#no one in konoha knows shit about fuck

[evilkitten3]

just realized this post is bs they don't teach shit at that school

Remember the land of waves arc when zabuza was telling his backstory and kakashi was like the village hidden in the mist is BARBARIC they make kids kill other kids in order to become ninja. We would never do that. Then the next arc was like alright kids who’s ready to kill some other kids in order to become ninjas.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Body swap through time Kakashi and Tobirama at like, ages 12/13ish

Kakashi wakes up as Senju Tobirama at the height of the Uchiha/Senju conflicts

Tobirama wakes up as Kakashi in the lead up to the Kyuubi incident

They're actually alarmingly similar in skill level and personality, so they're able to get away with the switch on a surface level, even to those who know them well. But problems very quickly arise when it comes to fighting or anything that requires knowledge of history

""Tobirama"" taking to the field with a totally different skill set and jutsus than he's ever used before (Izuna is taken so off guard, it gets bad, fast)

""Kakashi"" suddenly does not seem to respond to any ANBU signals or codes, and where as before he was a shoe in for becoming an ANBU captain he suddenly seems to be fucking up at every other opportunity. You'd think the guy WANTS to lose his job with how suddenly awful at it he is, but he's Kakashi. There is no world where that kid fucks anything up on purpose

They're both definatley in a "holy shit I can NOT tell anyone ab this" position— Kakashi would probably be fr killed as an imposter, and while Tobirama would probably be ok (especially since Minato would be in charge of his detainment n stuff) he doesn't know that?? As far as he's aware, he is in enemy territory and will act accordingly.

Kakashi doesn't know how tf to interact with Tajima or Hashirama, but especially Tajima. He probably uses the wrong forms of address for people bc Tobirama uses more old fashioned honorifics than Kakashi is used to (Anija/Chichuie vs Nii-san/Otou-san)

Kakashi refusing to kill Uchiha bc like, village loyalty fuck you. Also just in general he probably has feelings ab killing anyone with a sharingan on multiple levels. But not just not killing them but going out of his way to help— these aren't his Uchiha, yeah, but it definatley fucks him up to see ANY uchiha die when all his life Uchiha = konoha = his people

Oooo, Kakashi instinctivley channeling chakra through Tobirama's eye after a solid couple years of getting used to the sharingan, possibly accidentally doing,,, something there. Idk what tho but SOMETHING

Meanwhile Tobirama is in that stupid fucking village of his brothers (that he will not shut up about, especially at that specific age) and its???? Real??????? It worked?????????? Huh.

He's surrounded by Uchiha and can't find any Senju (Tsunade just left the village rip Tsunade) but if he investigates it looks like the Senju died out naturally? Impossible, it has to be some kind of Uchiha plot—!

Hes also struggling to come to terms with there being a STOLEN SHARINGAN IN HIS FUCKING EYE !!!!!!!! Made extra super fucked up by the difference in intense hatred and taboo of bloodline theft in modern/warring era (with it being even more taboo in the warring states, like THE ultimate evil to any shinobi)

Maybe he, as Kakashi, is supposed to go to like special Uchiha class where they teach him ab the Uchiha n stuff bc of the eye, and Tobirama is sitting there eating all this shit UP (enemy intel!!!) But also, like, lowkey brainwashed kid brought up to do nothing but kill this one specific group of people, literally being forced to at least pretend to embrace their culture. He's in such a unique position to learn from and about them, and it'll probably end with him being some kind of sympathetic.

It helps that in modern Konoha, where the Uchiha may be considered overly traditional/religious, that's actually just Tobirama's normal. So there's also this added layer of "being around the Uchiha feels the closest to home / least strange than being around literally anyone else" which just pisses him off even more tbh

I'm tempted to say that somehow Rin is still alive just so I can have that one specific Rin and Kakashi queerplatonic codependent relationship from my other post, and then Rin being the one to finally notice that Kakashi isn't Kakashi anymore

Both Tobirama and Kakashi kind of piecing together the life stories of each other, immersed in eachothers histories and paths without ever directly interacting even once. Constant wonderings ab what the other boy was like / might do here, and if they're really so similar that no one has noticed the switch and all those implications (bc on one hand, that's good!! But on the other hand uhh— has anyone at home noticed...? Bc if not, fucking ow??? But also like, probably for the best tbh.)

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Ding dong, here’s the final chapter! I have an epilogue in mind so that may come later, but for now, Thanks  so so much for the response to this series and Enjoy!

Ch1 Ch2 Ch3

[talking] [talking passes]

Gai: You knew right away, didn’t you? Kka: Correct. I knew something was wrong when you weren’t trying to do situps or anything..... You little criminal, who smuggled that in for you? Gai: Naruto

Kks: How did you get him to do that? /I/ cant even get Naruto to do things. The tear tracks and shit eating grin are cute. Kinda wanna kiss you. Gai: Don’t let me be a hindrance to-

Gai: What are you giggling about? Kks: I just remembered

Kks: I get to hold over your head that I held mirai before you. Gai: You what?! Your first baby hold and I missed it? Get off of me Kks: So mean! Near death made you crabby. Gai: I won’t give into this Kks: You will, you always succumb. [gai sighs annoyed]

Gai: [Groans] When are they making you swear in as hokage? Kks: That’s not happening anymore thankfully. Gai: Huuuh?? Tenzou didn’t tell me that!

Gai: He said Lady Tsunade was retiring and you were the only choice. Naruto even tried to- Kks: Where do you think i’ve been all day? I convinced her to hold out until Naruto or whoever  took over next. Gai: How did you smooth talk that one? Kks: I agreed to do her paperwork and cover for when she needs R&R. I also advised her to ditch the elders so she can actually run this shit show right. Gai: And they... took that well? The elders? Kks: No, not at all. Let’s just say I said some... things that made them backtrack on their decision.

Gai: YOu cant just say that and not tell me now!! I gotta know! Kks: Well... Homura: Absolutely not! Kks: If I am appointed, I’ll be replacing you regardless. Naruto certainly will. It’s inevitable. Koharu: Those kids don’t know how this village runs!

Kks:Those kids just won your war and this is how you speak of them. Or are “those kids“ only respectable to you when they’re eager to die at your beckon call and shut up. Elders: How dare- Watch your tongue! Kks: I won’t be someone who you can walk all over. Things will change. Just so my intentions are clear

Gai: What next?! Kks: That’s is really. Kinda tuned the rest out and passed out for 3 hours. Gai: Rival, I was so invested Kks: Sorry Gai: So you agreed to essentially split the work of a hokage but not publicly take the title? Kks: Mhm Gai: So cool! Apologies, I had just assumes since you were gonna accept last time Kks:[hums] Things changed. Konoha’s not on the brink of war, Tsunade’s still here. The village can breathe and rebuild now.

Kks: After a glimpse of the hassle and public attention the last time, I’m just... Not interested in any of that. I’ve never dreamed or desired to be the hokage. That was always something others wanted /for/ me. So I said no. I know you were happy for me so- Gai: Kakashi

Gai: I’m so very proud of you for expressing how you truly feel. You and tsunade will do amazing work supporting the next generation. Even If you chose to retire today, I’d still be just as proud of you. Also a selfish part of me if happy to have more time with you. [kks huffs]

Kks: I’m proud of you too, y’ know. All your hard work, you’re fucking incredible. Glad my dad made me talk to the cool kid in the green jumpsuit. 2nd coolest shinobi. Gai: Only took 25 years, but I’ve finally caught your eye! Kks: Yup, let’s move in together.

Gai: WHAT?1 Whu-! Kks: I’m fixing up dad’s old house with Tenzou. you should live there with me Gai: Why? Kks: Why are yo suspicious? I’m serious. Space, accessibility for you... I want you around more. Gai: Ok Kks: Ok? Gai: An exciting change is just what my youthful journey needs!! Kks: So yes?

Gai: I would love to share a home with you, Rival [kks giggling] What now?

Kks: Did I just make you succumb, Gai-kun? Gai: When can we have a match next, I need to consensually slap you in the head [kks laughs] Why did you say it like that? Kks: I’m sorry! Your pout looks so cute.... You are still moving in with me, right? That wasnt a joke.

Gai: I’m gonna let you sweat on that one awhile... [whimpers]

Kks: Love you so much, Gai

[gai snoring]

[gai snoring]

[madelinesnarutoblog]

Cool, the confession aside, let's also shit on Konoha. BECAUSE THIS MAKES ME SO MAD.

NARUTO SHOULD NOT A GIVE A FUCK ABOUT KONOHA AT THIS POINT. HE KNOWS THE TRUTH, TOO.

Why would he fight Sasuke over Konoha? Maybe over his friends there, who just betrayed him and went behind his back, but that's Naruto, he is a Libra, whatever. My first boyfriend was a Libra, too. Did his constant people pleasing neutrality ruin our relationship? FUCK YES, IT DID. I AM STILL TRAUMATIZED. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO PRIORITIZE. GO TO HELL, SERGIO. I mean...

This is just Naruto, who feels forced to take on the burden of the village again. He found like a shortcut to their love, which is doing everything for them and carrying their faults and their burdens, though he is innocent. Everyone put him into this role and put the weight of the world on his shoulders.

IT IS NOT HIS DUTY TO CARRY SASUKE'S HATRED, BECAUSE IT IS NOT HIS FAULT. He is the only one Sasuke has actually left at this point....

THEY BOTH DESERVE TO LIVE. THEY BOTH DESERVE JUSTICE, AN APOLOGY AND PEACE. HAPPINESS.

@the-real-sasuke-uchiha this one is for you.

[rainybyday]

Second part of the first time travel team 7 idea

So next on the list are Uchiha’s

So the Senju patrol found out about Sasuke and Tenzo

The Uchiha?

They find Sakura and Kakashi

(Yes Sai and Obito are out for now)

So I think the beginning problem is how Team Seven are all separated and are all trying to find each other

Tenzo actually found Obito first but they split up for Obito to grab Sai and Tenzo got Sasuke once they felt both got their location from Tenzo’s ability to be a tree whisperer

Sakura found Kakashi and they both were going to find the rest of the pack but they met a returning Uchiha party from a job well done

The party has Izuna 

This will happen for two reason

One is so that they understand at least roughly at what time they appeared in

And Two is that they have an important figure of the Uchiha clan to see Kakashi. No, he doesn’t have Obito’s eye anymore but the prospect of seeing a Hatake so close to their clan compound is what I’m after here

Unlike the Senju patrol who immediately went after Sasuke, the Uchiha’s just stop

Cus like, that’s a HATAKE

SHIT

Like on one hand there is another clan claimed name on their land without their permission 

But on the other, its a Hatake, one of the few clans you want to be wary of and think carefully about when you interact with them

Even with the mask on Kakashi, they still don’t want to test their limits on getting fucken mutilated by Hatake teeth

Feral or not, a calm Hatake is still a Hatake

So Izuna, politely mediates and tries to understand why Kakashi and his cub? Packmember? Are on their land

Especially when said cub/pack member looks like they went through hell and back

Who is the stupid person whom attacked a Hatake pack/cub member???

I have no clue what this conversation will entitled but Sakura and Kakashi are allowed to leave relatively safe by all means

Even though they are freaking the fuck out of what they are just witnessing because was that Sasuke? No? You're not Sasuke??? Then who the fuck-?

Meanwhile, Izuna and his party are booking it back to their compound to tell Madara about the wild Hatake in their lands and to make sure to warn the rest of the clan because if they make a mistake like, oh i don't know, FIGHTING THE HATAKE, then there will be problems

On their end not the Hatake’s 

The Hatakes, while not animals are very protective of their own, a slight against one is a slight against all Hatakes. 

These issues must be mediated carefully. 

So Team Seven!

Kakashi does not have Obito’s eye and Obito has both eyes and has the classic white hair and half white/half tan body. 

Tenzo and Sai aren’t as worse looking as the rest of the team but that doesn’t mean Tenzo lost a vest somewhere in his dimension or how sai doesn’t have any scrolls or that his ink supplies is all over him

Sakura and Obito look the worse off, no questions asked

Sasuke literally looks all bloody from overuse of his Sharingan and he still has the Rinnegan so thats going to go over so will with everyone else

Ah zetsu will find out about that huh….

Naruto looks… okay

The boys going through it

They are all almost chakura depleted but not empty, still have the little bit to survive you know

Ok so back to story

ON the team 7 side I know they will probably find each other and probably make a makeshift base of operation in the location where Konoha will be

Its temporary for them since its the close place they know of in their time and they need to rest

So they rest for a prompt of a few days without any issues

Why is that?

Well on the senju side they just got reports that a uchiha was seen on their land so they of course are angered that their enemy was so close on their land and will have Madara’s head

But at the same time that very same Uchiha was saved by a Senju with the mokuton of all things

So its a whole political shit show with Hashirama trying to understand that not only are an Uchiha and senju in kahoots with each other but that this implies a missing senju member was left unaccounted for by the clan, Tobirama is more uneasy by the multiple chakra signatures that in the forest and the Senju elders are convinced that the Uchiha’s found and used a senju as a tool for war

Meanwhile, the Uchihas are sweating bullets trying to warn the rest of their members about a Hatake pack most likely near or on their grounds and Madara is going through a mountain full of paper trying to write the best most polite but not-directing-blame-nor-accusing letter to the Hatake clan to ask if they had 1) a that a Hatake pack was seen in their lands and 2) that someone may or may not have attacked said pack (but it wasn’t them they swear on Amaterasu’s sake)

Yeah so Team 7 has a lot of time to rest before everything gets set to motion

Mostly it is Tenzo and Sai getting caught up in what happened in the battle of Kaguya, the realization that everyone they ever known are now gone, and trying to survive in this new environment 

Of course there is a lot of self blame and guilt in this

Obito and Kakashi definitely have guilt with each other and their actions that got reflected in their battle

Everyone but the Uchiha’s are realizing who they left behind in their old world and its just… crashing on them

Sasuke is still on the Itachi thing but he is not as emotionally invested like the rest of this team, probably thinking about the battle and the information that he was told of being Indara’s incarnation or somth

Sai has left the people he wanted to be friends with and his chance of being happy with them, yes he still has team 7 but his dream was to befriend everyone and now that's just…. Gone

Tenzo is not stable either ngl

Yeah so first few days are basically the calm before the storm

Then the Uchiha’s get a letter, a letter they expected but not by who sent said letter

They were expecting the Hatake’s to contact them first, not the Senju’s

Then the Madara is reading a letter from Hashirama about the incident the portal had a few days ago and lost it

Part 1 | Part Three

[indras-curse]

Pt. 2 of this.

They get dispatched to deliver a very important package from one Lord to another.

Kakashi has been a little shit for a while now, conveniently releasing his scent whenever Obito is about to land what should have been his winning hit while sparring, getting Obito to pay for his sweet cravings and one time even tricking him into carrying his share of equipment by feigning a tired whine.

Obito is at his limit of embarrassment, he almost flings himself off a cliff to break a leg and skip the mission.

Minato sensei is way too observant and catches him just in time. He has apparently spoken with Kakashi and is not going to allow him to take advantage of Obito, and he won't let Obito let himself be taken advantage of, even if his Alpha screams to please the Omega.

Kakashi is very tame he teases Obito the same amount as always but keeps it away from their dynamics and he conceals his scent as well as he had always done before.

Obito is not entirely sure he is happy with this arrangement.

He misses Kakashi's scent, even if it clouds his mind and makes him embarrassingly pliant. He would just like to make a dumb joke and have Kakashi show a poker face but smell his scent sweeten in amusement.

But the mission goes well.

At least until they are already on their way to Konoha.

They get ambushed, which is stupid because they are no longer carrying any important package or document. Perhaps they gather they must know some important information and want to torture it out of them.

Obito is overwhelmed.

But then, a man launches at Kakashi and lands a hit.

Obito would like to say that he quickly but masterfully came up with a plan that worked perfectly for everyone and managed to escape without any problems.

Truth is that Obito only knows what happened because Rin and Minato tell him what they saw when they finally made their way to them.

Every single enemy was either knocked out or dead and Kakashi was laying down on the grass with a feral Obito on top of him, nose pressed to his neck and growling at anything that moved. He had a broken arm and Kakashi was bleeding from his shoulder, his inability to care for the wound making Obito think there was still danger and made him unable to be coaxed out from his feral state.

Minato sensei had to knock him the fuck out.

He woke up in a hospital, mortified to hell and back.

For the next couple of weeks, Obito masterfully avoided Kakashi, he wasn't even going to lie to himself, he was full on purposefully avoiding the younger man.

Kakashi just had to be standing at his door one morning and bulldozing his way in, pushing Obito back into his own house and barricading the door with his body.

"You've been avoiding me" Kakashi states the obvious.

"Well, yeah. So what?" Obito says petulantly.

"How did you think you were going to manage? We are in the same team, dumbass"

"Shut up, I would have figured it out"

"Stop avoiding me" Kakashi demanded.

"Don't tell me what to do. You don't even like me, just enjoy the ride and let me ignore you"

"I do like you" Kakashi frowned, Obito thinks he can see a pout underneath his mask. "So if you are avoiding me because you like me and you think I don't, stop being stupid"

"I don't like you!" Obito shot back way too quickly to be credible. "You're a prick, you're my rival!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow and started to release his scent. Obito cursed under his breath, how was he so good at doing that at will?

"Not fair, you know I'm sensitive" Obito covered his nose and mouth with the sleeve of his jacket but it did little to conceal the scent.

"I know" Kakashi stepped forward, closing the distance between them. "You're also stubborn and I am not about to back down" Kakashi was leaning in for a hug and stopped before making contact. "Is this okay?"

"If you are playing with me, Minato sensei will demote you" Obito threatened, wary but opening his arms, defeated. He never really stood a chance.

"Oh, I know. But I am not playing, this is not a trick. I am stating a fact and I want to show you"

They hug for hours and hours. Obito lost within Kakashi's scent and releasing his own, putting them both on even ground, Kakashi going slightly mindless from the unfiltered emotions he can gather from Obito's scent.

They are drunk on each other and their instincts are finally their saving grace for once because Kakashi's stomach growls and Obito immediately separates from him, tugging him to take him out for a bite, instincts screaming to care, provide, feed.

The clear air from the outside helps clean Obito's head. He feels embarrassed but feeling better than ever, now that he knows Kakashi actually likes him too.

[adhdnojutsu]

Your opinion? https://www.tumblr.com/dranosh-haran-of-paleoworld/766237407554273280/why-do-you-hate-itachi-so-much?source=share

Had to use a different browser because this pleasant person has me blocked lol anyway.

TL;DR: Itachi had no right to do the things he did, but he also had no choice. Even if adult onlookers could come up with choices, he was a child trapped in a mindset his authority figures hammered into him in his formative years, and then he was put under additional duress. Come the fuck on.

"This guy willingly betrayed his own people and family, selling them out to the government who wanted to destroy them all."

"Willingly" when talking about a 11-12-year-old brainwashed, groomed, traumatized child under duress is kinda wild. Yes, Naruto is all about normalizing child soldiers, but there's a line and that's Itachi having his horrible "milestones" at an age where others are still in school.

And it's not treason to report a conspiracy to commit, well, treason.

More after the break. Enjoy this screencap of a literal child and one of the many adults who chose to fail him.

Itachi was 11 when he joined the ANBU, 12 when he killed the clan. His incompetent piece of shit father dragged him into a "kill or be killed" situation at 4, and he already had the muscle memory of slitting throats ON REFLEX?? What the everloving fuck did Fugaku do to his toddler? He was encouraged to leave school and enter the field for more death and horror at 8. All for the alleged greater good that was peddled to children and adults more aggressively than America's magical sky cloth. Fugaku and Danzo played a grooming tug-o-war with a literal prepub child and actively, deliberately, had him believe the weight of the world rested on his 3 inch shoulders. The fuck did anyone think was gonna happen when Itachi joined the ANBU everyone encouraged him to join, and did the work he was taught to admire - BY Fugaku, by the way. Fugaku wanted a peacemaker, then tried to start a war. Hm.

Also, Itachi didn't "sell out" his clan. If I know a family member is about to start something with predictably catastrophic ramifications, like, you know, a glorified terrorist invasion ("coup"), I have a moral obligation to report that. "Family" does not matter. Blood, water, starting a war is something you deserve to have sabotaged. And if you're willing to kill, you better be ready to be killed. Everyone who cheered for the coup willingly risked death and willingly doomed their families. "Bloodless revolution" my ass, that is delusional. As if Konoha is just gonna accept Fugaku after a COUP!? Fucking TREASON!? Oppressed or not, you sow violence, you reap violence, and public perception matters. The public's perception of the Uchiha coup would probably be *checks notes* treason :)

"His own people"? They all treated him like a trophy and an attack dog when they didn't outright abuse him for speaking his mind, when he was clearly old enough to let them exploit him. All they had for him was demands to make them proud and bring them glory, at the cost of his well-being. Chapter by chapter in Itachi Shinden, you can watch him wither and crumble. When Itachi's comrade was killed when he was 8, Fugaku literally said "He'll get over it" while his boy was falling apart in the next room. Those are not "his own people", they're one big, bubbling cunt stew with very few exceptions, judging by the novel.

Whether the government wanted to destroy the Uchiha clan or whether it was racist or oppressive ultimately doesn't matter when the active threat to world peace and countless lives is coming from the other side. Two things can be true at the same time, so yeah Konoha sucked, but also yeah, the Uchiha posed a threat. The clan's lives weren't in danger when they decided to endanger everyone over discrimination that isn't even as egregious as what fat people on airplanes have to deal with. Defunding the police (LMAO), not letting a latent traitor run for president, surveillance, and a dedicated, OPEN compound none of the other clans who got one bitched about. Wow, what a compelling reason to set the world on fire!

Yes, Konoha failed the clan, yes, Konoha is scum for that. But two wrongs don't make a right. I'm tired of this whole nonsense of "they're oppressed so they're allowed to act like total barbarians and be the next oppressor". I'm tired on a personal level which you can probably guess.

This is not a responsible adult:

"He knew about Obito and that he was behind the 9-Tails attack but said nothing to anyone. He discriminated against his own people and slaughtered them all to the last child."

He should definitely have reported Obito. But calling his actions against the clan discrimination is like saying the German police discriminates against that Berlin-based crime family because it happens to be a BIPOC minority. THEY ALSO HAPPEN TO BE THE FUCKING MOB. Of course, most Uchihas probably weren't active combatants and didn't deserve to die, but as horrible as it is, strategically, Danzo had a point when he said there could be no potential avengers.

Plus, outsiders like to focus on numbers as if more dead people means more suffering, but this isn't true. Just because 99 people suffer and die with me, doesn't mean each of us suffers and dies 100-fold. Sasuke was based when he said Itachi should have killed him, too. Outsiders don't want to accept this because it IS horrible, but sparing a young child after killing his whole family, is not kind. What would've awaited any children Itachi spared? The village that ordered their parents' slaughter? A world that clearly doesn't want them and will come after them at the first chance? Yeah sounds ever so fucking merciful. Just because unaffected gawkers think preserving a unique cultural or genetic group is the most important thing, doesn't mean the people actually affected have such priorities when literally staring death or a life of pain in the face.

"He cast Tsukuyomi on his own parents and brutally murdered them, tortured his own little brother beyond imagine with one torture session putting Sasuke in a fucking coma, one he would've never gotten out of if it wasn't for that bitch Tsunade and that's the only good Tsunade did in the series."

When did he cast Tsukuyomi on his parents? And "brutally", well, they surrendered and he cut them down rather quickly. All murders are brutal. Should he have raided the local vet and injected them with anaesthetics first? He was a 12-year-old child, crying, shaking, probably exhausted and barely coherent after having killed all the others, and looking at his final victims, his parents, comforting him. Striking them down quickly was the best for everyone involved at that point, anything more elaborate, "more gentle", would have prolonged this horror. Also what did Tsunade do wrong, and if Itachi hadn't knocked Sasuke out for a while, he would have gotten himself killed. The Tsukuyomi was overkill, 100%.

"Itachi thought he was wiser and more noble than his own people, which was pure and utter arrogance. When brought back as an edo, he said that a 7-year-old Sasuke could've changed the clan. He called himself Itachi Uchiha of Konoha and that he specifically had no regrets he was a massive piece of shit in life and death."

This is called interpretation. Yes, he was an arrogant child, he admitted this, Shisui told him, adults told him. But being an ass at the dawn of puberty doesn't invalidate the fact that he WAS smarter than most and the Uchiha uprising WAS a problem, and the clan was infinitely more arrogant than him for thinking they could just take power and that's the end of it. They were delusional. Being 11 when pointing this out doesn't mean he's wrong.

Vilifying him for calling himself "Itachi Uchiha of Konoha" is silly. Many nations will do horrible things behind the scenes to keep the peace, and just because Sasuke and Itachi were the tragic and ever so pretty victims of this, doesn't make Konoha worse than others. It is a place people actually live in. A place people call home and have a right to call home and feel safe and thrive in. Itachi did what he was forced to do by both sides, to protect people's home and peace, not to get headpats from Danzo and Hiruzen.

He also never said he didn't regret the massacre. The fact that he said he wished he would have confided in Sasuke, the fact of him telling Naruto, Sasuke, and Kabuto that he was wrong to try and solve everything on his own, all suggest he wishes it had been different. His words when he dissolves are "Mou miren ha nai", which can be interpreted as regretting nothing, but this is usually meant in a sense of unfinished business. Itachi could not un-kill the clan. Danzo was dead. What more could he do that he could still have "miren" about? Personally, I think he shouldn't have undone the whole Edo Tensei because he kinda owed Sasuke to stick around and fight the other Edo Tenseis manually, but that's not the point.

Actual footage of Itachi alone with his thoughts, probably:

"None of his plans make any kind of fucking sense. He wanted to save Konoha from war even though the other villages wouldn't have attacked for their own reasons."

Kindly look at Syria, Sudan, or Yemen, because the civil war the Uchiha were sure to start, would have been bad enough, you absolute pinecone. But I agree, Itachi's plans were mostly shit, but who taught him any kind of life skills or coping mechanisms? He wasn't parented, he wasn't guided, he was a trained attack dog. He never grew up mentally because when you're not allowed to feel like a child, know what being a child is, how are you gonna know when you're supposed to be all grown up and smart? He treated his suicide by Sasuke like a playdate. He toyed with him. He was a typical old soul, trauma and paralysis masquerading as maturity and composure. It's very apparent in the novels how helpless and small he felt. When the FUCK did he get a chance to unlearn his helplessness on one hand, and the world resting on his shoulders on the other? Itachi was deranged, but not by his own doing. A 4 to 12-year-old child is not responsible for their poor life "choices".

"So Itachi saved Konoha from zero potential wars, especially when none of the other villages attacked after Obito's, Orochimaru's, and Pain's assaults in the series."

I wasn't aware Itachi's Sharingan could accurately predict the future. He stopped the civil war that was certain to happen and that he could stop. Not a single ninja has ever been expected to fix the whole world and the few who expected it of themselves were even more deranged than Itachi. Why hold a 12-year-old to a higher standard just because he's foolish enough to do so himself? Right until Shisui died, Itachi clung to his naive dream of becoming the greatest ninja to stop all wars. And then, both Fugaku and Danzo demanded he be that, when Shisui's death just had him realize how helpless he is. And then, there was a war looming on the horizon that he COULD prevent.

"He practically sent Sasuke gift wrapped to Orochimaru or Danzo. He knew about Obito and Pain's plans and yet did nothing about them, which just screwed over Konoha immensely."

Yeah he fucked up with Orochimaru, and this was one of the things he could have predicted after Orochimaru tried it with him. Not killing Orochimaru when he had both cause and opportunity, was bafflingly stupid and I'll chalk it up to plot armour since Itachi will kill his own mother to protect Sasuke.

He was also a useless spy in Akatsuki, yes. He aided and abetted in several Kage and Jinchuuriki assassinations, all to keep a cover of questionable use.

We do have to grant him that he needed to stay alive to give Sasuke deserved closure. He didn't even know Obito wasn't Madara, so I don't expect him to have known much about Pain's abilities. Given he allegedly ties with Jiraiya and we all know what Pain did to him, Sasuke would not have gotten his revenge. As for Danzo, can we not underestimate him please? He had to be worn down into self-destruction by Sasuke, and when Itachi attacked him in the novel after getting the MS, he was immediately stopped.

"He was never a prodigy or anything, unlike Sasuke. His fights are just him using genjutsu on his opponents and overpowering them with it, which just childish and stupid. He pulled Susanoo, Mirror Yata, and the Tsoka Blade out of his ass."

I agree Susano'o and its rigs were asspull done to compete with DBZ ratings, but how was he not a prodigy when he was recommended for graduation at 8? Poor writing or not, the canon fact is that Itachi was way ahead of his peers and many adults. We can't blame a character's personality in one moment, then bad writing the next. All writing boils down to creating the character's reality and all facts written by the author are equally valid.

Calling genjutsu childish and stupid is silly as you can apply this to all jutsu. Naruto's army of clones is arguably more ridiculous than mastering an otherwise underdiscussed technique at a level that has people like Kakashi scared. Personally, I think the big noisy techniques like Kisame's water jutsus and Hashirama's Slaparama are a lot more childish and geared towards hollering little boys. Itachi's fighting style is elegant and super duper gay.

"This fucker is all over the place and doesn't make sense. Dushman-e-jaan has posts that go into greater detail about how this guy doesn't make sense, and I recommend you read them as she does an infinitely better job at explaining my dislike for Itachi than I have."

Dushman explicitly supports this:

But thinks Konoha is worse for allegedly being this:

In other words, Doucheman is fine with making 0 sense whatsoever as long as they can virtue-signal for fascists if they know how to sell the underdog act.

[socra-time]

Socra’s Naruto Liveblog Ep. 91-100

(how tf are we at 100 already)

Ep 91:

-I can’t believe Tsunade is making a bet to win a 12 year old’s money

-the height difference between Jiraiya and Tsunade in the flashback is crazy

-welp I understand why Tsunade doesn’t like blood now

-Tsunade and Jiraiya have an interesting dynamic so far

-also at this point I know a little bit about Orochimaru’s and Tsunade’s pasts, but I realized that I still know virtually nothing about Jiraiya’s

Ep 92:

-can Kabuto PLEASE get an outfit change now that he’s not being a spy anymore (I just really hate his outfit lol)

-I really hope Sakura gets a cool technique to match Naruto’s rasengan and Sasuke’s chidori

-I can’t believe Tsunade actually DRUGGED Jiraiya

-Orochimaru sent Kabuto to take out Shizune but like… since his arms are useless, how does he expect to take on Tsunade if she tries to fight him????

-why would Tsunade ever expect Orochimaru to keep a promise to leave Konoha alone? There’s literally no way he would do that

-oh nevermind I guess Tsunade was gonna trick Orochimaru or something

-this is so off topic but Orochimaru’s hair kinda slays

Ep 93:

-Tsunade’s voice actor is popping off in this episode. She really sounds broken and torn up about how much she wants to see her loved ones again

-Naruto is once again having a profound positive effect on every character he meets

-I need Tsunade to kick Kabuto’s ass so bad. Fuck him up for me queen

-I like that Tsunade’s fighting style revolves around punching shit. I appreciate that even though she’s technically a medic, she’s also a physical fighter

-I said this back during the Naruto vs Kiba fight but if food pills are so helpful why aren’t people using them all the time

-Tsunade punching Kabuto in the face was satisfying as shit

-I don’t like that Kabuto was actually able to “beat” Tsunade. I know he took the food pill but WHY is he that powerful? He’s like someone’s edgy overpowered OC and my hate for his annoying ass grows with every episode he’s in

Ep 94:

-Orochimaru biting Jiraiya’s neck was uh… interesting🤨

-Kabuto needs to shut the fuck upppppppp. I want him dead so bad

-Naruto hitting Kabuto with a rasengan right to the chest was one of the most satisfying moments in the show so far

-(can you tell how much I fucking despise Kabuto)

Ep 95:

-see Sasuke’s already had multiple near-death experiences so it was about time for Naruto to have one of his own

-Orochimaru summoning a snake sword out of his fucking MOUTH was so weird ngl

-also the way the sword stuck out of his mouth like a tongue looked kinda stupid in a lot of shots

-lmao are we gonna get a sannin Kaiju battle

Ep 96:

-Tsunade saying “give my regards to hell” before punching the shit out of Orochimaru was metal as fuck

-also Tsunade wrangling Orochimaru by his tongue was so satisfying

-Orochimaru’s theme continues to go hard

-Naruto is such a hater to Tsunade lol

-Tsunade giving Naruto the forehead kiss was a great callback to her past

Ep 97:

-I do like Jiraiya and Tsunade’s dynamic a lot. Jiraiya has actually been pretty tolerable this arc

-I love Naruto nicknaming Tsunade “Grandma Tsunade”

-I feel bad for Shizune, her job is definitely kinda thankless

-Ngl Naruto pretending to be kidnapped to help make Tsunade pay off her debts is a hilarious plot point

-I love that Naruto sympathizes with the people who need Tsunade to pay the debt she owes, he really has a good heart

Ep 98:

-I’m just gonna pretend the scene with Konohamaru and Tsunade’s boobs didn’t happen

-ah I was so happy to see the other Konoha kids again

-Shikamaru really needs to have a Sokka arc and unlearn his sexism

-jesus Sasuke looks really traumatized. I’m worried about him

-I literally started yelling “MY CHILD” when Lee came on screen (also I love how antsy Gai was to get Lee healed)

-I was not expecting so much Lee angst in this episode. My poor boy:(

Ep 99:

-so like who’s gonna look after Konohamaru now that Sarutobi is dead? I’ve been wondering about what the village does about all its orphans for a while actually. Are they all just living in random apartments like Naruto?

-I really like Sakura and Lee’s relationship. It’s very wholesome

-Tsunade’s first act as Hokage should be making everyone go to therapy

-Tsunade busting through Konohamaru’s traps with the most deadpan look on her face was kinda iconic ngl

Ep 100:

-seeing Lee look so depressed is SO heartbreaking. My poor babyyyyyy

-god I love Gai’s dub voice so much. It’s literally perfect for him

-again, how did Lee pass the academy exam and become a genin???

-I appreciate having these little interludes about characters like Lee and Konohamaru, it helps add to the sense that there’s more to Konoha than just Naruto

-NO LEE IS CRYINGGGGGG

-the flashback of Lee and Gai talking about self-imposed rules is a good interaction but also it looks so fucking stupid because they’re walking on their hands during it

-ugh Gai and Lee are so father and son coded

[httpino]

hiii everyone! this is my opinion on what college majors each of the konoha 11 + sasuke n the sand siblings have :D + my general college headcanons about them. enjoy!!

p.s. this is a non massacre au so everyone is alive and well

Naruto characters in College

Naruto Uzumaki: Political Science

- he’s obvi into the whole politics thing so it seemed obvious to him to go into polisci

- unfortunate frat brother

- he’s not like the annoying weird ones but he does indulge in a bit of excessive drinking

- even when he’s hokage (think of it as like the president of everything i don’t fucking know) he’ll still do the stupid ass frat greeting if he sees a fellow brother

- barely passing but once he starts studying seriously with sakura, he’s on his grind fr

- he was never stupid, he just has adhd and no idea how to ask for help

- graduates at a decent place n continues on the higher education track (to everyone’s surprise)

Sasuke Uchiha: Business with a concentration in Finance

- he plans on taking over the family business from his older brother since he’s sick and needs to focus on his health

- does not engage in frat business no matter how much naruto begs

- he’s above it all

- he’s less fucked in the head (because his whole family was not senselessly murdered!) so he does like partying n is less antisocial

- non massacre au sasuke is a WHORE idgaf

- will entertain whoever he needs to to get laid

- this is before he starts dating sakura and then he’s like a nun, he does not look in people’s direction at all

- model student, graduates with a ridiculously high gpa

Sakura Haruno: Biology + Chemistry Double Major (pre-med)

- did anyone say overachiever

- she was told she just needed to pick a science if she wanted to do the pre-med track but she said fuck it and chose two

- bordering deranged, the constant homework is getting to her

- very efficient at studying so she’s able to have some semblance of a school-life balance but barely

- she’s spent more nights in the library crying over her homework than she cares to admit

- finds it all easier when she’s with her friends so she, naruto, ino, sasuke, shikamaru, neji, and hinata have a little study circle every night

- model student, legit is the student that her professors tell their students about years after she graduates

- goes on to med school (we love you dr.haruno)

Sai: Art

- obviously

- he’s having a good time here

- once he gets to the point where he’s having to do other art (sculpting for example) he’s losing it a bit

- he’s just a little guy who wants to draw pretty little pictures :(

- the mf who says “ugh i have a drawing due at 11:59” and then promptly gets jumped for having the audacity to complain around sakura

- doesn’t really party, if he does get dragged out, he spends the whole time drawing the scene in front of him

- he has so many drawings of drunk naruto doing stupid shit, he’s compiled it in a little booklet n adds to it

- by the end of college, he has a thick ass book of these drawings (naruto, ino, sakura, and lee being most of the drawings)

- graduates with flying colors (see what i did there) to become ino’s house husband who supports her through med school

Shikamaru Nara: International Relations

- bro did not want to go to college

- literally dragged himself through high school, why would he want to do it all over again but it’s harder???

- anyway he settles on international relations n breezes through it

- his friends wanna strangle him every time he complains about his schoolwork

- sakura’s eye is twitching, tenten is planning his untimely demise, ino is calling him a lazy idiot

- in his defense, he doesn’t really know what’s going on at any given moment

- he does his work on time but that’s only after he has to teach himself everything cause he skips class religiously

- high off his ass the entire four years

- is known around campus, not for his smarts, but because he’s been found sleeping in the oddest places

- there’s an instagram page for sightings of his naps in odd places (that was definitely not started by ino)

- graduates with decent grades and gets a job in the hokage’s office with the power of nepotism and his brain

Choji Akimichi: Culinary Arts

- he’s having a grand time really

- he’s a phenomenal cook and he already knows all the cooking techniques since his dad owns the highest rated restaurant in the country

- literally has never complained about anything a day in his life

- his to go meals are the only thing keeping his friends alive, they all have the diet of a college student which is water, tears, and a side of ramen

- always has excess food left from class so he goes around campus delivering it to the different food banks

- random people know about choji akimichi’s legendary hangover meal

- graduates with flying colors and goes on to take over his father’s restaurant and open one of his own!

Ino Yamanaka: Psychology (pre-med)

- annoying psych major who psychoanalyzes her friends

- drunk off her ass and she’s asking kiba if his attachment to his dogs comes from trying to make up for his terrible relationship with his mother

- is literally always out, no one has no idea how considering all the other psych students are fighting for their lives

- when she meets sai, she’s excited as fuck, she loves a fine ass man with a brain she can pick apart

- a little crazy

- graduates top of her major but it’s a mystery how she did such a thing 

Kiba Inuzuka: Vet science

- picked this because his dog got sick once n he was like bro what the fuck i need to never let this happen again

- actually a really good student contrary to popular belief! (hinata asked him to study with her one time n then it became a routine)

- who said FRAT BOY KIBA!!! (it’s me, i said frat boy kiba)

- chronic day drinker (bro needs to attend a.a meetings)

- gets an internship in the local vet office and he has deep beef with all the cats there

- he thinks they’re evil but the cats just smell dog on him n they do not fuck with it

- graduates at a decent place n goes to vet school (idk how that works, just pretend i do)

Shino Aburame: Entomology

- DUH!!

- bro might as well be a professor, he’s so good with the whole thing

- which is why he becomes a TA by the end of his first year (unheard of btw)

- out of everyone, he’s having the easiest time

- literally goes to class, does his little science classes, studies his little bugs, then comes home to his apartment n thinks about bugs

- he’s attended every seminar about environment so he can pipe up n say that preserving the bugs in each ecosystem could help

- graduates n goes on to get an offer to teach entomology at konoha university

Hinata Hyuga: Communication

- she has no idea what she wants to do

- this was mainly a placeholder till she figured something out

- the required public speaking course nearly took something out of her

- but after all her friends gathered to listen to her speech n cheer her on, she felt so much confidence that she got an amazing grade

- this led to her sticking with comm!

- she picks a focus on media so she ends up working at the tv station (behind the scenes, she’s not a in front of the camera type of girl)

- does great n has study circles with her friends :D

- doesn’t party, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do much of anything but she’ll go out to make sure kiba doesn’t get into a bar fight or something

Neji Hyuga: Physics

- not so sure about this one but idkkk something in my heart says he’s a physics major

- he’s not sure what he wants to do with it but it makes him sound smart when his dad brags to the other parents

- extremely paranoid about missing assignments so he does everything the moment he gets it

- has never been relaxed ever

- time management king

- he got pulled into a study circle and though he’ll NEVER admit it, it’s helped him a lot

- graduates in three years instead of four and goes on to grad school (he’s trying to avoid finding a job)

Rock Lee: Sports science

- DUH!!

- he wants to help injured athletes so why not study how a healthy body is supposed to work while exercising?

- he gets an internship with guy, who’s the athletic trainer of konoha university n he’s everyone’s favorite

- had learned not to complain about his workload around tenten (she broke down and started bawling over her homework and he freaked out)

- graduates with a good gpa and then gets a job with the athletic trainers office

Tenten: Business with a concentration in Entrepreneurship + Engineering Double Major

- this determined ass mf

- she’s been dreaming of creating a weapon that will allow for easy usage while also being tailored to the needs of the user

- so she decides on the business major part to create a business out of it and engineering so she can figure out how to do it herself

- she’s fighting for her life the entire four years of college

- turns down so many parties and invites because her homework is literally a stack the size of her

Kankuro: Political Science + Art History Double Major

- he wanted badly to do art history alone

- but he decides that maybe he does want to be employed in the future

- so he picks up political science as a side thing

- he cheats off gaara so he doesn’t have to focus too much on the polisci portion of his degree

- exchange student (obvi) n he’s indulging in konoha culture

- which is just getting black out drunk on a wednesday evening!

- finishes out college as a decent student, not exceptional but also he’s not terrible

Gaara: Political Science

- literally decides he’s gonna become the kazekage and picks up polisci immediately

- like his siblings he’s an exchange student

- literally doesn’t do any “stereotypical” college things

- doesn’t drink a drop of alcohol, doesn’t dabble in drugs, his most wild weekend is him indulging in TWO red bulls instead of one

- which is why no one is surprised when he graduates top of his class n immediately gets a job in the kazekage’s office where he works his way up

Temari: Meteorology

- just walk with me here

- exchange student from suna

- always found interest in weather patterns considering she lived in a place with such predictable patterns

- like day after day it was all sun, no rain until one random day, there was an absolute downpour before everything went back to normal

- she absolutely went WILDDDD she needed to know what had happened to cause such a thing

- she has no interest in smiling in front of the camera n giving the forecast, she wants to just study what the fuck goes on with the weather

- has a decent workload but she really doesn’t mind it, it gives her an excuse to avoid ino’s constant invites to go out

- one time, she went out n got hammered n slept with shikamaru n then she literally never did that again

- it worked cause she started dating him soon after but still… you can never be too safe

- graduates with a perfect gpa n goes on to become the best meteorologist in the world

[yowyowyaoi]

Itachi's Daily Texts from the Akatsuki, Part Two

From Kakuzu

Won't be as effective if you don't get some damn sleep.

You need to stay off of it for at least a week. I'll explain to Nagato.

How you choose to live (and die) is your own business.

Well tell him to take it easy with you. Your stamina isn't up for "extracurricular activities" like that, brat.

I'm aware. I'll deal with him later.

If you don't wish to pay it then use a candle instead of that lamp.

Once again, GO TO BED.

Your sweets consumption is appalling.

Of the three of you, I'm not sure which one worries me more. Four counting Tobi.

A gengetsu where all I have to do is sit still and money flies into my lap. Birthday present.

Your worst is likely STILL superior to his "best".

Rent is due. Utilities as well.

From Sasori

I swear your stubbornness rivals even that of Deidara's sometimes.

I'm working on a new remedy that should still the pain for much longer periods of time.

If you don't take better care of it I'll be forced to amputate. And as a warning, once I start with body modifications I find it very, very hard to stop.

SLEEP.

With as bad as your breathing sounds? The enemy would hear you coming from a mile away!

Eternal doesn't mean eternal patience.

I told him to behave himself with you or I'll take away his clay.

I wish I could help more. I truly do, child.

My thanks for the book, I'll return it within the week.

I'll admit I've thought about it but I'm not sure the sharingan would translate as well aesthetically in wood as it does in human flesh.

From Hidan

Prove it.

Mine's shorter but it's better. Not so greasy.

You'd be healed from everything if you just prayed to Jashin!!

It's a. Fucking. Fishing pole. He has like fifty! Why's he making such a big deal out of ONE?!

I did it and I'm NOT sorry.

Shit ain't my business but really isn't he too big for your sick-ass body?

Can't even tell you man.

It's not my deal but blondie looks cute as fuck when we go. Tell him I said that and I'll cut off your balls with my scythe.

You're like a fucking vampire dude. You NEVER SLEEP!

When I tried saying it Kakuzu almost knocked my head off my damn neck.

Stop being so gay and come with us. It's not like you've got shit else to do that day!

Whatever asshole.

I would rock your fucking world and I wouldn't break your ass in half like shark-dick.

Just use your creepy eyes and put him to sleep first! All we gotta do is cut off like two inches and he'll freak so bad he'll have a heart attack!

You know what? I'm gonna lend you my Jashin bible. One you read it you'll see I'm right about everything I keep telling you!

From Zetsu

You hurt his feelings, child. He said you're the only ones left of your clan and you never wish to spend time with or even speak to him.

I can smell it coming from your pores.

Time is merely an illusion.

These trips to Konoha are proving quite lengthy ...

You should probably lay low for a bit. Kakuzu finally received the credit card bill for all of those tea and dango shops.

That's a lovely idea but I doubt ALL of us could go to one place without causing some chaos.

There is no heaven and no hell. There is simply NOW, and whatever realities we choose to create for ourselves.

I believe he's started to think of himself as being your "big brother". Could be either good or bad for you.

From Deidara

Art absolutely IS a "life necessity". Heathen.

As good as friends as two assholes can be, right?

Mine got softer since I started using the eggs. It's slimy but after it sets in, it's really great.

If I wasn't goofy about Danna and EVERY OTHER man in the world died, then maybe.

Should you really be drinking?

Maybe if you went to sleep! Fucking hell you're creepier than a vampire!

Yeah but if I DID like girls I bet I'd get more than you!

I just don't get why he wears it? He's hot as FUCK without it.

Would Kisame get mad if I asked him if he wanted to come with us to the aquarium?

Just get Konan to do it. She's nice and has soft hands.

Hidan wants to but I'd rather stay home.

Yeah I could teach you but yours wouldn't explode so what's even the point??

From Konan

Thank you! I can't believe you noticed! <3

You need the fresh air, come with me for a walk.

Don't listen to him ok?

Yes and no. More so "yes".

I wish I had the time for it.

I'm almost done with that book, you have the sequel right?

It's like every single particle of dust on the road just magically finds it's way into my hair.

If you're trying to avoid back pain, I'd advise against it.

Not that I don't appreciate them but ... did you go out at one in the morning to pick them?

He talks too loud and I've already got a headache.

Thanks for letting me borrow it, Nagato's hair is much healthier now.

From Tobi/Obito

You think THAT was bad?? Try BATHING the son of a bitch!!

You, me, and Sasuke could do it though. It would be more powerful than any clan that ever existed.

Just because it tasted good did NOT mean you needed to eat that many in one sitting!

I applaud the idea but with as weak as you are right now I don't see how it could work.

He's taller than you now. Still with the short hair though.

I can see I was wrong in criticizing Fugaku's parenting style because you ARE a handful, little cousin.

Four hours of uninterrupted sleep would do you a world of good.

Why should I give that up?? It's absurdity to think that an UCHIHA has a PUPPET as a romantic rival!!

It gets so hot and itchy under this thing.

A vacation somewhere warm and quiet would be nice.

Your idea of atonement is even more fucked-up than mine.

No but HE said I had to.

I'm honestly surprised nobody has tried to kill him yet.

I wish it was so. I truly do.

It's loud but you have to admit it's better than being alone.

Come and eat.

Depends on what your definition of "helpful" is.

From Kisame

Did you eat something yet?

Did you get any sleep last night?

Come here, I drew you a bath with lavender oil.

Can I help that I legitimately worry over you?

Just a snack? Just so you have something in your stomach? Please?

The water is warm and gentle and I bet a swim would cheer you up.

I forgot how much energy they have, I ran myself ragged trying to keep up with them!

Then come let me brush that beautiful hair of yours.

I understand. I don't agree but I get it.

Then just let me kill them. Problem solved.

Come on, please, just one quick little nap. An hour max.

They invited us but I know you don't really like red meat so I said no.

Fortunately MY bed is VERY warm and cozy. Come and see.

It might shock you to learn that there are other foods besides dango and tea.

You shouldn't even have to ask, that was 1000% Deidara.

There are other, and perhaps more interesting, ways of building your stamina. <3

Never imagined that one day I'd want something like this, but here we are.

Is it a little one or a big one? If it's small just take a deep breath and use your shoe.

I love you as well but dammit brat you'll be the death of me for sure!

[martialartslover7]

Weird Wednesday Headcanon: Sarada & Mirai are time travellers in my AU (+ a little venting about Boruto).

This is basically me, yelling at the top of my lungs, and I am sure I am speaking on behalf of the good 90% of the fandom, who actually cares about the story:

BORUTO. FUCKING. SUCKS!

And I gotta say, out of all the newcomers in Boruto, the only two newcomer shinobi, who didn't make me want to kill myself, were Sarada Uchiha and Mirai Sarutobi. Ironically, these two are also the same characters that barely have any screen presence (I know that Sarada is part of the main cast, but for some reason, from what I have seen so far, at least, she is somehow even less useful than her mom, in correlation to the rest of her team), or any major feats of their own...

...I seem to be noticing a pattern here. Off-topic, but, I NEED to talk about this for a second. May it be Kishimoto or Ikemoto, any living being with boobs and a vagina, will always be treated as "second rate cheerleaders" under their pens, and they unironically believe, this is all done in favor of women, while relying on harmful and outdated stereotypes. Thanks. For nothing. And then they wonder, why no one likes the way they portray females in their IP.

You'd think that, by the time Boruto rolled around, they would have actually learned their lesson, and not dare repeating what made their story receive so much criticism in the first place? But nope. I guess, because "nostalgia sells well"? So, thanks for reminding me, how useless you two jesters are.

But back to the topic at hand: Essentially, Sarada and Mirai had their own timeline completely destroyed by the Otsutsuki clan...

...at least, this is what they learned about them, because, really, the Otsutsukis by themselves, aren't really a "clan" in the normal sense, it was more like, an orchestrated science experiment, if you will. To create the perfect, most flawless shinobi, with barely any weaknesses. And guess who unleashed these monsters. I tell you:

Orochimaru.

I mean, come on, all these years of research had to amount to something, and I REFUSE to believe, he was ever truly "redeemed", to the point where he would just stroll around Konoha, like he owns the place, like an NPC. To me, he will remain the shinobi equivalent to Frieza. Nuff' said. And I will never forgive Boruto era Naruto for being so stupid and spineless to let this snake-headed waste of space stay in the village. That HAD to come back to bite him in the ass, man.

Besides, just by itself, this decision was so full of shit.

Let me get this straight:

Orochimaru committed unethical human experimentation, kidnapping, bribery, war crimes and grave desecration, all for what? Attaining eternal life? ...He returns back to Konoha.

Sasuke went rogue, because of circumstances, all enforced by Konoha themselves, and the elders, meaning, he mostly fought to survive, wanting to pay his clan, and his brother, the respect they rightfully deserved (besides, his kill count is a joke compared to Orochimaru's)? NO! KEEP HIM OUT! THE UCHIHA ARE TRASH, THEY DON'T BELONG IN KONOHA!

...Why is anyone a fan of Boruto again? Shit like this, is just disrespecting everything we were conditioned to rightfully judge, because the system clearly enjoys playing dirty. And yet for some reason, Naruto knowingly chooses to be Hokage in the exact same system, that treated him, Sasuke, Gaara, Kakashi, Anko, Hinata, and every other jinchuriki, like dirty dishwater. He always spoke the loudest about bringing peace, yet he never dares to challenge the Konoha elders... who, not only are the biggest reason as to why 90% of all the conflicts in the story we had so far even happened in the first place, considering they endorsed what Danzo was doing the whole time, but also, by the way: ARE STILL FUCKING ALIVE, AND PART OF THE AUTHORITY! PUT THEM IN JAIL!

...

So, yeah. Sarada, Mirai, please, rewrite the freaking timeline, and fix this shit. Get it out of my face. Naruto and Kakashi playing the bootlickers for the elders is so freaking OOC for them, especially in regards to how much they claim to be behind Sasuke, and just letting someone like Orochimaru return, willy-nilly.

...And to further shit on all the tropes, you know how Future Sarada will make her grand entrance into the story here?

...Putting Kabuto, who dares to attack the Leaf village, with an army of White Zetsu clones, laced with "Otsutsuki" proxy DNA, in another Tsukuyomi Genjutsu, while just destroying all of the White Zetsus, without even breaking a single sweat. And her Tsukuyomi is nothing like Itachi's, it's more loving, gentle, almost angelic, how she puts Kabuto "to rest", in a field of cherry blossom petals...

...before slicing him to pieces with her dad's trusted blade.

I do need to bring up though, by the time Sarada and Mirai travel back to the Blank Period to prevent the birth of the Otsutsuki plague, the two are young adults, around the same age group as the Konoha 12, basically 19 / 20.

This is how they look (a visual basis):

Sarada:

Mirai:

Added details, to make the SasuSaku fans squeal with happiness:

Future Sarada inherits her dad's sword

She unlocked the Mangekyo Sharingan, after learning the truth about why Sasuke remained absent, for the majority of her lifespan (blame the Uchiha stigma, subtly enforced by the elders for this, wiping everything under the rug, and Naruto's and Kakashi's refusal to help her father)

She bears the Byakugo Seal from her mom

She also wears Kawaki's piercings

Boruto's / Sasuke's headband is hers, and she wears it like her mom does

And for Mirai fam, to respect some of the more wholesome aspects of her characters:

Future Mirai inherits her dad's chakra blades

She wears her mother's bandages, and is a Genjutsu master, much like her

Might Guy's weights, meaning, she is insanely fast, once she takes them off

Tenten's weapon arsenal is hers to bear, too

Rock Lee taught her the 8 Gates

And in general, I will leave it up to you to fill in the blanks on how mindblowingly wholesome, but also insanely heartwrenching Sarada's and Mirai's reunion with the past versions of their family and friends, would run down.

I am sure, Future Sarada will just fall apart, seeing her mom and dad again, after they got killed by Isshin Otsutsuki, even though, she wasn't even born yet around that time, and despite this version of her past having the Uchiha clan being pardoned and acknowledged, which is why Sasuke is a permanent resident this time, it would feel strange... ...but due to how deep Sasuke's and Sakura's love runs for each other, accepting Future Sarada comes almost naturally to them.

And well, poor Mirai, seeing both herself as a baby, and her still young mother again. That's gotta be so messed up, yet oddly comforting to be in the presence of a parent, who died protecting you, down to her last breath.

But on a lighter note, if these two were to interact with the Blank Period versions of their friends and comrades, just imagine how comically awkward it would be to realize: There are quite a number of deviations from what they were used to in their time. Examples being:

Neji is alive, and is dating Tenten

Kakashi and Anko are married, and Anko ain't overweight

Ino ended up with Choji, instead of Sai, and Karui ended up going for Kiba, instead of Choji

Sasuke is actually besties with Neji, Kiba and Shikamaru, and all four are drinking buddies

Tenten runs a full-on tech workshop (she will be the one to rebuild the time machine from scratch)

Shino is a granny chaser

The Konoha elders were chased out of the village

Naruto, Hinata and Rock Lee share an apartment together

Naruto has long hair, tied into a ponytail, in honor of his mother

On demand of Sasuke, Team Taka / Hebi are now Leaf ninja

Oh, also, because I am that petty, Sarada will warn Naruto and Hinata about their future kids being nothing short of menaces to society, especially Boruto himself. Demanding them to punish their kids more often, whenever they misbehave, especially Boruto. She knows all too well, how big of a pain in the ass he was.

But in all seriousness, she will express genuine sadness to them, as she felt like, she failed to save their son and daughter the most, especially since Momoshiki inhabited Boruto's body, leaving them with not that many options anymore. She hopes that she can be of assistance this time, and assure that their kids will be able to grow up, without any of this drama.

Basically, Sarada and Mirai go back in time, to fix the mess, that is the Boruto story. Can be understood in two different ways:

Fuck the Boruto continuity, reset it, please. Make Sarada and Mirai part of the main cast to oppose the elders and feudal lords, referring back to this thread of mine:

Taking notes from SoulCalibur 6's storyline with Cassandra, who meets an alternate version of herself from a destroyed timeline, inside Astral Chaos (SoulCalibur fam, you know, you know)

And with more material for you to sink your teeth into, without further ado, I say:

Peace.

[badgalsasuke]

Hello!

What do you think Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship would’ve evolved into over time? (Assuming Boruto doesn’t exist.) We’re not talking about the manga’s conclusion, just some thoughts about their possible future.

I am still struggling to picture it with all that shit that’s been happening to them and the shinobi world in general.

Hello anon!

Assuming Boruto doesn't exist and neither of them married a woman then that means Naruto broke free from his comphet and neither him nor Sasuke conformed, so let's create an scenario based on this.

I don't think Sasuke would feel comfortable living on the village after everything he went through and I believe Naruto would be understanding of this just like Sasuke would understand Naruto's dream of becoming Hokage, which does happen in the manga BUT

the difference here would be that since Naruto didn't fell prey to conformity then he does actually change the shinobi system and manages to bring justice and honor to the Uchiha clan which Sasuke would deeply appreciate, this would be to me the biggest departure from canon.

I also believe that Sasuke would travel around with the intention of changing the shinobi world alongside Naruto but doesn't actually care about Konoha like that, basically doing it for and with Naruto. In canon we already see the whole Hokage/Shadow Hokage thing, so a dynamic like that but instead of perpetuating the status quo they're challenging it.

They continue to have often meetings because they actually cannot keep themselves apart from each other that long, but this time those meetings are not secrets that become rumours like in canon.

I feel that Naruto and Sasuke's relationship would become more and more intimate now that Naruto has no issues accepting his feelings for a man and understands he doesn't actually want to marry a girl in spite of expectations placed upon him. Which eventually means they would publically display it. I imagine it would initially be awkward for both of them but for different reasons, Sasuke I feel is the type of person that doesn't like other people in his business and Naruto would be like "can we hold hands? is it okay? people are watching" y'know a bit more insecure in the beginning but eventually both of them feel more comfortable especially when they realize the whole fucking world already knows how crazy they are for each other.

Lots, LOTS of letters to the point Naruto's handwriting improves massively lmao

Naruto has an apartment in Konoha with all the accomodations for Sasuke when he ocassionally returns for a few days, but most of the times he's the one that travels to wherever Sasuke is.

They don't have what many would consider a "regular relationship" during Naruto's tenure as Hokage where they settle down, buy a home in the village and have kids and all that due to Sasuke's particular trauma but they still make it work for them.

Eventually I imagine Naruto would retire and he and Sasuke would live in a nice cabin in the forest finally at peace.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Similar fic idea to One Step Three Steps, but instead of some random Hatake brat being zapped into modern Konoha from the very early days of the village, it was actually the at the time Hatake Clan Head.

I'm gonna go with the Hatake family tree I tossed into Chasing Shadows for fun, meaning a) the clan head is named Haruka, and b) she's Sakumo's mother (thus Kakashi's grandmother) and Tobirama's aunt

She died very shortly after Tobirama (like a week tops) and the rest of her clan was wiped out pretty soon after her.

(Sakumo was raised by the only other survivor of the clan, an old grandma with poor memory who hadn't been in any state to fight, and who later passed away when Sakumo was still pretty young— so he learned very little about their clan and their traditions, and then passed on even less to Kakashi before he died)

I have literally nothing else for her other than the above, so I guess we'll figure out her character together as we go along

With that said, this is gonna be a long one, so buckle in for

✨️ The Hatake clan head time travels from early to modern Konoha ✨️

Immediately, there's just so much potential pretty much anywhere you drop her into the timeline.

Lets take her from the very first years of Konoha, where they're still lowkey building the village and Madara is still around (bc I love the drama of the time traveler respecting Madara only for the future people to be like "oooo... ok, so bad news actually— Also, you legally aren't allowed to talk good about him for military dictatorship reasons, sorry :(" )

And then we're gonna drop her into kid Kakashi era, with Sakumo still being alive

Right off the bat -> That's Sakumo's fucking mom!!!! Holy shit you guys!!! The last time she saw him he was like a literal infant she JUST recovered from birthing AND NOW HES A WHOLE MAN!!!!

Shes grabbing him by the cheeks squishing him to death, there may be baby talk involved (he's a grown man let him go oh my god??)

If she comes before his mission gone wrong, her presence prevents him from going on it (disaster averted,,, for now) He's currently in the running for most likely to become next Hokage and she's so disgustingly proud holy shit. Her baby!!! Hokage!!!

Maybe have some talk about how that'd make either 3 or 2 Hatake's in office depending on if you count Hashirama as a Hatake (Haruka does not) and how that's kind of bad, right? Only Haruka doesn't give a SHIT about that (politicians hate her and shed hate them too if she didn't enjoy making them suffer so much)

"But Haruka, as clan head aren't you a politician too by default?"

"Haha yeah!! Isn't that awful? (For all of them)"

If she comes AFTER the dreaded mission gone wrong, Haruka is all about backing up his decision (the Hatake are a clan who emphasize loyalty like no other, which is also part of why they took to Konoha's mentality so well)

Shes telling Sakumo he did the right thing and fuck literally everyone who says otherwise. Trust your momma Sakumo, she knows best

Her being there averts Sakumo's death— either bc she manages to keep him going, or bc she interrupts him mid suicide

(I can see Sakumo trying to go through with it specifically bc he thinks at least Kakashi has Haruka now once he's gone)

Also oh my god SAKUMO YOU HAD A BABY??? SHE HAS A GRANDBABY???? AWWW CMERE LITTLE GUY LET GRANDMA GIVE YOU A SMOOCH— OHHH SAKUMO LOOK AT HOW HE STABBED ME OHH WHAT A GOOD BOY, WHAT A CUTE BABY BOY!! CMERE BABY— OHH SAKUMO LOOK HES BITING ME AWWW THATS SO CUTE!! WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? (said like she's talking to a fucking dog)

Kakashi kind of hates her.

There's like a whole big bit about the Hatake clan bloodline limit, which is sort of general wolfy stuff, enhanced senses, some extra strength, etc. And my all-time favorite take, adaptation ✨️

Their white chakra is super flexible, able to adapt and change to fit pretty much any situation —or even other bloodline limits. (Which is why Kakashi not only survived the sharingan implant but came to arguably master it)

Anyways -> other than the white chakra (which neither Sakumo or Kakashi know the details of other than it's their family chakra and its,, white. Exciting, I know), their bloodline limit seems to have borderline dissapeared with Kakashi and Sakumo, due to basically them not knowing how to feed into it / activley supressing it to conform to polite society (unaware that certain impulses aren't actually just intrusive thoughts but actual instinct trying to get them to do things necessary to feed into and reawakened their bloodline limit)

Kakashi actually shows more hints of still having it bc of his age, while Sakumo is very well practiced in accidentally supressing it to conform with general society.

So obviously, Haruka is like "hey guys!! What the actual fuck is this!!" and immediatley (borderline desperatley) trying to get them back to her perceived normal

She's actually REALLY fucked up about all this. Her own son!! Her own grandbaby!! And they don't even eat enough MEAT!!!! This is an actual nightmare, this is like basic baby stuff all the Hatake's should know and she's getting nothing but blank looks and vuagley ashamed guilty stares from Sakumo as she asks if he even takes Kakashi on hunts (he didn't even know that was a thing he should be doing.)

Don't even get her started when she learns Sakumo isn't acting as clan head on the Konoha clan council, holy shit. The Hatake might be a clan of 2 now but they were among the first clans to come to Konoha— she doesn't give a shit how many of them are left, if the number is more than 1 then there better be a fucking representative of theirs on that goddamn council

Funny bit where Kakashi tries to bite someone and Sakumo is telling him to stop bc jesus christ child can you behave for 5 seconds oh god he's so sorry— and Haruka is like, why are you telling him to stop??? This is enrichment for him :)) if there's no blood it's fine, that's the official clan policy for dealing with kids

Haruka... isn't actually a very good choice to leave as your babysitter. If nothing is on fire and no one is dead she considers herself successful.

Sakumo will learn this. In time.

Mmmm bad ending where Sakumo goes through with the suicide. Could be very fun and fucked up n dramatic.

Kakashi doesn't find his father's body first bc Haruka does— or maybe he does but Haruka walks in right behind him and forces him to close his eyes before he can actually see the body.

Fun scene where Haruka is physically wrestling Kakashi away from his father's body, a hand over his eyes as he screams and claws at her, demanding that she let go and let him see his dad.

Can't she smell the blood!? Tou-san is hurt, he needs help! What are you doing!!? Let him go!! Tou-san, Tou-san, where are you? Why aren't you answering?!

He bites her hand in his struggles, so deep that it later scars (just another reminder of the day, oh boy !!)

Haruka getting hit by the fucking brick of reality, straight in the face. She got to meet her son, the only survivor of their clan from her era, just in time for him to die <3

The fic then takes a HARD turn from the silly fluffy fun times of Haruka goofing around telling people to suck her dick if they have a problem with her (which a lot of people definitely do)

-> Right into shinobi politics, political schemes and sabotaged missions and buried clan history galore territory. Haruka isn't ab to take this lying down and everyone's about to get their first look at a grieving Hatake mother in her prime who just lost her baby to the shinobi rumor mill

Before she was kind of keeping to herself just having fun in the clan compound, not reeeally getting involved with any politics or village shit, bc like, she's playing with her family!! This is like her vacation till the time travel is solved and she goes back home!!

But she's not doing that anymore.

Sakumo is gone and Haruka is more than willing to take the seat he chose to leave empty at the clan council. She's about to become EVERYONES problem.

In the bg, Kakashi VIOLENTLY swings between fucking hating Haruka ("You should have stopped him! You should have been there! You should have helped!") to being like, physically unable to be unatached from her (she's waking up in the middle of the night to find him suddenly burrowed into her blankets, holding on to her like he's scared she'll dissapear when he wakes up)

Small soft scene where he's sleeping on top of her and quietly whispers that he's sorry for biting her.

Haruka possibly tries to have Kakashi temporarily drop his training but it's a very hard battle to fight. Both bc Kakashi wants to fight and bc Konoha wants him to fight

Uhh first big scary Haruka politics scene when she puts her foot down and says something along the lines of, "are you telling me here and now that my word as Hatake clan head is not enough to stop Konoha from taking away my child?" And Sarutobi kind of has to back down bc that does NOT fly well with the other clans

Obito and Rin swing by and try to pry at why Kakashi can't fight and she just fucking stares at them and goes, "He's 6."

She goes home and puts her head in her fucking hands. She was promised Konoha was to keep the kids SAFE, that's the entire fucking reason the Hatake agreed to join!!! This is not safe Tobirama, you bitch!!!!! If they send out Kakashi to die, shes going to find your fucking ghost and grind your face into Kakashi's grave!!!!

Anyways, time for my favorite part: politics

Haruka is coming from the early days of Konoha, where the only reason the Hatake even joined the village was, "because my cute little nephew (Tobirama) asked us real nice"

In her mind, she and her clan are still allowed to back the fuck up out of the village whenever she so chooses. She likes it in Konoha, yeah, but they're still free reign nomads and while she'd like to stay and have her clan flourish (which they didn't exactly do and she can literally SEE the way the village destroyed them from the inside out) she and her clan retain the right to leave whenever they want. And if they do leave, other than losing the new friends, it won't exactly be hard on them to get back to the nomad life.

All of that is to say that Sarutobi isn't her Hokage and while she'll be nice and respectful bc she recognizes the position (and her position) when push comes to shove, there's literally nothing they can hold on her to make her bend or break.

Also the last time she saw Sarutobi he was one of her nephews little brat tag-alongs, and she's so fucking bad at treating people their age, doubly so if she knew them as a kid.

It's,,, kind of demeaning actually, she should stop. (She will not.)

Anyways: play into her not just being Tobirama's aunt but also Hashirama's (her sister was their mother) which becomes fun bc Kakashi is her fucking grandkid!! Meaning he's also their fucking cousin!! Politics!! Implications!!!

At least one person is making a "of fucking course the boy genius is related to one of them" joke but like in an angry way (it's probably Obito)

Anyways I started this off with basically nothing for Haruka other than her name and I think she accidentally turned into a real character along the way (inevitable tbh)

Shes a DEEPLY flawed person actually, which I kind of love. She has a habit of belittling people and not treating them their age (absoloutley calls everyone even slightly younger than her 'kid')

Her views of childcare are totally skewed and she should not be trusted with any children other than Kakashi (it's ok he's literally built different, she can provide proper enrichment for him)

Edit: I DIDNT FUCKING MEAN TO POST THIS YET IM GONNA KILL MYSELF I WAS STILL QRITING IM GONNA END IT ALL TUMBLR I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

Shes so fucking full of herself and about to make it EVERYONES problem

[cacaocao123]

Naruto Imagines: Reincarnated! Gender Neutral! Reader

You’d like to say you aren’t a reckless person, but continuing to use a motorcycle with a flat tire in the rain is pretty reckless.

You were dying.

You’re not pointing fingers, but if it weren’t for that duck (yes a duck in the middle of the road), you’d have arrived at your destination without any mishaps or accidents (even with a flat tire).

Now, look at yourself. You’re in this mess cuz you couldn’t bear to live with a guilty conscience of turning that duck into roadkill.

TipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTapTipTap—

Head was bleeding a lot. Your body was sore all over. Bruises and scrapes? Definitely many. Are your bones intact? Doubtful.

The blood mixed with rain water was terrifying. That all came from you? Fuuuuck. So this is why they strongly advise people to wear helmets. Maybe if you wore one, maybe you wouldn’t be bleeding this much. This one’s on you. Forgetting a helmet because you were in a hurry.

And to make matters worse, last you checked, time was 2:23 AM. And the area you’re around in was always secluded when it’s around those hours.

Conclusion: there won’t be anyone nearby to help you and chances of survival is slim. (Maybe none if you wanna be pessimistic.)

Phone…. Your phone is too far from reach to call for help. If you stay like this until morning, there won’t be any need to save you. Death claimed you before the ambulance could.

Shit. Your surroundings are getting darker.

Haha…

You’re really dying.

Never mind the helmet. Never mind the rain. Never mind your motorcycle with a flat tire. And never mind the duck the most.

You should have stayed home.

If second chances exist, you hope you never feel the need to be in a hurry ever again.

Drip

You died.

And opened your eyes to see an unfamiliar woman holding you to her chest.

\(^~^)+++(^~^)/

Long story short: you reincarnated.

You did get your second chance. A whole new shot at life. You thought nothing would stop you this time as you’re equipped with knowledge far beyond what an infant knows—

You were so fucking wrong.

You and your new family evacuated far away from the chaos caused by the Nine-Tails. Yes, the Nine-Tails: Kurama. From fucking Naruto. How you confirmed it was the Nine-Tails from Naruto? You saw the hokage stone faces while you ran for your lives.

When did you realize you’re in the Naruto world?

Just now. JUST NOW WHEN THE EARTH SHOOK AND YOUR LIVING ROOM CRUSHED BY A HUGE DEBRIS.

You sobbed into your new mother’s arms. You only remembered your past life today! Why only now!? This body was born a month before this mayhem! You could have planned an escape, but noooooo, whoever put you here was an asshole with their timing.

Second chances be damned. You should have stayed dead. If you aren’t gonna die from the Nine-Tails, there’s plenty more chances for you to die in the future.

Fuck Konoha and its high mortality rate!

Luckily, your family evacuated safely and everything was semi-okay now if you ignore an army of ninjas trying to stop the havoc. Sigh.

Okay, while everyone be panicking, you are gonna cope by planning out how to stay safe in this world of ninjas. First and foremost rule is to definitely avoid getting involved with canon. To do that, don’t ever meet or make a huge impact on important characters.

How hard could that be?

Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy. Throughout your six years of living, you have cleverly avoided anything that would get you involved with the plot.

Mom wants to buy flowers from the Yamanaka shop and Ino is currently manning it? Look, mom, there’s another flower stall over that block and it’s nicer-looking and cheaper.

Dad is hungry for some barbecue? Uh-oh, Choji and his family are eating there. Dad, over there! A soba shop is offering a challenge! Finish the entire bowl and you don’t have to pay anything!

On your grocery trip, you and Itachi were about to reach for the same tomato and Sasuke was behind him? You smoothly turned your hand to reach for the closest vegetable beside the tomatoes and quickly payed for the goods without making eye contact with either Uchiha and skedaddled. You might be eating your most disliked vegetable for dinner, but nothing tastes more delicious than avoiding canon.

You leisurely walked through Konoha’s streets, celebrating your clean record of six years by eating your favorite candy. Last year, you had sakura mochi.

Keeping this streak will be easy as pie! You and your new family will definitely die from old age. Accidents? No, you only see yourself dying wrinkly and content!

“Look! The monster is crying! Wah-wah-wah, like a little baby.”

….. Of course. You round a corner and see tiny motherfuckers that ruined the sweetness of your candy. They didn’t notice you because you’re hidden and they’re too busy beating another kid up.

Not your problem, though. Time to get another batch to get that sweetness back—

“Ple-Please stop! It hurts!”

That voice?

On closer look…. Ah. You should have realized it when there’s “monster” and bullying in one situation.

Naruto Uzumaki.

The main character of the series named after him was beaten black and blue as he hunched on the ground, helplessly covering himself from the group beating. He got many bruises on his arms and you bet there’s more under his shirt. There was even nasty scrapes— did they just grab his hair roughly? He even has a huge cut on his cheek???

They were laughing. Laughter was supposed to sound innocent, free, and represent joy. But it wasn’t.

It was mocking. Sadistic. With the intent to hurt. This was the type of sound you’d never expect to come out from a kid’s mouth.

This wasn’t the first time you’ve seen Naruto getting bullied. From adults, teenagers, and kids the same age as you and him— they can be very horrible and cruel to someone more helpless and vulnerable than them. Even with the Nine-Tails in him, the current Naruto doesn’t fight back against them. (Not yet anyways.)

He was just a kid. A kid taken advantage of by ignorant masses solely because there’s no one better than him to take accountability for the casualties of Konoha during the Nine-Tail’s rampage.

It wasn’t his fault. It really wasn’t. Even if he knew anything about everything— about the beast sealed in him, his parents, and the village’s stupid reason of discriminating him—

It wasn’t his fault.

And again, you watch him become the outlet of their rage and sorrow.

And again, you walked away pretending you never saw anything.

You need to live long in this life.

This second chance…

“What did I ever do to you?!”

“Monster! Monster! Monster!”

…need to look away. This is just one of the many. He’ll get true friends later on anyways and have a happy ending unlike you with an uncertain future.

“I-I’m not a monster!”

He’ll face many trials and important character deaths for his character development. His problem now is lighter and isn’t as bad compared to what he’ll face soon.

“Hold his arms! He needs to learn his lesson!”

He’ll achieve his dream of becoming a Hokage, get married to the nicest girl, and have two kids and one of them is named Boruto and you never liked watching that show because it was better when you didn’t know there was aliens in a ninja world.

Yeah. He’ll be fine.

“Stop! Stop—“

THWAK!

“Ow! Who threw that!?”

THWAK! THWAK! THWAK!

“Ow ow ow ow!”

When did you become such a bystander? Did you die and save a duck just to be an asshole?

“You! The one with the candy! Why are you throwing rocks at us!?”

That duck probably had a sixth sense to know you were incoming. So even if you did not swerve the motorcycle into your death, they would just fly away before you could hit them and you would live without knowing you avoided said death.

But you took no chances.

You still swerved anyways, so that duck will be completely unharmed.

Maybe the reason why you’ve reincarnated is because the duck pleaded to a higher being to give you another chance?

“Hey! What are you standing around for? Come here so we can beat you up together with this monster!”

“Yeah!”

You suddenly let out a loud groan, surprising the bullies and Naruto. “My duck delusions are getting out of hand. My plan of 6 years is going off the rails. What next? I get a nice wife too?”

“What are you talking about?”

You looked at Naruto. He probably was shocked the most. You know no one bothered to stick up to him until you came around. That gaping expression of his really gave it away.

“Hehe. Hahahahah!”

“Are they… are they crazy!?”

Old or young, Naruto is still so easy to see through. He can’t even disguise the hope shining in his eyes! As expected of the knucklehead ninja and the comfort character of your childhood. Mini-you certainly did not waste watching everything (even the fillers!) so the you now can figure out what’s going through his mind.

You grinned, picking up a convenient-sized and convenient-placed plank and pointed it at them.

“Grit your teeth, punks! You’re in for a hugeeee ass-whopping!”

That duck better plead for your third chance too cuz you’re dying young again dattebayo.

[justsomeoneunordinary]

Tobirama dies and lands back in the past and fixes everything that went wrong the first time around--

Madara dies and lands back in the past and fixes everything that went wrong the first time around--

Izuna dies and lands back in the past and fixes everything that went wrong the first time around--

Hashirama dies and lands back in the past and fixes everything that went wrong the first time around--

I've seen it all by now (ok, the last one is a rarity, ironically enough, but it does exist) but what about MITO dies and lands back in the past and fixes everything that went wrong the first time around, hm?

She was there when Konoha was built, she was there when everything went downhill and knows why, she had to watch her husband slowly lose himself after he killed Madara, had to see her children die, her husband, her grandson, her brother-in-law, HER CLAN!!! THE FALL OF UZUSHIO, HER HOME, HER PEOPLE!!! -- and you tell me Uzumaki "I'll use an experimental seal on myself and shove a whole-ass Bijuu inside myself" Mito would not come up with a way to send herself back in time on the day she is supposed to seal Kurama inside Kushina next?

Puh-please, she knows how the Hiraishin works, she's an expert in sealing and she has the MOTIVATION. This woman would throw herself into the past and change everything for the better without giving a single fuck about on whose toes she might step. She's an eighty-year-old woman who had to see all her loved ones die, she's done giving any shits anymore.

Cannot believe there's not a single Mito time travel fic when she's the perfect candidate for it out of all the founders smh...

[uh-oh-its-bird]

Short snippet from my fic 'one step three steps' under the cut. Ft. Shinobi politics and Hatake clan lore via gossiping at the bar about what happens when a clan drops off the map

No context needed, can be read as standalone, I just thought it was neat enough to post on its own.

"What are the odds there are— or were," Izumo grimaced. "Some offshoot branch of the Hatake family out there?" 

"Not impossible, I think? They were a real clan once, right?" 

Kotetsu blinked. "Were they? I kind of thought they used to be civilians or something, before the White Fang." 

"No way, the Hatake's were huge once." 

"No shit?" 

"Yeah, they were— fuck," Genma squinted into his cup, now well and truly flushed from his drink. For a guy sent on so many honeypot and information gathering missions he was a bit of a lightweight, huh? 

"6th? Is that right? 6th-ish clan to come to Konoha, way back when. It's not really taught anymore since they died off so fast and lost relevancy, but they were decently important, wayyy back in the day. Had some sort of deal with the Senju." 

"Nerd." Kurenai snorted, but she looked thoughtful. 

"Hey, this sort of thing is important!" Genma pointed at her. "This kind of history gets buried so fast, it's crazy." 

"But why though?" Kotetsu asked. 

"I mean," Genma frowned. "It's kind of complicated. It's a whole politics thing, you know? Every few years they get together and talk about what gets taught in school. All the clans have say and all the big ones wanna make sure that everyone remembers who was there first so there's a lot of pushing on how to split the importance among them. So when a whole clan up and falls off a cliff . . ."

"There's no one left to advocate for them getting taught about." Izumo finished, looking unsettled.

"Damn." 

Genma shrugged. "That's just how it is, really. Happened to the Uzumaki's, happened to the Hatake's; Would have happened to the Senju too, if the Hokage was any less sentimental about it." 

"And it's not like they teach a lot about history in the first place, do they?" Pointed out Kurenai with a sigh. "Most kids learn that stuff at home, if they're clan brats." 

"Pour one out for all the civilian losers with the disadvantage once again." Izumo sighed, and he clinked glasses with a cheering Kotetsu and Kurenai as Genma, the only clan brat among them, snorted into his cup.

Read the full chapter here ->