#my gay came out and my hoe followed

[tempestat-ignis]

Yeah, the gays stood no chance after this opening scene-

[targaryenluvs]

OUR LITTLE DOVE

pairings: dark!lucy gray x fem!reader, dark!coriolanus snow x fem!reader, coriolanus snow x lucy gray

summary: you reunite with your dear songbird after the games, but it seems the capitol has followed her home, and taken an interest in the two of you. but it seems lucy gray is willing to share you with a certain peacekeeper, even if you aren’t.

warnings: crazy lucy n corio conspiring like evil doers, manipulation, chasing, primal play?? is that what is called idk corio enjoys hunting your ass down, kidnapping, drugging, forced into accepting a third partner?? nc touching, abuse of power (peacekeeper), power dynamics, kinda cheating (lucy n corio), guilt-trip, jealousy, threatening, self doubt and relationship problems, murder, betrayal

word count: 3.0k

a/n: lol i complain about wanting to write fluff but all my good ideas r so dark 😭 someone needs to give me tips on how to write girls cuz i have no experience would be easier if i was gay boooo!!

he was like a shadow, stuck to your back, always.

you’d complained to lucy numerous times that you didn’t feel comfortable around him when she played at the hob, knowing he’d be there, in the crowd. “sweetie, he was my mentor. he helped me so much in the games, i wouldn’t be here without him. you love me don’t you? so you need to learn to love him too, he’s a good friend a mine. i love you and i gotta get to the stage baby.” she explained as she ran around getting herself and the covey ready.

you were always front row. wanting to be as close to lucy as possible. she looked especially majestic tonight with flowers in her hair. as you listened to her sing you’d managed to forget about the certain blonde peacekeeper near the back. but he hadn’t forgotten about you, nor lucy.

you’d left to get a drink and you’d came back to an unfamiliar tune. you usually knew every song being played off by heart but this was new.

Everyone's born as clean as a whistle

As fresh as a daisy

And not a bit crazy

Staying that way's a hard row for hoeing

she sounded as angelic as usual and the crowd around you seemed entranced.

As rough as a briar

Like walking through fire

This world, it's dark

This world, it's scary

lucy smiled at you once, just once. which threw you off since you usually got a bunch. especially during new songs and songs about you. was this not also about you?

I've taken some hits, so

No wonder I'm wary It's why

I need you

so it is about me! you thought as you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to sway to the music and singing. you’d hoped you wouldn’t miss a smile headed your way.

You're as pure as the driven snow

your eyes flew open as you stared at lucy, she was looking past you and to the peacekeeper. to coriolanus snow. you’d always been a rational person, you prided yourself on restraint but that restraint was hanging on by a thread. you wanted to jam a beer bottle into his neck. lucy was your girlfriend not his. and yet he smiled stupidly towards her as she sang and you could feel your heart clawing its way up. best to leave now rather than stay and hear more of the ever so driven man.

your head was spinning as you slumped to the floor, in one of your finest dresses yet worst mental states. of course, something had formed between the two. she was in the goddamn hunger games and he was her mentor. trauma bonding? he quite literally saved her life, coached her and you did what? sat at home and hoped.

hope could only get you so far.

your hope and faith in lucy gray baird was dwindling as her lyrics swirled in your head. of course she loved him. who wouldn’t? the man was undeniably eye catching. a capitol man. but you’d always imagined lucy staying away from the capitol, despising them. but maybe it wasn’t the captiol part but the man part. maybe she wanted a true life, a home, marriage and children and everything she could wish for.

what on earth could you provide her with?

“y/n?” it sure as hell wasn’t lucy calling out for you and you knew that. coriolanus’s reflection was prominent in the puddle before you as he neared. great, you sneered, would love to get to know you mr peacekeeper. please tell me how you stole my lovely girlfriend from me!

your chest felt oh so heavy as you heard his footsteps in the gravel, determined and unwavering as he made his way to your slumped body. “what do you want? you wanna gloat?” coriolanus stopped in his tracks, gloat? “why would i gloat?” you looked up at him annoyed, “rub it in my face. you practically stole my girlfriend from me.” coriolanus laughed. actually laughed and it made you want to strangle him with his stupid dog tags.

“sweetheart.” vomit. you wanted to vomit. maybe choking and dying on your vomit would be less embarrassing then this. why on earth was this fuck head calling you his sweetheart. “fuck off.”

you didn’t see him coming. and you certainly didn’t expect his demeanour to snap. but the large hand tangled in your open hair was a big slap in the face to your unreadiness. “you of all people don’t get to talk to me like that. do you know who you’re talking to?” you could hear his perfect porcelain teeth grinding at your words. god this man couldn’t handle an insult. wuss.

“what the hell is your- ow! problem!” you yelped as he dragged you into an alleyway. “you need to learn how to respect your superiors. if you’re nice to me, i can make your life easier. doesn’t it hurt? not being able to fully provide for your family? seeing them struggle? do you really think disrespecting a peacekeeper is going to help? i suggest you straighten your act and thank me for even looking your way. there are plenty of other girls here.”

but he didn’t want those other girls. he wanted you. you with the teary eyes and messy hair. you who he’d been seeing in his dreams and during the day. you with the kind smile and curious eyes. you who were so sweet and pretty but mean when need be. the y/n who was stupid enough to spit such hateful words at a peacekeeper. but he’d teach you. whether it be with words and lessons or actions and bruises. you’d learn your place, by his side and lucy’s, and underneath. but with such fearful, brown doe eyes watering up infront of him, the girl he’d heard oh so much about from lucy. how could he refrain from indulging?

his hand reached out to wipe away the few stray tears that fell as his left extended towards your right, which was clutching your head, where he’d grabbed you. “shh, let me help you.” your hand slowly retracted as your heart ran a marathon. the man was obviously unstable, going from a deceptively caring man to violent. coriolanus smiled at your actions, and it freaked you out. he caressed your scalp in an attempt to soothe, “good girl.” he cooed as your apparent saviour approached.

“sweetie?” lucy called out to you as coriolanus withdrew from your personal space. he walked over to her and she let him. he held her hand and spoke with, love? his voice was soft and comforting, his thumb again caressing the back of her hand as they talked, whispered, plotted? god knows, all you wanted was to leave.

was this your chance?

you tested the waters, slow and calculated movements as lucy nodded in agreement with him. but by the time they were done speaking you’d bolted.

but you sure as hell weren’t getting far with these two on your tail, poor y/n l/n. a little dove trying to spread her wings but they were bound to be clipped.

your feet were throbbing and begging for you to slow down. but your brain was in charge for once, your heart which yearned for your dear songbird pushed to the side as your head screamed and urged you to go. she was in league with him apparently. her seeing him corner you and not even batting an eyelash. did she truly care for you so little? did she want to rid herself of you? she could’ve broken up with you and let that be it. maybe the games had twisted her head.

even as you believed yourself to be gaining distance from the two you could hear the not-so distant steps of determined pursuit, headed your way. how would they kill you? slow and intimate? hasty and brutal?

“if you stop running now we won’t be mad little dove!” lucy shouted in warning as you felt yourself momentarily slow at her words. traitor. you thought to yourself as your body involuntary listened, she still had an affect on you. “she’s right, we love you, we won’t hurt you. unless we have to, don’t give us our reasons.”

“shut up!” you screamed. god, i know we haven’t talked in a while. last minute efforts right? maybe he’d listen to you, save you from your tormentors. you should’ve kept your head clear, focused on running. focused on your surroundings and if you had, you would’ve noticed the nearing tree roots, thick and protruding from the ground, ready to knock you down.

you crawled behind the tree, trying to catch your breath as your hands worked tirelessly to provide some form of relief to your aching ankle.

crack.

you’d been found. you fucked up.

“our little dove, ever the sprinter.”

his words had you lurching forwards in an attempt of fleeing but lucy’s cold hand on your ankle dragged protests and cries from your throat as well as you, back to them. “you should’ve listened before, we would’ve been nice. given you some time to adjust, but you can’t sit and think for a second can you?” coriolanus mocked as his hand trailed up your un-injured leg, “that’s okay, you won’t be doing much thinking from now on. we’ll be taking care of you, since you obviously can’t take care a’ yourself baby.” lucy’s voice was saccharine, like honey, and her smile was even sweeter. the familiarity and comfort of her presence was intoxicating, you felt at peace on one side and the other wanted to jump off a cliff. she lowered your guard and coriolanus slithered right in.

the prick in the side of your neck wasn’t painful, but their words were. “you’re with us now, we’ll take care of you, we promise.” and you were stuck, stuck with them for god knows how long.

you blinked away the sleep in your eyes, adjusting to the room. maybe they had killed you? in their own twisted way they’d keep you forever, in their memories and soul. coriolanus and lucy’s voices swam around your head and blended together. you were wrong. yay.

“it’s a bit early for katniss, even if it’s one of her favourites.”

“she should eat something better.”

“better? don’t go all capitol on me now corio.”

he was smiling, you could tell.

“never lucy gray. but she’ll be weak for a few days, proper meals will help her regain some strength.”

you picked your head up and looked through the window, the lake was evident.

“alright, you go grab it and i’ll stay here.”

“why? so you can get more time with her? if anyone should get extra time it’s me.”

“now who was her partner first? oh that’s right, me. you’re acting as if i’m gonna pick her up and run away. if you’re that scared than we’ll both go. take her with us.”

coriolanus’s head whipped towards the cabin and you quickly flopped back down on the bed. you shut your eyes as you heard the door creak open. “gosh, doesn’t she look pretty?” lucy asked, knowing the answer already. “so calm, i liked her better when she was crying.” lucy hit him, “coriolanus snow!” he stroked the side of your face and you had to resist from turning your head and biting his fingers off.

“little dove.” your eyes opened again, turning your head his way tiredly. “we need to get some supplies okay?” you nodded as lucy went outside to gather the baskets she’d left out earlier on to dry. coriolanus’s hand dug into your cheeks as he forced you to look at him, “i told you i’d make you respect me. now listen, if you try anything when we’re in town i will never let you forget it. you’ll know who you belong to every single day. maybe i’ll pay your family a visit? an appointment with the hanging tree for being rebels? stealing?”

you shook your head violently as you began to cry, “you don’t want that? didn’t think so. you listen to me and everything will be fine. your family will get daily help and weekly groceries. they’ll never go hungry again. all thanks to their sweet little girl. lucy’s too nice, but don’t think for a second she’ll save you from me. you’re mine and if you try anything.” he leaned in to whisper, “i’ll strangle her with my bare hands infront of you.” his words were meant to scare you, and they did. but don’t you know? coriolanus snow doesn’t need a reason to do bad things.

coriolanus was wicked and ruthless when it came to what he wanted, if you had any hope of trying to get through this then you’d need lucy’s attention and help. so you nodded. “words sweetheart.” you swallowed your pride, your dignity, and you shook hands with the devil.

“yes, i’ll do what you say.” he straightened up, his white shirt a contrast to his dark thoughts.

“y’all ready to go?” lucy questioned as coriolanus grinned, “yes, yes we are.” he lifted you up and helped you dress, you hadn’t realised the fact that you were only dressed in his own white shirt, dress to you. he handled you like you were the most delicate object. as if he wasn’t hell bent on breaking you, over and over again. till you were fit to his standards. the captiol standards. the snow standards.

his, his, his.

with how obedient you were, he figured you’d do well in the capitol. which was exactly where he was meaning to bring you.

lucy walked in front of the two of you as you made your way through the woods. coriolanus’s hand was glued to your waist as he held you close, afraid to let go. you were at flight risk of course. his grip was tight and bruising. lucy’s humming distracted you at times, if you were delusional enough you could imagine it to be the two of you. your brothers far infront and the covey following. after an amazing afternoon at the lake, heading home for dinner, maybe a performance or the night shift.

your daydreaming was interrupted when you clocked coriolanus’s missing hand from your waist, and his arm now around lucy grays throat.

don’t you remember? you’d do well in the capitol! you were his! but not entirely, no.

not with her in the way.

you were frozen in place as lucy clawed at him before reaching out for you. a plea, a cry for help and aid yet you stood stuck in fear. a minute, two. she’d put up a strong fight, especially when you ran towards the two, pushing and shoving at coriolanus to let her go. but again, you fucked up.

here lies lucy gray baird, singer, victor, psycho.

obsessed? madly in love? you couldn’t think of another word, and as much as you wished to forget her, forget how she’d practically allowed another man into your relationship and let him kidnap you. her lifeless face and hollow eyes made your heart clench. but soon enough she was rolled over, thrown in a pre-made hole and buried. she’d survived the games but no one survived coriolanus snow.

“don’t forget what i said. don’t forget what you agreed to. you said you���d do as i say, i’m telling you to get up and follow me. we’re leaving district 12.” your face was painted with confusion as coriolanus clutched your face, “i’m going back, and you’re coming with me. don’t ask questions, just do as i say.”

and you did.

when he had you say goodbye to your family, a courtesy, a privilege he’d granted you. you kept it short and sweet, no questions just hugs and false promises of return.

when he ushered you onto the train and he wanted you to sit and be silent, you did.

through his time at the university, he wanted you close to him, living with him. and you did.

through his presidency campaign he wanted for you to charm sponsors and entice newcomers. you did.

when he wanted to marry you in a grand spectacle infront of the captiol and dress you up, you did as he asked.

when he held you down on your wedding night after tearing your dress off, biting and marking you down all over, pushing you down to your knees and took you all over the house, asking you to give yourself to him as if he didn’t take you anyways, you did.

you had no idea why at this point.

for your family? who hadn’t reached out in so long, even when they promised to talk to you every day? coriolanus had them all arrested, punished and hung for inciting riots and uprisings.

for your friends whom listened to your concerns of the capitol peacekeeper who hovered and didn’t make you feel crazy? each of them ended up dead in many different ways, hung, shot, a mugging gone wrong.

you didn’t know at this point and when you looked in the mirror you didn’t recognise the girl who stared back. a captiol sheep, dressed up in the finest silk dresses and slick heels yet the filth underneath the finery, jewels, and makeup weighed you down. each time he touched you, kissed you, fucked you, it felt like a peace of yourself was thrown away.

and as you clutched your swelling stomach, you couldn’t help but feel pity for baby number four.

maybe you’d grow up and find love.

maybe i’ll be able to take you all away from him.

maybe we’ll heal.

you thought, but in the back of your head, a little voice wouldn’t shut up.

you’ll always be his little dove.

[solar-wing]

⚣ BatBro Incorrect Quotes: TikTok 🤳🏻

⚣⏰ A/N → Literally in the middle of brainstorming and writing the 100-follower Conner Kent fic, and this came to mind. If it's good or not, I'm sorry, I just had to get it out. Thank you for understanding.

⚣⏰ Summary → BatBro has introduced TikTok to the Wayne Family...

REBLOGS and replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛

⚣ ENJOY 🤳🏻

BatBro: And if you let that motherfucker Shanon once, best believe they gonna Shenanigan.

Source: Mya Monaco

Cass: Is Being Gay An Illness?

Cass: Yes, it is. How come every time I kiss a girl, my stomach hurts?

Dick: Those are butterflies.

Cass: Well, they're gay too.

Source: Farha Khalidi

Stephanie: He is not the love of your life!

Stephanie: He is literally just a guy!!

Stephanie: HIT HIM WITH YOUR CAR!

Source: chrissy

Damian: Why do you hoes act like if yeen ain't in no relationship, you gon die? Y'all be weak in the knees. Stand up! STAND UP!

Source: Leezy V

*BatBro with Jason in his weekly therapy session*

Jason: I was silent, ummm...

BatBro👓: Were you silent, or were you silencedSST?

Jason: ...

Jason: The latter.

Source: Beni2.0

Dick: I'm sorry. Not everybody fits in the bad bitch JAN-RAH. IT'S A JAN-RAH. Not everybody fits on the RAS-STA.

Source: Ms.PressureCooker

White people chillen in their house:

*Silence*

Black people chillen in their house:

*Silence*

*Beep*

Duke: I don't know why, but I am offended.

*Beep*

Duke:😯

Source: shaelovve

*Damian chastises his siblings*

Damian: Stop acting like a fucking hooligan! I know your momma raised you in a barn, but around these parts, we have some decorum, okay.

Source: KHAENOTBAE

Jason: No! Hear me out!

Jason: Why would I write the two essays that I had due 38 minutes ago rather than catch up on my fanfiction?

Jason: A bitch can not be academically sound AND lonely!

Jason: I can't where–I can't wear both of those hats. I'm gonna read a fanfiction in 20,000 words or less by a 15-year-old named Sarah who likes Supernatural. I'm gonna do that.

Source: anania

*Tim hanging out with BatBro and Conner*

Tim: And I ain't never seen three pretty best friends.

Tim: It's always two of them motherfuckers gotta be gay.

BatBro:*screams*

Conner: cUt ThE cAMeRaS!

Source: reganladd

*Bruce tells Tim he needs to get more sleep*

Tim: Duh! DUUUUHHH!!! Okay, duuuuuhhh!

Tim: You. Stupid! FUCK!!!

Source: HRH Memes

Jason: Therapy isn't enough. I need to punch that bitch today. Tomorrow is never promised.

*Walks aggressively towards Bruce's office with Wii Sports fencing music playing*

Source: B. Lee

*BatBro threatening Conner forgetting the Kryptonian is bigger and stronger than him*

BatBro: How you gon snap my neck off? Bitch, you weigh 95 pounds. I'm 5'8 almost 200 pounds. You can't snap my muthafuckin neck off, bitch. You'll be dead by the time you think about snapping my neck off, bitch.

Source: KB AND KARLA

BatBro: It is OTOM🍂. *pose✨*

🐦:*squeak*

BatBro: ¡Callate!

BatBro: My husband is cutting the backyard. So I decided to bless him with my company, even though he DOES NOT deserve me.

*walks in Spanish*

BatBro: I HAVE ARRIVED! 👑

*Conner used to these antics but still looking confused*

*BatBro stands in glam while Conner continues mowing the lawn*

BatBro: Good job!

*glam*

BatBro: Yeah, that's enough.

Source: SHIADANNI

*arguing with BatBro*

Damian: Next time you fucking put your hands on me, I'ma fucking rip off your face, bitch!

Dick: What did he do?

Damian: CAUSE HE FUCKING PUSHED ME...

Source: Nikkibussy084

☀️ | Bat Family | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

[luckybitch1]

Heres my thoughts i think its right to be realistic about your goals but i think its wrong to act like theres going to be an easy way to live. there is not. whatever path you choose, if youre not a silver spoon baby with a trust fun, you will have struggles you will have doubts about the practicality of your choice. so just go for it. like if you choose to be a literature major then bitch you ALREADY took the risk okay shouldve gone to trade school but now that youre here just follow through. okay you wanna be a tenured professor then go for it yeah maybe its not gonna happen but if you fucking looove theory you just wanna deepthroat lacan then just follow your heart. apply to a residency and fuck off to italy, whatever. moonlight as a bartender and bust your gay little ass or get a sugar daddy or marry rich whateverrr. you'll figure it our. and like if you really cant hack it and you dont get tenured, go work for a community college or a high school bitch!! thats not bad like you still get to read, you still get to write, and you still teach. the only difference is in status which like does that reaaallyyy matter??? so what if history forgets u and u never rory gilmore your life? even that hoe dropped out of yale that one time so yeah man theres more to life just be chiller and take it less seriously

thats the conclusion i came to after wanting to kill myself in an MS program trying to take the practical path and be a librarian

besos

[tremendouskoalachild]

Star Wars (1977) #01

Roy Thomas, Apr 12 1977

So I decided to reread the 1977 Marvel run of Star Wars comics, as one does. I was probably just going to post a compilation of horrible Luke faces in each issue but then decided to compare some of the lines to the movie and shooting script, and this post happened 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I might as well talk about the cover, right? I love everything about it. Identifying the genre correctly. The cursed logo (how do you fuck up the letter A. why keep the letters as they appear in the movie if you aren't going to connect them. look at that second R - it has a broken leg for no reason now. why is that W the only sharp edge when its middle is flat in the actual logo).

I love Leia's look and expression. I love how the colors mostly correspond to the movie but Han has a magenta gun and Darth Vader is green. Also the red lightsabers fuck (I assume that color came from early concept art but it may be stylistic or a fuckup I guess). "WILL HE SAVE THE GALAXY - OR DESTROY IT?" damn

also that publication date is off by several months lmao

The second page shows a space battle with the title crawl in several boxes. It is almost word for word the crawl from the fourth draft script (dated march 1976), just with more ALL-CAPS FOR EMPHASIS. The order of paragraphs is also changed. The main difference from the movie version is no mention of Leia. This paragraph also seems to imply a greater rebel threat than subsequent material would show, as well as reference earlier rebel victories:

The narration further on is largely taken from the script too, including referring to droids as robots, which makes sense but is still funny to me. The dialogue calls them droids just like the final film though.

This dialogue also mostly copies the script. One difference from the film I noticed immediately is Threepio mentioning the Captain instead of the Princess - he does not know her in the earlier drafts.

We are also introduced to Luke, who looks... not at all like a teenager and is capable of nimble leaps. This is adapted from the first half of Luke's deleted introduction scene.

Page 4 finally shows us Darth Vader! Look at him go, even stepping outside his panel. Adorably, just like in the fourth draft he is after information tapes, while the final version wisely has him simply look for "plans". He is also referred to as a Dark Lord of the Sith, which while mentioned in the novelization is never said in any of the OT films.

Leia has a beautiful cheesy comic book moment. It's kinda ruined by the next panel reminding us that there are no bras in space (friendly reminder that she is referred to as a "lovely young girl (about sixteen years old)" at this point in the script).

Page 6 follows with the second half of the Tosche Station deleted scene and even keeps Luke almost running over an old woman from the script:

The next page picks up with Leia sassing Vader and plays out much like the film. One interesting tidbit is Vader mentioning that Leia's ship passed through a restricted system, which you could see as an accidental connection to Rogue One's ending.

I also love Vader's sunglasses look and the Hidden Fortress allusion. I do wonder why the imperials seem to think the escape pod is a "repair pod" but that line comes directly from the script as well.

Page 9 adapts yet another deleted scene, where Biggs tells Luke he's joining the Rebellion. (It's a great scene btw. Very gay. Luke's adorable in it.)

The next scene on the Death Star plays out much like in the film. I love Vader randomly fucking with the other imperials by floating a cup. This part is also in the script but not the final movie for some reason :(

Next comes the droid selling scene, quite similar to the finished film. The interesting part happens as Luke is cleaning the droids:

Threepio why are you sitting like that 😳 Hologram Leia is channeling Carrie Fisher's you're my only hoe tweet. Luke has never seen a hologram and is surprised they are 3D. 3PO standing like a terminator in that last panel. I know everyone has been laughing at Luke's faces in these comics for nearly 50 years but this one... is he crosseyed. What happened to his cheeks. Why did his haircut suddenly get worse. I will even forgive that lil Leia is neither movie blue nor "a rainbow of colors" like in the script, these panels are everything to me.

Next we get the dinner scene, where Owen gets quite a bit more heated than in the film:

I would also like to highlight this panel because I find it funny:

"Lar's" doesn't seem to a typo here as it is consistently used in the whole script and only changes to Lars in a later draft. The comic keeps this too:

Sidenote: I guess this comic gives more context to the abusive uncle Owen characterization which I've seen in several pre-prequel fanfics.

The issue ends with Luke getting jumped by a Tusken Raider. The descriptions are once again taken from the script and I very much do not like them.

I haven't really found a definitive source for the claim that the Tuskens were consciously based on the Bedouin but their depiction in Lucas' films definitely rubs me the wrong way regardless.

The last two pages have some behind the scenes info and promote the film. This is also how I learned that the iconic A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away got only added later:

Anyway. Have some more awful Lukes:

[falsebooles123]

Finding The First Gay Kiss - Diary of a Big Ole Gay 12/19/22

Hey Whores I meant to do this on Saturday but I'm lazy.

I did a lot of random stuff which included figuring out where I can watch all 130+ films on my list which includes quite a few on HBO Max

(like seriously why do they have Jean Cocteau Orpheus Trilogy on there is there some Gay Arthouse section that I don't know about)

so Lets Get Into It

Twelth Night (1910) dir. Charles Kent, Eugene Mullin

Twelth Night is arguable the Most Gay of the Shakespear films so lets watch all of them right. This one is a very basic and not that homoerotic. If I'm watching Shakespear I want Bishonen Drama

(Why am I turned On? That's A Guy)

Pandora's Box {Die Buchse Der Pandora} (1929) dir. G.W. Pabst

Based on the Lulu Duology by Frank Wedekind, Pandora's Box is a "Sex Tragedy" that is basically a moral tale. Its a story of degradation essentially if your familer with that fucked up hentai Emergence then you have the concept.

We follow a women named LULU, (not to be confused with lola lola??? from Blue Angel). who is basically a tomie type everyone wants to fuck her and everyone uses her at the same time.

A series of awful things happen and she eventually gets murdered by the literal Jack the Ripper, which if that isn't a metaphor for male sexual entitlement and slut shaming I don't know what is.

These morality tales feel very similar to other films we've seen like Manslaughter! and I don't Want to Be A Man where we have this contrast between this "Wild Child", a decadent hedonistic empowered woman, and her more conservative daddy dom who is like totally not a fascist hes just obsessed with the fall of rome.

Its hard not to see these films as fascist propaganda against the notion of decadence and degenarates and the aspects of queerness within them feel like they are meant to codify those aspects. After all the queers as hedonist fops isn't a hot take by any means.

I still like this film and I don't necessarily think of it as fascist propaganda but its also hard not to see these notions of decadence and hedonism from this lens or at least this conservative moral position.

What I mean is that its hard for me to understand the author as believing these things. Personally I love that all these women are telling men to fuck off and being on some hoe shit.

The Wild Party (1929) dir. Dorothy Arzner

This film is on its surface a story of Clara Bow being a Wild Child albiet one with actually depth and its her lack of responsibilty and immaturity thats criticized not the fact that she likes to drink and drive cars. She has a very hot and cold relationship with a man which is so emblamatic of this era of romance and overall its a lot of straight nonsense which is not the last time your'll here me say that.

What Makes this different is that Arzner is a lesbian

so even though this film is very very very straight on the surface its kinda gay visual, this shit has the lesbian gaze. We Stan

Blood and Sand (1922) dir. Fred Niblo

That Gif is from the 1941 film but its also as heterosexual.

The reason why this is on the list is because on the talk page for WINGS (1927) some guy mentions how this film had a gay kiss in it. The reason why noone mentions it is because 5 minutes in some dude kisses a dead guy on the cheek and then its another 120 minutes of a guy being so straight its boring. Wow i'm a man I can't stop falling dick first into some vagina that doesn't belong to my wife.

You don't even get to be gay for Rudolf Valentino in this because its so boring and blandly shot.

Murder! (1930) dir. Alfred Hitchcock

So this film is not very gay, its definetly cool and I'm kinda glad that I get to watch Hitchcock Films for this project.

Hitchcock was kinda weird when it came to gay shit. He loved to put these queer coded characters and he constantly employed or involved himself with other queer persons, (the writer for Jamacia Inn and The Birds was suposedly Bisexual).

The reason why this is on the list is as a primer for Hitchcocks more explicity queer coded villians, in this film it is a female impersonater who kills because it is about to be revealed that he is "half-caste", (the version I watched had spanish subtitles and the translation was 'Mestiza' so its pretty clear the tone of the term).

Hitchcock has this obsession with it which totally doesn't come off as closeted gay homophobia. So expect more of him to come.

Morocco (1930) dir. Josef Von Sternberg

Yes we finally get to all the famous gay moments in history, lets get into it.

so the scene in question comes in very early into the film where Marlene Dietrich, (who is also Sapphic), dresses up in tails for a Caberet Act. As we all know caberet is super gay and in her butch mode she steals a kiss from a women. The film itself doesn't make a big deal of it and in general its very much lesbian bating for a straight male audience.

On the other hand this film in my mind has a bisexual gaze, its a lot of men and women pining over each other and being sort of gender expansicve??? Like I can't explain what makes a film Bisexual but this is one of them.

(my definition is that everyones hot for no reason and everyones just kinda slutty??? like you just want to kiss every single person openly on their sweet little mouth.)

Madchen In Uniform (1931) dir. Carl Froelich, Leontine Sagan

So one of the first films with an all female cast this is also the most explicetly gay film I've ever seen. Like pretty much only Anders die al Aldern comes close and that one literally has a lecture by Magnus Hirschfield.

this one features a scene where this girls teacher/matron kisses her on the lips to say goodnight instead of on the head and wow that gay. Like this film said Mommy this film said praise kink. This film is honestly a kinky lesbians wet dream, (can women have wet dreams we asked 10 men).

this film is just generally queer but strangly enough it also got a lot of criticism for its anti-authotarian messaging. Regardless I found this shit on youtube go watch it.

Various Comedies.

On this list is also Doughboys (1930), Sidewalks of New York (1931), The Play House (1921). There not in the possible bit queer but I watch them as part of getting background on the whole Role Reversal Drag Trope.

Everything Else

Mabel and Fatty's Wash Day (1915) dir Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle

Hidden (2020) dir Jafar Panahi

The Kiosk (2020) dir Alexandra Pianelli, which is actually a really lovely documentary which you should find if you can, this is not to be confused with Kiosk(2013) dir Anete Melece, which is a very lovely animated short that you should definetly seen.

Anyway whores I'm gonna talk to you in about a weeks time so stay frosty.

[tired-demonspawn]

I posted 117 times in 2022

That's 36 more posts than 2021!

79 posts created (68%)

38 posts reblogged (32%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@black-rose-writings

@tired-demonspawn

@strange-aeons

@catsharkie

@ladytwilla

I tagged 87 of my posts in 2022

Only 26% of my posts had no tags

#matchablossom - 15 posts

#jjba - 14 posts

#čumblr - 14 posts

#czech - 13 posts

#sk8 the infinity - 13 posts

#česky - 13 posts

#sk8 - 12 posts

#jojo's bizarre adventure - 11 posts

#hezky česky - 11 posts

#joecherry - 10 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

ok so i watched sk8 subbed right

came out of it like "oh these bitches gay! good for them, good for them..."

then i watched dub because in the like 3 seconds i was in the matchablossom part of tumblr i heard it's even more juicy, kinda like in general, not just for the matchablossom nation

lemme tell you, saying i wasn't prepared for dio/adam/whatever hitting mE WiTH FCKN "HEY BITCHES AND BROS AND NONBINARY HOES" would be an understatement

my guy's so HORNY, but when dio voices him it's more of a refined horny y'feel? in the english dub he just has this chaotic element to him

also every time he was getting weird about langa i was like: "langa is a minor 💀"

both dub and sub Renga is fine btw, they should've had an arm covering up their mouths in the jump like yuri on ice tho, so they could've kissed

when they used boomer unironically i broke into tears, not even gonna lie

also like... the old maried couple is more old and maried in the dub??? like:

"hello~" all seductivelly followed by "you're too close~" said like he's saying 'honey the kids are watching'

and also "we're both watching the same race sweetie..."

like if i came out of the sub like "my god these bitches gay!" i came out of the dub like "oh the bitches GAY gay, like gay gay homosexual gay, good god"

272 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#4

sounds like the way

it is what it is

283 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

#3

See the full post

352 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

#2

české nutkání koupit si 3 kočky a pojmenovat je Knedlo, Vepřo a Zelo

371 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

3,233 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cherry-bomb-boom]

Bugs in love

Chapter Two

Flower Power (A.K.A Delighla Peters)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1954 was the year Delighla was born and in most of the worlds of the spiders she knows, she is probably in her 80s, but on her earth, she’s 18 years old and the year 1972. She loves her New York City, and loves the fact she's from the 70s but she feels that she's behind a little. 

“Pav, my man, put the dogs away,” Miles joked. “Like man, why you got your toes out?” 

Pav started laughing as the rest of the group followed along… but dogs? Dogs? People in 2023 call feet…dogs? What has the world come to? Oh, god, she was probably going to be one of those judgy old people, wasn't she? 

“So… Aurora has another concert, she can’t hang out tonight,” Delighla said 

“Man, she’s been busy, hasn’t she?” Gwen said. 

“Yeah, Colorpop is back again,” Delighla replied. 

“You know ‘at, mate, I’ma pay ‘er a visit. I’ma go to ‘er concert. What ‘bout you four?” Hobie asked. 

“Nah, punk isn’t really my thing,” Miles said.

“Same here,” Gwen agreed. 

Pav nodded as he looked at a magazine.

“I’ll go!” Delighla said happily. 

“Let's pay our favorite vampire a visit, eh?” Hobie said as he stood up. 

~*~

Delighla and Hobie walked out of the alleyway the portal opened in and walked out into the street. Delilah looked like she came straight out of a 70s TV show and Hobie fit right in with the other people around them as they walked to the venue where the gig was being held. Hobie’s casual outfit looked like his spider suit, some pants, and just a black tee shirt instead. Delilah wore a white dress that she made and painted the same pattern from her suit onto it. Her hair was big and curly like usual but neatly pushed back with a headband but still had the iconic 70s beehive hairdo and some chunky white platform heels. 

“Dressin’ up to impress yer Doris, eh, mate?” Hobie teased.

“What! No! We're not dating!” Delighla exclaimed as her face turned beet red. 

The Stonewall Movement had only just started three years ago on her earth so Delighla knew that being gay was okay, she just didn’t know if she was gay. 

“Whatever ya say, mate,” Hobie shrugged as the line started moving. 

“... Do you think she’ll like it though…?” 

“Twirl, ‘course she will. Don’t worry too much ‘bout it,” Hobie said as he showed the guy at the door the tickets they somehow got… don't ask, they most definitely did something illegal. 

The two walked in, flashing lights, lots of people dancing, there was a mosh pit in a corner, blaring music and people screamed along. 

“I ‘ink ‘ey get on at eight, it's only seven right now,” Hobie yelled over the music.

“Okay!” Delighla yelled back. 

The music was so loud that Delighla could barely hear her thoughts. She stuck close to Hobie to avoid getting lost in the large crowd. After a while, the opening band finished their set and people cheered for them but cheered louder once the next band got on the stage. The Vamps. Aurora- The lead singer, Skunk- the drummer, Stella- the backup singer and backup guitarist, and finally Greg - the main guitarist. 

Aurora wore a leather mini skirt that she painted a red spider web and spider onto, a jean vest, and a button-up top under it. Panty hoes and some black knee-high boots. 

“Look ‘a ‘at, yer Doris got all dressed up,” Hobie said as he looked at Aurora. 

“Shut it!” Delighla snapped. “Is this a joke to you!?”

“I don’t believe in comedy.” 

Delighla huffed, her face bright red as she threw a straw at the taller male. Hobie chuckled as The Vamps' opening song started. Delighla wasn’t all for punk, she never was. She was more into the Beatles and jazz but she only came to see Aurora and Hobie knew that, everyone knew that. But she didn’t mind, she would listen to people scream into a mic-- especially if that person screaming was Aurora-- if that meant she got to see her again for an hour or two. Delighla sat at their table, watching them and taking sips of her drink-- which was a flower power martini that Hobie got her. 

~*~

An hour and thirty minutes is how long their set was, and Delighla never knew that Aurora had that many songs, or that she was a great singer, to be honest. 

“‘Right, mate. Just paid our tab, let's go see, Miss Vamp over ‘ere,” Hobie said as he dragged Delighla out of her seat. 

“What!? No! Wait! Hold on! I’m not ready!” She yelled as she tried to get Hobie to let go of her. 

She’d hardly seen Aurora out of her spider suit and she had been drinking; she was a lightweight. This wasn’t going to end well. 

“Come on, mate! Let's go see yer Doris, eh?” Hobie teased as he dragged her backstage. 

Behind the curtain stood all of The Vamps’ bandmates but no Aurora. 

“Uh- guys, who are these two?” Stella asked as she pointed at them.

Stella was a shorter, plus-sized girl dressed in Vampiric goth attire.

“Uh- I don’t know…” Skunk replied.

He was tall and skinny and dressed in a 2000s emo style. 

“Well, mate, glad ya asked. Name’s Hobie. This is Delighla-- we're friends o’ Aurora,” Hobie explained. 

Greg looked at them before speaking. 

“Like, her other job?” He asked, hinting towards her being Spider-Woman. 

“Yeah, that ‘ne, mate.” Hobie shrugged. 

“Last I checked, I was the only one helping her,” Skunk said. 

“Uh… long story,” Delighla rushed. 

“Okay! I’m back…” Aurora drifted off when she saw the duo. “Uh, what are you two doing here?” 

“We ‘anted to pay our favorite vampire a visit,” Hobie said. “Figured ya wouldn’t mind if we crashed yer gay an’ hearty,”

“Ah, no, I guess I’m just surprised and all…what’s up with Delighla?” Aurora questioned.

“Seems she’s a lightweight,” Hobie shrugged.

“No ‘m not…!” Delighla slurred, leaning against Hobie’s taller frame for support.

“Whatever. Yer Doris was beggin’ to see ya. Was hopin’ ya’d like ‘er fit.” Hobie said, turning his attention back to Aurora.

“Hobie!” Delighla whined drunkenly, hitting the said male’s arm. “You promised not to tell…”

“My Doris…? You know what, never mind. Uh, what’d you think of the show?” Aurora asked.

“It was amazing!” Delighla slurred, stumbling over to Aurora and hugging her.

“Really? I didn’t see you as the kind of person that likes punk rock.” Aurora admitted.

“I don’t…”

“Oh.” 

Aurora sighed as the smaller woman clung to her.  

“Let me guess, you guys need a place to crash?” Aurora asked the duo. 

“Yeah… I don’t ‘ink Delighla ‘an go back like ‘at. She don’t seem ‘oo hunky-dory,” Hobie replied.

Aurora sighed. In all honesty, she didn’t mind Delighla staying over at her place but she hated that Hobie knew that and was setting her up. Although, if that was the worst of it, then it wasn’t too bad.

“Hey, Skunk?” Aurora turned over to her roommate. 

“Yeah?” He hollered back.

“I’ma let Hobie and Delighla crash at our place, is that okay?” She hollered back. 

“Yeah! I was gonna crash at Greg’s anyways,” He hollered back. 

“Great, looks like you two have a place to crash,” Aurora said. “Hey, Delighla, are you still with us?” 

A little hum could be heard as the redhead clung to the taller woman more. 

“Hobie? A little help carrying her?” Aurora requested.

“Nah, yer on yer own, mate.” Hobie denied, shoving his hands into his vest pockets and spinning on his heel.

“Wha- what do you mean no!? You brought her here!”

“She’s yer Doris,”

“What does that even mean!?”

Hobie only shrugged as he continued to walk away. Aurora sighed and scooped Delighla up in her arms. The vampire waved goodbye to her bandmates before begrudgingly following the punk spider.

~*~

Aurora groaned as she opened her apartment door and walked in, still carrying Delighla in her arms. Hobie walked in after her and flopped down on Aurora’s couch. It was how you’d think-- band posters everywhere, pictures of all of the bandmates together hanging out, posters, dining plates-- mostly black, but still looked good. 

“Nice couch,” Hobie said as he watched Aurora carry Delighla to her room. 

“Thanks, you're welcome to sleep there. I don’t think Skunk would like you in his bed,” Aurora said as she walked away to her room. 

She walked in and shut the door with her foot, placing Delighla on her bed. Delighla almost instantly cuddled up in her sheets, hugging a black flower pillow that Aurora owned. 

“No, you can’t go to sleep yet. I need to get that makeup off of you,” Aurora said as she sat Delighla up against her headboard and walked over to her vanity to grab some makeup remover. 

Delighla whined as she was moved and was almost sitting properly. Aurora walked back over and with a little cotton pad she poured the liquid on and started to wipe off the other spider’s makeup. Once she was done, she put her stuff back before sifting through her dresser drawers. She tossed some clothes over at Delighla while holding some of hers. 

“I’m going to change in the back room. You can change here. And please, be done when I get back,” Aurora said as she walked out to go into the back room to change. 

Thankfully, when she came back, Delighla was fully dressed and half asleep in her bed. Aurora didn’t mind sleeping with her. She had to share a bed for the first ten years of her life with her mom until things started getting good and then it happened… She sighed as she crawled into her bed. Delighla instantly cuddled up with her, burying her face in her chest. Aurora buried her crimson face into Delighla’s curly mess of hair. It smelled strongly of hairspray and daffodils. Aurora can’t remember the last time she had a sweet moment like this, cuddling with a woman in her bed. God, that had to be years ago when she was dating her ex. That was around two years ago when they broke up after she graduated from high school. She sighed as she cuddled closer to the warm body that was loosely holding onto her, hoping that it never ends. 

~*~

Aurora woke up to the sound of two people talking. She groaned and got out of the bed that Delighla was still asleep in. She walked out of her room groggy and still tired, and a little pissed off from being woken up so early. She walked out to see Dracula arguing with Hobie.

“What the fuck are you doing in my house? Hasn’t your mother ever taught you not to just barge into places?!” She snapped.

“Where's Delighla? Hobie and her have a mission that they need to do,” Miguel said as he looked at Aurora. 

“She can’t, she’s hung over. I’ll take her place,” Aurora calmly said. 

Miguel sighed to calm himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Fine, fine… If she’s hung over she’s in no state to fight” Miguel complied. 

“Thank you, now get the fuck out of my house! Who taught you that you could just waltz in here!? Certainly wasn’t your mother!” Aurora snapped. 

Miguel sat there for a moment, taken aback a little, but groaned and soon left, muttering to himself in Spanish as he pushed buttons on his watch before opening a portal and leaving. Aurora groaned when the man left and also left the living room muttering something in Spanish too as she left to go put her suit on. 

[enterenews]

Kim Woo-seok recovers his lost arm, Park Joo-hyun and Kim Young-dae

In the MBC Friday and Saturday drama 'Golden Marriage, Joseon Marriage Ban', which aired on January 14th, Sorang (Park Joo-hyun) was kicked out by Lee Heon (Kim Young-dae) and had to remain in Aedadang.

Hoe-gai (Choi Deok-moon) suddenly stood up and said to So-rang, who was nursing her, “Heavy war mama! Hurry away!” he said. Sorang was surprised, but she had no choice but to get up when Hoe pushed her back.

However, as soon as he left the visit, the assassins attacked. At the moment when the blade was pushed toward Sorang, the warriors who were guarding after receiving the order of Lee Heon (Kim Young-dae) jumped in.

Taking advantage of that gap, Sorang ran away, but the assassins also followed. Lee Shin-won (Kim Woo-seok) also went to Aedaldang and saw the scene where assassins and warriors were fighting and followed So-rang.

Sorang fell off a cliff because of the assassins once again. Lee Shin-won jumped into the river to rescue So-rang, but his injured arm was immobilized and they sank together into the river bed.

Lee Heon's warriors only confirmed that the two had fallen off the cliff and could not find any more. When he went back and reported this, Lee Hun was shocked and couldn't say anything.

However, someone found Lee Shin-won and So-rang pushed out to the riverside and took them home. A local nobleman nursed Lee Sin-won and So-rang to wake them up.

When Lee Shin-won came to his senses, he was surprised to see that his arm was moving. Lee Shin-won, who recalled what the lawmaker said,’If a big shock comes, the nerves may come back,’ was delighted when his arm moved to normal. Lee Shin-won was even more delighted to hear that So-rang was also her boss and that her daughter was taking care of him.

Meanwhile, when Lee Shin-won and So-rang fell off a cliff and died, Lee Hun was shocked. When Kim Seol-rok (Kim Min-sang) worried, "Your Majesty, how are you?" Lee Heon replied, "You must be good."

“I don’t want the women next to me to get better every time they die,” said Lee Heon, determined. Recalling Sorang, Lee Heon understood him, saying, “I did it to raise myself after I collapsed.”

In the meantime, Jeong Do-seok (Hong Si-young) started writing a novel. Wang Bae (Kim Min-seok) and Deok-hun (Lee Jung-hyeon) spread novels, saying, "It smells like a masterpiece." The novel became more popular day by day and was praised everywhere.

Lee Hun, who lost his friend Jeong-in, pretended to be a ruined person and figured out who was behind the Great Queen Mother. Kim Min-sang visited the Great Queen Mother and told her story about her uproar and told Lee Heon, “There is also a force that moved the Great Queen Mother.”

Since Lee Hun received the letter from Lee Shin-won, he wanted to find out the opposing faction in the palace. Lee Hun, who secretly went out to meet Shin-Won Lee, was moved by the words, "The first thing I did as soon as my arm healed was to write a letter to His Highness," and said, "Come back."

[nightswithkookmin]

whats my thoughts on V's scandal?

Any one else wanna be chatty huh? 🔪

no?

Good.

Leave me alone.

Hybe and I are busy tryna bury evidence

They came down real fast when they thought a lot was at stake and people were being delusional out here but suddenly my dude stuttering like the meow meow caught their tongue 😫

I shouldn't laugh hearts are breaking

Sad face Goldy. Sad face and scene

😊😊😊😊😊🤣🤣🤣🤣☹

Really i have no comment on this. Didn't know I had it in me to be a misogynist until this day of messy rumors surrounding V if I say a word I'll get canceled by both fandoms and i ain't got capital T for dah

Like we been knew on the low he bood up with a gal but chilee not Jenny💀

Bruh

Not the gurl you was caught snooping around on Instagram while she was openly in a relationship with another man damn 😫

she was the one you was thinking of at 3am in the morning sir?? Mmkay

Minding my Alessandro Jimin moustache

I want him to be happy and if it's with her then I don't want him to be happy

Go be happy heterosexual with anyone but the most scandal prone black pink. I stopped stanning her after Gdragon this is the last strike. Idol dating idol from different groups is just pointless cos neither will put in the effort to sustain the relationship and before you know it both are on to the next relationship burning through relationships like she's gonna crash Tae to bits and pieces if he don't get her first💀

And I'm still finna ship her with Kai and root for their reconciliation sorry Tae not sorry🤧

And isn't Kai Jimin's bff? Damn no bro code in this area these hoes ain't loyal.

The company will ask him and if he says it's not true that they are just friends then they'll let us know. If he says it's true then he has the ultimatum 💀

Jennie never denied her relationships, all hybe do is deny them in broad daylight 😊

Tae is a wild card. This might be the year he jumps the hybe ship with his 40m IG followers if he's being forced to deny his relationship as a grown man in love🤣🤣🤣

Finally we'll get to see some action it's been boring up in here🤣

Do I think it's true. Yes. Do I support it. No. Hate it with a passion. He's handsome she's pretty it just won't work I jinx it🤣🤣🤣🤣

Free Taehyung Free Jennie FREE GDRAGON🤣🤣🤣

but really I just wanted her to be gay😒

I hate it here.

GOLDY

[yr-obedt-cicero]

It's important to me that you know one of the lead singers is named Alexander. The one with the gender voice. Jk they all have gender voices iorehgnilkuybkcjn But the one with the less gravely voice. I want his voice so bad you don't understand-

The Outcast:

If they can make a law Then I can break a law If I can break a law Will the law break me?

The revolution.

It comes tumbling down again I can't comprehend Is it destiny? A nomadic state Are you a refugee? No place to call your home Forever walk alone

John leaves for South Carolina, everything happens blah blah blah, he dies.

As the world goes on Forgotten by the ones you know

History forgets him; he's nobody, no one knows even his name.

And all the words you gave me I lost on bended knee But you can't stop these cravings just by praying they would cease

Lams. I. I don't. I don't need to say anything. L a m s . And his suicidalness, because I do believe there is enough evidence to support a true suicidal phase during the war as opposed to just wanting to die for his country.

If I can make a life Then I can take a life

Having a daughter and then leaving for war, his guilt over leaving her and Martha.

If I can save a life Will this life save me? Time after time I still seem to find You're looking out for me So wrap your arms around me Hold me close and don't let go Let me lean on you as I think things through If I don't we'll never know

L a m s .

Will your faith save me? Will I find this place where I belong? (Find this place where I belong) Can you protect me from my troubles? Keep me safe from harm? Will you help me carry on?

GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY

Black Velvet Band:

In a neat little town they call Brockton Apprenticed in trade I was bound And many an hour of sweet happiness I spent in that neat little town Then bad misfortune befell me And caused me to stray from the land Far away from my friends and companions To follow the black velvet band

He joins the war. The w a r .

As I was out strolling one evening Not intending to stay very long And there met a frolicsome damsel As she came tripping along A watch she pulled out her pocket And slipped it right into my hand On the very first night that I met her Bad luck to the black velvet band

he meets Hammy Ham ehuehuehue

Her eyes they shone like the diamonds You'd think she was queen of the land And her hair hung over her shoulder Tied up in a black velvet band

GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY

Before judge and jury next morning Both of us did appear A gentleman claimed his jewelry And the case against us was clear Now seven long years transportation Right down to Van Dieman's land Far away from my friends and companions To follow the black velvet band

HE'S AN AIDE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HE JOINS WAHSINGTON'S STAFF LKHCNILEU<NVYGYBUKRQJHTGUK

So come all you jolly young fellows I'll have you take warning by me That whenever you're out on the liquor Beware of the pretty Colleen

She'll fill you with whiskey and porter Until you're not able to stand And the very next thing that you know You've landed in Van Dieman's Land

Hamilton is a hoe. We already know this.

Her eyes they shone like the diamonds You'd think she was queen of the land And her hair hung over her shoulder Tied up in a black velvet band

“Hamilton is a hoe. We already know this.” need that on a shirt honestly,,,

[free-my-boy-grumbot]

MCYTers as Oh Bo lyrics bc this would not leave my brain for some reason

some of them are just random, some of them have Meaning. also this is entirely /nsx and /rp i just thought it was funny

also i am EXTREMELY proud of the gtws one pls pay attention to it

MumboJumbo: Hittin' the club up VIP

I got a fake mustache and a fake ID

CaptainPuffy: I look like Wooly Willy with a really wooly will

Xisuma: And I bypass the bouncer

Pass by an ex and I flex and bounce her,

Evil X: wowzer

Schlatt: Look at all of Bo's hoes

Looking for a ride on Bo's hose

Karl: And I spot a little Latino, booty so big call it Oprah's ego

We go to it, through it, she says, "Dios mio mi amigo!"

Sapnap: Pull it out, stick it in your mouth, and I bust in the back of ya

Philza: Swallow bitch, there's people starving in Africa

Georgenotfound: Single every single day

Do it every single way

Make the single ladies say, oh Bo

Tommyinnit: And if I were gay

Though I swear I'm straight,

I'd make them fellas say

Tubbo: You're an ice cream sundae with a cherry on top,

But careful, cherry, 'cause I'm the King of Pop,

Grian: pop, pop, pop, goes my weasel

Now ya looking like Jackson Pollock's easel

Cubfan: My suggestion is you don't blow 'til you know what congestion is

Tango: Swallow when you know what digestion is

Zedaph: Follow Bo, the only question is

Gtws: Have you been splattered before by the mad-hatter matador?

Rendog: Cake-batter never more, it don't matter whether you're

Iskall: Spanish, French, Swedish or Cambodian

Slimecicle: I'll slime you so hard you could be on Nickelodeon

Georgenotfound: Single every single day

Do it every single way

Make the single ladies say, oh Bo

Tommyinnit: And if I were gay

Though I swear I'm straight

I'd make them fellas say, oh Bo

Oh Bo, oh Bo, Bo, ah, oh Bo, oh Bo, oh Bo

Ranboo: You think that you can handle me?

Girl, don't make me laugh

I said my junk is bipolar it will split you in half (yeah)

Docm77: And if you're lucky, I might just bring you home

And I'll have you going down like you're growin' an extra chromosome

Quackity: And when you grab me, don't grab me by the buns

'Cause I got a bad case of the runs

Dream: I got the runs, I got the runs

Georgenotfound: Single every single day

Do it every single way

Make the single ladies say, oh Bo

Tommyinnit: And if I were gay

Though I swear I'm straight

I'd make them fellas say, oh Bo

Pearlescentmoon: I wanna break it down for ya'll

I came from the streets, with nothin'

Now I'm makin' hit records

Zombiecleo: For my people still livin' in the streets

Still livin' in poverty, I wanna tell you I'm doin' this for you

My success is your success

Fundy: And I know you may be thinkin'

Hey, if you really believe that,

Why don't you use some of your money to help rebuild the neighborhood

Instead of putting spinning rims on a gold jet ski?

Bdoubleo: And to that I say

uh, chorus is comin' up

Georgenotfound: Single every single day

Do it every single way

Make the single ladies say, oh Bo

TommyInnit: And if I were gay

Though I swear I'm straight

I'd make them fellas say

Wilbur Soot: You gotta fume like a tuna

I'll smell ya later

JustaMinx: I met a fat chick and fucked her in an elevator

It was wrong on so many levels

It was wrong on so many levels

It was wrong on so many levels

BadBoyHalo: It was wrong on, it was wrong on, it was wrong on

Georgenotfound: Single every single day

Do it every single way

Make the single ladies say, oh Bo

Tommyinnit: And if I were gay

Though I swear I'm straight

I'd make them fellas say, oh

Falsesymmetry: Single every single

Stressmonster: Do it every single

ZombieCleo: Pop that single like a Pringle jingle

JoeHills: oh Bo

Awesamdude: This song's almost completed

Antfrost: All this little ditty needed

Nihachu: Instrument that's double reeded, the oboe

Eret: Oh, Bo, play that oboe

[bonny-kookoo]

Good Girl [J.JK x Reader]🔞🌼

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, a lil angst

Warnings: dom/sub dynamics, dom!jungkook, sub!Reader, size kink, oral (f & m rec.), mild dd/lg themes, praise kink, cumplay, reader is a virgin, jungkook is lowkey a hoe, a lil heartbreak, Taehyung makes an appearance, long haired jungkook, mentions of harrassment, jungkook punches a guy, strength kink

Jeon Jungkook was known to have a specific type when it came to his partners; tall, gorgeous, dominant and older. It's not like he's a true blood baby boy; he's just too lazy to put any effort into his flings. When a new girl answers to his ad online searching for a roommate for his apartment to share rent and space however, he didn't quite expect such an innocent being to turn up at his doorstep with a box full of pastel colored belongings, ready to move in. And what he definitely didn't expect was his growing interest in her and the feeling of having her under him, all submissive and ready to be ruined.

Good Girl || Sweet Girl || Smart Girl || Brave Girl || Pretty Girl || Charming Girl || Enticing Girl || Bad Girl || ???

A wink was all he got from the woman who'd occupied his bed together with him last night as she walked out his bedroom door, seemingly knowing how to get out of his apartment. Jungkook ran his hand through his still sweaty hair, groaning after stretching his arms above his head, his mood seemingly sunkissed. He just finished an almost three hour sex-session after all; all without him providing any actual effort. His dick had seemed to be enough for her anyways, her face when she rode him happy, although he could really care less.

Reaching for his laptop near his bed, he didn't bother to put on any clothes for now, just wanting to check if he'd gotten any new E-Mails or messages, clicking through the casual nudes that constantly seemed to slip into his postbox. He cocked his head to the side however when he noticed that a website has notified him of an answer to his ad online; he'd put it up some time ago now after Taehyung, his former roommate, had to move out simply because Jungkook himself couldn't survive the older one's sleep shedule. Tae seemed to never sleep, waking the younger one up on a daily (and nightly) basis. He really tried to get along with him, both of them sharing a deep friendship, but god no, as a roommate he couldn't stand that guy. His rent however was something he struggled as well, so as much as he really wanted to live alone, he couldn't. He clicked the message on the website, his interest peaked.

"Hello. Is this AD still up to date? My name is Y/N, and I'm searching for a place because I'm starting to work close by soon, and its too expensive to take the bus for hours on end every day.. so uh, I don't know? I'm really good at cooking, and I promise I'll be so quiet and organized you won't even notice I'm there! I work at a restaurant nearby as a waitress- I mean, I'm going to, haha. Ugh, I hope you're okay sharing your apartment with a girl as well, I for my part don't have a problem with that! So, I guess, I'll wait for your reply?

Have a nice day!"

He scoffed a little, hovering over the delete button, but instead, he clicked her profile icon, opening the details. Her profile picture showed a white big dog, being hugged by what he assumed was her. He couldn't see her face however, half of her face above her nose cropped out to fit the entire dog instead. He could spot her clothes however; a top and skirt, flat shoes and sheer tights with white spots on them. His brows furrowed, how old was she? Her profile said she was about a year younger than him, every post she'd made up to this date about pet stuff, clothes who all seemed to follow a pastel-color scheme, and artwork you seemed to be selling. You were basically the definition of cute.

Fan-fucking-tastic. Hopefully you wouldn't be too upset when he denied your request, but somehow he thought it over. You said you could cook and you did seem like an organized person. Knowing what kind of effect he could have on people, he could probably scare the shit out of you and keep you around without really having to interact much; and rent was also due this month, so the sooner he found a roommate the better. "Fuck it." He said, and began to type his reply.

When his doorbell rang, he almost burned his hand with the hot water he currently used to make himself a cup of ramen, cursing loudly. Who the fuck wasn't home again so he had to take their package in? One day the old lady across the hall would find a dead rat or something in front of her door, he swore to himself. Ripping the door open with so much force he could feel a bit of wind gushing by, his eyes widened when he saw a similar face in front of him- well, a little below actually. He remembered your lips instantly for some awkward reason, having tried to maybe paint a picture of what you looked like entirely over the last few days. He would've never expected something like this however- you looked like a literal doll in his opinion, your eyes wide open and mouth a little parted, shiny lipgloss making him swallow. Wait, did he really forget that you said you wanted to move in today?!

"I uh.. I'm- I'm Y/N, we- I- the ad..?" You said, your voice sounding nothing like the woman he usually was around. He smirked a little, moving so you could step inside, food now definitely forgotten on the kitchen counter. He really should've at least cleaned up a little he thought. Whatever.

"Yeah, figured. There you go, thats your room. The keys and shit are on the matress, make sure you don't loose 'em." He simply said, before leaving you alone in your new home to settle down.

"What I'm trying to say is, Y/N, you and I, this could really be something!" Taehyung slurred into your ear, loud enough for Jungkook to hear. For some reason it pissed him off to no ends how close the older one seemed to be, constantly hitting on you like he was a starving man, even know half of town knew very well that he wasn't. He could see why; you were innocent, and Tae known to fool around a lot. You were a challenge, something new for him, and he would lie if he said that he wasn't interested as well. Oh he was; but he also had at least some manners left inside of him, contrary to popular belief not only thinking with his dick. Taehyung however was only out for fun, making Jungkook question if he should really let this continue.

He decided no.

"Alright you fucking whore, it's bedtime isn't it? I'll call you a cab." Taehyung groaned at the younger one's words, nodded his head however before looking at you with a smirk.

"Ah, what a shame. But if you wanna have some fun you know my number!" He said, as if he didn't just offer you sex. You blushed at this, not answering, making Jungkook watch you a bit. You really were something else. "Jungkookie, you're so nicee... If I was gay I would definitely suck your dick-" The younger in question made a disgusted yet amused face, putting a hand over the blue haired one's mouth.

"Yeah yeah, you pay me back though you fucker." He said, before going into the kitchen to make the call. Taehyung, being left alone with you again started with his questioning, as he had done the entire night.

"So, Y/N.." He said, dragging out the last syllable of your name playfully, making you shuffle around where you were sitting a bit. He certainly was a pretty attractive guy, but he also seemed to be very straightforward- something you always had struggled with, being more on the shy side. You looked at him, silently urging him to continue before taking a sip of your own beer- cherry flavored, simply because the regular was too bitter in your opinion. "What kind of toys do you use, heh?" He questioned, and you coughed suddenly. Taehyung laughed loudly at that, cooing when you calmed down slowly.

"Taehyung, stop harassing my roommate you fucking idiot. I need her to pay half of the rent-" He said, before sitting down next to you, raising one of his eyebrows at you. "And she also makes some killer lasagna. Kinda wanna keep that." He said, before laughing a bit. Even though Jungkook seemed to be pretty intimidating to you, he was actually a pretty good guy to have around. You both barely ever fought, and overall you could almost see yourself falling for him too- he had the looks after all. But his habit of bringing people over just to satisfy himself was something that made you keep some distance between you both. He wasn't someone to settle down- let alone with someone like you. You were pretty much the exact opposite of what he seemed to like.

Sending Tae home was easier than you both thought. Not being able to go to bed you both decided to watch some late night shows while casually talking- something that wasn't uncommon between you two. Just when you seemed to have gotten comfortable again, Jungkook couldn't help but tease you again.

"So, what Toys do you use, heh?" He said, laughing with his head thrown back afterwards at your red face. This would certainly never get old in his opinion. Just as he was about to apologize and tell you you didn't have to answer, your voice was heard, however.

"None." You said, and his eyes widened at that. "What? Do I look like I do these things to you?" You asked, and he cocked his head to the side a bit, scanning you obviously. He shrugged, and you began to pout, moving to wrap your pastel pink blanket around yourself. "I don't even know how to buy one. That stuff is just.. don't know. Gross." You said, and Jungkook turned on the couch, body facing you now, his interest sparked.

"Gross? So you never had sex before?" He said, and you went silent. Were you serious right now? You were an angel in his eyes, body proportions almost perfect, hell, even your slight imperfections were adorable in his eyes. Up until now he had been sure that you at least have had your fair share of experience, but a virgin? His world was suddenly turned upside down. "Well.. that's something I didn't expect." He said, making you raise your eyebrows at him. "You're hot. Thats why. Oh well." He said, missing the way your eyes widened at that. "I'm gonna go to bed now. Goodnight." He simply said, and you answered with a short 'goodnight' as well- still a bit surprised by his statement. Jungkook thought.. you were attractive?

He'd somehow gotten used to you, how you would leave your pastel pink but admittedly really soft blanket in a pile on one edge of the couch in the living room, how you sometimes left your toothbrush in the sink when you'd been in a hurry, or how you would hum to a song, not knowing he could hear you very clearly. Maybe he really did go soft after living with you for a while. He still didn't know himself why he got so upset with Taehyung the day prior; was he really being selfish? He was protecting you, nothing more. Taehyung was everything but a gentle lover, jungkook just knew he'd break you for sure, not to mention that you already stated how much you despised one night stands, which were practically Taehyungs speciality. He was just looking after you, nothing more.

The more he thought about it however, the more problematic the entire plan became.

But even now, while the young woman whose name he had already forgotten was giving it her all sucking his dick, all that seemed to swim around in his head were the events of the previous evening; how innocent and embarrassed you looked at him when you told him you'd never bought, let alone use a toy before. Surely you'd be someone to enjoy a good vibrator he thought, maybe as a gag he could buy you one? Oh how enchanting you'd look, spread out on his mattress while he would edge you over and over until you'd be crying, begging for his mercy. He would praise you for taking it so well, for being so good for him and only him, and he just knew you would blush. Instead of rushing to his own satisfaction, he would go slow, agonizingly slow, just to see how far he could push you. He would feast on you like a predator on his prey, pull you close so you had no chance of escaping him, he would trace every curve of your skin, gently, as if to make up for the bruises and Mark's he would surely leave all over you to feed his inner need to claim you, even though he would never let anyone see you like this while he was alive and breathing anyways. He just knew you would fit perfectly underneath him, his body covering you and shielding you away from the world around. Would you be able to take all of him? He probably would have to stretch you real good before even thinking about pushing his dick inside you, yet he just knows you would somehow make him proud and take it all, and he would continue his praises, telling you what a good girl you are.

He almost laughed at the situation, he really was in deep, wasn't he? Frustrated and confused he started to picture someone else entirely kneeled between his legs on the floor, how you'd bat your eyelashes at him like the fucking angel you were instead of the girl currently there, and that thought alone gave him the final push to shoot his load down the strangers throat, who moaned obscenely at the feeling. Usually he would be aroused, ready for more, but the sound of someone who wasn't his little roommate ripped him out of his daydream. This couldn't go on like that. Sending the lady out without many words, he decided that he just needed to fuck you, and all would be good again. He was just curious. Nothing else. He just needed to satiate his hunger and he could go back to normal.

How would he be able to do this without ending up hurting you? No matter how big his hunger for you was, he also considered you somewhat of a friend. He remembered when you came home crying one time after a bad day at work, and how he wanted to hold you, shielding you from any harm, making you feel safe. Because that's what he, and only he could do in his opinion. No matter what, he'd protect you, as weird as that sounded. Shit.

He really had a crush on you.

Unknowing to him you always held your hands over your ears whenever he brought home a different girl, not being able to listen to his moans mixed with someone else's. You were slowly beginning to regret moving in, already starting to think about maybe searching for a different apartment. But the rent was cheap, your room big, and his company relaxing when he wasn't busy being buried in someone he couldn't even remember after a day or two. Somehow tears were leaking out of your eyes, and you took your hands down from the sides of your head to wipe them away, careful to be as silent as possible as to not alert him that you were awake, well aware of the shower turning on. You did notice however how his sessions became shorter and shorter, always seeming to end sudden instead of usual. But the more you thought of it, the more angry at yourself for falling for this manwhore you became. You really should hate him- but you couldn't.

Tonight was definetely the prime example of why you didn't go into clubs. The sheer amount of people around you, the smell of sweat and cheap cologne and perfume all around made you feel like a headache was inevitable. Why were you here again? Oh yes. You followed Taehyungs advice and 'tried to make friends' instad of looming around your apartment all day. But right now you just really wished you stayed home instead of going here.

Sure, you liked your coworkers, and they seemed nice and everything, but if you were being honest, they're definition of fun was entirely not yours. You began to feel cramped up in the large club, making you desperately pull your phone out of your pocket, texting Jungkook in hopes he could save you from this god forsaken torment they called a club.

  Minutes later, after Jungkook oh so gentlemanly told you to pick you up, you stood in front of that said location, waiting for his cheap but admittedly nice car to pull up. Sadly, someone else seemed to be way more intent on bringing you home- a young man your age, attractive, yes, but also heavily intoxicated. He had already eyed you up inside the building you noticed, yet hadn't made a move towards you. Now however, he seemed more determined than ever.

"Lets go home baby, I swear you won't regret-" He started, but you moved away from him, clenching onto your little handbag in order to at least keep your belongings safe if he tried anything else. Suddenly both your figures were drowned in the warm light of Jungkook's car lights- you immediately recognized them simply by the fact that one was brighter than the other, something you always told him, yet he always waved you off, telling you that both were doing just fine, even though his left light was clearly almost dead. Typical him, you thought. Yet right now, you couldn't be happier to see him.

He however, did not seem happy at all. His face was serious, his wavy hair hanging a little over his eyes, steps fast and strong enough that you could hear his black boots almost crush the slight gravel of the parking lot. "Fuck off sunnyboy and go back inside." He simply yelled out, having already seen how uncomfortable you were with the stranger so close to you. Jungkook wasn't someone to blindly punch someone, that said however, he couldn't contain himself once he saw the guy reaching out for your arm, your figure instinctively scrambling to get behind Jungkooks way larger body. He didn't even notice his fist connecting with the strangers face, simply leading you by the small of your back inside his car, driving home without any more words.

You were not to be touched by someone so dirty like this young man who didn't even knew his own limits it seemed.

Yet you were completely confused now. Maybe, if you were now the reason he got into physical fights, you should make a decision.

The next morning, sitting down at the kitchen table, you watched Jungkook filling your bowl with cereal as well- lucky charms for you, and chocolate chips for him. It became somewhat of a routine since you both woke up roughly around the same time, sharing breakfast was common. The best moment in your opinion to pop the bomb.

"I'm moving out." You said softly, fiddling with your fingers in your lap, leg nervously bouncing up and down. Why did this feel like you were breaking up with him? You both would've ended up going separate ways sooner or later anyways- so he would probably just nod, ask when, and that would be it. He was someone who didn't bother much. But the second you said it, he turned around completely shocked, suddenly very much awake.

"Why? Did I do something?" He asked, sounding genuinely offended for some reason you couldn't come up with. In his mind, scenario over scenario started to play, as if he wanted to search for something he may have said or done to make you so upset that you didn't want to live with him anymore. He knew he shouldn't be so upset over it, since you and him were merely roommates, friends who shared an apartment, nothing more, but he never really expected you to come up with it so sudden. Or maybe you had a boyfriend? What if it was Taehyung, and you just didn't tell him? He would rip that fucker's stupid blue hair out, he knew-

"No. I- not reall-" You sighed, setting your elbows on the kitchen table before letting your head fall into your hands. "Actually yes, you did." You started, looking at him, but unable to hold eye contact with the now completely confused curly haired boy in front of you. "You.. uh.. I cant sleep. Your, 'guests', the walls aren't really soundproof and like, I really- and just.. ugh this is so awkward, please don't make me say it-" You said, groaning the rest of your sentence before stubbornly shoving your back against the chair, throwing your legs back and forth viciously, reminding Jungkook of a kid who was close to throwing a tantrum. Even though this was definitely not the time to think about you laid out over his leg, his hand hitting your perfectly shaped butt until it was red just to punish you for being such a brat, exactly this picture began to form in the back of his head. He hated himself somehow, really. But somehow instead of accepting your decision, he moved to stand at the table, hands on top of it, eyes searching yours.

"Say it Y/N. You know I hate when I have to pull thing out your throat sweetheart." He didn't intend on using the nickname, but somehow he threw his hesitation out the window. If you really were fooling around with someone, someone who wasn't him he wanted to know- and even if you didn't share that information with him, you would move out anyways, so why hold back anymore? You shook your head at him, avoiding his gaze, and he clicked his tongue, patience slowly thinning out. "Spit it out." He said again, but he still got no reaction. His hand seemed to move without his consent when he suddenly found his fingers on your chin, moving your head to force your attention towards him. "Speak the fuck up, I swear to god." He said, voice dropping down lower, and somehow you seemed as if bewitched.

Maybe it was the way he stood there, how he still held your chin, or how intensely he looked at you, but words dropped out of your mouth as if you drank harry potters truth potion. "I cant stand that you let these girls touch you, that they can get you so easily and you just look past me a- and I really tried you know, because Taehyung said you liked mature girls more so I tried to do that, but he lied to me, you don't notice me at all, you're so mean you-" He shut your mouth with his mouth, trying to process the information he just received, yet it seemed like it was too much at once. You were.. jealous? And what kind of stupid advice was Taehyung giving away, that fucker? It was true that he liked his women to be confident and mature, but that was just so they knew what they were doing, and he didn't need to put so much effort into something he could get so easily.

"So you were jealous?" He said, a small smirk creeping up on him, cooing at you internally when you shook your head, face red. "If you wanted me to fuck you, you could've just asked. Geez." He said, but instead of being relieved, your shoulders sagged down. "What?" He asked, and you mumbled to him.

"Because I don't want just that one time stuff you do." Jungkook looked at you, eyes softening at your somehow-confession. He just put together the pieces in his head, and it did make sense. You were practically attached to him wherever he took you, always seemingly glowing whenever his attention was on you. He was as much as a dense head than you were, and he couldn't help but pull out a chair and sitting down, patting his legs as an invitation.

"Good, because I don't want that either. And I don't share either." He said, and looked at you gently, but with a deep darkness behind his eyes. "Trust me baby, you can sit down now and I promise you'll be the only one to have me- or you can move out and go on with your life." He almost laughed at the way it suddenly clicked in your head on what he was offering, suddenly jumping up and sitting on his thighs, legs on either side of his body. He looked down at you, a divine picture coming to life. His hands were placed on the exposed skin under your skirt, slowly sliding over the soft skin until his fingers felt the seam of your tights- those goddamn things he'd wanted to rip off of you so badly these past days. "You can touch me, you know?" He said lowly, and you noticed how awkward you must've looked for a second, seated on his lap with your hands in front of you, unsure where to put them. Just to ground yourself, your fingers began to play with his shirt, and he had to swallow the laugh that wanted to break free. "You don't have to do this, you know? I'm fine with waiting-" He began, but you immediately shook your head, however, at loss for words. He smiled again, dangerously so you noticed. His head dipped down, finally touching your skin on your neck with his lips, leaving open mouthed kisses under your earlobe down to the crook, hands moving over your clothes already mapping out your body in his mind, one hand pulling down one side of your soft fleece jacket you wore, pulling down your shirt as well, so he could softly nip at your shoulder, making you gasp oh so cutely at his actions. His hands didn't stop however, moving over your chest, kneading both of your breasts softly, as if he would hurt you if he used too much strength- which was probably the case. He already loved how bis his hands looked running over your body, how your hands held his shirt in fists, eyes closed, yet not because of fear; you looked serene to him, face showing him the soft pleasure you felt. He suddenly moved you a little, making you straddle one of his leg, core pushed against his thigh. "Let's start slow, yeah?" He asked, whispering words into your ear, lips never parting from you. He slowly began to move your hips, urging you to simply follow what you thought felt best to you. "Use me baby. Get off on my thigh." You whined at that, slowly starting to move more and more boldly, and he decided that he was officially a goner. Even if you didn't want him after whatever may be happening, he knew he could never go back. The way you squeezed your eyes shut every now and then, moving back and forth yet always a bit helpless, showing how inexperienced you were. He could feel the wet patch forming on his jeans, his hands moving you a bit faster, before you let your head fall onto his shoulder, making him chuckle. "What is it baby? Do you need help, hm?" He said, a bit mockingly even, and you nodded into his shoulder. "Tell me what you need then. What do you want, princess?" He said, running his hands over your back, feeling your bodyheat through your clothes.

"wanna get the same.. as the others.." You mumbled, unsure what you were even asking for. Jungkook however simply smiled, suddenly lifting you up, hands under your behind carrying you to his room, before finally letting you fall onto his mattress, laughing when your body jumped a little, making you squeak so cutely. He smiled, crawling over you, his fantasy finally coming to life- you looked so lost under him, so utterly defenseless he could swear he could feel something primal awake inside him- and that was not his dick, which already strained against his jeans, impatient.

"Ah but Baby.." He began, taking off your soft jacket before his hands traced your bare arms until he moved them under your shirt, feeling your skin underneath his fingers. "You're my special girl.." He began to lift your shirt up, helping you out of it before he got rid of your skirt as well, chuckling at your cute lacey underwear, which was so typically you. So innocent, yet so arousing, how you squirmed underneath him in nothing but those pastel colored undergarments. "And special girls get special treatments.." His words were low, soft spoken yet with a rough edge to his tone, a natural feature of his voice that you've come to love. You couldn't even begin to paint out a picture of what he was talking about- sure, you have seen your fair share of adult films, you weren't a kid after all- but up until this moment, up until you met Jungkook, you've never really thought about what you could like when it came to these things. Even in your thoughts you felt shy saying any profanities out loud, how could you expect to know about kinks? "But only if you can behave for me, but you can do that right?" He said, unhooking your bra behind your back with ease and interrupting your inner talk with yourself. "You'll be my good girl, yeah?" He said, and you just viciously nodded, already growing frustrated, and oh how he loved it. This was how he had pictured you. If he had known before that this was what it felt like to have control over someone, he would've never done anything else if he was honest; but then again, you really were a special girl to him. The way you suddenly mewled when his hand cupped your heat, giving you a little pressure just to tease you even further almost caught him off guard. God have mercy on his soul, you were so sensitive to him, and it dawned on him again that he was making you this way. He was the first to- and he would make sure he'd be the only one as well. All those noises tumbling out of between your lips were only his to hear. His breathing peaked up at the view he had, how you began to impatiently rut into his hand, needy for more than he was giving you. He leaned back, finally getting rid of his own clothes as well to your satisfaction, lazily throwing his opened flannel as well as his white shirt somewhere on the floor in his room, and you couldn't help but stare. Truth be told, you didn't really know what to expect of him if you were honest, his constant gym visits giving you the impression that he had to be extremely fit, yet his habit of consuming more than two cups of ramen easily spoke differently. He was, in your eyes, the perfect in-between- he definetely was fit, his abs visible to your eyes, yet he didn't look like those over-achievers you sometimes saw walking around the same gym whenever you met him there to go home together. The way his muscles flexed at every move when he loomed over you again made you want to touch him, yet your shy side forbade you. He chuckled again. "You can touch what's yours all you want, you know?" He said, before he began to place his hand back onto your chest, his breath hot on your collarbone where he placed his kisses again, already hooked on your taste. His other, tattooed hand found its way back to your core, feeling the dampness there with amusement. You were more than what he'd imagined. Slowly he got rid of that barrier however, leaving your tights on for his own pleasure and maybe also for the aesthetic of it, his digits circling around your sensitive bud, making you squeal again, putting your hands over your mouth to keep your voice down. He clicked his tongue at this, moving them to lay right under the small of your back. "Be good and keep them there, yeah?" He said, and you looked away.

"But its- thats emb-" You couldn't even finish the beginning of your rant before he went back to his task at hand, sitting back before moving your legs to spread obscenely over his thighs simply to catch a glimpse of your glistening center, before he placed his body over yours again, hand now roughly circling in delicious eights around your clit, making you gasp out.

"Nothing you do is embarrassing, you hear me. If anything its fucking hot how you can be so fucking adorable even with my hand between your legs, doll." He said, before dipping a finger into you, making you move a bit at the foreign feeling. "Gotta stretch you out babygirl.." He said lowly, careful not to get too fast. His second finger joined in, and he could feel how tight you were around them, already clenching a bit as well, making his mouth water, but also growing a bit of worry in the back of his mind. Usually he was quite cocky about his overly average qualities down in his pants, but now he was genuinely concerned to hurt you with it. This was definitely a first for him. "Baby you're so small.. I don't think you can take it.." He said, a bit of a teasing undertone to his words as well. "See? You're already squeezing my fingers so hard princess, how could my dick ever fit inside huh?" He said, contrary to his otherwise rough nature keeping his movements gentle and slow enough for you to adjust without causing much pain. He could see the slight discomfort in your eyes, yet you suddenly shook your head, voice whiny.

"Uh-uh.." You mumbled, and he laughed a bit at that. "can take it.." You said bratty as ever, feeding his ego to no ends. "Wanna have it- you.. you gon' give it right? 'm good.." You said, having troubles keeping your hands under your back just like he told you to, grabbing the sheets underneath you instead to have something to keep yourself grounded.

Jungkook couldn't stop smiling. You didn't even know what you were asking for, yet you seemed so drowned in trust with him, that you simply gave him the right to do anything he wanted with you. "You sure?" He said, and smiled at the way you nodded again with your eyes closed. He moved away after that, shedding his pants before he walked over to his bedside table, fishing out a condom, before moving back to you, your eyes now on him, or more than that, on his very apparent bulge his boxers failed to conceal. Maybe you really did ask for more than you could take. Quite literally. Sensing your growing uneasiness he simply discarded his underwear, cock finally springing free, slapping soundlessly against his abdomen before he sat between your legs again. You made grabby hands for the foil package in his hands, somehow wanting to slip it onto him, yet he shook his head amused. "Nuh-uh baby. I'm afraid if you touch me right now I'll just embarrass myself and come straight away." He said, and you giggled at that. The sound of it brought him back at ease, his little joke having helped to calm you down at least a little bit. He knew this was a big thing, especially for someone like you- and it made him feel even a bit pressured if he was honest. He was slow when he dipped his head inside, your body instinctively trying to move away a bit, but you forced yourself to stay still, eyes now pressed close. Moving around a bit he kept one hand around the base of himself, the other steadying himself next to your shoulder, kissing you on your lips for the first time since you both started, surprising you enough to not notice how he somehow began to glide into you with the help of your arousal and the lubricant of the condom around him. He groaned, the first actual noise he'd made you could tie to his pleasure, and your breathing picked up once you noticed how full you felt. Gasping several times he suddenly started to laugh, making you giggle as well, even though you didn't knew what was so funny in that situation. "God- ugh.. your- fuck you're tight.." He pressed out, fighting hard against his hips' own mind yelling at him to move, to wreck you, to utterly ruin you. But he couldn't allow himself to do that- reassuring himself that he would have time for that at a later date. He slowly started to move around after he calmed down enough, keeping his speed down to keep it gentle for you. "I- fuck.." He started, having to talk to stretch his patience out, and to also ease your mild pain a little bit. "Let's- ugh.. Let's go on a date tomorrow, yeah? I.. god-" He said, and you nodded, moaning in your delicate pitch he oh so loved. "Gonna be all romantic and shit- fuck- gonna treat you like- for Mcdonald's or some shit." He said, making you both laugh between gasps of pleasure, your hands suddenly frantically moving around the sheets, legs shaking as he began to speed up his pace. You didn't knew what an orgasm would feel like, or how you knew you would have one, but you gasped, chocking on unshed tears in frustration as you noticed that you couldn't tumble over that delicious edge, and Jungkook noticed, cooing at you. "Ah, my baby can't come without her little clit being touched?" He said, kissing the side of your neck, biting the skin teasingly before sucking a hickey on your collarbone, his hands now grabbing yours, fingers intertwining with his, before moving them around his neck, sensing how you wanted to be closer to him, even though that hardly seemed possible. "Come for me baby, you can do it." He said, kissing your shoulder as if to make up for his mark he'd left, his hand now reaching between your bodies, only needing to put a bit of pressure on your little nub to send you flying. You moaned out loud, uncaring on how you sounded, clinging onto him for dear life, his own release making him groan out as well.

He could feel your body trembling, your breathing still fast. He waited for a moment or two for himself to soften up so he could pull out gently- your still slightly clenching hole almost pushing his dick out of yourself. You whined at the empty feeling, and he hushed you gently, moving around so he was sitting up against his headboard, your body on his lap, head on his shoulder. His hand moved back and forth over your spine, the other keeping your body steadily against him. "You did so, so good baby." He gently whispered between your breaths still coming out a little faster than they should. "To be honest I actually was kind of worried you wouldn't be able to take it. I'm impressed princess." He said, making you giggle. You still weren't quite back yet, still bathing in your own afterglow, and he simply waited for you to calm down- slowly becoming aware of your surroundings again.

"Hey, Jungkookie.." You started with that nickname Taehyung always teased him with, yet you would get away with it anytime on his watch. He simply moved his head to look at you, even if you weren't at him. "Did you.. like, mean it? Are we.. a couple now, or?" You started a bit too softly, yet you didn't have to be scared of his answer to that.

He took a deep breath, before yawning a bit. "If you want us to be. I know I want to." He started, brushing some hair away from your eyes. You looked at him, big eyes so innocent like he didn't just fuck you into his mattress literally minutes ago.

"I want to!" You immediately said, making him chuckle and place a kiss on your nose, receiving a giggle at that, before you tensed up. He raised his eyebrows at that, before you looked at him surprised. "My legs are all- tingly.. Jungkook did you break me- HEY don't laugh!" You said, but he couldn't help himself.

He threw his head back, laughing his admittedly cute open laugh, before wrapping his arms around your body. "God I love you." He simply said, making you smile.

"Hey Jungkookie?" You said after a bit.

"Yeah Princess?" He answered.

"That McDonald's date still stands, right?" You said with a small voice, making him snort.

"Anything you want princess. Anything you want."

Taglist:

@mrcleanheichou @sugasbratz @sassysaxsolo @bananagukkie @wh3resangel @urmomgee

[imagine-straykids]

★ Sincerely, Lee Know | Ver. 01

★ Summary: In an alternate universe where Lee Minho AKA Lee Know is a sassy blogger. You get to see with your very own eyes everything he documents on his blog, whether that's his thoughts on a recent movie he had just watched, his experience eating at Taco Bell for the first time, or the bitch he almost had to fight, Lee Minho will stop at nothing to get his points across.

★ Discretion: I hope it's not confusing, but this is a roleplay? I thought the idea would be fun. A lot of cursing and mature contents will be discussed, but nothing too over the top. Beware excessive cringe maybe. This is a series. Enjoy!

★ You are currently viewing: About Me

Hi, my name is Lee Know, or I guess if we're getting personal here: Lee Minho. Although I prefer Lee Know because people always get me confused with the actor Lee Minho.

I rant and complain A LOT, but I don't think I need to tell you that, because you'll be finding it out for yourself later. But I have the mouth the size of the pacific ocean, and holding back is the last thing Lee Know does. So if you're a sensitive little bitch, then do not continue any further. If you still do and proceed to come for me, then well... that's between you and god.

More about myself? Well... I'm just your average everyday guy, but better. I like to listen to music and dance on my free time. And when I'm not doing that, then I usually hang out with my crew. They can be real idiotic and sometimes I wonder why am I even putting myself through their shit, but they are the real homies. Have been with me since forever and I know they will always have my back, so watch out.

Why I started this blog? Well, funny story. I got into an argument with Chan one day, btw shoutout to @christopherbangcorner go follow and like his stuff. I know he told me to not tell anyone about his blog but I could give two shit. Anyways, we were arguing and he said to me "You run that mouth of yours so much, why don't you put it to good use for once." so here I am. So if you're interested, keep reading. If you're just coming here to hate on me, then well... that's going to be difficult because I'm quite a likable person if I say so myself. I'm just kidding... ish.

Anyways. That's that. Proceed with caution!

Sincerely, Lee Know.

★ You are currently viewing: Rants

rant #1 2:35 p.m.

I swear, hoes these days be thirsty asf. Me and Hyunjin just wanted to go to the convenience store to get some things Chan's lazy ass ordered us to, and we legit got followed the whole way there. ARE PEOPLE LITERALLY THAT JOBLESS! Leave us alone next time or don't say I didn't warn you when I whip out my asian slipper and slap every one of you so hard you're going to regret ever meeting me in this lifetime. And like, aren't you guys supposed to be in class right now? Go back, Jesus. Bet every one of y'all are failing. How would your mothers feel if she knows you're ditching class to go chase some dicks.

10,334 views | 234 comments

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rant #2 7:02 p.m.

Yo, I just suddenly remembered the rudest customer I ever had. So I used to work at this Boba shop during my high school days, and this motherfucker with his cupcake shaped hair jimmy neutron looking ass came in and started yelling at me for getting his order wrong. Like bro... why you tryna fight a 16 year old about a $4 drink. Chill tf out. There are children dying in Africa. Now that I think about it, 16 year old me was on some adult shit. 22 year old me now would've spit in his drink.

12,943 views | 301 comments

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rant #3 5:12 p.m.

Learn to wear a goddamn mask. I will not repeat myself. You ain't no Rosa Parks, you just a stupid headass. Do all these people really think they're doing sum?

9,135 views | 212 comments

★ You are currently viewing: Photos

↓

★ sincerelyleeknow has uploaded a photo!

↓

uploaded at 10:05 A.M.

It likes me, I promise.

24,352 views | 12,842 likes | 563 comments

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uploaded at 2:15 P.M.

Yes, we know we're hot.

30,041 views | 15,624 likes | 784 comments

★ You are currently viewing: Home

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★ sincerelyleeknow just posted something!

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posted at 3:57 P.M.

yo, wtf. people actually read the shit that I write? no offense, but are you guys like... okay?! i sorta created this blog out of spite but now I just might have to roll with it.

13,524 views | 267 comments

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posted at 4:43 P.M.

I'm bored and my inbox are open. Send me something. No nudes or creepy ass messages please. There's a block button and I'm not afraid to use it.

16,223 views | 304 comments

————————————————————————————————

➤ potofnoodle923 asked: dang shawty, you cute.

sincerelyleeknow replied: tell me something I don't know.

➤ anonymous asked: why are you wearing makeup? that's gay. You're not funny and all of your followers suck.

sincerelyleeknow replied: why you mad bro? I bet you sent that from your mom's basement. go out and get some sunlight my dude. bitter ass mf i know you're scared.

➤ caillou_caillou0 asked: you're cute and all but why your hair be looking crispy.

sincerelyleeknow replied: okurr caillou. at least I have hair.

➤ flowerbeauty7 asked: go out with me?

sincerelyleeknow replied: I might consider if you're paying

➤ anonymous asked: fucking traitor hoe.

sincerelyleeknow replied: ayy chill out Chan. I helped promote your blog.

➤ anonymous asked: your friend on the right of one your photo is cute or whatever. he single?

sincerelyleeknow replied: get in line, sis

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★ sincerelyleeknow just posted something!

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posted at 6:22 P.M.

okay well that was a fucking mistake. anyways, I'm gonna bounce now. prob answer more tmr or whenever I'm not procrastinating. some of y'all weird as fuck.

11,557 views | 242 comments

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~ Sincerely, Lee Know

[thickness-protection-program]

Hoe Story Yikes Part 2 : Electric Boogaloo, I'm so sorry it's a long story and I'm kind of venting cause every now and again i get that "wah i miss him" when he was a huge asshole,

tl;dr: Got into a relationship after i moved states, he was extremely possessive and manipulative, broke up with him after 9 months of enduring it, 4 months after the breakup he catfishes me on grindr to ambush me in my apartment and curse me out.

AND HERE'S THE LONG VERSION FOR WHOEVER CARES

So last year (2021), I quarter life crisis'd myself into moving to another state instead of going to therapy, flew into a relationship about 10 days after I moved, got love bombed, let him move in like the following week, then over the course of the following 9 months submitted to ever increasing possessiveness and manipulation chasing the high of the thought that someone wanted me for me and didnt just fetishize that I'm a 6'7" Blatino gamer.

Now when I say possessiveness im talkin: got upset when i went to a store without him (closest supermarket is literally walking distance around the corner from the apartment complex), I gave him my phone pin, my computer pin, i made sure to spend time with him when he came home from his night job even if i opened at work the next day, when i got my dream work from home graphic design job he didnt like it because "then id just have guys over when he left", he didnt like that my supervisor at the new job is gay, always asked if I knew who posted something i liked or retweeted if it was someone who thotposts and shitposts, thought my discord girlies were all flirting with each other cause we have raunchy gay humor, and so on and so forth.

For 9 Months. As if I didnt indulge in his hobbies of LARPing, going with him to another state for like the biannual rules meeting of this larp thing that he had his own chapter of, i did all of the branding and half of the initial story writing for his chapter cause I enjoyed it and wanted him to pull it off, took him to my home state to see my friends and family, we planned a valentines trip to hawaii, we were looking at houses to buy, we were talking marriage, cleaned if he cooked, cooked if he cleaned, didnt say anything even if it bothered me to how his clothes were literally all over the floor all over this small ass apartment.

Mid to Late november I felt like things were okay and going fine, finally looking up, i stopped leaving my phone in the open to see if he would ease up but of course he would just go through my computer while im working in the living room. Christmas comes around and not 2 seconds after we finish opening presents he asks if he can have my phone again like a child asking for their confiscated toy back and i felt something snap in my brain. So after festering until January (2022) I broke it off with him and told him i needed my space and to re-re-establish boundaries and Im moving back to my home state when my lease runs up. February I had to kick him out of the apartment cause he wanted to stay with me until I left (but i felt like it was to make sure no one else could get their hands on me). I keep in touch with him cause Im still clinging on to the good memories even though the bad was waaaay worse but over time the texting got stale and after I poured my heart out to him for like the 4th time i got a "Yeah" in response and nothing else. and i was like okay cool i got the memo, have a good life.

SO i get back on the apps last week (April), in one part to be social after being held captive for almost a year and in another to satiate baser instincts. Couple of days go by and im feelin particularly salacious and bottomy so I cast a net while im working and hosing down the chimney. Someone takes the bite and at this point it's like midnight, almost 1 am, i havent eaten, he was Cute Enough so i was like yeah come over whatever. as he said he was getting closer, he said do you wanna just leave the door open and wait for me on the bed and me being a disgusting dangerous hoe said sure just lock the door behind you. Mind you im in nothing but a jock on my bed, i hear the door, im like alright lets get down to business.

I turn to look and it's my Ex.

He fully catfished me with someone elses face and nudes and then he starts popping off going "Wow. You're a horrible person, youre a whore, i wish you were dead, you ruined so much for me, i want you out of my life and out of this state" and im in nothing but my jock still, fully gooped and gagged that he had the audacity to do this, and the only words i managed in the middle of his tirade was "Are you serious", then he stormed out of the apartment. I wasn't scared cause I knew he wouldn't get physical with me (cause i'd win) but this is gonna be fun to talk to my therapist about.

:)

I... I want to fight him and I want to hug you lol. I'm glad you're ok but babe we can't be letting our need for dick cum before our safety! But tbh I probably would've called the cops or my homegirls on him or something like... He would've got spin kicked in his throat. Thots and gayers for you bestie 😅 and once again I'm glad you're ok

[darealsaltysam]

what your paladins main says about you

a comprehensive essay by a paladins player of right around 4 years

this is like really long so i’ll make it under the cut so my followers don’t have to scroll through this if they don’t wanna

(for context i’m a current maeve main, i used to main skye and sha lin and played tyra a long while ago)

.

Androxus

it’s not a phase, mum

“i don’t care we don’t have healer, i’m really good at him i swear”

you ult every time it loads in and you die before the final shot

your favorite mode is siege because you can fly up and shoot the whole point on ult

you’re usually really stand-offish and don’t communicate much and/or a 13 year old boy with anger issues

.

Ash

you are level-headed but in a scary way

you will hold the point solo even if it costs you your streak

“get on the point” “guys get on the point” “attack the objective”

you’ll ult to save yourself 99% of the time

good leader

.

Atlas

you probably used to main lex or androxus before he came out

“he’s like a flank, but a tank, he’s great!”

you chase after solo kills instead of sticking to the point

healers hate you, flanks and damages fear you

your favorite mode is death match

.

Barik

you’re a former/current tf2 player looking for something fresh

you don’t like working too hard so you spam turrets on the point and hope for the best

“healer stick to me i’m boutta ult”

actually really nice between rounds

but you don’t communicate much mid-game and kind of do your thing

.

Bomb King

you’re a really old player. you have the beta makoa skin and you were there when lex was first released. veteran’s discount.

your favorite maps are the old ones and they barely show up any more

the team always underestimates you

“who plays bomb king in 2021 lol?”

you need a hug

.

Buck

“wait, he’s a flank? i thought he was a tank??”

you’re also a veteran in the game

you’re a dying breed. i like never see you. do you even exist?

you’ve been here since like the first day of the game

buck gets so many skins and you want all of them but the best you have is a random recolor

.

Cassie

sweetest person alive

“we can do it guys! let’s try to all rush the point this time!”

you are the bane of every flank

the opposing team hates you, your own team kind of doesn’t notice you’re there

*casually gets a pentakill*

.

Corvus

you know those weirdly political kids who like ww2 and know the details of every tank to ever exist? yeah that’s you

but like that’s corvus. as a character.

but no one ever plays him.

like i never even see him do you exist???

you are a cryptid.

.

Dredge

yo ho you’re a hoe

no seriously the other team views you and they FEAR you

“yeah i just got a penta kill” “YOU WHAT?” “eyes on the point mate don’t get distracted”

hella good at the game and hella casual about it

you like onslaught on the one sea map the most

.

Drogoz

another veteran, are we?

you’re either useless or can wipe out a whole team in seconds. there is no in-between.

you always have a really cool skin.

dovahkiin, dovahkiin...

“i don’t care about the point i gotta get them trips”

.

Evie

you bought her because you thought she was cute, admit it

*turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right be

your personality type is identical to her. no question about that.

always buys faster reload and better speed

strangely good communication with the team

.

Fernando

gay gay homosexual gay

“he’s kinda hot if you look at him the right way”

fernando is the tank for gay people

you are gay people

i don’t have much more to say

.

Furia

mum energy. not as much as inara mains, but still, mum energy.

will protect every member of the team with your life, even the flanks

you’ve been maining her since she was first added

i bet you didn’t even know she’s canonically seris’ sister

“we’ve literally failed to capture the point the last 3 times we might as well give up and go to another game”

.

Grohk

“yeah i have a gremlincore tumblr blog, how could you tell?”

i honestly have no words

you’re kind of like a catboy but a racoon

do you even heal the team or do you just pretend

you were there when lex got announced and thought he was cringe, now everyone finally agrees with you

.

Grover

he was your first purchased character and he’s stuck around ever since

he’s the only healer you can play well

“i am groot lmao”

you would never say a word to your team

would give your life for the tank but that’s about it

.

Imani

daenerys targaryen on drugs

your favorite anime is my hero academia

your husbando is todoroki

you see where i am going with this

“team protect me i’m gonna ult” *dies 5 seconds into ult*

.

Inara

BIG MUM ENERGY

your team is your family. you will protect them with your life.

can only hold your own with a good healer so you have good teamwork going for you

*cutely places wall in front of your ult*

useless in tdm so you stick to onslaught, siege and koth

.

Io

are you a furry, furry, or a furry?

“victow! dont ult on my tweam pwease! uwu!”

you 100% find her attractive in some way shape or form

you are either a 30 year old redditor who enjoys loli content or a 16 year old teen who is playing a shooter for the first time

she’s kind of cute, i guess

.

Jenos

i can never tell if i’m going to absolutely destroy you or if you’re gonna kick my ass

*cutely holds you up so the whole team can shoot you to death*

kamehameha

you’re a healer??? i guess???

your character has such deep lore and i bet you don’t even know half of it

.

Khan

one day you were playing and your team desperately needed a tank. you picked the first one you saw. suddenly, you’re lian’s foot stool

despite 2 layers of heavy armor, you’d still let this man walk all over you

“this skin is really cool, wish it wasn’t behind a pay wall...”

YEET

you actually know the game’s lore, for some reason

.

Kinessa

i never trust people who are good at a sniper. if you’re bad that’s natural and you’re 99% of the population. if you’re good you are definitely up to something

you’d sell your sister for 5 pennies if you could

you’re missing from the team all game and somehow have the most kills

“we have a kinessa???”

you are an urban legend to your team

.

Koga

someone’s been watching naruto

you are so shit at the game. like i’m sorry. no one’s good at koga i’m so sorry

how do you have so many skins for one character???

you’re always missing from the point

healers hate you. so does the enemy kinessa.

.

Lex

quit the game /nm

“who mains lex in 2021??? lmao???”

wall hacks, aimbot, and it’s all legal for you as an ability. you are a hacker in a world of puny vanillas. you like it easy so you go for the easy min max character. have fun getting hated

you think he’s hot and press on his loading abilities just so he can scold you and you can hear him being mad at you

*bonk* go to horny jail

.

Lian

"she could step on me”

you used to main some sort of healer but switched over when you got sick of everyone being needy

you can hold a point all on your own for a really really long time but the moment your team gets there you start flunking

you wish you had more skins for her

you don’t

.

Maeve

so imagine this. it was like 2018 and you were just chilling playing the game. you kept getting killed by maeve. in every game. she was in every game you went to and she kept killing you over and over and over again. you got frustrated, snapped, and bought her to see if you could do the same to others. you are now the maeve in every game. the cycle repeats.

your whole team doubts you but then you casually get a quad kill and they just sort of look away

you die a total of two times each round and 99% of the time it’s because you go too fast and fall off the map

you repeat everything she says in her accent because you think it’s cute

“welcome to ze meant streets, kitten!” “can you shut the fuck up” “i hate to cut and run, he-he!”

.

Makoa

you have the plushie skin or the beta skin, otherwise you don’t main and only play casually stop lying to yourself

“attack turtle go brrr”

you’re really good if you get paired with a good healer

otherwise you’re useless

you wish you could get better teammates because you could really thrive with an organized group. but on paladins you won’t get that, i’m sorry-

.

Mal’Damba

i always forget this guy is even in the game

you’re definitely under 6 foot IRL

you have an older sibling you always fight with

you’d love to have a snake irl

you’re really chill outside of the game, but when playing you hella rage

.

Moji

you are so precious

but also such a little shit

you annoy me but i also want to give you a hug

“let’s go guys!! to the point!! wheee!!”

please never change but also get out of my sight

.

Octavia

you always main the new character until the new person drops

somehow always have enough credits to buy the new champion whenever they come out

you don’t like having a stable main cuz you get bored

you like hanging out at the training rage

hate siege and love team death match, you like your games quick

.

Pip

you are the worst and best thing to ever happen to this game

you only pick him to heal yourself and hardly ever heal your team

no one notices you there until you ult

then you get focused

honestly you just seem like you wanna do your thing and i can respect that

.

Raum

you probably go to therapy or desperately need it

“BIG MAN BIG. HE IS BIG. BRRRR”

you always love the demons in media

you like being in charge of the team and wreck the point any time you are there, you like fighting on your own but having a healer nearby is nice too

you probably have daddy issues

.

Ruckus

you think ruckus’ and bolt’s dynamic is cool and that’s one of the main reasons you started playing him

he’s the only tank you can play

you used to main either inara or ying at some point but chose violence instead

really short irl. you physically relate to ruckus and spiritually to bolt.

“funny goblin man :)”

.

Seris

certified girlboss

you can hold an objective all on your own or heal your whole team no problem. either way you are SLAYING

“alright. who’s ass am i kicking today?”

mum energy is inferior to inara but still kind of there

i’m like 50% sure you have a foot fetish

.

Sha Lin

*pointing and chanting* incel, incel, ince-

whether that’s about you or the character you can decide

you like minecraft bedwars on the side

“if i don’t get this headshot i am literally going to spontaneously combust”

really useful when there’s no other long distance people - otherwise a nuisance

.

Skye

AWOOGA *jaw drops to ground, eyes roll out of head* BOOBA BOOBA BOOBA

you bought her for the tiddies, didn’t you?

she’s actually really satisfying to play once you get the hang of her, but can be real tough on rough days

you need a break i think - maybe play some other game for a bit?

*casually gets team kill with ult*

.

Strix

you own at least one pretty knife

you played him when he was unlocked on rotation, fell in love, and spent a whole evening collecting credits to buy him fully

“haha bird man”

i’ve said what i said about snipers. if you’re actually good at him you are hiding a body somewhere. i fear you.

why does everyone ship him with viktor????

.

Talus

little furry child

he reminds me of tommyinnit because he is small and annoying

if you play him you are tall and intimidating 

i’m friends with a tall scary talus main

i can’t say bad things please spare me

.

Terminus

you always ult at the worst time and just get killed again 5 seconds after

“hey losers watch this” *goes on the point, dies, revives, kills one person and dies again*

you’re only a good tank if you cooperate

you don’t

on your own you’re a pretty good player

.

Tiberius

*sigh*

you think the cat is hot, don’t you?

“his accent is kinda cute tho hehe”

you saw that one ending scene in zootopia with the dancing tigers and it CHANGED you

you are probably a furry. if not your awakening is coming. be ready.

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Torvald

you’ve been playing this game for too long

you’ve seen skins rise and fall. you’ve seen nerfs and buffs. you’ve seen reworks and remakes. you are ancient. older than the dragons and wiser than makoa. respect.

people see you on the opposing team and get really annoyed

“the point is really crowded, we can’t move in” “don’t worry guys, my ult is charged up”

you’re really good at all the characters but you like this guy a lot because you think he’s funky fresh

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Tyra

you’re either new to the game or have been playing for too long

either way you can KICK ASS but you need to keep behind your team to do the most damage

flanks are the bane of you, especially the fast jumpy ones

you really want one of the cooler skins but you can only ever get the basic ones. such is the curse of maining one of the OG characters.

“bite me”

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Viktor

you are level 100+ guaranteed, and everyone fears you

“oh shit they got a victor. flank focus him”

you probably play COD and CS:GO normally and wanted to go with something familiar and easy. your skill from the other more advanced games DWARFS everyone else

but why are you playing “guy with gun 132″ in a game with magical elves and fairies. like come on bro.

you don’t have any in-game friends because paladins is your guilty pleasure game you would never admit to

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Vivian

“step on me” syndrome cranked up to 100%

this woman could spit on you and you’d still respect her more than your own mother. good for you

“i’m not a simp. i’m just tier 3 subbed to pokimane ironically”

you sweat the game hardcore. former victor main or he’s your secondary.

you’ve got her on level 50+ at least

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Vora

like the maeve mains but somehow worse

bought her out of spite or played her while she was on rotation, now here you are grinding credits for her a day after she became unavailable

honestly you’re really good at the game i have nothing else to say

you enjoy the newer characters more than the OGs - you’re either a former vivian or lian main

you miss the play of the game feature in the game because you’d get all of them with this girl

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Willo

you seem like the moji mains at first but show your true colors soon after

“fuck you” x50

you are a trash talker on max overdrive. you need to sit down, do some breathing exercises and have a drink.

you hate your own team more than the opposing guys

when you see a willow on the opposing team you make it your sole goal to eliminate her as many times as humanely possible

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Yagorath

i bet you didn’t know she was canonically female until you read this

you don’t like sweating too much so you pick the tank that leaves you heavily relying on your healers and damages

you can hold a point really well so you like siege and onslaught

“are vora and yagorath connected in the lore somehow and do i really care?”

you have a friend who you always party up with to be your healer, otherwise you might switch to another character

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Ying

“tanks love me, flanks hate me”

you are too powerful. literally. how are you so strong

you’ve mastered the most difficult healer in the game. the others are really easy for you to play but you have trouble with seris

motivate your team a lot but start shading and trash talking if they don’t cooperate

you’ll gladly play someone else for a long while and like taking breaks from her

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Zhin

this is your first main after switching over from overwatch. we can smell it on you.

you’re really annoyed with his personality and voice lines but the character is too good to play for you to pass him up for that. you respond to his voice lines aloud very aggressively to let him know he’s an ass

“YES ZHIN HEALERS AREN’T USELESS YOU SELFISH PRICK”

you try your best but you’re not a great team player

infinite trips on a good day, die repeatedly without kills on a bad one and you switch over to vora or skye for a bit.

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this took me hours to write out pls leave reblog and note thanks uwu