#no i have stuff to do and i have to study but im kinda having an existential crisis so hm | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eggwishing · 5 months ago

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what is this guys problem

#Practicing… 4 the comic ….. i havent drawn him in a hot minute #made me realize. I have 2 study some baseball hats <- funny sentence #Bro strider #homestuck #ive caught glimpses of fanart where people draw him almost in a bara style and i don’t think thats how he would look #like pesterquest ult dirk #im trying to find a balance between that level of buff and his sprite form #Yammering …#On an unrelated note. Im trying to make my style less Shaped #I want less straight lines and stuff i wanna get kinda detailed #At least with the faces #I can do detailed bodies already for the most part #But faces have scared me lol #so now im gonna pussy up. and finally learn how to draw pretty faces #Ive only gotten super detailed with faces when it’s for something scary i think lol

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liquidstar · 8 months ago

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a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

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scattered-winter · 3 months ago

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its wild just realizing how much people have done and experienced and how prepared they are for what's to come when i am . very much not . lmao

#having my daily ''oh my god i need to change my program'' crisis #its just idk . i feel like im woefully underprepared for doing any of this kinda stuff when everyone around me already knows #what theyre doing and what they wanna get out of it. idk.#and i have a slightly better idea of what i want to do but i havent figured out how im gonna get there.#and idk.#we were talking about what we want to do with this line of study after graduating and the only thing i could think of #was that i didnt choose this specific field because of what it had to offer #i chose it because it was the easiest way to get out of the situation i was in for a LOT of fucking reasons #and now that im out i guess i can start thinking abt what i really wanna get out of all this. idk.#probably gonna need to wait till next semester anyway but thats fine. ive been waiting for this for 20 years i can wait a little longer #but idk i guess its just a little frustrating feeling so Behind everyone else.#but i guess this is what happens when u pack ur whole life into 2 suitcases to escape a high control cult. who knew!!!#its time for dinner and i crave my daily portion of chow mien. and then i will watch show 3 inches from my computer screen so i can see.#winter speaks #overall i am vibing. a little frustrated with myself but it cant be helped. i am vibing :]#personal

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owo-is-a-guy · 10 days ago

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my face when i fall into the void for the FUCKING 5TH TIME

#I DID THIS IN LIKE 10ISH MINUTES CAUSE I HAD A BRAIN BLAST #kinda just trying out how to render stuff #i fucking used F3X for the pose LOL #COMIC SANS MY GOAT #might make more study stuff #i want to but... i have to do like #ACTUAL studies #sob.... im scared for my test this friday..#phighting rocket #phighting

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faaun · 3 months ago

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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silverselfshippingchaos · 10 days ago

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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

#ash rambles 💚#negative #part of it is definitely the weather #it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed #but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today #im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up #and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see #me as more than a friend and other stuff like that #i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and #i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that #if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore #what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked #to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s #just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me #being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO #I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot #and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as #though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and #i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA #holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always #bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles #(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if #I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later #i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..

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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years ago

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I don't understand why it's generally not socially acceptable to recognize your good qualities. Like I don't understand why it's bad to be a show-off or a know-it-all or to brag. Like I think most people know "those things = bad" but not why.

It also seems like people are always either waaaaay into one end of the scale where they are just so unbearably full of themselves and have preposterously high self esteem (and most people act like this is fine too? Like a lot of celebrities and white men specifically seem to be like this) and I don't understand why so many people respect them then. Or they're the complete opposite with self esteem way too low despite the fact that they have redeeming qualities.

I feel like maybe the reason it's considered bad to brag is because you might 'make' other people feel inadequate but see that seems like a stupid reason to me because the problem then is not that you stated an opinion of your own self worth but is actually that everyone else is conditioned to compare themselves to each other in a very unhealthy way. And I think instead of discouraging people from opening up about what they take pride in, what they like about themselves, what makes them feel happy or content or confident, maybe we could just be discouraging people from viewing those things as personal threats? Idk just trying to formulate some thoughts on this

#idk why but this feels like a very convoluted topic #like so many people are probably coming from different starting positions on this than i am and im afraid that might #make it be misinterpreted or something #like i feel like there definitely is a balance where some self esteem is too little and some is too much #it just feels like it is exceedingly rare to find anyone with ideal realistic self esteem and idk why #i also dont mean this in a way to say that every action is the responsibility of the people taking offense either #because obviously thats not how that works. its understandable to demand a certain amount of respect #and to accept that your words (even the ones you say about yourself) could negatively impact other people #and thats not necessarily on them for being defensive #idk social concepts are strange and foreign to me so im still figuring this stuff out and through an autistic lense to boot #so sometimes i feel a bit like im conducting a study or an experiment more than writing a blog post #im just trying to understand people because i need to #it seems like the overwhelming majority of allistics have absolutely no interest in why they do the things that they do #so i have to go around experimenting instead of asking direct questions about this stuff #because when i do ask direct questions they look at me like i just asked them if the sky is actually blue or if its just gasses up there #in case you are not the most common dimwit. the sky is both of those things. however when you ask someone a question #phrased like that about a topic they dont want to admit they dont know about. they will usually avoid the question or answer absurdly #its actually kinda funny you should try it sometime #now im distracted because i dont know enough about how the sky works and i need to know #anyways gonna go down a research rabbit hole methinks

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orcelito · 4 months ago

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Gencon is very busy...!!!

Ummmmm highlights of the day..!!!

I maybe bought 4 Naruto figurines. Thankfully not individually expensive (though perhaps a little expensive all together...) see I wanted Sasuke but I also wanted Kakashi and I couldn't have Sasuke without Naruto and well it would feel wrong to have the 3 of them without Sakura and so I somehow. Got all 4. Haha. I'll most likely post pics later, whenever I end up opening them. I'm still at the convention center rn lol

(Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it got a little long lol)

I was on the field of the Lucas Oil Stadium, aka the stadium that the Indianapolis Colts play at. I've attended all of One game here (not professional football, it was a high school game lol) so I've felt the size of it, but it's still fucking crazy being on the field. It's so BIG...... and obviously they've got the grass covered rn, but it's still pretty cool!!!

I maaaade dice!!! Pretty precise process it seems, & definitely would require a Lot of work (after the sanding and the painting etc etc). I do still wanna get into it, but if I wanted to spring for stuff like the vacuum chamber or the pressure pot...

Yeah, it'd get expensive. Add in the fact that I don't have a good place to do this away from the cats & it really is not feasible to start rn. But!!! Eventually!!!! I think I'd really enjoy it. I just need a dedicated workshop space where I can spread out without worrying about poisoning my cats lol.

Here's some cool game set stuff I saw in the event hall. This picture is maybe... hm... a fourth of the event hall? And then when you consider that the vender hall (connected to the event hall, though it's closed right now) is maybe 1.5 times as big as the event hall?? Give or take a little...

Aka just imagine booths upon booths upon booths... I'm gonna have to take a pic of it tomorrow. I was there too briefly to think about taking a pic. Honestly I maybe managed to get through like a tenth of the whole vender hall in an hour of wandering. It's fucking huge. And So Many Dice... I bought one set of 14 (I think it was) dice. Aka an extended set. And then I got a random set bag of dice (just a basic 7). And then a d20 with a cat on it. And a dice of LETTERS. Aka I guess a d26 (I totally did not have to double check that there were 26 letters in the alphabet)(I have 702k words written & posted to ao3)(😂😂😂 I'm very tired) but with letters instead of numbers. And it's glow in the dark!!! And I found some hxh buttons, and a mighty nein poster, and uhmmmm. A cute lanyard. And that's all I bought. Which really is such restraint for me. (Omfg I just saw a dragon cosplay)(someone just dressed as a dragon)

OH YEAH I saw a fucking. Persona 5 Ryuji cosplay. Hanging out with the biker lady from Durarara. Featuring the Ryuji holding her scythe hfksbfmd which was such a funny image. I was too shy to ask for a pic but just trust 🙏 i saw this

Anyways yeah the only real big thing I bought is the naruto figurines. I'll show pics later once I got the stuff again (I dropped it all off in the car earlier)

Omfg literally as I've been sitting here (on a bench at the side of a main hallway) someone stopped by and gave me a handmade bracelet !!!

DND's 50th anniversary!!! So cute!!!!

#speculation nation #not Too much anime stuff. tho i clearly found some stuff. no trigun yet unfortunately 😔#which i already walked thru the artist area (as much as i could)(i was getting a little stressed by how crowded it was)#so idk maybe i missed a booth or smth but it'd definitely be less likely to see elsewhere in the vender's hall #but WHO KNOWS it's a wonderful massive world in there.#im actually sitting outside it rn and staring longingly at the closed doors. tomorrow... i will be able to Actually peruse it more...#and i will quite possibly wear some ear plugs next time bcus i was getting Stressed Out!!! overstimulated!!!!#pulled in a million different directions!!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!#anyways yeah my events are all done for the night. just kinda hanging out now waiting for my sister's game to be done.#gonna collapse into bed as soon as we get back. so i should probably eat some more.#i had an overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. but there is pizza somewhere. maybe i should eat pizza.#i actually... still have the keys lol. from when i dropped the stuff off at the car earlier.#which is weird. I have the ticket to home with me. but i still wait. bc it would be a dick move to leave with them lol #and also. while i Can drive. i do not have my license. so that would be. a bad. idea.#my shoulders Huuuuurt but thankfully i dont have any combat classes tomorrow #hurting shoulders is more just from my bag bc my shoulders fucking suck. but it makes me glad i can rest more tomorrow.#oh yeah i did the sword knife and longsword today. might get bruises from that knife one. it was very focused on parrying #swords. swords. swords. swords. the longsword class made me really want to own a longsword. i dont own one. yet.#i could. i could. i could. sometime. eventually. i want a longsword. i think i technically just own uhmmm um um #a rapier? a machete? a uh. i dont know what that cheap anime convention sword is actually. OH YEA AND CANE SWORD #no longsword though. i really want to own a katana too. someday i'll own both. someday.#real swords are unfortunatelly really expensive. thats why i only have uh. uh. uhhh. oh yeah i do have those 2 swords from mountains trip #i dont really know what those are either. you know i really should know what bladed weapons i own. i dont though.#i own cool swords and knives bc oooh fun pointy things! wheeeeee!!!#i'll study up on it later. lol.#anyways i guess i should go look for more food. i have rambled enough. bye!

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falmerbrook · 9 months ago

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absolutely fucking hating how my art looks right now. which already sucks normally but is real soul crushing when my entire mental state hinges on being able to draw things im at least content with

#i feel like i have to do studies to get better but im gonna be real i hate doing studies #i cant concentrate because its boring and its demotivating because they always turn out like shit and i dont want to use my precious drawin #time making stuff i dont like and didnt enjoy making #also im just a lazy idiot #im having a 'spends 4 hours every night crying' kinda week #mine #vent #not tes #sorry for venting but by drafts are full of them right now and i need to release one into the wild to relieve some pressure

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doodlboy · 1 year ago

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Did some figure studies 4 my current favorite fusions

#rhodochrosite & aventurine [<-i might change that 1 actually idk]#anyway im trying 2 give them different body shapes #like ro is built like the fuckin..kelp juice bottle from spongebob #mostly bc i wanted to exaggerate their features & kinda play in2 the drag inspo a bit without going like..c*l*rts level of proportions #i wanna do more exaggerated style stuff but i also don't want 2 cross that line & sometimes i get nervous that it'll be taken that way #& i really dont want my art 2 be perceived like that- anyway #ro is a round hourglass w little to no like- visible muscle except 4 in their arms a bit #avent is top heavy with thinner legs #its hard 2 tell bc of the angle i drew them at but the general idea was spoon shaped #they still have muscle its just lean and not like- super visibly buff. idk like a gymnast build #bc they combine mams being able 2 sprint laps around every1 with els fucked up joints/ability to basically contort themself so gymnast fits #anyway #wip art #figure study #kinda #i used 3 dif refs for avent bc of their arms #traditional art #obey me gem au #om gem au #obey me #rhodochrosite #aventurine #elliot rambles #elliot doodles

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girlivealwaysbean · 5 months ago

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my best friend's MOTHER called me to scold me about being depressed and self isolating lol what has life even come to

#she was like. kya hua why won't you meet her she's saying you're busy do you have exams or something #and she knows too much about me so she's like beta exam toh agli saal hai na #it was more like pyaar se scolding ki mil liya karo usse acche lagega she's very sad she misses you #i was like. hmph. what??? she certainly hasn't said that to me #im kinda sick and tired of begging people to make me a priority pay attention to me tbh. i did ask to meet but she was like you come to my #house only i won't come to your house. even tho last few months ive been to her house soooo many times because of her parental drama #i don't want to go anymore im trying to study consistently and we don't sleep at all during nighout and i don't even want to waste a single #day. plus dad is being so weird and involved these days i can't even just sneak out. i mean if she came to my home atleast i wouldn't be so #tired that id waste the whole next day. but she doesn't wanna and she doesn't even have a reason so i just let it be i gave up #but aunty made me feel so guilty so whatever i texted like hey u wanna meet #tbh i don't want to sit and listen to her boyfriend drama all night. she never wants to do stuff together anymore we used to watch movies #we used to dance to songs we used to have so much fun. we were even planning on drinking but she keeps cancelling. now it's just endless #talk about how she feels so lonely and how she misses the guys so fuckinh much and howshe can't stop talking to them and how she needs them #to fill the gap the empty space #well fuck you!!! i feel the same and you don't give a fuck. you blow me off constantly don't hangout for a month even when we're in the #same city !! so we fuck you go to your boys and go your cousin ill be on my fucking own then always on my own desperately #trying everything to fix myself enough to move forward so my life doesn't fall apart and comes to a crashing halt #okay im definitely pmsing but whatever

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angelmichelangelo · 7 months ago

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ik you don't write for phandom anymore but mmard had such a cultural impact on the community. phanfic isn't really the same now and i miss you <3

oh wow thanks haha. idk if i'd give it such a high badge of honour lol

it never ceases to surprise me that after all these years i still get a trickling of mmard asks in my inbox. yall are real ones fr lmao

like. that fic was BAD in parts. it was badly written, not edited and each chapter was made on the fly and the whole plot as a whole was all over the place.. if i was still active in that community it'd be something i'd for sure be rewriting now and making 1000x better. but i appreciate the love nonetheless. thanks for stopping by anon :) take care of yourself!

#ik mmard wasn't like BIG BIG like some fics #but id love to do a psychological study on all the phannies that ate that shit up hahah just because. i can't reread it now yikes #i'll say it again just cus i still get asked:#no im not finishing it BUT anyone and everyone can write and publish their own ending. yall always have my permission :) idc <3 #emmys phannie trauma is healing!!! (kinda)#ask #anon #mmard #fic stuff #phan

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prestonmonterey · 9 months ago

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ughhhh someone kill me i think i might like stay on the third floor today i actually cant deal with her today

#marble musings #vent #shes the only person in my 'friend' group who has the same free block as me #and shes actually a nightmare to be around #im always worried shes gonna take my stuff #(she likes taking my wolf from my hands and my cat ears off my head #and laughs it off as a joke even after i tell her not to??)#and i cant even escape her bc the new friend group that im kind of maybe a part of #she just shows up sometimes #and its awful bc ive seen her make some of my friends uncomfortable and is entirely unapologetic about it #and shes really loud and makes everything about herself and makes conversations impossible #and its annoying bc she kept complaining about not being able to talk to me during free block bc i have headphones on #to listen to music and/or do work #and i was like #'ok you can talk to me if you want idc'#and now she talks to me nonstop during free block regardless of if i tell her i need to get work done #and her existence just kinda stresses me out #but ive never found the right time to tell her to stop #and i cant sit inside where all the tables are bc we usually sit there #and i cant sit outside bc its prolly wet and also she'll find me #and idk if im even allowed to sit upstairs but i kinda have to bc i really dont want to deal with her today #i need like a proper excuse for why im wearing headphones #she doesnt care that i listen to podcasts #and i don have anything to edit #ummmm #i don actually have any hw other than like studying for my math test #fuck ok i guess ill do that #idk what class shes in #umm #if shes also in honors ill cry

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muscariii · 9 months ago

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Sorry guys, I know I mentioned that I would probably post more art but I had a couple of rough days and I couldn't really bring myself to draw much.

I'm starting school again but I'll try to post art as often as I can since I really enjoy doing it and I love reading the tags people put on my drawings. They make me really happy. And also I just want to be more consistent in posting here because there's so many things I want to share.

I honestly can't wait for finals to already be over because I won't have to go to that awful school anymore ( I hate that place so much, it's terrible ). I'll also finally be able to focus on the things I enjoy doing!

When I'm done with finals I'll definitely have more time to post art so I'm counting down days until May for now!!

I'll keep doing my best until then!!

#ive been working really hard on staying mentally stable the past few days #im just kinda overwhelmed by the amount of studying I have left to do #and also the stuff im doing for my portfolio #actually im really proud of a project im working on #i think ill start posting my progress on it maybe #its a comic but in a really fun technique #muscari is doing her best #muscaribrain

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oloreaa · 10 months ago

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Weirdest feeling ever

#no i have stuff to do and i have to study but im kinda having an existential crisis so hm #im going to leave taiwan in about two weeks and im so conflicted on how i spent my time here #i have the feeling that i didnt see enough or did enough while i was here and met with friends #but at the same time i know that lots of time i genuinely didnt have the energy for it and its so hard being away from home #esp since i miss my bf and my family like crazy #at the same time i have family and friends in taiwan as well and i also want to spend time with them but the family is so draining #and its just slowly hitting me that many things i do here will be the last time i do #like being at that bus stop or walking down that street or seeing that building #like i know its coming to an end and i will and can probably never return to this specific point again #so im just. just trying to comprehend whats going on vs what i should have done #all the while wishing that i was back already so i can eat my mums food and see my dad in the garden #and my siblings playing video games together and my friends in our city #and i want to be held by my bf so much. these months have felt like an eternity #but i also dont want to leave taiwan bc it was a really nice time here that felt like being in a little bubble #when im back im going to have to work and focus on my bachelors and deal with family #like im really really torn about how i should feel and if there is a way that i can feel #so kinda wanna just bundle up and do nothing but i have my final on friday so i cant #rea rambles

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redriverstyx · 11 months ago

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turns out i have fasd (fabulous amazing silly disorder) 👍

#all the symptoms except the face thing #but thats actually a misconception and many people with fasd dont have the face #every single symptom matches up #every strength and weakness i have matches #which is kinda sad because it feels like my whole personality is just a Symptom lmfao #but its nice to know that there's a reason why i cant concentrate or do any studying and why im so forgetful n stuff #and im glad i found out so i dont hate myself for the rest of my life #and theres a reason im the way i am #and it isnt my fault #so yeah lol #hey guys im joining the neurodivergent gang wassup #it sucks though that theres no community for us #like with adhd and autism theres like a community because its so well known #but with fasd theres nothing #but there must be so many people who have it cuz all it takes is just a few drinks to fuck up the baby #but who get it misdiagnosed as autism or adhd because theyre similar #and cuz its such a bitch to get fasd diagnosed cuz no one wants to listen to you if you dont have The Face #i wont ever get it diagnosed probably or not at least whilst im a kid #because my mum doesnt want me to and doesnt listen when i tell her i have it even tho she has enough evidence that my bio mum drank #and i know she'll say theres no point because theres nothing we can do about it and itll just look bad on my resume blah blah blah #but it would be nice to and i would like to have it diagnosed just so its official and i can feel better about it a little #maybe one day ill do a campaign or something and spread awareness of it cuz that would be nice #and thats actually something i want to do maybe and get a purpose #and to help the kids like me who used to feel there was something horribly wrong with them and they couldnt concentrate or do anything #and who felt they were lazy and who were so miserable #because ITS NOT THEIR FAULT!!!#youre not lazy youre trying your best and doing so well #i want it to be more well known so people dont feel as awful about themselves and spend their life hating themselves #but for now ill just try to survive until adulthood #red meows

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