#being Too Chill all the time.
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rebuke-me · 12 days ago
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the pilot program are all autistic in this essay i will
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mirensiart · 21 days ago
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The first ever "links meet" au I ever stumbled upon was the sweetest fic ever that I'm so sad I lost and haven't found again yet cause for the longest time that au was just 100% canon in my head lol and I still like it so much I want to find it again :( I remember it being actively updated back in 2014 when I was active in the zelda fandom (before my 10 year hiatus and me joining back again this year lol)
But basically the au played with the idea that hylia has like a special place in the afterlife for the hero's spirit, as compensation for their service to her and the 3 golden goddesses, so when a link dies the little afterlife space starts getting buildings or landmarks the link loved during life
So the au starts with ss!link chilling there alone, but he's able to see what his successors do from the afterlife! Then mc!link joins him when he dies and basically the little space starts getting bigger and bigger the more links die and join the little afterlife space
The only link who never joins because he is like THE hero's spirit is the first hero, and if I remember correctly ss!link tries the entire fic to meet him despite knowing it won't happen :(
Since it was during 2014 I remember the last link joining everyone was albw!link and I thought it was THE cutest cause the other links nicknamed him ALBY and like isn't that the cutest nickname ever
ANYWAY, i may have gotten some things wrong cause like...IT'S BEEN 1O YEARS LMAO but if anyone remembers it or if the author reads this, just know that I haven't stopped thinking about that au and that I love it with all my heart and I would love anyone forever if they find it again for me 🥺💖
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turtleblogatlast · 7 months ago
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Small but significant character moments that I actually really adore are from both the times we see the boys as tots. There is a reoccurrence that happens in both of them that I find so incredibly interesting.
For the turtle tot short, Splinter leaves the boys with weapons. In the short, Raph is the one who suggests they do “what Lou Jitsu would do” and Leo is the one who takes point when Splinter comes back to reprimand them. Leo, in taking point, is the one to defend them and get Splinter off their tails.
And then, in the flashback regarding the Kuroi Yōroi helmet, Raph is the one who grabs and throws “Skully” as a way to replace their missing ball which breaks it into pieces, but Leo is the one who speaks for the group and rushes into action to fix the teapot.
I love this for multiple reasons, but the biggest are how it shows that Raph has always been inclined toward the bold and fun and making the plans to include his brothers in what he loves and believes they’d love, whereas Leo has always been inclined to be the “Face” of the group and shoulder the attention even if it’s potentially negative all while coming up with on the spot attempts to fix the situation.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rottmnt leo#rise Raph#rise leo#I really do love this bit of character writing a ton#again it’s so small but like this is consistent!#little Raph just wanted to have fun with his bros 😭#Leo immediately coming in with the save both times (and more - remember Bug Busters?)#I really love too how none of them pointed fingers like#it was Understood that Leo would speak for them#listen there’s a reason Leo is the Face Man and it’s NOT just because he’s got a pretty face#he can talk both himself and his fam out of situations and I wish we saw it even more because it’s amazing to witness#circling back to Raph his bold nature is something I ADORE about him but I don’t see it brought up a lot which makes me so sad#like this boy is a RAPHAEL he is bold!!#and it’s cute too how the other bros immediately go along with it too#imo the Raph in these tot flashback is the same Raph that glues them all together as a bonding exercise#side note but damn…Leo saves them from punishment in the tot short and immediately gets jumped 😔#but yeah man I think a Lot about the little dynamics between the bros and how those dynamics could have first came into being#Leo being the face of the team and having been it since childhood-#-makes all the moments of immediately choosing to sacrifice himself when HE royally messes up all the more notable#if it’s one bro or the whole group individually he’s more chill about it but often still lets himself be the talker to get them out of it#he will do his damndest to get his brothers and himself out of trouble but once they’re in it he’s in the front with a smile#his own safety be damned#Raph is actually the same in that respect - he’ll jump into danger fists first but all bets are off when a brother is in danger#and like how Leo’s been the face - as the eldest Raph has been the de facto leader of sorts#he’s the one who is shown to make up their games! and I think that’s very cute#anyway their clashing in the movie is so interesting for a lot of reasons but one of them is that it shows how-#-even a longstanding dynamic like Raph and Leo’s that’s WORKED for so long is still susceptible to flaws…and to time
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cerealmonster15 · 5 months ago
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i want jamiazu + idikei to go on a double date so badly i think the vibes would be So Very Turbulent
#twisted wonderland#twst#jamiazu#idikei#idicay#cereal tries to draw#i love any fanart of board game club and their bitch ass crushes jdslhffkjg teeheehee#cater and jamil can get along fine but board game club is incapable of behaving#they have to drop everything to bully the shit out of each other given the chance!!!#jamil does this with azul also. tbh i think it would be a war immediately and caters like HaHa Oh My GOd. ??!!?#cater actually it's hard to say bc sometimes hes like HUH!!!! CHILL OUT!! but other times hes a shady little freak of a guy and enables#things so like whose to say. maybe if hes in a silly mood he would join idia and jamil and it would be 3v1 rip azul it was nice knowing u#the rng of if they get peacekeeping caycay or mischievous caycay#it feels like it has been a While since ive really sat and drawn them...#i have had a lot going on <///3 and then all draw time is spent on art fight rn but. small break For Them#do u even understand me. do u see my vision. i want to put all four of them in an escape room#bundle them together and observe them under a microscope#god i just LOVE how any time someone in twst talks about another character it's always either like#yes this is a good respectable classmate of mine who i admire. or I HATE THAT BITCH HE FUCKING SUCKS ASS ACTUALLY!!!!#and then the haters are like best friends who hang out always jfdksljflkshg#but theyd rather DIE than ADMIT IT!!!#bitch boys who only respect each other when they dont know each other too well ig fjldksfh#board game club being god tier haters nonstop of each other is so fucking funny im literally obsessed with whatever they have going on#anyway!!! I WANT THEM TO HANG OUT MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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fatedroses · 1 month ago
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Two tanks without their emotional support healers.
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ratatatastic · 20 days ago
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Vanha Kauppahalli date: en full, a 2 minute 50 second masterpiece...
Primetime Panthers | 11.6.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#2425#the global series is a gift#“alright talk to me what do we got?” with the camera following behind them makes it seems like theyre spies doing reconnaissance#the start to a thriller where they got sent to finland stake out for intelligence#maffhew not even waiting for sasha to answer before hes asks about chocolate#“the purple one you always bring” maffhew has been charmed by sashas leaving choco in stalls as gifts when he comes back from finland huh#you can tell he says that with depravity of a man who finally realises he doesnt need to rely on his supplier he can get it himself now#“uh oh [laughs] okay... what is this?” maffhew was not prepared for all the food to already be ready for him he just hopped off a plane and#expected to have to wait more and did not and absolutely does not trust the situation in the same way you get romantic candlelit-dinnered#and youre like alright whats all this then whats your angle what are you doing#“this is salmon and rye bread 😄” “(with the eagerness to prove hes smart and engaged) so is that 👉” “(charmed) and so is that 🫱”#“ill try your favourite first” GURL RELAX OKAY SETTLE DOWN YOURE IN A NEW COUNTRY JUST CHILL MAN#“salmon and rye bread—thats the famous one 🤓” [sasha nodding along because he has to reassure maffhew but also hes in the middle of eating]#maffhew choosing the most inopportune time and you can TELL sasha is like [swallows quickly] because he wants to answer but also BIG BITE#“herring” “herrin' 🤠?” “eating all this her-RING” no notes#“is this just another salmon on rye bread” he says with hope because he likes salmon but also disappointment (he wants to try more foods)#“different salmon? smoked?” the amount of questions hes askijg because hes so terribly engaged he wants to know and sashas like [shrug]#he has to get an A+ in experiencing finland which is normal to want and possible to achieve#“i still love your country though” and sasha explodes into the mirthful grin ive seen in my life like he just won the damn jackpot#he speaks at 100 mph like please take a deep breath sweetheart youre excitement is papable but PLEASE#THE WAY HE GETS SO UNSURE WHEN HE MENTIONS BARKY HATES THAT FOOD WHEN HE LIKED IT SO MUCH#MAFFHEW YOU CAN GET A PASSING GRADE IN EXPERIENCING FINLAND IF YOU STICK TO YOUR GUNS I PROMISE#SASHA HELP A GUY OUT HERE MAN THROW HIM A BONE#SASHA ONLY LAUGHS AS MAFFHEW THROWS HIMSELF INTO A TIZZY OVER THIS YOU ARE SOOOOOO#the chuckle when sasha mentions he had runebergin torttu in school... id like to know what was funny there#we call out sasha for being too lovesick and laughing at all of maffhews “jokes” BUT HES JUST AS BAD???#“what the hell do i do with this thing?” MAFFHEW HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN MERENGUE IN YOUR LIFE???
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puppyeared · 1 year ago
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doodles of my fav sillies
anton belongs to @poicyss
#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it#im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3#im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow#homemade comfort blorbos......#watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks#or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands#i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks#its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days#i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside#cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine#AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached#i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right#on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands#and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits!#i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly#the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking#maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol#myart#my art#my oc#oc#friend oc#augusta#anton#vincent#sillies family#doodles
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thekittyokat · 7 months ago
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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lynxalon · 2 months ago
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i've seen a fair bit of... pessimism about dorym lately, esp with the ep107, for example wondering if dorian's opposing views on the gods making orym fall out of love, and i have to say. i very highly doubt it, ur fr talking about the man who has held on to will for so long, holding onto will's family and affectionately calling this *his* family too because that didn't stop when will died. i dont think falling out of love is an option or even a thought to orym.
that said, we know that orym has contingencies for if anyone in bells hells crosses the line into being a version of themselves they would despise, for anyone who jeopardizes their mission. his mission. i think, for the first time since knowing dorian, orym finally has a contingency for him. the longer dorian is back, the more orym sees how scarred he is by what's happened (understandable so) and knows that dorian is with bells hells all the way. but if he isn't...
#lynx speaks#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#dorym#dorian x orym#i'll be so fr i hardly interact with the cr fandom at large bc soooooo many people are deeply pessimistic#i want to have fun!!!!! i AM having fun#and then i come here and see the most bad faith takes in all of the world ever and its disheartening!#where's ur fucken JOY where's ur fucken WHIMSY#bells hells is one of the wackiest groups with crazy dynamics between them all and its enjoyable!#ur Allowed to enjoy the things u watch i prommy#and to that point! people keep complaining that bells hells r indecisive and there r too many opposing views muddying things etc etc#1. ofc there r a lot of views. the real world is like that too. opposing views is one of the best story elements to enrich ur made up world#2. whenever there is a Big Decisive moment many instantly go 'noooooo not like that!!! that's not what *i*wanted' (ex: the shard.)#the cast receiving backlash from fans every time they r decisive and do something objectively fucken cool and interesting#means that any time they Think about doing a Big Thing... it gets a little harder bc what if the fans hate it. again. should i even do this#separating fandom from cast is a bit more difficult for this form of media and the inherent close proximity or creators to audience#so. just. maybe some of us could chill and cool off just a little. and maybe examine why This Thing is so terrible to u. and remember.#it may be terrible to *u* but thats where it stops. the specific bad feelings u have r not always indicative of media being Bad.#sometimes it's just not ur cup of tea and i PROMMY that its okay if its not
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kevindavidday · 8 hours ago
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love that one scene in aftg where aaron minyard is just washing dishes <3 and kevin is being pathetic on the beanbag chair in the other room <3
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realbeefman · 1 year ago
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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arohuacheng · 1 year ago
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imagining the story from pei ming's perspective is rlly funny i think. this god from all that time ago ascends again (you were there for the first two times) and immediately waltzes into a situation that fucks something up for your descendant (putting both of your reputations on the line, messing up how hard your descendant worked to become a god and how hard you worked to ensure that he would have that chance) and then refuses to let you smooth the situation out and on TOP of that your friend's little sister (who hates you and who you are trying to look out for by request of your friend) is on your case about it too. so you've gotta work all that out and then like. you chill for a little bit (still kind of upset about your descendant) until your friend undergoes a heavenly calamity. and then in the space of like A Day the god from earlier shows up again with a fucking ghost king, your friend dies, the little sister you're supposed to be looking out for disappears, and everything just kinda goes to shit. so you're like. grieving. trying to process everything. until your OTHER close friend goes off the fucking rails with the spirit of that guy she murdered, and then you get called out to the spooky ghost mountain where you're confronted with the girl whose death YOU were essentially responsible for and have never really come to terms with, and then like. you just kind of hang out with these gay people until everything resolves itself. fight some ghosts. fight the heavenly emperor. get your friend to stop being evil for a little while so she can fix the filing systems. and then you just have to keep being the god of love i guess
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fandomfrolics · 2 years ago
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1x10 || 3x01
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silvermeww · 1 month ago
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okay, when was someone going to tell me that
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oh, idk, steven started at 19, burgh has a younger sister, clay actually isn't born american, skyla's whole fam thing and ELESA IS 15???? (even younger than skyla like wtf???)
(also the 'alder' at the bottom is supposed to be drayden lol)
and that's not all
say hello to:
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viola being 18??? 'black whirlwind' korrina, RAMOS MEETING AZ'S FLOETTE AS A KID, genderfluid and apparently also age-fluid olympia, CLEMONT?? AND HIS WHOLE THING DOWN TO BEING 12 OF ALL AGES???
(you know what, marlon being 30 definitely makes sense with the hippie vibes)
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wikstrom SAYING that he only wears that suit in pokemon battles but i've never seen his casual wear, malva being pr for flare lol, drasna selling dragon merch + great family lore if you want to know, siebold having to third-wheel lysandre and sycamore while eating (move aside malva, you're not the only elite 4 dealing with this) and 20?? YEARS OLD?? DIANTHA????????????
(way too many men in kalos are getting ladies, c'mon)
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ethan being into history is such a neat detail hmmm, idk much of the frontier brains ngl, and we've finally got the region for looker and it's... hoenn??? you know what, makes sense with his chaotic vibes so i'll take it (throws away unova taped to a rock behind my back). also he's abolsutely cheating we all see that he's just relying on knowing us as protags, should've known smh
(um i think someone said that 'caitlin' should've been anabel but idk)
oh and the last one is charon, if we care about how much of a loser he really is. forget about birch and the poochyena, this guy is the lowest heh. imagine being charon (please don't).
(when the protags of johto are the same age as clemont lol) (yeah i know there are years between those events just let me have this)
and last but not least:
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aaron 🤝 valerie: wanting to be pokemon (and ig gotta toss in shauntal with the ao3 writer gift heh, don't know if they would commission her or stay away), bertha's description???? i love flint just saying, cynthia 👀👀 is absolutely doing something illegal 👀👀, roark is WHAT??? (child labour laws in sinnoh must be lax ngl), maylene as well???? fantina watching scary movies is something i'll have to incorporate into my worldview and bryon?? are you okay??
so yeah. credit goes to @/KuroBlitz96 on the twitter/x for having this up, i'm just here to project sheer surprise at this massive dump of ages... my thoughts on pokemon have completely turned on its head once more lol (this is fine)
#sinnoh is the most surprising out of the regions avaliable#but c'mon 12 year old clemont?? he is legit baby#steven is really just chilling around for at least 4 years until the protag got him huh??#when i was first watching bw i thought that cilan was middle child until that 3rd last ep?? with the fight for the gym#and having the bros come to him cemented the idea that he was the oldest#so hearing that is good to know#even though i have to make peace that they never left the city lol#WHY IS ELESA/ROARK/MAYLENE/DIANTHA SO DANG YOUNG???#i can maybe let go of viola. in time. maybe.#i also love some of that lore/history dump here as well#lenora's dad bringing back fossils and lyra being torn between countryside/city#viola being a big sister figure and getting that camera from her father#crasher wake being a fake fan but also heavily embodying that barry spirit in his own way#the ramifications of the mother dying after bonnie was born and wow that gag in the anime is suddenly a lot more sadder huh#on the brighter side the prism tower used to be a part of a travelling amusement park lol#flint's hype!!! maylene being confused over her own strength!!! (thoughts about paul's insults hit a lot harder after this hmm)#wulfric being an explorer!! and i'm still not over ramos and az's floette oh god#unfollow me right now. this is all i can talk about for the next few weeks. my brain is way too small for this knowledge help#is it canon now?? idk. but the fact that this was here is killing me#pokemon teraleak#save#deep stuff
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triglycercule · 1 month ago
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less of horrordust eating face and killer watches more of them mauling eachother. also killer watches
#horrordust need more beef smh#triglycercule werent you just months ago saying you loved domestic horrordust#a man can believe in two statements and have both of them be true#dust wants to be punished for what he did. horror doesn't. they both try to drag eachother down in the process#killer is a third entity entirely. arent they all seperate entities. yes but he's different for some reason idk#killer has that feeling of zoning out mid trio hang out but the other 2 guys keep chilling without you and it's lowkey nice#killer i love trios because i can just dissociate and stare at a tree while they entertain eachother sans#the horrordust beef would be mutual in my eyes WHAT DO YOU MEAN DUST HATES KILLER BUT DISMISSES HORROR#are we talking about the same horror here. the same horror that tricked his papyrus into feeding and eating human meat#the same horror that tricked HIS ENTIRE SNOWDIN into eating humans#the same horror that purposefully taunts and plays around with the humans he kills#the same horror that is KNOWN for being manipulative and unnecessarily cruel for no fucking reason#yeah dust would hate the shit out of him highkey#both of them have which one of us was justified in what we did competitions#winner: NOBODY (it's killer it's killer that ends up winning that fight)#i mean horror would hate dust too i feel like this one is more obvious#KILLING papyrus. KILLING the underground. not being able to withstand the resets instead of choosing to kill#oh horror would be so fucking insensitive about resets to dust and killer#hes never experienced it he wouldnt know how bad it was and him being him....... he's gonna be a DICK#i think horror would hate the concept of phantom papyrus too because like#it's proof that dust did kill paps and for some reason he likes this FAKE version more than the real thing????#dust should be sadder about killing paps in horror's eyes (technically EYE but wtvr)#they maul eachother and also eat face is the hidden 3rd part of this post. and this time killer joins#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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becauseplot · 1 year ago
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Penciled Lines
(Cross-posted on ao3, if you prefer to read it there. Reblogs still appreciated!)
Missa wakes up, and he thinks he might be doomed. This doesn’t scare him nearly as much as it should.
Missa is awake early—by his own metric, anyway. His nocturnal nature causes “early” for him to mean “early night” and not “early morning.” Regardless, “early” means that Philza is not asleep yet, still going through his nightly rituals. “Early” means that Philza is sitting up in (his? their?) the bed, pillows propped up behind him, notebook in his lap, sketching away.
And when Missa wakes up to the soft scritch-scratch of a charcoal pencil on textured paper, his forehead just so happens to be brushing Philza’s hip.
Missa can hardly breathe.
Oh no.
He knows that if he gives any indication that he is awake, Philza will stop sketching, close his notebook, shift himself over until he is politely seated on his side of the bed, and greet Missa with a friendly smile. Philza has done it before, when Missa wakes up early. That’s how Missa knows he’ll do it again.
Thus, Missa can hardly breathe—his breaths have to be the slow in-out of sleep. He can’t so much as twitch, either. He has to keep quiet and play dead or else he’ll be found out. Seen. Caught living the lie.
“Husband,” Philza calls him. They’re not married. They share a bed. They’re hardly ever in it at the same time. They have a son and a daughter. Neither of them know Missa very well. Philza has had an extra set of armor and a skull on his backpack for months, waiting for Missa. Missa doesn’t even know Philza’s last name.
Philza is a good man and a good friend—and Missa doesn't deserve him. Still, he takes what he can get. Curls around it. Hoarding every innocent kindness Philza extends like a starving creature: the generosity of a backpack fully stocked with equipment; the trust Philza places in Missa to watch the kids when he’s asleep; and now, the courtesy of not moving his hip from Missa’s forehead to ensure his “sleeping” isn’t disturbed. Missa clutches all of these little offerings in his greedy claws and hugs them into his chest, even as the guilt eats away at him.
Because, regardless of the lack of mutual feeling, he loves Philza. He loves him so, so much, and that is why he is doomed. He can’t afford to lose what little he has. He can’t cross that line. 
So Missa lies beside Philza, forehead pressed against Philza’s hip, pretending to sleep so he can imagine that they’re not just lying in bed together, but lying in bed, together; and later, when Missa truly wakes, he will sit on his side of the bed and look at Philza’s face soft with sleep and think about how lucky he is that he still has a side-of-the-bed to begin with.
Missa doesn’t mean to drift off. When it starts to happen, he’s hopelessly torn between shaking himself awake and thus giving himself away, or remaining how he is, silently fending off the inevitable. In the end, Missa clings to that scritch-scratch sound of Philza’s pencil on the paper for as long as he can before the fog at last pulls him under. 
Eventually, he dreams. In fact, he dreams of the calloused fingers he dreams of every night, hands like his own, an artist of Death, cradling and shading the contours of his face—a softness dashing charcoal across his jaw, and over his cheekbones, and perhaps on his lips, too, if he’s lucky. Defining every edge of him.
~*~
A deep sigh. Phil stops sketching as Missa shifts in his sleep. He tilts his head up so that the tip of his nose is now just nearly brushing against Phil’s hip. The motion disturbs the wild splay of his dark hair, revealing more of his face: eyelashes, cheeks, warmth. Tender blush of something Stygian and otherworldly. New.
Phil’s lips tilt upwards. He turns to a fresh page, and he starts again.
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