#none of this comes naturally. all of it is learned. if you fail you will try again. again. again.

[melancholic-pigeon]

Okay this is the *actual* last comment, for real, but I just found out Spider is now smearing me as a convert and accusing me of being involved with drama I was not involved with because he mistakenly attributed my apologies for his public temper tantrum as being about something unrelated.

THIS IS A FALSE ACCUSATION and I do not appreciate having yet another bit of fake malicious intent falsely ascribed to my actions and* attributing a completely unrelated attack to me.

Also, it's very sad and disappointing whenever a Jew gets mad at a convert because something else is going on in the Jew's life and the convert happens to be in the splash zone and the Jew falls over backwards to smear the convert and invalidate her faith.

Just....the childish aggression is making me so, so sad and disappointed, from someone I used to think very highly of, who is now lying about me and publicly smearing me with false accusations based on a conflict he started because he misinterpreted something I said and I went out of my way to give him the benefit of the doubt when trying to clear up the mistake HE MADE that led him to decide bullying and attacking me for three fucking days was appropriate and okay and that I'm the bad guy for saying it's wildly unprofessional to behave like this in public to a former customer face.

Sorry, but facts, reality, linear time and the truth of what I actually said and did are on my side here, and I will not stand for being smeared and attacked and shat all over because I had the gall to try to kindly resolve his uncalled for, unjustified temper tantrum.

I am also not sorry that I left a side note in the tags that it was also unacceptable for HIM to drag his daughter into a stupid internet slapfight based on his own reading comprehension failure. Because it was and is unacceptable, and she needs to hear that message from someone.

End of story. Keep digging that hole as long as you like, Spider. It's not helping your case and is continuing to make you look progressively worse and more unreasonable, and the only person you have to blame is yourself.

*revised for clarity

[moe-broey]

What did she mean by this. Btw.

LIKE. It is SUCH an interesting observation coming from Veronica SPECIFICALLY, someone who has been notoriously out of touch with emotions -- her own emotions, and also struggles significantly with processing other people's emotions and understanding their intent.

And like thinking about this like. Alfonse has a tendency to be sincere even when he doesn't want to be. He can't help it. No matter how guarded he is, that sincerity always shines through.

But when I think about Sharena, like. I never think of her as Insincere. I never think of her as Fake-Nice, like the way I view Henriette at times. Where it feels like there's something more unsettlingly detached underneath her warm smile and overly affectionate demeanor. Which isn't to say I believe Henriette is secretly evil or something, I just think she has Something going on that makes it so I have never completely trusted her as a character and would Not be surprised if she was hiding something.

When I think about Sharena, I think maybe she's like. Try-Hard Nice. It's very hard to explain what I mean. But I don't believe she's insincere. I don't believe she's hiding something like Henriette could be. I think she's desperate? And takes a methodical approach to relationships, where she's set out on A Goal, which is to make a friend. If I say the right thing and act the right way I will succeed in being the perfect friend. She's incredibly open, but is she really? Does she know how to be truly open? Has she ever just let herself, be?

ALSO incredibly fascinating the implications of this for Veronica, having noticed this and saying it so confidently. I haven't delved super deep into Veronica's character, but... I just think it's interesting, that she struggles so much to process these things, and yet seems to be able to detect when something is off and untrustworthy to her. Even MORE interesting is how all this plays out with Letizia, where she trusted her completely. Ofc, in that case, you have to consider the entire context of their relationship -- Veronica never having had a reason to distrust her. Unfortunately I don't have a lot I can say on that though (<- emotionally cannot finish Book 6)

Idk I just. Sometimes I'll be reminded of a dialogue and it'll infect me with brain worms LMFAO

[yuribalisms]

Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

[myunghology]

THE LITTLE THINGS.

summary the little things they do for you, just because they love you. part 1/2 !!

pairings riddle, leona, azul, x gender neutral reader (established relationship)

tw none.. i think IDK

a/n — YAYYY I HIT 1.7K give me more clout pls ily all

✧ — RiDDLE ROSEHEARTS

Teaches you even though it's incredibly late at night. His eyes are already telling you that he's tired— and you try your best to tell him to go to bed.

But noooo, he cares too much about you to let you fail your worst subject. He casually waves his hand to dismiss your ideas for him to get sleep, putting you first before anything else. Well, at least he's learning more as well from teaching you.

Your head would be laying on his lap as he explains literal calculus at 4am in the morning, since you woke up in the middle of the night, making HIM wake up as well, why not torment you as well by making you learn with the time?

You give him such attitude early in the morning, saying "I'm sorry calculus sucks so bad, I'm sorry it's boring?" and yet he's completely whipped for you to the point that he's willing to sacrifice his sleeping schedule for you to learn. It's for your own good!

Riddle's possessive.. But in a good way! He just cares too much, not possessive to the point he's controlling, but possessive in a way that he's just overprotective of you.

He's the "Don't let anybody do this to you, unless that somebody's me." type of boyfriend. Can you tell he gets jealous easily? Gets extra snarky whenever someone asks about you, especially when they don't know you two are dating.

The type to pull you closer wherever just from being possessive, and makes an excuse that's basically just "Because you might get lost". Riddle.. The hallway is currently empty?

He will forever be your first and last love. The little things he does for you, it's everything. To you, and to everyone else who sees. The way he ties your shoelaces— which you didn't even notice that was untied.

When you make a mistake and a small "I'm sorry." comes out of your lips while your eyes get blurry, shaking his head as he shushes you and reassures you, everytime without fail.

The way he looks up at your pretty face right after, as smitten as ever and in complete awe, it's not that obvious, but you can see it in his eyes.

The way he's incredibly patient with you, the way you push your luck just to annoy him— luckily not getting beheaded by your own boyfriend. He has always fully believed time has brought you to him, hell, even fate itself maybe.

✧ — LEONA KiNGSCHOLAR

Leona always finds himself ending up with you, one way or another. At the end of the day, he's home. To you. And that's what matters the most to him.

The way he's burying his face in your chest, making a giggle escape out of your lips, a giggle he especially loves, but of course, would never really admit it directly.

This time, it's your turn to tease him for acting like this. But who could blame him? You're so comfortable.. And you're so.. Everything, really.

The soft sighs of relief he lets out when he feels your fingers thread through his long hair, indirectly asking you to not stop, and just keep going.

He compliments you without even realizing. Like it's a natural response to everything you do. From your little "Isn't this bow really cute, Leona?" with a soft smile as he goes, "Yeah. It'd be cuter if you'd wear it, though."

And you're left red and blushing, it honestly depends if he's going to tease you for it or not. But we all know, your blush is never going to get unnoticed by the prince himself.

Gets defensive whenever you bring this topic up. He will NEVER miss a day of complimenting you— even if it's something random. It's either that, or something completely heartwarming.

It ranges from, "You're really short, you know? Could barely even reach the top of the door even if you stand on your tippy-toes. But it's alright. I like it like that." with a smug grin.

To, "What's wrong with you? You're gorgeous. You're gonna be keepin' up with me in terms of persuasion, with those adorable little eyes of yours, are you?" sir this is a wendys

Can NEVER say no to you when you give him that special look. When you look up at him he absolutely melts— and it's painfully obvious it hurts physically (And by that, I mean butterflies.)

"If my significant other thinks they can just bat their cute lil eyes at me and get whatever they want, they're absolutely right." Type of mindset. He'd never admit it or say it out loud, either. We all saw that coming though, let's be honest..

Grits his teeth whenever you look at him with doe eyes, and it makes him weak because he especially loves your eyes, and how much they can say about you and how you're feeling.

✧ — AZUL ASHENGROTTO

Provides you with anything you need, without you needing to ask, almost everytime he notices. For other people, they'd need payment. But for you..? Ah, just forget about the goddamn contract at this point.

Actually, there IS a payment you have to do. Can you guess? It's definitely something cheesy or corny. Kills myself

Everytime you give him kisses all over his face, he's definitely all read. Who could blame him? We know he's not used to affection like this. And the fact that it's coming from you.. I don't know if that makes it worse or better at this point.

But of course, this will always come with a payment. More of a punishment— maybe. Having to wipe all your faint lipstick marks off his face when he has to be in the mostro lounge, making him just a few minutes late.

He picks up your habits. From talking or texting, no matter how different it is, he'll pick it up. From how much time you two spend together, I can't really say anyone's surprised..?

So, don't be surprised when he randomly responds to you with your usual attitude, or even just talking or texting a little bit like you as well.

The best part is, he doesn't even notice himself. When someone brings it up, he raises an eyebrow and acts like he doesn't know what they're talking about at all.

Gets all flustered when someone mentions you. It wouldn't even be about your relationship and he'd still be a blushing mess. Why? Um.. I dunno..

They probably wouldn't even realize you two are dating until they see Azul's wallpaper is you two, and when he opens his phone, most of the widgets there are your little selfies you send to him for fun.

Whether it'll be a literal thirst trap ("He's getting all red, please stop?" - Jade). Or a 0.5 picture of you sent by a mutual friend, or even Floyd who practically towers over you.

note — 𝔹𝕌ℝℕ 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔾𝔸𝕐𝕊 𝓑𝓤𝓡𝓝 𝓣𝓗𝓔 𝓖𝓐𝓨𝓢 𝙱𝚄𝚁𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙶𝙰𝚈𝚂 ꃳ꒤ꋪꋊ ꓄ꁝꏂ ꍌꋬꌦꇙ ฿ɄⱤ₦ ₮ⱧɆ ₲₳Ɏ₴ ᗷᑘᖇᘉ ᖶᕼᘿ ᘜᗩᖻS [̲̅B][̲̅U][̲̅R][̲̅N] [̲̅T][̲̅H][̲̅E] [̲̅G][̲̅A][̲̅Y][̲̅S] BURN THE GAYS ßÚRñ †HÈ GÄ¥§ B̶U̶R̶N̶ T̶H̶E̶ G̶A̶Y̶S̶ вυяη тнє gαуѕ ᏰᏬᏒᏁ ᎿᎻᎬ ᎶᎯᎽᏕ ᴮᵁᴿᴺ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴳᴬʸˢ БҴЯҊ ꚌӉЄ ԌДҰЅ ႦႮჁႶ ႵႹჹ ყმჄႽ B̤̮Ṳ̮R̤̮N̤̮ T̤̮H̤̮E̤̮ G̤̮A̤̮Y̤̮S̤̮ B̷U̷R̷N̷ T̷H̷E̷ G̷A̷Y̷S̷ B̲U̲R̲N̲ T̲H̲E̲ G̲̲A̲̲Y̲̲S̲ B̳U̳R̳N̳ T̳H̳E̳ G̳A̳Y̳S̳ B̾U̾R̾N̾ T̾H̾E̾ G̾A̾Y̾S̾ B͎U͎R͎N͎ T͎H͎E͎ G͎A͎Y͎S͎ B͓̽U͓̽R͓̽N͓̽ T͓̽H͓̽E͓̽ G͓̽A͓̽Y͓̽S͓̽ B҈U҈R҈N҈ T҈H҈E҈ G҈A҈Y҈D҈ B͙U͙R͙N͙ T͙H͙E͙ G͙A͙Y͙S͙ B͒U͒R͒N͒ T͒H͒E͒ G͒A͒Y͒S͒ B̻U̻R̻N̻ T̻H̻E̻ G̻A̻Y̻S̻ ḄỤṚṆ ṬḤẸ G̣ẠỴṢ

[lyrefromthesea]

Please could I request all the hashira being in denial that they have a crush on hashira!reader. I hope you’re having a wonderful day 💙💙💙

Male pillars x Reader - Denial is a thing

pairing: Tengen x reader, Obanai x reader, Rengoku x reader, Sanemi x reader, Giyuu x reader, Gyomei x reader

content warning: none

type 1 - i don't have enough time for romance, meaning it doesn't exist.

he is the type of person who is fully obligated to his duty. saving people and taking care of others has gotten natural to him.

the demon slayers of lower rank have come to trust him, look up to him, he couldn't disappoint them. he knew how it was to be scared, now he needed to take away the fear others felt.

naturally, he didn't understand why he found his attention shift, suddenly not thinking of his mission anymore.

yet nothing was different, he got a mission assigned, another slayer joined him, you both tried to defeat the demon.

that's right, you.

you were different, you were the thought occupying his mind. he thought it was fine at first, but when he got distracted during the fight, he realized just how severe the connection to you could be.

he would try to keep your relationship professional, strictly related to work, but he couldn't stop himself from learning more about you while you took care of his wounds.

...Gyomei, Rengoku

type 2 - i don't even know what happened, this can't be true.

this was stupid, utterly and absolutely stupid. in no world was it possible for him to fall in love with you.

..right?

you were a nice person, someone he could rely on. fear was evident on your face when the situation got severe, but you pushed through, because you wanted to save the people around you - even him.

he didn't understand, you weren't a hashira, yet you fought with the same determination. he tried to understand, listened to your explanation.

"i can't rely on you just because you're strong, the people who chose this life decided to fight until it's over."

he felt his heart throb right at that moment, heartbeat speeding up drastically. never in his life had he heard another person talk like this.

yes, he couldn't understand how this happened.. or maybe he just didn't want to.

...Obanai, Tengen

type 3 - i will never love again, otherwise i'll lose you too.

what makes him special is not the fact that he's denying his feelings for you, it's how he copes with it.

he wasn't stupid, of course he realized something was different when he felt his cheeks flush or how he accidentally stuttered when he tried to talk to you.

the realization hit him like a brick, immediately excusing himself, trying to never talk to you again.

he knew how this would go. he fell in love with you, he stayed by your side and like everyone else, you'll be taking away from him. it's always that way. it'll always be that way.

it's not like he couldn't stay away, he was used to being alone. other people didn't necessarily talk to him, he would just go back to his old life.

only that it was much harder this time. how come he would always run into you? not only that, but somehow he got paired up on missions with you too.

he cursed himself, nothing about this worked like he had wanted it to.

and when you silently brushed your hand against his, eventually bringing yourself to interlock your hands, he knew he had ultimately failed to stay way.

not that he cared a few months later, when he could wake up to your sleeping body next to his.

...Sanemi, Giyuu

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

So I’m a minor (16 to be specific) and I frequently watch and read stuff with explicit sexual or 18+ content in it. I live in an extremely conservative Christian household and things like explicit fanfic are pretty much the only option I have for learning about sex that isn’t abstinence only. I do feel bad about it, especially when I see adults online say stuff like “oh i watched lots of inappropriate things as a teen that i really shouldn’t have” and it makes me feel like I’m ruining myself in a way that I won’t realize until I’m an adult? Right now I don’t see what the big deal is but i get the feeling that when i’m 24 or something I’ll wake up one day and be ashamed of this for some reason i’m not mature enough to know yet. Should I just stop and wait until I’m 18 to continue or what?

hi anon,

okay. I'm gonna hit you with something:

turning 18 does not actually change the way you feel about porn or sex or anything. the difference between being seventeen and 364 days and being 18 is nonexistent. there's not a magical switch that changes you as a person; that comes from lived experience. if you're 18 and your experience is still that porn and smut and what have you i something that you should feel bad about, it's still going to feel that way and a birthday won't change that.

look, the whole notion of "I saw [x] that I shouldn't have when I was young" is like. okay. so you saw something that was a little mature for you that you didn't quite get? awesome. did you die? no. most people's hangups about sexuality don't come from seeing a rogue titty when they were a teenager, they come from the culture that person was raised in that made seeing a rogue titty feel like something to be ashamed of instead of a completely natural part of life.

story time! when I teach my 4th-6th grade OWL classes (Our Whole Lives, great human development program) I always start by holding a meeting with the kids' parents. I've been doing this for seven years, and every time without fail some of the parents will recall seeing porn for the first time as a kid. these guys were kids when printed porn magazines were still a thing, so they were discovering them in all kinds of places - the bedrooms of their parents or their friends' parents, at bus stops, in the woods, once even stowed in some farm equipment. and they remember it feeling illicit and exciting, sure, and possibly making them confused or even horny for the first time in their young lives, but like... that's it. none of these people are irreparably damaged by seeing porn. in fact, they've grown up to be the kind of people who go out of their way to make sure their young kids are enrolled in a queer-friendly, body-positive, diversity-embracing sex ed class to counter stereotypes and misinformation they might receive elsewhere.

looking at things that arouse you is morally neutral. it can be a great way to help you learn about what turns you on, and even if it's not the best source of factual, realistic depictions of sex, it can still help you discover things - hell, I only figured out what the clitoris was by reading Young Justice fanfic (shout out Snaibsel).

you can't ruin yourself, at any age, with the media you like to consume. what makes you uncomfortable and anxious is the attitude you've been taught to have about that media, which is something that has to be actively unlearned, because it's certainly not going to just disappear on its own when you become a legal adult.

tl;dr obviously no one is making you watch porn and you shouldn't if it makes you uncomfortable, but if you drop it right now and come back when you're 18 don't expect to feel any different if you haven't done any more unpacking re: the conservative Christianity of it all.

[venerawrites]

Aww I love that you write for Kiba! He really doesn't get enough love so thank you! Can I please request headcannons for married and family life with Kiba, Kakashi, Gaara and Neji (with female reader)? Like being married and having children with them? They're my favourites and you write them so, so well. I hope that request is alright, please don't feel pressured to write it if you don't want to. I hope your week is amazing 🫶🏻

author's note: Kiba was one of my first fictional crushes and I totally agree he doesn't get enough love! Thank you so much for this beautiful request! I really hope you enjoy and that so far your week has been good! <3

➤ Kiba

Kiba as a husband is everything but boring!

During the first year or two, marriage would feel just like your relationship before that - laid back, chill and maybe a bit immature.

He is an amazing partner - he is very affectionate, never fails to make you smile and loves to surprise you.

However, when it comes to taking care of himself, he is like a big baby - I don't really see him doing any chores in the beginning of your relationship and even when he tries, more often than not he either burn or flood the kitchen.

Maybe it was fate or karma of some sorts, but I totally see you with twins or triplets!

If you thought life was crazy, wait till your house is full with hyperactive, unpredictable and loud Inuzukas.

Surprisingly, Kiba actually enjoy his role as a dad - probably because they all take after his personality, and tries to spend as much time with you and the children as possible.

Every time he has a free day, he organises a "family fun day" - more often than not, it is not that fun for you, as you have to run or yell after them to be careful while running/swimming/climbing etc.

While he would never get too much into housework, he will try to help around the house as much as he can, especially once you get back to work. (also, wouldn't do a good job and you would have to clean after his cleaning all the time, but it is the enthusiasm that counts!)

His attitude towards you would remain the same - he is just as in love with you as he was as a teenager, constantly trying to flirt with you with cheesy pick-up lines and smack your bum when you least expect it.

With multiple children, you probably won't have a lot of opportunities for spend time alone or go on dates, but you are both quite comfortable with your chaotic life.

He is definitely the laid-back and fun parent. Sorry, but you are going to have to be the "bad cop" - he can just bring himself to scold or punish your children.

He would often team up with them in order to prank you or his mother. Also, every bad word they learn by the age of six, is definitely his fault. (But hey, is it his fault they can remember every slip up?)

Kiba absolutely wants more children, so you better brace yourself, because I totally see you with another set of twins/triplets... it's these Inuzuka genes, what can I say!

➤ Kakashi

Surprisingly (or not so much since we are talking about Kakashi) your two children came before you got married.

You have been together for years and it worked perfectly, so what would a ring and a signature on a paper change? In the beginning, both of you were of the opinion "why fix something if it isn't broken?" and none of you see the point in marriage.

More or less, you were already acting as spouses - you tried to equally divide the household chores, but since he was working most of the time, you naturally took the role of the carer of the house, while he was the provider.

Once your first child was born, however, Kakashi started to seriously think of a change.

Since being a child, his life has been filled with battles, blood and loss - and he surely did not want for these things to be present in your baby's life.

However, change was hard and while he tortured his mind with ideas about how much happier you are going to be if both of you give up the shinobi life and move somewhere far, far away, he never voiced his thoughts out loud to you.

Kakashi is a very calm and loving dad - it almost come naturally to him, but you would notice something was bothering him, since as a partner he acted a bit more withdrawn.

When your second child was born, this is when he knew for sure he has to step down as a Hokage and retire from the ninja lifestyle once and for all. I imagine at this point, with two kids at home, you were retired as a shinobi.

When he brought the idea of moving in the outskirts of the village, he didn't expect for you to agree so quickly. You knew Kakashi for years, even before you got together, so you knew he really needed this break and detachment in the name of your family.

Once he left the position as a leader of the village, he focused 100% of his attention on you and your children - your oldest was a toddler by that time and while he felt sad because he felt like he missed the first two years of their life, he tried to enjoy every moment and stay grounded in the present.

He also finally decide it is time to propose and make you officially Mrs. Hatake - everything in your life was slowly falling into place and this felt like the only thing missing. (I imagine a small ceremony with both of your children as flower girls/page boys.)

Kakashi as a husband is the same as he was before that - loving, gentle, romantic, sometimes lazy, yet always attentive. The only difference is that he is even more relaxed and probably would pick up a random hobby such as gardening or maybe even writing?

Your have a very idyllic and peaceful life with him, and you wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

➤ Gaara

Married life with Gaara is hard in the beginning.

His work has been his whole life since he was a teenager, so when you finally tied the knot and, a few months later, welcomed your first child, he didn't know how to handle it.

He tried to juggle his job and his new role as a husband and father without any help for the first six months, but failed miserably.

The long hours he spend in the office definitely affected your relationship, especially since you are the one who had to give up your career in order to stay at home and take care of the baby.

There will be a rough period of time during you will be either ignoring each other or fighting with each other. Each of you will be upset, frustrated and annoyed with the other, but will not know how to fix things.

Don't get it wrong - this man loves you to death, but this is all new to him too! And it is especially stressful, since he never had a proper functioning family anyway.

Eventually, one night after another fight, you will sit down on the floor and share (or more likely scream at him) all the pent up frustration and worries you had been keeping inside.

From that moment everything changes.

Gaara would realise he needs to spend more time with his family, so he will probably promote Kankuro to a "shadow Kazekage" or any other title, under which he can replace him in the office some days of the week.

You start communicating more and soon fall in a natural rhythm - he is definitely a man that likes to do everything 50-50 with you, including care of the baby and household chores.

A very gentle and attentive husband - he always listen to your advice and tries his best to keep the spark between you by organising surprise getaway weekends for both of you every so often or by bringing you flowers/gifts when he comes home from work.

I would imagine given his position, he would try to influence to remain at home - he has always been worried about your safety and the potential risk of his enemies targeting you, but since you were now also the mother of his child, his worry slowly turned into a paranoia.

He will respect your decision no matter what, but if you decide to go back to work at some point - he will forget his morals and will abuse his role as a Kazekage in order to arrange some extra security to be around you at all times.

I feel like he will be a very calm dad in the beginning, but the more his children grew, the more nervous he became - babies are easy to manage, but toddlers? Pre-teens? Oh, Kami!

Naturally, he is very anxious about his performance as a parent, so please provide him reassurance every now and then, just so you can ease his mind!

Nevertheless, he is great with your child and they absolutely adore him. If you had a girl, she will totally be daddy's girl. If you had a boy, he would dream one day to grow up like Gaara.

I totally see you guys adopting some family traditions like Sunday dinner, "come-with-dad-to-work" Thursdays or book Fridays.

Gaara is going to be satisfied with one child, two at most (only if they have at least five years difference).

➤ Neji

Neji was made to be a father and a husband!

Raised in a very traditional family, he has been dreaming about becoming a husband and father pretty much from the moment you got together.

I think you would be married for about a year, before your first child is born, during which you will get you own house in the Hyuga compound, arrange its interior and enjoy your life as newlywed couple.

He will never command you or restrict your freedom in any way, but he will definitely influence a lot of your decisions.

For starters, it is expected that you will stop working and become a housewife, as any other woman married into the clan has done before.

I feel Neji loves you enough to respect your wishes if you decide not to do it, but he will still insist being the main provider for your family. (Do not resist him on this one, it is quite important for him!)

That doesn't mean he won't help around the household, especially after your child is born - he is actually very, very good cook and will take care of your dinners at least a few times per week.

As a father, I imagine he is very caring and loving, but will become more strict as they start to grow older. He values fairness and order a lot, so it will for sure reflect in his parenting style.

Your child absolutely adores him though - Neji is definitely their role model and the best teacher. You, on the other hand, will be the more laid-back parent, using any chance to spoil them or treat them with some extra sweets/toys behind Neji's back.

Neji is very confident as a parent, so he won't really have any worries about how you are raising your little one. What worries him, however, is how much less time you are both spending together.

I think once your child reach toddler age, he would start declining more and more missions, so he can stay at home. I also imagine that seeing his growth and commitment to the family, Hiashi would involve him in the leadership of the clan.

He will still find time to organise little dates just for both of you or late midnight walks, when you can enjoy only each other's company.

He would grow more serious and less fun with time, but given how much responsibilities he how stressful his life is, you would try and support him in every decision he makes (even when you are not fully convinced by his reasoning).

Your love would blossom from fun and carefree to mature and responsible. (& tbh I think that is absolutely beautiful!)

Both of you want at least one more child, so I imagine you would get pregnant a two or three years after you gave birth to your first born.

cc artwork: Daniel Clarke

[meanbossart]

How did your DU drow react when he got told he had to kill his spouse? and then when he went to wake up Astarion and get tied up? I think I just wanna know how your DU drow mentally/emotionally is doing during and after that part, and when talking to Astarion afterward, I'm a sucker for hearing about those deep kinds of moments (hopefully that makes sense?) Also, how did your DU react when you met Kressa Bonedaughter and learned all about what was done to him (again, I know none of the companions really comment on literally something horrible being told such a shame, honestly) but how would you say or think that Astarion and Shadowheart might have reacted hearing that info? Again, thank you for all your art and for answering these questions! PS: (I really don't care if your answer is super long; I WILL EAT IT UP)

Sooo for the first question, I wanna preface by saying that I personally don't think their relationship was that in depth yet, at that point. Yes, DU drow enjoyed Astarion's company and relied on him in a similar way which he relied on Shadowheart. And also yes, Astarion saw DU drow as the first person who ever took him and his agency seriously - but I think feelings were still in their infancy. DU drow's mind was a mess through and through; he drank constantly to keep his urge at bay, he kept his distance from everyone most of the time, and when he did seek out comfort in either Shadowheart or Astarion (the non-sexual kind, they didn't really fuck at all), it was a kind of primal instinct and desperate longing for companionship - if you asked him if he was in love with anyone, however, he would have said no.

Similarly, while I think Astarion's act 2 confession is sincere, I also think that he's being sincere when he says that he doesn't know what you are yet. You're not really a lover, but you aren't a victim, either; what you are is a person who he would rather not have to murder eventually, and as someone who has had their empathy squeezed out throughout the course of two centuries, that's meaningful enough. He may fantasize about the best case scenario for you two - but he has no expectations that whatever this is will last. But it is nice, for the time being.

So the "murder your darling" scene, rather than a proof of love and trust, is to me the turning point where:

A) DU drow has to come to terms with the fact that he doesn't have as much control over the Urge as he thought, and B) When Astarion snaps out of his care-free, just-go-with-the-flow nature around his plan and this relationship. They both realize they bit off more than they could chew and are now caught in each other's crossfire.

Which is to say that I don't read Astarion's words of comfort to him as entirely honest - specially when you compare it to certain dialogue deliveries later in the game. I think he's still, to a degree, telling you what you need to hear so that you hold out for just a bit longer and kill Cazador. You probably can't be together forever as he idly fantasized about once or twice, when he let his mind wander - but god damn it, he needs to at least be free, and it seems like you have bloodlust to spare to make that happen.

Meanwhile, DU drow finally comes to confront the fact that he is not in control. Doesn't matter how hard he tries or how much he drinks, the urge will do to him as it will, and when it wishes. It stops being fun and it gets scary, from that moment on.

But here's who did stop it: Astarion. Where alcohol fell short and his willpower failed, Astarion stepped in.

So, more interesting than the scene itself to me, is how from that point on DU drow would have no choice but put his trust entirely on the vampire to control him. He ties him up, he keeps an eye on him, he has full spoken-word permission to kill him if necessary - he is forced to be as vulnerable at humanly possible under his hand, every night. Regardless of whether or not DU drow realizes that Astarion is doing it for his own reasons, he doesnt care, because Astarion has now become his rock and his bondage - hell, if Astarion does have a reason to keep him alive that's all the better; someone else might just slit DU drow's throat and be done with the concern altogether.

And so, it's only from that point on that DU drow truly starts to see Astarion as an equal, and even a partner. He's thinking that, if his whole life has to be like this, at least he has someone who can handle it.

Astarion, meanwhile, I believe only comes to truly consider (and wish for) DU drow's freedom after he's free from Cazador - and after he bestows that freedom upon his siblings and the other spawn. That's when he finally understands the length of DU drow's devotion to him and the value of freewill as a concept- and how he wants it for both of them, instead of being content with his own.

Not to mention... I think in Astarion's mind he was 100% not going to survive Cazador LOL so when he succeeds he's like "oh shit I guess anything is fucking possible huh. Yeah fuck it lets go fight your dad, also I've decided I want you for realsies, now."

Anyways, can you believe I thought this was gonna be a short ask. Here have a doodle I made while thinking about all this bullshit:

As for Kressa, I got an ask about that before but I can't find it now LOL to summarize; he was pissed, angered, and in a far more personal level embarrassed to have had his dirty laundry aired (AKA, victimized) in that way in front of the others - but this isn't something he would have expressed outwardly, and I think both Shadowheart and Astarion would have known better than to inquire him about it. It's not really something he would have sought out comfort for in anyone, so, I think the subject died as soon as Kressa did. In this case, their lack of commentary was completely appropriate - If they had reached out in any way (which would have been, in my opinion, completely out of character) DU drow would have shut them out with a quickness.

[darlingbabyboo]

Hi, I’m mitsuyababygirl nice to meet you.

I just read your Fatherly Love and so sweet, I love it by the way.

I was wondering if you could do a request on this video https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu7w6F-Ico0

like how would Mikey, Shinichiro, Izana and Draken, Mitsuya Takashi, Baji,Kazutora,reacting to that video I send you ?

Feel free to ignore this request if don’t to do the request, I will understand.

Why Can't I Marry Papa?

I'm in love with this request, the video was so cute! I split it up so this is Mikey, Draken, Mitsuya, and Baji since they're Toman captains! I'll do the rest in another part. Reader is a woman.

Manjiro Sano

"We're getting a divorce."

"W-what." You're heard a lot of things during your marriage to Manjiro. After all the years you've been together, you like to think that you've gotten used to his ridiculous nature. Especially when it's so uncommon for him and sense to come together.

You never expected to hear something like this though. Never in a thousand years.

You drop your knife slowly on the countertop so you're not tempted to do anything irrational. You turn around and are met with your husband holding your sniffling daughter, Keina.

You look from your daughter to Manjiro to your daughter again and finally come to the realisation.

None of this makes sense.

Manjiro sighs, "I've found another woman!"

Your heart clenches. Tears begin to pool up in your eyes. This is your worst nightmare, Mikey, with all his looks and charisma and success, leaving you.

You swallow, trying to appear strong when all you want to do is collapse. "Who are you cheating on me with?" You're proud that you manage to let the words out at all, while on the inside you're screaming to get on your knees and beg him to stay.

Manjiro gives a heavy sigh like it's a chore to even begin trying to explain what's going on, like all of your years of marriage have meant nothing. He rocks Keina gently, "I'm sure this one can explain it to you."

What?

You give your daughter a strange look, what does that mean? Had your daughter witnessed Manjiro with another woman, is that why she's been dragged into this?

You take a deep breath and pray that your tears won't fall, "sweetie, do you have something to tell me?"

Keina rubs her eyes with her pudgy hands.

"I-i wanna marry Papa but I can't 'cause you're with Papa!" She buries her face into her father's neck, trying to hide the fact that tears are flowing down her face. She's failing, horribly.

You look at Manjiro, and he gives you a toothy grin. You release the tension in your shoulders at that. Your heart starts to calm down, now you're overcome with love at your small family.

"Sorry hun," He rocks Keina, "I gotta pick my little girl over you."

You play along, shaking your head in faux sadness, "well, that's depressing, but that's just how life is sometimes." You walk over to your little girl and remove your ring. Suddenly, her tears ceases. She removes her head from her father's neck and she reaches for the gold band with wide twinkling eyes.

At the last minute, you pull back and she juts out her bottom lip. Once again, tears start to pool her eyes.

"But why Mama!" She yells.

You hum, "are you sure you want your Papa," You tease as you shake your ring in front of your eyes, enjoying how her eyes follow it.

She nods eagerly, "I do! I really do! 's not fair that you have him!"

Manjiro grins, ego stroked, "look, Keina knows what kind of catch I am."

You roll your eyes at his words then look at Keina again, who tries to reach for the jewelry with her small hands. You hold it back, "what about Mama?"

"Mama...?" Not understanding where you're getting at, she stares.

"Yep!" You pop, "mama's the one that makes all your delicious food, which includes your favourites: dorayaki and taiyaki!" You had learned to make it for Manjiro, when you two weren't dating and you wanted to impress him. It's to your luck that your daughter adores the snack almost as much as her father.

Your girl's eyes pop and she whips her head to her father, "Papa! I wanna marry Mama!"

You laugh and place the ring back on your finger. You give Manjiro a victorious smile as he tilts his head back and groans as Keina pesters him for his ring.

"You monster, you've turned her against me." He groans.

You place your hands on your hips and roll your eyes, "not my fault she loves her mama so much." Pettily you add, "guess I'll be the one leaving you for another woman."

Ken Ryuguji (Draken)

Despite what it looks like, Ken is the more domestic one of you two. That's not to say he's the best at it (you've got the burned meals to prove it), but his shops closer to home and more often then not, he's the one taking care of you daughter while you're at work.

Over the years, he's improved dramatically, so you're surprised to see Manami and Ken crying in the living room.

Manami is more dramatic, loud cries that you heard as soon as you opened the door (which means that, surely, your neighbours are going to have something to complain about later) but Ken's tears are less obvious, you only notice the small trail leaving his face as you get closer.

"What's the problem?" You question. Manami holds onto her father's leg, burying her face on his thigh. Ken looks up at you, like he hadn't heard the door open and your anxieties start to peak when you see how red his eye are.

"Yeah- um- no problem." Ken says, wiping away some of the tears on his face, which does nothing to make you feel better about the situation. "Don't worry at all."

"Of course I'm going to worry." You sit beside him on the couch, placing one hand on his shoulder and the other on Manami's back, soothing both of them. "There's a lot of crying going on right now, what's wrong?"

Ken sniffs, and rubs his eyes again, "I think this one could explain what's going on." He nudges his daughter gently who lifts up her face and trembles.

You pick her up, and your daughter shakes in your hold. "Baby, tell me what's going on?"

"Y-you're married t-to Daddy a-and thas' not fair!" She says between hiccups of breath.

You crock your head to the side, confused what she might mean, "baby, why's it not fair?"

"I-i-i-" She gently rock her as her cries become more dramatic. Patiently, you wait for her to calm down a bit and speak again.

"I wanna marry Daddy!"

You blink, and when you confirm that she's being serious you restrain a laugh. So this is what your big strong husband was crying about, his little girl wanting to marry him.

"Do you...?" You murmur, moving her around so you can cradle her in one hand and hold Ken's hand in the other. "Okay, then we can share!"

She blinks, not understanding what you're talking about. You wipe away the snot and tears on her face. "You can have him today, but he's still my husband, so I get to take him back when I want him." You wiggle her and she giggles in your hold, her sad mood seemingly vanishing.

You take off your ring and place them on her pudgy fingers, you have to place them on thumb so it doesn't fall off. She looks at the ring in wonder. While she's preoccupied, you turn to your husband, who's buried his head in your shoulders.

"So, turns out you're a big softie." You tease. "Couldn't handle that your little girl loved you so much she wanted to marry you?"

"Don't bully me." Ken mumbles, "I couldn't deal with her, she's just too adorable."

You stroke his thigh, "my big softie." You place a kiss on his forehead, "my wonderful big softie."

Takashi Mitsuya

It's not unusual to hear cries from your daughter's room. After starting kindergarten, she's been introduced to this new world and and she's still adjusting being thrown into it. It is strange to hear them when your husband is in the nursery with her. Your husband's great with children (years of domestic work with Luna and Mana had allowed him to ease into being a father easily). It's no secret how much of a daddy's girl your sweet daughter is.

You drop the laundry basket on yours and your husband's bed and hesitantly walk towards the nursery, unsure of what you might find.

"Takashi...is everything okay?" You question as you start to open the door. You expected a lot of things, but not to see your husband holding back a smile.

You raise an eyebrow as your husband motions you to him. He wraps an arm around your waist and you lay your head on his shoulder.

"What's-" The problem you want to ask, but Takashi has already pressed a finger to your lips and mouths the word watch.

With confused eyes, you watch as Takashi gently rocks your daughter's crib. "Hatsuko, do you want to tell Mommy what's wrong?"

Hatsuko sniffles, "no! I don't want to be a bad daughter."

"You won't be," Takashi says softly, "trust me, you'd never be a bad daughter. Mommy's gonna like what you said."

"Yeah," You're not sure what's going on, but you'd never be angry at your precious daughter. "Mommy really wants to know what you said, could you tell me?" Your curiosity is also peaked.

She looks at you, trying to compose herself, blinking away her tears and rubbing away the ones that have fallen down her face. You wait patiently, as she finally puts herself together.

"I wanna marry Daddy." She whispers, sinking into herself like she's sorry for saying it. The tears start to pool up in her eyes again, you feel bad for finding the situation so adorable. She's obviously distressed about her desires, but you think that it's so heartwarming how genuine and innocent her desires are.

You look at your husband, who was the same love filled look in his eyes.

"Daddy says that since he's married to you, he can't be married to me." Your daughter continues to explain, "I'm sorry Mommy, I don't want to be a bad person, 'm a bad daughter."

"It's okay honey." You reach over and pat her head, "you're not a bad person. In fact-" You remove your wedding ring, "you can be married to Daddy, give me your hand." She reaches her hand out and you place it on her ring finger. She looks at the band in awe.

Her eyes glow, "thank you Mommy!" She cheers.

"No problem." You say, wide smile on your face, "now why don't you go back to bed honey?"

She nods eagerly and Takashi moves so that he can tuck her in properly.

"Daddy, we're married." She whispers to him, waving the ring in front of him. Takashi smiles, and places a kiss on her ring finger and Hatsuko's forehead.

"I know, I'm so happy baby."

You both watch as she loses her fight with sleep, and curls in her crib.

"Can't believe you're gave me away so easily." Takashi teases. You smile, going towards him and wrapping your hands around his neck, his around your waist. You place a kiss on his lips, filled with so much love that you don't know how you're meant to function.

"Can't resist my babygirl." You defend, "besides, like you don't want to be married to our little angel."

He looks at the little angel in question, who's now softly snoring. He smiles, "definitely." He turns to you, so close that your noses brush against each other. "I'm so happy for what we have."

Definitely. You nod, sinking deeper into his arms.

Keisuke Baji

"So you're married to Mama?"

"Yep."

"For how long?"

"Since before you were born."

"And you're going to be married forever?"

"Of course we are."

"So you're never going to get married again?"

"Nope."

"And you can't be married to anyone else?"

"Nope."

"And you don't want to be."

"Definitely not."

"But what about me!"

"Um- what?" Keisuke pauses playing with his cats, which lets you know that this is a serious situation. Almost nothing could tear him apart from his precious pets.

Chieko crosses her arms, her determined face weakened from how adorable she looks.

"What about me Papa!" She protests, "won't you marry me!"

You hold in your laugh at the conflicted look on Keisuke's face. You'd expected something like this, over the past couple of days, you've seen how your daughter's eyes would linger on the band on your finger. She's definitely been asking more questions about marriage lately.

When preparing for parenthood, you had also heard about this phenomena, children wanting to get married to their fathers when they're too young to truly understand concept of marriage, only that it happens between two people in love.

Keisuke looks like he doesn't understand how to handle the situation, dealing with an entire division of delinquents in a fight, sure, that's reasonable, but saying no to his little girl never.

He looks at you for assistance, but you only respond with a smile, holding up your phone and recording the scene. This is pure gold.

Your daughter's eyes start to well up with tears, "Papa answer me! This isn't fair!"

"Well, it doesn't really work like that..." He scratches the back of his neck.

"Why not!"

"Um..."

And that's how you end up with an amazing video to show of your husband trying to explain marriage to your blubbering daughter, something that you definitely use on her wedding day.

Bonus

"Dad! I was four!"

"Nope, you said you were going to marry me and I'm finally saying yes!"

"Dad, would it kill you to get along with my boyfriend!"

"I think it would."

"Mom stop recording and stop dad"

"Sorry hun, this is just too good!"

"You're all crazy!"

Sorry for responding this so late! Some of these sound the same to me. I'll do better with variety when I drop part 2!

[thinkingofausername]

Just a reminder for those who didn't know, Curly exists outside of Mouthwashing as well, in the DLC "How Fish is Made" and I really think we should take this into account when analyzing him.

Here are his monologues:

It's easy to get on this boat when you have to. You say to yourself, this is just temporary. Just until I get what I need. Got bigger things planned! Then suddenly you're one year in, five years. Ten. First I couldn't stand the constant, constant noise. Now I can't sleep without it. A lot of things can't follow you out here. But it also means the outside world moves on without you. Won't even notice until it's too late... Easy to get on, hard to leave.

Next comes spite. First it stares back at you in the mirror. Then it's those around you. They're wearing your face, and you theirs... You know, he joined because of me. What were the words I used? Ah, right. "It's a great opportunity. Easy money, just a trip or two." Someone else's words in my mouth. Hey, worked on me as well, right? Change hurts, but worse things fester for a long time. I told him as much. I tried, I really did. We're defined by our past, but not slaves to it. We said tomorrow will be different. Today would be the last day. The last one. The last one and then another. And another, and another, and another...

Do you want to hear a joke? Three men are in the hospital. The first man cries "I lost both my hands, they told me I'll never work again!" The second man wails "I lost both my legs, they told me I'll never work again!" The third man? He rejoices "I lost my hearing, they'll never be able to tell me I'm fired again!" Hahahah! Good one, huh?

Curly is endlessly intriguing to me and I could analyze him forever but the things which stood out to me the most are:

The job was temporary. He had other things planned. He won't get to do them.

The way time passes without him (us) noticing is reminiscent of the way he failed to notice some other things.

"A lot of things can't follow you out here." A lot, not none of them. Jimmy's rancid nature followed him.

"The outside world moves on without you." For all the horrors which occurred on the ship, their families are clueless. Their tragedy floats in space unbeknownst to anyone.

"Won't even notice until it's too late." By the time someone finds the Tulpar, everything will have already happened. No one saved them.

"Someone else's words in my mouth." He convinced a person of something he himself didn't quite believe in.

"Change hurts, but worse things fester for a long time." It would've hurt Curly to face change (notice the errors of someone he thought was his friend; cut off a person he thought was his friend) but in avoiding it, Jimmy festered.

"I tried, I really did." Despite his mistakes, Curly cared.

"We're defined by our past, but not slaves to it." In some kinder universe, Curly survives and heals and learns.

Was it implied Curly might've lost his hearing?

[ravennawritesfanfiction]

Imagine Being a Loyal Patron of the Theatre des Vampires and Catching Armand's Attention

Pairing: Armand x Reader

Word Count: 1933

Summary: You visit Theatre des Vampires and you notice things are exactly what they seem. You catch Armand's attention.

For months you had watched Santiago come out on stage and tell everyone what they were about to see was real and that he loved them for it. Every night, audience after audience was splattered with red syrup. Every night ending with a murder, a couple of hundred witnesses none the wiser. Assured by the same man that had previously stated that it was real, now telling them it was fake. Patrons convinced that the victims were part of the cast. Willful denial. 

You had been one of them once. However, you quickly realized you couldn’t fake that kind of terror. The fear that was palpable in the air. The look of impending death. In the end, Santiago had them greeting death like an old friend. It was not natural and you were hooked. 

You started watching the cast more intently. Their eyes were unnatural. The way that Santiago spoke to the victims, still he wasn’t the most interesting theater cast member. Each night he would “fly” up to the catwalk, the man up there never failed to meet your gaze. At first it seemed coincidental, like he was looking in your general direction making it appear as though he was looking at you. Then it didn’t matter where in the audience you were, he found you. You stopped watching the shows. Your eyes searching him out in the darkness. His calling to you. 

You attended every performance for two years. You had learned a few members' names. You had met Sam in the ticket booth; he sold the tickets to the shows he wrote. He always had your stubs waiting for you, the spot expertly tailored to your mood of the day. Each offering a new view of the shows you had memorized. It didn’t matter where you were sitting, you were still in view of him. It was as if Sam could read your mind. 

You had met all of the cast over the years. They were all particularly nice to you. It was hard to tell if it was the frequency of your patronage or if there was something more sinister at foot. After all, you knew they were actively killing people every night. Did they know that you had figured it out? That Theatre des Vampires wasn’t just clever or avant garde? 

Tonight was different. Sam wasn’t alone in the ticket booth. He didn’t have your ticket waiting for you. And as you approached, you were met with four unnaturally alluring eyes. The man for the catwalk.

“Would you accompany me tonight?” no introduction. Just an inquiring look that felt like a challenge. “We mean you no harm.” he softened his approach, likely noting that you shifted your weight towards the door. 

“On the Catwalk?” you were confused. Perhaps there would be a terrible accident resulting in you falling to your death. The only one that could tie the theater to the string of missing persons plaguing Paris.

“Yes, on the catwalk. No, you will not fall to your demise.” He smiled both breathtakingly stunning and terrifying. They knew. You had to realize how monumentally bad this was for you. 

“You never have anyone up there with you, save Santiago occasionally. So, why me?” you weren’t digging your heels in exactly, but you weren’t entirely ready to follow a vampire into the dark without knowing so much as his name. 

“We have been doing this for a hundred years. And no one had figured it out. If they did, they never came back, let alone returning every night.” He looked at you as if you belonged under a microscope, fit for study.

“So am I more of a curiosity or a threat to you?” your posture was as far from at ease as one could get. 

“Neither, Ma Cheri. You are more special than you know,” his eyes looked earnest.”Now, will you join me tonight? Otherwise we have a regular ticket for you.” you wanted nothing more than to say yes. It was an uncontrollable impulse. 

He led you into the theater, through the crowds of patrons and vampires. Celeste eyed you suspiciously. Santiago looked like a cat that was about to eat the canary. You were both mystified and terrified. As you approached the stairs to the catwalk, the actors were now far scarier than you had ever thought them to be. 

“Enjoy the show.” Santiago purred into your ear as you passed him, the hair on the back of your neck stood on end. He who had not yet been named led you up the stairs to the area you would be spectating from.

He stood there in silent appraisal, looking out over a sea of fresh spectators. You sat there appraising him. Even in his outward youth, you could see all of his countless years. You had so many questions but made no move to voice them. He volunteered nothing. 

The show began as it always had. Santiago addressed the audience and started his monologue that wound up with him flying up to the catwalk. This time, when the spotlight shifted, you were in it as well, and you saw something that both blew your mind and completely disarmed you. Santiago was not truly harnessed in. It was clipped to a random loop that looked like it could have been a harness, but in the end you realised that Santiago really was flying about the theater. Your dawning realisation was met with a wink before dropping back down to the stage. Your head was spinning. 

The rest of the play passed in a monotonous blur. You memorized the lines, knew all the queues. The only difference was now you could watch the mystery man up close. He was unmoving. He has a script with him, though he didn’t reference it much. The director?

The night’s victim was brought out and from here you could see the glimmering fangs. The screams echoed up here. The blood that made it onto the stage was visible where you had never seen it before. The body was dropped through a trapdoor and you could see down below the stage. You felt your legs give out. The ringing in your ears overpowered Sanitago’s closing remarks. You never felt the ground. Rather, two strong arms wrapped around you breaking your descent. 

“I told you you wouldn’t fall.” he offered you a soft smile as you fought back the tears of your own panic. You wanted to pull away, You wanted to puke. Too many feelings fighting to be the first released. “I’ll let you go if you promise to stay calm.” You looked at the theater, still full of patrons, and nodded.

“I need air.” you were gasping and your vision was fading to black around the edges. Like a brain shortcircuiting. You were gasping, panicking and grasping at anything to try and stay grounded. As it happened, the only thing for you to cling to had been him. 

“Let’s get you outside.” He helped you down the stairs, all but carrying you. You passed the theater vampires who appeared amused by your reaction to tonight’s show.

“I don’t understand.” you stated once the cool air of the night pricked your skin, reviving you into the nightmare your brain attempted to escape.

“Of course not. You were just faced with the impossible. All of the things you were taught are fiction just became fact.” he shifted away to give you space and was intrigued to see you moved with him, having to be near. 

“Why show me at all?” you looked at him as though this answer would solve all of life’s greatest mysteries. 

“Because you saw and accepted what no one else would. You saw a coven of vampires , pretending to be human, pretending to be vampires and called bullshit. But you kept coming back anyway.” He was the supernatural being, but looked at you as though your existence was the impossible one. “No it’s my turn, why?”

“Ummm,” did you lie and risk him calling you on it or answer honestly?

“Honestly.” he laughed as you jumped. It wasn’t the first time he had done this, but this time it was unnerving. 

“Two reasons I guess. First, I was curious about the impossibility of it all. And then there was you.” you glanced his way to gauge his reaction, but you found none. 

“Me?” It was a mock surprise. “You risked being right and possibly dying for it because of me?” the more he pondered the admission, the more confused he became. Surely he had known what your answer would be, but knowing and understanding did not equate the same thing.

“Yes, I guess so. Though the possibility of death didn’t occur to me until tonight.” he stood there looking at you slack jawed.

“Maybe you are a bit of a curiosity.” he joked, you relaxed.

“Two impossibilities?” You looked at him and made eye contact for the first time. He was saddened that this may not have happened. If only you could have known that Santiago had been the first to realise you knew. It had taken Him and Sam both to stop Santiago from following you home that night and draining you. 

“My name is Armand.” he offered, still searching your eyes for a flicker of home. “I have a question, if you’d permit me.” he looked so young, your heart felt like goo in your chest. You nodded for him to continue. “Would you ever consider joining me?” he looked slightly to your side, breaking eye contact.

“For a show or joining you more definitely?” Big difference.

“As my companion. You’ve called to me every night just as I have called to you.” he returned to your gaze.

“What does it mean to be a vampire’s companion?” even the world felt supernatural.

“The closest thing humans have is a spouse. Though a companion is far more than that. The life of a vampire is a lonely one. A companion is a shelter from that loneliness. A comfort in the dark painful existence.” for the hundredth time tonight you asked yourself why you. You hardly felt qualified for the task, though you understood the loneliness Armand described. 

“I do not wish to rob you of your mortality. I only long for your companionship for as long as you'll grant me.” It wasn't as if you had anything to lose. You had your flat and your own suffocating loneliness. 

“I accept. I will join you as your companion along with everything that comes with it.” maybe you were signing your own death warrant, but you quickly realized that you  didn’t care. “How does this work?” Armand closed the miniscule distance between you until your noses were touching. 

“However, you are comfortable.” he smiled as he stroked your hair. “But first, there is one thing you have to see.” He stepped back from you far enough for you to see his whole face. Out of nowhere, two sharp fangs appeared. 

Your response was unexpected. You pulled him in for a kiss, fangs bared and all. And he let you. 

“I agreed to be a vampire’s companion and you thought that your fangs were going to be the deal breaker?” you giggled and he just shook his head at you. Taken by the complex little creature you were. “I do have one question.”

“Anything.” he looked at you like you were the entire galaxy.

“Your place or mine?” you found yourself in a strange apartment before the syllable died on your lips. “Yours I guess.” You answered your own question.

[yannaryartside]

This is still all about Donna

The cyclical aspect of abuse ft Chef David

So, I wanted to add to the discussion why Carmy pursued the star so intensely, to the point of inflicting self-punishment and isolation. Why would he focus his whole identity on the evil chef after all those other beautiful experiences he also got to live?

I am going to talk on broad terms because I don’t have any studies in psychology, so you can take it all with a grain of salt; I am talking just from personal experience/instrospection. I am also not saying this applies to all victims of abuse or all types of abuse. I am talking mainly about domestic/psychological abuse.

WHY IT ALL STARTED

On the opening night, a particular set of chemicals created an explosion in Carmy's mind. He saw a man who resembled the chef who tortured him psychologically and abused him. So he goes back and starts a fight with Syd. She calms him down, but he feels lost and needs a pause, so he goes to the freezer but finds himself trapped. Then, the turmoil of flashbacks comes in of Donna and Chef David, while he thinks he failed his team and confirms the belief that he is indeed worthless, no good, and a waste of space. Donna installed this belief in Carmy, and Chef David revived it.

So he blames Claire, a relationship that (regardless of not being particularly deep or healthy) was bringing him happiness, and he decides to commit to the lie that he needs to sacrifice things that make him happy to be good (chef). At this point, Carmy has equated his worth as a human with his ability to produce a certain quality of work as a chef.

THE CYCLE

Maybe the most vile thing about abuse is its cyclical nature. If you have been abused, particularly since childhood, even if you manage to leave the environment where the abuse took place, there is a high chance you will end up in another abusive relationship/situation.

Abuse breaks your perception of self and the world around you; because of that, every relationship you have, or situation you establish will be defined by that broken perception.

Carmy grew up in an abusive household, believing there was something wrong with him that made his mother reject him and prefer his older brother. From what we can gather, none of Carmy's interests and personality traits were appreciated or encouraged in that house (besides cooking), so he was a child "terrified of speaking." He didn't have friends who could help him understand or accept himself; he missed that in very formative years. Michael (the brother he compared himself to) ended up being the real parental figure in his life (Michael divides himself between teasing him and encouraging him).

Carmy learns to love cooking because of his connection with Michael. Then Michael makes him feel rejected by casting him out. Carmy goes abroad and has really amazing experiences that allow him to know and accept himself. He gets to feel like a child again, finding and cultivating the things that he loves.

Then he finds a chef boss who is also abusive. Donna comes to life in the face of Chef David, and Carmy (who has become almost the best at this point and could have just left this place) accepts the abuse because he is afraid that both Donna and David are right, that there is something fundamentally wrong with him no matter how hard he tries.

So he goes into this season in freeze response, screaming at others because he can hear the evil chef in his head telling him how much of a waste of space he is; he needs to fight it, so he screams at everyone to have the same standard he has to obey or get killed. He is acting entirely out of fear that they are going to get him killed because they are “not perfect” or “too slow.” Because he can still feel the threat of the ghost of Chef David saying horrible things to him as he cooks. This is about self-preservation.

Also, isolation is a form of self-punishment, and he believes he needs to resolve this on his own.

THE CLAIRE PART-SELF PUNISHMENT

He tells himself that he cannot be with Claire because that is who he is and that he doesn't deserve such a good thing if it endangers the only thing that brings him value, cooking. He doesn't deserve this love that, for the first time, doesn't seem to require a big amount of sacrifice on his part. He spent most of the season reminiscent of that affection. He said she brought her peace, but I think he just meant she didn't feel worthless for once. It looks like not having girlfriends or friends (lack of meaningful connections that accept him for who he is) is a big source of insecurity for him.

The relationship was empty and superficial but was the best he had ever felt; Claire made him feel like there was nothing wrong with him, (to the point of being an enabler, yes), but it was still better for him than feeling rejected most of his life.

His most significant relationships (Mickey and Donna and sometimes Nat and Richie) were based on a push-and-pull mechanic that created an emotional distance, and he has spent most of his life trying to earn his mother's love, while he felt he didn't have to make an effort to earn Claire's love, even the most basic emotional responsibility (never apologize). The show even showed you that the relationship between Claire and Carmel would have happened if she hadn't done most of the work, emotional or otherwise.

Case in point: Sydney, a person with whom he has a lot in common, an unspoken telepathy, and a bond that can get him out of panic attacks (his previous unhealthy beliefs), is the person with whom he has the most trouble establishing a relationship because of the plot (based on his mental health), even after three seasons.

That was a lot, thank you for reading.

[yanderes-galore]

I would like to see what a human romantic Yandere Mewtwo would be like! :3

Honestly, I like this idea. Keep in mind this is a HUMAN POKEMON story, which means Mewtwo is a human with some Pokemon-like characteristics and powers.

Yandere! Human! Mewtwo Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Dark themes such as the following; Human experimentation, Neglect, Telepathy/Telekinesis, Violence, Mass Murder, Blood, Clingy behavior, Delusional behavior, Kidnapping, Forced relationship implied.

In this story, Mewtwo would be more of a chimera than anything.

He's mostly human but has been spliced with Mew's DNA.

As a result, he is a human with a purple tail, white nubs near the top of his head like horns or ears, and extreme psychic abilities.

He has white/silver hair, purple eyes. and a lean but strong build.

He is the first attempt at a living weapon, a human spliced with the raw power of a Pokemon.

Naturally, due to his upbringing, he comes across as volatile.

You meet the chimera hybrid as a scientist/caretaker.

You were hired to research the new experiment as he learns and is trained.

Obviously, Mewtwo feels less than human.

All the other scientists treat him like he is below them.

But he knows the truth... he is easily better than all of them with his power.

The one person he does not feel this way with is you.

Similar to how Mewtwo in canon has never felt proper compassion, you give said compassion to him.

You're the only one who gives such a thing to him.

You can't see this experiment as a Pokemon.

You feel Mewtwo is too intelligent and human-like to be treated as anything less than that.

Really, what makes him different other than some characteristics and powers?

You pity that he only gets to wear loose experiment clothes or some sort of tight skin-tight suit for training.

You wish he could live a normal life...

In secret you try to give him that, even if he's behind some glass.

You talk with the hybrid in private and even teach him some things.

You answer any questions he seems to have.

He often asks why the other scientists aren't as nice as you... to which you say you aren't sure.

If he wants to speak to you in private he trains his telepathy to continue to read your thoughts and converse with you.

Naturally, if you're the only one he feels is safe to be around, he gets attached to you.

When he sees you he acts very cat-like, purple eyes dilating with his tail swaying when he sees you behind the glass.

He may look very cold but his telepathy says otherwise when he appears to be ecstatic when projecting his thoughts.

You are never allowed to touch or hold the experiment and can only interact behind the glass.

You slide food into his enclosure and provide him stimulation through speech and tests.

Yet Mewtwo always voices his distaste to you for this arrangement.

Mewtwo probably feels a connection with you to the point he wonders about romantic attraction.

Granted, he still is new to such a thought.

He's a genetically altered human and can read the thoughts of others.

Eventually, he interprets his feelings for you as romantic due to the thoughts he's picked up.

I imagine Mewtwo's mental state drops as the transition to making him a weapon begins.

When they put him in a tight battle suit and all that heavy armor... he's frightened.

Even more so when he sees you're no longer in his sight.

After all, by this point, he no longer needs to be watched.

He's a weapon... almost able to be put to the test once his mask slips on.

It all becomes too much.

Mewtwo makes his big escape... a massacre left behind him.

The facility collapses, his psychic power causing tech to fail as he lays waste to the scientists who have created yet imprisoned him.

He cares for none here... none but you.

Blood covers the heavy armor he wears as he searches for you.

Even if you weren't in the facility at the time, he doesn't stop his search.

The faster the hybrid finds you... the faster his carnage ends.

By the time he finds you, he sees you cowering.

You stare at him like he's a monster, a weapon...

Perhaps that is what he is in the end.

But he doesn't care now.

He pulls off the mask they gave him and drops it to the floor, you can see the pale purple tint on his skin as he stares at you.

All you smell is metal and gore.

He would try to comfort you... yet now he and you will be on the run.

He proposes the idea of you both becoming a "couple" like humans usually do.

But you don't answer him.

Oh well... maybe you'll come around?

It's then that Mewtwo decides to take you to Cerulean Cave, a cave out of the way for the two of you in Kanto.

You can live there with him...

Maybe even teach him how normal humans live life now that the facility is in ruins.

[innerfare]

Lawbin Headcanons 

Summary: Early stages of Lawbin. This whole thing is basically Law being a dork who’s constantly trying to play it cool while falling for the weird girl (Robin, I love you, never change). 

Characters: Trafalgar Law x Nico Robin

Genre: Fluff

CW: None // SFW

——— 

When Robin met the Captain of the Heart Pirates, the Surgeon of Death and a Warlord of the Sea, Dr. Trafalgar Law, she didn’t trust him, not even for a second. Recall, she has extensive experience with Warlords and would have died at the hands of one if Luffy hadn’t saved her despite her own insistence he leave her to die. As soon as she meets Law, she swears to herself that if things go sour, Luffy won’t be saving her and, in fact, she’ll be saving Luffy. She won’t let the Warlord take a shot at her Captain, and she takes Luffy’s proposition that if the alliance goes bad, the crew will have his back, to heart.  

For the longest time, that’s how Robin thinks of Law: the Warlord. She never talks about it, but she has PTSD from her time with Crocodile. She had never known peace or solace in her life; the safest position she’d had before joining the Straw Hats was as the right hand of a man who ultimately viewed her as expendable. And Sir Crocodile wasn’t just any man, he was a pirate brimming with power and eerily intelligent, with a mind for strategy. Just like Traffy, whose insistence on planning out every little detail and having a backup plan for every backup plan takes Robin right back to Alabasta. 

Robin becomes a little obsessed with comparing him to Crocodile. She zeroes in on his willingness to make small sacrifices for the greater cause, his analytical nature and reserved emotions, his apparent lack of friends. Only, Traffy went to great lengths to help the Straw Hats rescue the children on Punk Hazard, and he didn’t take the opportunity to be too cruel to Smoker and Tashigi despite having them chained in front of him. But that doesn’t stop her from trying to make him into Crocodile 2.0.  

And then there’s Law, who’s such a dork. Strategic alliance this, strategic alliance that, but from the second he met the Straw Hats, he wasn’t thinking about betraying them, he was wondering how he was supposed to remain impartial with such an affable group. He thought Nico, at least, would be an ally against the general Straw Hat insanity, but she turned out to be the crew’s worst enabler rather than the mother hen he had originally pegged her for. Which begs the question, what else was he wrong about? 

Annoyed to have been so wrong, Law begins paying more attention to Nico. He notices that she doesn’t fall into the insular trap that a lot of academics do. She’s not just an expert on her one field but in fact is incredibly well read and is a wealth of knowledge on a menagerie of different topics, and each topic he learns she is well-versed in is weirder than the last. 

Why is Nico an expert on Panda Shark socialization? How did Nico come to find out that there is a mythical, lost library full of love poems on an unnamed sky island? Why does Nico have so many books on a random king from the South Blue who died eight hundred years ago? How did Nico learn that there’s an island in the West Blue where white pumpkins grow on bone trees? And why, oh why, is she versed in Germa 66 lore? Finding out the last one makes his heart drop, the realization that he would risk it all for the Straw Hat archaeologist making Law’s stomach churn. 

And how is she so calm all the time? He had pegged the academic as similar to him, but her crew’s shenanigans seem to just roll right off her. She sat in that cell with him and the others in Punk Hazard reminiscing about old times with Luffy and Smoker instead of cowering in the shadow of Vergo, and she more than held her own on Green Bit, lending herself to him as an asset time and again, always being there to lend a helping hand (or twelve) when the plan fails. 

All that is to say, Law falls first. But it’s Robin who makes the first move. 

It’s only when she sees Traffy interact with his crew that Robin sees him for who he is, and she can’t get that man out of her head- that man who isn't domineering but tries to make people follow his orders to protect them, that man who is so adored by his crew (the members of which he protects rather than uses for his own gain), that man who, despite being called Warlord, is kind of adorable. 

Robin starts teasing him a bit; she just can’t help herself. Now that her Crocodile glasses are off, she can see that he doesn’t have the sort of temper that leads him to kill people but rather the sort that just leaves him spluttering and speechless. And, well, she thinks it’s cute. She starts feeling dumb, too, for not having seen it sooner. After all, Luffy saw he was a good and trustworthy person, and that should have been enough for her, but she had been blinded. 

No longer blinded, she starts enjoying her time with Traffy, though he doesn’t notice the shift, doesn't realize she's soft on him. He thinks she’s needling him for some other reason. It never occurs to him that Nico (or anyone, for that matter) finds him cute. And he almost goes into cardiac arrest when she tells him. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He demands one night, fed up with that little smile that always seems to be on Nico’s face while she’s staring at him. “Nothing,” she says, swallowing her giggle, “I just think you’re cute when you’re annoyed.” And with that, she leaves him to process what she’d just said. 

Their relationship is built on info dumping. Robin can talk about her weird interests, such as the mating habits of Sea Kings and the fact that the antidote made from Conine in the bark of Kona Trees can actually be used as a poison if mixed with the correct substances. And Law can talk about his childish interests, such as various comic books and ninjas. These two geek out on a level not previously known to humankind. 

They bring each other odd tokens, typically the weirdest possible thing they could find on their respective travels. 

Law buying Robin books and leaving notes inside that get progressively more personal, Robin asking Sanji to show her how to make onigiri because it’s Law’s favorite. 

And then there’s the trauma. Both were nearby when their parents were murdered. Both were alone in the world at a very young age, Robin hunted by the World Government and Law by the Donquixote family. Both know what it’s like to be completely alone with nothing to their name but a bizarre devil fruit ability and a target on their back. Both managed to find their way in the world despite feeling for years that they never would. They didn’t save each other because they didn’t have to. They’re traumatized, but they’re not broken, and together, they can be even stronger. They saved themselves, and now that they did, they’re free to bask in each others’ presence. And that’s exactly what they do. 

———

Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!

[blackenedsnow]

HII!! CAN YOU WRITE A HANZO SHIMADA X A SUPER ENERGETIC READER?

The reader the complete opposite of him. But he still really cares and even comes to love them? Even though at first he found them pretty annoying?

a storm in stillness

WARNING: None

PAIRING: Hanzo Shimada x Reader

NOTE: He is so dear to me.

SUMMARY: Though Hanzo initially finds your boundless enthusiasm grating, he begins to appreciate the warmth and light you bring into his life. Slowly, he realizes that beneath all the noise, there is something precious growing between you both.

Hanzo Shimada was a man of precision and discipline, each movement calculated, each breath intentional. His life had always been about control—of himself, his environment, and his emotions. There was no place in his world for chaos or unpredictability. So when you came crashing into his life like a whirlwind of energy, he wasn’t sure what to make of it.

He first met you through Genji. His brother had always surrounded himself with people who were as vibrant and full of life as he was, so when Genji introduced you, Hanzo wasn’t particularly surprised at your loud, cheerful nature. What did surprise him was how quickly you took to him, despite his clear discomfort with your enthusiasm.

"Hey, Hanzo!" you had said, bounding up to him with a wide smile and a wave. "I’ve heard so much about you! It’s so cool to finally meet you in person!"

Hanzo gave you a polite nod, his face expressionless. "Likewise," he muttered, though in truth, he wasn’t particularly thrilled about the prospect of getting to know you. Your energy was overwhelming, almost suffocating, and he found himself instinctively withdrawing.

But it didn’t seem to deter you. If anything, his stoicism only seemed to fuel your desire to break through his walls.

Every time you saw him, you greeted him with the same unrelenting enthusiasm. You asked him questions—so many questions—about his training, his bow, his time with Overwatch. You filled every moment with your bubbly chatter, never seeming to notice or care that Hanzo responded in short, clipped sentences.

"Hey, Hanzo, want to train with me? I bet I could totally learn some of your cool arrow tricks!"

"No, thank you."

"Oh! Okay! Maybe next time!"

At first, he found it annoying—your constant presence, your endless chatter, the way you never seemed to sit still. He couldn’t understand how someone could live with so much energy, so much… joy. It was foreign to him, like trying to make sense of a language he didn’t speak. But as time passed, something curious began to happen. He found himself growing used to you.

You were like a storm—unpredictable and wild—but storms had their purpose. They cleared the air, brought new life. And slowly, Hanzo realized that, though you disrupted his stillness, you also brought something into his life that he hadn’t even realized was missing: warmth.

It started with the little things.

One day, you brought him a cup of tea, having noticed that he always drank the same blend after training. "I figured you could use a break!" you said, handing it to him with a grin. Hanzo stared at you for a moment, surprised that you’d taken the time to notice something so small. He accepted the cup with a quiet "Thank you."

Another day, after a particularly grueling mission, you sat with him in the common area, rattling on about something he wasn’t really listening to. But then you asked, “You doing okay, Hanzo? I know that last mission was kinda rough…”

There was no humor in your voice this time, no playful teasing. Just genuine concern. Hanzo hesitated, caught off guard by the sincerity in your eyes. He wasn’t used to people checking in on him like that—at least, not people outside of his immediate circle. But you had been relentless in your care, showing up every day without fail, and now… it didn’t feel like an intrusion anymore.

“I am fine,” he said quietly, but this time, he met your gaze, offering a small nod of gratitude. “Thank you for asking.”

That was the turning point.

From that moment on, Hanzo found himself looking forward to your company in ways he never would have admitted out loud. Though he would never match your level of energy or enthusiasm, he began to appreciate how your presence lightened the air around him. Where once there had been silence, there was now laughter. Where once there had been tension, there was ease.

You’d pull him into conversations with the others, dragging him into games or casual sparring matches, laughing when he inevitably bested you in a fight. “You’re too good at this!” you’d exclaim, your eyes sparkling with admiration. “I’m gonna figure out how to beat you one of these days, just watch!”

Hanzo would allow a rare smile to tug at the corners of his lips. “I look forward to it,” he’d reply, and though his tone was dry, there was no mistaking the fondness that had crept into his voice.

Still, there were times when your energy clashed with his desire for solitude. When those moments came, you were surprisingly understanding. You’d notice when he grew quiet, when his responses became shorter, and you’d dial back your exuberance without him even needing to say a word.

"Hey, if you need some space, that’s cool," you’d say casually, giving him a thumbs-up. "I’ll catch you later, yeah?"

And though Hanzo would nod in agreement, he often found that he didn’t want you to leave. It was odd—unnerving, even—how much he had come to rely on your presence. You balanced him in a way he hadn’t expected. Where he was rigid and controlled, you were fluid and spontaneous. Where he brooded, you brightened. You were, in every way, his opposite. And yet…

He cared for you. More than that—he was beginning to fall for you.

It was a slow realization, one that crept up on him over time. He noticed it in the way his eyes sought you out in a room, how his chest would feel lighter when you appeared with your usual grin. He noticed it in the way he’d find himself unconsciously mirroring your smile, despite his best efforts to remain stoic.

The day he realized it fully, he had been watching you train. You were as focused as ever, practicing some new technique with a determination that, frankly, surprised him. You wiped sweat from your brow, laughing at your own mistakes, and the sound was so genuine, so full of life, that it sent a pang of warmth through Hanzo’s chest.

Without thinking, he approached you.

"You’ve improved," he said, his voice low but sincere.

You looked up at him, eyes wide in surprise. "Really? You think so?"

Hanzo nodded. "You are dedicated. It shows."

Your smile grew, but there was something different in it now—a softness, a quietness that hadn’t been there before. You stepped closer, your usual energy tempered by something more vulnerable, more tender.

"Thanks, Hanzo," you said, your voice quieter than usual. "I know I can be… a lot sometimes. But I’m glad you put up with me."

Hanzo looked at you for a long moment, taking in the way your usual brightness had softened into something more intimate. He didn’t often speak about his feelings, but in this moment, he felt compelled to let you know the truth.

"You are not a burden," he said quietly. "I care for you. More than I realized."

Your eyes widened in surprise, and for the first time, you seemed at a loss for words. But then, slowly, your smile returned—this time, softer, warmer.

"I care about you too, Hanzo," you said, and though your voice was quiet, the sincerity in it was undeniable.

In that moment, Hanzo realized that the storm you had brought into his life wasn’t something to fear. It was something to cherish.

[sellenite]

Girl you're FEEDING the Choso simps with your cherry blossom series! I love it sm, and I was hoping you could do a fluffy normal!AU?

Maybe Choso can be a TA/Tutor for an upper division college class and Reader is a senior in undergrad. He can tutor her in office hours, they become friends, then eventually hang out once classes are over?

(I'll let you decide if there's NSFW in there ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

pairing: TA!Choso x fem!reader contents: fluff, no smut (but implied at end), Choso and reader are both a little shy/awkward word count: 2.9K notes: I thought this idea was so cute, and I had some fluffy ideas for college AU Choso and reader so I hope this is what you were looking for <3 SFW :)

Choso Kamo wasn’t exactly what you would call a “social butterfly.” He never had been much of a talker, even before the twins passed away. But as his undergraduate years floated past him, he had failed to make so much as a single lasting friendship—driven firstly by grief, and second by natural introversion.

When Eso and Kechizu died, Choso had just started his freshman year of college. It was a stupid accident; the two of them driving home from a late football practice—a practice he would have been there to pick them up from if he were home—when they got hit by a drunk driver. They were cruel and pointless deaths, and Choso had a difficult time accepting them.

He didn’t go home after that summer; there was nothing left for him there. His mother had long since forgotten about him, too busy with her new husband and her new family. But he supposed the one good thing his mother’s remarriage gave him was his half-brother, Yuji. Yuji was the only person Choso had left, and he called him almost every week between his graduate studies.

Choso was on a pre-medical track with a specialization in hematology—the subject just seemed to come naturally to him. He felt he owed it to Eso and Kechizu to do something with his life, to help people if he could. It had been hard work—and he had near-permanent circles under his eyes to show for it—but he found an odd comfort in suffocating his misery with never-ending lab assignments and exams. However, his solitary habits left little room for friendships to grow; Choso found most of his undergraduate—and now graduate—nights alone, either with a textbook in hand or on the phone with Yuji. He was envious of his half-brother in a way; making friends always came so naturally to him.

Choso had learned to adapt to his loneliness until he didn’t notice it anymore. So his professor was more than a little shocked when he saw Choso had applied for the teaching assistant position. To be fair, he surprised himself as well, but he was putting himself through college and some financial help was better than none at all. And that was exactly how he had wound up being your Clinical Hematology TA. The laboratory class was known for being difficult, but it was one of the last remaining requirements you needed for your biology degree.

Choso wasn’t the best teacher—you didn’t think anyone would argue against that—but it was obvious he knew his stuff. He never needed notes—let alone the skeletal slideshow projected onto the laboratory whiteboard—when the professor had him lead lectures or experiments, but he was so soft-spoken. The subject of hematology he knew as if it were his closest friend—in an admittedly lonely way—but public speaking was far from his area of expertise. You often found other students zoning out or easily drowning Choso’s voice out with their own quiet chatter.

You followed along the best you could though. Sometimes you found yourself a little confused when Choso’s already-quiet voice would grow more muted, as if he were speaking to himself rather than to an entire class. But you still found yourself listening to Choso diligently. He was charming, in a sad, quiet sort of way you thought. He had an aloofness about him that made him seem somewhat intimidating to you at first; he didn’t talk to anyone unless there was a question, and he didn’t linger for a moment longer after the professor dismissed him at the end of their lectures.

But you felt that was more to him than the cold front he seemed to put up, and every once in a while you could see cracks in his stoic mask. You could see it in the way he sometimes let out a long sigh when he wasn’t needed in class, his deep brown eyes gazing out the window, distantly. The way he always seemed to rub over the same silver ring he always wore on his right hand when he was presenting. The heavy circles under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in months, half-heartedly covered by smudges of charcoal eyeliner.

Your simple observations began to turn into questions—How old was he? Did he go out on the weekends? Who did he hang out with? What kinds of movies did he like to watch? Did he have a girlfriend?—until (unintentionally) you realized you may have developed more than a small crush on your TA. But you had carried out most of the semester thus far without talking to him, so you doubted anything would change. He was your TA, you were his student; it was best to leave it at that, was it not?

Choso was the TA for your specific class, but there were other graduate students that the professor had to teach in his other time sessions. However (as with most of your other college classes), all TAs had office hours open to students no matter the section they were in. Choso had gotten used to his usually being empty. He didn’t mean to seem cold, or off-putting; it was just in his nature to be quiet. Yet, unfortunately, his modest tendencies led most students to seek help from some of the other, friendlier TAs.

Choso still made sure he was present during all of his office hours, though—it was kind of the job, anyway. But being as he spent most of them alone (sometimes the professor would be present as well), he had started using the time as a dedicated study hour. He found his way to the hematology laboratory and unlocked the door, preparing for yet another hour spent alone in the sterile room. At least there are windows, he thought to himself; he couldn’t remember the last time he had spent more than twenty minutes outside at one time.

But just as he was beginning to pull out his own work, he heard a soft knock at the laboratory door. His brows furrowed in confusion as he looked up, almost forgetting from how many sessions he had spent alone that students were supposed to be at these. You opened the door slowly, a little cautiously even, slightly poking your head in. And you couldn’t help the reflexive way in which your eyes slightly widened and a faint blush spread across your cheeks at the sight of Choso sitting alone at the front desk of the classroom.

“Oh! Hi, I’m Y/N… I’m in your Clinical Hematology class…” You started to introduce yourself, feeling more flustered than you had hoped or expected you would be now that you were talking to Choso one-on-one.

“I know,” Choso said back—maybe a little too quickly, he worried. “I mean, I’ve seen you before… You usually sit by the window, right?” He asked you, in that deep yet soft voice of his.

You mentally kicked yourself for the way you felt your heart fall into your stomach as a small smile formed on your lips. He knows me? You thought to yourself as you nodded back to him, stepping into the classroom a little more.

“Yeah, I do,” you smiled warmly at him, recovering some of your nervousness. You watched as Choso slid a notebook back into his backpack.

“Well… Is there anything I can help you with today?” He asked you politely, and you suddenly remembered the reason you had come to office hours in the first place. You felt your cheeks burn slightly and you hoped that Choso (somehow) wouldn’t notice. You nodded again as you swallowed a lump in your throat, sitting down in the chair opposite the teacher’s desk. You couldn’t help but notice how pretty (albeit tired) his eyes were up close, the brown of them so warm that they almost looked red when the light caught them right.

“It’s this upcoming lab report,” you started gently, trying not to get distracted by all of the beautiful details you never had the honor of seeing—the dark purple color on his nails, his long eyelashes, the way the right corner of his mouth tipped up ever-so-slightly as you sat down… You pulled your lab notebook from your backpack, placing it on the table between the two of you. “I have all of my data from the experiment, but the numbers just aren’t adding up…”

Your visit to Choso’s office hours confirmed two of your suspicions: not only was he intelligent, but he was also much kinder than many might assume at first glance. (And he was incredibly beautiful—with particularly nice hands—but there had never been a doubt in your mind if either of those things were true.) He had this gentle way of explaining things, checking in to make sure you understood before he moved on to anything else. It made you feel like he had done this a hundred times, even though you were confident that he didn’t have particularly busy office hours. You had—somewhat ashamedly—only been able to nod along as he explained where the calculations in your data had gone wrong, nervous that if you spoke your voice may waver and reveal that you were harboring a not-so-secretive crush on him.

And when the errors in your calculations revealed that you would need to rerun the experiment again, not only did Choso offer to help you get set up, but to be your stand-in lab partner, too.

 Choso moved around the room with ease, gathering the blood samples and necessary equipment as if he did this every day—which in a way, you supposed he did. He guided you gently, explaining in his soft voice where you had gone wrong, helping you to learn from your mistakes. He was currently looking through a compound microscope at a red blood cell sample, adjusting the magnification to be at the correct level.

“And if you look here…” He began as he lifted his eyes away from the lens, sliding the microscope toward you. “You’ll see the irregularities in the shape of the cell membrane…” You began to lower your eyes to the microscope, moving to place your hand on the side of the base—without bothering to look—when you were met with warm, soft skin, instead of the cold plastic of the instrument. You quickly (although reluctantly) removed your hand from Choso’s with a small gasp.

“Oh, um, I’m so sorry!” You let out a nervous laugh, looking up at Choso bashfully. You gestured to the microscope a little awkwardly. “After you,” you finished as calmly as you could muster, only to wince at yourself when you remembered that Choso didn’t actually need the microscope anymore—he had just been passing it to you.

Choso shook his head and smiled at you as an emotion you had never seen on his stoic face flashed through his eyes; something akin to amusement, or—if you dared—maybe joy. “No, I insist,” he said with the gentlest trace of a smile gracing his lips. Your eyes lingered on each other’s for a moment longer than necessary before you gave a quick nod and a “Thank you,” before you turned back to look through the microscope. Choso cleared his throat as you bent down to rest your eyes against the lens. 

“Um, as I was saying…” Although he would never admit it, he had only realized when your palm faintly rested on the back of his hand how long it had been since he had touched anyone, since anyone had touched him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been hugged, let alone hold someone’s hand or kissed them. He was thankful you had been looking through the microscope after that because he could feel the heat in his cheeks reach a blistering height. He shook his head, clearing his thoughts of you and your touch from his mind the best he could as you straightened up from the lens.

You wrapped up the experiment fairly quickly after that, but the awkward yet sweet moment lingered in both of your minds throughout the rest of the meeting. You helped Choso clean up the lab, returning all of the equipment to their proper homes as you thanked him profusely for helping you. He only nodded, a sincere smile on his face as he assured you it was no issue at all. And before you left he called out to you:

“Don’t be a stranger,” a soft, sheepish smile on his face handsome face.

And a stranger you were not. You started going to Choso’s office hours once a week, under the pretense that you wanted to make sure you were prepared for the professor’s weekly exams. Choso never pointed out that you didn’t actually need his help, and he would “tutor” you for a couple of minutes before the conversation inevitably shifted onto more personal topics.

You found out that Choso had a younger half-brother named Yuji. That he didn’t go out most weekends because he kept himself busy with his studies. That his favorite food was tonkatsu ramen with extra pork, and he liked watching horror movies, something he and Yuji did together a lot. That he used to be afraid of the dark when he was a kid, but he never let it show because then his younger brothers would be scared too. The weeks passed and you grew closer to Choso, exchanging little bits of information about yourself until a genuine friendship had blossomed. He eventually told you about his younger brothers, the twins, Eso and Kechizu. How they passed right after Choso started college, and how their deaths had shaped him—in a sad sort of way—into the man he was now.

You had expressed your sympathy, of course, but there was also a quiet respect you held for Choso after hearing his story. He had seemed so calm, unshakable on the outside. To think he had been dealing with so much pain in secret, and for so many years… You didn’t know whether to cry or commend him for his strength. He had opened up to you more than once that day, also revealing how much he had retreated from the outside world after his brothers’ deaths. And how now, he was embarrassed to admit that he didn’t have very many friends.

“Well, I would argue that one is as good a place to start as any,” you assured him with a bright smile, and Choso’s heart swelled. After that day you invited him to hang out with you for the first time. It was just a few days after Halloween, so why not watch a horror movie together? Choso accepted with a boyish grin that spread slowly across his face, the widest smile you had ever seen grace his lips.

The first time you kissed Choso, you were both a little drunk. You had taken him to one of your friend’s parties, an early celebration to welcome in the approaching holiday season. You and Choso had retreated to the kitchen to take a shot together; your suggestion, as you were secretly looking for the liquid courage to finally make a move. But, ironically enough, Choso had the same thought in mind that night. So when you locked eyes underneath the mistletoe strung from your friend’s ceiling, there wasn’t a moment’s hesitation on either end as your lips met. The kiss tasted faintly of pine—that earthy flavor of gin—and tart cranberries, and your mouths were warm and soft against one another’s. The kiss wasn’t hungry, despite the alcohol—maybe a little sloppier than you normally would have kissed—but it didn’t lack any tenderness. The crushes you harbored for each other had flourished over the last few weeks, and the dreamlike satisfaction of tasting each other’s lips for the first time wasn’t something you wanted to rush.

Your first kiss quickly led to your first official date; a dinner celebration in honor of the completion of the semester for both of you. The first snow was just starting to fall as Choso ushered you onto the crowded subway car with him, exploring the city after your meal. Your cheeks were tinged pink from the cold as you huddled close together, chest-to-chest, giddy off of the feeling of your new relationship. Choso’s large palm found your smaller hands, holding your cold fingers to keep them warm as you strolled through the streets searching for hot chocolate. The snow collected on your lashes as it fell, and Choso stopped you more than a few times to brush gently his fingers across your cheek and tell you how pretty you looked. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this way—if he had ever felt this way—about anyone.

“Like an angel,” he said softly, admiring the before he stole a sweet kiss from your smiling lips. The snow fell around you, softly illuminated by the streetlights as he pressed you to the side of a building lining the empty alleyway. You giggled between soft kisses and gentle touches over your winter coats, suddenly unaware of the chill of the air around you. The touches grew needier as your fingers laced into the soft strands of Choso’s hair, his strong body pressing you further against the wall as his hands slid ever so slightly underneath your coat. You broke the kiss to catch your breath, leaning back against the brick as you traced the deep scar that ran over the bridge of his nose—when you asked him he said he had gotten it when he was younger, too long ago to remember. You smiled up at him somewhat mischievously.

“You know what? I just remembered that I have hot chocolate at home…”