#my brain can't stop spiraling | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seyaryminamoto · 1 year ago

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From what I remember in your story, even taking Iroh's initial biases into account I thought part of his intense hostility leading up to his report to Ozai was that he was truly convinced that Azula's true nature was either no better or even significantly worse than Ozai's due to the Iroh's suspicions arc. Azula herself told Sokka she was worried that by throwing him of the trail of their relationship that she may have brought the worst out of him. Honestly this was probably my favorite exploration of their conflict, because if they were truly able to trust each other and talk they could have avoided so much pain and trouble, but both of them over the course of the story had developed genuine and/or biased reasons not to trust one another and viewed themselves as doing the right thing despite their actions ultimately resulting in the worst outcome. Azula was trying to prevent a known adversary from having ammunition to ruin their lives and future plans, and Iroh believed that he was essentially hindering the fire nation by turning what he thought were essentially two Evil Ozais with a good relationship with one another into enemies. I can't lie that I'm not slightly disappointed that in the latest chapter that this aspect of their conflict wasn't brought up more explicitly in the conversation with Zuko when Iroh was talking about his biases. Was I personally thinking that the dynamic was more significant than it actually was or is that dynamic being saved for a future conversation Iroh may have with Sokka and Azula?

Uuuuuh, as for the last question... I don't really know if I'll bring it up some more since I do think I've had Iroh acknowledge why and how he fucked up in that respect in the past + exteriorized that if Azula had acted differently he might just have done it too? Am I crazy for thinking so? Did I write that or didn't I? That's a complicated game to play when you're almost at 5 million words of a story... 🤣

Azula and Iroh miiiight have one more conversation in the future and maybe this will come up there, but I haven't written it yet so I won't make any promises on that front. Admittedly, I don't expect their future encounter to be particularly fruitful. Iroh is 100% genuine in what he has understood and learned, though, that can't be denied and I always have hoped to portray him not as a super wicked villain but as a character who thinks he understands far more than he actually does, with motivations that push him into making mistakes he very much comes to regret.

This being said, the Azula-Iroh and Zuko-Ozai parallels in this story are and always have been 100% intentional. Those two tugs-of-war have been going on forever, and the crux of them was very much the fact that Azula and Iroh distrusted and second-guessed and suspected each other soooo much... because they have similar natures, similar thought processes, and they're both intellectual, suspicious, hiding what's REALLY going on underneath the surface, and immediately wary when they recognize all those traits in each other too. Likewise, Zuko and Ozai have some REALLY ugly parallels and one of those parallels, already given away by the chapter you sent this ask over, is going to be the driving force of the conflict between those two, much as a similar thing was the driving force between Iroh and Azula, in its own way: the more they fight to push the other away, the harder they reject the other, the more they end up embodying the flaws they see in that other person, to an extent where they could do absolutely TERRIBLE things just out of wanting to push the other one as far away as possible.

So yeah, the point was never for Iroh to feel like some sadistic mustache-twirling villain who wanted Azula to suffer just for shits and giggles. He had his reasons to do what he did. Doesn't mean he was right. Doesn't mean he should've done it. What it means is it made sense in his head due to his biases, the information he had at hand at the moment, and the particularly awful relationship he had with Azula. Likewise, Azula's rejection of Iroh back in "Iroh's suspicions" caused her uncertainty and anguish because she KNEW she had taken it too far. She was afraid of the consequences. A part of her KNEW that if she acted differently, there was a chance, however slim, that Iroh might not have made the choice he did. And that's why this is such a messed up situation! :')

Ultimately, I want my characters to have motivations that just... add up. That can be traced. That, upon looking at their actions and choices, anyone can go "oh yeah, this is why they did whatever they did". This is good when it comes to establishing ultimate goals, and it's also good when you want to put characters to the test: how far are they willing to go, what are they ready to do to achieve whatever they're trying to achieve? How much are they willing to sacrifice for it? And the answers to those questions can be VERY extreme and painful. Just so, we can find characters who decide to back down and simply surrender over their goals when they realize that there are other things that matter more. But it's a manner of game a writer plays when it comes to gauging and figuring out what a character wants vs. needs, what a character will fight for and what it will take for them to surrender, and so on. Fundamentally, that's how I built up Iroh and Azula's chaotic dynamic. Whatever comes from that in the future, ultimately, their biggest problem may just be that they were just too smart for their own good, tried to outsmart each other a little too much, and never allowed themselves to just... accept each other properly. They came close to it once, yes! But... they failed. And it's depressing as hell, but complicated characters will always be challenging this way...

#anon #gladiator #those two parallels will never stop making my brain go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr #the Zuko-Ozai one though #is just so damn good #I can't wait to get there #because my god you guys #the KEY to breaking the FN royal family cycle of toxicity #is actually in that specific parallel and how I'll deal with it #I never thought it would be until I realized that's where it was #one thing #just the one thing #is going to be a key to giving Zuko a chance to break free from the exact spiral he's falling into #and of course Zuko is a better person than Ozai and of course he hasn't been anywhere near as powerhungry as his father #... but that doesn't change the very dark truths that Ozai and Zuko very much mirror each other #every bit as much and every bit as painfully as Azula and Iroh do #there's not as much of a salvation aspect for those two unfortunately #at least I haven't unraveled it yet #there may be one regard in which they could maybe grow some mutual respect but #I can't see that going too far #so unfortunately zero promises of reconciliations here #Ursa is one thing Iroh is a whole other rodeo #even though Ursa has also done some very fucked up things but...#... fucked up things Azula actually can accept a lot more than the fucked up ones Iroh did so...#it is what it is

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youremyonlyhope · 7 months ago

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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

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iridescentis · 6 months ago

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are you kidding me

ive been thinking about writing all day but getting distracted by all sorts of things and now im finally prepared to write

and i just don't want to

the inspiration and motivation they are both gone. why.

#this scares me #i know that i shouldn't spiral #but there's that little voice saying is this the beginning of the end #is the fixation dying??#IM TOO FAR INTO THIS IT CAN'T DIE #ohhh i say i shouldn't spiral but im spiralling mhm yep #why does my brain have to be like this #why can't i choose when to lose interest #no no no i refuse #i can't stop now #YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!#my dumbass brain #needs to stfu

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queenofthursday6599-blog · 1 year ago

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Fionna & Cake GolBetty theory(s)

I theorize GolBetty might be the reason Fionna and Cake are de-magic-ing stuff when they get really emotional.

Though there's some bonus extra GolBetty theorizing after the primary theory. Just so you know.

Like specifically due to GolBetty and Original Golb (OG). With the important thing to consider of madness and magic being connected in the adventure time universe.

It's why the Crown drives anyone who wears it crazy, why wizards are just about all some kind of nuts, and why Betty similarly became her own kind of crazy upon getting Magic Man's magic.

Magic = Madness, the more magic you have the more insane you are. With the only observed exceptions to this rule being god-like beings, like Prismo, Cosmic Owl, etc, and not even that is a hard and fast rule.

GolBetty is actually actively doing it to protect Simon

Okay, so the Fionna & Cake universe was already in Ice King's head when he was digested by OG back into no-magic Simon. So we can assume that that is when Fionna & Cake's world was stripped of it's magic.

[I'm guessing the only reason why Fionna & Cake's entire universe wasn't digested along with the magic (as Simon wasn't Simon when Fionna & Cake was stored in his brain, but Ice King), even though OG digesting stuff resets it back to an earlier point in it's history. Is because Fionna & Cake is also tied to Prismo, who exists outside of time.

So their universe probably would have survived even if Simon kept reverting. Right up until he ceased to exist, and there was no physical brain to store them in anymore.

Though I've also heard that Golb digests things back to their most essential state, but if that was it why was there a rush for them all to get out of Golb's stomach? So I'm pretty sure getting re-wound into nothing was what was going to happen if they stayed.]

After Simon is digested back to being just Simon, and Betty is digested back to being Betty, and the Ice Crown is reverted to the Wishing Crown. That's when Betty makes her own wish, using the reset Wishing Crown, and merges with Original Golb, turning the two of them into one being. GolBetty.

Simon is now in someway tied to GolBetty, because Betty's wish was to have the power to protect Simon. With (at least) a subconscious focus on him being the Ice King (because from what Betty had seen and experienced in Ooo, being the Ice King was the biggest danger to Simon). So I'm guessing that GolBetty just has a kind of permanent drain on any magic that comes into contact with Simon's mind, to keep him from turning back into Ice King, or some other insane wizard.

After all, if she can just eat any magic that touches Simon's mind before it can affect him, he'll always be safe and protected from magic's influence.

Problem is, Fionna and Cake are native to Simon's mind. It's where their universe was created, and where it will forever be contained unless something changes that. They're extensions of Simon even if none of them really think about it that way (this is also why what's going on with Marshal and Garry tend to mirror, or be influenced, what's happening with Simon, Fionna and Cake in the outside world).

So they're both tied to GolBetty through Simon.

Whenever one of them interacts with something magical and experiences a powerful emotional response. GolBetty is sensing that as if part of Simon's mind is coming into contact with something magical and having a weird abnormal feelings as a result. So GolBetty responds by getting rid of the magic before it can infect Simon and have insanity set in.

Because it's only when Fionna and Cake are really emotional that they're turning magic objects into non-magic objects. So I'm guessing that GolBetty is just sensing Simon's brain coming into contact with something magical, having a powerful abnormal emotional response to it, and assuming it's magic-madness trying to take root.

After all, Ice King was prone to euphoric highs and depressing lows. So an extremely positive emotion, like Cake when fighting the hot dog guy, or Fionna getting to kiss someone so similar to the Ice Prince of her dreams, and extremely negative emotions, like Cake seeing B-MO die. Are equally just perceived as unusual outliers in Simon's mood/mental state, and thus the onset of madness.

So GolBetty responds by turning on the drain and just sucking the magic of whatever magical thing Fionna or Cake is touching in that instance. Just turn on the entropy and age the magic right out of existence.

Fionna and Cake were "Given Life" by GolBetty's power and are thus beings of Entropy

Though things becoming de-magicked when touched by Fionna and Cake, could be way less intentional on GolBetty's part. And the reason Fionna and Cake keep sucking the magic out of things is that they made that great dimensional leap to the rest of the multiverse due to Simon trying to connect with GolBetty. The God of Entropy.

Before Simon's attempted ritual, they didn't exist anywhere but inside Simon's subconsious, even if they were originally created and placed there by Primso. So they weren't technically real/alive within the greater multiverse. Meaning they only "gain life" upon leaving Simon's mind to join the rest of reality.

So they've (technically) been given life by the God of Entropy. Which would also kind of explain why they completely throw whatever world they go into out of wack in some way. Changing them from their original, wished for, state, for better or worse.

Entropy is chaos as well as destruction after all. And they've thrown every world they've passed through out of their intended natural order.

Even if the order of that world was technically negative like Winter King's. They still by the nature of interfering, destroyed the natural equilibrium that world had originally come to.

So if GolBetty is what gave them life as far as the greater multiverse is concerned, then it makes sense why they're spreading choas and destruction everywhere they go even if they don't mean to.

More GolBetty

I'm honestly not entirely sure how GolBetty is going to react to meeting Fionna & Cake in the actual show. Which I can only assume is going to happen at some point.

Like or or not, GolBetty is their antagonist. The reason why their world doesn't have magic anymore, and the biggest obstical to getting said magic back, even with beetle dude running around trying to kill them, even if they don't know it.

She is Fionna & Cake's biggest enemy if GolBetty still has Betty's mind.

Them and their desire for their universe to have magic again is the biggest reason as to why Simon is actually trying to become the Ice King again. Something that at one point, Simon once told Betty, to her face, was something he considered a fate worse than death.

Literally. In the episode where Betty jumps through the Hambo-time-portal, Simon begs, he begs Betty to just let him die as Simon Petrikov rather than try and fix the Ice Crown and make him go back to being the Ice King.

No matter how much or how little GolBetty actually remembers about being Betty on a conscious level, the wish that merged Golb with a mortal woman literally changed all reality. Because Golb is a being that exists outside of any specific timeline the same way Prismo does, there's only one Golb, and that's GolBetty now.

Like of all of the higher powers of the Adventure TIme Multiverse you don't want to mess with, GolBetty should be at the top of your list.

She is the primal embodiment of chaos. And after going from Golb to GolBetty it's entirely possible she's now capable of rational thought and things like actual anger rather than being the unthinking primordial force of nature Golb was originally.

Honestly I could see GolBetty just thanos snapping Fionna and Cake's world right out of Simon's head if she thought that would be the solution to Simon wanting to be Ice King again.

I don't think that's what's going to happen, because that would just make everything worse, and I don't think Adventure Time is that kind of cynical show no matter how dark it gets sometime, especially in Fionna & Cake.

Like I honestly think that would push Simon from "I want to be Ice King again" to actively suicidal, because his wife just ended an entire reality in order to keep him the sad mortal man that he is than let him return to being Ice King, and Prismo would also fall into an even deeper depression as well.

But I could definitely see it getting brought up as a possible solution by GolBetty. If GolBetty kept Betty's mind and active consciousness when the merge happened.

It could also be entirely possible that the Betty that Simon is so desperately trying to go back to just doesn't exist anymore. That much like how magic is tied to madness, it's just not possible to become the embodiment of the end of all things and retain sentience.

Which is something I don't see a lot of people talking about. The potential of GolBetty only being influenced by Betty's last mortal thoughts and that Betty isn't actually actively conscious inside the amalgamation of GolBetty.

Like how the Ice King is Simon Petrikov deep down, and how Ice King acts is influenced by Simon's personality. But it's filtered through original Gunther's Wish to be Evergreen, Gunther's memories, Sveinn's memories (random viking guy), original Santa's memories, and the general madness that afflicts anyone who's an extremely powerful magician but not a god or elemental.

GolBetty is Betty, but is also the primordial embodiment of entropy of all things across all of the multiverse. She doesn't really do anything but sit in her void of nothing. Waiting for self destructive idiots to summon her to their reality so she can also cause the heat death of that specific universe, and for the end of everything across all timelines. Is she even capable of thinking in a way a human is at this point?

I don't think this would be the ending either, but there's a real possibility of Simon managing to reach GolBetty, only to find that the Betty he was so desperately trying to reach just doesn't really exist anymore. At least not in a way he could communicate with.

GolBetty Might Be Dead

I'm not entirely sure if the Golb Simon is trying to contact is GolBetty. It's not GolBetty's face we keep seeing flash on screen, with two cat shaped eyes on top and two round below them, it's four round eyes like Original Golb.

The teeth are also what we see on Original Golb as well. With three incisor teeth between the top canine teeth, while GolBetty has just two incisors between the top canines.

Here's the face of the Golb we see in Fionna & Cake:

This here is GolBetty's face as last seen in Adventure Time:

And this is Golb's from the same episode as GolBetty:

Now which of these two look like the Golb we're seeing in Fionna and Cake? Because that looks far more like original Golb than it does GolBetty to me.

So it's entirely possible that GolBetty has self-reverted due to being the god of entropy, and is back into being just Golb, and that the fusion state of GolBetty was only temporary.

Because we see that most of the wishes Betty tried to make using the Crown didn't work, the crown wasn't strong enough to overcome Golb's power to complete those kinds of wishes, up until wishing that she could keep Simon safe.

The Crown doesn't have the power to overcome Golb directly, it couldn't force Golb to leave that dimension. Betty herself comes to the conclusion that Golb is stronger than the Wishing Crown's magic before making her final wish.

Which could mean that her wish was temporary, which could also explain why Simon can still clearly be injured, and possibly killed. Betty isn't really around to protect Simon anymore.

Heck, it's possible that GolBetty didn't even last that long, just long enough to get out of that dimension and back to the void. Where Golb would forget that dimension entirely due to being an "idiot god" in the writer's words. A more or less non-sentient embodiment of destruction, that doesn't actually think or desire anything.

We don't see GolBetty in any of the Distant Lands episodes set after Come Along With Me either. Come Along With Me is the last time we ever see GolBetty, or at least that design, and we don't get a flash of her in the 1000 year time skip. The last we ever see of her is her leaving that dimension.

So yeah, GolBetty might possibly be dead. And has been dead more or less the entire time after she left the main dimension. Sorry to all you guys who love the God of Entropy Betty x Mortal Male Wife Simon kind of ship dynamic, because it might be even more restricted to fan content than you thought.

#fionna and cake spoilers #fionna and cake theory #Golbetty theory #everything I write is disjointed personally I blame the ADHD #train of thought who?#anyways I've got a lot of theories about Fionna & Cake and also GolBetty #sorry if this makes no sense to absolutely no one #but I got to get it out of my brain so it stops taking up space alright #it's gotta go somewhere #I can't let the blorbos live in my head rent free I've got ADHD I'll spiral if left to their devices

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goblinofthelaboratory · 9 months ago

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#great i just randomly want to cry #i feel the pressure behind my eyes but i probably won't be able to for days maybe a week #im fucking trying so hard every day to not spiral to stop myself from just becoming apathetic and falling down all the wrong paths #but the more i do it the less i can #and when i try to pour back in and do things for myself it just slides off #it's a one way valve and i can't figure out why #i can't give anymore but i am nothing if not generous #im a leaking vessel i can affect others and pour out my contents without much trouble #and i can be affected by others but it's very hard to put anything back in #and im just trying to stay in the moment instead of being 10000000000 miles away off in my head all the time #but it's getting harder every day and im scared i won't come back when i need to #i scared that i don't want to come back #vent post #tw vent #eternal goblin chatter in my brain #making this post late and going to bed #not ignoring any interactions kudos if you read this far

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lucyvaleheart · 11 months ago

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#delete later #hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right #I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then......#...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing #is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it?#cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a-#anyway #now it's midnight.#and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth #and never be aware again #loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel #i just want it to stop #i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel #ugh #I......#i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these #part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable #on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck #I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now.#....I'll be fine eventually #maybe #god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh #what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore #all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of #you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could #.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted #want to be wanted.#.....sigh #.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up #so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work

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some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat · 11 months ago

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Extremely incoherent tired ramble I think mostly about what the heck does empathy mean and I can't have npd right (<- doesn't remember if he actually confirmed you can't be high empathy and have npd or just got confused by something but still probably just being mentally ill in unrelated ways)

why do narcissist memes need to be so relatable like I'm high empathy unless I've gravely misunderstood what empathy is? I think that's gotta be one I don't have right ?? my brain is just still disorder hoarder mode because it still hasn't realized we already got the validation of knowing we're genuinely messed up that we were craving years ago (which was mainly "yes you're plural actually no like legit you're not making those guys up and yeah no that stuff was trauma you are not just mysteriously messed up without trauma there was definitely trauma what part of being terrified every single night for most of your childhood did you think was not traumatic") what was I talking about uh empathy is like just interpreting information to the best of your ability and then feeling things based on that interpretation like it can be incorrect just like you can read words wrong and react to what you think you read and like empathy makes you feel what you interpret other people as feeling to some extent right? and it's like analogies and metaphors in how it requires you to map one situation onto another in order to interpret it and lacking knowledge about one of them will make it much harder to understand just like I don't understand what it means to not understand metaphors to the point of struggling to communicate without the use of analogies in case that wasn't obvious but that's what empathy is right like it's not telepathy it's just interpreting and reacting to information?? I have that I can interpret information and then I react like just now I thought what if a child was sad for some reason and I almost cried bc hypothetical child is sad and that's incompatible with the thing isn't it someone who's better at humans than me please explain good night

#sfw #personal #I'm sleep deprived and don't know how humans work and I'm bad at ????? something I don't know what I was saying #but I'm posting anyway because uhhh I can't think of an explanation that isn't basically quoting npd posts??#but I can't say them that's uh illegal because I don't have npd so if I say those things it's because my brain decided to pretend to have it #because like I said it just hasn't caught up yet with the yeah we don't need to have all the disorders we got the answers we needed #you don't need to make up more answers or questions and I don't know what I'm talking about anymore I'm gonna stop talking #and go to sleep and think way too much about how disappointed I'm gonna be looking at the notes tomorrow #and overanalyze that thought in a familiar spiral of “why are you making this up?” “because I'm right”#at least this time I'm not pretending I'm not in a spiral for years chasing my own tail insisting my tail isn't real but a squirrel #what am I even saying I'm sorry good night

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