#stop! being! mean! youre not cool youre just edgy and putting down people

[monards]

sometimes teh hater agenda gets to me. and i need to reason myself away from it

[g33se]

Playing bg3 right now. Got to the point with the druids and the tiefling city. A couple of opinions about the party:

Lae'zel: I liked her a lot when I met her first (competent, straightforward, my type of girl) but she's being very rude about the tieflings. Given that I'm playing a tiefling... well. Not keen on the way she compared us to cockroaches or the way she made the tiefling bow- granted the tieflings did have reason to want to stab her. So liking her quite a bit less now. Still, looking at her respectfully. She is hot.

Shadowheart: Never really liked elves all that much. Not super keen on the way she did a racism at Lae'zel as soon as we met her, but the moments of emotional vulnerability have me liking her a lot more.

Astarion: Stupid loser bastard. That man is clearly a vampire- I mean, look at the eyes/teeth/the literal VAMPIRE BITE on his neck and the ten thousand clues he's been dropping. Sexy of him to greet me by holding a knife to my neck I thought he was going to rob me. He's such a fucking idiot I want to jump his bones.

Gale: This man has bard energy. At least, the way I play bards. Also kind of single dad energy? Just a random wizard running around. Just a Dude, if you will. Had to put him back in the campsite since I'm a sorcerer and party comp will get fucked though.

Wyll: Thought he was a paladin at first. Then he started doing warlocky things. I like how he acts it's a nonstandard edgy warlock thing, I hope his storyline pans out well. Really like his back-and-forth with Lae'zel about ever doing nice things with her life. Immediately taken with the fight scene I saw him in first, looked fucking epic.

Overall, I really love Mind Flayers. They're fucking cool, that little starter scene when I converted a woman into one was fucking nightmare fuel. I did see the button saying perfect and press it knowing what it would probably mean. What the hell were they doing in Avernus though. And isn't Zariel the angel who fell because she wanted to kill demons with GREAT PREJUDICE?

I've also been save scumming whenever I steal stuff a lot because, habit. I just want to collect all the boxes and put them into the campsite. Also reloaded the same save three times because I wanted Asterion to take that one potato off a crying guard. (Probably going to try to see if I can do a revivify on the dead guard later? I don't know if the game has the 1 min timer on revivify or not.) Also I do like how yoinking just makes people do 'hey wtf' or 'you're getting arrested' because instantly trying to kill the party is. Weird.

Also reloaded the save once because I couldn't revivify Shadowheart because she died on stairs that were on fire. I know how to play dnd I just have a hard time conceptualizing it with game graphics.

Lower level dnd's always interesting. The take action to restore someone else at 1hp is also... inspired. Would be interested to see normal downing rules- that would force me to think in more dnd terms to play the game. I also keep clicking wrong and wasting attacks on the space right next to a person.

Weird how everyone can use scrolls.

I hate the 1/short rest mage hand it's a fucking cantrip and it can do, like, nothing. Going to download a mod for it later.

Going to have to use the speak with dead amulet a lot I hope. I love that spell. Not quite sure how I feel about your camp being a separate room- I feel like it trivializes inventory management and sending things there is. Weird. Where is all the weight going. I do like stacking all the boxes I find though.

Thought the Absolute people were part of a mind flayer cult so had to kill a few of them.

Current leader druid is a bit cringe. Don't want to kill her but definitely ousting her asap. Stop being a dick to my people (tieflings). Also really liking the tiefling responses so far.

Also wonder at the deal about the tiefling village. They seem to have a lot of hell stuff going on there.

Anyway, this is cool! Looking forward to what happens next.

[tobiasdrake]

This absolute fucking clown, Dagan Gera. Spoilers.

I'm sorry, I cannot take this guy seriously. We literally watch him torture his lightsaber crystal to turn it red as soon as he wakes up. I've always thought the "Red crystals are LIGHTSABERS TORTURED BY DARK SIDE FORCE POWERS" was hilariously stupid and edgy as it is, and this pretty much just demonstrated exactly why.

Star Wars loves to go so far to the extreme of card-carrying evil that their villains all stop being anything and just become a bunch of Snively Whiplashes.

Like. It's hard to be an interesting villain when you torture rocks for funsies. That is so over-the-top that it's just fucking hysterical. And they actually put it on the screen! We got to watch this dude torture a rock minutes after meeting him for the first time to show how super serious and wicked he is.

And then Cal beats the shit out of him because he's a useless clown. And then later Cal beats the shit out of him some more because he's a useless clown. Like. I've fought this guy twice while he ranted and raved about Tanalorr and I still don't really get what his deal is beyond being so evil that he tortures rocks and kills people.

And now I just. I'm sorry. I just watched the scene of how he lost his arm and like. Facing down a furious rival holding a lightsaber, he just sort of... slightly nudges her three feet to the left and then proceeds to carry out his plan and ignore her. So he gets lightsabered for his trouble.

Like. Okay, cool, she's on her butt. That definitely means you can ignore her and put your shoulder directly into lightsaber range. A mild nudge onto the floor definitely means you've won the fight and are no longer in any peril.

What a fucking dipshit. Man, I thought the Inquisitors were pitiful, but this guy is definitely the most worthless Darksider ever introduced to Star Wars canon.

[northwest-cryptid]

My partner asked me not to stay up all night so we can play more BG3 together but I woke up at literally 9 PM after sleeping all day and I made a coffee so I could join my friend for a game of Spirit Island and now I'm not tired at all because I want to talk about Spirit Island and how much I fucking love Spirit Island because it's such a good fucking game.

and like okay I'm not even going to try to explain it here because it's simple but it's a lot but I just wanna gush about a few things please.

I will put it under a cut though. I am polite like that :P

Like I joke a lot about "It's a colonizer killing simulator!" Which yea that's kind of the point sure, but it's so much better than that.

I mean okay hear me out right, the game is a fairly standard and simple board game where colonizers invade an island and it's your job to stop them from doing so. Who are you exactly? Well you're a spirit of the island, and they're all super fucking cool and each function in their own unique ways that make the game just an absolute blast. Tonight I played as a spirit called "Breath of Darkness Down Your Spine" or "Bodies" since it short hands "Boddys" now the fun thing about that is that we were going for something called a "Fear Victory" meaning that we weren't planning to actually remove Invaders/Colonizers, just make them so scared of our island that they won't move in. I do that as Bodies by abducting them into my Endless Dark, which is an entirely separate entity unique to my character where I can steal invaders and scare the shit out of them while making sure they can't do anything to the island all the while. Bodies looks like this:

If you think that shit is edgy boy do I have some news for you, all the spirits have cool as shit designs and names; my friend Echo (who occasionally streams with me) played as a spirit called Many Minds Move As One, who looks like this:

Aside from being a super cool face made out of birds Many Minds has a ton of dumb shit it can do primarily involving moving beasts around the island and triggering effects from them; the best part about that is that Bodies has a physical piece on the board (not all spirits do, most actually don't) that acts as a Beast meaning my friend could use his turn to move me around the island letting me abduct people we didn't want taking actions and then push me away so I can still take action elsewhere. It also meant we kept shouting "MISTER BEAST" every 2 seconds while sending literally 5 beasts into a city to wipe the entire land clean of invaders.

What I love about this game isn't just the cool spirit designs or the complex mechanics; it's that when I say everyone is unique I mean to an extreme.

For example: Do you like RTS games? Then you can play either Thunderspeaker who's whole gimmick revolves around them using the Natives on the island as an army they can command to fight off invaders; or Sharp Fangs Behind The Leaves who is basically yet another Mister Beast who can generate and move Beast tokens around the board to cause damage to invaders or stop them from taking actions. It's important to note that there's a bunch of spirits who use Beast Tokens and the ways they use them are really unique and evolve a lot past just "make the beasts deal damage" for example Many Minds can remove beast tokens to generate fear, while Sharp Fangs can make beasts deal damage directly; there's a little bit of crossover since the mechanics are fairly simple (until they're not) but the ways in which individual spirits interact with their pieces makes each of them unique in a way that's hard to explain, and it makes it interesting to see how combinations of spirits work together.

Maybe you're someone who wants to play the game by manipulating the rules then you also have options like Shifting Memory of Ages who's core ability allows them to spend "elements" to create additional tokens on the board and to change how cards function making a slow action into a fast action or giving a team member extra cards. If you really want to fuck with the rules you play as Starlight Seeks Its Form who's literally a "Build your own spirit" because you decide how you want the spirit to function as you play... but that one's super complex and I don't want to bore you with details.

You can also play as a sort of evolving spirit called Wounded Waters Bleeding, who's literally a spirit of a peaceful river now contaminated by a slaughterhouse dumping all their blood into it. As you play you can choose how to heal the river, either choosing Violence or a more Utility Defensive style but what's cool is that it comes in 4 parts. You can mix and match these becoming an entirely different spirit. The first set of healing you can either become Serene Waters Bleeding, or Roiling Waters Bleeding. Then later on you gain another healing card which acts as the suffix to become -Waters Renew, or -Waters Taste of Ruin. What's cool about this is that it fundamentally changes your special rules and powers. So if you became Serene Waters Taste of Ruin you'd gain the powers too downgrade invaders, and the power to gather beasts, cause fear, and cause the invaders and natives to fight TOGETHER against other colonizers. But you could also become Roiling Waters Renew and gain powers to deal damage from Beasts and push/gather/defend the Natives and you can mix these however you want. You can be Roiling Waters taste of Ruin or Serene Waters Renew and all of these are entirely valid ways to play the game.

one of my favorite cards in the game literally lets you delete an entire island from the game, taking with it anything that was on that board. You can just sink it into the ocean and forget about the problems that may have formed there. I once used this to win us a game because we shoved all the colonizers onto the island and just sank it.

Also a really fun character: Grinning Trickster Stirs Up Trouble

Their whole special gimmick is "Let's see what happens"

You literally just take a card off the top of the deck, with no idea what it is; and use it at it's absolute maximum.

The best part is that since they're a trickster spirit they don't want to clean up after themselves so it's actually a negative for them to use a power that removes blight, however this isn't true if that happens with "Let's See What Happens" like if they're helpful on accident that's fine, but if they have to intentionally clean up their mess it's a problem and they actually destroy presence for doing so.

OH YEA THEY LOOK LIKE THIS

In case you're curious and also because I just love the art of this game here's some rapid fire spirits for your consideration:

Starlight Seeks Its Form:

Fractured Days Split the Sky:

Wounded Waters Bleeding:

Dances Up Earthquakes:

Fathomless Mud of the Swamp:

Sun-Bright Whirlwind:

YEA WE GOT IT ALL FROM THE CUTE TO THE COOL TO THE WAY TOO EDGY

LIKE HOLY SHIT LOOK AT "Bringer of Dreams and Nightmares" THIS BITCH IS METAL AS FUCK

He's also a dream/nightmare spirit so he can't directly hurt people because you know; he's in your head he can't actually cause physical harm.

I'll make a post about the specifics of this game eventually because I really love it so much it's so good, like even beyond the premise (which as a Native of course I love) it's just so good man.

[lightningblade1994-blog]

{Sonic the Hedgehog} "Andrew's Confession" {For © KatarinaTheCat}

Andrew: We will have to go with "Plan B". Sonic: Uh-huh. What's Plan B? Andrew: We can discuss that after we manage to find the rest of your friends. In the meantime, You need some time to recover. You're in no condition to fight. Sonic: Hey, Andrew? If the Warp Ring is nowhere to be found, how are we supposed to find our friends in a time like this? Andrew: That's not our concern. I'm sure this sanctuary is well-hidden. No one, Not even Lancelot will find us here. "Go Fish"? Sonic: Uh, what? Andrew: To keep ourselves occupied, boy. A lot of people often come here in times of great peril. We'll both be safe here as long as it may take us. Now, Do you have any "Aces?" Sonic: Wait... That's it? We're both going to give up just like that? Andrew: Right now, your friends' safety is our priority, and so is yours. Sonic: Uh, I didn't actually barge in here just to watch you give in. Look, we can still track those goons back to Lancelot and put an end to all this! Andrew: Even if there is a possibility that you're friends are still out there, We still wouldn't be strong enough to defeat Lancelot! Our only chance is to stay put until we're in the all-clear. Sonic: You're joking, right? Andrew: Where do you think you're going? Sonic: What other jokes do you have in mind, Andy? I've bet my life Dean isn't even here right now! Andrew: Dean is gone. And it could happen to us too. Lancelot won't stop until he finds this. Sonic: Wait... was that from the scepter you've confiscated? So what? you're just carrying that thing with you all the time? Andrew: It's too risky to do anything but remain here of the time being. Sonic: No way. I'm not just gonna stand around and let that green echidna ruin everything you hold dear, Not while my friends are still breathing! This has to mean something! Andrew: No, Sonic! The Chaos Emerald is still linked! He will kill you! Sonic: Oh, like he won't find us with you carrying that crystal around!* We've got him by the quills once, we can do it again! CHAOS CONTRO-- Andrew: I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS! Sonic: Why not? What even happened to being all "Cool & Edgy-looking"? Andrew: I was never a cool, edgy-looking blue dude like you! I was once the greatest hero in all of Ebon. And then-- Lancelot and his minions destroyed my adoptive family...! Sonic: ...! [Andrew calms down for a moment; then stops as he sits down to shudder] Sonic: Andrew, I-- I didn't know... Andrew: ...I think it's about time I've told you what really went down. Sonic: Fire away. Andrew: I was about twice your age when it happened. I didn't really know what to do at first. So, we've decided to hide what was left of the Ebonywood family on Earth. We've managed to bring the child to Mrs. Gray's orphanage at some point. It was the only chance we had of keeping the Ebonywood family legacy afloat. Needles to say, It might've worked well than we imagined it to be. Sonic: But, I've thought they were all wiped out. Andrew: Not ALL of them. Sonic: ?

[the1975attheirverybest]

The person who edited his wiki page probably doesn't know much about the 1975. Matty plays a character on stage just as many performers do .yes he engages in off colour humour at times but that doesn't mean he is racist.He just has a cheeky personality and likes being subversive

This is the same matty who had people of different races and faiths star in too time .This is the same matty who was so concerned for a japanese fan that he stopped mid performance to check up on her.

Most of us have said controversial things behind closed doors.But because he is a celebrity each and every word he utters gets recorded overanalysed and decontextualised.In the court of public opinion any person that doesn't conform to political correctness gets cancelled and its toxic af.

Exactly, yessss!!! Not to mention that he has repeatedly said he's not being subversive just to be like "cool" and "edgy" and shit. That's not who he is either. Which, i think, indie loyalists who dislike the 1975 think is his point. I don't wanna put labels on him that he's not comfortable identifying with, but if you look up stuff on "dirtbag leftist" politics, that's closer to what Matty does than, like, the idiots on twitter think he's doing. I think, even without labels, we can all agree that his subversive persona has a purpose. One of which is to point out the limitations and hypocrisies of "progressive wokeness" and shit like that.

If you're not a 1975 fan, you won't get this. Especially because matty dislikes and will never be the kind of celeb who fits into a 30 second, digestible soundbite that you can see out of context and be okay with. THATS KIND OF HIS WHOLE POINT. Like he wants more nuance. and you can't have nuance in mini tiktok's or tweets or whatever it is. That's why if you're not a 1975, your opinion on Matty really shouldn't be what informs a wiki page lmao. I really hope it doesn't get totally taken down though. Cuz, as I was saying, fans have tried to get him on there in the past and failed. We'll eventually get it in shape and hopefully over time it'll get to a less biased, maybe more moderate pov where it can be informative for anyone just googling him. But yeah. the recent new level of success that the band has gotten to has certainly applied the frankly cold takes of the anti-matty idiots, lol.

[cats-and-confusion]

"Erm...thank you? I mean- yes, I know." I swoosh my cape majestically and confidently, causing several of them to squeal in excitement.

"Where did you get your fabrics?" The green one asks, grasping the edge of my cape between her fingers, testing the texture.

The pink one gets up in my face, being much too loud for someone barely a foot away. "How did you do your eyeliner like that?!"

The blue one, more reserved but still excited, eyes my gloves and boots with something feral in her eyes. Her hands spin idly at her sides.

Flustered, I put my hands up. "Woah, hey, one at a time, please. I... well, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but don’t we have some fighting to do?" I ask, backing up a little to try and regain some of my personal space.

The pink one deflates, and the green one groans. "Come on, can't we get some girl time? Just a liiiittle gossip? Pleeeeaaaaase?" Greenie looks up at me with big, pleading eyes. The other two are quick to follow.

I sigh exasperatedly, covering my mouth to hide a smile. It's not as if there are many people to give me genuine compliments in Banehelm - just sniveling servants and the vast expanses of the dead.

"Fine," I decide, "but we shouldn't talk here. I've a whole castle to roam; I'm sure a visit from three color-coded fools wouldn't hurt."

They look at each other skeptically, checking in. The pink one beams up at me with a sickeningly joyful expression. "Lead the way, Ms. Spooky!"

I snort. "My name is Splyntezine," I titter, moving my arm in a grand arc to open a portal to my realm.

-

"Your castle is huge!"

"And edgy. Cool."

"Don't be rude, the term is gothic."

"Coming from you, the phrase 'don't be rude' means essentially nothing."

The pink and green ones bicker the whole way through the gate and grand hall, not pausing even when I stop to explain to my servants that we have visitors. The blue one looks just as fed up with it as I do.

Finally, the blue one smacks them both atop the heads, shutting them up quickly and efficiently. I breathe a sigh of relief; I wasn't sure how to get them to be quiet without being rude.

They each fangirl over different aspects of my castle in their own way; Greenie is very tactile and likes to touch the engravings, Pinkie seems very visually inclined and delights in the stained glass, and Bluesy...

Bluesy is fucking unhinged.

She always waits until she thinks no one is looking (unaware that I have eyes everywhere in my domain, the fool), and then lets out short bursts of such intense interest I fear she might explode. I see her practically vibrate at high speeds when staring at my symmetrical massive staircases in the lobby, and she has the same reaction to my underground library.

The whole time, she doesn't speak a word.

Pinkie must notice my questioning gaze, because she tugs Bluesy over by their intertwined hands. After a shared look and a nod from the blue one, Pinkie whips her head around violently to pin me with her gaze.

"Ah- Azzy doesn't like talking very much. Please don’t ask about it," she asks too cheerily.

"I wasn't going to," I reply.

Satisfied, they bound over to see the dining hall, interrupted by Greenie tackling them both to the ground.

So Blue's name is Azzy?

I file that information away for later. "Fools, my royal chambers are in the other direction! I thought you wanted to know about my appearance?" I call, which draws them to the left instead of to the right.

Pinkie runs down the hall with her arms splayed out. "Slumber party!" she cheers, and I'm beginning to rethink my life choices.

-

As all four of us get situated in the pillow fort- made from my bed, which I did not want to build- Pinkie and Greenie begin chattering away, while Azzy gives her input through body language.

I learn that her name is actually Azure, and she's studying to be a taxidermist. Pinkie is apparently called Makenna, and she wants to be a pilot. Greenie's name is Charlotte, Charlie for short, and she's the daughter of two merchants.

They usher me into my bathroom and demand to see me reapply my eyeliner, to which I happily oblige. They make a game out of putting it on each other, and I offer that whoever gets closest to my professional style will get to have the eyeshadow too.

I show Charlie where my servants make my clothes, and she gets very excited about the quality of the material. She asks me where I got it, if she can buy some, and I drape my cape over her head and tell her it's free for her to keep. Her insistence on paying for it is cute, but I won't let her. A royal decree is royal decree.

I give Makenna a set of makeup. She's ecstatic, having to run around the room thrice just to expel the positive energy that courses through her veins. She tells me I'm wonderful, that she'll make the most of my gift, that she doesn't know how to repay me. I tell her there's no need to repay a gift, because gifts aren't given for the expectation of a return gesture. She says one day she'll fly a plane and carve my name into the sky itself. I try not to cry; I worked too hard on my eyeliner to ruin it for some fool's sentiment.

I have my servants craft spiked boots and fingerless gloves in Azure's size. When I hand them to her personally, I get the privilege of watching her eyes light up like diamonds. She looks at me, and then back at the gift. Yes, I tell her, they're for you, and she takes them from my hands so reverently that you'd think it to be made of glass. She holds them to her chest gingerly and looks up at me. Her expression tells me everything I need to know.

When the sun has begun to dip beneath the mountains, I have them gather their things and usher them home.

Charlie bonks her head against my shoulder affectionately. "Thanks. I'll find a way to repay you."

Makenna hugs me so tightly I think my ribs might snap. "Thank you Ms. Spooky! I'll see you later!"

Azure runs a solemn hand through my hair just once. She goes to join her friends, turning around halfway to give me a little wave and a soft smile.

Maybe I don't need to take over worlds.

Maybe I should schedule another meeting with my friends instead.

You, the villain, have decided to confront the magical girls yourself. Their reaction was not one of fear, but of amazement. “You look SO FRIGGING COOL!”

[jupiterseemsnice]

Day 36

ive been told that journalling helps with things but im the type that i will buy a million of those cute empty notebooks with the intentions of filling every single page but dont ever pick them back up when they've made a home in my room. I have been going through alot lately mentally so i thought tumblr might be a fun throw back to type away my sorrows to an empty audience. I remember when tumblr was poppin and you were super edgy and cool if you had one. Now mind you i was a freshmen in highschool in 2010 so im dating myself a bit here but i remember how cool you were if you had a popular blog. I am 28 now and a mom of two but you'd never know that if you seen me out in public. I dont look like im 29 nor do i look like ive birthed two whole humans. But i am and i have. Life sucks if im honest. Growing up we were told that going to college and getting good grades or being amazing at something was going to set you up for success but i dont really think thats true. I mean yeah some people from my high school have really thrived in this life but also alot of the big names in high school are where im at right now. I dont want this life for anyone cause its hard and some days i really cant stand it. Some days i cant even stand myself. But im trying I guess. I recently was fired from my job. And ive learned a few things. 1)dont trust anyone 2)no matter how old someone is they still live in that highschooler headspace. Maturity doesnt come with age. which is sad cause we are all OUT of highschool and have been for quite some time. I think some things i need to actually put into perspective is stop giving love to people who really dont deserve it. They dont have your best interest at heart. They will step on you the first chance they get. You owe the world and everyone around you NOTHING. You focus on you and what is going to benefit your outcome. 2024 is going to be your year and as cliche as that sounds its gunna happen. Because ive personally had enough. Because by sulking and sitting here feeling down and sorry about myself its not like im giving them any other reason to think different about what has been said. Lets just take it one day at a time together. Because i cannot keep living in this woe is me shit. Im better then this We are better then this. And like my mom always said the only one that can fix it is ourselves. lets make 2024 our bitch.

Amen.

ps Renee Rapp is MOTHER

[totiredtowrite]

what up can I get uuuuuh atsumu doesn’t like reader because he’s the ace of the basketball team and tsumu thinks reader’s full of himself and thinks he’s hot shit cuz all the girls like all his edgy ear piercings but turns out reader is just a little bit of an airhead and doesn’t pay attention to his surroundings so when tsumu goes to confront him tsumu lowkey highkey falls for him because reader is so sweet and genuinely thinks tsumu is really cool is this too much I feel like I said too much

Airhead

Warnings ~ Atsumu being a lil mean, some curse words, I'm not sure if I got his character down because yknow his rage, other than that I can't think of anything

Note: I really liked this prompt so I ended up getting to it before some of my others, sorry lol. This was just too cute, I couldn't put it off <3

Male Reader

You were the worst. At least, that's what Atsumu thought. Honestly, it seems like everywhere he turns, someone is talking about you! The name (l/n) (y/n) was absolutely stuck in his head.

"Ya heard about the new ace?" Osamu lazily drawled as the two tossed a volleyball back and forth. The repetitive sound ceased instantly, Atsumu dropping the ball and freezing. Of course he has, you two were in the same class!

"Yeah," he said after a minute, a dark look taking place in his eyes. "I heard about him. All aloof n' shit. Acts like he owns the place just because he can play a sport and has all those fancy fuckin' piercings." Atsumu picked up the ball again, resuming the rhythm of the volleyball being hit back and forth.

Osamu just shrugged and didn't say anything else. He honestly didn't think you were that bad of a guy, and Atsumu tended to overreact. Atsumu however? Now he though you were the most stuck up piece of garbage that he's ever seen. You're always walking around like you don't care, tossing calm side glances at girls in the hallways that make them giggle and blush. It's not his fault that he just can't take that!

In fact, that little question made Atsumu see red. He even messed up his sets a bit! (Which, of course, he blamed on you). It really doesn't help your case that he always sees you staring at him with the coldest, calmest, most "fight me" look ever! No matter how hard Atsumu tried, he just couldn't find it in him to think of anything remotely positive about you, (l/n) (y/n), the ace of the Inarizaki basketball team.

Classes the next day weren't much better. Atsumu watched as you made your way to your desk, the eyes of a good chunk of people trailed on you. As you sat down, you noticed a letter on your desk. Well, 2 letters. 5 letters? You regarded them with confusion before shrugging, (more to yourself than anyone), and putting them in a folder.

Atsumu's blood boiled. Look at you! Just shoving love letters around like it didn't matter to you! All through the lecture, Atsumu's intense gaze was focused on you. The teachers monotone voice was just white noise to him. The whole time, his eyes were focused on you. Those piercings in your ear glinting in the morning light spilling through the window, illuminating your face and giving your (h/c) hair a golden hue. It was almost...angelic. If, that is, you were actually an angel. No, to Atsumu Miya, you are anything but.

That's all it took for him. glaring at the back of your head all class made him come to the resolve that he was going to confront you about it. That's right, he was going to walk right up to you and tell you off about being a stuck up asshole! ...After school. Mostly because he couldn't find you anywhere during lunch period, and he wasn't going to waste his time.

After all, he knew where you'd be.

~~~

You were lost again. You honestly don't know how this keeps happening! One moment you're walking out of the basketball gym after practice, and the next you're wandering some random hallway in the school. It's a talent at this point.

As you stopped to try and remember what turn you took, you failed to notice the approaching footsteps. When Atsumu approached you, he took note of how you were just standing in the hallway with a frown. He felt his anger spike. He was spending all this time looking for you, and you were just standing in the hallway like an idiot! He seriously thought you would be at the gym, but nope, you were wandering the school building. (He didn't acknowledge that he's only been looking for three minutes).

He extended his hand (up/down/over) to grab your shoulder rather harshly, and spun you around. You, (surprised for obvious reasons), cast a confused look at him. That confusion soon dissipated as you recognized him, and you smiled. Any words bubbling up in Atsumu's throat? Gone. The speech that he practiced in the bathroom during lunch? Also gone.

You didn't seem to note his sudden change in expression when you started to speak. "Miya-san!" You said excitedly, practically bouncing on your heels. "Did...you need to talk to me? You could have done it during lunch! You know, instead of standing there menacingly like a murderer or something."

Atsumu was going to speak, but his voice caught in his throat. He stood there for a moment before opening his mouth again. "...What? Why aren't ya fighting me or somethin'?"

You looked confused again. "Fight? What makes you think I want to fight you?"

His hand dropped from your shoulder. "Yer always glaring at me in class n' shit. Always thinking yer so damn cool." His eyebrows hardened, glare returning. That seemed to fly right over you head as you thought about his words.

"I space out a lot," you finally said. "I guess it just happens in your direction sometimes?"

That...was the stupidest thing Atsumu has ever heard. Surely you were just trying to chicken out. He frowned before you spoke again. "Though I guess I zone out in your direction because I like you," You said, a pondering look on your face again.

"Yeah well I-! Wait what?" Atsumu asked in disbelief. You liked him? Like as in romantically? He didn't expect his heart rate to pick up so fast oh god oh lord what does he do now that you've admitted to liking him? He has to admit how cute you are but he just isn't ready to think about this and-

"Yeah, I think you're really cool and stuff. You're really good at your sport so I kinda wanna be your friend," your face was tinted red, almost uncharacteristically. Oh. So you didn't mean it like that. Well now what was he supposed to think? He kinda just admitted to himself that he thinks you're cute, and this...sweet, adoring look on your face was throwing him for a loop. You scribbled your number down on a small piece of scrap paper.

"Sorry about the misunderstanding," you say with a smile as you hand him the paper. "I'm a bit of an airhead."

[apocalypticgargoyle]

𝘽𝙊𝘿𝙔 𝙂𝙇𝙄𝙏𝙏𝙀𝙍 │ 𝙠.𝙟. 𝙨𝙢𝙪𝙩

○ request: i loved your edgy!karl smut it was so good, would appreciate it if u did more of that along with edgy!karl eating the reader out thanks! :)))

○ pairing: edgy!Karl Jacobs x fm!reader

○ warnings: nsfw (minors dni), biting, cliche college party scene, oral (fm. receiving), slight domination, light asphyxiation, suggestive language, mentions of alcohol, eyeliner

○ word count: 2259

○ links: part 1, ao3

a/n:  Thank you to everyone for all your support on my first part! It means the world to see so many of you enjoying my writing and I love reading your thoughts, so thank you thank you ♡ Thank you anon for giving me the opportunity to write more for this au hhnngngngnngg. Also I’m so sorry for the wait! I hit midterms in college and this got away from me. I am accepting requests so feel free to send me whatever! Let me know what you think and happy reading :) 

тнє ѕмєℓℓ σƒ вєєя, ¢нєαρ ¢σℓσgηє, αη∂ єχρєηѕινє нαιяѕρяαу bombarded your senses as if they were part of an invading army against the overwhelming stench of weed and desperation. The juxtaposing elements in the air only further solidified the escapism from your everyday lives. Your eyes traced over the relentless rage of a crowd; identities drowned by dark hues of purples and blues dancing against the clouds of smoke wafting into the air. 

Your skin, sticky with a film of clean sweat and an overindulgent amount of fragrant body glitter, shimmered beneath the same masking streams of lights. Packed among warm bodies kneading together to the distorted bass of a song scraped from the bottom of someone’s playlist, you swayed as your limbs swam through the muggy air to muddle with the rest of the outstretched fingers of your comrades.

Bands of people maneuvered in and out of the large house whose name you could no longer recall. Choruses of greetings would jump into the atmosphere as cliques seemed to reunite after centuries apart when in plain man's reality, it’d been barely hours. Your roommate curled herself around one of the ringleaders of these said social-groupings, just out of your reach. You pressed the back of your hand against your warm forehead to catch your breath as your eyes cut through the flock as if by instinct. 

By some odd twist of fate, Karl was pushed through the front door in a horde of his own. He sent you a smug expression as his sights locked to yours. Over the deafening volume of the music, you could almost hear the ghost of his voice in your ear repeating your name as if it were an ancient prayer as he gripped onto your hips. Your skin stung with the phantom grazing of his teeth against your shoulder blades. Heat rushed to your cheeks at the thought, your vision threatening to glaze over as he winked at you. He could probably see the gears grinding together in your head as your mind wandered. You chewed the inside of your cheek, noticing the lack of his lip ring.

You tore your gaze from him, brushing off his figurative hold over you and attempting to return to whatever state of unaware bliss you were in previously. It had been longer than you realized since you’d seen Karl. You’d wanted to call him, sure, but with school and work, sadly he’d come to slip from your mind. But that didn’t stop the butterflies from fluttering in your stomach at the mere thought of his body against yours once again. 

You could see him out of the corner of your eye maneuvering through the crowd. You took a sip from your drink, pretending not to notice him walking towards you. As the group he was with passed by you, he pressed a kiss to your shoulder, slipping a note into your hand as he followed them. You bit back a smile, shaking your head slightly. You nonchalantly peered at the crumpled paper he had pressed into your hand, deciphering the scribbled, “Meet me in the upstairs bathroom -K.” 

With the lock on the bathroom door clicking into place, Karl’s lips were on yours, pressing you strongly against the wood grain. His kiss was starved as if you had been his only craving for months. His arms wrapped around you, pinning you further against the door with his hum of a moan echoing into your mouth. Your hands slithered beneath his dark shirt, gripping at the bare skin peppering with goosebumps at your touch as if his body was calling to you. You instinctively wrapped one of your legs around his, pulling him closer to you.

His teeth scorched your lips, dragging and pulling at your sensitive skin. His taste on your tongue blurred your sense of reason, and you fought not to lose yourself in the essence of him. He breathlessly pulled away from you, only to begin his campaign against your jaw. One of his hands moved to thread into your hair, brushing it away from your neck to allow himself more of a canvas. His tongue ring, a beloved accessory, was cool against your skin with each of his movements as the sting of his teeth sent heat flooding to your core. His less preoccupied hand gripped your ass tightly, pressing you against the already hardening bulge in his jeans. 

The smell on his clothes was a clean contrast to the suffocating cloudy air outside. His warm breath fanning against your cheeks made your mouth water with anticipation of what he was gearing up to do. He pressed his lips to yours in one last chaste kiss before trailing his lips along your throat and ghosting over your chest before settling on his knees. You chewed the flesh of your bottom lip, suddenly feeling as if you were going through withdrawal as you lacked his attention. 

He looked up at you through his thick lashes, a smug look plastering across his face at your apparent neediness as he gestured for you to widen your stance. In the fluorescent lights of the bathroom, you could now see him clearly, including the yellowing-purple bruise under his eye. On one hand, healing scraps littered his knuckles. His lips settled against your inner thigh just above your knee. “What happened to your eye?” You asked, your voice suddenly uneven and shaky under his gaze. 

His tongue flattened against your thigh, licking a stripe closer to your heat as his fingers grazed against your skin to hook around the waistband of your underwear. “I got too hot-headed in an argument with someone,” he murmured, smirking to himself slightly. 

You rolled your eyes. “How mysterious,” you joked. He chuckled, sending his breath across the wet spots he’d marked between your legs before slipping your underpants down your legs and into his pocket. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, pushing his sleeves up to his elbows, a few tattoos dotted on his arms sending memories of your first time with him to flash behind your eyes. With almost practiced precision, he pressed his mouth against your heat. 

Your fingers ran into his dark hair as his lips sucked at your bundle of nerves, his tongue grazing ever so faintly against your center. He hooked one of your legs over his shoulder, pulling you further against his mouth as you ground your hips against his tongue. His tongue ring massaged against your sensitive skin. He hummed slightly, the vibration of his voice echoing through your body, straight to already your budding climax. He began to swirl his tongue against you in a different direction, a new sensation adding to the mix of pleasure you were almost being blinded with as his ring teased against you. 

The concentration—evident in the furrowing of his brow—made you impossibly want him more. He was fixated on edging you toward your orgasm. His finger traced against where you needed friction the most, your body almost begging for him to slip inside of you as he played at the possibility of it.

Finally, he pushed a finger inside of you, making your back arch against the wall, your teeth clamping down on the inside of your cheek to keep the moan threatening to rip from your throat at bay. You groaned as he began to pump it in and out of you, his tongue still delicately dancing around your core. His name slipped from your mouth as he added another finger, picking up his pace and curling them inside of you. He was beckoning your release as you began to feel tension building within you. He looked up at you again, his gaze shifting into more of an expression asking for praise. You tugged at your own hair, nearly unable to express what kind of pleasure he was putting you through. “Fuck, Karl…” You groaned, a strained moaning tone slipping past your lips. 

He detached from you, quickening his pace. “That’s right, say my name,” he ribbed, a cocky grin spreading to his lips. Your heel dug into his back, nearly losing your balance as you toed the edge of an orgasm. You moaned his name like a sinful prayer, begging him to continue. He flattened his tongue against your core once again, moving his head side to side and finally coaxing you to finish.

Your knees were ready to buckle beneath you as you pulled at his hair. He placed a kiss to your thighs again before standing and sealing the last of your blissed-out expression between his lips, his tongue ring teasing into your mouth. He turned the two of you, pressing you against the edge of the sink counter. He slipped his fingers beneath the shoulder straps of your dress, threatening to break them. He let go of you, his eyes tracing over your features. 

A dark chuckle fell from his lips as he set your chin between his thumb and index finger, turning you to look at yourself in the mirror. He pressed a kiss to your shoulder blades as you took note of how disheveled the two of you looked. His eyeliner was smudged, his lips a deep red. Your hair was a mess and your makeup smeared from his attention. Parts of his shirt and wherever his hands had been were glistening from the glitter you’d spread on your body before the party. He seemed to like that a stranger could tell the two of you were together as his lips continued to pepper your neck with open-mouthed kisses. 

He ground himself against you, the friction making you groan. His hands toyed with the hem of your skirt, his fingertips ghosting patterns into your skin as you leaned back against him, wanting him to give in to whatever he was conjuring up in his mind. At your signs of continuing, he unzipped his pants, bending you over the sink slightly before letting his cock beckon at your entrance. 

You braced yourself against the counter as he pressed his lips behind your ear, pushing into you. His hiss of relief fanned against your skin at the feeling of you tightening around him as you adjusted to his size. “Fuck, I missed you,” he moaned against the shell of your ear before beginning to thrust into you. A groan escaped your mouth as one of his hands dug into your hip to keep you grinding against him. “Look at me, sweetheart,” he leered, his other hand moving to settle against the mirror, bracing the two of you as his hips jutted against you, driving himself deeper into you. You willed your eyes forward, meeting Karl’s derisive smirk in the reflection as your hair stuck to the sides of your face in exertion. His teeth sank into your shoulder, stifling his own lude muses. 

You could tell he was already close as his hips quickened, the fixed, sanguine look in his eyes running straight to your core. You gripped the edge of the counter, watching as his hand left a very defined print on the glass from his sweat and the body glitter as it moved to wrap around your throat, fingers threatening to imprint on your skin. You wanted him to leave his mark on you though. The bruises he’d left last time were like trophies to you as they faded, and you wore them under your clothes with secret pride. He flexed his hand, restricting your airflow as he groaned in your ear, your vision blurring with pleasure. 

You gasped as he let go, air filling your lungs as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder once again, his speed quickening. You felt yourself once again walking the thin line of spilling over into your climax. Before you knew it, you were unraveling around him, tightening as you did so to draw him to finish as well. He groaned at the feeling, his throat sounding nearly raw with the action. As bliss spread through your body, you regained some slight sense of reality, your knees aching and unstable beneath Karl. He wrapped an arm around your waist to steady the two of you as you both caught your breath. 

As he zipped his pants, you straightened your hair and fixed your makeup. “I ran into your roommate at the store the other day,” he commented. You turned to him, an eyebrow raised slightly. He ran two fingers over his bottom lip in thought, standing beside you. “I think she likes me,” he joked, reaching an arm around you to rest on the wall, leaning closer to you. 

You smirked up at him, reaching to close the gap between the two of you, pressing your lips against his briefly. “Oh, come on, don’t make me jealous,” you leered as he dug his face into the crook of your neck. He groaned slightly at your jab. 

“You wish,” he quipped back, sending you into a short laugh. He straightened up, capturing your lips against his before shrugging out of your way. “Save a dance for me,” he mocked, sending you a wink as he slipped out the door. 

You rolled your eyes slightly, fighting the smile wanting to break through your façade. You exited the bathroom a few minutes later to attempt to blend back into the crowd. Your mind clicked into place as you were mere paces from your roommate. You felt a foreign blush creep up to your ears as you realized Karl still had your underwear in his pocket.

[rattyoakenbitch]

youtubers: “don’t touch her” ₊˚ ⸝  corpse husband x reader

❝i don't wanna think about, think about you. drink up, drink up i'm so fucked up, all i want is you.❞

gif credit: n/a song: lykke li - sex money feelings die

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

pairings: corpse husband x reader

warnings: angst, cursing, drinking, smoking, violent language, and minor mentions of anxiety.

summary: i can’t make summaries rn hhh just read it (:

“Sean, there is no way in hell I’m going!”

“Oh, come on, Y/N. It’ll be fun!”

“That’s what you always say!”

“Ugh, you and Corpse are so stubborn. At least I was able to convince him to show up! You know what you need? To get out of the house more often and come hang with us.”

“Uh huh, yeah, y’all have fun, I got some stuff to finish.”

“Yeah? Like what? Your ten hour nap?”

“HEY! Excuse me -”

“7PM, [club address], you’re showing up.”

“Sean - !”

With that, Sean hung up. You let out an exasperated huff, crossing your arms and pouting like a toddler who was just denied a toy. You were invited, or more accurrately forced to celebrate whatever the hell Sean and his friends achieved. With lives like theirs, it seemed like there was always something to celebrate. 

You, on the other hand.. Well, you were just little old you. You met Sean by mere chance. It’s a very long story, but you shared some things in common, like your love for video games. However, that was about the only thing you could relate to with Sean and his little friend circle. You were more passionate about writing, as well as reading short horror stories. 

Now, that’s where you clicked with Corpse Husband. 

He was an underrated YouTuber, whose main uploads were narration videos on creepypastas and horror stories. That’s until he blew up with his Among Us gameplays, collaborating with big names like PewDiePie, Jacksepticeye, and CrankGamePlays (EEF!!!).

You met over an Among Us stream with said YouTubers and immediately hit it off. You shared a dark sense of humor, love for horror, and music. You knew of Corpse before, but only then did you discover that he produced music, which you absolutely enjoyed (and blasted in your house for days on end).

When you found out you lived not even twenty minutes away from each other, you’d occasionally meet up, mostly at his house considering he only went out once in a blue moon. You’d sometimes even spend the night at his place, staying up late, gazing up at the stars, getting deep into conversation and opening up about things you never blurted out to people. But when you were with Corpse, everything just came naturally. You felt safe with him, and hopefully, he felt the same. 

Night approached, the clock striking 5PM. You figured you’d get ready since Sean was dead set on you coming to the party. You showered, did a minimalist glossy makeup look, and chose an outfit, which consisted of a half neon green and black skirt that stopped mid thigh, and an oversized distressed band tee which you tucked into your belt. You slipped on a pair of ripped, striped thigh-highs with mismatched colors, (white stripes on one and neon blue on the other), and your platform boots that made you look like a Bratz Doll. You didn’t bother with your tangled hair. You teased it with a brush but didn’t put any effort into styling it, since it’d get messy anyways. To finish your look, you clipped on a choker and dangled a couple of layered chains around your neck.

Corpse would tease you, saying you had a “dog collar”, but you knew he secretly liked it.

All dolled up and ready to go, you hopped into your car and followed the GPS to the address Sean sent you. Drunk couples stumbled out of the club, dates headed inside, and old wasted guys were thrown out. Oh boy, you were not ready for this.

You were the anxious, anti social type. Not because it was edgy or cool, but you simply didn’t know how to handle social situations. However, it comforted you to know Corpse would be there by your side so you didn’t need to chat and flirt with strangers. 

It’s not like you wanted to meet anybody new, anyways. Though nobody was aware of it, you had feelings for Corpse. Cliche, right? You knew you shouldn’t have, but you developed feelings for him. It made you feel strange and weird, considering you haven’t caught feelings in a while.

You came up with the bright idea of slowly drifting away from Corpse to maybe help de-escalate these feelings, but you were going to run into him at the club, so what the heck.

You headed inside, your eyes scanning the crowd and pushing through, searching for your friend group. You spent a couple minutes cluelessly looking around the club, but to no avail. Then, it was as if a light bulb clicked on over your head; you never thought to phone Sean.

“Ugh, I’m so stupid.” You reached into your purse to get ahold of your phone when a pair of strong, manly hands and cold metal which you assumed to be rings wrapped around your shoulders, gripping you tightly. 

“Boo!” 

You felt your heart stop and ran out of the man’s grasp, spinning around to look at who it was.

“Oh, did I scare you?” 

The man’s deep, monotone voice rumbled above the sound of the music and shouts. Then you recognized that unique and distinctive voice. 

“Corpse!! What the hell?”

His nose and jaw was covered by a black mask, with a print that looked like Frank from Donnie Darko, which was also Corpse’s signature look, seen in his channel art. 

Despite Corpse being a faceless YouTuber, only very few people have seen his face, including you and Glam&Gore who he featured in his narration videos. You thought he was very handsome, his baritone voice matching his appearance. You had to admit, you were a little disappointed he chose to wear a mask. You loved seeing his facial expressions, especially his precious smile that would light up the room when he’d let out little fits of laughter. But you got over it and respected the fact that he wanted to remain anonymous.

“You dickhead,” you scoffed, smacking Corpse lightly on the shoulder. Corpse towered over you, looking admittedly both intimidating and seductive. If you were a stranger, you’d probably be running off, but you weren’t scared of Corpse. He was a big softie and a teddy bear.

Corpse chuckled lowly, slinging his arm over your shoulder and leading you to Sean’s group. He was protective like that, even if you were just friends. Now you could see why Sean, at one point, speculated that you and Corpse had a thing going on. 

“So, Sean forced you to tag along, too?”

“Pfft, yeah, that’s Sean for you.”

“Hey, there’s my favorite couple,” Sean joked, patting your shoulder. You rolled your eyes at his drunk antics.

“Shut up, don’t make me choke you like I hate you,” you mocked in return, eliciting a fit of laughter from the group. 

“Remind me to never hang out with you losers again,” Corpse mumbled sarcastically under his breath.

The night went by in a flash. Sean, Thomas, Felix, and everyone else was blackout drunk. Luckily, Mark was there to assist them. Since Mark couldn’t drink, he would be the designated driver that night. Corpse hung out by himself, sometimes getting approached by women who he politely turned down.

You, on the other hand, were downing alcohol like your life depended on it. For you, it would take more than the average number of drinks for you to get wasted.

“Y/N, don’t you think you should slow down?” Corpse questioned cautiously, resting a hand on the small of your back.

“Does it really look like I’m thinking right now?” you drunkenly slurred, following with a giggle. You waved to the bartender, calling for another shot, which he slid over to you, but not without hesitating after noticing your state. You pushed Corpse off of you, probably more harshly than you intended, and took the shot. 

“Okay, Y/N, fuck this, I’m taking you to my place. We can’t stay here and you certainly can’t drive back home when you’re drunk,” Corpse scowled, stepping closer to you. Again, you shoved him back.

“No.. No..” You sighed, holding your pounding head in your hand. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what? Y/N, you’re drunk -”

“I’m not letting you of all people take me.”

Corpse blinked. “What does that mean?” He knew you were drunk, of course, and you were probably just blurting nonsense.

All of a sudden, tears escaped your eyes, racing down your blushy cheeks.

“No.. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.” You began to shake and tremble as tears started to uncontrollably spill down your face. Corpse didn’t waste another second to take you in his arms, hushing you. “Your hugs are so warm.. I hate it. I hate feeling this way. It’s all my fault.”

“What did you do, sweetheart? You can tell me.”

Your heart ached when you heard his pet name for you.

“I think I may like you more than you like me.. I-I didn’t mean to! Please don’t leave me. You’re all I have,” you sobbed into his white tee, clinging onto him. “I love you so fucking much, it hurts. I shouldn’t have!”

Corpse stopped for a moment, processing your words.

You.. felt the same?

Corpse had to tell you. You were drunk, but he needed you to know. 

“Y/N, I -”

Suddenly, you had a moment of clarity. Realizing how close you were to Corpse, you backed away, wiping away the mascara tears under your eyes.

“I - I think I had too much to drink.. I just need a smoke..” 

Without giving Corpse the chance to protest, you ran off into the crowd, struggling your way through. 

Corpse began to get worried when you didn’t come back. He waited impatiently on the barstool where you left him, anxiously playing with his rings.

He was just about to get up and look for you, when he caught a glimpse of you stumbling out the exit with another man who guided you, gripping your arm tightly.

Corpse fumed, his face going red and heartbeat speeding up. He went after you, knowing damn well you didn’t know this man. 

The man took you to his car, placing you atop the trunk, your legs dangling over the edge. He stepped in between your legs, caressing your face. Everything was a blur. If your mind was clear, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to trust this random guy, who was probably ten years older than you. 

“You’re too pretty to be crying,” he whispered, leaning in closer to your face, until a yell stopped him from proceeding any further.

“Hey, asshole, she’s drunk! Don’t you fucking touch her!”

“C-Corpse?” You hiccuped, hopping off the trunk to get a look at the approaching figure. It was indeed Corpse. His eyebrows were pressed together angrily at the sight.

“You know this dude?” the man said loudly and smugly, just to get a reaction from Corpse. “Relax, my man, I’m just tryna take this pretty girl home.”

“Well this pretty girl happens to be mine, and I won’t let you take advantage of her,” Corpse growled. 

You stood by the stranger, clinging to him as you watched Corpse’s face twist into an expression of heartbreak when you didn’t budge. He then noticed the bruises around your arms and wrist, supposedly from the man’s strong grip. He was unbelievably furious. 

“Ha, doesn’t look like she’s your girl anymore.” The man’s lips twisted upwards into a devilish smirk, only pissing Corpse off some more. Oh boy, was he ready to snap. He reached into his pocket, when..

“Wait,” you managed to slur out, breaking up the argument. You reached out towards Corpse like a child. His facial expression immediately softened. He gave you a loving smile and immediately took you into his arms, holding you protectively. 

“Now, I suggest you get in your car and never come back,” Corpse threatened.

“Oh, yeah? Or what? I’ll kill you and take your girl, you motherfucker!”

Without hesitation, Corpse took out his switchblade, looking the man in his eyes.

“Say that again?”

You watched as the stranger’s whole tough act fell apart. Without another word, he ran to the driver’s side of his car, fumbling with his keys. 

“Yeah, that’s right,” Corpse mumbled, not taking his eyes off the man until he reached his own car. You held his hand the whole way, processing what had just happened. Corpse noticed your distant expression. You got into his car, shutting the door and slumping back into your seat. He tore off his mask, taking in deep breaths to calm himself. Then he looked back to you. 

“Princess?”

You looked to Corpse, your eyes teary. “Hey, Corpse.” You didn’t seem to be as drunk, your mind a lot clearer after the incident. “D-Did you mean anything you said back there? About the..”

“About you being my girl?” 

Corpse took your hand in his, squeezing it comfortingly. He leaned forward and cupped your face with his free hand. “Absolutely.” 

With that, you leaned towards him, hesitantly pressing your lips to his. Your lips tasted of alcohol, but Corpse didn’t care. He was admittedly taken back, his breath hitching, but he released the tension from his body and kissed you back, pulling you over to the driver’s seat atop him. There wasn’t much space, forcing you to press closer to Corpse, deepening the kiss. 

Still being a bit drunk, you were clumsy and kind of ‘out of it’. 

“I’d hold onto something if I were you,” Corpse mumbled, breaking the kiss momentarily to guide your hands to grip his shoulders. But you were impatient and reconnected your lips with his, no doubt causing him to blush even more than he already was.

You couldn’t help yourself and giggled into the kiss, causing Corpse to chuckle along with you, departing from the kiss again and resting his forehead against yours.

“I’m sorry, you’re just so fucking adorable when you giggle.” 

You hummed in response, offering Corpse an innocent grin as you pecked all over his face. 

“I’m so glad you’re mine.”

[mcyt-imagines-library]

Can we have a college au were hybrids are normal and everything and the reader is a student who has a badass punk/alt style (piercings tattoos and all) and goes to underground parties and they're dating Technoblade, George, Dream, Sapnap, Karl, and Tommy (all separatly obvs)

Decided to start off with this one lol. It should be noted that, because i'm American, i'm taking 'college' as higher education and since the legal drinking age is 21

TW// Mentions of underage drinking and recreational marijuana use

c!Dream

He thinks your style is really badass, it being a little bit similar to his own

He likes hearing about the stories behind all of your tattoos and piercings, and in exchange, he tells you about the few he has

He fits in quite well at some of the more underground parties you drag him off to, and kind of thrives at them

A lot of the time during it, he wants your attention (he's a bit on the jealous side of the spectrum) but won't be upset if you want to hang out with your friends, though, and uses the time to mingle and meet others

If he's offered any, he'll smoke weed or drink alcohol, but only if you're not (someone has to play adult, after all)

If you're the one drinking, he'll watch your cup whenever you're not holding it and overall keeps an eye on you to make sure you're safe

If he's drunk, he offers to stumble back to his dorm alone so you don't have to deal with him (whether you take him up on his offer or help him/let him stay with you is your decision)

The next morning, regardless if he has a bit of a hangover, he talks positively about the party and wouldn't mind going to another one

c!George

You two are incredibly different than each other, so you either met in a core class or through Dream

In the relationship, he doesn't really care that you two look so different from one another, but he does kind of think it's a bit endearing

Asks about your tattoos and, after talking it over a bit, contemplates getting a tiny line art tattoo of a bundle of flowers or a mushroom just above the crook of his elbow

If you invite him to a party, he declines very quickly, it's not his kind of scene, so he'd just be incredibly uncomfortable at one

That doesn't mean he doesn't want you to go, though

As long as you have at least one friend with you and you text him now and again that everything's alright, he's perfectly chill about it

After the parties, if you're inebriated and you need someone to pick you up, he'll drop whatever he's doing at the time to go get you (if you need him for an emergency during, he'll absolutely pick you up then too)

This is a side note, but, while he works in the campus greenhouse, he loves when you visit him (especially if you bring him water during the summer)

c!Karl

If you thought you and George looked odd together than you should see you and Karl

Since his whole aesthetic is soft, over sized sweaters with the collars poking out, cuffed jeans, and sneakers in light or neutral colors, and your's is far more dark and edgy looking, you both look like complete opposites

When you two were starting out as friends, he asked about all of your tattoos and piercings, questioning you about how much they hurt (considers getting a standard lobe piercing on each ear)

In the relationship, he always notices whenever you get a new one and comments on it (it's always a compliment)

If you want to take him to a party, he's a mixture of nervous and excited

Because it is a completely new scene than what he's use to, he sticks to your side until he gets a bit more comfortable to branch out and talk to strangers (a lot of people go up to him first, though, since he looks so out of place)

At the party, if he's offered alcohol or weed, he declines, just in case you need someone to drive you home or help get you back to your dorm room

Kinda hopes you ask to have him accompany you to another party

c!Sapnap

While he has more of an e-boy aesthetic going on, he thinks that the whole punk/alt style you have is killer

He also really likes your piercings, he already has a mid-helix and left eyebrow piercing but seeing yours makes him want more

He also thinks your tattoos are super neat, asking about the stories behind them

Because of how cool you looks, he kind of shows you off to his friends and on his social medias (with your permission, of course)

After inviting him to a party for the first time, he acts nonchalant about everything while he's there and pretends like he's too cool for the scene

After about an hour or so though, he loosens up and stops pretending, actually opening up and being himself

He definitely gets a bit fucked up the first time, smoking more weed than he probably should've (he kinda reeks of weed, but you come in clutch with extra perfume/cologne)

When you two get back to the dorms, you help him stumble past the front desk and into his respective dorm room (You then have the choice to pawn him off on his roommate, Dream, or stay with him until the morning)

The next day, he talks to you about wanting to go to another one

c!Technoblade

Doesn't comment too heavily on the existence of your tattoos, but does like seeing them

With the piercings, he has a few himself so he doesn't blink an eye (comments whenever you get a new one, though)

Even though he doesn't say anything about it, he really likes when you wear gold studs because he thinks it looks nice on you (it's a piglin thing tbh)

Whenever you try to get him to go to a party, of any kind, not just the punk scene, he wants to decline

He pretends like it’s because he puts classes before partying, but in reality, it’s because he’s not really all that stellar in loud and packed social settings

He will, however, agree to go with anyway so that he can make sure you're safe

While you're out dancing with others, he sticks to the wall, guarding your drink with his life

When you're done, or he cuts things a bit short in his anxiety riddled state, he very carefully helps you home

If you're below 21, then he's going to be infinity more stressed about you, but since he's not a snitch, he's going to, as carefully and inconspicuously as possible, help you sneak to his dorm room so he can watch for you in your inebriated state

c!Tommy

Tommy is actually a senior in high school who's taking a few college level courses and you’re in your first year of college

You both originally met through Wilbur, who’s your friend and his older brother (he’s supportive of your relationship)

Safe to say, because Tommy wants to be seen as cool, he wants to get a few piercings and have you take him to one of the parties you've talked about (Wilbur is less supportive of that)

When you first met, though, he immediately commented about the multiple tattoos and piercings, asking how much they hurt, where you got them, and later when he goes back home, he tells Phil that he wants a few (Phil kind of dismisses him nervously, saying that he can wait until he's older)

When you two get into an actual relationship, he brags about you so much, insisting that his s/o is literally so badass

Every time he asks about a party, Wilbur shuts him down before he can get a whole sentence out and makes sure you do the same

You just keep telling him that you'll take him to his first party when he gets into college in a few months, which makes him a bit salty

Overall, Tommy genuinely thinks you're one of the coolest people ever and boasts that he's dating you to his friends, family, and random people on the subway who pretend like they're listening

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I didn’t want to really, really like Daniel Sloss. I’d read a bunch of things about how his three recorded and published comedy specials (Dark, Jigsaw, X) are really, really good, and he’s incredibly successful for his young age. I put all three of those specials on my list of things to watch, and in the last few days I’ve watched all of them. But I didn’t really want to love them as much as everyone on the internet seemed to. I wanted to see them to understand what the hype was about. And obviously I wanted to like them; I wouldn’t bother watching them if I didn’t expect to enjoy the experience at all. But I think I wanted to come away thinking he was quite good but a bit overrated. Sort of like how I think of Stephen Fry.

I’m not quite sure why I wanted to think that way. Maybe I’ve just gotten so into some of these British comedians that I’ve started to see the world from their perspective, and their perspective would say, “Fuck that guy for rising in this industry faster than anyone else and getting HBO deals and shit before he’s even 30.” Maybe I just like to be contrary. Maybe I also sort of think you should have to pay your dues for longer than that before you’re allowed to become that big a deal.

Whatever the reason, I wanted to find him overrated, and I didn’t. I absolutely understood why those stand-up shows got so much attention. I could definitely see progression – I’d say his first one (Dark) was a little clunky in ways that were smoothed out by Jigsaw. But all three of them were well written and well performed. I would say each was better than the last but all three did their job of making me laugh and also hitting lots of other emotions. And making me say, “Holy shit, he put into words that thing I think but no one says!” Which I’m pretty sure is what the best comedy specials will do.

The Jigsaw analogy was possibly the first time I’ve ever heard someone say something that’s that close to things I say about romantic relationships. Obviously, I’ve heard people repeat platitudes like “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself” and “It’s okay to be single” and everything. And it can be tough to explain that in a way that doesn’t sound like an empty platitude. Especially at his age, it can be tough to explain it in a way that doesn’t sound like an edgy kid showing off his edginess (and most of the time when they grow up a bit they admit that they were actually just bitter about being single and then they find a romantic partner and now some of my edgiest high school friends have marriages and children).

But the way he broke it down was exactly the way I break it down so often (I mean, obviously he explained it more clearly and entertainingly than I could and that’s why he’s a professional performer and I’m not), and it was very fucking cool to see that. When I was around twenty, I actually got a poem published once (it was published in a shitty magazine that will take basically anything, and looking back I’m pretty sure that poem is not one I’d be proud of now) that was about how I’ll enjoy emotional purple prose about anything from beautiful oceans to communities coming together to help someone down on their luck, but God I am sick of everyone saving their most emotional language for describing romantic shit. My poem contained the line, “There is nothing worse to romanticize than romance” (looking back… yeah, I’m pretty sure this was not a good poem). Daniel Sloss’ Jigsaw show contained the line, “We have to stop romanticizing romance.” I got so excited when he said that. Not nearly enough people say that.

My friends all know that if they come to me for romantic advice, I’ll preface whatever I say with, “Keep in mind that I basically always think everyone should break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, so that bias is going to affect what I say.” I’m careful with how much I say to my friends about what I think of their romantic relationships, because in most cases the truth is that I think their relationships are more negative than positive and should probably end. I think it’s ridiculous that our society expects people to default to being in a relationship, and if we’re single we’re supposed to explain why. If we end a relationship, we’re supposed to explain why. Yet people who stay in the same relationship for years aren’t expected to justify why they’re still with this person. Their reason is often just “I don’t have a good enough reason to stop being in this relationship”. You can even see that bias in the language Daniel Sloss used in Jigsaw, referring to himself as “perpetually single”. People don’t call someone who’s been with their romantic partner for ten years “perpetually in a relationship” (I mean, I do, but most people don’t).

But I try not to let my own opinions about that have too much bearing on my friendships, because clearly my friends feel differently about this than I do and I don’t want to go around ruining all their relationships by pointing this out. My friends know this about me, so if they’re coming to me for romantic advice it usually means they know deep down that their relationship is fucked and they want me to tell them that. But even then, I try to be careful and fair and acknowledge that my advice is coming from hearing about their problems but I don’t see the good times and everything else.

I love that Daniel Sloss did not give one fuck about that. Just fucking stood up on stage and pointed out to everyone that like 90% of the romantic relationships that are happening are not really worth it, and if those words fuck up your relationship then good! If you’re in a relationship that can be fucked up by hearing that then you should stop being in that relationship! And also Daniel Sloss would like you to tell him if he has helped to break up you and your partner, because as I said, he does not give a fuck.

Okay, I do have a lot of other emotions that got brought up by watching Daniel Sloss’ comedy specials, specifically by watching his X show. But I’m going to save those for a separate post. A separate post that will definitely need a trigger warning for sexual assault. Because Daniel Sloss did a hell of a job of taking on that subject in a way that managed to cover ground I have not heard covered before and resonate in whole new ways for me.

So yeah; sorry to say it, other comedians, but I am on board with this comedy prodigy getting the breaks he’s gotten in that industry. I think the success is deserved.

[wits-writing]

What’s so Funny About Vengeance, the Night, and Batman? – Two Superhero Parodies in Conversation

Back in 2016, the first trailers for Director Chris McKay’s The Lego Batman Movie hit. A spinoff of the take on the iconic hero, voiced by Will Arnett, from 2014’s The Lego Movie. Those trailers spelled out a plot covering how Batman’s life of crimefighting is turned upside down when Robin unexpectedly enters the picture. It was a funny trailer, promising another insightful comedy from the crew behind The Lego Movie. A promise it handily delivered on when it came out in February 2017 with an animated feature steeped wall-to-wall jokes for the sake of mocking Bruce Wayne’s angst filled crusade that can only come from understanding what’s made the character withstand the test of time.

But there was a thought I and others had from seeing that trailer up to watching the actual movie:

“This seems… familiar.”

Holy Musical B@man! is a 2012 fan-made stage production parody of DC Comics’ biggest cash cow. It was produced as the fifth musical from YouTube-based cult phenomenon Starkid Productions, from a book by Matt and Nick Lang, music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamp with lyrics by Gage. The story of the musical details how Robin’s unexpected entrance ends up turning Batman’s (Joe Walker) life of crimefighting upside down. Among Starkids’ fandom derived projects in their early existence, as they’ve mainly moved on to well-received original material in recent years, Holy Musical B@man! is my personal favorite. I go back to it frequently, appreciating it as a fan of both superheroes and musicals. (Especially since good material that touches on both of those isn’t exactly easy to come by. Right, Spider-Man?)

While I glibly summarized the similarities between them by oversimplifying their plots, there’s a lot in the details, both major and minor, that separates how they explore themes like solitude, friendship, love, and what superhero stories mean. It’s something I’ve wanted to dig into for a while and I found a lot in both of them I hadn’t considered before by putting them in conversation. I definitely recommend watching both of them, because of how in-depth this piece goes including discussing their endings. However, nothing I can say will replace the experience of watching them and if I had included everything I could’ve commented on in both of them, this already massive piece would easily be twice as long minimum.

Up front, I want to say this isn’t about comparing The Lego Batman Movie and Holy Musical B@man in terms of quality. Not only are they shaped for vastly different mediums with different needs/expectations, animation versus stagecraft, but they also had different resources at their disposal. Even if both are in some ways riffing on the aesthetic of the 1990s Batman movies and the Adam West TV show, Lego Batman does it with the ability to make gorgeously animated frames packed to the brim with detail while Holy Musical often leans into its low-fi aesthetic of characters miming props and sets to add extra humor. They’re also for different audiences, Lego Batman clearly for all-ages while Holy Musical has the characters cursing for emphasis on a regular basis. On top of those factors, after picking through each of these for everything worth commenting on that I could find, I can’t say which I wholly prefer thanks in part to these fundamental differences.

This piece is more about digging through the details to explore the commonalities, differences, and what makes them effective mocking love letters to one of the biggest superheroes in existence.

(Also, since I’m going to be using the word “Batman” a lot, I’ll be calling Lego Batman just “Batman” and referring to the version from Holy Musical as “B@man”, with the exception of quoted dialogue.)

[Full Piece Under the Cut]

Setting the Tone

The beginning is, in fact, a very good place to start when discussing how these parodies frame their versions of the caped crusader. Each one uses a song about lavishing their respective Batmen with praise about how they are the best superheroes ever and play over sequences of the title hero kicking wholesale ass. A key distinction comes in who’s singing each song. Holy Musical B@man’s self-titled opening number is sung from the perspective of an omniscient narrator recounting B@man’s origin and later a chorus made up of the Gotham citizenry. Meanwhile, “Who’s the (Bat) Man” from Lego Batman is a brag-tacular song written by Batman about himself, even playing diegetically for all his villains to hear as he beats them up.

Holy Musical opens on a quick recap of Batman’s origin:

“One shot, Two shots in the night and they’re gone And he’s all left alone He’s just one boy Two dead at his feet and their blood stains the street And there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can do!”

We then get a Bat-dance break as the music goes from slow and moody to energetic to reflect Batman turning that tragedy into the driving force behind his one-man war on crime. Assured by the narrator that he’s “the baddest man that there’s ever been!” and “Now there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can’t do!” flipping the last lyric of the first verse. For the rest of the opening scene the lyrics matter less than what’s happening to establish both this fan-parody’s version of Batman and how the people of Gotham (“he’ll never refuse ‘em”) view him.

Lego Batman skips the origin recap, and in general talks around the death of the Waynes to keep the light tone going since it’s still a kids movie about a popular toy even if there are deeper themes at play. Instead, it continues a trend The Lego Movie began for this version of the character writing music about how he’s an edgy, dark, awesome, cool guy. While that movie kept it to Batman angry-whiteboy-rapping about “Darkness! NO PARENTS!”, this one expands to more elaborate boasts in the song “Who’s the (Bat) Man” by Patrick Stump:

“In the darkest night I make the bad guys fall There’s a million heroes But I’m the best of them all!”

Batman singing this song about himself, as opposed to having it sung by others aims the crosshairs of parody squarely on the hero’s ego. His abilities make fighting his villains effortless, like this opening battle is more an opportunity to perform the song than a life-or-death struggle. Even Joker’s aware of that as he shouts, “Stop him before he starts singing!” This Batman doesn’t see himself as missing out on anything in life, even if he still feels that deep down. Being Batman is the coolest thing in the world that anyone would envy. He’s Batman, therefore everyone should envy him.

The songs aren’t only part of the equation for how these two works’ opening scenes establish their leading hero. While both songs are about Batman being cool, they’re separated by the accompanying scenes. Lego Batman keep the opening within the Joker’s perspective until Batman shows up and the action kicks in. Once it does, we’re shown a Batman at the top of his solo-hero game. Meanwhile, Holy Musical’s opening is about B@man building his reputation and by the end of the song he has all the citizens of Gotham singing his praises with the titular lyrics. Both are about being in awe of the title hero, one framed by Joker’s frustration at Batman’s ease in foiling his schemes yet again and the other about the people of Gotham growing to love their city’s hero (probably against their better judgement.)

That’s woven into the fabric of what kind of schemes Batman is foiling in each of these. Joker’s plan to bomb Gotham with the help of every supervillain in Batman’s Rogues Gallery is hilariously high stakes and the type of plan most Batman stories, even parodies, would save for the climax. Neatly exemplified by how that’s almost the exact structure of Holy Musical’s final showdown. Starting with these stakes works as an extension of this Batman’s nature as a living children’s toy and therefore the embodiment of a child’s idea of what makes Batman cool, his ability to wipe the floor with anyone that gets in his way “because he’s Batman.” It also emphasizes Joker as the only member of the Rogues Gallery that matters to Lego Batman’s story, every other Bat-villain is either a purely visual cameo or only gets a couple lines maximum.

The crime’s being stopped by B@man are more in the “Year One” gangster/organized crime category rather than anything spectacle heavy. Though said crimes are comically exaggerated:

Gangster 1: Take these here drugs, put ‘em into them there guns, and then hand ‘em out to those gamblin’ prostitutes! Gangster 2: Should we really be doing these illegal activities? In a children’s hospital for orphans?

These fit into that model of crime the Dark Knight fights in his early days and add tiny humanizing moments between the crooks (“Oh, Matches! You make me laugh like nobody else!”) in turn making the arrival of B@man and the violence he deals out a stronger punchline. Further emphasized by the hero calling out the exact physical damage he does with each hit before warning them to never do crime again saying, “Support your families like the rest of us! Be born billionaires!” Later in the song his techniques get more extreme and violence more indiscriminate, as he uses his Bat-plane to patrol and gun down whoever he sees as a criminal, including a storeowner accidentally taking a single dollar from his own register. (“God’s not up here! Only Batman!”)

A commonality between these two openings is how Commissioner Jim Gordon gets portrayed. Both are hapless goofs at their core, playing more on the portrayal of the character in the 60s TV show and 90s Burton/Schumacher movies than the serious-minded character present in comics, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, and other adaptations. Lauren Lopez’s portrayal in Holy Musical gets overwhelmed by everything thrown at him, eventually giving up and getting out of B@man’s way (“I’m not gonna tell Batman what to do! He’s Batman!”) Hector Elizondo’s Gordon in Lego Batman clearly reached the “stay out of Batman’s way” point a long time ago, happy to have “the guy who flips on the Bat-signal” be his sole defining trait. While the characterizations are close, their roles do end up differing. Lopez’s Gordon sticks around to have a few more comedic scenes as the play goes on, where Elizondo’s exist to set up a contrast with his daughter Barbara and her way of approaching Batman when she becomes Police Commissioner.

These opening sequences both end in similar manners as well; the citizens of Gotham lavishing praise on their respective Batmen and a confrontation between Batman and the Joker. Praise from the citizenry in Holy Musical comes on the heels of a letter from B@man read out on the news about how much they and the city of Gotham suck. They praise B@man for his angsty nature as a “dark hero” and how they “wouldn’t want him any other way!”, establishing the motif of Gotham’s citizens in Holy Musical as stand-ins for the Batman fandom. Lego Batman uses the praise of the Gotham citizens after Batman’s victory in the opening scene as a lead in to contrast their certainty that Batman must have an exciting private life with the reality we’re shown. Which makes sense since Lego-Batman’s relationship to the people of Gotham is never presented as something at stake.

Greater contrast comes in how the confrontations with the Joker are handled, Lego Batman has an argument between the hero and villain that’s intentionally coded as relationship drama, Batman saying “There is no ‘us’” when Joker declares himself Batman’s greatest enemy. The confrontation in Holy Musical gets purposefully underplayed as an offstage encounter narrated to the audience as a Vicki Vale news report. This takes Joker off the board for the rest of the play in contrast to the Batman/Joker relationship drama that forms one of Lego Batman’s key pillars. While they take different forms, the respective citizenry praise and villain confrontation parts of these openings lead directly into the number one common thematic element between these Bat-parodies: Batman’s loneliness.

One is the Darkest, Saddest, Loneliest Number

Batman as an isolated hero forms one of the core tenants of the most popular understanding of the character. Each of these parodies picks at that beyond the broody posturing. There’s no dedicated segment in this piece about how these works’ versions of the title character function bleeds into every other aspect of them, but each starts from the idea of Batman as a man-child with trouble communicating his emotions. Time’s taken to give the audience a view of where their attitudes have left them early in the story.

Both heroes show their loneliness through interactions with their respective Alfreds. Holy Musical has the stalwart butler, played by Chris Allen, try to comfort B@man by asking if he has any friends he enjoys being around. When B@man cites Lucius Fox as a friend he calls him right away, only to discover Lucius Fox is Alfred’s true identity and Alfred Pennyworth was an elaborate ruse he came up with to protect Bruce on his father’s wishes. Ironically, finding out his closest friend was living a double life causes Bruce to push Alfred away (the play keeps referring to him as Alfred after this, so that’s what I’m going to do as well.) After he’s fired he immediately comes back in a new disguise as “O’Malley the Irish Butler” (same outfit he wore before but with a Party City Leprechaun hat.) That’s unfortunately the start of a running gag in Holy Musical that ends up at the worst joke in the play, when Alfred disguises himself as “Quon Li the Chinese Butler” doing an incredibly cringeworthy “substituting L’s for R’s” bit with his voice. It’s been my least favorite bit in the play since I first saw it in 2012 and legitimately makes me hesitate at times to recommend it. Even if it’s relatively small bit and the rest holds ups.

That disclaimer out of the way, that conversation between B@man and Alfred leads into the title hero reflecting on his sadness through the musical’s I Want Song, “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight.” The song’s split into two halves, the first Alfred reflecting on whether he played a part in Bruce’s current condition and the second B@man longing for a connection. The song does a good job balancing between the sincerity over the hero’s sadness and getting good laughs out of it:

“Think of the children Next time you gun down the mama and papa Their only mama and papa Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa!”

The “I Want” portion of the song coming in the end with the repetition of the lryics “I want to be somebody’s buddy.”

Rather than another song number, Lego Batman covers Batman’s sadness through a pair of montages and visual humor. The first comes after the opening battle, where we see Batman taking off all his costume except for the mask hanging out alone in Wayne Manor, showing how little separation he puts between identities. Compared to Holy Musical where the equivalent scene is the first we see of Bruce without the mask on, which may come down to practicality since anyone who’s worn a mask like that knows they get hot and sweaty fast. Batman is constantly made to appear small among the giant empty rooms of his estate as he eats dinner, jams on his guitar, and watches romantic movies alone.

Ralph Fienne’s Alfred coming in at the end of this sequence witnessing Batman looking at a photo of himself as a boy with his parents for the last time. Alfred outlines Batman’s fear of being part of a family again only to be met with Batman denying he has any feelings ever. Pennyworth’s role as a surrogate father gets put into greater focus here than in Holy Musical, as we get glimpses of Alfred reading a book titled “How to Deal with Your Out-of-Control Child.” Also shown in smaller scenes of Alfred dealing with Batman’s insistent terminology for his crime fighting equipment, like calling his cowl an “armored face disguise.”

Batman’s denial of his pain contrasts how B@man wallows in it. Though he’s forced to confront it a little as the Joker’s plan ends up leaving him with no crimefighting to fall back on to ignore his issues. This montage gets set to the song “One” by Harry Nilsson and details Batman, unable to express his true feelings, eventually letting them out in the form of tempter tantrums. There’s also some humor through juxtaposition as Batman walks solemnly through the streets of Gotham City, rendered black and white, as the citizens chant “No more crime!” in celebration, while flipping over cars and firing guns into the air.

A disruption to their loneliness eventually comes in the form of a sensational character find.

Robin – The Son/BFF Wonder

Between both Bat-parodies, the two Robins’ characterizations are as close as anyone’s between them. Each is nominally Dick Grayson but are ultimately more representative of the idea of Robin as the original superhero sidekick and his influence on Batman’s life. The play and movie also both make the obvious jokes about Dick’s name and the classic Robin costume’s lack of pants at different points. Dick’s origin also gets sidestepped in each version to skip ahead to the part where he starts being an influence in Batman’s life.

Robin’s introduction to the comics in Detective Comics #38 in 1940, marking the start of Batman’s literal “Year Two” as a character, predating the introduction of Joker, Catwoman, and Alfred, among others. Making him Batman’s longest lasting ally in the character’s history. His presence and acrobatics shift the tone by adding a dash of swashbuckling to Batman’s adventures, inspired by the character’s namesake Robin Hood, though both parodies take a page out of Batman Forever and associate the name with the bird for the sake of a joke. Robin is as core to Batman as his origin, but more self-serious adaptations (i.e., the mainstream cinematic ones that were happening around the times both Holy Musical and Lego Batman came out) tend to avoid the character’s inclusion. These two works being parody, therefore anything but self-serious, give themselves permission to examine why Robin matters and how different characters react to his presence. Rejection of Robin as a character and concept comes out in some form in each of these works, from Batman himself in Lego Batman and the Gotham citizens in Holy Musical.

The chain of events that lead to Dick becoming Robin in Lego Batman are a string of consequences for Batman’s self-absorption. A scene of Bruce barely listening as Dick asks for advice on getting adopted escalating to absentmindedly signing the adoption paperwork. Batman doesn’t realize he has a son until after his sadness montage. Alfred forces Batman to start interacting with Dick against his will. The broody loner wanting nothing to do with the cheery kid, played to “golly gee gosh” perfection by Michael Cera, until he sees the utility of him. Batman doesn’t even have the idea to give Robin a costume or codename because he clearly views the sidekick’s presence as a temporary measure for breaking into Superman’s fortress, made clear by how he lists “expendable” as a quality Dick needs if he wants to go on a mission.

This makes Robin the catalyst for Batman’s shifting perspective throughout Lego Batman. When Robin succeeds in his first mission, the Dark Knight is hesitant to truly compliment him and chalks up his ward’s feats to “unbelievable obeying.” Other moments have Robin’s presence poke holes in Batman’s tough guy demeanor, like the first time Batman and Robin ride in the Bat-mobile together, Robin asks where the seatbelts are and Batman growls “Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”, only for Batman to make a sudden stop causing Robin to hit his head on the windshield and Batman genuinely apologizes. They share more genuine moments together as the film goes, like Batman suggesting they beatbox together to keeps their spirits up after they’ve been imprisoned for breaking into Arkham Asylum. Robin’s representative of Batman gradually letting people in throughout these moments.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, B@man needs zero extra prompting to let Robin into his life. Nick Lang’s Robin (henceforth called “Rob!n” to keep with this arbitrary naming scheme I’ve concocted) does get brought into his life by Alfred thanks to a personal ad (“‘Dog for sale’? No… ‘Orphan for sale’! Even better!”) but it’s a short path to B@man deciding to let Dick fight alongside him. The briefest hesitance on the hero’s part, “To be Batman… is to be alone”, is quelled by Rob!n saying “We could be alone… together.” Their first scene together quickly establishing the absurd sincerity exemplified by this incarnation of the Dynamic Duo. An energy carried directly into the Act 1 closing number, “The Dynamic Duet”, a joyful ode between the heroes about how they’re “Long lost brothers who found each other�� sung as they beat up supervillains (and the occasional random civilian.)

That song also ties into the contrast between the Batman/Robin dynamic and the B@man/Rob!n one. While Holy Musical is portraying a brotherly/BFF bond between the two heroes, Lego Batman leans into the surrogate son angle. While both are mainly about their stories’ Batman being able to connect with others, the son angle of Lego Batman adds an additional layer of “Batman needs to take responsibility for himself and others” and a parallel to Alfred as Batman’s own surrogate father. It also adds to the queer-coding of Batman in Lego Batman as Batman’s excuse to Robin for why he can go on missions is that Bruce and he are sharing custody, Robin even calling Batman’s dual identities “dads” before he knows the truth.

In the absence of the accepting personal responsibility through fatherhood element, the conflict Rob!n brings out in Holy Musical forms between B@man and the citizens of Gotham. “Citizens as stand-ins for fandom” is at it’s clearest here as the Act 2 opener is called “Robin Sucks!” featuring the citizens singing about how… well, you read the title. Their objections to Rob!n’s existence has nothing to do with what the young hero has done or failed to do, but come from arguments purely about the aesthetic of Rob!n fighting alongside B@man. Most blatantly shown by one of the citizens wearing a Heath Ledger Joker t-shirt saying Rob!n’s presence “ruins the gritty realism of a man who fights crime dressed as a bat.” It works as the Act 2 opener by establishing that B@man and the citizens conflicting opinions on his sidekick end up driving that half of the story, exemplified in B@man’s complete confusion about why people hate Rob!n (“Robin ruined Batman? But that’s not true… Robin make Batman happy.”)

Both Robins play into the internal conflict their respective mentors are going through, but what would a superhero story, even a parody, be without some colorful characters to provide that sweet external conflict.

Going Rogue

Both works have the threat comes from an army of villains assembled under a ringleader, Zach Galifianakis’s Joker in Lego Batman and Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth in Holy Musical. Both lead the full ensemble of Batman’s classic (and not so classic) Rogues at different points. As mentioned before Joker starts Lego Batman with “assemble the Rogues, blow up Gotham” as his plan, while Sweet Tooth with his candy prop comedy becoming the ringleader of Gotham’s villains is a key turning point in Act 1 of the play. Part of this comes down to how their connections to their respective heroes and environments are framed, Sweet Tooth as a new player on the scene and Joker as Batman’s romantic foil.

Lego Batman demonstrates Batman and Joker are on “finishing each other’s sentences” levels of intimate that Batman refuses to acknowledge. Shown best in how Joker’s plan only works because he can predict exactly how Batman will act once he starts playing hard to get. When he surrenders the entire Rogues Gallery (without telling them) and himself to police custody, he describes it as him being “off the market.” He knows Batman won’t settle for things ending on these terms and tricks the hero into stealing Superman’s Phantom Zone projector so he can recruit a new, better team of villains for a take two of his masterplan from the start. Going through all this trouble to get Batman to say those three magic words; “I love hate you.” Joker as the significant other wanting his partner to finally reciprocate his feelings and commit works both as a play on how the Batman/Joker relationship often gets approached and an extension of the central theme. Batman is so closed off to interpersonal connections he can’t even properly hate his villains.

Sweet Tooth, while clearly being a riff Heath Ledger and Caesar Romero’s Jokers fused with a dash of Willy Wonka, doesn’t have that kind of connection with B@man. Though there are hints that B@man and his recently deceased Joker may have had one on that level. He laments “[Joker]’s in heaven with mom and dad. Making them laugh, I know it!” when recalling how the Clown Prince of Crime was the one person he enjoyed being around. This makes Joker’s death one of the key triggers to B@man reflecting on his solitude at the start of the play.

What Sweet Tooth provides the story is a threat to B@man’s new bond with Rob!n. Disrupting that connection forms the delicious center of the Candy King of Crime’s plan in Act 2. He holds Rob!n and Gotham’s people hostage and asks the citizens to decide via Facebook poll if the sidekick lives or dies (in reference to the infamous phone hotline vote from the comic book story A Death in the Family where readers could decide the Jason Todd Robin’s fate.)

With the rest of the villains under the leadership of the respective works’ main antagonists, there’s commentary on their perceived quality as threats. When Holy Musical has Superman talking to Green Lantern about how much B@man’s popularity frustrates him, he comes down especially hard on the Caped Crusader’s villains. Talking about how they all coast by on simple gimmicks with especially harsh attention given to Two Face’s being “the number two.” Saying they’re only famous because B@man screws up and they get to do more damage. Which he compares to his own relationship with his villains:

Superman: You ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk? Green Lantern: No. Superman: No, that’s right! That’s because I do my job!

Lego Batman has commentary on the other villains come from Joker, recognizing that even all together they can never beat Batman, because that’s how a Batman story goes. The other villains get portrayed as generally buffoonish, struggling to even build a couch together and described by Joker as “losers dressed in cosplay.” Tricking Batman into sending him to the Phantom Zone provides him the opportunity to gather villains from outside Batman’s mythos and outside DC Comics in general. Recruiting the likes of Sauron, King Kong, Daleks, Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the Wicked Witch of the West, among others. When I first saw and reviewed The Lego Batman Movie, this bugged me because it felt like a missed opportunity to feature lesser-known villains from other DC heroes’ Rogues Galleries. Now, considering the whole movie as meta-commentary on the status of this Batman as a children’s toy, it makes perfect sense that Joker would need to go outside of comics to break the rules of a typical Batman story and have a shot at winning.

The Rogues of Holy Musical get slightly more of a chance to shine, if only because their song “Rogues are We” is one of the catchier tracks from the play. They’re all still more cameo than character when all’s said and done, but Sweet Tooth entering the picture is about him recognizing their potential to operate as a unit, takeover Gotham, and kill B@man. The candy-pun flinging villain wants all of them together, no matter their perceived quality.

Sweet Tooth: “We need every villain in Gotham. Cool themes, lame themes, themes that don’t match their powers, even the villains that take their names from public domain stories.” (Two Face’s “broke ass” still being the exception.)

Both Joker and Sweet Tooth provide extensions of the shared theme of Batman dealing with the new connections in his life, especially with regards to Robin. However, Robin isn’t the only other ally (or potential ally) these Dark Knights have on their side.

Super Friends(?)

The internal crisis of these Caped Crusaders come as much from how they react to other heroic figures as it does from supervillainous machinations. In both cases how Batman views and is viewed by fellow heroes gets centered on a specific figure, Superman in Holy Musical and Commissioner Barbara Gordon (later Batgirl) in Lego Batman. Each serves a vastly different purpose in the larger picture of their stories and relationship to their respective Batmen. Superman reflecting B@man’s loneliness and Barbara symbolizing a new path forward for Batman’s hero work.

Superman’s role in Holy Musical runs more parallel to Lego Batman’s Joker than Barbara. Brian Holden’s performance as the Man of Tomorrow plays into a projected confidence covering anxiety that nobody likes him. Besting the Bat-plane in a race during B@man’s Key to the City ceremony establishes a one upmanship between the two heroes, like Joker’s description of his relationship with Batman at the end of Lego Batman’s opening battle. Though instead of that romantically coded relationship from Lego Batman, this relationship is more connected to childish jealousy. (But if you do want to read the former into Holy Musical B@man, neither hero has an onstage relationship with any woman and part of their eventual fight consist of spanking each other.)

B@man and Superman’s first real interaction is arguing over who’s the cooler hero until it degrades into yelling “Fuck you!” at each other. B@man storming off in the aftermath of that gets topped off by Superman suggesting he should get the Key to the City instead, citing his strength and longer tenure as a hero (“The first hero, by the way”) as justifications. This only results in the Gotham citizens turning on him for suggesting their city’s hero is anything less than the best, which serves both as a Sam Raimi Spider-Man reference (“You mess with one of us! You mess with all of us!”) and another example of the citizens as stand-ins for fandom. Superman’s veil of cocksureness comes off quickly after that and stays off for the rest of the play. Starting with his conversation with Green Lantern where a civilian comes across them, but barely acts like Superman’s there.

One of the play’s running gags is Superman calling B@man’s number and leaving messages, showing a desperation to reach out and connect with his fellow hero despite initial smugness. Even before the first phone call scene, we see Superman joining B@man to sing “I want to be somebody’s buddy” during “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight” hinting at what’s to come. The note it consistently comes back to is that Superman’s jealousy stems from Batman’s popularity over him. This is a complete flip of what Lego Batman does with the glimpse at a Batman/Superman dynamic we see when Batman goes to the Superman’s fortress to steal the Phantom Zone projector. The rivalry dynamic there exists solely in Batman’s head, Lego-Superman quickly saying “I would crush you” when Batman suggests the idea of them fighting. Superman’s status among the other DC heroes is also night and day between these works. Where Lego-Superman’s only scene in the movie shows him hosting the Justice League Anniversary Party and explaining he “forgot” to invite Batman, Superman in Holy Musical consistently lies about having friends over (“All night long I’m busy partying with my friends at the Fortress… of Solitude.”)

Superman’s relationship to B@man in Holy Musical develops into larger antagonism thanks to lack of communication with B@man brushing off Supes’ invitations to hang out and fight bad guys (“Where were you for the Solomon Grundy thing? Ended up smaller than I thought, just a couple of cool guys. Me and… Solomon Grundy.”) His own loneliness gets put into stronger focus when he sees the news of Rob!n’s debut as a crimefighter, which makes him reflect on how he misses having Krypto the Super-Dog around. (The explanation for why he doesn’t have his dog anymore is one of my favorite jokes in the play and I won’t ruin it here.)

Where Superman’s a reflection of B@man’s loneliness, Rosario Dawson as Barbara in Lego Batman is a confrontation of Batman’s go it alone attitude. Her job in the story is to be the one poking holes in the foundation of Batman as an idea, starting with her speech at Jim Gordon’s retirement banquet and her instatement as commissioner. She has a by-the-book outlook on crimefighting with the omnicompetence to back it up, thanks to her training at “Harvard for Police.” Babs sees Batman’s current way of operating as ineffectual and wants him to be an official agent of the law. An idea that dumps a bucket of cold water on Batman’s crush he developed immediately upon seeing her, though that never fully goes away.

Her main point is that Batman “karate chopping poor people” hasn’t made Gotham better in his 80 years of operating. A contrast to Holy Musical’s Jim Gordon announcing that B@man has brought Gotham’s crime rates to an all-time low (“Still the highest in the world, but we’re working on it.”) She wants to see a Batman willing to work with other people. A hope dashed constantly dealing with his childish stubbornness as he tries to foil Joker’s schemes on his own, culminating in her arresting Batman and Robin for breaking into Arkham to send Joker to the Phantom Zone.

Barbara’s role as the one bringing grown-up attitudes and reality into Batman’s world does leave her in the role of comedic straight woman. Humor in her scenes comes from how she reacts to everyone else’s absurdity rather than anything she does to be funny. This works for the role she plays in Lego Batman, since she’s not there to have an arc the way Superman does in Holy Musical. She’s another catalyst for Batman’s to start letting people in as another character he grows to care about. Which starts after she lets the Dynamic Duo out of prison to fight Joker’s new army of Phantom Zone villains on the condition that he plays it by her rules. Leading to a stronger bond between Batman, Robin, Alfred, and her as they start working together.

The two Batmen’s relationships to other heroes, their villains, Robin, and their own solitude each culminate in their own way as their stories reach their conclusions.

Dark Knights & Dawning Realizations

As everything comes down to the final showdowns in these Bat-parodies, the two Caped Crusaders each confront their failures to be there for others and allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone they’ve been antagonizing throughout the story. Each climax has all of Gotham threatened by a bomb and the main villains’ plans coming to fruition only to come undone.

Holy Musical has Sweet Tooth’s kidnapping of Rob!n and forcing Gotham to choose themselves or the sidekick they hate sends B@man into his most exaggerated state in the entire play. It’s the classic superhero movie climax conundrum, duty as a hero versus personal attachment. Alfred, having revealed himself as the “other butlers”, even lampshades how these stories usually go only for that possibility to get shot down by Bruce:

Alfred: A true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose both. B@man: You’re right, Alfred. I know what I have to do… Fuck Gotham, I’m saving Robin!

B@man’s selfishness effectively makes him the real villain of Holy Musical’s second act. Lego Batman has shades of that aspect as well, where Batman gets sent to the Phantom Zone by Joker for his repeated refusal to acknowledge their relationship. Where the AI running the interdimensional prison, Phyllis voiced by Ellie Kemper, confronts him with the way he’s treated Robin, Alfred, Barbara, and even Joker:

Phyllis: You’re not a traditional bad guy, but you’re not exactly a good guy either. You even abandoned your friends. Batman: No! I was trying to protect them! Phyllis: By pushing them away? Batman: Well… yeah. Phyllis: Are they really the ones you’re protecting?

Batman watches what’s happening back in Gotham and sees Robin emulate his grim and gritty tendencies to save the day in his absence makes him desperately scream, “Don’t do what I would do!” It’s the universe rubbing what a jerk he’s been in his face. He’s forced to take a look at himself and make a change. B@man’s not made to do that kind of self-reflection until after he’s defeated Sweet Tooth but failed to stop the villain’s bomb. He’s ready to give up on Gotham forever and leave with Rob!n, until his sidekick pulls up Sweet Tooth’s poll and it shows the unanimous result in favor of saving the Boy Wonder. Despite everything they said at the start of Act 2, the people want to help their hero in return for all the times he helped them. All of them calling back to the Raimi Spider-Man reference from Act 1, “You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.”

Both heroes’ chance at redemption and self-improvement comes from opening themselves up to the people they pushed out and dismissed earlier in their stories. Batman takes on the role he reduced the Commissioner down to at the beginning of the movie and flips on signals for Barbara, Alfred, and Robin to show how he’s truly prepared to work as a team, not just with his friends and family but with the villains of Gotham the Joker pushed aside as well. Teamwork makes the dream work and they’re all able to work together to get Joker’s army back into the Phantom Zone but like in Holy Musical they fail to stop the bomb threatening Gotham. Which he can only prevent from destroying the city by confessing his true feeling to Joker

Batman: If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned how connected I am with all of these people and you. So, if you help me save Gotham, you’ll help me save us. Joker: You just said “us?” Batman: Yeah, Batman and the Joker. So, what do you say? Joker: You had me at “shut up!”

The equivalent moment from Holy Musical comes from B@man needing to put aside his pride and encourage a disheartened Superman to save Gotham for him. This happens in the aftermath of a fight the two heroes had where Superman tried to stop B@man before he faced Sweet Tooth, B@man winning out through use of kryptonite. That fight doesn’t fit into any direct parallel with Lego Batman, but it is important context for how Superman’s feeling about B@man before Superman finally gets his long-awaited phone call from the Dark Knight. Also, the song accompanying the fight, “To Be a Man”, is one of the funniest scenes in the play. What this speech from B@man does is bring the idea of Holy Musical B@man as a commentary on fandom full circle:

B@man: I forgot what it means to be a superhero. But we’re really not that different, you and me, at our heart. I mean really all superheroes are pretty much the same… Something bad happened to us once when we were young, so we dedicated our whole lives to doing a little bit of good. That’s why we got into this crazy superhero business. Not to be the most popular, or even the most powerful. Because if that were the case, hell, you’d have the rest of us put out of a job!

This speech extends into an exchange between the heroes about how superheroes are cool, not despite anything superficially silly but because of it. Bringing it back to the “Robin Sucks!” theme that started Act 2, saying “Some people think Robin is stupid. But those people are pretentious douchebags. Because, literally, the only difference between Robin and me is our costumes.” The speech culminates in what I genuinely think is one of the best Batman lines ever written, as B@man’s final plea to Superman is “Where’s that man who’s faster than a gun?” calling back to the trauma that created Batman across all versions and what he can see in someone like Superman. So, B@man sacrificing his pride and fully trusting in another hero saves Gotham, the way Batman letting Joker know what their relationship means to him did in Lego Batman.

Each of these parodies ends by delivering a Batman willing to open himself up to a new team of heroes fighting at his side, the newly minted Bat-Family in Lego Batman and the league for justice known as the Super Friends in Holy Musical. Putting them side by side like this shows how creators don’t need the resources of a Hollywood studio to make something exactly as meaningful and how the best parodies come from love of the material no matter who’s behind them.

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

[rbbalmung]

Pokemon SwSh GPL AU: Character Analysis P2

Hey all! I was going to call this “Gym Leader Analysis”, but I really wanted to talk about Leon and Sonia too. We’re just keeping this series going! Keep an eye out for P3 (It’ll probably be posted in the same night).

LEON:

AGE: 26

ETHNICITY: Half Hispanic, Half Black

GENERAL HEADCANNONS:

Leon is definitely cool uncle friend. I know he is a hot mess and can barely look after himself, but I just feel like he is so good at taking care of other people. 

Leon is a man of many faces. He can pump up a crowd one moment and rid his face of emotion the next. It is definitely jarring when someone first gets to know him. 

Leon is pansexual. He pretty much flirts with anyone (within his age range, of course). That being said, he isn’t out to the public yet. He isn’t ashamed of it at all; he just doesn’t want his sexuality to be the only thing he’s known for. 

Speaking of flirting, there is nobody he flirts harder with than Raihan ;) 

Leon was 12 when his dad died, and it hit him really hard. Since the rest of his family took it even harder than he did, he internalised a lot of his pain and focused on trying to help raise Hop. He doesn’t really feel like he ever got the closure he needed. 

Oh boy, is Leon protective over Hop. There is a 10 year age difference between them, so he will always feel like Hop is his “Baby Brother”. 

(Fun fact: He develops a similar relationship to Gloria when he becomes her Champion Mentor). 

Leon is a bit of an adrenaline junkie. He doesn’t really process the fact that some of the things he deals with are incredibly dangerous, which is a bit concerning to his friends. On a more lighthearted note, this means that he will ride any roller coaster without breaking a sweat. 

Cannot cook to save his life. 

Leon, like Hop, has ADD. That’s why he’s always getting lost/seems to have trouble keeping focus. 

SONIA:

AGE: 26

ETHNICITY: White

GENERAL HEADCANNONS:

Sonia is the smartest out of our gaggle of characters and she knows it. 

She and Leon entered the GPL together, but she dropped out before going to Hammerlock. Sonia originally joined the league thinking it was something she wanted to do because she was good at pokemon battles, but she quickly learned that the rigorous lifestyle trainers live wasn’t for her. 

Sonia had an uncertain period of her life where her best friends had all become gym leaders and she was stuck in Wedgehurst helping her grandmother. She definitely had imposter syndrome when hanging around them, so for a few years, she kept her distance. Attending University really helped her start to find her footing, though she wasn’t sure what branch of pokemon studies she wanted to focus on (until the game starts). 

She has a strong pokemon team, but she doesn’t fight with them anymore. She mostly keeps them around for company and they help her with her research! 

Sonia is super close with Hop. After becoming champion, Leon asked her to keep an eye on him. They very much have a sibling relationship (though neither will admit it). 

She is the friend that is overly invested in everyone’s love lives. Sonia is constantly trying to set everyone up together because she “just loves love”. 

RAIHAN:

AGE: 25

ETHNICITY: Black

GENERAL HEADCANNONS:

Tall boy! Raihan is freaking huge, and being around everyone else in the League only heightens this fact. He jokes that the one thing he will always hold over Leon is their height difference. 

You would think Sonia is the biggest gossip, but we all know that Raihan is. You can trust him if it’s something serious, but you have to preface that. If you don’t, you may as well kiss your secrets goodbye. 

Raihan is the best person to go to when you need help. He has big Gryffindor energy and will literally do anything you need him to. If he doesn’t, you just have to call him out for “being a coward”. His pride will definitely be the death of him. 

Raihan has the biggest social media presence despite not being champion. He is really good to his fans and will try to interact with them as much as possible. Will always sign autographs or stop to take a picture. 

He met Sonia, Leon, and Nessa through the GPL (they were all in the same season). He beat out Nessa but lost to Leon in the finals. Raihan took the defeat pretty hard and made it his goal to dethrone Leon, so he fought Hammerlocke’s previous gym leader and the rest is history. 

He really wants to impress Leon ;)

Bede once challenged his for his throne, but lost. Raihan always brings this up to him now that they’re both gym leaders just to piss Bede off. 

He really likes egging on his friends. Raihan never crosses the line, but he’ll say just the right thing to make you challenge him to a pokemon battle. 

Puts on a brave face, but definitely lets negative comments get to him.

The chaotic one in the friend group. 

PIERS:

AGE: 22

ETHNICITY: White

GENERAL HEADCANNONS:

Such a pure, soft boy. Literally the nicest, chillest person. He just scares people off with his edgy demeanour. 

He cares a lot about the people in his town. Since Spikemuth is small, it definitely feels like everyone there is a family. It was the main reason he refused to move the Dark Type Gym to a different location to obtain a Dynamax hotspot. (That, and he hates Dynamaxing). 

Speaking of, he is fairly new as a gym leader! Leon nominated him to participate in the GPL after noticing his raw talent in the GJPL (Galarian Junior Pokemon League). Piers didn’t expect to make it as far as he did, but he was truly the dark horse of his season. He made it all the way to finals and wiped the floor with the gym leaders he went up against. He did end up losing, but he used the newfound fame he received from participating to kickstart his band.

Two years later, Leon approached him again and asked if he was still interested in becoming a new gym leader. It started as a small, non league Gym, but his notoriety quickly gained Spikemuth new attention. He joined the League only one year after debuting. 

Despite being crazy talented at being a pokemon trainer, Piers really isn’t interested in it anymore. He likes the freedom that comes with pursuing his music career. (It definitely helped that his little sister shaped up to be an astounding pokemon trainer herself). 

Coolest big brother ever. Marnie chastises him for pampering her, but they are definitely best friends. They’re the type of siblings that, if one of them goes to the grocery store, the other will just tag along. 

Dad Friend. 100% a Dad Friend. Literally adopts Marnie’s friends the second he sees them. (Who are these twerps? Ok, I guess they’re my children now). Would never admit to this fact. 

Vegan. 

Piers and Marnie grew up in an artsy family with three other brothers (he is the exact middle child). They weren’t rich, but they are all super close and supportive of each other. 

NESSA:

AGE: 25

ETHNICITY: Black

GENERAL HEADCANNONS:

Looks are definitely deceiving with this one. Nessa is good at keeping a serene face, but if she loses, she is definitely seething underneath. 

So pretty, oh my god. She was scouted by a modelling agent during her GPL season. Nessa only signed after she lost the Finals Tournament. Her career started as something to keep food on the table now that she couldn’t become champion, but she has grown to respect her craft. She likes to use it to promote small businesses and make political statements. 

Nessa was trained by the previous gym leader of Hulbury (another water type trainer), so it was no surprise to anybody when she tried to hand their title off to her. Nessa refused to take it without winning a pokemon battle, fair and square. 

She is super athletic! Nessa was on the swimming team throughout school and won several region championships! Sometimes during the off season, she’ll help teach swim classes to younger kids. 

Best friends to lovers with Sonia! They met during their GPL but didn’t start to get romantic feelings towards each other until 6 years later. Everyone knows that Nessa has a girlfriend, but she keeps the fact that it is Sonia private because she doesn’t want the crazy fanboys to target her. 

Nessa takes on a big-sister-role to all of the new female gym leaders (Gloria, Marnie, and Bea). She and Melody will literally strike down anyone who even looks at their girls funny. 

Her relationship with Milo is hilarious to anyone who isn’t them. Nessa is convinced that they are rivals and must constantly train against each other in order to get stronger. Milo sees her as his best friend and will bake her treats for when they meet up. (Also, Kabu is their dad. I’m just stating facts). 

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2021: Embarrassment of Riches

So this current anime season absolutely stinks, which just makes the last one look even more impressive. Well, maybe not all of it...

Zombieland Saga Revenge

First off, you don't need to tell me that the following is a severe outlier opinion. We good? Ok. ZLSR is, in a word, subpar. I liked S1 back in the day, but it was already in the process of getting lazy towards the end. S2 continues this trend and is basically just another idol show. And as someone who actually does watch other idol shows I have to say that it's not a particularly good one of those either. The zombie gimmick has mostly stopped mattering and we're just doing what every idol show does, only with the odd occasional sight gag. The alleged subversive qualities mostly amount to a flashback for Yuugiri, which is admittedly the best part of the show but feels like it barely has anything to do with anything. Apart from that, it's a bunch of generic idol plots, rehashed character beats, shoddy attempts at twists (while not connecting to any setups from S1), and the obligatory "idols give us hope" ending, which is terribly hackneyed and flat out bad. Tae gets further memed into the ground, because of course she does. And there's stuff that was simply never good to begin with, like Kotarou and his comedy schtick, which gets truly insufferable now that there's no qualities to distract from it. It really makes me think that S1 wasn't even all that good to begin with and seems like an attempt to turn this surprise success into an easy money longrunner with no edge and no ambitions. "The idol show for people who don't watch idol shows" indeed, but not the way you mean it. 4/10

Bakuten

But not to dwell on the failures, with the second show we're already above the cut — barely. This one got my attention with its really impressive performance scenes early on and it totally sticks to that, which is even more impressive. But besides that? Well, this is by far the most predictable show in a season where I watched an unambitious Kiraralike and put ZLS on blast for having no ideas. The characters are a mixed bag, some are cool (Shida, Asawo), some are very annoying (Mashiro), but those are the supports. The main cast is extremely one-dimensional, which is fine until they try to heap a ton of pathos on their lead, which doesn't go well. But I guess execution matters, and Bakuten is slick enough to get by. Writing this down in stark daylight I feel like I overrated this show somewhat (I actually put it over the next one originally, which definitely doesn't hold up when thinking about it), but I was indeed mostly entertained. 6/10

Yakunara Mug Cup mo

Yeah. Of course Mug Cup definitely doesn't invent or subvert anything either, but it's a pretty good Kiraralike that's always entertaining to watch. Explaining the qualities of such a nothing genre is as difficult as ever, but it mostly comes down to me liking the characters and it having nothing to annoy me. It's shorter than normal, which is a plus for slim shows like this. And yeah, you can make an excessive amount of dick jokes with the clay fondling. That helps too. Looks are just fine, pleasant but nothing out of the ordinary. Comfy low-effort anime. 6/10

Vivy: Fluorite Eye's Song

This one is decent, but sadly still a major letdown. Because the first few episodes of Vivy were excellent and kicked ass, but then it became increasingly clear that the writing can't cash the checks the ideas wrote while the action starts running into severely diminishing returns. Vivy just keeps slowly getting worse and worse as it goes on, not by a huge amount each episode but by the end there's a pretty sizeable gulf between potential and result. Going into detail would probably be a little much for this venue because there's a lot, but from the top level view the issue is that while Vivy has good fundamental ideas and steals at the right places, it just isn't a smart show — it's schlock, and by the end, poorly thought out schlock that tries to smooth out every problem with liberal application of the big feels hammer and le epic twist at that. Yeah, couldn't tell that the Re:Zero dude was aboard here, for sure. That said, it still works pretty well as entertaining schlock that is not to be taken too seriously, and the characters are generally just very fun to watch even when they're doing stupid things. Still, I can't in good conscience rate this higher than Beatless, a show that looks like butt but properly executes on its ideas. 6/10

Super Cub

So this is 100% a Honda commercial, and I got really mad a Yuru Camp last season for being a blatant shill. Yet I'm feeling this, what gives? I think the main difference is that Super Cub is specifically a commercial for one product (and a very iconic product at that), while Yuru Camp is so all over the place that it ends up mostly a commercial for consumerism in general. And when Super Cub goes too hard on the product (which it does), it's at least pretty entertaining. That's something about Super Cub in general: It goes hard. Your regular Kiraralike this is not, because it's uncommonly slow, focused and moody - yes, it almost measures up to Yuru Camp at its best and demolishes it at its worst. Also, it's just extremely amusing to see sadblob Koguma grow a huge grizzly biker beard and become a badass outlaw dad to her goofy wife and cute daughter, all thanks to the power of afforable personal transportation. Needless to say, that can get unintentionally silly, but Super Cub has so much charm that it doesn't matter — it's great when it's good and still funny when it's not. 7/10

Shadows House

Shadows House turned up with a lot of potential, and I have to say it at least delivered on most of it. It has some problems; notably I'm not a fan of how the entire middle turned out to be a tournament arc of sorts that seems curiously inspired by Resident Evil memes, crest-shaped intentations and boulder punching included. I also think that this is a show that would be perfectly fine without explaining much, but I guess it is a shounen manga after all so we got dumped on eventually anyway. At least that came late - close relative Promised Neverland didn't show that much restraint. Shadows House is generally well written though, with great characters, interesting interactions and a great hook. But what really makes it memorable is that it's exceptionally good at the cute/creepy contrast, something that is often tried but rarely works as well as here, with great character designs and very appropriate production. I hope this gets a sequel, because it seems like it's just getting started. 7/10

SSSS.Dynazenon

Coming in with a fondness for Gridman, Dynazenon didn't have to do much to convince me. The surprise though is that it's not a rehash even if it's basically the same show, a character drama where occasionally huge and goofy fights break out. Dynazenon is Gridman done better, and the interesting part is how it accomplishes this - mainly by being far more conventional. I do appreciate that Gridman went for something weird and almost experimental, but that only really paid off towards the end while most of the show was a distraction/holding pattern. It just didn't feel like there was enough material for a full series there, more like a movie maybe, if even that. Dynazenon fixes this by just being a TV show, with an actual cast of characters that each have their own arc. And by spreading the material this way, Dynazenon ends up having a lot more nuance than its intensely focused predecessor, while having the same themes and not actually being any deeper. In a way, Gridman ends up looking like the spinoff in retrospect, while Dynazenon is the full package. 8/10

Thunderbolt Fantasy S3

So how good was this season? So good that Thunderbolt Fantasy doesn't end up at the top, that's how. And all the elements that made Tbolt such a sure thing are still there, big hammy puppets doing stunts and scheming never gets old. However, I do have to note that at this point, the writing appears to have gotten too comfortable. I don't expect it to ever top the amazing S1 ending, but at this point it's like Tbolt has stopped trying to deliver on endings at all and seems in the process of retooling itself into a longrunner instead. Barely anything gets resolved in S3 (the climax is that the climax of S2 is resolved again, for good this time... maybe), and everything else is just setting up plotpoints for the next season. Tbolt is truly lucky that it doesn't actually need to resolve anything to be a great time, but at this point I have to say that I'd appreciate it if they wrapped it up with S4. 8/10

Nomad: Megalobox 2

Speaking of sequels to shows I liked, Nomad doesn't so much improve upon its predecessor but steamrolls right over it. This is a tall order, since Megalobox was surprisingly good for a sports shounen and had a real nice, heartwarming ending that Nomad instantly negates for purposes of drama and everyone being extremely miserable. That sounds like a pretty terrible idea - and it would be, if Nomad wasn't as excellent as it is. To call it not the same show would be an understatement, because it's a true sequel, not just the same characters doing their thing some more, or new characters doing the same thing as the old ones did. Indeed my biggest problem with Megalobox was that it still closely adhered to its genre template and was very predictable; Nomad fixes this issue thoroughly. Nomad is about questioning what being a hotblooded shounen protagonist eventually leads you to, and how to fix everything you screwed up by being one. You could call it a deconstruction, but that term has been so abused for cynical, edgy "thing you like actually sucks" takes that I feel like it doesn't really fit here. Nomad isn't cynical at all, it's just a character drama about some boxers past their prime, and it being a sequel to a show that is indeed rather formulaic just enhances the experience. My biggest issue with it was that I really like what they did with Joe in this story, so the big focus on Mac's backstory felt like a distraction for a long time. But in the end that turned out to be absolutely necessary to make the ending work. The ending's just great, by the way, and I shall say not more about it. 9/10

Odd Taxi

Yeah boy, here's the show that has apparently become somewhat of a "greatest show you didn't watch" meme, which I can feel smug about because I don't need YouTubers to tell me what's good and followed this from day one. Anyway, Odd Taxi is indeed great, the greatest show in a few years even. What starts out as seemingly a relaxed hangout show in the vein of Midnight Diners quickly turns into a psychological murder mystery while never losing its quirky humor. The character writing is outstanding, with even small bit players being on a level that the average anime wishes it could have for leads. And the rollout of the mystery is exemplary, with answers given and new questions raised every episode with a satisfying and logical payoff in the end. This is also the rare anime that has rock solid production from the first to the last second; it's never really flashy but excellently done and highly consistent nonetheless. And the music just owns. I have a few complaints, mainly that there's a few logical weaknesses in the story (which wouldn't even register in a lesser show, but sticks out here since the rest is so immaculately constructed) and that the ending overextends on the emotions when the rest of the show is so reserved and dry in comparison. But those are only the reasons why I didn't give it perfect marks, and I almost did that anyway. 9/10