#religious insecurity

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

hey. hey. you there. religious jew who wants to do so well because you truly do love g-d and you see His presence everywhere and you have faith in Him and He gives you everything. yes, you. if you're not a religious jew you can read this too this just isn't geared towards you.

ok now that i have your attention read this: g-d knows you. He made your body and your soul and He understands it fully. there's gonna be some times where you can't commit to something, where you can't fulfill that mitzvah. maybe you've got an amazing new job that will pay the rent and the bills youve been struggling with for months but you need to work shabbat. maybe you cant say prayers or blessings in public bc you dont feel safe to speak hebrew outside of your own home. maybe you struggle to keep up a routine and have a hard time with daily mitzvot. whatever it is i promise Hashem does not hate you and does not see you as a failure.

i definitely understand being a perfectionist and wanting to go all out. to show that you are fully devoted and that you appreciate Him at every point in your life. also lets be real sometimes you just wanna prove to yourself that you can do all these little things and that you have the discipline to do it. or you wanna impress someone else you admire. that's completely normal and those emotions are part of what makes us human (however those can be signs of underlying mental health issues so pls talk to someone if you need!). anyway, Hashem doesnt mind that we can't do it all all the time. sometimes we can't do it all ever. He knows that something is always better than nothing. we were given the gift of life, of food, of being jewish, of the torah, of everything else by g-d and we can express our gratefulness for that in so many ways and they are all important.

g-d is not that shitty teacher you had in middle school who judged you in front of the class every time your essay wasnt an A+. He created everything and gave us the joy of life and is here to guide us through us. He made us human with all of our possible emotions because that is what we are meant to be. we are meant to be flawed and without that we wouldnt even be people anymore. you're gonna have shitty days, weeks, months, even years and He understands that and even if you can only do tiny things it still matters.

[pvlvsdog]

How experienced are they and would you finish

Nsfw themes!

Dante has no idea if they are experienced or not so they are pretty much ruled a virgin until further notice. They didn't forget everything but they still manage to stress over getting something wrong. They’re clumsy and stressed out the first few times, but receptive to feedback. Just kind of too frantic to really follow through on it fully. If you're really into them, finishing is not out of the question, they are trying really hard. But the situation is really hard to navigate for them. They do care about you finishing more than getting to a climax themselves. Something about being constantly conditioned to be seen as a mere tool does that to a person

I firmly believe Ishmael has the knowledge surpassing all humanity when it comes to that area. Being on the sea does that to a person. So she knows exactly what to do and though she might judge you a bit (or at least tease you), she will go along with your fantasies and needs. There is not a thing that she wouldn't at least consider. And so you will have no problem finishing

I'm sorry but Heathcliff, to me, has not had sex. Ever. He’s not very experienced to put it lightly and im low-key bordering on making a claim here that you would probably have to put it in for him. He’s far to repressed/sexually frustrated and inexperienced not to miss the hole (either hole, really). But! He is certainly… eager. And wants to please you. To treat you good. Might be a leftover from his past, the same thing that I mentioned in the skinny dipping headcanons. So, while it would be clumsy sex for sure, he would do his best to make you orgasm. Make sure to praise him when you do, it'll make him very proud

Well, I would assume that Meursault fucked? I think he has decent experience and enough of deeply buried desires to be decent in bed. No problems with making you finish either

Rodya is a bit tricky because despite being experienced and knowing what to do with herself, your orgasm really depends on who you are to her. In sexual encounters she prioritizes herself. Learned that from an early age. If she won't take care of her needs, nobody will. So she might as well lead sex in such a way that satisfies her. If you're a drunken one night stand or she's not ready to consider you as a permanent part of her life, sex life included, she will do everything to finish herself. You're just along for the ride. Nothing personal, its not like she would do anything to prevent you from reaching the climax. But before a certain level of commitment, she wouldn't see it as a priority

Don also has a solid amount of experience. She does her best so that both of you finish, since she thinks that's just fair. And way more fun for her to be honest

With Ryoshu it’s 50/50 because I think she definitely had sexual encounters before. She’s a bit rusty though, since she hasn't had sex in a bit. You finishing is more so about what you're into because, just as she is with the act of killing, this too is art for her. She doesn't do quickies, doesn't do fast, desperate spikes of desire. The act of sleeping together is an experience she wants to live through fully and thus, there's a lot she will do before letting you come

Hong Lu is a mystery to me. I mean… he definitely isn't a virgin but im not sure how many sexual encounters that man had had. It could go anywhere between 3 and 300 and it wouldn't be any more surprising to me. But I think his willingness to try out your suggestions and openness to go with the flow would definitely make it easier for you to come. Like, if the current position isn't doing it for you, he’ll switch no problem, searching for a way to also give you pleasure. Sure, it’s a new concept for him. To not be the sole center of things. But he goes with the flow easily. It’s just a fun switch up for him to take a more active role

Outis fucked. And definitely made love too, but that was before the war took its toll on her. She's more familiar with quickies these days. If she actually puts you somewhere high in the hierarchy, she’ll do her best to please you. But if you're just ‘the best thing there was’ don't expect her to try hard. If you don't come she might actually act disappointed in you honestly. Are you really going to make her do all the work? She did her part, it’s on you if you didn't orgasm

With Faust it’s a bit unclear because I can't really see her seeking out sex too often but also like… she is a woman of science, she definitely tried in the very least. So she isn't totally inexperienced but making advances on someone to sleep with them is not an initiative she often takes, I think. Her actual skills might be a bit lacking but again, she has knowledge, so she’s definitely got a rough idea as to what she’s supposed to do to make you finish. I do see her as a more passive party in general, though

I might be a bit rough at writing Yi Sang. In my head, he definitely has had some sex, more than most would assume. But it’s not a very recent thing for him either. Not a very distant memory but there was a little break he had since the last time he had sex. Don't think about what I could be implying too hard (especially since I'm not sure how that would work physically). His skills are pretty good and the ability to just go along with things definitely helps. So in the end you have a pretty good chance at finishing. He’s not the best on the bus, but the probability is pretty high

Oh, it’s a bit tricky with Greg. If he were just an average soldier, he would have a much more extensive list of experiences. But as the “poster boy” it’s less likely that he got to have some undetected casual sex on the side. I mean, historically speaking, it’s not uncommon for those that have to partake in wars to blow off steam in such way. He wasn't an average soldier though so it hindered such possibility for him. And to sleep with a civilian after he got out… well he probably tried. Maybe succeeded once or twice. But even that is up for debate. He’s way too repulsed by his own body and even more scared of that same body acting up. So he’s very nervous and clumsy, restraining himself for a very long time. He feels like he has to “make it up to you” (and by ‘it’ I mean having sex with him, he see that as a charity case kind of situation) so he will do his best to make you finish. He lacks a lot of stamina and experience though. Feels awful if he doesn't make you come and does wonder if a part of it is because of his physique. Especially since it's not that hard to make him finish so he doesn't like when he doesn't manage to return the favour

Now I firmly believe Sinclair is a virgin. I think he and Heathcliff could be in competition for the place of the least experienced. And given Heath’s past, Sinclair would win, I recon. There are two possible routes sex with him could take. Most likely is a nervous, shirt-on encounter born out of pure hornyness that often overcomes him. There is a possibility that his anger issues aid him and he takes more initiative (while making things definitely more rough). In both cases he’s going to be clumsy, sexually frustrated and very fast to finish. You on the other hand… have less of a chance to do the same. Post nut clarity hits him hard and he will grow silent and distant, withdrawing whilst letting his insecurity flood his brain with double the force

[melodicmelancholia]

[spooky-dice]

btw everything going on with kristen and cassandra is good and in-character you just don’t know her like i do lol

[odinsblog]

Republican Family Values: No to healthcare + No to education + No to food for children 🙃

[deathandnonexistentialdread]

I can't believe the new GemFourth series is targeting the very niche space of Queer Catholic Trauma

[ceraea]

Irony of creation

By me/_ceraea_

"Oh how cruel of God to put a heart full of love in a body that is unlovable."

[razzle-zazzle]

Whumptober Day 05: Sunburn

Healing Salve + "If my pain will stretch that far"

2385 Words; Raised by Serpentine, sometime before "Can of Worms"

TW for mentions of past attempted indirect genocide (the serpentine entombment)

AO3 ver

“I wonder if we should go down to the lake later.” Lou mused.

Skalidor turned his attention to Lou, “You hate the lake.” It was true—the lake was a deep half-flooded underground cavern that seemed to stretch on forever, the other end unlit and unreachable. Lou did not consider himself a strong swimmer, and rarely went down there if he could help it.

Lou shrugged. “I was thinking we might have fish for dinner.” He stepped to the side as an overexcited hatchling barreled between them, a harried parent chasing after them.

Skalidor hmmed. “That does sound good. Perhapss Cole and I can go down there to surprisse you with one.” The tunnel they were in opened up as they reached the central chamber, torches and patches of growing moss illuminating a spiral up to the ceiling high above. Chanting filled the area—there was an active Slitherpit in progress towards the center.

“You and I can what?” Cole arrived before them, the same hatchling tucked under his arm and squirming furiously. He turned his attention to the hatchling—ah, Skalidor recognized this one. Little Pebbline, the youngest in the entire tomb. “You can’t just run around recklessly,” Cole was chiding, as Pebbline struggled valiantly to return to the ground. “You’re going to break your face on a wall.”

“Will not!” Pebbline protested, hanging upside-down in Cole’s arms at this point.

“Pebbline!” And there was Bytar, her father. “Thank you for catching her, Cole.” He smiled, taking Pebbline in his arms, and she hissed her displeasure before subsiding.

Cole grinned. “Of course!”

Bytar turned back into the tunnel, then, heading off with Pebbline in tow. Skalidor could faintly hear her begging to go back so she could see the Slitherpit.

“It’s a good thing you don’t run around like that anymore.” Lou commented, as Cole fell into step with them. “I could barely catch you back then, I wouldn’t want to imagine having to catch you now!”

Cole opened his mouth to respond—

A terrible grinding sound filled the central chamber, the sound of stone against stone harsh and loud. Screams broke out as everyone looked for the source of the noise, and Skalidor clutched his staff and pulled Lou against his side. Cole leapt forwards, arms outstretched as though he might prevent the inevitable cave-in—as though he was yet capable of moving more than small pebbles.

“It’s coming from above!” Someone shouted.

“The ceiling will crush usss!” Another voice realized.

“EVERYONE OUT OF THE CHAMBER!” Skalidor commanded, watching as Dweller and Constrictai alike dashed for the tunnel entrances lining the wall. He started to slither back, Lou still close at hand, once it seemed as though almost everyone was out—Cole!

“Cole, what are you—” Skalidor started, almost ready to go back in just to drag him out. This reckless boy—!

“It’s not caving in.” Cole’s arms had fallen to his sides, and he was gazing up into the shadows of the ceiling with an unreadable expression. “It’s—”

He stumbled back at the same time that the grinding stopped, arm raised above his head as he stared up towards the ceiling.

“Cole.” Skalidor hissed. The whole chamber was clearly unstable, after a noise like that—or worse, it had been one of the tunnels, and Skalidor’s order had seen several of his people buried—

“Skal,” Lou stepped forwards, pointing up towards the ceiling, “dear, look up.”

Skalidor looked up.

His staff clattered to the ground from a suddenly boneless hand—Skalidor ducked down to pick it up, keeping his eyes up on the ceiling—at the top of the stairs that wound around and up, a remnant of when their community had first been entombed generations ago—

Eyes locked on the bright circle of light where before there were shadows.

The light shooting down the stairs was brighter than any torchlight Skalidor had seen before, brighter than any glowing moss. It almost didn’t seem real—never, in all of his decades, had Skalidor conceived of the tomb being opened. But that was what the light had to be, right? Surely, it couldn’t mean anything else.

Faces were peeking into the central chamber from the tunnels scattered about, curious mutterings filling the air as everyone present took in the new development.

“Open?”

“That light!”

“Impossible! Nothing can break the barrier!”

“It’ss ssso bright…”

“How did it open?”

“A monster! A monster iss coming down to kill uss all!”

There was a shape casting a shadow upon the steps. Skalidor gripped his staff, and slithered forwards. Cole fell into step beside him, and Skalidor held his staff in front of the boy to stop him.

“Wh—lemme help!” Cole protested, voice close to a whisper.

“Sstay here.” Skalidor hissed. “I will invesstigate. You will protect.” Cole made a face, but backed off, standing beside Lou as Skalidor ascended the ancient steps.

That the stairs were completely out of use wasn’t actually true—though the tomb was magically sealed, the stairs allowed access to the upper walls of the central chamber—Skalidor passed by murals and carvings that had existed long before him without a second glance. He slowed down as he reached the top, squinting against the light.

The form that cast the shadow stood at the entrance, backlit by light so bright that Skalidor couldn’t make out any features. But their shape was vaguely serpentine—they would likely be strong, if it came to blows. They might even have some of the strange adaptations Skalidor had heard the supposed other tribes of Serpentine possessed.

“Who goesss there?” Skalidor asked, when the figure remained still. After a moment, they moved, slithering forwards and ducking their head. Their neck was very long—a potential handhold for grappling, then.

“Greetingss, my Constrictai cohort.” Their voice was smooth and even, and they moved to the side of Skalidor. They were scaled, just as he expected—but where Skalidor bore the blacks and oranges of a Constrictai, they were violet.

“An Anacondrai?” Skalidor asked. He’d heard the tales—they were the strongest of the Serpentine, the fastest and most resilient. They outmatched every other tribe, and lead the charge in the ancient war—but even they, too, had fallen, or so every tale assumed.

The Anacondrai nodded his head. “Oh, where are my manners?” They offered a hand, “Pythor P. Chumsworth, at your service.” He smiled, then, pleasant and disarming.

“How did you open the tomb?” Not even an Earth Master could break the barrier, nor could they tunnel around it—though there had been plenty of attempts. The tomb was meant to be permanent—a resting place, where those entombed were to die and never return.

“Curious, no?’ Pythor inclined his head towards the entrance. “Far as I can tell, for all the effort they put into making the tombs inescapable from within, that same effort wasn’t given to prevent them being opened from the outside.”

Skalidor balked. “That easy? But why?” There were no intentions to let the entombed out—or else they wouldn’t have been trapped down there for generations. Right?

Pythor shrugged. “Well, the rock was rather heavy. But yes, I could feel the magic breaking as I moved it. The seal didn’t wear off.”

Skalidor hissed. The light seemed to beckon him, and he tore forwards, needing to see for himself that the tomb has well and truly been breached—

Skalidor recoiled as the light from outside the tomb hit him in full. After a moment, he reopened his eyes, slowly enough that, though the light still burned, it did not sear quite as bright as before. His eyes adjusted, to a light level they had never experienced before—

Skalidor gasped.

Pythor slithered up beside him. “Well?” He prompted, staring out at the sights he had already seen.

“It’s…” Skalidor searched for the words. He had thought nothing could dwarf the underground lake in terms of sheer size—and yet. The light bearing down was hot, far hotter than any torchlight, and brighter as well. It reminded him of a festival years past when they had set up a bonfire in the central chamber. Back when Lilly… back when she had still been alive, standing at his side and making sure the smoke didn’t flood the caverns.

But not even the bonfire had anything on this. Skalidor turned his head towards the sky, eyes squinting against the light raining down. It was so bright. He could hardly see—and yet it was still better than when he had first emerged, and couldn’t see at all.

Pythor watched as Skalidor breathed in the outside air—it was hot, bone dry, so different from the caverns—patiently allowing the general to adjust. “Incredible, is it not?” He asked.

Skalidor breathed slowly, just trying to take in the enormity of the sky above him. Brilliant blue—he wasn’t sure he had seen blues so deep—cascading from horizon to horizon like the roof of a cavern—and yet the sky seemed to go on forever in a way that stone did not.

“It’ss something.” Skalidor breathed, dizzy from the magnitude of it. “I never imagined…”

Pythor chuckled. “I think we’ve all felt like this.” He swept an arm out, “I can’t believe this was kept from us—and for what?” his expression darkened. “Because of some trifle like a war that ended long before you and I were born? For generations, we’ve suffered beneath the surface, locked away from all of this world that they’re not even using—!” He paused, taking a breath. “My apologies,” He bowed his head. “I lost control of myself. But the knowledge of all that we’ve been denied—” He cut himself off with a hiss, shaking his head.

“No, I think I get it.” Skalidor spoke. “There’s just. Sso much.” From this perch atop—a mountain, was that the word? Skalidor had to think back to the stories of the surface passed down through generations—but from up so high, Skalidor could see so much. And yet he couldn’t make out anything living—that he recognized. All this space…

The tomb was never really cramped, in Skalidor’s memory—there simply weren’t enough Constrictai or Dwellers in it. Maybe it had been cramped when the original community had first been sealed away—but that had been long before Skalidor’s time. But he had heard the stories, of what could grow up here, of animals much bigger than cave newts. The vast distance laid out before him suddenly seemed so ideal—and yet he couldn’t spot a single surface human, nor any sign of their communities. He absently noticed his tail buzzing. He didn’t quite care to stop it.

“They have all this space that they’re not even ussing.” Skalidor hissed. “We have had to sscrape together what little we could find—”

“They don’t deserve this.” Pythor agreed, “Not one bit. Not after locking us away like vermin!”

Skalidor’s grip on his staff tightened.

“Skal, you ok—OWWW—” Skalidor turned around to see Cole poking his head out the entrance—well, no, the boy had stumbled back into the shadows of the entrance, what little of his face wasn’t hidden behind his arm scrunched against the light.

Skalidor chuckled. “Bright, isn’t it?” Beside him, Pythor’s eyes narrowed.

Cole tentatively reached his hand out into the light. “It feels like I’m sticking my hand in fire.” He muttered, before pulling back. Slowly, he lowered his arm, eyes blinking open—and immediately squinting against the light.

Pythor grimaced. “There are humans in your tomb?” He sounded put out by the very idea.

Skalidor regarded him curiously. “Sssurface humanss were willing to entomb their own kind.” He spat. “But now the dwellers are simply more of our kind—our community—” He looked at Cole with fondness— “Cole is our Elemental Master. Earth, in fact.” There was uncontained pride in his voice, for all that Cole had yet to fully inherit Lilly’s mantle and powers.

Pythor hmmed. “I had heard that a Master of Earth took up arms on the side of the Serpentine.” He stared at Cole curiously. “I had thought it just a tale to tell hatchlings, to give them false hope.”

“Well, I’m real.” Cole replied. He glared at Pythor for a moment more before schooling his expression. “Thanks for opening the tomb.” He said, in tones of quiet disbelief.

Skalidor could hardly believe it himself. “We can leave the tomb.” He murmured. “We wouldn’t be trapped anymore—what you’ve given us access to, I—I don’t know how we could ever repay you.”

Pythor waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, no no! I don’t need anything in return! I just abhorred the thought of any of my fellow Serpentine continuing to suffer in their tombs.” His mouth curled in distaste, “It really was cruel of the humans to entomb us all. They don’t deserve this pristine surface of theirs.” He hissed. “Not one bit.”

Skalidor nodded. “You have my agreement on that.”

Cole leaned against the side of the entrance, arms crossed. When Skalidor glanced back, he could see others had climbed up the stairs—even if most of the watching faces were sticking to the shadows, eyes squinted against the light.

Pythor’s head tilted as he regarded them all. “Well, while I did say that I didn’t need anything in return…” He mulled over his words before continuing, “I was hoping you might join me in my endeavor to reunite the Serpentine once again. It would be so wonderful to take the surface back from the humans, don’t you think?”

Skalidor wanted to. Just looking at the open space spilling out before him, and knowing that there was yet more that had been denied to his people by the sealing of the tomb—he wanted the surface humans to pay for their crimes. To deliver the grievances of hundreds of Constrictai and Dwellers from generations of suffering unto them, and make them pay.

There was one problem, though. “We barely number two hundred.” Skalidor pointed out. “And many of our number are not built for war.” There were the elderly, the young, the sick and those disinclined to fight. Nobody was at full strength—especially not with the current blight. “How will we ever defeat the surface humans, when our ancestors could not?”

Pythor chuckled. “Oh, my practical friend, I have just the plan for that!” He looked to Cole, and then to the cautious faces peeking out of the tomb’s entrance, and spoke.

“Have any of you heard of the legend of the Great Devourer?”

[corxoran]

Getarod brainrot making me sick I’ve got a lot of words about them

[dalesramblingsblog]

Not gonna lie, maybe this is supremely petty of me (it is), but as someone who is the very embodiment of a casual gamer and can name vastly more video games than he has ever actually played, the backlash to the Minecraft movie trailer is perversely satisfying to me, because... yeah no shit, of course this was what Hollywood was always going to turn out.

Like did you really think that a video game movie languished in development hell for a decade because they were just sitting on an absolute gold mine of an idea, and not that they had consistently and singularly failed to get any idea off the ground? Then again, the Mario movie was supposedly going to be the absolute worst thing in history because Chris Pratt, only to have the discourse completely shift to how wrong the evil/woke critics were to think the Italian plumber kids' movie wasn't the single defining moment of twenty-first century cinema.

So y'know, capital G gamers are both fickle and whiny. Shocking information. See you all in a few months when a clip referencing the Yogscast or some shit goes viral and everyone decides that you're not allowed to bad-mouth it without being shot in the back of the head and dumped on the I-405.

sidebar to get ahead of this before some smart-arse points it out: "oh you're just mad 'cause they called out critics"

uh yeah actually i do kinda take issue with hordes of people spouting borderline anti-intellectual rhetoric about how the thing i do for a pseudo-living is empty and meaningless. it's just like the widespread "haha what if the author just wanted to make le curtains le blue" snickering. like yeah am i expecting everyone to deep dive into the relationship between auteurism and profit under the capitalist studio system in order to analyse a random book trilogy? no of course not, i fully understand that i'm just very mentally ill and probably have an outsized grasp of my own writing abilities.

but looking down your nose at people who choose to think about media in that way is indicative of nothing more than your own staggering lack of curiosity, and it's a pretty good answer for how you get to a declaration that the people of the uk have had enough of experts, or a world in which there's a real possibility that americans are somehow going to look at the events of 2017 to 2021 and say "more of that please" come november.

so no, don't expect me to coddle your desire to retreat from the world back into your fond childhood memories just for the sake of it. that's not a critic's job.

[azurecanary]

What is it about superpowered fictional women who are queer coded and have an intense and complicated relationship with either their religion or their parents that i relate to so?

[melodicmelancholia]

[divinegrump]

I genuinely don't really like when artists portray Aziraphale as physically self hating or insecure. That's not what he's insecure or hates about himself, that's not what he believes is unlovable. He has a lot of other things, but not that.

[daisywords]

Going insane over Fairest reread I love when beloved books from days of yore are as good as I remember

[roserunodays]

Ngl I find Fuuta’s character much more interesting than before just because of the dichotomy between him participating in a witch hunt persecution which led to his crime vs now him atoning for his sins and trying to “save” people instead through Amane’s religion

Like that tragedy for a guy who only wanted to be a hero and serve justice, to now fall and lose himself through the guilt he feels is just heartbreaking 😭

[hel-phoenyx]

The fact that all my TTRPG characters since Myrrah have a problem with repressing their emotions and/or true self is really saying a lot about me.