#my mind keeps thinking abt a lot of things
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
nsfw curly headcanons
whaddup mouthwash nation i don't normally make posts but i was sick in bed thinking abt curly all day n i got inspired by other ppl's hc posts on here āŗļø so im throwing my hat in the pile.. these are kinda disorganized but the first part is curly x long-distance reader (reader doesn't work on the tulpar), second half is more general stuff.
this post features; afab reader, cunnilingus, masturbation, various other things
when he's single it's pretty easy to get in his pants but it's embarrassingly easy for him to catch feelings for ppl he sleeps w. nd once that happens it's OVER he can't even Look at anybody else bro he is Dedicated
during hauls when he can't be with u it's rlly hard for him to get u out of his mind, esp when he's working bc there's no immediate outlet .. under normal circumstances he doesn't rlly masturbate that often, but when hes away from u it's a lot more common^^; just whenever he can get some privacy alone tbh. he prob does smth rlly lame like look at a picture of u while he does it LMFAOOOOAOA
he gets rlly pent up in the week or so before he gets home especially... once he finally gets home to u he can keep himself in check in public + around others, but once u two are alone at home he's all over u for basically the rest of the night DJFKG hope u dont have work the next day
100% service top no question. nothing turns him on more than your pleasure. he's fine w piv sex if that's what u want but honestly i think he rlly prefers to give oral/handjobs/etc. he'll make sure u cum at Least once before he gets any, especially!! when he's just got back from a haul. he likes to put off his own satisfaction as long as possible bc he tends to fall asleep after he cums but he doesnt want the night to end so quickly^^;
after hes finished getting u off he likes to hold u for awhile while u calm down.. n then he'll let u do whatever u like to him^^ i think he likes when u touch him the most, but really as long as you're enjoying it he's not too picky abt how u get him off
honestly he prob cums pretty fast bc he stays turned on for so long w/o stimulation, but he likes it when u edge him a little bit (not too much tho!)
i honestly don't think he's that much of a talker, esp while receiving. he gets too into it to form coherent words. u can try dirty talking him but u won't get much more than an enthusiastic nod or a whispered "yes" .. oh but he does love saying yes to you::3
THIS MAN WHIMPERS BTW. esp if u pull his hair while he's eating u out, it drives him crazyš
very much an oral fixation kinda guy, he likes putting your fingers in his mouth, kissing, biting, licking, marking, anywhere he can get to but mainly ur neck/chest
SAYS I LOVE YOU DURING SEX IDCā¼ļø he melts if u say it too..
reaaaally really likes it when u take charge n tell him what to do, he'll follow ur every word
also into body worship, both receiving and giving. he works hard on his physique! tell him he's beautiful!! (he also thinks your body is perfect and will appreciate it at any opportunity ofc)
he is addictedddd to your voice n it's a big reason why he's so into pleasing you over himself, he lives to hear you whimper n gasp and moan for him. doesn't matter if ur loud or quiet, he loves ur voice bc it's yours
he also really likes to watch your expressions to see how he's doing, and because he thinks you look beautiful writhing under him, but!!!! he'd understand if u were a shy type who gets embarrassed easily, n he'd hide his face in ur neck or vice versa so he cant see u^^ he'd prob just verbally check on u a liiiiitle more often::3
#mouthwashing smut#mouthwashing x reader#captain curly x reader#curly x reader smut#curly mouthwashing#too embarrassed to put this in the main tag lolol but u can if u reblog ā¤ļøļæ½ļ潚©¹#ive never posted before this is rly scary and im being so brave so pls be nice to me
139 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
having thoughts and feelings abt sodapop curtis and his knee injury from his rodeo days :):
- guys he was SO scared when it happened :((
- it happened when he got bucked off a horse and when you fall youāre supposed to get the hell out of there so you donāt,, yanno,, die. and he tried to push himself up and run but his knee just gave out under him and he was just curled up on the ground genuinely so scared that he was gonna die
- he was pretty much a crying mess on the ground with his parents and pony and darry crowding around him and heās just apologizing bc he knows that heās hurt really bad and that they donāt really have the money for what heās gonna need
- he tore his acl, not badly enough to need surgery, but they know he canāt safely compete in a rodeo probably ever again
- and golly thatās a gut punch for him bc i donāt think heād figured out that he liked cars yet, and rodeos were the one thing he was really good at, he hadnāt realistically thought of it as a career, but working with horses was the only thing heād ever wanted to do
- heās in the hospital for a while that day, like iām gonna say it was probably like 7-8 hours in the emergency room before they gave him some crutches and a splint and sent them home
- he is very okay with his mama babying him while heās there tho lol heās got mama helping him drink his juice box and fluffing up his pillows every two seconds. she doesnāt mind ofc bc she just feels so bad that she wonāt be able to give him the best care (they really couldnāt afford surgery even if he needed it, and they def canāt send him to physical therapy)
- bro was NOT cut out to be on bedrest while his knee is healing he literally can not sit still for more than 5 minutes and he just gets bored with all the stuff they do to keep him occupied (cartoons, board games, mama even tries to teach him to crochet, which goes abt as well as youād expect)
- unfortunately all this means his knee never really heals right, and even if it did itās pretty normal to have residual pain after an injury like that
- he has a little limp when it gets cold (heavy on this one- dry, cold, air is not good for bad joints)
- he also 100% does that thing where heāll be on the couch complaining abt his knee hurting and darry will ask if heās okay and soda will just say something like, āyeah, itās gonna rain tomorrow, though.ā (side note: thatās a real thing !!! it has to do with moisture changes in the air)
- i also think that if heās super emotional (which happens a lot lol) his knee will act up (ik it doesnāt make a whole lot of sense but iāve had this happen, i *think* it has something to do with muscle tension),, he could barely walk after their parents died and he was wincing the whole week pony was missing
- whenever there was a rumble before soda was healed, darry literally had to find someone to babysit him and make sure he didnāt try to sneak out and fight with them
- heat works wonders on bad joints so they have like four of those microwaveable heating packs
i might cook up a fic about this tbh iām having a pain flare w my knees and hips rn and i canāt do anything lol
52 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
aouh
#feeling tired and weird and sad tbh#maybe i should try to play resident evil village since i still hadnt gotten around to playing it yet aouh#my mind keeps thinking abt a lot of things#lots of self loathing things tbh#which idk#i feel like after yesterday i should feel motivated#im capable of so much apparently but why do i feel so worthless and unworthy of love or friends#and i miss my husbands so much... i wish theyd give me a big undeniable sign that theyre there to make me feel better#i think id feel better if i could just lay in their arms and feel them pet me while we listen to some records#and they can softly talk to me abt whatever#no need for me to respond really its just for me to listen#anyways i guess ill get up and play re village#idk if i should stream it tho#tape entry circa 1980#vent
3 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
blake lets him keep it. this is a dire lapse in judgement on his part but they're just gonna have to live with it. (ids in alts)
#niksartstuffs#furry hockey league#ocs#furry art#theyre both.... like. ok.#conor is like. nice and soft spoken and awkward and sweet but then every now & then does smth SO serial-killer-esque.#and you just have to stand there like okay my perception of this kid has been irrevocably changed forever. what the fuck man.#and blake is very outwardly offputting and bitchy kind of on purpose which hides a deep insecurity which also hides a belief that he is#in fact better than everyone else which also hides a desperate need for someone to pay special attention to him. tch. typical.#then conor does pay attention to him. a lot. and blake likes conor more and more the weirder and weirder he reveals himself to be. win-win.#that being said i dont think they are getting together until they're like. 10 years into their careers LMAO. i keep making the burn slower#every time i think abt it. a couple yrs and then 10 yrs next thing u know it'll be when they're retired.#wait... coaching a team together........... no no i cant keep doing this to them. whatever actually i can have AUs for my own universe.#conlake baseball au. make that a reality.#idk what their portmanteau ship name should be. in my mind they are the obnoxious main ship that ppl with good taste ignore in favour of#blake/lucas or something. anyway. its fun meta thinking about my own work. these tags have gotten so far away from me.
61 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
And thus, with the passing of 24 hours, Caeru's ambition truly comes to an end. Major Nemesis spoilers below the cut- we're talking endgame ambition business here. Mostly on a character RP front.
The Doomed Scientist made quite a few... choice decisions, in the end. Killing Cups once and for all, recording his story as one of grief-
And sparing what little remained of Mr Mirrors, leaving it free to roam Parabola as it sees fit.
Some of them, he can explain. Others, he's still left to feel... discontent.
Cups needed to die. That much was certain from the start. It was a tyrant, as all Masters are, and complicit in the bargaining and eventual destruction of four (potentially five) cities, as all Masters are. It was an obstacle. A murderer. A petty monster that felt no remorse even on its deathbed, and it went out of its way to ruin multiple lives just because it felt owed its own sick and twisted idea of revenge.
It killed his first love. It looked him in the eyes and he knew what it had done and he knew from the start it was going to die.
Perhaps, in the end, it knew too. And yet it still pleaded, and wanted to live, and-
It made a bargain.
A bargain Caeru didn't take.
Not because he didn't want to. Gods, he wanted to. He wanted it. He wanted it more than anything else in the world. To have Greylu back, to give him the gift of life, of love, to show him the wonders of the Neath and the beauty of the correspondence and all of the people Caeru has met and loved and found home with along the way-
But. He couldn't.
Because Cups was a monster. And no matter what, it deserved to die. And he could not, in good conscience, allow it to live.
Even if sparing it meant everything he's ever wanted.
So he's left here, now. With a bloodied traveling coat, and a bloodsoaked knife, and a favor finally fulfilled.
And nothing to live for. No resurrected lover, no charming visits to Helicon, no slow dances in the living room, no memories to rebuild and lives to live and he won't live again-
Nothing. All he has is a coat born of obligation, not to his love, but to people he's never even met. To lives he's never even touched. To a paramour, still alive, with hair of rose-pink, who doesn't even remember her own brother's existence.
Cups didn't die for Caeru's sake. Cups died for the sake of all who wanted it dead. For the revenger's court, and the ghost screaming in his ear, and the reckoning that will not be postponed indefinitely.
And Caeru, who acted as a tool to carry out their wills? Who all but betrayed his own lover, just to satisfy a cause he never knew existed?
All Caeru is left with, is regret. Regret-
-And grief.
#yin-thoughts#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#nemesis spoilers#so! nemesis huh!#i have. a lot of thoughts#overall i think heart's desire remains closest to my heart#but that's almost certainly bc of the obvious ''you always remember your first'' bias#there's a lot of problems with nemesis that have been talked to death by other people way more eloquently than i could ever express#(the big notable stopgates littered throughout. the weird pacing at the end. the fact you never meet your actual nemesis til the finale)#but overall i still liked it a lot!! i loved it actually!!! it singlehandedly made me like cups as a master!!!!#not because of anything nemesis actually DID mind you. i just really liked making up things about it#in place of nemesis. actually featuring it.#which could either be a plus or a minus against the ambition depending on what angle you look at it from#but. yeah. i'd say i enjoyed it. i enjoyed it a whole bunch#and now that ive played 2 out of the 4 ambitions and my FL hyperfixation evidently isnt letting up#it's safe to say we're all here for the long haul#tune in (insert miscellaneous time in the future) for when i finally after like a year and a quarter#get to find out what the fuck truly goes down in light fingers#and also keep an eye out for that caeru-centric fic ive been unsubtly alluding to and still need to write.#ive got a whole outline for it and it's. well#you'll all see when (if?) i finish it#i have some ideas abt how i wanna play around with the nemesis endings + what they mean to caeru#(and i do mean endings as in both of them)#and it all may seem. insane. when we get there#but i swear i have a direction plotted in my head#i swear#scoundrelventures#<- the scoundrel isnt mentioned At All in this post but that works as a general FL oc lore tag
27 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
horribly short summary of what im trying to accomplish here, but if you were to read a fic featuring character, a soldier honorably discharged and is officially off the battlefield and yet he canāt seem to shake off the war from clinging to his body, and heās basically a bit of a mess and feels incapable of returning to ordinary life and thereās you, the sweetest thing in the whole world, and he keeps trying to tell you heās no good and youāre there to help him with everything (and it kills him a bit, to see you wasting your time to help him, and it kills him because he feels like he shouldnāt be the type of person who needs help) and !! just slowburn and falling in love and just read the tags for the vibe ok, who would it be for
#i was originally thinking ghost from cod since hello thereās so much source material to work with#and the fic would suit him nicely but also idk if i have cod readers left on my blog#so any characters are fine like an aot character would also prob fit the bill for this#but ive just been thinking abt everyone whoās analyzing hozierās snippet#with how he takes his coffee black and his whiskey neat and how this girl is too sweet FOR HIM#as inā¦ not being deserving of something so nice#and feeling that way but also showing how in the healing process - in the process of getting better -#we start to discover that we are allowed to enjoy and indulge in nice things. that we also deserve to live a life full of sweetness#and itās a bit serious since it will touch on ptsd; on survivors guilt#and the fic is long - spanning from getting together to him having kids w u#& how even after all this time sometimes the war is still fresh as ever on his mind#and just !!! itās a lot#also that Taylor line thatās like āis it really your anxiety that keeps you from giving me everything?#āor do you just not want toā + āyou wouldnāt be the first renegade to need somebodyā
99 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
#i dont talk abt it a lot but i've been unhealthily obsessed with spider-man for most of my life and sometimes i need to imagine making a#spider-man comic to stop myself from being really annoying about it. a spider-man comic by me would be shit keep in mind i hate fight scene#and superhero comics are fight scene so I'll never actually do it I just like to think about it. Id have nothing new to bring to the table#I just like peter parker a weird amount like its unhealthy and its annoying and i think doc ock and aunt may should get together#i also think peter should not be given access to science careers even though he really wants them#and i dont like when hes rich. or happy. or winning. or#i keep looking at that thing and going oh jerma that isnt jerma do not interact with me#also i like doc ock hes funy. hehe do cock#hehe#bye
76 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
21 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
lots of respect for ppl who don't post/talk abt certain oc things due to not wanting to spoil their own stuff, however i will not be doing that. by the time any of this stuff is finished it'll probably be different anyways
#i have this thing where i simultaneously cannot ever find the words to articulate my oc stuff and the inability to shut up about it#who the fuck knows if i'll actually finish it. i mean i'd love to. i WANT to but these are (for now) passion projects and i can't devote#myself to them full time so! i'll hand over the details#nothing wrong with not wanting to spoil things either i get it. i jsut talk a lot. esp if i'm excited abt smthin#actually now that i think abt it there are some ttw things i keep close to my chest#partially for spoiler things but also the canon of the story is so wildly different from what it has been that it is the one case where i#don't want to introduce something cool and neat only to have it scrapped later bc this blog is evidence that i have done that. many times#and thinking abt storytelling the way i imagine honeybee being told is nonlinear so at times it necessitates me 'spoiling' things from#p1 and p2 for instance to explain how they got to where they are in p3#i'm thinking a bit more and with ttw being horror i think the next time i get around to taking a solid jab at it i will actually be more#cagey about certain things. esp in regards to sanguine as a whole#but it's underbaked in the middle rn so. shrugs#i still also don't really mind spoilers in general so i don't give much of a shit abt spoiling my own stuff yknow?#good stories are good regardless of spoilers and my intention is to make good stories. not that i can be the one to judge that tho#but i like what i make and that's the really matters yeeeeeeeehaaaawwwwwww#rambles
17 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
back to thinking abt linebeck enjoying wearing dresses
#like. hang on#linebeck#salty talks#gonna specify rlly quick that this is very much not a post abt like transfem linebeck headcanon#its a headcanon that keeps in mind the headcanon that linebeck rlly rlly likes being a man and likes his masculinity while fucking with it#its like. the idea of like. a masculine character genuinely enjoying feminine clothes. so linebeck genuinely enjoying dresses#he doesnt rlly own any or wear them in public i typically imagine him having it as like a secret enjoyment (in like ph timeframe)#(or sinilar timeframes where hes more concerned abt upholding that reputation and not being comfortable being open abt like#having a less masculine side or feminine interests and w/e but like. just the idea of him trying on dresses and earnestly enjoying it yknow#i would probably have it be smth in post ph where he gets to be more open abt it. its almost a sort of gender euphoria thing#idk smth abt it makes me very happy to think abt it and its mostly due to the mixed hcs of linebeck genuinely enjoying it#and him also being very secure and happy in being masculine yknow. it makes me happy to think abt#like idk a setup in post ph where he and the crew check out a clothes store or smth and him being more open abt his interest in dresses#and getting a lot of support from them abt it- like he personally rlly likes it but still feels awkward abt it on a social level#not sure where im going with this. havent applied it too much in my aus or anything but its also a slightly newer hc#and also not something thats rlly come up anyways. but i rlly like it
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and havenāt been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and iāve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didnāt really get far. but maybe thatās bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever iām an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but iād get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. iām such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc iām so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (iām thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear iād give up and i wouldnāt keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but iām cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm iām digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however iād want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
#AUIAGAHAIVDKFJFHDNSKXJ#sorry#donāt mind me#on tonightās edition of i donāt have a diary so iām using tumblr tags#I JUST. HMMMMMM.#sorry for the second day in a row lmao. at least today we got a fun fresh funky gender crisis instead of sexuality.#iām literally about to leave for college where nobody knows me and itās not like i was out to lot of people here but. idk#and whatever tf is going on w my gender has never even been spoken aloud lol#from like being kiiiiiiind of a little bit out here#which is. nothing bad has happened. nobody cares. itās just my friends.#but goddamn#literally i keep coming to the conclusion that i. donāt want people to know. and i feel bad#not even as like a safety thing. or even#i donāt even know#thereās something in me that is so so so so scared#and i just. donāt want it to be something people know about me#but not even as like#UUUUUGGHHHHGGGH#i hate words#i donāt feel bad about it being a part of me. i just#i want it to stay like. with me. which doesnāt even fucking make sense#bc all i do is agonize in the middle of the night. itās not even like. pride. just sheer#i donāt know#wow ok. goodnight i guess i was not expecting to think abt that tonight holy shit#i literally couldnāt even say it in this whole wall of fucking text wtf is wrong with me lmao.#ok š cool š#night
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
8 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
arlecchino's official title is "father" when house of hearth members refer to her ......... please just one chance please please
#GOD. me when slightly more masc women#idk i really hope they keep that just bc it would be so nice to have some more canonical gender fuckery as little as it is#i hope they write her well because MAN she's been so interesting so far#. kind to kids; who also end up becoming essentially child soldiers; 'has her own agenda' according to childe..#thinking back to my own post abt her and house of hearth: seems like she really does care abt the kids in her org (or acts like it well eno#enough . but ahskdjksfjl she could ofc be another person who knows how bargaining and equivalent exchange works. like. save your life for#a debt. win loyalty via small favors that are actually nice things and things she doesn't mind doing etc#think how bai.zhu operates but a lot more ethically questionable#please please let her be a well rounded evil. her design is already so cool (minus the long rat tail ponytail thing :\)#chewing on her and her motivations and backstory for enrichment#genshin spoilers#4.0 spoilers#fontaine spoilers#arlecchino#i hope! they make her self aware enough to know she's doing evil. or not evil but not morally great things . and i sure hope they don't#write it off as 'this for that. food/shelter for doing 'jobs' for me' when the job is literally . murder and spying and all sorts of other#stuff. or ig she can justify it like that but IDK all im asking is that she doesn't get the shogun treatment#teyvat thoughts#ramblings!
40 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
the thing about the mitch talk that makes no sense is like. yes, an organization CAN get someone to waive their nmc by saying they're not going to pay what he wants and it would be better for everyone involved to get on board with the idea of a trade if that's the path the organization has Most Certainly decided on, but mitch marner has all the leverage with the leafs in this situation, and it still hardly makes sense to force that or be sure of it at this moment. IF they approached him about not wanting to sign him for what they know he's going to ask which is prob 11.5-12.5 i'd guess (which... why THIS year would suddenly be the year they changed their mind about having a forward group make so much after signing absolutely ridic contracts last year is already lol and before a huge one comes off the books w jt... like.. flkdjs it feels like a fan fueled narrative of frustration here), that would essentially force him into giving them a list of teams he'd be willing to go to. it will be a short list of competitive teams who also are not going to want to be giving up much. the LEAFS would then have to find a trade that works within those very specific teams and is worth it to them, and they might say fuck it, mitch will be the better option to try to get us to the post season this year. and then be a) forced to let him walk for nothing in return if they still don't want to sign him at the end of the year or b) tempted to give him an extension where he MIGHT have driven up his own price based on performance that year. like it just. this narrative that mitch marner in the last year of his contract with a full nmc will be somehow forced out of the leafs and that's the LIKELY outcome is so ????????? tell me one trade where this team improves w the guys out here on expiring deals as it stands rn and why the organization would see improvement bc i can tell you they aren't just going to trade for the sake of cap space. i know the trade deadline and everything will also come into play if he hasn't been re-signed by then, but there's a very real chance mitch marner drives up his own price the way nylander did and then what. people are going to be even more furious like ??? just the surety with which people act like it is happening and Has to Happen despite not knowing whats available on the market or having a genuine proposal is actually terrible for the leafs, lol.
#sorry im still going here but every time i see posts abt it its like#Yes obviously an organization has some leverage and can pressure players into doing things. thats definitely not unheard of#but thinkin the LEAFS hold the cards here is kind of wild bc mitch can say no fuck you im staying? and then what are u gonna do#play him on a 4th line? bench 11 million dollars lfkjdsklf... who helps u succeed in the regular season which you STILL need to do#its just silliness and drama perpetuated by ppl fed up with yet another first round exit like#theyre not going to disrespect mitch marner but i just ultimately dont see how ppl think the organization does not value that man#they know the stats....... the impact.........#this isnt some situation where theyre just like. well experiment with four forwards making lots of money is OVER. the next one up is gone.#like the amt of moving parts and the amt of power mitch specifically holds is.......#a lot flkdvjx#i just need this summer to be over lmakfjdsk i cant#ultimately mitch gets the call on everything and yes the external pressure exists but i truly hope he fucks over the team on the way out#if thats what he decides#and i dont hope he takes a discount so everyone can just keep crying honestljyklgdjklf if he does extend.#which in my mind is definitely the most plausible option lol
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
š„š¦·
#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt#last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep#i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit#so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first#but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts ://#idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly#nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol#but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account#anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain#idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may#or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt..#i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not#if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw....#nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's#dying š nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af š#idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit#i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol#ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor#my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this š i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont#nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know.....#oh if only things were easy
13 notes
Ā·
View notes