#my friends and family will vent to me and share their problems with me and ill say i care and tell myself i care

[mechanicalbowtye]

read the scratch upd8. little too close to home

[savage-rhi]

Cue the pink!

[bokuwadekinaiko]

cw post / tags. sorry

i don't even know if i have the words

to express this

she's gone

and its all my fault

[neolithicsheep]

I've been meaning to write this down for some time because there are some fundamental errors that people keep making in crowdfunding/sales that shoot their campaigns in the foot. So here's a list of easy principles.

Who am I and why should you listen to me? I am a freelance chaos marketer who has raised well over $100,000 when totaling up various crowdfunding campaigns, mostly for aid to Afghanistan. In addition I've managed to successfully market everything from stuffed plush koalas to hydration salts. Why am I putting this out here for free? Because despite a years long track record of success in social media marketing no one will hire me because I don't have a college degree, so I might as well help people out who can't afford to hire full time marketing. 

If you'd like to hire me to help you evaluate your marketing and sales and teach you better skills on a 1 to 1 basis then hit me up, I am often willing to barter, esp with artists in a variety of mediums! 

Anyway on to HOW TO CONVINCE PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU MONEY:

TL;DR: use positive messaging that humanizes everyone involved and make it as easy as possible for people to give you money.

1. Shame and guilt are demotivators. They will not inspire people to give you money. “Why aren't people helping” “I guess people don't care” “This isn't getting enough shares/donations” etc etc. Online fundraising is often frustrating, heartbreaking, and will make you angry, especially when there's a humanitarian crisis involved. It is critical that if you are raising funds for someone else that you have a place to vent that is not the audience you would like to donate to the cause. 

2. Use motivating messages instead! “You can help!” “Even a small donation is important because it tells Recipient they're not alone, and people care” “We can't fix the whole world, but we can make this one thing right, and that means something”. Emphasize that this is a problem that the reader can help fix with even a small effort. With items for sale, tell a story. "I drew this thinking about how safe I always felt under a tree in my childhood backyard". "I chose the colors in this shawl to remind me of sagebrush and piñon pine in my favorite place."

3. Make it easy for people to give you money. Never talk about your product or cause without a link that leads directly to where people can give you money. They should be able to click one link on your post and land at the fundraiser or your shop. Every required click is going to lose people, so minimize the number of them required. This also means if you have a list of fundraisers for people to choose from the ones at the bottom will be neglected - people will hit the ones at the top. Be sure to take those off when they're met or periodically shuffle the list around to make sure everyone gets a chance to be in the first 5 spots. In online stores people will often only look at the first page or two of items so be sure to shuffle things around and remove out of stock items that are taking up prime real estate.

4. Humanize the recipient - this can be tricksy when raising charitable aid because you don't want to be exploitative. But to use my last Afghan campaign as an example, “We need to raise $500 for an Afghan family” is less effective than “This Afghan family's home was damaged in heavy rains that caused extensive flooding. They only need $500 to repair and rebuild so they can stay in their home and not become displaced.”  If possible, tell as much of the recipient's story as they consent to. Eg “Fred is seven and loves dinosaurs. His favorite is brontosaurus, and he carries a stuffed one with him everywhere. He wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up and discover a complete brontosaurus skeleton that he can give the same name as his stuffed friend. Unfortunately he's also a trans boy living in Texas and his family needs $1500 to rent a Uhaul and get to Colorado so he can grow up in safety and do that.”

5. If you're not the recipient, humanize yourself while you're at it! “I'd be really grateful if you all could share or donate” “This fundraiser really means a lot to me because…” “Thank you so much for any help, whether sharing or donating” 

6. Treat the audience like humans. Speak to them like they are people you're having a conversation with, not ATMs. This ultimately is the goal of not using shame/guilt and humanizing yourself and the recipient. 

7. Set low goals and bump them up when met. One of the weird things about people is they prefer to give to successful fundraisers. Yeah I don't know either. So you're more likely to get the full amount you need if you set a partial goal initially and then raise it when that's met. Raise it in small increments and raise it repeatedly as those goals are hit to keep momentum going. You can't always control this so if you're boosting someone else's fundraiser you can do it artificially via asks like “Hey y'all can we get together and put $500 on this?”

[kinaisalwayshere]

What about me?

I'm here to talk about wanting to be put first. I know this may sound selfish, but sometimes speaking of your truths is good. All my life in any friendship or relationship I've been put second, or no one helped me in any situation. I have always looked out for people out of the kindness of my heart, I sat and listened to people's problems and encouraged them in tough times, picked up my phone in a hurry whenever someone called, or even checked up on people. But when it comes to me no one cares to help me, listen to me, or put me down.

Right now I'm tired of people... I don't want anyone using me for their own benefit and then acting like they can't help me. People will leave me for another friend, and won't return my texts or calls. People don't listen to me or even cut me off while talking... I've always been shy yes that's true but when I decide to open up no one respects me. i will be 31 November 14 and I will still have no friends or a significant other because I know I will never be put first. I will never be heard, I will never be worried about or thought of by people.

I stay to myself to make myself happy or at least try. I say I enjoy my time alone but in reality, I hate being alone. I love my family to the moon and back but sometimes I want a friend to share a laugh with, to have deep conversations, and connect on a deeper level. But I already know people are just going to use me for the time being because no one else is listening or talking to them. When you have a good heart people really use it and throw it in the trash after use.

Sometimes I wish I was heartless... I wish I didn't care about some people. I wish I was like others... Use people's minds and hearts and throw everything away like it is waste. But I will never ever stoop down to that level because I can't imagine being just like them... I could never use someone for my own benefit. If I see that you can sit and listen to me, give me advice, convince me to do greater things... you gotta be my friend for life lol.

I never used tumblr before but tonight I decided to post this because I wanted to share something I'm tired of feeling. I'm in school four days a week, and then I work at night at the post office. And this week I felt like I was going to explode and give up on everything because I was feeling stressed. I wanted to talk to someone just to vent... and I couldn't do that cuz I knew no one would listen.

Please be there for your friends or loved ones. Don't use them just for advice and then go weeks without talking to them... ask them if they are okay. Ask them how they are feeling and what new journeys or adventures they are doing. Just be there.

[luminouslywriting]

Hi, how are you? I hope you're feeling well. I really like everything you write about the band of brothers. I was wondering if you could write a headcanon about "what would the boys be like as friends or best friends?", the reader being a company doctor. I hope you can do it and if you can't, don't worry, no problem. Thank you!!!🫶

Darling, platonic BFF friendships are literally the thing that makes my brain the happiest!! I could go on and on and on about this for EVER! Hopefully it will live up to the hype I have about it in my head lol. If you want me to expand on anyone's or do a more in-depth post, let me know!

Cut for length, more under the cut, obnoxious amounts of found family present:

Dick Winters:

-Listen, this man is prime best friend material. We all see how he is when he's with Lew and how he treats him. He's so loyal and devoted and respectful.

-The fact that you're a medic/doctor automatically means he appreciates you more—and if you can figure out how to make this man relax or rest, bonus points haha.

-Respects your limits and boundaries but wants what's best for you—so he's paying attention to if you're overworked or discouraged and trying to counteract those things the best that he can

-Gives the most comforting brotherly hugs??

-Also the best person to go to if you need to vent or just need some good advice; he is a great listener and doesn't automatically try to fix your problems as much as he does offer support and sympathy

-Always has your back and consistently just wants you to be happy. He definitely vets anyone that you date ever haha.

Lewis Nixon:

-Chaotic best friend energy is strong with this one. He's a chaotic mess of a person but is so ride or die for you it's not even funny.

-Being able to finish each other's sentences because of predictability and the way that he knows you so well

-Is always down to share a drink with you if he notices you're having a hard time or going through something emotional. But he doesn't ever let you get tipsy or drunk. You're his sobriety link tbh.

-The type of friend where you call each other teasing names to get each other's attention. Hypothetically, he might be referred to as the wife in your mind lol.

-Has money and is not afraid to splurge to get you stuff that he deems necessary because "at least one person in this friendship needs that and it's not me."

-If he knows you're overworked, he's kidnapping you for naps and he's a cuddler (like a damn cat or something haha)

Ronald Speirs:

-It's the mutual respect that he has for you and admiration—this man is a great friend and would take any number of risks to ensure your safety

-You're his safe space and so he loves being able to talk with you about anything and everything—but especially about what the two of you are feeling. This probably stems from you just not being scared of him in any way haha.

-Is also the type of friend who goes klepto for you?? Like he's in his little thief moments and just like, my bestie would like this, and then proceeds to steal said thing for you

-Takes the time to check in with you as often as he can and makes sure that you're resting—is lowkey a mother hen when you need him to be haha

-Is the type of friend where you never need to actually say what you're thinking, the both of you can just share a look and know exactly what movie quote you're both thinking of, what Lipton needs to calm down, or how best the situation will go.

-Also is super supportive and a hype-man for whatever you want to do with your life. He just wants you to thrive and fulfill your potential.

Buck Compton:

-OLDER BROTHER VIBES OKAY?? This is the type of person who likes to take people under his wing and he absolutely becomes fond of you because of how much you take care of other people.

-That being said, he's also the aggressive type of friend that's just like, "Oh??? You're overworked? Nap time then. Like right now."

-Loves swapping stories with you and talking about college. Also wants you to go to college though—preferably the same college so that the two of you can be friends there too.

-Gives really comforting hugs and is great at expressing gratitude and affirming that you're doing a good job

-Probably loves going out and playing darts or any number of games with you, especially if you're competitive

-Also down to watch any number of movies that you claim to be good and offers his own opinion lol

Carwood Lipton:

-An actual nervous mother hen that is consistently making sure you have enough supplies, that emotions are doing okay, and that you're getting the rest that you need

-Is the type of person who would give you his coat or jacket off of his back because "I told you it was cold, take my sweater." type of vibes haha.

-Wants to hear about your family back home and about your hopes for the future—is super positive about you making it home.

-Also talks to you about pretty much anything, including his girlfriend back home and wants you to approve of her haha

-Would absolutely make you share a foxhole with him because he can keep a closer eye on bestie that way

-He's just a giver??? So he's constantly sharing food or blankets or whatever it is that he thinks you might need. Top tier best friend tbh.

Joseph Liebgott:

-Chaos gremlin personified—this is the type of friend who's going to drag you into all sorts of trouble and also get you out of said trouble with ease

-He's a very touchy best friend and so hugs and cuddles are just to be expected

-Would throw hands if someone disrespected you because you're the only person he truly respects lol....and this also applies to you. The type of friend who aggressively tells you that he loves you and you need to be nicer to yourself.

-He's out here not wanting you to fall in love because, "I remember the day I saw you in that hospital bed—"

"You weren't there!"

"And I knew then that no one would ever be good enough for Y/N."

-You are the only person who can touch his chocolate stash and keep your life

-Also just wants you to come back to Cali with him and adopt you into his family

Donald Malarkey:

-A sweet friend who is great at emotional support. That being said, give him some support as well.

-Probably loves swapping jokes and telling stories with you—spreads stories about how amazing you are as well

-Wants you to come to Oregon and have a camping trip with his family because you're like family to him

-Also fiercely protective of you and consistently worrying about if something will happen to you if you're on the line or even when you're not.

-Runs all of his life plans by you because he wants your approval for sure

-Is super happy that he has you in his life because you're a great listener and you just understand him

Eguene Roe:

-THE ICONIC OF ALL ICONIC FRIENDSHIPS....listen, this friendship is so soulmate platonic, it's not even funny. He practically worships the ground that you walk on and respects the hell out of you.

-Definitely has a whole list of nicknames for you in French and has tried teaching you some of the language

-Tells you old Southern stories to try and keep your mind off of work at night time and he loves hearing any stories that you can come up with

-The both of you can call each other out on burnout or if you're overworked or stressed out. It's a great mutual way that you take care of each other.

-He prays for you all of the time and wrote home about you because you're his best friend

-The two of you work so well together that it sometimes throws everyone else off because you don't even need to talk when you're working together.

Bill Guarnere:

-Ride or die icon who is so vocal about adoring you that it probably annoys everyone else. And if you're not from Philly, he's about to become very patriotic about wherever you're from

-The type of friend who wants to hear about everything you're looking for in a partner so he can start vetting people ASAP

-Would share pretty much anything with you—coat, shoes, food, blankets, etc.

-Checks in on you frequently and definitely views you as the patron saint of easy company

-Wants to travel with you around the world after all of this is over

-Promises you a proper meal and a place to stay if you ever want to come and visit

Joe Toye:

-It's giving the quiet friend who always has your back and would throw hands for you, if given the chance.

-That being said, fiercely overprotective and gets annoyed if you get put in any danger or if anything happens to you.

-Also kind of a huffy friend where he's just like, "I told you that you needed a break. This is the worst." And then proceeds to take care of you anyway.

-Finds ways to make things fun for you no matter what's going on in the war and just wants you to smile

-Also gives really great hugs and loves physical contact and affection

-His family has definitely heard all about you lol

George Luz:

-You must truly understand his humor on another level because he thinks that YOU are the funniest person that he knows. Even if it's not true, he simply finds you to be the best.

-Would proudly brag about you to all of the other companies

-Appreciates hugs and cuddles, especially after Bastogne

-Is the type of friend who would hide a body for you, no questions asked lol—so he's definitely your alibi whenever you've gotten up to some mischief

-Has verbally eviscerated someone who was talking shit about you because he's just not having it

-Lowkey would move in with you after the war because you're his safe person

[bloggingboutburgers]

I admire you so much for being able to share your experiences as an aro ace. It’s so funny, because most of my community knows I’m aro ace, but like, I’m so scared of sharing my personal experience and I think it’s because of how much it hurts to think of that part of my life.

The number of years I spent thinking I was broken because I didn’t feel any kind of attraction to others, forcing myself to date in the hopes that it would “just click” like people kept telling me, getting stressed and mentally distraught when I tried to force myself to show any sort of affection… It’s a hard thing for me to relive a lot of that. I very distinctly remember trying to kiss a guy I was dating that I didn’t want to kiss, but felt I needed to. I spiraled into such a bad panic attack that I drove two hours in a terrible blizzard just so I could get back home to what I felt was a safe place.

I think the hardest part for me was people not understanding my aro ace-ness. The difficulties of simply having a male friend around and having to listen to people constantly ask me if I have a crush on them, then acting as if I’m being coy when I say no (even though there’s no indication of that in my voice). I started dreading inviting my friend to events for that specific reason.

When I did try to date, all it did was add more stress to my life. I was constantly expected to be spending every free moment I had with these guys, and I didn’t want to do that. I don’t think it clicked with my family until I broke down in a hysterical sob one day because of how much guilt-tripping was being done to me when I told them I didn’t want to hang out with him.

And the icing on the cake… the number of times I’ve been told to find a partner because “they don’t want me to reach 50 and be alone and miserable.” To be told that romance is the only way you’ll find true happiness… it’s painful. To be told that the things that bring you joy are not true happiness, that your platonic relationships mean nothing in the grand scheme of things… it hurts far more than anyone realizes.

I should probably stop here, ‘cause I’m getting all choked up, but I guess the bottom line is, thank you so much for sharing your experience and making me feel validated. It means so much to me. Keep being awesome, my friend 💕

I'm so sorry for all the hardships... I recognize myself so much in a lot of what you're sharing. I hate in particular that people act like "ending up alone and miserable" is 100% on you, like THEY don't have a say in that and a role to play in that and they're not basically actively contributing to that alienation RIGHT NOW. If people cared about anything beyond a sexual or romantic partner and kids, if people remembered that friendship is a thing and it's a thing that oughta matter, that would solve the problem much better than forcing everyone to conform against their will.

The only reason I feel comfortable enough to say I'm aroace at this point is because one day when I was 21, a girl I told it to just replied "Oh, okay", which was the first time in my life I ever got a reply like this and not a slew of questions or dismissal. That made my brain explode. In a good way. I'll always be grateful for her, she probably will never know how much. She opened up the door for me to be vocal about myself more confidently and build the invaluable support system of friends, and my partner, and my family, that I have today, and that in turn works as a virtuous circle.

And the only reason I feel comfortable sharing it in the form of comics now is because I did once in 2022 during asexual awareness week just to try some vent art for fun, and people didn't ignore it, or didn't dismiss it, but actually reacted positively to it. That encouraged me to make more. The reason I'm this comfortable and vocal about it online today is thanks to you guys here reading this. Having a positive reaction to what IS pretty much vent art disguised as comedy also shows me I'm not alone. This whole thing is mutual. So thank YOU, and thanks to anyone reading my stuff, for also making me feel validated.

[the-blue-fairie]

Hot take but Elsa the Disney character isn't a sociopath.

I made a post recently venting about (what I felt to be) a deeply odd comment someone made to me in the past, and that got making me thinking about an accumulation of posts over the years that have made me uncomfortable:

This post calls Elsa “a bit of a sociopath.” Its use of the term “sociopath” is both frivolous and ableist.

A while ago, @greatqueenanna and I were discussing this mentality (because it had emerged in more people than the individual I am currently citing) regarding Elsa and she reached out to a friend who, for the sake of his privacy, I shall call BG. He’s diagnosed ASPD (Sociopathy) and works as Clinical Psychologist, specifically with patients who have severe divergences (ASPD, Narcissistic Personality, Histrionic, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, etc.)

I will now share portions of his email response:

"I want to point something out that is very important to the idea of Elsa being a sociopath. Elsa’s entire persona revolves around her guilt. Elsa feels responsible for the accident that happened to Anna. She is burdened with guilt for her parents’ efforts to accommodate her powers, and then their deaths. The eternal winter and the spirit invasion left her with a heavy load of guilt. Elsa feels guilty that she wants to follow the voice and discover more about her powers.

Guilt, guilt, guilt. If you’re tired of the word guilt by this point, then I’ve made my point. Elsa is not a sociopath, foremost, because she feels guilt. This is important because empathy is the key between sociopaths and empaths, and that’s why I wanted to focus on this first. Sociopaths don’t feel guilt.

Next, Elsa’s key problem is her lack of self-worth; the complete disassociation from her own needs and desires. This is not an issue with sociopaths. With this in mind, Elsa shows a bit of recklessness in Frozen 2, but it’s not from a place of boredom or a need for power. It is from a place of trying to defend those she cares about. There was a fire, she tried to stop it from hurting others. She needed to find answers about the forest to save everyone, so she jumped into the hole. Elsa gets no real benefit from these actions; meaning it doesn’t qualify as the same recklessness a sociopath would do. Her lack of self-worth makes her able to just throw herself in danger and push others away from it. Her recklessness comes from a place of martyrdom.

So, we’ve ruled out three key features of ASPD – no empathy or guilt, a grandiose sense of self, and recklessness out of boredom or desire for power. Now let’s talk manipulation; especially since it seems like no one understands what that means. From good ole’ WedMD, we see that Manipulation in the clinical sense is the - ‘exercise of harmful influence over others. People who manipulate others attack their mental and emotional sides to get what they want. The person doing the manipulating, called the manipulator, seeks to create an imbalance of power.’

Does Elsa ever try to make someone feel inferior, try to induce self-hatred, reinforce self-damaging behaviors, or get them to mistrust others? No, Elsa does none of this. She does it to herself."

Outside of F2, the claim that "Elsa doesn't care about anyone other than Elsa" is nonsense. In F1, Elsa isolates herself because she wants to protect others. She wants to protect her family, the sister whom she loves. She wants to protect the people around her. Many of Elsa’s worst traits actually emerge from caring for others at the expense of caring for herself - and those traits are only present because of her trauma and because of the way she was raised. In Frozen Fever, Elsa devotes herself to Anna because she loves her and wants to give her a perfect birthday, even though Elsa herself is sick. She puts Anna first. In OFA, she reaches out to apologize to Anna after closing the door again, she is shown to be a loving sister, a loving queen, protective of Olaf, etc.

The statement that “nobody [was] ever thinking of her (except for Kristoff in the last 3 years of her life)” is misguided because it disregards not only Elsa but Olaf. I’m all for loving Anna’s and Kristoff’s connection (I’m a Kristanna shipper myself, after all) but to say she had no one else is untrue.

This person also made statements like this:

And this:

Even hotter take from me, but Elsa the Disney character is not reflective of real-life cases of domestic abuse and incestuous violence. I realize you dislike her, but she's just not. She is a character in an animated film for children.

This mentality wasn't just her either. There was another blog that described itself thusly...

...which openly admitted that:

If your Anna fanblog never was much of an Anna fanblog but instead an Elsa hateblog, that says something about you and how negatively you approach the media you consume.

You cared more about hating Elsa than loving Anna - so much so that you put your original intent of loving Anna to the wayside. There’s something sad about that.

If you had a whole blog dedicated to screaming that you wished a fictional cartoon character had died, that isn’t healthy.

And it wasn't just those two blogs:

I saw various posts like these over the years, but held my tongue because I didn't want to be branded an "Elsa stan" or get yelled at. I did get yelled at by verannaca in 2023, however, because she rudely came onto one of my posts about Elsa to say that "Elsa was the villain." I replied with the definition of villain from the Oxford English Dictionary and told her to chill, then she got angry at me for writing an "unnecessary essay" when like... SHE came onto MY post. If she hated Elsa so much, why did she seek out MY Elsa-centric post?

It was just... an ugly miasma of negativity and I hope that, when Frozen 3 and 4 come out, blatant misreadings of the text don't become popular again. I understand Anna fans' frustrations with Elsa's popularity and I myself have expressed issues with the writing of especially Frozen 2, but...

I really don't think I'm an "Elsa stan" for saying statements like "Elsa isn't a sociopath" and "Elsa isn't reflective of incestuous violence."

Still, I love Elsa just as much as I love Anna, just as much as I love Kristoff, just as much as I love Kristanna and Frohana and the Northuldra and everything else. We're united by love, first and foremost.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for cutting off my mentally unstable friend without any explanation whatsoever?

(🧠🌩️ so i can find it)

tw for abuse and cheating mentions

ok typing out that title makes me feel like i might be TA to, like, some degree but just hear me out first.

i (19, f) was in my first semester of college when i met rachel (20). we shared a class and grew to be friends over our shared nerdy interests. i admittedly didn't really like her that much at first and didn't consider her to be that close of a friend. she was really just someone to talk to when class got boring or we had a break or something.

i was actually kinda regretting talking to her at all because i clocked that she was a little unstable almost immediately; she was very quick to anger and constantly talked about fighting people that had ""wronged"" her (which included our professor who she was convinced was out to get her for some reason?? idk why our prof was a really nice lady), constantly trauma dumped without asking (i'm talking like early into our relationship too. first day we met she was ranting about her abusive mother and her childhood trauma and stuff), and always found a way to turn the focus of the conversation about her any time i tried to talk about myself or anything that wasn't our shared interests. the only reason i gave her my number is bc she asked for it and i didn't know how to turn her down without hurting her feelings--i'd been planning on ghosting the second our class ended.

so we continued to talk/text for like a year and (at her insistence) met up for lunch in between class the following semester. i warmed to her a little at this point so it wasn't too bad; at the very least her constant drama gave me something to talk about with my real friends, and like i said i didn't really know how to cut her off in a way that wouldn't start something.

so time goes on and she shuffles through a few boyfriends--all who either cheated on her or were inattentive/verbally abusive. she constantly asked me for advice, which was confusing bc she never listened to it? like she asked me if she should take back her ex who cheated on her 3x and i said "no that sounds like an awful idea" and then she exploded at me and screamed that i could 'go fuck myself' and to 'stay the fuck outta her business bc it's her fucking life and not mine'. but then the minute he (predictably) cheated on her again and dumped her guess who had to sit with her on the phone for 2 hours while she cried? yep. me!

this kinda bullshit continued all the way up to a few months ago. she met a new guy, told me all about how he was "the one" and "he's gonna be different this time" blah blah blah. at this point i genuinely stopped giving a fuck about her and her problems. the only reason i hadn't cut her off was because my other friends loved hearing about her drama secondhand and i admittedly did enjoy making fun of her with them. which i know is kinda shitty but at least she'll never find out about it?

anyways, shit starts to get particularly juicy bc two months into rachel's relationship with this new dude he proposes. and she accepts (?!!) not only that but she informs me (not asks. INFORMS) me that i will be a bridesmaid. and i panicked and just said "uhhh cool i'm so happy for you!!" so this is the point where i decide that i need to end this relationship bc having to attend her wedding is just not something i wanna be apart of and i felt that if i went through with that it would solidify our ''friendship'' in her mind and i'd never be rid of her.

so i stop responding to her texts as frequently and began ducking her calls. didn't have to stop initiating bc i never initiated convos with her in the first place. i'd answer every once in a while bc she would start spamming that she was having ""emergencies!!!"" which. they never were true emergencies; she just wanted to vent about her fiance and his shitty family or something his ex-wife did to piss her off (her fiance was like 20 and divorced twice with three kids. YIKES) and i'd listen until she got tired of talking and ended the call. not once did she ever ask about me btw. at this point she wasn't even to pretend to care about me or my life; i was just her dumping grounds for all her trauma and venting.

i thought she might've got the message that we were done bc she hadn't texted for like a month, but a few days ago i recieved a message that said something like "omg i haven't heard from you in a while, are you okay??" and. i'm not sure if i can put into words the sheer amount of exasperation and annoyance those words filled me with. like i could tell right off the bat it was just a ploy so she could get me talking and then vent and saddle me with all her stupid emotional bullshit. so i blocked her, finally. this shouldn't cause any problems bc she dropped out of school last semester (she was failing so she decided to start her own business).

the thing is, i know that she's mentally not well. she is very erratic and immature, add that to the fact that she's gone through a lot of trauma throughout her life and the end result is a deeply flawed person. at the same time i'm not responsible for her mental health and continuing to play friends with her what i don't even like her in the first place seems disingenuous. but she's got abandonment issues, so me doing this is probably gonna hurt her. although me being honest and saying that i can't stand her and her drama anymore probably wouldn't feel any better.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[yermes]

We’re cooked chat.. 🪽

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Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

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Socials: TipJar | Follow me!

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The cards

Oxygen 🍾

Friendship issues have been a thing since the beginning of time. If you feel like you are the only one, you just simply are not. We also must understand our emotions are highly reactive and cling to things that sometimes they shouldn’t. Not to say you shouldn’t have boundaries and if something makes you upset you should absolutely talk about. But are people trying to actively praying on your downfall, or are you reacting to a way that they just are formed of their own unique feeling and experiences.

Potassium 🍌 

You have the absentee father problem of: when you get a hint of exposure of things you don’t like you run even if its to your absolute detriment. You will have to deal with a bad teacher, you will have to deal with people who are less than helpful, you will be confronted with shitty customers at your place of work. You must understand people from where they begin, and trust I understand see people and run knee jerk reactions, i too hate ppl. But girlie, you need to start preserving a bit even if its ass.

Strontium ☕️

You need to be on a list, any breath in the wrong direction just sends you. You feel as though with the touch of a different presence you change entirely, you are so receptive and reactive to the environment and the people around you. You must simply be, you must be able to stand on your own, while it is still you even when you take on your many beautiful forms. How are you certain that they are genuinely your forms or just the shapes that you fit yourself in to be able to fit into a mold

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Extras: 🍿

Story/vent:

I feel like I have to dump her friend but she literally appreciates the friendship a ton, the family loves me and her brother has a huge crush on me, i feel very disconnected and tied in very close at the same time

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[stuckinapril]

don’t know if you’ve already shared (or if you wouldn’t like to) but i’d love to hear about your resolutions and goals for this year!

Hi so sorry for how late this is!! I have quite a few!

Ins —

Being more decisive. Trusting myself w calling the shots. Just making a decision and sticking w it.

Financial literacy

More reading. Just more.

Attacking things I’m uncomfortable with instead of shying away from them.

More silence. I don’t need to have my earphones in all the time

More time w family!!! I need to put in as much effort to connect w them as I do w my friends

Green tea every night

More pictures. I have a serious problem of just not being incentivized to take any

More scientific literature for fun!!

Piggybacking off that point—making it instinctive to apply things I study to real life situations. This is a niche one but it just helps me process stuff faster and I just think it’s a super dope learning technique

Pushing myself harder. It’s just not my preference to be mediocre.

Nourishing myself w my own affirmations. Cutting out my need for other people’s validation

Educational documentaries

Making more of an effort to connect w my Arab heritage

Being my natural self. It’s okay if I’m not bubbly all the time. Sometimes I just want to chill

Whole foods

Less phone time (I say this every year but like I want 2024 to be the year I’m truly disconnected/using my phone in a healthy way)

Body oils!

More tennis dates w friends!

10k steps a day

Sticking religiously to my hour by hour schedule

Keeping promises to myself as ardently as I keep promises to others

Being more bold w fashion!!

Hitting the gym 5 days a week

Reading more literature in Arabic and French

Learning how to cook. I cannot live off Siggi’s for the rest of my life lol

Exploring more music genres

Learning the piano!!

No longer feeling guilty for withholding information. Privacy is not a bad thing.

Getting more and more independent!!

Becoming the friend I want to be. Other people need to show up as well, but I can’t hold people up to standards I myself can’t reach.

Outs —

Centralizing luxury brands. Thinking that price equates to quality. The fact of the matter is quality equates to quality. Price is irrelevant.

Relying on snap judgment responses to situations. I need to learn to wait at least 15 minutes. I can be impulsive asf

Jumpiness. Nervous energy. I just want to be more calm and controlled in how I carry myself. I want to exude self-assuredness

Checking my phone first thing in the morning!!

Drinking less than 3 liters of water a day

Being available all the fucking time. If someone has an issue w me for being busy, maybe they’re not someone I want in my life in the first place.

Being too forgiving. Not immediately allowing someone back into my life doesn’t make me a bitch. Immediately running to fix things w someone doesn’t make me selfless. Being the bigger person in situations where I was nowhere near in the wrong doesn’t make me mature. It’s just symptomatic of a lack of boundaries.

Consuming dumb shit in the name of “keeping up w pop culture.” I don’t care about celebrity controversy #7282727. I don’t care about celebrity selfie #827226. It doesn’t elevate my life in any way. I legit just don’t care. And this goes for real life gossip w friends too

Taking too long to text back!! A day is fine, but sometimes I take longer and I think that’s a shitty trait to have. I can absolutely afford to respond to people faster.

Too much chocolate!! I’m a sweet tooth but I must preserve my skin/overall health

Motivation over discipline. I need to be attuned to discipline always.

Control freak antics. I can’t control people. It’s not my responsibility. They’ll act how they act. All I can do is control my reaction to it

Rumination/unhealthy venting. When I’m done w something, I’m done w something.

Overcompensating for other people’s shortcomings. It’s not my responsibility to coddle others. It’s okay if something is too much for me.

Having no boundaries w others. People aren’t entitled to private information. It doesn’t make me deceptive to withhold things—it just makes me selective. People need to earn private details about me.

Curating things I like. I simply like what I like. It’s not that deep.

[turtlevariabilis]

Ok, this post is going to be somewhat long because I want to vent about a topic and ask for advice. I've noticed that in this community, there are many neurodivergent people, perhaps because Rise Donnie was confirmed to be on the autism spectrum, and Rise Mikey was confirmed to have ADHD (which wouldn't surprise me at all if it were the same in any version of TMNT).

Well, the thing is that BEFORE discovering Rise Donnie in early 2023, I had already spent a year with a strong suspicion that I might be on the autism spectrum due to something very specific that I discovered about myself (this is something I normally don't share with anyone, but since I'm anonymous here, I don't mind talking about it).

Back then, I discovered that I had ARFID (an eating disorder in which your diet is extremely selective). It’s something I’ve struggled with since I was a baby, from the first food I ever tried. I won’t go into detail about this part, which has always been very difficult in my life, but when I found out that what I was suffering from had a name… it meant that I wasn't the only one in the world 🥺 I'm 26 years old, so I've been suffering from this since 1998, and I found out that it was only given a name in 2013, and I only learned about it in 2022!

There wasn't much information, but I definitely discovered something about this disorder that disturbed me greatly.

Most people with ARFID (though not all) are on the autism spectrum. And something clicked in my mind. Because I've always felt different, I've always had social difficulties. When I was in college, around 2011, before Asperger's was included within the autism spectrum, I had already researched it and concluded, with doubts, that it wasn't my case. I didn’t have a good memory, nor was I very intelligent—I got good grades in school because I worked hard and was interested 🥺 (when I was in elementary school, they suspected I might be dyslexic, another diagnosis that was never pursued because it eventually "got better"). I also ruled it out because they say people on the spectrum are very routine-oriented and organized, and I considered myself the opposite.

But in 2022, I started searching for a lot more information (yes, somewhat obsessively—I even read books on the topic). And in 2023, I discovered rottmnt and Rise Donnie, which intensified my search for answers about myself...

The thing is, recently, I've been reflecting on 2019, the year I hit rock bottom mentally (and irresponsibly, I never went to a psychiatrist). I thought it was depression that I'd been dragging on for years... but what if it was something else? The way I tried to push myself forward was completely opposite to what is recommended for people with depression... and what if it was autistic burnout? Depression and autistic burnout share symptoms but require opposite treatments! (Talking about non-medical treatments, of course).

I made a list some of my autistic traits, things I've been gathering, and I'm sharing them here:

1. ARFID: I'm extremely selective with my food, and I have been for as long as I can remember.

2. People have told me that I "seem like I'm from another planet."

3. I've been told that I don't know how to comfort people (not in a bad way, just as an observation).

4. Before I turned 15, I barely spoke at all outside of the house. But I knew how to communicate in other ways... If I needed to complain about something to a teacher, I would write a note on paper and hand it to them. If I wanted to play with other kids, I could easily join in without saying anything.

5. I discovered this recently: when people talk about their problems, I tend to propose solutions instead of simply understanding what they're feeling.

6. I also discovered this recently: I don't understand what's happening with my emotions until they accumulate and I break down in tears.

7. I’m not comfortable with physical contact. Even as a baby, I wouldn’t go into the arms of strangers. And people, even family and friends, naturally ask me if they can hug me before they do... and of course, if they ask, I'll say yes!

8. The few times I listen to music, it’s rare and always on loop (just one song on repeat, and I have to force myself to stop after a while because I don’t have a natural limit).

9. My obsessions, like TMNT (though I've had others at different times in my life).

10. The simple fact that, at 26 years old, I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I’ve never kissed anyone, despite imagining it many times.

11. The times I’ve gone out to party late at night, I would end up crying when I got home, even if I had a “good” time. Now I understand it’s because I was exhausted.

12. I’ve always described having a switch in my mind that allows me to disconnect from my surroundings if the noises are too much (so they don’t bother me). Even though my mom told me that once, when I was little, she took me to see fireworks, and I apparently had a meltdown and covered my ears because of the noise, this never happened again, and I wouldn't say noise is an issue for me.

13. I NEVER, and I mean NEVER, make eye contact unless the other person isn’t looking directly at me. The thing is, I never realized this could be bothersome to some people. No one ever told me I had to look into people’s eyes, so I just never do it!

14. Crowds are definitely what bothers me the most. I think I could lose my sense of reality if I stayed in one for too long.

15. I need instructions to be given to me step by step, exactly as they need to be done; I also have difficulty understanding some jokes, double meanings, and I take things quite literally. For example, when we studied metaphors in school, I never understood them, and that’s because we never talked about them at home, haha.

And I could go on with many more specific things and anecdotes!

And why, if it seems like I never really did the famous masking, did no one ever suggest that I should seek a diagnosis?

What happened is that the more I researched the topic, not only did I recognize my own autistic traits (though I wouldn’t say I’m autistic without an official diagnosis), but I also realized that my parents and sisters fit well within the neurodivergent spectrum too. This created a mutual understanding between us, and we didn’t see any flaws in each other. I think I grew up in a very safe environment 🫶🏻 and was somewhat sheltered from the outside world.

As I mentioned, I don’t know if I’m on the spectrum or if I have other neurodivergences, but after what could have been depression or autistic burnout, and all the introspection I’ve done in recent years, I’ve realized that yes, I’m different, I’m "odd" in many ways, and I need to accept myself as I am. I’ve even forgiven myself for not eating as I should. While it would be good to work on it a bit, I don't need to feel guilty about it, and as long as I’m healthy, there shouldn’t be a problem.

Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s worth seeking a diagnosis or not. I wouldn’t know what to say, who to go to, or if they would take me seriously after all the self-discovery I’ve already done… I just don’t know. On one hand, I think I’d like to know, not just for myself but also for the people closest to me so they can understand me better… but at the same time, we’re all different, and we all have our quirks and deficiencies… so I’m not sure what to do with everything I’ve learned—whether to leave it as it is or to pursue it further in a professional way.

Tell me about yourselves—if any of you suspect or know that you’re neurodivergent, and what your thoughts are on the matter.

[7ndipity]

Latibule

Namjoon x Reader

Summary: After someone close to you breaks your trust yet again, you go to your safe place, Joon.

Warnings: angst, swearing, implied toxic relationship/home life, not proofread

A/N: I wrote this like a month ago when I needed to vent, but I thought some of y'all might appreciate it, so I'll share it here. I almost feel like it could be the start of a series, but idk, lmk what you think?(Also, I tried to leave the 'they' in question vague, so it could be an ex, family, friend or whatever you prefer.)

Masterlist

Requests are open

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Joon being wide awake at three in the morning was far from out of the ordinary, he'd often said that he did some of his best work at night, having passed more than his fair share of sleepless nights writing.

You however, were usually long dead to the world at this hour, which is why when his phone screen lit up with your name, he was quick to answer.

"Hey y/n."

"Joon?" The shake in your voice instantly put made him sit up straighter, concerned.

"What happened?"

"Can... can I come over?" You asked.

"Of course." He said, without hesitation. "Are you okay? Do you need me to get you?"

"I'm fine." You said, but he knew that wasn't fully true, it was clear you'd been crying. "I just don't want to stay here tonight."

"Come over. Do you want me to set up our usuals?" He asked.

"Sure." You responded.

Over the course of your friendship, you two had developed a near ritual of whenever one of you was upset, you'd go over to the other's place to talk, usually over some sort of drinks.

You couldn't count how many nights you'd spent camped out on each other's sofas, or sometimes beds, ranting about everything from shitty ex's, family or work problems, or even just that one neighbor who never waved back at you. It didn't necessarily fix any of the issues, but it was comforting nonetheless to have someone who would lend a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on.

He could tell whatever happened must have been bad. Normally, when you called, you would already be giving him the rundown of whatever had happened, so your quietness on the other end of the phone was more than a little worrying.

You showed up not long after, your sweats and oversized hoodie making you seem even smaller to him than normally.

Skipping over any greeting, he immediately pulled you into a tight, protective hug.

"What happened?" He asked again, but you just shook your head.

"Not yet." You mumbled, trying to soak in his soothing warmth. It was remarkable how easily the simple gesture from him never failed to give you such a sense of comfort and safety.

Once you finally separated, he quickly got you situated on the couch with your drinks, waiting patiently for you to begin.

"They lied, again." You said, staring at the floor as you spoke. "I thought things were getting better. I thought we were getting past it, but they fucking lied, right to my face."

The grip on his glass tightened as he listened to you explain, his long simmering anger and frustration at your situation rising to a boil.

"Fuck 'em." He said suddenly.

You looked up at him in surprise.

"I mean it," he said seriously. "You've put up with this shit for long enough. If they can't even have the basic decency to be honest with you, after everything that's happened, then fuck 'em. You deserve so much better than that, than them."

Caught off guard by the intensity of his words, you were hit with a sudden wave of emotion, trying desperately to blink back tears but failing.

"Shit, I'm sorry! Please don't cry." He apologized, frantically scrambling over to pull you into another hug.

"Why are you always so nice to me?" You sniffled.

He looked at you for a moment, unsure of how to answer other than the simple truth. "Because it's what you deserve."

You sat together for a while until your tears ceased and he noticed you drooping on his shoulder and suggested going to bed, waiting till he felt your breaths even out next to him before drifting off as well.

You woke in the morning to the loud clang of cookware and quiet curses.

"Joon?" You called groggily, finding him milling about the kitchen, looking slightly frazzled.

"Sorry babe, did I wake you?" He asked.

"Nah, it's fine." You said, ignoring the term of endearment he reserved for the nights you you stayed over. "What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast, or at least trying to." He said, stirring a pan of eggs uncertainly.

"Here, let me." You offered, taking over as he watched.

"So, um, I was thinking..." He said, trailing off uncertainly.

"Hmm?" You hummed.

"What if you just... stayed here?" He asked nervously. "At least for a little bit?"

You looked up in surprise. "Here?"

"Yeah, I mean, if you want to." He said, fiddling with his sleeves awkwardly. "It's nice having you around, and you're here all the time anyway and I...

"I don't want you to go back there." He said quietly. "They're not good for you, so I thought maybe you could just... be here?"

Slowly, you nodded. "I think I'd like that."

He smiled, relieved. "Good."

[simgaroop]

I think I am neurodivergent.

There is no official diganosis and at this stage in my life I probably won't look for one. But in recent years I've started to think I probably am one. I even thought about asking my therapist about this, just before she released me a couple years ago. But it just felt like I was making things up at the moment. Besides, it is pretty stupid for a mental health specialist to self-diagnose, so that's why I am not saying this with complete certainty.

Huh, this is one of those posts I should be writing in Spanish.

Anyway, why am I randomly posting this in my Sim blog? Well, because I am exhausted. I've spent the last two months carrying a huge figurative boulder on my shoulders and just pretending (or masking) non stop. If you met me in person, the most likely impression you would have of me is that I am a very calm, warm and sweet person, who has her shit together, is the voice of reason, a great listener, someone who is eager to come up with solutions to any problem. Someone who has control over her emotions, who likes "normal" everyday stuff. People look up to me and I am constantly been asked for support, both in my professional and personal life. I am so nice and adaptable, that I was able to practically live in a hospital for over 5 weeks, just leaving it to go to work.

However, deep inside I am a very anxious woman, who is triggered by thoughts of death, disease (of loved ones), doctors and hospitals. I need to have my time to be alone. I prefer (almost need) to sleep in a very dark room and listening to movie or videogame podcasts. I've always been into videogames and animated shows, and I tend to obsess about those topics. I used to write a lot of fanfiction and loved it, but have never told a soul because I am so embarrased by it. I prefer to be alone, I hate to make and answer phone calls and when I get a notification on Whatsapp I really need to take a moment to even read the message (and it is even worse if it's a voice message). I am socially awkward in situations that are not related to work. I used to stimm a lot when I was a child, and I still do it when I am stressed. I was a picky eater. I used to be the lonely child who preferred to be by herself and only made friends because my parents were worried. I do not watch series on Netflix, but I can browse Youtube for hours and watch Lets Plays and documentaries about shows. I've always wanted to share my nerd tendencies, but I can't, because I am a woman in her forties, and my family and social circle look down on that stuff. So I constantly pretend and only when I am alone at night I can browse and look at the stuff I like, which is honestly very innocent, but I feel like I have to hide it.

And these last weeks I have had to constantly hide myself in my "social" and "professional" self. And I am exhausted. I feel like my heart is heavy. And it is even affecting my work performance.

So I come to my nerdy spot on the Internet to vent. To the one place in which I can sort of be myself and hope like someone might read this and understand.

*Reads Post* Wow, this is why I mostly lurk. I sound like a 15 year old and my urge to pretend that everything is fine with me is screaming that I do not post this. 😥

[your-queer-dad]

hey dad

I have something of a long-winded rant; don’t feel like you have to respond, I just needed to tell someone

so I’m the “therapist friend”, and people come to me to talk about their problems all the time. Within the last few hours I’ve had two separate people vent to me, and I’m happy to listen. Except right now I’m going through a kind of tough time and I’m trying hard not to relapse into sh after being clean for almost three months. Hearing about everyone else’s problems really doesn’t help. I’ve set alarms to check my notifications during the night ever since I woke up to an ominous text and then couldn’t get a response all day, and every conversation I have with my friends turns into me comforting them. These are also really my only close friends, so it’s not like I have any other healthy relationships. I keep breaking down every time I’m alone and having anxiety attacks and worrying about food/starving myself and disassociating and biting my fingernails raw and snapping at people and my sleep schedule is getting messed-up, which are all signs that signs are getting worse for me. But if I tell them that I don’t have the energy to listen, then I’m almost certain something terrible will happen. These people have absolutely nobody else they can talk to, unsupportive family, and are even less emotionally stable than I am. For a while, there’s been a cycle: they unload stress onto me, they apologize for it, I assure them that I’m happy to help and thank them for sharing with me, and I relieve the stress through unhealthy coping mechanisms that they don’t know about. But recently I’ve cleaned myself up after contacting a hotline and I don’t want to go back to how it was before. I deeply care about these people, and I want to continue to be there for them, but if my mental state worsens, I won’t be able to support them at all. It seems like I’m the most stable person in my life, and I’m far from being that. It’s hard for me to seek help (and even though I’ve experienced symptoms of severe depression and anxiety for most of my life, I’ve never gotten help for it) because I feel like I’d be taking advantage of the person I’m telling, since that’s what people do to me. Honestly, the thing with my only friends constantly venting to me is just one of many minor things pushing me over the edge. It isn’t that big of a deal, but right now it is overwhelming me. My life is actually relatively uncomplicated and I have a lot of privilege; I just don’t know how to cope with the few problems I have experienced. I just don’t know what to do, and I’m a minor so there’s not much I can do, and I don’t have anyone else to talk to, especially since I came out to my mother as queer a week ago and I’m even more distant from her. This is the first person, besides the 988 operator in April, who I’ve told about any of my issues. My apologies about how long that was—I didn’t mean to write an entire essay, but now I’m not sure what parts to delete. Thanks for listening. I hope you’re doing well and we all really appreciate you, dad

—Gray

Hey kiddo, I am so sorry. That is so much for even an adult to deal with, let alone a person your age. If they are causing you stress like that, my dear , they aren't healthy relationships. You are as worthy of care, time and compassion as anyone you help. If you don't take care of yourself then you will crash and burn and that will hurt more than you asking for some space and putting in boundaries. I beg you to take care of yourself and say no. Redirect them to me, I'll listen and help but please don't let yourself reach crisis point over helping others.

- dad x

[thefrogdalorian]

Going to be very off-topic for just a sec, but given how that campaign is all over my dash, I feel like I can't go on ignoring the emotions it provokes in me. Plus, since this is such a common struggle, I hope that maybe some of you can relate and I want you to know that you aren't alone at all.

If you're also struggling with your emotions over this and you need someone to talk to in confidence, I'm here for you. I understand.

Anyway, warning for mentions of alcohol abuse below the cut:

It's always fascinating to me how alcohol is marketed as this positive thing which brings you happiness and a great social life. When in reality, it often destroys relationships and lives and is, by definition, a depressant. It is a substance which often leaves you unhappier, fatter, lonelier, weaker, sicker, poorer...

And also, do you ever notice how it's never marketed around the taste (because it's literally poisonous and due to social pressure, we have to trick our brains by drinking it enough times that we eventually convince ourselves we actually like the taste of poison)?

It's always about sharing a beer with friends at the beach or enjoying a glass of wine with a meal. Never about how delicious it tastes...

While you may crave the feeling of being drunk, do most people really enjoy the taste and that's the primary reason why they drink? Is that the main reason given at AA meetings/rehab clinics? Do you ever hear alcoholics say: "I couldn't stop drinking that beer because it was just so crisp and refreshing!"

No, of course not. Alcohol is primarily used as a social crutch, or as an escape from one's problems. Dutch courage, social drinking where you feel giggly, giddy and tipsy... until one day you realise you can't socialise without it and it transforms from enjoyment to dependency, hopefully before you permanently damaged your organs...

Anyway, this isn't me being puritanical. I'm not mad at these campaigns or those who star in them, because at the end of the day, celebrities will always take cash from questionable sources. Money talks. Always has, always will.

It's merely an observation on the life this campaign 'sells,' as someone who has decided to break the generational cycle of alcoholism in my family and has been sober for 18 months now.

And a way for me to sort through my feelings and vent my own emotions around these kinds of campaigns. I don't miss alcohol and I don't feel tempted to drink whatsoever, but it's everywhere and there will remain a danger for the rest of my life that I could forget everything I've learned about alcohol. I don't want to lose sight of why I walked away from this destructive drug which is so widely accepted. When the truth is it is far more harmful to you than many illegal drugs.

If you enjoy alcohol, I truly hope you have fun with it in moderation. But I hope you can also stop and recognise the risks involved each time you reach for the bottle. The slippery slope you may be on which there is a danger you don't realise you've been sliding down until you're at the bottom, looking back up. And I hope you realise that what these advertising campaigns show are never rooted in the reality of what this substance can do to you.

If you start drinking that beer, it's far more likely you'll end up with kidney damage than you will ever get to share a cold bottle of it on the beach with that actor you love so much...