#paladins text post

[nervouswreck-96]

Assorted Sonic franchise text posts (part 2)

[grimesrot]

i 🩷 fallout 4 companions

[iwannabealice]

holga: you look like you've never touched a woman in your life

xenk: i'm homosexual

holga: i'm sorry. you look like you've never touched a man in your life

[folklorisms]

i just think that paladin danse—

[fink0680]

Idk I made these lol

[corvidexoskeleton]

Im ngl i love that almost all of the female companions in bg3 are just stupidly strong. Karlach especially, but you could reasonably make a case for shadowheart, minthara, and lae'zel also being physically more built than their ingame models depict, because they All are heavy hitters in some way or another

[bbubblerum]

My Problem with Paladins

Okay so, this is gonna be a long post not like much I've done before but I must RANT haha! This will be specifically focusing on the 5e(2014) version of Paladins because I have not played anything 2024 and probably won't.

So a bit of background. I have been a DM for dnd for about 6 years at this point, running for at least 10 Paladins and Playing a Paladin once. So in risk of being overconfident, I know what Paladins are like and I(think?) I know what I am talking about! Over this time I have gained a strong dislike for Paladins as a class, and in fact I believe it is the worst designed class in 5e by FAR.

This is not to tell you that you should not play Paladin. I am not your DM. It is just for you to read and think about as either a DM or PC.

Explanation:

My problem with Paladins is that each class is based off a Core Class Fantasy. Rogue is the Thief, walking through the shadows and scouting locations, Fighter is a skilled warrior who is capable in almost any scenario, Wizard is a master of the arcane who is knowledgeable on many subjects and always has a spell for any situation etc. Paladin's Core Fantasy as a class is the Holy Warrior, Arthurian Knight etc. That is a very strong Core Fantasy. But this is not what brings a lot of people to this class because the fantasy has shifted with 5e.

My understanding is that previous editions had stricter requirements for becoming a Paladin(being a certain alignment etc) and so it was a bit more powerful to compensate. 5e removed these requirements rightfully because they were boring and unnecessarily restricted character concepts. But 5e in an attempt to stay in line with other editions kept them as unusually powerful.

Each class is good at certain things by default, Druid is good at Support and Control. Healing or buffing party members and laying down spells like spike growth to control the battlefield. Fighters have decent Armour Class, Decent Hit Points and Decent Damage. Wizards are good at Damage and Control etc. This is where the Paladin stands out from other classes, it is good at too much.

The Paladin has the BEST Support ability in the game in Aura of Protection, which if a player knows to put a 20 in Charisma throws off the balance of the game so much that it actually breaks. Spellcasters by the book simply no longer function. No spell or saving throw effect will be reliable in any capacity against most of the group. Having a single Paladin in a group throws out creatures like Beholders(a very iconic and fun creature) because they use almost exclusively Saving Throws.

They also have the single best Damage ability in the game in Divine Smite. A Feature where you can add up to 6d8 after you hit. Allowing you to essentially destroy critical hits as a mechanic. This feature quickly outperforms almost all other damage features and spells in the game, and single handedly breaks multiclassing. A Sorcerer or any other spellcaster can multiclass for 2 levels at any point past 9th level and get the ability to use this ability on the level of a 17th level Paladin. God forbid you ever come across a Bladesinger/Paladin multiclass, because that will stretch your sanity as a DM.

On top of these game breaking abilities, Paladin's Hit Points are only outclassed by Barbarians. Tied with Fighter and Ranger at a d10 Hit Dice. Along with this, they also get proficiency with Heavy Armour and Shields, allowing them some of the highest Armour Class in 5e. They do TOO much. This has caused the shift in the Core Fantasy of Paladins. Their fantasy in what I have seen is no longer a Knight or Holy Warrior or anything of the sort, it is being the Best. The Paladin is the best class in 5e, because it was not designed well. Its only shortcoming mechanically is what, movement speed? Stealth(unless you go for the equally as powerful Dexterity based Paladin)?

Why This Is Bad:

The reason I have a problem with all this is not because I hate powergaming or minmaxing. Frankly that is kind of ingrained in my group at this point. We have all been playing and DM-ing for many years and we like to exploit parts of the system within reason. I have had many Assassin Rogue/Gloomstalker Rangers and Swords Bard Archers in my group and it has always been a lot of fun. My problem with Paladins is honestly just how much they increase the work of the DM to make combat tolerable. Because of how good their Saving Throws and Damage are, you have three choices:

Buff your monsters Saving Throw DCs and Hit Points

Use Higher Level Monsters

Let your party Steamroll every combat

All of these have their own problems. Buffing your monsters and using higher level monsters results in 1-Shotting anyone outside of the Paladin's Aura of Protection, and turns most fights into a Hit Point Slog. But not doing either of these results in all fights being over in less than 2 rounds and essentially giving into the Paladin's Core Fantasy of being OP and getting to live out an empty Powerfantasy. I have tried all of these, and it is an incredibly difficult balancing act that means if you screw up even slightly, the combat is deeply unfun.

Paladin is profoundly Anti-Fun in its design. The only person having a good time is the Paladin and even then that doesn't last past the first few times they 1-shot a god haha. Paladin is one of my favorite classes in fiction, I love the IDEA of Paladins but the mechanics are just "What is the Best Thing we can give a Player Character?"

What I will Be Doing In the Future:

Okay so we are out of the weeds of my rant, now I will be actually be giving advice and explaining what I am doing with my statement.

I have been very much considering straight up banning Paladin in my games. This is a pretty brute force method of dealing with this and people won't like it, but I do really think that it will make the games I run better. Banning is not fun, but this class has legitimately caused me IRL stress.

However, I do think I have it in me to "Fix" Paladins. I love the 4e version and its sister class the Avenger. I think I am good enough to Homebrew a version of this class that maintains the class fantasy but has less of the problems I have discussed because this class has a LOT to offer! I love the flavour of the class, and I think the Subclasses of the Paladin are some of if not the best designed in the game. It actually feels like the subclasses were made by a completely different company. The fact that your subclass determines your 20th level feature is genius and I love every one of them. With a special place in my heart for the Oath of Conquest and Oath of Ancients.

I will likely be banning the class at some point in the future until I can homebrew and playtest a new version. Because I think honestly just tweaking Divine Smite and Aura of Protection can save this pile of burning tires. If you have read this far, thank you for putting up with me and please let me know what you agree/disagree with I am very open to new points of view on this.

Why You Should Not Listen To Me:

In my current campaign I have let my Paladin player Smite on Bow Attacks and given his character an Oathbow that has been buffed significantly. They are level 12 and they are 1-shotting Tarrasques. <3

[tunastime]

hi i’m here to make you worse, can i get uhhh “it’s fine. you’re here now.” + hiccuping tears into their shoulder with Kalesa and Julian? extra points if Julian is the one crying :]

"It's fine. You're here now." (1076 words) (x)

It's late when the rhythmic sound of whetstone and blade drifts up from the back garden and through the open window of the study. The sound is sharp, distinctly metallic as it should be, underlain by something smooth and careful in the way the metal grates against fine-toothed, dampened stone. Kalesa knows the hands that guide it almost as well as her own—she could certainly tell by the sound that they worked with a precision she'd only now begun to practice with her own blade. The noise is a comfort, even with its oddly steel-tasting sound. It reminded her of fires, and smoke, and laughter. And, even now, with the slight smell of oak wood smoke, it fills her with that comfort, all the way up until the sound of stone clattering against metal breaks through.

Kalesa stands all at once, journal left open and forgotten as she leans out of the open window and casts a wide glance to the firepit, glowing warm red in the early evening light. A cold breeze floats up and through the twisting curtains. Julian, sat quietly, staring into the blade carefully balanced on his knees, clutches his hand to his chest.

Kalesa swallows. Something cold rushes up to meet her, clamoring up her throat even as she tries to steel her resolve and back away without any noise. It takes a moment of pressing her nails to her palm to bring her energy center, and, even then, she falters. They'd both long since cast the cloak of adventuring from their shoulders and yet, whatever he found before she really knew him, whatever lurked behind her husbands eyes when they seemed just a touch too far away to properly read, seemed to linger. Seemed to fester. Not an anxious state. Not a paranoia. A rot that wasn't his. Something only magic could touch.

Kalesa rounds the stairs and steps into the evening greeted only for a moment by the sound of the lake on the shore and fireflies. She moves carefully, shoulders and elbows tense with worry as she rounds the side of the house, careful not to let the anxiety show in the shake of her breath or the sound of her voice.

"Jules," she says, soft and comforting, like talking to a spooked animal. Her hand comes out, right hand, ring heavy on her left, palm out. She steps to him, not slow, but deliberate. Julian's eyes don't leave the blade. Not until Kalesa removes the weighty weapon from his knees, the wrap and hilt warm in her hand from where it used to soak up his, and the fire's, heat. The blade seems to hum ever so in her grip. She isn't afraid, though—not of the blade. Not of Julian. Not even of the weapon in his hands. As Kalesa sets the blade in the grass, Julian's eyes snap up. He gags on a breath as he startles.

"Kal."

"Hi, JJ," Kalesa starts. She smiles weakly as Julian's dark eyes rove her face for some beat of recognition. There's a moment of held breath and silence before Julian's forehead collides dully with her right shoulder with enough force to briefly wind her. She wobbles on her heels, sinks to her knees as Julian crumples into her.

"Oh," she startles, holding fast to the back of his neck, turning her face into it, kissing the clammy skin. His pulse races. He tastes like sweat. "It's okay. It's okay. Jules..."

Julian shakes his head, pressing firmer against her shoulder as he does, curled still around his hand. Kalesa drags her hand down his neck, pushing into thick, corded muscle, trying to force anything to give. She feels him shudder, hiccup, sink into the touch.

"What happened? Where did you go?" she asks, quiet against the soft skin of his throat.

"I don't know," he hiccups, voice wobbling with tears. Her platitudes begin with the space between his shoulderblades, running her hand as far as she can reach down the center of his spine to ground him. Julian's crying is a quiet, sniffling thing. She feels Julian wheeze as he coughs out a breath, as he pulls another tight in through his teeth. Her tail curls around his ankle.

"You don't need to," she murmurs, trying to unclench her jaw, eyes screwed shut. It's been a long time since Julian fell into the half state of clarity, of seeing visions that weren't his, feeling the inky black of the hand he thought was his god reach through him. It had been many, many years since he'd been that weapon. And still, he held himself as if he were the knife's edge, the sword's blade, the downswing of an axe. The same sword that killed now moved in slow motions to teach. The same weapon that crawled out of possession to find the party he loved now cradled himself in Kalesa's arms, worming his way back to warm reality.

She says, "Just be here with me," and Julian's wet sigh makes her feel like he will. Julian sighs again, deeper now, hiccup softer as he readjusts. His hands fall to his lap, and for the first time, Kalesa gets a glimpse at the angry red cut across the heel of his hand. It isn't deep or wide, a thin thing bleeding more than it should, seen mostly from the tacky blood on his wrist at the small stain on his beige tunic. Kalesa takes Julian's wrist in one hand, careful not to jostle too much. She hums once. The sound is a mix of displeasure and concern. Holding his wrist, other arm still curled over his shoulders, she tucks her face into his neck again, sighs once, and says:

"I want to clean this up," and kisses the high of his shoulder.

Julian nods, letting out a damp huff of breath.

"Me too," he says softly. Kalesa smiles against his neck.

"Let's go then," she says, and tugs Julian up with her, limbs tangling, resting and rocking up together, until they both can stand. They both leave the sword and the embers of the fire to their wishes until they return to lay them to rest, in scabbard and soil.

[the-punforgiven]

I know there's that whole stereotype of DMs and PCs hating each other or whatever but to be 100% honest the most joy I get out of D&D is when my players come up with some absolutely crazy batshit idea that should be absolutely impossible rules as written because as the DM I can choose to ignore that dumb nerd shit and just say "That sounds fucking rad dude, I'm giving you inspiration for that idea, now make an Acrobatics check."

[oddthesungod]

BG3 is really fun and i’m quite enjoying it, but i’m on my hands and knees begging for a DLC that adds Firbolgs, Goliaths, Aasimar and all the Genasi types please god PLEASE

[hyperfixationjunkie]

Rogue: I just had three people’s hands in my mouth at once Paladin: Dentist? Bard: Kinky Barbarian, hefts club: List the names of those who will die.

[iwannabealice]

simon: you know xenk would die for you, right?

edgin: xenk would die to save a dog

[katiekat-draws]

I made my good Durge character a Paladin of Lathander and I like to imagine her backstory going something like this:

Lathander: Hey… So… Bhaal.

Bhaal: What do you want?

Lathander: I was just wondering… Are you gonna do anything about that?

Bhaal: No. Why would I?

Lathander: That is your daughter being lobotomized!?!?!

Bhaal: And that’s my other daughter doing the lobotomy. What’s your point?

Lathander: …I don’t even know why I asked. Look, I’m confiscating this one. You can have her back if she starts murdering again. Which she won’t. Because she’s my Oath of Ancients paladin now.

Bhaal: Oh, oh we’ll see about that.

And thus began the bloodiest custody battle Faerûn has ever known.

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

the meme itch hit me again so there will be another batch of posts over the next few days. you're welcome :)

[corvidexoskeleton]

To you, miraak has the same voice as the military cultist and you think it's comical. To me, danse has the same voice as the first dragonborn, and i think it's comical

[discordiansamba]

(points at Keith) you know this guy does NOT text people. or call them. the only method of communication he engages in is

a.) answering phone calls (sometimes) and

b.) if he sees a dog. you will know.