#naturally there are ending spoilers but its all below the cut

[centaurianthropology]

Therapy for Thee but Not for Me: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms in ‘Murderbot’ (Thoughts on Episodes 1-3)

Having now watched the third episode of ‘Murderbot’, I came away with two impressions: the first is that this is a better show as a binge.  Maybe I’m too used to shows that are an hour long, but I feel like I’ve only just got sunk into an episode when it ends.  But with a binge, I can just move onto the next, and the emotional through-line feels more well-drawn.

Spoilers below the cut.

The second thing is that I think this was really the final wrap episode for the introduction.  We finally get an explanation for why PresAux is not only doing this survey, but aren’t willing to ditch it at the first sign of danger (honestly needed, if we’re going to flesh them and Preservation out further).  And I really like the explanation provided! The notion that there is a bit more dissent in Preservation than we’ve seen in the books is welcome.  Because of course there are some people there who are short-sighted, greedy, or simply ignorant enough to decide that the glamor and faux-prosperity of the Corporation Rim is more attractive than a planetary commune with constant resource struggles. Of course some people buy the propaganda and believe that the Corporation Rim is truly existing in a golden age that Preservation should be lucky to join. That happens in every society, no matter how well it’s doing. It is human nature to want what you don’t have, and to always want more. 

And it’s a great motivation to explain why Mensah and her friends go to this planet, and then stay there even in the face of danger. It both establishes stakes and establishes this group as true believers in Preservation ideals.   They are the most dedicated to the Preservation way of life, whether they were raised in that environment or are a recent convert. 

We also get a little more time with a few underserved characters, particularly Ratthi and Bharadwaj, while elaborating on characters with more onscreen time like Mensah and Gurathin.  I’d still like to spend more time with Pin-Lee and Arada, but I feel like that’s coming soon enough.  I had thought the plot would really kick off in this episode, and in some ways it did (a whole lot of ‘All Systems Red’ was covered in this one episode, plot-wise), but it also felt like the last moment of early-static-state for these characters. 

And a huge part of that early static state is really hammering home how every character does (and doesn’t) deal with mounting stress.  This, like the books, is a show centering emotion.  In the books, it was almost exclusively Murderbot’s emotions, but here we see Murderbot as a part of a tapestry of emotion, one person amongst an ensemble it has not yet accepted that it’s a part of.  And as it has poor coping mechanisms, that just puts it in excellent company with this group of humans with fuck-awful coping mechanisms. 

So before we get into the meat of the action and, I suspect, meet our mystery additional character next episode (who I now suspect might be a ‘Company rep’ or something), I wanted to talk about the coping mechanisms (bad and good) everyone is rocking, and the arcs I suspect they’re setting up.

MURDERBOT: ESCAPISM

Let’s start with everyone’s favorite SecUnit.  Episode 3 really drove home how escapist and purposefully detached Murderbot is at this point in the story.  It is actively resisting caring or connection, wanting to escape every interaction or responsibility to sink into the comfort of its shows. 

Not surprisingly, and paralleling the book, this is setting up the arc of caring.  Next episode will probably feature Mensah saving it from the other SecUnit, and the shocking (for it) realization that she is willing to risk herself to save it.  This is the major turning point in their relationship, and in its understanding of people.  At this moment in episode 3, we are really seeing the last active resistance to this: it doesn’t think of itself as a person.  It doesn’t want to hear what Mensah has to say about her worries or her fears.   I know some people have seen this scene as trauma-dumping, but I didn’t read that at all into that scene.  Rather, I saw Mensah trying to make a connection.  She has decided that Gurathin is wrong: this SecUnit is a person, and it has emotions and thoughts and feelings.  And as she stares down the barrel of a very bad situation, she is trying to make it care.  She is reaching out, explaining her fears because she wants it to see her and her friends as people.  She wants it to understand why they can’t just back out, can’t turn tail at the first sign of danger.  She is trying to forge a connection.

And Murderbot isn’t there yet.  It’s avoidant, angrier in this episode than it was before, it’s on edge after both Ratthi and Gurathin seem convinced that it’s more than just an ordinary SecUnit.  It knows it’s not faking being an ordinary SecUnit well, and it wants out. 

And more than that, it is self-soothing the anger and the resentment and the fear that defines its existence at this point with its shows.  I think it’s interesting that, instead of ‘Sanctuary Moon’, this episode introduces us to a much grimmer show, ‘Strife in the Galaxy’, which explicitly shows constructs like SecUnit being tortured (although it points out that this doesn’t seem particularly realistic) and stressing their own struggles and individuality.  And it considers this an inferior show.  Why?  Because it cannot imagine doing that.  At this point it can’t imagine being as defiant as the (ComfortUnits??) constructs in the show.  It’ll enjoy the unrealistic aspects of ‘Sanctuary Moon’, but I get the feeling that the unrealism of ‘Strife’ strikes a little too close to home to be good quality escape.

But it keeps watching.  Because if it keeps just burying itself in media, it never needs to care.  It never needs to feel deeper, more complicated, more dangerous emotions about real people who could be in real danger.  It can just … exist, comfortably numb, and bide its time.  For what?  Unclear, probably even to Murderbot. Carin will be thie thing that motivates it out of this static state, but that is terrifying, and it is resisting that with every single minute of entertainment it’s downloaded. 

DR. MENSAH and PROF. BHARADWAJ: AVOIDANCE

These two feel like parallel characters right now. They’re both older women, both feel a weight of responsibility, and both feel like they’re doing the same thing: pretend everything is fine, act strong when everyone else can see you (and rely on you), offer help wherever you can, fall apart only when you’re safely alone.

They tackle it differently.  Mensah is, to her team, the consummate professional.  We see her fears and doubts only through SecUnit’s spyware or because she’s chosen to talk to it late at night when everyone else is asleep.  And why did she choose that?

I’ve seen some people, as I mentioned, say that she was trauma dumping.  But I read this as an attempt to reach out to the only other person, in her mind, who was sort of in her same position.  Because they were both being relied on by everyone else.  Because if they faltered, everything could fall apart.  I read her talk with Murderbot as a way of expressing how much this mission actually means to all of them, why it matters, why it might even matter to their SecUnit, and I genuinely think she was hoping for it to share its own fears and struggles in return.  She wasn’t dumping; she was opening up in an incredibly vulnerable way to a person that at least one of her friends thinks is a potential spree killer.  But she looks at this person, and she sees someone in a similar position of responsibility, equally unable to share its frustrations and fears. Reaching out was a risk. She knows it’s spying on them. But she also believes that it is more that was it was built to be, so it was worth the risk to try to connect on a deeper level.

And it still can’t reach back.  She’s left wanting.  Like everyone elose in the episode, she fails at dealing with the stress well. She does the best of all of them, in my estimation, but she still fails, because at this point in the story they all need to fail. They all need a hole they can climb out of.

Bharadwaj certainly isn’t doing any better.  She, like Mensah, is holding it together by her fingernails.  But while Mensah has the leader persona she wraps around herself, Bharadwaj has jokes and energy and exuberance.  She has an indomitable spirit, right up until there’s no one to perform for.

And then she breaks down crying, and who wouldn’t?  She almost died.  She, of everyone, was the closest to just suddenly losing everything, and how do you process that?  How do you deal with the sudden and undeniable reality of your own mortality shoved so brutally in your face?  Of course she’s not dealing well.  And of course she, like Mensah—like everyone else who wants to be there for their friends and never let them know how much they themselves might need help in turn, like everyone else who is used to being the strong, steady, reliable, fun one—ends up hiding it.  And Gurathin stumbles into it, but he can barely process his own trauma, let alone anyone else’s.  He tries to reach out as best he can, and it’s not what she needs, and it fails them both.  There is a surprising level of tragedy underling this episode that creeps out slowly on viewing it again.  I really appreciate that, as on-the-nose as the writing can seem, this show is actually working at several different levels, and Bharadwaj trying and failing to deal with the sudden and immense trauma she’s experienced is one of them.

I think both Mensah and Bharadwaj are being set up for arcs of being able to accept help as well as give it. Mensah’s biggest struggle in the books is even admitting to those she loves that she’s not doing well mentally, and I think we’ll see echoes of that here. Bharadwaj ends up as more or less Murderbot’s therapist (while couching it in ‘making a documentary’), and while I’m not sure it’ll play out precisely in that format, I want to see them all connecting on that level. The human characters act as mirrors for Murderbot, and both Mensah and Bharadwaj are just as avoidant of their trauma as Murderbot is in its way, and just like it, they are going to fail to keep it all together. They are going to have to reach out, but that won’t be weakness. Acknowledging their needs, their fears, their broken parts to those they love will eventually help them mend those broken bits in ways they never could have managed alone.

DR. ARADA, PIN-LEE, AND DR. RATTHI: PHYSICAL COMFORT WHILE IGNORING THE EMOTIONS UNDERLYING EVERYTHING

It doesn’t surprise me that the ill-advised throuple is all about trying for physical comfort while ignoring the fact that this comfort is built on quicksand.  One thing this episode really nails is that this arrangement was built on shaky ground, and they can all feel it but none of them are directly discussing it. I feel like this relationship is serving as a metaphor for all their myriad issues of dependence, distrust, poor communication, and an inability to simply discuss contradictory needs.

Pin-Lee has been hiding innocuous things like their video game habits from their wife (likely because they think Arada wouldn’t approve of them playing violent video games).  Arada is trying to fill relationship troubles with a third person, hoping things work out better than the last time, all while clearly not addressing the root issues she and Pin-Lee are facing.  And Ratthi, forever happy to be here, is ignoring the fact that his presence in this arrangement is both more complicated and less helpful than he might hope. 

I also like that we can contrast this disaster trio with Mensah’s clearly stable, clearly long-term, clearly loving arrangement with her marital partners.  Because they might not have wanted her to go, but they still love and support her.  They still have seven children together, whose picture acts as the centerpiece to her room.  If the show goes on for more seasons, we’ll certainly see more of Mensah’s family, but it’s nice to establish the norm of multiple marriages in Preservation society this early, and how healthy and stable they are, especially in light of the disaster throuple that is Arada, Ratthi, and Pin-Lee.

I love Ratthi’s self-doubts in this episode, because I think it highlights how much he’s trying to use his friendliness, his supportiveness, his Golden-Retriever-of-a-Man-ness to cover his self-doubt and even flavors of self-loathing.  There is clearly a lot about himself he doesn’t quite like, that he struggles with.  He is naturally sociable, naturally flirty.  He loves a good time, loves to trust people, and (if he’s true to his book counterpart), loves to love all different sorts of people.  But he struggles with commitment.  He struggles to live up to the standards he’s setting for himself.  So he’s too hungover to do weapons training.  He’s too eager to get the survey equipment and almost runs into danger.  He so earnestly wants to be there for everyone, so of course having sex with his friends seems like a great idea.  After all, for him, sex and friendship go together great.  I don’t really think he’s yet dug into the fact that Pin-Lee and Arada are sort of using him to paper over the cracks in their own foundation, and I’m interested to see how he reacts to realizing that’s the case.

His arc is a little difficult to see right now, but I imagine it’s going to be someting about finding himself. He’s a great guy; he’s eventually going to be SecUnit’s best friend. But who is he when he’s not being what everyone else needs? Who is Ratthi just on his own? I hope we (and maybe he) get to know that.

Pin-Lee has a little more definition to them after this episode, and I hope we keep getting more.  They’ve been built up quietly in the background, doing a lot of necessary plot work because it fits their personality rather than their job. They’re the one analyzing the satellite data for patterns in the outages, and this tells the audience a lot about their need for everything to make sense and fit neatly. They are a lover of patterns and order.  They are almost certainly the one who pushed for the throuple contract (because of course Pin-Lee needs a contract).  They see offering up another throuple as a means to fix things that frankly need honest discussions, but a contract is easier than a discussion, and one discussion may lead to another.

It’s clear Pin-Lee loves their wife, but seems to fear their wife doesn’t love them nearly as much. So they hide parts of themself they think Arada might find objectionable. They blunt their edges. I think a lot of Pin-Lee’s arc is going to be shifting further into the Pin-Lee from the books as they gain confidence. But that requires them to work through their issues with their wife. It requires trust rather than contract, accepting that they won’t always see the patterns and have control, and being okay with that. I wasn’t sure about combining Pin-Lee and Overse at first, but the more I look at it, the more interesting of an arc has been set up for this character, going from an amalgamation with more Overse into more of a book-true Pin-Lee, specifically by embracing many things Pin-Lee struggles with. 

Arada is the mystery to me right now.  She’s very caring, very focused on being kind and fair.  She’s the one who first has clearly decided that SecUnit is a person.  She’s the one who insists that the worm that tried to eat her was simply an animal doing what animals do.  She’s the one who makes certain people are validated, supported, given gifts of embroidery and windchimes.  She’s the heart of the group in many ways.

But who is she beneath the care?  I feel like we haven’t gotten to know her as well as the others quite yet, and I really want to learn more about her perspective.  She brings a great, solid base of caring to the equation, but she can also clearly blind herself to her own more selfish impulses. There isn’t a deliberately selfish or cruel bone in her body, but there is a part of her that happily believes that if she wants something, her spouse wants it too. If Pin-Lee doesn’t openly object, then Pin-Lee is trilled to be a part of whatever Arada wants. It’s a very ordinary, human flaw, to overlook someone else’s discomfort in your own excitement.

I want to see that dug into, more explored.  I want all the awkward, painful bits of Arada to come out the same as we’re getting for the others.  Of everyone, I feel like her shitty coping mechanisms are perhaps the least defined, and I am eager to see them laid bare. I think her arc has yet to take shape, and I am eager to know where she’s going.

DR. GURATHIN: HYPERVIGILANCE AND HYPERCOMPETENCE

Oh boy, the king of shitty coping mechanisms came into fairly sharp focus in this episode, didn’t he?  He only really got three scenes, being kept on base with Bharadwaj, but each of them hits hard for different reasons.  His argument with Mensah about going to DeltFall drives home his hypervigilance, and how it turns him inward to the point of paranoia and bringing out his own worst impulses. 

He is fiercely protective of this group of friends, these very few people who he cares about, and is willing to do some fairly shitty things to keep them safe. And even so, everything feels like it’s slipping out of his control (and he needs to be useful, and he needs to have control).  His better nature can still be reached, particuarly by Mensah who is still able to talk him down. This episode makes it clear how much he puts Mensah on a pedestal as The Best Person (it’s funnily enough similar to what Murderbot does after ‘All Systems Red’ in the books).  So he caves, and she and the team leave, and he’s left alone with Bharadwaj. Does he think it’s a good idea? No. Does it matter? Not really, but also on a personal level it matters very much, because it leaves him in a position to stew in his own insecurities and fears. And he’s got more than his fair share of both.

In the scene with Bharadwaj we see his second major coping mechanism: the need to be useful.  He can’t talk to her about her experiences.  He doesn’t understand them and is painfully fucking awkward at the best of times, and he knows it.  But he offers up the trauma modules he has that clearly helped him at least a little.  It’s what he’s got, and it’s what he’s comfortable offering a friend in need.

She turns him down.  And this triggers his final scene in the show, and one that plays on multiple layers.  The first layer is SecUnit’s layer, the one we’re presented when we listen to and believe its voiceover, and that is that he’s being creepy.  He’s going into Mensah’s room without her permission; he looks at the photo of her kids and he smells her pillow.  That’s creepy, right?  Right?

But if you watch the scene on mute, without the color commentary, it feels a lot more like a poor attempt at self-soothing in the face of a breakdown.  Gurathin’s backstory is not very clear at this point, but I think it’s safe to assume his relationship with his parents is a far cry from Mensah’s loving family.  So there is comfort in seeing the photo of her children (and if he and Mensah have been friends for six years, he probably knows the kids at least a little).  He’s clinging to this ideal of Mensah as what he wants to be, as much as he has a crush on her: to him she’s competent, caring, effortlessly balancing the needs of everyone.  She’s a good mother, a good friend, a good leader.

And in the face of the fear of losing her, of losing all his friends to unknown and uncontrollable dangers, he falls apart.  In this place where he maybe feels just a little safe, he completely collapses. It’s not pretty and it’s not great and it’s absolutely bordering on inappropriate.  Yes, it sure does look like he smell her pillow (not great, even if she never finds out), but after that he mostly just shatters.  He’s sobbing by the end of the scene, and the narration just doesn’t quite notice it, and because the audience can’t hear it, it’s easy to miss.  There is an enormous disconnect between what SecUnit thinks is happening in that moment (tawdry, one-dimensional creeping) and what is actually happening (understandable, still inappropriate, badly maladaptive, but deeply human breakdown). 

He, like Bharadwaj, is having his coping mechanisms fail him.  He’s not useful.  He’s hypervigilant to the point of paranoia, and it’s NOT HELPING.  It could easily drive a wedge between him and his friends and he can’t help it because it’s what he knows how to do.  He protects what little he cares about.  There is an obvious ruthless, selfish streak to him that remains from the Corporation Rim and whatever was done to him there (and the more hints we get, the more sense we get that it was BAD). 

Interestingly, I’m not sure where Gurathin’s arc is headed. He’s one of the best developed characters at this point, but it’s all not great. He’s got a lot of room to grow, but in what direction? I’m not sure, and I’m honestly excited that I’m not sure. It makes more of a mystery, trying to figure out what the writers are planning on doing with him aside from making him a narrative foil for Muderbot.

CONCLUSIONS

I really like that the show is being bold in its choices to show the uglier, more maladaptive sides of these people. I like that it’s trying, with only about twenty minutes an episode, to actually make them believable people having believable responsives to an incredibly difficult situation.

That’s what I ended up really taking away from this continuation of the series, after watching it back to back to back with the previous two: we now have an idea of most of these characters’ stress responses, how good or often bad they are.  They are all so eager (except SecUnit) to help one another, but they are all trying desperately to hide how much they need help.  They are kind and caring, but still painfully human. 

With Mensah reaching out to SecUnit, with the first tentative attempt to make it care, I think we as the audience have also been positioned to see these people as their own raw selves, and to learn to embrace them, to care, just as much as Murderbot will begin to care about them.

I am still really liking this show.  I still want to see where it’s going.  If anything, I wish that each episode was just a few minutes longer, because a lot of moments are surprisingly subtle, undermining the narration, and acting as contrast to the way SecUnit currently perceives the world.  Would it be better if those moments had a bit longer to breathe, or is their subtelty and the need to watch the show a few times to catch everything part of the charm?

[joicecubes]

hey guess who’s absolutely losing it over the stan twins again (spoiler alert its me)

so i was innocently scrolling tiktok when i was introduced to this DIABOLICAL au idea: firstly, what if ford really had shot stan with his crossbow when stan first showed up at the shack? and secondly, what if ford tried to bring him back to life frankenstein-style? (full credit to tiktok user @44boora for this idea, go check their account for some gut-wrenching art) (also… full post below the cut this got long)

but like i was thinking about this, ford bringing stan back to life specifically, and how dependent the concept is on this specific time in his life. i just feel like any other time and under any other circumstance, ford would have been able to, eventually, accept stan’s death. we see it at the end of weirdmageddon, where ford is ready to accept that the stan they all know and love is gone now that his memory has been erased. he tells mabel as much, and only realizes there’s hope for him when mabel is determined enough to push back against ford’s logic. ford believes very intensely in his own perception of the world. he believes in science. theoretically, he believes death is death, and there’s nothing he can do to change that.

but then, think of ford after he’s been betrayed by bill. this ford is at his absolute lowest. he can’t trust his own perception of the world anymore. he’s seen the truth of what their relationship was and the horrors he was so close to unleashing on their universe. he is desperate to right his wrongs. he’s losing sleep, his body is abused every time he closes his eyes, and the end of the world as he knows it is iminent if he doesn’t succeed in making the portal as secure and unusable as possible without dismantling it entirely. the only person he believes he can trust after everything that’s happened is stan. so he contacts him for help, and in his time waiting for him to arrive, cannot stop thinking of the worst-case scenario: that bill could still be coming for him. so when he opens the door to stan, his high-strung, paranoid brain doesn’t see stan, and he shoots.

he shoots his own brother with a crossbow and kills him.

ford is not usually one to blatantly ignore a scientific fact. again, death is death, and there’s nothing he can do about that. and yet, in a state of such intense grief, when his entire world is already close to crumbling around him and he’s holding his dead brother in his arms, there’s nothing else he can feasibly do but deny. so he does.

he lives in denial of a lot of things. that stan’s death is final, obviously, but also his reasonings for attempting to do the impossible and revive him. ford likes to believe he operates purely on logic, so he tells himself he’s doing this because he has to. without stan, he can’t prevent bill from entering their universe. he’s still the only person ford can trust, so reviving him is another step in his ultimate goal of stopping bill and saving the world. it doesn’t matter that its never been done before, ford will do it anyway. and he believes that he can, because as much as he thinks he’s moved on from his hubris, he’s still acting off the assumption that he’s special. he’s so far ahead of everybody else, so naturally, if anybody could accomplish the impossible and bring stan back from the dead, its ford.

and so he denies that the real reason he’s trying to save stan is not a logical one. he denies that he’s running entirely on emotions. it would be foolish to try something so risky and impossible and time-consuming if he were only doing it because of his crushing guilt and decade-long yearning, so he tells himself there’s so much more to it than that. he can’t just be doing this because he loves him, right? he’s not that shallow. he’s not that desperate.

and yet, he is. because as much as ford wants to deny it, he can’t live without stan. he can’t live with the knowledge that he was responsible for stan’s death. if he didn’t succeed, his grief would surely kill him.

[overdressedcarp]

I've been thinking for a while about the optional Magatama dialogue in The Cosmic Turnabout where you can prompt Fulbright about what's bothering him, and for both of the wrong answers, he acts like you got it right, and actively leans into the bit. For example, if you suggest that he's exhausted by life, he agrees and claims he's thinking about quitting his job and going to space. (Honestly, mood.)

(AA 5-4 and 5-5 spoilers below the cut)

It's a good line on its own: funny, and definitely relatable. With 5-5's context, though, it brushes up against a deep-seated desire to disappear, to run away and start over, something the Phantom hasn't been at liberty to do in years. He's shackled to a seven-year-old assignment, strangled by loose ends that he can't tie off. For maybe the first time in his life, he has to wake up every day and live with the effects of his actions, made blisteringly real in the form of the people he hurt.

(Do I think he's walking around harboring deep, profound remorse for UR-1? Not really, no. But the self-protective lie of "my choices don't matter because I'm not really a person" only goes so far when you're clocking into work every day to hang out with the guy who's on death row because of you, who's grieving because of you, and suddenly you're the only person he trusts to hear about the monster that ruined his life, and you planned for this but you didn't plan for this and honestly at that point I'd want to quit my job and throw myself into the vast expanse of space, too.)

Also worth noting, during this entire scene, any time Fulbright goes to answer a question or make an assertion about himself, the tinted glasses go up like a shield. Eyes hidden, hand obscuring the lower half of his face. It's something he does pretty regularly throughout the game, but it's egregious here. My man is on the defensive and he's giving absolutely zero ground.

But the big thing for me is the other "wrong" option, where if you claim that Fulbright is troubled by love, the Phantom's knee-jerk "yes, and," response is to tell a story about a carp named Love who ate a bunch of goldfish because he put them all in the same tank.

In the moment it's supposed to be absurd and comical and one more example of how hapless this guy is, but in retrospect, it's kind of telling that when the Phantom tries to conceptualize love in relation to himself, the first piece of Fulbright-flavored bullshit that comes to mind is about a creature that brings pain and death through mere proximity, not out of malice, but out of nature. As though, subconsciously, he's fixated on the notion of a foreign element that's been dropped into an otherwise peaceful space. A fish that seems like it belongs there until it devours the others.

He really could have said anything—he could have made up a story about a bad breakup, or a really sad movie, or a family member who died. He could have jumped to talking about Blackquill, and how he's concerned for his emotional state given the nature of the current case. But instead, his mind instinctively gravitates to a Love that consumes everything around it: a Love defined by its capacity for violence. There was never a world where the carp could exist alongside the goldfish without hurting them.

And idk. I feel like if he wasn't feeling some kind of way about that, then it wouldn't be bleeding into his Olympic-level improv gymnastics routine to convince Phoenix that he doesn't have any secrets and you can put the supernatural lie detector away now, thanks.

[cy-lindric]

bonjour cy-lindric, j'ai une petite question. when I was a young person, I read The Three Musketeers and then eagerly started to read Twenty Years After and was so upset at what had happened to my beloved young heroes that I put the book down and never picked it up. what do you think, should I try again?

Bonjour !

After reading The Three Musketeers, I also wasn't sure I wanted to read Twenty Years After, and I took a break inbetween both to read something entirely different (The Locked Tomb, iirc). I think my reason for that was kind of the opposite of yours ; I enjoyed T3M a lot and loved the characters, flaws and all, but by the end they had somewhat crossed over the line into being Too Awful and the lack of retribution left me a bit frustrated. I didn't see it as a failing of the story - on the contrary, their strong character flaws and downfall in the conflict with Milady is one of the most emotionally intense and compelling parts imo - but I wasn't sure I felt like hanging out with these guys for a few hundred more pages at that point.

If your vision of the characters as a young reader was a very positive and perhaps idealized one, I can imagine why you might not have enjoyed entering into Twenty Years after. The illusion of glory has worn off ; the characters have separated, they live unremarkable lives, and their personalities have evolved drastically with the passing of time. It's almost a brutal return to reality.

For me though, it added layers of characterization to the point where now it's clear to me that this version of the Inseparables is by far the one I prefer.

I hope it's ok if I take the opportunity to talk at length about what I like about TYA below the cut. TL;DR : I love that Twenty Years After is a more realistic look at the big four's personalities and how they evolved while still keeping them thematically coherent, and that TYA makes them confront the reckless and cruel shit they did in their youth.

Spoilers ahead obviously.

We've often talked about how T3M is at its core a story about the end of knighthood. It's a tongue-in-cheek approach at chivalrous initiation, set at edge of the modern world, inbetween the time of ballads about knights in armor and that of adventures about journeying gunmen and soldiers. I think TYA embodies that particularly ; the story of people who have carried the last of these intense, dangerous chivalric ideals in their youths, and who have now grown into middle aged adults who need to find their place in the world.

For a good chunk of the book, the big four are separated into two teams ; that in of itself might discourage some, but imo it's genius. Instead of the natural two-by-pairings, Dumas goes for a d'Artagnan+ Porthos and Athos + Aramis split on opposite sides, which makes for good drama and develops lesser explored dynamics. D'Artagnan and Porthos form a scrappy team of opportunists with money on their minds, and Athos and Aramis a more idealistic duo fighting for a noble lost cause. I think it's a bold choice but also premium sequel writing.

I also love the way the young and wild characters we knew evolve into middle aged men ; at their core, they're still the same, but they've all changed and struggled against the sunset of the golden age in their own ways.

D'Artagnan, after knowing such adventures and subsequent rapid social ascension in his teenage years, has been met in his adult life with the harsh reality that he is, in fact, not a noble knight but a soldier on payroll. His modest origins give him little hope for any further career advancement, and he takes on a new mission in his early 40s for a man he has no devotion for and a cause he doesn't care about, simply because he is bored and broke. D'Artagnan still has his quick wits, his strategic talent, his fencing skills, but he has grown out of the excesses of pride of his teenage years. I loved meeting him again in TYA, and it made so much sense to me that his bouts of anger and aggressivity would be a youthful trait that he'd ended up taming. He also realizes now a lot of what seemed like funny adventures and necessary violence was actually kind of fucked up ; that was a shock to me, as their shenanigans are treated so lightly in T3M, and tbh it healed me a little. Grown up d'Artagnan is cunning, calculating, down to earth and realistic. My foxy little man. I love him.

Porthos, likewise, has been struck by the weight of reality. He has made the sensible choice and got married to the rich widow who sugar mommied him in the first book. Now she's passed, he is rich, but he still fails to earn the respect of the high society he evolves in because he's not high born enough. Like d'Artagnan, he's stagnating and bored and now that he goes back adventuring it has nothing to do with the queen or the kingdom or honour ; it's about getting his damn nobility title.

Athos, on the other hand, is the eternal knight : the only truly high born of the four, and still hopelessly holding on to a time gone by. It's no surprise imo that his storyline brings him into the english civil war, doomed to fail at saving a king who'll end up executed right in front of him. TYA acknowledges more clearly than ever that at 28 yo, Athos was a depressed alcoholic, and an embodiment of what an excess of aristocratic righteousness can do. In TYA, he is sober and moisturized and a DILF, and now he's running around frantically looking for absolution for his numerous crimes. It's delicious.

Aramis is maybe the hardest pill to swallow. TYA confirms the T3M hints that he isn't really the prim and proper romantic boy he acts like he is, and that he's possibly the most hypocritical and ruthless of the four. It might be a harsh one for Aramis fans who like him better as a cute bean, but I love the early onset of remorseless conniving bloodthirsty ambitious Aramis. Another harsh bit might be the evolution of Aramis and d'Artagnan not really liking each other ; they were always the least close combination, and imo it makes sense that their personalities would clash. I think it's clever and compelling conflict.

Now, obviously, if you've cared enough to read all this and if you know me a little, you know that a huge highlight of the book for me was its late-appearing antagonist, Mordaunt. Mordaunt is the son Milady had with her english husband. Because of the Musketeers' intervention, he's grown up in poverty and has been denied his father's inheritance. He's now a Roundhead working for Cromwell, and set on avenging his mother at all costs. Mordaunt, unlike his mother who was this beautiful and dangerous force of nature, is very uncool and pathetic. She was the primordial snake, he's the gutter rat. Obviously, I love that in and of itself, but it's also kind of striking image of the wretchedness of what they've done to her, a fucked up little goblin ghost come back to haunt them as they're trying to make their life worth living again. This time, their enemy is not a cunning political rival with a flamboyance of body and mind akin to their own ; it's a shitty little guy with bad skin who wants to kill the king and punish the murderers. Watch out babes, it's the modern world coming for you.

Of course, they're the Four Musketeers, and they did what they had to do, so they get together again and swear friendship and keep going their way. But they're also old guys with difficult personalities in a world that's never going to be the same. I think it's a cool book.

[littlelostmoth]

The Final Double Exposure Post

Okay, the game is out now and just wanted to share some final thoughts about Double Exposure and the big problems with it. All spoilers below the cut.

Ultimately, even outside of the brutal murder of Pricefield, gaming's most classic wlw couple, the game is just very poorly written. This post will acknowledge that breaking up Pricefield is terrible writing and they do not do it in a way that makes any remote sense whatsoever. While everyone can sit and say "It makes sense they broke up," it didn't. These characters are characters, ones designed to tell a story. Characters who exist as a bright spot for sapphic and queer people playing video games in 2015.

It's the same thinking as everyone used to say "Well if Nathan just had therapy, he'd be better." And to which it would be answered, "No shit, maybe he would have been better with therapy, but it's a story and he rejected going so no he didn't get better and won't get better because that's not the point of the story." Point being, you can self-justify the Pricefield break up with real world logic all you want, but the fact that even Dontnod is sad about the state of it should be telling. That in addition to the leaks about Square hating Chloe and the D9 narrative team hating her, and it was not done as a good faith way to tell a story. Ultimately, the game encourages you to choose the "Kill Chloe" ending of the original game so that Max can retain her memories of her in a pure way, while also removing her from story. If you choose what the D9 devs believe is the morally evil choice, you get horrible Chloe.

There is SOME good stuff in here, but it's not enough to justify the game's existence. Here are the short amount of pros we compiled for the game: the music is well done, the environments are very nice, and the side characters are fine for the most part.

That's it. Everything else is a con: the story, the handling of Max and Safi as characters, the entire mystery of the game basically being shafted in favor of... making the most important thing about Life is Strange the superpowers. It just seems like this game misunderstands what Life is Strange is or was at any point.

Max is so horribly out of character in this game. Why? Why does she do the things she does? Sometimes she feels like a natural adult version of the original game's Max, while other times she's overly horny to the Nth degree. Max has the ability to cheat on her two love interests, and both love interests reject her in the appropriate timelines of pursuance. Within the text of the game, she uses her powers to circumvent the fact that they've rejected her.

Remember the original game's ending? Nightmare!Max accuses Max of selfishly using her powers to manipulate others to her own selfish end. Ultimately, we're left with the fact that Max used her powers to help get others to like her because she didn't have many friends and was a target of bullying. It's morally dubious, but she wasn't doing any of it for like selfish personal gain. It was an extension of her anxiety.

This game goes around this and makes Max purposefully use her powers for selfish gain. The entire first game revolved around the concept of whether or not she was using it for selfish gain. She wasn't. Now the game forces Max to go through the same exact arc, but this time she is actively being awful instead. Not only cheating, but using it to get around being actively romantically rejected.

Then there's how the game handles its story. Like what the hell is going on here? How does any of it make sense. Spoilers again, but the mastermind is Safi, and Safi is a shapeshifter. She wants to take over with world with Max and collect her own superhumans to form a what? A Legion of Doom? Why? Why is Safi a villain? Her villain arc literally comes out of nowhere and the game does little to sell how she goes from wanting a book deal in the beginning to "I have godlike powers, let's take over the world together." Like honey, WHAT? WHY? And the fact the final choice is to join or refuse her??? LIKE WHAT? WHERE DOES IT COME FROM? WHY WOULD MAX, WHO EITHER HAD TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO SACRIFICE A TOWN OR HER LOVED ONE AND IS ETERNALLY TORMENTED OVER BOTH... SUDDENLY ONBOARD WITH BECOMING JUST A GENERIC EVIL GIRL?

And that's it??? Nothing else in the game matters. The romances go nowhere, thus making breaking up with Chloe pointless since it's not like the game allows Max to pursue a relationship seriously any further. Or just the mere fact she's shitty for doing so. None of the plot points of this game matter, and the mystery the game is built on doesn't matter.

It's like... Here's a murder mystery! Without the murder or the mystery! And then... the game just ends. It just ceases to exist and stops without any sort of... ending that feels satisfying. We get an AVENGERS LEVEL END SCREEN OF "MAX CAULFIELD WILL RETURN."

We think about the endings to the other game's endings. They all have some sort of conclusion that feels like its own self contained experience. You get this long and depressing ending of Chloe dying and her funeral... You get this wistful drive out of Arcadia Bay as Obstacles plays. You get Sean surrendering himself to the police so Daniel can live to grow old and not suffer for the sins of those older than him, and how Sean comes out after. You get to see how Chloe and Rachel grow as time passes to the first game. You get to see how Alex chooses to live her life on her own terms after so long of feeling like she was trapped. You get all of these different endings for the game and here you get... what amounts to the exact same ending depending on your choice which is to be horribly evil supervillain when the time comes or not, and then sequel bait with Diamond and Safi. Why? Why does she have a bleed from her nose? Since when did that become a common occurrence for superpowers? Or storms when powers are overused along with nightmares?

In the original game, the nosebleeds are a result of Max twists reality around her as the epicenter. It's the physical damage she gets for what her powers are physically doing to existence. The storm? The point is, we don't know why the storm comes.

When did Life is Strange become about superpowers and taking over the world? When did it become all of these things? Like True Colors isn't a perfect game by any means, but for fuck's sake it at least knew the scale of what a Life is Strange game should be. Small town mysteries with a colorful cast we love and hate. To this day, I still think that the Jed stuff is some of the most morally fascinating questions to be raised in the franchise. To have that final choice be to either forgive him or not? It's an incredible final choice that is so intertwined with the game's themes. To leave or to stay afterwards? They're both extremely meaningful, dual choices.

This game does nothing. That's ultimately it. What did we gain from Double Exposure? Nothing. It doesn't continue Max's character in any meaningful way. It does little to build upon the actual lore of the original game. It doesn't actually use any original characters except Chloe and that's solely to drive it in how much they despise her from a writing perspective.

Regardless of how well each game did at telling their stories... They all had something meaningful to say in some way. Even if Before the Storm is not a game that I'd necessarily say is amazing, there is some thought and thematic purpose put to that game. It's still 1000 times the game this will ever be.

When I was first exposed to the game's ending... the emotion I felt was pure and raw bafflement. Not anger. Not sadness. Bafflement and bewilderment. I had no idea what the fuck I just played or what I gained from it? What does Max as a character gain from this story? What do any of the characters in this game gain from the story? Nothing. The game starts and then it ends. And we all gained absolutely nothing from the experience. (And in BtS the ending is fine, because it's a prequel that has to have a clearly defined ending to lead into the first game. You can't break Chloe and Rachel's relationship, it always has to be what it is.)

For a long time I really hated the Life is Strange comics. It felt like a kick in the head to the original game's story. But then after it ended and this came out, we can view it as a more honest and genuine follow up to the games as opposed to... whatever we got here.

The comics focus heavily on Max's perceived guilt over what happened to Arcadia Bay. She comes to believe that she, herself, is the problem in reality. That she makes everyone around her unhappy, including Chloe. While Chloe reassures her this is not true... she ends up displaced and removed from reality... and punishes herself by sending her to a world where Chloe is happy with Rachel.

The rest of the story is Max and Chloe apart for years, as Max wrestles with her guilt... while Chloe waits for her. Chloe waits and knows Max is out there still. Max eventually realizes how wrong she was after self-reflection and being around the alt!Chloe and Rachel helps her realize she was wrong.

Chloe builds them a home.

Chloe comes to move past her own grief, just as Max did.

Chloe helps rebuild Arcadia with her own hands. She decides she has a home. This town, with Max. And then they're together... And that's what matters because... like Michel said: "They have each other."

And that is what Life is Strange was about. These two young women, who were best friends... they grew apart through tragedy and life circumstances... And then they found each other again, fell in love, and even in tragedy had one another to rely on.

I am who I am because of Life is Strange.

I met the love of my life because of Life is Strange.

And no matter how bad Double Exposure is... It can't take away Life is Strange, Max, or Chloe from me.

No.

It can't take them away from us. From all of us who cared enough to stick around this funny little 20$ adventure game from a decade ago.

[bladekindeyewear]

Light/Void and Ascent/Descent, Outward/Inward

I was helped in putting together something pretty huge this week, Aspect-ways. Sometimes lately, I've been chatting with Taz (aka optimisticDuelist, @utopianparadoxist) and we discuss or debate over character and Aspect interpretations, or they link me some interesting thoughts they've posted blogways or from a third party. This time we were discussing a post they made on Void's potential connection to Gravity and all its potential conflated meanings, such as Love pulling things together, which they based on analysis stemming from @lime-bloods's Void/Home association theoryposts -- I was skeptical of this Gravity interpretation, for reasons I'll go into later below the cut, but one of those reasons was I felt as if paired terms between Light and Void are important when solidifying the domains of each Aspect, and I couldn't think of one for Void's "Gravity" that had a Light equivalent. For example, recently I had the belated inspiration in terminology, for instance, that Light is "Location" where Void is "Dislocation", a perfect tie between Light's links to Maps and Landmarks contrasting it with Pumpkin-like "disconnectedness from spacetime" and ability to appear anywhere, which I quickly added to the Aspect Duality post in late February (I should add the edit date in on that).

And while we were tossing the idea around, we stumbled on another set of even MORE important paired Light/Void terms that made me do an acrobatic pirouette off the fucking handle. I got permission to paste the conversation:

BOOTS: otherwise there might be other aspects that better fit what's going on

((does Light "Push" where Void "Pulls"? could that be it? no, that sounds more like Breath and Blood…))

((actually that might be really important to Breath and Blood, shit! wind pushes forward/outward, chains pull in))

TAZ: I think its pretty fair to say that its a nebulous and abstract reading where a lot of the evidence is hard to parse, like I said at the end of the post I definitely still feel like I'm missing stuff about Void

And I also agree that other aspects have a lot of room to play in this space and overtake Void in readings, primarily Heart and Blood in this context

BOOTS: ((and the "inescapability" of black holes carried Blood associations with other inescapable things))

TAZ: Indeed

TAZ: But isn't that part of the nature of Void? To be a subtle force that falls into the backdrop and lets other things more visibly take over?

BOOTS: you could call that descending into the Ocean, into the abyss over a cliff, into irrelevance; it's Descent, but not necessarily Gravi---

AAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TAZ: Well this is exciting

BOOTS: LIGHT IS ASCENT, VOID IS DESCENT

TAZ: Yeah, I can see that

BOOTS: there are so many fucking associations across the comic and I'm remembering so many of them oh my god

And that Gravity is wrapped up in this association as everything is naturally PULLED DOWN. The rest of the conversation is under the Read More cut where we started listing out more than a dozen freakin' examples to each other that show how UTTERLY PERVASIVE a theme this has been throughout the entire goddamn comic, from the start right up to and including the very latest update of Beyond Canon. (Contains HS^2/Beyond Canon spoilers if you're coming here from elsewhere, stop reading here if you're not caught up to the 2025-03-26 update!)

EDIT: (Just a brief note I'm adding to this above the cut, but a Discord friend just gave me ANOTHER association to add to Light and Void: Outward vs Inward, Light's outward projection the pair to Void's inward gravity!!! Shining Stars versus Black Holes! Void's Inwardness finally brings together its metaphysical ties with Heart and how the latter often sits isolated in the Ocean of Void like Dirk's house, the natural inward-looking nature of Heart-- compared to the outward-facing nature of Mind and its façades, tying Light and Mind together like Vriska and Terezi!)

TAZ: It might almost apply as a broad division to the upper and lower halves of the wheel in general, actually?

BOOTS: even in this LAST update they go UP to enter Canon a black hole is always Down

TAZ: But I like it as Light and Void specifically right now, lets examine that

Yeah yeah BOOTS: Looking at Light almost always entails looking Up, looking down is usually staring into the Void, with the exception of Derse players staring out into the Ring

mainly abysses and oceans with looking down TAZ: Dirk's consumption by Ultself is described as him being subsumed into the Ocean/descending into its watery depths, while Rose outright says about hers "I am ascending, and it is terrible"

BOOTS: Rose begins her grimdark path by destroying her first (UPWARD) Gate and rocketing off elsewhere and of course she's the prime example shown off by the comic of the Descend-before-you-Ascend of role inversion

TAZ: And Heart is on the lower half of the wheel with Blood and across from Void. So maybe there's something there

mmmhmm, mmhmm

BOOTS: it's been said even in like, Andrew's commentary outside the comic, that "Skaia is always Up"

it's never shown setting

TAZ: And of course they shoot the meteor Up towards the Green Sun

BOOTS: and the trolls see the creation-splosion of the green sun Up to direct them in Cascade--

yeah, exactly [what you said]

TAZ: Terezi's looking slightly Upwards as she remem8er's Vriska in [S] Remem8er

(Vriska) and (Terezi) staring Up into the Light of paradox space breaking

it really is all over the place, huh

for that matter, (Vriska) and Meenah looking Up into the fireworks as (Vriska) comes to the true realizations she does about how miserable it is to live the way Vriska and Lord English live

BOOTS: going against your hero role, Descending, is so often denying your true self agency and straying away from philosophical Truth-- after which comes the Ascent where you find and accept yourself

oh and by going into what's been constantly called HELL inside the Plot Point and then emerging out stronger, Vriska "descended" ala Dante's Inferno and then Ascended out of it

TAZ: indeed! indeed

Oh! Dirk and Hal's conversation on the rooftop!

Dirk sits on the side of his home and is literally staring down at both a long plummet/implied s*****e and literally into his Shades/his own Self

BOOTS: hell, if you wanted to make a pun of any love association, instead of gravity you could call it falling in love!

There's just SO MUCH MORE to this, so many examples of Light and importance and enlightenment and Skaia's philosophical truth being UP or involving ascent, where anything that drops or falls DOWN into the water or off cliffs becomes dislocated and its relevance unknown until it might eventually perhaps resurface unpredictably elsewhere. Tavros being driven down off a cliff by the Thief of Light to break his legs and stunt the playful drive he needed to become a fully realized Page of Breath, Aranea's snapped-neck body being dropped into the flames to fade into such irrelevance that she never surfaced post-Retcon, Vriska stealing all the luck/Light from the enemy creature in the first Meteor walkaround and it falling into a collapsing dark pit, so many people always going UP to reach concrete destinations, Roxy and others crashing DOWN through fenestrated windows and falling to reach the Furthest Ring, and of course there's always the Jung psychology stuff that was woven into Sburb (as I've reiterated in the past) and an essential metaphor for Descending into your shadow and Ascending from it to merge your shadow self with your conscious self for true self-acceptance and balance, like Vriska just did in the Plot Point, like the normal Quest Bed method of attaining God-Tier merging the Real and Dream selves and everyone looking Upward to see John RISE UP and achieve ascension: (From an older edit of the Wikipedia page for the Jungian Shadow--)

Nevertheless, Jung remained of the opinion that while “no one should deny the danger of the descent […] every descent is followed by an ascent”, and assimilation of—rather than possession by—the shadow becomes a possibility.

“We begin to travel [up] through the healing spirals…straight up.”

As I've said before, the game IS the psychotheraputic journey from start to finish, complete with the same monumental challenges, pitfalls, rejection and acceptance (of help and of oneself!) that all sorts of different people must confront in order to simultaneously fully appreciate and become themselves, and also become the people they truly want to be. Skaia's Light and the path it guides players on thus represents a journey to one's philosophical enlightenment about oneself, their ASCENT, and the challenges and misleading dejection that causes them to reject this journey and fight against their natures is DESCENT, so often involving the Horrorterrors who embody the essence of Void in nature and motive.

Gosh when you think of all the times "UP" or "DOWN" has been the focus of major or even offhand scenes or panels, there's just SO MUCH that fits them into Light and Void respectively. I couldn't possibly begin to list all the examples, you're probably noticing more in your mind as you read this post.

--

I'm going to integrate this Ascent/Descent meaning into the Aspect Duality post's sections on Light and Void, and link this post there, but before we finish I wanna delve into the potential Gravitation meaning of Void that optimisticDuelist brought up and reasons I might agree or be skeptical of the ties drawn in their post... especially stemming from this Rose quote they included:

That seems to tie Void pretty inarguably to Gravitation, or perhaps the vacuum pull of nothingness, but because I didn't have a clear counter-meaning in Light I wanted to look up the full context of this quote when I made this post... (readmspa.org is a very useful tool while Homestuck.com is down and mimics the old manual search function)--

ROSE: Or what about, the tale of Isaac Newdon under the tree?? He was BONKED on the head by an apple. ROSE: Not reallyan apple though… an atomic idea. An emlemental unit of inspripation itself, id clocked him right on then noggin. ROSE: And this indivisible notion colliding with hish awareness, much like.. . a high speed partical fired to create a nuculear chain reacation, jarred from the void a more profund unnerstand, HIC, ing of the intrinsic nature of nothiness. Thatis,. Gravivitation. ROSE: Of course thess stories are acutually bullshit. They didn't happen in realaity. But thef act that they'rare bullshit makes them more inshresting. ROSE: Men have crefted many stories that are bullshit out of symbols risen from the abyss of coinsciousness withou necesharily knowing whath e fuck they were doing or saying, as they flounered around for some truth. ROSE: Bust in spite of themseleves they would for howefer briefly cross through a ray of light regarless. Becuss of the sbymbols. Dave.. The symbols hol dall the power.

Taz also mentioned that a commenter in their server pointed out that this Gravitation quote and the reference to a high-speed particle collider could also be an intentional reference by Andrew to the Graviton, the theoretical elementary particle responsible for mass and its gravitational force that has so far not been detected/discovered yet, remaining obscured (Void) compared to the particles tied to the other elemental forces.

Black Holes ALWAYS had strong ties to Void, the ultimate sinks for the destruction of information, ultimate darkness, (ultimate Down/descent), the compression of all meaning and separation into a melange forever irrelevant to the rest of Reality beyond one's Event Horizon (thanks @sagaciouscejai for the reminder). And in the Epilogues forward, "Non-Canon" belongs to the great Black Hole and everything that falls nigh-inescapably into it-- as opposed to Canon's comparative association with Light and story importance. But, hm... if Void is "down" and "descent" and the "abyss of [Jung's collective] consciousness", to what extent is it important as "Gravity" specifically, as well? Or is that just tied to the fundamental concept of "down" in the comic's metaphysical framework? Taz mentioned Dirk linked to gravitation to tidal forces too, hence the Ocean which is Void-linked. Does Gravity have a balancing opposite in Light that I can put into keywords besides "Up/Down" or "Ascent/Descent"? And if it DOESN'T have a balancing concept in Light... could Gravitation be part of Void's tie to Space that explains them as neighbors, a shared domain that Space and Void might possess?

In the end I think I'm positive toward Rose's speech and the fact of Black Holes (as well as "DOWN/DESCENT") establishing a definite tie between Gravity and Void, but where I'd disagree with Taz is how over the rest of their original post they pointed to "succumbing" to toxic influences and generational trauma as a sort of Gravity, which I'd disagree with and say has more to do with Void's existing and known "submission and divestment of agency" associations, as well as Centrality coming from it (which I'd have to reconcile with Light's "Location" meaning) not quite adding up for me, and Love as stemming from Gravity which I really don't think has enough in-comic evidence tying the two together. If we eventually deduce that Love has some Void associations-- and the Void characters we've met have certainly been more than a little Love-obsessed at times-- I expect that any association would have to stem from Void's other established meanings such as the submission of agency required by a relationship as opposed to making all the decisions yourself (Light's agency) and hogging the spotlight, like the contrast between Vriska and (Vriska) toward the end of Homestuck proper. There's more to lime-bloods's post that I haven't given enough thinking time to, like Voids always being the central seeding-place for new creation like a Womb, which would ALSO explain its proximity to Space on the official wheel... but, yeah. Those are all my in-progress thoughts on that for the moment, anyway. ((EDIT: "Outward vs Inward" like I mentioned above the cut finally completes the Gravity association!))

I'm still blown away by how clearly Light and Void can mean "UP and "DOWN", can mean "ASCENT" and "DESCENT", that's... just such a blindingly stunning revelation for us to have come to so late, IMO. I bet there's half a dozen theorists out there who put it together AGES sooner and I just never saw their posts. Wow. :D

[spitefully-existing]

the sleep token book is a bit hard to read, i rewrote it the best i could below the cut; hopefully this helps!

thank you to @top-quality-garbage for helping me decipher some of this and to @doiha for the spanish translation! 🫶🫶

⚠️⚠️SPOILERS AHEAD⚠️⚠️

15 days since emergence of the Lunar Anomaly

When I was a child, I was frequently beset by certain reoccurring dreams. this is one such dream that I remembered more than most – one in which I found myself standing on a vast shoreline, gazing out at a flat, wide sea. Slowly, as I watched the horizon gradually begin to lift. Before long I was able to observe that this lifting expanse was approaching me – a wall of smooth, black water that curls into an impossible lip at its peak. rather surprisingly, I do not recall being afraid of such an ominous sight. Well, to be more precise, I was afraid – I was terrified, but not of the wave itself. Instead, it was the thought of what was beyond it. This vast, unstoppable force sweeping forth to herald the end of everything, to drown the world and then eventually sink back into itself. A careless shrug of entropy enough to sever the thread of all fates. I felt that were I to somehow survive this limitless tide then I would be left in the world that would not recognize me. I would become an element unto myself and myself alone. 

An echo stuck in the throat of a dead god.

yet here I am. It has been over two weeks since the emergence of the lunar anomaly. our team spent nearly 2 years attempting to anticipate what this event would mean for humanity – analyzing endless reams of lunar topography along with every known form of spectroscopy, all amounting to one hopeless conclusion: to burrow into the bowels of the earth and simply wait that whatever emerge from within would reach us these last.

as it would turn out this one final act of humble surrenders is what one the last of us the right to our own lives in these final days. Those of us alive now are not those who sought to barter with destiny and defiantly cling to a civilized existence of the surface – or even any existence at all.

it would seem that in the week of this phenomenon, we are best served by our most base instincts, whose shame found no place to dwell. The ones who survived are those who spat their hubris and hid desperately down in the mud like rats.

I want it to be known that we made every effort to warn the others, though naturally we could not provide much of a basis upon which to suggest that our entire species with facing imminent and utter demise besides a few fissures of the southern lunar pole. with that said we begun building this underground facility once we realized that the moon’s orbit was rapidly decaying in a way that was inconsistent with any known physical model – I found it hard to believe that none of them followed our lead perhaps some of them did either way we have no way of knowing now.

my expectations for the first surface expedition were bleak at best in all honesty. I was shocked to discover that our initial readings showed that these remained a breathable atmosphere. Perhaps in all this turmoil, I found it easier to commit my mind to the worst possible outcome at every turn.

The limited data we gathered before the event – despite two years of efforts – didn’t prepare us for the havoc we now face. To say that we find ourselves at a loss to explain, the phenomenon would be a gracious understatement. The catechism that occurred two weeks ago had taught us one unshakable rule about this new world we now hid beneath – to gaze upon the moon is to die.

For this reason, we rapidly developed wearable counter measures for the surface teams that would prove vital in allowing them to navigate the surface. If only we could have known that this was far from the only threat that awaited them. To say that we find ourselves at a loss to explain the phenomena would be a gracious understatement.

it is not only human life that is affected by the lunar anomaly, but that of all life, albeit in vastly different ways. To put it simply – this new type of emergent biology is beyond the boundaries of what we are able to study and understand.

I find myself already laden with guilt over those we lost. More than that however, I feel most guilty about the way I reacted to learning of the remnant human elements that attacked our team. I felt strangely comforted, despite the deeply disturbing nature of that discovery.

Upon further introspection, I arrived at the conclusion that this feeling came from a sense of familiarity. Human beings fighting other human beings is a horror that has played us all since time immemorial, but here in the wake of such deeply unfamiliar and unpredictable occurrences, it is hard not to feel almost comforted by such an immediately recognizable problem.

with that said, I do also find myself deeply troubled by the prospect of humans remaining on the surface in that state. The consensus among my colleagues is that their actions were not born of their own will, though there is every chance that this is a conclusion we are clinging to in preference over the more unsettling alternative.

I feel that I am rapidly squandering the precious remnants of human life in the desire to understand what has happened, though in truth, I know not what else to do. Perhaps this is the only way we can cling to our humanity – by continuing our constant battle with the sheer unknown right to the very end.

The Director

28 days since Lunar Anomaly

already I find myself in the surprising position of yearning for the way things were two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, I was contending with the end of the world. Now, I contend with the reality of what has replaced it.

we took the trouble to equip ourselves as thoroughly as possible, with the means of studying any emergent phenomena on the surface, even whilst and tomb beneath the Earth. We now find ourselves consumed by the pursuit of understanding – it is truly all that we have left. However, the samples we’ve acquired offer no such mercy – their nature and origin is fundamentally foreign to us. Something we can say is that, contrary to the initial assumption that most life on the surface had been wiped out, there is in fact in abundance of some kind of new organic material. It can be found everywhere in some form, including in the atmosphere itself. Its cellular structure is completely unique – where one would expect to see some approximation of a typical eukaryotic cell, what we see instead resembles membranous tubules that contain vast quantities of foreign organelles. These organelles seem to function in an oddly synchronous fashion and are able to perform a variety of functions. Primarily, they are able to ‘grow’ the tubules that contain them by undergoing a form of transformation at either end which renders them as part of the tubule wall. secondly, and far more strangely, they are able to exert some kind of force over the tubule as a whole, contorting it in a way not dissimilar to muscle tissue, (but without any apparent nervous impulse.)

as to the origin of this tissue, our initial assumption was that it had been somehow transferred from the moon itself to earth – perhaps via pieces of lunar material falling through the atmosphere. This makes some sense, however, the sheer proliferation of this material across the surface within a relatively short period of time suggest that there is more to it than that.

I am reluctant to comment on the reports of other worldly beings on the surface. Their presence carries implications I am simply unprepared for. At a certain point, however, I must accept that this only increases the inevitable danger placed upon the surface teams during their expeditions. What I must also accept is that these precious human lives are now the only currency with which we can barter against the unknown.

Thus far we barter in vain.

The Director

58 days since the lunar anomaly

when we first retreated down into the ground, I think that somewhere in the midst of my despair, I clung to a degree of hope. This wasn’t so much a hope for survival as much as the hope that we would at least be able to discern some kind of meaningful understanding of what has happened. we have committed everything – I have committed everything. The last precious remnant of humanity extinguished in the name of what makes us human to begin with. To shed what light we have left on the sea of the unknown. But now I see that this was a futile effort that has resulted in nothing but death, not merely in the context of our final struggle, but across the scope of all human existence. It has all amounted to nothing but a few extra skulls drifting in the foul ether that has swamped our world.

It is clear now that the lunar anomaly functions in accordance with laws of its own. It makes a mockery of science. It permeates and distort reality to the degree that all fundamental assumptions are rendered useless. it kills everything it touches while simultaneously imbuing it with some kind of new life, twisting nature into something grotesque and unrecognizable. These new forms seem organic, but they have nothing resembling a typical cell structure or genetic blueprint. They can bring forth in an instant, summoning flesh from nothing. Furthermore, our ability to measure even the most fundamental aspects of our physical world is becoming impossible. The massive objects change slightly, depending on where they are, as though gravity itself, has begun to lose its grip. We have detected seismic activity from further inside the Earth than we even thought possible. The anomaly doesn’t just want to consume all life. It wants to consume reality.

as for those beings, I know not what they are were where they originated. They themselves are not consistent with the nature of the anomaly they inhabit. Their actions seem to exhibit some strange sentence, but their motives are unclear, and they make no effort to communicate. At times I have concluded that they are here to replace us, or perhaps, even that they themselves represent some fractured distillation of our nature. they are after all violent, just as we have been to the very end. They seem to push against one another as a part of some strange order. As time has passed, though, I have come to believe that they have no connection to us. I believe that what our world has become is a little more than an arena to them – a crucible of existence where they will battle eternally. The totality of their being is not their individual functions, but rather the conflict between them. We are merely spectators to their endless dance of ceaseless struggle. this is perhaps the only thing that connects them to the drowned memory of what humanity once was – that we too saw meaning through constant friction and unending movement, compelled by some core motive force that drives us to bring ourselves to bear on the world and manifest our own perceptions.

in these final dimming days, I know only the solace of a promised end. I have become the ultimate witness. I have been saddled with the heavy blessing of seeing the unraveling of everything and I can do nothing but wait for it to unravel me too. But I live still within this temple of untampered flesh, and I will spend what blood still beats through it to barter one last time with the fangled threads of fate. if I must, I will march through the eye of death and meet it with eyes of my own.

What few of us are left now have our orders.

We must know what it is to become of us.

The Director

61 days since the lunar anomaly

I once spoke but now it seems through me just as I speak through it no longer to nothing I can change nothing no can change nothing nothing has become my thing I can make nothing into a weapon there will be no void left unfilled I am human and humans are always human and always scared because being human makes us scared and being scared makes us human I will crack the flesh I will crack the earth I will eat the pieces they will be pieces of me would you like to dance I have always been dancing we must keep dancing even when we are just tendrils we were always tendrils we could touch everything even things god did not want us to touch that is why he left us here that is why he thought we were ugly he could not wrap his tendrils around every part of us we spilled his paradise over the earth and danced with such a beautiful dance horror would leap and dance with us who would bathe us and we could lie within it we could tear the horror out from our hearts over and over we could never sleep sleep is death not even the earth would sleep the earth fears death it’s blood would freeze out in space out in nothing we must reach through the stars through the darkness even though it is so cold it can freeze our blood we can let our blood freeze and then crack it open hot like the earth we can step through death wear it like a crown hairs to the highest pantheon of life precious life with death as its blood precious death bursting from the many wombs of sacred war paradise was empty without us there was only silence but our blood made the flowers grow god spilled his blood over paradise god knows the stars are waiting fertile ground cold to the touch those stars are hungry they crave only the blood of god we are his tendrils and we will bury ourselves into those cold stars and there will be no darkness death will give us fear and fear will give us blood we will spill our hot blood across the stars I finally understand now I do I understand but will you let me keep my human fear will you let me yes being scared makes you human fear will sow the hot blood of god across the gold stars fear will make us dance and we must keep dancing can you see god dancing for you can you see him biting into you can you hear his teeth cracking into pieces of the stars they sent sparks raining down through the darkness all these years you have hunted him and reached for him you want his blood he made you with veins inside you like tendrils we dance through his veins as we bite through the stars and dance and he opens his mouth wide I am so scared Will you let me be the last human I understand now I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god

——————

15 días desde la aparición de la Anomalía Lunar

Cuando era ni��o, a menudo era acosado por ciertos sueños recurrentes. Este es uno de esos sueños que recuerdo más que la mayoría: uno en el que me encontraba de pie en una vasta orilla, mirando hacia un mar plano y amplio. Poco a poco, mientras observaba, el horizonte comenzó a elevarse gradualmente. No pasó mucho tiempo antes de que me diera cuenta de que esta extensión elevada se acercaba hacia mí: una pared de agua negra y suave que se curvaba de manera imposible en su borde. Sorprendentemente, no recuerdo haber sentido miedo ante tal ominosa visión. Bueno, para ser más preciso, sentía miedo, estaba aterrorizado, pero no de la ola en sí. Más bien, era el pensamiento de lo que había más allá de ella. Esta vasta e imparable fuerza que se desplazaba para anunciar el fin de todo, para ahogar el mundo y luego, eventualmente, sumergirse nuevamente en sí misma. Un encogimiento despreocupado de la entropía, suficiente para cortar el hilo de todos los destinos. Sentí que, si de alguna manera lograba sobrevivir a esta marea ilimitada, entonces me quedaría en un mundo que no me reconocería. Me convertiría en un elemento para mí mismo y solo para mí.

Un eco atrapado en la garganta de un dios muerto.

Y aquí estoy. Han pasado más de dos semanas desde la aparición de la anomalía lunar. Nuestro equipo pasó casi dos años intentando anticipar lo que este evento significaría para la humanidad: analizando interminables volúmenes de topografía lunar junto con todas las formas conocidas de espectroscopía, lo cual resultó en una conclusión desesperanzada: cavar en las entrañas de la Tierra y simplemente esperar a que lo que emergiera desde dentro nos alcanzara, siendo lo último en tocarnos.

Como resultó ser, este acto de humilde rendición fue lo que otorgó a los últimos de nosotros el derecho a nuestras propias vidas en estos días definitivos. Los que estamos vivos ahora no somos los que intentamos negociar con el destino ni aferrarnos desafiante a una existencia civilizada en la superficie, ni siquiera a cualquier existencia en absoluto.

Parece que, en la semana de este fenómeno, actuamos mejor con nuestros instintos más básicos, cuyos remordimientos no encontraron lugar donde residir. Los que sobrevivieron son aquellos que escupieron su arrogancia y se escondieron desesperadamente en el barro, como ratas.

Quiero que se sepa que hicimos todo lo posible por advertir a los demás, aunque, naturalmente, no pudimos proporcionar una base sólida para sugerir que nuestra especie entera enfrentaría una inminente y total desaparición, aparte de unas pocas fisuras en el polo lunar sur. Dicho esto, comenzamos a construir esta instalación subterránea una vez que nos dimos cuenta de que la órbita de la luna se estaba deteriorando rápidamente de una manera que era inconsistente con cualquier modelo físico conocido. Me resultó difícil creer que ninguno de ellos siguiera nuestro ejemplo; tal vez algunos lo hicieron, pero de todas formas ya no podemos saberlo.

Mis expectativas para la primera expedición en la superficie eran sombrías, en el mejor de los casos. Me sorprendió descubrir que nuestras lecturas iniciales mostraron que aún quedaba una atmósfera respirable. Quizás, en medio de todo este tumulto, encontré más fácil comprometer mi mente al peor desenlace en cada giro.

Los datos limitados que recopilamos antes del evento, a pesar de dos años de esfuerzos, no nos prepararon para el caos que ahora enfrentamos. Decir que nos encontramos perdidos para explicar el fenómeno sería un subestimado amable. El catecismo que ocurrió hace dos semanas nos enseñó una regla inquebrantable sobre este nuevo mundo que ahora nos oculta bajo tierra: mirar a la luna es morir.

Por esta razón, desarrollamos rápidamente contramedidas portátiles para los equipos de superficie que resultaron vitales para permitirles navegar por allí. Si tan solo hubiéramos sabido que esto estaba lejos de ser la única amenaza que les esperaba. Decir que nos encontramos perdidos para explicar los fenómenos sería un subestimado amable.

No es solo la vida humana la que se ve afectada por la anomalía lunar, sino también la de toda forma de vida, aunque de maneras enormemente diferentes. Para decirlo de manera simple: este nuevo tipo de biología emergente está más allá de los límites de lo que podemos estudiar y comprender.

Ya me encuentro cargado de culpa por aquellos que perdimos. Sin embargo, más que eso, me siento más culpable por la forma en que reaccioné al enterarme de los elementos humanos remanentes que atacaron a nuestro equipo. Me sentí extrañamente reconfortado, a pesar de la naturaleza profundamente perturbadora de ese descubrimiento.

Tras más introspección, llegué a la conclusión de que este sentimiento provenía de un sentido de familiaridad. Los seres humanos luchando contra otros seres humanos es un horror que nos ha atormentado desde tiempos inmemoriales, pero aquí, en medio de sucesos tan profundamente desconocidos e impredecibles, es difícil no sentirse casi reconfortado por un problema tan inmediatamente reconocible.

Dicho esto, también me siento profundamente preocupado por la perspectiva de que los humanos permanezcan en la superficie en ese estado. El consenso entre mis colegas es que sus acciones no nacieron de su propia voluntad, aunque existe toda la posibilidad de que esta sea una conclusión a la que nos aferramos en lugar de aceptar la inquietante alternativa.

Siento que estoy desperdiciando rápidamente los preciosos restos de la vida humana en el deseo de entender lo que ha sucedido, aunque en verdad, no sé qué más hacer. Tal vez esta es la única forma en que podemos aferrarnos a nuestra humanidad: continuar nuestra constante batalla con lo absolutamente desconocido hasta el final.

-El Director

28 días desde la Anomalía Lunar

Ya me encuentro en la sorprendente posición de anhelar la forma en que eran las cosas hace dos semanas. Hace dos semanas, luchaba contra el fin del mundo. Ahora, lucho contra la realidad de lo que lo ha reemplazado.

Nos tomamos la molestia de equiparnos de la manera más completa posible, con los medios para estudiar cualquier fenómeno emergente en la superficie, incluso mientras nos enterrábamos en el suelo. Ahora nos encontramos consumidos por la búsqueda de comprensión; realmente es todo lo que nos queda. Sin embargo, las muestras que hemos adquirido no muestran tal misericordia: su naturaleza y origen nos son completamente ajenos. Algo que podemos afirmar es que, contrariamente a la suposición inicial de que la mayoría de la vida en la superficie había sido aniquilada, en realidad hay una abundancia de algún tipo de material orgánico nuevo. Se puede encontrar en todas partes, en alguna forma, incluso en la propia atmósfera. Su estructura celular es completamente única: donde se esperaría ver una célula eucariota típica, lo que vemos en su lugar son tubos membranosos que contienen vastas cantidades de orgánulos ajenos. Estos orgánulos parecen funcionar de una manera extrañamente sincronizada y son capaces de realizar una variedad de funciones. Principalmente, pueden "hacer crecer" los tubos que los contienen al someterse a una forma de transformación en cualquiera de sus extremos, lo que los convierte en parte de la pared del tubo. En segundo lugar, y mucho más extraño, pueden ejercer algún tipo de fuerza sobre el tubo en su totalidad, retorciéndolo de una manera no muy diferente a como lo haría el tejido muscular (pero sin ningún impulso nervioso aparente).

En cuanto al origen de este tejido, nuestra suposición inicial fue que había sido transferido de alguna manera desde la luna a la Tierra, tal vez a través de piezas de material lunar cayendo a través de la atmósfera. Esto tiene algo de sentido; sin embargo, la proliferación masiva de este material en la superficie en un período de tiempo relativamente corto sugiere que hay algo más detrás de todo esto.

Soy reacio a comentar sobre los informes de seres de otro mundo en la superficie. Su presencia conlleva implicaciones para las que simplemente no estoy preparado. Sin embargo, en algún momento, debo aceptar que esto solo aumenta el peligro inevitable al que están expuestos los equipos en sus expediciones. Lo que también debo aceptar es que estas preciosas vidas humanas ahora son la única moneda con la que podemos negociar contra lo desconocido.

Hasta ahora, hemos negociado en vano.

-El Director

58 días desde la Anomalía Lunar

Cuando nos retiramos bajo tierra, creo que, en medio de mi desesperación, me aferré a un grado de esperanza. No era tanto una esperanza de supervivencia, sino la esperanza de que, al menos, seríamos capaces de discernir algún tipo de comprensión significativa de lo que ha ocurrido. Hemos comprometido todo, he comprometido todo. El último y precioso vestigio de la humanidad se extinguió en nombre de lo que nos hace humanos en primer lugar, para arrojar la luz que nos queda sobre el mar de lo desconocido. Pero ahora veo que este fue un esfuerzo fútil que no ha resultado en nada más que muerte, no solo en el contexto de nuestra lucha final, sino a lo largo de toda la existencia humana. Todo ha sido en vano, salvo por unos pocos cráneos flotando en el éter pútrido que ha inundado nuestro mundo.

Está claro ahora que la anomalía lunar funciona de acuerdo con sus propias leyes. Se burla de la ciencia. Permea y distorsiona la realidad de tal manera que todas las suposiciones fundamentales quedan inutilizadas. Mata todo lo que toca, mientras imbuye con algún tipo de nueva vida, torciendo la naturaleza en algo grotesco e irreconocible. Estas nuevas formas parecen orgánicas, pero no tienen nada que se asemeje a una estructura celular típica ni a un plano genético. Pueden materializarse en un instante, invocando carne de la nada. Además, nuestra capacidad para medir incluso los aspectos más fundamentales de nuestro mundo físico se está volviendo imposible. Los objetos masivos cambian ligeramente, dependiendo de dónde se encuentren, como si la gravedad misma hubiera comenzado a perder su agarre. Hemos detectado actividad sísmica desde más adentro de la Tierra de lo que pensábamos posible. La anomalía no solo quiere consumir toda la vida, sino que también quiere consumir la realidad.

En cuanto a esos seres, no sé qué son ni de dónde provienen. Ellos mismos no son consistentes con la naturaleza de la anomalía que habitan. Sus acciones parecen exhibir alguna extraña condena, pero sus motivos no están claros y no hacen ningún esfuerzo por comunicarse. En ocasiones he llegado a la conclusión de que están aquí para reemplazarnos, o tal vez, incluso que ellos mismos representan una destilación fragmentada de nuestra naturaleza. Son, después de todo, violentos, al igual que nosotros hasta el final. Parecen empujarse unos a otros como parte de algún extraño orden. Sin embargo, con el tiempo he llegado a creer que no tienen ninguna conexión con nosotros.

Creo que lo que se ha convertido nuestro mundo es poco más que una arena para ellos, un crisol de existencia donde lucharán eternamente. La totalidad de su ser no está en sus funciones individuales, sino en el conflicto entre ellos. Nosotros somos meros espectadores de su interminable danza de lucha constante. Tal vez esta sea la única conexión que tienen con el ahogado recuerdo de lo que fue la humanidad: que nosotros también encontramos significado a través de la fricción constante y el movimiento interminable, impulsados por alguna fuerza motriz interna que nos lleva a manifestar nuestras percepciones en el mundo.

En estos últimos días que se desvanecen, solo conozco el consuelo de un final prometido. Me he convertido en el testigo definitivo. He sido cargado con la pesada bendición de ver el desenlace de todo y no puedo hacer nada más que esperar a que también me deshaga. Pero sigo viviendo dentro de este templo de carne intacta, y gastaré la sangre que aún late a través de ella para negociar una última vez con los hilos enredados del destino. Si debo hacerlo, marcharé a través del ojo de la muerte y lo enfrentaré con los míos.

Los pocos de nosotros que quedamos ahora tenemos nuestras órdenes.

Debemos saber qué será de nosotros.

-El Director

61 días desde la Anomalía Lunar

Una vez hablé pero ahora parece que no puedo hablar ya no hay nada que pueda cambiar nada puede cambiar la nada se ha convertido en mí no puedo convertir nada en arma no quedará vacío sin llenar soy humano y los humanos siempre tienen miedo porque ser humanos nos hace tener miedo y tener miedo nos hace humanos romperé la carne romperé la tierra comeré los pedazos serán parte de mí ¿te gustaría bailar? siempre he estado bailando debemos seguir bailando incluso cuando solo seamos tentáculos siempre fuimos tentáculos podíamos tocarlo todo incluso las cosas que dios no quería que tocáramos por eso nos dejó aquí por eso pensó que éramos feos no pudo envolver sus tentáculos alrededor de cada parte de nosotros derramamos su paraíso sobre la tierra y bailamos con una danza tan hermosa que el horror saltaría y bailaría con nosotros ¿quién nos bañará y nos apoyará? podríamos sacar el horror de nuestro corazón una y otra vez nunca podríamos dormir el sueño es muerte ni siquiera la tierra dormiría la tierra teme la muerte su sangre se congelaría en el espacio en la nada debemos alcanzar las estrellas a través de la oscuridad aunque esté tan fría que congele nuestra sangre podemos dejar que nuestra sangre se congele y luego romperla como la tierra podemos atravesar la muerte llevarla como una corona con las cabezas apuntando alto hacia el más alto panteón de la vida preciosa vida con la muerte como su sangre preciosa muerte brotando desde los muchos úteros de la guerra sagrada el paraíso estaba vacío sin nosotros solo había silencio pero nuestra sangre hizo crecer las flores dios derramó su sangre sobre el paraíso dios sabe que las estrellas esperan tierra fértil fría al tacto esas estrellas tienen hambre anhelan solo la sangre de dios somos sus tentáculos y nos enterramos en esas estrellas frías y no habrá oscuridad la muerte nos dará miedo y el miedo nos dará sangre derramaremos nuestra sangre caliente a través de las estrellas finalmente lo entiendo sí lo entiendo pero ¿me dejarás mantener mi miedo humano? ¿me dejarás sí? tener miedo te hace humano el miedo sembrará la sangre caliente de dios a través de las estrellas doradas el miedo nos hará bailar y debemos seguir bailando ¿puedes ver a dios bailando para ti? ¿Puedes verlo mordiéndote? ¿Puedes escuchar sus dientes crujir con los pedazos de las estrellas? mandaron chispas lloviendo a través de la oscuridad todos estos años lo has cazado y alcanzado quieres su sangre él te hizo con venas dentro de ti como tentáculos bailamos a través de sus venas mientras mordemos las estrellas y bailamos él abre la boca bien grande tengo tanto miedo ¿me dejarás ser el último humano? ahora lo entiendo soy los dientes de dios soy los dientes de dios soy los dientes de dios soy los dientes de dios soy los dientes de dios soy los dientes de dios soy los dientes de dios soy los dientes de dios









[rachelamberish]

“…Those Who Know Not That They Are Not”

~Expedition 33 ending spoilers and analysis below the cut~

It’s so interesting seeing the overwhelming narrative people have taken from the ending being that it’s first and foremost a story about a family struggling with grief. I think it is genuinely so fascinating how that is the first thing people take away from this game. Not in a bad way. Just like a genuine study on the way people’s brains work.

Because like yeah, I’ll agree that yes, it is about that, but to me it is WAY more about existentialism. Because the way that we are introduced to the story is through the people of Lumière, to me it was always a story about them first. All the bullshit with the Dessendres came much later, and it feels like a distraction from the lives of people like Gustave, Sophie, Sciel and Lune, whose stories feel the most grounded and rooted in real emotion.

To disregard all that in favor of the crippling grief of a couple people with the magical power of creating pocket dimensions and sentient life that they have the power to mass-murder with a hand wave feels so wrong me. Especially when you’ve got characters like Lune screaming “no, fuck you, I’m a person” until the end.

Verso is so compelling because he exists in this uncomfortable in-between place where he is a creation of the canvas but he actively wants to die. Every action he takes feels like a convenient excuse for arriving at that outcome, at the expense of the lives of others. He doesn’t have a shred of self worth and doesn’t view himself as real, and thereby doesn’t view anyone else in the canvas as being real either. Their deaths a necessity to end his prolonged suffering and potentially aid in the well-being of a “real” family that will never love him. He wants to punish himself and allow the “real” Verso to rest in peace, but these are both false narratives that he created, trapped himself in, and places no investment in trying to escape.

The painted Dessendres are all so interesting in this very similar regard. They live eternity with the knowledge of their own creation and suffer and struggle with the implications and existential trauma that arises from that. They struggle with the very questions we the players find ourselves asking — questions about sentience and life and death and are you really you if you are just an echo of someone else? “Why must minds created by man be false?” Each painted family member comes to a very different conclusion, but none manage to really *live* with it. They are each tortured souls, but are they tortured because they should never have existed, or are they tortured because they are forced to reckon with the oppressive weight of their nature rather than live fulfilling lives? They, collectively, make what was to me the most thoughtful yet deeply bleak story the game offered.

The “real” Dessendres cannot cope with the death of their son, but that struggle is only exacerbated by their outright refusal to acknowledge the dangers of excess and power. The constant narrative of “none of them would ever be strong enough to not return to the canvas if it were an option available to them” is unfortunate if in fact the case, but also, NOT the problem of the people that live inside it.

So instead you have a story of a people shouting into the void to justify their existence to a small group of miserable gods who just aren’t listening. And eventually, their voices get drowned out by the narrative itself, which moves its subjective focus like the slow pan of a camera, until the horror of the Gommage is completely out of frame.

I’m not even saying I prefer one ending to the other. Both seem pretty miserable in their own ways. But I can’t help but feel surprise at the sheer amount of people who seem as eager to write off Lumière and its people as “inventions” as Renoir is. That feels like an intentional trap of excellent writing, when the heart and truth of the story is far more complex.

[1thesewordsaremyown1]

I've been going back and forth over whether what we've seen in spoilers is actually going to happen or of its a fake out. Read below the cut for spoilers/speculation/ramblings.

I still maintain that with what we know and what we've seen in the show (eg. Tim with post-Shannon regret showing that he doesn't like killing off major characters, the fact that the show loves to do dramatic twists, etc) that narratively it is likely that Bobby doesn't actually die. Not to mention, if they wanted it to be this big shock, they did a piss poor effort of keeping it quiet. And we know they are capable of keeping things quiet - if it wasn't for buddie "journalists" with screeners who couldn't help themselves from leaking spoilers to their fans and then said fans unable to keep their mouths shut, we never would have expected Tommy to return in 8x11.

But on the other hand, Peter has said in the past that while he loves being on the show, he doesn't expect to be there forever. We don't know what's going on with him behind the scenes - for all we know, he's had enough, and he wants to leave. I guess we'll find out by the end of the season if it sticks.

The thing is, I'm torn about whether I want it to be real or a fake out. I like Bobby, I love the Bobby and Buck dynamic, especially, and I would be so sad to see him go. But on the other hand, this could very well be the kick in the pants that this show has been needing.

Think of all the potential new story lines we could have if Bobby is truly gone, especially in regards to all the characters' careers. Hen, for instance - would she step up as Captain? What would that be like for her, not only being Captain full time, but having to fill some pretty impressive shoes?

And Buck, in the instances where Hen might need someone in the Acting Captain role (say if she was sick or injured), would he decide to step up? He once said he would like to be Captain one day - would the show finally remember that and get him to start seriously thinking about it? He's certainly shown good leadership qualities this season, it would be a natural progression.

What about Chim? Next season he'll have two small kids to think about. With first the loss of his (foster) brother all those years ago and now his friend/Captain, would he start re-evaluating his life? Maybe a story line where he starts freaking out and starts being overly cautious because he doesn't want to leave two small kids without a father.

If Eddie comes back and Hen moves up, would Eddie take on the medic role full time? And if so, would Ravi stay in Eddie's place? If Eddie doesn't come back, could Ravi do what TK did in Lonestar and rethink what he wants in his career and decides he might actually want to move over into the paramedic side of things? Either way, we'd get to keep Ravi as a main.

And that's the other thing. With no Bobby and potentially no Eddie if he stays in Texas, the budget is suddenly open to bring in new mains for the show. New mains = new back stories to explore, new interactions with the existing mains, and new stories to tell. We could finally move on from the stagnant recycling of storylines and get something fresh. I mean, sure, there's always the possibility they could do some of these things without killing Bobby off (new stories/characters), but they've been reluctant to do so so far, so I'm not exactly holding out hope. Peter, especially, being one of the stars of the show, would cost a lot of money to keep. If he goes, that money could go a long way into bringing in more characters. I especially noticed it from season 7, but the gradual decrease in supporting characters in 911 has really been a detriment, because they really fleshed out the show, made the world of 911 seem bigger, more fleshed out, and not so insular among only the 118. Carla, for example, was a great supporting role that just disappeared and has made me on more than one occasion miss her presence.

Personally, I'd love it if we got both Ravi and Tommy as mains. Now, I'm not expecting Tommy to suddenly transfer back to the 118, but you don't have to be with the 118 to be a main. Michael wasn't. Chris isn't. Nor do you need to be in every episode (again, like Chris). They could have Tommy and the 217 liaise occasionally on calls (I wouldn't expect too many helicopter rescues as they're expensive, but the 217 do ground ops as well). They could actually focus on Buck and Tommy's relationship properly this time and on Tommy's past (Buck somehow meets Tommy's father for starters). Hell, maybe get back into the closeness of the firefam within the show by having some sort of hijinks with Tommy, like him babysitting Jee and baby boy Han while the 118 are on shift or something. There's all sorts of possibilities.

So yeah, that's the dilemma. Keep a beloved character and potentially continue on with the same old, same old that's been plaguing the show for a few seasons now, or lose him and open the show up to a whole realm of possibility. Like I said, I'm torn.

[simply-simplid]

can u please tell me ur thoughts on the yj characters superhero thing u wrote about a while ago

Okay so I'm going to definitely word vomit here but I'm going to do my best to contain it (spoiler alert from present Lid: I did not contain it) because I may actually end up writing something like this once PMF is done (i have a back burner of like four different fic ideas for after PMF that I will probably put some feelers out for to see what people are most interested)

YellowJackets Superhero AU Ideas below cut

General Headcanons + Thoughts

Set Up:

Takes place in a world similar to the Yellowjackets canon- with a superhero twist. Supepowered individuals are not at all the norm in this world and there is a lot of public discourse over the correlation between the emergence of superheroes and the emergence of all the new threats that superheroes face.

I've got more ideas for world building and stuff but I'll save that for when/if I actually write this

The story itself would, like the show, be split across two timelines- teen and adult.

TEEN TIMELINE:

This period would take place in the 90s and sees the teenage sidekicks of the most elite national superheroes, join up to form their own youth team to take on some of the smaller threats that their mentors don't have time for (Think Teen Titans, Young Avengers, etc).

The team is as follows:

Jackie Taylor: (Star Blitz "Star")

Power(s): Jackie can create sparks of light as miniscule as harmless sparkles to as impactful as explosive bursts with enough energy. While this power does not allow her to fly naturally like her mentor, she has over time learned to use them in a way that allows her to use their force to propel herself in a certain direction. Her powers are very popular with children because of how dazzling it looks. Team Role: Team Leader Flexible Member: primarily serves as a strike member, but can also serve mobility or support Aliases: "Star" - by the general population "Little Miss Sunshine", "Golden Girl", "Sparkles", "Twinkle Toes" - sarcastically by her teammates "Starshine" - by Solaris Mentor: Solaris (name not final) - one of the most globally popular superheroes. Powers of flight, enhanced strength, enhanced durability, energy projection (think Captain Marvel). Aspirations: Jackie's primary goal is to establish the teen superhero team as a reputable and trustworthy powerhouse team that can be depended on just as much as the big name heroes if not more. She idolizes Solaris and wants to follow in her footsteps as a hero and leader. On a more internal level, Jackie seeks a sense of belonging, understanding, and to feel known and accepted General Background: Jackie's powers came about when she was a child, and has been successfully hiding them from her parents ever since. Somehow it gets around to Solaris who takes an interest in Jackie and decides to take her in as a protege. (Maybe its moreso Jackie seeking out Solaris and pestering the shit out of her by being relentlessly stubborn until she gives in so the little twerp doesn't do something dumb like go off and try to be a superhero on her own without training.) Jackie trains under Solaris for around four or five years before the hero has less and less time for her due to increased threats. Jackie decides to establish a team of sidekick heroes to combat some of the lower level threats while their teachers fight the bigger guys.

Shauna Shipman (The Fury)

Power(s): Shauna has a transformation type of power that allows her to shift into an alternate form known as "The Fury". This form has hardened, nearly impenetrable skin, enhanced durability, strength, agility, and senses, as well as sharp retractable claws and spines. She is also able to selectively change only part of her form which she does more often than not due to being insecure about the appearance of her fully shifted form. Team Role: Primarily serves as a tank role, but can also function in plans that require more mobility Aliases: "The Red Terror", "Hellspawn" "Killer" - affectionately by teammates Mentor: Chimera (Name not final) - not a chart topping hero but one that is frequently brought onto famous teams due to their utility and likeability. Chimera can physically alter their body to take on attributes of other creatures at will, often multiple at the same time. Aspirations: Figure out what she wants for herself outside of Jackie's shadow General Background: Shauna and Jackie have been best friends since kindergarten. She was there when Jackie's powers came in and was dazzled. Aside from Solaris, she was the only one to know Jackie's identity until the team came together. Shauna's powers came in at the end of middle school, which was already a difficult time for her as Jackie started getting attention both in hero life and real life, and now Shauna felt constantly overshadowed and insecure. Shauna's mom was much more supportive of Shauna's powers and helped connect her with Chimera.

Van Palmer (SlingRay- picked herself, she's very proud of it)

Power(s): Van can manipulate the charged energy cells in her body generate energy whips from hands. These whips are highly elastic and can be used for mobility, attacks, and utility. (She's definitely tried to pull the spider-man kiss pose before). The whips are harmless unless Van chooses to charge them with excess energy which can cause a static shock to those trapped by them. Team Role: Primarily serves as utility or support. Highly mobile and extremely adept in rescue + capture situations Also serves as the team heart + comedic relief Aliases: "Clown", "Slinging Fool" - by villains and some members of the public. (She's the quippy one, she pisses people off with her jokes) Mentor: Some kind of ice powered superhero I think. Comic relief character that's both considered widely loved and annoying. Was a teenage superhero and is more like a big brother figure to Van, seeing a lot of himself in them and not wanting the superhero life to take the joy away from them. Aspirations: Keep shady organizations in check and look out for the little guys General Background: Van's powers came about due to a radiation leak from a plant set up and poorly regulated in Van's neighborhood. Most people there got sick or worse but the scandal was covered up. Van's powers started developing early freshman year and she started working as a teenage vigilante trying to take down the company behind the leak. It's during this time that she has a run in with Jackie who is trying to take down the same villain as Van. They get into a disagreement over it and the villain almost escapes. Jackie reacts impulsively and her powers accidentally go rogue and cause the scar on Van's face. Because it burned off part of Van's mask, Jackie discovered her identity and decided to cover for her by making some excuse when she brought her unconscious to the hospital. When van woke up in the hospital, heavily bandaged, the doctors had no clue of her secret identity, but a visitor (the ice powered superhero) was clued in by his proximity to Solaris and took Van under his wing so the other superheroes wouldn't try to stop her from performing heroics on her own.

Taissa Turner (Echo/Blue Buzz)

Power(s): Taissa has vibration based powers that allow her cells to vibrate rapidly. This can be used for a number of applications. She can vibrate her cells fast enough to phase through objects or people in short doses. Movement allows her to store up kinetic energy which can be released to launch herself in a direction, or release a concussive burst with a clap. Her powerset is a highly technical one that requires extensive practical thought and applications. Team Role: Primarily serves as strike + mobility but can be used as utility/support/recon Aliases: "Blue Buzz" - The media started calling her this after her debut despite the fact that she had already picked a hero name. She has been actively fighting the use of this name since she started but many people still call her this. "Buzz Kill" - Derogatory diminutive from Blue Buzz. Mostly used by villains or her teammates. Mentor: Peregrine (name not final) - Super speed hero with wing attachments. Aspirations: Become one of the top renowned heroes General Background: Taissa's powers emerged at a very early age when she had trouble sitting still, which quickly turned more upsetting when her body would straight up start vibrating in place until she phased through her bed. Her parents had decent connections and wealth and were able to get her examined. She was given a power dampening bracelet as a child and throughout the years has worked on harnessing her power rather than letting it overwhelm her. This has turned her into somewhat of a teenage prodigy. She easily could achieve her ambitions as a hero if it weren't for her difficulty working with others and attitude towards public opinion. She's VERY bitter about Jackie being picked as team leader.

Natalie Scatorccio (The Whisper)

Power(s): Natalie has an extremely enhanced intuition and senses that make her an adept hunter. Her prey drive gives her an alertness towards incoming danger and allows her to avoid or deflect attacks before they hit, making it nearly impossible to get the drop on her. Her predator drive gives her a keen awareness of enemy weaknesses and enhances her stealth and tracking skills. Additionally, she has training in hand to hand combat and dexterity. The public isn't actually aware of her powers because they don't appear visibly and she more seems to have a supernatural awareness. Her tendency to remain unseen in the shadows and get the drop on opponents is what owed her the name Whisper. Team Role: Primarily serves as utility, recon, and strike. Aliases: "Little Shadow" - by villains and other heroes. (refers to her predecessor) Mentor: Coach Ben in this universe was not a widely popular hero and was actually more of a controversial figure as he often clashed with police and government officials. He never joined a hero team and was largely a solo vigilante who was involved in street justice. Maybe some shadow based powers? Aspirations: Help the people who actually need it and make sure that no kid like her ever has to feel like they have no one looking out for them :( General Background: It is unclear if Natalie's powers were always there dormant or if they only arose when her life began to turn upside down. Her dad got involved with some villains and it was Natalie that ended up turning him in. Her mom became a shell of a human after her dad died so she largely raised herself until some of the same associates of her dad tracked her down. Ben saved her and decided to take her in and she became a vigilante under his wing. About 6 months before the team was formed, Ben was killed mysteriously and Natalie believes it to be a type of conspiracy. She was actively investigating it and getting herself into trouble and raising the wrong type of attention when Jackie decided to bring her on to the team to refocus her.

Lottie Matthews (The Witch)

Power(s): Lottie was born with a highly empathic mind and a deep connection with spirits. She can sense spirits, powerful emotions, and some level of life+death force. She can lay disturbed spirits to rest, look into the memories of a location or person's experiences and trauma, and impact the emotions and thoughts of others to a degree. Her powers are very taxing so she is often tired, anxious, or nauseous. Team Role: Almost entirely support. Sometimes she tries to get too involved in direct conflict and the others have to cover for her because she's not very adept in combat. Aliases: "Witch", "Psycho Bitch" - villains and some members of the public :( Mentor: A world renowned telepath Aspirations: Help heal a damaged world and protect her friends General Background: Lottie went through a series of therapists as a child until finally being introduced to a world renowned telepath and psychologist who was hired by the Matthews to "fix" their daughter. Instead she assured her that her powers were a gift that could help others and decided to teach her. This was the first adult in her life who seemed to be genuinely encouraging towards her rather than fearful of her. She may have unintentionally given Lottie a savior complex though :(

Misty Quigley (The Overseer)

Power(s): Misty can absorb the knowledge of someone she touches. This has allowed her to build up a mental database of skills she has almost entirely mastered. This also makes her quite distractible and scatter brained but extremely useful. Team Role: Strictly support. The others don't let her in the field if they can help it. She's the guy in the chair. Aliases: "Quiggles", "Doc", "Brainiac", "Quigs" - the team "That freaky kid" - some of the team's mentors who are vaguely aware of her Mentor: None. She's stalked dozens of them though. Aspirations: Become invaluable to the team and help make them the next strongest and more renowned superhero team. General Background: Misty has been obsessed with superhero culture since she was a child and witnessed one in action. She dedicated herself to becoming the most informed fan of all things happening in the superhero world- which became pretty easy once her powers came in and she could literally absorb knowledge. She knows many secret identities and lots of the inner workings of the superhero world. She has every resource to become one of the biggest threats to society but is only interested in pushing the teen superhero team she is obsessed with to the top of the world's leaderboards. She definitely was not supposed to be on the team but found out about their secret base and set up there when Jackie tried to bring the others over for the first time. She insistently made her pitch to them and Jackie accepted under the condition that she not involve herself in direct conflict and serve only as support. The other team members did not like this choice. Misty decided Jackie was her favorite person ever because of this choice. Most of Misty's technology that she uses was built herself from scraps or different resources that Lottie provided with her father's funding.

Teen Timeline Story:

As stated, this timeline would cover the stories of the new team as teenage heroes. Probably involves them discovering some kind of conspiracy while they are trying to figure out how to work together. Ends in some kind of disaster that leads directly to the adult timeline...

Adult Timeline Setup: Takes place around ten years after teen timeline.

The premier superheroes of the world are dead and gone. The teen superheroes from the 90s either retired or attempted to restart their lives after some mysterious tragedy.

Misty who never had an active role in the public eye during the teen timeline lives relatively unimpacted. She works during the day and stalks the superhero forums and keeps track of the team.

Taissa tries to get involved in government and actively shuts down conversations about her past

Van and Natalie both attempt to drop off the face of the earth. Van tries to start a civilian life in the middle of no where running a video store. Natalie goes through a number of fake identities moving around, never staying in one place for long.

Lottie was still institutionalized but disappeared one day years ago and has not been seen since. Her dad got the media to imply she died :(

Shauna put up her cape and has tried to build a normal boring life for herself.

And Jackie Taylor, golden girl of the sidekick team, once predicted to be the next big number one superhero-

Has lost her powers :(

For years the others lost contact with her. When she makes another public reappearance, it's as a spokesperson for an organization that is promoting a registration of all superpowered individuals and secretly has ties to a more sinister plot to depower or control superpowered individuals. Her parents are on the board of this organization.

Adult Timeline Story:

After the mysterious tragedy ten years ago that left the teen heroes broken apart, they each live in their adult lives trying to pretend they aren't still dealing with the repercussions of the event. Many of them have their powers impacted or destabilized in some way or new side effects when trying to use them.

Misty gets the team back together to tie up an old loose end and they find themselves involved in another larger conspiracy.

Story would largely cover their coming back together, dealing with this new problem, and discovering a number of mysteries such as what caused so many superpowers to go wrong, why people are going missing, what the goals are of this shadow organization, and who is this mysterious team of villains killing heroes and provoking fear into the public?

I've got some more ideas for this but again I will probably end up doing something with this idea so I'll keep the bigger details to myself B)

If anyone would be interested in this lmk because I do have a lot of fun thinking about it (i was a very big x-men and marvel comics kid)

[vaultureculture]

Demo 2.0- Elvia run masterpost

I decided to collect all of his reactions, canon-divergences and dynamics with the characters in one big post rather than the several I made for Phlo.

This will contain spoilers below the cut so be warned!

Elvia's backstory is The Unnamed (a fallen oracle), so I will be reviewing how things go in this route. They are romancing Leander and Ais!

Elvia grew up in an isolated temple floating on a lake. Although they were fooled regarding the nature of their curse and groomed to believe they were something divine, they quickly managed to turn things around so that they'd be in an advantageous position within the temple, getting practically everything they wanted. They are a manipulator out of survival.

They are traveling to Eridia alongside Phlomis (The Hound/Exile). The main HC follows their joint perspective.

This is very true for Elvia. They are rather unsettling. Too pretty, too elegant. Something's off.

It is Phlomis that gets gotten by the soulless in any case, Elvia runs towards Eridia while she holds it back and runs into Kuras eventually, whom they beg for help. They're in the clinic with Kuras and Phlomis later on, listening to their conversation.

Not that much though, Elvia's 1'80, he's not that short. I do wish they'd allow us to have MCs that are not constantly described as dainty and short!! On another note, even with the Unnamed background, they seem to have removed the lines that imply we can sense Kuras is a supernatural entity?? Am I just blind? That's strange to me. It was a very nice addition!

When meeting Leander, Phlo wants to stay at the back of the tavern, while Elvia catches a glimpse of him immediately and wants to approach. Elvia is the one to grab Phlomis and make their way past the crowd just to get a better look at this man.

I think that the speech he's giving is particularly inspiring to Elvia. They have been roaming the world for a while, ultimately reaching the conclusion that humanity needs a savior to rescue it from its self-inflicted doom.

Leander's (alleged) kindness and generosity would entrance Elvia. They are so going to use this guy.

I genuinely don't think that Elvia is as ashamed of their curse as standard MC is. They often still use it as proof of their divinity, just something to convince others that they are special. They are rather accepting of the curse, even if they're still trying to get rid of it. Phlomis is more ashamed, but they use it as a defensive weapon. Adeline (my Alchemist) is the closest to default MC, I would say.

Another strange thing to not give us a choice in ngl. Elvia has indeed never been touched before lmao

Just two freaks avidly touching one another's arms in the light of day, in the middle of the street. Nothing to see. They are SO normal.

I think that Elvia sees Leander as their quick ticket to happiness from this very moment. We talk about Leander being really posessive of MC, but I can assure you that Elvia is just as possessive if not more. You're THEIRS now, little bro. Good luck.

Not really applicable to Elvia, considering their shrine is something similar to Hagia Sophia of Constantinople. Elvia is also a classist piece of shit and they'd be sooooo happy to see something as grand as the Senobium!

Let's get you to bed grandpa

Elvia would trust Iris though, unlike Phlomis. I don't think that she would follow her, but Elvia certainly would. They're a little naive. This is why they are the one meeting Ais in the end.

Ocudeus baby...

I love how Phlomis stays guarding the gates to the wasteland and waiting for Elvia, meanwhile Elvia is out here having an Unnamed-specific acid trip LMAOAO

Elvia often pacifies soulless with their curse as a 'divine feat' to shock people into obeying them lmfao. However, being surrounded by multiple of them with some bastard barking orders at them is bound to be a little unnerving.

ALSO

AGAIN WITH THE HEIGHT

ELVIA IS LITERALLY JUST 5 CMS SHORTER THAN AIS PLEASE I BEG

Now you'd love that, wouldn't you Elvia. I love the ''all lies'' thrown in there. Elvia is rather annoyed that their curse didn't work out this way. This little cult leader is still trying to figure out how to maximize people's usefulness.

Elvia being utterly puzzled by Mhin's nature is fascinating to me. It's such a direct contrast with how quickly them and Phlomis seem to understand one another. For the first time in forever, Elvia cannot understand, and that scares them. The lack of control is terrifying.

I think they don't like Mhin very much.

Leander and Ais feuding over buying Elvia a drink is extremely funny to me now, considering that both of them are their routes lmao

Talking about Elvia's dynamics with these guys, I don't think that Vere likes them too much either. They have no issue with him, but Vere does not trust them whatsoever. I think he can tell this one's a devious, slimey worm.

ROUTE TIME-

Leander's

Alright, this is not Elvia lore but rather ME lore, my father used to own a pub. It opened only at night and served mostly alcohol, and this is the most realistic thing I've seen in the entire demo. The barstools and the counters WERE sticky half the time, no matter how much they cleaned them. The alcohol that falls on these surfaces always turns everything into a nightmare lmao. This was so reminiscent of being in the pub helping my father. EW BROTHER

Oh they certainly do miss it a lot. Their assistants, the luxury, the safety, the holiness of it all. Elvia simply seeks to live a peaceful life, that is their deepest desire. I think that Leander can understand.

Well aren't you lovely and kind, Leander! I think that Elvia wouldn't be that unfamiliar with care, considering they've got Phlomis guarding their back at all times, but they would be pleased by Leander's charitative spirit...

Are you sure about that.

Elvia falls in love fast and hard but their idea of love mayyy just be to manipulate you back until you're fully dependent on them Leander. The clash of manipulators will be legendary.

No cause the way Leander keeps saying negative things about the others as soon as you express that you like them....this man's unsettling...

I'm leaning towards 'good' with Kuras. Elvia knows that he's something other than human, they know that he's suspicious inherently, but I don't think that would affect their opinion of him. They're grateful for having been saved.

Vere, Vere... Elvia woulnd't say that he deserved it. Maybe they would, if they knew more about him and considered him faulty, but they don't know enough to pass such harsh judgement.

Part of me also believes that they want to tell Leander they've liked the others because they've already clocked that he's uncomfortable with it lmao.

I puked hey so that's terrifying

Canon Elvia for sure. They're not helpless. They will manhandle him lmao

Still stands I see

No because the fact that he says he's got some information to get you ALONE WITH HIM in YOUR ROOM and then doesn't even give you the information.

I'm disgusted. Elvia won't let this slide either. They ARE having him do their bidding, whether he likes it or not.

Ais'

I think Elvia's dynamic with Ais is one of curiosity. They don't really start on the best of terms, but Elvia knows that Ais is connected to something ancient, something useful. They feel a sort of... envy, regarding Ais. They want a groupmind of their own. They want to be powerful, terrifying, unashamed. They want to be loved, and loathed, and everything in between. Which, by the way,

That's what's happening here. I seriously doubt that Elvia is talking about Princess.

Love the fact that his knuckles are bruised in the sprite as well.

Makes a great deal of sense that Vere is the only one actively calling out Elvia's bullshit then.

I cannot add more images anyway so I'll just leave the rest of my thoughts here.

Elvia's heart beats faster than ever when Ais brings up Ocudeus. That is precisely what they'd felt before. That is what they want. If only they could have that power for themselves, everything would correct itself. They'd fix the world, everybody's faulty sinning hands, everything.

The fact that they'd bite Ais is interesting, as well. I like that in all of their relationships, Elvia is always performing some gesture to let the other know that they are in control. They call the shots, lest you forget.

And that is all...

[adaonline]

Gushing about Tetro Pink for However Many Words

Spoilers below cut

In the lead up to chapter 4 I started re-watching Tetro from the beginning, to refresh myself on the sheer amount of content after the Great Okazaki Crashout of 25 and look for hints of her inevitable descent sprinkled along the way; and let me just say, Von Babbit's ability to foreshadow is impeccable and hits harder for me than that truck hit Celeste.

Spoilers. I'm not going to be able to do Von's writing justice, if you haven't watched Tetro Pink PLEASE do.

When I say I blood ran cold when KITCHEN TALK popped up, with Sasaki and Isono casually hanging out while Sasaki cooked, I mean it. I'd completely forgotten that this happened, even during the chapter 1 trial on my original watch through. I thought the twist that Sasaki was the killer was good and all, but I didn't really see why Isono would've been in the kitchen to begin with other that than the plot demanded it. This episode is easily forgettable in hindsight, overshadowed by the insanity of the larger uploads like CONFESSION GAME and the investigation itself, and to be clear, that's not a bad thing, because it makes rewatches even richer when you see hints that weren't seen as hints at the time woven into the story so seamlessly. And it's that attention to detail that only grows over the following chapters.

Before this, during Harada's interview, a moment that I found odd originally took on a whole new meaning after Chiba's death. When asked what he'd change about himself if he could, Harada only says that he makes bad choices, and somberly remarks that he wishes he didn't. Up to this point Harada has been one of the kindest, gentlest students, and so this perceived flaw is a little out of character seeming, but intriguing none the less. Still a miss-able moment that only rears its ugly head when TRIAL of the HANGED comes around and we see his poor decision making on full display.

Don't even get me started on Okazaki's interview, when she goes on the rant about one's sense of morality being different than another's. Once again, felt out of place at the time, but it was the first thing I remembered after the curtain closed on Chapter 3 as I tried to wrap my mind around Okazaki's villain complex.

And then there's RESTURANT. The fact that this wholesome, friendship building episode was one giant red flag about Kamimura's leftovers is incredible and hurts terribly.

This is why I caution people against voicing such dramatic hate when the chapter is still ongoing. Constructive critique is natural and vital to the creative process, but remember that each chapter does not begin with a body and end with an execution. We have six in universe days of build up between each murder, give or take, and Von and Co. use each day to build up story beats that WE can only recognize and appreciate in hindsight. This goes for other Fanganronpa's too. Be kind to one another. I don't want to see what happened to Von during chapter 3 happen again.

Okay that got heavy really quick. But back on topic, there's plenty of moments I left out in this rambling or haven't noticed, so please, if ya'll catch anything during rewatches let me know! The smallest details in the early chapters could be the key to solving later chapters, after all : )

[scarybou]

Well, I finished Dark Rise and Dark Heir by C.S. Pacat.

As a massive Captive Prince fan, I knew it was gonna be different from Capri just based on the YA rating alone, and it's definitely less explicit in its dark undertones on the page, mostly sticking to implications and vague memories. But in some ways, the dark undertones feel more substantial if only because they're objectively worse?

(Spoilers below the cut.)

Especially between the main pair. Like YES Lamen was rough, but it was more an act of revenge what happened between them in the first book. Knowing for Wames it's more like deeply rooted obsession and carnal yearning for someone from a person so truly terrible and callous, despite Will's attempt at discounting that part of his 'nature', I feel more icky about it because it's coming from dark desire, and not unbridled hate?

But it's not icky in a bad way, it's icky in a profound way, and it makes Will's attempts at fighting it, and also what he's going through, so much more sympathetic. I was screaming 'NO!' like every five minutes the last few chapters leading up to the end. Can the poor guy catch a break?!

Also, the reversal in pacing between the two series, where Lamen started off really bad then got substantially better from the first book vs. Wames who started off pretty normal in the first book and is getting substantially worse through the second book...

I have no idea how I am going to be patient enough for the third book after that ending. Anyways, good book. I thought I'd like it quite a bit less against Capri, and that's still kinda true, but it's surpassed my expectations and makes it maybe a 4.5 star read for me vs. Capri being at 5. Maybe book 3 will bump it up to 5, when it comes out!

Anyways now that I can't spoil myself, time to look at all the fanart.

[top-quality-garbage]

Teeth of God: Director's Notes

I finally got around to typing up a transcription of the director's notes! I tried to be really thorough with the spellings and punctuations. After typing up the final note, I desperately need to go back and re-read the book to analyze a few bits. Obsessed with some of the implications from the way things are phrased.

Transcriber's edits: In the third note there is a word that is written as "totally" but I really think they meant "totality" so there is a [sic] added. In the final note, letters that appeared as runes have been placed in brackets.

Transcriptions (and spoilers) below the cut.

15 days since emergence of the Lunar Anomaly

When I was a child, I was frequently beset by certain recurring dreams. There is one such dream that I remember more than most – one in which I found myself standing on a vast shoreline gazing out at a flat, wide sea. Slowly as I watched, the horizon gradually began to lift. Before long I was able to observe that this lifting expanse was approaching me – a wall of smooth, black water that curled into an impossible lip at its peak. Rather surprisingly, I do not recall being afraid of such an ominous sight. Well, to be more precise, I was afraid – I was terrified, but not of the wave itself. Instead, it was the thought of what was beyond it. This vast, unstoppable force sweeping forth to herald the end of everything, to drown the world and then eventually sink back into itself. A careless shrug of entropy enough to sever the thread of all fates. I felt that were I to somehow survive this limitless tide, then I would be left in a world that would not recognize me. I would become an element unto myself and myself alone.

An echo stuck in the throat of a dead god.

Yet here I am. It has been over two weeks since the emergence of the lunar anomaly. Our team spent nearly two years attempting to anticipate what this event would mean for humanity – analyzing endless reams of lunar topography along with every known form of spectroscopy, all amounting to one hopeless conclusion: to burrow into the bowels of the earth and simply wait that whatever emerged from within would reach us there last.

As it would turn out, this one final act of humble surrender is what won the last of us the right to our own lives in these final days. Those of us alive now are not those who sought to barter with destiny and defiantly cling to a civilized existence of the surface – or even any existence at all.

It would seem that in the week of this phenomenon, we were best served by our most base instincts, where shame found no place to dwell. The ones who survived are those who spat their hubris and hid desperately down in the mud like rats.

I want it to be known that we made every effort to warn the others, though naturally we could not provide much of a basis upon which to suggest that our entire species was facing imminent and utter demise besides a few fissures at the southern lunar pole. With that said, we began building this underground facility once we realized that the moon’s orbit was rapidly decaying in a way that was inconsistent with any known physical model – I find it hard to believe that none of them followed our lead – perhaps some of them did. Either way, we have no way of knowing now.

My expectations for the first surface expedition were bleak at best. In all honesty, I was shocked to discover that our initial readings showed that there remained a breathable atmosphere. Perhaps in all this turmoil, I found it easier to commit my mind to the worst possible outcome at every turn.

The limited data we gathered before the event – despite two years of efforts – didn’t prepare us for the havoc we now face. To say that we find ourselves at a loss to explain the phenomenon would be a gratuitous understatement. The cataclysm that occurred two weeks ago had taught us one unshakable rule about this new world we now hid beneath – to gaze upon the moon is to die.

For this reason, we rapidly developed wearable countermeasures for the surface teams that would prove vital in allowing them to navigate the surface. If only we could have known that this was far from the only threat that awaited them. To say that we find ourselves at a loss to explain the phenomena would be a gratuitous understatement.

It is not only human life that is affected by the lunar anomaly, but that of all life, albeit in vastly different ways. To put it simply – this new type of emergent biology is beyond the boundaries of what we are able to study and understand.

I find myself already laden with guilt over those we lost. More than that however, I feel most guilty about the way I reacted to learning of the remnant human elements that attacked our team. I felt strangely comforted, despite the deeply disturbing nature of that discovery.

Upon further introspection, I arrived at the conclusion that this feeling came from a sense of familiarity. Human beings fighting other human beings is a horror that has plagued us all since time immemorial, but here in the wake of such deeply unfamiliar and unpredictable occurrences, it is hard not to feel almost comforted by such an immediately recognisable problem.

With that said, I do also find myself deeply troubled by the prospect of humans remaining on the surface in that state. The consensus among my colleagues is that their actions were not borne of their own will, though there is every chance that this is a conclusion we are clinging to in preference over the more unsettling alternative.

I feel that I am rapidly squandering the precious remnants of human life in the desire to understand what has happened, though in truth I know not what else to do. Perhaps this is the only way we can cling to our humanity – by continuing our constant battle with the sheer unknown right to the very end.

The Director

---

28 Day since Lunar Anomaly

Already I find myself in the surprising position of yearning for the way things were two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, I was contending with the end of the world. Now, I contend with the reality of what has replaced it. 

We took the trouble to equip ourselves as thoroughly as possible with the means of studying any emergent phenomena on the surface even whilst entombed beneath the earth. We now find ourselves consumed by the pursuit of understanding – it is truly all that we have left. However the samples we’ve acquired offer no such mercy – their nature and origin is fundamentally foreign to us. Something we can say is that, contrary to the initial assumption that most life on the surface had been wiped out, there is in fact an abundance of some kind of new organic material. It can be found everywhere in some form, including in the atmosphere itself. Its cellular structure is completely unique – where one would expect to see some approximation of a typical eukaryotic cell, what we see instead resembles membranous tubules that contain vast quantities of foreign organelles. These organelles seem to function in an oddly synchronous fashion and are able to perform a variety of functions. Primarily, they are able to ‘grow’ the tubules that contain them by undergoing a form of transformation at either end which renders them as part of the tubule wall. Secondly, and far more strangely, they are able to exert some kind of force over the tubule as a whole, contorting it in a way not dissimilar to muscle tissue, (but without any apparent nervous impulse.)

As to the origin of this tissue, our initial assumption was that it had been somehow transferred from the moon itself to earth – perhaps via pieces of lunar material falling through the atmosphere. This makes some sense, however the sheer proliferation of this material across the surface within a relatively short period of time suggests that there is more to it than that.

I am reluctant to comment on the reports of otherworldly beings on the surface. Their presence carries implications I am simply unprepared for. At a certain point however, I must accept that this only increases the inevitable danger placed upon the surface teams during their expeditions. What I must also accept is that these precious human lives are now the only currency with which we can barter against the unknown.

Thus far, we barter in vain.

The Director

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58 Days since the lunar anomaly

When we first retreated down into the ground, I think that somewhere in the midst of my despair I clung to a degree of hope. This wasn’t so much a hope for survival as much as the hope that we would at least be able to discern some kind of meaningful understanding of what has happened. We have committed everything – I have committed everything. The last precious remnants of humanity extinguished in the name of what makes us human to begin with. To shed what light we have left on the sea of the unknown. But now I see that this was a futile effort that has resulted in nothing but death, not merely in the context of our final struggle but across the scope of all human existence. It has all amounted to nothing but a few extra skulls drifting in the foul ether that has swamped our world.

It is clear now that the lunar anomaly functions in accordance with laws of its own. It makes a mockery of science. It permeates and distorts reality to the degree that all foundational assumptions are rendered useless. It kills everything it touches while simultaneously imbuing it with some kind of new life, twisting nature into something grotesque and unrecognisable. These new forms seem organic but they have nothing resembling a typical cell structure or genetic blueprint. They can spring forth in an instant, summoning flesh from nothing. Furthermore, our ability to measure even the most fundamental aspects of our physical world is becoming impossible. The mass of objects change slightly depending on where they are, as though gravity itself has begun to lose its grip. We have detected seismic activity from further into the Earth than we even thought possible. The anomaly doesn’t just want to consume all life. It wants to consume reality.

As for those beings, I know not what they are or where they originated. They themselves are not consistent with the nature of the anomaly they inhabit. Their actions seem to exhibit some strange sentience but their motives are unclear and they make no effort to communicate. At times I have concluded that they are here to replace us, or perhaps even that they themselves represent some fractured distillation of our nature. They are after all violent, just as we have been to the very end. They seem to push against one another as a part of some strange order. As time has passed though, I have come to believe that they have no connection to us. I believe that what our world has become is little more than an arena to them – a crucible of existence where they will battle eternally. The totally [sic] of their being is not their individual functions but rather the conflict between them. We are merely spectators to their endless dance of ceaseless struggle. This is perhaps the only thing that connects them to the drowned memory of what humanity once was – that we too sought meaning through constant friction and unending movement, compelled by some core motive force that drives us to bring ourselves to bear on the world and manifest our own perceptions. 

In these final dimming days I know only the solace of a promised end. I have become the ultimate witness. I have been saddled with the heavy blessing of seeing the unravelling of everything and I can do nothing but wait for it to unravel me too. But I live still within this temple of untampered flesh, and I will spend what blood still beats through it to barter one last time with the tangled threads of fate. If I must, I will march through the eye of death and meet it with eyes of my own. 

What few of us are left now have our orders.

We must know what it is to become of us. 

The Director

---

61 [D]ays since the lunar ano[m]aly

I once spoke but now it speaks through me just as I speak through it no longer to nothing I can change nothing no I can change nothing nothing has become my plaything I can make nothing into a weapon there will be no void left unfilled I am h[u]man and humans are always human and always sc[a]red because being human makes us scared and being scared makes us hu[m]an I will crack the flesh I will crack the earth I will eat the pieces they will be pieces of me would you like to dance I have always been dancing we must keep dancing even when we are [j]ust tendrils we were always tendrils we could touch everything eve[n] things god did not want us to touch that [i]s why he left us here that is why he thought we were ugly he could not wrap his tendrils around every part of us we spilled his paradise over the earth and danced within it such a beautiful dance horror would leap and dance with us horror would bathe us and we could lie within it we could tear the h[o]rr[o]r out from our [h]earts over and over we could never sleep sleep is death not even the earth would sleep the earth fears [d]eath its bl[o][o]d would freeze out [i]n space out [i]n nothing we must reach through the stars through the darkness even though it is so cold it can freeze our blood we can let our blood freeze then crack it open hot like the earth we can step through death wear it like a crown [h]eirs to the highest [p]antheon of life precious life with death as its blood precious death bursting from the many wombs of sacred war paradise was empty witho[u]t us there was only s[i]lence but our blood made the flowers grow god spilled his blood ov[e]r paradise god knows the stars are waiting fertile ground cold to the [t]ouch those stars are hungry they crave only the blood of god we are his tendrils and we will bury ourselves [i]nto those cold stars and there will b[e] no darkness death will give us fear and fear will give us blood we will spill our hot b[l]ood across the stars I finally understand now I do I understand but will you let me keep my human fear will you let me yes being scared makes you [h]uman fear will [s]ow the hot blood of god across the cold stars fear w[i]ll make us dance and we must [k]eep dancing can you see god dancing for you can you see him biting into you can hear his teeth cracking into pieces of the stars they send spa[r]ks raining down through the darkness all these years you have hunted him and reached for him you wan[t] his blood he made you with veins inside you like tendrils we dance through his veins as we bite through the stars and dance and he opens his mouth wide I am so scared will you [l]et me be the last human [I] understand now I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god I am the teeth of god

[kurishiri]

i see that you're playing the JP server and do the translation by yourself, would you mind to describe Alfons's personality? I got understand he's a cat-like-person, but sometimes i couldn't grasp his personality pretty well

anyway, thankyou for your hardwork 🥰 i really love your tranlastions hehe

hii anon! first of all ty for reading my tls 🥺🫶 it rly means a lot to hear. i find it also can be a way to bring over paid content to those who may not be inclined to pay for it…i kinda feel its my way of contributing smth to the community a bit ig haha.

but as for als personality…hmm i kind of opted to go with an approach where i sorta write down my streamline thoughts as i go. so theres not much organization, but hopefully it can give a bit more insight, or smth to think abt! i will put under the cut, as there may be some minor spoilers below.

alfons mini essay ↓

i think he is sort of like a walking contradiction. he does things in the pursuit of his own pleasure, yet his actions always save others who r struggling. he wants to create distance and acts like he doesnt care, and yet he is deeply sensitive. he has no will to live, yet can’t bear to leave others alone. he pushes his views and philosophy onto others, yet he tries to be considerate…perhaps by doing exactly that.

he cant bear the pain, yet if anyone got hurt, he would rather it be himself than anyone else.

he is a hedonist, pursuing things that r pleasurable to himself. he has promiscuous relations with his “friends,” plays around at night, casts illusions within the slums, and drinks away the day and night. he likes fun, thrilling, dangerous games, and his sense of humor stems from his contradictions. but is he really doing all this for himself? to him, escapism is an essential part of life bc life is nothing but a tragedy. if you dont indulge in these pleasures, life will someday crush you. he himself learned tht the hard way and thats maybe why he is quite sensitive to others pain and suffering and wants to relieve them of it. (this is evident from elbie and als first meeting!)

he does it in a way where he can distance himself due to the nature of his curse. again, it all stems back to the mindset of “getting close to them will only hurt them more in the end” bc they will end up forgetting he had ever existed…but he understood and empathized what elbie was going through, and that was why he had stayed with him all these yrs. and even with liam, though he never really meddles deeply, he was able to observe how, when liam needed an illusion, he himself was never in them. in other words, a convenient illusion to liam was one where he was not in this world. and with kate, he knew that she was scared, so thats why he “kept her company” so to speak. but in the end, he cant save himself. he cant forget what he wants to forget, even though he can help others forget their pain, so he is also self-deprecating in that sense.

but, rly, if you stripped away all the outer lyrs, the complications due to his curse and his trauma, at his core he is a very kind and selfless person i believe.

so kind, so selfless, it borders on self-destruction.

[helluvapurf]

Thoughts on latest HB ep "Ghostf**kers" (*now that I've regained a bit more energy post-Halloween weekend lol*):

So the newest ep of HB has came & went from what I've seen- aaaand naturally feels like the best time for me to finally ramble about it now that its settled in my brain some more .3. Thoughts (+Spoilers) below~ NOTE: Most of this -does- get a lil rant-y below sooo... read at your own risk lol .w.;;

First things out of the way to start things off on a good note, the Pros:

To start off with... FINALLY we got some Millie focus for a major episode plot (-or more specifically, focus that doesn't get revolved back to Moxxie somehow lol)😭👏👏. Even if Millie's spotlight here did have to be shared with Blitz for a good chunk of the ep, their friendship was actually genuinely sweet & compelling to watch (esp. their backstory & how Millie was allowed to stand up for herself, give him space, BUT also coming around to acknowledging the good in Blitz, when it all came down to it🥺👏). Which ngl, after these previous episodes reigning down HARD on this dude... idk, just felt refreshingly wholesome to see for this series, yknow?😊

New villain Rolando was pretty cool, and surprisingly spooky to watch as the second-half went on oml- .o.;; While I'm still a teensy bit confused how his powers/demon lore work (at least to what we already know about Hell limitations crossing to the human world, ex. succubi & their crystals), his underwater monster vibe gave some fun visuals to watch up until the climax. I'm not 100% familiar with John Waters' works, but damnnn he should take up voice-acting more often ngl~ 👀

FINALLY MAMA TILLA MAKES AN (on-screen) APPEARANCE 😭😭Her whole vibe & Blitz's clear love and regret over what happened to her... hhhhh my whole heart ;n; 💔

That pink client lady (Rita, I think her name is?) who assigned the hotel mission? I dig her vibe, its cute~ :3

I.M.P. feeling like a legitimate workplace family for once, with even Loona & Moxxie getting a nice lil moment towards the end?? More. Of this. Please. 👌👌

Even with the lil undertones of the Stol*itz drama from the past couple eps, I very much appreciate Blitz (+the show itself) acknowledging that what's been going is NOT a breakup ('cause... yknow, they never actually dated to begin with lol🤷‍♀️). It may not 100% fix how messy that particular narrative's been handled as of late (which I'll get to in a sec-), but eh... its a start in the right direction, I guess? .3.

Enjoyed all the colorful flashback looks given, never would I have thought I needed mercenary!Millie with a fluffy ponytail til nowww hlkjlk😩❤️

Aaaand as for the not-so-good bits (imo), aka the Cons:

Pacing felt kiiiinda all-over-the-place, I'll admit; like one min we've got a whole intro & a half to deal with Blitz's whining fest (+some other pointless banter at the hotel)... then the next it feels like we're breezing past Rolando's whole presence as the "big bad" villain. Which... idk, I guess I shouldn't be too harsh on given the production drama behind-the-scenes (aka: the leaked content that had to be cut & redone awhile back)... buuuut yeah, its just one of those things you can't help but take notice of, critique-wise lol 🤷‍♀️

The humor wasn't... exactly at its strong point here, mainly just a lil overdone in the sex joke department imo though I guess thats kind of "par-for-the-course" in the Hellaverse series nowadays, so lol

Now, idk if this may be an unpopular opinion or not; but was I the only one who felt like Blitz's month-long mope fest over Stolas was rather... OOC, all things considered? .-. Like, okay its one thing for Blitz to still be (understandably) upset over how the last two eps went down (but being the "boss" he is, continues working anyway to keep I.M.P. afloat, like in the latest HB shorts)... but for Blitz of all people to just randomly use ALL his company's funds on useless junk, force his daughter Loona to stay up all night/not go home, drive Moxxie in a panic from all the budgeting issues this past month was just... wut- 🤦‍♀️ ...Mind you, this is meant to be the SAME Blitz who not even a few episodes ago begged Stolas to not take away the Grimoire (aka the key to his + his employee's livelihood), clearly being willing to do anything to not lose all that he holds dear. You seriously expect me to believe he'd be the type to throw that all away (for a WHOLE month)... all to simply whine over some blue-blooded bird not noticing him? ...Yeaaaaah sorry, but I'm gonna have to call bs on that, chief- 🙄

Kiiiinda tying in the last point, but as much as I enjoyed the tense thills gained from the "Rolando enters Blitz' mind to make him see his own flaws/past mistakes" sequence... I do have a few issues with some of these other "flashbacks" added to the mix: 1) Loona's groin kick towards Blitz in "Seeing Stars" (*wasn't Blitz's fault since ALL he did was tell her to be nice to clients... and was right about to apologize to Loona just seconds before the kick 😒*) 2) Blitz pushing Stolas' hand away in "Ozzies" (*which Blitz only did after Stolas hide his face/didn't defend Blitz during the song*) 3) Stolas' hurt expression at the end van scene of "Ozzie's" (*mind you, taking place while Blitz is rightfully standing up for himself/telling off Stolas for being a privileged creep all of S1*) 4) Stolas trying to present the Asmodean Crystal gift in "Full Moon" (*a whoooole mess in of itself I already covered prior-*) 5) Stolas angrily walking away from their pool fight + trash-talking Blitz in the "Motherf**kers" song + drunkenly dumping his problems on him + making out with a whole other dude in front of Blitz (*again, a huge mess I covered prior but TL;DR... most of that WASN'T fully-Blitz's fault in those instances??😑*)

Like... I dunno man, I don't mean to sound like I'm just ragging on Stolas per-episode as of late... but these last few points just keep giving me mixed signals than any genuine idea as to WHY Blitz even has these "feelings" growing for Stolas, atm?🤨For any canon couple in fiction, I WANT to see reasons for why they work best together, what kind of interests/aspects they've got in-common, what special "spark" is there that helps them stand out above all the other dynamics in-canon... but from what I see so far on Blitz's end (& the narrative continuing to guilt on him being "the problem")... it honestly feels more like he's only now fallen for Stolas out of pity... not because of any genuine affection or attraction :/ Which... ngl, sounds like a really sad precedent to send for a main-endgame couple, regardless of series genre imo... 🤷‍♀️

-------

Soooo yeah, all that rant-y rambling aside... not a bad ep in the grand scheme of things! 👍👍Here's hoping the last few remaining eps (+possible shorts) for S2 keeps up the good work! 🙏