#nature-related genders

[artvaris]

I need to figure out this name stuff soon since someone just addressed me by my surname on Bluesky and that feels so goofy and way too formal gah

[in-tua-deep]

Book recommendation for yall! Found this in the library and checked it out bc I was a curious. It’s a really interesting look at the lives of women in the UK and the lesbian community, and has lots of chunks of stories from the various folks who were interviewed

The stories are very honest and very interesting! It has a lot of different answers to questions such as “how do people conceptualize themselves when they don’t have the language to do so” and is super insightful, I think a lot of it is applicable to non-UK folk as well

If your local library has it, definitely give it a read!

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

[epiceneandroid]

what being epicene means to me

so, hi! i'm epiceneandroid: a tumblr user defined by my identity as an epicene, well, android.

epicene has a lot of meanings, both personal to me and others and dictionary definition. its dictionary definition has a plurality of meanings, including, but not limited to:

-has characteristics of both male and female but is neither gender;

-has characteristics of both masculine and feminine but is neither;

-has both and neither masculine and feminine characteristics;

-has both and neither male and female characteristics;

-genderless or sexless;

-gender indeterminate;

-androgynous;

-gender neutral or neuter;

-unisex;

or a gender like male or female, but is neither.

of course, an epicene person can relate to any, multiple, or even all of those meanings, and still be epicene, and no two epicenes, just like no two women or men, will define their gender the same way.

however, i see my epicenity, as i've grown up over the years, beyond just "has characteristics of both male and female, but is neither" and "gender indeterminate".

think of those gender spectrum charts, like say, a circle. on one end is male, on one end is female, on one end is neutrois, on one end is aporagender, etc...the very center of the circle, in the middle of + having aspects of every gender but not BEING every gender like pangender, is epicene to me, i've discovered.

so it's a gender that has aspects of male, female, androgyne, femache, neutrois, aporagender, maverique, agender, really, countless genders, without being exactly all of those genders and being sort of its own thing. it's kind of like an aporagender that is simultaneously NOT an aporagender. it's kind of a schrodinger's abinary sort of thing, as it has aspects of genders that have nothing to do with binary masculinity/maleness or femininity/femaleness, but also has aspects of genders that HAVE relation to masculinity/maleness and femininity/femaleness at the same time. but, again, it's only ASPECTS of it, not exactly the exact gender. so epicenity is sort of like an abinary/midbinary combination, or a nontrinary gender, on the surface, but moreso...to me, an anonbinary experience.

so yeah. this is how i view my own epicenity. i wonder if other epicene people view their gender the same way.

[gomacave]

SHIP NEGATIVITY BELOW BEWAREE

i like/ dont mind aer/iseph but only if ppl think seph is not a man too many aer/iseph shippers have a weird innocent light bunny prey animal girl and big domineering darkness man thing going on

[tripably]

the probably cis-privileged wonderment of how people know that they're trans or nonbinary or genderfluid or generally anything other that what they were assigned at birth

the following lowkey panic of how do people know they are exactly what they were assigned at birth

like what does gender feel like? how do people know? is my years-old "call me whatever pronouns you wish, i don't care" actually more than just me not giving a fuck?

the somewhat natural (?) next step of "wtf even is womanhood" like what is it? if we dismantle the traditional gender roles, on the basis that those are a cage designed to oppress everyone, what does it mean to be a woman, or a man, so that you can judge whether you're either or neither or both?

like if we exclude the societal negative effects of being a woman, on the basis that the goal is absolute equality between all genders and suffering is not a fun or healthy identifier, then gender-wise, what's left to being a woman that is excluded from being a man?

because it's not the things you do. it's also not the things you like. it's not what you're good at. it's not your job, it's not who you fancy, it's not how you dress, it's not how you behave, it's not how you carry yourself, and it's not how you think. i know what all it was, traditionally, but as we dismantle toxic masculinity, do we not dismantle everything else?

and so finally, if gender is none of those things, then, according to my logic, it must only be how you feel - so again, what on earth does gender feel like?????????

basically, is my cis-brain overthinking this whilst being incapable of empathising (if yes, a horror, how do i learn?), or is this a sign of a budding identity crisis (and can i just skip it then?) ?

[annalyticall]

To be honest I think I'm starting to become so apathetic to gender that I could possibly be non-binary but at the same time I am also just apathetic enough to not care about changing my pronouns or doing anything differently about how i present to people

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread  

Tears in the Water

NA contemporary slice of life romance about a competitive swimmer with anxiety at a sports university

they start seriously questioning their gender when they make some new friends and start dating a trans volleyball player

queer friend groups, aspec characters

[knifeslidez]

i think if i posted about media i like more often, my interpretations could single-handedly restart several fandom wars

[toastsnaffler]

whenever ppl ask me what my type is (or even like. what celebrities I find attractive) I have a rly hard time pinning it down for them bc things like familiarity actually factor in a LOT for me so I don't tend to immediately recognise whether someone I've never seen before irl is hot or not. actually if we wanna get properly into it the reality of how attraction works for me is that I fall in world-rearrangingly devastating love with someone and my "type" then redefines itself accordingly as a category of ppl who remind me of them in specific subtle/less-than-subtle ways and the imprint of that sticks with me forever so whenever I find someone instinctively beautiful I'm always just seeing the ghost of past loves in their face or the way they hold themselves. but I can't explain that to ppl bc I feel like it comes across weird and a little creepy so I just laugh and tell them "well its arbitrary, I'm just attracted to ppl on an individual basis! um and also ayo edebiri is sooo gorgeous" which is true

[lokh]

king don't overdo your binder using ok? take care stay safe

thanks for the concern 👍 dw about it tho this is the first time ive binded in ages lmao

[giant-isopods]

guys i figured it out

thinking of gender expression as masculinity and femininity is DIALECTICS

you cannot have a purely masculine nor purely feminine subject, just as you cannot have a purely apollonian nor a completely dionisian artist

when one demonises masculinity or femininity, their worldview becomes harmful for them and others (radfems demonising masculinity, misogynists demonising femininity, for example)

one can strive to be more masculine and/or feminine and still have the other; or strive to be less masculine and/or feminine and also have less of the other, as they aren't contradictory as much as they're complimentary

if one has a completely neutral presentation, that could take form as both very little masculinity and femininity, or as an equally large amount of both

tl;dr the philosophy of gender expression and presentation gets really interesting if you try frameworks like dialectics and ontology instead of trying to figure out which one is "better" or whether you can change them

(there are so many disclaimers in tags please read them before you get mad cause dialectics is flawed by design and i thought of this after doing my eyeliner in cat ears)

[master-gatherer]

So first shift got in their feelings about how the other shifts don't communicate with them... Because third shift issued a quality alert about a thing they thought wasn't an issue 🤨

And this, when half the time we come in on second and no one knows anything no one tells us anything and we have to spend who knows how many hours figuring just what the hell happened the previous shift

[cypr1anlatew00d]

I think what stands out to me abt Chris Kraus' work against others of her cohort (you know) is that her plotting and characterization really articulate the sense that to get to a point of somewhat/relative freedom you can't see yourself as the victim in your relationships/work/life by default... even if the world is stacked against you in some structural way or another you have to believe that you can do otherwise... which seems so rare in contemporary writing lately lol... a sort of compensatory bad turn back to a weird perception of "socialist realism" or w/e out of the sense that making a living off writing is unusual (true!) so the act of writing is inherently frivolous/decadent unless it expresses a useful political generalization (ehhh)

[shinigami-social]

Since some new athletes subject to gender (sex) testing are getting a lot of spotlight shined on the transphobic elements of this practice, please can people keep in mind the intersexist nature of sex testing. While many concerns raised about athletes’ gender/sex are related to transphobia, the material reality is that these people aren’t trans, they are intersex. These tests reveal that these women have hyperandrogenistic conditions that make them intersex. They are experiencing oppression based on having an intersex condition. This isn’t “oops we oppressed a cisgender person who might have been trans,” it is the intentional oppression of people who are intersex.

[zeramorphosis]

I've been questioning whether I'm demisexual thanks to new knowledge brought to my attention that's forced me to seriously consider it, and at first I've taken to it like I take to any questioning of my identity-- like a feral cat to water. But I have started pointing at Gale and saying, "autistic and demisexual nerd loser," so I think I'm warming up to the idea