#none of us can do this alone
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Have some inspiration in these trying times.
Princess Leia, The original badass anti-fascist space princess. Looked Darth Vader in the face and lied her ass off, then did the same to Admiral Tarkin.
What we should learn from her: Chin up, even in the very worst of circumstances.
OG Mon Mothma and the other rebel leaders. Gave up their cushy lives to support the Rebellion.
What we should learn from her: It doesn't matter how rich you are or even if you're a senator, there comes a point where you're going to have to make a decision to stand up for what you believe in and give up the comfortable life you've always known.
Wedge Badass Antilles. Stole a TIE fighter from the Imperial flight academy. Only person to survive a frontal attack on the Death Star twice.
What we should learn from him: Fight. Keep fighting. Even when you're old and gray, you can still fight.
#1 Space Dad who looked the Empire down head on. Risked his and his family's lives to protect people who couldn't protect themselves.
What we can learn from him: Help people who can't help themselves. Drive your speeder right up to the steps of the burning Temple and try to save a padawan. They don't have to be Your People for you to try and protect them.
Bodhi Rook, who realized he had been led astray and ended up on the wrong side and fixed that.
What we can learn from him: It's easy to fall into a bad place, especially when you don't have a good support system. But there are people who will help you get out if you just ask.
Galen Erso, who did what he had to in order to protect his daughter but still risked his life to sabotage the Empire from within.
What we can learn from him: Don't always take someone at face value. Just because they look like they're working for the enemy doesn't mean they aren't doing what they can to help.
Finn, raised his entire life as a stormtrooper, who finally said enough was enough.
What we can learn from him: It doesn't matter how you were raised or who you were raised by, you can still choose to stand up and do the right thing.
Aleksandr Kallus, who bought into the Empire 10000% from the start. Did horrible things, including being responsible/complicit in genocide. Eventually realized that he had seriously fucked up and tried to make reparations.
What we can learn from him: Anyone can change. Anyone. No matter how many terrible things a person has done in the past, it all comes down to the choices they make moving forward.
#star wars#princess leia#mon mothma#wedge antilles#bail organa#bodhi rook#galen erso#finn#aleksandr kallus#rebellions are built on hope#it all comes down to choice#if you're struggling take a moment and ask yourself what any of them would do#fight and keep fighting#help others who need help#people can change but we have to help them change#none of us can do this alone#the leopards eating faces party will eat anyone's face#so make your choices wisely
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this torture we're going through with the anime must be divine karma for slandering Bones all this time...... they said "oh, you don't like how we adapt things? you say the manga does it better?? okay then, well now there is no more manga. it's Bones or bust, bitches."
#bungou stray dogs#they really said now either you get the story from us or you don't get it at all 😭😭😭😭💀#screaming crying throwing up shaking HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY ON FOR THE NEXT WEEK LIKE EVERYTHING IS NORMAL#NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK 'TWILIGHT FAREWELL' MEANS#NOT EVEN A FULL WEEK BUT FIVE DAYS CAUSE THE PV ALONE WILL END ME#seriously though how can i be okay with getting canon content for the first time in the ANIME#they already do terribly with content that ALREADY EXISTS#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL GETTING /NEW CONTENT/ THROUGH /BONES/#i guess looking at it another way though...... i should be glad if they deliver me some fucking hope a few weeks early#like obviously i'd rather none of this have happened and have gotten to this point in the last episode in the manga first#but since it did turn out this way....... if good things happen i'll take it i can't complain at this point just GIVE ME HOPE#mexican standoff with bones now that there's (basically) no manga content left like 'so it is down to you and it is down to me'#bones at the end of the fucking bsd world: 'never thought i'd be fighting side by side with a bsd anime hater'#me: 'how about side by side with a friend?'#bones: 'aye i can do that'
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Obsessively repeating “I am not god” to myself as i donate $5 to another fundraiser and desperately hope that it makes a difference.
#my stuff#i do not have a heart suitable for the magnitude of suffering in this world#i am doing all i can and i want it to be enough so bad#we all deserve to make it we all deserve to live we all deserve to eat#i cannot save everyone alone and i know none of us have such resources but the god knows i wish i did#i know several people in my life who have called me an angel for my kindness and i know they mean well#but i don’t want to be#i don’t want the kindness i show to be so unique#i want it to be so mundane and common and visible that#that i don’t have to worry people in my neighborhood would go hungry without me#but i do worry. every day.#i want us all to live. i want us all to be okay. we deserve to survive. we deserve to thrive.#may your gods watch over you all where i cannot.❤️#may they keep you warm and fed and loved as we all deserve for our entire lives
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I am getting emotional about Outer Wilds again...
#i'm sick right now and it's my first time being sick by myself/away from home#and it had me thinking about how like... this is everyone's first time being alive and it will also be all of our last times being alive#and the outer wilds soundtrack gets me#it's like... none of us are alone in that we can see the traces of everyone around us constantly and everyone is living for the first time#but we are also all our own little worlds and our paths/lives will be different and none of us really knows what's going on#we're all figuring it out#and it's like... you can never do anything for the first time again and you can never go back. you can never live again#sort of like how you can never replay outer wilds for the first time#dante dicit#outer wilds#humans#might delete
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Anyway they can change between being tiny and human sized. And when they're tinier they can only be seen by the other fae or their selected humans. So if you just passed Noll on the street while Shavuli was perched on his shoulder chatting away you wouldn't see or hear her.
#my characters#a lot of the fae who are trying to get noll to pick a human take turns joining him as he wanders if he opts to be human sized#if he opts to be small and fly around none of them can actually find him to follow bc he does it precisely to be alone#and makes careful to avoid all of them when he dips#which furthers their friendly obsession with him being their void like where is he we lost him we gotta go bring him back from the abyss!#and hes just off on his own being crippled by anxiety at being a disappointment bc what if he isnt fun enough#absolutely unaware that all his friends are like we gotta go find him hes too good at this#hes going to win the game we have clearly set up to involve humans before he even recruits a human#cause he is TOO GOOD at slipping away ITS NOT FAIR we love him what a weird fae thats our lil guy!#noll really is just out there impressing all of his friends and not knowing hes impressing them bc hes too scared of being abandoned#and i was telling rae but when he does find the human he wants as his for the game#hes like ok so im gonna be honest here i turn into a big sword and you are definitely not going to be strong enough to carry me#and the human just like ok then pick someone else?#and hes like no no i cant you dont get it youre resourceful and im resourceful THEREFORE! i have an idea! just for us!#and then proceeds to shatter himself into shards basically#so that the human can have many smaller easy to control swords rather than one too big sword#and when all of the other fae see it they are absolutely delighted bc they didnt know he could do that! thats so cool! wow! they love him s#and he doesnt tell them that it actually really flippin hurts and being broken is agonizing but he wants to win so badly#anyway hello appreciate the void fae noll and his lil buddy shavuli who can turn into a spear C:#in her human form though she loves to wear hoodies instead of just like .... a skin tight suit with draping fabrics#she does wear biker shorts bc leggy.... she likes to have legs free#but she likes hoodies a lot
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and then i realized today well shit man no wonder im exhausted all the time. i work all day and then i spend the rest of my time at home also working on writing and stuff so that i can obtain a single shred of the feeling of love and attention and validation through writing 150k words that some people get for free just for existing
#when my grandma said she loved me grandCHILD i realized it was the first time i had felt loved in person in a very long time#and the first time i had ever felt like any family member had ever known or understood me period#i write thousands and thousands of words to be seen and understood and the fleeting attention i get not only solely exists on the internet#but its like meager fleeting scraps compared to people who have been selected by others just for existing#i write to be understood because it’s the only way i obtain a sense of love in terms of like#‘being understood’#i write to obtain love and it is scraps and table crumbs and none of it is irl#i’m not used to living in a life where i dont have to work to be loved#what is that like#every single thing i have to do for love (attention) is work#if i dont talk in the group chat people dont talk to or think of me#if i dont host gatherings at my house no one goes out of their way to see me#i cant just come home and exist and know i am loved by someone#i have to talk#or post#or write#or host parties#or organize events#and it’s work work work work work#but when i go home im alone and so it’s basically like i dont exist#so it’s the only thing i can do to prove im out there to someone so people dont forget me#oh and all the parties and hosting and writing and posting and events are fleeting anyway#they end and then everyone leaves and nothing changes until the next one and then it repeats
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If you want to be happy, I hope it comes true.
I hope you will be happy too.
#ploy's yearbook#1x10#jaochan#pongtawan dejdamrong#kapook ploynira#joong archen#gifset#*#//#congratulations on the divorce 🎉#this was one of the most BEAUTIFUL break-ups I have ever seen everybody SHUT UP 😭#they have so much maturity and respect for each other#it didn't work between them because of xyz (Tawan sacrificing his life and dreams for his family/previous lover)#and the only reason she was still by his side was because he was afraid of being alone with no purpose#but none of them deserves to live like this. they deserve to be happy.#to keep Jao tied to him when there is no more love between them is a selfish thing to do#she finally tells him that. they need to move on and Tawan is holding them back. they deserve better than this.#///#side note#it's in moments like this that I really appreciate the process of growing up‚ learning‚ and changing ideas/beliefs#younger me would probably have been offended by the idea that love can expire#or at very least looked down on a love that ends for not being strong enough to perdure#but the thing is#sometimes the love is there and the love is strong and the love lasts for a long time#and the love still expires. it becomes something else. or it doesn't become anything. it just stops.#and to insist that it should continue to validate the love you felt before is disrespectful to your past self#it's gone now‚ but it was there before. it was as real as the love that doesn't stop growing.#love may not last forever but every bond we create with another person leaves a mark‚ and the mark does.#the experience and how it influenced us. the memories‚ the good and the bad ones‚ all of it‚ is ours. it doesn't expire until we do.
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im really upset right now. just leave us alone
#im shaking how can someone be like that all we want is to be left alone#and you couldn’t even include the screenshots of you constantly spamming all of us#especially my friends#they don’t deserve this#none of them do
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𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
#it hurts but it is natural and im not oversensitive and im allowed to feel this way#the future i had envisioned and hoped for and believed in was just.. suddenly gone and im allowed to mourn the loss#because for an entire year i've been wanting this. and imagining it and thought of ways it could be real#and i didnt base my feelings only on imagination but on his words and him saying that we should figure out whatever was between us#and in the way we talked and what we shared and how he did start treating me as 'his girl'#which i also do not think was irresponsible nor am i upset by that. bc i wasnt 100% present bc of my avpd stuff#but it was so amazing and he was so amazing and i'd been having feelings for him for half a year before and then i only fell more and more#im trying to be as non specific as possible bc like i can only talk abt *me*.. but there were just sm other things and circumstances#so it got less and less intense.. and i wanted to give him space and patience and not push smth on him and be insensitive#then i told him abt being in love w him and wanting to be there for him w his struggles and working it out together#and im embarrassed af but i had honestly thought... that would be met well and with reciprocity...#(i understand that feelings cant be forced & im not upset or feel betrayed i just felt v sad bc i was so sure he would want me to be his gf#but i got neither a clear rejection nor much of what he was thinking abt me and what was between us. mostly just that it wasnt a good timin#so again i wanted to respect that and not keep push it. even if i tried bringing it up sometimes it never got anywhere and it didnt feel#right to just keep and keep on doing it. then there were times when i /felt/ rejection and got more hope based on interactions#truly i've been walking around for a year believing that this was smth that would come true if only we could talk#and i've been waiting and hoping and loving. and i've really been thinking of it as a real future#i even tried telling him a few months ago that if he wants me he can have all of me but he told me to stop so i did#and now i've learned that none of my devotion or hope was returned... i've been in this waiting room all alone all this time#i thought i was patient bc of all the other things but he couldnt give me a chance but he did for someone else and that just hurts#idk it hurts bc this love and connection meant so much to me and i wanted to do anything to make it work#and when u realize all of a sudden that it was only u who felt that and that future u so badly thought would happen isnt real#.... i feel extremely lost and despairing. plus it just is how i feel but i've only been this connected to him#honestly it might sound weird how i can feel this much for someone i've never met irl but he has been my only hope and comfort#for the past years he hs been my only comfort and the only thing making me feel good and ok and hopeful.... so it hurts it hurts it hurts!!
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dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!
#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔#sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as#students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists#which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way#and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL)#i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities???#specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life#(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.)#(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms)#(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid)#(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?)#irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont#have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist#again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my#art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL#i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual#capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I#far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3#sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist#i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware#of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number#half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it#dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!!#what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone#motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
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also, about carmillas control of her vampirism, while it's hot to think about, i dont think fangs actually come out during sex. like in the s3 scenes where shes actually still a vampire that we dont get to see but i dont think that happens
based on my inferences that the losing control of the vampirism happens mostly bc of anger/threat and it basically never happens atlaura and i think one of her worst fears is hurting laura, i think during sex is the least likely time for any loss of control like that
+ theres the fact that laura is the bitey one during sex, even with human teeth
#which i love#i have many thoughts but none of them are cohering enough yet to be useful#i say as if i ever intentionally use any thoughts during writing it's always just vibes#always use my subconscious thougths alone#i think if laura turns she would actually maybe be bitey during sex#smth abt control and both of them idk i havent figured it out yet#but what i was saying abt laura letting go of (narrative) control when it comes to carmilla right?#and for carmilla hunger = loss of control#and loss of control = hurting people/being someone she doesnt want to be maybe#but with how laura in loving carmilla gives up her control i think she might get bitey#in iwtv vampires can drink other vampire blood but i always felt like they couldnt do that#idk what story i mightve gotten that idea from but i always feel like. human blood is good. animal blood is gross maybe. vampire blood isba#like thats recycled blood#i think it'd be bad for them#thats mostly irrelevant though i can do whatever i want#and if i make carmilla turn her then they can definitely drink each other's blood#but carmilla is always kind of a loss of control for laura right? since the beginning. loss of narrative control in s1#loss of physical control in s3#kind of both and more in s2#carmilla messes up the story: 'there was just one little snag with that plan.........carm and i fell in love :)'#my point is it makes all the sense that she would vamp out during sex#while carmilla. carmillas job for 3 centuries was to play a pretty girl Who Is Definitely Not Gonna Eat You#keeping control is kind of crucial to that whole thing#carmillaposting
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man, very few things make you feel more useless and unaccomplished than trying to apply for scholarships TnT
#seriously#they ask for so fucking much#and then make you feel crazy for not having done like 90% of it#youre supposed to have done community service and gotten perfect grades and be poor as hell and have an active hand in literally everything#be friends with everyone and personally know a dozen authority figures and have hours and hours to write and film and edit and make project#no wonder theres thousand and thousands of scholarship dollars that go unclaimed yearly#NONE OF US CAN FUCKING MEET THE ASININE REQUIREMENTS#its even harder when youve taken so much time between school#ive counted at least 5 scholarships that ive tried to apply for that require a MINIMUM of 2 recommendation letters IN THIS PAST MONTH ALONE#DO YOU GUYS THINK IM IN CONTACT WITH THESE PEOPLE??#THIS LATE AFTER MY GRADUATION??#dear lord#literally so stressful#i feel like useless trash TnT#anyway back to my suffering#anon rants#school stuff#tw rant#tw rant in tags#anon rambles in the tags
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Mixing these worlds is pretty rancid but I do feel like the general vibes around post-beatle diss tracks would be different if beatle fans were more familiar with the concept of a sub diss
#you can make a person insane in a totally different way by sub dissing them and forcing them to decide if it's real#and if they wanna MAKE it real by responding or let you win by doing nothing.... and which looks better and which IS better#for some reason I'm listening to biggie again and i swear he was on some sun tzu shit#i know he didn't invent it but like#provoking your enemy into showing his hand with disses only he understands... and in responding he proves himself an enemy#i know it was more about like.... being able to say what you mean without it becoming everybody's business#but i still think there's a tony soprano quality to it#(also i know none of the beatles ever made any real diss tracks by modern standards because they never used names)#(I just mean sometimes the disses were meant to be seen by everyone and sometimes they were aimed for each other alone)
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feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair
#purrs#delete later#basically i can’t internalize anything about myself. i can’t internalize that i am talented smart strong whatever and i can’t internalize#evidence that i matter and belong and am loved. i take in this evidence constsntly and it just evaporates. and then it’s like i have none of#it at all and im starving and shaking and dying and howling like a wretched little animal. and i live in this constant defaulstate of like..#feeling worthless and alone and utterly empty and like everything in my life is a dream or something. and in feeling that way and being#quite literally incapable of having emotional object permanence.. i actually make that situation real for myself. i make myself alone and#wretched. i isolate myself and shut down and don’t let myself take up the space i can. and it’s just awful. it’s unfixabke.#i just suck it all dry. i deny myself to myself and to everyone else. and idk what made me like this bc i don’t think i always used to be#this way w depression and depersonalization or whatever the fuck dsm 6 type shit i have going on. but i can’t internalize anything about#myself and my life and have no desire / willpower to look back beyond a certain point and really analyze and probe to figure out what#happened to me to make me like this so i can heal the core wound. soim just constantly in wretched tortured panicking creature mode. awesome#this cry for help brought to you by: my sister guilt tripping me into doing her laundry + my brother showing me his beautiful music +#realizing that unlike redacted i have not documented every part of my life and have no access to early childhood artifacts that would reveal#anything about me and that it does n’t even matter / isn’t special anyway. i love being normal 😎🫶🏻‼️#at least i haven’t been dissociating as badly about work stuff lately but. that’s definitely still a thing too so. what if my whole life is#just the wrong timeline i wasn’t supposed to be in and nothing is actually real. lawl 😳#this is a really awesome time for my therapist to be going on a monthlong honeymoon btw 😍 she deserves it so much but omg im dying already
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sorry i missed world mental health day!! but i just want to take this chance to say that you’re so important. you’re seen and you’re heard and there are people who care and will listen. you’re never alone.
check in with your loved ones today <3
#for me personally this a time that i’m struggling more than i ever have#and i’m incredibly grateful to have help and support towards recovery#it’s never going to be easy but i know i can do it#and i have the same hope for anyone else who is struggling#none of us are alone#strawberry spam
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i’m absolutely not complaining about ttpd as an album, i love it even more than i thought i would, but i do kind of wish she would’ve waited to release it until after the eras tour was over so it could’ve gotten its own tour :/ like the visuals and the stage design and the outfits are just sooo good and not only is it being cut down into only seven songs so it can fit into an already massive setlist, but everyone who went to the shows in the us, mexico, south america, asia, and australia — aka a huge portion of the tour dates — didn’t get to see any of it live. like it’s so impressive that taylor was able to add the ttpd section into the existing setlist but i can't help but feel disappointed bc this means we likely won't get a ttpd tour, which is something i would kill to see </3
#i know so many people demand new content from her constantly but with everything she’s been doing we didn’t NEED this album so soon yk#i personally would’ve been fine waiting another year or even longer if it meant ttpd could get its own era#bc it’s kind of impossible for it to fully have that when she’s already a year into this huge tour#she’s already had to cut so many songs to fit everything (not even everything bc there’s no debut set)#with lover/folklore/evermore not getting their own tours bc of covid it makes sense why she did the eras tour instead of a midnights tour#but now that touring is an option again it would’ve been nice for her to slow down her releases a bit to really focus on new albums more#idk maybe this is a hot take bc ofc the eras tour is incredible and i do feel so lucky to have gotten to go at all#but i just really wish i could see ttpd songs live and it seems like i won’t get that chance until the next tour#which will likely be years from now and who knows how many albums she’ll have put out by then#rn all i can do is hope that she’ll add another us leg or something so i can see eras again with the new setlist#but that’s very unlikely since she’s already added shows in miami/indy/etc none of which i can afford travel for let alone resale tickets#no one’s gonna even see this but if anyone does i hope it’s not taken the wrong way bc she’s given us so much in the past few years#sorry for the essay i just love ttpd and i want to see it live </3#lj speaks now
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