#my brain is telling me to respond like the other person did and explain that no. it actually DOES convey her personaility.

[monards]

sometimes teh hater agenda gets to me. and i need to reason myself away from it

[mars-ipan]

"deradicalization is best achieved through kindness and acceptance because many radicals feel alienated for one reason or another" and "someone who is hurt by radical beliefs has zero obligation to be kind to someone who holds those beliefs" are two facts that can and should coexist btw

[milo-is-rambling]

Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else

[d0youc0py]

Hi! I just wanted to see if I could put in a request maybe? I love your writing and it would make my day if you wrote something about the 141 + Konig having an arguement with the reader and they yell or make a sudden move causing her to like flinch away.

If not that's totally okay too, have a lovely day!

“I’m so tired of arguing with you John.” Your words came out whimper-like and you hated how weak it made you sound. Yet fighting with John was exhausting. Sometimes when the two of you argued it felt like it was just another form of training for him.

He instantly softened. Not that you had the wits to notice. A fat tear rolled down your cheek and John’s hand instinctively raced forward to wipe it away. But from your point of view it looked like he was coming in for a slap. Your head flew back, colliding with the kitchen cabinet. You hissed, your hands coming up to apply pressure to the sting.

“Shite, Sweetheart.” He growled. His hands found your hips, pulling you towards him. “I would never.” He reminded. His hand found its way to yours and held you gently.

“I’m sorry.” You muttered, cheeks flushed. You knew John would never lay a hand on you and you hoped he didn’t take your reaction too personal.

“Don’t apologize, Honey.” He muttered back, his lips pressed against the crown of your head.

His body stilled. In the midst of an argument- one that he can’t even remember why it started- he reached up to rub his face, the action causing you to flinch. He doesn’t even think it counts as a flinch, because you were basically bracing for impact.

“That what you think of me?” He started. Your heart dropped in your stomach at his words, thinking he was angry, but the look on his face was the opposite. His eyes were nervous. It seemed like he was waiting for you to tell him what you truly thought of him. You quickly shook your head.

“No, Si.” You assured quickly. “I just wasn’t expecting it and you moved so fast.” You tried to explain.

“I know I can be an arse sometimes but I would never hit you. Please tell me you know that.” His eyes bore into yours and you nodded your head.

“I do, Si.” You agreed. His hand reached forward slowly and you took the invitation wrapping your arms around his middle.

“Sorry for being an arse by the way.”

*maybe toxic behavior?*

Most of the time Johnny was an extrovert by choice. He could be the life of the party, charming and personable when he wanted to be, but he also needed his time to recharge. He’d just gotten back from a mission and wanted nothing more than to curl up with you and watch some TV show that took no brain power to understand. Instead he came home to you dressed up to the nines, heading out the door.

“Where are you off to?” He questioned, plopping his duffle bag by the door. You raced forward pressing quick kisses against his face.

“Just a little get together. Want to come?” You hummed against him.

“Didn’t I tell you I was coming back today?” He asked. You hummed in agreement, stopping your attack of affection when none of it was reciprocated.

“Yeah, you did. Why?” You questioned.

“I’ve been gone for three weeks and you’re just heading out the door.” He responded, his words nearly coming out like a snarl. This began the argument and before you knew it the two of you were screaming at each other in the entryway.

Johnny talked with his hands and that became dangerous when he was upset. His hand flung up, his fingers barely missing your cheek. All was silent. Your eyes fled with tears wondering how the man you loved could be so careless. His bright eyes were wide and were taking in every move or emotion you felt.

“I wasn’t going to”- He began.

“Sure seemed like you were going to.” You said back. He shook his head almost violently.

“Never.” He growled. “I would never hurt you.”

“Physically.” You emphasized. He shut his eyes tightly- all the hurtful things he said during the argument coming back to him.

He had a lot of making up to do.

*it’s so hard writing angst for Kyle b/c I feel like he is just the sweetest partner everrrrr*

He came home in a mood. The weight of the world on his shoulders. He brushed past you, giving you a quick peck on the forehead before retreating to the patio for a quick smoke. He rarely smoked and the sight had you worried, but you gave him peace.

You were finishing up your laundry, not noticing as he came home behind you. When his hands touched you, you jumped nearly a foot in the air, your head colliding with the dryer.

“Fucking hell, baby.” He huffed from behind you. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized, holding your head right where you hit it.

“I didn’t even hear you.” You gasped.

“Well I’ve had training.” He smirked. “Let’s get you an ice pack, yeah? Don’t want you walking around town with a bump on your head.”

He was venting to you, to engrossed in his own feelings that he didn’t notice the drastic change in his demeanor. You weren’t use to the side of him- and he had made sure to keep it hidden from you. The last thing he ever wanted was to frighten you. It wasn’t until his arm flung out (not towards you) and you jumped that he’d noticed what was happening.

“Scheisse.” He muttered to himself.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized quickly. “I don’t know why I did that.” You rambled. His worried eyes watched you.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized. His hands reached out to grab yours and you pushed yourself closer to him.

“You didn’t really scare me, Konnie.” You opened and closed your mouth before continuing. “I’ve just never seen you so worked up before. You just surprised me is all.” He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, bending down so his head could rest on yours.

“Still. There are ways for me to vent without getting all worked up, ja?”

[perfectlywrongformend3s]

Can we make out?-Colby Brock

A/N: Just thought Colby would react really cute if the reader asked him. Please enjoy!

-Samantha

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

I was right outside Colby's apartment about to knock when I heard a door open. I turned to find the person I was looking for. He looked over at me with a confused face.

" Hey" I smiled

He looked over at me one more time before smiling. " Hey, what are you doing here?"

I leaned against his door since he wasn't walking to open it up so we could sit. " I just wanted to see my best friend." He gave me a smirk. He then walked up to me and placed his hand on my waist to keep me steady while he led us inside. When he shut the door he let go of my waist to move to the kitchen.

" So, you want something to drink."

I wasn't paying attention cause all I could think about was the feeling of his hand on my skin.

Colby's POV

I didn't hear her respond so I turned around and saw her in deep thought. I let out a quick chuckle before walking up to her. I gently touched her shoulders to get her attention, but that plan went out the window cause she jumped.

" Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I asked you a question, but it seemed like you zoned out."

She  looked down to mess with her fingers. I took one of my hands off her shoulder to move her head back up to my eyes.

" Hey, what's up." I said softly

She shook her head. " Nothing Colby."

I didn't believe her, but I dropped it for now. I moved back so she could have some space. " So, did you want a drink?"

She glanced up. " Um, just water please." I nodded and turned to get her water.

Your POV

I was growing nervous so I just decided to hop on the counter to keep me somewhat steady. I saw Colby turn around, and gave me a look. I thought, 'maybe I'm not allowed on the counter' so I did the only thing I could think of and got down. Once my feet hit the ground I immediately felt his hands on my waist. He then picked me up with ease and placed me back on the counter.

" You don't have to get down." He said

I glanced down to find his hands placed on my upper thighs which made me feel butterflies. He cleared his throat before stepping back.

" Colby! Don't leave."

He let out a laugh. " I'm not, just moving to lean against the counter."

I let out a sigh before explaining. " I meant the position. I liked you there." He gave me a smirk.     " Really!?"

I started getting shy. " Yes" I said softly

I heard his footsteps moving closer to me to where I could see his lower body. He then picked my head back up. He was giving me a small smile. " Don't be going all shy on me now, Y/n/n."

I let out a laugh. I pulled him into a hug which he was happy to accept. The hug didn't last very long because Colby's phone went off. He moved away to grab it and sighed. I gave him a confused look. " What?" I questioned

He just shook his head and put his phone down. He then leaned his head back, and let out a deep breath. I just watched to make sure he was all right.

" Hey, I have a weird request?" I said softly

He picked his head up and looked at me. I started picking at the skin on my fingers feeling nervous. " You know you can tell me anything." He said

I nodded and let out a sigh. " Okay, um wanna make out?"

I could tell I left him shocked. I felt embarrassed and messed with my fingers while trying not to look in his direction.

Colby's POV

My brain couldn't process the information she just said. I thought it was a joke because we've messed with each other before. " Are you being for real?" I questioned

She nodded. " Yeah, so do you want to."

I moved so I could stand in between her legs. I then gently placed a hand on either side of her cheeks. I leaned in but I was about an inch to her lips to where I could feel her breathing. I then asked before making a move...

" Are you positive you want to do this?"

She let out a cute giggle. " Colby, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to."

" I was just making sure." I whispered

She leaned in so I could feel her lisp brush against mine. I held back a groan and heard her whisper. " Please, Colby." I finally grew the courage to connect our lips. All I could think about was how soft her lips were against mine.

Your POV

His lips were the puzzle that was missing. I couldn't help but smile into the kiss. I had to pull away because of running out of air. " Colby?" I questioned

He looked up while keeping one of his hands on the side of my neck. " What does this mean for us?"

He looked like he was thinking really hard. He then messed with my hair. " We could always see where it brings us." he said

I smiled, while pulling him back to my lips with his shirt. I then brushed my lips against his, " I'd like that very much." I whispered right against his lips.

He then closed the gap while saying...

" Good, I'd like that too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I haven't written for him in a while, I'm glad I did cause I kind of miss writing for him. Anywho, Thank you so much for reading! Again please enjoy!!

-Samantha

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

More Nimona headcanons because these dorks have taken over my brain

I feel like Nimona tried really hard to hate Ambrosius

The first month they knew each other Nimona tried so hard to antagonize him and poke fun at him and remind him of the shit he’s done wrong 

But it’s kind of hard to hate someone who’s slow to anger and quick to forgive 

Reminding someone of their past mistakes with the intent to hurt them kind of stops being fun when the person is constantly aware of their mistakes 

And owns up to them without making excuses and is constantly trying to undo the damage their mistakes caused  

After a while, he grows on her and she starts to trust him and in return he trusts her

This one is based heavily on me and my best friends 

Nimona and Ambrosius will talk shit loudly in public 

They won’t use code names and if they don’t know the person they’ll start describing them like “Did you see that dude in the yellow shirt? He just pushed that kid out of line what a dick!”

They won't check to see if the person is out of earshot either they simply don't give a fuck

And this gives Bal so much fucking anxiety enough that he starts pleading with them to stop

You hear them going off about something and Bal saying “Ambrosius love hun sunshine I’m begging you to keep your voice down” 

“Nim Nimona starlight hi I would like to remind you that they’re still behind us and I don’t want to explain to Ambrosius why you’ve gotten into another fight this week so please stop” 

To which Nimona responds with “Tell him he’ll probably laugh”

Whenever Nimona and Ambrosius want to rant they rant to each other 

Because Bal is the type of person to give advice in the middle of a rant 

Talking some “If you explain this to them in a calm and compassionate manner I’m sure they’ll stop”

And while that's excellent advice sometimes you just want to scream your most unhinged thoughts at someone 

And they never judge each other either 

Nimona can look Ambrosius dead in the eyes and go “Have you ever gotten so angry during an argument that you’ve considered lighting their car on fire?” 

And Ambrosius won't even think about it he’ll respond immediately with a “Who hasn't?” while Bal slowly backs out of the room and silently vows to hide his car the next time they fight 

Whenever Ambrosius comes home from a stressful day at work he just walks into the house and lets out the most dramatic drawn out sigh 

And whenever Nimona hears that noise they’ll run to the living room and sit on the couch patiently waiting for their daily rant session 

Whenever Nimona gets home and wants to rant he’ll walk around until he finds Ambrosius

And if he can't find him he’ll sit by Bal and stew in his anger while he waits for him to come home 

He can't even take one step through the door without Nimona saying something like “How dare you make me wait” 

And Ambrosius will always respond with something like “Oh I’m so sorry firecracker it’ll never happen again”

And encourage them to tell him the information they’ve been patiently waiting to spill

Bal doesn’t rant unless he’s literally at the end of his rope

Like you have to royally screw him over for him to go home and rant to his family 

When he finally rants to them they don’t make a big deal out of it 

But they do however try their best to take care of him without raising his suspicions 

Nimona will conveniently make Bal’s favorite dinner 

Ambrosius will just so happen to pick up his favorite dessert on his way home (cause they both know the signs of a Bal rant and they plan accordingly) 

They listen to his rant and let him eat his favorite food in peace while they play his favorite movies 

You know real wholesome shit 

All the while they’re coming up with plans in their head to destroy this person's life

[scarasbaefy]

when they lie

he lies, not knowing you already know the truth.

chars; kazuha, wanderer/scaramouche

; mentions of cheating, f.reader but can be read as g.neutral, not proof-read

note; DOING SOMETHING NEW!!!!! REQUESTS R OPEN BTW!!!!

;join taglist

Ⰶ

.kaedehara kazuha

“i’m so sorry, y/n. i wish i wasn’t the one telling you this, but i wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if i didn’t say anything. i’m extremely disappointed in his actions.” beidou said with a sorrowful look on her face.

she had explained to you moments prior about what she had seen on the deck of the ship while everyone was unloading cargo. kazuha had been kissing another passengers cheek as they held each other lovingly.

“i need to talk to him. thank you, beidou. i know you would never lie to me about something like this, but i have to hear from him myself.” you told the captain before heading to the location kazuha had told you he’d be at.

you arrived at the top of the hill. kazuhas back was facing you, but he turned to face you once he heard you approaching.

“i knew it was you,” he said with a smile, “my love, i’ve missed resting on land with you. come sit with me. the air feels lovely.”

“kazuha…” you ignored his request, “i feel as if something is wrong. is there someone else thats taking your attention? perhaps someone you’ve grown to like better than me?”

kazuha softly gasped, taking a step back before collecting his composure. he didn’t think there was any way you’d find out about him cheating. he loves you— but he loves this other woman as well. he had taken great precautions to make sure no one knew anything.

“of course not, darling,” your heart sank at his words. you didn’t know he was capable of lying. especially to your face. although you looked like you were going to be sick, he continued, “why would you even ask a silly question like that? you know i’d never do something like that to you. i love you and only you.”

“beidou told me everything.”

this time, his heart sank.

scaramouche

scaramouche is big on betrayals. he’s the last person who would commit such an act on you. or so you thought.

you and nahida were secretly looking out for scaramouche as he had left sumeru city to join a research team on their exploration. it’s something nahida had persuaded him to do so he wouldn’t be cooped up doing nothing.

the two of you giggled as you watched your boyfriend walk along the river, unknowing of yours and the archons presence. the laughter immediately came to a halt when nahidas eyes widened, a look of horror replacing what was once happiness. you followed the direction of her eyes, your smile dropping as you saw scaramouche greet another wanderer with a passionate kiss.

nahida was quick to release the spell on your out of body experience. tears flooded both yours and her eyes as the realisation started kicking in. who was that other person? why did neither you or nahida know a thing about this? did he really keep this under the radar to the point neither one of you grew a single speck of suspicion? a million questions flooded your brain, but nahida was there to comfort you.

the day scaramouche returned, you were ready to confront him. though, nahida had convinced you to put him to a test. would he lie to you or would he confess everything and be honest?

“hey, i’m back.” scaramouche hugged and kissed your forehead, “did you miss me? you better have. i missed you while i was away from you, so it’s only fair that you missed me as well.”

when you didn’t respond or reciprocate affection, he knew something was wrong. you bit your lip, contemplating on how to ask him about everything. your trust on his honesty wearing thin the more you would think about it.

“i doubt you missed me!” you faked a playful smile. “i bet you were out kissing other people or getting another girlfriend or something.” you rolled your eyes at him, pushing him away from you.

he laughed at your words as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “as if. you’re the only person i need. everyone else… i can’t trust.”

it was your turn to laugh. “don’t amuse me. you? can’t trust anyone else? i should be the one who can’t trust anyone. including you.”

scaramouche looked confused, so nahida cleared up his confusion by replaying his memory of the stranger over and over.

“you’re such a hypocrite.”

taglist;  @ulquiorraswife @yevurin @lovingveliona​ @i-luvyuu​  @x-aloeveraa-x  @mf-619lans

[natti-ice]

Rafe Cameron Blurb.

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x gn!reader

Warnings: angst, you break up with Rafe

Based on the line “This isn't the person I fell in love with.”

Author’s note: this is a reupload, I wrote this a while ago!

Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated<3

⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡

Things had been off for weeks between you and Rafe. You don't know what happened but something shifted in your relationship. Your relationship wasn't perfect by any means but it was good, you were happy.

You had distanced yourself from Rafe and you couldn't explain why. You just didn't feel the spark that was once there. You had so hundreds of missed calls and texts, you didn't know how to tell him that you didn't love him anymore. You still care for him but you couldn't keep pretending you were in love.

You were sitting in your room trying to come up with a text, your mind was blanking. Everything you typed seemed wrong, there weren't words that would describe how you feel. You settled for a call, maybe he could come over and you could talk about this in person.

You took a deep breath when you clicked his contact, right as you were about press call a faint banging pulled you from your thoughts.

Someone was at the door, no one else was home so you had to get it yourself. You got out of your bed and made your way to the door. You turn the knob, revealing a drained-looking Rafe.

"Rafe," You said "What are you doing here?"

"You've been avoiding me so this is the only way I knew you would talk to me" He was a little irritated, this whole situation has stressed him out so much that he hadn't slept much. "Can I come in?" he asked

You didn't respond, you opened the door more as a yes. Rafe came in and you closed the door behind him, he made his way into the living room like he did every time he came over, you followed close behind. Rafe was slightly pacing in front of the couch, neither of you were speaking.

"What happened to you, Y/N?" he asked, pain evident in his voice

"What do you mean 'what happened to me', nothing happened to me" you said

"Clearly something did" he scoffed "You don't answer my texts, we don't hang out anymore, the last time we spoke you were mean. I don't know what happened but this is not the person I fell in love with."

You didn't know what to say, you knew whatever you had to say would break his heart. You walked to the center of the room, taking a seat on the couch.

"Sit, please?" You asked him

He took a seat next to you, a respectable distance between each other. You knew this conversation was coming sooner or later.

"Rafe, I think we should break up."

"What?" he asked with a puzzled look

"I really wish I could explain it but, I just don't think we're good for each other. I'm sorry." You told him, avoiding eye contact you kept your focus on the floor

"No" he said causing you to look up, it was your turn to be confused

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"No. You can't just forget me for weeks and not have a reason, you're not telling the truth. Please, stop lying to me" He pleaded

"I'm not lying, there's nothing to say-"

"That's bullshit" he cut you off raising his tone

"I don't love you anymore, is that what you want me to say?" you yelled back at him, you were so frustrated by this whole situation

Silence...

"You don't love me anymore?" his voice was scratchy and quiet

"Rafe, I am so sorry." You sympathized

"Did I do something wrong?" Rafe was racking his brain on all the things that he could've done to make you feel this way. He knew he wasn't the best person but he did everything in his power to be better for you.

"No no! You didn't do anything wrong I promise." You grabbed his hand locking both of yours around his "I just don't feel the way I once did, I don't want you to think it's your fault. It's not" You told him watching the many emotions dance across his face, his eyes focused on your hands

"What does this mean for us?" he asked not looking up

You hadn't thought about it, you couldn't lie and say and say you'd stay friends because it probably wasn't true. "Well, we probably won't see each other for a while and when we do it'll be awkward so we will end up avoiding each other like the plague"

Rafe let out a breathy laugh, it had been the first time you saw him smile in a long time. "I'd never avoid you, Y/N."

You knew you'd miss the sweet things he says to you.

"We'll see about that, Rafe" You laughed back

Silence washed over you when the laughing stopped. The awkwardness had already begun.

"I should probably get going then" he sighed getting up from the couch, letting go of your hands.

You followed closely behind him, walking him to the door. When you made it to the door, you both stood there looking at each other waiting for the other to speak first.

Rafe took a big step up to you, wrapping you into a tight hug. He held onto you for a while knowing would probably be the last time he could.

"I love you, Y/N" he whispered

You stayed silent. When he finally let go, he turned around and walked out the door.

[blankwashed]

shattered.

tw: (one swear word)

you didn't believe it to be true. it wasn't possible. the both of you had two children together, megumi and tsumiki. they were both bright students, always polite and wonderful children. never you had thought that their father would hide such truths from you.

toji fushiguro, the man you had given everything to. your body, your time and your heart. he became the center of your universe and yet...he chose to betray you. the pain in your gut made you want to throw up.

maybe it wasn't who you thought it was?

maybe it was his sister?

the sound of the door opening shut brought you back to where you were standing. toji, exuding his usual confidence walked in. his eyes met yours, biting his lower lip, confusion was plastered on his face.

"what happened, doll?" he asked.

you didn't respond immediately, you couldn't. you were afraid to spew out allegations that might not be true. your mind was tangled in a web of uncertainty and betrayal. instead all you did was to grab the phone and showed him the messages, all from a single person, a person who he named as "❤️".

his eyes bulged, his jaw tightened and the gears in his brain were processing the situation. "it's not what it looks like doll," he began, but as his words flew out of his mouth, you could feel that he wasn't even trying to hide it anymore.

"then what is it, toji?" you demanded, your voice breaking. "tell me what it is, because from what i've read, it looks like you've lied to me. cheated on me, all this fucking time..." you said as you scrolled through his messages with her.

his silence was deafening. the anger and betrayal simmered inside you, boiling over the words you had never imagine saying. "how could you do this to us?! to me?! the children we have! after all we've been through, have you ever thought, just one second that you'd be throwing all of this away?!"

toji took a step closer to you, pushing a stray hair back behind your ear, "doll..".

"don't doll me. don't come any closer. i don't even know who you are anymore."

"please, just let me explain." he pleaded. "it was a one time thing, i don't know why she kept texting me. and trust me doll, i was thinking about you the entire time. i just had to get it out my system.."

shaking your head, with ugly horrendous tears running down your cheeks, "i trusted you, toji. i gave you a chance, a chance to prove to me that you're different. and you threw it all away for what?! just one night with someone else?!"

he looked down, unable to meet your gaze, and the sight broke something inside you. this was the man you had thought you'd spend your life with, drinking tea at the porch when both of your kids would be working. laughing with each other while staring at the sky.

"i never meant to hurt you doll, i told you, its just a one time thing. satoru. satoru was the one who talked me into it!" he tried to defend himself once more and even trying to push the blame onto his co-worker.

"actually," you started "if you'd truly love me, you'd tell your useless friend to bug off. now, you hurt me more than i ever thought was possible."

the silence stretched between you, a hole dug too deep to be repaired. you wiped at your eyes, trying to compose yourself, but the pain was too raw like a knife cutting through your heart.

"i think you should leave," you finally said, your voice trembling. "let me think over what should be done now, where the kids should stay."

as the door closed behind him, another flow of tears came down your cheek. you sank to the floor, your body wracked with grief.

hours passed, you were still sprawled on the floor, lips chapped, stomach empty and heart shattered.

finding his jacket draped over the back of a chair, you went against your mind, clinging on to the fabric. memories came flooding back to you - nights where you spend wrapped in his arms, the cute little smooches you'd give his scar and promises of forever. all of that now thrown in the trash.

why? the question screamed in your mind. were you not enough? were you getting ugly? after giving him 2 kids, were you considered ugly?

you fell on your bed, the sanctuary for both of you where many memories were made. many firsts but now it all look like lasts to you. curling into a ball, clutching his jacket as if it were a soft toy, you wished it could somehow bring the old him back.

sleep took over your body after you were out of tears. the betrayal cut deeper with each passing minute, a wound that seemed impossible to heal

weeks later, you've found yourself healing. from the help of trust worthy friends, lots of binge-eating of ice cream and time for your hobbies. you were beginning to find a sense of peace, a fragile hope that perhaps one day, you'd be whole again.

megumi and tsumiki were still staying with you as you couldn't be so heartless to let them live with their father. after what he'd done to you, he looked as if he was the largest criminal wanted on earth to you.

"it's okay mama, you have us. we would never look for another mama," tsumiki said, while having her breakfast cereal.

a tear dropped from your eye. innocence. oh how you wished toji were as innocent as the both of your children.

suddenly, the doorbell rang, pulling you away from your thoughts. slowly, you made your way to the door, the weight of your heart on your shoulders. when you opened it, toji stood there, looking more broken than you'd ever seen him.

"please," he said through the grills of your door. "can we talk? just you and me."

you swallowed hard, the sight of both your children and their dirtbag dad. "i don't know if i can do this," you whispered, your voice trembling.

a hand came through the grill of the door, wiping your tears away. "i understand but i need you to know that i love you. i always have, and i always will.."

the words hung in the air, a bittersweet reminder of what he used to always remind you. you took a deep breath, the ache in your chest nearly unbearable. "i loved you too, toji. but after what you've done..not anymore."

he cupped your face gently with his hand, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to remember the warmth of his touch, the safety of his embrace. the cloud 9 that you always are on whenever he's with you. but then you stepped back, the distance between the both of you a reminder to yourself to treat yourself with more dignity.

"goodbye toji," you said softly. "i'll tell the kids you said hi and......take care of yourself. and her." you said as you closed the door on him.

you could only imagine what was happening behind the door. was he sobbing? was he feeling guilt? was he happy that he can finally leave you? your broken heart was heavy, mind too full of negative thoughts at that moment.

all, when the door closed.

[unreliablesnake]

Cheaters (David "Deacon" Kay x reader)

Note: Deacon's a cheater, reader's a cheater, his marriage is failing... Yeah, you've been warned. It's short, just a snippet, really. MDNI.

Warnings: afab!reader, fingering

You hated yourself for doing this to your fiancé, to his wife, and even to the team. If your affair ever came to light, there would be a scandal that neither of you wanted. So you took precautions and tried to stay under the radar, meeting every other week in a hotel room you paid for in cash. In the meantime you communicated through a password protected emailing app he suggested.

Because Deacon kept everything under control for the both of you, doing something you would have never assumed he would. A previously loyal and faithful Catholic man was cheating on his wife, and to make things worse, he clearly enjoyed every second of it, sometimes acting like some stupid hormone-driven teenager. It's not like you didn't love the thrill of this. Hell, you sometimes felt like breaking up your engagement for him.

Because every time he looked at you as if you were the only person in his universe, your heart melted, and every time his hands or lips began to roam your body, your brain stopped working. He had you under his spell, making you do things you normally wouldn’t do. After all, you would never look at anyone other than your fiancé, especially not when the other man was married. 

Yet here you were, struggling to bite back a moan in the backseat of his car as his fingers curled to touch that sweet spot inside you. Sometimes he played with fire, like right now in the almost empty parking lot of the station after your shift. Anyone could have walked up to the car to talk to him, but he didn’t seem to mind and you were way too lost in him to care.

He kissed you fiercely to silence you when your body told him you were close to another orgasm, and you could tell he was trying hard not to grin and laugh at the way you struggled to stay quiet. “I love the pretty noises you make,” he had once told you with a smirk before placing a soft kiss on your temple. But times like this he needed you to keep it down, so you did your best to be a good girl for him.

“Let’s get out of LA this weekend. Just you and me,” he suddenly said with his face buried in the crook of your neck, his fingers not stopping as you came for the second time that night. It took your brain a minute or two to clear up, and since you never responded, he repeated the suggestion, this time while looking you in the eye. “What do you say?”

“I wish I could go,” you began with a sigh, “but my future brother-in-law will stay with us for the weekend. And I have no idea how I would explain being away for this long anyway. How could you explain it to Annie?”

Deacon let out a groan, then leaned back against the seat. “We spend most of our time fighting lately anyway, one more thing to yell about wouldn’t really matter.” Your eyes narrowed as you watched him, having absolutely no idea how this man could be this nonchalant about something this important. “She wants me to retire. When I told her I don’t want to do that, she got mad at me. But let’s not talk about that now. How about just one night at the usual place? I need you, baby, I really do,” he tried to convince you with a sweet tone, even flashing a tired smile at you.

It was hard to decide what to think about all this. His marriage was going through a rough phase, yet instead of trying to fix it, he seemed more interested in spending more time with you to get away from his problems. You wanted to say no. You knew you were supposed to say no. But then you looked into his big brown eyes and logic seemed to flee your brain. “Fine, I’ll say I’m staying at Chris’ place,” you gave in. 

[tree1138]

Astarion Contradictions and Breakups

Major spoilers for Astarion’s personal quest, The Dark Urge questline, and game endings. 

When I was trying out different paths for how Astarion reacts to the Dark Urge questline something that stood out to me was the wide difference in responses Astarion has, as well as the way he contradicts himself. This essay started as a way of trying to explain “why does Ascendant Astarion tell you to take over the world when he immediately becomes a thrall” from a Watsonian (in-universe explanation) vs a Doylist (out-of-universe explanation) and wound up being a focused on; why does Ascendant!Astarion react so differently to when you break up? 

There are 4 opportunities to break up with Ascendant!Astarion; 1) refuse to become his thrall immediately after the ritual you breakup and have a follow up conversation the next morning, 2) become his thrall and break up with him whenever before killing the Eldar brain, 3) break up with him on the dockside convo at the beginning of the ending, 4) in the last scene with him say you want to break up at which point he doesn’t let you: “You're mine remember? The tadpole is gone, which means your future is mine to decide. How lucky you are that I chose you as my consort. Chose you to help me take Baldur’s gate, then sit by my side as I rule it. There’s no backing out now - we’ll be together forever. I can promise you that…”.  

Comparing breakup conversations with Spawn!Astarion after killing Cazador, Ascendant!Astarion responds with so much more spitefulness and defensive anger across the board, even at Spawn!Astarions most angry (breaking up with him in the literal last conversation) it doesn't match the anger and cruelty in senario 1. To me it reads as him wanting to make the player character just as hurt and upset as he is after a very emotional day and the lines get really nasty:

He then won’t say anything but “why the hells are you bothering me now” until you do 3 long rests which stands out considering if you break up in any other non ending scenario he’ll talk to you pleasantly afterwards. 

That conversation days afterwards is really interesting where his “goal” is to get you to agree to be partners in crime together, and in doing so is the most honest he gets about how a romantic relationship would have been unhealthy:

In regards to love It's really interesting what Astarion will say about love during the conversation where he asks you to become his spawn:

If the pc expresses insecurity about being a spawn he’ll reassure them and say he loves them, in a way that deliberately parallels his Act 1 seduction conversation down to the way that he starts with a degrading pet-name “what can I do for my dearest pet” vs “here’s my little treat with their cheeks all flushed”.

Just like the seduction scene he wants the pc on his side and attached to him, but if you push back on him during this conversation its clear he no longer believes in love just power exchanges:

If the player stays together with Ascendant!Astarion a dialogue option is that he’s seem distant since the ritual, and he’ll imply it's due to his new powers but he does that looking to the up and right that others have mentioned he does when he lies. What makes more sense and is better character writings is the Watsonian answer of: killing all your siblings and 7,000 others (including people Astarion regretted victimizing and then had to look in the eye and condemn to death) will fuck a person up. He knows his hands are bloody so he has to believe he got everything he wanted, and he did really want this because if you leave it up to him he will chose to do the ritual vs just killing Cazador.  

I think Astarion has to believe he is better (which in his view means more powerful) than his past self as part of believing the sacrifice was worth it. In scenario 2 he’ll say this if you bring up his past self:

What’s a lot more interesting is if you bring up his past self in the morning after conversation of scenario 1 he’s genuinely shocked and caught off guard:

What I found interesting was Astarion talks in the same way about how the ritual was worth it and the cool new powers he’ll totally get as he does advocating for endings that are bad for him. If you become the Absolute leader Astarion becomes a thrall just like all the other companions whether you do it on your own or in Bhaal’s name. For all his talk about Bhaal’s army being “an unsurpassable dowry” and how he’ll command it, he can’t do jack shit if the player defies Bhaal and then either kills themselves or becomes fully possessed by Bhaal.The Doylist answer is Larian games just have a very limited amount of endings and the characters are forever stuck at lvl 12 , the more interesting Watsonian answer is Astarian is lying/exaggerating out of ignorance or because he really doesn’t have a clue of what to do next and is trying to cover for that.

The whole ritual plotline is very obviously Astarion continuing the cycle of abuse vs helping others, the abuse Cazador inflicted was akin to the abuse he suffered from Vellioth, down to Astarion commenting that Cazador’s rules came from Vellioth. It's also clear that Ascendant!Astarion has processed none of his trauma re: Cazador, after the ritual he says “I will not think about him. I don’t want to even say his name” and he shouts at you to be silent if you mention Cazador when you break up in scenario 2. I personally think Astarion sees you staying with him as a spawn degrading because he was degraded and abused when he was a spawn based on a line he has if the pc is cursed to go mad with The Dark Urge, where he relates too much to the character.

I think the DnD rules of absolute morality that vampires are extremely evil is a boring answer to why Ascendant!Astarion becomes possessive and controlling, especially since Larian has pushed against that theme throughout the game. Yes Astarion has an Act 1 line about how vampires don't turn spawn into full vampires because they don't share power, in my opinion that line falls flat when considering will have kind and supportive dialogue to the player in a number of other Act 3 quests. Whether the its the Watsonian answer that Larian wasn’t going to rewrite large chunks of dialogue when there are Act 3 quests with no companion reactions or the Doylist answer that he is just extremely possessive and has attachment issues about the threat of you leaving him is an interesting dilemma.

In regards to scenario 4 it's a fucking huge contrast to Astarion's whole character arc about learning to trust and being around someone who respects his boundaries and consent, where here doesn't respect the player's boundaries or consent. It's such a contrast to scenario 3 that happens right before it where Astarion says "We have served our respective purposes, we're free to go wherever we wish" and doesn't mind you breaking up with him as if your relationship was a strategic alliance. It's also the clearest contrast from his pre-ritual dialogue of "we're a team. If I become all powerful, then we become all powerful" because he's taken away all power from the player. The Ascendant romance is not subtle with most of the romance specific dialogue being themed around an extremely toxic D/s relationship where the Narrator explicitly says he’ll see you as degrading himself by being with him as a spawn which feels like it was added to remove any ambiguity about what Astarion feels.  From the way he says “on your knees” before he turns the player character, the way he calls you “bad boy/girl” if you fail the check to see his thoughts, and that infamous line about sitting naked on his lap.

Between the heavy message of power corrupts and how the rest of his ending dialogue is about how his evil future plans will be so fun, it's a clear callback to an act 1 conversation:

tldr: I don't think that corruption is as fun or as freeing as you thought Astarion, but he doesn't have to confront that fact if you're "lovers forever, until the world falls down"

[therealvinelle]

Why do you think Jasper also slept with Peter and Charlotte?

Because @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin and I differentiate between fic and canon.

We write our thoughts on canon on tumblr, but in fanfiction we are free to make our own rules and have fun.

Lines become blurred, however (bullet pointing for legibility):

What we extrapolate from canon impacts the canon of our fics Fun fact, therealvinelle only exists because people kept asking me questions about my choices in Nebuchadnezzar's Dream, and I thought replying to the same questions in the comment section was silly. So I made a blog, which became a beast unto its own. In other words, fic is impacted by how I view canon, and when people ask me my opinion on canon I tell them my view on canon. Example: Carlisle and Aro are not intended by Meyer to have been anything more than friends, but we think it's there and write metas with that starting point, and have it explicitly canon in our fics.

We keep our fics consistent with one another, sometimes using a minor tidbit from canon to justifty it and sometimes making it up Muffin and I are very stringent about this sort of thing. Our view on the characters is fixed: if something changed from one AU to another, the question is "Why?". If it just changed for no reason and the people remain the same, they're no longer real people and nothing really matters. Example: the Volturi guards all having consistent personalities, life stories staying the same, nevermind that we made up Demetri's personality or Aro's ridiculous collection of Carlisle art.

We write metas explaining our fics on our tumblrs See my fic meta tag. Anon asks "Why did character do thing?" and we go "well, character is a person who does things like that thing, remember in canon when they did that thing? So we had them do this thing in our fic." Nevermind that character didn't actually do thing in canon, because this was all in a fic. Example: see the fic meta tag on my blog or Muffin's masterpost.

Now to answer your question: to my recollection Jasper/Peter and Charlotte is first mentioned in For the Love of a Woman, where Bella learns that not a single one of the Cullen men are straight and she despairs (as does Emmett, who wonders what this means for him).

It was justified as a "Jasper was in a state of ennui, they were all beautiful, they went for it" type of thing, and perhaps more to the point it tells you, the reader (and the scandalized Cullens, per fics like Bleach on the Brain) something about vampire sexual norms being different than 21st century western humans and those humans already have plenty of casual, recreational sex.

So, canon doesn't indicate it, but we had Jasper/Peter and Charlotte be a thing that happened in our fics and the argument for it can be made (I do believe sexual norms among vampires, being excempt from diseases, pregnancies, children, and the type of obligation and routine human lives have, would be... recreational).

(As it is I recall this coming up on the blog before, but I think whichever of us got the question responded with essentially the above - "We don't know, but possible".)

[midwestmade29]

Rectify ❤️‍🔥

My story came to life from the “one prompt a day” post from @urfriendlywriter you’ll find here 🙂 this one was called “touch starved.” I’m excited to see what ones are next! Also, you'll find 2-3 other prompts from @loveisanimaginarydagger3000's list in my story too! You can find the prompts here

( Side note: this was my take on someone being “touch starved.” I’m sure it means different things to different people, this was just what I gravitated towards.)

Word count: 1,839 Divider by: @saradika-graphics

If you are not 18+ years old, please KEEP SCROLLING. Minors do not interact.

Due to the explicit nature, this story is NSFW or minors.

Dominant male, unprotected sex. Read at your own discretion.

Matt was on my mind a lot today and I saw the writing prompts and my brain ran with it 😏

Matt Jackson rectifies your “situation” in the sexiest of ways…

Matt sat on the other side of the table with his mouth agape as he stared at you. He was stunned by your answer to the question he had just asked you, which made you squirm in your seat at the sudden silence that surrounded your table. His reaction to you telling him that you hadn’t been touched or kissed by a man in almost a year made you regret even saying anything. Crawling into a dark hole or flying away sounded good right about now! You cleared your throat in hopes that would snap Matt out of the stupor he was in, but he barely even blinked. “Matt, say something…” You quietly begged. “Do you want me to leave? I can have the waitress separate our checks…” Matt immediately grabbed your hand as you stood up from the table, finally showing some sign of life. “No, please sit. I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that!” he blurted out. “You can’t believe what? you asked sheepishly. Matt could tell that his choice of words didn’t come across like he meant them to when he saw you sink down in your chair a little. “Look at you, Y/N. You’re stunning. Any guy that doesn’t realize that needs to get their eyes checked! If you were mine, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.” His last words caused your cheeks to flush and your core to do a flip flop at the thought of Matt all over you.

“I mean there have been offers, but none I’ve wanted. They weren’t the person I wanted to be intimate with…” you hinted while never breaking eye contact. “I see. And who exactly did you want to be intimate with?” he purred, already knowing the answer. When you didn’t respond right away, Matt prompted you to explain. “Come on, don’t leave me hanging! Say it Y/N.” You bit your bottom lip timidly, causing Matt’s eyes to darken as he noticed the little indents your teeth left. He was the one squirming now! “You know who I’m talking about…” “Yes, I do but I need to hear you say it baby.” The grit in his low voice was incredibly sexy and it was making your arousal grow just from the sound of it. “You. I wanted you, Matt.” He smirked after his name fell from your lips, asking you an additional question that made you swallow hard. “And is that something you still want? To be intimate with me?” “It’s been so long since I’ve been touched, kissed properly, completely ravaged. But, when I’m alone at night in my bed, you’re who I think about while I touch myself. I imagine your hands roaming freely on my body, your lips leaving goosebumps wherever they touch…” You were cut off by the waitress when they came to the table to ask if they could get either of you anything. Matt quickly handed the waitress his credit card without even asking for the bill, clearly unconcerned with how much dinner was. Once the bill was officially paid for, Matt held your hand as he briskly walked towards the exit and into an Uber. “What are we doing?” you asked puzzled. “We are going to rectify your situation. We’re going back to my hotel room.”

Butterflies were fluttering in your stomach as Matt walked around you slowly, eyeing you hungrily while planning his course of action. There was a crackle in the air from the sexual tension that continued to build, the heat between your legs ever growing. You jumped slightly when Matt pressed his body into your back but reveled in the feeling of him being so close. He wrapped one arm around your abdomen pulling you even closer, while his free hand brushed your hair away from your ear and neck. Your breathing became shallow and breathy when Matt whispered in your ear, “Are you sure you want this, Y/N? You really want to do this and give yourself to me?” Your clit was throbbing for this man, your muscles tense with want. There was no doubt in your mind, body, and soul that you wanted Matt to have his way with you. You turned to face him, giving him your final answer. “Yes, I’m sure I want this. I want whatever you have in store Matt. Don’t hold back, don’t hesitate. Fuck me so good that I’ll still feel the effects from it in the morning.” A groan escaped from deep inside of him when he picked you up and carried you over to the bed and laying you down on the mattress. He kissed you fiercely, his lips soft and warm against yours. Matt only broke contact momentarily as he pulled your shirt over your head, and skillfully unclasping your bra next and tossing it to the floor. “Mmm, so beautiful baby.” He praised as he took each of your breasts in his hands, massaging them before leaning down and kissing each pink circle. Your nipples started to pucker the more his tongue flicked all around them, and you couldn’t help but to gasp when he sucked hard and released them from his mouth immediately afterwards. He lowered his head down to kiss you again, ghosting his lips against yours before pulling back again with a smug smirk, making you chase him in desperation. Matt was very much in control of the situation, taking the lead like he did with mostly everything else. He stood up, leaving your body longing for more.

You watched every move he made as he pulled his shirt over his head before undoing his belt buckle and letting his pants slide down to the floor. His hard length was straining against his boxer briefs, longing to be set free from all restrictions. Matt didn’t remove his underwear just yet, instead he made quick work of taking your pants and panties off simultaneously leaving you completely naked and exposed on the bed. Your body responded to his touch as his hands slid up your body, setting it ablaze every inch they covered. Matt watched how your body reacted to the slightest touches and he studied your facial cues making sure what he was doing felt good to you. He finally kissed you and you grabbed ahold of his hair to keep him in place so he couldn’t break away this time. Holy shit was he a good kisser! Your tongues danced together as your hands desperately grasped at one another, gasping into each other’s mouths like you couldn’t get enough. When you came up for air, Matt’s hand started trailing down your body. His fingertips lightly creating a path in between your breasts, down to your stomach and stopping at your pelvis. “I want to touch you, baby. Feel your wetness on my fingers. Is that okay?” he asked breathlessly. “Yes…” was the only response your brain could offer since it was in overdrive. You lower half bucked off the bed when he began making circles with his finger on your clit. You whimpered at his touch when he inserted two fingers inside of you. “Shit, you’re so tight baby. So wet and warm.” He murmured next to your ear.

“Please Matt! I need you. Fuck me now, I want to feel all of you!” you begged. After he removed his boxer briefs, he positioned himself in between your legs, aligning his length up with your entrance. The anticipation was killing you and your nerves rose to the surface again. You knew you wanted this and that you asked for all of it. You were more concerned with being good enough for Matt and making him feel good too. He took notice of the worried look on your face and asked tenderly, “What’s wrong baby? Are you okay? Do you want to stop?” “I-I just want you to feel good. I want it to be good for you…” you said, almost inaudible. “You are pure perfection Y/N. I’m so turned on by you that I almost exploded just looking at you earlier! Don’t think baby, just feel.” His words gave you the comfort and confidence you needed to proceed, and he kissed you passionately before pushing himself inside of you. At first it was a little uncomfortable since it had been so long since you’ve been intimate with someone, but Matt was sweet and took it slow, allowing you to adjust to his thickness. Your walls squeezed and pulled him, making him shiver at the sensation. Matt’s long dark hair tickled your face as it fell around you, his scent filling your nose and the look of lust in his eyes sending you into overdrive. Matt made each slow and deep thrust count, hitting all the right spots every single time! Even though his intentions were to fuck you like you asked him to, and his original plan was to rectify you of being touch starved, his passion and vulnerability still shined through. Matt interlocked his fingers with yours and brought your hands above your head, beads of sweat falling on your cheek as he lowered his body, making sure it was flush against yours.

His body blanketed over you, and his weight pinned you against the mattress. You couldn’t get enough of him and being this close almost felt like it wasn’t close enough. “Matt!” you cried out into the air. “I’m almost there…don’t stop!” He sighed against your lips as the pleasure was overtaking him too. The headboard was knocking against the wall with each deep thrust, the sound of your bodies connecting echoing through the room. Matt released your hands, and they instantly made their way onto his back, nails scraping and digging into his skin there. His arms were on each side of your head as he leaned against them for support, never losing his rhythm as he got better situated. Your orgasm tore through your body, the intensity of it almost taking your breath away! You cried out Matt’s name as the waves of your release crashed over you. “You’re so sexy baby…” Matt cooed against your cheek. While your walls pulsated against his length, Matt found his release too. You could feel every drop fill you as he pumped himself in and out a few more times as he rode out his release. You were both breathless and sweaty, and completely satisfied. Matt kissed you before removing himself from you, causing both of you to groan from the loss of contact. He laid down next to you, trying to steady his breathing as he opened his arms to you, encouraging you to scoot closer and cuddle with him. Your head rested on his chest, and he pulled the covers over you both so neither of you would get chilled.

Before the two of you drifted off to sleep, you spoke softly as you nuzzled closer to Matt. “I think you created a monster.” “Why do you say that?” he asked half asleep. “I’m already wondering when we can do that again…”

That GIF though…🥵

[a-suspicious-lack-of-bagel]

"List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡" Thanks to @daydream-dryad-13, @dorianbrightmusic, and @0rchidrose for sending me this! I'll also be tagging rather than leaving in askboxes so I can better keep track of who I've sent it to.

When someone lets me know about something they think is interesting - this can be something as small as "hey look at this cool rock I found", or it can be someone explaining a topic they're interested in in considerable depth. i LOVE it when all you amazing people share interesting things with me!

People responding to stuff i've put out in the world - whether that's a "you ok?" after a vent, or a "ooh that reminds me of this!" after a blurble, or a "but hear me out, what if this" after an idea - you're telling me that a REAL PERSON not only LISTENED but JOINED IN??!? amazing.

I have recently discovered that there's a gluten-free French bakery about 15min walk from my house, and i am DELIGHTED. you're telling me there's this dude who heard we can't eat croissants, and not only did he go "damn that sucks" he went and STARTED AN ENTIRE BAKERY ABOUT IT??!? and there's sourdough?! which i haven't got to try yet cos it's only baked a few times a week and it sells fast and i'm busy but there are also ham and cheese croissants. which are ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS??!? granted, i am still suspiciously lacking in bagels specifically but I GET TO EAT CROISSANTS AGAIN AND THEY ARE DELICIOUS. this is a VERY good thing and i am VERY happy about it!

Bob Mintzer's piece Computer. The computer-y sections pop and bounce just like the inside of my brain and it's SO fun; and the opening chords never fail to bring a smile to my face. (It's now stuck in my head, which i'm looking forward to enjoying for the rest of the day!)

Silly bad jokes/puns. When someone gets me with the 'hi X, i'm name' or similar - like, fuck you (on principle) but I love it. and when i get someone in a similar way - it's just so good! another one that always amuses me is "where's my fucking [item]?" "over there next to your regular [item]" - you understand the style? yeah.

there are many other things that make me happy (singing, in general; for one) but those are 5 specific examples that came to mind! now, for the 10 people who've reblogged me most recently that haven't sent me this yet: @atimewillcomeforsinging @musicalyikes @chilly-moss @mac-attac @verycisdragon @amastelaire @astronomical-bagel @most-definitively-a-human @thefairfeline and 1 other who I can't seem to tag, so I'll leave it in their askbox instead! And anyone else that would like to join - what makes you happy, you amazing people?!

[respectthepetty]

Hey. First, just wanna say that, just like you, I'm living for Dangerous Romance. With so many shows on the weekend, this is the one I look forward to the most. If I had the time I think I would gif the whole episode, cause their faces are giving me everything I need.

Anyway. I came here because I just wanted to talk about Kang. That boy is just so touch starved. And also starved for everything else. But that's a whole other story. His reaction both times that he was hugged by Sailom was of someone who doesn't know how to deal with that. Specially in the pool, his face, it's like it's the first time someone hugged him like that. He seems uncomfortable both times he gets hugged by him, not because he doesn't like it, but more because he's unfamiliar with the gesture. At least that is my read. What do you think? (thanks for the space)

@nothingsbetterthancoffee, I've been looking forward to 1) seeing Joke and Jeng cry all week in Hidden Agenda

2) getting to know why Top and Sand are the Taylor Swift and Katy Perry in Only Friends aka "Bad Blood"

and 3) Laws of Attraction healing what it broke so beautifully last week.

But above all else, I needed to know how A Sugar Daddy & His Baby The Series would handle Kanghan's shift from wanting to see Sailom beg at his feet by any means necessary to actually getting Sailom to beg at his feet and having no idea what to do with all those feelings™.

So I'm thrilled the show leaned into this starting with Kanghan yelling up at Sailom like every lovesick prince calling out to his lover.

Then we moved into Kanghan's facial journey going from smiling to contemplative as his friend explained "love tutoring."

Which caused Kanghan to awkwardly stare at Sailom while Sailom was focused on his work before he collected himself and approached his crush tutor.

Because as much as I'm with everyone else that Kanghan seeing the reality of Sailom's life snapped him out of his bullshit, I think the real kicker was all the feelings™ it brought up in Kanghan, and we see it happening here.

When in danger, Kanghan knows what to do - protect Sailom.

He threatens the gang members, he punches the tourist, and he grabs Sailom, with minimal hesitation if any.

Kanghan is an aggressive kid, so, in a sense, he knows how to deal with a threat because he has always been the threat.

But he has never known how to handle Sailom's responses because Sailom isn't a threat, or at least that's not what his head tells him.

The thing that most people are discussing is why Kanghan is so fearful of his father. Kanghan's grandma shows him affection. It seems like Kanghan's dad loves him and isn't abusive, so why the ominous music when the father is around? Why did Kanghan's entire demeanor change when his father walked in, both times.

And why was he so anxious? Why the father's response?

I, surprisingly, don't have any wild ass theories, but the show is telling us to watch the boys' hands, especially Kanghan's, because that is where the truth lies.

Strangely, Kanghan and Sailom have the same dynamic that Never Let Me Go's Palm and Nueng had, but for the opposite person. Nueng was the brain and rich. Palm was the body and poor. Here, we have Sailom who is the brain and poor, and Kanghan who is the body and rich, so Kanghan would struggle with English, while Sailom would thrive. It's words. But Kanghan knows what to do with his body.

Even the way he pushed Sailom in attempt to protect him was aggressive.

So what can he do with his body when it isn't needed to protect? What does he do with his body when he isn't the threat? What does he do with his body when it's Sailom holding him?

We saw this in the first episode. Kanghan doesn't know what to do.

I don't think he's touch-starved, but I do agree that it's unfamiliar. All roads lead to GayVille to me, so Kanghan's reactions seem more about feelings™ than anything else. Kanghan knows love. He knows touch. But when it comes to Sailom, he doesn't know how to respond because he doesn't know *this* feeling.

He is not a boy of words. He is not a brain.

He is a body that takes up space, even in his own house.

So these feelings™ that surface whenever Sailom is around are unfamiliar. When Sailom wouldn't acknowledge him, it pissed Kanghan off more. He needed Sailom to look at him because to Sailom, Kanghan isn't just a body taking up space.

To Sailom, Kanghan is a safe space.

And being someone else's safety instead of a threat, being a wanted space instead of useless space, being a body needed for comfort rather than protection . . .

That must be terrifying.

Mostly because he doesn't even know he wants it.

[emotelizardrambling]

Okay, so the idea was what if the BitterSweet Trio were friends as kids.

Because I have an all-consuming need to make things more complicated, my brain decided to come up with an entire alternate storyline to BitterSweet, where the roles are kind of reversed, and then build a childhood friends/rivals, to pining ot3, to lovers plotline...

This is the first part of it.

CW: mentioned domestic abuse, mentioned drastic personality change of romantic partner, mentioned (implied) mental illness requiring medication, cursing

Notes:

Background written up in a post here, but short version is:

SB was best friends with Seth and Frenemies with Alphonse when they were growing up.

SB was forced to leave without saying goodbye to Seth or Alphonse and remained separated from the two until sometime (less than a year) after Al's parents died, when they ran into Seth.

Shit with Derek didn't happen in this universe.

Seth and Al never worked for the gang in this universe and are still together after Al takes over the shop. (They still had some dealings with the gang and did meet Charlie through those.)

SB has an emotional support cat named Shade who is absolutely best boy and very smart.

While SB, Shade, and SB's partner are my brain children everyone else is from YuuriVoice's BitterSweet series. So all rights are his.

No beta we die like Derek did before he had a chance to fuck up the boys' lives in this universe.

End notes.

“Hello, this is the Corner Store.”

It's strange to hear a voice on the other end that sounds so much like Al's dad, but also clearly isn't. It sounds nothing like the boy they knew as a kid, but…

“Alphonse?” SB asked hesitantly, not certain they had even remembered the number correctly. 

“Speaking,” he responded, and SB was relieved for a moment, until he asked, “who ’s this?” 

“I…” SB suddenly realized they had no clue why they actually called the shop. What were they even hoping anyone could do for them? This whole mess had nothing to do with Al or Seth or anyone else, but at the same time SB couldn’t bring themself to just hang up. They searched for words, “I…. I’m sorry… I don’t,” SB was cut off by their own sob before they even realized they were crying. Shade rubbed against their foot trying to soothe his person. “I… he broke my phone… I … I don’t know any other numbers,” they tried to explain. 

“Okay, hey, it’s okay,” Alphonse spoke gently, “just take it slow, take a breath.” 

SB tried, but only managed a cough that made their cat urgently nudge their legs. 

“Slow breaths. In …. Hold…. Out… with me okay.”  Al talked them through enough breaths to ease their panic a little. They also crouched to pet Shade which helped.

“That’s it, can you tell me your name?” he asked more hesitantly this time. 

With their breath mostly back they couldn’t really control the torrent of words they let out. “Fuck. I’m sorry, I call you out of nowhere and I’m just crying like an idiot, standing in an old phone booth that smells like weed and piss, with my cat at… I don’t even know what time it is, and the only person I can even call is my childhood best friend’s boyfriend, ‘cause I never bothered to memorize anyone’s phone number and even if I did I…”

Alphonse cut them off. “Boo?” It had been years since they had been called that. You play the ghost dude a few times in Mario Kart… but they had to admit, right now, they welcomed the familiar nickname.

“I… yeah… it’s me. You can hang up if you want. I… fuck I don’t even know why I called to begin with. I mean even if Seth was there or something, what would either of you even do? I should have just waited till he calmed down, or, or left or something.” SB continued to ramble until Al cut in again. 

“Woah,  hey, Boo!” he called for their attention. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m not gonna hang up on ya, just… what the hell is goin’ on? ‘Cause what I’m hearing is that you’re hiding out from somebody in a phone booth with your cat.” 

“I… well… kind of, yeah. I’m not really hiding, I just,” they attempted to clarify but trailed off knowing it would sound bad. “How did it get to be such a mess?” they ask themself. They were still processing the last half hour or so in their head. Their partner had been off for weeks, his brother was fairly sure he stopped taking his medication, and when SB tried to ask him about it he would just insist they drop it. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” 

“I… I went a few blocks and this is like one of those phone boxes with a door, I figured I could put shade down without worrying about him running away or something. I had some change in my pocket but I couldn’t remember any phone numbers…”

“I mean, before that. Why are you in a phone booth with your cat? Are you hurt? Is someone trying to hurt you?” 

They took a few more breaths, They didn’t want to explain it all to Al, Seth had talked about how much Al had grown up since they were kids, so they didn’t really think that he would be an asshole about it, but they knew if it had to do with them, Al would tell Seth. Seth who, ever since elementary school, looked out for them as if they were family, who may well assume the worst case scenario, considering his own experiences. “I’m not hurt… or, well, not really…” They absently rubbed their arm. My partner… he isn't like this. He stopped taking his meds, and then, tonight, he saw that I was texting Seth and somehow he thought that meant I was cheating on him, even though I told him about Seth before, and even that you two were together.” 

“Did he try to hurt you?” 

“He… I don’t think he meant to, but I’ve never seen them like that before. There was yelling, and he threw my phone down. Then he grabbed my arm and I panicked, Shade scratched his leg and, before he could do anything else, I grabbed Shade and locked myself in the bathroom. I… I don’t do well when I feel trapped though, so I climbed out of the window and made it a couple blocks before I even stopped to think… I don’t even know if he realizes I left.” 

“Fuck, okay, look I’ll… shit it’ll take me at least half an hour to get there.” 

“What? No you don’t have to do anything I just…” 

“Even if you hung up right now I’d be heading into the city to look for ya, you shouldn't have to be alone after something like that.” he must have sensed they were about to argue, so he added, “And let’s not even mention what Seth would do if I told him and didn’t already have a plan for getting you out of there safely. He'd probably rather go get you himself, but I can’t imagine that cat of yours would enjoy riding a motorcycle.” 

“Look I appreciate it, but it really isn’t that big of a deal.” 

“Well if it isn’t a big deal I’ll just drive over there and check on you. Or,” Al’s tone wavered a little, “I mean, if this is about me being… well… me, I can get Seth to…”

“No!” SB cut him off. “I mean, it isn’t that. I don’t mind you. I just…” 

“Great, is there anywhere nearby where you could hang out for half an hour? Somewhere that maybe doesn’t smell like piss and weed? A public place, a coffee shop, or restaurant?” 

“I… I doubt it, and even then I have Shade, and I don’t have his harness or carrier or anything.” 

“Right, okay, where are you? 

“I… I’m near the corner of 8th and Kennedy drive.” 

“Okay, listen, I got a… well, I know a guy. Pretty sure he still lives around there and he… he’s kinda a rat bastard to be honest, but he’s harmless and scared shitless of me n’ Seth. He owes us a few favors too so, if you’re okay with it, I could call him to meet up with you. I don’t like the idea of you sitting alone for so long, and I can ask him to find something to keep your cat from running off so you aren't stuck in a phone booth.” 

The last part was the most enticing. It really did smell and SB didn't do great with really strong smells. “Yeah, okay. I mean you really don’t….” 

“I want to help. Hell, even if I didn’t owe you for all the dumb-ass shit I did when we were in school, you’re Seth’s best friend, and I know you deserve a lot better than all this. Now I'm gonna call my guy and let Seth know what’s up. I’ll be there in a little over half an hour. If that ‘partner’ of yours shows up you call the fucking cops on his ass or something. You hear me?” 

“I… Yeah. Thank you, Alphonse.” 

“No problem Boo. I’ll see ya soon alright?” 

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon.” 

—