#its like looking at a nice wallpaper pattern or smth | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

phagodyke · 1 year ago

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whenever ppl ask me what my type is (or even like. what celebrities I find attractive) I have a rly hard time pinning it down for them bc things like familiarity actually factor in a LOT for me so I don't tend to immediately recognise whether someone I've never seen before irl is hot or not. actually if we wanna get properly into it the reality of how attraction works for me is that I fall in world-rearrangingly devastating love with someone and my "type" then redefines itself accordingly as a category of ppl who remind me of them in specific subtle/less-than-subtle ways and the imprint of that sticks with me forever so whenever I find someone instinctively beautiful I'm always just seeing the ghost of past loves in their face or the way they hold themselves. but I can't explain that to ppl bc I feel like it comes across weird and a little creepy so I just laugh and tell them "well its arbitrary, I'm just attracted to ppl on an individual basis! um and also ayo edebiri is sooo gorgeous" which is true

#I mean it makes total sense bc there are some ppl who mean so much to u that just seeing them triggers ur oxytocin like crazy #so of course being reminded of them when looking at a stranger is going to manifest as attraction #most of my friends are genuinely jaw droppingly gorgeous to me bc i have such strong affection for them how can i not find that there!!#there are definitely some celebrities I consider pretty/handsome. but as an aesthetic quality not from a place of attraction #its like looking at a nice wallpaper pattern or smth #idk. having a definitive answer for what i find attractive doesnt especially matter to me bc its such a fluid thing #in the same way that having a distinct sexuality/gender identity doesnt matter to me either. i dont really like boxing myself in w labels #I mean I like using words like dyke and butch as a shorthand bc they point in the right kind of direction. but theyre not exclusive to me #I feel like this world constantly tries to interrogate and label things in a way thats pretty unnecessary tbh #like I get that having categories is important to some people. but not everyone yknow. its interesting to think abt tho #language will never be succint and perfect enough to define an entire human by its own nature!! all communication is a proxy measure #anyway im extremely tired. yes this is somewhat related to prev tamino post btw bc I was thinking abt how he looks like someone else #peace and goodnight on planet earth #.diaries

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