#ngl i am not feeling that good today !!
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In case you need a reminder!!
☆ Stretch your hands and wrists!!
♡ Relax your eyes (look away from your screens for a lil bit!!)
☆ Stand up to stretch your limbs and walk around for a minute!!
♡ Go grab a snack if you haven't eaten yet!!
☆ Take your meds if you haven't/forgot to!!
♡ And Please Drink Some Water!!!
#chat tag#ngl i was feeling real bad yesterday but after doing some of those things i went wow!!! i am slightly normal again!!!#and after remembering to stretch my wrists today finally i thought it would be good to make a reminder post for some of these things ^w^#things suck and this wont fix everything but it does help!!! hope everyone is doing alright and if not that yall will eventually!!
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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survived new employee orientation day 👍
#it honestly wasnt awful it was just soooo long and soooo much didnt apply to me#but anyways. what im treating as my real first day is tomorrow yayyyyy#im kinda surprised how not nervous for it i am if anything im pretty excited#the only thing im a bit apprehensive about is how anti social is my team gonna end up being 😭#the interviews i had with them did Not bode well on that front but we will see#0.txt#ngl the thing im most excited about is being part of such a huge university/medical network again without needing to be a student LOL#like idk. when i worked for companies it was very much you Work For the Company#but today honestly felt like being a student at an university again#now i just work for them lol#and theres a lot of shit going on that is completely unrelated to my job#maybe im being overly optimistic but the change feels really good right now#lets see if this will enable me to wrangle back a social life lads...
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doing things outside of your usual is such a humbling experience...
#lizzy speaks#to those who are curious what prompted this: my friend and i are collaborating on a video essay together#we picked it back up a week and a half ago after it laid in limbo for a month or two#and we're currently in the phase of editing it together (scripting + recording the VO is done)#and MAN. my respect for people who work on scripted/informative content just shot up through the ROOF#most of my experience with editing comes from footage first and then edit down approach (rather than creating/gathering visuals to uplift-#a written script) and it's. well. they engage with very different skillsets i think#my friend who i am collaborating with is very amused at me because this is not her first rodeo. meanwhile me as a first-timer.#i am telling her about how i am losing my mind over my editing timeline having gaps of footage because i couldn't think of anything to put#for certain portions (or i just didnt feel like looking through preexisting footage on the internet and dl-ing it)#and she compared it to 'telling a kid whos going thru puberty that its normal' EKLHFGLHH#im ngl the way i have spent like maybe 10 hours today off and on looking up footage and fact checking the splat artbook is so. explodes#it makes sifting through an 11 hour batch of footage of me playing big run sound like a cakewalk in comparison LMAOO#anyway if you read this far thank you :D i hope that in 2024 i can continue to be humbled in trying new things#and i highly encourage others 2 do so too! try a new method of approaching something or do smthn slightly adjacent to what you do!#tis a good learning experience and also makes u very appreciative of the things that are out there methinks#im literally only editing an 11 minute segment or so idfk how people make those 1+ hr video essays LIKE HELLO??? ESP IF ITS LICENSED MEDIA#HOW DO U GET ALL THE FOOTAGE FOR THAT. U MUST BE REALLY HYPERFIXATED AND DEDICATED TO THAT. DAMN. anyway. have a good 2023 everyone!
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Things I did today #41 March 11 2024
Found bag and (re)packed for upcoming trip (Sweden on Friday)
Painted a sign for concerts in Sweden
Drew some fanart
Practiced memorizing a song ("Bluza")
Went to support group meeting
Received a package
Cooked dinner
Washed dishes
Booked train ticket for May
#ngl it is only almost nine but I am exhausted#and looking at this list I can see why#it looks like a lot#and it feels like a bit#so my spoons are spend#good thing I could use the sleep given I'll wake up earlier tomorrow anyways :'D#tidt#things i did today#findingmicah
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Try not 2 cry challenge almost failed in therapy today ughhh. Why does tearing up while talking abt the shit that bothers u feel so defeating...
#.personal rambles#She was like wow ur demeanor is off today...#and its like yeah...yeah...n ofc shes like...if you keep having these symptoms we should look into meds and im like...good luck#Been told for yrs i need to be put on meds but unfortunately I very much live in a house with a parent who thinks any fkrm#if psychiatric drug is bad...the whole do it all natural!!! type of personality n its like i already have enough going on...yanno?#n then theres also. me worrying meds wont make me feel like myself anymore...cus im so used to being the way i am...#also Im kinda bummed bc i found out atsushi sakurai died ...like i enjoyed buck tick but im ngl he kinda inspired some of my ocs designs...
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zbxhdhdh
#i had a coffee for the first time in a WHILE like at least since sometime the beginning of the summer#i feel crazyyyyy sjbcfbdjdgudhdbejeh i feel like coffee hasn’t affected me like this before XD#or maybe i just had fucking schoolwork to channel the caffeine into and now i just have talking and body motion#so i’m talking to my brother which also ‘helps’ bc i’m just weird around him in general bc i’m just being annoying and being myself#but ESPECUALLY rn i feel so caffeinated akdbcjwjhdhdjd#it’s so weird LMAO#it’s worked tho like i had to get up hella early and sit thru 28446463727 speakers at this convention today#the wholeeeeeeeeeeeee day and after my coffee at the halfway mark#bro the second half i was like actually interested and kinda paying attention#to sm i don’t have that much interest in and am not rly gonna use in my life LOL#it also helped that the second half speakers wereeeee pretty good ngl#one guy was being rly funny and i was laughing w everyone else in the audience and my brother made fun of me for it lol#but also after it was done we were waiting. around and i was laughing at nothing so#the caffeine probably helped w that too lol#dndbdjdjhejsihdueje it’s so weird that i can feel the caffeine so much i feel like XD#bc last significant times i had coffee were during school stress timeeee#maybe this coffee was stronger too idk it was HELLA EXPENSIVE#so actually maybe lolll#AHHHH anyway LMAO i could scream just to like#get rid of energy or sm djfhgjhdhd too bad we are going to some persons place or sm idk#it’s all my like for my dads work stuff idk lmao#jeanne talks#i’m TALKING TOO MYCH LOLLL#like irl lmao#all to annoy my brother 🫡#he’s very engaged and interested in everything i’m saying and is providing such full conversation 🤩#also i’m probably also wired after sitting#i was also like i’m probably also kinda wired from sitting and listening to ppl for like hours but then my brother was like#yeah that rly energized me too#LOL kadbcrjejdhdh anyway 🤡
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idk if i rlly am unable to feel intense hate for something or i conditioned myself into thinking that hating soemthing makes me even more of a bad person so i refuse to feel such things HMMM
#cw rant#ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ idle chit chat#IDK❕i was always known as that one really caring and generous big sister#and whenever i express that i am upset i always get told 'why are you being like that?' and idk . perhaps ive been too nice to people#ALSO WHEn I RANT ABT STUFF LIKE THIS IM NOT LIKE . SAD ABT IT .#i just genuinely wonder hawuhhebfil#but yeah i think the emotional invalidation that i grew up with fucked me up like that LMAO#ngl i dont rlly even feel VERY strongly abt anything???#i know that my posts here on tumblr r very like yk energetic and BAM BAM but when it comes to irl i just . dont hklwhjr#gosh i am the exact opposite of my online self its so weird#thinking back on it though my childhood rlly shaped me into who i am today in maybe not so very good ways huhu#my childhood was pretty good though . it could be way way worse but there were very miniscule things that rlly impacted the way i behave😭#like 4 example the expectations set on me as a child was ABSURDLY high .#and everybody always praised me and stuff and i was so goddamn afraid of disappointing my family that i fainted on my desk while doing hw at#10 yrs old . yeah . JUST 10 YRS OLD#fainted due to overworking hawjgvhfk#also i was going to like . 2 schools at the time so like the stress was doubled hahahah darkest time of my life fr#ngl i like being my own therapist a lot and psychoanalyzing myself and my own thoughts🔎#its pretty interesting. the way i think ;0
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( jason & jonathan = rarepair i'm so down to fuck with 👀👀👀 )
#( i'm sORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE LATELY I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH AAAAA 😭😭😭 )#( I JUST REALLY HATE ANXIETY )#( istg it has EVERYTHING to do with grad school n not tumblr or any of y'all !!!!! )#( but good news i found a place to live today and am planning on putting in my deposit as soon as the landlord sends me the app !!!!!! )#( hopefully once i get through this final wave of classes n brief assignments i'll feel better )#( & ngl just sitting here on the computer getting to type a bit on here makes me feel SO much better )#( so maybe i should stop avoiding it AKJDSFHSKDJFH )#( but yeah anyways. a lot of tough shit happening in my life atm but i hope to pull myself together soon-- )#⠀ ⠀ ☪︎ ⠀ ⠀ 𝒏𝒐𝒂𝒉 𝒓𝒂𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔 ⠀ ⠀ ╱ ⠀ ⠀ out of character.
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my dad just played a bit of Nothing Else Matters just now on guitar he's so cool
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#heyy i am shy with music with my dad ngl. he's the guy who really got me into music after all#on our trip like a couple of weeks ago tho? he now knows my top 3 favs are the 1975 and hozier and mcr ^___^#today apparently his coworker was like hey anyone wna come with to mcr concert! and i got rlly excited and like damn but it was in aus so..#and then mom asked if that was a kdrama LMFAOOO and then dad said no theyre emo band..... hes not wrong but i tried to say theyre punk rock#he said No They're Emo LMFAOOOOO i suppose he's not wrong. anyway#idk i really want to learn guitar uh it's good i have my dad who can possibly help out but id rather he not tbh!#+ also uhh we were walking around the other day talking about courses and he was like maybe music (for non-quota course but idk anymore lol#it's complicated) but he was like. music nah bcs you guys arent really musically inclined/talented (?) i forgor anyway a bit taken aback but#hes right unfortunately...? used to play piano as kids. doesnt feel like long ago but it was ages ago#and then i wanted a guitar and we got one but since then i've learned only like 2 chords and it's been over a year now i think. or almost.#idk anymore tbh! time crazy but anyway i will do my best fr. with everything. gah#i'll be honest i kinda really do want to pursue music actually but i'm terrified and confused? uhh complicated complicated complicated frfr#its an acoustic guitar btw. might have been easier if it were electric bcs damn its hard for me to place my fingers right#+ i think theyre cooler but not the point! if i do learn the guitar dad said we cld maybe buy an electric one or a bass so... ^___^#anyway i think mom is warming up to cats and we might convince her more soon to. yk. allow us to adopt#not buy! i want to adopt. i love cats they deserve everything but i also really love dogs sobbing but moms scared so its fine#i forgot my other thought oh my god goodbye#oh. right! violin! lune likes the violin and considering we now know its our moms fav instrument we may convince her to let lune learn ?!
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Tomorrow’s to do list:
A fuckload of laundry
Wipe down everything (especially the windowsill where Benji likes to walk around on his dirty paws even though he has a cushion to sit on up there)
Clean Benji because he will probably get himself covered in grass
Hand Benji and all of his things safely over to his dad
Pick up my prescription
VOTE
???
Edibles
#seemingly today was the day the council decided to send someone to cut the grass of ALL the parks in town and all the little common areas#but they didn’t send anyone to pick up the grass and it’s gotten pretty long so it’s just out there in mounds#they also didn’t consider the fact that it rained monday and yesterday to be an obstacle to their grass cutting#basically there’s mounds of wet grass ✨✨EVERYWHEEEEERE✨✨#and benji’s a little white fluffy dog. i’ve had to attack him with baby wipes twice today already#also yes i’m going to be going without antidepressants for 24 hours because i’m stupid and the pharmacy is closed now because i did not plan#ahead for this eventuality#i’ll be fine. right? i went 27 years freeballing reality pretty much and.. okay yeah i wasn’t fine but i lived#i’ll be fine. i’ll be fine! i’m pretty sure i forgot to take it for nearly a full day a couple of times before#and i pretty much never take my beta blockers even though i 100% should#i’m not really making a good case here am i. i’m FINE#left this off the list but i might also do scalp treatments because my hair feels kinda baked ngl#fuck it. we ball#personal
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#i have like 3 tasks ive been trying to complete the last 3 days n i hust#i literally Cant lol .#anyway im hoping i can do One tonight before i go to sleep .#bc its not Hard it just requires 3 steps rlly#but . i am Tired and Not feeling very good in any xapacity#im burnt out a lil i think . which yea okay#i havent Rested since like . monday so that checks out i crashed today and yesterday#tmr is tuesday n i am Hoping . i feel like a person enough yo do stuff n nthen go socialise#bc . yea tuesdays at my place of work go off#i get music control AND two of my fav coworkers are rostered#and free pool so .#im hoping i feel up to it .#bc i am Hating sitting at home im ngl#but .#i neef to find other shit to do#also a bar in town is Hiring n idk if id get it but i do wanna work tbere 2 nights a week#look . i just need an extra 10hrs in my paycheck thats . literally like . 2/3 shifts#i cant find it where i currebtky am so 2nd job it is#this $450 a week isnt getting me Anywhere im Suffering im ngl#i have $150 left after bills n it is Rough out here#bc that doesnt cover food or . my tobacco either so like :)) yea everything is sucking ass but its fine im gritting my teeth and Dealing#im mt fathers daughter i may lose my.mind over my rationships and emotional affairs#but u will never catch me complaining abt my finances / work situstion if i can Rlly help it#tumblr does Not Count . n neither does my father bc hes the rrason im slowly coming oit of this shit#but anyway . its fine :)#as far as anyones concerned im balling
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no because who was gonna tell me watching (svt's) In The Soop again was going to be so healing to my soul this time around? Like it was very healing the first time but this time it feels more ?? and I just don't know how to explain it. It's so lovely. Oh, how I love them.
#healing while watching the soop#ngl i'm so glad my friend convinced me to rewatch it- it's having a tremendous impact on my soul and i love it#i wish to watch more but I need to go to bed ebhbhah#i finished 3 episodes & 3 behind the scenes today and i feel vv successful#what a great way to spend my sweetest day (i did do other things but i digress)#am i falling back into my svt mood? a little but not like normal? i guess mx has a strong grip on my ass ebabhha#i think i want to have warm tea outside before it gets to cold- the weather is supposed to open up this week so i'll spend a day#doing that i think- yeah hao and woo completely convinced me tbh ebhaha- if it's not warm enough i'll prolly just look out my back#door it'll have a similar effect i suppose but not the same nature-y feel- anyways good night#i just wanted to talk about my healing with svt real fast
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im fully aware that i dont need to and no one is expecting me to wear makeup but the outfit i wanna wear today would fuck so hard with some heavy eyeliner but i really dont feel like putting on makeup... the struggle
#i dont need makeup to feel good about how i look but i just think some of my outfits look better paired with it#like when im just wearing a tshirt i dont wear makeup i think i look at lot better without it#but this outfit i wanna wear today with a dark dress and hat... ngl id look real good in makeup with that#im not gonna put any on cause im still kinda sick and i have therapy which can sometimes make me cry so im not risking it#but im my heart. i am wearing eyeliner and lipstick
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youtube
👍
#bobtalk#typed up a post about how much i hate p.roject sekai's version of hated by life itself (the short version) but put it in drafts instead 👍#so just take this.instead of that. haterisms lost today. love is love#its not my favorite kanzaki iori but its good. this video's subtitle format sucks ngl but well. lol#i post on my laptop so every time i add a thumbs up i google thumbs up emoji and copy paste👍lore#hello. i am vocaloidposting.#i need to talk about vocaloid. hi. 👍#theres also a remaster version (its on spotify) (“ 君の神様になりたい ”) but im not sure how i feel abt it lol#Youtube
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man emotional vulnerability's so fucked lol like ive told a few ppl at work that my cat died & theyve all been like "oh my god that's so awful, im so sorry" etc etc & like Yea it's nice to have the condolences, but a part of me feels like im faking it for attention. then im like. uh. dude. ur cat really did die. ur not lying about this one bit.
tbh i sorta feel like if i wasnt there for the euthanasia & seeing him dead, i wouldnt believe it was really true. Even Then i keep having to remind myself.
shit's weird.
#speculation nation#animal death ment/#i know i said id try to stop posting about it. sorry.#it's just rly weird. i think im in the uh. whats it. denial phase?#less that i dont believe it happened and more. well#Factually i know it happened. Logically i know. i have the memories. i have the pictures. i have the Ashes.#but in my heart it doesnt feel like he's dead ykno? feels like i should look over and hear his obnoxious Mraaa as he wanders up to me#feels like i should be able to go out to my living room and greet him on the chairs out there. or see him in the windowsill#it's probably bc of how sudden it was. even holding my own mini funeral for him today wasnt enough to really drive it home.#not to mention how ive been compartmentalizing like Crazy to still be functional with work and such#like me picking up the bag today. seeing it & nearly breaking into tears right there#b4 i just Slammed that bitch shut. a harsh Don't Think About It. bc like hell im gonna cry in public more than monday night.#biking home wryly thinking about how it's the Second time ive brought a cat home in a bag. kinda morbid ngl.#not allowing myself to truly wallow in it probably has not been healthy for my processing overall. but im just trying 2 keep my sanity#i dont Want to be miserable. i dont Want to be depressed. so when ppl are giving it the rightful sorrow it deserves#im just standing there like. ah. Right. this Is something really awful. and i Am really broken up about it.#and in the end i know im not going to do anything different. because that's how all my negative emotions go.#Don't Think About It and It Won't Hurt Me. lmao no wonder i have problems with crying.#ive got emotional numbing down to an art form. ive been So good at it ever since i was a teenager.#and im gonna keep leaning on it however much i need to. better to be fake happy than true miserable.#pretend youre happy for long enough and it starts to feel real (until it doesnt). i'll take the fake shit over reality any day.#negative/#i guess.
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