to start a fight.

Less than 20 minutes later the fight is over, he’s not unconscious, he’s still standing, more precisely, walking away. But he is bleeding and so am I. The fight didn’t help. I still feel angry, but my anger is slowly being overshadowed by guilt.

The sudden urge to find her and apologize overcomes me, but I dismiss it. She’s long gone…I checked. The two of us won’t meet anytime soon and even if we do, I’ll never apologize, not to her, not to someone that…weak…

Hinata age 22

After sleeping in until 11 after all, I wake up to Sasuke’s face next to mine, I feel at ease, I feel happy. I cup his face and place a kiss over his closed eyelids. I feel his change in breath when he wakes up but his eyes remain closed. His arm comes around my waist and pulls me closer to him, slowly he opens his eyes and offers me a lazy smirk. For a while I forget that we’re in Konoha, I forget everything about people trying to control me. All my worries just disappear with his presence.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks and brushes my bangs out of my eyes. ‘You’ I want to say, but I decide to be selfish instead. I sit up and he does too, I move towards him and place myself on his lap, we are chest to chest, face-to-face. “I am unsure how long they’ll make me stay here. This... sensei job…they could stretch it for months, who knows.” I hate that that’s true, I hate that they’re trying to cage me into the village. “it’s difficult being here for an indefinite period of time, especially since I don’t have out missions to look forward to. So…” I stop talking, rethinking what I’m about to ask, wondering if it’s worth it, but he looks at me with no judgement, he’s waiting patiently. “So…I was thinking. Maybe being here in Konoha would be better…if you were here as well” Part of me initially regrets the words and wants to take them back.

“You want me to stay here until you can go back to your normal missions” he didn’t formulate it as a question so I didn’t reply, mostly because I didn’t trust myself not to say no, to act like it was a joke, so I stay silent. “Ok, I will” his hand is on my wrist and it’s slowly moving up under my tank top. “You should already know that anything you ask of me, I’ll do Hinata” I do know that, but this was something that I had been afraid to ask for a while. Would staying in Konoha be better with him here? It must be.

We talk some more about his stay in Konoha and then proceed to eat a late breakfast. “I passed by the cottage outside of Amegakure on my way to Konoha” that cottage will forever represent my safe space, all my memories in it are out-of-this-world happy. The cottage itself is pretty much outside every territory of every village, it belongs to nobody, yet that’s the place I feel I belong in. I stayed there for my thirst or fourth mission as an ANBU, as usual Sasuke met up with me and we live together there for months. Sasuke and I worked together for most of my missions, we completed them faster than it was estimated they would take and we spent the remaining of the time just being together outside of all the rules of everyone. That was the place in which after much deliberation and inner-fights I decided to put my trust in him. By then we had already expressed our feelings verbally and with actions such as kisses and hugs, but I wanted to move past that because I craved that closeness with someone, I wanted a stronger bond between us, but also out of spite, I wanted to prove that I was able to enjoy sex. I wanted to prove that what had happened no longer affected me. Out first time was a bit awkward, we were both virgins, Sasuke was overly conscious of making me feel comfortable and I just wanted it to be done with so our desired speed didn’t match, but it happened and it was fine. The second and third time around it was much better and now we reached a point in which intimacy with him doesn’t scare me in the least, I love it and it makes me feel amazing. I am aware that I’m not fully over the incident, the close proximity of strange men that I don’t know still bothers me at times, however, I am much stronger and able to protect myself, I am just...wary.

I end my train of thoughts by going back to the memory of our first time and it makes me giggle a little. Sasuke asks me with his eyes what I’m laughing about and my reply is only a smirk, I see the wheels spinning in his brain and the connections being made. I love that after so many years we’re able to just understand each other in this manner. He gets up from his chair and walks around the table to place his hand on the nape of my neck. “I can show you how much I’ve improved since than” he whispers and bends down to kiss me. I smile against his lips and loop my arms around his neck allowing him to pick me up.

I must have fallen asleep again because I am woken up this time by Naruto loudly knocking on my door. He left me alone yesterday because Sasuke was around but I guess even his long-lost best friend can’t keep his attention off of me for more than 24 hours. I look next to me and my heart hurts because Sasuke isn’t there. I tell myself it’s because he felt Naruto so he left, but I still don’t like that.

Naruto keep knocking on the door and I’m sure he’s about to tear it down if I don’t open it soon so I walk to it in my pjs with my hair a mess. When I open the door, he stops in his tracks. “Oh…” his eyes linger onto the scar on my shoulder, he has an obsession with it I’ve noticed. Does he believe that’s my biggest scar…if only he knew. “I didn’t know you were sleeping, I��m sorry”

“After yesterday’s mission the kids have the day off so I wanted to rest” I don’t assure him that it is ok even though I know that’s the polite thing to do. I am bitter and annoyed that Sasuke isn’t there. For a split moment when I woke up, I thought I had imagined his presence.

“I just wanted to bring these to you.” He says and presents me with a pile of papers. “I know you were given them before when Kakashi assigned you as their sensei” hah, like it was Kakashi’s idea. Hokage-sama wouldn’t have pushed me into being a sensei from a Black Ops and we all know that. I know Naruto pulled all of the strings to get me here, however, Kakashi-san is also to blame for allowing all of this to happen “but I think you should really read them well, you said you have a free day today. I can stay here with you and read them together”

I look at him and his easy-going smile. On normal days I’d try and be nice, but all I want to do today is spend my time in peace. “I heard Uchiha-san is back. Are you sure you want to spend the day with me reading about some kids rather than catch up with him?” I feel sorry for guiding Naruto towards Sasuke, but I know Sasuke and if he’s one thing, he’s good at not being found.

Upon hearing Sasuke’s name Naruto’s smile brightened to the extent that it actually hurt my eyes. “I already saw and talked to him today” He left before Naruto came here, was it before we ate? After? When did they meet? “We talked and agreed to go on a mission together this week” He’s leaving after I asked him to stay “We went to Kakashi and already got all the info, so I’ll spend a lot of time together with him and find out all about what he’s been up to in these years and I ---” Naruto keeps talking but I feel suffocated.

#sasuhina #sasuhina month #sasuhina month 2021 #sa survivor #sasuhinamonth2021 #shmonth #shmonth2021 #shino #hinata #susake uchiha #hinata hyuuga #uchiha #hyuuga #sasuhina facfic #fanfic #fanfiction #dia story #diawrites

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sokkas-honour · 4 years ago

Text

dream boy: part 3 - sokka x reader

pairing: sokka x fem!reader

request: part 3 was requested by @missmorosis

wc: 2.7k

notes: i’m terribly sorry if it may seemed a bit rushed or not exactly consistent but i personally liked the way it ended. also this is the final part, i might make an epilogue if i actually finish everything i need to do.

part one | part one 1/2 | part two

sokka wasn’t able to see you until monday, purposefully ignoring all the texts from yours friends, not wanting to know if sokka actually told them what had happened or if he had decided to keep it to himself, either way, you were better off just staying off your phone until school started. you only unlocked your phone to text zuko back and even then you didn't always have the courage to do so.

you had made sure to wake up early in order to not cross paths with the watertribe boy, his sibling or just any of your friends until you absolutely had to, preferring to simply distance yourself from the others. of course you couldn't avoid them forever, you had over half of your classes with at least one of them, two of those being with sokka, the guy who you especially didn't want to see, history and gym. gym would be easy to avoid him in, you had become acquaintances with this lovely girl called jin, whom you also shared your math class with, you could just spend the whole period with her and avoid him. your real problem was going to be history. your teacher, mister kuzon, had informed the class that there would be a group project on any cultural aspect from the water tribe, and he had chosen the groups. the chance of you actually being paired with sokka was miniscule but the universe hadn’t seemed to be going easy on you lately.

and much to your dismay, the universe was in fact against you. when your history teacher’s voice had posted the groups, your heart had started racing as you approached the board to see the pairs, your heart was racing in fear and it dropped when you saw the name y/n next to sokka.

after being asked to sit next to your partner to get started, you stayed silent as you plopped down on the chair next to the boy who you were still trying to avoid, staying silent and keeping your eyes in front of you.

“are you going to work with me or is it going to be a silent treatment the whole time.” he questioned, turning to face you, arm hooked around the back of his chair as he looked at you desperately for any sign of you acknowledging his presence.

“i was thinking we could talk about the differences in the cuisine in the north and south.” you mumbled, chin on your hand as you kept your gaze on the board in front of you, ignoring the boy who was still searching for an answer.

“yeah, sounds good.” sokka sighed, giving up on receiving a straight answer from you. he turned back in his seat, disappointment radiating off of him, making you bite your lip in guilt. you shot him a glance from the corner of your eye as you saw him discreetly take his phone out to open the notes app but before you could see what he was typing he turned to face you, catching you right in the act.

“uh, saturday at your place?” seemed like the only logical way out of the embarrassing situation you had just walked into, still not breaking the staring between the two of you. you felt your heart speed up a bit at the extended eye contact, not having looked into his blue eyes in awhile, the last time being before you stormed out of his house after your confession.

“sounds good.” he offered you a small smile, happy to see that your attempt at a cold shoulder was somewhat backfiring, knowing that you couldn't avoid him forever. he let the stare linger a bit before turning his attention back to his phone and you quickly snapped back to your notes taken during the class. thanking yourself for not letting the stupid smile heat your cheeks up, now all you had to do was finish the class with a not so uncomfortable silence between the two of you.

the bell didn't take too long to ring before you had to move onto your next class which was the one you detested the most, science. courage surged through you as you waved goodbye to sokka, earning a bright smile back from the boy before you dashed out of the class. to anyone, that might have seemed rather pointless that you felt as proud as you did, a wave goodbye was considered an act of politeness, but that had been the first time you had really addressed sokka in any way since the unplanned confession. he had probably realised that as well, giving a reason for the sudden bright smile on his features.

you practically sprinted towards your science classroom, holding your books tightly to your chest to not let them fly out of your grip. you hoped zuko was already there, knowing he’d want to hear the rather big step you’d just taken in repairing your friendship with your childhood friend. you were surprised that the thought of slowly getting over him in order to just be friends had slipped your mind, remembering that this morning you didn't want anything to have to do with him for the rest of your life, wanting to just stay away from him to not ignite anything in you, but you were slowly realising it was ridiculous to throw away the friendship for your unrequited crush. you two may not be as close as before but you could still stay friends, you could still hangout with him without feeling like your heart was shattering every moment you’d meet his beautiful ocean eyes.

“zuko!” you called for him as soon as you spotted the back of his black haired head, whipping his head around to greet you with a grin, happy that you weren't ignoring him like he thought you might, considering your answers to his texts were rather sporadic and vague.

“happy to see you’re alive y/n.” he joked as soon as you caught up with him, both of you walking at the same height as you entered the room, taking a seat next to each other as you always did, even when the two of you werent as close as you were now.

“i think i’m ready to fully start moving on.” you announced, taking a deep breath before letting him know of your future plans, determination in yours eyes and tone as you felt set to move on from your crush.

“really? i'm surprised it didn't take longer.” his eyes grew a bit at your proclamation, not expecting to hear you say those words this early, thinking he’d have to see you distance yourself from everyone for weeks but it only took a day or two, making him slightly septic at how long you would actually last with your new resolution but nonetheless he was proud of you.

“yeah well i’m kind of stuck with sokka for a history project and i figured might as well start moving on from him. i still want to be friends with him.” you explained, taking your science homework out so you were prepared whenever the teacher would come on in.

“i’m proud of you y/n, its very mature of you.” he placed his hand on your shoulder, sincerity in his tone lifting your spirits up at the thought of repairing whatever damage you might’ve caused and the thought of the damage you were avoiding by taking action now instead of later.

saturday rolled around and you had managed to have some sort of small talk with sokka during your classes, still deciding to spend your lunch period with jin instead of your usual friends but it was a start to where you thought you would be saturday after you left. you had stopped eating with your friends a little over a week ago, opting to spend time with the lovely girl from your math class. you had had trouble sleeping friday night, scared of going to sokka’s house and falling back to where you started, back to square one, back in love with a friend who was already taken by a lovely girl.

your feet felt rather heavy as you walked down the familiar path to his house, bag with a your notebook and history course around your shoulder as you retraced the steps you had followed almost everyday during that particular summer, always going to sokka’s house to entertain yourself while school was out.

you first lingered in the air above the door for a couple of seconds, taking a deeo breath in to calm your nerves before you finally knocked. it didnt take long before it was opened, sokka with an eager smile on his lips was who greeted you behind the door.

“finally, you shouldve been here an hour ago!” he lamented jokingly as he moved out of the way to let you in, causing you to roll your eyes at how dramatic your friend was.

“sokka, im five minutes late.” you deadpanned, hastily taking your shoes off, leaning against a nearby wall for support.

“exactly!” he exclaimed, his voice cracking slightly and suddenly you felt as though nothing ever happened, as if your feelings had never come to make you want to change whatever relationship you had with him, simply feeling as though the two of you were just friends.

“really sokka? dont you reme,ber when i waited an hour for you outside in the freezing cold in the woods so we could make a campfire together? or that time where we were late in eight grade because someone accidentally put on ripped pants? or-”

“alright i get it.” he held his hands up in defeat at your inquisitive look, knowing you were only joking around with him to make him feel slightly guilty for all the times he had been late.

“my dad made seaweed noodles for us to eat while we work, hope thats okay.” shoving his hands in his pockets, waiting to see you reaction at the mention of one of your favorite dishes that he’d always insist his father to make you whenever you’d come by.

“no way!” you dashed into the kitchen, leaving sokka by himself at the entrance, surprised at how fast the two of you had seemed to ease back into things and some part of it seemed to good to be true but he was happy to have you back.

“wait for me!” he called for you, spending slightly to join you. a reminiscent smile on his lips as he watched you excitedly poor yourself a bowl, knowing where everything in the hous ewas from it practically being a second home for you during all those years.

“you’ll have to say thank you to hakoda.” you told him as you eyed the noodles, your stomach rumbling as you brought it to the table, it had been too long since you had eaten his father’s cooking.

“y/n, you havent even eaten it yet, how do you know its good?” he laughed as he watched you carefully bring the bowl to the dinner table, trying to get to it as fast as you could but still making sure to not let any of the broth spill out.

“because your dad’s seaweed noodles are the best!” you defended your previous statements, taking a seat as you waited for sokka to make his own bowl and bring chopsticks for the both of you. the watertribe boy nodded, slightly mocking you in his own playful way. while you waited for him to rejoin you, you took out the notebook you used for your history notes and grabbed a pen that was sitting on the table.

you scribbled down the title of your project and tapped your pen, impatient waiting to be able to dig into your steaming hot dish.

“have any ideas for the presentation?” sokka startled you slightly, coming from behind you to lean over your shoulde to see if you had written anything but he was met with a blank page.

“no, now get me my chopsticks idioy.” you shoved his head away, earning a protestful ‘hey’ from him as your brought your hand back to wram themselvbes on the bowl.

“here.” he placed the chopsticks next to the bowl before making his way around the table to sit in front of you, slowly blowing on his soup to cool it down.

“took you long enough.” you teased before you grabbed them to pick up some of the noodles, cooling them off with your breath before shoving some of it into your mouth. sokka started laughing at how quickly you engulfed the noodles that his father had spent the morning making.

you flipped him off, not caring at how ‘unlady like’ you might’ve looked but it had been forever since you had tasted his father’s seaweed noodles, during winter it was a staple food for whenever you would spend the night but since the weather had gotten warmer and you had grown more distant, it had been a hot minute since you had a traditional dish of the southern water tribe, something you’d most definitely use in your comparison of the different cuisines.

“before we start, i wanted to talk to you about something.” sokka brought his hand down, deciding not to eat just yet but rather address the elephant in the room.

“yeah?” you knew where this was going so you finished chewing what was in your mouth and swallowed, keeping your eyes on the food as you wiated for sokka’s question.

“so where do we stand, us? i mean two days ago you stormed off, after weeks of us not actually talking and now it feels like everything is fine. i just want to make sure that you’re okay.” you took a deep breath in, knowing this was coming, knowing you had to confront your feelings upfront now and not just push whatever you were feeling down, hoping it didnt blow over one day.

“if im being honest sokka, i like you, still, but i want us to be friends. im happy to see that suki makes you happy, but it might take some time for me to get over you so we might not ever be as close as before for my own sake but im willing to try my hardest to fix anything i mightve broken in the last couple of weeks. because i love having you as a friend and no matter how much it wouldve hurt to be with you before, i still missed my best friend.” you slowly lifted your head up, pouring out what was your mind without any filter, letting him know where you stood, sincerity written on your features as you wiated to see sokka’s reaction.

“that sounds good, whatever works for you. just happy i dont have to lose my oldest friend” he finally answered after silence settled between the two of you, letting your words settle and let him process your new confession.

you smiled back and then the two of you turned your attention back to the noodles, the two of you practically inhaling the food as the only sound was the muching of the seaweed and the slurping of the soup. a nice moment shared between two friends.

“you know, theres still girl that i just know you’d like.” sokka was the first to speak up, a small tease in his tone as he tried to set you up right after you told him you were trying to move on from him.

“sokka.” you threatened, not wanting him to go down whatever road he was about go down to, you finding it to be the wrong moment to bring this up.

“i’m just saying i have yue’s number if you want it!” he recoiled on his claim, but made sure to name drop the girl he supposedly thought was perfect for you. blood rushed to your cheeks at the mention of his ex girlfriend from middle school, rmebering how beautiful you thought the white haired girl was and how you had a small crush on her while they were dating.

the boy in front of you simply laughed, feeling content at where he now stood with his friend since kindergarten. he was your dream boy, but maybe not in the way you first thought. he was the boy of your dreams but not all dreams need to be romantic.

general taglist: @draqondance @biqherosix @sunnypluto @butterfly-skinnylegend @staygoldsquatchling02 @yuesallura

atla taglist: @welovediaaxx @ilovespideyyy @missmorosis

sokka taglist: @firelady-jay

#atla x reader #sokka x reader #avatar the last airbender imagine #avatar the last airbender x reader #zuko x reader #atla sokka x reader #sokka #atla sokka imagine #sokka imagine #sokka x you #atla zuko x reader #gaang x reader #prince zuko #zuko

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lov3nerdstuff · 4 years ago

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.26}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5.5k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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"I had the choice between making you laugh and thereby forget about the pain I was unfortunately causing in the process, or to further said pain even more by talking about Morgan and his vile doings." He replied so easily that it made perfect sense now, as the most obvious solution ever. "As you see, it wasn't even a choice to be made."

"Thank you. That… was a really clever thing to do, actually." Robin sighed and gave him a soft smile, then took a moment to appreciate how the shadows of the flames danced across his skin before she spoke on. "So… no more pain for now?"

"Not as far as I can tell."

"Let's find out for sure then, shall we?" Her smile turned into a brighter one, especially when a spark lit up his dark eyes that didn't originate from the flames by their side. "I can't very well test it by myself after all… doesn't work like that."

"Pity." He replied with a not-smirk, as the amusement wouldn't stay off his face like the irony not gone from his words, nor the purest adoration out of his gaze when Robin took the one small step left to stand directly before him, on her tiptoes for their lips to almost touch when he leaned down just a little bit further. "You really are insufferable."

"I know." She got out in one whisper of a smile, before every word and breath was taken from her in a gentle brushing of lips, and a delicate tracing of fingers down her spine a moment later. Back were the shivers of unadulterated delight, now that the pain was gone for real. Whatever he had done, he had done it well. A part of Robin's mind couldn't help marveling at the sheer amount of talent that Snape possessed for just about anything of relevance, for such a variety of magic and wondrous things, while the rest of her soon was too distracted to think at all.

Eventually her toes started to hurt from standing up on them though, and her hands and arms grew tired from holding up her dress for so long, which led her to pull away just enough to look at him. "May I borrow something of yours to wear tonight? A ball gown isn't really the most comfortable thing to be sitting on a sofa in… and I'd like to have a drink before you tell me just what it was that Morgan did to my back."

"You can have anything you want, Robin, most obviously even if it is a thing as simple as a piece of clothing. It shouldn't come as a surprise to you however that the options in that regard are rather… limited."

"Well, if I don't find anything, I'll just wrap myself in your robes instead." Robin quirked an eyebrow at him with a small smirk, then sauntered over to the wardrobe where he kept his most mundane belongings. Even with her back to him now, she could tell that her comment had frozen him in place, while his eyes still seemed to burn holes into her skin. It made her shiver to have his full attention on her body like this now, but she still rolled her eyes to herself with a smile. "That was a joke, you know… I'll find something to wear. But I'm feeling quite underdressed, if you keep standing there in your dress robes."

"I wasn't aware that I was to keep up with your astonishing level of undress, my sincerest apologies." He replied in the most obvious sarcasm as he fell into action nonetheless, which made Robin snort and shake her head to herself as she picked up a long abandoned t-shirt she had discovered at the very bottom of the wardrobe, which only put emphasis on the point that he certainly would have no interest in wearing it himself. That would have to do… While the thought of wearing so very little made her heart skip a beat in itself, it also brought back a spark of insecurity. Teasing was one thing, but could she really be quite as bold in reality? It surely wouldn't bother him too much if she only wore his t-shirt and her knickers, would it? She hadn't worn that much more in the summer either… but there still was a difference between jersey shorts and underwear. The thought made her blush, made her heart beat faster and her skin tingle at once, but then again, the temptation of crossing yet another line that now lay broken before her was just too strong to resist. He'd said he wanted to keep her here after all… and he certainly hadn't expected her to sleep in her ball gown, had he?

It took a bit of fumbling with the last few buttons on her dress before Robin finally had it opened up all the way, but then she simply dropped the heavy fabric and let it pool by her feet while she pulled the shirt over her head instead. It probably wasn't the most exciting piece of clothing, soft and black and plain, but at least it covered her butt for the most part, and it was already comfortable seconds after putting it on. That really was all she had wanted. Sighing to herself, she picked her dress up from the ground and folded it in half before placing it with her shoes on the trunk next to the wardrobe where it wouldn't be in the way. This really felt strangely normal, somehow. All of this. Then again, they had been this close for ages. Almost, at least. Again, she realized just how little had actually changed. They still were just the same old dungeon bat and insane girl, only with more possibilities. The thought made her smile.

When she turned back around at last, the first thing she took pleasant notice of was the fact that he had shed some layers of coats indeed, which again left him in one of those linen shirts she liked so much. The second thing she noticed was the two glasses and the bottle of firewhisky on the coffee table, and she had to smirk at the fact that he hadn't even had to ask to know what she wanted to drink. It had become somewhat of a staple by now, and while they didn't drink too often, they usually ended up with firewhisky whenever they did. The third and final thing that caught her eye was his gaze on her, which she couldn't describe as anything other than awestruck even as she slowly made her way back to the sofa. Somehow, instead of feeling uncomfortable or nervous now, Robin simply had to smile while her heart was leaping out of her chest again. He really did look at her like she was the answer to the universe's greatest question… and it did unspeakable things to her in return.

With the same smile and a sigh she plopped down on the sofa next to Snape, then summoned a blanket from the shelves and draped it over her now crossed legs. Not out of embarrassment really, but naked skin and cold dungeon air just didn't go too well together for a longer period of time, no matter how lovely the fire or the company was. When her eyes finally lifted back to meet his, she found that he was still looking at her with that same expression of calm amazement, and she had to chuckle as she quirked an eyebrow up at him.

"What?" She finally asked, when after a few moments he still made no attempt to do anything other than observe her quietly.

"Never did I dare to believe I would get to see you like this. Be with you, like this." He replied calmly, and his words made Robin smile again, while for some odd reason this sufficed to make a subtle heat creep up her neck. Honestly, she hadn't expected it either. But then again, now that it was part of their reality, it felt like the most natural and inevitable thing in existence.

"And do you like it, now that you do… see me?" She asked, even though she had a rather vivid idea of what he was going to reply.

"Obviously. Even if 'like' is quite as much of an understatement as 'happy' was."

"Good." Robin smiled, then let out a humoured huff. "I still remember our sleepover in the lab… or that one time on my birthday. You let me wear your robes, and I was positively dying on the inside from the sheer excitement about it."

"So was I."

"Really?" She frowned at him with a small incredulous laugh, and her eyes followed his movements while he finally poured them a firewhisky each. "I mean… why?"

"Do you have any idea how insanely attractive it is to see you wearing something of mine?"

The stupid smile was back on her face in under a second in reply to that, and it prevailed even when he handed her a glass and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly upon seeing her probably very goofy expression. The smirk on his lips however told the truth of his thoughts.

"So… seeing me in just your shirt now must be quite the sight." Robin mused in feigned nonchalance, swirling the amber liquid around her glass while she watched it sparkle in the glow of the fire. "Or does it step aside to seeing me in my underwear without having to look away for the first time?"

"You are such a tease."

"Only when it comes to you. You know that."

He didn't reply immediately, which is what made Robin look up from her glass just in time to see his smirk turning into a small but sincerely happy smile. "Indeed."

The leaping of her heart washed away every drop of tease in an instant, and left behind only the soaring adoration and burning excitement. With a smile mirroring his own, Robin raised her glass to him. "To everything."

"To you, for being braver than I was." He added on in subtle amusement at her grand expression, and finally clinked his glass to hers. Then they both took a sip of their drinks as they ought to, but their eyes stayed locked on each other the entire time nonetheless, sheer unable to look away. Robin smiled into her glass for a moment, then set it down on the table behind the sofa without even having to look at what she was doing. This was perfect… it was just like always, but it also was more after all.

For another quiet moment she simply observed him then, how he took another sip of whisky, and it once more brought the question of how it would taste on his lips to the forefront of her mind. She had been wondering about that for months now… every time they were drinking just this beverage, to be exact. It was due time she finally got an answer. But… could she just kiss him like that? Without warning? Technically, she had originally been the first to kiss him, but after that it had rather been more or less subtle prompting from her that had made him kiss her, and-...

"Talk to me, Robin… Getting lost now would be a shame. What is troubling you?"

Gods, he was too good at reading her. Robin sighed to herself, and had to smile nonetheless. There was no need to find a half truth to answer anymore… She could finally tell him absolutely everything that went on in her head, without restraint. That was bloody brilliant, actually. "I was just wondering if I could kiss you, just like that."

"What an inane question." He quirked an eyebrow at her with a humoured expression. "Obviously you can if you want to. What makes you doubt that now?"

"Doubt is the wrong word for it… I was just concerned that I might do something wrong, if I just… you know. Or that I'd make you uncomfortable." She shrugged with a half smile. "I just like to think about the consequences of my actions before I do something stupid."

"I'm well aware of that." The smirk was back on his lips, but it was surprisingly affectionate in contrast to the usual humour or scorn. "And to be honest, I am no stranger to the very same concerns."

"Really? But you seem so certain in everything you do… like you know exactly that what you're doing is right, and also what you're supposed to do."

"So do you." He replied, much to Robin's sincere surprise. She seemed like she knew what she was doing?! No way. And yet, he seemed to believe so. "Obviously these impressions can be quite misleading."

Once again, the thought and realization that in the end he was just as afraid to mess this up as she was herself made Robin's heart soar, made warmth spread out from her chest through her entire body, made her lose more of her own concerns. They would learn to navigate these new territories, together.

"You've never made me uncomfortable with anything you did…" She said with a smile. "You've only ever made me want more."

"I could say the exact same about you."

"Oh come on, I know for a fact that I've made you uncomfortable before."

"You challenge me, that is entirely different."

"How about we both stop being so stupidly concerned then, and just do instead of overthinking and worrying? Yes, how about we agree to actually tell each other what we think, want and what makes us uncomfortable instead?" Robin suggested with a hopeful but not remotely imploring look. She knew better than to push him. "We've been doing just that about work matters for ages now… talking honestly and openly, I mean. Would it be so bad if we did the same for everything else as well?"

"I assume not." He mused, then studied her for a moment before speaking on, in well considered seriousness. "I promise to try."

That, she knew and would never forget, was a truly extraordinary thing for him to do, to promise, especially such a thing, and it made her heart leap out of her chest yet again with an overwhelming wave of affection. But it also made her smile. "I promise to try as well."

"And just to test the functionality of that, what would you be thinking right in this instant?" He raised an eyebrow at her, then took another sip of whisky and set the empty glass down on the table at last.

"That I really want my answer now, to a question I've had for ages." She smiled in return, but before he could do anything more than frown in question, Robin was sitting up on her knees already, blanket long forgotten and abandoned as she moved closer to his side. Not even half a second later her lips were on his for a gentle, but all the more determined kiss.

If it wasn't for the subtle taste of firewhisky, Robin would have doubted the reality of the moment yet again the very second her body and soul were set ablaze. A small voice in her mind wondered if she would ever get used to these overwhelming feelings, if it was the whisky or the kiss that was making her dizzy in the most delightful of ways, if kisses were supposed to be this ineffably intoxicating. It certainly was the most delightful way to lose yourself, and find something far greater instead.

Perhaps that is why the gentleness, the seek for a mere answer was doomed and destined to grow into inevitable passion. Soft lips turned tongues and teeth and it sent yet another thrill through Robin when his hand settled on the curve of her hip to pull her as close as their awkward angle on the sofa allowed. It wasn't enough; she wanted to be closer than this, closer than just leaning into his side. She had to be, it was an irresistible calling, an impulse she couldn't ignore. On instinct more than by conscious thought her arms wrapped around his shoulders, tugging him closer in return now, but he wouldn't have it. Instead, not a fathomable moment later, the hand on her hip turned into an arm around her waist and just like that he pulled her into his lap without an effort. Robin thought it a change for the better, one that gave her new tingles all over. Straddling his legs now, her entire body curved into his in an instant as she pressed herself as close as she could, and he let out a quiet involuntary moan in return. Gods, he would be the end of her… even if she felt more alive now than she ever had before.

It was only his fingers tracing along a sliver of her skin below the hem of her shirt that sent a literal quiver through her, and when he placed his other hand on her thigh, a gentle caress of her bare skin, the heartbeat that echoed through her wasn't entirely her own. The thudding rhythm within her in addition to a serious lack of oxygen made her break away with a gasp at last, but she still found herself unable to speak, to act, to do anything but stay as close as she could nonetheless.

"If that was the answer, do I even want to know the question?" Snape was the first to speak, entirely out of breath no less, but he at least, thank god, kept on drawing circles on Robin's skin that made her sigh under her breath, while his question however made her croak a laugh.

"I have been wondering for months now what firewhisky would taste like on your lips." She made herself reply at last, and leaned back just enough to look at him with an amused smile.

"How curious…" He mused, and in a poor attempt to conceal his smirk he gave her an evaluating frown. "Do you happen to have wondered the same thing about other beverages as well?"

Now that made Robin chuckle even more, and display the very smirk she knew he was trying to hold off. "Let's say I wouldn't be opposed to a series of tests."

That sufficed to break his half hearted attempt by far, and he rolled his eyes with a snort, then didn't even bother to hide the smirk anymore. He certainly wasn't opposed to the idea either, if the way he was still holding onto her was any indication of that. Robin couldn't help but smile when his hold on her tightened the smallest bit as he shifted beneath her, and yet it also brought a subtle heat to her cheeks as it made her very much aware of the fact that she was sitting in his lap. In her underwear. If that wasn't enough reason to grin like an idiot and blush at the same time she didn't know what was. She found that she enjoyed it far too much to be embarrassed though, or do anything other than relish this closeness. As new as it was, it still felt absolutely and undeniably right.

"I think me seizing your space has gotten an entirely new dimension now." She said after a while, in a mixture of amusement and affection. "But I must say you make a very comfortable seat. And I rather enjoy the perspective."

"Don't get used to it." He quirked an eyebrow up at her, and even though their current position left Robin only minimally taller than him, the change in perspective was indeed rather nice for once.

"Whyever not?" Her smirk only broadened yet again, and she made a point of moving her face so close that her nose brushed against his while she spoke. "Is having me in your lap really quite so terrible? Or is it my astonishing state of undress, as you put it, that is troubling you?"

He didn't even need to reply with words for Robin to get a clear answer immediately, as his body definitely betrayed any attempt to deny the truth that was obvious as day. She could feel the twitch and shudder running through his entire being in rapid succession, his heart skipping a beat right beneath her fingertips. Another, when her lips just barely brushed against his for a fleeting moment of innocent teasing. And it was her heart indeed that went wild when his hand sneaked beneath her shirt once more as he gently traced up the sensitive skin along her spine, before pulling her in with a start for a kiss that was everything but a tease. Robin sighed against his lips in an immediate response, arching into his chest and his touch on mere instinct, and when she grazed her teeth over his bottom lip, his fingers dug into her back in the same delightful intensity the two of them shared with every missing breath.

"Do you think we will ever be able to stop?" She finally brought out in a breathless chuckle, playing with the rivers of black her fingers had at some point become tangled up in. "After all, you really are impossibly addictive, and I don't think I can ever get enough of the divine privilege that is having you as mine."

"Good." His sparse reply was accompanied by a small smirk that made Robin roll her eyes with a mirroring one of her own. If she didn't know better, she would've thought that her accidental poeticism had lost on him… but she did know far better indeed. For a moment they stayed like that, until at last, Snape spoke on. "Going by the state of the fire, we perhaps should consider calling it a night soon if we want to at least pretend that we made an effort to retire in time to get up for breakfast in the morning. With the magic worked on you tonight, I honestly cannot imagine you not to be exhausted."

"You still haven't told me about what exactly that magic worked on me was, seeing as I did a pretty good job distracting you until now. Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong… but I guess I still will have to know what Morgan did to me if I have to see that arse again tomorrow morning." Robin sighed, and she had to admit that she did feel rather exhausted indeed. All the dancing at the ball, the anxiety, the walk, the overwhelming amount of emotions and adrenaline… and on top of that, whatever magic Snape was talking about. "Let's get it over with; what did he do?"

"Do you really want to keep sitting like that for a serious conversation?"

"Just tell me." She gave him a defeated look, in the knowledge that he was obviously dreading the topic as much as she had been up until this point. "It's fine, I'm far too happy right now to let it ruin my night."

"He tried to kill you."

"He… wait, what?!" Robin frowned at him in an instant, in the sincere belief that she had misunderstood him somehow.

"He placed a curse on you that could eventually have led to your timely demise if it had stayed on you for any longer than it did." Snape repeated his words, in the usual yet shocking factuality and neutrality Robin couldn't help but admire. Perhaps this was his way of refraining from murdering Morgan right in this instant, or of trying to distance himself from the reality and gravity of his own words. Either way, it seemed to be working. "That is why it hurt without reason when he touched your back. As far as I could tell, the spell he used would have resulted in immense pain for you whenever someone other than him would physically touch you, up to the point where a mere embrace could be fatal. Initially the effect was obviously limited to your back only, but as you yourself noticed, it was already expanding both in the affected area and the pain caused by touch by the time I removed it."

"What fucked up kind of spellwork is that?! And why… I mean… He-... it's…" Robin groaned when she couldn't get her cluster of thoughts out as a stringent sentence, then hid her face in her hands to regain some order in her mind. This was madness all over again… Morgan was a bloody professor, he couldn't just curse her!!! People would know what he did if she'd made it to the infirmary. If she had made it, that is. Bloody hell, this really gave his insanity a dangerous twist now. This was the first time he had actively tried to harm her, and it obviously had been planned. Nobody just spontaneously came up with a curse like that! Then again, what-...

Her thoughts came to a sudden halt when she felt a gentle tug on her hair. Actually, what she felt was her wand being tugged out of the by now more messy than neat bun. She finally dropped her hands from her face when her hair softly spiralled down her back a moment later, and she couldn't help smiling at Snape when he brushed a strand of it out of her face. It really was her luck that nobody knew how amazing he was… a shame, but also her privilege. And he didn't even need to say a single thing for her to know exactly what he meant to say.

"I know… Sorry. I'm not getting lost again." Robin sighed after a moment. "It's just… I don't understand him at all at this point, and I'm not used to not understanding things. It's not only dangerous, but also very irritating."

"I see." He replied while setting her wand down on the coffee table behind the sofa, then his hand returned to her thigh to draw small circles which Robin found ineffably soothing now. She figured that it was the intention more than the gesture that actually made it more calming than exciting for once, and yet again she could only adore how he was able to do both. After a moment of calm silence, he asked, "Would you like to know more about the spell at least, if neither of us is able to make sense of Morgan just yet?"

"Yeah… How do you even know of such a spell anyway? And how did you know how to undo it?" Robin inquired with a frown, but thought better of it and went on even before he had a chance to reply. "You know what, nevermind. I'm not even surprised. You know just about everything, which really is my greatest luck."

"You might want to thank yourself for that in this particular instance. I only looked into historical spells after your knowledge of the renaissance helped us uncover my book's secret."

"But that was years ago…"

"I happen to have a decent memory, which is why I could recall this particular curse along with its countercurse from one of my casual reads I delved into at the time. The spell was mainly used in the late middle ages on supposedly unfaithful spouses or favoured mistresses, but given the timelessness of its intended use, it seems to have prevailed until the present day. In some circles at least."

"That level of possessiveness definitely fits in with everything Morgan has been saying to me for a while now. Guess he did put his mark on me like he wanted to after all." Robin scoffed, while absentmindedly playing with the buttons on Snape's shirt. "Did the scars stay on my back? After you removed the curse?"

"They did not."

"Too bad… I was hoping for some physical evidence of his doings."

"You certainly are peculiar sometimes. There has been enough undeniable evidence against Morgan at this point, and it has led to no results whatsoever, which is why I for my part appreciate the fact that there was no lasting damage done to you at least."

"Well-... You're probably right. Coming to think of it, I really have had enough injuries after the thing last summer. The girls were rather horrified when they saw the scar tonight; I don't need another to prove the case."

That brought a small but curious frown to his face, and after what seemed like a moment of internal debate, he finally gave in to it. "It has been months since, and they haven't seen it before now?"

"Nobody but you has." Robin shrugged with a humoured half smile. "It's not like I undress in front of other people regularly, you know… To be honest, I've always been rather afraid of it."

"In that case you are surprisingly at ease with it now."

"I'm at ease with you, that's different. When I said I want everything with you I did mean everything; no inhibitions and no conditions. I trust you, quite a bit more than myself for the most part."

"Terrible decision." He sighed exaggeratedly, which in combination with his words and expression made Robin chuckle.

"Seeing as I'm still alive and able to have this conversation, I beg to differ." She argued back with a smirk. "In fact, I think trusting you is the best decision I have ever made. Unlike my choice of underwear tonight, which was admittedly quite poor even for me. I'll try to do better from here on."

"Funny." He rolled his eyes with a not-smirk, then a sincere smile. "You really aren't uncomfortable with me in the least at this point, are you?"

"Obviously I'm not. I promised to tell you if I ever am, and you know all about my promises. They do come a close second to yours." She replied in a calm factuality that stemmed in the knowledge that it was absolutely true what she said. She trusted him unconditionally, and honestly, she had been doing so for the longest time now.

"In that case, this shouldn't make you uncomfortable either." He stated, half feigned neutrality and half feigned innocence, but with enough mischief in both to make Robin smile even before he slowly moved his hands up her thighs and to cup her bottom. It sent an immediate thrill through her, from the top of her head into every last cell of her being and down into her very core, and yet at the same time it also threatened to make her grin.

"In fact, it doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. Rather on the contrary." She replied in a half-hearted attempt to keep a straight face, but the frantic beating of her heart echoing through her as well as the sheer blazing tingles on her skin made that positively impossible.

"Good. Now hold on, yes?"

Before Robin could make any attempt to ask what he meant by that, his hold on her tightened in return and a second later he got up off the sofa while simply lifting her up with him. After a broken second of honest surprise, she clung onto him as tightly as she could by instinct, heartbeat going through the roof for multiple reasons at once, but she also couldn't help laughing a moment later.

"What on earth are you doing? I'm way too heavy to be carried around!" She protested very unconvincingly even for her own ears, especially with all those broken chuckles in between her words. Truth be told, she loved every second of it.

"Some of my books are heavier than you." He returned easily, but undoubtedly with a smirk to his tone. "And I am disappointed by your lack of faith in my strength."

"I do have every possible faith in you, just… don't drop me, please." She said a little wearily when he started moving away from the sofa and the fireplace and towards the far corner of the room.

"Never." His voice stayed surprisingly steady even as he moved up the two steps towards the bed and into the growing darkness. "But carefully setting you down should be alright, I presume, because otherwise we would be sitting on that sofa until morning."

Robin nodded into his shoulder, unable to speak without making a fool of herself and her squeaky, breathless voice, and a moment later her back touched the surface of the bed, soft linen sheets grazing the naked skin on her legs so lightly her breathing hitched in return. But when Snape pulled back after putting her down, withdrawing from her grasp way too soon, she couldn't help but refuse to loosen her hold on him in return, refuse to let him leave her without his warmth, and all it took was a little tug on his shoulders to make him lose his balance and fall forward. A tiny smirk found its way onto Robin's lips in an instant; He really should have seen that coming now, shouldn't he?

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76 notes · View notes

nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago

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With the grammy bomb im more than certain that there is a strain between jikook. They do interact but in a way that is so aloof. Their habitual gravitating towards one another doesnt happen anymore. And im talking about all the recent stuff from october onwards. Jk purposefully rear towards other members and i find jimin to be only open towards namjoon. All of his other interactions on cam are to make sure that everything is fine between him and others. And jk purposefully ignores or avoids jimin and doesnt have that unrestrainable affection towards him anymore. I say all this as a longtime jikook supporter. Honestly even if they had their 'fighting' periods i have never seen jk this dismissive. At least jimin isnt as affected as before. I dont understand how no supporter is admitting the obvious distance of jk.

Why are you being mean to me though😭

Please read my blogs. I think I have talked about this topic several times now.

May be I spoke 'too soon' before the loud moments that make these things obvious to most but still, I've addressed it nonetheless.

I feel if I respond to this, I'd just be repeating myself over and over at this point and frankly it gets boring for the people that read me- I think. Lol. I mean, once I start I never shut up. Lmho. So sorry in advance.

I agree with everything you've said, as well as all the observations you've made. I'm with you on it. Except, you made no definitive conclusions I could agree on, rebut, or share an opinion on. There is a strain on their relationship..... therefore? Lol.

I don't mean this in a rude way. I just don't think it's enough to point that out without drawing conclusions- unless you are simply taking notes of those moments? Or are you concluding that the strain is a sign Jikook are fighting, having problems or that they have broken up?

Not every tension between Jikook is a bad thing if you ask me or even as a result of them having issues in their relationship. This is something I keep regurgitating in my blogs. Not to say they don't have issues, they do. Hell, I get dragged by my roots on these streets for saying they fight, or even break up sometimes like any real couple would. They are real and they have real couple's problems sometimes too like any regular joe.

I'm glad you pointed out though, that Jimin doesn't seem as affected by JK's 'dismissive' attitude as before. Shouldn't that tell you that is a sign there is nothing wrong with their relationship this time around? Jikook is not one sided. JK isn't the only party to their relationship, neither is Jimin. They have an equal and sometimes opposite reaction to each other. One person's attitude or change in attitude tends to produce a ripple effect on the other. In my opinion.

If JK were to be 'dismissive' at all, it would emotionally and physically impact Jimin and he would have a reaction to it like he did in run 106. Compared to this, he didn't seem at all affected by JK's 'attitude' just as you've pointed out.

As I said a while ago, I honestly don't think or believe they are fighting or that they are broken up either- not to me anyway. Lol. I mean you could still pretty much see the intimacy between them in that footage. Jikook don't need to engage in skinship or overt and loud interactions to show they are intimate. And most times their overt and loud skinship and interactions are devoid of intimacy. That's the thing about intimacy, you can't fake it or hide it.

Jimin turning towards JK in his fit of excitement is a sign of intimacy between them regardless of whether he actually hugged JK or not. Then later on the couch, you could see him yearning for JK.

There were three people in that room- may be more if you count staff and yet JK was the only one Jimin seemed to want an answer from.

He was the one Jimin was emotionally inclined towards. The one who's comfort and affection he sought after- bless his heart, he hit his head on some solid rock knees and everything trying to pursue his need for physical closeness and affection from JK. If they were broken up or fighting, he wouldn't go to JK for his emotional needs.

He could try and 'interact' with JK, do the fanservice bit with him but he wouldn't go to him with his emotional needs- that would be inappropriate and unfair to JK. Jimin is an emotionally intelligent guy and he has a lot of thoughts and consideration for people's feelings and he is well aware of his limits and just how much he can push or get away with.

And I cite his Log with JK, where he announced he had started developing feelings for JK and then turned to JK to ask if he was ok with him saying that much on camera.

Thus, if he is emotionally 'gravitating' towards JK then it's indication there is a level of intimacy and a mutual understanding between them that JK fulfills an emotional need and ought to fulfill that emotional need for him.

And yes, I agree. Him hesitating when he wanted to hug JK is a sign there is something stressing their dynamics which is something I pointed out when that Grammy reaction video first came out. I knew something was stressing their dynamic but I couldn't figure out what because it was a very short video with not much going on in there.

The behind the scenes however, chilee. Lol.

I mean if you consider the fact JK went from moving a distance to console Jimin when he was crying on stage during the October ON:E concert, and you look at all the moments we've had from their overt flirting in 2021 season's greetings, the sexual innuendos in the BE behind scenes video, JK sniffing Jimin's hair in the Be unboxing video to that moment on the couch when Jimin hit his head on JK's knees- that shit look like it hurt. Damn. JK what is your knees made of! Lmho.

I am uncomfortable discussing a Jikook era or phase when it's on going on. I like to simply take note of certain moments and discuss them in post by reconstructing the timeline to place content in its rightful timeframe.

I can only share with you my working theory on such moments and for the most part, like I said previously I feel Jikook- especially JK is having issues with the company. Perhaps because the company stumbled on something they weren't supposed to see.

As for Jikook's personal development, I think we all saw this development coming, didn't we? After JM's birthday fiasco? I think I hypothesized at the time that whoever was in the 'wrong' in that situation would come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda in the aftermath. And with that whole GCF Tokyo reference, signing his name to JK's name at the pop up, the stealing looks at JK during interviews, checking him out left right left, trying to make Jk 'jealous' with RM at the Be press con red carpet, it's not hard to figure out who did what in that birthday situation.

I plan on writing a blog on this very topic, because I've received quite a few Asks about my thoughts on JK outing Jimin, military service and others that I find intriguing and want to discuss but I also want to discuss Vminkook dynamics, Jikook boundaries and I don't know which one to get into first. When I'm torn between options I end up not making a choice at all. Lol.

All I can say in regards to Jikook and their on going 'situation' is that- I love it. Lol. I love their dynamics, I love where they are at in their love journey, I love where they are heading. Jikook is just beautiful in every sense of the word.

I love what JK is doing. I love where he has gotten my bias to- which is confronting himself and figuring out what he wants from their relationship. Because, honestly you can't have your cake and eat it. It just doesn't work that way.

What you are seeing is just JK asserting himself against Jimin I'm afraid. It's the push and pull thingy all over again.

I keep talking about 'the boy in love with Jungkook' being a facade and persona Jimin hides behind to love JK and most people don't understand.

JK's persona is not the boy in love with Jimin. It's the boy cold and shy who rejects Jimin- well at least that was the persona he had in their early dynamics around debut.

He has since shed that persona and the bold, fearless, assertive JK we see on the screens is him choosing to unapologetically express his love and feelings for Jimin. And jimin enjoys that.

But you take a look at Jimin, and you don't see that drastic change in his persona or the way he expresses himself with JK- I mean let's call a spade a spade.

Do I think Jimin loves JK? Absolutely. Do I think he is being authentic in the way that he expresses those feelings to JK on camera? Only to an extent.

It's obvious who Jimin is to JK or even the way he expresses himself and his love for JK is slightly different off camera than the persona we see on our screens. For one, clearly JK is not used to seeing Jimin prioritize others over him or be overly affectionate with others besides him. I mean it's been seven years. Ten, if you count the periods before. You'd think JK would get used to JM doing skinship with others or showing affection for the others especially since they've lived together over half of the time and yet here we are, frying pans away from the apocalypse whenever any member breaths near Jimin. Damn JK. Lmho.

Do I think his persona is slightly exaggerated? Yes. But I also think JM downplays his love for Jk with his 'Mr I'm available' personality, his Kumbaya attitude, and his I'm just a nice guy on the block character, which often leads to people questioning whether or not he treats JK different from the group. Don't get me wrong JK does this too.

Jimin loves JK. But at this point the question is is he expressing that love in the way that meets JK's emotional needs? Is he allowing JK to love him and express the love he feels for him in the way that makes him happy?

I think that's what the birthday fiasco is all about.

If you don't want JK openly showing and expressing his love for you in a way that he wants to and in a way that holds meaning to him and makes him feel fulfilled as well in the relationship then what is the point of him holding on to the glass closet?

Two can play that game. Lol.

It's JK's needs above the groups and I feel he is putting it right up there next to JM's needs because they are both valid.

You should have seen JK's face when Jimin decided tell the truth about his location on September 1st in that BB press interview.

I remember pointing out that when JM started that narration with the first person pronoun he was going for a well curated narrative perhaps one the group had agreed on prior to avoid confirming his location on the JK's birthday like they had tried to do during the VLive but dropped that and went with the honest truth the moment he started talking about being with Jk and using 'we' instead of 'I' in his speech.

I'm glad the interviewer from his Weverse magazine interview confirmed and pointed out this tell or habit of Jimin when he speaks,

"When he’s talking, Jimin often starts his sentence with phrases like, “I just,” “it just,” “they just …” But then he immediately goes on to open up about his feelings, always providing a sincere response."

At least now we know for sure he wasn't lying about his location- for all those who called him a liar.

Anywho, my point is it makes JK happy when Jimin expresses his love and feelings for him. But it also makes him happy when he is able to show the world just how much JM means to him.

He didn't get those tattoos for nothing. He didn't do the GCFs for nothing. He didn't nibble on his ear in front of thousands of people for nothing- had he posted for Jimin on his birthday, given how he hadn't done that for anyone in a year, it wouldn't have been for nothing either. In my opinion.

When I tell y'all Jimin is gonna wake up one day with JK's ring on his finger and he wouldn't know what hit him. Chilee. Lmho.

Listen, JK is in love LOVE with Jimin. It's my opinion and I'm gonna treat it as fact because I believe it- if you disagree keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear it. Lol.

That boy is in love with my bias. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing. Lol.

Seriously though, JK loves Jimin and he loves expressing those feelings for him. He goes overboard sometimes with it to the point it's borderline outing but we don't talk about that. Lol.

He's progressed through out the years from hiding his feelings for Jimin, whispering I love you's to JM when he thinks JM is alseep, slipping matching plasters onto his finger, all the way to Rosebowl.

If you ask me, he wants to be Jimin's equal in every sense of the word and as much as he loves to be at the recieving end of JM's affections, he enjoys being at the giving end.

And if JM has the cover of 'the boy in love with the Maknae' and it works perfectly for him not just as a persona but the perfect excuse for loving Jk then you gotta wonder what cover JK equally has for loving JM the way that he does. He has none. His every move is questioned by members, by staff, by fans- why do you film Jimin so much, why not put Tae in there for clicks, why are you constantly with Jimin and other invasive questions like that.

Jimin gets away with a lot of things than JK because of his personality and his persona. People would question the things JK does most of the time while dismissing the things Jimin does as either fanservice or as flowing from his personality. Whereas JK cannot get away with those same things.

We paint JK as Jeonlous and possessive but we forget most times he acts that way so Jimin doesn't have to. Jimin has said he doesn't share his friends and yet somehow we think he is ok with sharing his boyfriend with 5 other members or those 5 members with his boyfriend- this is code, let it sink in.

There is a lot of boundaries he instills there and it's equally an expression of possessiveness. Yet it's so subtle you might not even notice.

Jk makes Jimin look cool. He takes the fall so Jimin doesn't have to. When JK takes a step back that's when you see how whipped JM is- the neediness, the clinginess- PJMs give me a break. *rolling my eyes. It needs to be said. I love Jimin too but shit, it is what is. Lol.

I think it's gonna take a while for Jk to open back up to Jimin, to get in the space where he feels safe expressing himself with Jimin the way that he was doing before Jimin's birthday.

It doesn't mean he hates Jimin or doesn't love him or doesn't want him or doesn't care. But I think Jimin needs to step up to show he is on the same page as JK because JK is all about reciprocity. He ain't about to do the one sided unrequited nonsense. Lol.

Honestly all this is part of Jikook's dynamics. This not the first time Jk's closed himself off. The last time he did it was because they had gone through a nasty breakup- I said what I said. In my opinion nonetheless. Lol.

In the aftermath of it, he was expressing similar behavior. In Suga's Birthday Vlive this year for example, when Jimin was clinging to him and had his hands on his leg he didn't take the bait either- man was it frustrating to watch. Lol. But you could see JM wanted that physical connection with him. Did you see his smug face when Jimin was all over him?

I think he is just going through a phase where he needs reassurance of Jimin's love. Jimin is a big guy and he knows his man best and I think he knows exactly what he needs to do to get him to come around. Lol.

I mean he flew all the way from Paris to see him on his birthday didn't he?

I think we have to leave them to it. Just observe them. I hate commenting on a phase like this especially when it's on going. I'd rather talk about it after it's ended and a new phase has begun for them.

Part of supporting Jikook is knowing when to give them privacy and room to just unfold their story and be human. They are a living breathing love story after all.

Jk isn't being distant. He is just not interacting with JM the way we are used to seeing him do. But I feel that's part Bighit asking them to cool off and part him just wanting reassurance from Jimin.

At this point, I want to ask why you want people to acknowledge JK is closed off? To what end? I don't think anyone is denying that they are going through this phase- well the Kumbaya tradshippers are but why do you want me to acknowledge this fact? I already pointed out that there is something stressfing their dynamics.

They have their own personal stuff going on but I don't think it's much of an issue and at the same time they seem to be having issues with their company- You have to take all of that into consideration to see how that affects their dynamics as well.

You have to be aware of the timeline too. Because content is not released in chronological order, it may seem like a rollercoaster ride when in actual sense all of this may have happened with a specific time frame.

When it comes to Jikook always assume they are much closer than you think. Jikook is fine, I believe. Just take mental notes of these things for posterity. I wouldn't be worried about them.

As usual, this has been my opinion. Don't take it too seriously. Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

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bowl-of-shortness · 4 years ago

Text

I’m doing it, because I have no self control I’m doing it.

Here we goooooo this is what I’m going to name the Recurring AU.

So some basic info to put out on the table:

- Ozpin is still immortal, still reincarnates, etc.

- Qrow, in a certain way, is also immortal. But it’s a bit interesting so bear with me.

- Qrow owns a sword, The Decaying Future. In order to use magic with it however, he has to use his own life force to do so. Decaying future has a direct connection to Qrow and his soul.

- Qrow’s soul, goes from person to person, much like Ozpin’s soul does. But where as Ozpin looks different each time he reincarnates, Qrow looks near identical to what he originally looked like and also, even more apparent, doesn’t remember anything from his previous lives.

- Qrow, each time, is still just as he was before he died the previous time and he always seems to show up when Oz needs help. But doesn’t have his memories, and can never quite place when he got Decaying Future or where he got his countless scars.

- so in a way, he’s still mortal, at least he thinks he is. And acts as a sort of protector of Oz, in one way or another. That being a good friend, royal guard, coworker, or spouse.

- The Decaying Future acts as an opposite to The Long Memory. Where as Long Memory stores magic to use for later, Decaying Future takes magic to use immediately. This is how Qrow has died in the past and why he can’t just use magic now, because Decaying Memory constantly takes Qrow’s magic (and life force) whenever it uses magic.

Now let’s get into the fun stuff!

- Oz doesn’t realize that Qrow is the same person he knew in the past for a few of Qrow’s reincarnates. Thinking he’s hallucinating, Oz ignores it.

- When Oz finds out about Qrow reincarnating he’s understandably overjoyed, finally! A familiar face. And the face of his former spouse nonetheless!

- this excitement would soon fade when Oz comes to the sad and horrifying realization that Qrow, does not remember him at all.

- this of course makes things difficult, because Oz desperately wants to catch up with him like old times. Desperately wants to talk to him about things that have happened but knows he can’t because of Qrow not remembering him.

- and it becomes even more painful for Oz when Qrow does what he had previously done, protect Oz. At any cost.

- No matter where he was, no matter what time period, no matter if Oz tried to make SURE that Qrow would come nowhere near him, he was there. Constantly. Protecting him, bonding with him, laughing with him.

- and Oz couldn’t help but keep falling for him, every. Single. Time. Which made it hurt even more when Qrow did do everything in his power to protect Oz, at any cost.

- it was a curse to Oz. To have to see the man he loved not remember him, to have to bond with him all over again, to have to see him get killed over and over and over and over again just because he wanted to protect him.

- but he kept going with it. Because it would be inevitable, their first meeting. Oz had tried, tried to do everything in his power to make sure Qrow wouldn’t find him or come near him, and yet always he found a way. So he tried to make the best of it.

- cherished every moment with Qrow, made every single moment up until his inevitable death worth it in the end.

- Qrow always has this feeling of deja vu when he sees certain photos from completely different times, like he was there almost, but he can’t quite place it.

- Qrow struggles with remembering things already of remembering things wrong, so he never truly quite thought about it.

- He did find it strange that Oz seemed to recognize him though. He had never met Oz before so how could he know?

- Oz is, well, a strange but interesting man. One who Qrow finds it quite enjoyable to be around, never a dull moment.

- Decaying Future, ah his ever so cherished sword. It wasn’t like the other swords you’d see other hunters wielding, it didn’t have any sort of fancy transformation. But Qrow was ok with that, ok with simplicity.

- it’s funny, he feels like he’s had it for lifetimes. But unfortunately due to his bad memory, even if you asked him where he got it from, he could never tell you. Sucks to have a bad memory I guess.

- he knows he got it from somewhere, somewhere familiar, and he knows he named it, but it’s too foggy for him to actually tell you.

- He gets a similar feeling with Oz, that feeling of vague familiarity. But he tends to brush it aside.

- even though Oz may be considered crazy, strange, or even scary to some people, he wasn’t anything like that to Qrow. He was nice, caring, and a pretty funny guy!

- Qrow would do anything to protect that kindness from whoever may hurt Oz. Like his life depended on it. He always was outcasted from his family, his tribe, his fellow classmates, even strangers. There was no way he’d let the one person who actually cares, die, because of his incompetency.

- and so he did, signing up and being accepted to be Oz’s personal protective hunter (fancy way of saying guard in Qrow’s eyes). It wasn’t hard to find that position, Oz was a highly respected council member, he needed to be protected anyway.

(We going lighthearted in this bc I need to stop being angsty for 2 seconds djfndndnnd)

- these two, no matter what lifetime, are the ultimate power couple

- sass(tm) from both of them

- any cuddles from my other headcanons but like 10x because Oz doesn’t wanna let go of his bird husband ever

- Qrow has to bribe or pry Oz off of him. It doesn’t always work.

- Qrow likes to call Oz a nerd when in reality he’s a huge hypocrite cuz there’s only so much you learn in history and he seems to know a lot more than that.

- Oz will say random things in a loving tone to Qrow, literally he mentioned something about bread in Mistralian and made Qrow laugh incredibly hard.

- Oz was embarrassed the rest of the day because he didn’t know that Qrow could speak Mistralian. He has made a few other comments in a dead language that he is very glad Qrow does NOT understand because there’s no way he could say that to Qrow in a language he understands without getting flustered (take that for what you will. It’s up to interpretation, personally I think its really sappy stuff but hey, imagine whatever)

- bookworms, they read to eachother

- both will give each other their weapon to fight with, even sometimes trading.

- during a small war that Oz was involved with in a previous life, Qrow gave him Decaying Future as a means to defend himself in the war.

- they normally have their weapons near one another.

- they both are normally near one another. You can’t find one without the other.

- both mischief makers, quiet, but still mischief makers.

#cloqwork #ozqrow #cloqwork au’s #ozqrow au’s #Recurring AU #ozpin #professor ozpin #headmaster ozpin #qrow branwen

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justasparkwritings · 4 years ago

Text

Merry & Bright {23}: I Promise

Previous: Golden Days

Pairing: OT7 x Respective Partners

Genre: Fluff with Light Holiday Angst

Rating: PG-13

Warning: Swearing

Word Count: 1.7K

Summary: Days before Christmas, Bangtan find themselves stranded at the airport.

youtube

“Are you fucking serious?” Namjoon’s voice is low, hushed in the slightly crowded airport lounge.

“When is the next flight?” Yoongi asks, glare staring at the airport attendant in front of him. Taehyung stands next to him, bag resting gently on the floor, cellphone in hand.

In seats across the way, Jimin and Hoseok sit, thumbs moving hastily as they text. Seokjin, sits with their managers, discussing solutions, and Jungkook is by the window, phone to his ear, disappointment in his posture.

“I know, I know,” Jungkook says, voice weary. “I’m trying jagi, I am.”

It’s the sound of Namjoon’s hand slamming against the wall that brings them all together, moving into a private room in the lounge, seated staring at one another.

“We were supposed to be home by now,” Hoseok says, frustration deep in the stoop of his eyebrows.

“I know,” Namjoon answers.

“It’s our first married Christmas,” Jungkook adds, stuffing his tattooed covered hands in the pocket of his sweats.

“It’s my child’s first Christmas!” Taehyung declares, aghast that anyone was missing anything nearly as important as him.

“I was supposed to take the kids for Christmas photos,” Namjoon says.

Yoongi’s voice is low, a prayer no one will hear, but a hope they will. “I was going to propose.”

“What?” Hoseok yells, nearly knocking Jimin off his perch.

Taehyung turns to his Hyung. “Why are we just hearing about this?”

“Do you have a ring?” Namjoon wonders.

“You’re involved with someone?” Jimin pokes. Yoongi glares at him, knowing full well Jimin knows the answer.

“On Christmas Eve, while we opened presents. Had it all planned for months, the ring is wrapped, it’s sitting under the fucking tree,” Yoongi explains.

“Won’t she notice a ring box?” Jimin asks.

“No, I put it in a larger box,” Yoongi’s humoring him, and Jimin knows.

“A box inside a box?” Jungkook laughs.

“Sort of,” Yoongi shrugs.

“Damn, how many years has it been?” Seokjin asks.

“Five,” Yoongi recounts each anniversary in his mind. The first one, spent on different continents during tour, the second, when they’d flown to New York for press, the third, when you’d gone to Paris, the fourth, when he’d finally convinced you to move to Korea half time, and the fifth, when you’d discussed marriage.

“Service time counts,” Hoseok adds.

“Fine, seven,” Yoongi tells them. Technically, years four and five were shared in your hearts only, Yoongi being a desk jockey in the military, but you counted them, nonetheless.

Jimin cackles “Wow, never imagined Yoongi-ah would settle down,”

“Who would’ve thought?” Namjoon chuckles, staring at his elder.

“You all are trash,” Yoongi says. “None of you are invited to the wedding.”

“How do you know she’ll say yes?” Taehyung asks, eyes wandering around the sterile lounge. It’s all marble and metal, cold and contemporary, Christmas wreaths hung periodically and poinsettias on all the tables. The only warmth coming from the men, all ganging up on their favorite member.

“I know,” Yoongi confirms.

“But how, are you psychic?” Seokjin wonders.

“No, she told me,” Yoongi tells him.

“She told you?” Seokjin asks, eyes wide.

“This isn’t any of your business,” Yoongi scolds, cheeks puffed as he smiles.

“Alright, alright,” Jin resides.

“Tae, what are you plans for baby’s first Christmas?” Yoongi asks, deflecting.

“And baby’s first birthday,” Namjoon adds.

“He’s so cute, oh my gosh, he just teeters on his little feet, trying to walk. He’s taken a few steps, but he only likes walking if you hold his tiny little hands,” Taehyung gushes, opening the photos on his phone to show them.

“We’ve seen the videos,” Namjoon laughs, looking again at the numerous photos Taehyung has of his son, not mentioning that he’s seen them all, in an email, that Taehyung sent one day during nap time.

“Don’t act like we haven’t seen a million from you,” Jimin says elbowing Namjoon. “You’re just as shameless.”

“You just have more kids, so it seems less obnoxious,” Yoongi says.

“Two for the price of one!” Seokjin laughs.

“Don’t think we don’t have the same reaction to yours,” Hoseok laughs at Jin. “You might be the worst out of you three.”

Pointing at him, finger dagger like, Namjoon warns, “Oh, just you wait, Hope, it’s coming for you too.”

Taehyung looks from member to member, wondering aloud, “Who will have kids next?”

“Jungkook,” Jimin blurts. His eyes go wide, and he turns to the maknae.

“Or J Hope,” Jungkook says, his deflection evident in the blush on his cheeks.

“No, no, Jungkook, why are you blushing?” Namjoon asks.

“No reason just wasn’t paying attention,” Jungkook tries to brush it off, but Namjoon’s got him.

“Is she pregnant?” Hoseok asks, eyes wide.

“I, maybe, I don’t know,” Jungkook tries to burrow himself into his sweatsuit, beanie pulled lower and lower over his face.

“Holy shit!” Yoongi exclaims, glancing to make sure no one else has heard his expletive.

“Are you surprised the golden maknae is procreating before you?” Seokjin asks glancing at Yoongi.

“No, I’m not surprised at all, my money was on Jungkook,” Yoongi says still smiling.

“It’s, it’s too soon to tell anyone, we’ve only told our parents,” Jungkook’s cheeks continue to cherry, blossoming across his cheekbones, knowing full well he’s going to be in trouble when his wife finds out he squealed.

“Ah, discretion,” Seokjin nods. “We’ll pretend we’re not excited for you.”

“Hobi, what about you?” Jimin turns the attention to someone else, feeling guilty about spoiling Jungkook’s news.

“Ah, kids are a few years off for us,” Ho-Seok nods, twirling the wedding band on his finger. “Jiminie, what about you?”

“Me?” Jimin asks pointing to himself.

“You started this nonsense,” Namjoon reminds him.

“I, no, no babies, no engagement,” Jimin shakes his head.

“Why not?” Taehyung asks. “You’ve been talking about it for a while.”

“Yeah, but talking and following through are two different things,” Jimin says. They all nod, knowing Jimin was going to get engaged shortly after Yoongi. Taehyung found it surprising, but not wholly out of character for Jimin to wait for his Hyung to propose first. It was odd, though, everyone had always bet Jimin would get married shortly after Jungkook, while Yoongi would remain the last man standing.

“I can’t believe we’re stuck here,” Jungkook says again, glancing at the window. “Isn’t this why we stopped traveling before Christmas?”

Six years ago, when Namjoon had welcomed his first child, the band decided they would never travel over Christmas again, refusing to part from their growing families. They turned down any work outside the city, including New Years. If some program wanted them, they either wanted their entire blossoming families or they wouldn’t have BTS at all. It was a hard and fast rule, which in the six years since Namjoon became a father, they hadn’t broken.

Tonight, stranded in an airport in a place none of them could recognize, at least 1000 miles away, they were regretting agreeing to perform for the KBS special anywhere other than Seoul, or within two hours drive from their homes.

So, they sit, December 23rd, unconvinced they were going to be home by Christmas Eve, unsure if they were going to be home by Christmas.

“I would walk home,” Hoseok says, sinking in his chair.

“I would run,” Jimin counters.

“I’d cross the deserts,” Jungkook says.

“And the oceans,” Taehyung adds.

“A fucking frozen tundra,” Yoongi states.

“If only there was a guiding light, a star, leading us home,” Namjoon says.

Seokjin sighs, frustration and thoughtfulness in one breath. “She does so much for us, for our family, and here I am, sitting in a luxurious airport, while she’s home with the kids.”

“She hasn’t even hung the Christmas lights, we were going to decorate the tree together,” Yoongi says. “You know how much she loves Christmas.”

“I feel like we should go into the gift shops and buy something,” Hoseok suggests.

“What are we going to find?” Jungkook wonders.

“Wine,” Namjoon says.

“Candy,” Jungkook suggests.

“Oo, candy,” Hoseok laughs, his first laugh in the last few hours.

Namjoon, still lamenting, “She does everything, she’s the glue of our whole family.”

“Maybe we’ll go on vacation, somewhere warm,” Seokjin ponders.

“We should take a big family vacation!” Taehyung suggests.

“No,” Yoongi shuts it down.

Hoseok stares at Yoongi, reading the anxiety in his eyes over the suggestion. “It could be fun!”

Yoongi stares him down, countering his offer. “How about those who have kids go on one vacation, and those without go on their own,”

“Why are you being so difficult?” Seokjin asks.

“I’m tired, my proposal is going to shit, and I’m missing decorating my home with my future wife,” Yoongi lists.

“I can’t believe they have no hotel rooms anywhere near by,” Hoseok wonders.

“Maybe if we wish upon a star we’ll make it home by tomorrow,” Jungkook suggests.

“This is the first Christmas we’ve spent just us, just us seven, in what, a decade?” Taehyung inquires, looking at each of his brothers.

“Since we all came back from service,” Namjoon answers.

Agreeing, Hoseok speaks. “We should honor that,”

“We’ll be with our families as soon as we can,” Jimin concedes.

“Life goes on,” Jungkook sings softly.

“We’ll be home by Christmas Eve, swear it,” Taehyung’s attempt at inspiring them is what they need.

“Should we go find food and treats?” Jungkook suggests.

“Absolutely,” Namjoon says.

“And any souvenirs we can find from this place,” Hoseok reminds them.

In a small gift shop, Yoongi and Jimin stare at the chip selection.

“You should propose whenever you want,” Yoongi says to Jimin.

“Thank you hyung,” Jimin wants to hug him, but refrains.

“I don’t want to steal your thunder, you’ve been planning longer than me, do it when it feels right,” Yoongi glances at Jimin, slightly taller than him, and smiles.

“Thank you,” Jimin smiles, grateful for the unnecessary permission.

As they gather back in the lounge, snacks and gummy worms plentiful on the newly cleaned airport table, the seven of them share laughs over silly things their kids have said and reminisce on the years they’ve spent together. Through it all, with the weight of uncertainty waning, they had a glimmer of hope, a little belief, that they’ll be home by Christmas Eve.

Next: Happy Anniversary

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kpoptart216 · 4 years ago

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You’re my Utopia (pt 7)

A/n: Back to writing, hope you enjoy it!

As the day progressed, it will finally sinking in that you had a date. And not just any date, it was a date with Hoseok. Till that night at the studio, you had no inkling that maybe he returned your feelings, but your gut told you otherwise that night.

That same night, you remember thinking about him before falling asleep, and you had vivid dreams about being in a relationship with him. Though you were scared about dating again, your dreams were only pleasant, almost as much as the boy you were crushing on. It was like a sign to just trust in him, your feelings, and what the universe had to offer. Maybe a relationship with him wouldn’t be doomed like you thought.

The next day, you left work and rushed to your apartment. The previous night, you were too excited to pick out what to wear and now you panicked that you didn’t have enough time. He simply texted you earlier that he was going to pick you up at six which gave you exactly two hours. You quickly showered, made sure you were well groomed, and did your hair. You opted for simple makeup, and you just stood in your towel facing all your options for outfits for tonight. You opted for a simple black dress that you bought and never had the chance to wear. Nothing like a new outfit to give you a confidence boost.

You were just putting on the final touch of makeup when you heard a knock on the door. You almost ran to the door and you opened the door with a shy smile. Hoseok was looking down when the door opened and as he looked up, a big smile formed on his beautiful face. He was holding a small bouquet of colorful flowers, but you honestly couldn’t help but stare at him. You rarely saw him as dressed up as he was now, other than we had schedules. He was dressed in black pants and black dress shirt that hugged is figure, and if you didn’t know better you’d probably drool.

“You look beautiful” he said, handing you the flowers.

“come in?” you asked, as you took the flowers and made way for him to come in. He nodded, and you closed the door behind him, gulping as the nerves kicked in more.

“Let me just get my purse and we can leave? where are we going by the way?” you asked, trying to ease your nerves.

“Oh that’s a surprise, but I think you’ll like it!” he calls out to you from the living room as you entered your closet to grab a purse to match your outfit.

“Fine, I guess i’ll trust you. You look handsome too, by the way” you say, wanting to return the compliment. And you truly meant it, he was gorgeous.

Hoseok simply blushed at the compliment. “ready?” he asked. You nodded, and the both of you made your way out.

The surprise was that he had reserved a private room and table at one of the restaurants you had once told him about. It was a famous italian restaurant, but it was pretty fancy and always needed reservations weeks or months in advance. You never thought you’d have the chance to eat here, let alone in a private room, or with such a handsome man.

“The food is so good, wow” you say, taking a bite of the food. Hoseok had ordered for the both of you, and he took pride in knowing your taste in food. he was glad he made the right choice.

“Wait till you try dessert then!” he said, smiling.

You both conversed over food, and though you were still slightly nervous, you both fell into a comfortable rhythm, talking and bantering as usual. Though, you didn’t miss the ways he flirted with you and perhaps it was the food, but you think you actually flirted back too.

After the both of you finished, he reached for your hand. “Ready for part two of the date?” he asked.

“Theres more?” you asked, surprised. This was already so nice, you couldn’t imagine what else he had planned.

“You didn’t think I’d just take you to dinner did you? what kind of a date is that?” he had asked. Honestly, it was pretty much the only kind of ‘fancy’ date you knew of. That was all you ever had. It was either eating out or staying inside and hanging out.

“I didn’t know what to expect from tonight” you said honestly. “But I’m enjoying every second of it”

He smiled, pulling you up and back out to the car. He drove the both of you to a seemingly remote road and if you were with anyone else, you might have been concerned about your safety. Soon, he pulled into a small patch of grass and urged you to step out. Once you got out of the car, you had a clear view of the city, the bridge, and the river that flowed beneath it.

From where you were, the city seemed rather quiet but still very much alive and you had never seen anything quite like it.

“we live there?” you ask, marveling at the beauty.

“we sure do” he says, though the whole time he’s only been focused on your face and how your eyes glistened along with the lights from the city.

“Such an amazing view” you said mostly to yourself.

“sure is” he says, still looking at you and smiling.

The view almost put you in a trance, but the only thing that broke it was Hoseok interlacing his fingers with your own as he held your hand. You loved how warm they were. You squeezed his hand a little, smiling at the view in front of you still.

“How did you find this place?” you asked, after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“I’m not really sure. I was just driving one night and stumbled upon this place. I come here when I need to clear my head, and hardly anyone ever comes down these roads, let alone stops. It’s just peaceful” he says.

“Thank you for sharing this with me” you turn to face him finally, smiling. “It’s stunning” you say.

“Does this mean you’ll want to come back with me?” he asks.

You were kind of confused by the question. “what do you mean?” you ask.

“I don’t show this place to just anyone you know. Come to think of it, you’re the first. I never felt the need to share this place with anyone, but you” he says turning to face the city for the first time, hoping the night sky masked the way he was furiously blushing.

“That means a lot” you say. “And yes, I’ll come back whenever you want me to” you say, however you weren’t really sure what that implied. But if it meant you got to be there for him, then you’d do it in a heartbeat.

“I really like you” he says suddenly, causing you to gasp a little. He chuckled at your reaction. “I have for a while, if it wasn’t obvious” he adds.

“define ‘a while’“ you say.

“I don’t know honestly. You were just special, since we met. I didn’t understand how I felt, especially since back then you were dating Jungkook. But then you guys broke up, and we became good friends and my feelings just grew since then. But I couldn’t wait much longer, I had to let you know” he says, honestly. He didn’t want to bring up Jungkook tonight, but he didn’t want to lie to you.

“Hey, look at me” you say softly, urging him to turn your way. He looked a little nervous, that to which you smiled at him. You weren’t sure where you got the courage, but you simply say “You have to know that I feel the same right?”

Hoseok’s eyes widened, and felt joy engulf his entire being. “I have for a while too. Maybe not as long as you, but definitely just as strong” You say, not wanting to lie either. You felt a breeze blow by and since you were near the water, it felt especially cold. Hoseok let go of your hand and quickly ran back to the car to grab a jacket and he ran back and placed it around your shoulders.

“that better?” he asked, still smiling like a goof.

“yes thank you so much, oppa. For everything, really” you say, reaching for his hands again, missing the warmth they provided.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, suddenly. He had been wanting to kiss you since the moment he laid eyes on you tonight but he felt the need to ask for permission first. You just smiled and nodded, and soon enough your lips met his own.

It was a sweet kiss, and you felt your heart race. Likewise, Hoseok smiled into the kiss. It was just as great as he imagined it would be. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about this a million times and yet none of those imaginations could surpass this feeling.

Another breeze blew by, forcing Hoseok to break away from the kiss he so desperately wanted to keep going. “I should get you home before you get a cold” he says, resting his forehead against your own. He chuckles when he notices your frown, but he grabs your hand and leads you back to his car.

You both talk on the way back to your car, still slightly nervous from the kiss, but having fun nonetheless. You feel as if you arrive back to your place too soon, though you’ve basically spent the entire evening with him.

“Thank you for tonight, oppa” you say, unbuckling your seatbelt.

“No, thank you. We can do this again soon, right?” he asked.

“I’d like that” you say smiling. You weren’t really sure what to say beyond this point, and you figured you should probably get home and take your dog out for a walk before he pees in your apartment again.

You quickly lean over, and kiss Hoseok on his cheek. “good night!” you say, reaching for the door. However, before you get the chance to open it, he pulls you back and kisses you.

“good night, my favorite girl” he says, chuckling at the way you gasp again slightly. “go walk the dog, I know you’re concerned about him peeing inside again” he says, as if reading your thoughts. You giggle. “See you tomorrow” you say, finally stepping out the car. You walk back inside your building and turn to watch as he waves from inside the car and drives away.

You practically squealed the second he was out of sight. That was perhaps one of the best dates you have been on period. He treated you so well throughout the night, and the kiss oh my god.

Maybe it was because you hadn’t been kissed in years, but you swear this was different than any kiss you’d ever received before. To put it simply, it was nothing short of amazing.

By the time you got in bed that night, your mind was flooded with thoughts of your date. You dozed off with a big smile on your face.

You woke up to one of your favorite texts the following morning.

Hobi Oppa: Good Morning Beautiful. I can’t wait to see you at work. Hurry over.

You smiled fondly at the text and quickly jumped out of bed to get ready. You were pretty sure he was already at work considering he had practice for upcoming award shows, so you didn’t waste any time getting ready.

Would it be too obvious if you stopped by the practice room before heading to the studio? You still never talked to Jungkook about his request and you rather not have that conversation now... or anytime soon. You decided against it and quickly sent a message to Hoseok saying you were in the studio.

Within a few minutes, he knocked at your studio door but unfortunately you had headphones in as you were editing something. You were bouncing your head to the beat, completely oblivious to him standing behind you and admiring you as he leaned against the door.

After a minute or so, Hoseok simply walked to you and bent over to place a kiss on your cheek, scaring you. You jumped in your seat, and took the headphones off immediately.

“Oppa! What if someone saw!!” you said, giggling, standing up to shut the door behind him.

“I don’t care. I just wanted to come see you on break” he said, now leaning against your work table as you sat back down in your chair. “already working I see” he says, looking over to see what you were working on. “can I hear soon?” he asks.

“When it’s done, as usual!” You say. It was a habit of yours to only let him listen to your finished product. You always wanted him to be proud of the work you had done.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I did actually”

“Darn, I was hoping to hear that you were too excited to fall asleep” he teased.

“Why? Is that what happened with you?” you shot back.

“You caught me there” he said, laughing.

“I had a really great time last night, oppa” you say giggling. It just suddenly registered that he had kissed you a minute ago. And you didn’t even realize because it felt so natural.

“You just realized I kissed you just now, didn’t you?” he asked, noting the expression on your face.

“You know me so well” you say, giggling.

“Was that out of line..? I wasn’t really thinking and I gue-” he began to ramble but you cut him off by quickly standing up and giving him a peck on the cheek as well.

“It wasn’t out of line. I was just thinking how natural it felt” you say, blushing.

“Good, because you can expect more of that from now on” he says confidently. “Anyways, before I head back to practice, I wanted to ask if you wanted to come to the award show at the end of the week!” he asks excitedly.

You had been to a bunch of award shows in the past, watching the boys from backstage. It was always such a fun experience!

“You don’t have to if you’re busy, but it would mean a lot if you’re there” he said, hopefully.

“Of course, I’d love to” you say happily. Jungkook briefly crossed your mind, but you didn’t really care right now. Previously, Jungkook had asked you to come out to support him and his members, and you’d always wait backstage with your arms open to give him a big hug when it was done. It was one of your favorite memories from back then, but you found that you honestly hadn’t thought of that in years.

Your mind now wandered to why Hoseok had asked you. As a friend? As a... girlfriend? You weren’t sure and you didn’t want to dwell on that either. You were going to go to show your support.

Jungkook had a hard time that week. He constantly started thinking about you. Or rather, your relationship with his hyung. Wasn’t it an unsaid rule not to go after your friend’s ex? Would you even accept if Hoseok had asked you out? It was unfair of him to hope not, but he couldn’t help himself. It only made him wonder why he felt that way.

He laid in bed, trying to work out why he was feeling the way he was when his door suddenly opened. In came Sooyoung, he hadn’t been expecting her. “Hey babe, I didn’t know you were coming today” Jungkook said, making room for her to sit.

She stilled for a second and looked over to her boyfriend. “Do I need an invitation?” she asked before kicking off her shoes in a random direction. “I actually wanted to get your opinion on something for the award show”. It irked Jungkook slightly that she came over without any notice. You had never done that in the past, you were always respectful of his time and space.

“What do you need?” Jungkook asks, laying back down. Sooyoung also laid down, right on Jungkook’s arms. Her strong scent invaded his nose. He always hated that perfume. It was so unnecessarily strong.

“We should color coordinate our outfits! I’m thinking of these two dresses” she said as she pointed to two different dresses on her phone screen. “they really complement my skin tone, don’t you think?”

“Sooyoung, I don’t really determine my outfit, that’s what the stylist noona’s are for. I’m sure they already picked out my clothes to match the rest of the group” Jungkook sighed, not giving a damn about her dresses.

“Oh come on, you’re the artist. Act like it. If you want to wear something specific, you get to wear it. I think I’m going to go with the teal dress. Find a shirt to match please!” she says, effectively ending that conversation. She really didn’t take no as an answer from anyone, even Jungkook. He sighs, as he listens to her complain about her team members.

Jungkook thinks back to previous award shows, when he didn’t have a girlfriend in tow. At least, ones where she didn’t also walk the red carpet. He remembered bringing you to numerous award shows, but you were always behind stage with the rest of the staff. He always claimed he needed to feel your support, even if he couldn’t see you from the stage. And because of that need, you were there- for every award show and every concert alike. Only now was he starting to think how much time that would take out of your own schedule.

Perhaps the best thing about bringing you to shows was probably when he was done though. You always waited backstage with arms open to give him a big hug, ready to tell him how proud of him you were. He remembered inhaling your scent some nights, or almost toppling the both of you down from exhaustion. But nonetheless, those hugs were the only way he ended those nights. The members used to joke that they felt left out, but he remembers one night where you swore those hugs were meant for Jungkook and Jungkook only.

He smiled fondly at the memory while Sooyoung now talked about the latest diet she was on.

The night of the award show came quicker than Jungkook had thought. The previous day, he had nicely asked the stylist noona if she could find a shirt in teal instead of the grey she had initially picked out. “It’s going to clash with everyone else though” she argued but he had pleaded with her, and ultimately they found middle ground in a shirt that had hints of teal.

When Sooyoung and him met up before the red carpet, the boys were wary of her presence the second she knocked on their door. She walked in with the same teal dress she showed Jungkook earlier and it was clear from her facial expression she wasn’t pleased with his outfit at all.

“What happened to the teal?” she asked quite angrily. “This is not what I meant, Jungkook!” she said, assessing his shirt.

“This is all we could do in short notice” Jungkook grumbled. He could see Sooyoung glare at the stylist noona who was still touching up his outfit.

Just then, another there was another knock on the door. Jungkook turned to see who it was, and he saw Hoseok rushing to the door. Whoever it was, was pretty much blocked from his view by Hoseok.

Only when Hoseok moved to let the visitor in did he see who it was. There you stood, looking more gorgeous than ever. You wore an amazing black gown which really showed off your figure, but it was simple and not over the top. In fact, it really highlighted your natural beauty and Jungkook couldn’t help but stare.

“You’re here!” Hoseok said, leading you to the couch. You hadn’t noticed Jungkook and Sooyoung yet, and the other members quickly came to greet you.

“Why the fuck is she here” Sooyoung muttered under her breath, causing Jungkook to glare at her.

“Y/n, pleasure as always!” Jin says, sitting across from her. “Hoseok told us you’d be joining us today!”

What? Why didn’t Jungkook hear of this before?

Sooyoung scoffed, finally grabbing onto Jungkook and walking over to where you and the members sat.

“It’s nice seeing you again” Sooyoung said in a sickeningly sweet voice. “I didn’t know you’d be joining us. Though I don’t think you’re allowed to walk the carpet...” Sooyoung mused.

“Oh, I wasn’t planning on it” you chirped. No way were you going to walk down a carpet full of flashing cameras. You wished to keep your identity anonymous for as long as possible.

You had only dressed up because Hoseok had asked, he wanted to whisk you off on another date after things were done. Plus, it gave you reason to wear that gown that’s been sitting in the back of your closet for so long. Your previous boss had given it you as a gift, saying you were bound to grace many award shows in the future. Little did he know that you were too shy for any of that and you enjoyed remaining...mysterious. Plus, it’s not like you stood out backstage. Plenty of the staff also dress up for these events even if they’re not in the public eye a majority of the night.

“Wah, so pretty” Taehyung amused aloud. “I’d ruffle your hair like old times but I don’t want to mess it up!”

“Thank you Tae” you giggle. You turn to smile warmly at Hoseok, who’s eyes haven’t left you for even a second since you walked in. Jungkook didn’t miss this fact.

“Are you excited to see everyone perform?” Namjoon asked while fixing his sleeve.

“I am! I haven’t seen a BTS live stage in so long. Not to mention some of the other groups I worked with are also here” You say excitedly.

“Ok guys, it’s time” announces the manager. He quickly says hi to you, and lets you know that. He leads you to the other staff, who were taking another car to the venue.

“I wish you could ride with us. Or better yet walk the stage with me. It’s not fair that Jungkook gets to walk his date down the red carpet” Hoseok whines, trying to soak in as much time as he can with you.

You blush at the comment. “I’ll see you after, silly. I promise”

“I hope you’re the first thing I see. You better be cheering louder than anyone else!” he says, starting to leave for the rest of the boys. Jungkook watches on as you and Hoseok converse, and he hates the jealousy that boils inside him.

“Of course. Now go!” you say, slightly pushing Hoseok forward. “Bye, Handsome” you say quietly. You smile as you hear “Bye, Beautiful”

The red carpet seemed to go on forever. Jungkook just wanted to walk into the venue and settle down for the rest of the night. Reporters kept asking him and Sooyoung about their relationship. He wished he could just walk with the rest of his members like normal. They were already in the venue and he only made it about half way!

Luckily, Sooyoung was required to sit with the rest of her group, much to her chagrin. The award show as a whole was pretty great, and the boys loved hearing all their fans cheer for them. They won numerous awards, including a few daesangs, and their stage went incredibly well.

The end of the award show was finally here and as soon as all the idols walked off the stage, Sooyoung immediately walked back to Jungkook and the rest of the boys.

The boys and Sooyoung were led towards their own dressing room so that they could get changed and get ready to head out. As the boys walked farther down the venue, they approached their room. It was only when they got closer did both Jungkook and Hoseok (as well as the rest of the boys) see you waiting by the door.

For a second, it was if Jungkook had forgot the past- the breakup, the years since then, and the fact that he was dating someone else. When his eyes landed on you, he felt the same urge he felt years ago- to run to you and give you the biggest hug he could muster at the moment. He so desperately wanted to hear how proud of him you were again and how much you loved him. And for a second, he swore you felt the same because you looked so proud, so happy. You had a big smile on your face and it looked like you were eagerly waiting for him to approach.

Except it wasn’t him you were waiting for.

He saw Hoseok practically run to you, engulfing you in a big hug. It was like something out of a movie- he practically lifted you up and spun you around. Your giggles could be heard by everyone around and if the sight in front of him didn’t hurt so much, the sound would have been absolutely delightful.

The boys were all on a high right now- they had a great night with the award shows. It was definitely a night to celebrate all of their hard work. Hoseok especially felt incredibly happy tonight. Not only did his band do incredibly well tonight, but he also got to celebrate with his special girl. The joy was he felt was almost overwhelming.

So no, he couldn’t help himself when he ran up to you and hugged you. He didn’t care who saw, even Jungkook. Any consequences would be worth it because he swore the way you laughed with him was the most amazing sound in the world.

He set you down a moment later and you wrapped your hands around his neck and closed your eyes. At this point, the rest of the members were approaching you both. “I’m so freaking proud of you” you say, just so he can hear.

But Jungkook heard it.

And the words he wished so desperately hear would now haunt him because it was clear as day that yes, you moved on. Yes, you liked Hoseok. Yes, there was something going on between the two of you. And yes, you seemed incredibly happy.

To Jungkook it felt like he lost. Not like losing a game, but he lost out on something incredible. Something real. And he didn’t know if he could rectify that loss.

So while tonight was a night for celebration and fun, he watched on at your happiness along with that of the rest of the boys. He watched and he felt unhappier each second, despite all he had to be thankful for.

For everything just didn’t seem worth it without you.

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ficsnroses · 5 years ago

Text

Comfort - John Wick x Reader Oneshot

John Wick? More like Fluff Wick.

Word Count : 2.6k

Warnings : None! Mega fluff. Although it does get kinda heavy towards the end...

Summary : John comforts his girlfriend, Y/N, while she’s on her time of the month.

A/N : This is for the lovely anon who requested John comforting reader while she’s on her period & size difference. I had too many ideas for size difference, so I’ll throw them into another one shot later. Lemme know if it was alright! ❤️

This is a one shot, but I imagine it to be centered in the same universe as these two fics, that are very dear to my heart. Check out Put Your Head On My Shoulder & Nightlight :)

If there’s one thing John appreciated, it was the feel of the golden sun cresting on his face on a beautiful evening, as today. After all the dark he’s seen, he’s learned to take joy in the simpler parts of life, being thankful for anything, and everything one may rather take for granted. For John to get these things, be able to delight in them, was an accomplishment.

Gratitude, was exactly what he felt; as he sits with Dog tucked away by his feet by the window, a thick novel popped in his hand to scan, awaiting his love’s arrival. Y/N would be here soon, as planned, for them to enjoy the rest of the evening together.

She’d been coming over a lot more recently, and John would have liked it no other way. She’d been the missing piece the entire time, the reason his house had always fell lacking before, why it had remained just a house he was residing in.

She made it a home.

Each moment she wasn’t there, John wished she was. He yearned to hear her silky giggle down the hallway as she played with Dog, her euphonious singing in the kitchen as they prepared lunch together, her soft, ever so slight snores as she slept beside him on an early, Sunday morning.

As the days and weeks passed, more and more of her belongings had been concluding their way in. He’d find a spare toothbrush next to his on his bathroom counter, corresponding along with her favourite face wash & night creams positioned away in his medicine cabinet. Laced with his own clothes in his closet, he’d find her pajamas or blouses peppered in, her fuzzy knit socks, long forgotten in his drawers. She’d even left a copy of the novel she had presently been cruising on his nightstand.

But he treasured every part of it. He sought it, more than anything. He wanted to be one with her, to have her embellish each part of his life. Because quite truly, it was better with her.

To the sound of the lock jingle, he’s snapped out of his thoughts.

She’d finally made it home.

John had given her a house key recently, and it had felt like a big step in their relationship. He wanted to let her know that he trusted her, felt flattered to have her around. She’d given him one to her apartment as well on the spot.

“John?” Her sincere voice calls out, from the front door, as she shuffles her shoes off. Dog’s ears perk up immediately, his tail wagging tremendously as he runs towards her voice. Dog loved Y/N a whole lot, sometimes John felt a little jealous at how fond they’d become. Nonetheless, it made his heart smile each time.

“Living room!” John calls out to her.

Barely, from the depths of his ear, he hears Y/N’s calm voice welcome Dog. “Hi, honey.” She smiles to him, probably in the midst of giving him an abundance of pets behind his ears. John smiles to himself, eager to hold her soon. He’d missed her today. He hadn’t seen her since the morning before, when she’d stayed over for the night and they’d waken up together, before she had to leave for work.

As she ambles into the room, Dog trails at her feet. She smiles as her eyes land on her boyfriend.

“Hey, beautiful.” John grins, setting his novel aside, opening his bulky arms for her. The sun continues setting outside, leaving a nice gold to envelope the room, the lilac sky behind not far.

“Hi.” She smiles, although she moves slow. She seems, tired, possibly exhausted. Departing her bag on the wooden floor, she walks to John, leaning down to give him a quick kiss hello, before taking place beside him on the couch. He frowns when she pulls away.

“How was your day, princess?” he asks, as she wraps her arms around his waist, allowing him to hold her in a hug, a delicate kiss placed on top of her head. She nuzzles into his chest, sighing.

“It was okay.” She speaks through a yawn. “I’m worn out.”

John leaves another soft kiss in her locks, gently stroking her back. “Aw, I’m sorry to hear.” When he rubs her hip in a soothe, she winces, sucking in a sharp breath. John flinches, taken back.

“Woah, everything alright?” He inquires.

She lets out a small whimper. “Yeah, I’m just not feeling too well today.”

“Tell me what’s wrong,” John says, taking hold of her hand. He plays with her fingers, paying close attention to her ring finger. It may have been too soon, but he knew to the brim inside, that he’d place the biggest diamond on there someday, whenever that some day may be.

Y/N groans, practically laying herself on John at this point. “It’s nothing, really. I just feel a little sick and have a little pain, that’s all.” John shifts, brows furrowing. He pulls back slightly to look her in the eyes.

“Wait, sweetheart, do you need to see a doctor? Because we can go right now it’s not-” He’s cut off by a shake of Y/N’s head. “Are you sure, Y/N? I don’t want it to get worse and then you’ll be in more pain and-”

“John. I’m okay. I need you to relax, baby.” She giggles, cupping his cheek to place a tender kiss to his chin. “But it’s cute how worried you get.” John shifts his gaze down, smiling, a little shy. Truth be told, John always worried about her. Even the slightest thought of any harm coming her way, it deeply scared him. He’d had so much stripped from him in his life, so much taken away prematurely. He couldn’t bear the thought of Y/N being taken away from him too.

Even if it was just a little cold that threatened her way.

Y/N releases her grip on John, raising off the couch to pad towards the kitchen. “Besides, what doctor would even be available at 7:00pm, on a Friday?” She states. John follows shortly behind, throwing Dog’s favourite ball into the other room.

John’s coarse voice speaks. “You know I…know people.” He shrugs, low.

Y/N stops at the kitchen counter to look at him, as he leans against it on the other side. “Oh…right.” She frowns. “I’m sorry.”

John had told her about the truth of what he did. Keeping secrets from her, was something he refused to do. He wanted to be open with her, allow her to love him for exactly what he was. Maybe that’s why he fell so deep, so rapid. She understood him on a level, many others didn’t. Y/N tried her best not to mention it too much, she knew John wasn’t proud of what he was, and the reality he lived in.

It ate away at him, more and more each day. She understood that more than any one else.

Drowsily, she moves to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge, taking a long drag before setting it down. John watches her, biting his lip at how weak she looked. Uneasy, he opens his mouth to speak, before Y/N’s lips yelp in pain, hand shooting down to her stomach. Before she knows it, John’s rushed to her side with his large palm placed on her back, helping her stand. His eyes race in worry, brooding as concern overtakes.

“Y/N, I’m taking you to the doctor, okay?” He asserts, thoughts racing a million a second.

“John…”

“And I’m not taking no for an answer Y/N,” He argues.

“John! I’m alright! It’s just…”

John relaxes a little, allowing her to explain. “What, Y/N? Babe you’re screaming in pain. Please let me help you…”

She places a hand on his shoulder, urging him to calm down. “John it’s just…promise you won’t get grossed out?” She settles. He nods in response, intrigued. “I actually got my period this morning. I get really bad cramps and feel kinda sick. But it’s normal and it passes, alright?”

John lets his shoulders relax in a breathy exhale. Wiping a hand across his forehead, he sighs, taking seat beside her at the counter. “You scared me there. Why would I be grossed out?” he wonders, taking hold of her hand.

She shrugs. “I don’t know, some men do that. But it’s nothing to worry about, okay? I do it every month.” She giggles, seeing him ease. John brings her hand up to his lips, to press a light kiss to her palm. “As your very concerned boyfriend, I’m going to take care of you now. Whether you like it or not.”

It sure hadn’t been that long, but John would never pass on an opportunity to call himself her boyfriend, just as she would never miss a chance to call herself his girlfriend. It felt nice to acknowledge their relationship. It gave it a power over them, made it more real. It made their bond stronger.

“John, it’s really alright. I’ll just pop some medicine and it’ll be all fine.” She smiles, still holding his hand. It was truly pulling at her heart strings to see the concern and care. John shakes his head, affirming.

“There were girls in the orphanage as well, I learned some stuff growing up.” He raises up off the chair, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You left some pajamas here, they’re washed and folded in the laundry basket. Go change, and relax on the couch while I get some stuff together.” He smiles.

As Y/N rests on the couch, the sun has fully set, leaving the view from the window lit up with city lights afar. Dog rests at the foot of the couch, nuzzled beside his stuffed bear toy. John’s house was slightly on the outskirts of town on a small hill, leaving the city below glittering on a pitch noir night like tonight. The city lights seem to outshine the stars, the buzzing life between reminding of just how fast the world moves.

A few moments later, John walks into the room, a tray full of goodies in hand. He sets it down on the coffee table, before turning to his much discomforted girlfriend, resting on the couch with her eyes closed.

“Baby,” John speaks softly to her. “I brought you medicine. It’ll help with the pain.” He proposes, holding two tablets to her. “Take it with this warm water, I don’t want you drinking any of that ice cold bottled water tonight. I’ve put a jug of this on the kitchen counter.” He gestures. “Keep sipping on this by the way, I’ve heard hydration helps with the pain. Try to finish the entire jug.” He sits down beside her, watching her take the medicine. From his side, he pulls out a heading pad he’s warmed up.

She eyes it curiously, smiling. “John Wick owns a heating pad?” She giggles.

“He does.” He replies in a matter of fact tone. “It helps soothe muscle aches really good.” Placing it just over her abdomen, as she rests against the couch ledge, he kisses her forehead once more. “This should help with the shooting pain. I’ll heat it up again every 20 minutes.”

Smirking, he turns towards her again. “I know this is a cliché, but, I brought you some chocolate as well. I’m not sure if it actually helps though.” He chuckles, placing her favourite dark blend beside her.

Giggling, she picks it up, unraveling it immediately. “I’m not gonna say no to chocolate.” She laughs.

Running a hand through his hair, John’s expression turns serious again. “Okay, I know sometimes you might just want to be left alone at a time like this, which is okay. I won’t be offended. I can go work on some bookbinding.” He smiles, rubbing her arm. “Would you like that, sweetheart?

Her eyes sparkle, heart gushing at the man in front of her. She knew John was special, caring, considerate, but this was a whole new level she hadn’t been exposed to before. This was incredibly grounding. This felt, as it does to be truly, honestly, unconditionally,

Loved. Purely loved, asking for nothing in return.

She scoots closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing a delicate kiss to his cheek. “No, I would not like that. I want you to stay with me.” She grins, looking into his café eyes.

“Alright.” Kissing her soft, briefly, John allows her to lean back on the couch ledge again, as he props her legs on top of his lap, covering her in a blanket tenderly. “Food should be here in about half an hour. Got your favourite.” He smiles, turning the TV on. “Your call.” He hands her the remote, allowing her to browse the catalogue. His hands working their way to her fuzzy socks equipped feet, gently kneading, massaging away. His fingers worked, trying his best to calm away any ache from her long day.

For a moment, she just quite literally watches him, awestruck, at the way he’s treating her. She never quite imagined, she’d find someone this perfect. This utterly perfectly, in all senses. She’d really struck gold with this marvellous, wonderful man.

Unable to help herself, Y/N slides the heating pad off of her, rearranging her legs off of John’s lap. With his brows knit in confusion, John watches her move towards him, only stopping once her arms are wrapped around his neck, as she’d rest her head on his chest, sitting beside him. He engulfs her smaller frame, toned arms wrapped around her, as she rests on him, eyes closed in contentment.

“Also,” John starts again, leaning his chin on her head. “I can run to the supermarket quickly if you need me to pick up whatever you…use. I promise I’m not the type to get embarrassed.” He chuckles.

She stays silent for a moment, indulging in the way he’s holding her. If there’s one thing, that she cherished in the most, it was the way he held her close, each and every time. Letting her know he’s near.

That he’d always be near.

With a soft voice, she probes, tangling her legs with his. “John, are you real?”

John halts, slightly jumbled. “What do you mean, love?” he asks.

Shifting, she keeps her arms secure around his neck, close enough to breathe in his woody scent. “What man does this? I fear you’re just a dream. A really fucking amazing dream.” She cups his cheek in her hand, locking his gaze, sincerely.

“John, I know people have not been kind to you. I know they’ve cut at you and chipped you down each chance they got. But I need you to know,” She pauses briefly, collecting her words. “You are the most precious, amazing, wonderful man. You deserve so much. Don’t you dare forget it.” Bringing her hand down, she captures his, holding it tight. “I love you, John. I can’t say it enough.”

John looks down, having trouble holding her gaze. Perhaps he’d been told so often, too much, that he wasn’t worthy. Perhaps, he’d been called a monster far too many times to hear any truth to her words.

Perhaps, he was too far gone to believe anything she’d said. But it meant a lot, to hear it, regardless. It meant more than it may to anyone else, for John Wick, to hear, that someone thinks he’s good enough.

That he’s not a beast.

Relieving a breathy exhale, John looks up at her again. “I love you, Y/N.”

Resting her head back on his chest, Y/N takes her place again, limbs wrapped around her lover as she reposes. With her petite hand hovering, moving to place over his heart on his broad chest, both their gazes glance out the window to the city in the distance. The beautiful city, with it’s warm evening glow, glittering, glimmering, life bustling inside at its fast pace. It moves so fast, reminding us to take joy in the present, believe what is truly there, in the moment.

She whispers into the evening air, voice silken as the evening calm.

“You’re a good man, Jonathan.”

➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴

Taglist Posted Separately (Ask to be added or removed!) :

#john wick oneshot #john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick imagine #john wick imagines #john wick #john wick x y/n #john wick fanfic #john wick fluff #john wick fanfiction #john wick fic #john wick story #keanu reeves oneshot #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves imagines #keanu reeves x you #keanu reeves fanfic

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actress4him · 4 years ago

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Whumptober 2020 - Day 31

This is it! The very last post of Whumptober, and the long-awaited sequel to Day 8! If you're brand new to this whump party and haven't read it yet, you'll want to go back and do so before diving into this monstrosity. And when I say monstrosity I mean, it's looooooong. I wanted to do it justice and give you guys the ending you deserve, which...I'm hoping I pulled off. I'm not used to posting stuff so soon after writing it, without re-reading and editing over a period of time! Anyway, it wasn't one that I could easily just say, oh and they rescued him and put him in a pod and they lived happily ever after, because there was a whole bunch of emotional stuff everyone had to deal with, too. Thus the length, and the postponing of this post so I could actually finish it.

That said, this is actually more angst than it is whump, but hopefully there's enough whump to satisfy and hopefully it's a satisfying way to end the month. Enjoy!

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Day 31 (No. 29 and Alt. 7) - Reluctant Bedrest/Found Family

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Warnings: fantastic racism, self-hatred, death mention, blood, referenced animal attack, fever, infection, hallucinations, needles, panic attacks, suicide ideation

It had been nearly a week since they abandoned Keith. Discarded him, like garbage. Dropped him off on some deserted planet like some people back on Earth used to drop off animals that they didn’t want to have to take care of.

Shiro had always hated those people. Now he was one of them.

Except worse, because this wasn’t a puppy they had dumped on the side of the road, this was a hu-...okay, well only partly a human being, but a person, nonetheless. The person that he had seen as the little brother he never had for the past several years that he had known him. The person that he had sworn, even if only internally, to look after, always.

And sure, it wasn’t like it was his idea, but he had still let it happen. Yeah, if he had tried to fight it, Allura probably would have locked him in his room and done it without him. But he should have fought anyway. He should have let them drag him away like they had Keith that day they found out he was part Galra. Maybe they would have thrown him in a cell, too. Maybe then he’d actually be able to look at himself in the mirror now.

They wouldn’t have, though. He was human. He was trustworthy.

So trustworthy that he had turned his back on his brother, all for the sake of Voltron and the universe.

That was the lie he had been telling himself, the one thing that had kept him from jumping in his Lion and going after Keith for days. The universe needed Voltron. Therefore, the universe needed him. He was the leader of Voltron, he couldn’t just abandon the rest of the team and disobey the Princess’ orders for the sake of one man. Being a defender of the universe meant having to make sacrifices and hard choices.

And maybe all of that was actually true, but it was only half the story. Keith needed him. As the leader of Voltron, he should be setting an example for the rest of the team to follow, and should be able to make decisions for the good of every team member without being threatened and overruled by the Princess. Being a decent person who could live with his own choices meant not going against his own promises and ideals.

He knew all of that. But both sides seemed true, and which side seemed more important changed by the second.

To top it all off, the team had practically fallen apart since leaving Borulmyte. Not only were they down a Paladin, unable to form Voltron, but hardly anyone was speaking to each other unless forced. Allura was sulking because her father’s Lion wouldn’t accept her. Hunk, who had never seemed all that happy with the idea of kicking Keith out, seemed depressed. Pidge had pretty much locked herself in her room, he assumed furiously searching for any sign of her family. Lance was, as always, hard to get a read on, but he was noticeably quiet and stoic whenever he happened to appear. Coran had barely spoken a word the whole week.

And Shiro? He couldn’t stand to be around any of them. They were the ones who had done this to Keith. Sure, a couple had made weak arguments on his behalf at the beginning, but in the end they had all caved to Allura’s wishes and turned on him. He blamed them just as much as he blamed himself for sitting here in the comfort of the Castle while Keith...who even knew? At the very least he was alone and probably scared, even though he’d never admit that. At the worst, he could be struggling to survive, dying at that very moment, and none of them would ever know.

Whichever it was, he didn’t deserve it.

Coran had called a meeting on the bridge for something he said was urgent. It was probably another distress call, though the last one - the only mission they had attempted that week - had gone so terribly that Shiro wasn’t sure if they should even bother trying again. Running a smooth, successful mission is awfully difficult when no one wants to speak to each other, much less work in sync.

Usually he was the first one to arrive for meetings like this. Well, except for maybe Keith, but that wasn’t a thought he wanted to dwell on right then. This time, when he finally dragged himself to the bridge, the others were all already there, though none of them looked happy about it. Unlike in the past, when he always tried to keep up everyone’s morale by being focused and enthusiastic himself, no matter how he actually felt, now he didn’t bother. Crossing his arms, he let his face rest in exactly the scowl he was feeling.

“What is this about, Coran?”

“Yes, I would like to know as well.” Allura’s brow was furrowed, clearly not happy at being left out of the loop.

The orange-haired adviser wrung his hands, staring down at the floor. “Well, it’s...this is difficult to say. But…” Drawing in a deep breath that puffed out his chest, he finally looked up, catching each of their gazes. “I’ve been keeping something from you. It’s about Number F-...Keith. It’s about Keith.”

Keith’s name had practically become forbidden, so of course it automatically caught everyone’s attention. Shiro unfolded his arms and stepped forward. “What about Keith?” he demanded.

Coran’s eyes darted back to the floor. “He gave us messages to pass on to each of you. Before we left Borulmyte.”

“Coran!” Allura hissed.

“No, Princess.” The response took everyone in the room by surprise, including Allura if the expression on her face was any indication. None of them had ever heard Coran speak that way to her, especially not to tell her no. He took another breath and seemed to steel himself. “You know that I have always served the royal family willingly, and that I see you like a daughter. I would follow you anywhere. However...you are still young. A great burden has been placed on your shoulders, and you have done extraordinarily well with it. But sometimes you make mistakes, and this, my dear...this has been a grave mistake.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that we never should have left the boy behind. Galra or not, he has never proven himself anything but the most loyal of paladins, and yet we have punished him for a crime he did not commit.”

Shiro was torn between feeling relief that someone besides him was saying it, and anger that it hadn’t been said sooner. “Why didn’t you speak up when I was trying to convince them all of this same thing days ago?”

Coran flashed him a guilty expression. “Because I was too much of a coward. I didn’t want to speak against my Princess, even though I knew what she was doing was wrong.” Squaring his shoulders, he looked around at the other paladins again. “But regardless of what anyone else thinks or decides, I can do this. I can fulfill the boys’ last request before he was left behind.”

Something in Shiro’s gut twisted at that statement, and he could see some shuffling of feet and shifting of positions around him that pointed to the others feeling the same way. No one liked to be reminded of what they had done.

“Fine,” Allura finally spat. “Do what you must to clear your conscience.” She crossed her arms and leaned back against the console with a huff.

“First to Number Two...Hunk.” Coran gave the Yellow Paladin a gentle smile. “He wanted you to know that he would miss your cooking, especially the brownies you made for him.”

That was all it took for Hunk to start crying, though he said nothing in reply.

“Lance, he said to tell you that he never hated you, that you annoyed him sometimes but were a good friend, too.”

If Shiro hadn’t been intently watching, he might have missed the way Lance’s eyes widened before he ducked his head and scuffed his sneaker into the floor.

“Pidge, your message was that he really, really hopes you find your family. And that he kept meaning to tell you he thinks you’re doing great with your bayard.”

Her eyebrows pulled in tight at the first part, but at the second she blinked as if surprised and looked away.

“And besides his message to the Red Lion that he would miss her, and to us, thanking us for the opportunity to fly her…” He turned to stare at Allura for that, and she couldn’t hold his gaze, either… “That leaves you, Shiro.”

The other messages had already left him ripped open, so he wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to handle one meant just for him.

Coran lips pursed into a sad smile. “‘Just tell him I love him.’”

He felt as if all the walls came crashing down on him all at once. He loved him. Of course he did, he knew he did, they had always treated each other like brothers. But he had never said it. And now he had, and it was after Shiro had allowed him to be kicked out of the place they had all come to see as a home.

Spinning on his heel, he marched toward the door without a word.

“Shiro, wait, where are you going?”

If it had been any of the others, he might have just ignored them. But it was Hunk, so he at least threw the answer over his shoulder. “I’m going to get Keith.”

“Shiro -!”

“No!” This time he whirled around, sending all of his fury in a glare toward Allura. “I’m done letting you tell me how I should treat my little brother! I am going to get Keith, not the Galra, but our friend, the Red Paladin, the strongest and bravest and most loyal person I know, and no one is going to stop me! If you don’t want us back here, fine. I don’t care. Find yourself new Red and Black Paladins. But I won’t leave him down there a second longer.”

It was unclear whether Allura even knew what to say to that, but before she had the chance Hunk piped up again. “I’m coming with you! Erm, if...that’s okay.”

Shiro spared him a small smile. “Of course it is.”

No one said anything as they left the room. Hunk jogged a little to catch up to Shiro’s long, quick strides before matching his pace.

“I was a coward, too, like Coran said. Which, you know, isn’t really anything new, just...me being a coward isn’t usually at the expense of one of my friends. I was scared, to start with. Of him being, you know. Galra. But that’s stupid, really. Galra Keith is still Keith.”

“Yeah. He is.” He just hoped he was still Keith, still whole and well and not irrevocably changed, when they got to him. “I was just as much of a coward as anyone else, or more. I let the duty I felt to Voltron and the universe get in the way of the way I actually wanted to act. I should have gone after him right away.”

Hunk hummed in understanding. “Well, at least you actually stood up for him.”

They stopped off in their rooms to change into armor, then headed for Black and Yellow’s hangars. The long way, since they didn’t want to risk going back to the bridge and running into everyone else. Shiro had debated whether or not he should take Black, or just a pod, but decided that even if Allura wouldn’t let them stay, returning Black would give everyone a good chance to see Keith again and really make sure they wouldn’t change their minds.

“Since we don’t have a wormhole, it’s gonna take us a while to get there,” he told Hunk over the comms once they were situated in their Lions and starting to take off.

“I don’t mind. Just...how are we gonna find him once we’re there? I mean, he could have traveled a ways from where we...you know, left him.”

“I can track his quintessence.” The new voice took him by surprise, but not nearly as much as spinning around to find Green and Blue hovering over the Castle. “But I’ll have to be pretty close to him first. So we’ll still have to fly around for a while to try to catch a signal, then we’ll be able to narrow it down to a smaller area.”

Shiro was too shocked by their appearance to come up with a reasonable response, so he just ended up echoing, “We?”

Lance’s solemn face popped up on a video screen in front of him, followed by another with Pidge’s. “Yeah, we,” he said, mouth set in a firm line. “We’ve been stupid, and we wanna fix it. If...if we can.”

Clenching his jaw, Shiro sighed. “That’ll be up to Keith, I suppose. What kind of shape he’s in, and...whether he’ll forgive us.”

“We don’t really deserve it,” Pidge mumbled.

“No, we don’t. But let’s go ask for it anyway.”

They talked a little as they flew. It was quiet, and a bit awkward, but it was more than they had talked all week. Lance admitted that he had been having doubts ever since they left, memories of time spent with Keith haunting his thoughts. The message had just sealed the deal.

Pidge shrugged when asked about her change of heart, and quietly conceded that she didn’t think she had ever really believed he was a bad guy. She was just hurting, and he had been the perfect target to take it out on. Her desperation to find her family had blinded her.

They were several hours into a trip that Hunk calculated would take a few days when a wormhole appeared in front of them, seemingly out of nowhere. Every Lion pulled up short, exclamations of surprise echoing across the comms.

Shiro jerked his Lion around to find the Castle looming behind them. His immediate thought was that Coran had somehow taken over and caught up with them, but Coran couldn’t make wormholes.

“...Allura?”

Her voice over the comms was more tentative than he thought he had ever heard it. “I have not yet decided to trust him. But I...I have seen how passionate all of you are about this, and I am...willing to reconsider my original stance.”

It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was more than he had expected. He’d take it.

“Alright guys. Let’s go bring our boy home.”

The sight of the planet Borulmyte made Shiro’s stomach turn a flip. This was it. This was the place where Keith had been living for the past week. He couldn’t even imagine what it had been like for him. Allura and Pidge had done extensive research on multiple planets before deciding that this was the best one, and they had had plenty of “reassuring” things to say about it. He had always wondered, though, what they weren’t saying. Or what their research hadn’t turned up. There was no way that they could have known everything there was to know about a planet just from reading about it. “Livable conditions” didn’t mean enjoyable conditions.

“Coran and I will stay here with the Castle. Keep us updated.”

Shiro gave a nod. “Pidge, how close do you need to be to pick up Keith’s quintessence?”

“Within a few miles.”

“Alright. We’ll start at the drop off point. I’m gonna guess he would have headed east, into the forest, to find shelter.” That was the one reassurance he had about the whole situation, knowing that Keith was trained in survival skills. “We’ll head there first, and take it mile by mile.”

It took them the rest of the day. Only a fraction of that time had passed when Shiro started to run every possible horrible scenario through his mind of why they weren’t finding it, even though he knew that they probably just hadn’t hit the right spot yet.

“There!” Pidge shouted. “I’ve got it!”

Relief flooded Shiro down to his toes. “Alright. Mark this location. We’ll have to go land in the desert and fly back in the Green Lion. She’s the only one small enough to fit in that little clearing over there.

The little clearing, as it turned out, was around a creek that seemed to be clear and safe. His relief grew just a little more. If Keith had managed to end up this close to a water source, then maybe he was doing okay.

“Okay, Pidge. Lead the way.”

Hiking through the woods took almost another full day. A day in which the sun never actually rose. He hadn’t paid attention to start with, when they were still flying, because constant darkness outside had become the new norm, but now that they were on solid ground it was painfully obvious that they had yet to see light this entire time. And the temperature gauge on his helmet display was much lower than he wanted it to be. Livable? Yes. Comfortable without armor? No. He wanted to interrogate Allura and Pidge on whether they knew about this when they had chosen to send Keith to this planet, but it wasn’t the time. He had to focus on finding Keith, nothing else.

After hours and hours of walking by only the flashlights built into their helmets, during which time no one, not even Lance, dared to complain, there was finally a spike on Pidge’s quintessence tracker.

“Over here!” she shouted, taking off at a sprint through the underbrush.

The others followed, swatting branches and bushes out of their way. Any second, Shiro expected to run into Keith. Maybe sitting in whatever hideout he had found, or out hunting for food in the never-ending darkness, his eyebrows flying up in surprise when he saw them all rushing in.

Instead, when he stumbled to a halt beside Pidge, she was staring at the ground, and there was no Keith in sight.

“Pidge? What is it?”

Lifting a shaky finger, she pointed. Even before he looked, Shiro could feel his chest tightening with anxiety. And for good reason, too. The stain that was illuminated on the dirt and leaves was dried, at least a couple of days old, but it was undeniably blood. It was also concerningly large, and with the quintessence tracker crackling louder than they had heard it so far, there was no getting around the fact that it belonged to Keith.

Hunk immediately began babbling his worries, but Shiro’s heart was pounding too loudly in his ears for him to comprehend what he was actually saying. For a long moment he just stared at the bloodstain. It wasn’t until Lance stepped in closer to speak that he was broken out of his trance.

“Shiro? Do you think he’s…”

“No.” Yes. He didn’t know. It was a lot of blood. But he wouldn’t allow himself to believe that Keith was anything but okay until he saw him with his own eyes. “Pidge, is there a trail?”

She tore her eyes away to look at the screen, pacing back and forth a bit before nodding wordlessly and taking off through the bush. If her steps were a bit quicker now, no one blamed her. They just picked up their pace, too, solemn and silent other than Lance quietly updating Allura and Coran on what they had found.

Every once in a while, a small patch of dark red on a leaf or tree trunk would catch Shiro’s eye. He tried to take it as a good sign. If Keith had been able to pick himself up from whatever had happened and trek through the woods, then maybe he wasn’t too bad off. At the time. Two or more days later? It was impossible to say.

The walk from there only took a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Finally, finally, he spotted a small cave over the top of Pidge’s head, just as the tracker grew in volume and Pidge broke into a run.

“Keith? Keith!”

He was right on her heels, barreling through the opening, terrified of what he would find. And what he did see was almost exactly what he had feared - Keith, his skin far too pale under their flashlights, lying completely still on the ground next to the cold, charred remains of a campfire. There were rough slashes in his t-shirt, through which bloody scabs could be seen, and his right leg was almost entirely wrapped in large blue leaves tied off with what looked like dried grass. It didn’t take much guesswork to figure out that the sporadic dark stains on the leaves were blood.

“Keith.” Shiro was by his side without really knowing how he got there, sliding down onto his knees next to the unmoving figure. “No, no, no, no, Keith, come on, don’t do this to me.” He carded his hand through the messy black hair. “Keith, please.”

Pale lips parted, and a groan spilled out. Shiro nearly fell over with relief. Somewhere behind him, Lance was exclaiming his own relief in Spanish, while Hunk hovered just over his shoulder. Keith’s forehead, which he now noticed was coated in a sheen of sweat, furrowed, and he turned his head slightly to face Shiro before squinting his eyes open.

“Go ‘way,” he rasped, taking all of them by surprise. “‘re not real.”

“Yeah, yeah we are, buddy.” He stroked his hair again, then yanked off his glove so he could lay his flesh hand against his cheek, trying not to wince at the heat that met his touch. A fever. Whatever that wound was on his leg, it had probably gotten infected. No wonder he didn’t think they were real. “Doesn’t this feel real?”

Keith seemed to consider this, his brain probably having to work twice as hard as usual to process anything. Finally there was what seemed to be acceptance in those glazed eyes, but instead of seeming happy or confused or surprised or any of the emotions that they might have expected, he simply let his head roll back to the side and closed his eyes. “Come to...finish me off?”

“What? Keith, no, why would you think that?” Hunk exclaimed, dropping down right next to Shiro. “We came to take you home.”

“We’ve, uh...we were really terrible to you. It was really, really wrong,” Lance joined in.

Pidge shuffled her feet awkwardly. “Yeah. We, um. We want you to come back.”

“Even Allura is willing to reconsider, but whatever she decides, we're getting you out of here.” Shiro took one of Keith’s hands in his own and squeezed. “I never should have let her dictate how you were treated to start with.”

Silence fell for a moment. Keith cut his eyes up toward Shiro, not moving his head. “Knew you weren’t real.”

Pidge gave an exasperated grunt. “Keith -”

“Don’t worry about it right now.” Sliding his glove back on, Shiro straightened and got ready to pick Keith up bridal style. “He’s burning up with an infection. We’ll have to talk to him later, once he can actually comprehend what’s going on. For now let’s just get him back to the Castle and into a pod.”

Shiro scooped Keith up gently into his arms, causing him to cry out when his leg was jostled. “I’m sorry, bud,” he whispered. “You’re gonna be okay.” He didn’t at all like how light he felt, nor how gaunt his face looked. It had only been a week, but it didn’t seem like he had eaten much in that time.

Now that they knew where they were going, the walk back to the Green Lion went by quickly. Pidge flew them back to their own Lions, with Hunk and Lance towing Black to the Castle so that Shiro could stay in Green’s cargo hold with Keith. He didn’t want to let him go, couldn’t even keep his eyes off of him. He was too afraid that if he looked away, he would be gone, would succumb to his infection or perhaps just vanish into thin air. In the better lighting of the Lion, Keith looked all the more pale and feverish, his breaths coming shallow as he mumbled unintelligible words and occasionally whimpered with pain.

“What kind of injuries are we dealing with here, Number One?”

Shiro barely remembered arriving at the Castle and exiting the Green Lion, but there he was, standing next to Coran and a stretcher. Tenderly, he settled Keith down onto the padded surface. “Not sure. Maybe an animal attack of some kind? I haven’t been able to get a look at his wounds yet. He’s got a fever for sure, though, so they’re probably infected.”

Coran’s face turned grim. “That’s unfortunate. We won’t be able to put him into cryosleep until his temperature is back to normal.”

Gritting his teeth, Shiro found Keith’s hand and held it as they walked toward the infirmary. Poor kid just couldn’t catch a break. He didn’t deserve any of this. And now it sounded like when he was back to himself, they were going to have to go back through a whole three years’ worth of self-esteem boosting...maybe even more. He let out a long sigh. It seemed like he had just finally convinced Keith that he was worth loving, that he was important, that not everyone in his life was going to abandon him.

Then he sat back and let everyone in his life abandon him.

Coran sucked in a loud breath through his teeth as he peeled back the crude leaf bandages. “Yes, this is most certainly infected. And I would say that your animal attack hypothesis is correct. These look mostly like tooth marks. Quite deep.”

It looked mostly like a mangled, bloody mess to Shiro. His stomach turned, not just from the smell of the infection, and he was glad that Hunk wasn’t there at the moment. “What do we need to do?”

“Well, I’ll need to clean these. You might want to hold him down for that part.”

Keith bucked and writhed under Shiro’s hands as Coran poured antiseptic over his leg, screaming in agony. Shiro was pretty sure his heart was permanently residing in his throat now. He whispered reassurances, hardly knowing what he was saying, well aware that Keith probably couldn’t hear or comprehend any of it.

After a thorough cleaning, Coran wrapped the leg in clean bandages and pulled a thin sheet up over his waist. Shiro sank into the bedside chair, relieved beyond words that the worst part was over. They spoke very little as they went about the rest of the work that needed to be done, Coran handing Shiro the antiseptic and a clean cloth so that he could work on the claw marks across Keith’s chest, then focusing himself on preparing an IV bag of antibiotics and nutrients. Shiro gently smoothed adhesive bandages over the cuts when he was done. When he looked up, Coran was sliding the IV into place in the back of Keith’s hand.

“That should do it for now. I’m going to get a cool, wet cloth to help bring his fever down, but he should recover just fine.”

It was only then that Shiro finally allowed himself to dissolve into tears, like he had been wanting to ever since finding Keith in that cave. Burying his face in his hands, he let the tears soak his cheeks and the sobs wrack his body, uncaring for once that someone was there to see him fall apart.

A sturdy hand landed on his back, rubbing soothing circles. “There, there, lad. I know it’s been a rough few quintants, but it’ll be alright.”

“Will it?” Shiro scrubbed at his face with his flesh hand. “You should have seen him, Coran. I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to trust any of us again.”

The adviser heaved a sigh. “I don’t know, either. I’m not sure if I would be able to trust us, if the roles were reversed. But perhaps, with time, we’ll be able to prove to him that we do, indeed, care for him.”

Once Shiro had cried himself out, Coran convinced him to go change out of his armor and possibly get something to eat. He was surprised to find all three of the other paladins sprawled out on the floor just outside the infirmary, remnants of snacks scattered around them and expectant looks on their faces.

“Well? Is he...okay?” Pidge asked tentatively.

Shiro sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Physically, it seems so. He’s stable for now, at least, and Coran thinks he’ll be fine. We just have to make sure his fever doesn’t get too high.”

They all nodded slowly, seeming lost in thought. He imagined they were all thinking about the “other than physically” part that he had failed to comment on.

Hunk cleared his throat. “Is he awake?”

He shook his head. “He’s been in and out, but he’s resting pretty peacefully for now.”

“We didn’t want to, you know, be in the way,” Lance supplied. “But you can let us know when it’s okay for us to see him. Or we can take turns watching out for him.”

“Alright. I’ll let you know.” Right now he couldn’t imagine leaving his side, not for longer than he was doing right now. As he started down the hall again toward his quarters, he met another unexpected presence - Allura, lurking just around the corner from where the paladins sat, looking abnormally anxious. He stopped abruptly, not sure he was ready to see her again yet.

“I heard your update,” she stated after a moment of awkward silence. When Shiro said nothing in return, she pursed her lips. “I suppose we have some more discussions ahead of us now.”

“No. We don’t.” Allura’s eyebrows flew up in surprise, but he didn’t give her time to respond. “There’s nothing to discuss. Either you accept Keith back as the Red Paladin...and treat him just as well as the other paladins, or he and I leave. Whether or not the others stay is up to them.”

Allura’s brow furrowed, and she dropped her gaze to the floor with nothing else to say. Pushing past her, Shiro continued to his room, hurrying through changing so he could be back with Keith.

.o.0.O.0.o.

They would tell Keith later that he had been out of it for around two days before the fever broke. All he knew was that he woke up in the infirmary of the Castle with no memory of how he had gotten there, and assumed he must have been hallucinating again. He was actually a bit surprised that the wounds from that death beast hadn’t killed him yet...or maybe they had. Maybe this was some sort of purgatory or something, though the infirmary seemed like a strange choice.

It made a bit more sense when he turned his head to the right and saw Coran sitting there studying him. Seemed maybe he was going to have to face people he had failed in life before he could move on to whatever came next.

“Are you with us this time, my boy?”

Wrinkling his eyebrows at the strange question, Keith licked his dry lips with an equally dry tongue and tried to come up with something to say, but all that came out was a raspy, “What?”

Immediately Coran went into action, producing a hydration pack from somewhere nearby and holding the straw up to Keith’s lips. The cool liquid hit his throat like a slice of heaven, and he gulped greedily.

“Not too fast, now. Don’t want you making yourself sick.”

Keith nearly whined when the straw was pulled away, but he could already feel the liquid sloshing around inside of him, so it was probably for the best. Clearing his throat, he decided he could try talking again. “What am I doing here?”

“You were in pretty bad shape when the others found you. Something had torn your leg all up, and it had gotten infected. We couldn’t put you in a cryopod until your fever went down, which it seems it now has.”

His eyes darted around the cavernous white room. “So...this is real?”

The corner of Coran’s mouth tilted up. “Yes. It’s real.”

He had kinda suspected after the water. But that left one major question…“Why?”

Before Coran could respond, the door slid open, and Keith turned his head to see Shiro enter the room. The sight of his surrogate brother had him torn between happiness and a strange sense of dread, leaving him to clench the sheets in his fists and wait for some kind of reaction to come. Half of him expected it to be disgust, or anger, or maybe just an apathetic announcement of what his new punishment for existing was to be.

Instead, Shiro’s face lit up with a happy, almost hopeful expression. “Keith?”

“Wait, is Keith awake?” another voice called from the hallway behind him. Lance’s head poked through the doorway, making Keith’s stomach clench, before he turned and yelled back down the hall. “Hey guys, Keith’s awake!”

All at once the infirmary was filled with almost all the people who hated him, all crowding around his bed and staring down at him with faces he couldn’t read. They were going to hurt him. He knew they would, why else would they have brought him back here? Obviously they had changed their minds and decided they had been too lenient. What were they going to do to him? How much pain would he be in now?

He couldn’t breathe. Suddenly it felt like that beast was sitting on top of him again, crushing his chest, and he struggled to draw in air through an open mouth while tears stung his eyes. His hands shook where they were still gripping the sheets. People were talking, but it sounded as if his ears were stuffed full of cotton and he couldn’t make out any of the words.

He almost didn’t notice when the crowd above him dispersed, but it did help his breaths start to come a little easier. Only there was still Shiro, and he still didn’t know where Shiro stood on any of this. The Black Paladin sat down next to the bed and tried to grasp his hand. Keith yanked it away.

“Don’t...don’t.”

“Okay. I won’t touch you. Do you know where you are?”

Of course he knew, that was the whole problem. “Yes.”

“Okay. You’re safe now, Keith.”

Safe. Yeah, right. There was no such thing as safe, not anymore. He had thought the Castle was safe, that these people were safe, but he had been wrong. “Why?”

Shiro looked at him in mild confusion before choosing what to say. “We made a mistake, leaving you there. We -”

Keith rolled away, tucking his hands up next to his chest, cringing at the pain that still radiated through his leg. He didn’t want to hear it explained, how they wanted to punish him further. Yet at the same time, he needed to know what was coming.

“Keith…”

“Now?”

It had been a long time since Shiro had needed to interpret his one word sentences, but luckily it seemed he was still good at it. “Now you keep resting and getting better until we can put you in a pod for your leg.”

“Why?”

That one seemed to give him pause. “So...you’ll be well.”

Were they really going to prolong the torture like this? Make him get well before they did away with him? He curled up tighter. “Just...kill. Now.”

“Kill? Keith -”

“Please.”

The chair scraped across the floor, and Keith flinched. Footsteps came around the bed. He tensed, waiting for the blow. The air in front of his face stirred, and Shiro’s voice came from very close.

“Keith, can you look at me, please?” When he didn’t comply, Shiro put a hand on his fists and pulled them down so that they were face to face. “No one is going to kill you. No one is going to hurt you. You’re back on the Castle because we were wrong. They were wrong about you being untrustworthy, and I was wrong about my duty to Voltron being more important than my duty to you. I’m so, so sorry that I let them kick you out, and that I didn’t come after you sooner. You will always be more important to me than the rest of the universe. You’re my brother. I love you.”

Tears welled up in Keith’s eyes despite his reluctance to believe any of it. Tugging his hands out from under Shiro’s, he covered his face again, unable to respond.

Shiro let out a long, quiet sigh. “The others want to apologize, too, at some point. But for now you should try to get some more rest. You’re still recovering from the infection.”

He didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t trust that he wouldn’t be messed with while he was asleep. But his body decided for him that it was ready, drifting off without his permission.

.o.0.O.0.o.

Keith hadn’t really improved by the next couple of days. He slept some, he ate some, and his color and temperature seemed to be returning to normal. But he regarded everyone who came into the room with the wary stare of a cornered wild animal, and he still wasn’t speaking more than one or two words at a time, if that. Just as Shiro had feared, he had reverted back to the year that they had met, except worse.

He tried to spend as much time in the infirmary with him as he could, hoping that the company would eventually coax him into relaxing. The other paladins still hadn’t gotten their chance to talk to him. Everyone, including Shiro, was afraid their presence would trigger another panic attack. He had already nearly gone into one when Hunk had delivered his breakfast that morning, and had been extra jumpy around Coran, too.

Shiro was eating his own breakfast, trying not to focus too much on the fact that Keith’s was just sitting there untouched, when he heard a telltale sniffle. Keith was sitting up, propped on some pillows against the wall, but his head was turned away from Shiro, as was pretty common. Even so, he could see the shimmer of a tear as it streaked down his face. Setting aside his bowl, he rounded the bed and settled down on the edge, expecting the flinch that followed but still hating it.

“Talk to me, Keith.”

He didn’t expect a response at all, and especially not a long one. But Keith angrily dashed the tears away, forever hating himself for ever crying, and spoke in a hoarse whisper. “Why didn’t you just leave me there?”

Shiro’s eyes widened. “What? Why?”

“I was almost dead. It would have all been over. You should have just left me there.”

Heart aching, he scooted in closer, though Keith leaned even further back away from him. “Keith, no. We don’t want you dead. We want you here, alive and well, with us. If you died, I...I thought you were dead, when I first saw you. And it was like...it was like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I don’t know if I could survive it.”

Keith’s face, passive up until then, creased with a look of emotional pain that Shiro could hardly stand. “But why should I live? I’m...I’m Galra, Shiro. I’m one of them. But not even really Galra, just some cross-breed freak of nature. I never should have existed. Maybe that’s why my mother walked out on me, she knew I was a freak and she couldn’t stand to -”

“Stop it. Keith, stop.” He grabbed his shoulder and shook it, not caring at the moment whether it startled him. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You are not defined by who your parents or grandparents or anyone else were. You are you. You are Keith Kogane, Red Paladin of Voltron, best pilot at the Galaxy Garrison. You’re a survivor. You’re a fighter. Not because you have Galra blood, but because the universe has thrown every hard thing that it could think of at you and you’re still standing strong.”

“I’m not standing strong, don’t you see me?” Keith met his eyes finally, a tiny bit of his old spark of anger visible. “I’m pathetic. Maybe I was the Red Paladin, maybe I was a survivor and a fighter, but right now I don’t think I can be any of those things. I don’t want to fight anymore, Shiro. I’m tired of surviving. I just want…” He broke down into tears again, covering his face with his hands.

Moving over closer, Shiro wrapped his arms around his brother and pulled him in tight. “You want what?”

Keith’s shoulders shuddered beneath him. “I don’t want to be here. I don’t trust any of them. I can’t trust any of them.”

“I know.”

For a long time, they sat together like that, Keith’s face buried in Shiro’s chest while he cried out all his tears. Shiro ran his fingers through his hair, trying desperately to come with anything he could say to comfort him.

“Do you think you could listen to them, if they come and talk to you? Just one at a time, not everyone at once. I know they’re really anxious to speak to you, and I think it might do you some good, too.” Or at least he hoped.

It took him a minute to answer. “I don’t know.”

“Okay. Well, it doesn’t have to be now. But I’d like you to consider it.”

Keith just nodded.

.o.0.O.0.o.

He had been in bed for days. The infection was all but gone, there was no longer any danger in putting him in a pod, and doing so had been brought up a couple of times. But Shiro and Coran must have noticed how he shrank into himself every time it was mentioned, because they dropped the subject and just continued to let him stay there.

He didn’t want to go in a pod. Being forced unconscious for who knew how many hours or days was just too vulnerable, and he already felt that way far too much, anyway. After all, he was stuck in bed in the middle of a ship full of people who hated him. He was pretty confident that Shiro would try his best to protect him, and Coran might, too. The Altean had taken the time to sit down and apologize to him for his role in the whole mess, and based on the way he had been treating him Keith was fairly sure he could be trusted.

But that left four others, all who had weapons, one of whom had some kind of weird magic and was literally connected to the Castle. He didn’t feel safe, and he hated it. There hadn’t been many places in his life that he had been able to truly let down his guard and feel safe. A foster home or two, though later on he had become so jaded that even the good ones didn’t feel like they would last. The Garrison to some extent, at least as long as Shiro was there.

And the Castle. Yeah, there was always the chance of an attack, and there had been the couple of times that someone had snuck on board without them knowing. But in all of those situations he had known that there were people around who had his back, people that he could count on. It was the most at home he had felt since Shiro had left for Kerberos.

Now it was those very same people that he was afraid of, as stupid and weak as that made him. The thought was almost laughable. Him? Afraid of Lance, Hunk, and Pidge? But he couldn’t get the hatred he had seen in some of their eyes out of his head. Couldn’t forget the venom in their voices. Couldn’t erase all the times he had watched them, hallucinations or not, show up in that cave with insults on their lips and weapons in their hands, ready to make him pay for the crime of being part Galra.

He didn’t want to talk to them. But he knew that Shiro really wanted him to, and that meant he would have to do it sooner or later. Maybe if he went ahead and got it over with, they’d leave him alone more, and then when his leg was healed enough that he could actually walk it’d be easier to leave. He hadn’t figured out where he was going - definitely not back to Borulmyte - or how he’d get there, but leaving was the best option for everybody.

“Will you...stay? If I let them…”

Once again, Shiro knew exactly what he was talking about, despite the question being out of the blue. “Of course. I’ll be right here with you the whole time.”

Sinking back into the pillows, Keith hugged himself. “Okay.”

Shiro smiled softly. “Okay. I’ll send them a message and let them know you’re ready.”

Hunk was the first to come in. He burst into tears pretty much as soon as he walked through the door and saw Keith, and cried so much the whole time that his many, many apologies could barely be understood. It made Keith uncomfortable, if he was honest. He had never known how to deal with tears, his own or anyone else’s. But Hunk was so obviously genuine and straightforward, and he had always had a hard time believing that there was any part of such a loving person that could have held such malice.

“I get it.” It took everything in him to force multiple words out, but he knew he had to this time. “It’s hard to...stand up. When...everyone else...disagrees. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay, it’s so not okay!” Hunk blubbered. “I don’t know if it would have done any good for me to say anything or not, but I still should have done it.”

Keith nodded. “Okay. You’re right. It wasn’t okay. But…” He took a deep breath. “I forgive you.”

The way Hunk’s face lit up was totally worth the difficulty of saying the words. “Really, man? Thank you. Like, really, thank you, you don’t know how happy that makes me. I know we’ve never been, like, the best of friends, but I’ve always really wanted to get to know you better, I mean if you’d be okay with that, it’s totally up to you, but maybe sometime when you’re feeling better we can like, hang out? Also I know you haven’t been eating much right now but I am definitely making you brownies when you feel up to eating them. Like, a ton of brownies. All the brownies I can possibly make. Hey, maybe you could help me make the brownies! Cooking is such a good way to bond, I can’t believe I haven’t thought of it before! What do you think, does that sound okay? Or I mean, if you really don’t want to hang out with me at all, I totally understand that, too, I just -”

“Hunk.” Keith’s lips twitched upward slightly as the breathless Yellow Paladin finally screeched to a halt. “Yeah. Sounds good.”

Hunk beamed. “Great! Okay, I’m gonna like, go, and let somebody else come in here, ‘cause, yeah. Feel better, Keith!”

When the room was empty again, Shiro leaned over and squeezed his hand. “How do you feel?”

“Good.” He was surprised to find it was actually pretty true. A small burden had been lifted from his chest.

“Good. You ready for Lance or Pidge?”

Keith’s heart started beating double time again. “Lance.” Even though he had been more active in the process of his condemnation, Pidge’s response had hurt the worst.

The boy that came into the infirmary wasn’t the Lance that Keith knew. He couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off the floor, or his hands, or anything but Keith and Shiro, and when he spoke his voice was so soft it was barely audible.

“I don’t know why I did it.” He picked at a loose thread on his jeans. “I just get...so emotional, so caught up in the moment sometimes...I’m really just as much of a hothead as you are.”

If his demeanor and apology hadn’t caught Keith’s attention, that statement did. Lance, admitting he was as bad as Keith at something? “Thought that was because...I’m Galra.”

Lance’s face pinched. “Yeah. I said some pretty stupid things. I mean…” He shrugged. “Who knows, maybe it is because you’re Galra. But still, it’s...you’re just you. And that’s okay. Maybe we don’t always get along, but I don’t really think you’re evil. I mean, I guess I kinda thought you could be. It was stupid, though. I’m an idiot, that’s what I’m getting at. There’s no real explanation, just...I’m sorry, like I said.”

Part of Keith wanted to accept that. Part of him didn’t think he could. “I...thanks. For apologizing. I think...maybe I can forgive you...soon? Maybe not yet. But, yeah. Soon.”

Lance nodded. “That’s fair. I didn’t really expect you to, like, at all, so…” He finally flicked his eyes up to meet Keith’s. “I think you and I could use to work on some things, anyway. Like, you know, not acting like we hate each other. Because I don’t. Hate you, that is. And I’m...pretty sure based on what Coran said that you don’t hate me, either.”

“No. I don’t. And yeah, that...that sounds good.”

“Okay. Good.” A brief smile flashed over his face, then he nodded again and excused himself.

“You still doing okay?”

Keith pressed his lips together. “Think so. I’m nervous, though. About Pidge.”

Shiro smiled sympathetically. “I know. Just give her a chance, ‘kay?”

Pidge shuffled into the room in a very similar fashion to Lance, eyes on the floor. She perched on the very edge of the chair that each paladin had occupied, kicking her feet back and forth since they didn’t quite touch the floor. In a low voice, she said her apology and explained that she had let her hurt over her family get the best of her, but insisted that it didn’t excuse her blaming him.

It took a moment longer than the others for him to find his words. “I remember what it was like...missing somebody. Believing that they were still out there, but not knowing for sure. I mean, it wasn’t my actual family...unless you count my mom, which...at least I knew she chose to leave. So, she’s...probably fine.” Just didn’t want him. “But Shiro is the closest thing I’ve had to family since...since my Pops. And it’s hard. I mean, I kinda went ballistic, broke into a commanding officer’s office, punched a bunch of other officers, and got kicked out of the Garrison.”

“You what?” Shiro broke in, sitting forward, then realized his interruption and sat back, waving a hand. “Never mind. Sorry. We’ll talk later.”

Pidge snickered a little, and Keith took that as encouragement to continue. “But, yeah. I know how hard it is, and I would never, never wish that on someone else.”

Her head popped up, eyes wide and wet behind her glasses. “I know you wouldn’t. I know...I know you didn’t have anything to do with it, I never should have said something like that. You...you’re right, you understand probably more than anyone else, and I…” She trailed off, ducking her head as tears spilled down her cheeks.

Once again, there was someone crying in front of him, and he didn’t know what to do. But he was pretty sure what any of the other paladins would have offered in this situation, so… “Do you, um...need a...hug?”

The next thing he knew he had an armful of Pidge, curled up on the bed next to him and leaving tears and snot all over his shirt. He patted her back awkwardly. “You’ll find them. I know you will.”

“Why are you comforting me? I’m supposed to be in here helping you to feel better, this is not how this is supposed to work!”

Keith frowned. “Um...sorry?”

Pidge glared at him, not at all intimidating with her sopping wet face. “No, don’t apologize, that’s my job, too!”

“Sorry!”

She punched him in the ribs. “You’re a good hugger. Why are you such a good hugger.”

Keith was just getting more confused the longer this conversation went on. “I...don’t know? It certainly isn’t from practice.”

Tilting her head back, she narrowed her eyes at him as if she could see into his mind. “Do you not like hugs?”

“No, I...do.”

“Then I’m gonna hug you. Every day. From now on.”

“Aw, can I get Keith hugs every day, too?”

Keith startled a little bit when he realized that Hunk and Lance had returned to the room, but forced himself to relax. This was okay. They weren’t going to hurt him. They had all been very open with him, and even though it was going to take some time, he thought he could learn to trust them again.

“I...guess?”

“Yay!” Hunk settled onto the end of the bed, and Lance took the now empty chair, folding his long legs up into it. Shiro scooted forward again to be in Keith’s line of vision.

“How are you feeling now? Think maybe you can keep surviving a little longer?”

He felt Pidge tense in his arms, and Hunk’s face froze while Lance’s went carefully blank. Keith swallowed. “Yeah. I think...maybe I’m ready for that pod now. So I can finally get out of this bed and...I don’t know, kinda figure this out all over again.”

Shiro ruffled his hair fondly. “I’m glad. We’ll all be there with you for every step, okay?”

There was one more question, though. “What about Allura?”

Shiro’s face darkened slightly. “I’ve already told her she can either treat you the same as everyone else, or we’re leaving.”

“Nah, we won’t leave,” Pidge piped up. “There’s more of us than there are of her now. We’ll just stage a mutiny.”

Keith laughed awkwardly. “Somehow I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

“I don’t think so, either, because I think she’ll come around,” Lance said. “But the point is, Mullet...we’re gonna support you.”

“You’re part of the Space Family now, dude!” Hunk cheered.

“Exactly,” Shiro smiled. “And Space Family has to stick together.”

The others kept chattering quietly, someone throwing in something about “ohana” in a weird voice, which triggered a whole conversation about some movie that he didn’t care about keeping up with. Closing his eyes, Keith let his body truly relax for the first time since before going to the Blade.

And he felt safe.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much to everyone who joined me this month!!! This was my first ever Tumblr writing challenge, and it was a blast. You guys are what made it so much fun, with all the comments and likes and reblogs! Thank you!

If you want more Keith whump from me sometime in the future, you can follow me on here, on FFN, or follow the series "In which I whump Keith" on AO3...and if you haven't read Abyss yet (my first Keith whump fic!), you should check it out!

Happy Halloween and Happy Whumping!

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acadstuds · 4 years ago

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my first ever year in uni is done! to commemorate, I’ve wanted to share how I experienced college and how I coped through it, with the stress and all. although with the current times, some of these may not be relevant as of the moment since most have transitioned to online classes, though when the time comes and we can all do onsite classes once again, I hope this would help you guys in some way! 😊 this is typewritten in laps lock btw sorry hihi

(note that I said ‘kinda’ since these are all just personal opinions and obviously, we all have different experiences hehe but nonetheless I hope this is helpful ily all <3 also, I put related links in some parts so that you guys can check it out if you want!)

what to expect in uni?

adjustment period. this is inevitable. the length varies to each person, however. some may instantly click within just a day, but others it may take weeks. hey, it's okay. don't beat yourself up for it. it takes time! you'll learn to be comfortable with your surroundings in time.

adapting to new surroundings. like I said, this varies. but personally, it would be great it if you become familiar with places around your uni and all the hidden treasures it has for you within your first few weeks. this will make it easier for you to find a place you can call your own nook, where you can feel comfortable staying while studying, like a hole-in-the-wall cafe or study hub. this helps give you a sense of constancy, having a place that you can always go to.

feeling like an outsider. it happens. being a freshman obviously means that you don't know anything that happens within the campus. the traditions are all new to you and don't be embarrassed if you're not aware of it beforehand. heck, most of them doing it probably don't even know them when they were freshmen either. soon, you'll come to learn about it, and it may even become part of your traditions as well!

how to make friends?

try to at least to make one friend or two during the start, especially when you are given tours or any freshmen activity the uni has prepared, so you won't be alone and risk getting lost by yourself!

if you have a block, this goes the same as well! a simple smile and some small talk can do wonders. then again, it is completely understandable if you can't make the first move. don't fret over it! there will be a lot of friendly and nice people who can do so, and you can start from there :)

but remember also, this people you get to know may or may not be the ones you'll be spending your whole college life with. sometimes by the end of the year, you're not even seeing the first people you hung out with, and that's completely okay! but also remember to have at least someone with you, a support system if you may call it. I swear it will make your life in college 100x more bearable, especially if you're far away from your friends back at home.

(quick disclaimer: I commute my way to uni, so I don't have a dorm, but I have tons of friends who do! so here's what I learned through them, especially during the times I had to stay the night at their place for a requirement or a night out drinking hehe)

having a designated container for everything

this makes everything easier to navigate to, especially if you're running late since you already know what you need to get and where to get it. if you have roommates, this makes it easier for you to know whose is who and avoid mixing all of your things together.

you can buy some cute little boxes for your containers to add some decorations, but if you decide to go with some old brown food pack boxes, as long as you know where you're putting them, go ahead.

how you decide to organize them in the container, however, is completely up to you. to recommend, I would like to follow the ever so famous KonMari method (here’s a good article to understand all about it, with videos!) as this has really made it easier for me personally in my own room, as I have my own containers as well.

stay clean - please do.

for starters, I think it's completely necessary to at least clean your room, like a general cleaning, once a month.

sweeping the floor? at least twice a week.

taking the trash out? at least every other day.

cleaning/organizing your desk? every time before you go to bed or before class.

this will help not just in making everything more sanitized, but it’s also a good way to practice self-discipline. cleaning is also known to be very therapeutic! (great article links here: x, x) like they say, a clear desk, clear mind. keeping your space clean is the least you can do for yourself.

roommates

it is both a hit or miss if you're roommates with a friend. believe me. this can either strengthen your relationship, or not.

the important thing here is that you both respect each other's privacy, and each other's space. all the better if both of you are on the same page when it comes to how to clean your place, but if not, the best thing is that you make it clear between the both of you to not interfere with one another when it comes to your sides of the room. i've had friends whose dorm looks like two different places at once, but they made it work!

essentials

my previous post regarding my bag essentials (here) is still the same as ever even in uni, with just a few additions! you can click the link if you want to see the whole length of it, but if you can’t, here’s a summary of what I think is the most needed things in your bag:

water bottle (drink your h2o pls)

sanitary kit + medicine kit

power bank (with a cord ofc)*

extra change

earphones

alcohol/hand sanitizer (!!!)

mask*

umbrella* (side note: the weather whenever I’m in uni seems to be so random I swear, it’s all sunny then after not even an hour passes, it’s so cloudy and looks like it could rain anytime! So yes, umbrella is needed.)

*these are new additions from the previous post I did! make sure those items that have cords have cord holders, too! So it’s more organized 😉

how to organize them

there isn’t really an exact way to organize it, but again, the best thing for me is to make sure that it is accessible for you to get what you need quickly. I personally use small containers to keep those with the same purpose together (like the kits and a pouch for my power bank and earphones)

if your bag has pockets on the side, put your water bottle there and your umbrella to save some space inside!

to avoid any possible theft, put your most valuable items at the bottom of your bag (like for example, your wallet, if you don’t need it and you have some loose change with you, put it at the bottom)

keeping it clean

my only advice for this is that you should clean and organize your bag pretty frequently. like your room, cleaning your bag can also be therapeutic (refer to previous links!). taking the trash out like scrap paper and other junk can be actually be cathartic for you and help release some stress.

importance of tracking expenses

here’s the thing: money can be pretty scary. even though I still live at home with my parents, balancing my allowance for the week is pretty stressing! what more for those far away from their homes? you really need to be aware of what you’re buying and how much money you’re spending each day so that you can track and find the best way to utilize your allowance.

it's so tempting to spend a lot, especially when you’re with friends. It would be better if you and your friends also keep it in mind on checking your expenses! me and my friends, to save, would just usually go to the same place most days of the week that has a menu that is within our budget. this is so that when we have plans on going out by the end of the week or after a hellish one, we have some money to spare and splurge on!

It’s a good thing to note, especially in countries where student loans are commonly used, that tracking expenses and saving money can be extremely helpful in the long run. (I live in the PH so I am entirely familiar with student loans in the US and other countries so here’s an article that I think could help regarding saving money as a college student: link here)

why you need to save

learning how to save money is pretty beneficial for you and your discipline with handling money. this will definitely let you realize the value of it.

having extra money is extremely important because there will always be times when you suddenly need to spend, whether it be for a requirement or an emergency, and you need to prepared for those situations.

personally, saving money makes me feel independent and that I can manage on my own even if I still live with my parents. for those that are far away from their homes, this can be the same for them, too.

some tips in saving money

budgeting your money. my way of budgeting my money is that I would always take off 10-15% of my allowance first and immediately put that part of my savings for the week. after, I would equally divide the remaining money to each day I have classes for my lunch and commute (I only have classes 4 days a week with a uniform schedule, so I work around that). there would be times that I overspend due to needed contributions for requirements, so I make sure to always check how much there is of my savings and if ever, I would lower the 10-15% savings for that week to about 5%.

If you don’t need it immediately, don’t buy it. my rule for this is if I take more than 5 minutes to think about if I need or not, then it just means that I don’t need it immediately, so I let it go. If you really need that particular item, you wouldn’t spend so much time wondering if you really need to. so, bye and see you when I need you!

group meals all day, every day! sharing meal combos with your friends are definitely one of the best ways to save since you all are saving some extra cash. make sure to plan accordingly with your friends so that you get the best deal, and eat some good food without hearing a cry from your wallet.

student discounts are lifesavers. no matter how small or big the percentage off is, it will sure be a blessing so use it whenever you can! (the psychology students of my college have a organization called PsychSoc and all of us psych students are given these ‘psych cards’ that you can use with a 10% discount to all the stores given in the card, and yes you can say that I am using my card a lot haha)

there are a lot more that I would share that I think is extremely helpful especially to my fellow Filipinos, but I’m planning to make a separate post for that!

importance of managing your time with studies and orgs

admittedly, healthy study habits are hard to keep up with. this is especially challenging if you’re in an org or a club that’s pretty active and you have to split your time with it and your studies. keeping a routine can with help that! it is extremely important that you have a guide to follow so that you won’t feel like you’re swarmed with all of the pending tasks to do, whether it’s for your org or your class.

starting a routine. beginning something is always awkward, and sometimes you don’t know where to start so here’s some simple things I can suggest:

cutting back on your time on social media and streaming websites and adding more to your study time. that series you want to binge-watch? it can wait. set a time in your week where you can watch it and try to pace yourself. that goes for whatever is happening on twitter, facebook, or any social media.

trying the pomodoro technique! old, but gold. here’s a great post regarding it: (x)

doing your papers or other tasks immediately. better start now, than regret not doing so later. finishing a task immediately means you’re already done with one thing on your list, and this will help prevent you from piling up things on your to do list and cram at the last minute!

schedule non-academic or non-org related group hangouts after major activities and not before. you’re friends need to be on the same page with you with this, and it’s better that you are all agreeing with setting a night out on a date that is academic free, so you won’t have to worry about passing or attending something the next day.

understand that sometimes it’s okay to prioritize one over the other. if you have a major exam upcoming, talk to your org officers and tell them the you won’t be attending that much, they will understand! and also, tell yourself that it’s okay to shorten your study time for an important org event. you don’t have to always split your time equally, you just to need to split it based on what is more important for you at the moment.

And lastly,

why you shouldn't forget to have fun

come on, you’re in college! have fun, meet new people, go out and drink (responsibly) and just feel like a college student. You don’t always have to be studying, you should make time for yourself to take a break and just relax and interact with your friends.

this will make things more bearable. college is an experience and you should experience it to the fullest. make your time count! doing this makes it easier to cope with your college life in the long run.

having fun is okay. don’t forget that! with all the stress coming through, especially during finals week, adding some fun makes it worth it. doing group studies with your friends, with you guys actually studying, is bound to bring some unexpected funny moments you’ll never forget. taking a breather from studying and playing some games can also be beneficial for you to relieve some stress. and like I said, maybe cleaning can help, too! just make sure that you’re not relaxing or studying too much, as too much can be harmful. always remember to try to balance things out, and that you got this! go and kick college’s butt!

thanks for making it up to here! it means a lot! and while we’re at it, buy me coffee? https://ko-fi.com/acadstuds <3

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