#paladins text post

[liamfaoisidhe]

I finally made more memes!

[iwannabealice]

holga: you look like you've never touched a woman in your life

xenk: i'm homosexual

holga: i'm sorry. you look like you've never touched a man in your life

[rwac96]

Whereabouts (WhiteRose/Devil Paladin)

Ruby: "Jaune, we're not mad--."

Weiss: *unamused* "I'm not amused."

Ruby: "And I know things in the dating scene for ya seem...uh, shaky."

Weiss: *groans* "Let's skip to the point! Jaune, you missed our wedding!"

Jaune: *rueful, nodding* "I know, I'm sorry!"

Ruby: "Look, we just wanna know: Where the heck were ya?"

Weiss: "And why? I thought you were over me."

Jaune: "I am."

Ruby: "Okay, but where were ya all day?"

Jaune: *blushes* "Uh..." *rubs the back of his neck*

---

*On the day of the Whiterose wedding, elsewhere...*

Pwalp!-Pwalp!-Pwalp!-Pwalp!-Pwalp!-Pwalp!-Pwalp!-Pwalp!

Rias: *moans* "Ooh, that's it, knight~!!"

Jaune: *thrusting* "Gods, I need to rest!"

*Jaune was on top of the Devil Princess, in a mating press though Rias had her legs coiled around his waist*

Rias: *moans again* "Oooh, never stooop! Would you rather attend that wedding?"

Jaune: *groans* "Nooo."

Rias: "Aaaahh!! Keep at it! Keep pleasing me~!!"

Schlap!-Schlap!-Schlap!-Schlap!-Schlap!-Schlap!-Schlap!-Schlap!

[tunastime]

hi i’m here to make you worse, can i get uhhh “it’s fine. you’re here now.” + hiccuping tears into their shoulder with Kalesa and Julian? extra points if Julian is the one crying :]

"It's fine. You're here now." (1076 words) (x)

It's late when the rhythmic sound of whetstone and blade drifts up from the back garden and through the open window of the study. The sound is sharp, distinctly metallic as it should be, underlain by something smooth and careful in the way the metal grates against fine-toothed, dampened stone. Kalesa knows the hands that guide it almost as well as her own—she could certainly tell by the sound that they worked with a precision she'd only now begun to practice with her own blade. The noise is a comfort, even with its oddly steel-tasting sound. It reminded her of fires, and smoke, and laughter. And, even now, with the slight smell of oak wood smoke, it fills her with that comfort, all the way up until the sound of stone clattering against metal breaks through.

Kalesa stands all at once, journal left open and forgotten as she leans out of the open window and casts a wide glance to the firepit, glowing warm red in the early evening light. A cold breeze floats up and through the twisting curtains. Julian, sat quietly, staring into the blade carefully balanced on his knees, clutches his hand to his chest.

Kalesa swallows. Something cold rushes up to meet her, clamoring up her throat even as she tries to steel her resolve and back away without any noise. It takes a moment of pressing her nails to her palm to bring her energy center, and, even then, she falters. They'd both long since cast the cloak of adventuring from their shoulders and yet, whatever he found before she really knew him, whatever lurked behind her husbands eyes when they seemed just a touch too far away to properly read, seemed to linger. Seemed to fester. Not an anxious state. Not a paranoia. A rot that wasn't his. Something only magic could touch.

Kalesa rounds the stairs and steps into the evening greeted only for a moment by the sound of the lake on the shore and fireflies. She moves carefully, shoulders and elbows tense with worry as she rounds the side of the house, careful not to let the anxiety show in the shake of her breath or the sound of her voice.

"Jules," she says, soft and comforting, like talking to a spooked animal. Her hand comes out, right hand, ring heavy on her left, palm out. She steps to him, not slow, but deliberate. Julian's eyes don't leave the blade. Not until Kalesa removes the weighty weapon from his knees, the wrap and hilt warm in her hand from where it used to soak up his, and the fire's, heat. The blade seems to hum ever so in her grip. She isn't afraid, though—not of the blade. Not of Julian. Not even of the weapon in his hands. As Kalesa sets the blade in the grass, Julian's eyes snap up. He gags on a breath as he startles.

"Kal."

"Hi, JJ," Kalesa starts. She smiles weakly as Julian's dark eyes rove her face for some beat of recognition. There's a moment of held breath and silence before Julian's forehead collides dully with her right shoulder with enough force to briefly wind her. She wobbles on her heels, sinks to her knees as Julian crumples into her.

"Oh," she startles, holding fast to the back of his neck, turning her face into it, kissing the clammy skin. His pulse races. He tastes like sweat. "It's okay. It's okay. Jules..."

Julian shakes his head, pressing firmer against her shoulder as he does, curled still around his hand. Kalesa drags her hand down his neck, pushing into thick, corded muscle, trying to force anything to give. She feels him shudder, hiccup, sink into the touch.

"What happened? Where did you go?" she asks, quiet against the soft skin of his throat.

"I don't know," he hiccups, voice wobbling with tears. Her platitudes begin with the space between his shoulderblades, running her hand as far as she can reach down the center of his spine to ground him. Julian's crying is a quiet, sniffling thing. She feels Julian wheeze as he coughs out a breath, as he pulls another tight in through his teeth. Her tail curls around his ankle.

"You don't need to," she murmurs, trying to unclench her jaw, eyes screwed shut. It's been a long time since Julian fell into the half state of clarity, of seeing visions that weren't his, feeling the inky black of the hand he thought was his god reach through him. It had been many, many years since he'd been that weapon. And still, he held himself as if he were the knife's edge, the sword's blade, the downswing of an axe. The same sword that killed now moved in slow motions to teach. The same weapon that crawled out of possession to find the party he loved now cradled himself in Kalesa's arms, worming his way back to warm reality.

She says, "Just be here with me," and Julian's wet sigh makes her feel like he will. Julian sighs again, deeper now, hiccup softer as he readjusts. His hands fall to his lap, and for the first time, Kalesa gets a glimpse at the angry red cut across the heel of his hand. It isn't deep or wide, a thin thing bleeding more than it should, seen mostly from the tacky blood on his wrist at the small stain on his beige tunic. Kalesa takes Julian's wrist in one hand, careful not to jostle too much. She hums once. The sound is a mix of displeasure and concern. Holding his wrist, other arm still curled over his shoulders, she tucks her face into his neck again, sighs once, and says:

"I want to clean this up," and kisses the high of his shoulder.

Julian nods, letting out a damp huff of breath.

"Me too," he says softly. Kalesa smiles against his neck.

"Let's go then," she says, and tugs Julian up with her, limbs tangling, resting and rocking up together, until they both can stand. They both leave the sword and the embers of the fire to their wishes until they return to lay them to rest, in scabbard and soil.

[corvidexoskeleton]

To you, miraak has the same voice as the military cultist and you think it's comical. To me, danse has the same voice as the first dragonborn, and i think it's comical

[the-punforgiven]

I know there's that whole stereotype of DMs and PCs hating each other or whatever but to be 100% honest the most joy I get out of D&D is when my players come up with some absolutely crazy batshit idea that should be absolutely impossible rules as written because as the DM I can choose to ignore that dumb nerd shit and just say "That sounds fucking rad dude, I'm giving you inspiration for that idea, now make an Acrobatics check."

[kismetconstellations]

Shiro from Voltron for the character ask game

To spare my poor followers' dashboards a massive wall of text, my answers will be found behind the cut. Let's regroup there, shall we?

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I love Shiro because he demonstrates so perfectly that a person's trauma does not have to define them. No matter what kind of Hell they've been subjected to, they always have the option to remain gentle, compassionate, and kind. Even when they're afraid. Even when they believe themselves to be "broken", or monstrous because of what they had to do to survive.

One can rise above attempts to break them, and be so much more than the people who mistreated them tried to force them to be.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

His personality. Even when he isn't being everything that epitomizes a true hero- brave, selfless, strong-willed, empathetic, always looking after others and willing to risk his life for them at the drop of a hat- he's so much fun to watch. From his moments of tired, resigned irritation and bemusement with others' antics,

to his quiet fascination with Altean technology and concepts, like water pouches and their time measurement system,

to the moments where he's just a great big dorky sweetheart.

People who think he's "boring" because he's a workaholic soldier who isn't as inclined to shenanigans and over the top reactions as his younger comrades aren't paying attention. He's an extremely dynamic, multi-faceted character just begging to be explored by someone who loves him and all of his depth and multitudes.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

How he's handled by the team of inept showrunners who helmed this messy disaster of a cartoon.

He has no real support system, something I can only imagine is due to him being the commanding officer to a group of teenagers he can't truly confide in, and the intention to have him fill a Doomed Mentor role, despite him being inadvertently written as The Chosen One. His biological family is virtually non-existent. The only other proper adult he could look to for advice is the designated comic relief. There were opportunities for him to be taken in by the Holts, given their mutual fondness for each other, or even Allura and Coran. Allura and Shiro seemed to have developed an even stronger bond (offscreen, of course) after she saved his life.

(I have a theory that Allura's quintessence alchemy altered Shiro's DNA, which is why his new arm could only be safely powered by the Balmeran crystal from Allura's tiara, and the Atlas, similarly powered by Altean magic, responds to Shiro and Shiro alone, establishing a mental link with him the same way Allura had with the Castle of Lions. But, that's for another unhinged essay.)

And, when Coran confronts Iverson about strapping Shiro to a table in the pilot, he refers to Shiro as "our Shiro".

But, neither of these avenues were ever explored, as Shiro was "retired" and relegated to side-character status, leaving him isolated from everyone, including his best friend who loves him.

The ableism surrounding his disability is disgusting. He's a forced amputee twice over. He spends most of an entire season standing mute on the sidelines without a right arm, and there's absolutely no acknowledgement of his missing limb, that his best friend is the reason why it's gone, or inquiries into how being rendered effectively "useless" after coming back from the dead is affecting Shiro's already poor mental health.

(Does Shiro sleep? Does he have pajamas he can even change into, or is he supposed to wear the Black Paladin armor the entire trip back to Earth? Is he able to shower with that stump, or does it pose an electrocution hazard if it comes into contact with water? Is there anything available for him to do so he isn't standing silently around, losing his mind?)

His best friend's mother tells him to stay out of a fight, and he meekly accepts the order, never making another attempt to be anything other than a helpless bystander until he's been outfitted with a new arm that he, once again, has no say in the design of. An arm that is bulky and over-sized, impractical, likely extremely uncomfortable, and sickeningly mirrors his abuser's.

The same abuser who filled his head with taunts about his previous prosthetic being the "strongest part" of him, and the same abuser who tortured him and is implied to have raped him.

An ally tells him that he would be stronger with "two robotic arms", almost mocking the fact that Shiro's right arm was deliberately taken from him to be replaced by a weapon. And, this is never called out or questioned.

A punch that he lands on his abuser with his organic fist only incites a mocking sneer before Shiro is flung across the body of the ship that they're fighting on like a ragdoll.

After being made to feel washed-up and old at twenty-six, Shiro participates in an arm-wrestling tournament that he wins-- using the ill-proportioned prosthetic modeled after his abuser's.

I don't know if there was no one on the staff who was aware of the vile implications in this handling of a disabled character, but when one considers the similar grotesque handling of intense trauma and passive suicidal ideation... It doesn't exactly paint a pretty picture of the ideas and beliefs that went into the writing on this show.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

This is so silly and indulgent, but... What immediately comes to mind is, instead of him dying in the second season's finale and spending four entire seasons helplessly roaming and languishing on the Astral Plane, I would have him magically transported to the beach episode of a slice of life anime.

He would get to play volleyball with and be fawned over by a bunch of pretty, shirtless men with glistening, sun-kissed skin. As he deserves. ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)

5. What’s the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

"Lazarus Drug", by Meg Washington. Longtime followers of my silly little blog might be aware of my love for Bluey, which is how I was introduced to this gorgeous piece of music. It was used to masterful effect in the twenty-eight minute special episode, The Sign.

When I was struggling to come up with a title for my Shiro-centric character study/fix-it fic, "Lazarus Drug" proved to be a lifesaver.

"And when I hear you calling, Like you were always there, I rise until I'm hanging in the Middle of the air

And when I hear you calling, I split like I'm a snake With golden light like fingers And, then I start to break

Into a billion pieces Oh, I shatter into constellations Like I've never been more here Like I completely disappear

I'm nothingness, but shining And everywhere at once I'm everything and everyone Who is or ever was."

6. What’s something you have in common with this character?

Less than stellar mental health as a result of trauma.

7. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

There are so many jaw-droppingly stunning and breathtaking pieces of Shiro fan art out there. I also greatly appreciate fanfics, meta, and analyses that take all of his trauma and his disability, and how they would realistically impact his daily life, into account.

Christening him "The Unkillable Gay", and "Gay God", is also pretty darned fantastic.

8. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Dark Shiro, Shiro-bashing (usually in tandem with Allura-bashing), sidelining him due to ageism, ignoring his canon sexuality to give Keith reason to angst over Shiro not accepting him in K/L fics, minimizing Shiro's role in Keith's life to focus on their preferred ship, having Shiro adopt or be biologically related to Keith, especially if Adam is co-parenting and Keith has more of a bond with him than Shiro (it's pretty obvious why certain shippers do this), depicting him as high-libido and sexually aggressive/an Alpha/dominant/top, even more so when he gets off on being called "daddy", expressing a belief that he should have stayed dead in service of Keith's character, treating him and his clone as the same person... Just to name a few.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

I don't see why not.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

I'd love to think that I could be. But, realistically, I'd be too nervous to ever approach him and strike up a conversation. >////<'

11. Would you date this character?

Though he is undeniably gorgeous, we are romantically incompatible, I'm afraid.

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

Shiro moved to the United States with his grandfather in late childhood, between the ages of eight and ten. That's why he speaks perfect English with no trace of an accent.

13. What’s an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

☆

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Classic Hollywood pilot aesthetic; aviation jacket with (faux) fur lining, patches on the sleeve, and a tight t-shirt or tank top underneath, sometimes with aviator sunglasses folded over the collar or worn over his eyes, military dog tags around his neck, the sort of clingy, curve-flattering pants that he canonically favors, and knee-high combat boots. Scarf is optional.

I also love a soft formal look on him. Crisp dress shirt and tie with a vest over top, perfectly tailored slacks, and shiny black loafers.

15. What’s your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn’t matter if it’s canon or not.)

I'm going to go with Shiro/Keith, though I very much have a fondness for Shiro/Hunk, as well.

Keith's devotion to Shiro is exactly the level of devotion that Shiro deserves, though Keith could stand to tone the intensity of it down just a tad. His willingness to throw his life away for Shiro would be a massive source of anxiety for Shiro, and something they'd have to discuss, among many other topics, before entering a serious romantic relationship.

And, Hunk is such a sweetheart, he'd spoil and pamper Shiro in all of the best ways. When he's of legal consenting age, of course.

(I also may or may not crack-ship him with Sven.)

16. What’s your least favorite ship for this character?

Romantic Shiro/Pidge, and Shiro/Sendak. An adult gay man and a female child, and a trauma survivor and his personal tormentor is a great big "no thanks" for me.

17. What’s a ship for this character you don’t hate but it’s not your favorite that you’re fine with?

Shiro/Lance, and Shiro/Matt. I prefer Shiro and Matt as friends, and overexposure to Lance thanks to a hyper-zealous fanbase has done a fairly good job of putting me off of him. Which sucks, because I genuinely like him just fine in the show, itself. I don't mind either ship, and have read fic for them. They're just not prospects for Shiro that I ever seriously entertain.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

I love Shiro and Pidge's relationship in the early episodes. The way he is so gentle, encouraging, and protective with her, basically becoming a second older brother, and how she comes to trust and rely on him as a confidante, enough that she personally seeks him out to tell him that she plans to leave the team to search for her father and brother, knowing he will understand, stole my heart almost immediately, and stole it hard.

It's incredibly disheartening that, after his resurrection, we only get tidbits and table scraps of that relationship.

Why did Shiro start riding with her in the Green Lion on the journey back to Earth? Who knows? The writers certainly weren't going to tell us, because Shiro was so thoroughly a side-character, by that point, he and Pidge- if I'm recalling correctly- only talked to each other onscreen one time.

Never forget what they took from us.

(Also ignore that they forgot to draw Shiro's scar.)

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don’t like?

No offense to Mr. Set-Dressing, but there is nothing that points to these characters having any sort of even platonic relationship, let alone the kind of chemistry that would lead to a marriage a few years down the line. They never address each other by name, or at all, when they're not exchanging commands in the heat of battle. "Curtis" has more personal interaction with Acxa. And, I swear Shiro only looks away from the console on the Atlas's bridge to physically acknowledge this man once.

The animators certainly did poor "Curtis" no favors, either, by making him look like a sad, pathetic older man who couldn't lift or dip his strapping younger groom on their wedding day.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn’t matter?

I adore the idea of Shiro and Allura as best friends, and would have loved to have seen some genuine interaction between the Real Shiro and Matt, after Shiro attacked Matt to save his life. Alas...

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

I've only very recently started writing for Shiro, and don't see myself doing much more than the aforementioned character study/fix-it fic. That said, I love getting into his head to really flesh him out, his psychology, his illness, his failed relationship, his experience in captivity, and using the members of his found family as conduits for him to realize just how special and good to his core he truly is. Like what should have happened in canon.

I don't like writing about him suffering, but part of recovering from trauma is processing it. And, processing often involves reliving the traumatic event as you walk a trusted friend, loved one, or mental health professional through it in the hopes that they will then offer you the greatly needed comfort and support and skills to cope that you didn't have, at the time it occurred.

22. If you’re a fic reader, what’s something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don’t like?

I love in-character portrayals of Shiro in Hurt/Comfort settings that address the sheer magnitude of his trauma, and emphasize how unfailingly brave, strong, compassionate, and altruistic in spite of it all that he has always been and always will be.

I'm not a fan of him being treated like he's "oblivious", or "emotionally constipated" for not immediately acting on an Anguished Declaration of Love that Keith gave to "Kuron", and prefaced with, "You're my brother".

And, I've covered before, in detail, how much it irks and baffles me when Lance fans give Lance traits distinct and exclusive to Shiro in an effort to try to turn him into Shiro, instead of accepting him as he is.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Tough call, since there are so many, but, I do think this one is the winner:

I love that, despite his strong jaw, his features are so gentle and soft, and the silver hair truly lends him an ethereal quality. That arm is ghastly, but it doesn't detract from just how pretty Shiro is, and how much that Admiral coat flatters him.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

I don't participate in the fandom at all, but I've carried a torch for Leonardo from the 2003 incarnation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles since the show was still actively airing and in production. There are so many similarities between Shiro and 2003 Leo that one could almost say there's a specific type of character that I'm drawn to like gravity hurtling a ship into a planet with a crash-landing imminent and the projected number of casualties astronomical.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

My first impression of Shiro, when I watched the pilot and second episode back in 2016, was that he was my favorite character of the lot. I was drawn to him for all of the reasons stated above. But, once I became aware of the online fandom drama, I backed off, only watching three more episodes (A Little Adventure and Lions' Pride I and II) in 2018 for Shiro/Keith shipping reasons before becoming a lurker on the peripheral, exploring fanmade content without engaging with the show, itself. It wasn't until earlier this year that I finally grit my teeth, braced myself, and committed to watching at least the seasons where the Real Shiro is featured in full.

I both immensely regret that decision for the sheer levels of frustration, fury, and deeply-rooted sadness at all of the wasted potential that I opened myself up to, and don't regret it at all. Because, I sincerely love Shiro and wish with all of my heart that he, and especially Allura and Coran and even Hunk, were handled by infinitely better writers in an infinitely better show.

----

Thank you so very, very much for asking! ❤

[oddthesungod]

BG3 is really fun and i’m quite enjoying it, but i’m on my hands and knees begging for a DLC that adds Firbolgs, Goliaths, Aasimar and all the Genasi types please god PLEASE

[discordiansamba]

(points at Keith) you know this guy does NOT text people. or call them. the only method of communication he engages in is

a.) answering phone calls (sometimes) and

b.) if he sees a dog. you will know.

[astralarias]

your god. my oath. let's see which prevails.

deep breath. PALADINS. paladins are so cool. dragonborn are also so cool. combining the two gave me (one of) my blorbos of all time, mrs raotel eventually-dekarios, and I love her so much so have some edits (lyrics from here)

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

the meme itch hit me again so there will be another batch of posts over the next few days. you're welcome :)

[liamfaoisidhe]

Honor Among Theives...

As text posts!

(I'm still sitting on so many because I can't get images of the exact scenes they correlate with, sob)

[iwannabealice]

simon: you know xenk would die for you, right?

edgin: xenk would die to save a dog

[katiekat-draws]

I made my good Durge character a Paladin of Lathander and I like to imagine her backstory going something like this:

Lathander: Hey… So… Bhaal.

Bhaal: What do you want?

Lathander: I was just wondering… Are you gonna do anything about that?

Bhaal: No. Why would I?

Lathander: That is your daughter being lobotomized!?!?!

Bhaal: And that’s my other daughter doing the lobotomy. What’s your point?

Lathander: …I don’t even know why I asked. Look, I’m confiscating this one. You can have her back if she starts murdering again. Which she won’t. Because she’s my Oath of Ancients paladin now.

Bhaal: Oh, oh we’ll see about that.

And thus began the bloodiest custody battle Faerûn has ever known.

[onesweetbeautifulsong]

jaskldf i feel like aabria usually does really well at not breaking during breaking news, but apparently asking grant to explain dnd really got to her lmao

[silver-horse]

wait... they said that Wyll wants to kill Karlach in this new rewritten story. What if... they just replaced paladin Anders with Wyll? Because he was the one trying to kill Karlach during early access. And we had to choose, either kill one or the other... oh no.😲

I don’t think the rewrites were a last minute idea because Wyll already gave approval if we sided with Anders. (I have a recording from patch 7 where Wyll approved, that was an entire year ago. And that’s just when I recorded it, it was probably in the game earlier. Wyll was always against Karlach.) What if the paladin was just a placeholder character because they didn’t want to reveal something this big?  Wyll might be the one who will ask us to kill Karlach or maybe he will know the group (like they are friends or something) so anyway... could it be a choice between Karlach and Wyll??