despairforme

[despairforme]

Fuck .

[despairforme]

FUCK HIS LIFE. He'd gone and fucking done it now, huh? Shit. Honestly it had just been a matter of time. If anything, it was fucking shocking that this hadn't happened sooner.

So, what was it that had happened? Well - he'd been arrested. Some pussy ass bitch he'd beat the shit out of had actually pressed assault charges against him. Can you fucking believe that shit? Nnoitra got angry just thinking about it. Considering HE, himself, would never do something as cowardly as involve the police in a personal dispute. He knew he should consider himself lucky for not being in fucking prison right now.

Then again...

This place was one of the last places he wanted to be. The judge had ( god knows why ) gone easy on him. Maybe because he didn't have a prior criminal record ( even though he should've been sent to prison ages ago ). Whatever the reason, he'd been sentenced to community service, on condition that he also attended anger management classes, and group therapy. He was wondering if just jumping off a bridge would be less painful than this shit.

This was it, huh? He'd been told the room number. 12. The sign on the door said 12. He looked at it with a blank stare, like he was about to head into war or something. The door was already half-way open, and when he looked inside, he could see that it was beginning to fill up with people. Uncomfortable chairs were placed in a circle, as if preparing for some kinda ritual.

He walked in. People looked at him, like they always did. Tall and skinny as he was - with his large eyepatch. He drew attention. He couldn't help but think that he was exactly the sort of person who you'd think would assault someone and land in trouble for it. Stereotypes were a thing for a reason.

He sat down, looking awkward in the chair because of how tall he was. The seats were beginning to fill up. Nobody sat down next to him, until there were no other seats available. Nnoitra looked around the room, and noted the different kinds of people. He'd thought there would be mostly guys, but honestly there was a good mix of both. Maybe women were just more likely to agree to therapy. One chick kinda stood out to him. She was tiny and blonde and had a bandaged hand. It didn't look like she belonged.

The session would start. The therapist ( Nnoitra assumed ), began by greeting everyone, and saying she was glad so many had showed up.

"We have two new faces here today. Would you like to introduce yourselves? Maybe we can start with you, tall fellow." She said, gesturing towards Nnoitra. He arched a brow. He was not socially awkward or shy, but this was a new situation for him to be in, so he did hesitate - if only for a moment. He wondered if he should stand or just remain seated.

❝ Sure. I'm Nnoitra. ❞ He said.

"It's nice of you to join us, Nnoitra." said the therapist. He had to commend her for making it sound genuine. Like she was actually glad he was here. "Do you want to tell us why you're here?"

No, not really. He figured the less cooperative he was, the worse this would get.

❝ I beat the shit 'outta some guy, 'n now the cops think I need 'ta be here. 'Daz it. ❞ No need to sugar coat it or lie.

The next person who would introduce themselves was actually the chick Nnoitra had noted for not fitting in. The small blonde one.

Everything that the too thin blonde had gone through in her short life had brought her so much anger. Her emotions were volatile, and she had a penchant for getting her into trouble at this point. Kaisa was always more on the aggressive side, even before her seemingly good life was torn from her she had a habit of punching walls or getting into fights when she was more or less in need of blowing off steam. Nowadays, her anger took on a different approach. It wasn’t as self-directed as it once been. Instead, she was much more likely to find someone to hit.

She felt as though she had acted accordingly when she assaulted someone who was harassing another girl who couldn’t have been much older than her. Unfortunately, she went too far and ended up landing him in the hospital. She had been angry to begin with that day and went out, looking for someone to hurt. The man pressed charges even though she thought she had every right to do what she did. It was her first offense as an adult, and so, she’d been sentenced to anger management classes and group therapy to attempt to quell her anger.

Forest green eyes were dark as she walked into the group therapy room for the first time. He had her long blonde curls in a low ponytail, and her left hand was bandaged, like she punched a wall recently. She was slight, didn’t seem like she could hold her own in a fight with how petite she looked. With the cooling weather she wore and green and black plaid flannel shirt over a black tee and dark gray jeans. The girl really didn’t look much like someone who would likely be seen in a mandatory anger management group.

Kaisa’s jaw was tense as she took a seat in the circle and slouched in the chair, crossing her lean arms over her chest. She could feel eyes on her from a couple of others in the group and glared at them. Kaisa didn’t want to be there, and if she truly had a choice, she wouldn’t have been. It was only due to the prodding of her friends and legalities that made her go.

There was one person in the room who caught her eye. She noted his lean frame and height, along with his long black hair. Before she suspected he would catch her staring, Kaisa looked away, impatiently tapping her fingers on her arm. She was new there and wasn't sure if there were others there for the first time or not. She suspected she wasn’t the only one who was required to be there, but it didn’t make it any better in her opinion. Group would start soon, and she didn’t feel like she’d want to engage in whatever discussion would ensue. She mentally prepared to either check out or watch each member of the group while they spoke.

@despairforme

[despairforme]

@desgarron ,, continued .

It had just been a joke. Nnoitra rarely joked, just because his mood was always too fucking shitty for humour. Which meant that right now - his mood was really good. Otherwise he would've said nothing. Or, he could've said something biting. He could've expressed disappointment about the fact that Grimmjow was alive. Not like Nnoitra actually thought the other died in the World of the Living. It had just been a stupid story, shared between the lower ranked Arrancar, that the Sexta had gone and got himself killed by humans. Hah, AS IF. Grimmjow was much too strong for that.

He was ranked just below Nnoitra, after all.

Nnoitra had seen Grimmjow display impressive strength, and he was fully aware that at some point, he would have to kill the Sexta, or the other might be inclined to think their strength was on par with each other. That he might become the Quinto by taking Nnoitra down.

Not today though. He wasn't in the mood. Besides, when he decided to kill Grimmjow, he'd do it in one strike, at a point when the other was vulnerable.

❝ Idiot. Ya could'a just said agreed. ❞ Nnoitra's "joke" had been pretty close to a compliment, so why did Grimmjow have to be all pissy about it? ❝ You're right though, I wouldn't give a shit if ya died - we're all gonna die, all'a the Espada. Aizen 's gonna get us all killed. ❞ He said it casually and in a matter-of-fact way. Like he was talking about tomorrow's weather or whatever.

[despairforme]

Her reiatsu told him that she was a Shinigami - but she sure dressed strangely. No uniform. Maybe she was an outcast? Did they kick her out because she was too small? Wouldn't surprise him. He was interested in seeing her weapon though. Surely, it had to be big, if she'd honestly thought it could compare to his.

She DID look impressed with the size of Santa Teresa - as she fucking should be. Nnoitra's weapon was the largest among the Arrancar. It had to be big, right? Otherwise there was no way it could turn into an endless supply of arms when he released it. ❝ Tone shit down? Nah, that ain't me. ❞ He grinned. She called his blade "good", but commented that the gaps were big. Swing it across rather than through? Nah. Through was the most fun part. Trapping someone in the deadly crescent shape. His grin turned into an annoyed frown when she called his arms skinny. He fucking HATED it when people commented on that - he knew his frame didn't look strong. Which was annoying as hell. He would've loved to have a body that reflected his power. ❝ 'Daz 'cause I'm fuckin' strong. ❞ He sneered.

Finally, he got to see her blade. Like all other Shinigami, she had to release it to show its true shape - or it would just look like any other katana.

It WAS large. Looked even bigger than it really was - due to how small the wielder was. It was a large cleaver, with a clearly serrated edge, almost saw-like. He liked the look of it, and his mood was lifted again. He also liked her release call. Chop Cleanly. Made him think of food. Certainly better than his own; PRAY.

He was grinning again.

❝ They say the Zanpakuto match the reiatsu 'a the wielder, yeah? Guess my aura 's just massive. ❞ She was not claiming that "size doesn't matter" , which was good. - size always mattered. ❝ At least yours looks pretty comfortable 'ta wield. ❞ He flexed his fingers, as if to get a feel for how her Zanpakuto would be to hold. ❝ Santa Teresa's handle 's too thin. ❞ Nnoitra had WAY too big hands for that skinny handle.

@despairforme continued.

HAH? Did she seriously think SHE had the biggest Zanpakuto? What a fucking joke. Nnoitra arched his brow, before his expression turned smug, big teeth peeking out. He was one of the only Arrancar who walked around with his Zanpakuto drawn at all times. He couldn't exactly put Santa Teresa away. Back when he'd been the Octavo, he'd been able to wear his Zanpakuto on his back, but after he became the Quinto, and Santa Teresa doubled in size? That was no longer possible. His only option was to always carry his weapon, dragging it along and creating a trade-mark trail behind him, be it in the sand or in the stone of Las Noches.

She'd requested to see his weapon, and so he'd show her. He was briefly tempted to whip his dick out, just for fun - it was a good opportunity for that, but in the end he was too proud of Santa Teresa to make a joke right now. He swung the giant ax-like weapon around, placing it in front of the TINY chick. Santa Teresa was ENORMOUS. Taller than even Nnoitra himself, and oh so heavy. When Nnoitra thrust it into the ground to make it stand on display, a cloud of dust was kicked up. He grinned.

❝ Yeah, it's pretty big. ❞ Bigger than hers, for sure - even though she DID have a big one.

-x-

Nnoitra’s smile should be eerie. All straight, even teeth. It looks more like a frown than a smile… and yet… it was so familiar. Hiyori could just about make it out as she stared at the former Espada. Former… current? Did it even matter? These rankings were given by Aizen and may be a sincere reflection of their power at that time… but things have changed.

She has also been frequenting Hueco Mundo as of late. Not for picnics, but to find different energy signatures, to collect data for Kisuke on attacks, cero patterns – there was so much to learn. So many things that were not open to them before. In a way, it seems Kisuke was delighted by the way Aizen had shook things up over there. Arrancar, Vaste Lord… so many things…

And… their weapons. Santa Teresa was big and beautiful. The way its metal curved and bent into conjoined twins. She covered her nose and mouth just in time, squinting through the cloud of dust it raised… and finally settles at her sandalled feet. It was much bigger than even she had anticipated. Bigger than Tiburon, bigger than most bankai. Judging by sight alone, it was coated in dense black metal, like osmium but part hollow. A soul fused through it… similar to an asauchi…

“Geez - yer not the type ‘ta tone shit down huh?” But she did look impressed. It was not just the unique shape, but it was the linked chains as well. He could use any part of his weapon. It didn’t really have a proper hilt and it didn't seem to bother him.

“Yer blade is good… gaps are big though. Ya gotta swing it across rather than through… ”she notes the large concave curve and grins. “Yer arms are so skinny but ya can move it around like its light."

She slides her own out of its sheathe, the little heart shaped tsuba looking ridiculous against the massive Santa Teresa.

"Let's see - Chop Cleanly, Kubikiri Orochi."

With the command, it was released. A Large, serrated knife twice as tall and about as wide as its petite owner.

Kubikiri Orochi was bigger than most Zanpakuto, but obviously did not match Santa Teresa.

"Why is yers so big..." she pouts.

[despairforme]

What time is it ??

[despairforme]

[despairforme]

Boss music should be playing around him 24/7 !!

[despairforme]

Chewing ice cubes like they're a snack.

[despairforme]

❝ Then ya dunno what strong means. Ain't no STRONG humans. 'N everyone is evil. ❞

'...I do. I maybe a vampire but I am not evil, humans can be weak but I've met humans who were strong as well.'

[despairforme]

[ Now that Xkit doesn't work anymore, how do we cut posts? ]

[despairforme]

[ stole it from the dash 8) ]

[despairforme]

❝ Who the fuck cares what ya'd eat? Ya'd be weak as hell, so ya'd feel like shit. Humans are the weakest creatures. ❞

'.....What makes you say that? I wouldn't have to...survive on blood, I can eat normal things...' / @despairforme

[despairforme]

"Like this!" She's showing him a frying pan and flipping the pancake. "Did you finish mixing the batter?"

Being on friendly terms with Nelliel was something he had never pictured in a million years. There was a time not too long ago when he couldn't have imagined anything other than her being his mortal enemy. For the longest of times, she'd been the person he had despised the most in the whole world. Nnoitra wasn't the type to forgive, or to forget. Yet, his hostility and hatred towards Nelliel seemed very distant now. Like those memories didn't belong to him. Just someone he knew. Or had known. It was almost - almost comical, how ALL it had taken for their relationship to completely change was a conversation.

Nnoitra hadn't exactly enjoyed pouring his heart out ( even though he hadn't said much ). How he felt now compared to before the two of them had talked... There was no comparison. He felt infinitely better now.

He had said he wasn't going to fight her anymore, and he had meant it.

But, honestly --- How had that turned into him cooking with her?

The current scene was bizarre. Nnoitra was more or less having an out-of-body experience. Since he had said he wasn't going to fight her anymore, perhaps she'd thought that also included arguing. True - he hadn't argued when she'd invited him to the Las Noches kitchen. Now he was beginning to think that despite his "no fighting"-promise, he could've at least objected to this idea. To be fair, a good reason for him to go to the kitchen was that he was 100% sure there would be sugar here.

Nelliel was holding a pan, and she elegantly flicked her wrist, making the pancake flip in the air, and the sweet scent of cooked batter filled the room. She was clearly showing him how it was done. If she thought he didn't know jack shit about cooking - she was correct! He was stirring the batter ( he had volunteered for this job ). Not very difficult. There were no more lumps in it, and it looked smooth and drinkable.

❝ Uh, yeah, I'm done. ❞ He was so fucking out of place and it easily showed in his voice. He wasn't commanding the room like he normally would. ❝ But - why do we gotta fry it? Can't we just drink it? ❞ He pointed to the bowl and the batter. Had he just come up with a revolutionary smart way of making pancakes that would save them both time? Seemed that way!

[despairforme]

"Oye... Nnoitra... show me yer weapon. I need 'ta compare if I got the biggest zanpakuto - remembered ya had a big one too!"

HAH? Did she seriously think SHE had the biggest Zanpakuto? What a fucking joke. Nnoitra arched his brow, before his expression turned smug, big teeth peeking out. He was one of the only Arrancar who walked around with his Zanpakuto drawn at all times. He couldn't exactly put Santa Teresa away. Back when he'd been the Octavo, he'd been able to wear his Zanpakuto on his back, but after he became the Quinto, and Santa Teresa doubled in size? That was no longer possible. His only option was to always carry his weapon, dragging it along and creating a trade-mark trail behind him, be it in the sand or in the stone of Las Noches.

She'd requested to see his weapon, and so he'd show her. He was briefly tempted to whip his dick out, just for fun - it was a good opportunity for that, but in the end he was too proud of Santa Teresa to make a joke right now. He swung the giant ax-like weapon around, placing it in front of the TINY chick. Santa Teresa was ENORMOUS. Taller than even Nnoitra himself, and oh so heavy. When Nnoitra thrust it into the ground to make it stand on display, a cloud of dust was kicked up. He grinned.

❝ Yeah, it's pretty big. ❞ Bigger than hers, for sure - even though she DID have a big one.

[despairforme]

Hi, Toby! Because I am genuinely too lazy to look through your blog to see if you've gone into any detail about this but ... like ... what is your take/headcanon on Nnoitra's hollow hole being in his left eye??

[ Watch me ( for once ) actually write a headcanon instead of letting Nnoitra answer it fjfjfjfj ; since it was requested from me. Thank you very much for the ask!

I'm a huge fan of the general headcanon that an Arrancar's hollow hole is the "wound" that caused them to die as humans. I personally don't think it has to be a literal wound though. So, in Nnoitra's case, the fact that his hole goes through his head makes me think: He died from his heavy thoughts. His head killed him. His depression. I'm subscribed to the idea of Nnoitra throwing his life away to suicide, by entering into a battle he knew he couldn't win ( like he tries to do in canon ). Since the left side of the brain is linked to reasoning and logic... Yeah, I mean he is missing in this department so it fits.

As for the left eye, there is a lot of symbolism regarding this. In Taoism, the left eye is linked to the moon, while the right symbolizes the sun. So it fits perfectly with Nnoitra's moon theme. I also like the thought of him only being able to see "one side" of things, since he only has one eye. He only sees the negative - the despair. No hope.

Hope this makes sense! >-< Thank you again for sending!! ]

[despairforme]

Renji zooms by, throws a snack at him and leaves.

A snack was a snack. He didn't need to be HANDED it - he was a monster not a CHILD. Whatever it was that the redhaired Shinigami threw at him, it certainly was edible, and Nnoitra would catch it in his mouth, like a dog. If it was a soft snack, then he'd just swallow it whole. If it was crunchy, then he'd chew a few times ( he really liked crunchy textures ). He was pleased enough NOT to chase after the Shinigami, to make him his second snack. Or perhaps meal.

Nah, he was pleased.

For the time being anyway.

[despairforme]

Returns from a long walk.