#my meds have been fucking WORKING | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

videoplanchette · 10 months ago

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Some wips

#captain's log☆#img☆#my meds have been fucking WORKING

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idontmindifuforgetme · 1 year ago

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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

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holographings · 1 year ago

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happy valentines day may all your love be monstrous and uncontainable

#almost done with my dmmd playthru again. yippee #my bf's big beautiful brain got him into med school so now he's stuck studying while im stuck drawing ppl eating each other. happy v day #dmmd #dramatical murder #someone commission me to draw more of these fucks i love drawing them but i cant justify doing it more bc #there's something else i have to be working on that ppl are actually paying me for lol #aoba seragaki #ren #fanart #artists on tumblr #tw gore #tw blood #i've been on here so long i dont even know how tws work anymore sorry. avert ur eyes

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dykedvonte · 3 months ago

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Do you have anything you've been thinking on but just haven't made a post about it yet? Also I'm really enjoying your fic!

I have a few things but it's likely mostly headcanons that I consider somewhat disconnected from my analysis.

Curly's parents had him old, only child, died shortly after he graduated and got the pony express position. It was the last big thing they saw him do which is a reason he stayed for so long.

Doesn't admit how much their death affected him

Jimmy has a largish family. One of the cases of too many kids to keep tract of, parent never really noticed any of them nor their behaviors

Anya lived in a lot of houses growing up, regular supportive family that just struggled to support themselves.

Became a nurse largely to avoid their financial struggles but mostly because she felt too many people weren't being cared for and advocated for in the world properly

Swansea likes high top sneakers most. Likes how snug they fit and how they shield his ankles at work

Curly has a bit of a caffeine problem since he can’t sleep. Can occasionally be found wandering the ship at “night” when he had some too late or just couldn’t sleep.

Daisuke knows a little about a lot of things. Starts conversations with “did you know” a lot but please don’t ask him deeper questions

Curly has known Jimmy longer but has worked with Anya and Swansea longer, met them during his middle years, met Jimmy shortly before college.

Swansea rents a house, Daisuke’s family lives in a big nice apartment, Curly has a condo, Anya live in a small one bedroom apartment and Jimmy has a studio.

Curly's home is very disconcerting. It's too normal to a like uncanny degree.

Anya is ambidextrous but prefers her left.

Anya and Curly are both not native English speakers so occasionally they forget words and bond over the mutual mocking they get from the rest of the crew. Daisuke knows some Japanese but is still learning, never picked it up as a kid

Only Swansea and Daisuke know how to drive, Earth in my mind is very post capitalist so only older people and like the extremely wealthy can afford cars.

It's also like walkable just due to how many businesses are in your face. Probably strict living vs shopping districts

I have more but the way that I headcanon about them is like too long.

#im still trying to figure out voiceclaims like I think Curly is the most generic lost his accent his accent like swedish or eastern european #guy cause he was raised by old immigrants and anya never had a thick accent but she talks with the cadence of one shes like slavic and east #asian to me. Swansea at most is like irish or italian but just an old white guy and Jimmy just has a bit of olivish skin like hes just whit #i think people should make them all weirder too like I think Anya loves showing the fucked up diagrams and pictures from premed and everyon #has to nod and act super supportive and not horrified cause Anya thats a guy with his leg broken in seven places it is not facinating to th #rest of the crew but she loves it cause fyi to go to med school you have to pass pre-med she has a BA if not a BS in nursing or bio atleast #Swansea randomly talks about shoe politics and its like hes talking about regular politics. Curly doesn't sleep walk but he pauses at weird #times or places and will just stand leave and not tell anyone anything cause even he forgot #Jimmy is himself ig and Daisuke always has some media drama they are too old for to get invested in and teach them about youth slang Anya #kinda gets it #also i think people make Curly and Jimmy way too old? Like In my mind Curly is sorta his late 20s- early 30s like he's in the settling #part of his life hence the fear about settling here anya is likel mid 20s to 30 cause she at least finished college we dont have the years #of how long shes been working and maybe Jimmy is just a bit older and feels weird envy about missing that introspection Curly is having.#Daisuke is like 19-22 in my mind like hes an adult but a kid by their standards #like Curly was recruited and its much easier to get younger people plus getting someone young is a good investment like they either got him #right after school and its like all he's known and it scares him #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #anya mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing #swansea mouthwashing #daisuke mouthwashing #ask #anon

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puppppppppy · 10 months ago

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adhd is when you shoot for the moon but you forgot the rocket fuel and by the time you realize it everyones already on the moon and then you panic and crash into the sun and it explodes

#my meds stopped working and i didnt know thats something that can fucking happen apparently???#like i knew eventually my body can get used to medicine that the effect kind of dulls but for some reason this time around i thought #that my body just decided to become lazier since the meds were already working anyway. cuz thats the thing as soon as smth is made #easier for me even if its the thing thats supposed to make the disability less disabling i get too relaxed and end up fucking up anyway #so i assumed my fucking cells worked the same way LMAO. they still technically work like i can feel my energy spike when it kicks in #but everything else like focus and memory went down and i thought oh so its just a me problem then. my habits are getting worse #even though ive been doing everything the same like setting reminders checking my schedule. hell ive been setting MORE reminders #to make up for the memory thing and i didnt even realize i just knew i had to compensate since it feels like my memory is getting #worse again. and i only figured this out bc my brother showed me an icecreamsandwich video with him talking about the EXACT FUCKING #THING IM GOING THRU WORD FOR WORD #i have to bring this up with my doctor next week so maybe i have to take different meds. i wonder if this will be a recurring thing #i guess one thing that hasnt changed is that im still slow as hell and stuff only comes to me 5 hours after the fact #its 6 in the morning and i only JUST realized that the word froyo is probably short for frozen yogurt #yapping #adhd

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dkettchen · 9 months ago

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#meme #homemade memes #cw dysphoria #trans #bones are stupid #cw dysphoria venting #waiting out current phase of transition changes to happen #(cause I got my dose raised again in april & am waiting for my next two surgeries & continuing tryna build muscle 😔)#hoping it'll get to a point eventually where the affirming bits are overpowering enough to ppl's perception #that I can dress the bits I can't change (like hips) in things that suit them #and do the whole embracing looking trans thing without worrying abt the misgendering #but alas I won't believe in my body's ability to do that until I see it #seeing as I still get lady-ed & unquestioningly she/her-ed 5 years into HRT + post two highly visible surgeries #+ fully dressed in men's clothes + sporting the shortest hair I've ever had -.-#cis ppl learn what transmascs look like & what that means for words you use on them challenge 2024- difficulty level: impossible apparently #I've had several ppl in the last few months that I literally TOLD I am trans/'it's he/him'/was clocked as trans by #who then STILL proceeded to misgender me anyway???#like what more can I do than literally straight up tell you????#I told a clinician who was looking at my knee the other month that I was trans (cause they always ask abt all meds n diagnoses)#and he misgendered me as a trans woman on his report like-#sir I am 5'4" and have a flat chest baby face and facial hair #and I was telling you abt how I've been on HRT for years and have had several Transgender Surgeries #you're a bone doctor you know how bones work and what their limitations are and you have functionning eyes #you should be able to put 2 and 2 together abt how this works even if you've never met a trans person holy fuck #(I wrote a complaint and they amended the report and sent me an apology meanwhile but still like- buddy wtf)

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pansyfemme · 2 months ago

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on the bright side i have a new phone now

#was not. planning to have to replace it but. high off my ass because my psych fucked up my med dose big time. did not realize i dropped my #phone getting out of the car and my roomate ran it over <3 #but this one is. much nicer #went from an iphone se to an iphone 15. i have never had a phone this big or with this good a camera #im broke but im glad ive been working more hours lately. it helps

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hillerska-official · 22 days ago

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(Ignore me I just gotta scream a bit before I lose my mind entirely)

#It's always 'do deep breathing' or 'go to therapy' or 'think it through logically'#and nobody ever acknowledges that all that shit works only to a point when the problem is an anxiety disorder #and not general life anxiety #and I cant fucking sleep because I'm worrying about dumb shit that is not my responsibility and over which I have no control #and this is me years in therapy #very calm breathing #having made a list #been medicated. The whole fucking thing.#But I'm still anxious and I don't know what else I'm supposed to DO anymore #And I'm TIRED but the only thing that keeps me calm is totally engaging my brain in something #which does not allow me to fall asleep.#and ill say to my mom like. ugh im so anxious its bothering me #and she tells me i need to address changing my medication #and im like yeah mom thats great and im gonna do that in a month when i go to the doctor for my prescription #but in this exact moment. future changes to my meds is not particularly helpful or comforting.#and i know im fucking reassurance seeking which im not supposed to do cause thats ocd #but god i just feel like i need someone to back me up here or like #idfk gimme a hug or something #anyways vent over im gonna play sudoku until i pass out #personal #vent #anxiety #general anxiety disorder #mental illness #not yr

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peachykcqt · 23 days ago

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i know its only been 1 month but if instead of improving/curing my pmdd, birth control just spreads the symptoms out so that i can get hit w them anytime instead of just during Hell Week, that will. not be ideal

#kcqt rambles #i KNEW my body wasnt gonna have the Expected Reaction to these meds my body doesnt have the Expected Reaction to fucking ANYTHING #like yeah sure all my symptoms have been *milder* than they got during Hell Week #but its been (checks notes) two weeks and counting since they started #two weeks of mild symptoms sucks just as much if not more than one week of severe symptoms #esp since i cant anticipate when theyre starting/stopping like i cld before #like. i knew when my cramps started id be out of commission for the next 48-ish hours #and then theyd be gone and id be (relatively) good again #but ive been getting random contractions for TWO WEEKS NOW #thank god i waited till i wasnt working to try this thats all i can say #if id tried to work thru this. well. i simply wldntve been able to #PLEASE let this just be the initial adjustment period #PLEASE let things get better as time goes on #sigh i need a separate kcqt whines tag for stuff like this #kcqt whines #there we go lol #anyway i still have Bad Brain so im gonna go disappear again goodbye

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knifekris · 6 months ago

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every day i struggle to make choices

#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind #mostly because options suck #i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician #cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert #i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually #working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term #surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time #which is what limits most of my choices #i need to find more paid training programs i guess #if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself #but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late #i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly #acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying #it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics #but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever #i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training #because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for #and again #a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing #if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it #thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different #id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people #im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port #they were able to run like seven tests off of it #i had to use a couple ped tubes #she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier #labs are so miserable #checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world

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patchyworx · 2 months ago

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People talk about fast metabolisms like it's all fun and games and eating whatever you want but they fail to remember that it also means your body is Incredibly Stupid and decides that you become deficient in everything in a couple or so days where it takes most others a week. Or months compared to "oops you forgot to photosynthesize sufficiently :( no i don't care that it has been freezing and overcast for the past week, you didn't absorb enough sun. Perish Badly."

Or at least it would be if i didn't like citrus fruits so much, probably

#glaring at whatever secret brain section is in control of my body resource management. why am i iron deficient again. it has been 2½ days.#and all that has been spent mostly SLEEPING because GUESS WHAT ALSO DOESN'T WORK RIGHT BECAUSE OF METABOLISM.#SLEEP AIDS. LIKE MELATONIN #i have to take a double dose if i want these fucking dumb ass gummies to do anything. otherwise they don't do shit unless I'm already asleep #but guess what? i can't get to sleep :) because another thing in the list of Patch Problems is chronic insomnia. and i can't sleep #so the melatonin does ✨️NOTHING✨️#same goes for pain meds and local anesthetics because my metabolism is so so good at it's job :) when it does not need to be #like bbg we are not poisoned we are at the dentist CALM THE FUCK DOWN??? SO I DON'T FEEL THE DAMN DRILL IN MY TOOTH?????#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhg #i do not need so many issues stacked on top of eachother #istg i would not have survived in any century before this one. what do you mean i get sickly deficient in things in less time than Normal™️#i can't even drink plain water or it makes me nauseated. body why are you Stupid #patchy rambles #is this slightly incomprehensible? probably #but it is 1 in the morning and i am pissed at my own body for hating me so much and this is My Blog so i put My Problems on it #rgrgrgrgr

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tittyinfinity · 1 year ago

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it's crazy finding out you're autistic as an adult bc then you start to notice the ways it affects you and has affected you throughout life

and then it becomes a hyperfixation bc you're like "omg this makes so much sense now" and you start feeling a bit better about yourself knowing that there's an explanation to everything

#.bdo #autism #''panic attack disorder'' they have all been full-on meltdowns #which is just as much of a reason that I stopped working as my chronic pain #bc the last job i had i quit in the middle of a phone call #bc the lights and sounds on top of the problem solving on top of my ADHD were Too Much #i was also incorrectly diagnosed with both bipolar type 1 and BPD #it was the PTSD mixed with everything else like my post-partum depression and psychosis #found out that the ''bipolar'' was just me being happier when i have my pain meds #and getting everything done in those couple of weeks where i felt better (''mania'')#and of course more depressed when i'm in more pain bc i can't not notice it #and then also my period really fucks me up too and i get extremely angry for 3-7 days straight #but anyway #i noticed how i stim and how the way i think specifically in patterns and numbers #i've always had really bad texture issues w both food and fabric #i have misophonia and can also feel certain noises (ESPECIALLY mouth noises)(ESPECIALLY if it's repetitive)#it makes me feel like i need to make the noise too #and half the people in my family have vocal stims #ik they can't help it but it sends me into panic attacks & meltdowns #i can hear electricity on top of my tinnitus #i get socially overwhelmed easily bc of all the masking #i talk to myself and make my own noises when im alone #i have repetitive thoughts that will cycle for weeks sometimes months at a time #so i think the ocd is comorbid #bc ever since i was like 5 i've had this pattern that i HAVE to tap on things every now and then or it drives me insane #i get intense hyperfixations for months or years #there's just a lot i notice about myself now

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devotedlystrangewizard · 10 months ago

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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.