#my family sure as fuck wouldnt get it. my mom wouldnt get it. no one would get it theyd probably think im lying for attention
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i felt like drawing Maru but I really don't have the energy to even color this sketch.
#that anon made me think Huh he sure is much less on my mind#Then I remembered one of my fave anime- Erased#I feel like “what if i disappeared from this world and how would it change my loved one's lives” has been done enough times already#but i have nothing to do with his canon story now. So I thought. What if he Really disappeared?#I never caught up with Madoka stuff but I remember something with this theme too and that girl chasing her to stop her from doing that#so i was like hmmmmm Cherry?#Like imagine chasing a dead person's shadow your whole life and when you almost grasp it#it disappears. wouldnt that be fucked up#I like happy endings but also can u imagine#Maru seeing his family live without him never existing. His mom is alive. His grandparents accept her.#Olivia never gets hurt or leaves the town thanks to Hana#Alex's life doesn't change at all.#Wouldn't that be heartbreaking. Hehe. No I wont do it but i want to put my thoughts somewhere#sorry friends I am chronically tired and i have given up on everything! goodnight#maybe. idk#doodles#maka#maru#oc
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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🦋
#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family#on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know.#she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me.#&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me#into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way#after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public#that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later#after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her#&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault.#so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally#everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao.#&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad#about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY.#i do not fucking UNDERSTAND.#i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why.#the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all#while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me.#but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime#&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool.#a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.
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ugh
#eli.txt#having thoughts. mainly abt how like. most ppl in my life who arent in my friend group probably wont believe me if i say im trans#since im pretty fem presenting most of the time and i like it that way but they wouldnt Get It#my family sure as fuck wouldnt get it. my mom wouldnt get it. no one would get it theyd probably think im lying for attention#they tend to think i do that like when i said 'hey i think im autistic' a lot of my relatives and family friends straight up said i was lyin#i dont want to like. never come out. at least my mom deserves to know and i want her to know but when i think about how no one would Get It.#i just want to cry a little ngl. they dont fucking get it#im not going to sacrifice the way i like to look and act just to make people understand me better#bc. i know my mom wouldnt get it. but i know she loves me so much that she would try to get it.#there are people in my family i know wouldnt bother to try to get it if i was the most binary masc presenting trans guy in the world.#and i dont care to try to please them. they dont even have to ever know. its my mom that scares me#ive had. very few. discussions abt the genderisms with her. they never go well.#shout out to when i said i wanted a binder and my mom started crying. lol ✌#idk man i just. goddammit i wish i could just beam the way i interact w my gender into other peoples minds so they Get It but i cant do that#idk!!!!!! this is stupid#i just i am sad
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I think one of the biggest things I want to break the cycle of if I'm ever able to have kids is religion tbh. like growing up my parents didn't really give me a choice of which religion I wanted to be a part of, if any, and when I expressed interest in studying religions from other cultures as a hobby they got freaked out and made me promise I'd "be careful not to fall away from the True Real Church" or whatever and like. idk I feel like a kid should be allowed to choose for themselves !? because religion is a big personal thing and so I think the reason it never clicked with me was because it was always something I was forced to do and believe. and idk if I ever have a kid I would want them to be able to explore the world around them and decide what they believe on their own, and have my support no matter what they choose
#re lrb#i mean there's also. the weird cult side of mormonism that also weirded me the fuck out from a young age#i remember distinctly this one time i had some concerns about how the church essentially brainwashes people and brought it up to my mom#and her answer was something like ''well yes that's true it wouldnt be good but in this case its the true church so its fine :)''#like. ma'am that was exactly the wrong thing to say to a kid who was an avid reader + already knew what mob mentality + blind following was#and idk. my parents have always said that ive always been someone to Question things. authority and rules and systems and all that#and theyve always warned me that it could get me in trouble if im not careful (which im sure it could)#but the way they always meant it was trouble with the church#and tbh im glad i grew up questioning all the things i was taught because i managed to get the hell outta dodge#and idk. i have a lot of trauma and baggage surrounding religion because of how i was raised practically in a cult#but if i ever have a kid i'd want them to be able to choose what they believe or if they dont believe at all#idk. i just wish i had a choice thst my family truly supported me in and so i want that for any kids i have.#anyway this is a long tag ramble but idk. i just got thinking.#winter speaks#personal#tw mormonism#tw religion
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Not gonna lie
I dont think I'll ever forgive my parents for how poorly they mishandled our dog's health. I constantly felt as though it was my fault even though I quite literally couldn't do any more than i did. I still feel as though it was my fault. He deserved so much fucking better. I love him, and he had to endure such horrible skin problems because my parents refused to take him to a better vet because they were convinced the one they went to was fine. Even though I protested them for YEARS. I tried so fucking hard to get them to see what was going on but they just let it get worse and worse. They would never listen. And I couldn't take him somewhere on my own because I was a kid with no money. My sibling was too busy to notice. And my mom couldn't accept that it was her fault, and that she could've done better. I think she knows now but is still denying it to herself. My dad, quite frankly, didn't care.
#thinking about it right now because of how neglectful ive felt in regards to my dog's teeth#even though it again is the result of my parents not caring#or not wanting to realize#for fucks sake. they didnt take the other family dog to the vet for YEARS until i coincidentally#almost killed myself and they decided to do things that would make me happy#and why didnt they? because they didnt want to admit they were being neglectful in that regard#but i think it was a wake up call for them#when he had to get a quarter or more of his teeth removed as a result.#im so worried about my dog#they wouldnt LET me get his teeth cleaned for years#and when i got him we had agreed that they would pay for the teeth#and i really thought they would show up. despite the fact that it took me three fucking years to get my own cavity filled bc my#mom is insane about health stuff and im too fucking mentally ill to get a nine to five#and it ended up being a root canal because of it#and i told them time and time again that i would spend my money from my grandparents on his teeth#in a fucking instant#but i dont hsve control of the account. because of course i dont. and i cant help but feel like i failed my dog#even though i dont even know if he'll even need more than one tooth pulled yet#he's everything to me#he keeps me alive#he threw me out of a haze that for sure wouldve otherwise ended up with me bleeding out#so im not being dramatic. hes the reason i get up every day and get out of the house and take care of myself. because i know he loves me and#depends on me. and DON'T say animals dont love the same because for all intents and purposes love is being able to depend on people. that's#what love is. love is about caring for people and being cared for in return#it doesnt matter if he doesnt comprehend things the same. he comforts me when im sad. he lays on me when i have migraines#that's love to me. and i loce that little guy wven when he's an annoying little shit. hes my bro yk?#hes there for me when i need him so I'll always be there for him. shoutoit to my dog for being himself#also ik he does it because i care for his needs. but like. what is platonic and familial love or like love in general i guess if not#reciprocating care? even if it's not the same kind of care it's still care. you provide what the other person needs when they cant provide#it for themself.
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it's always been you
⇢ ˗ˏˋ fem!reader x alhaitham
⇢ ˗ˏˋ summary: even though it seemed like the universe did not want you and alhaitham together, he came to save you in the last second
⇢ ˗ˏˋ important notes: this is a repost from my old account (@/rainstops)
⇢ ˗ˏˋ a/n: ooc alhaitham... i think
old post masterlist tba !
you and alhaitham always got along really great. some people would say that youre the only one who he ever really got a long with. always kind and respectful to you.
kaveh was the first one to notice alhaithams blatant favoritism towards you. whenever he tried to bring it up, alhaitham quickly shut him down. but this time he wasnt going to let that happen.
"so? when are you going to ask [name] out?", he immediately asked when alhaitham walked through the door of their shared apartment.
"ask her out? why would i do that?", alhaitham was quick to answer.
"come on dude, everyone knows that you like her.
"like her? sure i like her as a friend", alhaitham hung up his coat.
a moment of silence followed.
"oh so you wouldnt mind if i asked her out?", kaveh asked. alhaithams head shot into his direction. no words needed. the expression on alhaithams face was far more than enough for kaveh.
"Ha, see you do like her!"
"whatever im going to sleep"
kaveh was right though. alhaitham did hold feelings in his heart that he didnt understand very well.
you on the other hand also just arrived at home. you took off your shoes and were immediately confronted with a "[name] we have to talk", of course from no one less than your mother. you tried to avoid her as much as you could, but with how controlling she is, that was more than just hard.
you both sat down at the kitchen table, and your mother immediately started talking. and you wished you wouldnt have come home that night.
"so you know that the fact that our family keeps on living, and keeping up our status is important, right?", your mother started. she had been giving you the same talk lately over and over again. she kept reminding you about how you had to get a boyfriend soon and get married soon. for archons sake, you were 19!
your family had a fairly high status in sumeru, and your mother lived for continuing the family. she had an early marriage and an early pregnancy, just to ensure that the family reproduces.
"mom get to the point", you sighed. you couldnt hear the same talk over and over again. she would just tell you how its important that you have children and its for the family and-
"i've arranged a marriage for you"
what?
she what?
"you did WHAT?", you slammed your hands on the table and stood up from your chair.
"[name] you know its just so-"
"i dont CARE what its about!"
"now how about you sit back down and listen to me. ive found you a lovely guy whos just a year older-"
"no, how about you listen to ME for this first time in your life? all the time you were trying to control my life and manipulate me and you kept telling me over and over again how its 'for the family'!, well in all honesty fuck this family!", all your pent up anger from your nineteen years of living was now let out at the person who caused it all.
"young lady that is no way to talk to your mother, and especially no way to talk about your family!", your mother stood up from her chair as well.
"youre not fucking listening to me! i am not getting married!", you screamed while putting your shoes back on.
you stormed out the door, although you were very aware that she was going to get whatever she wants one way or another.
it doesnt matter. she never even mattered. you needed to go somewhere, somewhere else than that place you lived in. and you knew exactly where.
kaveh opened the door for you.
"alhaitham theres someone here for you!" he shouted through the whole apartment. its not like you were never here for you. whenever your mother got too much, you slept at alhaithams place. kaveh also told you a million times already that youre the only one who alhaitham allows to sleep in his room.
"same fights as always?", kaveh asked. you shook your head.
"worse"
"worse? what did she do?", alhaitham was suddenly standing right in the hallway. it took you everything you had to stop you from ugly crying right then and there.
you were still mad. you were always gonna be mad, but the fact that you almost sprinted all the way to the shared apartment, took away a little of the rage.
"its kind of really hard to say", you really didnt want to say it. it for some reason felt even more wrong to tell alhaitham, but you didnt know why.
"i dont think theres really anything that we dont expect from your mother by now", alhaitham said looking at kaveh, and then back at you. your eyes started watering. not at the thought of having to say it out loud, but at the thought of having to spend most of your life with someone you didnt even know.
"she arranged a marriage for me", you said. your words were followed by a long silence.
alhaitham looked irrated at you. or maybe he was angry. who knows. kaveh on the other hand was shocked. his eyes wide, and lips slightly apart. never of them knew what to say.
"youre kidding", alhaitham said, more wishing than actually asking. his voice was barely above a whisper.
you could only shake your head.
a shaky, long sigh escaped your lips, and even though you didnt want it, the tears started falling. your body tensed up, and you could feel alhaithams arms wrap right around you. all you could do was lay your head onto his chest, and kaveh went to grab some water for you.
the rest, you dont remember.
you woke up, in alhaithams bed. the apartment sounded empty. what time was it? you honestly couldnt care less about going to school today. you didnt want to go anywhere today. but you also couldnt stay here another night, that was decided. one way or another you had to confront your mother, and who knows, maybe you could also convince her to stray from her plan.
but you knew, you could not convince her.
you discussed and fought with her for quite a long time.
"youre getting married to that man, and if i have to drag you to that wedding. besides everything is already paid for"
"wait- already paid for? when is the wedding anyways?",
"next month"
without another word, you stood up from the kitchen table and went to your room. you threw yourself onto your bed.
your body felt so heavy, and especially your heart. your eyes felt as if they were going to close any second, but you didnt feel like you could sleep. you were angry, but you were also disappointed and sad. disappointed in your mother, that she saw you as nothing else other than an a way to extend the family.
and disappointed in yourself, for not being able to convince her.
well at least you still had alhaitham. he was the best friend you could ever ask for, although you ever wondered if you felt more towards him than just friendship.
your question was answered pretty quickly. you had no idea what had caused it. if it was the upcoming marriage, or just because he was always there for you. but recently you wanted to be closer to him than before. you wanted to always stay by his side, but maybe you just wanted to avoid being home.
but alhaitham... was it just an illusion or was he getting more and more distant by the minute? he used to always make time for you. if you were struggling with something, he stopped what he was doing just to help you. he wanted to talk to you over all of the people he knew. he talked to you daily, but now the days you two talked were moving apart further and further.
what was happening?
"alhaitham can we talk?", you carefully asked, not wanting to disturb him. this was one of the first time you felt like you were walking on eggshells around him.
"not right now [name], im busy", he replied, not even bothering to take his eyes off the paper he was working on.
"but its kind of important...", you tried again.
suddenly he slapped his paper down onto the table.
"what is it?", he finally looked at you for once.
you sat down right across from him.
"well... how do i start this"
"just say it, i have important things to do"
...
were you not important to him anymore?
"alhaitham, i feel like we are drifting apart", those were the best words you could find to describe what you were feeling.
"so what? its not like we're a couple or anything"
"so i dont matter to you at all"
a moment of silence.
thats not true, is what alhaitham wanted to say.
"alhaitham dont ignore me"
"im not ignoring you"
"then answer me"
"fuck [name] just- JUST FUCKING FINALLY LEAVE ME ALONE"
huh
wait what?
did he just say that?
"did i just say that...?", he mumbled to himself, kind off hoping you would hear it, but you were already out of the room, heading home.
your mind was blank. where did you go wrong? what did you do that couldve possibly made him act this way?
alhaitham got home, closed the door, and sunk into the couch. his hands were traveling through his hair, and he was rubbing his face as if he was trying to rub away the words he said.
"woah what happened to you", kaveh asked as he walked past him, just wanting to get a glass of water.
"nothing", alhaitham mumbled, his hands still in his face.
"doesnt look like nothing to me", kaveh replied. honestly he shouldve just dropped it right then and there.
"kaveh what do you think gives you the right to nag me like theres no tomorrow?"
kaveh just stared.
"seriously man what is up with you recently? is it because of... you know, [name] getting married?", it almost felt hard to say.
his heart dropped to his stomach and a shudder went down his spine, hearing kavehs words.
the reminder that you were getting married takes him right back to the day when you told him whats happening. he couldnt help his heart feeling like it was getting ripped apart, like its nothing more than just a piece of paper.
from that day on he couldnt concentrate on anything. everything felt like a reminder of you, everything reminded him of the daggers that were send through his heart of the mere sight of you.
so he did the only thinkable thing, which was to distance himself. maybe his heart and mind would go back to the way things used to be. but everyday where he would be spending less time with you, felt like someone was taking half his soul away. he was even less focused on things, and was living in a trance, like a depressed man.
but in no way was he trying to hurt you. no that was even worse than anything he could think off.
everything felt like it circled around you. it almost felt like...
"it feels a little like youre living for [name], doesnt it?", kaveh suggested.
yeah exactly that.
kaveh sat down next to him.
"alhaitham, do you remember the exact date [name]'s wedding is?"
alhaitham looked at kaveh.
"its tomorrow, alhaitham"
wait
wait, no, when did time pass so fast? you cant get married. no way.
you were standing there, in your white dress. it wasnt really yours. it was your mothers old dress, meaning you did not choose your own dress. but maybe it was better like that, since you didnt want to get married anyway. the reception wasnt very pretty, it almost looked like a church. but maybe only you felt this way. you didnt want to be here. you didnt want to be anywhere. well there was one place that couldve been nice. you wanted to be wherever alhaitham is right now, but he didnt seem to want you arround.
you were staring at the bouquet you were holding. everything felt so surreal. you looked up at the guy you were marrying. he looked absolutely happy to be where he was. it almost made you uncomfortable to look at the wide grin on his face.
you looked at your mother, who seemed to be crying. everyone seemed so happy, except for you.
you were not picking up any words, until the question was asked.
"do you take [name], as your wife, your partner, for all eternity?", the sentence almost made you throw up.
"yes", the guy so quickly replied. he smiled at you. and you felt the urge to slap him. and maybe your mother while you were at it.
"now, do you take [guys name], to be your husband, your partner, for all eternity?"
"I.. uh", you wanted to say no so bad, but it seems you didnt have to.
you looked up from the floor you were staring at to avoid any gazes, when suddenly the doors to the reception slammed open.
"stop... the fucking wedding", alhaitham stood there, out of breath, his hair messier than ever, and he looked like he had been... crying?
he walked up to you and took your hand.
"you dont want to marry this guy right? forget this, forget everything, and just come with me"
he looked at you like he had never seen anything he loved more. and in that moment, you indeed forgot everything. like nothing was important, nothing other than the happiness of you and the one who was holding your hand.
you dropped your bouquet right there and ran. your mother shouted something, and the guy was standing there all confused.
as soon as the both of you had left the reception, you started stumbling.
"alhaitham im wearing heels!", without hesitation, alhaitham picked you up like you weighed nothing.
a few more steps and you both hid in an allyway.
to some people this might looked weird, but they dont know what was happening. to you you couldnt be happier than this.
but yet, tears were streaming down your face. and you arms wrapped themselves around alhaitham, quicker than he could react. your head was already pressed into his chest. and he hugged you back.
"im so sorry, im sorry for shouting at you and im sorry for not helping you earlier. i love you, [name]", his voice was wavering, but it had an odd certainty in it. without someone having to tell you, you knew from this day on everything was going to be okay.
#! vivis drafts#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin impact x reader#alhaitham#al haitam x reader
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I just love drawing families of fictional characters, its interesting to think of how each sibling would look. I try to make them different from one another but at the same time maintain familial similarities.
Jinzha resembles their mom, Muzha their dad, and Nezha's a good mix of both.
Also get ready with some sibling dynamic rant, mostly relation HCs by me.
Enough with the parent child dynamic
I want sibling dynamic. Where these three come to terms on what happened between them. Specifically Muzha and Nezha's interaction is the one I want to see.
Tbh those two's fates in the myth reminded me of Hyakkimaru and Tahomaru in Dororo.
Like Nezha and Muzha had so much potential to gain solidarity with each other. Because Jinzha could never relate to them as the ignored or unwanted child. Muzha has that middle child stuggle fr.
Muzha is the one so eager to gain their fathers favor trying to meet Jinzha's level . Nezha wants nothing from his father so he makes himself worse.
Muzha's frustration with Nezha is that Nezha is rebellious, disrespectful of their dad
While Nezha's frustration to Muzha is that Muzha is so blinded and always struggling to achieve something so futile. Deep down he hates how Muzha is suffering this way but he wouldnt speak of it. This is why they always at odds.
They should make a movie focusin the Li brothers fr
Other than overusing the actual myths.
Fuck the ending from the original myth, they didnt even consider how the children felt from all the abuse. Not even mention of Muzha's death.
Enough Ao Bing, what about Muzha???
And the moral lesson is just about "respecting elders"?? The story still had so much to wrap up. How can you call this a family if there is some sort of hierarchal system. A family requires empathy to maintain that connection.
Tbh its kinda realistic
Families and siblings can still inflict trauma from each other .And a story based on reconcilation is a good way for this to be about family counselling.
I wanna see the "what ifs". It could be each brothers own story of self healing from the trauma caused on each other.
Maybe Im getting my hopes up too much, but it could be a development for them to forgive, start anew and an opportunity to connect and catch up on what they missed on each other.
Edit:
As for Jinzha he also has his own struggles as the eldest. Keeping up the station as the golden favored and perfect son. But its Asian family dynamics, which means hes in a lot of pressure. But he is mentally and emotionally strong. The brothers always busy on his studies ,future responsibilities and training to be able to spend time together. Their timetables seemed to be planned out to always not meet. Jinzha especially had less freetime. And if he ever came across any of his brothers, it was only one of them never both.
He doesnt mind being a buffer for the other two feuding but it does stress him out that it will never change. But he'll make sure to give time and attention to both of them as much as he can.
Other than keeping up his fathers expectations he also doesnt want to fail as a big brother to them🥺😭
Muzha and Nezha can see his efforts so they do not dare hold anything against him. Muzha still keeps his competitive attitude when Jinzha's around but accepts any offered kindness from Jinzha. While Nezha enjoys his company when he gets the chance.
Also because I tend to hold on to this little bit of bonding😭🥺🥺Jinzha trying to be the best big bro
Thinking of the contrast in the future where Jinzha was tasked to torture Nezha destroyed me😭😭😭What did Jinzha even feel while he had to do it??
Also here some Nezha with his hair down again
#li nezha#li muzha#li jinzha#nezha#nezha fanart#nezha lmk#character hc#sibling dynamics#li brothers#investiture of the gods
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h music moon anon back again
what instruments do u think each creep would play? i think toby would play drums or something as an outlet for his emotions
tim plays an ancient acoustic guitar that’s missing like 2 strings and the wood is literally rotting (he’s had it since like 1999 and refuses to get rid of it)
nina sings. she defo had a yt cover channel at one point
unsure for the rest.. hm
- 🌙
oo. omg. yes. i like this. just a reminder that i really have no experience with instruments but i think its cool. half/most of these characters DON'T play in my au, BUT IF THEY DID....
toby and drums for sure, BUT realistically his parents would never let that happen in their house and he wouldn't really wanna put in the effort to get a drum set to the cabin. but listen. harmonica toby. yeah. not expanding
tim and acoutstic guitar but its fucked up and ugly and he only keeps it because he's attatched to it but its so bad
nina singing is also sooo fucking canon. she'd prob try to learn guitar at some point but then realized she had to cut her nails and callous her fingers, so she gave up immediately LMFAOO
brian... mmm... honestly guitar is pretty fitting for him too. he'd be one of those guys at parties who starts playing and he's so incredibly mediocre at it.
i feel like i could see like. childhood kate playing the piano cuz her mom wants her to. but she was always complaining and whining and getting mad about it, and then her life was ruined by the operator when she was like 14, so.. she couldnt play even if she tried
natalie also wouldnt play anything, but i could see her like having one of those fucked up out of tune pianos thrown in the barn that she found for free on the side of the road and had to get tims truck to move it. idk if anyone knows rio romeo, but how their piano sounds basically.. WHICH I LIKE. i love it.
jack and liek a fucking flute. i legit have no reason to explain this, but jack and a flute. bros lung capacity is crazy
sally and . yall know how lisa simpson is with the saxophone or whatevr. yeah. little sally with a saxophone half her size
ben also would not play shit, but i could see him trying to make music with like. the computer. i really dont know what its called but im sure u guys get what im talking about
NOW JEFF. jeffs parents would have let him get a drum set in the garage (he wouldve bullied his own parents into agreeing to it). he wouldve thought he was sooo fucking cool and soooooo fucking funny when he was so severely NOT.
liu and another like, flute clarinet saxophone type thing.. mayhaps the piano. something classy or whatever i guess
jane and the piano. cannot accept anything else.
lulu and.. the harp... her family was crazy rich growing up...... she plays the damn harp.
ann and a violin. cant explain it. sorry. but ann and a violin.
sadie and something goofy and like playful like a tambourine.. dancing around slapping the thing and her dress is all bouncing w her and aww.
dina and also something like classy i guess. im inclined to put her w the harp too cuz like angel wings and yeah idfk . but theres no way more than 1 of them plays the harp so ill put this bitch on the piano !!!
#asks#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanon#ticci toby#clockwork#natalie oullette#eyeless jack#jeff the killer#kate the chaser#jane the killer#homicidal liu#nina the killer#lulu creepypasta#sally williams#suicide sadie#judge angels#nurse ann#🌙 anon#ty for akss moon musi anonnn
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5
"Oh my god! No you never!" Emily's laughter echoed around the empty house. " No Jax, I call bullshit!" She struggled to get the words out in between giggles. A red faced Jax was a sight for sure. He was never the type to get embarrassed, not easily anyway. But he could feel the warm glow on his cheeks as he told Emily the story of him falling victim to one of Opies pranks. "No seriously! I had to walk back from the lake Naked Em! Fucker stole my clothes while I was swimming with a girl. Wouldn't have been as bad but I had to walk through town in the middle of the day! My mom wasn't impressed." That spurred on another round of laughter from Emily as she imagined a naked Jax strolling down Main Street. They sat curled up on either end of Emily's plush sofa. Both comfy under the fluffy blankets she kept within arms reach. The TV played in the back ground, a movie neither of them had paid attention to. Instead they sat and actually talked. About any thing and everything, childhood memories, family and what they want from life. Jax's kutte hung on the hook by the front door, his phone in the pocket, giving Emily his full attention. And for the first time in a long time Jax felt disconnected from the stress and worry of the club. It felt weird to say but being there with Emily, it felt homely. Safe. "So you know all about my disastrous love life. It's only fair I learn about yours." Emily smiled at Jax over the top of her mug of tea as she took a sip. He shifted against the side of the sofa, always uncomfortable at the mention of Tara, but she was right it was only fair. "That was a mess, to say the least. First love, high school sweethearts. Felt like I had to be with her every minute of every day or id lose my mind. She just took over everything ya know? Couldn't see myself with anyone else. But her and club never mixed. She just couldn't understand my connection to it. My future has always been laid out for me, I'm gonna be at the head of that table, with alot of men's lives in my hands one day. My responsibility to keep them safe, to make the right decisions and get them back to their families. My mom always said it was flawed from day one. Said Tara wasn't strong enough. And looking back she was right, she pulled me away every opportunity she got. She had bigger dreams. Wanted to be a successful doctor with a cookie cutter house and a white picket fence. But I couldn't give her that. And so came the ultimatum. Her or club." Jax's eyes never left Emily as she listened to him talk. The way her face twisted he could see she wanted to say something. "Did you ever consider it? Leaving club for her I mean?" Jax smiled at her. "Of course I did. Packed a bag and everything. But then I quickly realised that I couldn't go. Look, ever since I was a kid all I wanted was a Harley and a Kutte. If I left with her I would be giving that up. Plus, what the fuck was I gonna do? I'm an okay mechanic who barely got his GED. How the fuck was I meant to provide for us, or even think of starting a family? I'm not Noah. I won't sit on my arse and let my girl bust hers to pay for everything." Emily nodded as Jax spoke. She couldn't help but think how nice it was. To sit here and just talk, be open. " Sorry for that last comment. But you must get what I mean? What kind of man would I be if I can't provide for my own." Emily smiled as she placed her now empty cup on the coffee table. "Don't worry. I know i was stupid when it came to Noah. I only have myself to blame for letting him do me dirty like that. I didn't want to see what was infront of my face. Like I said before, love blind." Emily quickly brushed the comment away, not wanting to reveal the truth. The truth was ugly and painful, and she didn't want to admit it to anyone, let alone Jax Teller. Noah had broken her, but she wouldnt admit it to anyone. She wouldnt give him the satisfaction of knowing he made her weak. Anyone asked she was fine, like always. Emily was a pro at masking how she really felt.
Jax sat looking at Emily. He could tell she wasnt as okay as she was trying to make out. Nobody could be in a relationship for that long, go through a betrayal like that and just be fine. Jax's phone rang, cutting through the comfortable silence. "You should probably get that." Emily smiled as she grabbed their cups and headed into the kitchen to give him some privacy. Jax's eyes widened in suprise. Most girls would go moody at their time being cut short, or atleast wanted to listen into the call. Being privy to club information is only an old lady perk. While he took the call from Chibs, Emily quickly tidied her kitchen packing a to go box of the meatball subs she had made them earlier, along with some victoria sponge cake. Making sure they were wrapped good she quickly popped them in a bag as Jax appeared in the kitchen. "Im sorry, i've got to go. Club shit." Emily smiled at him and handed him the bag of food. "Its okay. I get it dont worry. I packed you some left overs from earlier. If it turns out to be a late night atleast you'll have some decent food." For the second time that night Jax's eyes widened in suprise. Taking care of people clearly came natural to her. "I had a really nice time tonight Em." Jax smiled at her as she followed behind him to the front door. "Me too." She pulled him in to a hug before opening her door for him. "Look Jax, i dont know what club business your going to deal with. Its not my place to know. But just be careful." He smirked at her concern as he leaned against her door frame. "Always am Babe." Rolling her eyes, but unable to wipe the smile from her face at the blatant flirting from the blonde adonis, Emily watched as Jax rode away on his Harley.
Butterflies still flew around her stomach long after Jax had gone, but she did her best to ignore them. He flirted with everyone. From what she knew about this town he had slept his way through most of it after Tara and never settled down. She would just be another notch on his bedpost if she gave in to the temptation. Another woman silly enough to swoon over THE Jaxon Teller.
Or would she?
#jax teller x reader#sons of anarchy#jax teller#jax teller imagine#jax teller x oc#sons of anarchy imagine#sons of anarchy fanfiction
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incredibly stupid franziska and phoenix are blood siblings au
soooo imagine franziska's older sister/brother dies some time after she gives birth. as child grows up he realises he probably needs more possible heirs considering its a not a guarantee this one will end up meeting his standarts. just to make sure he creates perfect offspring he begins his research and finds phoenix's mom
she is decendant of well knows prosecutor (as well as defence attorney but he ignores that) and he arranges marriage between them. lets just assume her family is kind of a douchebag and accept his proposal without even asking her. he is rich and influential who wouldnt like to marry someone like him, right? (answer: anyone with a brain)
she goes with it anyway because she didnt want to disappoint her family. shortly after marriage she gets pregnant but notices that piece of shit would be awfull father after seeing him punish a child for small mistake
so what she does? she fakes miscarriage, acts like she is heartbroken enough to give up her marriage. she maybe even blackmails malfred with some family secrets she could sell to media (she has proofs ofc) to let her divorce
everything happened so secretly and house of von karma announces she dies shortly after miscarriage. she starts a brand new life overseas with her boy, who looked too much like her thankfully
fast forward to a few decades. ema is really into dna testing thing and she compares dna examples she randomly collects. she examines numerous examples she collects. from full siblings like her and lana to cousins like maya and pearl to absolutely unrelated people like phoenix and franziska
think about it, asian american guy (asian mom - american dad acording to his mom, she wanted to act like malfred never existed) must have too little common with german woman right??
AHAHAH WRONG
she examines them. she examines them again and again and again but holly fuck did her machine broke down or something?? because NO WAY THE MOST UNRELATED TWO PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY RELATED
she loses some significant sleep over it and hell, she cant even share what she found because she never asked for permission to collect samples and who the fuck would believe her? she decides to just forget about it and move on.
when people ask what made her stop her madness with dna she just gives them stares of a war veteran
bonus:
what if ema blurts out the truth, they got suspicious and make another dna test (maya bullies nick into accepting it, franziska only consented because there is no fucking way its true and she, the perfect franziska von karma will put end into those baseless gossips) and find out she is not actually nuts?
nick is probably refuses to leave bed for a while (WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY MOM -SWEATEST WOMEN IN MY LIFE- BUFFED THAT OVERBAKED RAISIN? DID MY VERY OWN DAD TASED ME OH SHIT)
for franzika... im not really sure. maybe she just shrugs and moves on with her life. maybe she loses her shit over it. maybe she accepts him and demands perfection from him because thats what von karmas do. maybe she refuses to accept it and acts like they are not related at all unless she wants to tease miles because she is her own sister in law TWICE
franziska: (talking about his brother miles and mentions his partner)
person: oh he has a boyfriend? i would have never guessed. who is he?
franziska: (stone faced) my brother
person:?????????
..................
Franziska: this is my brother miles edgeworth and next to him is his husband and my brother, phoenix wight
Person:????????
Miles: Franziska for gods sake can you please stop doing that
#ace attorney#ace attorney au#phoenix wright#franziska von karma#malfred von karma#phoenix wright's mother#its just an another 2am madness#i shouldnt be allowed to use phone after midnight#i never had a drink but i swear its probably how it feels like#i will ragret it in morning
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I couldn't properly synchronize the audio, but still, I felt like adding english subtitles to yesterday's scene from brazillian telenovela Terra e Paixão. If you're not latino, you may not know the impact that the telenovelas have in certain parts of the population. Hundreds of thousands of families every day gather up around the television just to see what will happen next- especially older people and people from inner cities. This one airs in the "noble airtime", the one that's most watched because it happens after people came home from their 9 to 5s.
I have a lot of criticisms as to how this couple is being written, especially because they started out as comic relief and the author seems to be refusing to let them develop past that. These two have been flirting for more than one hundred chapters and still haven't as much as kissed; and it's no secret that it's all because the channel is afraid of receiving homophobic backlash. But at the same time, all this dancing around each other fits the story in some way: it's all about a man who'd never been loved before having to come to terms with the fact that he's in love with another man. In the show, Ramiro is a working hand who was "raised" by his boss. He never studied, never had any opportunities, and learned from a very young age that his role in this world is to be aggressive and follow commands. He's treated less as a person and more as a rabid dog, and sure acts the part, hurting and killing the people his boss tells him to. And then he meets Kelvin, an openly gay man who starts showing him his worth for way beyond his job and his gun. They hit it off right away, their chemistry is fucking insane, except that there's one problem: the only thing Ramiro feels like he has in this world is his masculinity, and he feels threatened by his own emotions. He doesn't think he's allowed to love, especially not like this. And in a show that gets to the houses of thousands of people; including thousands of Ramiros who never had the chance to be happy, they finally had a scene openly talking about how it is possible to love. More than that, Kelvin, that so far had been only understanding and accepting of the few demonstrations of affection he could get, finally expressed the fact that he has his own feelings and refuses to be held back by what society thinks; so Ramiro can either follow him of fall behind. And this scene aired in a very important week here in Brazil: as queer people, our rights to get married are being questioned by congress. To have the telenovela that airs in "noble airtime" openly talk about how gay people can and will get married and start families is huge. And it's huge not just because of the people who are watching and finding themselves in the characters, but because of all the others who are watching as well. My mom, who wouldnt talk to me for days after I came out, now waits patiently until I get home just so she can tell me what happened with the gay couple in the telenovela she watches religiously. Yesterday, after this scene aired, my mom came to talk to me and we talked about how awful it is to have my rights questioned. Maybe thousands of moms out there were doing, or thinking, the same. Anyways, all of this to say that life is shit right now, and the representation queer people in marginalized countries get is far from being the best, but this scene got to me and I wanted other people to see it, all around the globe.
#kelmiro#terra e paixão#lgbtqia#desculpa mutuals ptbr mas eu me senti obrigada a vestir de vez a skin noveleira#kelvin#ramiro
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wouldnt P.E need to like... accommodate a disability like asthma
It's status as a disability around here is... debatable. I'll admit, I'm not sure if I feel comfortable calling my asthma a disability. It does impede my life, yeah, but it's one of those things that's a weird area. My asthma has been labelled "moderate" and it's not really considered one unless it's labelled "severe" around here. Basically, I don't feel like I have a right to use that label for myself, and critically it also means that legally they don't have to give a fuck.
Long blurb ahead about shitty HS experience lmfao
I got diagnosed around age 12-13, although I had been showing symptoms as early as age 10. It just got brushed off by the clinic as allergies at the time [dude literally said 'it acts exactly like asthma, looks exactly like asthma and we're giving you an asthma inhaler, but it's just allergies.' Like okay dude. Even 10 year old me felt that was weird] but my then family doctor was finally able to take a look and he gave me the diagnosis. Also he took me seriously right away, since he's known me since I was born. Literally, he delivered me as a baby.
The first year of gym was only not an issue because my ankle was broken for 75% of it. It was that long because it ended up re-injured thanks to a shitty teacher. [My mom was VERY close to bloody strangling that woman. Only reason they didn't charge in was me insisting they not and that I was fine. Also mom had a busy job but ngl she would have blown off the Prime Minister at that point;;;;] I also got diagnosed near the end of it so I didn't know until later.
Second year was where things got. Dicey. Originally was assigned to a male teacher; don't remember his name because we barely saw him. When I asked him if he could hold on to my inhaler or if I had a safe place to put it down, since I wanted to participate without holding it getting in the way [girl's pants not having pockets, I had to hold it in my hand] and the dumbass told me to put it in my gym locker. I, then 13-14 years old, had to explain to this fucking clown in a greasy wig why that was stupid. I told him by the time they recognized I was having an asthma attack, found the locker room key, figured out which locker was mine, either unlocked it or broke it open, found my inhaler and came back to me, I would be LONG dead. I just held it from then on. Thankfully, someone threw a dodgeball at his head and he got a scratched cornea, so he was out for the rest of the semester recovering. Ngl I like to pretend that kid did that intentionally, lmao. Unsung hero, that kid 🫡
Third year, the main issue wasn't the inhaler itself, but expectations to push myself WAY harder than was safe. I was kinda chubby then, still am, and they believed I was lazy. Truthfully;;; I just didn't like the activities they did, so I wasn't invested. On the mechanical bikes [which I actually didn't mind] the teacher there would come up and turn the tension WAY up, trying to force me to work harder. I'd get shouted at to "do better" and "put in more effort". I was putting in effort- I was trying, despite hating it- but like I said in that post's tags;;; it's a tightrope. I need to put in enough effort to actually get the benefit of exercise, but not SO hard that I ran myself into an asthma attack. My main triggers for an attack are allergies [which is basically outdoors, so it's dangerous as fuck in allergy season], illness [thus the special inhaler for when I'm sick], and heavy exertion.
I've run myself into an asthma attack several times- but only once when not in school. It's very scary, but it wasn't scary enough for the teachers for them to care. Also, it was autumn, so whenever we were outside it was even harder for me because of the cold, dry air. I really struggled, and became timid, because asthma attacks happened so often it was starting to hurt. I wouldn't be surprised if my asthma actually got worse in that time, because it was really, really rough. But them pushing me to "work harder" was a problem through everything, even if that last year of gym was much worse for it. There was a constant mantra of me being "lazy" and "not trying" even when I was. But they expected you to run until you puked your guts out. I was so, so lucky my parents told me "as long as you do your best, we don't care what grade you get" and made sure I didn't even try that. My brother had done that before me and that was devastating enough, my parents and brother didn't want me doing that too. Especially with asthma.
And really? Those teachers didn't care about any of us. One even told us all not to rough house [directed this at the boys but said it to everyone] because "I could get sued if someone gets hurt". The attitude was so bad that even kids who didn't like me- or even who didn't think I could speak because I was so quiet- would make sure I was okay after asthma attacks. The teachers never did. It was kind of wild, because the same people who pulled out your hair, grabbed your chest, called your slurs and slammed your face into lockers would also be the only ones on your side during a health emergency.
They didn't like me. I wasn't one of them, but they didn't want me to die. They did tone things down after that [not stop mind you] but still. It kinda brought people together. Alongside the whole "pedo teacher" thing; the mean girls may spread rumours about you but they still protected you from Mr. Pedo.
Basically, it was a weird experience. The teachers didn't care at all, and weirdly, it unified the kids. Even the ones who really did awful shit to the others. They still wouldn't watch as other kids got hurt. A dysfunctional kinship, really. But I find it sad how kids that literally yanked my hair out were also bigger defenders of me in gym than any teacher ever was.
#long post#very long post#I'm not sympathy fishing to be clear- just reflecting tbh#I'm not bothered by what happened back then#truthfully? I'd like to hug some of the kids from back then. tell them thanks for everything they did#we all had our problems and I was very much not one of the 'cool' kids but;;; even at the worst of times they did make sure I didn't die#and they made me feel safer than those gym teachers ever did#this really isn't like 'traumatic' for me. I don't dwell on it#I mean I remember it obviously but I've been through way worse. I don't have nightmares about it#it's like... regular shitty to me lmao. nbd
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you sound like every misogynist that disparaged women like amber heard and christine blasey ford because they attacked your favorite white man at the moment
when I was 7 years old a 45 year old judge looked me in the eyes and said although it was very obvious a 30 year old man sexually assaulted me at the age of 4 that he wasn’t going to charge him because said man didn’t deserve to be on the child sex offender list when clearly I was the only one he had a problem keeping his hands off of.
when I was 5 years old I told an adult for the first time that another adult was having sex with me and that adult told me not to say mean things like that about an adult, that I shouldn’t tell anyone else because that 30 year old man would get in trouble that adult I trusted then proceeded to tell everyone in my life that I was a liar and not to trust anything I said
At 5 years old I spent 8 hours from 2 am to 10 am getting interrogated by the police getting prodded at the hospital had people who I told were hero’s tell me over and over again that i would be in big trouble if I was lying.
At 6 years old I spent the first 3 months of first grade in court getting yelled at by an attorney anytime I didn’t recite my claim verbatim the way I did in that 8 hour police investigation. He asked me who I told first and when I said my brother he scream at me to be truthful he screamed at me and said ‘why did you say it was an adult to the police officer’ ‘who are you lying to’ I was confused because the police didn’t ask me who was the first one I told they asked me who was the first adult I told.
At 7 years old I had a 60 year old women threaten my life because I accused her son of raping me and ‘humiliated’ him and his whole family in court she told me she would ‘make sure I don’t live to see the age of 30 if it’s the last thing she does’
At 8 years old I spent 2 weeks in the psych ward because I found out someone wrote a letter to my school telling them to watch out that I might accuse their staff of sexually assaulting me if I didn’t like them and I decided that downing an entire bottle of my dads pain medication and never waking up again would be better than having to exist on this planet with my abuser.
At 13 years old I told my mom to stab me so I wouldnt have to go back to school because the one friend I opened up to about my trauma told the guy I had a crush on that I was a slut because I already lost my virginity to a 30 year old man the entire junior high class kept laughing at me and telling me I must have been lying that there’s no way someone would have sex with me.
If I want to make fun of a piece of shit who so clearly lied about nearly every aspect of her story when they are real people suffering at the hands of lies like hers when she took something I suffered through for years and years and used it like a little puppet play for a couple of weeks to get her way then I fucking will fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
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i fuckiong hate school.
i foud out that i had till today to redeem my grades. I found out yesterday evening when i didn't get home till 10. I toght, hey, sure whatever i might as well utilize a full day rather than cram everything in between errands.
then i found out i had back to back house showings and the local libraries and schools would be closed by the time i reached them due to graduation day ceremonies and friday hours. I had to clean all morning and help with house repairs due to these showings and the fact that my siblings do nothing but leave trails of mess around the house.
I really fucking tried, felling sick, headacheing, cold because we turned off the heating and every single day startign with the preschooler thromwing legos and other toys around. I got myself some easy quick microwave meals so i wouldnt have to spend an hour making myself meals and my family ate them.
I finally decided to just move my laptop to the kitchen where its warmer and theres furniture that isn't moving boxes to hunch over. Everyones asleep nad by now i have less than two hours to review and retry some of these assignments.
my mom decides its a wonderful time to grease the pantry hinges and have a snack. She tells me to stay upstairs so ican keep an ear out for my preschool-age brother because he just fell asleep but she needs to pick up my sister from prom. I have ten minutes before im locked out of the program for the semester.
I go from having a full day ot having 3 continuiusly interupted hours.
In this span of time from yesterday to today, i get between 30-50% on the tests. All F's. I get one retake each if my homework grade is high enough. I complie notes,equations, how-to sites and retake. I get scores in the high 50s. Still Fs. I bullshit one just to get it out of the way. 50%. what the fuck is the point when i out all my effort and time vs into an equation to still get a failing grade. I chekec my final science grade, its an odd-50%. F. My score based on the math alone is gong ot be a 35%, or maybe a zero, since the way the math is graded this semester is by GPA-per assignment and anything under a 50% is a zero.
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