#and never be aware again
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#delete later#hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right#I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then......#...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing#is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it?#cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a-#anyway#now it's midnight.#and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth#and never be aware again#loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel#i just want it to stop#i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel#ugh#I......#i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these#part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable#on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck#I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now.#....I'll be fine eventually#maybe#god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh#what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore#all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of#you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could#.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted#want to be wanted.#.....sigh#.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up#so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship
#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#destiel#castiel#deancas#misha collins#im 20 i have been Experiencing supernatural and johnlock since i was 12 and merthur since wayy before that i have fought Wars#this is crazy#i love u hannibal i love u 911 (if u make eddie gay)#for the love of god by 'mostly headcanoned' i dont mean that it was never intentional#i am aware that they put the subtext in on purpose#they knew what they were doing#but my focus here is on the actor actually saying it because like#if its not mostly headcanoned then y was the entire cast denying it for years AND YEARS#like do yall not remember what jared and jenesn used to say#there have been many many many instances where the cast has made us feel crazy/stupid for saying anything abt destiel#im just saying TO ME its crazy that actors and creators talk so openly about these things now !!! again i was raised on merlin and sherlock#ok also im confused on the queerbaiting part#everyones saying its queer coding and not queer baiting but cant they be true at the same time ?#im not being dumb on purpose i swear im just confused#like yes dean is very much bi coded and their relationship is queer coded but if the creators deny everything#and we only get a last minute confession after 11 years#that doesnt count as queer baiting ?#someone smart explain this to me 🙏
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a67c538e0809ca1317edb9b8a7c605b3/5139e8d6af789c23-08/s540x810/20a66724b410ce1e84f504a25c2e2275bd8fe889.jpg)
stick to the script
#isat#in stars and time#isat siffrin#siffrin#in stars and time mirabelle#isat mirabelle#fanart#okay this is the last one i made while i was playing the game#god tho. god. the inevitability of feeling distant when your friend has an extremely personal and important conversation with you#because you heard it before#youre supposed to be there for her so you will be. but you are sinkingly aware that its fake.#that no matter what you do you will never fully genuinely experience this bonding again#isat spoilers
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/325054cd1220ebade3886cc57d79fc9e/450f1d066014d80a-79/s540x810/54dd87218512e9537f37776fc66628423e094598.jpg)
i think we should ship carol marcus and gillian taylor
#star trek#gillian taylor#carol marcus#star trek tos#star trek ii: the wrath of khan#star trek iv: the voyage home#the wrath of khan#the voyage home#star trek fanart#theyre both have their doctorate and im sure would be intrigued by each others fields of science#and no one can without a doubt tell me they never ran into each other because we never see them again. as far as im aware. so who knows
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"I have many fears, most of them about Lucrezia." — Cesare Borgia (The Borgias, 2011-2013) + hints of insecurity
that she adores someone that much / if she will reject his dark nature and act of love and violence as Ursula did / if he truly is not part of her desires / that she easily forgets him
#i have so many thoughts on these two#hes such a clingy brother wth#as much as he soothes her it is only by asking lucrezia verbally or#by looking at her that his fears and insecurities in her life can be soothed#cesare torn between - being relieved she had some joy in the ruthless marriage he had no power to prevent and did not even want to bless#or being envious there is someone else now when his little sister once said she will not love anyone as much as she loves him#but Accepting it anyways because it is impossible loves and maybe he is starting to become aware his love falls in this same category.#“should i envy this narcissus low-born who shall never see you again because of his impossible love for you when i love you just the same?”#the knife more surprise than fear. in a time when he did not love himself...“she accepts me as i am? as i do her”#biting her as if another black panther pet looking for reassurance that their love#that HE is still included in her perfect world even if he himself pulls away#“surely you're in agony as much as i am? are you already satisfied with your child and husband if we cannot share our love openly?”#“your eyes drift to mine when you say 'husband' am i not he? do you see me as so even when it was just 'tonight'?”#and then his sudden gaze as if to look for truth because how can she forget him when he only thinks of her#AND AGAIN pulling away being eaten by shame and guilt of corrupting her (when their relationship is not just his doing)#torn between hope (we have the capacity to forget and move on) and hope (our love has that much devil power over her)#cesare as the god or the devil or whatever it is that overwhelms whether at war or in love#cesare is one confident man and even if his insecurities has layers of righteousness and importance..it is still insecurity nonetheless#and only for lucrezia#lucrezia borgia#cesare borgia#cesare x lucrezia#the borgias#dailyborgia#perioddramaedit#perioddramasource#weloveperioddrama#onlyperioddramas#romancegifs#the borgiasedit
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Twisted Wonderland self-aware!Yuu except they’re empathic.
When I say self-aware!Yuu I don’t mean a scenario where Yuu transmigrated into Twisted Wonderland with memories intact.
When I say self-aware!Yuu I mean someone who knows themselves better than anyone else.
They know they have flaws. They know that, sometimes, their flaws will get in the way. Whether it’s shutting down emotionally, not being able to express themselves properly, or something to do with a physical ability. Their flaws will always follow them around. Even in Twisted Wonderland.
And yet, self-aware!Yuu is still kind. Still loving all of their strengths and flaws.
Ace needing a place to stay after Riddle off’d-his-head? “Yes, of course you can sleepover.”
Deuce breaking down after letting his delinquent side out? “No, you’re not a bad guy— you just protected me and Grim from those bullies!”
Riddle having a crisis after his overblot? “I don’t accept your apology. Not yet at least. But I can understand why acted this way… you’re allowed to feel angry about your past. You didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.”
No matter how wrong the opponent is, self-aware!Yuu always empathizes with them in the end.
Maybe one day, someone confronts them about it. I can see Leona or Azul or Rollo and maybe Jamil. They’re people who have experienced and or seen how terrible people can be.
“Why are you so nice all the time? You’re too thought. Too kind. Good people like you always end up last.”
Perhaps self-aware!Yuu will look at them with a stoic face. Perhaps a shocked expression, accompanied by a frantic gasp. Perhaps even small laugh at their question. And just as the confronting student was about to retort again, self-aware!Yuu will smile.
“Well, I’m not a good person. I just do what I think is right.”
Self-aware!Yuu will sit down, watching activities unfold around them— heart still bursting full of kindness. They’ll pat the empty space beside them. An invitation, but it’s up to the student to take the initiative.
“It’s everyone’s first time living after all. May as well make it kind.”
Soon enough, if the student plucks their courage, they’ll sit and slowly learn how to become self-aware too.
banner credit: @bunnysrph
#idk thinking about how a self-aware!Yuu could change a lot of things in Twisted Wonderland#especially in NRC#someone who knows their flaws#knows they’ll fall time and time again#knows that their flaws will most likely never fully disappear#yet still loves unbashfully#self-aware!Yuu that loves themselves and everyone around them unapologetically#it doesn’t matter what their personality is whether cheerful or quiet as a mouse#no matter what they’ll always hold kindness in their heart#and maybe one day that kindness will influence those around them#because it doesn’t matter if their love changed anything#just as long as love was still there. present and unwavering.#(why do i suddenly have a puddle of tears around me😔🤏🏼)#ANYWAYS long story short#I WANNA HUG THESE BOYS UNTRUAMATIZE THEM RN💥🤺#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#Leona x reader#jamil x reader#Azul x reader#riddle x reader#ace x reader#deuce x reader#twisted wonderland x yuu#self-aware!yuu#^^ maybe I’ll make some small scenarios of self-aware!yuu and expand on their relationships w/ others#MAN YUU IS GONNA HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH ROLLO#yuu/reader: *rolls up sleeves* So how much trauma do you have wanna cover today?#LMAOOOAOAOAOAO#alright that’s enough
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I think people who talk about F1 Academy being a regressive way of segregating racing based on gender are really missing the point of it all. One of the biggest roadblocks for young drivers trying to find sponsors and public support is purely name recognition. If nobody knows who you are, how will you make it up that ladder? Prema, for example, is excellent at advertising its drivers via social media, which gives them a fanbase and drives up "demand" for them. It's thus more profitable for sponsors and teams to pick up those drivers. F1 Academy is doing the exact same thing but specifically for female drivers. Because of F1 Academy, these women are more well-known than the majority of F3 drivers despite competing at what is technically a lower level. And that makes them more appealing to teams so that they can move up in categories! F1 Academy is all about visibility for these young women, and almost anything else is extra.
#it really pisses me off when people talk about how f1a is just taking women and putting them in a different racing category. NO!!!!!#it is raising awareness! it is absolutely a net positive because again. being a known figure is how you get sponsorships#it's how you get hired#the creators of f1a knew exactly what they were doing and the widespread support of it by the f1 teams themselves is integral to its succes#again lots of the teams had literally never had a female academy driver before. and now they do! because of f1a!#and susie wolff knows what she's doing. like cmon.#f1 academy#f1a#susie wolff#abbi pulling#doriane pin#tina hausmann#prema racing#chloe chambers#bianca bustamante#aurelia nobels#maya weug#lia block#can you tell i had an argument with somebody about this just now.#mine
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The Warden
Panel: No escape.
Ok, now just some silly ideas to share (playing around with the au)
Comic 1: Invading dreams
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/31f7bebfb46cf6c713a71ecfb8e17568/cd241809baa4ab1b-bd/s540x810/2eecb63f4baf0c3581647ae14a4e24ce260c9cf7.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0c4b9426ddf260832ac35bf5fc3bb396/cd241809baa4ab1b-6d/s540x810/28facd5044466b05217753c8ba6b54bbc04ba621.jpg)
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Extra: no thanks.
Comic 2: Unwanted attention
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e68c7a5d562a7a767c1cc680b47268c6/cd241809baa4ab1b-96/s540x810/a77514b3ad4d96f7294f8dfcce6d2afba398a2e7.jpg)
#naruto#naruto fanart#kakashi hatake#rin nohara#obito uchiha#infinite tsukuyomi#fanart#art#my art#sketch#drawing#digital art#hello i have yet to combust#just some drawings to share to get back to posting#playing around with styles of coloring#anywayss went back to the infinite tsukuyomi au#it’s started off as trying to learn and bring back information or dreams to entertain kakashi#(being aware of being trapped is taking a toll oh him)#but soon as they continue to view around and traveling through the roots#seeing how everyone has a different look on him#they catch a glimpse of obito looking around#so the journey starts as it makes sure that he’ll never get his hands on him again#hiding him with the cocooned as much as possible and#(at some point it detaches itself from the original genjutsu and lives off kakashi chakra)#then#be it build a defense around the mind or alternatively#erase memories that kakashi has of him#the genjutsu conclusion is that this is what will make Kakashi happy#if he never remember then the pain associated with it would cease#kakashi is horrified to know with pasting time his mind is essentially being tampered with
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Buddie Countdown to Season 7:
16 days.
#911#buddie#911edit#buddieedit#911 on fox#911 fox#911 abc#evanbuckleyedit#eddiediazedit#my edit#buddies7#911hiatus2023#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#usercam#the fact that this scene is real but they never talked about it again is absolute insanity#what do you mean this happened#this is an aborted love confession#buddie scenes#eddie here is fully aware hes in love with buck and i don't care#he knows exactly what hes saying he also knows buck wont call him out on it#its nuts#sure there are a few way to see the way buck interpreted this scene but like#this is a declaration of love no matter how buck viewed it so like#it is#madness#911verse#evan buckley#eddie diaz
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had a conversation with my mom and now i'm curious
If unsure, go grab yourself a pencil and compare to these examples:
"Correct" ways to hold a pencil:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5c9ba614b32f2574ee6be4e5dc1d283c/8d7136b4d44562d9-30/s540x810/e587d2e0ce554db2f7e77fc0b98feafc88ea07a9.jpg)
(if you didn't know there were names for these, yea I had no idea either until I started looking stuff up lmao)
"Wrong" ways to hold a pencil:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7cd26bb4685f07d9b7aff6d8d81c1546/8d7136b4d44562d9-17/s500x750/d45f46503c34e99b6eb4028681d6c26dc7a08b43.jpg)
I'm mostly curious as someone who has always held her pencil wrong. No matter what teachers/my mom ever did to try and teach me (pencil grips, elastic bands, etc) it just never worked. I wanna know how universal this experience is hdKJH
(rb for sample size, etc etc, the usual)
#clamtalk#polls#in my case it probably has to do with the joint hypermobility that my mom wasn't aware I had until too late to accommodate it#So i've always held my pencil in an index grip (or something somewhat like it; my index finger is higher up on the pencil than it should be#Also I put correct/wrong in quotes because like. While yes you could argue inherently there is a 'correct' vs. 'incorrect' way#regarding how much strain an incorrect grip can put on one's hands#I have never personally had issue with how i hold my pencil even if 'wrong.' The only problem I had was when my mom was trying#to force me to change it to hold it 'right.' Because that shit hurt my hands!#Once again probably due to the hypermobility!#So I dunno. Infinite Nuance etc
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Happy Aromatic Awareness Week with the QPR ever!!
+ some bonus doodles i did over the week
2nd image is a redraw from madoka magica
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e77bee1441b4c2bb2f5609a171ecd077/1a508bd6bcc31766-7b/s540x810/f846db944647e8ec1dbc0b64150f53df6ed37830.jpg)
#isat#mirabelle isat#siffrin isat#in stars and time#qpr#aromantic#asexual#aroace#aromantic awareness week#might be a day late but yk its never too late to doodle the budding morails#you can bet on it that im drawing them again for ace day#mirasif#/p#maim art#mirabelle chevalier
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Linktober Day 1: Mirror
Prompt list I'll be trying a few days from!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a0353b9357c5f2566d2d3b840ea8ce4d/5aae6adc03c83abd-fb/s540x810/229e3654a911a5007346c8f70eca584fc78dadba.jpg)
#linktober#the legend of zelda#four swords#shadow link#loz#loz fs#linktober 2024#josh art tag#gonna be doing a handful of days of Linktober (hopefully)!!#only some days cuz 1) ive literally never done all 31 days of an october art challenge and 2) i dont have ideas for every prompt#anyway pls read the four swords adventures manga#i am a changed person after that#i am shadow links biggest fan if shadow has no fans i am dead#that manga makes me really want dark/shadow link to be truly relevant to a zelda game....#like yeah dark link is an enemy sometimes#but as far as im aware the most relevant a dark/shadow link has ever been is in four swords adventures#and he wasnt even a character he was just a reoccuring enemy that showed up a lot i think#its sad that of all games its four swords that does the most with shadow link as a concept (again as far as im aware)#so yeah the manga is great cuz it made shadow a character#and it makes me want to have a zelda game where we somehow make an ally out of a shadow link
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Anyway I finished rereading Wicked today (for the sixth time? at least sixth) and what I actually can't stop thinking about is during the scene after Elphaba "kills" Madame Morrible and she goes to Avaric's house to tell him about it and they get drunk and rowdy, and Avaric tells her that after she didn't come back from the Emerald City, Glinda went through "another slide" like the one she went through after Dr. Dillamond's death
and Dr. Dillamond's death, the illness of Ama Clutch, and the realization that Madame Morrible is a whole lot worse than she knew was the most traumatic thing that Galinda had ever gone through, to the point where she had to literally change her name and become a new person just to cope with it. like it was HUGE personality shift for Glinda.
and Avaric just said that Elphaba leaving caused her to go through that again to an extent that its noticeable to someone who barely seemed to care about Glinda in the first place and for him to remember it decades after the fact
#thank I never wanted peace again#and we get to see NONE of it#like Im telling you Elphie leaving her fucked her up for the rest of her life and made her just so passive#because it just shut down any bit of growth and social awareness she was developing and self confidence that she could deal with it#gelphie#wicked the life and times of the wicked witch of the west#wicked book#glinda arduenna upland#glinda upland#elphaba thropp
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