#despair for me. ╱ in character.

[despairforme]

So Nnoitra, what's your type? and is it different if you want a relationship and if you want to just fuck? :3c Tell uss

❝ My type, huh? ❞

Well, that depended, if we were talking chick or dude here. What Nnoitra looked for in a woman was completely different to what he looked for in a man. ❝ Yeah, of course it's different if I'm gonna date her. ❞ That was the same for everyone, right? When it came to dating, you got more picky. Nnoitra more or less had NO standards when it came to who he slept with. He'd fuck anyone, as long as he found them attractive enough ( and, again, he was not picky ).

He wasn't going to go on a long-ass rant and list everything he was looking for in a partner. It would be laughable, because an asshole like him should just take whatever he could get.

❝ Mah, just gimme a chick with big tits who can cook 'n we're good. ❞ Too dismissive? Maybe.

Of course, he had traits that he'd describe as his type.

For WOMEN: He liked them girly. He wanted them to have soft lips and soft skin, wide hips and squishy tits. Large boobs were a bonus, of course, and the hips should match. Height didn't matter to him, because there were no women who were taller than him anyway ( not even the tallest woman in the world was taller than him ). He'd prefer for her to be dainty and cute though.

These were the physical attributes that could make a woman his type, which was the only thing that was important if he was going to fuck her. If he was going to date her, however, then quite a lot more traits had to be added.

She'd need to know how ( and enjoy ) to cook and clean - that and regular sex was like 99% of the reason to even date a woman, right? Being bitchy, complaining a lot, or being condescending with him was an immediate turn-off. He'd like for her to be obedient and loving with him, but to not treat him like a fucking child or a pet. He didn't need that. He also HATED when women thought they could "fix him", like he was some fucking charity project.

She just needed to be kind to him and respect him. He had no patience for the "girlboss" trope. He did wonder if his "ideal" woman would get boring in the long run though. He had no experience with dating women, so he was unsure of how the relationship would work in real life. Thinking about it was one thing - living it might be way different.

And, of course - she HAD to match his sex drive. Like hell he was going to get with a woman who wouldn't let him fuck her regularly.

When it came to guys ---

Well, Nnoitra had A LOT more experience with that. Both when it came to dating, and just casual sex.

For MEN: Nnoitra liked masculine guys. Broad shoulders, wide chests - ab muscles. Strong jawlines, big hands. Deep voices. He'd never be with a guy taller than him, but there was little chance of finding a guy like that anyway. Nnoitra would pretty much fuck any guy who could be redeemed even remotely handsome. As long as they weren't too feminine. Feminine guys were a turn-off for him.

As for dating a guy---

Sure, he had experience, but then again, his relationships had gone to hell, and he didn't even know WHY. Mah, he probably couldn't blame anyone but himself, huh?

Trying to picture the perfect guy to date... Just someone fun. A good looking guy who could brighten his days. Nnoitra liked a bit of a challenge. A bit of banter, as long as it didn't turn into disrespect. He'd like to be challenged to become stronger, and he imagined a good boyfriend could do that for him. Man, he'd just like to be able to laugh with a guy again.

Lame.

Oh, yeah, and of course the guy would have to be just as into sex as himself. Bonus if he was at least a little kinky. Nnoitra figured vanilla sex with a guy would get boring really quickly.

[despairforme]

He didn't mind that she'd been scared of him at first ( or at least intimidated by him ). He WANTED to be intimidating. He would never be friendly for no reason, but he wasn't going to display aggression towards someone who didn't bring that out of him ( it was very easy to make him aggressive though ). He chuckled to her "woman's tuition" comment. Considering how man times he'd been called a misogynist... Her woman's tuition might be off. Not that he'd tell her that. Why call himself out?

When she said she wasn't afraid of much these days - He was surprised. He wondered how it was possible to be that physically weak without being scared. Being defenceless... It was one of his nightmares. Feeling weak was the WORST, which was why he hated being sick.

She was afraid ( or at least made uncomfortable ) of guys who wouldn't take no for an answer. Nnoitra knew that no such guy would dare approach her as long as she was with him. Maybe someone who was shit-faced drunk. They'd soon fucking regret it. The last thing Nnoitra would allow was someone hitting on his girl.

❝ Ya can call me. ❞ He said, reassuring her. ❝ Or if ya know yer gonna be walkin' somewhere alone, ya can lemme know, 'n I'mma come walk ya. ❞ Unless he was busy at work. Protecting her was pretty much the ONE service he could offer in a relationship, so of course he was eager to do that. He needed to be needed. Otherwise there was no point, right? Otherwise he was just fucking useless.

❝ Real men are protective 'a their girl. ❞ Nnoitra explained to her with a grin.

she can believe that hearing such a thing might be a first for him. he's quite the intimidating individual, and she remembers feeling that way in the beginning of their friendship. still, agatha was somehow able to push past that feeling and was able to become friends with nnoitra. " well, i kind of was, at first, but... i don't know, i just had a gut feeling that i could trust you. woman's intuition, if people still call it that. " she says with a soft laugh. regardless of what it was called, it was a feeling agatha listened to, and it very rarely steered her wrong.

" oh, i'm not afraid of much these days. i still run into pushy guys that try to get my number or try to get me to go home with them but, " agatha scrunches her nose a little, " usually they back off after a bit. there's only been a few instances where that has made me uncomfortable. just... guys who won't take 'no' or 'sorry, i'm not interested' for an answer. " not that any one of them have tried to do anything to her, it just made agatha wary, especially whenever she had to walk anywhere at night.

sometimes she'd have the misfortune of having to walk home after work.

agatha's smile returns and she looks back up at nnoitra. " but i'd be sure to call or text if someone just won't leave me alone. " she assures him, giving a nod. she would very much like to feel like someone has her back in moments like that, rather than worrying that being so firm and insistent won't work. agatha knows she would feel safer in that moment of him coming to her rescue. nnoitra never gave her a reason to feel or be scared, so why wouldn't she feel safe when they're together? he's never raised his voice to her in anger, never attempted to hurt her physically or emotionally. so no, she feels very comfortable and at ease when she's near him.

[yoldels]

Playing through Sdr2 for the first time with some friends! We all agreed that everyone BUT Akane is transgender for the bit LMAO

[lonelyzarquon]

Kathryn Hahn as Clare Tiny Beautiful Things (2023) | 1.01 Pilot

[despairforme]

Okay, but why the fuck isn't he being prioritized?

[despairforme]

That was exactly the reaction he wanted. Just something simple. No long speech about how SORRY she felt for him. There was nothing Nnoitra hated more than pity. She didn't dismiss him either. She just acknowledged him, and then moved onto a different subject. Nnoitra felt surprisingly relieved. It wasn't often he talked this much about himself.

Nnoitra took the spoon, and began to eat. The flavour was rich and warm. Of course he would eat ALL the pieces of beef first. Meat > Vegetables any day of the week. What? He needed the protein.

❝ Oh, yeah, 'daz him alright. Just don't call him bald, he thinks he's wearin' a buzzcut. ❞ Nnoitra laughed. ❝ He works at the club. ❞ And he was one of Nnoitra's only male friends ( strangely enough ). He supposed other dudes simply could not deal with his alpha energy. ❝ I'd hook ya up with him, but I don't think he's single. ❞ Nnoitra grinned. Yeah, Adelha REALLY needed to date someone. She clearly loved taking care of people, so why didn't she devote her energy into taking care of a boyfriend? That was a mystery to Nnoitra.

Adelha listens to look sad at the end. But she soon shakes her head to then hand Nnoitra a spoon for his stew. "I'm glad your missing eye doesn't cause you any more pain. But now I'm really looking forward to seeing you at your best in the ring."

Adelha has several bites of the stew to then hum in pure enjoyment. The lady soon grinning openly. "Perfect. Just the right amount of spices and vegetables to balance out the beef. Especially when I added extra beef to it for us." Adelha chuckles to have more of the stew and then pause. Looking like something just struck her. "Wait a moment. You mentioned someone named Ikkaku? I feel like I've heard that name before somewhere. But it wasn't at my shop."

The lady thinks for a good long moment as she enjoys dipping a bread roll into the stew to munch on. But she soon has a realization to then look quite surprised. "It was when I picked my cousin Matvei up from his job at the fitness center! He mentioned that someone named Ikkaku Madarame came in for a job interview. Bald but seriously toned with muscles like he lifted weights. Would that be the Ikkaku you mentioned that works with you?"

[despairforme]

What time is it ??

[vaguely-concerned]

This might be due to the fact that on my first playthrough I ended up creating a Rook more emotionally guarded than any of the companions except Minrathous-route Lucanis and perhaps Neve, so I was primed to look for it, but I never got the sense that the companions don’t care for Rook (the thought never even occurred to me until I saw other people post about it) — to me it seems much more like it’s Rook who keeps the last bit of distance, Rook who pulls away when the companions try to extend their care or worry too directly, who keeps themselves slightly apart. (Rook who is so full of grief they cannot know as grief and thus process that there’s no room inside them to let anything else all the way in, perhaps.) They deflect and flinch back when someone gets too close or approaches them too overtly about their feelings — especially when it brushes up against the theme of grief. They can offer care to all the companions who are grieving, come along to any number of funerals as emotional support, but the moment someone turns that towards them they shut that shit down Immediately, like when Taash almost gives the whole game away with ‘Like you’d know? You act like you haven’t lost anyone!’ and Rook just blandly responds ‘We’re talking about you’ and doesn’t engage. But they can also admit that they struggle with accepting compliments, or knowing what to say, or having confidence in themselves without Varric’s help.

Despite all their determination and even in their most stoic no-nonsense incarnation, Rook is awkward, with the struggles that entails. Someone who is eager and happy to be the helper wherever they can, and helplessly unequipped to know how to be the helpee, as it were. It’s not that the companions don’t return Rook’s attachment to them, there’s MUCH more of a ‘okay so what are the ways you will allow me to be good to you??’ desperation of care vibe behind all their invitations to conversations and hangouts together, to my mind. They bring Rook to their favourite places and share the things they love with them, they ask to spend time together (many times just to have their company, not because they have a problem they need help with! Sometimes the problem arises anyway b/c video game quest narrative of course), they bring them out for some direly needed grass touching, they introduce them to their families. Everyone is clearly getting the sense that Rook does Not want to talk about Varric especially (this is in fact what Harding says in banter, if she’s still alive after the reveal :’( ), but they are absolutely SCRAMBLING to find ways to show that they’re there for them even so. AND from the companions’ perspective, with the situation as they have the means to understand it, accepting that Rook isn’t ready to have that conversation and backing off is also a kind thing to do. (tl;dr: To Me Rook is that weirdly socialized friend who is a great hang once they’re actually there but you have to directly invite them or they don’t quite know how to initiate the contact themselves lol) 

Just as a crushing sense of responsibility for their family is a trait that is built into Hawke no matter how you play them or how you make them respond to that, I feel like Rook — however helpful and earnest, warm, charming, jocular, stoic or straightforward they seem at a surface glance — is always someone who struggles deeply with connecting to themselves and other people. (Emotional Intimacy, the Final Frontier.) As, indeed, is the case with all of the Veilguard companions too! It’s clearly a deliberate theme. These are all lonely people struggling with their sense of identity and belonging in some sort of way. AND having, working on and eventually starting to overcome these difficulties also makes Rook a direct foil for Solas, who doesn’t learn that lesson unless you corner him at the end of the world to force feed him his medicine lmao. They don’t manage to break out of the regret prison under their own steam, it’s because even struggling and grieving they have managed to create mutual bonds with other people who show up for them in turn now — and with all the protective walls of denial around what happened to Varric crumbling and making them less of a stranger to themselves, Rook is finally able to let them. An outcome Solas seemingly didn’t even consider to guard against, because he’s become that deeply entrenched in his loneliness, the utter isolation of the self — he can no longer truly imagine an alternative. (It’s not that he can’t form these bonds, obviously, it’s that he resolutely refuses to value them. Whether it’s because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it or out of a need for control or the martyr complex where he must sacrifice everything he loves on the sacrificial pyre of fixing his mistakes, all of the above and more, the result is the same. Mind!Varric, who I think is mostly Solas speaking, even calls this out directly. So yet again a situation where he has some self awareness about it and it doesn’t help At All haha. Solas falls to the temptation of making people into tools again and again and again, no matter how many times it comes back to bite him in the ass and the eternal solitude it traps him in.) 

And that deep deep loneliness… There but for the grace of… well the theological state of thedas being what it is right now, let’s just go with the grace of Something, Presumably go you as well, Rook. The same capacity/tendency to pull away from connection clearly lives in them as well in some form (again, for whatever reason and with whatever motivations and instincts behind it for any individual Rook). Solas and Rook coming together to create a blood magic paper doll of the mind Varric in response to acute loss and loneliness is one of the most deep , deeply fucked up and invasive acts of intimacy I’ve ever contemplated. I don’t think that’s accidental, there’s something There’s Something Wrong With You (there’s something wrong with you that’s also wrong with me (derogatory)) here that resonates no matter how both parties would hate to hear it. (A fitting legacy for Varric and his wild ‘I made my best friend into a story because it’s the only way I know how to love with this desperation of sincerity’ brain to leave in the narrative, methinks. I feel he’d appreciate it on a craft level, if nothing else.)

If you read through all of Rook’s potential backstories, one of the common threads through all of them, along with a certain maverick ‘I’ll do whatever it takes’ streak, is a sense of profound alienation. They did something or have some sort of quality that made it hard for them to fit in with the group they’re from, causing a conflict that cuts them off from parts of their identity as it’s been up until now. All of which also adds to how important Varric is to them — he was clearly able to break/see through some of that and be closer with them, even in the relatively short time they spent together. No matter what else goes to shit, they can trust that a) Varric sees them, b) he genuinely likes them and believes in them not despite who they are, but for it, and c) he’s got their back, we’re in this together kid. And then he is gone, and it takes them the whole game to be able to bring themselves to accept that and know themselves again, be able to let new relationships in fully. The very understandable ‘the last time I let someone in, they got stabbed before my eyes and the world ended’ flinch away, even if they’re not consciously aware that’s what it is. Anyway I love Rook. So much space to play around in here as to WHY they might feel or react like this, even when the framework is more defined.

[despairforme]

Chewing ice cubes like they're a snack.

[accirax]

💙❤️Blind Date or Die Episode 2, Starring Eden, Kai, David, Ingrid, Hu, Wenona, Arei, and Desmond!💙❤️

[strawberri-draws]

shuichi posting

[despairforme]

What's the point if his hard work doesn't show??

[despairforme]

Where the fuck is his sports!au, huh?!

[despairforme]

Being alive sucks but his existence is worse for other people so --- that's a win?

[despairforme]

googling: how old leftovers bad to eat

[despairforme]

Fuck .