#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

[lexirosewrites]

For SS, CW: dubious consent on both sides, universe said youre so compatible you gonna fuck :) ; fingers crossed this is cohesive cause im just winging it lol

I was going through my old phone notes, and found a wip i forgot about for another fandom. The plot was basically a weird mix of abo/soulmate au lol Basically the secondary genders have slowly been fading from society, people still present but they dont change life anymore. Heats/Ruts arent a thing anymore really. Male omegas have only a .2% chance of getting pregnant on a regular basis but they can take pills to increase this chance.

Ruts/heats do still happen, but the reason is thought to be a fairytale. When extremely compatible alphas/omegas meet and spend time together (like at least a week actually interacting not just being Near one another) the omegas body will begin to produce slick and prep them for taking a knot. By day 5 the alpha is being bombarded by omega pheromones and their body preps to form a knot. If for any reason the omega/alpha are separated, the process pauses to keep some random alpha from taking advantage from the omega.

When O!Steve and A!Eddie spend spring break together dealing with Vecna Steve's body starts to adjust and prepare but the cramping and pain he assumes is just the bat bites. He hasnt looked at them to see that his body has essentially sped up the healing to prepare for mating. Theyre still wounds but not as bad.

Eddie survives with bites similar to Steves but a bit deeper, theyre separated and the process pauses while Eddie is in the hospital along with Steve both of them getting treatment. Once theyre both out though, the process starts again and they keep drawing closer to one another, confused by the urge, and on Day 7, they lock themselves in Steves room and they lose themselves in the scents. Mating for days until they finally come out of the fog.

Eddie showers and cleans first, cleaning up the room best he can before he runs a bath and then scoops up a very confused, exhausted, and sleepy omega to settle him into a bath. Steve melts and Eddie settles near the tub so they can talk. Trying to understand what happened. Eddie had read books about it, but fully believed it was a fairytale. He feels extremely guilty but Steve grips his wrist and tells Eddie that they were both forced into this and he doesnt hold it against him just for knowing it was in a book and didnt catch on. It happened way too quickly for them to even figure it out.

They work backwards. Mating first and then beginning to date and getting to know one another more than they had bothered during the spring break from hell. They both fall in love way too quickly but are idiots and dont admit it to the other for Months.

We know Steve is a hopeless romantic so learning he basically found his soulmate in Eddie, he's been in love with him since he learned it was preordained by the damn universe lol They have a proper mating near a year later and they discuss Steve taking the pills to have a family and it takes the very first try. They chalk it up to the soulmate thing and Steve is ecstatic about being pregnant. They welcome their little girl on Thanksgiving day 1987 and live happily ever after :D

Sorry this was long, wow lol

loveeeee the universe forcing soulmates together🥰 why wait to mate? just skip that pesky little courting step and you can back pedal after bites are in place!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my bff what my ex said about them?

I had broken up with my ex 6 months beforehand and didn't talk about it with anyone but my mom and therapist for that amount of time. My friends knew it effected me pretty bad but didn't pry when I just wanted to keep it private. My ex was very long distance and didn't have many friends, so I introduced her to my irl friend group so she could have some people to talk to virtually at least. I didn't want me wanting to break up be the reason for our friends to pick sides or anything like that.

Now long story short, my ex was not happy I was ending things. She got angry saying I wasn't allowed to do this, telling me how she'd lie to our friends about me to get them to leave me as alone as she was. She gave me an order of names based on how likely she thought they'd believe her. She made "rules" for the breakup that I would still have to talk to her daily and keep an eye on her mental health so she didn't "do something stupid" and how it was my fault she was like this.

I have had previous close relationships where I felt responsible for peoples lives so I agreed. I may not have wanted to be with her romantically anymore, but of course I wanted her to live and move on and be happy. Over the months I was listening to her talk about her declining mental health, her refusals to seek professional help, her angry speeches about how I was living my life, etc. One of these speeches was about my bff and about how she blamed my bff for our breakup. And how if I didn't talk to my bff I would still be dating her. (untrue of course, if anyone blame my mom and therapist lol)

One day, my bff came over for the first time in ages for some one on one time rather than a group hang out. Our schedules were always just all over the place. I listened to her tell me about some life updates, and then she brought up how weird it was that my ex had recently started dming her wanting to be closer friends. Bff made comments about how she thought it was funny because why would she want to be closer to the person causing me grief for this long.

At this point, my mind had gone through the cycles of fearing that my ex had gotten to my bff on her list of "friends to lie to to take her side" and also shock and relief that my bff was able to tell how bad my emotional state had been for months without talking to her about what happened.

I just broke down crying

After some comfort from bff, she asked if I wouldnt mind telling her what happened and I ended up telling her.

Now my bff was pissed at my ex after I told her everything. The next day she had written an angry message to my ex defending me, and told me about it. This had me panicking more because I was scared of what my ex would do.

It turned into my ex berating me for telling my friend that "she hates her" in reference to the blaming her for the breakup because it was something she didnt feel anymore (unlikely, she had told me like 2 weeks before this she still felt that way) so I was just trying to ruin her friendships. she ordered me to tell my bff i was lying about everything

I had grown so tired of this, so I said no. I told her I only told my bff the truth and she made her own opinions. I was not responsible for that. and I told her finally that I was not responsible for her at all and thought it'd be better to go no contact.

At the same time, my bff had removed my ex from our group chats (without me telling her i was gonna go non contact, but because she thought itd be good for me) and apologized for sending the message to my ex as it was just causing more drama.

It still eats me up sometimes though. Was I the asshole for telling my bff what my ex said about her? Given, I could have just told her the exact details of the breakup without what my ex said about blaming her after the fact. Given the heightened emotions of what brought the conversation up, I just let it all out.

What are these acronyms?

[that-girl-lyra]

A (long) Rant About Fitness & Personal Health

So if you're new to my blog, hi, Im Lyra and I am a 27 y/o who is very passionate about fitness and physical health. A few years back I was 165lbs and very unhappy, so I decided to start working out and then boom, currently 116lbs and 18% body fat. (Im 5ft2)

I didnt do that through some wacko diet, restricting my food, keto, whatever. No. Simply put, I ate food, and lifted heavy shit over, and over and over. And whoda thunk?! I lost body fat, gained muscle, as well as mental clarity, improved my sleep health, and physical health as a whole. And another fun fact, I still ate "bad food". Oooo, scary. Pizza, beer, burgers, cake, cookies, if its food, I want to eat it, and I did (and do).

It irks me on a cellular level that some people try to convince others that the only and or best way to lose weight, is to follow some weird ass diet that likely has more health risks than benefits, and the people theyre trying to convince, are already pretty vulnerable and are ready to try pretty much anything to get results and FAST!

Whilst I more than understand wanting results asap, fitness and physical health is not something you will see results and progress with in a short span of time. Sure, you might start feeling a little better after a month of implementing a fitness routine, but you'll look the same, and more or less still be the same. Fitness above all else teaches patience, and discipline. The muscles, slimmer figure, or whatever your original goal was is just a bonus.

Let me break a few things down for you;

Food is fuel, so fuckin EAT

You dont need to be keto, or follow the carnivore diet, vegetarian, vegan, nada. Nothing. Zilch. Zero, to be able to lose weight and gain muscle effectively, efficiently, safely, and be able to maintain a healthy body.

The best thing that I have ever heard regarding food (and it helped change my own relationship with food) is a quote from personal trainer and fitness coach Alex Tima from Hybrid Wellness. Alex said "There is no such thing as bad/unhealthy food. There is only more nutritious food, and less nutritious food".

Too much of anything isnt good, and too little of anything is also not good. Thats why we call it a "balanced" diet.

A lot of fitness influencers and whoever now days are trying to convince their followers to follow a strict diet of only animal products and maybe some fruit, all while eating one meal a day because "thats what our ancestors did!". Yeah, and our ancestors died at the ripe old age of 30.

True, we are/were hunter gatherers, but evolution is a thing as well. Just because back then we could survive off of only one meal a day, doesnt mean we have too now. More so, the biggest and strongest of our ancestors, still ate more/the most!

Bottom line, eat food when youre hungry. Eat good food. Meats, fruits, veggies, grains, fats, etc.

Dont let anyone tell you that youre undisciplined because you dont subscribe to any particular diet.

2. If You Wanna Look "Toned", You've Gotta Put in the Work

After becoming more fit and healthy myself, I have had quite a few people approach me and ask how they can do the same. However, nine times out of ten, they all say the same thing, or at least some variation of "I just wanna look more toned".

Well guess what? You will not look more toned, if there is nothing to tone.

Cardio alone will not help you achieve your goals. Sure, walking is fantastic and jogging is a great way to increase cardiovascular health and stamina, but it will not make you look more "toned". For that, you will need to build muscle. And how do we build muscle?

WE LIFT HEAVY SHIT WE EAT LOTS OF PROTEIN AND THEN WE LIFT HEAVIER SHIT

Unless you are literally training like Sam Sulek, you will not look like Sam Sulek. Lifting weights will NOT make you look "big" or "bulky" if you're not trying to become big or bulky. Just lift a good amount to where its a bit of a struggle, and increase the weight gradually overtime as you become stronger.

That with a little bit of cardio works wonders. Not just cardio or weights by themselves.

Again...balance

3. FUCK THE SCALE

Sooooo many people are obsessed with the scale, being skinny, having the smallest BMI they could possibly get but let me tell you something.

My own mother has been obsessed with not only her weight (shes an almond mom with the exception of booze), but mine for as long as I can remember. Shes done so many diets, taken god knows what concoctions of...whatever, pills, etc all for the sake of being skiiinniiiiiiiii!!!!!

Guess where she is now? I mean sure, shes super fuckin skinny, but shes got diareah 24/7, liver damage, blood problems, thyroid issues, she had fuckin scurvey, and various brain issues and pretty much, delusions. But so long as her weight is low along with her waistline, she does not give a fuuuuuckk.

Guys, its not worth it. Do NOT stress over the numbers you see on the scale or any BMI calculator. Its okay if you want to drop a few pounds, but I highly HIGHLY encourage you to just simply take progress pics instead. Your eyes may lie to you, but the camera will not.

I could go on and on and on about this topic, but this is already a long enough post, and I don't want to info overload you lol.

To wrap up, fitness and personal health is all about balance. Nothing more, nothing less. Balanced diet, balanced sleep, balanced workout plan, etc.

If you have any questions whatsoever, please feel more than free to drop into my asks! Ill be more than happy to answer them when I can :)

[wish-i-were-heather]

idk if this counts as a vent but its kinda long i just need to rant

so i told my friends im asexual yesterday.

im still struggling to figure out with my sexuality where i lie within like who im attracted to, but i do know that im at least ace. i mean i didnt tell them exactly, i didnt use the term asexual, but i told them i dont ever want to have sex and i dont really feel that kind of attraction.

theyre my two closest friends, and the first people ive ever told. really just cuz its never come up, its not like im actively hiding the fact. we were playing this game of would you rather, but it was a card game someone got me for my birthday so like you played it a certain way to fit the game idk. and one of them (which confused me bc it was rated 14+??) asked would you rather "give up swearing forever or give up sex for "do it" for 2 minutes every day or have a 30 minute makeout session every day. and they were supposed to try to guess what i would choose, and i said the latter.

and they were really surprsied?? like no i dont really wanna do that thats weird, and they told me oh thats not weird some people do that and i was like do they?? idk i just dont like that. and they were like ok whatever and we moved on. and then later there was another (i really do wonder why this is only rated 14+ bc 14 year old me would not like these questions) that said would you rather give up swearing forever or give up sex for 12 years.

and i chose the second obviously. ik i do online but irl i dont swear that much so that wouldnt be hard, but also im asexual so like thats easy lol. and they were trying to guess what i would choose and they both got it wrong and they were shocked. and i was like yeah i mean i dont have sex now?? and they were like yeah but youre a teenager now what about when youre older??? and i was like no i dont really want to, i dont ever really plan to have sex

and they were shocked. they thought i was crazy they thought i was joking. and they were like youre gonna change your mind and i was like no im not i dont want to have sex????? i never have??? like ive told you i dont want to have kids thats part of why.

and they were like but what about when you get married? dont you want a boyfriend? it would lead to that!! and its just so baffling to me that some people think that way. its absolutely absurd to me that i had to explain the difference between a romantic and a sexual relationship. like i told them theres plutonic, romantic, and sexual relationships, everything in between, and not one is higher or more important than the other.

and they were like "but what about when you get married? what are you gonna do?" uhh im gonna love them?? im gonna love my partner romantically and be happy with them and not have sex??? marriage doesnt need to include sex. "what are you gonna do after the wedding?" uhh go home and take a nap?? idk we can cuddle but im not insane for not wanting someone inside me thats nasty. (no offense yall im just sex repulsed).

one of them literally said "but once your relationship reaches a certain point you almost have to" AND I WAS LIKE NO WHAT THE FUCK YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING EVER?? and they were like "i gUeSs". i told them id rather die than have sex like thats just not for me and they thought i was insane. they said if someone came up and said do that or die, youd die?? and im like yeah because if i dont want to then thats sexual assault and yeah id rather die than be sexually assaulted??? "what if your partner wants to and you dont?" then uhh if sex is that important to them we'll break up, i can respect their opinion and hopefully they can respect mine?? its not that confusing??

i dont know i just think its so weird to have that perspective in life. i guess its technically "normal" but the idea that all romantic relationship leads to sexual is weird. and the idea that giving up sex for 12 years is harder than not saying a few words is even weirder.

i mean the only good thing that came out of that whole conversation is i got over that imposter syndrome of not being "queer enough" because they acted like i told them i was an illegal alien getting transgender operations in prison

[soukeyed]

01 matel gear 02 otasune strangeboss and/or whoever u want 03 Talk about my bff Strangelove please. and/or whoever

METAL GEAR WOOO WOOOOO

Favorite character: STRANGELOVE !! OR THE BOSS. OR OTACON . OR SNAKE. or emma or meryl or eva um theres a few

Least Favorite character: ummm ummmmm ummmmmmmmm. huey obviously lol. also mgs4 naomi specifically mgs4 ... sorry girl im so sorry. also senator armstrong/sundowner/monsoon/whoever tf else is part of the rising guys im just sick of seeing their ugly faces

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): STRANGEBOSS NUMBER ONE FOREVER YEAAH. otasune number 2 obviously :) umm fortune and olga is pretty cute ... bosseva as well .. i cant fucking think of a 5th help. meiryl? also i like bosselot but specifically for how stupid fucked up they are

Character I find most attractive: the boss strangelove eva (specifically big mama) or mgs4 meryl :P

Character I would marry: MERYL !1 GIRLFRIEND FOR ME NOW itd be the boss or strangelove but i would never break them up like that.

Character I would be best friends with: STRANGELOVE !! together we will kill huey mwah. or para medic even if she is insane we will watch movies together. slay

a random thought: i think about that post about otacon being the one to carry out the boss' will without even knowing every single day. Oh my god. wauh. ok hang on one second i found it. AUHHH

An unpopular opinion: rising mid as fuck and the fans make me hate it. also i um. dont really care a lot for bb and the bb focused games sorry. like i get the point and mgsv's visuals+gameplay do slay but bb as a character i didnt really find myself invested in a lot and the weird hero worship some of the fandom has for him does NOT help LOL. like the people around him (ocelot eva miller eli etc) were way more interesting . also EVEN MORE unpopular opinion as a result of this ... mgs3 isnt really all that for me and even though its objectively pretty shit mgs4 is one of my favourites (behind mgs1 and ghost babel)

My Canon OTP: STRANGEBOSS !!!!!!! THANKS FOR THE LESBIANS KOJIMA!!!!

My Non-canon OTP: calling otasune noncanon feels so sickening but i need to face reality. so otasune

Most Badass Character: Hrmm. hrmmmmm. ok its a bit out there but otacon. after the shitty childhood that he came out of pretty um.. (gestures at the whole making a nuclear weapon thing) convinced he/his family was cursed etc etc. forming philanthropy, adopting sunny, basically ending the cycle that his grandfather and father started+perpetuated and fulfilling the boss' will :) just makes me happy. hes great. also he got to marry solid snake at the end of it all so like slay? like hes not badass in the usual sense of the word but his character development and evolution is incredibly badass to me. next step: therapy

Most Epic Villain: i dont think you can call a lot of them epic on account of every mgs villain being goofy as fuck. BUT. liquid ocelot as a villain in what was (supposed to be) the conclusion of the entire series was pretty fucking awesome though

Pairing I am not a fan of: pbbb. umm. i dont really care for snake/fox im way more emotionally invested in fox/gustava personally (still upset she didnt get mentioned in mgs!!!!!!!!! RAHH.) also johnny/meryl was so out of nowhere i still do not understand it like its funny as fuck but JOHNNY??? IT SHOULD BE ME WITH MERYL!!1 ME !!!!!!!

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): arhg. raiden. i mean gestures at rising. this could also count as unpopular opinion but i preferred him as inexperienced and a little stupid i mean even then the direction they were going in in mgs4 was pretty good with him being jaded and feeling alone. and then rising was just. huah ?!?! what ?!?!?!? also. um. ok naomi. mgs1 naomi was so so fucking good ok her speech at the end slays i loved everything about her can you imagine my shock and dismay at her doing all THAT in mgs4 ?!?!? like i could write a 50 page essay on how it fucks up her (and otacons LOL) entire character development ALSO WHY WAS FOX LIKE NEVER MENTIONED DESPITE THEM LITERALLY GOING BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE HE DIED BTW I THOUGHT SHED HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT. but honestly just the thing i hate about it all most is at the end of it all shes framed as like.. the hero. using emma+sunnys code to save da world or whatever and i guess maybe that speech was supposed to reflect her mgs1 speech but it just doesnt work when mgs4 didnt give her half of that nuance. her morals are still so ??? to me, her and vamp was such a WEIRD choice, her and otacon was um. ok look i know the writers 100% didnt mean to portray otacons csa as that at all but like it is ... anyway having a csa victim be once again manipulated via sex and not really talk about it was just ?!??!! guys ?!?!? anyway AGAIN if all of that was portrayed as nuanced as it should have been. like naomi doing what she had to to save the world and struggling w her own morals. which it IS but we learn this only in that fuckign speech for like 1 line. like its jut bad. ok to end this half the women in mgs were done horrifically but we all know that. sorry for the wall of text i love you

Favourite Friendship: SNAKE AND MERYL funny as fuck whenever she insults him in mgs4 like deserve. sorry snake. ok no WOAH though i just loved mgs4 meryl entirely even though she definitely couldve been written a bit better, like her talking about how she used to admire snake so much and now hes just BITTER and OLD like ohhh its so slay. like i dont know if you could even call it a friendship but the way they clash entirely and debatably the only place where they can agree on things and work together is in the context of the battlefield ITS SO GOOD

Character I most identify with: otacon D:

Character I wish I could be: similar to utena NONE i would not put myself through that.

AGAIN REST UNDER THE READMORE GO!

otasune time

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: again i was aware of them before the games because (points at dmitri) so i guess like always

My thoughts: GRAHH. the way theyre like all but canon like kojima just say the word. that cigarette lighting scene in mgs4 WHEW. like the way they invented love its just crazy to me like really. theyre everything to me.

What makes me happy about them: everything :) the way theyve both grown as people over the years... i already talked about otacons character development but SNAKE TOO!! him finally letting people in .. finding a place for himself OUTSIDE of the battlefield .... its all so WAUGHH. like they just work off of eachother so well. love wins. gay marriage. slay. bursts into tears

What makes me sad about them: mgs4 that is all. they had so little time together. i spend half the time watching the game yelling ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOT FAIR

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: umm i dont read a lot of fic to be honest so i guess standard fanfic complaints. also more of you should write about mgs4 there is so much untapped potential.

Things I look for in fanfic: again. WRITE ABOUT MGS4.

My wishlist: MGS4 OTASUNE !!!!!!!!!!!! BECOMES A WEREWOFL.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: sorry they are simply endgame to me.. i cant think of anyone LOL

My happily ever after for them: snake gets cured post-mgs4! how i dont care he just is. gay marriage becomes real. together they raise sunny and grow old together and everything is peace and love on planet earth :) god bless

STRANGEBOSS TIME!

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: ok not until i actually got around to pw! dmitri you mentioned a few times but i didnt realise until then to be honest

My thoughts: AGAHRHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. GOD. GOD. lesbianism. women. they are genuinely just everything to me. how can a relationship be so fucking powerful and tragic when you only ever hear about it from one side. Oh my god. AUH.

What makes me happy about them: canon lesbians in my metal gear games in the fuckass 2010s :) ok no but the way strangelove talks about the boss with such open earnest love. like i just. wauh. listening to her tapes is just. WAUH.

What makes me sad about them: i mean everything. as strangelove said they were just ships passing in the night :( THEY SHOULDVE HAD MORE TIME !!!!!!!!!!!

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: again dont read fanfic a lot but ive checked and theres not a whole lot for them at all anyway LOL

Things I look for in fanfic: any strangeboss fic to begin with would be nice. if you have recs give them to me. i'll cry

My wishlist: umm.. again more content of them in general. konami youre shit the least you could do is make a strangeboss spinoff.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: umm idk considering they both die LOL. bosseva is a fun ship but honestly i dont think strangelove ever really got over it so i cant see her with anyone else in a serious relationship

My happily ever after for them: isnt it crazy how they both managed to fake their deaths and now live happily in some random country away from the horrors of war? like woah!

STRANGELOVE TIME!

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: man what dont i feel about her. shes amazing. shes bitter shes heartbroken shes dramatic as fuck and shes a badass. like its tragic but tell me creating a whole ass ai based off your dead girlfriend in the fucking 70s isnt slay as fuck? women in stem strong!

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: THE BOSSSSS. as i said b4 i dont really see her with anyone else tbh

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: ok yeah there .. isnt a lot. i wish her terrible and awkward relationship with bb had been explored more though like the way she just HATES him at the start is amazing.

My unpopular opinion about this character: uhh.. yeah idk shes not really talked about enough for me to know if any of my opinions ARE unpopular lol. a shocking amount of people see strangeboss as unrequited so i guess my unpopular opinion is that they were definitely both in love LOL

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: just give her more relationships tbh... i already talked about bb but like do you think she knew ocelot was the boss' son ... what did she think of him shed probably dislike him for doing the complete opposite of the boss' will (though in the end he does help take down the patriots so liiike?) ... i would pay millions of dollars for them to interact it would be atrocious. in general i wish shed been given just a little more depth outside of the boss (like give me more about how she grew up!!! what kind of mother was she to otacon!!! and ps i wish hed spoken about her even though ik she wasnt even a thing before the solid snake era wrapped up) though ig that was the point considering she was so consumed with grief... but yk. shrugs.

Favorite friendship for this character: again idk. GIVE HER MORE FRIENDS.

My crossover ship: again i dont do crossovers. SHRUGS!!

[phantalgia]

Grand Adderall Experiment 2

So the day has gone by...and something happened.

Just PURE autonomic dysfunction. Oh my fucking god. It's still not over but this has been the worst experience with a dysautonomia episode I have EVER experienced. I barely even remember how it started.

I was watching YouTube videos, reading, completely engrossed within it. I think the adderall did help in that area? I had this like anxiety about doing this beforehand (especially turning on my computer) but I managed to get by it. But anyway, I was still feeling sick while doing it but I just dealt with it.

Then I went to the bathroom and it hit me. I don’t know exactly what came first. I think feeling faint? Badly. And I don’t know. I came out of the bathroom. Completely stiff as a board. My muscles were so stiff that theyre sore now after it.

My heart rate was 100+ bpm, and it even dropped to maybe 60! I was going in and out of these symptom waves some stronger than others. All while I have this flu like sensation that I still have and headache.

I didnt know what to do to make it better, walk around? Lay down? Sit? Stand up? It was confusing and I was scared but not nervous? It's hard to explain.

I get nauseous as hell and I feel like I’m needing the hospital and it's just getting bad. Nerve pain, tinnitus, stiffness, shaking, my heart is beating so hard that I felt it in my lower right abdomen. It was so noticable.

I really thought I was done for. But my priority was calming the fuck down. So that's where I am right now. I took some xanax, laid down, watched minecraft videos, did those tapping points and eventually it settled. It's still sensitive. Cant do anything crazy. Just slow.

After all this I felt my body go into parasympathetic mode. At least try to get into it. The xanax might have helped. But now it's somewhat settled...ehhhh. Still sensitive. But I got through the worst of it! Just gotta be careful getting up.

This was by far the worst episode. I didnt think I was gonna be able to eat food but I managed to do that! Although my stomach got really talkative! And I was feeling a little sick again. But I did that!

Another thing I noticed is when I get those dizziness/lightheaded waves. It starts at the base of my neck and shoots up to my scalp. And you know what? THATS WHERE I GET MY PHANTOM PAIN/HEAD ACHES WHEN I CANT FOCUS OR WHEN I EXERT MYSELF!! I HAD THIS SINCE SCHOOL! Silver lining I guess! So adderall helped teleport me back in time and notice things I brushed off! Weird! But whatever.

I need to come to some conclusion about adderall. My plan is to stop taking it. Maybe try it again the day after tomorrow one more time. I need a break at least. And to see how much of this was caused by the adderall. I think the hypertension and CNS stimulation wasn't good. Also feeling sensitive to emotions and anxiety while also being calm at the same time? Weird.

What was good? I felt mellow and chill. It was easier to focus, none to some rumination but it often fizzles away. Hyperactivity is reduced but not eliminated. I felt calm and anxious at the same time. I was able to read and watch stuff fine. However my short term memory or being able to memorize or think about what I consumed is. I don’t know. It feels like I didnt consume anything. But I did! I know what I watched and read and probably can vaguely say. But it feels like I didnt process it.

So I don’t know memory and thinking straight seems off. Adderall is a mixed bag outside of the autonomic dysfunction. Very conflicting. I want to write about what I learned today from what I read and or watched and see if I’m able to create something new and remember stuff.

Anyway. That's the update. I'll probably try again with adderall in the day after tomorrow. See what happens with my health tomorrow first. Otherwise. I'll just stop it and catch up with my doctor.

What a nightmare tonight...I’m glad it's sort of settled. I still feel sick

[deathissolastyear]

break up day 2:

i woke up nauseous again. i confronted a friend who sent me flowers yesterday as a distraction and it actually helped a lot. still struggling with eating. i had a probiotic drink today but was unable to eat anything until alicia came over at like 12.30 and we got lou’s. i had a slice but wanted to stop, made myself eat two but couldnt keep eating cause i felt so bad and so sick.

talking with alicia helped a lot. i have cpr training today and i really didnt want to go but im going right now. it feels weird to be out in the world. i feel like an open wound. but things need to be done. i also finally took a shower today and also did make up to go to training. so im feeling more like a person. i might go to courts after the class depending on how i feel. it would be like 9pm but i also dont work tomorrow so it might be okay.

i finally set up a therapy appt for thursday. i cannot wait because by god i really need it.

he hasnt rementioned talking and getting back together since he brought it up first. a part of me feels bad, i want him to. i want him to want to get back together. he sounds so nonchalant in his interactions with me. i cant pick up on any emotion and it kind of sucks. i wanna fall back into this so bad because i want it to stop hurting. but also i know there’s no way out. im gonna end up miserable anyway. its better to stop before i tie them to other things i love.

long story short is it sucks. but im trying. i called my grandmother today. and even cleaned up a bit. im trying.

at least im trying

[oflgtfol]

so for context me and this guy went to the same college for undergrad together. we were in the astronomy club together. we didnt start talking until the last like two years of my time there? because my first two years were spent with me being a reclusive freak who couldnt make friends or speak to anyone, and then online meetings because of covid. it was just casual like oh hi we are in the same club together to then like him being one of the people i gravitated towards for small talk because i didnt know anyone wlse in the club but he was really outgoing and became a board member so it was still like. We’re friendly and will chat but we arent friends yknow!

he wound up graduating before me by like a year but he met up with us for an astro club trip during the fall semester of my senior year. he had mentioned he worked at [redacted place] and so i was like 👉👈 how do u get a job there. and he gave me his boss’s email and then lo and behold when i graduated i emailed him and got the job as well

Now additional context this guy is like, 30? i think somewhere around there. and so by now he’s worked here for years enough to where he actually has a full time job elsewhere and only comes in here once a week

and so yknow once i got hired i didnt work a shift with him till like months after i started so then it was like oh im working X shift i’ll finally get to catch up with him lol!! but nowadays im working much more consistent and nearly full time hours here so i overlap with him at least once a month and so i’d say after actually working with him like we’re real friends now not just friendly hi there clubmates lulz

so then last weekend, the day before i overlapped a shift wirh him, i was alone in the building and panicking cuz i needed something so i was in the company slack like Hi everyone. Do you know where this important object is. and this guy was the first one to respond and was the only one whose response was actually helpful. so then when i worked with him rhe following day he asked how that went and i was filling him in and he was like, wait how do i not have your number? cuz u could just text me instead of feeling embarrassed for going into the whole company slack asking for help. so yknow like we’re friends AND coworkers now so its like whatevers yeah lol lets swap numbers who cares

but im so used to like, when swapping numbers w coworkers, to pretty much only talk about work stuff until we get more comfy talking outside work, and then occassionally move into brief casual conversations. so imagine my surprise when he just comes right out the bat swinging w the casual conversations. and its like yeah ok like we have years long history prior to working together as coworkers but its also like, i feel like we only actually became legit friends after working together??? so like idk there is still the coworkerly aspect to it that i cant shake

And so i start my joking along bc yeah whayever im not gonna make it weird but then like. i am an atrocious texter. i can and will take days to respond if not entire weeks. but yknow i have to work with this guy so i dont wanna leave him hanging and make things weird so after like 2-3 days i make sure to respond but then still leave things sparse, mostly because i was busy as fuck this week

so today he texts me while im on my break. the daily break schedules are posted publicly basically for anyone in our department to see regardless of if theyre actively working at the momsnt. so he texts me maybe 5 mins into my break and im like oh man is this a coincidence or not. and his text was like “why dont you stay late today so we can work a full shift together. no reason. just to hang out haha” LIKE HUH?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? and thats what prompted me to make that hmmmm post earlier today. like its not weird enough for my hackles to rise but its also like. Im baffled? im gobsmacked?

so im like man he can see im on my break i have no excuse to not text to finally i respond again and im like lol sorry i cant im so tired ive been working a lot this week (A. ive been looking forward to finishing malevolent s4 tonight all week long and i cannot do that if im working a surprise 14 hour shift. B. i am genuinely so tired and i really just need a nice night in. it was indeed a long week and C. it is a casual hint that like hi im not like purposefully ignoring you i just suck at texting because im so incredibly busy all the time)

AND HIS RESPONSE IS “AWW YEAH YOU WORK A LOT 🥺” LIKE. HUH ?!?! HUH ⁉️⁉️ Im even MORE baffled, even MORE gobsmacked than i was before. why are you a 30 year old man using 🥺 ????? and he says “no worries, our shifts still overlap so i’ll see you tonight” LIKE YEAH I KNOW ALREADY. I ACTUALLY LOOK AT THE SCHEDULE (he also has famously announced he never looks at the schedule because he always works the same singular shift every week - why is he looking at the schedule suddenly ????) HUH? HUH??? HUH?

like i really feel like im overthinking this and he’s just being friendly and potentially we have different ideas of what exactly our friendship entails and so i do not want to be like hey hi yeah we were classmates and all and you were one of the few friendly faces to me back when i was struggling to make any friends at all, and i do not want to insult those years by implying that like we arent actually friends enough to joke around and tex outside work related stuff, but also like. I am someone who requires either a decade of talking to someone daily, or like a trauma filled blood pact, to become actual friends with. so like yeah i would in fact call our friendliness in college something akin to friends but theres a difference between friends and Friends(TM) yknow? so im just left feeling absolutely fucking baffled by all this. Im baffled. bewildered even

[enchantechante]

Day 4&5

tw: drinking, smoking, body dysmorphia

Day 4

Alcohol: 4 days Weed: 1 day

an okay day. the first full days ive been completely sober. 😮‍💨

tomms my wedding anniversary and ive been debating for days if im going to drink at dinner.

it's a really slippery slope to break my streak with the alcohol specifically moreso than the weed imo. (for my husband it's almost the reverse.) i can't do it confidently so i aint gon do it.

watching bae make small, surefooted is admirable and also hard to watch.

i remember when i broke my now smoking streak for a bowl the night before last (now, but what would have been the night of day 2) he said, "You have to let yourself feel those emotions."

that's been scariest part for me - not knowing who i will be if i feel these emotions. not knowing what kind of person, friend or wife sobriety would make me.

i may become even more reclusive and need more time with myself to sort out what i've been trying to substance away. and I deeply fear how that will affect the relationships around me and my ability to cope with those changes.

im up a lb and ngl that made me sad (judge me irdc lol)

made a chart of 5-30 min ways to naturally increase my dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin and adrenaline. havent used it yet but from my research i know imma need it.

Day 5

Alcohol: 5 days Weed: 2 days

its weird having breaks from work for hours and not smoking still. i just laid in bed scrolling for hours, practiced Spanish and went back to work.

most people like and welcome distractions from hard work. except me 🙃

smoking & drinking were uppers for me. my body would relax so much involuntarily that it would energize me so much. (at the expense of my liver, face, body shape, teeth, overall health etc).

down 2 lbs today and ready to discuss how body dysmorphia is showing up for me in my thoughts/actions 😬👍🏾

my relationship to eating ( es plant based foods) and hydrating is really great this week. (always is in January).

but i wld be lying if i didnt acknowledge preoccupation with my weight specifically drives a lot of my overall mood.

it took me a looooooong time to feel good about my body. but this sobriety thing resurfaces all my fatphobic fears and triggers from others.

im a healthy woman, so why worry about weight?

smh bc everyone aint body positive. and sometimes the people we love and are closest to are not accepting of all bodies. or even our confidence about our bodies. and being so...aware? these days, make me sensitive to mildly aggressive about body shaming. ive always loved confronting a bully. 🥰

ooh ooh bully me! 🙋🏾‍♀️imma show u how to shut the shit down 😌

so the fear of how my body is being perceived and what others might say makes me wanna ball up & protect myself all day.

spent a good 9 hours at least today wrapped in a blanket and in bed scrolling or on the couch watching movies.

im working on having different chemical and emotional experiences in my body to help re-wire my addict brain.

so i reached out to a family member with gratitude for them being a dancer too and wanting to dance with me! (oxytocin). and planning to go on a dancer date w her soon to take classes and learn choreo (endorphins).

proud of me for being brave, connecting, and at least a lil bit giving myself chances to feel good in diff ways again. 🥺 brave lil tae tae.

tw: drinking, smoking

Day 3 (Alcohol Sober) & Hour 13 (Weed Sober):

oct 2021 i had an (alcohol) sober three-ish weeks and wrote about it.

it could have been longer bc i like to start something a lil before i announce it and also i feel like i broke the streak and was on it for another day just to forget about it entirely.

so here we are riding the wave of "dry January" w everybody else

nobodys including weed? just me. okay.

ion wanna be sober for the month tho i wanna do like 90 days to 6 months and really see the fullness of the benefits.

ive been smoking for about 6 years now. and drinking (moderately, at least 2 drinks Mon - Fri and 1 Sat/Sun) since like 5 years ago. i think the year before that though i would get drunk when i drink - you hear me? drunk. that was the purpose of the drinking 😅

its been abt 12 hrs since ive been sober from weed.

and 2 days since ive been sober from alcohol.

by now i wlda had about 4-5 drinks and about at least a fourth a gram of weed if not half a gram.

journaling daily is really pointing out

-my dreams are more calm. and slightly more lucid atp.

-there's old stuff in my relationship from dating my husband that hes said that still haunt me? like girl - where did you come from?

[hopeandvolleyball]

You can make a part 2 of when you break up with iwaizumi, akaashi???

when you move on pt 1

sequel to

genre: pure angst. pure, pure angst. fem!reader

w/ iwaizumi and akaashi

an- thanks for the request, lovely <3, also if you meant for it to be another breakup scenario oopsies but feel free to drop another ask and tell me :) thank you

iwaizumi hajime

word had been buzzing around the entire court about morisuke yaku’s new girlfriend, not that hajime really was paying attention. he heard it through the grapevine and same about her visit today but that wasn’t a part of his job. he was here to help train and make sure the boys didn’t do anything to hurt themselves. 

he was looking down at sakusa’s training routine during a break, thinking of new updates for his improvements when the door opened to the gym. he noticed the door open but didn’t do anything. most of the team burst into several questions.

“nice to see you princess.” “hi are you mori-kun’s girlfriend!” “please ignore them” “hi! i’m bokuto!” “it’s pleasant to meet you.” “you’re pretty. sure you wanna be datin’ morisuke?” “i’ll break your kneecaps, miya.”

at the commotion, hajime looked up at the group. 

oh

he felt like it had been years since he had seen you. it felt like an eternity since he had seen those eyes, and the consistent stars that swam within them and suddenly hajime forgot to swim. he didn’t remember how. if he could drown within those eyes he would have. his stomach began to twist violently and he felt the pang of guilt stabbing him. he remembered the night you separated, vividly. the arguments about how he never made time for you, him telling you to leave, and then you walking out of his life and never returning. until now. the core of the argument was how he never made the time for you, something yaku clearly could have done since you were here to visit during break. hajime watched how yaku held you, hand on the small of your back a motion that said he got you, he was here for you. it was the way hajime used to hold you. and now he would never get the chance to hold you that way again. it hurt more than he could have imagined. 

not as much as you looking up and into his eyes. 

you pardoned yourself from yaku and walked over to him. his breath got caught in his throat as you approached the bench he was sitting on.

“hi,” you greeted, sitting beside him.

“hi.” was his choked response. silent.

“it would have been weird to avoid you.”

“i know.” another silence. hajime took a breath. he needed to bite the bullet. “so. yakkun, huh?” he asked with a pain smile. at the thought of your new boyfriend you smiled so very softly. and that killed him. “when did that happen?”

“well, actually, we met the night we broke up,” you admitted, looking into your lap. a fire grew in iwaizumi’s chest. “i went to that late night coffee place and got-”

“an americano,” iwaizumi interrupted and you nodded. he still remembered. 

“and he was there to comfort me. i didn’t want another relationship after we broke up. i wasn’t ready for a commitment like that. we were engaged, hajime. it wasn’t like i was outwardly looking for a replacement. so yaku and i were friends for a really long time,” you looked up at morisuke with the softest of smiles once reserved for him. you leaned into your palm watching yaku’s interactions with atsumu. “but he loved me at my worst and i realized that’s all i wanted. whenever i was hurting and needed him he was there. always. he made the time for me and that meant more than i could have ever imagined.” and it was something hajime couldn’t give you. the words were on the tip of your tongue but you didnt want to say it. he gripped his sweatpants and willed himself not to cry.

“y/n. i still love you.” he admitted. “that night was a mistake and i never got to correct it i’m so sorry.”

“you don’t get to love me, hajime,” you responded, voice not faltering once. your eyes were trained on yaku as if you were born to only look at and love him. “i wish you nothing but the best, hajime. and if you ever loved me at all you’d wish the same for me and mori.”

akaashi keiji

truth is, after his breakup with you akaashi never moved on. he was more focused on his career and everything.

he spent most of his time at onigiri miya, it provided him a good place to work and reminded him to eat, something you were always nagging him to do.

not only this, he ended up with a good friend at the end of the day with owner of the shop, osamu.

“you look like you’re itching to get out of here,” keiji chuckled at osamu’s behavior, he continued to look at the clock. osamu blinked, a blush dusting at his cheeks at the commentary. “what’s the occasion.”

“six month anniversary,” osamu admitted with a sheepish smile. keiji blinked, only able to respond with a soft oh. “yeah i didn’t want to tell ya. i know ya’ve never really moved on from yer last girl and i didn’t want to rub my relationship in yer face.” akaashi held up his hand and shook his head. 

“no no,” he responded with a broken smile. “it’s fine. i’m not going to be one to negate your happiness. besides. it’s been almost a year. i should have gotten over it by now.” but he hasn’t, and that was the root of the onigiri twin’s message, and he knew that. in truth akaashi has never gotten over you. your ghost haunts his apartment, taunting him at every turn reminding him of what was. 

the night you walked out of his apartment for good it gave him a lot of time and silence to reflect on his relationship. things he didn’t like. he knew you were right. his business was no excuse to neglect you. him consistently playing the devils advocate when you were hurting wasn’t right. but it was too late for him. you were gone. many times he had thought of trying to find you with his tail between his legs and begging for your forgiveness. but he couldn’t do that. you couldn’t forget all he’s done, and he knew. by begging for you back he was negating your growth. but he missed you. so very much. he always made you feel like you were the bad guy in your relationship. but that wasn’t it. he was.

akaashi’s ears perked up at the sound of the front doors opening. then at osamu’s soft expression at who walked in the door. 

“there’s my buttercup,” osamu sighed. akaashi, out of pure curiosity, turned around to see his partner only to have his heart shattered. 

you. of all people osamu miya could have courted why did it have to be you. in all fairness keiji never told osamu that you were the other half of the terrible breakup he went through and he couldn’t be mad at you for moving on and finding the love you deserve. but it still hurt. he did love you so very much and now he got the confirmation you didn’t love him anymore. your love belonged to osamu. and he could never get that back. 

you hadn’t noticed keiji yet. you leaned over the counter to press the softest of kisses to his lips while he went to the back to clock out. someone else would lock up. this gave you the time to look over and see akaashi. you blinked and wanted to turn your head away from him but couldn’t.

“keiji.”

“hi.” akaashi greeted with a small smile. “congratulations on your anniversary,” he commented, putting his laptop in his bag.

“thank you,” you nodded. “i’m. i’m sorry for how everything ended. i wish it could have been more dignified than that.”

“no need. i’m the one who messed up our relationship. i realized that a long time ago.” akaashi looked to the back of the shop at the door where osamu walked into. “he’ll treat you well. at least i can rest easy knowing that.”

“hm?”

“i’m still in love with you. and i think i may always will be. you’re like a dying star, loud, explosive, beautiful where the ashes can be turned into something more. and yet i’ll still be able to see the beauty that was from earth and i will for a long time because. anyway, that didn’t make much sense. goodnight, y/n. i’ll see you around.” with that, akaashi walked out of onigiri miya. 

[ch3rry3lossom]

Hello!! I'm so sorry for being so inactive and not posting anything at all. I have been very busy lately and have had no ideas or motivation to write. But luckily I have a few ideas in mind that should keep me posting for about a few weeks! With that being said I should be posting more regularly now!

Well let's get onto the post then! (≧∇≦)b

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☆ A Sweet Angel from the Sky ☆

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✧ Characters - venti, Xiao, and scaramouche!

✧ Summary - Genshin boys and how they would react to you being there for them and comforting them!

✧ Warnings! - a bit of angst and sadness!

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♡ Venti ♡

It was a normal, peaceful day. You had just gotten back home from an errand you had to run. You wanted nothing more but to get home and be smothered by your warm husbands touch. As you entered your home you called out to your lovely bard, hoping he wasn't too busy

"Venti!! I'm home!" you called out but got no response "hmm that's weird usually he would come running down the stairs by now" you said as you headed towards the stairs that led up to your bedroom

As you finally reached your bedroom, you gently knocked on the door. "Venti my love are you in there?" as you said those words, you heard shuffling inside the room and finally heard the bards voice

"Y-Y/n? You can come in" the bard quietly said

(Hm? His voice sounds kind of hoarsed) you though as you slowly opened the door and saw the bard sitting at the end of y'alls bed looking down sniffling a bit

"Venti?" you quickly walked towards him and gently grabbed his head, making him face you

As you did you noticed his eyes have turned a bit red with his nose a dusted pink

"Venti? Have you been crying?" you asked worried

Venti tries to get out of your grasp but fails as he starts to cry more

"Hey what's wrong? Come on talk to me, I'm here for you" you say as you gently stroke his cheek

Finally after a few minutes he calms down a bit and looks towards you

"I-im sorry Y/N, I-i just remembered my old friend and I didn't know how to feel. I just.....feel like I stole his identity in a way.Sometimes I worry you only fell in love with me because of him....i know it's a selfish thing to say but I don't even know if I would've been here with you if he didn't die and continued living. I feel so bad" the bard says as he starts crying again

You quickly pull him into a hug and gently stroke his hair

"Hey don't think that. No matter what you're still you, you're still venti deep down. You're still the loving, affectionate, energetic bard I know. I fell in love for you and only you. Don't feel bad alright? It's okay to feel this way" you quietly whisper to him as you continue to gently stroke his head

After a few minutes, he pulls away, lightly sobbing

You smile as you gently wipe a tear off his cheek and give him a quick kiss

He pulls you in, gently kissing you back and softly biting your lower lip

After a few seconds kissing, you both finally pull away and gently bump your foreheads onto each other's, looking at each other's eyes

"Thank you Y/n, thank you" venti says as he lets out a deep sigh

You smile and close your eyes, relishing the deep quietness of the room "of course, anytime my love"

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♡ xiao ♡

It was another day without seeing and being with your husband, xiao. He was off again doing his duties as always. You understood of course but slowly began to miss his company and touch more and more

You didnt want to be clingy since everytime he was here you would always be besides him and giving him affection in a way

Of course he would do his part as well. Whenever he could, he would bring you a flower as a gift or write letters to you if he couldn't come home that day

You appreciated the effort, you did but you wish he could've made a quick visit instead once in a while

It's not that you didn't have friends as well to keep you company, you did but most of them were far too busy as well to hang out with you each day

You decided to just swipe away the thought and head to bed early. It was getting quite dark after all

After maybe a few hours sleeping, you heard a shuffle through the bed sheets you were laying on and suddenly felt two warm arms wrap around you

You turn around and see xiaos head pressed against your back, that's when you also realized you started feeling his hot breath against your skin as well

Confused you say "xiao??? I though you weren't coming home until another 2 days???"

You suddenly felt his arms squeeze you a bit more tighter

"Do you......not want me here?" he says quietly

You quickly turn around completely, your chest now facing his head. "N-no! I do want you here! I missed you! I'm just confused is all" you quietly laugh as you wrap your arms around him and gently stroke his hair

He let's out a deep sigh and muzzles his face deeper into your chest

Nothing his slightly off demeanour, you decide to ask him what's wrong. "Xiao? Is anything the matter?"

After a few moments of silence he finally speaks

"Are you......tired of me? Are you only staying here with me so that you don't break my heart? Am I not treating you right or being here as often as I should be? He says, his voice raising with every question he asks

"Xiao.....of course I'm not tired of you. I love you and i would never leave you or pretend that I'm in love with you because I truly am. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. Don't stop doing your duties because of me. I do want you here a bit more but just being here with you is enough" you say as you give him a quick kiss on his forehead

He looks up at you "are you sure? I'll try my best to come home more early from now on"

You smile and gently kiss him, he gets a little surprised and hesitates but soon returns the kiss, gently grabbing your hair and pulling you down to kiss you more deeper

Finally after a few minutes you both pull away. Xiao going back to nuzzling his face onto your chest

You smile as you close your eyes and continue stroking his hair, finding peace in his slow breathing and the quiet sound of the night

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♡ scaramouche ♡

Hello! So I'm kind of upset since I wrote a very good story for scaramouche in this post but because something went wrong with saving, it deleted everything I wrote for him! I don't have good memory so I'm going to summarize what I wrote in as much detail as I can! I'm so sorry about that!

Basically you were picking up flowers for him since hes a very busy man and doesn't come home often. You though gifting him a present would be good since you always do that whenever he comes back home. So you see him and run up to him and give him the present and usually he would blush and scoff while complaining to not do it in public but nonetheless takes the flowers

Right now tho he just nods and takes the flower and walks towards y'alls house

You get confused but brush it off and follow him

You usually hug him from behind so that's what you do and usually he would complain and whine about how clingy you are but still give you a quick kiss and hug you back but this time he shakes your hands off and walks upstairs towards y'alls room annoyed

You start getting worried and follow him and see him laying down on the bed. You ask him what's wrong as you sit besides him

He starts saying how you're always near him, giving him kisses and gifts, loving him and how he doesn't understand why you do all that

You tell him it's because he's your husband and you love him

He asks how you could love someone like him since he dosent always return your love or at least now how hes supposed to. He also dosent always come home and how people have been gossiping about how he dosent love you or appreciate you

You shut him up by giving him a kiss and giving him little pecks around his face and telling him how none of that is true and you love him for him and understand

He whines and scoffs before pulling down onto the bed with him and telling you to keep giving him kisses as he hugs you and lays his face on your chest

You giggle and keep giving him kisses

He thought to himself how he's selfish for wanting your love and not wanting you to ever leave him. Nonetheless tho he appreciates and loves you a lot and promised to come home more and show you how much he loves and appreciates you in his own way.

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Again I'm so sorry if for scaramouche it seems rushed! I will either include him in another post and make sure it's very detailed this time or make a short story for him! Let me know what you guys think and if y'all have any suggestions or ideas!

[virginiaisforhaters]

in light of EvErYtHiNg happening at the moment it feels like a good time to mention that there is a non-iud birth control implant. it only lasts three years (at least the one i have) but if you for some reason cannot get an IUD you have other long term non-daily options. i previously had an IUD, it was not compatible with my body, and tbh i would have chosen the implant over an IUD if i knew they existed (but this is not to say either is the superior form of birth control, just that different things work for different people and you should know you have options- my doctor certainly fucking didnt tell me i had to find out on my own). ive had a nexplanon implant for almost six years now, so two implants so far. it is easy, and not very painful (i am a person for which iud insertion was the most intense pain i have ever experienced and would not be able to endure again, it made me scream- the side effects of insertion also caused me to spend the night in a tiny ancient bathroom throwing up in a ballgown at a black tie event at the corcoran for a sculpture i helped create and install, still mad about that, in the interest of full transparency). in the current climate it would be ideal to get the longest lasting form of birth control, but just know if you cant get an IUD there are other options. 

and whats an arm implant like? honestly, like my tattoos, 99% of the time i forget its there. they shoot it into your arm with like, the medical equivalent of a claires ear piercing gun, which is really cool and not very painful. i make a lot of jokes about being a cyborg. you get a large, weird ass bruise, mine went away after 1-2 weeks and was shaped like a dick and balls which was super funny. when the time comes to replace it you go to the doctor and they numb your arm, make a tiny cut to get the old implant out, and pop a new one in. takes five minutes tops, and the bruising is less bad the second time around because theyre using the same hole. is it weird having a piece of plastic in your arm? i guess? no weirder than having a piece of plastic or copper in your uterus, or taking a pill at the same time every day. i worked extensively in physical jobs after getting my implant (ropes course facilitator/climbing instructor and hardware store) and pretty much always worried about it snapping, because i was working jobs that heavily relied on using my arm muscles, but it did not break despite all that, which was pretty impressive. i will say i have heard stories from people whose implants snapped, and it was not pleasant. im not here to sugar coat it we have to be realistic in this new hellscape. if you hit your implant its not gonna feel good. i have a high pain tolerance, so insertion might have been less painful for me than for others. you will have a tiny scar on your arm, its barely noticeable. 

i have periods... sometimes. more often i just get weird random spotting, maybe a few times a year i’ll get an actual period, but nothing like the two week hellfest i used to, which is a bonus jonas if you have Gender Stuff. it did take some time for my period to stop happening at first, a few months maybe before it just went away. i like my implant a lot but people always think its super weird because theyve never heard of them, so here we are. implants exist. if you like to mess with people you can poke it around under your skin and people freak out. its really funny. would rate them 9/10 with the caveat that three years isnt a full presidential administration and it may become impossible to replace. you can also tell people you were abducted by aliens and they left a weird rod in your arm. honestly the opportunities for fucking with people are endless. 

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk: Vlive Asks and comment/chat discussions

From @cottoncandykings​: Hello! As u probably know jimin just went live recently and again he mentioned mandaggo and discussing about doing it with tae. I just find it so weird though. I mean jimin keeps constantly mentioning it and its not like vminnies were begging or dying for a vmin live everyday even before jimin mentioned it last year. Even now most including myself dont really care that much ofc i m happy if they do one together. But the way jimin keeps mentioning it is so weird. Like surely if he wanted to do it so badly he could have talked to tae privately and arranged it by now. And if tae is the one that doesnt want to do it then idk why jimin is pushing it. But what was really weird to me this time was that he said there were lots of comments about mandaggo yesterday in zoom call and yet they didnt mention it yesterday but suddenly today without prompting he talks about it. I also hope no one spammed the zoom call chat or the vlive chat with requests for vmin live (i didnt see any) bcoz thats just unnecessary and demanding. I hope vminnies wont demand/ ask for another memeber when one of them is live. Its just disrespectful. This turned into a rant sorry. Do you think it was weird too?

Since Admin 2 can’t type their thoughts themselves, I’ll relay their thoughts to you instead, since they had more thoughts/opinions/ideas in regard to this than I do, to be honest.

Admin 2 is sure that there is a good chance that we will get a vmin vlive sometime soon, which I know contradicts their original opinion and post from a few months ago, but there’s a reason for it. During the zoom meeting between BTS and ARMY they noticed something I don’t think anyone else noticed, or at least neither of us has seen any vminnies mention it anywhere, which in conjunction with Jimin’s vlive today and saying how he’d talk to Tae about doing a mandaggo vlive again, as well as another observation a little while ago, leads them to this conclusion.

So, the observation from the zoom meeting. Basically at one point when the question of Jimin doing a vlive arose Tae looks at Jimin and then he nods while smiling which in turn makes Jimin smile as he turns away from Tae and back to face toward the camera before answering the question and saying how he’ll come visit us the next day. Which he did.

Then the other observation from a while ago, this one being from their OT7 vlive celebrating their BBH100 #1 on June 29th where at one point Jimin says something but slips into satoori after which Tae encourages him to say that again but this time in the Seoul accent, so the way they actually should speak, which Jimin says isn’t difficult but he doesn’t actually end up repeating what he said.

And lastly in today’s vlive Jimin mentioned how he’s using satoori quite often but that he isn’t all that good at doing it on command or at teaching it to others, which is something he’d have to do for mandaggo but I’m sure he’d manage just fine if the time came for it.

Based on that Admin 2′s thoughts are basically that Jimin really meant it when he said, last year, that he’ll bring Tae around for a vlive, that it wasn’t a joke or a way to tease us with something he knew he wouldn’t be able to deliver, but rather that up until this point they weren’t quite sure how to do it. Which sounds a bit odd, I know, but what they mean is that if vmin were to just sit down in front of the camera and were supposed to just talk based on what the chat would give them, it would likely just turn out awkward and weird and no one, including them, would really have fun. Even more so when we take into account how idiotic the chat is during regular vlives so now imagine if those two were to do one together that’s just a casual chat. It would likely end up in disaster and honestly I wouldn’t wish it upon them to read all those awful comments that they would likely get, even worse ones than they already get normally, to be honest.

But now that the whole satoori thing was brought up, and Jimin actually mentioned mandaggo and wanting to bring it back after so many years, Admin 2 thinks that they must’ve finally figured out a solution to their problem, if you can call it that. Doing mandaggo would basically mean they would have an activity, something to do similar to how they did those ASMR videos for the Japanese Fan Club which were fun and cute, and so Admin 2 thinks that perhaps chances are we will finally get the vlive we’ve waited for so long (though like many others I’ve long given up the idea).

Another confirmation is that during his vlive today Jimin basically said that he only came by for a little while since they are quite busy and had to soon get ready for work with the other members but that he’ll return in two or three weeks for a more proper, longer, vlive. So, he could’ve treated today’s vlive as the promised one but instead he saw it more as a bridging one between the zoom meeting and the proper vlive he wants to do, so is it the farfetched to think that he had proper plans for a vlive, like doing mandaggo, but it just wouldn’t have worked out time wise today so he moved the actual vlive he wanted to make to a later date?

One last thing (well two actually) that has nothing to do with this question but Admin 2 wanted me to include it anyway is that one, have you noticed how Tae and Jimin were both on weverse around 3 am (until almost 4am (also both of them posting a comment to some post at 03:41 am KST)) one after the other (though with one day of a break in between them) recently and then also two, that Jimin was up until like 6 am (since he posted on weverse around that time) on the 8th and then during the zoom meeting Tae answered a question by saying that he’d been awake until 6 am the previous day (also the 8th) since he wanted to see the sunrise? Which is also something an anon mentioned to us. Curious, isn’t it?

From anon: I request both admins to please post this ask. So jimin wwnt live today and one of the accounts on twt posted a screen cap of them commenting 'touch your hair if vmin is real' in the live chat and jimin's reaction to it. Now idk if it is an edit or real. No matter i just want to say its not ok to bring up ships in front of the members no matter which ship it is. We dont know the reality of their relationship so lets not make them uncomfortable. Its not a joke. Its not funny. Be respectful the members are real people.

(Admin 1 taking over from this point onward) This ask nicely ties into the last one that’ll be further down in this post since they cover a similar issue of sorts. But let’s start with this one asking about, essentially, vlive comments and the things fans ask/comment, which also ties in with the above ask as well.

The thing with the vlive chat, and especially comments/questions that are like anon said, questions or “commands/requests” about touch your hair if XYZ ship is real or cough twice if you love XYZ member or, likewise, comments such as where is XYZ member or what are the other members doing, unfortunately those have been a steady and unchanging part of the vlive chat since basically forever. It’s been an issue on and off with different intensities though I feel like it’s gotten worse again this year. Particularly if we look back at the vlive Tae did with Hobi and Yoongi and how essentially the entire chat was filled with comments related to Xkook and not much else.

If my memory doesn’t fail me we once even had a situation some years ago (2016) where the chat during Hobi’s vlive was so bad, as in so full of questions about that other members instead of him, that you could see he was upset about it and eventually he handed over the vlive to Jimin, whom the chat had requested Hobi to visit, and Hobi just left. And I can’t blame him for it since the chat must’ve made him feel like basically no one cared about him so what was even the point of him being there, right?

Personally I’ve long given up looking at the comments during vlive because they just make me cringe and feel bad for the members, especially when I think back to vlives such as Yoongi’s D2 one last year where he was so excited to talk about the songs and the process of making the mixtape and yet so many of the comments were just unrelated nonsense and annoying request like speak english or can you say my name or say hello in XYZ language. If it makes me question why the people posting those questions are in the chat, why they are fans to begin with, imagine what the members must feel like, how discouraging that must feel like. After all they are musicians and yet so rarely do they get questions about that. Or rather they do get them but they are just drowned out by nonsense. Which is a shame. And also very disrespectful but any attempts that were made to remind people to be respectful, to remember their place as fans, to focus on the member that’s doing the vlive instead of asking about the others, and to keep ships away from the members have failed because some don’t care and will continue to not care.

From anon: what are your opinions on the Qs that were asked during that zoom meeting thing between BTS and ARMY?

Now I’d like to preface my answer to this last question by saying that by no means do my grievances come from a place of jealousy or anything. I’m very happy for all the ARMYs that won their spot, that they got to participate in the event and that BTS got to see ARMYs again even if only on screens and not in person still. No, my issue stems from something completely different, and I don’t want to say that the system chose the wrong people, because that would be mean and also who even knows how the winners were chosen, if it was pure luck or there were some actual criteria that went into the process, but the fact is that only a select 200 ARMYs got that spot out of however many that applied, so basically for some this was a once in a lifetime chance, right, even just getting this close to asking Bangtan a question and have really great chances of having them give you an answer while acknowledging you somewhat instead of just seeing pure words on a screen, you know what I mean?

Now imagine you are one of those 200 ARMYs and you get the chance to fill the chat with questions along with the other 49 participants of your session and you decide that asking questions such as what it’s like for Jimin to work as angel, if Namjoon ever broke a bicycle, or why JK smells the crowns of the other members heads? Or even worse, you decide to ask about JKs shower routine and in which order he washes his body? And sure, the “fault” doesn’t fall completely on the ARMYs alone, after all it’s the members who read out those questions and not some magical off screen entity, and since I wasn’t part of the event I can’t say with a hundred percent certainty that no one asked any “proper” questions, but if those were the questions that ended up being read out loud, is it that hard to guess that likely all the questions looked similarly? 

Which brings me to my main grievance of it all: have you forgotten that you are fans of musicians and not reality TV stars or vloggers/influencers? I know there were likely no rules for what questions you could or couldn’t ask (except for probably ones that were 100% about shipping or far too personal), but really, you get to ask your favorite band a question, something you might never, ever get the chance to do again, and your first thought isn’t to ask about their music but instead about some unimportant nonsense like the angel question or if they differentiate between the clothes they wear at home and those they sleep in? Like sure the angel one was kinda funny, maybe, and Jimin handled it in a cute way, I applaud him for it, but was that really necessary?

I know someone asked JK about Decalcomania, as well as Tae about his mixtape, and Yoongi/Jimin about Tony Montana (season 2), but other than that were there any other questions about their music? Perhaps I’m overthinking things, maybe I’m exaggerating and maybe I’m the only one who sees an issue with this, but if I would’ve won a spot, I’d rather have asked something about their process when writing lyrics or creating beats or how they prepare when learning new choreographies, what it’s like to be on tour (though perhaps that would be a mean question seeing as tours aren’t really something that’ll continue being possible for a while still), you get the point.

It makes me wonder if it was just bad luck or if it had something to do with how old the participants were (I saw some being as young as fifteen), which isn’t to say that teens can’t ask smart questions because they definitely can just like adults can ask stupid ones as well, but somewhere something, in my opinion, just went weirdly. And maybe that was the point of it all, for the event to be casual, funny, lighthearted, but my question then is when is the time for music discussions? For fans to ask those types of questions that actually have something to do with the boys careers? When even journalists aren’t asking them proper questions, ARMYs aren’t either, so what is the point of it all then?

Then again, after the event concluded and Seokjin came onto vlive he seemed so happy and excited, so maybe they had fun (I mean they seemed to have fun) and didn’t mind at all that the questions were lighthearted and silly, maybe I’m the one making mountains out of molehills. I don’t know, but anon wanted to know my thoughts/opinions, and this is them. Once again, I don’t mean to be mean toward the ARMYs that got rightfully in, that won, and I don’t want to insult them for the questions they asked, perhaps I just expected/hoped for something a little different? And perhaps I’m the only one. I don’t know. 

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 17]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, intercrural sex, lots ‘o teasing, dirty talk/the absolute tiniest bit of degradation, some cum play/cum eating, seungcheol having a kink for thighs/thigh highs 😳😗 welcome to the weekend my bbys!! I hope yall are having a good day/night!! Also again, another inbox roundup tomorrow(also an updates post)!! 💕 Might be a regular thing for the next 4-ish weeks ‘cause I have been so busy this month 😭 and I can’t believe there’s only 3 more chapters of CB left!! 😭😭 some bangers on the way tho LMAO 🤣 As always, thank you so much for the love and support!!💕💕 Have a great rest of your weekend and enjoy ch 17![cheol voice] seventeen right here 😌💕🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - x - x - x

Seungcheol doubles over in laughter, tears blurring his vision as his laughs turn into quiet wheezes.

“God, this is so embarrassing.” Seokmin mutters; cheeks burning crimson when he glances over to Jeongguk who shrugs back. “Maybe I really should quit…”

Jeongguk scoffs jokingly, “Maybe you shouldn’t have lied. No offense, but all the staff here probably have at least seen her before and you just so happened to lie to her actual boyfriend. That’s honestly really lucky if you ask me! You should buy a lotto ticket!” Seokmin whines back, shifting on his heels as he watches Seungcheol start to wipe the tears away.

“Hyung, can you please take this Edible Arrangements I got you so I can go ask Namjoon-hyung to fire me?” This only causes Seungcheol to laugh harder and this time, Jeongguk can’t help the giggle that bubbles past his tightly pursed lips.

“Please!” Seokmin begs, shaking the basket of skewered fruit at the older male. “I heard the diner across down is still hiring, I can still save the rest of my dignity if I leave now!”

Seungcheol shakes his head, eyelashes wet with tears when he takes the gift from Seokmin’s hands to place it on the countertop of the concession stand. “Hate to break it to you but she works there and one of the staff is also one of her regulars so I think your best bet is workin’ here. Embarrassment and all.”

“So, okay… But you’re not mad?”

Jeongguk peels the cellophane off of the basketed fruit, looking to Seungcheol for permission before he takes a skewer. “Go ahead. And no, I’m not mad. If anything I should apologize too, I shouldn’t have let you keep lying when I already knew. But also, to be fair, we weren’t really… official ‘til recently.” Seungcheol shoots the younger male a sheepish smile; cheeks a pretty pink of their own. “And it’s kinda been nice meeting you guys too. It’s great to know you’re not all weirdos.”

Seokmin laughs lightly, breathing a sigh of relief. “Okay, cool, ‘cause this place pays really well and I’d hate to stop working here and you guys are a lot cooler than the coworkers I had before.” He rolls his eyes jokingly, leaning up against the countertop as he picks off a strawberry from the basket.

“Don’t even get me started on this coworker I had at the last place. His name was Mingyu, I think? Suuuuuch a kissass. I had to move to manning the register at all times just so I could avoid him pickin’ his nose in the backroom and then pretending like he was doin’ shit.”

“Hey, Seungcheol-hyung?”

Seokmin’s inquisitive voice has Seungcheol turning; setting the rollerskates in his hand down onto the bench. “Yeah?”

“Do you think it’s weird that we’re, like, watching your girlfriend?” He tilts his head in thought, eyes blinking up to the ceiling. “I don’t want to overstep or something if it’s weird, y’know? I’ve been thinking about what Jeongguk said earlier...”

Seungcheol grins back at him, eyes twinking. He’d also thought about that before too, when he first found out that Jeongguk had also watched your streams.

“I don’t really mind ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s you watching me fucking my girlfriend.”

“Well, I’m glad he took it… well?” You giggle, tugging the white thigh high up your leg.

Seungcheol pulls off his shirt as he sits on the edge of the bed; tossing the wrinkled material onto the floor as he laughs under his breath.

“He did give me an Edible Arrangements while I laughed so hard I cried. I think he’s learned his lesson.”

xcaliburDK: good news, i didnt quit!!

chwenon: i was gonna say

chwenon: u literally started like last week

universe_WZ has donated $75

angelhan has donated $75

therealchan99 has donated $50

therealchan99: u look rly pretty in ur white set!!!

“Aww, thank you! It’s one of my favorites~ And ‘xcaliburDK’, I’m glad you didn’t quit!” You wink at the camera, giggling softly in Seungcheol’s lap as he peppers kisses along your shoulder.

A shiver runs up your spine at his gentle touches and you easily melt under his soft kisses and roaming fingertips. He ghosts them across your breasts, teasing you through the thin lace as you mewl and squirm against his cock that’s pressed firm against your ass. “A-ah, S--Seungcheol…”

tangerine_kwan: she looks so happy now that she can call ur name out lol

alphagyu97: now i cant pretend its me tho

gentleman_josh95: i mean i guess but are u even built like him

alphagyu97: well

Your body slowly starts to fill with warmth; soft stuttered breaths falling from your lips when he drags his fingers down your torso until they play with the hem of your panties. “M-more… tease me m-more…” He grins against your shoulder; hooking a finger around the waistband of your panties and tugging it away from you before letting it snap against your skin.

“‘Cheol!” Whining, your legs snap shut on impulse as you feel a gush of wetness soaking into your panties.

“Ah, ah, ah, part those legs, princess. Don’t make me have to punish you.”

kitty_junjun: no thats what the shibari stream is for right? Right? 😩

artist8hao: is that really happening bc i want to see it

alphagyu97: u guys should do it and think of it as like a rebrand of the channel ykwim

hoshi_tiger_xx: jdfkjhf like a grand re-opening under new management

therealchan99: what is this, a restaurant?

chwenon: u guys should come up with a new channel name too or sth

Seungcheol manages to read off a few of their comments; committing some to memory knowing that your eyes were still sealed shut as you focused on his soft touches.

He drags his fingers down further, humming when he can already feel how wet you were getting. “Hmm~ Already soaked through your pretty panties, baby~” Your head rolls back against his shoulder, nodding gently as you start to grind against the fingers that he uses to press into your clothed, wet folds.

“F-feels good w-when you, ah, t-tease me…”

Unbeknownst to you, Seungcheol smirks, eyes twinkling at the camera. “You really like it, huh? When I just touch you gently like this. Not enough to get you off but just enough to get you soaking wet until you’re begging for my cock.” He pauses; pressing a soft kiss to your skin. “I wanna try something with you, pretty baby~”

You gulp as you raise your head from his shoulder and he retracts his hands from your body as you shift your body and slightly turn to the side to face him.

Seungcheol’s eyes are blown wide with lust and you can already feel his cock throbbing against your lower back as he smiles dreamily at you.

“I think you’ll like it too.”

A stuttered moan falls from your lips as Seungcheol’s cock slides past your tightly clasped, yet shaky, thighs.

“O-oh, ‘Cheol, this--this is…” The words die on your tongue as your head falls forward and Seungcheol is quick to reprimand you, just as he draws his hips back.

“Baby, I want you to watch yourself on the screen. I want you to see your cute face while I tease your pretty body.” He moans; thrusting between your wet thighs as your hazy eyes peer at the laptop’s screen. Your lips are swollen and your pupils are blown wide when you catch yourself and you can see the head of Seungcheol’s cock only just breaching past your clamped thighs when he thrusts forward.

You let out a guttural moan, eyes rolling to the back of your head when he alternates between thrusting between your thighs and letting his cock slide against your soaked, panty-clad mound. 

He hadn’t bothered to undress you at all, but you didn’t mind. The material of your panties only added onto the pleasure with every drag of his cock against you.  

Seungcheol teases you even more; dragging his hands down to your thigh highs and letting his fingertips play right underneath the hems before pulling the material away from your thighs and letting them snap against your skin, much like he’d done with your panties.

“Ah, fuck, m-more! P-please…” He repeats the action a few more times, playing with the sheer fabric of your thigh highs before he draws his hips back. Except this time, when you expect him to thrust back between your legs, he wraps a hand around his cock instead, guiding himself until the head of his cock is rubbing up against the sheer fabric.

“Fuck, you’d look so pretty with cum all over your pretty thighs. I should cum all over your panties and your white ‘lil thigh highs and get them all soaked. Don’t you think they’d be cute? Sticking to you like a second skin? Translucent ‘n soaked through with my cum?” He laughs under his breath, watching through the laptop screen at the way you bite your lip and furrow your brows at the thought.

“I--I want t-that… I want S--Seungcheol t-to make, ngh, a m-mess…”

angelhan: i kno we say this all the time but can u upload some pics of that later

angelhan has donated $75

universe_WZ: seconded cuz thatd look so fuckin hot

universe_WZ has donated $50

alphagyu97 has donated $75

alphagyu97: fuck, like a lil angel covered in cum

Seungcheol teases you and himself at the same time; rubbing his cock against your fabric-clad thighs. He spreads precum onto the material, licking his lips when it already becomes translucent and sticks to your skin.

He positions his cock back between your thighs once he’s had his fill and quickly finds himself doubling his pace when he sees how wet you’re getting his cock without even having taken your panties off. “God, look at you. I don’t even need to fuck you to get you this wet. You just need to rub your ‘lil cunt against my cock and it’s enough for you, huh? I should make you sit on my lap, rub your pretty ‘lil pussy on my cock ‘til you’re cumming over and over again.”

“Ngh, yes! Fuck, Seungcheol! I--I can feel your c-cock throbbing between my l-legs… Please, please c-cum, mmh, all over my s-skin…”

“That’s right, baby. So fuckin’ desperate to be covered in it too. And always so fuckin’ pretty when you are.”

You let out a whimper as you try to focus on watching yourself just like Seungcheol had asked you to. Your lips are parted in soft breaths and you can’t seem to unfurrow your brows as Seungcheol chases his pleasure behind you.

angelhan: what if

angelhan: seungcheol in thigh highs lmao

universe_WZ: sub.cheol

sleepy_wonu: sub.cheol

universe_WZ: jinx

sleepy_wonu: fuck u 

You lick your lips at the thought; although you knew Seungcheol would have a hard time relinquishing his dominating nature.

But your mind wanders as you continue to think about it; various images of Seungcheol tied up underneath you while you fucked yourself on his cock running through your mind. You let out a shaky moan, to which Seungcheol hums.

“What are you thinkin’ about, princess?”

“Um… ah, n-nothing…” He thrusts between your legs hard, making you jolt forward as you yelp.

“Princess...”

“I--ah! J-just thinking a-about… y-you tied up, ngh, to--to the bed and m-me fuh--fucking myself on your c-cock… ‘n me u-using, mmh, my toys o-on you...” Seungcheol smirks, pulling his cock from between your shaky thighs as he slightly pushes you over until you're on your back.

He spreads your legs as you look up at him and he’s quick to wrap a hand around his cock as he jerks himself off above you. “Oh, I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you? I bet you’d be so cute trying to be the domme for a night.” Seungcheol teases.

You find yourself clenching around emptiness as you think of the possibilities. You definitely wanted to try it if Seungcheol was willing.

“Fuck, but first, gonna cover your pretty body with my cum.” He groans; thrusting up into his palm as he chases his high.

“C-cum all over me, Seungcheol…”

The donations and comments sound off in the back as you maintain eye contact with Seungcheol who’s brows furrow when he starts to feel himself about to cum. He scoots back a little; growling when his cock throbs in his grasp and he cums all over your, already, soaked panties.

You let out a moan when rivulets of cum hit your lower abdomen and you’re quick to reach down and scoop some up to bring to your mouth, smearing the warm substance against your puckered lips before licking it off. Whimpering, you dip your fingers into your mouth; this time pretending they were Seungcheol’s instead of your own.

He guides his cock until the head is aimed at your thighs; streaks of cum settling into the sheer material of your thigh highs. “God, you’re so damn pretty...” Groaning, he milks his cock for every drop of cum before he’s stopping to catch his breath.

“You came so much but I didn’t cum yet, ‘Cheol~” Pouting, you turn your head to the side to face the camera. “Tell him he has to make me cum now~”

kitty_junjun: well u heard the lady!!

hoshi_tiger_xx: make her cum and let her cream her cute lil panties even more

therealchan99: oh fuck yeah, get her off without fucking her cute cunt

Seungcheol leans over your body until the two of you are almost face to face, eyes twinkling with playfulness when you feel his sticky hand playing with your thigh highs again.

“D’you hear that? Let’s give them what they want, baby.”

The sounds of donations and comments once again get lost as Seungcheol finds himself on his knees between your legs.

“Ready?”

When you slide into bed after your camshow’s ended and Seungcheol has properly taken care of you, he’s quick to tug you into his chest. 

The two of you let out soft sighs at the warmth that envelopes you both as you finally start to settle in for the night.

After a few minutes, Seungcheol clears his throat, catching you just before you drift off to sleep.

“This is so random but have you considered, I dunno, rebranding your channel… with me? I was thinking about it and kinda wanted your opinion...”

You blink up curiously at him, urging him to continue. “I mean, yeah, of course! I don’t really know where to start though since it’s always just been me. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to either so I never brought it up.” You snuggle into his warmth, yawning as the sleep threatens to take over.

“But let’s talk about it later, ‘cause ‘m tired now, ‘Cheol. You really didn’t have to make me cum twice…” You mumble, “I can still feel my legs shaking...”

His soft laugh reverberates in your chest and he’s quick to press a kiss against your hair as he tugs you in closer.

“It’s ‘cause I like to spoil you. And okay. I’ll remind you when you’re more conscious.”

“G’night, ‘Cheol...”

“Goodnight, baby.” 

[courtney-deserved-better]

my opinion on td finalists

spoiler alert, im not a fan of most

TDI: Owen & Gwen

uh I personally don’t like either of these guys for finalists. gwen did do a lot but there were so many times where she just acted so apathetic I was like why?? are you still here?? and as for owen... I didnt like him as a character for a Long Time and he's growing on me but he just doesnt seem like finale material

I think a duncan versus leshawna finale would've been super fun to watch. especially if they teamed up to take down heather in the semifinal. those two had such a fun dynamic, especially in the triathlon episode, that I think taking it to the finale would've been fantastic. also leshawna deserved to win that season and you cannot change my mind

TDA: Duncan & Beth

duncan, while not my first choice, I can see making it through to the finale this season. but beth?? no. im sorry but shes just too much of a side character and is canonically fake nice and annoys everyone else so it doesn’t really make sense

an interesting finale would’ve been duncan versus courtney considering how volatile their relationship was this season. however, bc courtney was kinda awful to duncan, I dont think she deserves to win this season. it would be cool if there was one ending where their votes tied and they made up and decided to split the money but that just feels too tame, both for a finale and for their dynamic

harold versus duncan could be interesting, but because duncan tends to bully harold, I dont think his win would be fair in this situation. I think lindsay versus harold would be the best, as this season is about lindsay learning to take charge and come up with strategies, and while he can be off-putting and occasionally condescending, I think harold has a lot of useful skills that could really flourish in the finale

TDWT: Heather & Alejandro

while I dont ship them at all, I truly dont think there could've been a more satisfying final two. we’ve had their rivalry build up from day one, they have a ton of good songs together, it really completes heather’s arc of antagonist to antihero to protagonist. heather winning is the best ending in my mind, but I like  alejandro winning too. the only problem I have with his ending is that it only happened because heather threw in the wrong dummy-- I think it would’ve been more clever for him to have switched them or something like that

ive been thinking about some other final twos that I think would be interesting, though unable to top the canon one imo. gwen versus courtney would be really cool because of the friends turned enemies thing-- I think it would be interesting for courtney to be put in danger and gwen has a choice of saving her or going for the money and she save courtney before apologizing again (maybe dumping duncan) and the two make up and split the money. 

though I don’t really enjoy either as characters mostly due to their writing, cody and sierra would be an interesting final two. maybe cody finally stands up to sierra, or sierra struggles with wanting to be the winner of total drama or helping the boy she likes win. it definitely wouldn't be as good as the canon two but there would be a lot of clashing dynamics at play that'd be fun to explore

TDROTI: Lightning & Cameron

admittedly, I don’t remember too much from this season, but it really felt like these two kind of coasted by. I never found lightning to be a particularly compelling character and thought it weird how he suddenly went from dumb jock to evil jock in the last episode or two. cameron really felt like he was just carried through the season, similarly to beth, though I dont have as much as an issue with him winning. I dont think it was a bad finale, per se, I just think if those were the final two they should've been written better from the start

seeing as how jo really played the game and went all in, I think she would’ve been a great finalist. it would’ve been interesting to see her versus (commando?) zoey though im not the biggest zoey fan. I think a jo versus lightning finale could actually work (or brick) though if there was a jo versus cameron finale, I couldn't see him logically winning bc jo would just destroy him

TDAS: Mike & Zoey

*BIG FUCKING INHALE* no. just no. im probably not gonna say anything that’s not already been said so ill keep it short. bland, mal writing bad, have someone who's been in the game for 3 previous seasons instead of  1 make it to the ALL STARS FINALE. jfc.

you know what would’ve been an interesting finale? gwen versus courtney. they both said they wanted to reach the final two with the other one, so maybe they do! maybe they start to struggle with their friendship because of courtney’s competitive streak! maybe one of their helpers is duncan and that causes strife between them! maybe they become enemies again and don’t make up until the finale! maybe they decide to split the money! idk! it would've had a hell of a  lot more flavor than what we got

TDPI: Shawn & Sky

I don’t really have an issue with either of these characters making it to the finale. they’re compelling, worked hard, and have distinct goals. I would’ve liked to see jasmine in the finale but I'd be cool replacing either one with her: jasmine and shawn having to compete against one another would be an interesting relationship hurdle and sky versus jasmine would've been cool because they’re both very athletic and it would’ve been the first f vs f total drama finale (we've had m vs f and m vs m but no all-girl finales...)

TDRR: Surfer Dudes & Police Cadets

Again, I don’t really have an issue with this finale. I really like how Sanders and MacArthur both work hard in their own ways and have to learn how to work together (MacArthur breaking Sanders’ arm and realizing that she can negatively affect her partner and also that Sanders is super tough was a GREAT arc). I know there’s been some contention about the Surfer Dudes being eliminated and then coming back so late in the game, but it made sense to me. They chose to lose because they felt that they owed it to Devin and Carrie, and that choice paid off when Devin and Carrie called in a replacement team. I doubt the surfers expected that to happen, they were just trying to be fair, but that kindness was rewarded in a big way which I think was sweet, especially  considering how much of a hot mess this show can be. 

I gotta say, this does kinda remind me of the TDI finale, with the villain (heather/ice dancers) getting eliminated third, and their rival (gwen/police cadets) making it to the finale with the fun guy (owen/surfer dudes). The reason I like the Surfer Dudes as finalists more than Owen is that I felt they put in more effort during challenges and had more of an arc (with Josee’s mind games ending up bonding them as a team after strife, choosing to be eliminated for the sake of fairness, etc). 

Speaking of Owen, it’s kind of ironic that if I had to replace a team in the finale, I would replace the surfer dudes with the reality tv pros. they’re my favorite team and I think it wouldve been great for them to really live up to their name. I think it also would've been funny for the ice dancers to be so focused on their rivalry with the cadets that the pros just completely go under their radar until its the final three and the ice dancers are like “oh crap they’re PROS why haven't we been trying to destroy them??”

I also wouldn't mind replacing the surfer dudes with the sisters. I know emma gets a lot of hate (mostly because of nemma which I only like platonically) but I actually like her as a character (when she wasn’t being obsessive) and I think she and kitty were a great team that had a good arc of learning to work together. I also think it would be really interesting because for the final three they would all have rivalries with one another: the police cadets and the ice dancers (obvious) the ice dancers and the sisters (josee messed with them in at least 2 challenges) and the sister and the police cadets (kitty and macarthur’s game/road rage was hilarious)