#nd coded

[portrait-of-a-soul]

I'm autistic

10/28/24 TW: Ableism, identity first language vs. person first language debate

I’m autistic I have autism and I say I’m autistic You’re a person and you say I shouldn’t say that I’m autistic and you say I should say I’m a person, first I’m autistic and I will explain why your “advocacy” is performative And how I’m not actually a person to you in the first place

I’m a person with autism and the lights hurt my eyes You’re a person and you laugh at me I’m a person with autism and I learn that my pain doesn’t matter I’m autistic and I learn that you’re ignorant about sensory processing differences

I’m a person with autism and I show you something I’m passionate about You’re a person and you say I’m acting childish I’m a person with autism and I learn that I shouldn’t get so excited about the things that I like I’m autistic and learn that special interests are a joyful experience that allow me to connect better with others.

I’m a person with autism and I flap my hands You’re a person and you tell me I look like an idiot I’m a person with autism and I learn I learn to keep my hands still I’m autistic and I learn it’s okay to move my body

I’m a person with autism and sometimes I talk too much You’re a person and tell me I’m annoying I’m a person with autism and I learn not to talk at all I’m autistic and learn that there are people out there who would love to hear me talk

I’m a person with autism and I have trouble making friends You’re a person and you tell me I’m not good enough I’m a person and I learn that it’s better not to have friends I’m autistic and learn that there are people out there who will love me just the way I am

I’m a person with autism and I have trouble following instructions You’re a person and you get mad at me for not listening I’m a person with autism and I learn that it’s useless to try new things I’m autistic and I learn that I am fully capable of understanding when you take the time to explain something in a different way

I'm a person with autism and trying to meet someone’s eyes is like repelling magnets You’re a person and you tell me that I’m rude when I look away I’m a person and I learn to push through the discomfort I’m autistic and learn that I’m not the only one who hurts this way

I’m a person with autism and I have trouble starting tasks You’re a person and you tell me I’m not trying hard enough I’m a person with autism and I learn that I’m lazy I’m autistic and I learn that it’s called “executive dysfunction”

I’m a person with autism and I call out bullying You’re a person and you tell me it’s not that serious I’m a person with autism and I learn that I’m too sensitive I’m autistic and I learn that it is called “having a strong sense of justice.”

I’m a person with autism and I have words to explain myself now You’re a person and you don’t like that I’m a person with autism and I learn that you’ll never listen I’m autistic and I have to carry on anyway

Why?

To guide the autistic people you leave behind

To a home you naively think you understand.

[syppys-den]

"A naive and well-meaning country boy. He yearns to know something about himself. His past and existence perplexes himself and his fellow villagers. Nevertheless, the villagers are kind to him, and love him despite his strangeness."

Superman Coded, I love it ^^

he even kind of looks like how I imagine Clark

Steve (my version). A naive and well-meaning country boy. He yearns to know something about himself. His past and existence perplexes himself and his fellow villagers. Nevertheless, the villagers are kind to him, and love him despite his strangeness.

[vanderdyks]

I geniunely cannot stand when allistics try to say Resident Alien is actually making fun of autistic people because they believe Harry is too childish now because I JUST-

In the beginning, Harry tried SO MUCH HARDER to fit in with the humans around him. He mimicked their speech patterns, consistently observed them, emersed himself in their activities so they wouldn't suspect he was different.

The Harry now? He doesn't care. He's loud in places he should be quiet. He talks how he wants. He laughs FREELY. He's learned large crowds of people? Not for him. He doesn't like being touched by strangers.

He's just Harry. Himself. Because he can be. Because he's realized even if some of the people of Patience find him strange, it doesn't matter. They'll never guess he's from outer space.

Have you noticed that every other alien we have seen is not like Harry? Not the greys, or the half human hybrids, not even Heather. When Heather is around humans who know she is an alien, we get to see the difference, but when she isn't? She fits in so well with any other neurotypical human.

Not Harry though. So yes, he is autistic because I said he is. Because I am autistic. And if you're allistic, you don't get to tell autistic people they shouldn't headcanon Harry as autistic (even though it is very obvious they're purposefully playing him as neurodivergent now.)

When you take an autistically coded character that a lot of autistic individuals relate to, and try to argue the character is actually a "child" and being "infantalised," you're actually being ableist.

You're saying that the traits we have resonated with are childish... Harry seems like he's "regressed" because instead of trying to adapt and pretend to be human, he is becoming something else entirely. Not human, but not fully alien either.

The body of doctor Harry Vanderspeigle was once just a disguise. Now it IS Harry's. It's his body, his own skin. And he's gotten comfortable in it and you know this because you deliberately witness times where he might be holding his hands like he would his claws (primarily when he's sleeping.) His brain doesn't realize he's not in his normal form, because in many ways, this is his new normal form.

He has emotions. He cares. He's in completely new territory and finding himself. And in doing so, that carefully crafted human mask? It's fallen a bit.

So that thing you label as "regression" is a thing I label as progress. He's learning still. Let him learn. Let him be. And give it time. And I hope to GOD Harry never becomes fully human to the point we can't recognize him. I hope he never loses his unique inflictions, or his love for pizza and pie. I hope he continues to love the quiet. I hope he ALWAYS laughs obnoxiously. I hope he always runs like he doesn't know what to do with his limbs. I hope you always see his emotions throughout his body because they simply cannot be contained. I hope he continues to jump when excited or pace when he's angry. I hope he stays obsessed with Law & Order forever.

Because if you take all that away, you're taking away the bits that make him Harry. You want a carbon copy human. I want the autistic alien struggling to understand human nature.

That being said, of course you can express your opinion him. And it can be discussed because everyone is going to have a different perspective.

But you don't get to dictate an autistic perspective if you are not autistic. Or try to cancel anyone for it either.

I love Harry. And I relate to him SO MUCH. And I love how much representation I can see him through him for me. Because I personally believe Alan and the writers have chosen to keep presenting this character as ND.

It's okay to dislike the direction of his character development. It's okay to find the flaws. It's okay to share that perspective. What's NOT okay is dictating the feelings of others because they might not agree with you.

I don't find him childish. I see him as an autistic individual trying to navigate a society that his brain hasn't been hardwired to understand.

And if you think he's too childish, please look closer at the why you think he is. Really be introspective on this one.

Because Harry is a parent. And has a child. And he has relationships. And he takes care of himself. Not only that, he is the town doctor and takes care of everyone else too. He is the smartest. He is the strongest. None of the characters have had to worry about the wellfare of Harry specifically. Its why no one realizes the greys have captured him. Because of course Harry would be fine, hes the alien expert. He knows what he's doing. So while everyone else spent so much time worrying about each other, no one was left to worry about Harry.

So ask yourself why you believe Harry has become "too childish" and if your answer comes down to any of his quirky traits or his misunderstandings of human nature, then you really need to consider if what you're actually uncomfortable with is autism/autistic traits.

[benjingler]

Unintentionally trans-coded characters, whose transness is represented by monsters

Drops mic

[matchamiko]

Wriothesley is so husband shaped; those big shoulders for sleeping on snuggled in bed, thick forearms to bite when he’s fucking you down into the mattress, capable hands for kneading dough when you don’t want to, beautiful kind eyes that are the first thing you see in the morning, big wide hairy chest for leaning on in the bath, such a strong back for hoisting furniture around when you want to change the sitting room around, legs heavy and wide enough to sit on as you arrange flowers you’d both bought from the farmers market, fingers weathered from work and age sitting pretty between your thighs.

[portrait-of-a-soul]

Additional TWs: depression era, ND coded

Bi(r)ds

11/24/23 Tw: Blood

Doctors John and Julie Gottman, couples specialists of the Gottman Institute, invented an interesting theory of how humans connect with one another. They describe humans’ attempts to connect as “bids for connections.”

A bid for connection is “an attempt to get attention, affection, and/or acceptance."

It makes sense.

When in a logical mood, one can understand how important the call and response nature of bids are as the building blocks of trust. Humans are no different from birds singing the other half of a melody to join each other in holy bird matrimony.

But the other times, when you’re sitting alone—When there’s no other metaphorical dumbass bird to sing back to you—these constant, easy transactions you see between others blind your sight and fill you with misplaced rage.

(You see bids in the way your friends hold hands with their partners; in the way their lips curl up in amusement as they make the unspoken decision to sit even closer to one another)

You see bids when you’re out shopping alone; in the way you watch parents hold car doors open for their own parents

You see bids when children are skipping down wet sidewalks; in the way they never stray too far from their mother’s worried hand

You see bids when girls look at each other and laugh about jokes only they understand; in the way they take photos of one another to preserve their experiences onto film

(Why can’t you have that?)

(What’s wrong with you?)

Let’s go back to birds. Birds are easier than humans.

Have you ever heard of the Kauaʻi ʻōʻō bird?

Maybe not. They’re gone now. They were left behind as humans destroyed their land.

(They don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, it seems)

But for a while, there was one left, holding out hope.

The senior scientist that recorded his last call on tape stated "He is the last male of a species singing for a female who will never come."

How awful it must have been to have kept singing and singing,

Only to be met with silence.

One can only imagine that when the scientists came by to record him,

He’d gotten his hopes up that someone would finally hear him

And do something about it

But nothing came of it

They could listen, but what could they do, really? The forest wasn’t built for him. Not anymore, at least.

(It was his problem, in the end.)

Again, the fact was, there was no one left like him. Or maybe there was?

After all, that was the hope he was clinging to as he broke the silence night after night

(You bet the other animals grumbled at his chatter)

Maybe his kin was just on the other side of the world, across oceans, across groves of forests, across crumbling civilizations

(Maybe he could find her?)

But this meant nothing to him if she was out of reach, didn’t it? If she was alive, she was impossible to find. She probably didn’t even need him. She could adapt. She could find a different singer. One that could be closer to her than the male could dream to be.

He didn’t know how to adapt.

(You wonder if his voice ever wavered)

(You know that yours has)

Enough about birds.

The term ‘bids for connection’ actually reminds most of a community event humans call auctions.

If bidding for connection could be likened to your blink-and-you’ll-miss-it attempts at dumping your thoughts in walls of text online

Then bids for connection on your end haven’t been going well for a while.

One would think from the way you’re always the one left in the empty auction hall with a fistful of dollar bills

That you’d make better choices than to raise your hand and make a pathetic offer.

But nowadays something in you smartens up the second your hand is even glanced at

You crumple the money and throw it on the floor before they get the chance to call out your bid

You reel the spark of courage back in; as you wind it back around the bobbin in your chest, it becomes dyed with blood-red shame.

It’s okay. Maybe the psychiatrists and therapists will be the ones to clinically listen to you cry and take pity on you.

They can listen, but what can they do, really? The world isn’t built for you. Not anymore, at least.

(It is your problem, in the end.)

You don’t know how to adapt.

The Gottmans describe the responses to bids for connection as “turning towards, turning against, and turning away.”

When in a neutral mood, one can recognize that just because most turn away, or in layman’s terms, ignore you, it doesn’t mean everyone will.

But when you can’t take it anymore and impulsively act on your hope, you smash your hand through the frosted pane you view the world through. Retract it. Peek through the hole you made. Snarl at your moment of weakness. Turn away. Look back. See the blood running down the glass.

(You hope that someone sees it. You fantasize of someone seeing it. Maybe they’d wonder if you’re okay. Maybe they’d come looking for you.)

(Or maybe they wouldn’t. And wouldn’t that be embarrassing.)

(You need to get a rag to clean it up.)

(You need to stomp the tape recorder into the fucking grass.)

And isn’t that just like you?

Always

Bidding

and

(hiding)

Calling

and hearing

(silence)

[rebuke-me]

the pilot program are all autistic in this essay i will

[shiningstarr15]

I am asking, no BEGGING this fandom at this point to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE start depicting Vanessa more as a silly, dorky, awkward, girlfailure loser. Bc THAT IS WHO SHE IS.

Yes she is attractive, but she’s also just an absolute disaster. She’s a disheveled mess, she has massive eyebags, can’t do her makeup worth shit, pulls her pants up to her fucking belly button, walks like she’s a goddamn question mark, can’t talk to people (or animatronics) worth shit, literally MOCKS people (that is CANON), and literally just has no idea what she’s doing at any point whatsoever.

She’s a dork ok. She would rather play video games than literally do anything else. She has a glittery pink journal with goddamn puppies on it, she bakes cupcakes and has rainbow hair extensions. She put toe beans on a RABBIT costume when RABBITS DO NOT HAVE TOE BEANS. DORK!

Even in the MOVIE, she’s a soggy loser. She threw a man’s sleeping pills in the river, she threatened to SHOOT a man on sight if he ever brought his kid sister back to Freddy’s. She asked said man to dance in the most awkward way possible, and she actively built a fort with a bunch of ghost kids haunting animatronics.

So please. Literally on my hands and knees BEGGING this fandom.. MAKE HER THE SILLY DORK LOSER SHE IS. She’s not a ‘serious’ character. She’s overly anxious and screams at people bc she can’t control her own emotions. Take a better look at her character and I promise you’ll see it!

PLEASE!

[chrliekclly]

oh charlie kelly loose identity tied to emotions nd changing on a whim we're really in it now....

[wildaboutchu2000]

18matsu au....................

reika belongs 2 @mushimatsu :3

[r0semultiverse]

Hey, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK??

"12 years ago"

"Open your mind!"

Ice Queen counterpart's ice cream machine is a portal???

[portrait-of-a-soul]

Wandering eyes

7/24/21 TW: Depression era, ND coded

My aunt says When I was little, My eyes wandered, wandered, wandered, catching on every detail She tells me how I would smile big, how I was the friendliest baby she’d ever seen

Now my body can’t seem to rest I’m a wound up toy held in place Eyes wandering, this time searching for an escape There is still wonder here, but it’s marred by fear I’m aware of every word Every mistake Every missed moment to connect My smile stretches wider and wider as I talk Agreeable things, polite things A laugh here or there A concept A person in theory A dear in headlights The friendliest baby you’ve ever seen Just another face with wandering eyes and a wondering soul

Divider found here

[rosemarytales]

Ellie knows the answer

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Autistic (at least ND) Kawata twins:

Smiley can't make eye contact while Angry stares into your soul

smile to mask - resting bitch face (not on purpose)

same thing with their voice (don't control intonation+volume very well)

^ lead to struggle with socialization

low to no empathy - hypersensitive

(drawn by violence, no sense of danger? - dislikes violence; only here to make sure his brother's safe and keeping him in check)

canonically likes plastic models and mangas but hides it to be popular (*cough* hiding your SpIns from others? *cough* being ashamed of them ? *cough* relatable *cough*) (also adds to struggle with socialization)

naturally knows how to make perfect ramen

both have a hyposensitivity to pain (OR - they don't know how to properly express it)

the several moments Smiley sit 'oddly'

cries when overwhelmed and lashes out (in their flashback/when they were young at least), perhaps meltdown

ramen is their comfort food btw. Wakui told me

(not but seriously, they swap expression when they eat ramen, that's so precious)

blunt, very straightforward

[shadowspirez]

if you aren't at least a little weird about the squip, then honestly what're you even doin!

that tictac is literally a gaslight gatekeep girlboss, mansplain manipulate manslaughter! the potential!!!

you can't hate him, officer, he's literally just a little guy!

[darth-kote]