#and never be aware again
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lucyvaleheart · 10 months ago
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#delete later#hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right#I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then......#...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing#is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it?#cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a-#anyway#now it's midnight.#and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth#and never be aware again#loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel#i just want it to stop#i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel#ugh#I......#i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these#part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable#on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck#I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now.#....I'll be fine eventually#maybe#god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh#what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore#all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of#you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could#.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted#want to be wanted.#.....sigh#.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up#so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work
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inkskinned · 2 months ago
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
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bigfatbreak · 7 months ago
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
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#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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cthulhum · 7 months ago
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does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship
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forecast0ctopus · 2 months ago
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i think we should ship carol marcus and gillian taylor
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forzathunder · 4 months ago
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"I have many fears, most of them about Lucrezia." — Cesare Borgia (The Borgias, 2011-2013) + hints of insecurity
that she adores someone that much / if she will reject his dark nature and act of love and violence as Ursula did / if he truly is not part of her desires / that she easily forgets him
#i have so many thoughts on these two#hes such a clingy brother wth#as much as he soothes her it is only by asking lucrezia verbally or#by looking at her that his fears and insecurities in her life can be soothed#cesare torn between - being relieved she had some joy in the ruthless marriage he had no power to prevent and did not even want to bless#or being envious there is someone else now when his little sister once said she will not love anyone as much as she loves him#but Accepting it anyways because it is impossible loves and maybe he is starting to become aware his love falls in this same category.#“should i envy this narcissus low-born who shall never see you again because of his impossible love for you when i love you just the same?”#the knife more surprise than fear. in a time when he did not love himself...“she accepts me as i am? as i do her”#biting her as if another black panther pet looking for reassurance that their love#that HE is still included in her perfect world even if he himself pulls away#“surely you're in agony as much as i am? are you already satisfied with your child and husband if we cannot share our love openly?”#“your eyes drift to mine when you say 'husband' am i not he? do you see me as so even when it was just 'tonight'?”#and then his sudden gaze as if to look for truth because how can she forget him when he only thinks of her#AND AGAIN pulling away being eaten by shame and guilt of corrupting her (when their relationship is not just his doing)#torn between hope (we have the capacity to forget and move on) and hope (our love has that much devil power over her)#cesare as the god or the devil or whatever it is that overwhelms whether at war or in love#cesare is one confident man and even if his insecurities has layers of righteousness and importance..it is still insecurity nonetheless#and only for lucrezia#lucrezia borgia#cesare borgia#cesare x lucrezia#the borgias#dailyborgia#perioddramaedit#perioddramasource#weloveperioddrama#onlyperioddramas#romancegifs#the borgiasedit
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epaulando · 16 days ago
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I think people who talk about F1 Academy being a regressive way of segregating racing based on gender are really missing the point of it all. One of the biggest roadblocks for young drivers trying to find sponsors and public support is purely name recognition. If nobody knows who you are, how will you make it up that ladder? Prema, for example, is excellent at advertising its drivers via social media, which gives them a fanbase and drives up "demand" for them. It's thus more profitable for sponsors and teams to pick up those drivers. F1 Academy is doing the exact same thing but specifically for female drivers. Because of F1 Academy, these women are more well-known than the majority of F3 drivers despite competing at what is technically a lower level. And that makes them more appealing to teams so that they can move up in categories! F1 Academy is all about visibility for these young women, and almost anything else is extra.
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equill · 7 months ago
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The Warden
Panel: No escape.
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Ok, now just some silly ideas to share (playing around with the au)
Comic 1: Invading dreams
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Extra: no thanks.
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Comic 2: Unwanted attention
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lover-of-mine · 9 months ago
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Buddie Countdown to Season 7:
16 days.
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ratcandy · 6 months ago
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had a conversation with my mom and now i'm curious
If unsure, go grab yourself a pencil and compare to these examples:
"Correct" ways to hold a pencil:
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(if you didn't know there were names for these, yea I had no idea either until I started looking stuff up lmao)
"Wrong" ways to hold a pencil:
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I'm mostly curious as someone who has always held her pencil wrong. No matter what teachers/my mom ever did to try and teach me (pencil grips, elastic bands, etc) it just never worked. I wanna know how universal this experience is hdKJH
(rb for sample size, etc etc, the usual)
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mainyqn · 9 months ago
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Happy Aromatic Awareness Week with the QPR ever!!
+ some bonus doodles i did over the week
2nd image is a redraw from madoka magica
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joshuamj · 1 month ago
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Linktober Day 1: Mirror
Prompt list I'll be trying a few days from!
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takatul · 9 days ago
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Twisted Wonderland self-aware!Yuu except they’re empathic.
When I say self-aware!Yuu I don’t mean a scenario where Yuu transmigrated into Twisted Wonderland with memories intact.
When I say self-aware!Yuu I mean someone who knows themselves better than anyone else.
They know they have flaws. They know that, sometimes, their flaws will get in the way. Whether it’s shutting down emotionally, not being able to express themselves properly, or something to do with a physical ability. Their flaws will always follow them around. Even in Twisted Wonderland.
And yet, self-aware!Yuu is still kind. Still loving all of their strengths and flaws.
Ace needing a place to stay after Riddle off’d-his-head? “Yes, of course you can sleepover.”
Deuce breaking down after letting his delinquent side out? “No, you’re not a bad guy— you just protected me and Grim from those bullies!”
Riddle having a crisis after his overblot? “I don’t accept your apology. Not yet at least. But I can understand why acted this way… you’re allowed to feel angry about your past. You didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.”
No matter how wrong the opponent is, self-aware!Yuu always empathizes with them in the end.
Maybe one day, someone confronts them about it. I can see Leona or Azul or Rollo and maybe Jamil. They’re people who have experienced and or seen how terrible people can be.
“Why are you so nice all the time? You’re too thought. Too kind. Good people like you always end up last.”
Perhaps self-aware!Yuu will look at them with a stoic face. Perhaps a shocked expression, accompanied by a frantic gasp. Perhaps even small laugh at their question. And just as the confronting student was about to retort again, self-aware!Yuu will smile.
“Well, I’m not a good person. I just do what I think is right.”
Self-aware!Yuu will sit down, watching activities unfold around them— heart still bursting full of kindness. They’ll pat the empty space beside them. An invitation, but it’s up to the student to take the initiative.
“It’s everyone’s first time living after all. May as well make it kind.”
Soon enough, if the student plucks their courage, they’ll sit and slowly learn how to become self-aware too.
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banner credit: @bunnysrph
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cubbihue · 2 months ago
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I get the feel Norm was out of the loop until recently. Thats what being stuck in a lamp does to a fella.
Final! With his stupid new master occupated with a tasty sandwich, Norm can start phase 1 of his plan. He spent years cooking up the perfect plan, now all he's gotta do is get H.P and Sanderson on board then-
- Wait why is Turner in Pixie HQ? Why is he a pixie? What do you MEAN he's the best pixie employee? He has a godBROTHER? THOSE TWO BOZOS KIDNAPPED TURNER??
HOW LONG WAS I IN THE LAMP???
Now he can't mess with Timmy so easily anymore. It and pisses him off.
I don't remember if Norm met Peri. I sent you that another ask. Had to break it up. Also love your art!
2/2
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Norm may have been out of the loop, initially. But he picks up on the facts very quickly. Maybe a bit too quickly.
No Fairy have ever asked Timmy about his experiences when he was human. Nor did any Fairy ask him how it was like to become a Fairy. Norm's the first being in 200 years to do it and Timmy's.
Uncomfortable.
In one conversation, they learned more about each other than Timmy liked. With one response, Norm has learned more about Timmy's current state than Timmy realized he'd given. More so, Norm knows more about Timmy's fate than Timmy does himself.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
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xxplastic-cubexx · 1 month ago
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was talking to my brother the other day after i rewatched dark phoenix and he was like 'why is everyone so mean to charles in this movie?? were they always this mean to him ?? is it cause he's bald now- he lost his pretty privilege??' and i fear i havent recovered
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gbirrd · 3 months ago
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6/9 - Jason Todd tarot card designs for Complete Candor by @vexfulfolly as part of the @batfam-big-bang
Read the fic here!
Other cards:
1-Babs 2-Cass 3-Bruce 4-Tim 5-Damian 6-Jason 7-Duke 8-Steph 9-Dick
Image IDs
Image 1:
A design of "The Devil" tarot card. It has the texture of recycled paper and reads "THE DEVIL". A symbol of a gravestone is visible behind the numeral "XV".
A young Jason Todd in his Robin uniform tugs at a thick chain around his neck that comes down from the top of the frame. Matching shackles are around his wrists and he is buried up to his waist in dirt. His head is tilted up towards the chain. There is blood on his hands, arms, chest, and dripping down the right side of his face as well as from his nose.
Image 2:
A design of "The Devil" tarot card. It has the texture of recycled paper and reads "THE DEVIL" upside-down. A symbol of a flame is visible behind the numeral "XV".
Jason Todd faces forward, filling most of the frame. He is in his Red Hood uniform and has narrowed pupil-less white eyes. He is holding the end of a thick chain in his right fist. Flames fill the background and bathe him in an orange light. The entire card is upside-down.
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