#no more good or bad or beautiful or ugly !!

[theneighborhoodwatch]

combing through the website and my notes while i write wally's character sheet and it's interesting but also so so so sick how like. clown has spoken a couple times in the past about how wally considers himself pretty. like he thinks he's so handsome and gorgeous and he likes mirrors because they let him look at himself and then you look at the site and you Do see some of that - but you also see shit like this image:

that was in response to someone on page 6 of the guestbook telling wally that he and his friends seemed like wonderful people and it's positioned so that it looks like it's supposed to be him crossing out his name and leaving the rest of the message as is. bitch what is WRONG. TELL ME!!!

[cowboy-robooty]

IM GOONG TO KILL MYZSLF. THIS YAOI MUST BE TROLLING. THE UKE DIED AND LIKE GOT A NEW BODY WHATEVER BUT OMFG HE WENT FROM A MANLY BROWN HAIRED BEEFCAKE TO SOME SKINNY TWINK BLONDIE WITH HUGE GREEN EYES. LITERALLY THE WORST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE. I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE NOW HES SMALLER AND SHORTER THAN THE SEME CAN MY DAY- NO WEEK- NO YEAR GET ANY WORSE?!? FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK TINY PRETTY BOY UKES OH MY GOD **banging head into wall** IM STICKING AROUND BC UKES PERSONALITY IS WUNDERBAR BUT THIS HAS TO BE THE WORST BODY ALTERNATION FUCKING EVER. I WANT TO CRY.

[jrueships]

tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO

[teekays]

i'm going to be so honest and real rn and say i think people are far too generous w the way they write sex in hockey fic... like not to be indelicate but i know the dick does not, in probably 90-98% of cases, go crazy. these men have never had to work for it. they don't HAVE to be good at sex. and that's fine!!! i think it actually. in some ways. is better for the story... bros can love each other forever even though their stroke game is weak because THEY are enjoying it. and that is the beauty of it.

[perilegs]

i hate slow damage so much there are tears in my eyes i am not joking

[alchemiclee]

sometimes I think about how everyone is so obsessed with how they look and think other peoples' opinions are what determine if they are attractive or not. by that logic, i'm one of the ugliest people to ever exist because i've never, to my memory, had a random person tell me i'm attractive in any way just by looking at me. I've only had people give me pity compliments after I say something like the last sentence lmao. but I don't accept those. I don't want your pity

[simptasia]

sometimes i see somebody say an actor is ugly and i can't help but wonder if that person has ever been on a bus

[daftysaph]

I'm so sad about movies and shows man

[getsemantic]

Actually I am cool and sexy and aesthetically pleasing. Body fascism wants me to believe that my chubbiness is ugly, my shortness is embarrassing, and the mere suggestion that my body does normal-human-body-things (acne, snot, vomit, etc) is shameful and unacceptable.

However, this is a lie!

[adair-the-bard]

hell is when you google whether something that is said beauty ads is true or not, and all the answers are "according to the CEO of Maybelline, skin moisturisation is important and buy our products" like shut up

[cherrysnax]

I think i sound very uh flat n monotone normally, but a lot of ppl disagree.. my perception of my self is sooo skewed

[longagoitwastuesday]

Kevin Kline was excellent though, so good in comparison to everyone else (*coughs* Roxane *coughs*) that at a certain point (*coughs* Roxane in the balcony *coughs*) he seemed to have fallen into this production from a different one with better actors. Despite the choice of making his Cyrano overly funny, which I imagine wasn't Kline's or not entirely given everyone in the play was trying to be funny (Roxane was ridiculously exaggerated, but this Le Bret in particular made no sense as a character imo?), I quite liked his performance.

[violet-jessop]

i think that after spending $11,691 on my teeth in the last 18 months, if one of my front teeth falls out then killing myself can't be considered drastic or unreasonable action

[teufelsgebrut]

my opinion of da day (actually been in ma head since yesterday..) i donot want body positivity! ! i need body neutrality! !! ! please can we all get on with it and be normal forever ! !' ̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=(◣_◢)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ !! ! !! ! 1 ! !

[sunderwight]

Headcanon that Shen Yuan was hotter than Shen Qingqiu, actually.

Like yeah SQQ being a cultivator gave him a boost to enough attributes + being in a stallion novel where everyone is either unrealistic hot or dog's butt ugly got the Shen Qingqiu body extra points, and he wasn't bad looking to begin with. Plus not being ill is vastly more important to the new Shen Qingqiu than those extra hotness points (Without a Cure notwithstanding). But part of the reason why he's kind of like, meh, at least I'm not hideous or anything, is because Shen Yuan's original body was a knock out.

I also like him as chronically ill, and, as many people know, beauty standards and sustained suffering are not as incompatible as they should be. Shen Yuan was conventionally attractive in part because conventional beauty standards seem to want everyone slowly dying all the time. But even setting that aside, the man had flawless bone structure, an appealing figure, captivating eyes, and the kind of voice that stopped people in their tracks.

All of which was a contributing factor to his antisocial lifestyle, actually. Despite the fact that Shen Yuan does enjoy company and requires a certain baseline of social enrichment for his enclosure, his internalized homophobia and closeting did not play well with overtures from interested parties (regardless of gender). The only way to minimize the odds of him being asked out on dates was to essentially become a shut-in, especially since even Shen Yuan can only make so many excuses before he himself starts to notice that he's going to a lot of effort to avoid specifically that avenue of socialization. Far better to just remove himself from any risk of it, and then vocally lament that oh no he's just too much of a nerd to get anywhere with women!

Anyway this largely doesn't matter much outside of sheer comedy potential for any situation where SY gets his old body/life back. Like imagine a reveal scenario where the System is going to transport them back to their old lives.

Shang Qinghua: well bro I guess this is gonna be the ultimate test of love, right?

Shen Yuan: what do you mean?

Shang Qinghua: our husbands are gonna see what we looked like back before we were glorious cultivators! they're going to have to track us down in our mundane, kinda shitty pre-transmigration lives! it's gonna be at least a little embarrassing, right?

Shen Yuan: *gets his old body back*

Shang Qinghua, normal human with average looks: ...

Shen Yuan, exemplary 11/10: ?

Shang Qinghua: what. the fuck?? bro what the fuck why are you hot???

Shen Yuan: don't make it weird

Shang Qinghua: make it weird??? why were you sitting at home reading my shitty novel when you could have been out there building your own harem???

Shen Yuan: stop exaggerating

Shang Qinghua: oh my god you've always been like this. this is it, isn't it? it wasn't even brain damage from the transmigration or something--

Shen Yuan: hey

Shang Qinghua: --you've just always been completely unaware, haven't you? every time I wrote a beautiful woman who didn't know her own appeal you'd be jumping down my throat--

Shen Yuan: because that's a stupid trope--!

Shang Qinghua: --JUMPING DOWN MY THROAT EXACTLY LIKE THAT but this whole time THIS WHOLE TIME it wasn't even a glow-up issue, you've just been that, personified, yourself--

Shen Yuan: look I know I'm not ugly but I'm not I'm hardly that good-looking

Shang Qinghua: YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO CRITICIZE THAT TROPE AGAIN! oh my god. how many broken hearts did you leave behind when you died?!

Shen Yuan: none, I wasn't even seeing anyone--

Shang Qinghua: yeah full offense but I am nottt taking your word for that. I bet you had a harem you didn't know about in this lifetime too. I bet you had a fan club, like an anime prince

Shen Yuan: *mumbling*

Shang Qinghua: what was that?

Shen Yuan: I said... only in high school...

Shang Qinghua: oh my god

Shen Yuan: it wasn't a big deal!

Shang Qinghua: *frantically trying to see if he can find any trace of it on the internet now*

[inkskinned]

it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.