#we are all too old for this shit fam

[3gremlins]

me: so i've somehow become the de facto leader of my raid group and there's all this drama and i think i'm bad at dealing with it my therapist: it's interesting that you're the leader of things...that's good right? me: oh no this happens a lot and it's terrible. you know how in skyrim you show up at mage college like "hello yes, i'd like to learn magic" and they're like "that's great, we're having this problem, can you help us?" and you're like "okay sure i guess" and they're like "great, thank you, also you're the leader now b/c you did the stuff" and this happens with every single organization in that game?? This is my life. like i just wander into groups wanting to participate/do stuff and then since i'm the only one who is willing to organize anything i somehow become in charge. my therapist: fascinating! ngl i'm so proud of you for making communities! reaching out! nature is healing! me: i feel like you are not understanding the problem tho :3

[void-tiger]

Having a cat snuggling me awake is a much nicer way to force myself up before dawn than dogs persistently whining and barking for over an hour.

Thank you, Tonks. And Zorro you were pretty polite with that “mmmrrrp?” once you heard movement.

(Also…snow and inflammation work as natural insulators against teen temps and a negative windchill lol. But mostly snow.)

[hexastitchimera]

Anyways guess who found out how utterly two-faced my mother is

[ygslvr]

Jealousy, that shit gon' eat your heart out

Ony x Afab Reader

Word Count: 2,015

Just me talkin: This a “lil short” sumsum i thought of while making my gojo ff and this is also the first ever thing imma put on this platform so treat this shit with love and be nice bc ian scared to cuss a ho out okiii byyeeee hugs and mfkn kisses

Warings: Language, TOXIC RELATIONSHIP and uhhh just alot of shit read with caution fuck 🧍🏽‍♀️

Summary: You And Ony go to his neighborhood to visit his grandma and him to hang around his fam just for a bitch to be all up on him and grind on him and he don't do nun bout it but thats okay you will

“Alright Ma we almost there,i need you need you to please be on your best behavior” He squeezes your thigh to emphasize his please

If youre being honest you hardly heard him bc you were too busy staring at how FINE and DIVINE your man looked i mean cmonnn now he had on his jewelry,chains and studs, look so good on his ass. And he was in a white tee with a black jacket and black sweatpants and made that shit look good asl. Ou the things you could do to him ouuuu the things the things mannnn you can just su-

“BAE”

You snap out of you lil trance you was in “huh, oh yeah yeah you know i got class i could neverrrr”

“Mhm” he rubs your thigh and pulls into the neighborhood

“You're the one i need to be telling that” you say as you pull down the mirror to check out your hair and makeup before yall get there. Ony looks over at you with a confused expression. “What?”

“Dont what me bitch yk i look good” You look over and start caressing yourself and moving your hair out the way so he can see your outfit

“Chill out with that bitch shit yk how i feel bout dat shit” He lowers his voice on the last part

“Mhm i know baby can get sensitivveee” you say in a baby voice making a concerned face while patting his shoulder

You arrive at his folks house and they is boominggg. I mean,lil kids running around in the front yard, old heads on the porch watching the kids and cars that pass by, a bouncy house for the kids, and you can just smell the good ass food from the driveway. Ony watch you get out the car and you both start walking to the house.

-Imma skip some bc while i was editing I noticed half of this was useless talking making my word count go up so I deleted it..🤭-

You're sat down by Ony’s Aunts and female cousins talking about any and everyone. You can see where he gets his chill demeanor from all of his fam is cool asfk. Ony is sitting next to you with his hand firmly on your thigh,chopping it up with his uncles cousins and friends. Somehow their convo gets to dice and they get up and go to shoot some. As ony is leaving he kisses you on the cheek and tells you he’ll be back and after that y'all could go then he kisses you on the lips and leaves.

“Oooo you got him hooked in lovee honey i never saw him this tranced” One of his aunts say as she pats your arm

You giggle and turn towards them “I dont get what you guys mean, does he seem that in love with me?”You smile

They all collectively say ‘Hell Yeah’

Everyone was vibin and you and his family just choppin it up talking about everything and anything. Ony and his people back there loud playing dice, dominos, and spades just cursing,slamming stuff , and loud. But it aint mind yall it was just a cozy time bonding with his family that's until as one if his aunts is talking she looks behind you and just trails off then the rest of his people turn around and looks and all collectively start to gape in that direction , so you decide to turn around and see what's happening. You turn back when you don't see anything but people, you give them a confused look and one of his Cousins explains “You see that girl with red highlights that just walked in and making her way to ony? Well that was one of ony coulda been girls they talked and prolly even hooked up we dont know but they was close as fuck people thought they were dating but ony hard denied it thats how close.” You turn around and look and by the time you do she alr made her way to the table they was at, you turn back “Not to be rude but they used to be close so why yall so shocked she here” you said smiling.

The worst that could happen is that they still talk just recently stopped talking or he crazy about her or sumn but nahhhh ony aint stupid he know you batshit crazy like yo mama

Another cousin of his continues “He aint tell you girl? That bitch is bat shit crazy but Ony being the nice boy he is never told the hoe about herself, like he should of but hey imma hold my ones with that.”

You give a confused look

“GIRL HE REALLY AINT TELL YOU?! Well miss thang be all up on facebook and instagram posting him claiming they still together using pictures from like 3 years ago even said they got a baby together the baby is one…. girl….like give it up”

One of his other cousins chime in “And ony being a lil bitch dont tell her shit telling us to ignore it and she gon shut up but nu uh that hoe is still going and ion think she gon sto- uh oh?” She stopped when she looked behind you and everyone eyes followed including yours just to see the girl all up ony in the seat right next to him. Like she had her leg over one of his and touching his arm they whole package and wtf was ony doing? Smilin and telling her chill … this nigga want you to be on first 48…

Like him having an old fling? Ok as long as they not still doing shit, especially behind yo back. The old fling came to his family function after he cut her off? She crossed a line not a thick one but its whatever don’t cross the thick line and you good. Being all up on my nigga and feeling on him like he yours and y’all engaged. Bitch you need to move immediately. THAT GOOD FOR NUN ASS NIGGA JUST SITTING THERE SMILING??? Ok bitch you think im stupid and ima a soft ass hoe playing on my fucking top.

You turn back, dig in your purse for your perfume spray sum on you and tell his family to excuse you and that you'd be back. As you get up you grab your drink in case that bitch try sum. You sip on it as you make your way to the table ony. As you're making your way to him you don't take your eyes off him and eventually he looks at you and the look in your eyes makes him have a confused expression. You dont know if this nigga confused on what you finna do or if he confused why you looking at him like that. And you dont know why his good for nun ass is confused, unless he acting dumb…. Ouuu you finna fuck this nigga UP

You make it over to his seat and kick that roach’s leg off your husband and ever so politely sit on his lap. You hear the girls in the back CACKLING , you don't mind that the Ony wanted you to behave oh so bad before yall pulled up giving you that bitch ass speech in the car just to come act like this. So you do what your man said and behave. And you look over to that fishy ass tramp next to him.

“ Hi, I’m Ony’s Girlfriend, Soon to be fiance . I SEE y'all are pretty close so i decided to come over to introduce myself”You smile big and hold out your hand to shake hers making sure to show off the big ass promise ring he got you that can practically be an engagement ring.

Bet he aint get yo cricket booty ass nun like that before huh bitch?

The bitch is looking at you like you took her granny cane, slapped her mama, and hexed her whole family line down to the newborns. “Uhhh…” You say as you look at your hand waiting for her to acknowledge it. After 2 more seconds you put it back in your lap not bothered by her, fixing yourself on Ony lap. The aura is still tight but his family try to loosen the vibe and start back their dice game. “Nu uh bitch you gon have to get the fuck up.” The whole backyard went dead. You look at the ho then start looking around because she couldn't possibly be talking to you. Nahhhh she was talking to someone else. She needed to be talking to someone else because this bitch was playing with water and electricity. Because you finna light her ass up, nah she wasn't talking to you impossible nahhhhh. Then she grips your arm and snatch you up, “ i dont know why yo ass looking around im talking to you get off my fucking husband”

This bitch don lost her fucking mind… NAH FUCK DAT SHE WASNT BORN WITH ONE OBVIOUSLY.“Listen here trick if yo sour pussy ass don't let go off me i know sum”

Ony soft bitch ass in the back talm bout sum “Chillout, sit yall ass down” He makin you mad the more his ass does sum. But you ain't even worried about that. You take one last sip of your drink and chuck it at that tramp. Beaucoup people jump up and others watch making noises. But nah fuck dat you finna handle this ho. You cock back and punch that bitch just throwing hits not even caring if you hit the ho or not, but you are TRUST. She start hitting back and yall end up on the ground, you ain't gon lie this bitch hitting hard so you make sure to hit harder. You just thowin the bitches hitting her in the titty and her face. Until you get pulled off and yall get broken up and Ony holding you, as one more rebellion you kick the bitch and spit on her. “ ALRIGHT CHILLOUT. STOP” Ony say as he start to carry yo ass out. You think you did too much til you hear his aunts and cousins hyping you up and tellin the rest of the fam to let that bitch stay on the ground. You don't get to hear it for long as ony throw you in the back seat and lock the car as he go back to get y'all shit.

You just sit there bc aint no point in running back and finishing that hoe you already don showed her ass a whole new world. It's over now so you just sit back and fix yourself. After a good 5 mins you finally hear Ony come back and hear him apologizing for your behavior over and over again. He gets in the car and looks at you through the rear view mirror. He sighs and starts the car and pulls off to take yall home.

It’s been a good 15 minutes of silence before you decide to speak up. “Yo punk ass had her all over you so don’t blame me.” You say looking in the mirror for his reaction. He looked up and started pulling the car over.

OKKKKK IMMA END IT HEREEEE BC IM TOO SCARED WHEN I WRITE SMUT ITS GON BE BAD BUT IMMA LET YALL IMAGINATION RUN WILD and if i get free time this week maybe a part twoo???

[bapple117]

Velvette Slang Masterlist: for the fandom

A gift from a humble Brit to anyone (not from the UK) wanting to write Velv convincingly ~

Hello you wayward sinner!

Are you looking to write Velvette into a fan fiction, comic, roleplay or something else? Would you like to make her sound legit but you have no idea about British (or indeed, South London) slang? FEAR NOT! I, Bapple, am here to hold your hand and guide you through the wonderful world of British slang so you can have fun making Velv sound legit. Let's proceed!

Not all of this will be limited to the UK, of course, and it's not an exhaustive list of ALL British slang either - it's just the kind of things Velv WOULD say as someone from South London.

Insults

For men: bastard, prick, wanker, knob, dickhead, wankstain, bellend, git, tosser, sod, cock, pillock, numpty, codger (means old man)

For women: bint, bitch, slag, wench, slut, tart, trollop, scrub

For anyone: arsehole, arse, twat, sket, muppet, minger (means ugly), bugger, gobshite, cretin

The absolute worst thing you can call someone else is cunt - this is very strong and isn't used in casual conversation, unless you are in VERY informal company, in which case it's thrown around like it's nothing at all. (Come here you cheeky cunt - playful)

Terms of Endearment

Babes, hun, luv, darlin', sweetheart, mate, sweetie, mucker, pal, blud, fam, dear, dearie, honey

Eg: "Alright babes? How's it going darlin?'"

British people often use insults affectionately, too, especially with close friends as a way to tease / banter. (You silly sod, you useless prick, you cheeky git, you daft muppet, etc)

Slang Words

Drunk: trollied, smashed, pissed, wasted, legless, hammered, sloshed, battered, bladdered, merry, shitfaced, arseholed, plastered, lashed

Good: banging, well good, mint, the dogs bollocks, ace, blinding, cracking, brill, fab, neat, beast, fresh, hench, jokes (that's jokes innit), lush, peng (good looking), sick, wicked, peak, wavy

Bad: grim, naff, shite, shit, crap, tat (useless old tat), minging, rank, dry, nasty, humming (means gross)

Pleased: chuffed, buzzing, tickled pink, sorted (I'm sorted mate)

Annoyed: gutted, miffed, pissed off, fucked off, fuming, raging, ticked off, well annoyed, bovvered (used more sarcastically eg: I aint bovvered), vexed

Curses

Bollocks, fucking hell, bloody hell, bugger, piss off, any of the insults used above

Other random words

Bare = a lot of (eg bare money)

Chirpsing, grafting = flirting

Garms = clothes

Lips = kiss (are you tryna lips me?)

Peng ting = good looking person / high quality thing

Standard = of course, yeah no duh (Yeah that's standard mate.)

Tight = cheapskate (Don't be so bloody tight!)

Yard = your house (Come over to my yard)

Banter = conversation that's funny, casual, playful (S'just banter innit)

Convo, chinwag, chat = conversation

Defo = short for definite (Oh he's defo up to something)

Other random phrases

Are you taking the mick? = are you mocking me?

Stop faffing around = be serious and stop messing about

That's mad = wow, I can't believe what you just said or that's amazing

Allow it = just leave it, it's no big deal (Whatever mate, allow it)

Other helpful pointers

When British people (who talk like Velv) swear angrily we do so many times in a whole sentence and add a lot of qualifiers, eg:

"Fuck off you fucking prick, you absolute fucking useless arsehole!"

"Don't piss me off babes or I'll fucking end your shitty little life!"

Making a crude observation about something nearly always a curse in-front of it, eg:

"That's fucking rank."

"It was fucking buzzing mate!"

The Magical Use of Innit:

Innit is a wonderful word that can be used everywhere, especially for someone from South London. It basically means "isn't it?" but it has MANY uses. It can be used to mean an agreement, like "I know right?"

"That was well good innit"

"He's a right twat" - response: "INNIT!"

"It's fuckin grim in here" - "Innit mate"

Adding "well" to words

That was well good - that was well bad - that was well grim

(You get the idea)

That's about it for now!

If I think of anything else I will edit this masterlist and if anyone has any questions please feel free to pop them in my inbox. Happy writing!

[moonystoes]

Who? - Elisa De Almeida x singer!reader

summary: when the public thinks y/n is dating a football player... a male player. Inspired by this

A/n: this shit made me wanna kms. i really thought social media au would be easier since it's not writing. but holy shit editing this was ass. also the fact that it took me around 10 hours yesterday only?? and 138 pictures. but lowkey... making fake beef and conversations was kinda fun lol.

warning: nothing, but this is the first time i made a social media au so it may be bad...and the quality of these screenshots are shit. also...I worked really hard editing the time of those screenshots (except the second one... i forgot) they will help you understand the timeline. I recommend reading this in white mode so the tweets can look smoother.

face claim :@itsouidad on instagram

y/nl/n

liked by ayanakamura_officiel, brahim, jackie_groenen_14, and 39,968 others

y/nl/n smiles and preparations, 2 days until I meet you guys 🫶(also happy new years lollll 😭😭)

احبكم كثيرررر 🩷🇶🇦

view all 7,983 comments

user1 IS THAT SOUQ WAQIF???? GUYS KILL ME SHE WAS RIGHT AROUND ME AND MY BLIND ASS DIDNT SEEEE 😭😭😭💔💔

user2 wait they allow women to not wear the scarf there?

↳ user3 @User2 girl what?? yes tf, get out of the propaganda ffs

ayanakamura_officiel ohh la laaa

↳ y/nl/n @Ayanakamura_officiel 💍 yes or no?

↳ user3 @y/nl/n lmfaoooo y/n keeps forgetting shes famous now

y/nbiggestfan awhhh how is it babee?

↳ y/nl/n @y/nbiggestfan everyone is so sweet and generous 🤧🥹🥹, i can't wait to meet yall

y/nupdates have fun sweetie!! enjoy it

↳ y/nl/n @y/nupdates thank you Emi 🫶

jackie_groenen_14

liked by elisadealmeida5, psg_feminines, and 13,622 others

tagged: elisadealmeida5, sakinakarchaoui, grace_geyoro, psg_feminines, qatarairways

jackie_groenen_14 always learning with the girls, it was nice to have some special days with my 2nd fam ❤️💙

view all 58 comments

y/nl/n what were you thinking in the 5th slide lolll

↳ jackie_groenen_14 @y/nl/n i thought you said it was cute :(((

↳username1 @jackie_groenen_14 im so confused how do they know each other

elisadealmeida5

liked by y/nl/n, jackie_groenen_14, grace_geyoro, and 74,567 others

elisadealmeida5 Great time together in doha 🇶🇦

Thanks for the amazing experience ✨️

@psg_feminines

@Visitqatar

@qatarcreates

@Qatarairways

#parissaintgermain #psg #paris

View all 321 comments

_clarehunt 🥰🥰

jackie_groenen_14 baby ❤️

user54 تهبلللل اخخخخ

user42 lindaaaa😩

user11 who was she giggling with on the 5th pic ugh 😩😩

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, kehlani, brahim, and 36,641 others

y/nl/n thank you so much Qatar for this experience, too many pretty places my phone storage is gonna explode ☹️

Thank you @dohamusicfestival for this unforgettable moment, and to everyone involved (that old lady that was making Nutella bread in souq waqif, I will never forget you 👆)

View all 2521 comments

user5 you're always welcome back!💞💞

user3 maybe that girl on Twitter wasn't so blind... I swear it's the same place

↳ user1 @user3 babe that's The Pearl it's literally like number 1 on tourist attraction place

↳ user3 @user1 so? They could go together

↳ user1 @user3 I still don't understand the fascination of them going together, like she can have friends. I know she's antisocial and makes jokes about it but I promise she's not a baby 🙏🙏

Cutiedealmeida uploaded a thread

"can I get a kiss?" - fan of Elisa's

Elisa: "sorry, I'm not single sorry" 💔

-

-

oh my god elisa speaks in English again! Does this confirm that our favorite football player is taken...or is she just saying that as the girl looks much younger? Who knows! I guess we have to wait till Eli confirms her relationship...video credits: @emiliaaa.zl 🤞❤️ #elisadealmeida #footballnews #psg #psgfeminines

View all 58 comments

↳ user1 FUCK MY LIFE

↳ user2 she literally just confirmed it by saying she's not single 💀💀 do you want her to post a sloppy make out picture or what

↳user3 let me not just say anything...

↳user4 @user3 do you know who is the gf?

↳user3 @user4 nope I was just jealous 😁

fanofyn @ynupdates do you think it could be her?

↳ ynupdates @fanofyn y/n never said she's not single. And even if she is taken, there is barely any proof of it being Elisa 🤞

elisadealmeida5 uploaded a story

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, kehlani, brahim, and 79,751 others

Y/n ☀️❄️

View all 9562 comments

User1 she couldn't think of a caption so she used emojis lol

↳ y/nl/n @User1 stop exposing me 😔

Besfriend can't believe you ditched me for this 💔💔

↳ y/nl/n @Bestfriend stopppp I asked you if you wanted to come 😭😭

Jackie_groenen_14 the sunglasses and the smile 😍😍

↳y/nl/n @jackie_groenen_14 shut up I'm blushing 🤚

User2 SHUT UP SHES WITH THAT PLAYER

↳user3 @User2 that place is very popular lol every rich person is there right now

↳user2 @User3 man I can't even be fucking delusional anymore without yall

↳user4 @User2 I believe you, they were posing the same way too ✊️

↳user2 @User4 WHAT THE HELL I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT

Y/nl/n uploaded a story

elisadealmeida5 uploaded a story

Y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, brahim, kehlani, and 156,164 others

Y/nl/n good night and good win 🙏 Hala madrid 🤍

View all 12736 comments

User1 wait she's actually with brahim????

↳user2 @User1 I'd cry

User3 slut, only cares about players for money

↳user4 @User3 get a fucking life weirdo

User5 nooo the men found out about her :(( she will literally get hate on every post now

Bestfriend idgaf it's visca barca

↳ y/nl/n @Bestfriend babe... this isn't you 😔😔

user6 she's wearing a Spain shirt 👀

↳ user7 @User6 isn't brahim Moroccan?

↳user6 @User7 he's half Spanish, and before he got into the Moroccan team he wanted to play for the Spanish one but he wasn't good enough for them ig😬😬

User8 BABBYYYYY LOOK AT MY GIRL LIKE WOW

User9 awh she's so happy for her boyfriend ;((

User10 the last slide is brahim?

User11 awhh it's so cute how she's teaching him how to eat with his hand, but the food looks too hot tho 😭😭

Y/nl/n uploaded a story

Y/nupdates_page

Liked by user1, y/nsister, and 64,652 others

Y/nupdates_page GUYS KILL MEE Y/N JUST WENT LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR!...but something happened in the end as you can see from this screen-recording.

Is Y/n dating Elisa? Or was it Brahim? The audio wasn't clear, and the camera wasn't showing the door properly either! But from the small corner... the person has the same features as both brahim and Elisa. Short brown hair and fair skin... it could be either. But it's 99% Brahim since y/n never made a statement that she likes women, and she did make a lot of... interesting tweets back in the day about brahim ifykyk 🙈🙈

#y/n #music #elisadealmeida

View all 11,614 comments

user1 LMFAOOOO HER FACE

user2 idfc I'll stay delusional and pray it's Elisa

user3 wait what happened after this???

↳Y/nupdates_page @User3 she froze for 5 seconds, laughed, and then just ended it 😭😭 not even a fucking goodbye, she HATES us 😔💔💔

user4 noooo she's not single anymore💔 no more heartbroken depressing music

user5 wait who the fuck is Elisa and why does it feel like there is some inside joke that yall are hiding from me

↳Y/nupdates_page dw bae i got you, I made a post about the whole rumor a while ago 🫡

user6 HER SISTER LIKED IT

↳Y/nupdates_page @User6 she's probably sending it to the gc to laugh at her lmfao 💀💀

User7 #music ma'am are you that desperate for likes

↳Y/nupdates_page @User7 yes I'm an attention whore and the tag clearly worked.

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, jackie_groenen_14, kehlani, and 196,725 others

Tagged: elisadealmeida5

y/nl/n I'm so happy for my girlfriend ;((

eli, I'm so proud of you and I love you so much 🤎🤎

View all 60,624 comments

elisadealmeida5 babbyyyy❤️❤️🥺🥺

↳y/nl/n @elisadealmeida5 ❤️🤎

user1 WHICH ONE OF YALL BITCHES CALLED ME DELUSIONAL

user2 it's actually insane how we knew about this from a random tweet damn

user3 brahim didn't like this post lolll

user4 that's a girl?

user5 damn she's hot as hell

user6 I get depressed thinking she's not single but I start crying in joy when I realize it's a woman

user7 awhh she used a brown heart emoji 🤎🥺🥺🥺

↳user8 @User7 what the fuck is that supposed to mean 💀💀

↳user7 @User8 y/n has a whole album called 'Brown Hearts' lol

user9 Elisa is not single :(((((

user10 wait are they together?

↳user11 @User10 well i tell you what Sherlock Holmes you are unbelievable

↳y/nsister @User11 LMFAOAOAO

-----

i want to thank @thinkingaboutjaedyn for showing ouidad... like its insane how perfect she is for this

fun facts:

-the pictures were somehow easy to find, i was actually shocked on how i was able to find pictures from ouidad for this fic, the only time i struggled was for the 'paparazzi' pics at the end.

-the two pictures on y/n's post of her in qatar were from my sister's instagram page

if there is a mistake ignore it because im gonna kms if i have to edit this again

[clearnachopirate]

Terry and the batfam. Terry and the batfam. their dynamics have so much potential and i would LOVE to see it explored in any way at all

Terry and Dick: older brothers, trade stories of how they embarrass and get back at their younger brother(s), anger issue twins, "oh you were batman too??" "yeah, but its only bc one of my parents was murdered" "omg thats how i became robin no way"

Terry and Jason: the second most destructive duo, second only to terry and steph. not bc they fight or blow things up on patrol (thats tim and jasons thing) but bc anytime there a new gadget to try, terry will volunteer to use it, and jason will volunteer to 'spar' with terry to test it out. okay, maybe its bc they fight and blow stuff up, but its only ever in the batcave under supervision! "the tim from my dimension actually killed the joker" "no shit? did bruce stop me over there too?" "... about that--" sometimes they grab the others leather jacket by accident and both have given up on caring

Terry and Tim: terry "from the technological future" mcginnis and tim "designs loads of bat tech" drake talk shop, "my younger brother was made robin without my consent" club. tim listens to the works elcectro pop music ever and it just so happens to sound exactly like what they play at terrys favorite club. tim introduces him to (kon or bernard, take your pick) and they hit it off so well that they hang out without tim

Terry and Damian: ace the dog. terry invited damian to his AC island. both are bruce's bio kids and mamas boys. damian calling him "Terrance" and terry never recovering from it. terry knows damian from the future, kind of, and uses that knowledge to his advantage EVERY DAY

Terry and Duke: team "everyone thinks we're the normal one, they are wrong" they totally do movie marathons you cant tell me otherwise, their favorite thing to do is make bets abt the rest of the fam w cass. they never win against her. on any given day you can find them whispering about everyone else "duke, why the fuck were damian and tim staring each other down over breakfast" "hes mad dick said he can't poison him again" "what" "i know i thought they were over it by now"

Terry and Cass: cass sees him for the first time and sees that he rivals tim and dick in terms of being a mess and is determined to bond. terry hears about what she was trained for as a child and shrugs bc "i was supposed to be a second bruce, things change" cass will make him give her piggybacks when shes tired and terry has never dropped her

Terry and Stephanie: the most destructive duo. something happens to their braincells when they patrol together, buildings fall, bones break, civilians are crying, theres about ten minutes where everyone else thinks theyre both dead. they both are waiting at the cave for the others, terry is teching her how to make really shitty friendship bracelets (dana taught him, and stephanie is pretending she doesnt know how). they dont know why everyone else is so stressed "i texted you that we were fine, old man. steph and i just ran into black masks trafficing ring and took care of it-- why is dick crying?"

ALL of them have asked about the future before and the ONLY thing he ever reveals is out of context sayings and trends "yeah actually luigi and bowser have so much chemistry, well, i guess that movie isnt out yet huh" "???" (they think luigi and bowser are a cononical couple in the future and wonder where the world went so wrong) and (while interrogating smon) "watch out, you're not acting like the sigma you are, batman, try rizzing 'im up, then he'll talk."

him and bart meet (everyone tried to keep in from happening) and theyre from similar enough futures that when they talk, not a single person around them can follow it, they teach each other the different versions of different tik tok dances and terry goes back to the manor and teches them to steph, cass sees them do it once and has them memorized, duke thought it was funny, dick thought it was adorable (eventually they ALL know them, and it becomes an inside joke) tims prized possession is a video he got of damian doing the most dispassionate renegade the world has ever seen bc jon asked and he cant say no to him)

TL;DR:

terry mcginnis interacting w the other bat kids has a lot of potential for chaos and family bonding

[marblepasta-creepyhornet]

Usually don’t send requests, but since you asked: which creeps do you think would take psychic damage from a friend or partner who purposefully misuses slang? Just thought to ask cus I thought Ben would probably have a physical reaction and I think that mental image was funny lol 

———

Characters used: Ben, Jeff, and EJ, Tim

———

BEN:

He’ll cringe. No questions.

Now, I headcanon Ben as a self-taught modern-day gamer in the creepypasta universe (as in he’s bought every modern day consoles and devices and has slowly learned the mechanics and is now an expert), he’s got a plethora of video games for all his devices, his PC, consoles, Nintendo switch, and even his old DS!

So imagine when he’s showing you a new game he got for his switch….

But then immediately regrets it.

As you were sat in his lap, watching him play, you just casually drop, “Wow, Ben! This game looks so litty on fleek, fam!”

MF hasn’t EVER put his hands on you, but he is now-

He pushed you off his lap and looked at you like you kicked a puppy!

“I…I can’t even look at you,” he’d be all dramatic, “I don’t know who that was, but I NEVER wanna see them again!”

You’d just be laying in the floor in a puddle of giggles.

———

Jeff:

It would happen on a mission. You and Jeff were targeted with killing a family and to leave none of them alive!

So, let’s say the targets son was a bit more than Jeff bargained for, so you swooped in and had to save the day, managing to tie the kids arms behind his back, “GET FUCKING YEETED, SCRUBLORD!”

Radio silence.

“WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!”

“What do you mean? Like, we gotta yeet him, you catching my driftwood, fam? No cap!”

At this point Jeff just rubs his temples and finishes off the target by stabbing him. His brain too absorbed in other things to try and decipher whatever you’re talking about.

Soon after you two left, blood stained and all, Jeff spoke up, “Please, never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, talk like that again!”

“Alright fine! No need to get so hostile, we gucci lit” you finished off with finger guns and a sly chuckle.

“(N/N)!”

———

EJ:

You were sick. Like, contagious sick.

So, per Jack’s orders, no leaving his infirmary only for the bathroom, always cough and sneeze into the elbow and not the hand, use tissues sparingly, wash your hands, and take showers to help alleviate headaches and open up your sinuses.

Unrelated, but don’t worry, he’s made sure his baby gets the best comfort, after all, he needs you well rested and feeling better! 🥺💙

It was around 8pm when he knocked on the door before slowly opening it, he was dressed in pajamas holding a bowl of soup, “Hi, love” He’d greet you with a smile, not wearing his mask, as a demon he couldn’t get sick and because he was comfy around you, “How’s my baby doing?” 😭

Of course you’d answer the same way every time, stating you were still sick, just like since the beginning of the week. 😔

“I made you some soup, I know it isn’t much, but it’ll help alleviate some symptoms, and you look like you’re freezing, baby” he’d say while handing you the soup.

You took a few bites of the noodle and a carrot piece, a small moan escaped your lips, “Fuccckk~ This shit is straight bussin’, Jack”

His smile that he had while watching you eat was replaced with one of confusion. “W-what?” 😩

You’d have to suppress a giggle, “What do you mean, ‘what? This soups straight bussin’”

He’d try to understand what you meant, trying to wrack his brain for any semblance of what the word could mean 😭

Overall, confused baby boi :(

Tim (Masky):

Masky angled the binoculars as he let out a low growl, watching as the group of targets were stationed at all access points. “Fuck.” He grumbled before lowering the piece of equipment as he turned to you and Hoodie. “This is gonna be a close call, they’re stationed at all points of access. Do you guys have your weapons?”

Hoodie gave Tim a firm nod as he pulled out his pistol from his hoodie pocket, Masky reached into his duffle bag and pulled out a rifle, cocking it. He was about to ask you when you suddenly grabbed the weapon.

“Whoa! This thing is so fire!” You’d say as you inspected it with awe. “Tim, bro! This gun so fire! This definitely screams ‘I have BDE but I’m not trying to make it a big deal’, you know what I mean?”

…

….

“What the actual fuck are you talking about?!” He’d ask in confusion and irritation, quickly yanking his rifle back from you, “And give me that!”

You let out a small yelp when it was harshly yanked from your hands. “Calm down, Timmy, on the DL you’re still on my DTF list frfr. No cap”

Masky silently sat the rifle down, gloved hands pinching the bridge nose of the porcelain mask.

Overall: disappointment, confusion and irritation.

[mia-ugly]

In honour of Good Omens Season 2

HAVE A SLOW SHOW FICLET with thanks to @weatheredlaw for the amazing graphic ❤️❤️❤️ how we doing fam

It’s a kid on set that first tells him. 

Not really a kid, but anyone less than thirty seems a kid to him these days (ugh, that’s a loathsome thought.) Jiyana’s a queer and pink-haired punk type, rainbow pin on their jacket, trans-pride flag tattooed on their inner wrist. The first time he met them, the whole wirey confident glittery thing made his gut clench with - what was it - joy and gratitude but also envy? Maybe? (because what must it be like to be that young and that certain of yourself? What must it be like to have the whole world open in front of you? Not that there still isn’t a lot of shit to deal with, and in Merry Old fucking England there is More Shit than Otherwise, but. Still. It’s something Crowley thinks about. Sometimes. When he hasn’t had enough sleep or when he’s had too much of it.)

The kid came up to him Day One to mumble about “being a big fan” and once they wore a Warlock t-shirt to an afterparty (“Vintage!” they said cheerily, and Crowley wanted to swallow his own face at the thought of something from the 2010s being considered vintage, good Christ.)

Anyway, Jiyana tells him first.

“Congrats on the new season!” They’re beside him in the makeup trailer. Crowley doesn’t realise they’re talking to him, assumes they’re wearing AirPods or something, until George gives him a nudge with the powder puff.

“Er, yeah, cheers.” It’s too early to talk to anyone this perky. Then his exhausted, coffee-less brain takes a moment to catch up with his exhausted, coffee-less mouth. “Er, wait, what?”

“Warlock. Heard it’s coming back. Did I tell you I wrote a paper on it in, like, Grade 10? So cool, the GSA at my highschool used to have watch parties, I can’t wait to see what they do with your -“

“Wait -“ Warlock? It’s been bloody years. “Where’d you hear this?”

The kid starts to list off some sites or social media whatsits that Crowley has never heard of, so he just nods and pretends to understand, the same way he does when Az’s niece tries to explain some show called “Jojo’s Big Adventure” or something. Validate, validate, empathise. Just like Pepper taught him.

It’s probably nothing right? A rumour.

But it’s a rumour Az has heard too.

When Crowley gets home that night (they’ve rented a house in Buckinghamshire, even though the studio’s not two hours from their cottage) Az is on him immediately. Heard about it from his sister apparently, who got the news from one of the kids.

“Isn’t that exciting?” His face is all lit up and his hair is wet, bathrobe snugly belted around his waist. The house has an indoor pool, and there are little indents on Avery’s nose where his extremely attractive and sexy swimming-goggles must have been resting.

Crowley presses his lips to each mark.

“Not that we’ve been going hungry or wanting for work –” Az continues.

“You work too bloody much,” Crowley murmurs into his cheekbone.

“But I do love those characters. The whole thing wrapped up so nicely though – what more is there to tell?  I wonder what the arc could possibly be.”

“I wonder what you’ve got on under this robe –”

“Anthony!” Az laughs in fake protest, tilting his head back so that Crowley can get his mouth on his throat. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Az tastes like chlorine, and maybe Crowley should join him in the shower after this. After a day in the studio, he could probably use it.

“Would you really want to do a series again?” Crowley asks after he’s finally let his husband go, turned to hang up his coat and thrown his bag on the nearest chair. “Awful lot of commitment. And you’ve that whole run at the Globe coming up, don’t rehearsals start in the spring?”

“We’ll have to see if Helen can mind the goats again while we’re in London.” Az has wandered into the kitchen, turned on the kettle. Crowley looks at the back of his neck (Crowley always looks at the back of his neck. Sometimes he dreams about it.) “If she’s free. I called her this morning to check in, Elmyra’s eating, so her anxiety must be getting better.”

“Cool, yeah,” Crowley says, casual and nonchalant and no big deal. As if Elmyra isn’t his favourite of the bunch and he doesn’t have a song that he made up and no one knows that he sings just to her. As if he didn’t hand feed her all night once because she wasn’t sleeping or eating and neither was he because he was so afraid this tiny rescue goat was going to starve to death, anyway whatever, super cool, who cares. “Is it weird that no one’s reached out to us, though? Do you think?”

“About the goats? Helen has my number –”

“No love, the Warlock thing.”

Az blinks at him, flutters his pretty blond lashes in an attractive, aggrieved sort of way. “You mean you haven’t heard from Beez?”

“I haven’t heard from anyone.”

“Oh.” Az thinks it over. “Well. Neither have I, actually. Do you – is that odd?”

“Maybe they’ve recast us with younger models.”

“They wouldn’t dare.”

“Gotta up the sex appeal of the whole thing. Jawlines. Cheekbones. Sexy results.”

“I –” Az goes a bit pink. Glances at Crowley and then away. “Fail to see how they could improve upon perfection.”

Crowley looks at his husband’s bathrobe and the slight scattering of silver chest hair and his hand on his tea cup and fuck off, his neck. His neck, his neck, who gives a shit about Warlock actually?

 “Come over here and say that to my mouth.”

Avery smiles, and sighs, and he does.

ONE YEAR LATER:

Crowley opens the email from Beez.

He fuckin' closes it.

[lixieisgod]

𝐺𝑌𝐴𝐿 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝐴 𝑊𝐴𝐿𝐾𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝑻𝑹𝑶𝑷𝑯𝒀 # !

𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠⤷ there is like zero Caribbean representation in fics so you know ya girl has try to fix that shit. Caribbean girls on top🕺🏽 so it’s not right that we ain’t got shit. please reblog and lmk if y’all like this.

𝑠𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑝𝑠𝑖𝑠⤷ 𝐸𝑟𝑒𝑛 𝑌𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎 𝐶𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑. 𝐸𝑟𝑒𝑛 𝑌𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑥 𝐶𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑛! 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

since the night you and eren met at a party you’ve basically been inseparable since. you two have been together for a while now and it’s safe to say you guys are the IT couple.

lmfaoo at first when your friends would catch you simping they’d be like “what happens to gazah forever” and start laughing. But they mean well it’s all jokes they like seeing you and eren so happy with each other.

a few people thought it wouldn’t last that long, thinking he wouldn’t be able to handle you. BUT BABYY were there wrong ! you two have a good balance in your relationship, your energies align so well.

there’s no getting between you two. “my man tie me, I’m on him badd”

you were a little nervous at fist to let him meet your family, you know they can be a little judgmental sometimes but you weren’t too worried. Everything went really good when he met the fam. Your male relatives were a bit over protective but you can’t blame them too much, you’ll always be their baby.

At the family events he eats his weight in food lmfaoo. He’s a big fan of rotis, jerk chicken with white rice, green bananas and salt fish, as well as chutney. It melted your heart to see him enjoying traditional foods.

this man lives to see you dance, from the first grind he got at that party, he’s been hooked since. He’s actually got really good rhythm. So he’s great at any party, whether it’s holding onto your waist slow dancing with you singing the lyrics “ gyal, mi wan’ if hold yuh put me arms right around yuh” in his ear.

this one time you brought him to a family gathering and he danced western with the older ladies of the family, your grandma love him sm, he even calls her ma or mum.

this man can really turn tf up. like REALLY turn TF up. for example when you two are at a Bacchanal all his composure flies out the widow. But he never lets other girls try to dance with him and you do the same when it comes to other men.

lemme tell youuu, there’s a video of you two dirty dancing to vybez kartel at the fette. that shit was wildd like giving him mad fast wine and him positioning you with his hands on your lower back watching your movements

He loves when you make him breakfast, his favorite thing that you make him is fried bakes and cocoa tea. It’s like his comfort food at this point.

he loves hearing all the folklore stories, they’re so fascinating to him. he was low-key kinda scared when you told him you’d send a dupply after him as a joke.

He likes trying Caribbean snacks, he likes half frozen chubby and icelollies.

A DOMINOS FIEND !! your uncles and him were playing together and that shit was heateddd. He smacks the dominos hard asll lmfao. Your uncles lowkey started respecting him more after he won a few games.

He lovesss playing football in the rain with your cousins. your grandma puts oil in the middle of the head to make sure he doesn’t get sick.

LATE NIGHT DRIVES ARE A VIBEE. The two of you have this long ass playlist that you guys bump while driving in the middle of the night with the roof down.

Play from 0:45 before reading next slide

it’s the middle of the night and the two of you are speeding through the mostly empty streets with cold Heineken’s screaming the lyrics to the songs in you guy’s playlists. “ LONGING FOR MY BABY TO LOVE ME MOREE, WHAT AM I LONGING FOR? BABYLON RELEASE THE CURE” !

he sings you all of the old school love songs

he loves and appreciates you so freaking much, you’re the best thing in his life, and he lets everyone know it. you two are such a good couple.

© 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟯 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝗼 𝐥𝐢𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐠𝗼𝐝. 𝐂𝗼𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝗼𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝗼𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝗼𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝗼𝐧 𝗼𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝗼𝐫𝗺𝐬.

[deadtiredghost]

Tmnt facts that are canon cause i said so:

All Leo's are sci-fi fans of varying degrees of old sci-fi series/movies

But MM!Leo thinks the old movies are old and thus has no major franchise to obsess over, he is just big into any of the more modern movies of the genre: I'm thinking Interstellar, Blade Runner, idk many more. And then he started watching Final Space and eventually got into Futurama.

But he still would think the other Leo's are old and a bit lame for enjoying old anime so much.

All the Donnie's and Leo's are the musical fans, but that doesn't mean that Raph and Mikey can't enjoy a musical too! Especially 2003!Raph who grew up watching shit like high school musical and teen beach movie with Leo and Donnie.

The 2003 boys all teamed up to sit on Mikey and tape Mikey's mouth shut cause he would dramatically and badly sing the songs otherwise.

2018 crew are hard into Hamilton of course while 2012 have a knock off version of it that flopped but Mikey loves.

2003 have a musical version of Lost Boys and Faries that could possibly be comparable with some rap songs and some emotional ballads.

Bayverse and MM have batman while 2018 have a weird mixture of some irl media and some really obvious knock offs. 2012 has Wingnut and Silber sentry as comics to replace Marvel and DC in their universe and we all know how 2003 is on superheroes.

All the Mikey's are naturally talented at drawing apart from 2012 who's skills apparently just got transferred to literally every single one of his siblings.

2012!Mikey's writing looks like chickenscratch and his drawings are chaotic in an abstract art kinda way, while 12!Leo can draw anime, 12!Karai is decent at drawing anything reallt, 12!Donnie preffers skatching items and backgrounds rather than people and 12!Raph is the one who does art the most in the fam.

The 1987 turtles are stuck in 1987 and have been since 1987. They like crossovers for the change of pace but 87!Raph and 87!Donnie very much dislike how other turtles have treated them in the past so take any and ever chance to fuck with their alternates in retaliation, feigning innocence well enough that they keep getting away with blatantly insulting their iterations to their face.

Leo is the tea drinker in the family across iterations but most of the iterations don't drink coffee - rottmnt gets into coffee wars (sans Leo and Splinter) but other than that 2007!Donnie and Bayverse!Raph are the only rabid coffee drinkers.

most of the Donnies drink energy drinks if they want a caffeine boost - the nonbinaries and their Monster especially.

The MM kids aren't allowed coffee because Splinter read a watched of child-raising YouTube videos and banned it. Of course that doesn't stop them from sneaking out. MM!Donnie is trying to convince him to allow coffee while MM!Raph just sneaks in his energy drinks.

2003!Casey was convinced the turtles were adults for at LEAST the first month into their friendship.

The ampunt Mikey wears stickers is directly proportional to the amount of leeway Splinter gives him - with the used-to-be-human Splinters being more strict on not personalising his weapon while the used-to-be-rat Splinters such as MM gives the go ahead.

The outlines of this rule are 03!Splinter and 18!Splinter of course who have entirely different ways of handling their adhd child.

And then there is bayverse!Splinter who said fuck the stickers, yes of course my 15-year-old children can have tattoos.

(And yes I firmly believe they were 15 in the first movie, and I attribute their tattoos to Splinter not really seeing the harm in it, or caring much as long as it won't hurt them.)

18!Leo is biologically the eldest but no one knows this apart from Draxum who will never tell at this point. Splinter aged them based on size.

On the other hand, 03!Leo is the biological youngest but only Donnie knows this (science shit to find it out) and will never tell anyone because he found out that 03!Mikey hatched first and that information can never be allowed to get to the turtle in question.

2012 Casey is transfem but doesn't know it yet and 2018 Casey is what 12!Casey will look like at 20.

All Donnie's watch anime and all Mikey's watch horror movies - despite how much they may or may not scream at the horror movies.

07!Mikey sells art online and 07!Leo becomes a language tutor in their 20's. Ironic as 12!Raph attempts to sell art online but becomes too emotionally attached to his work and 12!Donnie attempts to tutor for a time but is a terrible teacher.

Leo is a basketball or baseball fan, Raph likes wrestling and basketball, Donnie will partake in basketball or volleyball and Mikey prefers dancing but is open to playing anything... just not watching.

Splinter always watched the tennis, becuase his grandmother did. Leo likes to put it on but doesn't like playing it.

Mikey will forever be confused why the others enjoy watching sport. This stemms from when he was 12 and trying to watch his cartoons and Splinter would always take control of the TV during the Olympics. Mikey is still very salty and has an agenda against the Olympics and any other big sports match on their communal TV.

All the Leo's before 2012 just didnt use the Internet or any electronics as a kid and thus struggles with electronics massively.

Conversely 2012 and 2018 Leo were both on tumblr as kids and read fanfic about Space Heros and Jupiter Jim respectively.

And in addition: Donnie was on the Internet far too much as a kid.

(12!Donnie will never tell but 12!Mikey befriending Chris Bradford on Facebook hit a bit too close to home.)

After Don, Raph is the best at mechanics, other than 18!Raph who is kinda shit at them.

Splinter taught all of the turtles first aid but Raph and Mikey are patched up the most by the other two, which leads to the other two being more confident and skilled at first aid.

Leo's first aid experience is very much similar to an army medic, using improvisation based on his prior knowledge without any of the proper hospital procedure while Donnie's is much more based on his research into medicine and thus much more clinical.

The outliers are the 18!kids cause Donnie finds biological shit kinda disgusting unless he HAS to do it.

And then there is the 87!turtles who don't really get hurt for longer than an episode's run time. Despite this every single one of them are able to accurately and skillfully carry out any medical procedure should the need arise becuase cartoon logic and convenience. It is a skill they have and its usually 87!Donnie ordering them about while 87!Raph plays nurse.

Mikey and Raph spray paint together sometimes in all iterations other than 87.

87!Mikey and 87!Leo have never kmowingly committed a crime.

Mikey looks up to Leo most out of his siblings, and Leo would look up to Mikey in turn if he could get over the jealousy towards his youngest brother.

There is not a single itteration where Leo doesn't sometimes kinda wish he could be more like Mikey - he has never voiced these feelings and hates that he feels this jealousy.

If you wake Leo up from sleeping he will be alert, a bit grumpy about it, but will never turn you away. He rarely gets a full good night's sleep anyways, ans becuase of this he is prime target to bother when he is awake... up until they turn 14 where Leo gets into the habit of pretending to be asleep so Mikey doesn't bother him and starts meditating until he falls asleep.

The prior headcannon excludes rottmnt and mutant mayhem.

Mikey starts bothering Donnie more and joins him in the lab late at night a lot.

If you dare to disturb Raph's beauty sleep you will get a pillow to the face and a shouting to at the least.

Everyone of the turtles loves Kung Fu Panda or whatever similar movie exists in their world. They won't admit it but its because Poe reminds them of Mikey.

Raph maintains that he doesn't like physical contact much to get out of hugging the sweaty humans in his life. He is actually fairly chill with hugs he just hates the feeling of sweat on his scales so much, and learnt that the hard way when Casey brought him in for a hug after a fight and he shoved him off and blustered a bit. But any of his siblings hugging him is fine, he only ever shoves them off out of annoyance.

Donnie is the least huggy turtle, but he will sometimes lean his full body weight on April - which is fine in most iterations but some cannot handle the weight, I'm looking at Bayverse.

If Mikey were a human he would be a borderline nudist when home and everyone who lived with him would complain about it.

Like [insert hair covering here] and a fluffy dressing gown from when he was 9 wrapped around the waist if you're lucky.

[nethnad]

what i (local ancient history major) think each doctor would do on the ides of march:

one: stab caesar. then goes heeheehoohoo im just a silly old man how could i ever stab caesar

two: hes that one prophet guy that goes beware the ides. he does this to a little flute solo. stab caesar

three: stabs caesar. or hes stuck as a guard because of roman civil war no. 5 or some shit and has to fill out the paperwork re: stabbing caesar

four: him and leela stab caesar together. k9 can too. as a treat

five: i think hes one of the other senators whos like “guys this is immoral!!!” but he also wants to stab caesar

six: stabs caesar

seven: orchestrates the plot to stab caesar

eight: forgot he had to stab caesar that day

war: fights in the ensuing civil war because all these guys stabbed caesar

nine: walks in senate late, sees bloodshed and carnage, goes what in the name of jupiter optimus maximus, walks out.

ten: guys we cant stab caesar hes my oldest friend we’re the only two left 🥺 we can travel across the stars together

eleven: really enthusiastic about stabbing caesar, but keeps dropping knives from his toga so they sent him home 😔

twelve: headinhands.jpg the whole time. he doesnt care for caesar but he is also like guys w. why is this the solution. that or hes too busy selling marble in pompeii (surely nothing bad will happen in 100 years right)

thirteen: brings the fam with her to stab caesar. probably also has a speech prepared afterwards about how their actions have shaped history and brought about the rise of the roman empire. all the other senators are like the fucking what now

fourteen: he was in the last stabbing so they left him at home this time

fifteen: stabs caesar but makes it a game like “guess whats in my left hand? a knife. guess whats in my right hand? holy shit its another knife”

[heyyallitssatan]

Todo fam headcanons

Enji isn’t a dick addition

He didn’t intentionally train any of his to be heroes, he just accepted them as they were

Touya really wanted to be a hero, but when they figured out his quirk didn’t work with his body they had to have a lot of long hard talks, they tried to find a lot of support gear but nothing could completely keep him from burning himself and they didn’t want him to risk his life

He came around to the idea eventually and ended up going to school to become a paramedic

Fuyumi didn’t get parentified and was allowed to explore what she wanted, she ended up loving art and went to an art school before apprenticing under a sculptor and then a tattoo artist, she eventually went back to sculpting and runs her own studio now

Natsuo followed in his big brothers footsteps and went to med school, he’s an er doctor

Shoto loved the skating trips his mom took him on and became a professional/Olympic figure skater and coach

Also, Rei was a snowboarder in this universe because I said so

It should be mentioned, Touya took up rock climbing as a hobby and got really into it

Fuyumi started doing mma as a stress release, she tried to get her siblings into it but it reminded Touya too much of training and the other two never enjoyed fighting

Natsuo feels like he gets plenty of physical activity between the er and his twice weekly workouts, so his hobby is playing video games,

Enji picked up crocheting after rei told him he needed a non stressful hobby to help him relax

Rei I turn felt she also needed a nonstressful hobby, and promptly chose rebuilding old cars because they have more money than god and can certainly afford it

Shoto never really made time for hobbies until fuyumi taught him how to sculpt, now he enjoys making weird little trinkets to give friends and family, and occasionally his competitors

I like to think the show still progresses normally, just with shinsou in 1A instead of shoto

The the reason we find out about the todoroki family is cause bakugou and midoriya both do their internship with Endeavor sanders he gushed about his wife and kids every chance he got

Midoriya thought shoto was the best thing ever and rei tried to set them up

She succeeded and got an adorable little son in law

Fuyumi showed up during bakugous internship with miruko to drop off some food for her wife and he freaked out cause he thinks miruko is so cool and turns out she has a badass wife too, best day ever

Touya meets both of them when he shows up at hawks agency to pick him up for their dinner date, they both lose their shit cause why are so many of them dating heroes

They meet natsuo during his internship/study program with recovery girl

Then they see rei on tv as a pro snowboarder

Now they’re wondering how many todorokis there are cause they just keep showing up everywhere

Then they find out that Touya and fuyumi are both in a heavy metal band, which segways into them finding out all of the todoroki play various instruments, and sports

When they ask how the hell they all know so much and have so many hobbies they just respond that they were homeschooled and rich, this left a lot of time and money to invest in random interests, so they all developed a ton of skills for absolutely no other reason than they got bored

Now Endeavor is number one after allmight retired, and they were competing for that spot beforehand but it was more of a friendly rivalry to encourage them to get better (maybe it started out legit but they both chilled quite a bit as they got older and eventually became friendly, though they kept up the image for the public and because it made them better heroes), but after all might was forced to retire endeavor publicly stated that this wasn’t the way he wanted their rivalry to end, but he would do his best to honour all might memory and carry on his legacy

He also encourages the new number two, his son in law hawks and every other hero to challenge him and make him keep working for his position

Now, this was cleared with hawks beforehand kind of as an announcement of his engagement to Touya, sadly the public misinterpreted that and thought that he was dating his daughter fuyumi, miruko shot that down quick and informed everyone that fuyumi was hers and hawks could fight her for it, all in good fun, and hawks clarified that he appreciates the offer cause fuyumi is great, but he’s very gay and quite in love with her brother

This was great, it was the closest to celebrity drama they’ve ever gotten from the todoroki family and it’s still super wholesome

[ssturniolo]

Chris meeting your family for the first time and he loves playing with your younger sisters and cousins?? Plss

Tea-time

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤 - Chris x fem!reader

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 - after being nervous to meet the fam, Chris realizes its easier than he thought.

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 - foul language, I think that’s it

Glancing over to the passenger seat of her car, y/n examines Chris’s nervous features. “It’s ok Chris, my parents are gonna love you” she says, refocusing her attention on the road.

Looking up at her, Chris let’s out a nervous laugh. “I’m not worried about your parents, it’s the little ones that are scaring me” he says, running a hand through his unruly hair.

“Oh come on, they’ll love you too” y/n reassures him, stretching one of her hands across the center counsel, to rest on Chris’s constantly moving one’s. Knowing that Chris plays with his fingers when he’s nervous, y/ns eyes soften.

“I pinky promise” she says quietly, holding her pinky in the air, waiting for Chris to link his.

Slowly, a smile forms across Chris’s lips as he raises his pinky to interlock with hers. “Ok, but if they don’t, I’m actually gonna kill you” he jokes, grabbing ahold of her hand as her house comes into view.

“Home sweet home” she whispers to no one in particular walking up to the door, pausing before leading Chris into her childhood home.

After introducing Chris to her parents, and non-immediate family members, y/n notices her little sister peeking from around the corner. Bending down, y/n calls for her sister knowing her little cousin couldn’t be too far behind. The two giggling girls run up to y/n, tackling her in a hug.

“This is my boyfriend Chris!” She says cheerily, as Chris awkwardly waves.

After a moment of silence, her little cousin grabs ahold of Chris’s hand, leading him into the playroom, closely followed by her sister. Giggling, y/n tells Chris she’ll be back, before bringing all of their belongings up to her old room.

This is the first time y/n had been home in a long time, so she spent some time looking through her old stuff, being hit with waves of nostalgia.

Remembering she had left Chris alone with the two little ones, y/n ran down the stairs stopping outside the playroom door.

She looked in, only to find Chris sitting in a very small chair at her sisters tea table. He was dressed in a pink tutu, with a glimmering silver tiara atop his head. Holding a plastic teacup in his hand, he conversed with the two girls, also dressed up like princesses.

Y/n’s little sister noticing her at the door, she ran over, a huge smile plastered to her face. “Look, look y/n! It’s princess Chrissy!” She squealed, leading y/n to the table by the hand. Now being close to Chris, y/n could see the pink, sparkly blush, poorly applied to his cheeks and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh my god, this shits funny” y/n said, pulling out her phone to snap a picture of her newly glammed boyfriend.

“Excuse me ma’am, but we don’t use that kind of language during tea-time” Chris replied, taking an imaginary sip out of the plastic tea-cup. The two girls burst into a fit of giggles, rolling around on the floor.

Laughing, y/n crawled over to Chris wrapping her arms around his neck. “I told you they’d love you” she whispered into his ear.

“What can I say, I’m good with kids” he replied, that goofy grin she loves so much spreading across his face.

“Of course you are love” she says, walking over to the costume bin to get rightly accessorized.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

100 followers? That’s crazy! I write to clear my mind, and it’s always been a safe space for me, so to think people actually enjoy my stories is amazing. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed, please send more requests I’m out! (Also happy birthday to the sturniolos again lol)

XOXO - Zoe

[endlessnightlock]

I scare easily lol, but how about Hitchhiker from the horror prompts?

Thanks for the prompt, Anon! I know horror isn't the most popular genre in the Everlark fan community, lol, so I kept it pretty mild.

A-Z Horror prompts

(if you like weird stuff, send me a prompt from the list, fam. This is the only one I got so I'm open to more!)

The guy in the interview room says he's Peeta Mellark. He's not carrying identification, and his prints aren't in the state or federal system, so he could be anybody. I don't know if he has a reason to lie. He's young. Looks like shit. My first thought was junkie, but his eyes are clear.

The kid can't keep his leg still. I say leg, singular because he only has the one. I know that detail because my report states that when Peeta Mellark was brought in, the upper right-hand portion of his blood-soaked jeans was torn away, revealing a prosthetic leg attached well above his knee. Now he's in county-issued scrubs. We were out of sweats and T-shirts. He's not under arrest. He has no wounds, no scratches or caked skin under his nails, only the beginnings of a large bruise on the side of his face. And a story that can’t be true. Can it?

"Your leg a recent injury?" I ask, leaning back in my chair.

The kid shakes his head, never breaking stride with the leg. None of that blood on him was his. I know that. I'm just trying to get him talking.

"Childhood cancer. I lost my leg maybe twelve years ago. Good thing, too. If I'd just got the new one attached, I wouldn't have got away tonight. Took a while to get used to it," he explains, patting his left leg. "Wasn't the fastest runner to begin with. My ma says I stomp around like a bear."

He's rambling, but it's understandable if there's an inch of truth to his story. "Lucky guy. Well, Peeta, let's get directly to the point. I looked over the statement you gave Officer Leeg and watched the interview. I have some concerns."

Peeta meets my eye. Despite the jackshit he told Leeg, I'd swear he's not on anything. "I know it sounds crazy---"

"Yeah, it does."

"You should've been there," he said. "Do I have to tell you everything again? I'm, ah, I'm about to pass out or something. Haven't slept much the last few days."

"No, that's alright. Just answer a few questions if you wouldn't mind."

"Do I need a lawyer?" He asks, leg finally stopping.

"It's never a bad idea. But we're not figuring you as the perpetrator at this point. I can call you a public defendant if you want."

"Nah."

"So you told Officer Leeg that at approximately seven p.m., you were out on Highway 12, looking to hitch a ride. Never a good idea, you know that, right?" I add for good measure. "All kinds of things are liable to happen, as you well know."

Peeta shrugs. "I don't have a car. Still have places I need to get to."

"Ever heard of Uber?"

"Got to have money for that or at least plastic. I'm a little short at the moment."

"Seems like your ass just dropped in from Jupiter or something."

He laughs. Starting to loosen up. "No, I'm not claiming an alien abducted me."

"No. No mention of that. Let's go over what happened again, alright? I'll read over things and just ask questions where I feel it's warranted. So you're on Highway 12 with your thumb out when a Chevy truck, mid 80's model, you think?"

Peeta nods. "Tan and white. Decent shape. Some rust."

"And inside the truck's cab were three young men about your age. They had dark hair and an olive complexion, you said."

He squints at me. "Yes, they had a similar look to yours. Do you have many relations around here?"

"A Lot of us look alike in Seamtown. There was probably lots of inbreeding in the old days."

Peeta laughs, and I wink at him.

"Kidding. We're backwoods, but all of our DNA strands don't match. So back to your statement---these fellas offer to give you a ride."

For someone who said he was too tired to relay the whole story again, Peeta dives in head first. "Yep. There was no room in the cab, but the bed was empty. Was riding with them maybe half an hour before things started getting weird. It was really dark before Gale, the driver, flipped the headlights on. Seconds before before he slammed on the brakes. I about jumped out of my skin when something bounced off the front of the truck. I figured it was a deer. Lots of deer on the move around here at night. He didn't give me time to look around, just started arguing with the other two fellas---his brothers I think---before pushing the pedal to the floor. Seemed in a big hurry to get away. Anyway, he cut the headlights off, so I didn't get a look at what he hit with the truck, but whatever it was didn't look like a deer."

Now we're getting to the first interesting part of Peeta Mellark's statement to my officer: the part where it sounds like Gale Hawthorne (it's a small place, Seamtown) and his younger brothers involved themselves in a hit-and-run on Highway 12.

"So we've gone about five or so miles down the road, I guess, when Gale swerves to the side of the road and comes to a stop. 'This is as far as I can take you,' he said. He sounded frantic. 'Hop out.'"

"He never got out of the truck. It's black as pitch by now, and I'm not excited about being left alone on the side of the road, but after what happened earlier, it doesn't take much convincing to get me out of the truck bed. Something feels off, and I'd rather part company with them before anything else goes wrong. If something bad happened, they might be looking to get rid of a witness, I figured."

"So I hop out of the back of the truck and tell Gale thanks. He mutters something, then guns it out onto the road, and soon, the only thing I can make out is his taillights. I was still figuring out what I was going to do next when I heard it. Breaks squealing and tires screaming across the pavement, trying to stop fast. Then, that crashing sound, twisting, popping, tearing metal that makes you sick to your stomach."

I know exactly what he's describing. Been witness to too many accidents to get those sounds out of my head.

"Gale, he'd hit something else, and whatever it was, it was way bigger than a deer. I take off in a dead sprint towards the truck—at least as fast as I can run, thanks to my bionic leg. They're a good two or three miles down the road, but I'm fairly close when, all of a sudden, I'm not running on the road anymore—I'm off the ground. Feet dangling ten fuckin' feet above the pavement."

"I can't remember a whole lot after that, just the explosion when the truck's fuel tank blew. Whatever had me, some kind of huge bird, maybe some guy in a glider or something? dropped me onto the road, maybe 50 yards past the truck. That's when my pants got ripped. I don't know where all that blood came from. I'm sorry. I don't remember everything that happened tonight. Might have hit my head when that thing dropped me."

Peeta's brows knit together as his relay of the events comes to an end. "Chief Abernathy, can I ask you something? That officer I talked to earlier, Leeg? She wouldn't tell me what Gale hit with his truck when I was with them. I don't...I don't think it was a deer. It's driving me crazy. He drove off so fast, I can't help wondering if he hit someone with the truck."

I fold my arms on the tabletop and sigh. No reason to lie. the kid figured it out on his own. "Between me and you, we found a young woman in the location you described to us."

The color drains from his face. "Was she okay?" he asked.

There's a note of hope in his voice I hated to dash. "Nah, kid. She's dead."

His eyes glaze over, and he slumps backward as the reality hits him. "Hers is a sad story," I admit. "Second, hell, make that the third tragedy to happen in that family. The girl's parents died in a house fire. The oldest daughter was asleep in bed at the time. Fire didn't kill her but left burns across her whole body. Lost her mind. The county sent her somewhere for mental treatment---girl claimed she was some sort of mythological bird. Like a phoenix, but that's not what she called it. Happened a dozen or so odd years ago."

"A Mockingjay," Peeta said, turning to face the two-way mirror in the room. "I read something about her somewhere," he added casually.

I snap my fingers. "Yeah, that was it. Mockingjay. The girl disappeared from the facility one day. Katniss Everdeen. The young lady who died tonight was her sister Prim. You wonder how much a person can take without breaking all that death and pain. I don't know what Katniss would do if she found out about her sister's death on top of everything else."

"Maybe she already knows," Peeta says, his leg beginning to shake again. "Uh, confession time, I guess."

He waves his hands. "Not about anything tonight. I was at the facility with her, with Katniss. We kind of had a thing, I don't know. I left right after she disappeared. I didn't go home. I guess I've sort of been wandering around the area, looking for her since."

"Really. Odd that you weren't in our system, then."

Peeta rolled his eyes. "It was a physical rehab place, not drug detox. We weren't criminals. What happened to Gale and his brothers?"

I shake my head. "Gale's in the morgue. One brother with him. One in intensive care."

"Shit," he murmurs, rubbing his eyes. "Christ. Hey, am I free to go?"

I stand. "Free as the wind. Just let us know before you head out of town. Do you have somewhere to go tonight, kid?"

Peeta nods. "Yeah, I think so."

When he stands I pat him on the shoulder. "Thanks again. I'll see if we have something else you can wear."

Within a half hour or so, we had Peeta on his way. I don't know where he planned to go, but I never saw him again after that. It was almost like he'd been plucked off the ground by whatever that thing was and put somewhere safe.

[if-chaos-was-a-boy]

UGH I STARTED WRITING THE GUIDE AND HOLY SHIT IM TOO SILLY

(Spot the ocs mentioned~)

Hello.

你好

Ciao

Gluten Tag [wait that’s wrong- SHH]

Anyways, do I sound enough like the message you get on a new Apple device? No? Aight, anyways…My name is Calix and I shall be your flight attendant for today around the one and only:

CAMP HALF BLOOD!

your cue to applaud or get second hand embarrassment

Now if you ARE reading this trainwreck, dumpster fire of a guide, you are most probably a Demigod! Or you also could be a mortal, monster, gay, god and deity but i’m not gonna list all of 'em.

Assuming you don’t know about Greek mythology, here’s a crash course!

1. Shit happened

2. Zeus happened

3.Humans happened

4. Zeus/ur godly parent happened pt 2

5. You happened!

Now, when you get to this point other than noticing that Humour is my coping mechanism, you also start realising there are people spearing each other outside!

I’m not gonna get into your schedule right now but prepare to get wounded….NOT TRYING TO SCARE YOU!

Anyways, settle in, get snug and try to read this whole ass thing.

CHAPTER 1.

So you’ve made it to Camp Half Blood after (maybe) fighting through several monsters and getting a shit load of trauma on the way, now what?

First thing is to get you claimed! This used to be way harder because some gods are DIC- Anyways our lord and savior Percy Jackson refused immortality and godhood to force the gods to be good parents!

So we can do this the easy way:

Your godly parent recognises you and you get claimed in 0.5 seconds

Or the hard way:

Your godly parent is sleeping on the job and we are gonna have to dunk you in several life threatening situations to jump start your powers!

Now this section is dedicated to my non-demigod fam like my sis Aeryne:

If y’all don’t have a cabin, feel free to go to the Hermes Cabin or the Hestia Cabin!

We aren’t discriminative here at CHB, if other demigods try to start shit please call extermination hotline:

A) Damien Harvennson

B) Jack Hearth

C) Lilly Darhk

They will beat the bullies’ asses.

Like…brutally.

Anyways!

So you get claimed and you get assigned to your cabin. Now its time for the unfun part for the introverts….

Socialising…

Basically, unless you’re the only child of your godly parent, you ARE gonna have half siblings.

(Shoutout to the best sister in the world, Fay)

Here’s some icebreaker questions, though your Camp Counsellor (most experienced or oldest sibling) probably has your back:

Where are you from?

How old are you?

Name?

Musical?

Movie?

Song?

Anyways that’s it for chapter 1, PEACE OUT

Taglist

@that-girl-cupid

@demigod-jack-hearth

@unhinged-waterlilly

@love-lightning-forethought

@iceweavercatlover / @debacleofdaemons

@chaos-pers0nified

@stephen-the-spider

@bambi-the-dummy

@emdabitchass

@i-was-never-sane

@athenas-weirdo-daughter

@divine-wine-daughter

@kaiaalwayswins

@smileyalater

@daonedaonlyskh

@kiaradaughterofselene

@pink-koi-lovejoy

@itsyourboyezra

@hispanic-child-of-hermes

@mireya-the-awkward-extrovert

@gellyhelio

@ariathemortal

@arisdaughter

@syd-the-nerd

@steve-the-union-man

@madson-of-hermes-notluke

@thegroovydaughterofhestia

@the-olympus-assassin

@heraaaaaaaa