#no I do not care that I am not technically illegitimate

[musingsfromthelagoon]

I’m not my mother’s daughter or my father’s son I’m their bastard child and should be referred to as such.

[gatesofember]

hewwo I am rereading amau. I'm sure you've talked about this before but after Lee and Michael die will is technically next in line to inherit, right? but how does that work if he's already married off? does it go down to Austin?

get cozy and be ready for a bedtime story, because as usual, this answer got away from me

Will actually isn’t next in line! he and Austin aren’t able to inherit because they’re illegitimate. the duchy goes to Kayla. she thought about joining the sorority as a kid but fortunately had abandoned that idea by the time she became first in line.

Will and Austin could become next in line if Apollo legitimizes them (natural-born kids can be legitimized in a legal process; Aphrodite legitimized all her kids). but becoming the duke is Austin’s worst nightmare tbh and Will wouldn’t be able to take over the duchy while married to Nico.

if Kayla did decide to join the sorority, the duchy would go to the next person in line: everybody’s favorite guy, Octavian.

I did have the idea that Nico would offer to have the marriage annulled so that Will could take care of his family, since Austin had no interest in becoming the duke and Kayla (they thought) wanted to be a soror. of course this made Will angry:

Nico swallowed thickly.  “Perhaps...perhaps if it comes to that, you and I will have to...annul the marriage.”  Will, in the eyes of the Juvian Empire, was a Pluton now.  Only an annulment would change that.  And later, if Will became the duke, he would need an opposite-sex marriage to create a more legitimate heir than Octavian. Will rubbed his temple.  “No.  No, I...Nico, there will be another solution.” Nico nodded in silence.  He watched the curve of Will’s face and the occasional blink of his eyes as Will sat in deep, solemn thought.  He did not share those thoughts with Nico.

...

After several moments of silence fell between them, Nico cleared his throat.  “Have you given any thought to what I said last night? Will ground his teeth without replying.  He did not want to think of it. When Will gave no answer, Nico said, “Will, if it comes to it and you want an annulment, I would support you.” “We can’t,” Will said, just as he had the day before.   “I won’t allow it to come to that.” “But Will, if it’s best for Diana--” “What about what’s best for me, Nico?” Will interrupted softly.  “Had you thought of that?  Maybe an annulment wouldn’t be as hard for you as it would be for me.  You’re a prince; you could just find another duke’s bastard to marry.  But as for me?  I’ll find a wife — a countess, most likely.  Someone to build a family line with.  I’d never have a marriage as advantageous as this one.  I could never have a life like the one you’ve given me.  You could easily find someone as good as me to marry -- probably better.  But I would be forever miserable, knowing the life and the man I left behind.  How could I leave the palace and its wonders, or your sister and my dear Bonnie?  How could I abandon Pluto and the people I have adopted as my own?  How could I ever smile again?  How could I ever lie with anyone when I know what it’s like to lie with you?  I could never be so happy with anyone else -- yes, because of the things your status enables me to do and the people it lets me help, but also because of my love for you.” “Will--” “But by all means, if our marriage means so little to you, then perhaps an annulment would be best, should it come to that.” “Will, stop this.  I did not mean it that way and you are fully aware of it.” “Am I?  You suggested it so casually.” “Casually?  You think I am casual about the possibility of ending our marriage?” “It wouldn’t be the first time that our marriage meant less to you than it did to me.” “Will, I’m offering for you.  I suggested it not because our marriage means little to me, but because you mean more to me than our marriage.  If you needed it, I would make that sacrifice.  Do you truly believe that I could replace you so easily?  I wouldn’t see another suitor as long as I live.  You are the only one who wants me.” “You know very well that’s a lie--” “It isn’t,” Nico insisted.  “You were the only one who ever told me you wanted to see me again.  You were the only one to smile at me and the only one who always looked happy to see me.  No one wants me, Will.  I have a terrible temper, my father’s kingdom is in debt, and anyone who could possibly help would never agree to a marriage because I have nothing to offer but a name.  I was refused by everyone who I ever tried to court -- except you.”  Nico folded his arms in front of himself, looking very small and cold and afraid.  “I don’t want to marry anyone else.  Not when I know what it’s like to have someone as wonderful as you.  I am completely yours, Will.  I always will be.”

...

“I lost my brothers, Nico.  I cannot lose my husband, too.”

but Will did bring this up with his family later on while they were discussing what to do next:

Will took a breath.  “Nico and I have discussed annulling the marriage,” he said.  “Should Kayla join the Sorority, His Highness would be willing to part amicably.  I...I have told him no, but if it is what is best--” “Don’t be stupid, Will,” Kayla cut in.  “How could I ask that of you?  I will not be joining the Sorority.” “Kayla, it has been your aspiration for years--” “When I was a child,” Kayla said.  “This is my duty now.  Your duty is to your husband.”

however...the family thought there was another option:

“There won’t be any need for that,” Lou Ellen said quietly.  Will noticed her hands shaking.  “Lee and I planned to tell you that night.  I’m expecting a baby.”

Lou Ellen and Lee's baby would have had a better claim to the duchy than Kayla. so Will reported this to NIco:

“Lou Ellen is expecting,” Will said stiffly.   “She is?  Oh, Will, I--” “So you can forget all your ridiculous notions of annulling our marriage,” Will interrupted. “I already have,” Nico answered.

unfortunately, the baby was stillborn, so Kayla stayed next in line.

(the big am au file is so massive that the app kept crashing on my phone so I had to find all this on my computer)

some other excerpts from the "Will's brothers die and everything goes to shit" fic because I can't help myself I NEED someone to read this because I'm never going to get around to writing this:

(note that I wrote all this before deciding that Will was enby so if you see any mistakes, that's why)

“Will...” Nico started.  “If there is anything you need, ask for it.” “I need my brothers,” Will whispered. Nico closed his eyes.  He still remembered hearing about Bianca’s death.  He remembered the fear that rattled his body at the thought of succession.  He remembered the confusion, the anger, the guilt.... Truth be told, he still felt that way. Will blamed himself, Nico knew.  They had been the targets of the assassination, not Lee and Michael.  But Will and Nico had been off on their own, enjoying each other like two foolish young lovers. No, that wasn’t true.  It had been Nico -- Nico was the person who was meant to be assassinated, not Will.  Oh, how Will must despise him.... “Will, I....”  Nico did not know what to say.  An apology did not seem to suit the situation.  Will would not want an apology. “I would like to sleep in my own room tonight,” Will said softly.

...

Will hardly slept, but did not venture from his bed until after the sun had risen.  He felt terribly alone and for a moment, he regretted his decision to sleep by himself.  But no, he did not wish to burden his husband with his grief.  His restlessness would have kept Nico from sleeping. He pulled his dressing gown over his nightclothes and stepped into a pair of silk slippers before leaving his room.  He found his husband seated outside.  Nico rose to his feet when he saw Will, as though he owed Will that respect. “I was thinking of waking you,” Nico said.  “Chiron came by.  I told him we would take our breakfast here.  Would you prefer otherwise?” “No,” Will said without feeling, taking a seat on the couch by the fire.  “That will do, thank you.”  He realized he sounded as though he were dismissing a servant after the words left his mouth, but Nico did not appear to take offense.  He merely reclaimed his seat in silence, and they did not speak until their breakfast arrived. “I have no appetite,” Will said when Nico offered to fix him a plate from the tray of cuts. “Would you please try to eat?” Nico asked.  “At least a bit?” Will hesitated before nodding his consent.  Nico prepared him a plate and sat with him on the couch, where he cut Will’s meat for him and even brought it to Will’s lips like Will was little more than a helpless child. Will felt like a helpless child. “No more,” Will said a little while later, when Nico offered him another bite.  Nico nodded and took the plate away.  He did not get a plate for himself before sitting beside Will again, but Will did not have the energy to question him.

...

Will turned back to his father and stepmother and saw that their heads were bowed together, their fingers loosely linked between them.  He couldn’t recall ever seeing them be physically affectionate with each other, even in his childhood.  They avoided speaking to each other or even being in the same room if they were able to.  A part of him suspected that Kayla was natural-born, as well -- a child of Daphne and one of her favorites.  But it was not the time for questioning Kayla's legitimacy.  That time would never come.  If Kayla was natural-born, the secret would die with Daphne and Apollo.  Will turned away and left the room.

...

“Would you come to bed with me?” Nico asked, his hands shaking in his lap. “I would like to sleep alone,” Will said. Nico closed his eyes and forced himself to remain composed.  It was selfish of him to want Will to himself.  Will was hurting and Nico had no right to impose if he wasn't wanted.  And, after all, why would Will want him?  It was Nico's fault his brothers were dead.  “I...of course.  Of course.” Will remained still, his hands unmoving and his eyes unseeing, as Nico stood to retire to his bed. “Will, my love?” he said. Will glanced at him. “You must know that should you need me, my door is always open to you.” Will nodded in silence. “Sleep well, dearest,” Nico said.  He received no answer before he closed the door to his room.

...

“I would like to sleep in my own room,” Will whispered. Nico took a deep breath.  “Then may I join you?” he asked. He rarely stayed in Will’s room.  When they slept together, it was always in Nico’s.  It had become a habit; they naturally went to Nico’s room to sleep.  Nico had never questioned it before, but now he wondered why that was. Will stared at him without answering.  Nico said, “Never mind, my dear.” Nico turned to walk into his own room, but he heard Will stand and whisper, “Wait.” Nico turned back and Will dropped his gaze.  “Would you stay with me?” he asked softly. “Of course I will,” Nico answered.  “Anything you want.”

...

“I feel better when you hold me.” “Then why did you want to sleep alone?” At first, Will said nothing.  But then— “Because I didn’t want you to see me cry,” Will whispered.

...

“Are you angry?  Do you blame me?” Will’s arms tightened around Nico’s waist and he buried his face in Nico’s chest.  “I don’t want to,” he said softly. “But you do.” Tears stung Will’s eyes.  “I love you so much,” he said, his voice cracking with tears.  “I’m so sorry, Nico, I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t blame you this way.” Nico kissed the crown of Will’s head.  “I blame myself, as well.” “I know,” Will said, his body starting to shake with sobs.  “I...I hate this, Nico.  I don’t understand any of it.  I wake up every morning and think about something I have to tell them, but they’re not here, or I think about how I will miss them when we go home, but I will miss them forever.” “Will--” “Gods above, don’t ever leave me, Nico.  Don’t ever make me feel this way.”

...

“I hate this, Nico.  I love you so much, but I can’t...I can’t even look at you without thinking that it’s our fault my brothers are dead.  They took my brothers from me.  They want to take you from me.  And I feel like they’ve torn this divide between us, like we were good and pure and they ruined it with stains of blood.  They’ve taken my family from me.  They’ve taken my love for you and twisted it into something so confusing I can’t make sense of it.”

...

“I think you should return to Pluto.” “Yes.” “And I will remain here.  Until things have begun to settle, I must stay with my family.  I will see Lou Ellen through her pregnancy and ensure the baby's health.” “Then I suppose we will not see each other for a very long time.” “No.  It may even take a year.” “It...it won’t be easy for me.” “It won’t be easy for me, either.  But perhaps it’s for the best.  Being apart...it will give me a chance to think this over.  I need time to mourn and heal with my family.” “And you’ll come back home to me?” “Yes,” Will said.  “I always will.  Do you trust me?” “Yes, of course.  But I’m still afraid.” “So am I.” “We’ll write to each other,” Nico said, lacing his fingers through Will’s.  “Just like when we were courting.” Will smiled.  But it wouldn’t be like when they were courting.  They both knew that. “Will you still love me when I see you again?” Nico whispered. “I don’t know what it’s like to not love you.” “Well, I hope you don’t learn.” “I don’t think I can.”

...

“Write to me.  Write to me whenever you are able.” “I will.” “And be there for me to come home to.” “I’ll be waiting.” “Give Bonnie my love.” “Always.” “And kiss your sister for me.” “Of course.”

...

“You have a son, Lou,” Will said.  “Would you like to hold him?” “I…” Lou Ellen stopped and sobbed, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.  “I don’t...I don’t know.  I don’t know.” Will tried to hold his tears back for Lou Ellen’s sake.  She didn’t need to see him cry.  “Would you like me to tell you about him?” he asked.  Lou Ellen nodded to that, still sobbing quietly into her hand. Will swallowed and looked down at the lifeless baby in his arms.  “He’s beautiful,” Will said.  “He has two eyes and ten little fingers.  He has your dark hair, but his complexion is more tan like Lee’s.  He looks so peaceful, Lou.”  Will had to stop talking to keep his voice from cracking.  He didn’t know what else to say.  How could he describe this wonderful, horrible gift? “May I hold him?” Lou Ellen asked shakily. “Of course,” Will croaked, going to her bedside and passing her the baby. Lou Ellen was silent for a long time.  She gently touched the curve of his cheek and ran her fingers over the thin hair on his head. “He looks like he’s sleeping,” Lou Ellen finally whispered.

...

The baby was stillborn, Will wrote.  I am coming home.  Lou Ellen will accompany me. He didn’t know what else to say, so he folded the letter in an envelope and sealed it.

...

“Will,” Nico whispered, not sure if he was welcome at all.  He wanted to cradle Will’s face in his hands, to brush his fingers over Will’s cheeks and memorize his lines again.  Had Will changed?  How much had he aged?  How much had Nico missed out on?  “I missed you.” It seemed like such an understatement.  Nico had felt like a part of himself was gone.  He’d felt hollow without Will.  His bed had been empty — no Will, no Asterion...Bonnie sometimes followed him to bed and spent the night with him, but more often than not, she stayed with Hazel. The corner of Will’s mouth quirked up so subtly that Nico would have missed it had he not been looking for it.  “I missed you,” he whispered back, and then suddenly they were both rushing across the room to hold each other.

...

“Will things ever be the same between us?” Nico asked in a whisper. “No,” Will answered.  “But I love you, Nico.  We will heal and grow, and you and I will become stronger than we ever were.” “Then you don’t hate me?” Nico asked, despising the pathetic taste of those words on his tongue. “Nico, my darling prince,” Will said, slowly turning to face him.  “Do you really believe that I could ever hate you?” Nico swallowed.  “I don’t know, Will.  I really don’t.  I don’t know anything anymore.” Will took Nico’s chin in his and tilted his head up, forcing Nico to meet his eyes.  “Well, I don’t hate you.  And I never will.  I will love you through anything, Nico.  Through the coldest of winters and the darkest of nights, through ridiculous arguments and petty misunderstandings, through the best days of our lives and through the worst.  I will love you when you are weak and when you are strong, when you are stubborn and obstinate and when you are sweet and kind.  I will love you when you push me off the bed in your sleep and I will love you when I wake up in your arms in the morning.”

[darklinaforever]

Why do u think of the theory that Aemond actually cares for Helena and the kids are his? I actually wouldn’t mind it because he might be more tolerable. Helena is the only likable green at all. Like it would add some humanity to him that wouldn’t be annoying or bad writing. Maybe… and the irony that he killed Luc and we don’t know if the Blacks would know the son is Aeomond’s… Team Black ONLY: thoughts??

Frankly, for the book, this theory is clearly a throwaway.

But it could be possible in the show given how these writers do anything, and the fact that technically it could clearly work with what was briefly shown in season 1.

Already there is the fact that it was Helaena specifically who prophesied that Aemond would lose an eye. We are introduced that she is a dreamer through Aemond.

Also Aemond did not seem at all against the idea of ​���marrying Helaena and did not seem to like how Aegon II spoke of her.

Generally speaking, Helaena is always placed next to Aemond.

Without forgetting the moment where Jace invites Helaena to dance which seems to annoy him, even if this is also the case for Aegon II and it is probably due to a simple rivalry between Aemond and the Velaryon boys, but compiled by the rest that may raise questions.

There are also these weird scenes in episode 9 where Helaena catches Aemond's look when he enters the room.

And then she always seems close to him during the coronation of Aegon II, still leaning towards Aemond.

Plus the fact that she seems to caress / touch his arm when Rhaenys attacks.

It could clearly make it into the show.

I am both for and against. Already I am against because of the book. More whitewashing for Aemond in the show...

But on the other hand, I could agree that already, at least Helaena could have had a little respite by having her children with someone 'one she likes.

And then also, the Green stans could no longer open up about the fact that the Velaryons boys are illegitimate children or about the fact that there is no incest in their team (at least consented and therefore abominable according to their term, even if Aegon II has already made sexual advances towards Baela who is his family, so still incest, but hey, apparently Aegon II is against incest ! 😂).

Honestly, I think if that happened it would just make me laugh.

And I would love to see Alicent's reaction to this, she who harassed Rhaenyra for years for not having her children with Laenor when her own daughter would have done the same.

That would be delicious.

Although I know some green stans would love to see Helaena & Aemond perform. Again, not really consistent with most of their initial comments but hey ! It's not like we should look for logic in the Green stans after all, or even in the basic HOTD show...

In any case, I will always choose Helaemond if they want to do something "romantic" with the character of Aemond, to avoid dealing with the romanticization of Alysmond... Definitely a woman that Aemond raped, since he took her as a prize of war, and it disgusts me to see this being romanticized.

But anyway, in the sole context of HOTD with what season 1 gave us, yes, Aemond being the father of Helaena's children could totally pass if that's what the writers want to do.

But honestly, Helaemond shp is just a pale copy of the Aemon & Naerys relationship in my eyes.

[petz5]

You’re like the only account that I care about Ranma takes, thoughts on new Ranma anime?

Sorry for responding late but so far I really really like it!! I WAS nervous (and still sorta am) abt the pacing bc like..... How do you take 20 episodes (technically 21 but i didnt count the clip show) and make it 12... but so far it's done a good job of not cutting down anything significant enough to really hinder my enjoyment

I will say I am extremely frustrated w the state of the tv industry as a whole because as gorgeous as the remake is i DO like that the original was allowed to breathe. I know people go "but there was so much filler!!!" but i think its important to remember it was being made concurrently with the manga and you really HAVE to create filler if you catch up... but I also don't dislike filler episodes as a concept nor do i dislike the vast majority of the ranma ones or feel they're wildly ooc 🤷 i don't consider them "noncanon" (outside of the stupid ova where soun has illegitimate kids) i just think of them as events that occur between chapters. Sorry i didn't mean to go on a filler rant THE POINT IS I HATE THE 12 EP SEASON MODEL W ALL MY HEART. It works for short series and it would work okay for longer ones....if and only if there was a guarantee that it would get picked up for several more seasons

My fear is it'll either be a second incomplete anime or get the urusei yatsura allstars treatment of having the middle pretty much gutted just for the sake of being able to reach the end. I don't give a shit about seeing saffron if you aren't going to take the time to make akane's sacrifice really mean anything to the viewer. You know? Part of why it's such an effective gutpunch in the manga is because you're sort of in ranma's shoes- she has been there right from the beginning, you expect her to be present and involved, and you just assume she's always going to be there. When that's ripped away it definitely hurts to see how much it affects ranma, but it's also a loss for the viewer because, love her or hate her, you've spent SO many hours with this character by that point. I worry if you just.... take out huge chunks of the middle it won't have the same impact. I know it's a long series, but idk I kinda think if you don't spend the time then her death is more "oh no :( thats sad" in a way thats still real like mufasa or bambi's mom, but not the same as idk...... jack in titanic?

Also i'm torn on the line from akane in the second ep being changed where she's saying she doesn't want people thinking she's a pervert for being engaged to a girl to "i don't want people thinking i'm a perv who walks in on people when they're taking a bath" like.... obv i'm not mad they're trying to tone down the homophobia, and i don't have any faith a modern audience would understand that she has internalized homophobia she needs to work through- or that people in the 80s/90s were flat out saying aids was divine punishment so you probably didn't wanna advertise that you're lgbt... i totally understand the change and don't have a real problem w it but also i do think having to come to terms w the fact she's attracted to ranma regardless of the curse, if not (at least initially) BECAUSE of it, is a big part of her character development and i'm curious how an akane more relaxed from the start about being wlw is gonna feel

[lokiinmediasideblog]

Because I'm Bored:

Where do I rank in terms of MCU Loki Apologism?

Things I think Loki was justified in doing:

1. Killing Laufey-For all he knows, this was the man that abandoned him to die from exposure. This is revenge in its purest form and ALSO a way to show his loyalty to Asgard and Odin. And based on the original script, Loki was illegitimate and an unwanted runt abandoned to die (I also think he is not fully Jotun, and I think this played into WHY he was abandoned).

2.Lying to Thor about Odin’s death and his banishment-Loki just discovered he is a Frost Giant, like the ones Thor swore to kill, has been shown to have killed at the slightest provocation, and Asgard thinks of as monsters. Making sure Thor does not return is self-preservation. As a closeted person, I find the idea that Loki should have told Thor or known he would understand, ridiculous.Have you all not heard of living situations with bigoted relatives with a history of violence?

3. Nearly killing Thor with the Destroyer-Notice his previous attempt to keep Thor away did not involve violence and would have sufficed if Thor’s friends had not interfered… Say you have a brother that hates people like you, with a history of violent behavior towards people like you, and with the ability to fry the fuck out of you or smash you into puree with his magic hammer. Would you like to have that brother around?

4. Impersonating Odin and sending Odin to a retirement home-It’s self-preservation. Frigga’s no longer there to plead for his life. And I find it hilarious he was the only one to give Odin a taste of his own medicine. GOOD FOR HER! And how the fuck would he have known about Hela? Odin had been able to break through Loki’s magic, but he just decided to chill on Earth for some reason, and dump Hela’s existence on them.

By the way, I saw an interesting theory that Odin remained on Earth to strand Hela on Midgard so that she’d lay waste to Midgard instead of Asgard, but Loki calling the Bifrost changed that, ironically saving Earth and dooming Asgard. Technically, that would mean Loki unknowingly doomed Asgard, but I am not mad. How much like Odin to shuck his problems away for others to deal with.

5.Escaping from the TVA the first chance he gets. Self-preservation.

6. Being the Villain. Technically, that’s the TVA’s fault. They’ve pruned Lokis whenever they veer away from their ordained path. LOL I feel like Villain PR saying this and I am laughing my ass off. And although it’s for shits and giggles, it’s technically true in the MCU?

Loki’s not justified in:

1. Letting the Jotuns in for shits and giggles. I have seen way to many people claim it’s because he cared for Asgard, and that’s bullshit. He was jealous of Thor and he has no qualms sacrificing others (like the handful of dead guards and Jotuns) to fulfill his plans.

2.Attempted genocide of Jotunheim. Self-explanatory. He was only wronged by one Jotun, not the entire realm, and even if the entire realm had wronged him, genocide is NEVER a warranted option.

3. Cutting Sif’s hair. That’s just unnecessarily cruel. I headcannon he likes to sabotage relationships.

4. The attempted betrayal at Sakaar. Not sure what was going on through his head at that point. I think he got angry because Thor compared him to Sakaar, which he actually hates, and seemed to have given up on him. Or does he think keeping Thor and himself on Sakaar will keep them safer because they won’t confront Hela? I will go with a bit of both. I could DEFINITELY go into Villain PR mode and argue he was justified in trying to keep Thor “safe” in Sakaar because the Revengers didn’t really have a plan other than “go back to Asgard and try to fight Hela and die trying”. But I still don’t personally think it was “justified.”

5. Stabbing Thor. I just included it because it’s not justified based on context, since it came out of nowhere. But I would not use it to condemn how “Evil” Loki has ALWAYS BEEN in those posts complaining about Loki’s woobification. I would need more context on how grave an injury that would be for Asgardians. Is it some typical childhood game/fights wound? Asgardians survive being Hulk smashed, the void, impaled, and a freaking Neutron star. A stab seems like a slap in comparison. It has the same level of justification as slapping your sibling in the face when you were a kid. Unjustified, but not a big deal.

Things I am on the fence about:

1. Whatever the fuck happened for him to end up with Thanos. It’s unclear how much was him and how much was the mind stone, coercion, or some other kind of mindfuckery (there are altered memories (being yeeted by Thor into the Void rather than letting go) and that scene with the Other implying threats, past torture, psychic pain, or future torture). I think he wasn’t exactly innocent nor entirely willing. I think he saw Earth as his brother’s ant farm that he will fuck around with out of revenge, he approached Thanos willingly, but then the Black Order gained too much leverage and control on him, and the situation snowballed out of his control into an avalanche.

Another head-cannon I have is that Loki actually died in the void, but was brought back from Hel. He was willing to do anything to avoid returning there, and it’s why he made sure to try to die in battle in TDW and IW. The need to avoid Hel cultivated a fucked up sense of gratefulness and vulnerability that was exploited by the Black Order (maybe I will write it sometime). I think this because him and Thanos talk too much about resurrections and dying multiple times. Either of my Head cannons imply threats and therefore coercion, even if the Word-Of-God mind stone influence is not involved. But we also don’t know the how and why Loki ended up with Thanos.

2. I don’t think I can blame him for Frigga’s death. I know he blames himself, and he definitely had some malicious intent when giving directions (not towards Frigga). Giving someone the directions to the stairs shouldn’t exactly change much? It’s not like he plotted with the Dark Elves and disabled Asgard’s defenses. The elves were tracking the Aether and would have found it eventually, and Frigga was protecting Jane and willing to sacrifice herself for Jane. Frigga’s death is more on Jane for being reckless and fucking around with unknown phenomena without a scrap of PPE or caution, becoming a mcguffin for the film’s entirety. Jane has the common sense of white people from horror movies. Woman has no braincells. There, I fucking said it.

3. I don’t know how to feel about the opening scene in IW and I hate it. I just think it was a terrible plan and a waste of character development. And we don’t even know if it had any significant positive effects. It was both self-sacrificial and selfish nonetheless. Did it keep Thanos from killing more Asgardians? Did it only save Thor, and was that the only thing Loki cared about? If so, Loki sacrificed the entire universe for his brother. Very in-character, but it was a waste of sacred timeline Loki.

Things other people were justified in:

1. Heimdall being suspicious of Loki and attempting to behead Loki as the king regent. Heimdall was suspicious of the blind spots in his vision. Who can hide from him? Loki. And then he caught Loki quite red-handed.

2. I don’t know why Thor gets so much shit for not knowing what’s up with Loki in Avengers, and I doubt he could help him or that Loki thinks he would or could help him in the first place.

3. The Hulk giving him the ragdoll treatment. It’s hilarious and the best part of the movie. And I mean, he did wreak havoc in NYC.

4. Thor electrocuting Loki in Ragnarok. Loki was about to betray Thor. And again, they are pretty hardy. Loki survived the Hulk, the void, and impalement. Enough said. Could this have ended horribly for Loki? Of course and there are wonderful DEAD DOVE fics about it.

5. Sylvie being angry after he broke the Tempad and got drunk. Self-explanatory. How the fuck does this ever get called “abusive”? They both could have died because of Loki's tomfoolery.

6. Sylvie killing HWR and sending Loki away. It was not “abusive”, she’s barely known Loki for IDK how long. Compare that to having a goal for millenia. And she sent him away because she didn’t want to kill him.

7. Sif kicking him ONCE like it happened in the original timeline because he cut her hair. Self explanatory, and kinda eye for an eye. But what the TVA did was just cruel and unnecessary (and basically torture).

LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANY MISDEEDS

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: In Want of a Viscount by Lorraine Heath

4.5/5. Releases 2/20/2024.

Vibes: a genuine good guy hero, Business Bitches, sex beyond p -> v, and a mind for business with a bod for sin!!!!!

Heat Index: 6/10

The Viscount of Wyeth--AKA Rook, because Chessmen: MASTERS OF SEDUCTION!!!, the greatest series title of all time--is known for having a keen eye for investments. What he isn't known for is raking about town, because he's determined to be different from his horrible father, a man more known for the illegitimate children he abandoned (or worse) than anything else. But a chance, anonymous encounter with a mysterious young woman has his strict sense of self-control shaken... until he realizes that she's the American Leonora Garrison, a secret businesswoman who's accompanied her less-talented brother on a hunt for investors. Like Rook! They try to keep it strictly professional--but their attraction to each other could ruin Leonora's dreams before they come to fruition.

Look man, it's Lorraine Heath. She knows what the fuck she's doing, always. This is one of her less dramatic romances, I would say, but the character beats and the swoony "oh my god we're falling in love" of it all is unmatched. It's not so much about twists and tricks as it is about Rook and Leonora falling deeply in love, with a pitch-perfect ramp up of sexual tension that culminates in the best way possible. I can be persnickety about a slow burn--but Lorraine proves that when the author is talented, it works HARD.

Quick Takes:

--You absolutely can read this as a standalone, but I am glad that I went back and read Lorraine's Sins for All Seasons series first. For one thing, that series is just great, and everyone should read it. For another, Rook is technically introduced in The Duchess in His Bed, starring his illegitimate brother Aiden Trewlove (his other illegitimate brother, Finn Trewlove, is the hero of The Scoundrel in Her Bed, one of my most recent Lorraine favorites). There is a good bit of layering of Rook's backstory related to their father, and if you're intrigued by that after reading this--you probably will be, it's fascinating--absolutely check that series out.

In a lot of ways, this felt like an emotional culmination. You really see how Rook has matured here, and is so valiantly trying to reach his own impossible standards. He's very literally atoning for the sins of his father, and it kind of breaks your heart. On the bright side, however, this brings in not only the Trewloves but some cameos from Lorraine's Stanwick books... and I'm never mad at that!

--Going back to Rook, though... He really is a good dude. And I'm a tough sell on a good guy hero. I feel like a lot of authors write them simply to keep stories uncomplicated, and not because they actually care about the characterization. The thing is--Lorraine has always been one of the only authors who nails a good guy hero every time. Because characterization? It's her thing.

You feel that Rook is deeply good, and you feel exactly how deeply he believes in his efforts to be morally upright and restrained. He's taken responsibility for a lot of things that really have nothing to do with him. However, it's also clear that a part of growing up that he hasn't quite confronted is like... admitting that he's human. He wants things. He wants sex. And it's honestly really fun to see him become this horny mess over Leonora.

--Leonora is the kind of heroine we really don't get enough of in historicals. She's kind of nerdy, but it's really most of a "business bitch" kind of nerdy. And I think that gels really well with where she's coming from--this bustling Gilded Age America where there's a lot of risk and a lot of (potential) reward. But this is about more than just gambling on a dream--it's about keeping her father's memory alive. That alone really ups the stakes here.

I also loved how geeky she was about taking things apart (literally) and how much that amused Rook.

--Lorraine Heath watches The Gilded Age (although literally anything she's written ever in her life blows that show out of the water). You can absolutely tell. Leonora's mother is right out of the Bertha Russell playbook. She wants to get into Mrs. Astor's ballroom!!! And yes, she will be a total asshole to get there if necessary!!!

I actually really loved that Rook and Leonora could subtly bond over having shitty parents, even if Leonora's mother wasn't on the level of Rook's father. It was one of those moments of commiseration.

--Okay, so... the scene where Rook caresses Leonora's foot while "inspecting her shoe for pebbles" is everything it's cracked up to be, and it is further evidence that deep within every Lorraine Heath hero is a Thing for Feet.

The Sex:

I loved how sex was approached in this one. Because Rook is so worried about fathering bastards like his father did, he's very reluctant to sleep around, and when he does, he places a HUGE emphasis on non-penetrative sex. In other words, as he amazingly put it to Leonora in one of my favorite scenes in the book:"fucking without fucking".

In romance in general, but perhaps especially in het books, and especially in historicals, penetrative sex is seen as the end-all be-all. I loved having a historical romance hero who really was more about.... other things. Especially things centering Leonora's pleasure. Like, it does drag out the sexual tension. And I really do love it when a hero who thinks he's Got It Together finds out he Most Definitely Doesn't (... which.... a rude awakening for our boy Rook).

While this is definitely one of Lorraine's softer books, it's also one of her more character-focused ones. It's sweepingly romantic, it's about breaking cycles and recovering from emotional trauma, and it's definitely for the "ridiculous amount of sexual tension in the best possible way" girlies.

Thanks to Netgalley and Avon for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Preorder:

Amazon

B&N

Bookshop.org

[horizon-verizon]

Hello, I just found your blog and I am slowly going through the Characterizations Tag So sorry if you've already answered this but:

In a post that analyzes Corlys1x10 you analyze how grandchildren refers specifically to the girls Baela and Rhaena. That made me feel less crazy because it seems that because the show leaned so heavily on the "illegitimate" status of Rhaenyra's children and grouped the girls with their grandfather instead of their father... I never know how to read the dynamics of power between them.My questions are: Don't you think he was including the boys? and how do you see C&R's relationship with his FIVE grandchildren on the show and how much power did they have over them? For example, did they have a say in Baela's marriages since she was their pupil? What about Luke and Joff who would keep the Velaryon name? Is the head of their family Corlys or Rhaenyra?

Perhaps anon is talking about this post.

It's important to note that OFFICIALLY, the HotD writers consider their story "a different canon", especially after GRRM has recently conflicted against his earlier blog statement of that "only the books are canon" to say that the show and books are their own separate "canon" stories by not providing a breakdown of how this affects how people will look at the original story. I have described HotD as bad AU fanfiction trying to disguise itself as a new refreshing outlook of the original story.

A)

No, he wasn't including the 3 Velaryon boys. While their last names are "Velayron", his authority over their lives does not supersede Viserys' nor Rhaenyra's.

Jace, Luke, and Joff are all technically a part of the Velaryon house AND a part of the Targaryen house simultaneously because of them being royal heirs--Jace definitely being the heir to the future Queen and the rest of the boys being "jic heirs" or spares while show!Luke was to inherit Driftmark.

Book!Luke seemed that way as Corlys accepted him as his grandchild and married Laenor to Rhaenyra for the purpose of having two heirs through Laenor (male line) simultaneously: an heir for the throne and an heir to Driftmark. That's because the Targs outrank him, he himself seemed to negotiate w/Viserys for it, and the Targs needed heirs from Rhaenyra above all.

Baela and Rhaena, however, cannot be understood as "Velaryons" or a part of their house. Though they have a Velaryon mother, Corlys obviously wanted male heirs, no royal proclamation announced that they should inherit before the Velaryon boys for the throne, AND it is custom and inherent to this society that when children are born they take their father's house' identity, are members of his house, take his surname and are a part of their father's lineage...not their mother's. The Velaryon boys are an exception in this patriarchal world. They twins are of House Targaryen, they "belong" to House Targaryen, and they are considered members of "House Targaryen" while also having "weaker" Velaryon claims from their mother being of Velaryon.

Corlys definitely seemed to love all his grandkids, but when we are talking politics, nah he doesn't have the same type of authority over the boys' lives as Viserys does over Rhaenyra.

Corlys also never announced that either granddaughter would inherit Drfitmark independently in either book or show *EDIT 10/30/24* he privately offers it up to Baela only as a gotcha against Rhaenyra. *END OF EDIT*. And in the show, he explicitly says that Lucerys is his heir.

In the book, while his granddaughters are alive, he wanted and got Rhaenyra to name his bastard "grandsons" Velaryons so that they could inherit Driftmark, showing his preference for males and not wanting his granddaughters to inherit. Girls are seen as "last resort" or "avenues" to succession of power most of the time.

Show!Baela wasn't a pupil, she was their ward. In real Western societies--not Westeros-- "wards" are those you take into your care as if you were their parent or main caregiver while a pupil is just a person you teach a skill, practice, etc. like a student. A pupil typically does not live with you and under your care.

And having wards in the modern sense is not like the practice called "fosterage" in Westeros, where the fostered persons usually come from different houses for the sake of a future alliance or strengthening an existing one. Westerosi people call those they foster "wards", but those kids whose parents gave them for alliances and deals and after losing certain confrontations are either still alive or the house of the fostered child still exists.

Whereas in modern societies, a ward has no potential caregiver or authority outside of the person/host taking care of them. "Wards" who are fosters in Westeros are supposed to be able to go back to their parents/houses at some point--they never lose their official tie and House name.

Daenaera was not a true "foster-ward" in the Westerosi sense, just a ward in the real-life modern sense. A ward of Baela and Alyn Velaryon, bc her parents were dead and she is already a Velaryon. So again, she was their "ward" but not their foster-ward even when she is called a "ward" in canon. *(End of Self Correction)*

Modern western societies' wards have no bio family who can take care of them, while fostered youths almost always have family/a house who could take care of them but they aren't under their roofs because the parents/adults/authorities arranged a deal for other political reasons (So Spake Martin).

The fostered are also usually not closely blood-related to the host. In fact, it seems that the more distanced and unrelated, the better and sought-after wards, as the point is to make and encourage future better relations/an alliance between the two houses that are not already bound by blood: the one giving the child and the one receiving them. Or the fostered child is given to appease the more powerful host after a conflict or confrontation or to demonstrate the giver's submission (the Stark and Theon Greyjoy). Bk!Daeron the Daring maybe another exception, as he goes to be cupbearer and squire to Ormund Hightower, Alicent's cousin by being Otto's older brother's son. this isn't as close as a grandfather-granddaughter relationship, but now we might be splitting hairs.

Thus wards and fostered people have no real or accepted rights to inherit anything reserved to their host's family or house, much less the house & household or authority over it. Hosts do not have any official say as to who their fostered wards marry bc they are of different houses and they cannot supersede the head's wishes. They can definitely influence and if they are powerful enough or if the fostered child was given for appeasement/after a lost conflict then the host has more say, but their word is usually not final and they do not make the arrangements so much as probably suggest some. Fostered wards, once they go into their age of majority, can go and come as they please. At the same time, it isn't wise to go directly against your host/your child's host's political desires.

However, show!Baela is directly/closely related to her "host", to Corlys by being his granddaughter. She has been fostered for no real, conventional, or logical explanation since Show!Corlys already assured a link b/t Velaryon and Targs through the marriage b/t Laenor & Rhaenyra, has male heirs through Lucerys and Joffrey, AND has visibly accepted them as his heirs. He had explicitly already arranged so with Viserys before their kids married. *EDIT 10/30/24* AND we're not given an explanation for why Rhaenyra and Daemon would allow Baela to go be "fostered" for most of her life with Corlys/Rhaenys without even a declaration of her even being his heir when Baela-at-Driftmark doesn't serve them and possibly they;d think it'd work agaisnt them, seeing as how Rhaenys blatantly thinks Daemon and Rhaenyra are responsible for Laenor's death.*END OF EDIT*

She is also simply is not part of that house nor an actual member, even though she can trace her link to the Velaryons through her mother by merely one generation. All this and this never happened in the original story...for a reason.

If we were to completely accept that Corlys felt that Baela should inherit despite all his actions showing that he wanted Luke, yeah it follows that he'd have more say than he'd actually have or should over who Baela marries. In fact, if he ever did name her with the monarch's/head of Targ's authority as he already agreed Jace would be King and Luke would be Lord of Driftmark, he'd have more authority regardless of what Daemon said.

HOWEVER, even in the show, it still doesn't make much sense because her father is still alive and is the customary person Corlys would have to look to decide things about bloodlines and inheritances regarding Baela (marriage is inherently tied to those things in such a feudal society, bc who you marry affects your access to positions and who your kids are also affects that) just as he had to with Rhaenyra through Viserys. He wouldn't be able to just pick a rando and tell Daemon and Rhaenyra she's marrying this dude and arrange for a wedding or anything like that without there being a discussion. In the book, no, he doesn't have an official say in who his granddaughters marry though because he is head of a powerful house, has a strong name, and is their biggest supporter/ally, he could have influenced the deciders through attractive suggestions, bribes, promises, etc. Daemon is the official one responsible and the one officially capable of allowing Baela & Rhaena to be married at all unless Viserys or Rhaenyra comes in and intercedes bc both outrank him (and I don't even think Daemon would care for that if he's convinced he knows better for his daughters, that's who Daemon is).

Yes the twins can still theoretically inherit if Corlys names them as his heirs, but they'd likely have to change their surnames and Daemon/Rhaenyra/Viserys would have to be part of the negotiations for their inheriting Driftmark and how and give enthusiastic permission. Jace would likely have changed his name to "Targaryen" once he actually ruled. If they ever were to inherit Driftmark, his brothers would keep their Velaryon names and Velaryon claims (look to #2 of point B below).

Even when Rhaenyra was married to Laenor, she never changed her name nor was she ever considered subordinate to Laenor because she was the heir to the throne. Even though princesses of the blood (Rhaenys, Rhaelle, etc.) have had the privileged option of changing their surname when marrying into a nonroyal house but still use and announce themselves as "of" their maiden house, Rhaenyra being the heir had a status and a rank that both trump Laenor's.

Noble women typically change their surnames to their husbands'. However, if their house happens to be of higher status or rank or whatever (specifically royal), they are more likely to just keep their names or keep them and take on their husbands simultaneously. Outside of Dorne, children do not typically take on their mother's surnames even when their mothers are heirs/ruling ladies. Rhaenyra is the exception bc a) heir-ness b) it was arranged for Jace to be king that way.

There are many Velaryon members who would theoretically inherit before either twin w/o there being negotiations bc they are Velaryons while the girls aren't (daughter/granddaughters-over-uncles doesn't apply here unless they are named as heirs). Yes, since his kids are marrying into the house AND the Targs are seeking an alliance w/him for the sake of Rhaenyra's birthright, Corlys had more influence in the arrangements over who will be named what and who will inherit what, etc. But since he's dealing with not only a separate house but the royal one, he also still cannot make certain demands without losing some privileges & benefits from marrying his kids into said house. Simultaneously, as he is the main ally for the royal's heirs, the crown does have to bend where it feels it can...which all implies NEGOTIATION.

The show would have us think that Baela being sent to "assist" Corlys and Rhaenys is some sort of "backup". The show contradicts itself by trying to provide "complexities", which is why you're probably having a tougher time reading the situation.

B)

1.

Viserys is both the head of state (Westeros) and the head of the Targaryen House. Corlys was the head of the entire house of Velaryon, but not the Targaryen House. There is Viserys/Rhaenyra's house and there is Corlys' house, who happen to share relatives and ancestors, but they do not occupy nor lead the same house.

While I can say that a "family" makes a feudal "house", it is still different from the type of "family" you are used to as a digital-age citizen. Whereas a "clan" is a collection of families who may or may not be related to the head/chieftain/etc. and have a broader sense of community, a "house" is from a much more hierarchal system whereby the "house" is of the main hereditary "family" and its subordinates. A "house" is made up of a hereditary head (lord or lady) with a title and land while having a lot of power and influence within the "family". A "house" maintains its overlordship over nearby lands and vassals who swear to follow the head of the house's military (& otherwise) orders and pay them some tax, and has an established "household": the social unit of not just blood relatives but the servants and other officers working for the head and their family. Therefore, "family" and "house" don't always mean the same thing, even with the many crossovers.

Corlys--as NOT the person who leads house Targaryen and is in charge of what their bloodline looks like--doesn't have the final say over said Targ bloodline and neither Rhaenyra nor Viserys gets the final, independent say over who inherits the Velaryon Driftmark seat (unless there's literally no one else).

2.

In Westeros, there is a custom of having a shared relative/outsider/official or prospective heir's surname changed to the surname of the house they are arranged to rule or have conquered/conquered by. Examples are Joffrey Lydden taking on the Lannister name from his wife so he could rule the house/the Kingdom of the Rock but not change its "identity" and recognized lineage (AWoIaF -- "The Westerlands") AND the accepted possibility of Beren Tallhart getting the Hornwood name upon inheriting the Hornwood lands (A Clash of Kings -- Chapter 16, Bran II).

It's not common, because people prefer to have a male heir born into the family to inherit the leadership of the said family and thus they will create/have other customs to direct events towards that end (limiting female mobility and sexual autonomy through virginity/chastity principles, the concept of bastardy, children taking the father's surname automatically, etc.).

[the-king-andthe-lionheart]

So basically Rhaenyra only deserves the throne and to fight for the throne if she’s only a feminist?  Is that what I’m getting here?  Rhaenyra doesn’t deserve the throne because she’s not a feminist, but Aegon, a literal drunkard rapist who watches his own bastard children fight to the death does deserve the throne?  And they are equally as bad?  Please remind me when Rhaenyra raped a servant?  Remind me when Rhaenyra placed her illegitimate children into a fighting ring to fight for the death?  Rhaenyra has literally done nothing that equalizes her “badness” to that of Aegon’s.  But considering you said this, apparently you are just admitting that you are equivalating Rhaenyra having sex out of marriage and having illegitimate children that she loves, are just as bad as being a rapist?  How is that not proving our point?  You’re a misogynist anon.  End of story.  Stop trying to defend yourself, because you played yourself.  “No, I’M nOT A miSOgyNiST, bUt i ThINk a wOmAN wHO haS sEX oUT Of WeDlocK and HAs ILleGITimAte ChILdrEn iS JUsT aS BaD as A RApISt”.  Go home.

Also, it’s hilarious that people think Rhaenyra has to be a feminist to be queen.  Do you all think that Queen Elizabeth I was a feminist?  Or even a proto-feminist?  Because she wasn’t.  She thought she was the exception to the rule, the exception to her gender.  She wouldn’t even let her male courtiers bring their wives to court, and no one could marry without her permission because she was a horribly jealous woman.  She sent people to prison for marrying behind her back.  She stabbed one of her ladies-in-waiting in the hand.  So if the real life Queen Elizabeth I could be a heinous internalized misogynist and still become queen and have a long and prosperous reign, then why can’t fictional Rhaenyra?  Because let’s face it, her behavior when she finally sat the throne was not her normal behavior.  She was grieving the loss of numerous children during the span of what? One and a half, two years?  And then when she got the throne the treasury was empty because the Greens stole everything from the Targaryen coffers.  These circumstances changes things and Rhaenyra still could have been a good queen if she wouldn’t have had anyone standing in her way to her rightful place on the throne, which is the right of every monarch - a peaceful transition to power.  I mean just the fact that her being able to peacefully ascend as queen would have set a precedent for more female rulers in Westeros if Rhaenyra was a good queen, and suffice it to say, nothing tells us she wouldn’t have been before the Dance began.

I am really getting sick of this moralizing in fandom.  “Boo-hoo the throne is corrupt, feudalism is corrupt, the monarch is corrupt!”  Yes, it is, but this isn’t real life and this is a story set in a feudalistic world, so who really cares when no matter what, someone is rooting for someone to be the head of another feudalistic house or the fucking king or queen of the realm.  This story, even the main story, is not going to end in democracy, or anything close to it.  It’s still going to be a monarchy.  We can hope the best people for the job will end up in the most powerful positions to create positive change, but that’s it.  The monarchy isn’t going anywhere.  (And before anyone tries to say that since this is a feudalistic world being depicted, Rhaenyra shouldn’t be queen, let me remind you that Queen’s, Mary I and Elizabeth I were queens during feudalism and they were both considered bastards at one point, and technically Elizabeth I was a bastard to every Catholic, so basically by the majority of Europeans.)

The problem with thinking that Team Black is the “feminist” side and Team Green is the “patriarchal” side, is that it ignores the fact that Rhaenyra is no feminist. She doesn’t care about the rights of any other women, she’s just fighting for the right to sit on the throne herself. The Greens are patriarchal but so is Rhaenyra, she just sees herself as the exception to patriarchal rules.

Therefore, both sides are bad because they ultimately wage war over the throne which causes the suffering of many smallfolk. The Greens may have started it but the Blacks certainly responded, and violently. So yes, I do see this story as “pick your favorite war criminal and enjoy the show.” Rhaenyra and Aegon both suck as human beings and as rulers, and the Targaryen monarchy as a whole shouldn’t exist in the first place. The iron throne is a symbol of oppression.

So I hope this gives you a better understanding for why some of us are Team Green. It’s not because we think women shouldn’t rule, we just happen to like the Green characters more and think Rhaenyra isn’t any better than Aegon. Aegon is a piece of shit but so is Rhaenyra. We aren’t here to claim our side is the most moral one, we just cheer for the Greens because we like them most not because we think they are the good guys.

The fandom would be so much less toxic if Team Black could do the same instead of trying to claim some moral high ground. We do admit that the show has being framing the Blacks as the “heroes” and the Greens as the “villains” but you guys have been able to identify other bad writing in the show before, surely you can identify that as bad writing as well.

"The problem with thinking that Team Black is the “feminist” side and Team Green is the “patriarchal” side, is that it ignores the fact that Rhaenyra is no feminist"

Stop right there. The entire basis of your argument is wrong, because nobody said that we like Rhaenyra cause she's feminist, nor that the Black side is the "feminist" side. Nobody even talked about feminism actually. We just talked about misogyny, because while feminism as a political ideology doesn't exist in universe, misogyny does. There are those who fight against it, for themselves, and those who weaponize it, for themselves again. You chose your side.

The fandom would be "much less toxic" nonnie if green stans and/or Targ antis like yourself never even existed because you're not supposed to exist.

Also let me do the math here : you think both are bad, "Rhaenyra isn't any better than Aegon" but you're team Green nonetheless? How did we get from A to B? Because "you like the Greens better", you mean because you find Olivia and Ewan hot. That's what you mean. Ok.

Also, just to clear things out, you claim you are not misogynist but you literally said, in that ask, that a woman whose biggest sins are that she had sex out of wedlock, and bastards, and became violent and bitter in the end, "isn't any better" than.......... a man who sexually harasses women, in canon, like, in the book. And you go further and say that you're team Green, which means, you literally want said man to take her place.

Ok.

I'm only posting this so that my followers admire yet again the inconceivable damage this shitshow has done to the legacy of this poor book.

[polandspringz]

I made the decision to watch all of the Case Files of Jeweler Richard in a day and I am ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

(Technically I’ve watched up to episode 11 so I have 1 more episode left but am leaving it until tomorrow because it’s 1 AM right now- but I digress)

Spoilers for up to episode 10 of the anime, and apologies because I don’t know how to do read more on mobile so LONG POST:

Okay so FIRST OFF- On the cover this show isn’t explicit in that it has LGBTQ themes- it’s not labeled as such or with BL or Shounen Ai, the usual genre titles we see in anime. However, when I first tried to watch it a few months ago, within the opening minute I just knew (I just forgot to continue after that first minute until today). A lot of times with anime you can just tell things based on the art style or the dialogue, and if it doesn’t end up having those themes, then you get a situation like Balance: Unlimited where all of Twitter was tweeting “wait, it isn’t a BL???”

That being said, this series DOES have LGBTQ themes, one of the early side characters talks about how she doesn’t want to go through with her marriage because she realized she’s a lesbian or bisexual and is still in love with her old roommate. Another character expresses thoughts about romance and marriage in ways that I’m sure people who are asexual or a romantic can identify with. And this isn’t just with the side characters, oh no. The entire show is centered around the relationship of Richard and Seigi, and oh my god is it wild in how it is presented.

If you go on the wiki for this show, as my sister and I did, you’ll see a sentence along the lines of “Richard and Seigi frequently compliment each other’s beauty and say how much they like one another, to the point that everyone around them believes them to be in a relationship. However it’s unclear if their words are romantic or not.” And then if you go to their relationship page on the wiki, it just says Seigi is Richard’s boyfriend. So what’s the truth? (TLDR: the wiki is right. They’re definitely in love.)

Well the thing that had me rolling is that Seigi says he likes rich. A lot. Specifically throws around the “daisuki” line almost every episode. He says Richard is like a jewel, calls him beautiful and pretty. Richard picks him up in the rain after being dumped. They go alone to fancy restaurants for dinner almost every night. They flirt. It feels almost undeniable that what they’re saying is romantic, and that any kiss confirmation is unnecessary. There is a major plot line during all this though of Seigi trying to ask out his female college classmate however, and the result makes it sort of feel like Richard and Seigi are together but they’re in this open relationship with no labels so Richard just wants Seigi to have no regrets. The plot with the classmate really doesn’t do anything to their relationship. Richard and Seigi still are being as wild as ever.

And the reason I refer to this as being “wild” is partially because while watching my sister and I were riffing on the dialogue a little. For an anime, the show is very progressive in it’s ideas, Richard in episode 1 or 2 straight up calling Seigi out for something he said about a foreign customer and making him promise to not discriminate or judge anyone for their race, religion, sexual orientation, appearance, etc. (My sister literally joked “DONT BE RACIST” and then her jaw dropped when Richard said just that). There’s a multitude of moments in the first half of the show where Richard basically is just glaring at Seigi or telling him off later with a deadpanned expression for being xenophobic or just blunt about things that end up being rude to customers, and it’s because of how surprising it is that the show NEVER misses a moment to be like “YEAH ACTUALLY DON’T BE RUDE” that makes it hilarious. It feels almost unreal when everything you make a joke about happens two seconds afterwards.

Circling back to Richard and Seigi relationship though, early on I called on the idea that the show was going to have the trope of “he’s rich and from Europe so he’s illegitimate or something and he’s going to have to go back and Seigi will run after him in this big airport scene” and I basically got all that. Except that Richard and Seigi don’t meet up again until they’ve both been in England for a while and then we learn that Richard’s family are terrible people because a clause in their dead great grandfather’s inheritance made it so only Richard can inherit this 300 million pound Diamond but ONLY if he married a traditional English housewife. This clause is said to be VERY VERY strict in that it HAS to be an English housewife to the LETTER. And she must be TRADITIONAL. Of course, Richard is refusing to do this. So you’re watching them mess around in England for a bit, I got another cliche/trope I wanted when Seigi fell sick and Richard had to care for him in the hotel room, before the characters suddenly get a phone call and Richard’s cousin goes:

“Hey Seigi! Guess what? Turns out you qualify for the marriage clause! Despite being Asian, the will and the law consider a homosexual civil partnership equivalent to a heterosexual marriage, so you can be with Richard and then he get’s the Diamond! So I’ll see you at the safe where the Diamond will be at!”

(I’m paraphrasing the words obviously but the part about civil partnership was what I specifically remember being said, but forgive me for any errors, as my jaw was on the floor when the show threw that curveball at me).

In case you’re confused, I’m not saying this is bad at all. I’m just saying when watching this show, it feels UNBELIEVABLY HILARIOUS the way these things literally get thrown at the audience. Stuff you would never expect in an anime just punch you in the face repeatedly and I was so shocked from this “viable marriage candidate” twist that I did SENSE was coming (but thought of it more of as a joke, BECAUSE HOW THE HECK DID HE FIT THE CLAUSE OF A TRADITIONAL ENGLISH HOUSEWIFE) I had to pause the episode and rush to spit out the water I just drank before I choked. And if this wasn’t enough to kill me, we learn later on, that the reason this whole crazy clause happened in this dead man’s will was because he wanted to get back at the rest of Richard’s family because the man’s son was marrying a woman from Sri Lanka and LITERALLY SAID “THE WHITE SUPERMACISTS” WOULD HARASS HER so all of this chaos was to give the fortune to their side of the family and piss off the racists. I just cannot believe I’m hearing and seeing all this in a Japanese anime. There was even discussion of how Japan’s traditional gender roles restrict women, and it’s just like HOW IS THIS SHOW SO PROGRESSIVE??? It literally feels like I’m watching a paradox and it’s sad because it shouldn’t but it’s hilarious and enjoyable all the same.

Once again, and sort of a TLDR, The Case Files of Jeweler Richard is an incredible show. It’s an unintentionally hilarious ride that isn’t baiting because it feels like it’s definitely presenting Richard and Seigi’s relationship as romantic coded without needing a kiss or anything. It’s strangely progressive and open minded for Japanese media, seems meta at times, and has left me stunned in ten out of twelves episodes thus far that I’m so sad I didn’t watch it week to week to see the reactions of the fans live. I highly recommend this series if you’re looking for something to just get you to laugh or just a fun story involving two male leads with great chemistry.

Now, here’s a representation of me watching this show:

[kateis-cakeis]

Alivebur Tried To End Conflict

Alivebur started with peace. That was the first thing he ever made clear, that he was peaceful, that he used words, that he wasn’t aiming to fight with weapons or armour:

“We don’t win wars with battles and with armour. We win wars with our words, Tommy. We’re starting a revolution, not a war.” - (Wilbur’s The Wall: 4:54, 29th July)

But regardless of this peace, he was shoved into a war anyway, saying specifically to Dream, that he didn’t wish for bloodshed:

“We don’t wish for bloodshed, we don’t wish for war, we don’t wish to show our power in any way, we just want our freedom, we just want emancipation, independence.” - (Wilbur’s The Revolution is Coming: 26:02, 2nd Aug)

But once L’Manberg got independence and he was President of it, there was a civil war. Now, we all know the story of why the election happened, and it was directly because of Fundy’s and Tubbo’s little war:

“Mr Vice President, I’ve been enlightened recently, as to some issues, that have been happening on the server. … Tommy, we need power. I’ve tried- I spoke to Fundy and Tubbo, yesterday. I told them how I didn’t like the civil war they were having. That, you know, the fights that were going on? I told them I wasn’t happy with it- I told them to stop.” - (Wilbur’s is about to change forever: 28:21, 3rd Sep)

So, Alivebur needed power, why? To get people to listen. He felt as if nobody was respecting his authority anymore. Hence, the election, to get people to vote for him so he’d have more control and power, and then his people would surely listen to him.

But there’s one thing he says when Tommy mentions the Pet War...

“I don’t care about- Look, we’ll stop the wars with our power.” - (Wilbur’s is about to change forever: 41:46, 3rd Sep)

And I think this really shows some of Alivebur’s true intentions for the election. It wasn’t just about getting people to respect his power, it was in direct response to the civil war, and when he hears about another war, he specifically says they’ll stop the wars. This directly suggests that Alivebur was trying his best to stop the conflict by getting people to listen to him.

Which is why, when writing up the polices for the party, he says this as Tubbo and Jack fight in the background:

“I can already hear a weapon. They’re fighting, they’re fight- See, this is why. Tommy, this is why. … This is why we need to consolidate our power, dude. They’re all just fighting each other constantly.” - (Wilbur’s is about to change forever: 50:25, 3rd Sep)

The last line here especially, how he mentions that they’re fighting each other constantly? It really reflects why Alivebur feels the need to consolidate their power, because otherwise, the wars would be endless, and Alivebur has never wanted that. 

But he failed to win the election, he never got a chance to stop the conflict, and was instead thrust into another. The conflict continued, a rebellion was built up, and suddenly, Alivebur saw Schlatt as a good guy doing a nice thing (the festival), and saw himself as a bad guy for wanting L’Manberg back.

In this time of reflection, he specifically brings up that killing Schlatt wouldn’t solve anything, suggesting that, to Alivebur, it would never end the conflict:

“Killing Schlatt wouldn’t do anything, killing Schlatt wouldn’t fix a single thing, that would not fix a single issue. ‘Cause then Quackity would just become President, and who knows if that would be worse, and then George would be Vice President. Then if we kill Quackity, then George would be President. It means nothing, Tommy. It wouldn’t have mattered if you killed him or not.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:07:52, 8th Oct)

It shows how Alivebur was coming to the realisation that killing their enemies would mean they would lose in the long run. This reflects on his peaceful notion, but his pivot towards the TNT plot heavily suggests that he saw no other way out.

If technically winning a war after all his people were traumatised in a room did nothing to stop conflict, if trying to stop conflict via an election did nothing to stop it, if the rebellion was just going to continue the bloodshed.... then there was only one option left, and that was destroying L’Manberg (and himself, but you know, got to get rid of all the corruption yeah...? ha... ha 🙁)

“Look, do you know how long and how much blood was shed to get L’Manberg to the point it was at? You know what would happen if we manage to get L’Manberg back again? More blood would be shed, and we would be the illegitimate rulers of a nation.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 18:52)

He says as much here ^ He recognises that getting L’Manberg back through fighting would just result in more blood being shed, and them not being the rightful rulers of the nation. Like, he’s very self-aware about it, and it shows how he respected the election result, no matter how much he hated Schlatt.

It wasn’t the result he was pressed about after all, it was being exiled. Though, regardless, he wanted to prevent blood being shed in a war by blowing up L’Manberg. (I know he wanted to kill everyone at first, but he quickly changes his opinion on this later because he realises he doesn’t want to kill his friends.)

And then... you have this line from the 16th Nov, in the button room, when Techno has started killing people with rockets and such, and before Alivebur blows it up:

“They’re fighting. They’re fighting.” - (Wilbur’s video Finale: 29:15)

See what it relates back to?

“I can already hear a weapon. They’re fighting, they’re fight-” - (Wilbur’s is about to change forever: 50:25, 3rd Sep)

YES!! This quote! A line from the button room connects to a line from when they were writing up policies. They’re fighting. It’s important both times, because they both show why he’s doing what he’s doing - to stop the fighting. 

It just so happened that Alivebur turned from taking control, to violence. His goal was still the same. Ending the conflict.

As much as Alivebur changed, he stayed consistent too. All he ever wanted was peace and freedom, to end the conflict. And he tried, and he failed, and he went to an extreme to achieve all three of those things. It’s tragic, for both him and L’Manberg, and it stopped nothing.

But at least he tried...

[fairfaxleasee]

So @rangeredacted (the mind behind my Evergiven fic) requested something with killer garden gnomes for @dadrunkwriting so... Here it is. (Or here is Part 1 at least, I don't think I have the energy to do the whole thing tonight...)

"Inquisitor what are you doing?" The answer should be fairly obvious to Cullen - Ayala Trevelyan was kneeling in Skyhold's garden digging a hole. But Cullen knew enough about Ayala (and the woman's hatred of getting dirt, plants, or bugs anywhere near her hands or clothes) to know that if she was digging a hole in the garden, then answer was anything but obvious.

Ayala ignored him entirely and stuck something in the hole.

"Inquisitor..."

Cullen had no idea what she had stuck in the hole, other than he both didn't want to know and that it should greatly concern him. Ayala had an annoying habit of picking up every piece of useless junk on Thedas that caught her attention for any reason and Cassandra and Solas had decided it was Cullen's job to sort through it all just in case some of it was dangerous (some of it was inevitably dangerous, but given the amount of stuff the woman dragged back to Skyhold, it would be far more suspicious if it wasn't occasionally dangerous.)

"I asked you a question, Inquisitor..." Cullen hoped the 'angry Templar' tone would get her attention. He doubted it would, she was one of the few Circle mages he'd met that didn't inherently mistrust Templars, but if the tone didn't work he'd have to try and touch her and he wasn't in the mood to be flung halfway across the courtyard by a barrier spell she'd send up whenever someone tried to touch her and she wasn't expecting it (although if she spent more time in this world and less in her own, she might be surprised about it less often).

Ayala hummed to herself and adjusted whatever it was that she stuck in the hole that Cullen was becoming more and more convinced he never wanted to look closely enough at to properly identify. She made one last adjustment and turned to face Cullen (who had made sure to have his arms crossed and a disapproving glare on his face in preparation for it).

"Inquisitor, you know you're supposed to bring anything you find to me before you do anything else with it, right?"

Ayala's eyes darted up and to the right, "Uh... I don't know what you're talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He stepped around her, finally resigned to seeing just what she'd gotten herself into this time.

"But look! He's all happy there! You wouldn't want to make him mad by taking him out of his new home!"

Cullen clawed his fingers in rage at the interloper sitting in the garden. The blighted gnome was, by far, the ugliest thing Cullen could recall seeing (and that was saying something given the things Cullen had seen). Its sculptor had (for some Maker-forsaken reason) carved its wrinkled face into a snarl and given the thing almost avian talons that were reaching up towards whoever was looking at it. And the ridiculously oversized hat that obscured its eyes was just a mockery of everything.

He reached out and snatched the thing out of the ground, provoking a disbelieving interjection from Ayala. "Hey! Put him back! He liked it there!"

"NO! Inquisitor, you know the rule - anything you find on your travels has to come directly to me for inspection! Now, I'm going to put this blighted thing in the ever-growing pile of things you've picked up. Once I manage to examine it, assuming it's not possessed by something, you can have it back and then you can stick it in the garden if that's what you want to do!"

"But he wants to live in the garden now!"

"It is a statue!"

Cullen turned and stalked off, but not quickly enough to avoid Ayala's grumbled retort, "Don't see why you're so grumpy about everything all the time..."

He (barely) resisted the urge to turn around and hit her over the head with the stupid hunk of rock and stomped the rest of the way back to his office.

He set the thing down on his desk and buried his head in his hands, hoping the thing would decide to be gone when he opened them (this could all be a bad dream, couldn't it?). Unfortunately, when he was interrupted a few minutes later by Jim, not only was the scout lurking around in his office for what he was positive was an inherently illegitimate reason, the blighted garden gnome was still there and appeared to be sticking its tongue out at him (he wished he could recall whether the thing always had its tongue out like that).

"What's this?" Jim lifted up the statue and turned it over in his hands.

"Nothing!" Cullen snatched it back. Jim winced as he did so, but Cullen didn't care. "Something the Inquisitor picked up and was trying to sneak into the garden." He slammed the thing down on his desk.

"Oh, so you know the Inquisitor was doing something in the garden then?"

Cullen widened his eyes and pressed his lips hard enough for it to hurt him at the man. Fortunately it worked as Jim ran from the office faster than Cullen had ever seen him move before. He turned down to his desk so he could take out his anger at the damn gnome only to find it gone.

That's... odd. I could have sworn I just put it down here.

He started looking around the desk for the thing.

Maybe I just slammed it down hard enough to crush the blighted thing. No, I'm not that lucky...

He snapped his head up when he heard the door open, "What now, Jim? Some other problem I've already solved?"

"I highly doubt that, Commander. I can think of few problems you've actually solved."

Cullen narrowed his eyes at the one interruption he liked less than the scouts. "...Solas."

"Well, I see your eyesight is working. However, I came in to test your memory. Ayala came to tell me that you confiscated her gnome."

"I don't care how upset your girlfriend was about it! She knows she's supposed to bring things like that to me first! And why'd you let her bring the blighted thing back with her anyway?"

Solas shook his head slightly in a gesture Cullen recognized to mean the apostate had no intention of listening to a word he was saying.

Where is that damn gnome now that it could have a use. I might not be able to hit the Inquisitor with it, but I could absolutely throw it at him...

"Finished, Commander?"

Cullen glared in response.

"Good. While I care little, for the record, I did not 'let' Ayala bring anything back here. She was with Sera, Blackwall, and the Enchanter at the time, and my understanding is they were too busy antagonizing each other to notice that Ayala had gone off into a secret passage on her own. However how the gnome got to Skyhold is unimportant. Where the artefact is now is."

"I don't know. I must have tossed it in one of the piles of junk," Cullen threw his arm around his office to indicate all the random items Ayala had dragged back to Skyhold, while Solas had been 'supervising' her, "Your girlfriend whose name you're afraid to say to her face dragged back here."

Cullen thought one of Solas' eyebrows may have twitched at that.

Good. At least he's getting just as annoyed about this as I am!

"Let us keep any interaction between us to a minimum, Commander. Where is the gnome now."

"I don't know, I can't find it, but I also can't be expected to keep track-"

Solas sighed, looked at the ceiling (or at least as much of the ceiling that existed in Cullen's office), and cut him off, "Very well, Commander. However, as you cannot locate it, can you tell me this - had Ayala put the gnome in the garden before you confiscated it?"

"I -" Cullen thought back for a second. "Yes."

Solas pursed his lips. "Unfortunate. And these blood drops by your desk, they were not caused by the gnome by any chance, were they?"

"I - what?" Cullen leaned over to where Solas was pointing. There wasn't a lot of blood, but it was fresh, and Cullen didn't think it had been there before Jim started playing with the stupid gnome.

Cullen didn't answer Solas, but the man saw through his silence. "That is even more unfortunate, Commander."

"Why? Just what do you know about this Solas?"

"Well, I know nothing, I never saw the statue myself if you recall, however in my travels in the Fade I have heard rumors of-"

"GARRG BAR-RARGH!!" A gutteral cry interrupted whatever Solas was going to say.

They both snapped their gazes to Cullen's desk in time to see the gnome reach into the inkwell and smear paint on is face in a pattern that was reminiscent of Bull's vitaar.

"BA-RAR-RAR!!!" the gnome called as it picked up one of Cullen's quills and stabbed at his hand.

Fortunately, his armor was more than a match for his quill and the makeshift weapon snapped in half. The gnome seemed to be far less pleased than Cullen at the development and reacted by trying to bite his finger. He snatched gnome and threw it at the nearest wall (the fact that Solas' head was in a direct path to the nearest wall was just a random fringe benefit of the action). Unfortunately, Solas ducked out of the way and the gnome was launched outside Cullen's office without taking any of the apostate with it.

"GAR-Rah-argggh!!!!" it called as it landed and turned to scurry away.

"Let me guess - the statue is cursed and will come to life if its removed from its garden and exposed to blood?"

"Not exactly, Commander. The statue is cursed, however it does not need blood to come to life. That happens if it is forcibly removed from a garden in which it has been placed if the proper precautions are not taken. The blood allows it to increase its numbers. The more blood it finds, the more of these we will have to deal with. And the more bleeding injuries they could cause. I'm sure you can understand the vicious circle that represents."

"If we survive this, Solas - your girlfriend is in quite a LOT of trouble."

"Technically, Commander, she didn't cause any of this. You were, after all, the one who removed the gnome from the garden."

"Have I mentioned lately how much I don't like you?"

[scoundrels-in-love]

Almost 300 years a week later, here are some of my thoughts on Dan Ah and her actions through ep 11 and 12. I will try not to repeat too much of the points I made here, or elsewhere in my rambles, but if it happens, it happens. + I won’t operate on mindset that you’ve read it.

First, I think her saying ‘apologies are meaningless, I can’t take back things I said, only make up for it’ is incredibly telling of her as person and the kind of environment she grew up in - the high society and family where apologies are dished out hollowly and never followed through with intention of changing something for the better or your behavior. Time and how you spend it is very important to her. She even says as much in her confession and I think it only outlines how much her time is the one thing she tries to have control of, and exert it (over herself as well). Considering the concept of possibly terminal illness that she suffers from, it makes sense. She doesn’t have time to be patient, no one will wait for her, including her own health. Yeong Hwa is the one immovable object that forces her to slow down and readjust her whole approach to life and it’s been... Not comfortable, necessarily, but it’s been functional, so she struggles to redefine it, especially without real example.

Second, there’s lot of parallels to be drawn between her and Mi Joo. And I ended up writing this all backwards, so I am not sure if I’ll manage to include it, but in some ways, Mi Joo’s line about ‘I value myself more than anyone else’ both in the sense that she’s the most important to herself and that no one else values her truly highly is very reminiscent of Dan Ah’s attitude and the way she admitted she isn’t in control of her life entirely o Mi Joo.

And there’s. of course, that moment when Mi Joo responded sarcastically to Seun Gyeom, later to apologize for it, which he took in a stride (much as he had said that he had never felt Dan Ah walked over him unjustly), because he does understand where they come from and how they work, on a certain level (even if he underestimated just how his father would strike and manage to hurt Mi Joo). I think Dan Ah isn’t at place where she cay say that yet, but I do believe sentiment is within her.

If someone asked what motivates Dan Ah, her answer could be similar to Mi Joo’s - fear and obsession, rather than Seun Gyeom’s regret. Fear of being controlled, of being weak and sick, obsession of having and exerting certain power and keeping yourself safe. Now, this point altogether is purely speculation on my part, of course, but that’s my read on the character, but also her anxiety has been mentioned several times and anxiety is basically that - fear, especially of things going wrong/being out of control, if we wish to trivialize it.

And although Dan Ah merely adds that whatever she had, got taken away from her, she basically used same method as Mi Joo - set her goals and opted for the best ‘fake’ that she could get, in this case her company, rather than being football player or the gallery. Both, in the same way, would rather put up walls to not lose what little they have but the men in their lives just... Bypassed them.

It’s interesting to note that similarly as Mi Joo is currently trying to sort ouf what is real and to go for, instead of relying on having a ‘fake’, so does Dan Ah - it’s likely she is planning to expose the illegitimate status of both her brothers to gain what is technically rightfully hers (hence asking her younger brother to side with her even when it will not be comfortable for him).

Third, I think the way she’s seeking out Mi Joo and her opinion is very interesting. And it does loop back to Yeong Hwa as well!

From the very start, we see that Dan Ah actually cares to listen to other people to an extent (she asks her secretary what she did wrong to upset Seun Gyeom, even if she ends the conversation how much simpler it’d be if all of us thought were similar, which is strongly undermined by all of her interactions with Mi Joo and even Yeong Hwa essentially). She is interested in experiencing being opposed and challenged in a way that is not downright demeaning as she does in her family. She finds their view on world interesting, if somewhat incomprehensible, and listens to it, processes it inwardly, even if her initial reaction might be defensive. (Also, it shows from start she’s willing to admit she doesn’t have all answers, same as she does with Yeong Hwa telling him that she doesn’t know what answer he wants - as she would need to know in business deal which is what most of her world consists of.)

But in some ways, I also think she is interested in what Seun Gyeom and Mi Joo have created and how. She basically instantly could tell Seun Gyeom is interested in Mi Joo which is implied as rare occurrence (or perhaps even the only time since she says she’s the last woman he liked and he debunks the theory), she asks several times what Mi Joo sees in Seun Gyeom that makes her so protective of him (which I think is both a way to see how deeply Mi Joo cares for him and to see more of Seun Gyeom). But also in some way, although it is her own act to let Seun Gyeom, she “loses” him to his own path and Mi Joo both. Because I do think she cares for him as a friend, perhaps only one she has.

Although she puts Seun Gyeom’s picture by the trash, it’s actually not taken out for several days and it’s definitely not because the secretary or the cleaner are neglecting their duties. Rather, same way as he didn’t throw away the honey but handed it back to Yeong Hwa, the secretary is aware she’s not really emotionally throwing him away. Because once she likes something, she never really stops, as per her own admission.

So there’s this certain feeling of loss that she can’t quite admit to herself and want to know both what Mi Joo saw and supported in Seun Gyeom and how and a yearning for something similar, because this is basically the first friendship/not work based relationship of the kind that she sees. (The same way she marvels is this how full-blood siblings are supposed to be when Eun Bi is upset about Seun Gyeom’s picture and how she defends her brother and then, Dan Ah actually ‘tattles’ on her so he can protect her, which can be covered up with excuse it was over the schedule, but was it really?)

In fact, she seems to be somewhat envious of relationship her brother has with her secretary, saying he still cares for her brother more and also the way she wanted to be included in the whole cat talk. She is upset when he doesn’t say he’s her person, but employed by the company, she protects him the way she knows how to (regarding revenge kick) and generally cares for him. She just wants someone truly and personally on her side, even though she probably has a hard time admitting it to herself which results in these odd and halfway there and nowhere attempts, especially paired with  the fact she doesn’t really know how to establish not-work-related connection on a deeper level.

I will add point fourth here, although it’s still technically third. It’s safer, far more practical and logical to stay detached. But the heart wants what it wants and it’s friendship, connection, being liked for who she is and being challenged but not seen as lesser, with someone who won’t smile because she’s his boss, although that sort of control is precious and hard fought to be had in part of her life.

Caring for something or someone is relinquishing this control, basically inviting the same result Seun Gyeom got taste of at ep of 12, the result she already experienced with her dreams of being football player crushed. Except if it involves another person, it increases the chances of being hurt by them exponentially. And it’s also worth considering that if her relationship with mother was close, she’s also already experienced abandonment and grief of losing someone dear and close. (Which, of the leads, only Mi Joo knows and even then it’s more the absence of reflection what other people around her have which hurts, but in a different way, as per my experience.)

Concept of Mi Joo’s friendship, and Yeong Hwa as a whole, become very images of these unsaid wish fulfillment because they’re not trying to be.

They’re themselves, argumentative and challenging, and teasing, despite her being ‘above them’ in power hierarchy, leveling the field by merely ignoring it, and, initially, she doesn’t even try to get Yeong Hwa sign a contract, it’s only when her own yearning for his work (and for him), and him denying her any of it becomes a problem that she ‘admits’ it was her own fault for not drawing the sort of lines she’s used to with everyone else, and even then she’s not really thrilled about him agreeing to it, because it’s not really what she wants from him, although it’s what would be the safest and make the most actual sense within her world.

Even then, as her employee, he refuses to follow her orders and tells her plainly - if she wants something, she is to be vulnerable and invest herself into it (she actually tries, by smiling because he had said it was cute) and she has to admit to herself and to him, that he has grown onto her, not as a ‘vending machine’ or ‘employee’, but person whose opinion and feelings toward her are very important to her.

Also, it’s very telling how she tells him she belongs to herself, of course, and that he, too, can still belong to himself. She wants him as individual separate from herself, but the thought that he is firmly on her side obviously makes her very happy. In some ways, it’s also upgrade from ‘my person’ claim she makes toward her secretary, a learning curve.

Fifth, I suppose. While I rewatched some scenes to make sure I wasn’t actually misremembering, I started to think of another motif that repeats through her conversations.

Dan Ah repeatedly tells him not to have expectations, sentiments, disappointments toward her. From one side, it’s to draw a clear line of employee/employer and view each other in a detached way (that she tries again and again herself, but fails to), but from other, is it that simple?

She is almost crying when she asks him if he’s really stopped liking her and from preview, we learn that no one has asked her out before, seemingly? Probably because she was too much of a boss ass bitch, but still possibly left with a certain sense of inadequacy and that ‘when I am being apologetically me and I will always be that, I am not likeable although I do not entirely understand why’, as per her wondering why people always think she’s mean when by most of her society’s standards, she is rather thoughtful.

Her want of gallery has been brought up several times, her older half brother often says her pick of artist will never be good enough, her father still sees her as a tool to marry off. She as person with her goals and dreams and what she has achieved, just isn’t good enough for people around her at large.

The moment he cares for her, the moment she inherently becomes capable of disappointing him. The moment she cares for him, the moment she becomes capable of disappointing him. And that thought, of doing that and not enough to Yeong Hwa who has sneakily smiled his way into her heart, the growing awareness she truly doesn’t know how to be in some aspects, is overwhelming and painful and she tries to shut the door to it.

Also, he tells her he likes her no matter what he does, but he hates it, which I imagine is double the punch and she tries to find a solution that would make him happy and stop hating it - the perfect answer, as she would in a business deal, but she can’t, until she commits to the truly mortifying ordeal of being known (as suggested by Mi Joo).

Sixth, I really liked that she (or the narrative) didn’t make fun of Yeong Hwa crying. In fact, she’s eyerolled about her younger brother’s temper, but not really in the present made fun of him for apparently being a ‘crybaby’ in the past. I think that in a sense shows her actual streak of empathy and maybe the fact that she’s familiar with need to cry herself and doesn’t find it ‘weak’ as most ‘tougher’ characters would. Also perhaps that she cares for her younger brother more than she has admitted to herself, similarly as she kept denying she cared for Yeong Hwa and went rather far to hurt him.

[felowtravler]

As I exchange prayers for posts I wonder

If my faith is shifting from God to Word

From Divine to Human

And I worry I am inadequate

That my actions are empty

That my life is valueless.

And I realize that I only know how to examine myself for its value.

Because I have always been taught to mark my “worth”. Do I need economics to understand my relationship with Christ? With God? With what is Holy and Good?

I wonder how much is supposed to be part of my faith and how much of this perspective has leeched into the soil of religious tradition. How much belongs to the illegitimate poisons of economy and greed over centuries and millennia?

I want to be devoted, but I don’t want to be devoted out of fear. I need to understand that my productivity is not linked to my validity as a human. Even my productivity in the context of my divine relationship with God. They care about more than the numbers of prayers. More than the exact percentages of my time spent on what is deemed “worthy” and “holy” by human minds.

I am learning that They are concerned with more than scales. More than technicalities and institutions and anything else. Because that was the point, wasn’t it? To erase the technicalities?

God, let me be enough.

Let us cease our measurements of ability and productivity and efficiency.

Work is a joy, but it is not our god.

You are our God.

God, please. This perspective is corrosive to our spirits.

God, let us be free.

[gingersnapwolves]

today’s 3 AM notes:

At the second battle of Nightless City (wwx vs everyone, not sunshot campaign), Jiang Cheng dies instead of Jiang Yanli.

Ooooh, so, this is a pretty simple canon divergence, maybe other people have written it, but here are my thoughts.

WWX would still die because he was basically off the rails at that point anyway. He didn’t really need the final push Jiang Cheng gave him to shake off Lan Wangji’s hand. Alternatively: instead of throwing himself off a cliff, he summons even more destructive force and gets caught in a backlash, akin to what happened to him in the book.

Jiang Yanli is pretty fucked up by everything that happened but she’s still got a son to raise so she takes Jin Ling back to Lotus Pier and becomes the head of the Yunmeng Jiang.

Jin Guangshan is not thrilled with this, and tries to coax her to let them raise Jin Ling, or at least stay at Koi Tower and raise him there, or maybe they can just take care of Yunmeng for her! *wink wink nudge nudge* But JYL takes her new position very seriously and in the end JGS can’t convince her (before JGY murders him).

JYL goes to see LWJ at Cloud Recesses, figuring he could probably use the company and the sympathy as the only person besides her who mourns WWX’s death. Finds out about the punishment and the seclusion and A-Yuan. 

Obviously this shit cannot stand and LWJ and A-Yuan are coming to live with her at Lotus Pier. No she would not like to hear any arguments. No LWJ’s opinion is not being requested. Little boys should not be raised in cold pond caves, and they definitely should not be raised by people who hated their fathers so everyone else in the Lan sect is out.

Don’t talk to me or my son or my nephew or my brother-in-law ever again

Lan Xichen can stay but he’s on thin ice

A few years later LXC shows up with a toddler Lan Jingyi and is like “um technically he’s a Lan but I think he’ll do better here”

Since Lan Jingyi’s parentage is never specified in the canon I’d like to propose him being Lan Xichen’s kid.

He knows if the elders find out he had an illegitimate child they’ll flip their shit and possibly try to force him from the position of Sect Leader.

Lan Sizhui: Where do babies come from?

Jiang Yanli: Well, sometimes when two people love each other very much, they make a baby together. And sometimes, when a guy is really upset that the man he's in love with just got married, he goes out and sleeps with the first woman he sees and accidentally gets one that way.

After JGS bites it, they end up on pretty okay terms with Jin Guangyao. He’s happy to let Jin Ling be raised as a Yunmeng Jiang because it means he doesn’t have to worry about the actual heir getting in his way.

Jin Song (is it Jin Song or Jin Rusong? I’ve always assumed Jin Song because they call him A-Song and with the sole exception of WWX himself, the ‘a’ prefix is only used with the given name, but I’ve seen other people call him Jin Rusong so I’m not sure if that’s in the book or something) and Jin Ling hang out and have playdates, along with Wen Yuan and Lan Jingyi.

Jiang Yanli is ... a little concerned about Jin Song? He’s a bit behind in his milestones. Should he see a doctor? She expresses concern to Qin Su. Qin Su mentions this to her mother. Her mother confesses the truth about Qin Su’s parentage.

JYL and QS, not realizing that JGY already knows this, sit him down to give him what they figure will be the worst news of his life. 

JGY was already thinking about what to do about this, but now other people know, and it’s a problem. JYL suggests letting Jin Song come live at Lotus Pier - just one more orphan after the war. JGY agrees, on the principle that they will fake the child’s death, and neither JYL or QS will ever say a word to anybody about it. The children are still too young to blab about Jin Song’s father later. He figures this is easier and less conspicuous than having to kill his wife and son and the head of the Yunmeng Jiang (which would probably result in Lan Wangji, who for some reason really likes her, setting fire to everything)

anyway JGY still kills NMJ, and NHS still resurrects WWX, so then suddenly WWX is back and everyone’s like wtf is going on

and after meeting up with LWJ and passing out, Wei Wuxian wakes up back at Lotus Pier instead of Cloud Recesses

I cry for a hundred years

probably other things happen

like the events of the second half of the series or something

ETA: He wakes up at Lotus Pier, not Koi Tower. Haha. I’m tired. That was supposed to be the dramatic emotional punchline of the post and I hecked it up.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 4X19 Jump the Shark

Oh hey is this the illegitimate brother plotline

boy I love me some sweet sweet ANGST

whelp she's fucking dead

picture of JOHN?

Sam's peacefully brushing his teeth and Dean's Not a Morning Person

boy he's having a bad morning

to be fair, living out of the car is kinda not fun either

"I'm his son" Dean: I'm gonna fUCKING KIL-

he's..premed?

they're going to ruin his life too aren't they, Aren't The-

Dean is taking this really well

I mean he did get the brunt of John's Issues, so I get it, yike

ASDFPIHP them discussing their dad's ~sex life~ is very funny though

Dean was...preteen? when this kid was born? Sam was under ten definitely

Dean Please

No that's your Actual Brother guys PLEASE

hunting accident "ah fair enough"

"who is a nuclear family these days" FEELS SO LOADED

Dean...Dean please don't fUCKING KILL HIM DEAN

THE IMPALA NOOO

"he took you to a baseball game" IDSFHAPF

He's Trying not to CRY OH MY GOD NO WAIT

Sam resonates with the away from college thing oh NO

Dean is trying SO HARD not to snap

at least he's...trying..to keep adam out

corpse snatching => HEY LOOK IT's THE BONE STEALING WIT-

I think I need to stop being online jesus christ

the [both sigh] was so good

well...that's a lot of blood

How the hell do you break it to your illegitimate brother that you're ~technically Wanted by the FBI

at least he's not an idiot

HE'S SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE

I mean obligatory dead mom

"do i get a say in this?" "NO!"

no..no SAM DEAN HAS A POINT

Middle sibling + younger sibling gang up on elder

"have u thought about eternity" "bro i've literally been to hell Idk what to tell u"

Dean doing it solo but Sad is...:(

Oh he worked the old case, that's neat

"so it's over for you" welllllll

OO THE TRUCK SHOT WAS COOL

dean + long dark coat truthing tonight HE LOOKS G O O D

it wants revenge

YOU FUCKERS AND YOUR REVENGE BELA WAS R I G H T

and Adam Instantly wants revenge, you sir are definitely a Winchester

"it's life" WELL IT SHOULDn'T BE

the stupid isolationism I hate it

NO GO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE KRIPKE WHY

Sam's becoming his dad, and Dean isn't

...SAM WHAT THE FUCK

DAD MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT DO RIGHT BY YOU

HIS GODDAMN GRIEF SPIRAL GOT BOTH OF YOU

LET HIM BE NORMAL! HAPPY! IT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW(NOT ALWAYS)(Also very close to the thing with zachariah in placement(eye emojis) BUT LEAVE HIM ALONE!

I do appreciate Dean Eldest Sibling'ed it up even if he didn't like the kid/was jealous. Goddammit I wish we got connection in this stupid show

I was expecting a jump scare but somehow the squish is worse

sOn oF aBitcH

Ah FUCK NOT ADAM TOO

I do like the little angel Icon though, that's what's Dean's way out

Ghouls is a racist term?what????

no john winchester was 100% a monster

ah it was their father

yada yada father killing circle idk

YAY! DEAN'S INGENUITY IS BACK!

Ghoul!mom is really really good. I liked Scared Adam better though

the slicing sam scene is BRUTAL jesus christ

So...John got his own son killed in the end...

SERIOUSLY HE WAS TERRIBLE

Dean JESUS CHRIST

awww caring Dean is nice

AWW HUNTER'S FUNERAL

"Adam's in a better place" :(

Dean tried to fit himself into the Dad box, Sam's actually him

"you take it any way you want" oh for FUC- HE- I-

he looked so Sad, so like...he's stopped idolizing him

jesus christ.

boy there's gonna be overlap ok here we go.

1. poor dean. Ok couple things: 1) he elder sibling'ed it SO HARd! he didn't even like Adam, but he still tried to keep him safe(I think). he gave him a hunter's funeral! I just. It was nice to see. It was also INCREDIBLY painful to hear the realization of "you were always like dad, I never could be" and the fact that he didn't even see it as a good thing anymore? fUCK man, that huRT me. Dean tried so hard to be something he wasn't, he got probably the brunt of the abuse(because he didn't measure up to that metric like Sam always would), and in the end all it got him was...just. so much pain. Like it felt like John left his Broken children behind to get a new one, and just turned them into his quest for revenge. It was SO So fucked

Hey actually speaking of

2. AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE BEING A HUNTER/JOHN? WHAT HTE FUCK?

YALL ALREADY MARTYRED HIM BUT UR MAKING HIM WORSE?

LIKE ok listen. John's kinda set up as the ideal of hunting. They martyred him! And I was halfway sold provided they didn't mention him again. Then! he did this thing where he abandoned his kids, seeing them only as tools to fulfill his quest for revenge, literally broke them(that too late thing+zachariah saying "it's in your blood" when really it was just trained from a young age), got a NEW family he treated a lot better. I just. I have...NO idea how I'm supposed to see him as a good guy here. Maybe I just kin Dean, or his plight is WAY more sympathetic(it is, Sam is kinda pissing me off), but John's just...coming off worse and worse and they KEEP doing it!

Also! this whole cycle of revenge thing! about how if you keep taking an eye for an eye, everyone ends up blind! they barely escaped this time, and I think this was the second revenge plot that I can think of with MONSTERS alone! it was a BIG theme! Like!! hunting sucks! revenge makes you end up in worse places! it's like this one episode was made to show how SHIT hunting was!

wait who wrote this

Dabb+lofflin. The hunting sucks always comes from-

this GODDAMN INCONSISTE-

3. Fuck John Winchester

4. Individualism. Ok this is a big one. Alongside the whole revenge plot thing(which is BIG, and a hunting sucks), this one drove home the sheer individuality of hunting. But while some of the writers see that as Badass, this one made it seem lonely, and painful. Like the flip side to American Individualism is American Chronic Loneliness. I know this one was used to process the ennui of the post recession/post 9/11 time, and it's doing very well for that, but it kinda ends up like this show is EVERYONE'S therapy all at once! the gang's all here! and we're gonna traumatize you in the process as well.

EDIT: and yeah yeah yada yada american individualism is King and then so is it’s accompanying loneliness in the post 9/11 post war in iraq post recession world(we were not having fun in 08/09)

and I get that this show is the writer’s therapy and whatever

(I just thing this is phrased better)

5. bring him back. Connect! Look. I know it breaks the core ethos of this episode. But having Weird Esoteric Hunter siblings would have been SO FUNNY!

give me more sibling content! Sam+Adam teaming up against the Eldest Sibling Dean WAS SO FUNNY! I WANT MORE OF THAT

6. SAM WHAT THE FU-. Look. I hate John. I very much hate John. They set up the Sam/Dean dichotomy in regards to John first episode, and Sam acting more like an ass+like his dad is. Not making me like him. Also I feel like this was written to sympathize with Dean. Which makes the finale even more ironic, I feel.

7. Listen. Listen. One of you has to keep track of continuity. Like I know this becomes a WAY bigger problem later in the series, but if a certain writer wants to process/examine a certain part of the Life/Story(and they should, they set up a lot of interesting stuff), they have to keep track! Because then the show becomes everything all at once.

Like this show has ALREADY started feeling like fanfic of itself, where it just kinda does whatever it wants with its own concepts. And the concepts are GREAT! but you can TELL how inconsistent it is, even in the kripke era

like it ends up being Study of X, Riff on X! and I think that's where the inconsistency comes from. It's also why it's so fucking Excellent in places.

whelp this was a lot holy hell.

OH AND ONE MORE THING!

Bela didn't fit the narrative. That's why they didn't like her. I said at the beginning that an Int'l art thief does NOT fit the vibe of "grungy Angsty American Midwestern gothic" and I was right. With the lucifer story and the vibe she didn't fit, and so they just killed her as foreshadowing, and only used her like that. God I wish they'd riffed on her, especially because her callouts were all completely correct

we're Bela Salting again

listen she was preppy Jack Sparrow with some spiritualism, how dare you tell me not to like her.

[strangcrdoctor]

∞Yeah I’m out for the night, fellows. Reasons below. 

Today turned real hard this evening because I finally got news about Hell’s Granny. She’s relatively fine, but at 93 she finally had her first (minor??????) stroke. She seriously waited until 6 AM this morning to call my dad (who lives literally four doors down the street for this reason) because she thought it was just a migraine and wanted to make sure he got enough sleep because he’s a banker and has been working his ass off during the pandemic restructuring federal and public loans. And while she’s amazingly cogent and in good shape, because of my maternal grandad’s super abrupt coronary in April, she’s now my last grandparent. And I love my grandad, but between Hell’s Granny and my late gran, those two women were the reason why I never went to daycare or had a babysitter as a kid. This woman taught me how to hold a fucking pencil, write in cursive, arrange silverware according to high tea standards, garden like a badass, iron collared shirts, make Yorkshire pudding, and pick and process raspberries and rhubarb all before I was 7. 

She left her small hometown in Saskatchewan before she was 10 because her mother took her and her (technical - weird rural families are weird) niece to Drumheller, Alberta because of some truly horrendous shit done to that niece. So great-gran said Fuck The Patriarchy (because my gran was also an illegitimate child which at the time was Yikes), and took these two young girls to a mining town where Hell’s Granny later - with only the education a 14 year old woman could get in rural Alberta in the ‘40s - fucking took, didn’t ask, just took a job at the local mining office. This woman never finished high school, but then was the sole business partner and dispatcher for my paternal grandad’s trucking company, and often did delivery drives on her own. And she still lives in the house my dad grew up in (after they moved to the States) and drives? (She should definitely be doing neither, but predictably she’s a stubborn old bat.) 

And at fucking 93 she’s been starting to “feel her age.” 

Like. I’m sorry but for this literal ironsides woman to be feeling frail is hitting so fucking hard. Especially considering she sent me a care package to NYC before my parents even fucking managed it, and of course she sent me a gorgeous glass tea pot and cup set for blooming tea, and half a dozen tea bulbs. She watches the news every morning at 6 AM MST to know the weather in New York to know if I’m going to have a nice day. This woman wanted to buy a Hummer or a Camaro when she was car shopping in her 70s, and went on vacations to Mexico almost every year during that decade of her life. She wanted to go skydiving for her 80th birthday, but her blood pressure was too high. And even now, she wants to last long enough to meet both of her newest incoming great-grandchildren (due in November and February), and then come to see me in NYC if and when COVID resolves.

And even today when I called her in the hospital she hits me with the, “Well, love, time for the old noggin to get an oil change I guess.” Her job is to worry about her family, not be worried about and I am just. I’m hurting for her putting on that brave face for her grandkids, and holding out for her great-grandchildren.

So for those of you that don’t know even aside from the above totally valid wibbly nonsense, I’m also flashing back very hard to about 2017. Because back in 2017 I’d graduated from my first MA and had gotten into a PhD programme at the University of Edinburgh, which naturally I was over the moon about. My late gran at that time was at the final stages of serious terminal downward slope from dementia - a fight and decline I as the youngest of my siblings had been helping my mum through both emotionally and physically in helping her move her from facility to facility for almost 10 years - and in fact was too fragile to even be moved into a hospice facility so had to stay in her facility. She was literal skin and bones, and we had to sponge swab water onto her lips and eyelids. It was truly gruesome at the end. 

I knew then when I left for Scotland I would never see her alive again, but even after making peace and saying goodbye to her, it fucking ruined me that it turned out while I had been in flight and out of service she died the morning I arrived. Not only was UE a bad fit for me - because there was no funding available and I would have ended up $200K in debt from that alone - but my mum was in absolute pieces because of lack of family support from her husband and her brother (let alone her sons, who I am still bitter toward for that). So I spent less than a week in Scotland before wrapping up the programme - I cancelled my student loans 2 hours before the deadline - and flying home barely in time for her funeral. (My return flight even got delayed by hurricane Irma evacuation efforts, so I landed less than 10 hours before the service.) So needless to say, not a happy time. I had no job, no savings, no plans. I spent three months living with my parents which for my mum’s mental health was vital because my step-dad has the empathic capacity of a pile of bricks, but for me it was the darkest time of my adult life.

This year is the first time my career has gotten to get back on track since then.

Now, where I’m at with NYC isn’t that at all. Literally. I’ve got great savings, have good funding from the school, and have had an amazing (totally unwarranted) cashflow this year in spite of the pandemic. New York is right, and I’m enjoying it and feel much more comfortable (in spite of roomie drama) than I ever did in Edinburgh. 

I have so much to do, and Hell’s Granny is far from gone. In fact she’s told me every time we’ve talked that she’s proud of me and wants me to keep going no matter what. That I’m her legacy.

But all that good shit aside, today was a huge trigger and kicked me straight back into the hugely traumatic similar situation I dealt with in 2017: in a cutting-edge graduate programme, far away, grandmother/family matriarch having end-of-life health problems = (to my mind) oh god you have to put your entire life on hold again and go fix it, and how long is it going to take to pick your career back up this time? And that’s not what’s going to happen because it can’t. There’s nothing I can do for this situation, for better or worse. 

All the same, I’ve seen where this road goes, and my dad has been incredibly blessed that it’s only starting now. Because it’s not pretty. It gets harder and more painful from here, and at her age that’s just the reality. But I don’t know if I can do this for her. I honestly don’t know if I’m strong enough to walk another parent through this downsizing-until-death stage, now of all times. I’ll be there for her the whole way as a grandchild, but I just. If I don’t keep going on my own path through this, I don’t know if I’d recover from putting my entire life down again. 

So I’m fucking terrified for this woman I love so much, deeply sad that there’s no turning back from here for her, and just... unsure how to be distant, how to be resigned, how to be self-preserving just yet. I’m working on it, working on deconstructing the trauma and working on being brave by staying true to my life. But I have to be, from a complete lack of alternatives.

Thus, there are two options for tomorrow. One: I stay home, panic, and mope. Maybe pick at things? Probably miserably lurk. Two: I jump a train into the city and go take pictures of the sights for my gran in a fab outfit and take a day for me. Buy some books or records? 

Maybe do a fucking touristy bar and have a finger of scotch for the old bird, in case she doesn’t get to.∞