#so my spoons are spend
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Things I did today #41 March 11 2024
Found bag and (re)packed for upcoming trip (Sweden on Friday)
Painted a sign for concerts in Sweden
Drew some fanart
Practiced memorizing a song ("Bluza")
Went to support group meeting
Received a package
Cooked dinner
Washed dishes
Booked train ticket for May
#ngl it is only almost nine but I am exhausted#and looking at this list I can see why#it looks like a lot#and it feels like a bit#so my spoons are spend#good thing I could use the sleep given I'll wake up earlier tomorrow anyways :'D#tidt#things i did today#findingmicah
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Cross has trouble getting to sleep alone in his room and goes looking for a distraction, but ends up finding a solution for both of them
#UTDR#UTMV#Cross Sans#Killer Sans#Kross ship#(Kinda. It's up to interpretation)#Long post#I'm so sorry I didn't mean for it to be THIS much#I started this like a week ago -A-#Lies down and lets out a long howl it's finisheeeeeed#I could have just drawn them spooning and written the rest but noooo I love to do things the hard way#Anyway I think they should be bed buddies#The company helps Cross relax enough to sleep and the touch helps knock Killer out#Cross has to be big spoon because otherwise Killer's soul gets squished and it's too uncomfortable to sleep#Also I realised Cross and Nightmare are the only two in the castle who didn't have knock knock jokes in their backstory#I like to imagine Nightmare has had similar confusing interactions with at least one of them#Cross probably spends the rest of the day panicked that he overstepped a boundary or the others will make fun of him#Not realising that Dust and Horror have fallen asleep together many times#Or that Killer hasn't slept properly in weeks and he's in heaven#I'm NOT drawing a follow up so just imagine Killer coming to Cross's room the next night and finding every excuse to stay#Because he wants it to happen again but he has no idea how to ask (and also Cross seems kinda awkward about it)#Absolutely terrified that I spent my whole week off working on this and it might be not that great so I hope at least one person likes this
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Is this canon? Technically no.
Is it even In character? Absolutely not!
Do I care? Not really!
Locus is my blorbo and i can put him in annoying situations, like having a small squad of annoying but just-good-enough-to-not-kill-them Feds, if i want to
#rvb#red vs blue#rvb locus#my art#batsy art#samuel ‘locus’ ortez#rvb oc: the clovers#necoda ‘neko’ micce#anton pavoz#neko looks tall when he’s next to anton and ivia#but he’s like barely 5’6 so when you stick him next to 6’2 locus#anton: ive seen his chest plate more than his helmet#ivia: you can see his chest plate? (shes 5��� even she cant see shit)#i dont have the spoons to work on my bigger pieces bc i have commissions coming up which yay money#but it means i need to consolidate my art energy for a bit and my brain is like nooo my blorbos#in the words of the fave: unfortunate!#i need to get paid tho#so instead: silly doodle time#little guys#no ivia bc i only had a small corner of my sketchbook left and she didnt fit sorry bestie#in my heart shes off helping dr grey she doesnt really get a lot of spare time to spend w her boys until the armies merge#and the medic population doubles#so do the soldiers but theyre consolidated now at the pirates shoot to kill with much better aim so…ya know#batsy do u ever not ramble in your tags? no this is my stream of thought for future me#and anyone bored enough to actually read my tags#i still have beef with the prefect helmet i hate drawing it i love its look im punting it into the sun
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OMORITOBER DAY 14: LIBRARY
i like to imagine spirit mari tossing down her favorite memories for omori to read while peeking around to see omori's reaction :3
i was thinkin of drawing her too, but honestly i wasnt very sure what pose to do and i was a bit tired !!
thanks to @/ntrogensolar for the omoritober prompt list!
extra rant in the tags ab why this isnt a full piece!
#artists on tumblr#omori#omori fanart#omoritober#inktober#ez_draws#ez_rants#so heres the deal#i get very tired easily with the whole onyl certain amount of 'spoons' per day thing#i spend most of my time doing my homework#and after that i feel like ive gotta finish the drawing for the day#this means i subconsiously sacrifice time doing things that i truly wanna do including spending time with my friends and doing other things#if i prioritize doing the things that i want to do a little more than this challenge#it ends with me kiiinnddaaa staying up pretty late trying to finish the art#and also lower quality art in general!#however i dont wanna quit the challenge just yet; we'll see how things go but for now i was thinking just doing a sketch! it allows me to-#still do a daily drawing which is great for someone who sometimes goes months without drawing and still not burning myself out on the dail#for example - this drawing took about an hour even though i took my time! and i was also able to spend time with friends and family and-#still be productive! i know i dont have to explain myself; its my art after all but yk i like to explain stuff especially when in relation#to my art! i wanna make sure the art i make is something i truly enjoy and not a plaguing responsibility- so i'll be adapting this-#challenge to my own needs! anyway thats all- sorry for the long rant! and congrats to the people who have enough time and motivation to do#the full challenge!!!#ok byebyeee! and i might be posting more silly sketches in my free time!#rant over <3
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Based on your "Jayce sometimes forgets Vi and Jinx aren’t biologically related" and "Silco is food with Piltite kids" i present you "Piltite kids ask what kind of pretty Isha will be"
This tiny munchkis meeting baby Isha during a part/Piltover event and asking Silco questions about babys until one ask him if she is going to be pretty like Miss Vi or like Miss Jinx. They debate until one says she looks pretty like Mr Viktor.
Kid: Mr Viktor is super pretty! Mr Talis said so!
So now Silvo has a few questions for our dear Jayce
Oh yeah the average Piltite kid does not realise Vi and Jinx are adopted unless someone (for example their parents) tells them. You'd get the ones that ask how they have pink/blue hair while Silco (and Vander when he's around). Which if they ask Silco the question get the straightforward answer of "the girls became ours after their their parents were killed". And if they ask Jinx she will come up with some on the spot about how they fell into a vat of toxic chemicals when they were young, no that's just what eating x-thing does want to try some?
Quick joke comment: how many parents have had to rapidly herd their own kid away from Silco before he unintentionally tells them how babies are actually made (or without knowing pokes holes in the story their parents told them about how babies are made leaving them with Questions for their parents)?
And, yeah, Isha does look a lot like Viktor so that kid isn't wrong she's like him.
Silco knows that objectively Viktor is rather pretty. Hell, it's probably been a bit of a joke since Viktor was young that he took the best bits from both his parents because how did they make such a good-looking kid. But it's a bit different having children generally commenting that Viktor's pretty and knowing that Jayce, Viktor's 'partner', seemingly permanent shadow, who stares at Viktor adoringly whenever Viktor isn't looking at him, is saying that Viktor is pretty.
#Arcane#Arcane mpreg#mpreg#Zaun Family#Silco Arcane#Ramblings of the Goddess#Q and A with the Goddess#Anon question#I was the kid who was just told how babies were made#In an age appropriate way#I was told that a dad and a mum go to bed together#and dad puts his sperm in mums eggs in her belly#and then the baby grows in her belly and she gives birth to it#I remember clearly because I misheard sperm as spoon#and was forever in my own head trying to figure out#how the spoon got in there (did it go through the belly button?)#and I can safety confirm that that#wasn't the thing that fucked me up in my childhood#Also the kids are probably most able to corner Silco when he's feeding Isha#because he does spend a lot of time at the events/parties#Doing Business and Talking To Adults#so interactions with the kids in attendance tend to be passing#but while he's not shy about nursing it's also not the easiest to do while walking around talking#so he'll find a corner (keep his back protected) and sit down to feed her#and that's when the kids can come quiz him without him excusing himself to talk to another adult#with the first question often being 'What are you doing?'
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i think i'm starting to really like writing again :D this will have consequences
#just me hi#oho so my beloved is back from the war huh [<- had locked the doors and windows to keep its 'beloved' out and forgot about it]#that old itch to just start slapping sounds i know on a doc and hoping in 3 days it still makes sense is back lol :3#/can't read the last thing i wrote yet cuz it hasn't been three days </3#rule is i have to spend the same amount of time away from it as i spent working on it. including editing. sad!#it Does help my brain reset though. and forget about literally everything bfhvsjgh#and i know it's possible for me to finish this kinda stuff now so like. Woho !!#the power. the Powerrrr#/also tryna get more comfortable with sharing my writing so i'm starting by sending small finished stuff to like 2 people i trust kfvshg#i can handle unwarranted critiques of my art but i am not at a stage for my writing where it won't cause like international#devastation and that's goofy so Pfvhsh 👍#we're working on it :)#and i think people's reactions are amusing so ehehehghehghgehg :3 a bonus :33#//yea though i'm gonna go put some more obleas in the freezer#obleeeeeeeeaaaa can't wait to seeeee yaaaaaa. on. my. Plaaaaate#btw shoutout to eating a spoonful of cajeta at like 1 in the morning thinking everyone's asleep and then you look up and younger#sibling no. 4 is there staring dead into your eyeballs like. is there anymore#and you go uhhh yea. and then as he's walking around to get some younger sibling no. 3 rises up from seemingly nowhere like I Want Some Too#lmfshvhf#and then you're all just sitting up for about 2 more hours just talking about very dumb things and having cajeta. illegally but still hfbvh#//anyway i'm gonna depart now :) ciao toodles lol :3
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I don't know if it was the audio quality or not but it's so hilarious that Eddie just goes BUCK in such a loud voice. It's giving me 'I'm so cool with my queer best friend I'm so supportive' 😭✋🏽. "You look great together" and he sounds strangled, still talking in a high pitch voice. "Have fun, stay safe!", he probably says as he grins too wide while clutching his forgotten girlfriend's hand tightly.
#idk#it's just funny to think about Eddie being extra enthusiastic to show that he supportive and is A-okay with Buck being bi#but he just makes everything awkward lol#and buck's like what are you doing#and Eddie's like supporting you!#and also I'm a huge fan of Eddie spending his entire date talking about Buck#because he actually so would#mr i learned maths from my gf#also low-key jealous eddie#he'd be like: personally i wouldn't have chosen this place for my first date#and: oh! oh no i would NOT have chose THAT wine buck doesn't even like that one much#and marisol is there like be for real right now#and he's clutching the spoon so hard his fingers are turning white as he cheerily says: tommy's a-he's a nice guy he'd be good for buck#buddie#911 abc#911 spoilers#PLS i NEED unhinged eddie trying to be supportive but also low-key jealous#and keeps doing this until someone points out what he's doing#and he's like WHY AM I LIKE THIS#and someone shakes him like: because you're in love with him!#eddie diaz#evan buckley#evan buck buckley
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my classmates will go thru 6 hours of class the day after a long excursion through the countryside and then just get up and go run around in town for hours going to movies and shopping and whatever and I'm just sitting here like Aren't you all exhausted . Aren't you all sore and pained. Where are you getting this energy. Can we calm down
#if nothing else this trip has really opened my eyes to how much chronic pain/fatigue does impact my life compared to others#i dunno I guess I just never really noticed. but I just don't have the energy other people do. Not even close. Not even a little bit#I go through a day of class and relish in the thought of spending the rest of my day resting because the agony in my legs#and the unbearable tiredness I feel just beckons me to collapse into bed#but everyone else is just so . energized. and ready to explore. and wanting to run all over the place and do 1 million things all the time#and this is normal? this is how normal people are? Because I'm the only one out of my entire class who seems to be the opposite#everyone just has so much energy. and I Do Not have that energy. I had to stand for most of the past three hours and it's taken me out#for the day i'll be honest. but everyone else just seems so undaunted#and it sucks because i'd love to hang out with these people and join them and whatever but when I do force myself along i'm just so tired#and so pained that all my responses are either dry or i don't say anything at all. i'm just completely out of spoons but I hang on because#i Hate the feeling of being left behind#oh well. eye-opening experience I guess#vent#<- it became that so yeah I'm tagging it#clamtalk#and also? my bee sting? IT ITCHES. Who was going to tell me it'd do that. What the Fuck Man
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#[ hellooo guys! ;O;/ ]#[ been spending time with my family so i've been too busy to be on here ]#[ now i have some days to relax and hopefully be on here ]#[ i'm so tiredddd and my health is kicking my ass fjfjfjfj ]#[ WILL RECOVER !! ]#[ also trying to get my artfight attacks done >-< so much to do ]#[ my creative energy has been suffering recently ahaha ]#[ AND I BET IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN KEPT AWAY FROM NNOI ]#[ A CRIME ]#[ LET ME SPEND TIME WITH MY SPOON ]#[ -knife emojis- ]#[ hope you're all doing good guys!! thank you very much for your patience IT'S SUPER APPRECIATED !! ]#toby post. ╱ out of character.
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I have brought the two halves of Spacehead back together. I now await my significant other to join me with glitter glue.
#I thought glitter glue would be fitting. Glitter is just tangible interactive stars after all is it not?#For now though I sit in the void and wait.#This is fine. I spend most of my time in the void anyway.#The broken half of the House froze over but everyone in it should be fine. Freeze overs aren't uncommon here.#We will have to step it up a bit though. I only wish we could do so more often but alas. We two take up too many spoons to front normally.#Yes the idea IS to literally glue the house back together. Don't worry Dark if you ever read this‚ it'll fade with time.#pk;m Mischief⚘#I do not expect this to hold for the record. What we're doing is forcing and speeding up recovery.#Whatever happened is a result of stress and it'll truly fix itself when the stress dies down.#While I'm here I'll try to remove the starmates from the broken half of the House into the other half and see if they defrost.#If so‚ good! If not‚ I tried. they'll defrost in due time.#... I can also possibly fix Bill's injuries with glitter glue too I think that'd look cute. Like a hell.o K.itty bandaid but not.#Anyways. tl;dr: forcing things right now and it won't hold but once life Stops being horrid things will fix itself.#I just need to gather everyone in one spot for the time being.#Anyways! With that said I shall put the body to sleep and update in the morning. Goodnight!
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#I’m so fucking burnt out#I have -300 spoons right now#and I have no fucking clue how to get out of the negatives#going from thanksgiving to a family trip (driving 24 hours both ways and spending a week…. took everything out of me) to Christmas#to new years to family birthdays#and I live with my parents so I’ve been helping them with stuff nonstop for the past month#I’m exhausted and so so so fucking hopeless#feel like the only way for me to be happy or work on my happiness again is if I move#but that’s so fucking unlikely#and I don’t even want to think about how much housing is going to change after the presidents change#I’m so scared#I can’t live here anymore#but I have no where else to go#and I don’t want anyone to get me wrong - I know I’m so lucky to have a roof over my head#but being this unhappy every single day for the past 2 years is really getting to me#I cant live like this anymore I just can’t#it’s not living it’s not even fucking surviving I’m just here#I’ve been working so damn hard went to 2 different mental health programs been seeing a therapist every week#seeing a psychiatrist a lot to figure out my meds#but I’m still like this and I just don’t know anymore#I’m so tired#sorry ignore me#shut up rosie
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Ughh I feel so guilty rn for calling out of work tomorrow midway through my shift today
#I’m watching my moms senior dogs who can’t be left alone but my partner is at home#until he flies to FL on Wednesday for his brothers graduation so I asked for just mon and tues in office#then my phone blows up as soon as I get to work with my partner asking all the things the dogs need for feeding time#like I love him but I just needed this morning and tomorrow morning to be covered by him#cause Im juggling + dealing with a revolving door of people every morning in office#so I was kind of like ‘hey man I’m struggling I really just need you to do this and like write it down or smth’#and he was like ‘I’m struggling too’ and I asked what’s going on#of course this week is the anniversary of his dads death#plus his brothers graduation in FL (so he’s spending money on plane tickets etc)#and then my moms senior dogs really need like constant care which is beyond our spoons rn#anyway I cried to my manager and told him I just can’t do in office this week at all#and like idk sometimes I feel manipulative about crying but also I’m not good at regulating my emotions#so my day is kind of like ‘this is fine this is fine this is fine everything is fine this is just a little annoying’#until suddenly I’m on the verge like ‘THIS IS NOT FINE AND I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE’
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me: so i've somehow become the de facto leader of my raid group and there's all this drama and i think i'm bad at dealing with it my therapist: it's interesting that you're the leader of things...that's good right? me: oh no this happens a lot and it's terrible. you know how in skyrim you show up at mage college like "hello yes, i'd like to learn magic" and they're like "that's great, we're having this problem, can you help us?" and you're like "okay sure i guess" and they're like "great, thank you, also you're the leader now b/c you did the stuff" and this happens with every single organization in that game?? This is my life. like i just wander into groups wanting to participate/do stuff and then since i'm the only one who is willing to organize anything i somehow become in charge. my therapist: fascinating! ngl i'm so proud of you for making communities! reaching out! nature is healing! me: i feel like you are not understanding the problem tho :3
#text post#personal#i guess it's a good sign that it's happened again#but also ugh#i don't want to be the leader i want to be the general#like 2nd in command is ideal#you have all the power to organize things but you don't have to deal with people so much lol#also i dont have the spoons to spend a day on discord with someone who can't be on time and just spits vitriol and excuses at me#like that's not fun#gamer drama#we are all too old for this shit fam#my colead just wants to kick this person and i'm like oh no but that's mean but after their shit all day i'm also like idk now#like there's only so much abuse a person can take#all i asked is that they were on time and they like exploded i was like this is not serious but if you want to play you show up#also they accused me of being power hungry and i'm like do you think i want to herd all you cats and beg you to be on time b/c i do not#i just want to do endgame content with some semblance of prog
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I hate having an ed so much but i dont know if it also links up with the days where my body just refuses food like I eat and then my body rejects it before i even get to chew it
#or I cant even grab an utensil to eat#this is why i prefer smaller foods that i can eat with my hands cuz it removes the barrier that forks and spoons give me#also when the food is slightly off from how i usedmto have it before my body rejects it too#but i can tell wehn its like 'ok no more food' and 'this food is different'#ed mention#ed trigger warning#? i dont know#I am like 5k underweight or more so uehhffcvv But i eat a lot of sweets so its not visible plus my mom wants ti cut out my sweets so thats#gonna be horrible for bugspray nation#Ive been like this for so long i remember being like 7 and being rlly happy that i lost some weight which isnt good for someone who#has been 6 feet tall since they were like 14#Anyway im gonna spend the entire afternoon trying to eat fish fingers without my body rejecting them (will fail)#ed's a bitch and im losing the bitch off
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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i finally did my dishes after three weeks
#boink#ocd#theyve been building up#ive been scared#it took me an hour to do#i had a plate#a mug#two cups#two spoons#a fork#a thermos#a water bottle#but its done#so#yeah#its also 1am and i have class in nine hours#but my dishes are done#everything is still falling apart#but my dishes are done.#yeah.. i mean ive been dehydrated bc i dont have anything to drink from#spending extra for certain food bc i cant use my utensils#avoiding my desk like the plague#but theyre done now#god#its such a relief
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