#it gets even funnier considering I actually have a pretty longer cycle

[spotsupstuff]

No wonder he is always angry...

At least he has his family.

Does Sparrow knows? Do the others iterators know? Is there another city that does the same!??!

Also "venom of the lower circles"? What is happening there?

how very angry Boreas is is a testament of how much he has had to suffer, in both the lighter funnier ways as putting up with constant knowledge of everyone's life such as roadrage to darker ways such as actual torture, and how much self respect he has to recognize that he didn't deserve this. "just because we can heal does not mean it is alright for us to get hurt."

everybody knows about it! but it feels like it's always been like this, so it's okay. this is just how it is. it is just another fact of life. (yet both Zephyr and Orion still remember the first time Boreas has dragged himself online in their chats and how closed off he was- too hurt to interact with them normally)

there isn't anyone else with this kinda thing! the bigger the city the easier the empathy gets lost. and as we all know at this point, Boreas was blessed with being the biggest of them all

with the venom- i've laughed in the tags of that one big Boreas raging pic how it's funny that someone would rather put warning sign program into him rather than find a way to help him with his anger and as i've been working on him a bit more, i decided to take this idea a little further

he gets angry, the warnings pop up. he gets more angry, past what the Houses consider alright to allow him to feel, they "cool" him down by automatic injection of the paralyzing venom directly into the puppet. it hurts like a bitch and causes a very small Hivemind unsync, damages his puppet's internal organic systems (but "that is okay. he can heal." they say.) + sort of works like a sedative. nothing too severe that would affect the parts of his consciousness that controls the city, of course, can't be inconvenient to the citizens, but it pulls on his metaphoric reins like That

this was originally implemented because back when he still used to have Mechanics looking after him (those were from the Wellspring, too), he started being a little too... daring and disrespectful for their tastes. so it's his little "controlled shock FNaF: sister location" moment

it is no fun

after his facilities were deemed stable, he no longer had any Mechanics workin on him (an Admin and a Mechanic are two different roles, even though they r very similar). then he had only one Admin that sometimes checks in on his systems without directly interacting with him. the paralyzing doses were instead used when the Houses had to arrange things with him n he didn't want to comply for whatever reason and when the school became a thing, it was a way to ensure he doesn't actually hurt any of the students

because there is an exception in his taboos when it comes to laying harm upon certain kinds of Ancients instead of covering all of them. he is allowed to kill anyone who is considered an intruder And he is allowed to harm Iterator Mechanic students (not severely though) in order to rough up the to-be Mechanics. they have to be ready to deal with the absolute worse an Iterator can offer, Just In Case. this taboo gets a little bit more broken for the Mechanics' last test, which is looking after Boreas' systems for a few days

during this last test period, all of the students are guaranteed to be in the respawn cycle now. which means Boreas can wound them fatally if they provoke him enough (since that is a big No on what to do with ur Iterator charge as a Mechanic, the severe punishment would be warranted). the first meeting between the student n Boreas is monitored by the teachers- the student comes into his chamber to introduce themselves and lay out their plan of system check ups. if a student manages to severely anger/provoke Boreas Here already, the teachers will administer the venom n just send the kid home to retake the year or leave. if they can't handle the first meeting right, they are pretty much helpless. and for this helplessness Boreas has to suffer

the venom is advertised to come from willing lower circles (or levels), but it hardly is. while it is rarely extracted by force, it is usually gotten by financial manipulation of people who are well or as an abuse of unfortunate poor citizens/lower circles. if you give us this resource, we will compensate you, give you money, take it as part of your taxes. it's dehumanizing, but out of desperation the unfortunate souls give in

they do not know what their venom is then used for. they don't ask out of fear. and while Boreas is aware of this manipulation, he blames the unfortunate ones either way. the end result it that they've allowed him to hurt with those generous donations of theirs. he's too bitter, angry and hurt to give much of a shit. all of the Ancients are the same. all of them are a part of the problem

which is why the fuckin -ruffles hair- his and Sparrows' relationship gets me so hard

in his eyes, she's just as guilty as his Houses at the beginning. but she's strange, she gets bullied a lot, she's thrown away by everyone of these high city levels. she breaks one of his overseers- such expandable unimportant things to him- and she cries over the broken eye. and the most puzzling thing... during her last test, once she enters his chambers, she bows to him as she gives him a shortened version of her name- "just Three Sparrows, i know you don't want to waste your words on me"- she still flinches when he approaches to judge her, but she suppresses any other sign of distress that would warrant a venom administration. she offers to make him a deal. she offers to listen to what he's comfortable with her working on him. she says she won't force anything on him. it just makes no sense. cautiously, he accepts. he watches her like a hawk during her work, but she never breaks the promises she's made to him

this doesn't change his opinion on the Ancients. when later Sparrows changes Zephyr's, he's salty and still angry about it. they all should pay. this is just one individual. she is an anomaly. she is dangerous. with how sick his puppet feels from those doses at the end of each semester, there is no other way for her to be

and he holds on to that opinion until he witnesses that reconciliation between her and Euros after the 1st Rot situation. she could've been mean, she could've screamed, she could've hurt him. first two of those that he has done to Euros before the euthanization, even though he's already been made aware of his fault and the situation was considered in control (he's done it out of concern, his own fear and worry for the young thing, but still-). but no. Sparrows was better than him, then (she screamed at him at first becuase she had no idea how bad it could've been- maybe he was damned already n there was nothing she could've done to save him). she was kind and warm even after being lied to- betrayed- she gently whispered explanations, she leaned against him softly and allowed it when he leaned against her back.

an Ancient was a better person than him- the same venom held at bay in her fangs coursing through his bloodstream, remnants of yesterday's dose still ringing off- and he has no other choice but to see and recognize her for it

[mexashepot]

My disobedient vagina: *starts bleeding again*

Me @ my reproductive system in response, every freaking time I get my period yet again:

[carnistcervine]

ATLA Headcanons

(Note that these are strictly ATLA-centric headcanons. Not only have I not seen LOK, but I do kinda consider ATLA and LOK separate canons. Okay? Ok.) (Some headcanons are dumber and sillier than others)

Water~

Waterbenders have a natural resistance to cold. They still need to wear climate appropriate clothing, but cold temperatures don't bother them as much.

It takes slightly longer for waterbenders to die from dehydration.

While waterbenders do like getting wet, they don't like having water suddenly dumped onto them. Like most people, actually.

Being that water is a basic life necessity, waterbenders will die if they are completely cut off from their element.

Waterbenders have a low heat tolerance.

Waterbending/water healing can be used to help those suffering from dehydration by forcing water into the patient's bloodstream.

In mass groups, waterbenders can use their powers to divert floods and tsunamis. They can also help put out fires, and rescue people stuck in floods.

Waterbending can also be used to draw water and fluid from the lungs of drowning victims.

Contrary to what the name implies, bloodbending is not bending of literal blood. It is the bending of water inside living things. Similar to plantbending. The reason why it's so difficult is because plants hold water more directly in their bodies, while most animals hold water in the form of other fluids(like blood or in cells).

Technically pissbending is possible, because pee is mostly fresh water(it still also contains toxic material, so don't drink it folks).

Earth~

Earthbenders are slightly more durable than normal folk.

They tend to prefer to be barefoot as it allows them a closer connection to their element.

While earthbenders do tend to be bulkier and more muscular, their bending strength is in no way connected to their physical strength and muscles.

Earthbenders tend to like being covered in dirt and earth.

People of the Earth Kingdom(benders or not) are considered some of the best at fixing broken bones. That said, bone is too far removed from earth to be bent.

Meteorbending is no more difficult than standard earthbending. Meteors, unlike forged metal has not been removed from nature and would therefore be no more difficult than bending any other rock or ore.

Earthbenders with a seismic-sense(like Toph) can detect earthquakes before they happen.

Earthbenders can be quite useful for rescue and reconstruction after destructive events. They're quite good at removing rubble and saving trapped victims.

A group of earthbenders is called a rumble.

Fire~

Firebenders have a slightly higher heat tolerance than most normal folk.

They tend to be stereotyped as hating water. They don't, but they do hate cold water.

They have a low cold tolerance. Being too cold can weaken their will and therefore bending.

Firebenders that have mastered control of their fire can use their breathing to warm themselves.

They are warmer than most people, and can make great cuddle companions. Unfortunately, firebenders tend to not be cuddly or touchy-feely types. In fact it's not uncommon for firebenders to dislike being touched.

They tend to become even hotter when angered.

Firebenders are prone to being rather intense, and tend to be more ambitious and determined types. They can also be hot-headed, not necessarily vicious or mean, just quick to anger/annoy.

It's generally a bad idea to try and awaken a firebender from a nightmare.

It's an even worse idea to dump water on a firebender suffering from a nightmare.

Firebenders are the only ones who can generate their element, as it exists within them. This is part of what makes them so dangerous.

A firebender's inner fire is spiritual, not physical.

The first firebenders were gifted inner fire by the dragons.

For firebenders, controlling their element is the most important part of their training.

The only way to extinguish a firebender's inner fire is to kill them. It should be noted that Aang removed Ozai's inner fire, rather than extinguishing it.

Firebenders need the sun, it feeds their inner fire. Without it, the inner fire will wither into embers eventually. It will also cause a physical and mental decline, also known as 'Fire Rabies'.

Firebenders like to sunbathe, and cannot be sunburned. Regular burns are entirely possible tho. Just ask Zuko. ;D

Unlike other benders, they don't like being in physical contact with their element. At all.

Cats like firebenders a lot. They are warm. Even if firebenders don't always like cats. :’D

Surprisingly, they are good at handling wildfires. In fact a large group of firebenders working together could take control of a blazing inferno and extinguish it.

Firebenders tend to be good with handling burns and treating burns.

Because of their connection to the sun, they can track it's presence as it moves through the sky. This gives them a rather crude internal clock. So long as it's daytime at least.

They are born with their inner fire, but as with all benders, don't actually start showing any bending ability until about age four or five.

There is nothing funnier than making fun of how serious firebenders are. Especially when it upsets them.

People give firebenders a wide berth and generally distrust them for a long time after the war ends.

Air~

Airbenders tend to be very light on their feet.

As air is nessisary for basic human functioning, completely depriving an airbender of their element would kill them.

Airbenders are also usually very playful and friendly souls, and are generally quite pacifistic.

Those that master air can moderate the temperature of the air around their bodies.

Airbenders are cuddle bunnies and you can't convince me otherwise.

Enough airbenders working together can divert or dismantle storms.

Because airbenders were so detached from the rest of the world, not a lot was known about them. Other than the fact that they existed, were non-confrontational, friendly, and had a good sense of humor.

Non-benders born to Air Nomads were taken to the ground to be raised by regular nomads.

Airbenders/Air Nomads are precious and too good for this sinful Earth.

Nonbenders~

Non-benders are just normal people. They are pretty much the same as you or me.

People without bending often put a ton of work and effort into other fields to make up for a lack of bending. The result is that a lot of nonbenders are skilled enough to take on bending masters.

Avatar~

The Avatar could(at least in theory) fight an entire natural disaster solo.

It's not too uncommon for an Avatar to be a bending prodigy.

Being the Avatar is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, you basically have the weight of the world on your shoulders. On the other, being the ATLA equivalent of a physical god makes you 500% more attractive to everyone.

Considering the Avatar generally has pretty good publicity, they could theoretically murder someone in cold blood and people would assume the Avatar was in the right.

The Avatar Spirit and the Avatar(human incarnation) are two separate entities. Their spirits are intertwined, but they are not the same consciousness/being.

The Avatar Spirit is the spirit of the world. Killing it would result in the death of the world. Soil would cease to be fertile, the planet would slowly cool from the inside out, the atmosphere would wither away, all in all, it would be the end of all life. (Thank the spirits for Katara!)

The identity of the Avatar Spirit has been lost to the ages. Even most Avatars don't really know who or what it is.

The real reason why the Avatar is so keen on maintaining four separate nations is because the avatar cycle will stop working without clearly defined factions. So really, it's less about the people of the world, and more about the Avatar Spirit needing to ensure it's perpetuation.

While each Avatar has their own personal policy on mercy and whether or not killing can be justified, the Avatar Spirit doesn't give half a shit and will fucking annihilate you without hesitation.

The Avatar Spirit will use any means necessary to protect itself.

Before learning to master it, entering the avatar state is often traumatic for the Avatar.

The Avatar Spirit is a bit of a mama bear towards it's host.

[daniedoodles]

Danie’s Dilemmas Ep. 27: Hiatus Over

This is probably the third time that I am re-writing this episode, because the two previous times, finishing my thoughts felt close to impossible. Don’t ask me why, because I won’t know what to actually tell you. The wifi is down right now so I’m drafting this on notes first before I actually end up publishing it. Anyways, there have been a couple of things that I wanted to talk about. Boys being one of them (‘cause when does that not get talked about), and life in general, which are both pretty much on brand with everything else that I have written about in this series. I haven’t been feeling all that inspired to write as much lately because of how quickly the first month of summer has gone by, without me actually feeling like it ever was summer to begin with. It’s weird… it’s as if a lot is happening, but nothing too, all at the same time. I suppose it’s because this is the first summer break where I’m actually employed and can’t always say yes to hanging out with friends or staying home all the time. I’m gonna just write in accordance to whatever comes to mind, since it’s been a minute from the last time I wrote and formed proper, cohesive thoughts (and apparently I’m less to-the-point today too so u might be reading fruitlessly for a bit, be warned).

I almost have no idea where to begin talking about this whole “guy stuff” anymore because it always seems like there’s so much more to say about them in the summer. If you can recall every vent I had about one specific individual from last summer, I both question and congratulate you for coming this far. THIS summer and the experiences I’ve had with guys so far haven’t been all that bad, seeing that firstly, I’ve been spending a lot of time with some of my guy best friends, whether that be through FaceTime or actually hanging out in person, there has never been a dull moment. It’s worth the sleep deprivation. Actually, you know what, fuck this. I still have nothing to say about this one guy, mainly because we haven’t really talked much despite the countless snaps and I promised myself that I wouldn’t start feeling anything towards them unless the signs were pretty definite on which end of the spectrum it was pointing to (friends <————> relationship), which to be quite frank, I’m not even all that sure still if I want that. A relationship, I mean. Some part of me keeps trying to convince the other that all I really want is a summer fling, while the other part argues that all I actually wanted was a guy best friend, basically. They’d be able to tell me all about their girl problems openly, there’s far less drama, and it’s just a funnier experience overall. For awhile, I actually felt hella confused about how I felt towards certain people. Eventually though, I realized that I should at some point break the vicious cycle because it always turned out for the worse and needless to say, it made things awkward for a time. I’ve shot my shot in that type of situation last year and it didn’t necessarily go as planned so to prevent history from repeating itself, I’m taking a lot more precautions. I have no time nor patience to pick up the broken pieces of my heart after wearing it on my sleeve again, so instead I’ve resorted to keeping it hidden, not letting too much out at once, reserving it for the people in my life who actually deserve my undivided love and affection. Does this mean that the point I arrived at after this whole ass paragraph is that hot girls summer is still on?? possibly. But who knows. After spending this much time with a handful of specific people, I’ve become more accustomed to going with the flow and taking risks. Perhaps now’s the time to start making them, considering I practically missed out on all this dumb teenager stuff up until last summer. And still, there is so much to experience.

Like I said in the beginning, I feel as if so much has happened, but at the same time, nothing at all. Since the beginning of summer, I’ve spent a handful of my time with friends, some more than others but it’s time spent well all the same. If not, I’m at work for four hours, 3 days a week. It’s pretty light work compared to some of the hours my friends get with their jobs, but I’d consider it good still ‘cause I’m not as exhausted and the hours are fairly flexible. As I did before the beginning of last summer, I’ve put together another bucket list of the things I want to do or achieve this summer. Naturally, a lot of them I want to do with my friends, some of which require the mastery of a whole new art: sneaking out. I can’t disclose much about how difficult it is to sneak out of my house but put shortly, it is comparable to the level of security in Area 51, however the atmosphere inside feels a lot like what I imagined Alcatraz was like. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit,  but you get the point. It’s difficult. All my friends know it’s difficult.And it makes me feel a lot like the Spongebob meme where Squidward’s looking out of his window, watching Spongebob and Patrick have fun blowing bubbles. Who would’ve thought that my own household would serve as such a MASSIVE cockblock, damn.

Now that it’s summer again, Snapchat’s been a doll with reminding me that everything from last summer is slowly but surely reaching its one year anniversary. The one that stood out the most was the meteor shower, and I bet you that if you don’t even know me all that well, you’d know that this meteor shower hit different. Even to this day, it’s annoying to talk about the memory because it reminds me of what once was but no longer is, yet I still can’t help it. I know that sounds fucking cheesy, but surely some of you know about the feeling I’m trying to get at here. As much as I hate to admit it, I would still consider it one of the best summer nights I have ever spent. Now it is merely a matter of watching the meteor shower again, only this time with people that won’t leave my life so readily and soon. I suppose you can take that last statement metaphorically as well, for any of the other endeavours you’ve got for the summer. Just make sure that you’re doing it with the people that are worth your while and who see you in the same way as you see them. Don’t fucking halfass it.

I’ve been creating all kinds of scenarios in my head of what I want this summer to look like. In a low-key kind of way, I would say that I’ve been on track with a majority of it. One of the most vivid, re-occurring scenarios go like this: long drive to a small town just on the outskirts of the city. The music blasts from the speakers and the windows are rolled all the way down to let the breeze fling your whole head of hair wildly. You reach the town at the point of the afternoon where the sun’s not quite right above you, but gives you that pre-golden hour lighting. You and your friends grab ice cream and take it with you along your stroll around the town, anything but shy about taking endless photos. Then finally, you sit on a bench facing a vast landscape in the direction of the sunset. The clouds come in slightly for the sun to reflect its pink and orange hues off of, in contrast with the rest of the clear blue sky. It cools as the night falls. You drive to another part of town for a quick McDonald’s run, which you take to-go, to find a spot some place else to watch the stars, devoid of any kind of light pollution and the buzz of people. You’re on top of the car, if not inside it with the seats reclined as far back as they go, and the sunroof wide open to a clear view of the twinkling sky above. Deep talk ensues naturally, and in the silent moment in between, you feel nothing but absolute peace. Shit, I forgot about the part where we ordered McDonald’s enough to feed a whole village and ate it all in no more than ten minutes (knowing how my friends and I are… it’s the truth). Anyway, the instruments come out, whether than be guitar, ukulele, or both, and you sing all kinds of songs. Hell, you could even make one just right then and there. Finally, you had home just before dawn when the roads are empty and seemingly endless. For the rest of the time before you and your friends decide to sleep, you reflect on the day’s events. Ignore the fact that I said “you” when really I should’ve been saying “I” since it was a scenario that I had in my head but I guess you can benefit from it cause it allows you to put yourself in my shoes while imagining this.

Fuck dude. There’s still so much to do. And I want to so badly do them all. This whole simulation is going by too fast, and it still blows my mind how practically everyone feels the same way about all these specific aspects of the simulation. Everyone’s living the same life.

I’ve been having so many fucked up dreams too lately. It just reminded me of them because yesterday, one of my friends said that he had a dream that he was sleeping in his dream but when he woke up he thought he woke up in real life, when in actuality, he was still dreaming. Just today, I was taking a nap on the couch and apparently, in the dream, a smiler thing happened where I thought I woke up in real life. Except the biggest indicator that I wasn’t awake in real life yet was that somehow, there was some sort of voice, sounding like it was coming from an intercom, and it said “welcome to universe *insert bunch of numbers here cause I can’t remember exactly what the numbers were*”. The another time, it was a far simpler dream, where someone and myself were just on a couch, and I had my head on their lap, while watching something that was playing on the tv. All I remember from that dream was that I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. I used to be able to remember my dreams thoroughly, but for some reason, ever since I hit my head on my racquet in badminton (don’t ask how I managed that - I don’t wanna talk about it - it was an all time low), I’ve only remembered snippets. It’s unfortunate… I feel like a majority of the one’s that I’ve been having for the last few days seem to hold some kind of meaning. Would’ve been a lot easier if I’d recall it all past 2 minutes after waking up.

Okay, I think this is more than you bargained for. I still have so much more to say but that’s for another episode. Keep up, will ya

For now xx

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

Can’t have a rainbow without a little rain 🌈

This post has been way overdue... Maybe if I hadn’t procrastinated, things might have been better. It’s even funnier considering I took 2 days off, and only went back to work twice at the office. 

Well, so where shall I even begin? I realised that I hadn’t written in about 2 weeks, which usually tends to be a good sign. And honestly, it was. I remember just telling a friend that I hadn’t felt this happy in a while, and it felt so good. But yet, there was this part of me that was afraid it would end... That friend understood what I meant. We both have this thing where we get a little freaked out when things go great, and we just await for things to fall apart. But I’m trying to quit that. To just be in the moment and enjoy and appreciate it while it lasted, to not worry about the next moments, the next conversations, etc. It’s been going pretty good actually. Until... 

Man, I’m not even entirely sure when it all started building up, but work just started getting worse. With more stress, pent up rage, annoyance. Oh wait, I think I know when. Well, at least the point this month that led every thing to snowball. Things actually all began a few months ago when they had new changes in personnel. Again. 

Anyhoo, personnel change, led to lots of new changes too. Wanted to market the brand, company, increase sales etc, doing more promotions and marketing, but this, of course, leads to way more work. I mean, I love being busy and all - I actually prefer this and feeling a sense of accomplishment and productivity, as compared to pretending you’ve got work to do while just sitting on your ass all day (but I mean, we’ve all got preferences). But there comes the issue of no communication and also such bad organisation. I admit, some of these faults are mine, especially towards the execution part and planning of the deliveries, but ooof, seriously. Things are already tough enough with alternate day shifts, it doesn’t help to always get more and more work piled on, worse when it was done by someone midway and then they dump it on you to follow up? 

Ugh. I seriously don’t know how much longer I can deal with this. I kinda lost it a little too. Pretty sure it showed in my texts. I mean, I did show the other store guy and he was pretty shocked, so yep. (But we definitely bonded that day over all this, and ugh, he was really sweet about everything, and just being a great listening ear.) Well, there’s goes the rep, but seriously, I can’t take all this shit lying down, right? There’s respect, but that goes both ways. And there’s also being reasonable. 

I can’t believe I wanted to actually postpone or even cancel my appointment with the psychologist. 2 months back I went to the doc cos my mom thought I had anaemia, but it turns out it wasn’t anything related to biology, so the doc thought that the symptoms might have been something psychologically related. Honestly, I was a little hesitant to admit to him about some of these mental-health related stuff while my mom was there, but I did it. And I was so damn proud. And now, I’ve got my appointment finally here next week. Another great timing. Part of me wishes that they could just send me off for a week break or something. 

Y’know there was actually some periods I hated long weekends because I felt hella bored and all? I mean, I still am, but oh fuck am I thankful for the breaks I get from work. I’ve started muting most work-related groups too. Some people still would text now and then, some are urgent, and some just... gets on my nerves. Like it’s either not that urgent, or you could deal with it yourself? Seriously, I’m not even any high-ranking staff or anything. Ugh, and I’m definitely not being paid enough for any of this. Definitely not for all the mental turmoil. 

This has been a pretty shit year for work. So much changes, people coming, people leaving, people tryna uproot the company and make all the different moves. And the best part? They aren’t really even sure what they’re doing, so they end up looking back to us, and then this goes a whole ass cycle, which seriously gets even more annoying considering we’re already all behind schedule and AGAIN, with the split shifts. 

I’m trying my best and hardest to remain appreciative and thankful that I have a job especially during the crisis right now, but seriously, if I were to lose my mind doing this... No. Just no. 

Also almost got in a little argument with my long time German friend again, over work. She could see how stressed I was, and she kinda felt that I had just been stressed this entire period. I did tell her that I was actually feeling so good the last week, but yeah this week was trash, and she hated seeing me like this. We had a little talk after we cooled off, and ufgh, I’m really so damn appreciative of her. Sometimes I don’t look after myself enough, but all these people around me, they see the bullshit I put myself through, and they call me out for it. I fucking love yall for this (despite none of you would probably see this). 

But well, like I was saying... The brighter side of things - at least things with him have been better these couple weeks. Things might feel slightly off, but I might just be a tad moody and over-sensitive too. Again, very appreciative that he’s been around, especially during this week, and I’m thankful that he’s been trying. It’s been wonderful, and I’m still not really sure where this is going, but maybe it’s okay not to know. 

I think I definitely caught a whole bunch of feels the past couple weeks with him, and I guess I’m starting to feel a little attached again. Today we didn’t really talk much, but I guess it does us both good to take a little step back for a bit. Especially since I’ve been getting a little overwhelmed with all my emotions, and still trying to learn to be okay with not having control and not knowing everything. Just learning to have trust, faith, and just believe in us. 

Also honestly, I think the hormones are causing a real imbalance in me too, so hopefully that’s just it and things will feel better again next week. Also, real looking forward to that therapy sesh and hopefully it’ll be of help. 

Hope everyone is doing alright too! A little late for World Kindness Day, but always spread kindness! 

X 

[floraexplorer]

The Ten Most Adventurous Travel Challenges I’ve Ever Faced (And One I Haven’t…Yet)

A little announcement: I’m speaking at a festival!

This coming weekend I’ll be heading to the heart of Oxfordshire, England, where hundreds of people will be wandering around Wilderness Festival. And at some point, some of them are hopefully going to gather round a campfire to listen to me talk about travelling.

For a full forty five minutes.

Sunday, 2pm: IT’S ME!

Giving this talk is a pretty big deal for me.

Although running this site has led me to a number of unexpected job titles, I’ve never been able to call myself a ‘speaker’ before. It’s a new road — one I’m both nervous and very excited about.

So what’s the topic I’m attempting to fill forty five minutes of chatter with?

“Up A Creek Without a Paddle: Travel Tales & Fails From a Solo Female Traveller”

At first, I figured I should be planning a talk which made me sound like a hardened traveller — but once I realised I was on a programme alongside ‘real’ adventurous women (like cycling through dense Indian jungle or motorbiking across Iran), I decided it would be better (and probably funnier) to tell some stories about the bizarre travel experiences I’ve had around the world.

More importantly, to address the fact that things can – and often do – go wrong!

Like being forced to walk/hitch rides for 100km when striking fishermen close the border…

But what’s been interesting is that in the process of writing an outline for this talk, I also began to think about all the ways travel has changed me. Travel ‘fails’ don’t necessarily mean something negative, either. As I jotted down various events to talk about, I started noticing a pattern.

The bigger, scarier, more adventurous and more ‘out of my comfort zone’ an experience had been, the more memorable and life-changing it was.

How adventurously do you live your life?

Being ‘adventurous’ can be defined completely differently from one person to the next.

Some of us want to do every physical challenge possible, but are terrified of travelling alone. I used to hate roller coasters with a passion but was supremely smug about my ability to watch any horror movie while my friends screamed and ran out of the room.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. It’s worth recognising the benefits of both.

The other day, a writer I follow on Twitter asked her followers a question.

What’s something you feel good about having done? (Small/big/long past or recent/for someone else/others/yourself).

— Hayley Webster (@bookshaped) July 29, 2017

To be able to compliment ourselves – hell, just to treat ourselves more nicely – is something everyone should feel comfortable with doing. We deserve a bit of love, particularly when we’re going through something which makes us feel vulnerable and small and unsure.

I’m in that kind of place at the moment. I need bolstering; I need energy, and positivity, and I need reminding that I’ve been strong in a multitude of different ways in the past.

So what makes the following stories particularly adventurous? 

Well, it’s not just physical or daredevil activities which require bravery. Often it’s the smaller parts of life which really challenge us — mentally and emotionally, as well as physically.

And more than that, each of these stories have helped to shape me. They’re moments I’m extremely proud of, and it’s worth a lot to actively recognise that.

1. Walking the Camino route halfway across Spain

When I decided to walk the Camino, I readily assumed I’d be able to get myself geared up in time. What I didn’t account for was my love of procrastination – something which marred the entire project before it had even started.

For months I told people I was walking the Camino, but I still refused to start training, to book my flight to Spain or to actually research how I’d cope as a pilgrim.

Case in point: my lack of research in blisters

Thankfully when I finally bit the bullet and caught a thirty hour bus from London to Leon (don’t follow my example), my Camino proved better than I could have hoped – but it unnerved me to realise how close I’d come to quitting the whole idea.

Four hundred kilometres later, I’d learned so much about the kindness of strangers and the value of community – and I also discovered my body is a lot stronger than I’d thought.

Enough so that I should have trusted in myself much more from the start.

2. A ‘Polar Plunge’ in sub-zero Arctic seawater

On board an expedition ship in the middle of the Norwegian Arctic, a group of octogenarians and I were asked whether we wanted to jump into the ocean outside. All but four of us said a resounding, “NO”.

Of course, part of the job description as a travel writer is to actually ‘experience’ what the world has to offer – but I was secretly terrified of throwing myself at the mercy of the Arctic Ocean.

What if my heart stopped because of the cold? What if I drowned?

As it turned out, the exhilaration and adrenaline from racing into the icy sea was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Moreover, I knew I’d achieved something I hadn’t expected to even attempt, let alone enjoy – and it opened up a world of possibilities.

The photos were pretty spectacular, too.

3. Skydiving over the Kenyan coastline

I’d just arrived in Kenya (literally that morning) when a group of the volunteers I’d just met mentioned they were off to skydive at Mombasa beach. I was eighteen and nervous about making new friends with this big group of Aussies, Americans and fellow Brits, all of whom had been volunteering in Kenya for at least a month together.

So I guess you could say I skydived for the first time because I wanted to be accepted. I wanted them to think I was cool.

A blurry photo that still means so much!

While this obviously isn’t the best reason to challenge yourself, it’s nevertheless been something which has always stuck in my mind.

Since that first skydive, every other adventure sport, adrenaline-rushing experience I’ve had has been on my OWN terms – be it paragliding in Ecuador, caving in Bolivia, scuba diving or white water rafting in Australia. Every time I’ve considered the idea of backing out, and every time I’ve decided it’s worth doing.

I even skydived for a second time a few years later.

4. Drinking ayahuasca in the Brazilian jungle

Before taking part in an ayahuasca ceremony, I had no idea what to expect. And to this day, I’m not sure whether the experiences I had could ever be replicated.

What I do know is that the ceremony occurred at the exact right time in my life.

Then again, the actual ayahuasca experience as it was happening was pretty brutal. Vomiting and hallucinations, a complete deconstruction of what it meant to be ‘myself’, and the strangest and most surreal night I’ve ever had.

Ayahuasca is a scary experience, and not one to be taken lightly. In fact, if I’d fully known what was in store I think I might have thought twice about drinking. But because of the positive after-effects it led me to a second spiritual ceremony with San Pedro a few weeks later, and it served to open up my mind to the idea that a positive mental outlook can actually affect your life.

Among other things.

5. Perpetually boarding planes despite my flying phobia

Surprisingly enough, I don’t do well in planes.

It’s a fear that’s only got worse with time: the older I get, the more I worry that turbulence is going to cause my death.

It’s also a very common fear, I know: and because travel is an intrinsic part of my profession, I’ll have to keep swallowing the fear as best I can.

This same attitude goes for a lot of common fears and phobias, which many people won’t outwardly admit to in their daily life. Instead, they’ll catch buses which teeter on the edge of steep cliff drops; wiggle their way through narrow spaces in underground caves without fuss; and feel that same dreaded sense of doom when someone’s dragged past them at airport security.

We can’t avoid our fears arising. What we can do is accept their existence and try to live fully in spite of them.

As a result, every time I get off a flight I inwardly congratulate myself because I know that the more irrational part of my fear hasn’t won out.

6. Spending 18 months becoming fluent in Spanish

When I arrived in South America, I could barely speak a word of Spanish. Six months in, I was still pretty rubbish at the language – but over that year, I slowly realised how big an impact fluency would have on my life.

Not just when travelling, but in general.

I’ve always hoped I could one day be bilingual, but throughout school I didn’t really put the required effort in. Once I understood that total immersion was the way I’d learn best, however, everything changed.

Suddenly I was passionate about the Spanish language, to the extent that I challenged myself not to leave South America until I could say I was fluent in Spanish.

Eighteen months later, I was as close as I possibly could be – and I loved it.

7. Getting naked and blue with three thousand people

I’ve been lucky to not struggle too much with body confidence in my life, but I was still a bit terrified about stripping naked in a park at 3am in Hull city centre and covering myself in blue body paint.

Our perceptions of nakedness – both our own and other people’s – have always fascinated me, so when I saw the call-out for participants in Spencer Tunick’s #SeaOfHull photoshoot, I knew I wanted to be involved.

Yet there’s a mental challenge which comes with voluntarily putting yourself in such a vulnerable situation.

We were lucky. Amongst three thousand naked bodies, not one person was insulting to another, and as far as I know every participant walked away feeling stronger, freer and more confident about themselves.

8. Cutting all my hair off in an Indian bathroom

After a month of travelling in India’s soporific, suffocating heat in 2012, I made a decision to cut off my hair.

This wasn’t taken lightly: my hair had been shoulder-length or longer for the majority of my life, and I wasn’t sure how it was going to behave when suddenly cut to just beneath my ears. But I’d had enough of it – so one night in a homestay, an Australian friend borrowed a pair of scissors from the kitchen and began snipping.

It was absolutely liberating. I felt like I was taking control.

Only later did I realise how much I hated having short hair. It stuck out like a triangle and no amount of styling attempts would make it look acceptable in my eyes.

The funny thing, though? Eventually I just had to deal with it. My perception of myself was infinitely less forgiving than other people’s opinions of me, and because there was nothing I could do to fix my hair in the middle of the Indian mountains, after a while I didn’t care as much.

By the time I got my nose pierced on a whim in Dharamshala, I’d understood that spontaneously changing my appearance was OK. It wasn’t automatically a disaster.

9. Admitting the importance of my mental health

The desire and ability to travel by yourself is clearly admired by a lot of people. What’s problematic about that is feeling like you’re less able to stop as a result.

After years of solo travel and the accompanying loneliness which often goes with it, I made a decision. When I’d finished my London-based masters degree, I didn’t head off into the world alone again. Instead, I stayed in the city I was born in, and addressed the anxiety which had been growing stronger for months.

I admitted to myself that, for once, my mental health was more important than my love of travel.

Recognising my needs for their fundamental importance is something I’m hugely proud of. It’s not easy to do – and it’s also not easy to speak about publicly, when years of social conditioning has made anything mental-health-related seem like a taboo subject.

Happily enough, the more I talk about mental health, the more I feel connected to other people. It seems like expressing your vulnerabilities can often lead to something much more positive.

10. Being publicly vulnerable by writing about myself online

When I think about it, this site is also something which has been hugely adventurous in its own way.

I’ve written about my issues with self-confidence and self-deprecation before, but the more I’ve dwelled on it the more I’ve understood that sometimes you just have to try pulling yourself out of it by any means necessary.

I know a lot of bloggers who actively choose to keep their private life private, and don’t talk about their personal feelings online. I’ve found this isn’t what works for me: in fact, it’s almost the opposite.

To be going through something life-changing and devastating as the imminent loss of another parent has made me all the more in need of support from my virtual community. Sharing that here has alleviated so much stress and made me feel loved and cared for.

Of course, this level of openness doesn’t work for everyone. But I do know that this six year process of writing about myself in a public online space has led me to places I never thought I’d go. Because of my growing confidence in my words, I entered a National Geographic contest I never thought I’d win – except then I did.

A year later, I travelled to the Arctic Circle because of it.

If that’s not an obvious reward for challenging yourself and being adventurous, I don’t know what is.

11. Still to come: speaking about my travels at a festival

Despite chatting away on Instagram Stories on a regular basis, I’m still not that familiar with public speaking – so my talk at Wilderness Festival this weekend is no doubt going to be another challenge.

Luckily, I’m more than eager to rise to it.

I figure that if I held a snake the last time I was at Wilderness, I can probably manage to hold an audience together…?!

If you’re heading to Wilderness Festival then please keep an eye out for me! I’ll be down by the Filson campfire at 2pm on Sunday – but I’m also hopefully filming the talk in case people want to watch it later (YouTube, anyone?!)

The takeaway: adventure can (and does) change your life

These challenging travel situations have taught me a lot. Mainly that I could have backed out of every single one, but I didn’t – and as a result, I know how much I’ve grown.

They’ve also made me more invested in continuing to challenge myself. There are too many adventures left to tackle: from driving the Mongol Rally (I need a licence first), to running a marathon (my recent foray into jogging at the local park is a good start!) to learning Mandarin, Arabic and French.

Ultimately, I’m rather proud that prepping for this talk has reminded me to be excited about the challenges to come. If these past experiences are anything to go by, it’ll make my life that much more interesting as a result.

Do you remind yourself of your adventurous achievements enough? What’s the most adventurous challenge you’ve faced when travelling? 

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